Welcome back to Couple Goals. Here we are.
We're at it again and very exciting news.
What's the exciting news? We're going to Mexico tomorrow.
We are. That is the exciting news.
I know I'm all packed pretty much.
Of course, I'm a little bit worried.
I think you need to weigh my suitcase as usual.
I'm worried because I feel like I don't have enough stuff.
I'm taking 2 bags because I'm going on the road for three
months afterwards. And they're both empty.
So, and they're both empty. Yeah, this is amazing.
It's. Great news for me because I can
fill it with stuff, but then it's a bit of a worry for the
way back. Yeah well I was just like I'll
need 2 bags for sure and then I literally went to pack all my
stuff yesterday and I had half of 1 bag full you so I'm clearly
missing some of. Your T-shirts.
I think you need new T-shirts. The problem is I only have man
that can shirts, shepherd shirts and that's it.
Yeah, and then you get a couple of dress shirts for dinners.
Yeah, but I don't have any, just like plain white ones, which
isn't that bad. No, I'm a walking even these.
Ones are like starting to really wear.
Yeah, but I like what I wear and I wear it.
You know, if I paid 25 bucks for a shirt, I'm going to get 25
years out of it. Right, right.
So you did something this morning.
I was at coffee with the boys. Who did you have?
Coffee with I had coffee with James, Liam and Jezza.
Right. And my phone started blowing up.
I had no idea what was going on. And you posted something on
social media. I.
Did and. I think it's probably a good
place to start. It's probably a good place for
this whole episode. So we're not going to do our get
to know us because this one is really getting to know us.
I think what Amy posted, it's cool because now we can sort of
don't have to be careful what we talk about.
I feel like the last couple of weeks of the last bit, as we've
been going through what Amy's going to talk about, we've had
to like sort of sidestep or tread carefully around this
conversation, but Amy's done it. Yeah, I think we've been wanting
to share the news that we are have been diagnosed with
unexplained infertility. Love that for us and I didn't.
Realize we were diagnosed. Yeah, it's a diagnosis.
It's a real I think it's it's a big disease, I.
Think that's No, I'm not buying that.
Some people call it a disease. Some.
People not buying that. What do you think it is?
It's not a disease or it's not a label.
It's like you just got to get on with it.
Yeah, I mean we. Are I hate it when they say you
are diagnosed? I'm like, right?
Well, the reason they diagnose you is so you can get Medicare
benefits. Because if you're not, if you
don't have the diagnosis, you. Don't get.
So if you don't get the label, you don't get the.
Now that that can be good in this case, but in some instances
it's probably not good. But we're not going to go down
that rabbit hole. Let's talk about this.
Yeah. So I don't know.
I've just, we've been dealing with it for years.
I guess All in all, probably 2 years we've been trying for a
Stuart Little. I've never heard you say that,
Stuart Little. I like that.
But it hasn't been easy for us. It's.
Been fun. For the most part, I don't know,
I don't think it's been fun. Lucky it was fun for a while.
I'm like, oh, this is exciting and new and we're going to have
a baby soon and month after month goes on and no baby.
It's crazy to me that you spend so much time in your young years
doing whatever you can from a contraceptive standpoint so you
don't get pregnant. Meaning condoms, the pill, the
pull out method. Everyone knows what I know, but
I just wanted to take them down. My, my, my idea of it anyway.
And then you just go for it and you've just realized that it's
not as easy as first thought for us anyway.
So I'm like, I've wasted a lot of money on condoms,
contraceptive. We're trying to make light heart
of a frustrating situation. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. And I guess we didn't say
anything earlier or make it public because it is a really
personal issue, obviously. And also, you hope to have that
surprise moment for everyone, for yourself, that surprise
moment that you always dreamed of being like, oh, we're
pregnant. But that's something that we're
never going to have, which is, I mean, it will be.
Don't say never. Yeah, like.
When we but not the traditional way that you always hope for.
Potentially. I still don't give up hope.
For what a surprise. Just for fucking surprise.
That's right, that's true. It could.
It could happen any day. Because we both know some of
your friends have been told they would never get pregnant and
then they ended up pregnant. So for me, I'm like, OK, there's
still things. And I've heard so much around
stress and so many things, yeah. So I guess in my head, I never
wanted to even tell people we were trying.
I just wanted it to be not a thing.
So I think I was sort of probably in a denial for a
really long time, Like, oh, it'll happen.
It takes longer for some people. Rah, rah sort of spoke to my
doctor about it. And they're like, OK, well, you
know, give it another six months.
And if not, we'll, we'll circle back.
And so, yeah, six months later, after already a year of trying,
I think that's when we got the diagnosis.
And then since then it's been another.
But maybe we should talk about what that whole process has been
like because I think it's like, once again, it's shit.
And I think it's always worse for the women.
Like men definitely don't talk about it either.
And it's not always like men. Everyone needs to get tested
because quite often I think the blame potentially falls on the
women, I would say. But we've both done heaps of
tests. We did genetic testing
originally, like to make sure. Anyway, I think everyone should
do yeah, everyone should do genetic testing.
Just. We did that before we even knew
that we were having any issues, and turns out I'm a carrier for
cystic fibrosis. Yeah.
And the reason why you do that is if you both have sort of
matching genes that are for various things like you can
obviously they obviously recommend or give you the option
for IVS. Yeah, so luckily Lucky wasn't a
so Lucky had to get genetic tested as well and he wasn't a
carrier for cystic fibrosis. I said I was a freak.
That means that's good. That means we can't pass it on.
We can pass on the recessive gene, but we can't pass on
cystic fibrosis. So anyway, I think I really
strongly recommend everybody goes before trying.
If they can go and get tested, genetically tested, it's
something you'll never regret doing.
But anyway, from then we were like OK, let's start trying and.
It's like Christmas comes early, you know what I mean?
Like for a bloke, you just like sweet, I can saddle up every day
or whatever it is, but then it starts getting more.
I feel like over time you get more pressure on it and the
pressure sort of takes the fun out of it.
And you feel like every month when you're doing your you, you
check and it's like a no, you're like fuck.
And then like for me as a bloke, I'm so when we did our testing.
So as I'll explain how it goes for blokes because people don't
talk about it. I think it's a funny story.
OK, I don't really care. So I'm going to talk about it.
So when you're going to go get tested, the women obviously
have, well, you can Share your story, I'll share mine, get that
test. But then as a bloke, you got to
go, you know, have this weird, really weird experience and I
went around the corner. So I'm going to tell this full
story. I've gone around the corner
because there's a fertility clinic just around the corner
from where we live. I've rolled in.
When you book in, you've obviously got to produce a
sample, like come in a come in a cup essentially.
And so produce. Yeah, produce a sample.
I'm like, OK, yeah, yeah. So I, I've gone around and like
when you book in, they're like, do you want to produce at home?
If you live within X amount, you can do that because you need to
get it to us within an hour. Or if you don't, you're going to
produce in house. And I was like, that's an easy
one. I'm around the corner.
I'm going to produce at home. I'm going to lay on the comfort
of my own bed and do the thing. How nice for you.
How? Yeah, exactly.
Like, awesome. But I've walked in there.
Next minute, old Love's talking about how her son went to school
with Amy and yadda, yadda, yadda.
And I was like, well this is weird.
How did she? Know checks the record because
you have a step to say who your partner is because they but
anyway, so then she's also like, OK, here's your cup.
Just go in the room. I was like, I thought I was
taking that cup and I was going back home.
She's like, no, no, no, no, we've got you for in house.
So I'm rolling in. I'm like sweating balls because
there's all these people and they know exactly what you're
there to do. They they see it multiple times.
I know, but it's not every day that I just go RIP it in a
private room. So it's very, and so the whole
time that experience is happening, I'm just thinking,
they know what I'm in here doing.
I can't even think about doing the thing.
I'm thinking about trying to burp a worm and fucking get out
there and get it done. And then I'm going to walk back
out with a cup and be like, here you go.
And then you're like, is it enough?
You had to do it multiple times because we had to had multiple
tests plus the IVF. I've got some stories for you
guys if you want to hear more of my stories of my testing.
I think that's quite a comment. Comment below because I've got
cheese. Like I've got some stories.
I yeah, if you're a veteran, I'm a veteran.
And I do love when, you know, when I go for a run with the
boys or, you know, whatever. I give them the come and the cup
stories and they've got their own stories, you know, for their
own reasons. So can definitely pass some of
those on. But enough about me.
Let's go back to Amy. I think it's funny.
I just want to talk about like being recognized through this
process because it's been one of my biggest fears.
I just like it's so embarrassing, like infertility
is embarrassing or just. Why do you find it embarrassing?
Well, not just that, but even just going to chemist for
something personal and getting recognized is just the worst.
I'm not at a level like Ariana Grande or Taylor Swift.
Word doctor comes to you and you can just like, have that luxury
of privacy. But yeah, being in the public
eye can be very hard for that reason.
Yeah. And we were recognized multiple
times throughout this experience, which is part of the
reason why I'm sharing it, because eventually I feel like
it's going to come out. But, yeah, I mean, that's been
quite hard, especially in times where, like, I hadn't yet told
my family or friends yet. And I just was like, so worried
about somebody telling somebody who told my mom or something
like that because it was just. Yeah.
I mean, and it's embarrassing. You don't want everyone to know
your business or you know somebody else sees you in the
clinic like a fan, not necessarily a doctor or a nurse
or whatever, a fan, you know, someone else going through the
same experience. So yeah, that's been fun.
It is bad. And for anyone listening, like
for the doctor, any doctors that listen, don't ever blurt it.
I reckon it happened like two or three times where people are
like, Oh my God, Amy Shepherd. And then they're talking about
how they've told the other nurses that you're in and you're
like, hold up, Isn't the whole point of coming here like
confidentiality and everything like that?
But then you chin wagging about it.
So then we're like, fuck, who else knows?
And so then you, yeah, that's probably why, what led us to
wanting to do this publicly? Because I feel like eventually
it's it's going to get out because people are.
And nothing against the doctors or nurses, they're just excited.
Like it's not malicious, no, but I just feel like it just takes
one person to tell another person.
Next minute, the career miles on, they're like, hey.
Yeah. So that wasn't a really fun
experience, but I think it's important that we've taken
control of our story now and we can share.
I think we just wanted to share it on our own terms.
You know it's hard to share when you're not ready.
Well, it, yeah, it's over the last couple of months, I feel
like we've wanted to talk about it, but it's probably getting
more to a point of acceptance watching you over, especially
over the last two weeks. You've maybe 3 weeks since we
went to Montville because Amy has been talking a lot more
about it to people. But then being like, oh, maybe
we should tell people or maybe you know your Instagram posts
and I was like, yeah, whatever. Like I'm easy.
I thought I was and then when I posted I was like, holy shit,
now everyone knows and you're like walking down and you're
like, does that person know and are they thinking I'm weird?
But it also comes back to like we've had, I literally went for
a run with a guy this morning and they're pregnant, which was
awesome. And then we caught up with your
friend yesterday. They're pregnant.
It's awesome. And then we caught up with my
friend last week and they're pregnant, which is awesome.
And in the. Space of a week.
We've had three of our friends share their pregnancy news,
which is like, you're happy for them, but it's also like a bit
of a punch in the guts at the same time.
It's such a weird experience. Yeah, and you don't want to.
Yeah, you definitely don't want to sound bad, and we obviously
don't. Then don't talk about it at all
because I don't think any of them knew.
Because after you celebrate the exciting news, you don't want to
bring it down. Yeah, like, so what's happening
with you? When are you going to have kids?
And you're like. You know, we're going on tour.
We're. Busy.
SO yeah, that's been hard to navigate as well.
But yeah, again, taking control of our own story now ripping the
Band-Aid off because I think there was it sort of got to a
point where we had told some of our close friends if the time is
right, if we it's always hard to bring up, especially in a group
situation. So we kind of told the friends
who we had had a one-on-one lunch where we had the
opportunity to tell. So some of our friends and
family even didn't know until the post, which I feel very
guilty about. But it's just never that good
time to bring up infertility. It's embarrassing.
It's. And you also, I, I feel like you
don't want to talk about it straight after, after that
because we've already, I think when you're talking about great
things, you're always like, if you are having a kid, you're
always happy to talk about it because it's new and exciting.
But if you're constantly talking about the bad things, it's not
fun. No, it's not fun.
And it's like, I don't know if I told you I like, burst into
tears one day talking about it at lunch in public.
And I was just like, oh, I can't.
I was not at at lunch. When?
When did that happen? It was like when I was still on
hormones, so, you know, I was very emotional.
But that's when I realized I couldn't really talk about it to
everyone at once because it's just like opening wounds over
and over again. And I don't want to be the
person who cries at lunch. What a doubt.
Enough, kid. But what it what has it been
like for you personally? Like what thoughts have gone
through your head? Because I know I don't know
whether you're going to talk about the song, but I'm going to
talk about it because people who listen to the podcast deserve to
know before everyone else. But you wrote a song, you broke
me with it when we're at Montville.
You broke yourself with it too, probably.
But for me, it's like normally when there's a problem in my
life, you can just outwork a problem and find a solution and
solve it. But this is one of those things
where we're very lucky. There's potential salute or
there's options, but nothing's guaranteed.
So for me, I find that really hard.
Yeah, it just takes, you just don't have any control over it
really. I feel like we, we are problem
solvers and we've always managed to get through things by just
like working through it or like finding a solution.
But with this, it's literally just, you just have to go
through the motions and like try different things.
We've tried everything. We're also, we also have a
natural path. So if anyone's out there
thinking we've just jumped to IVF because we haven't, we've
gone through everything, everything.
So yeah, it's been a journey, as they say, and not a fun one.
But anyway, I'm glad. I'm glad that we can talk about
it now. And I have written a song which
I'll release in a couple of days, maybe once we get, we're
going to Mexico tomorrow. So I don't want to.
Dampen, I can release it to Patreon first.
Oh yeah. Because they're loyal.
They're the people who I don't want to say care.
I don't want to say care most about us, but they're yeah all.
Right. I'm going to share the song to
Patreon first, but please don't share it until I share it on
Instagram. I haven't recorded it.
It's literally just me singing to camera.
So if it people love it that much, I will eventually record
it and release it. But I think there's so many
people who are going throughout saying journey, like just
reading all the comments today has made me realize that I think
you hear the stats like one in six couples go through
infertility. But until you actually like get
messages from people, you know, even who are like, hey, we're
actually going through it, but we haven't told anyone or people
who have come out the other side whether they ended up with a
baby or not. Like I've heard all the stories
today. So it's been really cathartic
hearing the support. And so this is it's going to be
my gift back to anyone struggling with infertility.
It's definitely another reason why we wanted to share as well.
Like aside from the constant questions and laying around,
like when are you guys having kids or are you guys trying yet?
Or all of that stuff where you just say all the time, like once
again, it's coming from a good place, but you just get sick of
it is I personally, when I started my business and was
dealing with my shit, I wanted to document going through it
because I think it's as someone who admires seeing what you
know, we all get to see like people on the other side of
triumph or, or whatever it is. And we mightn't have a good end,
who knows, or the end that we want.
So, but to be along with the journey, like there's so many
other people, as you said, who are going through the same
thing. So to it's, it's more relatable.
We'll probably find and meet new people who can give us stories,
perspectives and insights that is comforting or helpful.
Where if we tried to keep you keep it in and you go through it
alone, it's very isolating. And then it leads to more issues
where you know, whatever those could be.
So I think it's find a document. And when I say find, it's like
for me personally, I love talking about things.
I don't want to not be able to talk about things if I'm
stressed or if I'm frustrated or whatever it is.
It's like it's easy to just tell the truth for me, but I also
respected when you wanted to keep it quiet.
I'm more of a private person. I'm a shy person.
I don't like bringing it up. I think that's the hardest bit.
It's like trying to find when to bring it up.
I'd rather just not talk about it, honestly.
I'm opposite to you. And plus, I find it just hard
to. Opposites attract.
Yeah. Which is probably why I'm a
songwriter, because I find it easier to write a song than to,
like, talk. But your song really conveys how
you feel. How do you feel about it all?
Because we, we've spoken a lot about it, but I I haven't don't
think we've ever. Aside from hearing the song,
you've never really shared with me how you feel.
Yeah. And now that I've got you,
you've heard the song in front of the camera.
You have to tell me how you feel.
A. Mixed bag I think.
Obviously very emotional and have good days and bad days, I
think. And it's like, it's almost like
consecutive, it's like good day followed by a bad day followed
by a good day followed by a bad day.
I feel grateful that we have access to healthcare now.
I think in America it was hard because, you know, it's
expensive to even get a blood test over there.
But also you have days where you feel really sad and sorry for
yourself and it feels really unfair and yeah, just like.
Angry, but we have to even go through this when literal
crackheads can get pregnant. I keep saying that, but yeah.
And it's not not a good mindset to have, but it's the truth.
You just think, why not us, you know?
Yeah, you spend, yeah, you spend so long getting yourself into a
position for it. But I think, yeah, it all
happens for a reason, as much as it's very fucking frustrating,
but it'll work out however it. Yeah, and I think stress plays a
big part in this, especially with unexplained infertility,
Like when nothing's wrong, it's obviously like we've been on the
go for years, 10 years. But that being said, it's not
like I can just stop and not work anymore.
Like got bills to pay as well. So trying to find a balance in
between that. I've been getting acupuncture,
which has been helping. I just get like, you know, a
small amount of time a week just to completely switch off and
that's been helpful doing all we can really.
Like what else can we do? I could probably not run 58
marathons because I know there's going to be people saying that
eventually, but we've been, as we've said, tried for two years
and that is the thing. So when we did all of our tests
on both sides, it's not like the sperm count was there or any of
that sort of stuff was cooked all the same on Amy's side.
So normally if one of the two sides there's like something
wrong, you're like, oh cool, OK, well now let's address that and
see what we can do for that. But when they're both healthy
and everything's good, you're like one-on-one make 2.
Like that's math makes sense, but it's just not not working.
So for me personally, like I feel that it is because we are
on the go so much and I would love to slow down for a bit.
However, yeah, we've just moved overseas.
So it comes. There's so many questions that
could go on the back of that. But yeah, it depends on what you
want more. Yeah, I think it's going to be
our priority in 2025 to try and make a baby one way or another.
So yes, we're still going to be going back to Nashville, but
we've got different measures in place.
You know, I've also given up drinking a ton of coffee.
I don't drink any coffee anymore.
So boring. Not and it's obviously you can't
just blame one thing for infertility like it's not the
coffee and it's not because it's a full moon or like there's so
many reasons I mean you're. Just trying to get as healthy as
possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I've also stopped. I was running a lot.
I was doing a lot of like high stress exercise and that just on
top of touring and all of the things I think doesn't help.
So yeah, if there's no reason that like all those measures put
into place can't help. But we'll see what happens with
this IBF cycle. That was a traumatic experience
in itself, but. Do we want to talk about that
now or later? Should we just keep it all in
one episode? Yeah, later.
What do you reckon? Oh, we can save that for later.
I feel like it's a whole episode.
So yeah, we'll we'll come back to that because we do like
keeping these episodes around this time frame.
So, and there's so much. To talk about with this, so much
to unpack. This is just the initial, I
guess, discussion about it all, and there's so much to get
moving forward that we're going to share with you all.
But thank you to everyone who sent lovely messages.
I've cried many times today reading them.
Just little tears. Little.
Tears. That's nice.
I haven't read any yet. I'm going to read.
You're going to cry once I get into bed.
You're going to cry that it's just been going nuts and I'm
like, fuck, I don't know whether I'll, I'll, I'll read it
tonight. Yeah, it's been a big day, but
we're going to go and have a lovely dinner.
Pizza, hopefully early. I want pizza.
What's my last pizza last night in Australia till March?
OK you can. I need pizza.
I reckon I need pizza. If you guys do have questions
though, like send them on Instagram to the couple goals
one, don't send them to our personal ones for the podcast.
Obviously send them to couple goals Instagram or even on
Spotify. Now you can leave like comments
or YouTube even or Patreon, like wherever you listen to this, you
should be able to get in contact with us and share your stories,
ask us questions because there's the more we get to talk about
it, the easier it is for us to understand it, I think.
Yeah, I think it's been really raw and private up until now.
So still never getting it. But the more you talk about it,
you kind of become desensitized to.
And also I think we're at a point where we're happy to
share. Yeah, Well guys, thank you for
tuning in. We will see you next week.
We'll probably be recording from a lovely location in Nico.
Can't wait. You'll be having a virgin pina
colada. Like that's like one of my
biggest disappointments is not being able.
To they still stay on the same and the only thing you miss out
on when you're drinking tequila is like that slap in the back of
the throat. Yeah.
So it's all good. Yeah, look, on the wedding day,
if you see me having a glass of champagne, please don't judge
me. I I'm probably going to do that.
Slight times 10. Obviously I'm not going to get
pissed, but I'm just going to next minute I'm going to have
one or two champagnes on the wedding day so I stay sane, you
know? Yeah.
Sounds good, I love. That doctor said it's fine I can
have up to four a week but I choose not to.
But on the wedding day I am going to have a couple so.
Sounds good, love. Well, darling, I love you.
I'm glad you shared it because I think it's good for you.
Because I see you stressing about stuff and I like it when
you talk about stuff. Because I talk about stuff you
don't. I know you're a little.
Bottle it up. Yeah, you bottle it up, throw it
in the ocean and I put hits another island.
Well. It's good for songwriting.
It is, but yeah, fair enough. I'm not going to argue.
Alright, alright, as always, No. Who root?