Welcome to the let it flow podcast.
I'm Alexis and I'm Carly. We're just two humans figuring
things out. And we're here to share deeper
conversations about mindset, spirituality, personal growth
and standards on everything in between.
We hope this podcast encourages you to ask bigger questions and
think and live outside the box. We are always learning.
But the one thing we found to be 100% true, is that life is meant
to flow. So whether you're all in on your
personal growth dirty or just starting out, let's flow
together. Well, welcome to whatever said
are we on now? Number six, eight eight!
Oh my God! Eight!
Welcome to episode 8 of Let it Flow today.
We have a dear friend of Alexis and I, although we've never met
in person, Emily Cooper's. She is from South Africa, and is
an NLP practitioner and experimentalists and A really
lovely person. Anywho.
I'm so grateful to have met and that's all I got em.
Do you want to introduce yourself?
Hi, guys. Thank you so much for having me
first rule. This is so cool, this is so much
fun. See ya.
I my name is Emily Cooper. As you said, I go by the title.
Emotional, Freedom coach, which I know Alexis you mentioned, you
kind of wanted me to explain a little bit which I will get to
but yes, I am. I am a certified NLP
practitioner life coach previous lawyer in another life and the
reason I call myself and emotional Freedom, coach really,
stems from the story about how I got into this work, which was, I
think, as most of us was working on myself first and I found that
throughout high school and throughout University.
I have always been such a deep empath, but really, when it came
to relationships and friendships and Korea and University, I had
all of these emotions and I felt all these feelings so deeply,
and I always kind of acted out on my emotions, and I laid
quote-unquote by my heart, which got me into a lot of trouble,
and a lot of heartache, and a lot of situations such as
weren't benefiting me at all. All.
So, I kind of started getting to the root of some of these
emotions. These feelings that were leading
to certain actions and behavior. And from there by healing, at
the root based on experiences that I had experienced as a
child. And as a teenager, I was then
able to kind of free myself from those emotions that were causing
me to act in certain non self-serving ways.
So I think a lot of people can hear the term, emotional,
Freedom coach and think that I am advocating for not feeling
your feelings which is 100%, not the case.
I am advocating for fully feeling, your feelings, getting
to the root of them. Healing, whatever is there to
heal, if it's obviously not serving you and then ultimately
creating this life that is beautiful where you are taking
action that does serve you. That's me, I love that.
I never heard that. That description of you before I
like it. I also want to say that I love
another way. I thought of what you just said
to. It's like not being controlled
by your emotions but learning so deeply from them.
I love that. Exactly.
That is the entire brand or I pay is not needed to kind of
like act on these really strong emotions.
You can actually just sit with them be with them, understand
them, and part of the incredible thing about being human, Is once
we understand something, we have so much more power to change our
situation or to just act in a way that is aware as opposed to
just constantly running. Yeah, as I said, kind of like
with your heart or letting your heart lead, the way it goes off
and it's not actually your heart.
It's these kind of like, trauma-informed, behaviors, you
said, you were a lawyer and I love that story.
I listened to your hole. Story of that on your podcast so
you can will link your podcast in the show notes to if people
want to go. Listen, but I know you'll touch
on it a little bit here. Did you dive into that emotional
freedom in those techniques, while you were a lawyer?
And then because any transition to a coach and that's a big step
and two very different, career paths, and a lot of emotions
come up when you're switching, I definitely understand that.
So I'd love for you to touch on how that how that all happened.
Like, did that work happen through the process or did you
did? Quit and then figure things out.
How did that look for you? Yeah, so I remember this moment
as one of the absolute foundational core moments of
this whole story and probably of my life.
I was in my third year of University studying to obviously
become a lawyer and I was house-sitting at somebody else's
house and I was kind of in this situations ship.
Ship. The thing with a guy that was
really upsetting me, completely something.
I wasn't taking ownership. For should never have been in
was not my business to be in, right?
But nevertheless, I was there and I was just looking for
answers. Okay I was looking for answers
and went onto Netflix. Evidently not looking for
answers on Netflix. Probably just to distract myself
and the secret like the documentary that every single
one of us has watched Was being highlighted or whatever on
Netflix and I watched it. And at first, I was like, what
on Earth is this rubbish? And then I kind of started like,
you know, researching the whole concept of manifestation, that
just led me down to Rabbit Hole after Robert Hall, after rabbit
hole, right? I can throw out names.
Like, Leo Alexandra was one of the kind of like YouTubers that
I would watch and I got into the whole spirituality.
Asian side of things first. And then I kind of slowly
progressed towards more of the like healing and inner child
work and all of that sort of stuff, right?
That was as I said, the whole of third year the Hall of final
year university and then 2020, I was supposed to take.
I'd now graduated I was supposed to take a gap year and do legal
NGO work like legal. Work.
And then obviously the world kind of shut down and South
Africa, had one of the strictest lockdowns in the world.
So, for five weeks, we were not allowed out of our house, if you
are out of your house, you had to have like a pass and
everything. So, that gave me a lot of time,
and it was the first time genuinely, since I've started
high school, because I went to the best girls school in the
country. So, we were super academically.
I pushed all the time and it was the first time since high school
that I separated my identity from work.
And from academics and from results and From Success because
the I had nothing to do it was me and my house and my dogs for
five weeks straight and I'll cook down if you will ended up
lasting two years. What that gave me was so much
time for meditation introspection Action reflection.
I read so much and what I started to kind of realize it
was that seed that was planted of.
I never want to go back to living how I was living, where I
was working for so many hours, a day doing something that
interested me, but didn't fulfill me doing something that
I didn't know. If it could truly make a
difference in the world and doing something that was so
linked to my identity. Consistently anyway at the end
of 2020, literally, like the 20th of December 2020.
I get an email telling me that I've been hired as a state
prosecutor for 20 21 and I had like three days or five days
too. Be there, this time to get to
the place, right? And I could have obviously
declined, but I kind of sat with myself in this moment and I was
like, okay, you know what? This is going to be the test
that determines whether I am truly not supposed to be a
lawyer. So I'm going to give myself a
year. I'm going to throw myself into
this and then if I'm still feeling this way in a year's
time, I know that that is my absolute.
Clear sign that I need to leave. So I did that honestly, one of
the most thrilling years of my life in terms of the things that
I saw in the things that I did but ultimately also one of the
least fulfilling years of my life and I got to the 20th of
December, literally a whole year later 2020 and that was the day
that I left and never came back. So it was exactly a year.
Sorry 2021, not 2020. And then I went into coaching
because in the time that I was working, I obviously never
stopped working on myself and also never stopped thinking.
Okay, if I do leave after this year, what am I going to go
into? So I got my certification, I
created my Instagram account. I was doing both at once, and
then obviously, once my contract was up at the end of the year, I
then Left and picked up coaching full-time.
That's such a roller coaster. What made you decide that you
wanted to help coach other people?
Because not everyone has that piece of themselves, you know,
there's a lot of people that work on themselves and
self-development but not everybody is cut out for helping
other people in that way. Did, what was that trigger for
you? That said I need to be a part of
the space and I just really want to help people with, with This
knowledge, I think it was just this desire within me to share
the work that I was learning. I was always somebody that
naturally shared whatever I was doing on my personal Instagram
account. Anyway, not whatever I was doing
but just the things that I was learning that I felt valuable.
I've always been a very natural and passionate writer from So
Young from when I learn to write, when I was seven.
And so I was often posting my writing, which was kind of
Personal development inclined. That was posting by writing on
my personal Instagram page. And people are applying saying
like, oh, this is amazing, right?
Never thought of this idea or, you know, you kind of reframe
that concept for me. It was this.
Yeah. Just this natural desire to
share everything that I was learning coupled with.
That was this desire longing purpose I suppose that I've had
since I was a little girl to help People again, going back to
that. Impasse identity of mine.
When people asked me as a child, what I wanted to be, when I was
older, I could not tell you, I could not give you a career, but
my answer every single time was I just want to help people.
That's all I want to do when I grow up.
And so hence me getting into law because I was like, oh, this
will be helping people. And unfortunately, I learnt
through or at least my experience of law was that I
wasn't helping anybody. And so then the natural pivot
was okay. I'm learning all of this stuff
about the personal development space.
I'm applying it to myself. I have helped myself so much and
I have literally changed what my whole life looks like.
And more importantly, how I feel within myself within my being
within my body, therefore, I know that this will help other
people and if Mike or purpose or passion has always been to help.
I know that I'm not going to just kind of be stabbing in the
dark here, thinking like, oh maybe I'll help people it.
I've tried and tested it on myself first, I was the beta and
now I can kind of go into this confidently knowing that I will
be able to help people. I was going to ask what topic do
you like to focus on? Because there's a lot of
different types of coaches. And I know you say, emotional
freedom but there's a lot of there's emotional freedom in so
many areas of your life to, I know from Look at your Instagram
that you focus on relationships. A lot relationship itself and
relationship with others and I know you just got engaged and
I'm celebrating. Thanks.
But yeah, if you could touch on that, Yeah.
So with my clients, I found that relationships were coming up
consistently, right? So I don't only coach on
relationships, obviously, but I believe that your relationship
to solve and then your relationship to other people or
two of them. Most Consuming aspect of your
life especially for women. Women generally speaking.
Obviously this is a generalization are so much more
focused on relational Dynamics. Be it again that relationship to
self friendships relationships relationship to family right men
again, generalization can totally focus on purpose and
Korea and kind of block everything else out.
Whereas, I found that the woman that I was working with, if they
were experiencing conflict or disruption in their
relationship, to their self or again in any other relationship
and their life, particularly romantic relationships.
It was really kind of bleeding into every other aspect of their
life, right there weren't able to kind of push their career in
the direction, it wanted to go. They couldn't get their home
life in order, they weren't feeling fulfilled, they didn't
want to Show up for themselves and exercise, and all of that,
right? So my content and actually
reflected that because I was often getting these kind of
kings of inspiration from my clients sessions with my
clients, I also just think that I have always approached the
creation of my content from my own experience and my own
experience with this whole kind of emotional.
Freedom Journey has always involved relationship to self
relationship to Others and specifically for me it was
always those romantic relationships because I had such
a terrible relationship to myself.
Self worth was never something that was modeled to me.
It was never something that I was able to cultivate growing
up. I didn't even know that the
concept to me was so foreign that I distinctly remember
discussing. Another situation ship with one
of my best friend's. I was talking to her about it
and she messaged me and she said, Emily can you not see that
you are worth so much more than this?
And there was this moment where I read that text message and I
can remember where I was, what time it was and there was this
feeling of absolute numbness towards that concept.
I couldn't even conceptualize of What it would feel like to know
that I was worth more than that situation.
It was completely foreign, right?
And so, because I had this terrible relationship with to
myself with myself, didn't understand what self-worth meant
that then obviously naturally fed into the kind of romantic
relationships or situation ships.
I was getting into because those relationships were causing so
much negative feedback. It back where it was just kind
of validating that I am worthless and I shouldn't be
treated, right? And all of that, that then was
bleeding into my inability to leadership for my law degree at
times. It was bleeding into my
inability to show up at the gym. If, you know, it was just kind
of this never-ending extension. So for me, in my life, where I
chose to change, Was those two? Well it really it is the
relationship to self which then follows through to the
relationship to others and that is I suppose primarily where my
content is Created from because I do believe that for people
that do struggle with their self-worth.
If we can start there, it naturally has the domino effect
into so many other areas without us even having to look at it.
Not fake, recreating, the foundation of yourself, which
everything else stands upon that Foundation.
That's beautiful. Yeah, 100%.
And that's something so many people, struggle with.
I was going to say so many women, but so many humans in
general. I've definitely met a lot of men
to that struggle with self and it can be so sneaky.
Yeah, goes in a little radar. Yeah, yeah, and we definitely
should not exclude men. Now, from this conversation at
all, I agree with you. I mean, I think the personal
development space. I was thinking about this the
other day is so inundated with women's voices.
Mmm. And I was because my fiance I
need to get used to saying that, but my fiancé is getting
certified in NLP. Currently he's also getting
certified in a bunch of other things.
And I was thinking about it as he was kind of creating his
social media page and all of that I was Wow.
How many men do I actually follow on this account?
How many male personal development voices?
Do I know of? And if I was to suggest to a
male friend who wanted to follow men in the space, who would I
suggest that that person followed?
I have no idea. Right.
And so, whilst I think that's great, in terms of, if you are a
man in the personal development space, it's probably Be a lot
easier to have your voice heard because there are fewer of you
equally if you are a man looking for guidance and assistance and
help. There are not many people that
you can turn to, right? Not many people that you can
resonate with and this can obviously, we can go even
further. If we look at male people of
color that, you know, we can go further further further along in
this discussion but yes, I think in terms of, Of worthiness, I
don't think there is a category of people that experience low
self-worth. It is very much something that's
that could belong or attached to absolutely anybody and 100% that
men need to be included in these discussions because there is
less of a chance that a man is going to hop onto social media
and find someone that they resonate with and of the big
accounts. What?
I personally, I guess my experience, there's a lot of big
accounts for men. There's a lot for women too, but
there's a lot of, you know, with more saturated.
So there are the smaller accounts where if somebody
messages you and you're going to respond and interact and you can
that attention a little bit. And you can see that that person
is a real Human being a real Coach behind the screen if men
only have access to the big accounts that have millions of
followers, you're just another DM in the Inbox and that's not
as approachable. They have definitely had
different interactions with varying levels of accounts.
And that's what I love most about there, being so many
different options. So many different people in the
women's space because not everyone Vibes with what
everyone is saying. Like, like everyone finds with a
different personality and it's so important to share your
voice. Interesting too.
Because I know I've discovered some accounts of men and I was
starting to notice how the men in the personal development
space and I would love to hear like feedback from anyone
watching this of like people you follow or that have found that
you really like that are particularly men, but they tend
to be more like action-based. Like, a lot of like, men I see
in this realm are doing like the active breathwork.
And they're more like into the body and like releasing it
through the body which I love. I think that's so powerful and I
feel like that kind of is like the difference between like the
masculine energy and The Feminine energy to feminine is
much softer. And although like breath work is
like getting goose bumps right now, breathwork is like so
powerful and yoga and the physical action of moving the
body working with the body. So powerful, I do think that
that feminine energy of talking and going kind of Bowie and and
doing it in the way that we see so many female coaches and
females in the in this industry doing it is that's just a
thought I had. It would be really interesting
to look into a little bit more and see if that's a Common
Thread, a little bit. Yeah, I mean, I think even as
you said that is so I suppose stereotypically the masculine
feminine Dynamic right. Where?
I even think of interactions with Matt my fiance If I come to
him with a, you know, something that's on my mind and I just
want to talk, right? It's the feminine way.
I just want to be heard. Just understand me.
Don't give me a solution. I just need you to understand
me. Just listen.
Exactly. I have the solution.
I know that I have the solution, I might not have found it yet,
but I know it's there. So all I need is that kind of
emotional release of? Let me just just listen, just
hear what I have to say. Tell me, I'm right, tell me I'm
wrong. Whatever doesn't matter, but
just like You there with me and be present, where is Matt will
go immediately into solution mode.
What can we do? How can we fix it?
What's the next action? Step less talking more doing
right? In fact, one time I even came to
him with something that was on my mind and he immediately
pulled out a notebook and started writing like Solutions
like 1 to 10. And I was like, whoa.
No. No I don't that's actually
really does regulating me. Me, I don't need Solutions right
now. I just need to d load off load
and then we can. So is it that feminine slowness,
that feminine price, testing that feminine like needs to just
be heard which I think is probably so rooted in years and
years and centuries of not being and to be good and not being
able to speak, right? So now it's almost as if we're
reclaiming that which I think is incredible.
Go us but but yes, I agree. You when you when you translate
that masculine doing into the space, it is so much more
semantic. And it is often the kind of the
breath work and the cold plunge has all of the like super action
based things. Yeah, which I do think is
there's going to I already see it.
There's becoming more of a balance, a balance of that
because I do think both are so beneficial and I noticed there's
seasons of what I'm going through.
Ooh, where I really just feel I want to talk and want to work
more like an LP and just have those deeper conversations and
really dig up what's within me. And then there's also the times
where I'm like I just need to go and like beat the cement and run
you know it's kind of those the end I think learning to listen
to that and what works for you in the moment and not also
getting stuck in. One thing is such a beautiful
thing to but that's kind of the experiment of it.
All is Like trying it and stuff, which I forgot to say Emily.
You are a 35 psychogenic generator talking about human
design. And that's three is all about
experimentation. We were talking about this
before we started recording today and I just find it so
interesting that your path shows that it shows that
experimentation. And the fact that you were able
to I love, I love your story about taking the year to commit
to doing your lawyer. I'm work and seeing how that
goes and just to kind of test it out and see if it works.
I mean, I know for myself, I am a 36 profile.
So right now I have double three, double experimentation.
And sometimes I get so distracted by things that I
don't even give myself time to go through the whole process.
So that's super invaluable to Take the time to really sit with
it and see how it feels. So that's kind of cool.
Brings it in a little circle there.
Yeah well you guys are the human design experts.
I have no clue what's cooking when it comes to human design
but I had heard the explanation of the three split before being
you know the person that does experiment a lot often makes
mistakes and then learns from that.
Experimentation learns from those mistakes.
And then ultimately teachers it's that learn, teach dynamic
or it will experience, learn teach Dynamic.
And when I learned this and this is potentially opening up a
tangent and a can of worms into human design of which I have no
business talking about. But when I learned this again,
me so much permission and I want to say removed a lot of A shame
because I was always criticizing myself for not being able to
just stick to one thing or just, you know, be that person that
got the normal legal 9 to 5 job and just stayed there for the
rest of my life because I have mentioned this on my podcast,
but I had security of tenure. I literally could have been in
that same job for the rest of my life.
They could not have fired me. Unless I did something really
bad, you know? And I was like why why have you
could you not have just been that person or The same thing
with sports, I would start a sport.
Get bored, move onto another sport master that get bored move
on to another thing and I just always labeled myself as
inconsistent lazy, always terrible things that don't need
to be repeated, but learning that about the three slits and
about how, you know, I am the experimenter and then I go on to
to teach which is ultimately in the era that I'm in now, really
just gave me. So much permission to continue
experimenting and making mistakes.
And, yeah, I just removed a lot of that shame, which was
incredible. Yeah, I know, we've had this
conversation about how we relate on this level and I just, yeah,
everything you just said. Yes.
It's and human design has been the same for me and allowing you
to sit with it for a second. Be like, wait, this is me.
Like I am designed this way for a reason and it can start you on
that process of figuring out how to act.
Work with the energy and work with it in a productive and
positive way. That's yeah.
Yeah, it's funny that you have the three and Carly has a three
and you're 35 and I'm a 5-1. So I relate on the five side of
it which is that like the natural leadership and people
seeing that you could help them in some way which aligns with
coaching a lot and that you often times see solutions that
nobody else has thought of Or you can come into a conversation
and just provide that solution and insight.
And since you're a 35-year, the experienced hero.
So 3 is the experience, the trying, everything, and the 5 is
that hero coming in with Solutions, and helping people.
So, everything you've said about your whole life to make sense, I
think that makes me sound way cooler than I actually am, but
I'll take that sir. Calling yourself a hero.
Write it on your mirror. Change, might change my bio.
One thing you said earlier and I loved is you found that what you
were doing with your work when you were a lawyer it was
interesting but it wasn't fulfilling and that really spoke
to me because I think I've been figuring out the last couple
years what that looks like for me.
So I would love to hear like for you what is the difference you
find when something's yeah, maybe interesting to you and
kind of can get you excited for a little bit.
This is fulfilling. Yeah, for sure.
So one of the best things I ever learned and I'm not going to
take credit for this because I genuinely cannot say whether
this was something I like channel to whether I read it
somewhere, but one of the best things that I ever learnt all
became aware of, is that just because you're good at
something, doesn't mean you need to do that thing as a career or
just generally as a hobby, right?
I believe that I was a very good.
Good competent lawyer. I can obviously measure that
statistically in terms of Harmony case, as I 1 versus lost
all of the things, right? I was also kind of fast-tracked
towards promotions within the system.
I was doing things faster than people, my age should have been
allowed to do it all the things. Right.
And that was really A bit of a thorn in my side, in the sense
that it held me back from making the moves that I needed to make
for quite a while. Or at least I, let it hold me
back, because I was thinking, I'm just so good at this thing.
And people keep telling me that I'm really good and people keep
telling me that I'm making impact, so maybe I should just
stick it out and see if one day, I reach that level of
fulfillment that I am Desiring so much, right.
And And when I was really honest with myself because what I've
noticed my sort of patterning is is that I get this kind of seed
of information or this little like intuitive nudge within me
and if it's something that's scary to look at, I push it down
for, as long as possible. But I know it's there and I'm
very aware of the fact that it's there, and it's not so much that
I'm pushing it down to ignore it.
It's that I'm pushing it down until I am in a space that I'm
able to look at it. Because if I look at it too
soon, it's I'm not going to be able to handle it and the way
that it needs to be handled. So I kind of just push that down
a little bit and we're living. She, I had the time and kind of
like mental face and look at that seed that has been planted.
I realized that if I went off of my value, as I spoke about
previously of helping, people of serving people, I wasn't
fulfilled because in my line of work, Work for various reasons
that I'm not going to go into, it's irrelevant.
I didn't feel that I was helping people, right?
So I wasn't fulfilled on that level.
I also wasn't fulfilled in terms of my lifestyle.
As I have also mentioned, when you are a lawyer, being a lawyer
is your entire identity. You cannot be anything outside
of that because you don't have the time.
So I couldn't technically I have the label of girlfriend, but
honestly, most of the time I was being a bitch.
She uses girlfriend, I didn't have time to gym or to read or
to do any of the things that I wanted to do.
And when I was doing those things, my mind was back in law.
My mind was thinking about the case I had on Monday or the
documents that needed filing. Whatever it was, right?
So in terms of my lifestyle, when I had realized in 2020 that
my identity was so much more or Then lawyer or academic or
corporate or whatever it was that I thought it was.
I could no longer adhere to a lifestyle that I lied allowed me
to only be one thing. And so, therefore, there was the
Schism or this gap between something that I was really good
at and that I found interesting to this day.
I geek out at legal journals. I was reading them yesterday
right. I love it.
It is so fascinating. I still cry when I read certain
South African case law because our law is beautiful and it
genuinely brings me to tears. It's incredible.
It's like poetry but so there was this this passion and this
interest and this I suppose Talent OR competency but it
wasn't transferring over to fulfillment.
They were so many at the end of the day when I put my head on my
pillow at night I was not fulfilled.
I could not go to bed saying I am happy with my life and
therefore Or the change needed to be made can relate with that
a little bit too. I mean, I didn't do it for a
year, but I did my masters in costume design here in Italy.
And then I worked on a film for four months, or so.
And I loved it. There aspects of it that I
really enjoyed and I find costume fascinating.
I still watch movies and I'm like, look at that.
Like one detail on the shirt that probably means this.
You know, it's so interesting but I realized that If I were to
go that path, that would be my entire life, like entire life.
I would have to drop everything when I would get the call, and
that would be it. And I was like, okay, I don't
love it that much. There are things other things in
my life, that are more important than the idea in my head that I
created. What of what could be, if I went
the costume design route. So but it's a really challenging
thing to admit to yourself especially like you who had, you
know, in so many ways. Ways the road paved out like no
worries, no nothing to question or do.
But yeah, when you have that job offer, that promises you x
amount of dollars and has that quote safety net.
I feel like we can't say safety net for anything.
Now that we experienced covid. They're really like acting on a
dime, but there still is that perceived safety.
Net of working for somebody else.
Because you know, what you do every day, you know, when to
show up how long you were, you know what the protocol is, but
then, Taking the leap on your own.
You don't know what that is. And I had a similar experience,
just in my internship at corporate at the company that I
thought I wanted to work for and actually just this month I was
reached out to by the manager I worked for in the job position
that I thought I wanted was like, Hey we're it's open right
now if you want to apply for it and that was a couple weeks ago
and I had to sit there for a second.
Like, holy what like, okay, this is everything that I thought I
wanted to apply for and this job was not open for years until now
and now I have to decline it because I know in my heart like
thinking of doing that job is just like draining and it was
everything. I thought I wanted But want to
taste, right? Bring that was literally the
university. Like yoga is the shiny carrot.
Yeah, feel like those tests pop up all the time.
Have you seen any of those pop up for you?
Yes, but I have always, and maybe this comes back to the
three split. I've always consciously.
Okay, not always 90% of the time of consciously, chosen the test
and the reason, Even for this is because I have always had this
kind of caring Dynamic with life.
I suppose, where I enjoy a challenge and I enjoy, I just
enjoy learning and I Joy experience and I think, yeah,
again this is going back to the whole three split.
But even if I didn't know about that, I would tell you that I
have always been that person that I can be in the midst of
absolute turmoil. And I'm like, this is so much
fun. Like look how much I'm
experiencing right. I just love the duality of Life.
Obviously, it's not. I mean you guys know a lot of my
personal story and you know that life has definitely not always
been fun but there's been this element of or other this reframe
in my own mind of look how much I can feel In This Moment.
Look at the depth of my feeling, what a privilege it is to be
able to feel this amount of sadness or this amount of grief.
So, a lot of heartache, and then, obviously, the flip side
of that is, look how much joy I have the capacity to feel.
Look how much excitement the comments and liveness straight.
So I think, for me, if I look back on my life, when I took
that job as a prosecutor, I knew it was a test.
I literally wrote down. This is a taste because the week
before, I had decided fully that I was never going to practice
law. And then I get This job.
So I wrote. This is a test and then I was
like, you know what, I'm going to actively take the test and
I'm going to see what I'm what what is possible for me to learn
from the test. So I think that often especially
in the manifestation area of the internet, people can get very
scared of quote-unquote failing tests and I simply don't believe
and that was it. I look at how, you know, I took
that job knowing it was a test, the tools that I learned from
that experience, I still use every single day in coaching
even though that was law. And this is coaching I was
litigating from 9 to 5 every single day.
In other words, standing up in court, arguing talking off the
cuff, not being able to prepare what I'm saying, right?
That is coaching you're talking. You don't know what's going to
come out. Of your mouth next because you
don't know where the sessions going or where the clients going
to take the session, you can't prepare for a session generally
speaking. So what I'm saying, is the test
and quote-unquote failing, the test, gave me so much that I can
apply now. So, I have always had that kind
of, like, cheeky Dynamic with tests, where I'm like, oh, what
the hell? Let's go for it.
Let's see what I can learn. This is my go really badly.
It was like a really well. It's funny because I feel like
life is just one big test in a way.
It's just like, let's see what happens.
Let's, let's go. I have a follow-up question to
that because you're so good at trying things and Carly.
Also, relates you both have that, that three profile, that
type of personality to try things.
And I have the type of personality personality, to
commit, and follow through and become an expert.
So, when I saw that job offer, As if I were to get that job, I
would fully commit input. Like not quit it.
I think I would probably go full force into it and try to be the
best at it that I possibly can. I do that with everything and
trying your best is always good, but, like, cutting it off at
some point. I don't know if I would do that,
it was like, getting into that security safety, net and being
good at it, because I know, I would be good at it and not
cutting it off. So, I'm wondering how you go
about that learning to cut. Things off, when you've growing
up with following through and like, don't quit, don't be a
quitter. Give it your all.
And those things are put on a pedestal where as I almost wish
that I had a little bit more of that self-awareness to quit for
my own benefit, like pivot rather than quit.
Because even when I think back to college and Apparel Design, I
followed through with the degree because I committed to it and I
had a checklist to complete. I don't think that I I followed
through with it because my heart was in it.
It was like, I'm good at this. I know how to do it.
I know the checklist I'm going to finish, whereas I'm super
interested in wellness, and Kinesiology, and health and I,
if I would have had more of that mindset to Pivot.
I might have gone somewhere else.
My life earlier, like, I'm getting there now on everything
happens for a reason. But yeah, how do you approach
things when you're going to like quit or pivot?
And make that transition without feeling that?
Sticky guilt of like oh my giving up on something or am I
actually making a good choice for my life?
That was kind of a real but personal thought question.
So I think that Carly is going to resonate with what I say here
because we've actually had this discussion quite a few times but
It's very much, not a decision and it's not a level of
self-awareness. My I'm going to use the word
desire but it's not even desire. It's uncontrollable, but my my
desire to not do things that do not fulfill me, overrides my
desire for safety or security or any of that braid.
It's like there is this wall that I run into when I am doing
something that does not fulfill me or does not fully like serve
me. I run into this wall and that is
it? There is not a single thing, you
could pay me promise me off. For me, that is going to get me
to do that thing. It is like dragging myself
through mud and I we've spoken Brothers, 40 times, we're like
me in high school maths. Was that?
I hated it. Absolutely hated it.
I could sit for hours and hours and hours studying English drama
history biology but Mass could not do it like could not make
myself study at all just wasn't possible.
Winged. Every single thing I ever wrote
University could sit for hours, studying things like
constitutional law administrative law, which it
follows a very similar thread to the English History Dynamic.
But then civil procedure, which is just process and it's boring
as all hell wind into my final exam.
My final University exam had studied for probably an hour and
got my friends to give me a crash course, before we walked
into the exam because there was no way, not even the likes rate
of failing, my law degree could get me to study that subject.
So it's not it's not a level of self-awareness, you make it
sound like As I sit there and I go, you know what, this isn't
serving me and I have more worth than this.
I'm going to consciously choose to Pivot.
It's not that it's like I I'm stuck in this like cement block,
you have no choice but to Pivot. Yeah, no, there is a logical way
is how I do things. It's like, okay, we need to sit
down and journal and like take myself out of my life for a
second reassess and then make a decision.
I don't I don't know if it's as in the moment for me.
Sometimes I wish mine. I was a little bit more like
that. Everyone wants what they don't
have, you know but you know when I really think about it I wish
that I was more like your personality in that way.
Alexis when I'm looking at myself through other people's
eyes that's when I'm comparison when I'm in comparison and
questioning and in doubt, that's when I always wished that but in
the moment and when I sit with it, we talked about this on
whenever I pass. Tapas Odes of how.
Oftentimes, at least for me what I view is, one of my gifts in
life, also causes me sometimes the most challenged and
self-doubt, because it's not a gift that's like, accepted as
normal in society. It's not looked at as safe and I
could about guarantee that all of us have aspects in ourselves
that we actually. Like when we let go of all the
bullshit that were told, We're actually we love that about
ourselves but it's also full of challenge because it's not
normal quote, you know, it's not what you know in a way.
I feel like some of that is probably more normal than what
Society has made us believe. But yeah, I agree.
It's like almost like for me it feels like my body stops
working. Like if I were to like, keep
doing it and I, huh cat, that's kind of what happened to me with
my personal social media so far. I like, as As of late.
I just I'm in this huge transition with myself and
although I can foresee in the future coaching playing a role
in again, all of the stuff I've learned in this past year, if I
get into my head I can sometimes be like, what the heck are you
doing? Kylie?
But I know I've learned so much and it's all going to come back
around. But I just hit this wall and I
could not, I could not keep going because it felt
inauthentic to my like inner being my soul.
And I'm I need to take a moment. This moment has turned into like
four months of like, collecting all of the things I'm interested
in collecting back parts of myself that I ignored for a
while. And I think when we can get so
caught up in doing one thing, like your example with law, you
weren't able to interact with parts of yourself.
Because your mind, you're kind of like Interviewing was always
like focused on that one thing and I don't know, Alexis if
you've ever experienced something like that but I that's
kind of what burnt me out of what I was doing before because
I realized I was ignoring so many parts of myself.
Meanwhile, it's so funny because my message was to like, get all
the parts of yourself and be you, but the way I was going
about that was blocking off parts of my own self expression.
So I do that's guess a little Update as well.
So that's how human design has helped me so much.
And even though only Emily and I have different profiles, we were
talking kind of like the three in the one, but we're both
generators. And that has helped me a lot
this year because I mean human design already just confirms
what you already know to be true.
It doesn't predict or tell you anything crazy or unknown or
anything like that. But being a generator, we're
meant to be lit up by life and lit up by what we're doing and
nobody has Ever said that to me, it's like, you need to figure
out what you're good at and go make money and support yourself
until you die. That was kind of what I perceive
life to be. Because that's kind of how a lot
of people act. And I've literally been told
that multiple times and I just started asking bigger questions.
I'm like, there has to be more to this.
And then in making those decisions, I've gotten better at
it, this year because feeling into the generator energy, if
you're not lit up, If you feel absolutely drained and like if I
cannot get myself to write an Instagram post that just flows
out of my fingers, I don't write it and I'm feeling absolutely
drained and cannot get myself out of bed.
I'm like okay, I need a day to just unplug and so paying a lot
more attention to my body. This year has changed the way I
make decisions and then we both our gut instinct, sacral
Authority. So learning to trust that what
that feeling feels like for me and then to trust, it has
changed a lot. In my in my process.
Well, I think also going back to what Carly was saying about it
not being accepted because the whole kind of narrative is
commitment, that is also the more masculine Dynamic.
And as we know, the masculine Dynamic does run the world at
the moment. It is the predominant voice and
it's this, as you said, Kylie that's commit to one thing and
do for the rest your life. Both of you said that make money
and The illness straight and narrow path and then you have
the famine and dynamic of only go here and then I changed my
mind and all I want to do it again and actually, no, I'm
going to go back and I'm going to do another thing and that's
kind of where you and I fall into it and it's definitely not
as popular in kind of social discourse at all.
What's funny? I love that you brought that up
again because one thing I want to say is something that helped
me through this time period because I basically Committed my
committed to my own thing for the longest I ever have.
Like, I went through four years of University and I loved it.
I worked my butt off and it was so exciting and so many ways,
but it was still like an outward commitment, you know, because
you're signed up for this program here in school for four
years. That's what you do.
And then I did my master's program, but again, it was out
with her something, taking me through this.
And so this past year, I committed to exploring this as
Aspect of myself and doing it. And that was the longest I've
ever committed to something on my own kind of and so when I
started to realize I was just that this kind of burnout, stage
of like, this doesn't feel good anymore.
It was really hard because I was like, oh here I go again, not
committing to something or like breaking a commitment but I
realized I have been committed to something consistently
through my entire life and that is me like me my Evolution my
own self expression. And that is kind of been a has,
kind of been a mantra, I've been telling myself because when I
get into this doubt of or being like, Oh my God.
So I felt like filtered through five ideas in the last two days,
but I'm like, no, I'm I am I'm committed to something.
And it's the most important thing that any of us can be
committed to is our own personal evolution in our expression on
this planet because that's what we're here for.
And that just looks so different to So many people and I'm so
thankful that I am on his path and I can speak for you to.
I think we're all on this path of of discovering who we are and
going deeper because it's not for everyone, like not.
Everyone is here in this life to do this work.
Sometimes I can look at people like that which may be making an
assumption, but sometimes I can look at them be like, oh, that
must be an easier because he's so nice.
Because it's not always easy but I am so grateful that like I'm,
I am going through this and those around me are on this path
to because it's so rich. It's rich in everything.
In the good, the bad, the happy emotions, sad emotions.
And yeah, we're here to feel and we're here to feel big I think
and what you just said, absolutely links back to kind of
what we started speaking about. We're in my opinion, the primary
thing that dictates how your life looks externally, is your
relationship to yourself, right? And so, I can't remember who
originally put this idea into my head and I'm really sorry to the
original Creator, but I once was introduced to the concept of
you, you're being being similar to the Statue of Liberty, how
she used to be? Copper and she's now blue
because she's oxidized, right? Is that the word oxidized?
I don't know but if you had to kind of like clean her and strip
away those layers of oxidization, she would still be
copper, right? And so it's a similar concept to
you are born as this whole complete worthy, human being
where you were absolutely perfect or something wrong with
you, you're not wounded and through life, we pick up these
Experiences that kind of like add these layers, that somewhat
detract, from who we are, or cause us to disassociate from
who we are and doing this, work is all about stripping back
those layers to get back to who we always were.
It's not about becoming somebody else or Reinventing yourself.
It's just about getting back to who you actually are before the
world told you that you were wrong.
Or, you know, Our single shameful or ugly or Unworthy of
being who you are. So in that way, by committing
your entire life, to your own self expression, that is the
most beautiful way to honor that core of who you are, even though
I don't know about you Kylie, but my experience has definitely
been that the world has tried to tell me that by not committing
quote unquote, too. One thing I am wrong but again
that as you just said that commitment to to who we actually
are is of absolute primary importance and I think that's
why it's also so important that we're all doing this work and
helping others through it as well.
Because like you said at the beginning, Emily, the
relationship to self is the most important and if we don't build
that and self knowledge, and the ability to look though,
Expectations in the face and hear them said to us and yeah,
like I still can get kind of a twinge of like oh that hurt a
little bit but to be able to take a breath and be like, okay,
but that does not rule me. Like I have my own relationship
to myself and I understand what I'm doing and it's okay.
And to be expected that no one that some people don't get it,
we're not here to understand everybody perfectly.
We're just here to, you know, hopefully hold space for
everyone else's self-expression and their own unique voice in
the world. Yeah, 100%.
And maybe even impact people that you know have not thought
of living life this way. Even if it's right it was kind
of like yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, just just energetically
the way that we can impact people without even saying a
word is so powerful. Then if we start actually
teaching or voicing some of these Concepts, Outreach becomes
a whole lot greater. That was a beautiful close to
this. I don't know how it's been an
hour. Now, we're with go by so
quickly, but we have one final question for you.
But before we ask that, I'd love if you would promote yourself
where we can find you, what you're currently offering or
what's going on in your world and yeah, how we can, how we can
find you amazing. So my primary social media is
definitely my Instagram account. I am very committed to only
doing one form of social media, because social media, just
completely takes up way too much space in my head polygon
resonate again. But my handle on there is at
Emily Viner Cooper V Ina to Scottish family name.
Anyway, I needed some how to distinguish myself from the fact
that I have two very common names as my first and last, It's
okay. We all my middle name.
Yeah, well link it on amazing, amazing.
So yeah, currently my primary thing is one-on-one coaching.
That's what I've been doing for the last year with my amazing
private clients this year. I am launching kind of group
dynamics, not so much, a group program, but definitely more
kind of group dynamics. But yeah, those are still in the
pipeline. So, you're gonna have to wait
and see but so exciting. So Thank you so much for sharing
your time with us. Our final question that we are
asking everyone is what is one lesson in your life that you
have had to let flow maybe learn more than once and yeah that you
just had have had to learn to flow through but of a deep one.
But we're going to go there. The number one lesson that I've
had to learn to flow through is That you have to allow other
people their process. And some people may resonate
with the some people might not that's okay.
But I was always someone that jumped in to try and fix people
or save people and again going back to that purpose of helping,
right. There's a difference between
hope being in and having this like need to save and fix and
The biggest lesson is finished here of the last two years has
been. You actually can't save and
can't fix and more than that. You need to allow people there
process. You need to allow people to just
like, I've done gone through. So many things.
Had so many experiences have my heart broken a million times.
Learned my lessons made my mistakes.
You need to allow people to have that process as well.
And you trying to control this situation is ultimately You're
disrespecting their life path. And so, really just need to flow
alongside our fellow human being a friends or family members.
And, you know, be the embodiment of what you would ultimately
want them to be if they were showing up for themselves in a
beautiful healthy serving way. If you can embody that for
yourself and you can be the best version of yourself for
yourself. Faith, and love yourself.
Take care of yourself. You just hope that that rubs off
on everybody else. That was beautiful.
Well, that was one of those answers where I zone out, and I
just absorbed that was amazing. Thank you again.
We will definitely chat. No group text messages as we do
every day, but for anybody listening, thank you so much for
joining us. If you enjoyed this episode and
loved Emily, go find her on a gram.
We are linking everything below. She also has a podcast.
I will link that to. And if you feel called to leave
us a rating and review, it really does help us or retest
Instagram. We would love to talk to you and
yeah, I hope everybody has a great rest of their day.
We night morning whenever you're listening to me.
Okay, thanks, I love Carly's little ending.
Okay, bye-bye.