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So the paper man is the guy that
builds all the success on paper.

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So on paper he looks good, he 
looks great. 

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He's got the car, he's got the 
family, he's got the the 

4
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business, he's got maybe some 
flash things. 

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On paper he's got status, but 
internally he's chaos. the US 

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guys, we're in prison and we're 
in mind prisons. 

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We're in prisons of the mind and
we're trapped in these prisons 

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and for the most part we're not 
aware of it and we can't change 

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what we can't see. 
This is most men that I know, 

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myself included, is avoiding the
truth. 

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It's an avoidance of radical 
honesty. 

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It's I don't want to be honest 
and I don't want to face the 

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truth because I don't want the 
discomfort of being honest. 

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Status. 
It was my #1 driver. 

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So status was the. 
That is, and it is and it is for

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a lot of guys. 
It's like if I get status, then 

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I will get respect. 
And the more respect I get, the 

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more validation I feel, the 
better I feel. 

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And that's that that that 
external validation makes me 

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feel good. 
Today on the Limitless CEO 

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podcast, we're sitting down with
a man who's rebuilt himself not 

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once, but twice. 
Pete Taylor went from a bullied 

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kid to a pro athlete, From 
award-winning 7 figure founder 

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to the creator of Heroic Man, A 
brotherhood helping leaders 

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trade burnout for calm, 
unshakeable presence. 

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He's coached hundreds of high 
performing entrepreneurs to spot

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the hidden mind presence that 
keep them stuck at a level 4 

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when level 10 is on the radar. 
If you're running a company but 

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fighting your own inner chaos, 
this conversation is your road. 

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Map out. 
Buckle in. 

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Pete's about to show us why real
power starts from the inside. 

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Pete, I'm so excited to have you
here today. 

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How are you doing? 
Thank you man. 

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I'm good. 
It's hot in Dubai, but we're 

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here and we're in a nice air 
conditioned room. 

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Pete, I'm excited to have you 
here, man. 

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So what I want to start with 
today is you're a man who's had 

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all the vanity metrics. 
You've had the cars, the 

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businesses, you've had your 
dream home, you've even had the 

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Rolexes. 
It takes a certain man to be 

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able to build that to begin with
before we start to talk about 

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what happened after that. 
But who was that guy? 

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I talk about guys being paper 
men. 

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Well tell. 
Me a bit more about the paper 

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men. 
So the so the paper man is the 

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guy that builds all the success 
on paper. 

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So on paper he look good, he 
looks great. 

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He's got the car, he's got the 
family, he's got the the 

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business, he's got maybe some 
flash things. 

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On paper he's got status, but 
internally it's chaos. 

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And that's what I did 
originally. 

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Build everything externally, 
internal, complete chaos. 

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So he was in corporate for 15 
years and what you're saying is 

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he was just building that paper,
man? 

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I didn't know I was building the
paper man in hindsight, yeah, 

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it's just like in hindsight, you
look back, I didn't know I was 

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building a paper man. 
I was building what I thought 

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society wanted me to build. 
I was building essentially the 

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version of me that I wanted 
everyone else to like. 

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So tell me a bit more about the 
positive traits, because 

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everything is kind of like 
polarity, negative and positive.

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Tell me about some of the 
positive traits that the paper 

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man, if where that's what we're 
calling him, had that allowed 

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him to build that. 
And the only reason I asked this

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question because people at home 
are listening and going, I'll 

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happily take a paper man if you 
give me the, the boats and the 

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the the watches and, and 
everything else. 

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So what positive traits did you 
have that allowed you to build 

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that paper man? 
Discipline, you know, you can 

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build a lot with discipline a 
little. 

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You can build so much with 
discipline and consistency and a

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bit of grind and some hassle and
get yourself down. 

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So discipline is an incredibly 
powerful trait and, and over the

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years I looked at three 
different types of discipline. 

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So #1 is your structural 
discipline. 

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This is the easiest for any man 
to get. 

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It's your routines, it's your 
protocols, it's your habits. 

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Morning routine, evening 
routine, daytime routine, gym 

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routine, dark routine, that sort
of thing. 

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00:04:03,640 --> 00:04:06,840
It's structural discipline. 
Makes sense? 

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What's your second discipline? 
Second one. 2nd discipline is 

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reactive discipline. 
This is so the reactive 

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discipline is how you react in a
moment. 

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So let's just say, for example, 
your wife walks into the room 

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and she says something and it 
triggers you in that moment, you

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have a choice. 
You can, your discipline can 

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00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,800
ensure that you take a breath, 
you step back and you respond in

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a, in a, in an affirmative, 
positive way, or you could 

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react, get pissed off, get 
triggered, have an argument, 

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00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,600
have conflict, right? 
So, so it's your reactive 

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00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,400
discipline. 
It's how you react or respond 

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moment to moment. 
And the third type of 

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discipline. 
Expansive discipline. 

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This is the this is the hardest 
discipline to get. 

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This is the as a man, you should
be on a mission and your mission

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should be much bigger than you. 
And the expansive discipline is 

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00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:04,120
that moment to moment to moment,
you're consistently taking 

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00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,400
choices that are moving you 
further towards your mission, 

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00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,760
not taking you further back. 
Makes sense? 

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Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. 
So now the reason I ask that 

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00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,480
question is because technically 
looking back at in hindsight, 

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that was all kind of like a mask
for the real traits. 

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So what were the negative traits
of the paper man that discipline

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was masking? 
Oh, fuck it. 

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There was, it's, it's countless.
There's there's reactivity, 

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there's there's anger, there's 
like over the course of probably

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10 years, 15 years, I built the 
ability to completely suppress 

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emotions and be very 
emotionless. 

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Even in like intimate 
relationships, I could just 

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disconnect and that's unhealthy.
It's not healthy in an intimate 

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relationship to be able to do 
that. 

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But as AI think, as a guy I 
wasn't taught the emotions were 

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safe in the right environment. 
So I'll just suppress all that 

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and just channel it into 
business. 

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To suppress the emotions and 
basically just, it's not 

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alcoholic drunk, but just, you 
know, get yourself to just put 

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your head down and laser focus 
on places that are meeting your 

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significance business. 
For a long time status it was my

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#1 driver. 
So status was the. 

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Say it and it is and it is for a
lot of guys, it's like, it's 

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like if I get status then I will
get respect. 

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And the more respect I get, the 
more validation I feel, the 

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better I feel. 
And that's that that that 

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external validation makes me 
feel good. 

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But it's the wrong way to think 
about it, because as soon as the

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external validation is punctured
or punched or falls down, you 

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00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:03,320
essentially lose your own self 
esteem and you lose your own 

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00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:07,080
worth and you lose yourself. 
And it's crazy how much men will

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do for status, for validation, 
for respect. 

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They'll lie, cheat, steal, do 
anything just to get that. 

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So then what was the moment? 
And I, I know that everybody has

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a moment. 
I have a moment where it wasn't 

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that I woke up in that moment 
and everything made sense of 

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what I was going to do. 
But there was a moment which we 

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00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:28,680
could call like the, the needle 
in the haystack or the, the 

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00:07:28,680 --> 00:07:32,320
cherry on the on the cake that 
may was the trigger for you to 

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00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:34,320
transition because that, you 
know, you had a 7 figure 

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business and you, you basically 
shut all of that and you decided

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00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:43,920
to start the heroic man. 
So what was that moment, the 

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00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:47,080
trigger, that got you to wake up
and say there has to be more to 

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life than what I'm doing right 
now? 

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00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:51,920
Yeah, another moment, another 
exact moment. 

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And it was it was in October in 
in autumn and I was walking my 

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dog in the woods. 
So I'll take you back to that 

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time. 
So at that time I was two years 

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00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:06,840
into owning up like a home in 
the country, a house that my 

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00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:10,960
garden was big enough I had to 
sit on lawn mower and I had my 

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00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,320
nice cars and my wife was at 
home or soon to be wife actually

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was at home. 
And a team of 20 people that we 

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used to work for me in my 
office, which is in Ascot High 

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Street. 
So I had all these great things.

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And so I, so I thought anyway, 
and I was completely running to 

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the ground. 
I was doing sixty 7080 hour 

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weeks consistently that I was 
completely neglecting my 

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00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,000
relationship because my 
significance was purely put in 

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00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:44,520
the growth of the business. 
And I was spinning in 127 planes

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00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,160
and I was micromanaging 
everything that was underneath 

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me. 
I had this addiction to control.

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I had to control everything in 
the business. 

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I had to have a have an 
influence on everything outside 

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of the business. 
I needed control, but you can't 

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00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:02,920
control life. 
And I learned that the hard way.

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00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,920
So that October, which is 4 
years ago now, I was walking the

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00:09:07,920 --> 00:09:09,920
dog through the woods. 
I had my dream dog out of one of

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00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,720
those blue Staffy the dream, the
perfect dog I always wanted. 

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And I'd walk that walk 100 
times. 

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00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,400
And on that particular dog, it 
was completely lost. 

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00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,600
Not lost physically, just lost 
in my mind. 

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00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,760
And I'm like, this isn't 
working. 

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Like I've built all these 
things. 

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00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:28,760
I built what I thought was 
success. 

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Yet inside it's chaos. 
And I feel horrendous and I'm 

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00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,080
about to break. 
Something's got to change. 

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And it was, it was in that 
moment and it was in that I was 

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00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,920
like, this is it, I'm out. 
I've got to get out of that 

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00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,600
business. 
So what was it that flipped the 

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00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:48,520
switch? 
A tiny thing, one of my guys 

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00:09:48,520 --> 00:09:50,040
that worked. 
So it's a Saturday morning. 

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One of my guys had messaged me 
and I'd seen it on my WhatsApp. 

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00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,240
So I'm Pete, I'm pissed off at 
the software. 

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00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:57,360
The software's broke. 
I'm working on my weekend for 

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00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,560
you and the software's not 
fucking working. 

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00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:04,040
And I was like this one more. 
Why am I? 

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00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,120
Going to be more to life. 
Yeah, like this is a tiny thing,

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00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:08,760
but it was like the straw that 
brought the camel's back. 

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00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:12,000
And then what was the first 
thing you did when the switch 

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00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,320
flipped? 
I decided to have the 

188
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,320
conversation with my business 
partner that I'm going to leave 

189
00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:20,400
and then that was that. 
I'm going to come back to tough,

190
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:25,280
tough conversation in a second. 
So then I find really that's 

191
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,080
very interesting because I've 
got a quote by you here that 

192
00:10:27,080 --> 00:10:30,000
says until you make the 
subconscious conscious, it will 

193
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,120
dictate your life and you will 
call it fate. 

194
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,800
People question sabotaging and 
ask themselves why am I where I 

195
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,400
am? 
And in that moment, you didn't 

196
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,880
know it yet, but your 
subconscious was not conscious. 

197
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,560
Is that safe to say in that 
moment? 

198
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,960
I would love to take credit for 
that quote. 

199
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:48,960
That quote is by Carl Young. 
Carl Young? 

200
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:50,720
Oh nice. 
One of the most. 

201
00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:52,200
You could have taken credit. 
I would have never known 

202
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:55,360
psychologists. 
So, yeah, and we can, we can 

203
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:59,280
credit Carl Young for for so 
much about understanding its 

204
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,160
psyche now, particularly like 
the shadow and archetypes. 

205
00:11:04,160 --> 00:11:07,320
The way that I talk about this 
is that us guys, we're in 

206
00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:11,920
prisons and we're in prisons. 
We're in prisons of the mind and

207
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,880
we're trapped in these prisons 
and for the most part, we're not

208
00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:18,640
aware of it and we can't change 
what we can't see. 

209
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:23,480
So to begin to dismantle and 
dissolve the prisons of the 

210
00:11:23,480 --> 00:11:26,880
mind, we have to bring super 
awareness to them. 

211
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,480
We have to dig deep and excavate
internally to figure out what 

212
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:34,760
the is going on, right? 
So for me, at that time, I was 

213
00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,480
stuck in a prison of control. 
I was stuck in a prison of 

214
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,080
mistrust and I was absolutely 
stuck in the prison of 

215
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,920
projection. 
So I had an addiction to all 

216
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,560
these things, but I didn't know 
it. 

217
00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:50,560
I was unconscious of it. 
I was just doing it over and 

218
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:53,400
over and over. 
But doing it over and over and 

219
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:58,320
over was my form of self 
sabotage, because every time 

220
00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:02,600
that I would try and control a 
situation that I couldn't, I 

221
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,960
would find a way to sabotage it.
And then I would lose my mind 

222
00:12:05,960 --> 00:12:08,240
because I couldn't control it. 
And all that's doing is 

223
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:10,400
reinforcing my addiction to 
control. 

224
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,280
So give us an example. 
I know because someone's 

225
00:12:12,280 --> 00:12:14,840
listening at home. 
I actually understand how you 

226
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:17,640
how you feel because I almost 
felt exactly the same. 

227
00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,200
It's really scary. 
So if someone listening at home,

228
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:24,640
you know, a leader who's in a 
mind prison, what does the 

229
00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:27,520
day-to-day for ACEO who's stuck 
at a level 4? 

230
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,800
Because you also talk about 
people operating at level 4 out 

231
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:32,520
of 10, what does their 
day-to-day look like right now 

232
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,200
that potentially they might even
be celebrating going, you know, 

233
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,040
I'm, I'm like smashing it. 
But really they're in a mind 

234
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:40,960
prison and their subconscious 
doesn't know it yet. 

235
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:43,200
And they're yet to bring the 
subconscious to become 

236
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:48,120
conscious. 
Yeah, so a lot of here's 

237
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,640
actually here's one that a lot 
of guys that are doing really 

238
00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:53,720
well are sitting in. 
It's a prisoner scarcity and the

239
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,240
and and. 
I like this. 

240
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,800
The, the program is I will lose 
everything. 

241
00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,200
So it's fear based. 
So particularly guys that do 

242
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:07,240
really well in business and, and
they've built success maybe from

243
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:09,640
nothing. 
And then then there's this like 

244
00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:14,400
core emotion of pain. 
The I could lose everything, 

245
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:17,160
right? 
And if I lose, so I've built 

246
00:13:17,160 --> 00:13:19,200
this amazing business. 
So for me, I built this 77 

247
00:13:19,200 --> 00:13:22,760
figure business and I did, I 
started to have this like fear 

248
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,480
that I could lose it. 
And if I lose that business, I 

249
00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,880
lose my identity because I've 
tied my identity to that 

250
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:31,720
business. 
So if I lose the business, I die

251
00:13:32,400 --> 00:13:34,040
because my identity is tied to 
it. 

252
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,360
It makes sense. 
Not only does it make sense, I 

253
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,800
cannot tell you how accurate 
this is. 

254
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,840
I've spoken to clients at the 
highest level. 

255
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,440
I've spoken to friends. 
It's so accurate. 

256
00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:48,920
It's unbelievable. 
Because when you don't have 

257
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,560
nothing, you've got nothing to 
lose. 

258
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:52,720
So like, you're all full of 
risk. 

259
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,600
Like, you know, like, how low 
can you go? 

260
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,440
You're already low, but then 
they make something of 

261
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,080
themselves, 6 figures, 7 
figures. 

262
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:02,360
Some people are 8, some people 
are even at 9 figures. 

263
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:06,560
And as far as I've seen, anyone 
from that 6 figure mark upwards,

264
00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:10,800
doesn't matter if it's 678. 
They have this scarcity of oh, 

265
00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:13,840
now I'm like, I call it like 
floating in the wind. 

266
00:14:13,840 --> 00:14:15,680
They almost feel like they're 
walking on a rope. 

267
00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:17,560
They don't want to like tip the 
boat too much. 

268
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:19,400
Well, if they lose everything 
and if they lose everything, how

269
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,360
can they go back to living that 
life that, you know, once was? 

270
00:14:23,080 --> 00:14:27,800
And you know, it's the same 
level of thinking that they're 

271
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:31,000
afraid of that actually becomes 
a self actualization. 

272
00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,200
And then before you know it, 
boom, they, they lose things. 

273
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,560
And when you ask them, there's 
someone who's very intimate to 

274
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:38,800
me, I won't mention his name 
just in case he's listening to 

275
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,560
this. 
He used to be really, really 

276
00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,560
rich. 
And I used to say to him, Hey, 

277
00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,880
you know, like things are, well,
things are happening. 

278
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,560
And he'd always repeat the same 
thing to me. 

279
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:52,960
He would say take the money now 
before it goes and I used to 

280
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,440
reply to him. 
I said what are you talking 

281
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,040
about? 
Why would the money go like 

282
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,640
things are well cars, houses. 
And he'd say take the money now 

283
00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,520
before it goes and 10 years 
later it went. 

284
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,040
I'm talking someone has gone 
from like 1,000,000 to 0. 

285
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,440
And. 
Now I look back here and go, 

286
00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,480
holy SH, go moly. 
Like that's how powerful your, 

287
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:14,120
you know, your words, your 
beliefs, what you focus on can 

288
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,160
become it's, it's, it becomes 
your reality. 

289
00:15:16,440 --> 00:15:18,840
Absolutely. 
This, this, this prison puts you

290
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:23,120
in over attachment, see. 
So you you attach everything to 

291
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,640
that identity, to that to that 
thing. 

292
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:28,840
So in this case, a business, 
you're over attached to it and 

293
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,360
then and over attached to it 
become it becomes an obsession. 

294
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,640
Can you see or can you share one
pattern, maybe one or more 

295
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:40,360
patterns that you see that 
sabotage big decisions or 

296
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:42,440
relationships as a result of 
this? 

297
00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:50,080
Yeah, this is most men that I 
know, myself included, is 

298
00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:53,800
avoiding the truth. 
It's an avoidance of radical 

299
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,560
honesty. 
It's, it's I don't want to be 

300
00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:01,520
honest and I don't want to face 
the truth because I don't want 

301
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:05,480
the discomfort of being honest. 
So particularly in 

302
00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:10,760
relationships, it's your 
personal problems are your 

303
00:16:10,760 --> 00:16:12,240
professional problems in 
disguise? 

304
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,360
It's that it's, it's all the 
same thing. 

305
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,200
It's very much the same thing. 
We put them in disguise. 

306
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:22,360
So the avoidance of truth 
typically stems from, it lives 

307
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:25,960
in the prison of rejection. 
So let's just say you and your 

308
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:29,240
partner, you and your wife, you 
don't want to be radically 

309
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:31,440
honest with her in case she 
rejects you. 

310
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,920
And that temporary discomfort is
too painful to sit in. 

311
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:41,040
So men avoid being honest. 
So what do they end up doing? 

312
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:44,640
It manifests. 
So that begins that they begin 

313
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:47,440
to have little white lies and 
then they, and then those little

314
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:50,040
white lies turn into little 
stories and then those. 

315
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:54,080
And then those stories grow. 
The narrative grows and then 

316
00:16:54,080 --> 00:16:58,040
they they begin to live a lie 
and then they stop trusting 

317
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,800
themselves because they can't 
even be honest with themselves. 

318
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,599
Eventually it's so painful that 
they can't even be honest with 

319
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:06,720
themselves. 
What started as not being honest

320
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,319
with others, now they kind of 
like living in their own lives. 

321
00:17:09,319 --> 00:17:12,359
Is that what you're saying? 
I also saw one of your, you 

322
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:16,920
know, one of the trainings you 
did, you said men should never 

323
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,240
cheat. 
So I think on this thread you 

324
00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:20,480
said don't cheat on your 
partner. 

325
00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:23,480
A lot of men cheat because they 
don't have the courage to have 

326
00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,400
that conversation. 
And I have obviously added to 

327
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,960
it, whether it be in 
relationship or business. 

328
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,160
So how do they build that man 
up? 

329
00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,800
Because I personally know people
personally and, you know, 

330
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,240
oppressionally that are in this 
position, you know, potentially 

331
00:17:39,880 --> 00:17:41,720
they're cheating on their 
relationship because they don't 

332
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,560
have the difficult conversation.
So they think they're doing the 

333
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,160
other person a favour. 
But simultaneously, it might not

334
00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:47,240
even be an intimate 
relationship. 

335
00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:49,440
It might be funnelling money out
of a company because they don't 

336
00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:51,520
want to talk to their business 
partners and tell them the harsh

337
00:17:51,520 --> 00:17:54,280
truth. 
Or it might be, you know, in 

338
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,640
your case, you wanted to leave 
that business, so it took a 

339
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,320
switch for you to go, you know 
what, I'm going to call my 

340
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,840
partner and say I'm leaving this
company. 

341
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,640
So how do they build that man 
up? 

342
00:18:04,720 --> 00:18:06,320
You have to get clear on the 
fear. 

343
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:11,680
Like I said earlier, it's you. 
You can't change something until

344
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,560
you become aware of it. 
Once you're aware, you can 

345
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:18,440
change it. 
And so you have to get clear on 

346
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:21,040
the fears. 
Like what's what's the deeper 

347
00:18:21,040 --> 00:18:26,080
fear of telling the truth? 
Is it, is it the the 

348
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,720
relationship ends? 
OK, so then what's the fear 

349
00:18:28,720 --> 00:18:31,520
behind that? 
Is it that Well, OK, well, then 

350
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,640
I might not find someone else 
again. 

351
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,320
No one will love me. 
I'll be rejected. 

352
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:39,040
I'll be abandoned. 
So get clear on the cause of 

353
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:41,480
where this fear is coming. 
From you have to get clear on 

354
00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:42,520
that. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

355
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,280
Rather than focusing on the 
symptoms. 

356
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:48,400
Yeah, because it's the the the 
symptoms of just like you're 

357
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:53,200
lying and just that's just 
putting a plaster over a wound. 

358
00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,080
You got to get into the wound as
to why you're lying in the 1st 

359
00:18:56,080 --> 00:18:59,440
place and what and and the lie 
is always based around a fear. 

360
00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:02,960
There is a fear that it's 
always, so you have to get to 

361
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,360
the root cause of what the fear 
is. 

362
00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:06,840
When you when you figure out 
what the root cause is, you can 

363
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,720
dismantle it and dissolve it and
get rid of it, right? 

364
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:14,240
What men need to do is get clear
on their values. 

365
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:17,800
So what's fucking important to 
them intrinsically? 

366
00:19:17,800 --> 00:19:22,000
And I'm not talking about values
like I like freedom and I want 

367
00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,600
to travel and I like money. 
And no, this is, this is like 

368
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:31,600
deep internal core values like 
respect or honesty or loyalty or

369
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:35,640
acknowledgement or order, like 
values that are meaningful to 

370
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,040
you as a man because once you 
are clear on them, you live by 

371
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,760
them. 
I know this sounds really silly,

372
00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:44,920
but how do we do that? 
Like imagine someone's listening

373
00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:47,720
to this, a founder or CEO, a 
high level of executive. 

374
00:19:48,880 --> 00:19:52,080
What is something that they can 
do tonight, even now as they 

375
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:54,880
listen to this, as long as 
they're not driving, that is 

376
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:59,440
going to begin to allow them to 
get clear on their values and, 

377
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,720
you know, start to spot their 
own mind prisons. 

378
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:07,560
The value, I mean, I have 
exercises, I work, I work guys 

379
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,920
through exercises to take clear 
on their values because what, 

380
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,800
and this is the reason that so 
that there's there are sequences

381
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,160
to this. 
So number one is you get clear 

382
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:18,320
on your values. 
Once you get clear on your 

383
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:19,640
values, you can correct your 
standards. 

384
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,600
Now your standards, this is the 
way that you live your life. 

385
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,480
Your standards aren't things 
that you want. 

386
00:20:27,080 --> 00:20:29,360
They're not like all my so my, 
they're not. 

387
00:20:29,360 --> 00:20:32,920
My standard is I'm going to live
in a big house and I'm going to 

388
00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,240
have lots of money and I'm going
to have a beautiful, thriving 

389
00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:38,160
relationship and I'm going to 
have deep intimacy. 

390
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,400
That's not your stand. 
The standard of the things that 

391
00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:43,680
you say no to, they're the 
things that you don't tolerate. 

392
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:52,160
It's like, well, my, it's my, 
my, one of my values is loyalty.

393
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:57,240
So the standard would be, well, 
if someone is disloyal to me, if

394
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:01,160
someone is passive aggressive 
behind the scenes and they and 

395
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:05,040
they affect the the trust that I
have in them, I don't tolerate 

396
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:06,320
and I'm removing them from my 
life. 

397
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:09,760
How do you differentiate between
values and standards? 

398
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:12,520
Because like I, I personally 
would put loyalty as part of my 

399
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:13,760
values. 
I'm very loyal. 

400
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,120
That's it, yeah. 
Yeah. 

401
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,280
But then you create. 
So off the back of your values, 

402
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:20,080
you create the things that you 
say no to. 

403
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,560
So if someone disrespects you, 
someone lies to you, someone's 

404
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,840
dishonest to you, they're like, 
well, that's actually, I'm not 

405
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,520
going to tolerate that. 
And this is what this is where 

406
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:31,400
men up is they tolerate too 
much. 

407
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,760
They let things slide. 
They let their their back that 

408
00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:38,280
most guys aren't clear on what 
their standards or boundaries 

409
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:41,080
are. 
So people will consistently 

410
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:44,320
overstep the mark and they'll 
let them get away with that. 

411
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,040
You talk about the pressure 
cooker. 

412
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:51,240
Tell me a bit more like, because
technically we could segue from 

413
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:56,880
why did they allow people to get
away with stuff and obviously 

414
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,200
they become a like a pressure 
cooker until they explode. 

415
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:05,440
Why do they do that? 
Many reasons, but the big reason

416
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,200
for guys is to be liked. 
They want to be liked, 

417
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,920
significant status, everything 
else that you was mentioning 

418
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:13,800
earlier, basically status, 
validation, respect, they. 

419
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:19,120
Want to be like many, many, many
men, particularly guys 30s, 

420
00:22:19,120 --> 00:22:24,800
forties, 50s and like now they 
were raised by their mothers. 

421
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:31,880
No, I'm so many guys raised by 
their mothers and then and then.

422
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,480
Are we talking single mothers? 
Just just to clarify. 

423
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,840
Yeah, it could be a could be a 
single mother or, or could be 

424
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:43,040
the dads out working and then 
dads may be, may be distant, 

425
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:45,800
maybe emotionally distant, maybe
physically distant. 

426
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,640
So then the so then the core 
responsibility of raising the 

427
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,320
child. 
Not this isn't in every 

428
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:54,040
circumstance, but this is quite 
a large population, large part 

429
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:56,480
of the population, particularly 
in our era. 

430
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,560
I've been raised by mothers. 
This is and the, the, the issue 

431
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:07,120
with this and I've experienced 
this in my own life is that men,

432
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:10,280
myself included, did this for 
many, many years, would put 

433
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:13,720
women on a pedestal because it's
like my, my mums fucking, She's 

434
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,560
amazing. 
She raised me. 

435
00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,080
She did everything for me. 
She's an amazing woman. 

436
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,360
And so we can put women on on 
pedestals. 

437
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:26,280
And when we put people on 
pedestals, we begin to in a way 

438
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:27,680
idolize them. 
Look up to them. 

439
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,440
You don't want to cross them, so
you want to be not. 

440
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:36,040
And most guys, there's a, we 
call them Nice guys, Nice Guy 

441
00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,320
syndrome. 
Nice Guy syndrome is the man 

442
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,200
that says yes. 
At the time he doesn't, but he 

443
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:44,840
doesn't even know the word no. 
So this is actually really good.

444
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:47,320
I think it starts to segue a 
little bit into like healthy 

445
00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:50,480
masculinity, masculine 
leadership. 

446
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:56,240
You, you said somewhere be open 
minded, not close minded. 

447
00:23:58,200 --> 00:24:00,680
My question is how do you 
differentiate between knowing 

448
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:04,400
yourself worth? 
So you're not Mr. Nice Guy being

449
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:08,720
open minded at the same time, 
because the the world is 

450
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,600
definitely trying to test us. 
So how do you kind of like 

451
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,640
mitigate? 
I don't know if mitigate is the 

452
00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:18,280
right word, but how do you 
balance being someone who's open

453
00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:21,720
minded and at the same time 
someone who's not willing to 

454
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,600
just kind of be a doormat or a 
nice guy? 

455
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:28,520
So how do you balance those two?
Open minded to learn more to to 

456
00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:32,360
grow, to be more at the same 
time not accept and just be a 

457
00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:33,800
Mr. Nice Guy. 
How do you balance that? 

458
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,040
Go it goes back again to your 
values. 

459
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,320
That's that. 
It is step number one. 

460
00:24:39,320 --> 00:24:41,880
It is stage one. 
It's foundational because you 

461
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,640
you figure out what's important 
to you, what's intrinsic to you,

462
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:46,640
and then you live by them. 
You set a set of standards by 

463
00:24:46,640 --> 00:24:48,200
them, not the back of your 
standards. 

464
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,880
You have your boundaries and the
boundaries are the things that 

465
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,360
essentially if someone crosses 
them as a consequence to them 

466
00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:57,040
and and and in doing that you 
gain respect because you have 

467
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,520
respect for yourself and in 
respect for yourself. 

468
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,880
This isn't you being an asshole,
it's just you having respect for

469
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,000
yourself and and the more 
respect you have for yourself, 

470
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,200
the more that you enforce your 
own standards and values. 

471
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:13,520
Your self esteem increases and 
in your self esteem increasing 

472
00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,920
or increases yourself worth 
yourself belief who you are. 

473
00:25:17,360 --> 00:25:21,240
But whilst that's happening, 
you're always staying open to a 

474
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:25,120
discussion and to go actually in
any moment I have my mind 

475
00:25:25,120 --> 00:25:28,560
changed at any moment. 
Like if someone brings a great 

476
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,280
debate and actually they they 
raise a valid point. 

477
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,000
I could absolutely change my 
mind and being OK with that and 

478
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:40,000
not and not being so egotistic 
the it's like, no, I'm fucking 

479
00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,840
right and I'm always right. 
Something that be OK with like 

480
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:48,160
having your mind changed. 
I like that and obviously if 

481
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:50,440
values are such a powerful 
thing, sounds like they're the 

482
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:52,880
foundation to everything. 
Here's the five values that you 

483
00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,840
say you say men should live by. 
You say self restraint, anti 

484
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,040
fragile discipline, emotional 
regulation and courage. 

485
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:05,440
My question is, why not 
confidence in there? 

486
00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,320
Because confidence is a 
byproduct. 

487
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,440
Confidence is something that you
get. 

488
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,920
It's not something like we can't
just go right. 

489
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,360
I'm confident. 
Just don't decide to be 

490
00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:18,520
confident now. 
You don't wake up tomorrow and 

491
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:22,000
be confident like it's a by 
product of of you taking action.

492
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:24,440
But before action, what comes 
before action. 

493
00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:26,600
Belief. 
Courage. 

494
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:28,600
Ah, got you. 
Yeah, yeah. 

495
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,840
Right. 
So for so for, for, for us to go

496
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,320
on a podcast right now, There 
was some, there was, there was a

497
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,560
miniscule bit of courage. 
It's easy for me and you 'cause 

498
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:38,200
we've done lots of podcasts. 
It's quite easy. 

499
00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,160
Yeah, right. 
But the but Once Upon a time 

500
00:26:41,200 --> 00:26:42,000
there would have been. 
Fuck. 

501
00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:44,080
I haven't done a podcast before.
And I showed you my video 

502
00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:45,120
downstairs. 
There you go. 

503
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:47,400
Right. 
And there was courage to take 

504
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,000
the action. 
And once you take the action 

505
00:26:50,160 --> 00:26:52,520
from you having that little 
doses of courage, it's like, 

506
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:56,560
hmm, OK, now, now you've done 
it, you've seen you do it. 

507
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,080
It's self evidence that you've 
done it. 

508
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:00,040
Confidence. 
It's a by product. 

509
00:27:01,560 --> 00:27:05,720
So then let's talk about the 
second to last emotional 

510
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:07,440
regulation. 
I think a lot of men find that 

511
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:10,080
difficult because they're not 
even aware of it as a concept. 

512
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,760
They just think that they, I 
speak to a lot of men, they're 

513
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,080
like, I can regulate my 
emotions. 

514
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:15,360
Meanwhile they're an emotional 
mess. 

515
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,680
How do you a, become aware of 
that as a man, if you're 

516
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:23,720
listening to this and you think 
you're really good at emotional 

517
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:25,640
regulation, where really 
everyone around you thinks it 

518
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:29,760
stinks, you don't have any, and 
then how do you build emotional 

519
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:33,480
regulation? 
Yeah, yeah, This is, this is 

520
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,400
emotional regulation is a master
skill for men. 

521
00:27:37,200 --> 00:27:40,840
It's a master skill for anyone 
but but particularly guys. 

522
00:27:40,840 --> 00:27:42,360
And guys have never been taught 
this. 

523
00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:46,120
Guys aren't trained this it's 
like, you know, I take guys 

524
00:27:46,120 --> 00:27:48,840
through training to enhance 
emotional and increase emotional

525
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:51,880
regulation and emotional 
intelligence. 

526
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:55,520
But it's like, it's like Navy 
Seals. 

527
00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,240
It's like the Army. 
What do they do day in, day out,

528
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,040
day in, day out? 
They train, practice, they 

529
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,080
practice, they practice, they 
practice, they practice until 

530
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,800
the circumstance comes up when 
they need it. 

531
00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:09,480
So emotional regulation is that 
a great example is you and your 

532
00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:15,000
partner, right? 
You come home from work and she 

533
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:18,600
brings you chaos. 
She's she's she's to have 

534
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,680
whatever she's had that day and 
she's decided that she's going 

535
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:27,800
to blame you and throw the shit 
at you, right. 

536
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,920
And she throws it at you. 
Why didn't you get the milk on 

537
00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:32,240
the way home? 
I asked you to get the milk on 

538
00:28:32,240 --> 00:28:33,480
the way home. 
You didn't get it. 

539
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,520
You always say you're going to 
do something and then you don't 

540
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,720
actually do it. 
I can't trust your word, by the 

541
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:40,080
way, you didn't you didn't take 
the bins out on the way out for 

542
00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:41,520
work. 
You said you're going to do it. 

543
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,280
You're going to do it. 
I can't trust your word. 

544
00:28:43,440 --> 00:28:46,520
I've stopped trusting you except
froze it at you. 

545
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:53,000
It's chaos you're and then in 
that moment, you've had a, 

546
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:57,320
you've had a crazy day at work, 
you've had a savage day at work.

547
00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:01,360
What are you going to do? 
Most guys react. 

548
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,680
Fuck you, get off my back. 
I've just got on the door and it

549
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,600
and then it's a, then it's a, 
then it's conflict. 

550
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:12,080
Then it's heated conflict. 
Yeah, whereas. 

551
00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:18,600
Emotional regulation is in that 
moment where you can see your 

552
00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,720
beautiful woman that's your 
partner that you love. 

553
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,640
And you know that in that 
moment, she's probably had a 

554
00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:27,960
crazy day and she's looking for 
love. 

555
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:30,400
She's looking for safety. 
She's looking for you as a rock,

556
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:35,720
as a pillar, as the lighthouse. 
You got to respond in that 

557
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,840
moment, your breathe. 
And this is where this is where 

558
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:41,440
emotional regulation comes in. 
It's a rather than going from 

559
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,400
zero to 100 and reacting and 
having to Blair an argument, 

560
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:47,440
you're able to regulate and and 
calm your emotions. 

561
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,320
And even though it takes a lot 
of practice, it takes a shit 

562
00:29:51,320 --> 00:29:53,320
load of practice. 
There's, there's, there's times 

563
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:57,040
when me and my Mrs. and where 
you know, she'll, she's 

564
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,280
beautiful feminine and the 
beautiful feminine will bring 

565
00:30:00,280 --> 00:30:02,560
chaos. 
Yeah, because of the physical 

566
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:04,960
brains, if anyone's listening to
this and they don't have access 

567
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,600
to some of this information, the
the way the brains are wired is 

568
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:10,200
a bit different. 
Men are all about logic, mission

569
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,040
focused. 
They're very practical, whereas 

570
00:30:13,040 --> 00:30:14,920
the feminine. 
Is more. 

571
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,640
About energy, more about 
communal loving, but it's all 

572
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:22,240
about emotion yeah, anytime, any
place, you know, through the 

573
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:24,000
female brain, there's a lot 
going on. 

574
00:30:24,520 --> 00:30:28,560
It's all happening for emotion 
and in that moment for any man. 

575
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:30,840
I call this the rock at the palm
tree, you know, very, very 

576
00:30:30,840 --> 00:30:33,720
important for you to, you know, 
be at the rock at the palm tree.

577
00:30:33,720 --> 00:30:36,040
If you ever sat down, you're 
sunbathing, the sun's out. 

578
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:37,720
You know, you're, you're 
chilling out. 

579
00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:40,400
And then the cloud comes by and 
then all the palm trees start 

580
00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,800
going left and right. 
That's like the feminine storm. 

581
00:30:43,600 --> 00:30:46,600
And, you know, the goal is to be
like a rock steadfast, you know,

582
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:47,840
whatever you have, I can take 
it. 

583
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,880
Because really what she's doing 
is she's testing if you love her

584
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,560
or not and being present. 
That's the goal. 

585
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,200
You know, a lot of people fail. 
A lot of men fail because in 

586
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,680
that moment, they'll either 
leave, go down the pub, or 

587
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,480
they'll just be like, you know, 
I've had a long day, you've had 

588
00:30:59,480 --> 00:31:00,920
a long day. 
Your long day isn't better than 

589
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:02,200
mine. 
So I'm going to go and do 

590
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:03,680
whatever it is to distract 
myself. 

591
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:10,320
And it really harms the trust 
because then now she doesn't 

592
00:31:10,320 --> 00:31:11,600
trust you. 
And then all of a sudden you're 

593
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:12,960
pissed off because she doesn't 
trust you anymore. 

594
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:15,760
And it's like a, a whole cycle 
that doesn't end. 

595
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:24,000
So then again, I we know we need
to be present, but we struggle 

596
00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:27,800
with it as men because we have 
61 things on our mind. 

597
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:31,880
So what's, what advice are you 
giving to men that are like, I 

598
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:33,840
know Pete, you're saying be 
present. 

599
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,640
I know you're saying have 
emotional regulation. 

600
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,120
It's easier said than done. 
Where do I start? 

601
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,880
If I've got 0 emotional 
regulation, just imagine I've 

602
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:43,360
got 0. 
Where do I start? 

603
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:47,120
How? 
How a man gets present is not by

604
00:31:47,120 --> 00:31:52,720
being in his head. 
You have to get into your body. 

605
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:57,360
We aren't taught this. 
No man's taught this. 

606
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:03,360
We are taught to build things 
and we build things. 

607
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,560
We build the strategy. 
We're we're logical beings. 

608
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,640
We build the strategy, the 
operations, the systems, 

609
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:10,000
whatever in our head. 
So we're always in the logic, 

610
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:16,040
the logical mind, right. 
To be present with a woman, you 

611
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:19,800
have to get into your body and 
the, the, the best way to get 

612
00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:23,080
into your body is with your 
breath is breathing. 

613
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,560
It's been and, and it's a it's a
fantastic way. 

614
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,400
It's like go back to Navy Seals 
before the Navy Seals go into 

615
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:32,920
one of their, one of their doing
a training session or whether 

616
00:32:32,920 --> 00:32:35,680
they're going into a war zone, 
they'll practice box breathing 

617
00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:40,440
or the 4444 seconds in hold 4 
seconds, 4 seconds out hold 4 

618
00:32:40,440 --> 00:32:43,960
seconds. 
It's a form of regulating your 

619
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,920
breathing, which regulates your 
nervous system and it calms it 

620
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:51,200
down and it puts you from your 
mind, begins to put you from 

621
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:54,600
your mind into your body and you
change and you change your 

622
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:56,400
brain. 
When you pray, you change the 

623
00:32:56,400 --> 00:32:58,360
state that you're being in, 
right? 

624
00:32:58,680 --> 00:33:03,720
That's where you start. 
So some of my advice to guys is 

625
00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:06,880
that, and it's a really, really 
easy practice, it's actually 

626
00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,280
where it's when you're sitting 
with your woman is just to slow 

627
00:33:10,280 --> 00:33:14,280
your breathing down. 
Like witness your own breath and

628
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:18,120
slow it down. 
Try and go for like 6 to 8 

629
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,120
seconds on that out. 
It's really. 

630
00:33:21,240 --> 00:33:24,000
Relax, basically. 
Yeah, you relax your own body, 

631
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,480
you're able to get in You you 
begin to get out of your own 

632
00:33:26,480 --> 00:33:29,200
mind. 
And I guarantee you woman will 

633
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,920
notice it. 
Hang on, I'll. 

634
00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:32,800
Try that today. 
Try it. 

635
00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,840
Yeah, Particularly when you when
you're hugging your woman, when 

636
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:39,560
you're giving her a cuddle in 
bed, slow your breathing down 

637
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:44,120
and, and, and feel her. 
She'll drop in, she'll drop, 

638
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,640
she'll get softer, she'll get 
sweeter. 

639
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,000
She'll drop in because she'll 
feel much more safer. 

640
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:52,880
Whereas if you're like right or 
you're breathe, you're breathing

641
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,680
heavy, you're breathing fast. 
It's that's, that's, that's, 

642
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:58,000
that's a, that's a, that's a 
heightened state. 

643
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,920
It's, that's not safe. 
That's, that's an energetic 

644
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:03,040
state. 
It's not safe. 

645
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:06,320
Slow, grounded, steady breath 
safe. 

646
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:12,719
Yeah, 100%. 
I think a lot of the times it 

647
00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:14,760
comes from a lack of what's 
called transition time. 

648
00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:16,840
Actually, the top three ways, I 
don't know if they like the top 

649
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:20,320
universally, but free, free ways
to reclaim your masculine, which

650
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:23,800
is a lot of the times where 
arguments even start because #1 

651
00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,080
the man isn't clear on his 
mission, where is he going? 

652
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,840
So he's just all over the place 
and now his women starts to. 

653
00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:30,840
I've seen this a lot where 
someone just sold their company 

654
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:33,040
or they've just been fired and 
they're just doing absolutely 

655
00:34:33,040 --> 00:34:33,960
nothing. 
They're not clear on their 

656
00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:35,199
mission. 
All of a sudden, they compete 

657
00:34:35,199 --> 00:34:38,960
and fight with their partner. 
So Reclaim Your Mission is #1 #2

658
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,600
is, like you said, breath, but 
it's also about using your 

659
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:44,440
physicality daily. 
Doesn't matter if it's a walk, 

660
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:47,280
if it's a run, if it's sports, 
you do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. 

661
00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:50,639
And obviously I could tell you 
began to the gym unlike myself. 

662
00:34:51,080 --> 00:34:56,320
And the third one is actually 
the most important is a lot of 

663
00:34:56,320 --> 00:34:58,800
the time we're just go, go, go, 
go, go. 

664
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:03,320
We're going to go from work, 
home, home to the friendship 

665
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:05,960
circle, from the friendship 
circle back to like networking 

666
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,560
to do in this podcast. 
And what we never do is take 

667
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,240
that 5-10 minutes that it might 
take. 

668
00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:12,960
If you think about the olden 
days, you had the war, the 

669
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:15,400
warrior coming home from war. 
He'd have blood all over him. 

670
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:17,880
He'd have his armor on. 
And he might take that five, 

671
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:21,040
1015 minutes to transition out 
of the warrior and the king 

672
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:23,680
mentality back into the magician
and the lover mentality. 

673
00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,360
And that might be 15 minutes 
where he can just take his armor

674
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:28,920
off. 
And so he can go back in and 

675
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:31,120
interface with his family, with 
his queen, with his kids. 

676
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:34,000
Whereas in today's today's 
world, it's just rush, rush, 

677
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,000
rush that we never actually get 
that transition time. 

678
00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:41,080
And as a result, you know, we do
have that heightened breath and 

679
00:35:41,080 --> 00:35:42,840
we're heightened in terms of our
awareness. 

680
00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:45,560
And then, you know, the partner 
comes or your wife comes and 

681
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,840
says whatever she says, 
something happened today and 

682
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:52,160
then boom, you snap. 
So it is really important to 

683
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:53,720
actually create that transition 
time. 

684
00:35:54,040 --> 00:35:58,840
OK, so now with that said, let's
explain the hero's code. 

685
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:00,680
What are the core pillars of the
hero's code? 

686
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,040
So, so the, the company that 
runs called the Heroic man, 

687
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,080
right? 
And within the heroic man, we 

688
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:09,800
take guys through essentially a 
system. 

689
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:15,200
This this, the system is built 
up of three levels, which is 

690
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:19,480
activate, ascend and awaken just
three different levels that a 

691
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:21,920
man goes through. 
And this is essentially that 

692
00:36:21,920 --> 00:36:25,720
the, the activate part is waking
the guy up. 

693
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:28,960
It's, it's, it's, it's bringing 
awareness to the things he's not

694
00:36:28,960 --> 00:36:33,160
aware of, right? 
This we begin to those prisons 

695
00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,480
that I talked about earlier. 
It's about breaking down those 

696
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:37,400
prisons. 
It's about seeing what prison 

697
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:41,160
he's stuck in, the one that's 
playing the predominant role and

698
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,720
figuring out why he's in it and 
breaking it down, right? 

699
00:36:44,720 --> 00:36:48,000
So the first thing we do is we 
break the patterns because every

700
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,720
man is in a pattern. 
And that's activate. 

701
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:55,160
Right. 
So, so with so within the three 

702
00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:59,200
levels, we have essentially 4 
pillars that we go through. 

703
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:01,080
So pillar number one is break 
the pattern. 

704
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,160
So this is where the the guy 
will self sabotage. 

705
00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:05,560
We'll look for the patterns and 
we'll break them. 

706
00:37:06,720 --> 00:37:08,320
Second part of it is build the 
structure. 

707
00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,280
This is your routines, your 
rhythms, your systems, your 

708
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:12,960
protocols, your disciplines, 
your habits. 

709
00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,520
This is like guys need structure
in place. 

710
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,400
And this is building solid 
structure in his life, right? 

711
00:37:19,720 --> 00:37:23,560
Third is set the code. 
Now setting the code is the 

712
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,320
values. 
This is vision. 

713
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,960
It's his identity, it's his 
mission, it's his purpose. 

714
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:31,040
It's getting clear on that. 
It's, it's, it's getting a sense

715
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:34,960
of direction for his vision 
personally and professionally. 

716
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:38,080
Because once you've got that, 
you stop wasting time on the 

717
00:37:38,080 --> 00:37:43,120
things that don't matter, right?
It's about spending more time on

718
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,080
the things that do matter. 
Make sense? 

719
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:49,840
Yeah, 100%. 
So then which pillar from the 

720
00:37:50,960 --> 00:37:55,720
heroic code moved you the most 
post divorce, post 7 figure 

721
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:59,160
exit? 
The first because I was 

722
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,320
unactivated. 
Yeah, because I was unconscious,

723
00:38:01,920 --> 00:38:05,000
right? 
I was, I wasn't aware that I 

724
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,160
wasn't aware of all the things. 
I was just going through life, 

725
00:38:07,640 --> 00:38:10,040
just going going through life 
trying to be a husband, trying 

726
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,120
to be a business leader, trying 
to be, trying to be a friend, 

727
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,760
right. 
Not trying to figure out what 

728
00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,760
the is going on with my own 
mind. 

729
00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:20,360
Why do the things I do? 
I was interested in it, but I 

730
00:38:20,360 --> 00:38:22,640
didn't know. 
I was very, very unconscious to 

731
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:26,400
my patterns that were sabotaging
like high forms of success in 

732
00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:28,720
me. 
I was very much in my ego. 

733
00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,880
But when I turned, when I turned
in 30, I was a boy in a man's 

734
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:38,000
body is immature. 
Which is what most people are 

735
00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:40,440
right now. 
Yeah, I work with guys in their 

736
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:45,280
40s and their 50s, and for the 
for the most part, that is 

737
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:49,760
immature, masculine. 
They're boys and like, it's a 

738
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,960
big thing in society. 
There's there's no such things 

739
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:55,280
anymore as rites of passage. 
There's no such thing as like 

740
00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:57,760
you're here you go from boy to 
man. 

741
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:00,280
Guys aren't taught that. 
No ritual or anything? 

742
00:39:00,280 --> 00:39:02,120
No, there's no milestone hit 
like. 

743
00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:04,320
Nah, there's not. 
There's, there's none of that. 

744
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:09,280
And so where, where what? 
What tends to happen now is guys

745
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:12,720
will seek rites of passage via 
relationships. 

746
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,560
And they feel like if they got 
in a relationship now, they're a

747
00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:17,240
man. 
No, they don't. 

748
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,440
It's, it's this is, it's, it's 
an innate thing. 

749
00:39:20,440 --> 00:39:22,480
It's like they're not, they're 
not like going, oh, I'm going to

750
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,880
go and get in a relationship and
then I'm going to become a man. 

751
00:39:25,120 --> 00:39:27,280
It's like they will find the 
relationships that are going to 

752
00:39:27,280 --> 00:39:30,240
trigger the ship that's inside 
of them that will bring out, 

753
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,480
that will challenge and that 
will bring out their patterns, 

754
00:39:33,000 --> 00:39:34,560
right. 
And if the woman's conscious 

755
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:38,080
enough, and if she's challenging
enough, like she'll hold you to 

756
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:41,080
a high standard and it will pull
out your shit. 

757
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,080
You'll make your face your 
demons. 

758
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,960
Yeah, that's that's what I'm 
saying you. 

759
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:49,160
Know slay the Dragons and and 
that and and those and that's 

760
00:39:49,160 --> 00:39:52,600
when a lot of men now are are 
like are finding their 

761
00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:56,280
essentially is like initiation 
is in relationships. 

762
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,800
It's basically forcing them to 
work on things that they didn't 

763
00:39:59,800 --> 00:40:01,080
even know they needed to work 
on. 

764
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:04,360
Yeah, and they either fail or 
succeed, and rarely do they 

765
00:40:04,360 --> 00:40:06,440
succeed you. 
Have to think if if they don't 

766
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,520
learn the lesson in that 
relationship, they're learning 

767
00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:10,680
the next one. 
Start kicking the can down the 

768
00:40:10,680 --> 00:40:11,840
road. 
Keep bumping into it. 

769
00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:15,640
Keep coming up until until they 
face it. 

770
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:20,520
You have to face it and it's not
facing your shit is very 

771
00:40:20,640 --> 00:40:23,520
uncomfortable and most guys 
don't want to sit in the 

772
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:26,520
discomfort. 
They'd rather be avoidant to it,

773
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,640
ignore it. 
I understand that. 

774
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:32,000
That was me for very long time. 
For very, very long time, I did 

775
00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:35,760
this, listened to the podcasts, 
read all the books, did all the 

776
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,320
courses. 
Intellectually, I'll tell you 

777
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,000
all about psychology. 
I'll tell you all about how the 

778
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,240
mind works. 
Intellectually, yes, but the 

779
00:40:43,240 --> 00:40:47,160
embodiment of it, no. 
And that and a lot of guys are 

780
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:49,680
librarians of the mind. 
Read all the books, listen to 

781
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:53,560
all the podcasts, but do not 
embody the actually changing 

782
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,120
cause. 
Change is hard. 

783
00:40:55,400 --> 00:40:57,680
Real change is fucking 
difficult. 

784
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:00,440
It's inevitable, but it's very, 
very difficult. 

785
00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,760
So that's exactly what I don't 
want for people listening to 

786
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,360
this podcast. 
I don't want you to be listening

787
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:07,720
to this podcast just going, oh, 
this sounds good, peace and 

788
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:10,200
genius. 
The goal is for you to do 

789
00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,160
something. 
So for for someone who is 

790
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:14,000
listening to this, who's not 
just going to listen to this 

791
00:41:14,000 --> 00:41:16,280
podcast is actually going to do 
something about it. 

792
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:18,520
If they're drowning in tasks 
right now and technically 

793
00:41:18,520 --> 00:41:21,040
they're successful, you know, 
they might even be a 7 figure 

794
00:41:21,040 --> 00:41:24,320
man. 
You know, whatever it is, what 

795
00:41:24,320 --> 00:41:27,600
should they start by activating 
or eliminating first so that 

796
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,040
they can start to release that 
pressure and enter the calm? 

797
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:38,360
To release pressure. 
Most men and I fall into this 

798
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:40,520
trap fucking still. 
I've caught myself the other day

799
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:43,280
doing this is we like to add 
more to our plate. 

800
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:46,120
So we feel pressured, we feel 
overwhelmed. 

801
00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:49,760
There's fucking loads of things 
going on and we think about, OK,

802
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:54,000
what's the next hire or what's 
the next strategy? 

803
00:41:54,440 --> 00:41:56,960
What's the next thing I need? 
Maybe it's a bigger house. 

804
00:41:56,960 --> 00:41:59,600
Maybe it's maybe it's, maybe 
it's a new assistant, maybe it's

805
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:04,080
a new sales person, whatever. 
We'll look to add something to 

806
00:42:04,080 --> 00:42:06,520
our life to relieve the 
pressure. 

807
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:09,880
But to relieve pressure, you 
have to take things away. 

808
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:11,920
Yeah, right. 
And this is this is. 

809
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:13,120
The let the pressure out the 
cooker. 

810
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:15,920
You, you do got, you have to 
release it right? 

811
00:42:16,320 --> 00:42:19,280
And I like elimination. 
I used to like reduction. 

812
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,080
So I'll take a little bit a 
little bit off that, a little 

813
00:42:21,080 --> 00:42:23,720
bit off that. 
But elimination is what is way 

814
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:25,600
more powerful. 
It's a 10X more powerful. 

815
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,200
So you have you have to look at 
your life and go, let's be 

816
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:31,520
fucking honest, what's not 
serving me? 

817
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,240
Like what? 
What person isn't serving me may

818
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:38,560
well be a relationship. 
It all may well be your business

819
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:40,800
partner. 
It may well be that there's a 

820
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,240
group of mates you've been 
hanging around in years and 

821
00:42:43,240 --> 00:42:45,840
they're just lowlifes. 
That's, that's, that's still 

822
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:49,000
acting like 17 year olds, yet 
you're in your 30s or your 40s. 

823
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,520
That's actually, that's just not
serving me anymore. 

824
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:53,680
And I got to let it. 
You have to let it go. 

825
00:42:53,680 --> 00:42:56,040
You got to eliminate it. 
So you look at the things you 

826
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,600
eliminate to eliminate. 
And when you start eliminating 

827
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:02,200
things, you free up space, you 
take the pressure away. 

828
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:04,200
What's something that you've 
eliminated recently? 

829
00:43:04,240 --> 00:43:09,120
Oh, loads. 
Very very recently actually 

830
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:12,880
removed a lot of clients from my
my world. 

831
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:15,920
Oh, and removed. 
Tell me more what what happened?

832
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:17,760
It, it was just, it was just 
coming. 

833
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,240
It was coming to an end. 
And, and like, and, and I was, I

834
00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:22,080
was actually hanging on because 
there was quite a few of them. 

835
00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:25,440
And I'm like, it's not rightly 
hanging on to these clients 

836
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:28,960
because it's, it's, it's, it's 
stunting their growth and it's 

837
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:30,320
stunting the growth of the 
company. 

838
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,280
And I had, and I had to go, 
yeah, I'm going to make that 

839
00:43:32,280 --> 00:43:37,720
decision to let go a bunch of 
clients that I love and they 

840
00:43:37,720 --> 00:43:39,400
love me. 
But it wasn't. 

841
00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:43,280
It just wasn't serving us both. 
So they got them legacy clients.

842
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:45,320
That was a difficult decision. 
Really difficult. 

843
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:47,840
And then since then, have you 
attracted more of like the 

844
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:50,000
ideal? 
Yeah, it's starting to come in 

845
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:51,560
and it's what? 
This isn't to say that they 

846
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:54,520
weren't ideal clients then some 
of those clients were with me 

847
00:43:54,520 --> 00:43:57,680
for four years, right? 
These are long standing clients.

848
00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:01,680
However, I'd given them 
everything I could give them and

849
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,760
that was hard for me to swallow 
to go. 

850
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,840
Do you know what? 
I've taken them as far as I can 

851
00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:08,520
and I can't take them any 
further. 

852
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,640
So did you refer them somewhere?
No. 

853
00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:13,840
That's that's for them to. 
Yeah. 

854
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:16,640
It's that, it's that initiation,
you know, the rite of passage. 

855
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:18,160
Hey, here you go. 
It is. 

856
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,200
It's, you know, I'll, I'll put 
my arm around guys, but I won't 

857
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,360
hold their hands. 
You can get a man's got to do. 

858
00:44:24,480 --> 00:44:26,800
He's got to. 
Have that initiative that. 

859
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:31,280
Got to find his own way. 
It's like, I'm like, I run a 

860
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:33,920
men's group. 
Like I have a community of guys.

861
00:44:33,960 --> 00:44:39,240
I'm a big, big advocate of men 
not being lone wolves and then 

862
00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:42,160
being part of a community where 
you get your standards held 

863
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:45,040
high. 
Equally, you still got to be 

864
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:51,480
able to offend your own shit. 
100% So now last couple of 

865
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,160
questions. 
You talk about route A and Route

866
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:56,880
B. 
Your route A was like the vanity

867
00:44:56,880 --> 00:44:59,760
metrics, the seven figure 
business, the wife, the house, 

868
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,000
the watches and everything else.
And then you took your big Route

869
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,240
B decision. 
What's been a favorite Route B 

870
00:45:06,240 --> 00:45:13,000
decision in the last 12 months? 
In person events in person 

871
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:18,320
events like so we've had a 
Workman for four years and I did

872
00:45:18,320 --> 00:45:21,040
a couple of in person during 
that time. 

873
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,400
They always make a powerful and 
a year ago I made the decision 

874
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,520
to do them as frequently as I 
can. 

875
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:30,680
But prior to me doing that, I'd 
always done the events with 

876
00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,640
other people. 
I'd always had guest speakers 

877
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,000
in, I was experts in, I had like
fellow coaches in. 

878
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,360
So it wasn't I I'd like 
essentially I was leaning on 

879
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:43,680
other people, but I decided a 
year ago to do it on my own and 

880
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,480
do more events, in person 
events. 

881
00:45:45,840 --> 00:45:47,120
And what did you notice 
differently? 

882
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:50,640
It's a 10, it's a, it's a 10X on
what we do on, on what we do 

883
00:45:50,640 --> 00:45:54,520
online is incredible, but to do 
it in person is a 10X. 

884
00:45:56,680 --> 00:46:00,200
What's the most underrated trait
that you see in great leaders? 

885
00:46:01,800 --> 00:46:08,440
Yeah, their ability to regulate 
their nervous system, that's the

886
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:12,240
most underrated. 
You'd like whatever level you're

887
00:46:12,240 --> 00:46:13,800
at. 
Let's just say you're doing 

888
00:46:14,160 --> 00:46:18,360
500,000 UK pounds. 
It's a good number. 

889
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:23,360
It's a great good number to get 
to that's, but if you're 

890
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,360
thinking around that number for 
a fucking long time, that's 

891
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,240
that's your capacity of your 
nervous system, right? 

892
00:46:29,240 --> 00:46:32,480
To get to the next level, to get
to to the million. 

893
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,080
There's a whole different host 
of problems and challenges and 

894
00:46:35,080 --> 00:46:36,960
other forms of chaos that are 
going to come with that. 

895
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:41,400
And to get to that and to be 
able to hold that, could you get

896
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:43,760
it and then go fucking all the 
way back down again to be able 

897
00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:47,040
to hold that, that is to do your
nervous system capacity. 

898
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:51,680
Yeah, I read somewhere online 
that you wrote one 

899
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:55,120
characteristic needed to excel 
is to keep going through the 

900
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,760
chaos. 
So I'm linking that to being 

901
00:46:57,760 --> 00:46:59,360
able to regulate your nervous 
system. 

902
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:01,400
Even though the chaos is 
happening on the outside, you 

903
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,680
got to be peace, calm on the 
inside. 

904
00:47:03,760 --> 00:47:06,840
Yeah, you have to let go. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to 

905
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:10,320
let go. 
That you cannot control what's 

906
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,400
happening on the outside world. 
I can't control what's going on 

907
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,520
in this podcast. 
I can't control what's going to 

908
00:47:15,520 --> 00:47:17,120
go on outside. 
I can't control the weather. 

909
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:19,680
I can't control what my missus 
emotions are going to be later. 

910
00:47:19,960 --> 00:47:21,240
I don't know. 
Hopefully they'll be great. 

911
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,240
You can't you, you can't control
that. 

912
00:47:25,480 --> 00:47:29,360
And so the the opposite to 
control is to surrender is to 

913
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:32,560
let go and then and then and 
letting go. 

914
00:47:32,560 --> 00:47:36,960
You accept the this chaos and 
there always will be. 

915
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:43,240
And that's why, again, something
else you wrote is emotions don't

916
00:47:43,240 --> 00:47:45,400
serve you when you're making 
business decisions. 

917
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,600
You need to detach from them. 
And that's why your clients pay 

918
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:50,000
you because you're not as 
emotionally attached as they 

919
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:51,800
are. 
So you're like the external 

920
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,760
nervous system if you call it 
that. 

921
00:47:53,960 --> 00:47:57,720
Yeah, absolutely. 
When you get emotional with 

922
00:47:57,720 --> 00:48:00,960
business, it gets very difficult
because it gets extremely 

923
00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:02,840
difficult when you get emotional
in business. 

924
00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:06,680
So for the most part, you do 
have to detach and you have to 

925
00:48:06,680 --> 00:48:09,560
make logical decisions. 
The reason I ask that question 

926
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:11,000
is because if someone's 
listening to this right now, 

927
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,880
they're in business and they are
emotionally attached, what's 

928
00:48:13,880 --> 00:48:19,840
their next move? 
The next move is to is to ask 

929
00:48:19,840 --> 00:48:24,640
yourself what's the real cost of
you staying emotionally attached

930
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:30,240
for the next month, the next 
year and the next 10 years. 

931
00:48:30,760 --> 00:48:33,280
But you know, what if I stay 
emotionally attached to this 

932
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,480
outcome, to this client, to this
customer. 

933
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:39,920
So whatever the situation is, 
and I hold that, what's the real

934
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:42,520
cost if I keep doing that over 
the course of the next 10 years?

935
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:44,800
Because there's 2 routes you can
take. 

936
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:49,680
You could take the route A, stay
emotionally attached to it and 

937
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,440
keep manifesting that on all the
other parts of your business. 

938
00:48:53,440 --> 00:48:56,600
Or take the route B and you 
detach where's where's each 

939
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,400
route take you. 
And after they've done that, at 

940
00:48:58,400 --> 00:49:01,480
what point did they say, is it 
time now to hire a coach? 

941
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:05,440
When it's painful enough. 
When they're ready, you know 

942
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:09,200
that whenever someone's ready, 
like they find the coach, the 

943
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:12,040
coach, the coach will just 
appear because you'd be, you go.

944
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:15,160
Well, actually I'm I'm ready for
a coach and they all appear. 

945
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:20,480
So until the coach appears, 
what's one book or practice for 

946
00:49:20,480 --> 00:49:23,120
any man that's feeling stuck 
that you would recommend like 

947
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:25,320
immediately? 
Yeah, for man. 

948
00:49:25,640 --> 00:49:30,280
Read Man's Search for Meaning by
Viktor Frankel. 

949
00:49:31,080 --> 00:49:32,840
Your opinions on the way of the 
superior man? 

950
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:35,120
It's great. 
It's a great book. 

951
00:49:35,400 --> 00:49:36,320
Yeah. 
I recommend it. 

952
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,920
David Davis. 
It's a it's a phenomenal book. 

953
00:49:39,720 --> 00:49:44,280
That that it was written quite 
some time ago and times have 

954
00:49:44,280 --> 00:49:48,120
changed. 
However, many, many of the 

955
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:51,080
principles in that book are 
fantastic, particularly for men 

956
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,680
in relationships. 
It's a fucking fantastic book. 

957
00:49:53,680 --> 00:49:56,600
I'd highly recommend it. 
Me too, I highly recommend it as

958
00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,840
well. 
So my last question is, you know

959
00:49:59,840 --> 00:50:04,040
the heroic man, You're on your 
second mountain now in your 

960
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,520
vision, what's the vision for 
when the heroic man is at 

961
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:12,920
100,000 men? 
The vision is most of the ripple

962
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:17,840
effect is like men need men and 
men need strong men. 

963
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:21,240
And when they're around strong 
men, they become stronger and 

964
00:50:21,240 --> 00:50:24,480
then they become a better 
husband about a father, about a 

965
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,240
leader. 
And it's the ripple effects of 

966
00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:31,240
that now that women feel better,
their children feel better. 

967
00:50:31,680 --> 00:50:34,080
And it's like then that that 
spreads across the world. 

968
00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,720
Well, it's definitely been 
outstanding having you. 

969
00:50:38,720 --> 00:50:41,440
I've also learnt a lot and this 
is actually some of the stuff 

970
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,960
that I preach myself. 
And honestly, you've taught me 

971
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,160
so many things, especially about
the three types of discipline. 

972
00:50:46,760 --> 00:50:52,960
If and when you feel aligned 
with Pete's message, do follow 

973
00:50:52,960 --> 00:50:55,440
him on Pete under score. 
Taylor, is that your Instagram? 

974
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,120
Yeah. 
And he's got an amazing free 

975
00:50:58,120 --> 00:50:58,880
training. 
It's free. 

976
00:50:58,880 --> 00:51:01,240
You can just click the button 
either for his bio on Instagram,

977
00:51:01,520 --> 00:51:05,240
or you can find it at 
heroicman.com/heroes code. 

978
00:51:05,640 --> 00:51:07,720
It's a free training. 
It's about 16 minutes long. 

979
00:51:07,720 --> 00:51:10,000
Yeah, sure. 
And it's honestly an amazing 

980
00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:12,760
training. 
Thank you very much again for 

981
00:51:12,760 --> 00:51:15,000
listening on the Limitless CEO 
podcast. 

982
00:51:15,840 --> 00:51:18,360
Discipline or Regret. 
You get to choose. 

983
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,280
It's your move. 
Thank you again for listening 

984
00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:21,880
and take care and have fun.