1 00:00:01,160 --> 00:00:06,920 The one thing that changed everything for me, and not so 2 00:00:06,920 --> 00:00:10,080 long ago either, we're going to talk about a subject today 3 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:18,520 called control and how many many men, including myself, I'm a 4 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:23,480 fucking pro at control or trying to control anyway. 5 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,840 And there's a concept we're going to talk about today that's 6 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:27,360 going to help you let go of that. 7 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:31,320 Welcome to the Awaken Man podcast to join me, Pete Taylor 8 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,440 and my Co host Benjamin Owen. Welcome to the show, Ben. 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,960 Good to see you. I'm letting go of control, Pete. 10 00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:38,960 Yeah. Used to be me that did the 11 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,000 intro. Here's the control. 12 00:00:41,160 --> 00:00:43,720 Pete's even got the controls of pressing the record right. 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:46,640 So yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm surrendering there, man. 14 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,560 Yeah, yeah, absolutely do that. This was a concept that was, do 15 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,600 you know what? Someone tried giving this to me 16 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,920 a good few years ago and I wasn't ready for it. 17 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,640 I was like, Nah, I'm not, I'm not ready to listen to that. 18 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,960 I'm ready to hear that. I'm not into that woo woo 19 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,840 concept. Shit sounds a bit soft, sounds a 20 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:09,320 bit weak to me. It's well and truly when I was 21 00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:13,760 embodying the warrior pretty, pretty fucking hard, right? 22 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,640 And I'm good at embodying the warrior pretty fucking hard. 23 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:18,560 And so I was like, Nah, not for me. 24 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:24,160 And I was reintroduced to the concept not so long ago, and I 25 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:28,360 was just ready. I was ready at the time. 26 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,360 There was so much internal chaos for me. 27 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,680 I was so fucking tight in my shoulders, tight in my jaw, 28 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,120 tight in my pelvis, tight everywhere. 29 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:40,640 There's so much chaos. I was just trying to control 30 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,320 everything, including the weather, right? 31 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,560 Including what people think about me. 32 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:54,480 And in doing so it it caused the the the challenge of well that 33 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:57,280 didn't go my way and now I'm fucking pissed off. 34 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,840 Yeah, and it's really interesting is like when the 35 00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:05,080 when the student is ready, the teacher will appear, whether the 36 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:08,440 student's a book or a teacher. And like you're actually talking 37 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,800 a lot about a lot of the work that Byron Katie did does. 38 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:17,840 And it's kind of this like idea of, of just stress is a 39 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,240 barometer for how far we're refusing the reality. 40 00:02:21,240 --> 00:02:24,560 And it's like controlling a reality is like we've got 3 41 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,680 buckets. What we have control over, which 42 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:32,320 is our attitude, what we've got influence over maybe some things 43 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,600 in our life, but they're more we've got no control over. 44 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,800 And I think I went through very that started that process when I 45 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,760 was like 30 and I was like, Oh my God, I was trying to control 46 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,400 so many things in that. So actually, when we before we 47 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,080 you started press go on the podcast, Pete said, you're 48 00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:49,880 actually pretty good at this. And I was like, yeah, I had my 49 00:02:49,880 --> 00:02:51,720 come to Jesus moment when I was 30. 50 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,240 I think that was that was, you know, what you're sharing there. 51 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,960 No one ever recommended this book though, you know, it was it 52 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:00,520 was actually Byron Katie's book, which is loving. 53 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:03,920 What is that? That was recommended to me. 54 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:07,800 And this is something as you're listening, guys, we were talking 55 00:03:07,800 --> 00:03:10,400 about this because this this is this is the first podcast Pete's 56 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,880 like, have you haven't you read that book, Ben? 57 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:14,680 And he was like, the winner, winner Pete's read this book. 58 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,960 You never forget someone saying, read this book at the right 59 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,200 time. And we talked about this after 60 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,080 we did the last podcast. And like, sometimes you're just 61 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:29,040 not ready. You're just not ready to hear 62 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,000 that. And I think this is what an 63 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,360 awakening it is for a lot of guys is like, OK, I'm ready to 64 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:39,200 hear this now. And I mentioned a close person 65 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:43,040 in my life and I've told him to read a, a different book many, 66 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,680 many, many times because he's a he struggles with it. 67 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:47,720 The state, the thing that the book covers. 68 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:53,000 Anyway, what often happens to the guys is something goes, they 69 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,200 get to this point where they can no longer hang on to their old 70 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,920 ways of doing things and they have to surrender and like, say, 71 00:04:01,640 --> 00:04:02,840 I've got to do things differently. 72 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,720 And I think this is quite pertinent, you know, in, in what 73 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,400 we're talking about. And I think what part of letting 74 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:12,640 go of control as we wade through the podcast today is since I'm 75 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,720 saying like, oh, the way that I'm doing things is causing me, 76 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,000 like Pete said, so much internal chaos. 77 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:22,240 I'm I'm hurting. I'm looking forward to this. 78 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:27,680 Yeah, the, the, we're going to talk through 10 steps of letting 79 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:32,280 go of control. And honestly, like I've seen 80 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:34,800 this in myself. I see this in lots of guys. 81 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,960 You could be having the best week, everything. 82 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,560 There could be so many things going right for you. 83 00:04:41,040 --> 00:04:44,040 There's new clients coming in. You're having amazing sex with 84 00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,600 your missus. You're, you know, you're having, 85 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:48,880 you're having fun, you're having time off. 86 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,880 There's freedom there. You can be having the best 87 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,920 things going for you. Yet it rains and you didn't 88 00:04:54,920 --> 00:05:00,200 expect it to rain or just like a client makes the decision you 89 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,680 didn't expect them to make or and that's it. 90 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:06,760 And then it's just like fucking complete chaos because there's 91 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:10,440 this still underlying. Well, I was, I was expecting it 92 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,040 to go one way. It didn't. 93 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:15,240 Now I'm fucking fuming about it. Then it can ruin the best of 94 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:21,520 weeks because of that need just to control everything and 95 00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:24,040 control and essentially control the people that are in your 96 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:30,280 lives. So and just just before we start 97 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:33,880 actually, I I can honestly say, you know, I was fucking just 98 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,480 walking back from the gym earlier and I was thinking about 99 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,000 this and I knew we were going to do this podcast. 100 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:43,000 And I'm like, fuck, my internal state has changed so much by 101 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,760 embodying this, not just listening to it and go, yeah, 102 00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,000 great, great listen, great book, great read. 103 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:49,800 What? Whatever. 104 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,040 But actually practicing embodying this, every time I 105 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:58,000 feel certain resistance come up or, or, or parts of my life 106 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,600 where I used to turn controlled go, ha, let me just let go of 107 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:06,000 that. My internal state feels very 108 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,640 peaceful, extremely peaceful. And that's the first time in my 109 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:14,960 life I can probably say that, yeah, I know it's like this is 110 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,360 this has been profound for me embodying this. 111 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,560 So I hope you guys listening can, can take some insights from 112 00:06:20,560 --> 00:06:23,040 this and, and, and actually take into action and practice it. 113 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:29,200 So 10 steps. Step number one is actually just 114 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:32,520 recognising the resistance when it comes up. 115 00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:37,640 Just that like the awareness when something comes up in your 116 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:41,960 life that triggers you, that agitates you, the pisses you 117 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:45,920 off, that gives you anxiety, that causes the internal state 118 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:50,240 in your stomach or in your chest to start just feeling fucking 119 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,560 differently. And, and is that an area where 120 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:58,720 you had an expectation on one thing happening and then it 121 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,520 didn't? Life's thrown you a fucking 122 00:07:01,520 --> 00:07:05,200 different course. And rather than accepting that 123 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:08,560 course, it's like, fuck no, fuck that. 124 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,720 I want the thing that I wanted. I had this expectation, I want 125 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,840 this fucking route, and it's just recognising those moments. 126 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:21,640 This is step number one is to be able to identify the inner 127 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:25,800 conflict. Yeah, I think for me, the way 128 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,360 this comes up is like, I'll notice the heightened level of 129 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,560 emotion and I used to get, I used to just like dive into it. 130 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:37,200 I dive into my story. For example, someone did 131 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,800 something in a certain way that I didn't agree with and I would 132 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,880 be like, I would have this like massive internal conflict and 133 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:49,960 I'd be playing it over my head and like winding myself up, get 134 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:55,120 myself more pissed off. And now I think what I do now, 135 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:56,720 and this is, it's really interesting you're talking. 136 00:07:56,720 --> 00:08:00,920 I was like, I think what I've got the ability to do now I step 137 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,520 back and get curious, like why? Why am I so pissed off about 138 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,600 this? Why am I why? 139 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:10,360 Like, what is it that's good? What about this situation is 140 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:17,320 really getting me to feel quite viscerally like agitated or my 141 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,880 heart rate goes up, whatever. And like really like getting 142 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:21,720 curious. And I think like, you know, 143 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,280 recognizing a resistance is also get curious around it. 144 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:28,920 And and I can actually, you know, I think Pete, you can, you 145 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,080 can probably speak to this as well. 146 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:35,559 Is that as you've shown up powerfully online, I think that 147 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,919 you, you probably get a lot of guys get in a resistance like 148 00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:42,720 while watching you. And the reason I think this is 149 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:48,320 because you show up confidently and powerfully and they probably 150 00:08:48,320 --> 00:08:53,000 think he's a show off. And then what? 151 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,600 That's probably their own inner resistance of saying don't show 152 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:02,600 off, don't stand out, don't be arrogant, don't be confident, 153 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:05,440 all those things. And I think that's the like, 154 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,320 that's what goes on for them and they can't recognise that, but 155 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,080 they just project onto you, for example. 156 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,680 Yeah, for sure. And I'm, you know, I'm just 157 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:15,800 saying it like plainly because like, and that that's kind of a 158 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:19,080 distance because. Yeah, I get that from God, and I 159 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:21,440 have feedback from that from guys like, you know what? 160 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:24,440 When I first started watching you, you fucking triggered me. 161 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:28,080 You're so blunt. Yeah, but that's the resistance. 162 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:30,600 That's their resistance. But they don't, they don't 163 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,400 recognise it as in a resistance. They recognise it as judgement 164 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,040 of you. So I think there's a really, 165 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,400 really key part to recognise in a resistance is that you 166 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,520 normally experience it in a judgement of somebody else. 167 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,880 So like you're in a resistance to show up, show off, be 168 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:51,480 confident, be a bit arrogant, be a bit edgy will normally show up 169 00:09:51,480 --> 00:09:54,600 when you look at somebody else and they piss you off just to 170 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,320 kind of make sure you understand that that's so important because 171 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,520 it doesn't normally come up in a vacuum. 172 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:03,320 It doesn't come up day-to-day. It's normally in it in relation. 173 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,040 That's why coaching is relational. 174 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,600 You explore that in in coaching. It's like, oh, that's curious. 175 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:11,400 What about that is pissing you off? 176 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:15,400 Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's. 177 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:19,680 I have an example here. I was in Dubai probably sick 178 00:10:19,680 --> 00:10:22,680 maybe five months ago and my ex partner was there as well with a 179 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:27,640 bit of a Co parenting holiday. And we had, we were just 180 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:32,120 exchanging Leo in a, in a hotel and then we had like a 10 minute 181 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:37,160 conversation whilst whilst was sat there And she, I can't even 182 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,400 remember what it's about now, but she said something fucking 183 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,480 infuriated me and it, and it really, really pissed me off. 184 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:48,840 And I just, I got so agitated my hands were sweaty. 185 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,320 I just, I, I actually kind of froze. 186 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,080 I didn't fight, I didn't fucking run off. 187 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:58,080 I, I was like, I kind of froze where she'd agitated me. 188 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:01,360 And she, she didn't even, she wasn't even aware. 189 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:07,000 And so she's gone off and she's gone and done her own thing. 190 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:11,120 And I have sat there for probably 10 to 15 minutes 191 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:16,280 calming down and just going Pete just just, he just stayed here. 192 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,960 Just calm down. I wasn't really practising what 193 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:24,920 we're talking about now. And she'd come back 1015 minutes 194 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,360 later because this I was in the hotel that she was staying at. 195 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:30,480 So she, and she was like, oh, you're still here. 196 00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:34,880 She was like, why are you still here? 197 00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,800 And there was two things in that moment I realised that she 198 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:42,720 didn't know that she pissed me off and she'd left and wasn't 199 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:45,800 even a thinking about it. And there's me sat there for 15 200 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,520 minutes being pissed off about something that she has no idea 201 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:49,560 about. I remember. 202 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,840 This now, Yeah. Yeah, she's just getting on with 203 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,920 her life. Yeah. 204 00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:58,400 And but but I can now I can look back at that and go, ha, that 205 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:02,160 was some real like that was in internal conflict there. 206 00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:06,360 And I had AI had a choice in that moment to recognize that. 207 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:12,000 Let it let it go and then just move on in a, in a in a minute 208 00:12:12,560 --> 00:12:17,640 or let that internal conflict ruminate and you know, for the 209 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,280 rest of the day which it did. Yeah, there was a question that 210 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:24,960 we had on a scorecard once. I don't know if you use it now. 211 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,320 It's like I hang on to anger way longer than than is necessary. 212 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,720 And this is kind of what you'll experience guys as you get as 213 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:35,400 you it's like, is that in Buddhism they call it, I think 214 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,000 it's called the throwing of the second door. 215 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,160 It's like pain is pain is inevitable. 216 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:42,160 Suffering is optional. And you have the painful moment 217 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,760 and like, you know, he's described his moment now with, 218 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,960 with his, with his ex partner. Like you have, you know, those 219 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:51,920 altercations with clients or people in your life and they're 220 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,640 painful. You cannot escape that. 221 00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:57,800 That's that's inevitable. Suffering is where you hold that 222 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,960 for a long period of time. And that is what we're talking 223 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:05,160 about now is like the the the second part of this is 224 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:08,360 committing the to surrender is actually saying, oh, do you know 225 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:09,800 what? I'm not going to carry this for 226 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,160 the rest of the day. Do you know what? 227 00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:14,360 Do you know what? There's actually a statement 228 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,480 that I come to. It's like you do you. 229 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:19,400 I know it sounds really like inconsequential and you might 230 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,080 have heard it before. It's like, yeah, oh man, you do 231 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,000 you. I'm like good for you, good for 232 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:24,960 you. Like you want to do it like 233 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:25,640 that? Good for you. 234 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:30,800 Like I'm not going to impose my my way of doing things about you 235 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,360 do you. And that actually has helped me 236 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:39,200 a lot with a lot of things like, yeah, UK, you do you. 237 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,120 Yeah, and so, so this is step #2 right? 238 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:52,770 Commit, commit to surrender, right lads? 239 00:13:53,010 --> 00:13:56,610 Would you mind clicking subscribe on whatever platform? 240 00:13:56,610 --> 00:13:59,050 Listening on it helps. Appreciate you. 241 00:13:59,450 --> 00:14:07,840 Back to the episode. Yeah, yeah, that's and it says 242 00:14:07,840 --> 00:14:12,520 here like, you know, trust that life will unfold as it should, 243 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:15,000 even if it does not align with your personal preferences. 244 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:20,960 And it's like, that is a big lesson is like even if it 245 00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:23,320 doesn't align with your personal preferences, like, Oh yeah, it 246 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,320 shouldn't be happening. Oh, this shouldn't be happening. 247 00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,600 Like it is happening and this is what's going to happen. 248 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,720 You're like, ah, right. It's like, I think when Mike got 249 00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:34,840 divorced, it's like, I think for the first six months I was like, 250 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,280 this shouldn't be happening. I was, I mean, we talked about 251 00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:39,800 on last podcast like I'm a great partner, you know, this 252 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,040 shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be, she shouldn't be 253 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,640 divorcing me. I'm great. 254 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:49,440 And like, but that was that was not aligning my personal 255 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:55,280 preferences at the time. But looking back now, is it? 256 00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:58,200 It was absolutely the best thing that could ever have happened to 257 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,360 get me to where I am today. Yeah, they there you go. 258 00:15:01,360 --> 00:15:03,560 And and and the same with me, you know, I look back at the 259 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,000 things that have happened in my life, business breakdown, 260 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,840 marriage breakdown. I'm like, fucking they were, you 261 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,360 know, they were fucking painful and they weren't the route I 262 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:15,040 thought was meant to happen. They weren't even my pathway. 263 00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,320 But now I'm like, fuck, you know, I have had so much growth 264 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,760 from going through those, those events. 265 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,800 I've had so much growth and it's put me onto a better path. 266 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:32,800 And it is, it's, it's trusting the life has the path for you as 267 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,720 long as you're open to it. And then you can, you can you 268 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,880 keep following it like it has the path for you and it's and 269 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,520 it's, and that's the thing. This is this is the the nuance 270 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:46,400 here is being committed, not interested. 271 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:49,640 Oh yeah, do you know what? I'm I'm just interested in 272 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:52,840 playing this game of surrendering, letting go and not 273 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:55,200 being control freak. I'm just if you're just 274 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,680 interested in it, this fucking won't work. 275 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:02,120 Interested is very I'd say it's non committal in being 276 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:05,680 interested is short term, right. Being interested doesn't 277 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:09,080 normally require sacrifice and perseverance and consistency, 278 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:11,400 whereas commitment absolutely does. 279 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:15,920 You commit to doing something, you become a very powerful man, 280 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,680 a man that that does what he says he's going to do. 281 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:20,760 He commits to something. You know that. 282 00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:25,200 And that that that will absolutely require sacrifice and 283 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:31,680 consistency in this. There's a real really like left 284 00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:34,680 field example of this right when I used to do presenting. 285 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,240 So I've I've been presenting to people since I was like 23 years 286 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,960 old. I was never a good presenter 287 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:40,920 when I first started a really, really nervous. 288 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,240 I still am nervous when I present to big groups get caught 289 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,880 in mouth. So what I used to do is I used 290 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,040 to control everything with the PowerPoint. 291 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,520 I used to have all my information on the PowerPoint 292 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,400 and then after about say 5-6 years of doing like I'd spend a 293 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:59,720 fucking day perfecting this pod, this PowerPoint, like, Oh my 294 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,320 God. Like if I consulted for a day in 295 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,720 a, in a business, I'd spend 2 days prepping. 296 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,440 So I, I'd like, I was like, yeah, I've got this fee for a 297 00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,839 day. I think it's like a grand. 298 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,640 I was like, oh, you know, at the time that was a lot for me. 299 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,599 And I was like, Bennett, it's a three day fee. 300 00:17:14,599 --> 00:17:18,960 And I was like, anyway, and I'd obsess about controlling what 301 00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,880 was in the PowerPoint. And then what I would then do is 302 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:25,839 I'd go into these businesses and I would push in all the things 303 00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:29,080 that I wanted to tell them. And I thought it was good at the 304 00:17:29,080 --> 00:17:33,240 time people got, you know, they, they found it helpful or maybe a 305 00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:37,240 little bit information high, you know, heavy, they got value, but 306 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,720 they didn't do anything afterwards. 307 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,840 And, and what I did, especially this is like, but especially 308 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:45,800 when I turned 30, went through this whole experience is like I 309 00:17:46,080 --> 00:17:50,280 would on the back of a, you know, piece of paper, write 4 310 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,840 things that I wanted to cover and then allow the material in 311 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,560 the room to, to create the session. 312 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:02,320 And I remember I was working with a caravan park team and I, 313 00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:06,360 and I did this session with him and I went in and the power in 314 00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:11,760 the session was night and day. And there's something that it 315 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:16,160 says here is like, like trust that life will unfold as it 316 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,960 should. And Michael Neal, one of the 317 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:21,800 most famous coaches, says this. He says that what you've got to 318 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,640 learn to trust is the right information will show up at the 319 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,600 right time because it always does and it always has. 320 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,080 And I'm like, holy fuck, it really does. 321 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:32,440 It really, really, really does. And I didn't realize that, you 322 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:34,920 know why? Because I put so much control 323 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:36,800 into it, didn't allow it to come up. 324 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,880 And it was really that was when I became more masterful as a 325 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:45,600 coach because I just, I trusted that all the material that had 326 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:49,400 to come up in the session did. And like, you know, Pete can say 327 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,640 you talk about the way command retreat is that a lot of the the 328 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,560 material that you dealt with was not a script. 329 00:18:56,680 --> 00:19:00,360 It wasn't a PowerPoint. It was wasn't controlled. 330 00:19:00,360 --> 00:19:03,360 It was like what came up in the thing and the guys were walking 331 00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:05,400 away from that retreat going. This was mind blowing. 332 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:09,360 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like, yeah, the the last 333 00:19:09,360 --> 00:19:11,480 retreat we did, I fucking lost the schedule. 334 00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:16,360 I don't, I've handwritten it and it came out my pocket when I 335 00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:20,280 went out for to grab a coffee. I think we talked a lot, yeah. 336 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,640 Lost the fucking schedule but and, and, but this was a this 337 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:28,280 was this is a prime opportunity of where I, and this leads us on 338 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:34,320 to step #3 I had to practice acceptance the the schedule. 339 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:39,960 I dropped out my pocket for the whole fucking two days and I 340 00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:45,680 just go, well, it's, it's done now just accept that that's 341 00:19:45,680 --> 00:19:47,840 done. I can't remember what's on it 342 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,800 and actually just treat this as like this is this is a gift now 343 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,080 go with the flow and and that's what I did And and the weekend 344 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:57,400 couldn't have gone any better. That retreat couldn't have gone 345 00:19:57,400 --> 00:20:01,240 any better because it was just life's going to give me the 346 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,560 answers and I've got a trust in myself that I have the answers 347 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:10,400 and absolutely when. Yeah, so on the, the, the 1st, 348 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,840 the 1st away command retreat in Crete, I, I went through Tel 349 00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:17,120 Aviv two weeks before it became a war zone. 350 00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:22,240 Anyway, so I flew back from Awakenman to Dubai via Tel Aviv 351 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,680 and I, I missed the flight because I did not because my own 352 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,400 fault is just there was no time to connect between one of the 353 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:32,080 two. It was just a really poor thingy 354 00:20:32,080 --> 00:20:35,240 flight. Anyway, got to Tel Aviv, found 355 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:37,880 out that I wouldn't be able to go to the flight to Dubai until 356 00:20:37,880 --> 00:20:41,000 the following day about 3:00. This was like one in the morning 357 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,360 and I was like, right, OK, I'll go and get a taxi. 358 00:20:43,920 --> 00:20:46,880 When felt felt a bit uneasy because I didn't know how 359 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:49,600 dangerous Tel Aviv was. What a taxi rank? 360 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:52,280 Can I get a local hotel? Yeah, I'll take you to. 361 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:56,240 Anyway, speaking to this guy and the really lovely guy father 362 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:59,680 talking about, you know, being a father really got on well with 363 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:06,960 him and and I I got his card. I think I got his card because I 364 00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:11,840 just out of interest, got his card and did I get his card? 365 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,400 No, I didn't get his card. This is what makes it even more 366 00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:19,000 amazing. Got to the hotel, I got out, got 367 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:22,360 my just literally got out. As I got out, he drove off. 368 00:21:23,760 --> 00:21:28,280 So in the in my bag had had three grams plus worth of camera 369 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:32,000 equipment, had all my clothes, my running clothes, everything, 370 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:35,560 my nice clothes, probably about 5 grams worth of stuff had just 371 00:21:35,560 --> 00:21:40,040 driven off. I had like literally 22 seconds, 372 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:43,720 maybe 10 seconds. I was like, holy shit, my, my 373 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:47,080 passport, everything. And I was like, Oh my God, 374 00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,720 because he thought I didn't have any except for me. 375 00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:52,600 He didn't see me sling it in the car. 376 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,680 He drove off onto the freeway, which is literally just next to 377 00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:59,640 the thing he'd gone. And I was like, right then here 378 00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:01,080 it is. Here's your moment. 379 00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,760 Anyway, I walked up the stairs, told the the people in the 380 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:10,880 hotel, I had my phone on me and they said, yeah, I got, you 381 00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,280 know, just I felt felt really sorry for myself. 382 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:15,080 Anyway, they gave me a got me a room. 383 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,840 The phone goes in the middle of the night, like 3:00 in the 384 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,920 morning. This crazy Tel Aviv Israeli and 385 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:25,200 taxi driver going, hey, buddy, I've got your bags. 386 00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:30,800 I'm in, I'm in, I'm in, I'm in. I can't remember like a part of 387 00:22:30,800 --> 00:22:33,800 Israel and he's like an hour, I'm an hour away, but I'm at 388 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,720 home. And I was like, dude, if you 389 00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:38,520 bring them back, I will give you an exorbitant amount of money. 390 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,440 Just bring them back. And he's like, I'll be there, 391 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:44,320 give me an hour. This guy brings me back this. 392 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,600 And I honestly, he found the number of the hotel, rang the 393 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,840 hotel, hotel rings my room. I'd fully let go of any ever 394 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:55,760 seen my bags ever again. And he bought them back and I 395 00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,280 gave him £100. I was so grateful. 396 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:01,640 But do you know what I was really proud of that moment you 397 00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,640 talked about? I didn't. 398 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,160 I just fully let go of ever, ever seen any of that kid again. 399 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:08,840 I was like, yeah, it's gone. I was gone. 400 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,280 I accept it. Yeah, that was the moment, The 401 00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:12,720 moment. So I like let go of. 402 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:17,760 I really accepted the situation and I think this is what guys do 403 00:23:17,760 --> 00:23:20,280 is that they try and fight against that emotionally. 404 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:22,160 I'm like, Oh my God, this shouldn't be happening. 405 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,600 I'm like, yeah, I'm like, they get that's why they die. 406 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,920 They get so angry and frustrated and, and they're actually like, 407 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:32,440 yeah, this is it. This is this is what's going on. 408 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:39,200 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, another another example 409 00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:42,880 here is actually come on home on the flight from Santorini from 410 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:46,320 your wedding back to England who are flying EasyJet. 411 00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:50,120 And I haven't flown EasyJet in years because I'm now a snob and 412 00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,560 a. Plain Diva. 413 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:58,560 I am now a plain diva and fucking there was just so many 414 00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:01,200 people. So and I and I booked priority 415 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,000 boarding. But apparently if you, if you 416 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:06,480 buy any, any form of luggage on EasyJet, you get priority 417 00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:09,440 boarding. So everyone had fucking priority 418 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:13,800 boarding and, and I'd with my son who's, you know, he's three, 419 00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:17,000 he wants to get on the plane. Normally they let me on the 420 00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:18,800 plane early because I have a three-year old. 421 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:25,440 Nope. And that I it was, I know, I 422 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,480 know this is a minor, but they're like it. 423 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,600 It got like I got agitated. I could feel it internally. 424 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,000 I was like, fucking I'm pissed off. 425 00:24:32,000 --> 00:24:32,960 Why? You know, this is not like 426 00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:37,200 Emirates third world problems in but I was I was agitated. 427 00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,320 But but it's like, is this anything that comes up? 428 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:44,680 And I was like, Pete, just fucking accept it, mate, Accept 429 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:45,960 it. This is not something to get 430 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:49,840 agitated over. Just accept the situation. 431 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:54,040 As soon as I accepted it, I was like, fair enough, right, move 432 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:55,520 on. Well, let me know what's. 433 00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:57,200 Going on, have you seen that thing? 434 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:02,480 He's like, there's a comedian that talks about it's like you 435 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:07,320 are like a couple of miles or a mile up in a in a thing like, 436 00:25:07,320 --> 00:25:09,440 and he talks about the the miracle of flying. 437 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,520 He goes, you've got no right to be pissed off about like 438 00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:15,680 anything like your dinner not being shown up on time or the 439 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,320 the food being called like, dude, you're experiencing a 440 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,440 miracle. And I was like, that's, that's 441 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,560 good. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 442 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,240 But it's just and it you know, it's the same. 443 00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:29,800 You're driving in the car, someone fucking pisses you off 444 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,840 and then you get agitated and you and you shout and you swear 445 00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:36,320 you fucking cut me up and and it and it and it pisses the shit 446 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:37,720 out of you. It's the same. 447 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:40,320 It's like, dude, hey, I used to be this man. 448 00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,480 I'm not, not anymore. But it's like we're driving a 449 00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:45,640 driving a car that's like a that's fucking, it's a 450 00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,600 privilege. But if you're allowing other 451 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:52,280 people's reactions to them damaged and then and then hit 452 00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,680 you and it pisses you off for the whole of your car journey or 453 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,120 pisses you off for the rest of the day, that's on you. 454 00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:03,040 And it's only and it's only you that fucking feels all that 455 00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:06,200 distraught. Just accept it and let it go. 456 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:10,440 Yeah, there's there's a part of this like high point where I'm 457 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:16,080 like letting go of control. So guy in in awake man Danny and 458 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:21,120 like when I first met Danny, he, he would talk about how he, he 459 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:25,080 accepted guidance from spirit. And I like for me, that was so 460 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:28,240 far removed from who I was as a person. 461 00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:30,840 Like me and Pete talked about this idea of faith and like 462 00:26:30,840 --> 00:26:33,360 something I want to learn more about and I have a coaching 463 00:26:33,360 --> 00:26:37,120 around it. And it's like allowing life to 464 00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:42,040 lead you and, and a a force greater than the ego to lead and 465 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,000 that, and that's what you know, and in tools work, they call it 466 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,920 the ego. Like you are ego driven. 467 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:49,800 It's like the you use the power of the will. 468 00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:55,040 And like what that means is that you will things into existence 469 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:58,560 and your ego is like, and it's actually Phil. 470 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:00,040 So let's talk about it's trust in faith. 471 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,640 So here it's saying allow your life to lead you rather than you 472 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:08,240 trying to dictate it's course. But actually what I know and 473 00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:12,120 understand that ours is allowing faith to dictate as well as like 474 00:27:12,120 --> 00:27:18,280 trusting a natural wisdom, intuitive inner wisdom and is on 475 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:19,360 the next point here it says like. 476 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,520 Follow step #5. Yeah, follow intuitive guidance 477 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,360 and it's weird and and I and I need to stop staying that as 478 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,800 well. Is that that there is divine 479 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:36,080 timing And, and that's what it's like a certain person, certain 480 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:41,720 books, certain time, and it's there's divine timing to certain 481 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:44,960 things just land in your lap and you're like, Oh my God, like 482 00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:47,680 that's, that's unreal. Guys, I've got a fucking say. 483 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:55,760 Like when you become open to this, open to letting go, open 484 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:59,640 to what banners just said there divine timing or synchronicity 485 00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:05,960 or just like, fuck, I've I've got I've got to say so much 486 00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,120 lands on your lap because I think you just you just become 487 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:12,920 open to it. You there's an invitation now 488 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,720 out and so much more lands on your lap. 489 00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:20,000 So many more opportunities, so many more insights. 490 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,120 You know, fucking hell, there's, there is a path that if I wasn't 491 00:28:23,120 --> 00:28:26,080 open to this because I was trying to control the other path 492 00:28:26,080 --> 00:28:31,120 and control my destiny because I had preference, if I was in that 493 00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:34,000 mindset, I would not have seen that fucking out the path which 494 00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:39,120 just come up which is, which is better, right? 495 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:45,160 So absolutely this, this step here on #5 follow your intuitive 496 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,320 guidance. Yeah. 497 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:50,400 And I think, I think that's when, you know, even when I've 498 00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:54,720 been in relationships and recent relationships internally, I 499 00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:58,160 like, I'm like, yeah, listen to you gut mate. 500 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:02,280 And it's hard. But always that that that 501 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:05,040 intuitive guidance has always been very, very right. 502 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,400 Yeah. And I think what men have 503 00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:12,400 instinctively, what's not probably been conditioned out of 504 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:15,640 is not trusting their gut. So they trust their mind, not 505 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:19,960 their body. And also because of conditioning 506 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,600 around them, it's like, it's like, no, everything in my body 507 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:28,960 is telling me not to do this. And like I even I, I coached a 508 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:34,520 guy and he took a job and as soon as he took the job, he was 509 00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:36,320 ill. He's like, dude, I never get 510 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:38,000 ill. And since I've been with this 511 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,800 company, I've just been getting I'll all the time. 512 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,200 And I was like, dude, what's going on? 513 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,840 He goes like everything is just, we're just misaligned. 514 00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:49,040 It's like a misalignment. And I was like, what is what? 515 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:51,240 What's your intuition telling, what you get telling? 516 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:55,960 He was like, I'm not like this is everything I ever wanted, but 517 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,240 I don't it just like my body's telling me that I'm not meant to 518 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:02,440 be here anyway. Left the company, started his 519 00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:06,960 own company absolutely fine. And I think this is something 520 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:11,440 that we think is like down to, oh, it's just because I've run 521 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:14,000 down, it's the weather. It's I haven't got the right 522 00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:19,280 diet, but there's, there's so many instances where I can 523 00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:22,720 attest even to my own, is your body's telling you shit and you 524 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,400 just don't listen. And the intuitive guidance, 525 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,800 sometimes it's like you'll just run down, I'll push. 526 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,880 It feels like you're pushing water uphill and it's listening 527 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:36,280 to that. Yeah. 528 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,440 This is the next point here is this is step number six, which 529 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:46,840 is embracing opportunities, and there there is absolutely the 530 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:51,120 power of no ABS of fucking lutely like being able to say 531 00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:57,320 no, No, there's also the power of saying yes and and and 532 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,360 embracing opportunities. I've had recent opportunities 533 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,320 that have come into my world that a year ago I'd fucking had 534 00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:08,200 never said yes to because I'm like no way too woo, way too 535 00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:12,280 spiritual way. That is not, that's Nas, not but 536 00:31:12,280 --> 00:31:16,400 that, but just being just surrendering to what's coming 537 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,200 into my life and saying yes to different opportunities has 538 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:24,040 absolutely given me so much more personal growth than I could 539 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:26,560 have ever imagined. And that is absolutely by me 540 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:33,240 saying yes to opportunities. The and it's like the easy one, 541 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:37,320 the gym, right? You never regret saying yes to 542 00:31:37,320 --> 00:31:38,440 the gym. Ever. 543 00:31:38,520 --> 00:31:39,640 Ever. Ever. 544 00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:41,360 You never regret fucking saying yes to it. 545 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:43,760 There's so many times when I fuck me, I can't be arsed. 546 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,280 I can't like should I get put my clothes on and go to the gym? 547 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,480 Can't be asked. Every time I say yes to that and 548 00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:54,240 go to the gym, I always come out feeling feeling better. 549 00:31:54,720 --> 00:31:57,880 And it's similar to opportunities that are being 550 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,600 presented to you, life's opportunities that are being 551 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:02,920 presented to you. Some of them might make you feel 552 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:07,400 uncomfortable. I think, I think that your your 553 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,440 message recently has been in a creating an illogical life. 554 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:15,400 And like what's probably maybe coming up for me, mate, is that 555 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,680 you're like, you've made some illogical decisions like like 556 00:32:18,680 --> 00:32:21,360 peep in the past probably would be like, that's not a logical 557 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:23,440 decision to do that. And you've trusted your 558 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:28,040 intuition, you know, do these things like doing doing the 559 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:31,200 things that you've done has helped you make massive shifts. 560 00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:35,200 It was same for me, like go into Ibiza. 561 00:32:35,200 --> 00:32:39,880 So I went to Ibiza for my second, second psilocybin 562 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:43,400 retreat and it didn't make sense at that time to go. 563 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,840 Like it didn't make sense because we had so much going on. 564 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:47,560 We'd come out to the UK, the house was wrecked. 565 00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:50,160 All this sort of stuff didn't make sense for me to go. 566 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:54,920 I just knew it, although it wasn't logical for and anyway, 567 00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:59,360 like when and did the experience, I, I had back pain 568 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:05,000 at the time and my back pain was like an 8 out of 10. 569 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,920 It was like really inhibitive. It was like I still trained and 570 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,840 like just, you know, carried on, but I wasn't listening to my 571 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:12,480 body. You know, ironically, I was 572 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:14,480 talking about that before. I wasn't listening to my body 573 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:18,600 and, you know, hadn't really. And I think that's what I had in 574 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:21,440 the experience was like, listen, man, start listening to your 575 00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:26,680 body. And I just trusted my gut that I 576 00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,440 had to go. And anyway, I had the experience 577 00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:34,240 the following day I woke up and my back pain was like 0, maybe 578 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,840 one. I could feel like maybe it was 579 00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:40,720 just like AI have spent probably the thick end of two and a half 580 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,240 34 grand trying to solve this problem. 581 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,800 Maybe more like in that in the 2-3 months leading up to that 582 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:50,400 thing. And I had this experience, which 583 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,560 I it was like it made perfect sense. 584 00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,320 I just purged all the emotions. They all they all left my body. 585 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,600 And I am a scientist. I've had lots of physiotherapy, 586 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:02,640 chiropractor, all those treatments, but it was actually 587 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:04,520 a psychotherapist that said to me, by the way, you've got loads 588 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:09,760 of emotions sudden you get, and then I, I processed them in that 589 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:14,440 experience and, and it was a new opportunity and then it was like 590 00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:16,600 it was gone. It was really, really strange. 591 00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:20,120 So I think what you know, what you do actually do need to 592 00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,280 embrace some illogical decisions. 593 00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,040 Yeah, fucking absolutely. I like. 594 00:34:27,120 --> 00:34:29,360 That. It is my thing right now. 595 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,920 It is leading in a logical life and how to lead in a logical 596 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:34,520 life. And to lead in a logical life, 597 00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:40,080 you've got to make a logical decisions type of decision that 598 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:44,239 you a couple of years ago or you even now would go fuck that, 599 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,040 that's not logical. Yeah, Pete's trying to make me 600 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,280 buy a Jeep Wrangler and that's an illogical decision. 601 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:56,679 He's he's had like, yeah, he's like, and it is, I'm I will buy 602 00:34:56,679 --> 00:34:58,680 one. And it's like, it's happening. 603 00:34:58,680 --> 00:35:01,520 It's it's done. It's just like, it's, it's an 604 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:03,720 illogical decision. But I just know my gut's telling 605 00:35:03,720 --> 00:35:08,040 me I should buy the Jeep. What's the story you're telling 606 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,520 yourself about this Jeep? What's what's the story that? 607 00:35:10,520 --> 00:35:13,600 I think I've just spent too much on personal development in all 608 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:15,080 honesty. I, I, I think I've just 609 00:35:15,080 --> 00:35:16,840 invested. I actually joked the other day I 610 00:35:16,840 --> 00:35:19,320 was like, actually I hanged out. I worked all out how much I 611 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:21,680 spent on coaching and and personal development 612 00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:25,280 psychotherapy and I was like, I could have had like a Bugatti on 613 00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:29,480 on like on the monthly whatever. I'm like, I'm like, oh, but it's 614 00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:32,840 just a value thing as I love, I love working with with coaching 615 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:35,480 and mentors and stuff like that. So yeah, it's interesting. 616 00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,640 OK, so cultivate presence, patience, sorry, is the next 617 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,520 step. Patience. 618 00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:47,520 I'm presence. And and that this is the the 619 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:50,600 thing I think that I noticed. It's a understanding that 620 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:52,120 surrendering is a gradual process. 621 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:57,800 And I, I, when I was first like the way that I was brought to 622 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,480 this was, you know, you don't need to pay attention to your 623 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:03,280 thoughts or just thoughts. That was the, the, the 624 00:36:03,280 --> 00:36:06,920 statement, you know, So when we, when we detach from our 625 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:10,680 thoughts, we then become free. And then I remember first time 626 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,040 hearing that thinking this is bollocks. 627 00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:19,800 How, how, how does that work? It took me 5 years to fully, I 628 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,960 really get that. And like now I'm seven years 629 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,400 post learning that I do, I can see that it's a gradual process. 630 00:36:26,400 --> 00:36:28,440 It took me 5 years to fully understand that. 631 00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:34,000 And the first like I remember I paid the coach I was working 632 00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,000 with, I paid him a lot of money and I was like, what? 633 00:36:36,000 --> 00:36:38,920 I've paid him all this money and he's told me not to trust my 634 00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:40,360 thoughts. Like fuck you man. 635 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,680 This is like that was like a real realization for me. 636 00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:48,560 But then it as the time has gone on, I'm like, Oh my God, that 637 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,480 was so profound. And it's, it's, it's giving me 638 00:36:51,480 --> 00:36:53,440 value even now. And this is just like a side 639 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:55,680 note about having a coach or a mentor. 640 00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,240 Is it sometimes they teach you something in the moment. 641 00:36:58,240 --> 00:36:59,960 Like Pete said before, you're not ready to hear. 642 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,600 I wasn't, it was, I was obviously ready to hear that at 643 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:07,440 that point, but I wasn't ready to embody it as Pete talked 644 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:11,520 about, didn't embody it. I just, I was just, I wrestled 645 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:13,480 with that for a long time in my mind. 646 00:37:14,160 --> 00:37:18,240 And sometimes in coaching, I I've given clients these things 647 00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:21,360 and they, they haven't got them in the moment, but it's been 648 00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:24,160 over time they've gone, oh, by the way, what you said about 649 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:25,920 such and such, that was so profound. 650 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,800 It helped me so much through XY or Z. 651 00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:34,040 Yeah, be, yeah, absolutely be be patient with this. 652 00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:38,560 And my I tell you what, guys, my experience with this is that if 653 00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,080 you embody it, you'll see the results fucking today. 654 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:47,800 Like you will see results from this internally very, very 655 00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:50,880 quickly. And the client, some of the 656 00:37:50,880 --> 00:37:53,360 clients that I've seen, this is an issue in their lives and 657 00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:57,680 we've talked about this, they too have seen how quickly and 658 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:03,600 effective embodying this can be. But still, it, you have to 659 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,880 practice patience with this. This is a this is a continuous 660 00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,400 pursuit and a continuous practice. 661 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,920 Don't think that once you've done that for a couple of weeks, 662 00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:13,600 you, you've completed the matrix. 663 00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,200 No, this is this is, this is lifelong. 664 00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:18,840 Just what Ben said earlier. I just want to touch on this 665 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:23,760 because this comes up a lot with and I see it a lot in in in 666 00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:27,360 media is just detach from the outcome. 667 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,760 Detach from any outcomes. Fuck your feelings, fuck your 668 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:33,520 emotions. Feelings aren't facts and so 669 00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:34,720 forth. Just detach. 670 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,160 It's, it's fucking easier said than done. 671 00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:44,600 What I have seen as a like a, it's like a two-part. 672 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:50,400 When I've started to let go of all the control in my life and 673 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:54,760 surrender to that part of my life, detachment has come way 674 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,800 easier because I'm not trying to, because I'm not trying to 675 00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:02,880 control the things that I want. I'm way less attached to the 676 00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,080 outcomes because I'm because I'm done with the step #1 which is 677 00:39:06,080 --> 00:39:08,240 actually just acceptance and letting go. 678 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:12,360 Yeah, I think the distinction there was like trying to control 679 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,920 versus intentional behaviour. I think there's a there's a 680 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,440 difference as well. I think is that. 681 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:21,120 But I all fucking means yeah, yeah, we're we're not saying 682 00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:24,440 don't don't gun after your goals and and don't fucking go. 683 00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,120 That's the direction I want to go in. 684 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:32,200 No I won't 100% not like, don't have absolute intention of This 685 00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:33,640 is the man that I want to create. 686 00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,600 This is the life that I want to create. 687 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:40,680 This is my big, illogical, seemingly impossible goals and 688 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,120 ambitions. I want fucking right. 689 00:39:43,600 --> 00:39:49,440 Yeah, I think even like in your relationship is that what a lot 690 00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,920 of guys from a place of control tried to do is fix their 691 00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:56,680 partner. So like your partner says, she's 692 00:39:56,680 --> 00:39:59,680 struggling with something and the way that you, the only way 693 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,720 you know to deal with it is to fix it. 694 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,600 And that is you controlling the situation as much as possible, 695 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,600 which gives you safety. Whereas actually we've talked 696 00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:11,840 about in this an alien podcast and we can revisit this is 697 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,800 actually in those moments you actually do need to surrender 698 00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:19,480 and like not try to fix and trust that she will solve that 699 00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,200 herself. And like, that was something I 700 00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:25,720 was speaking to a close friend about is that his wife called 701 00:40:25,720 --> 00:40:29,840 him a fixer. He said, I, I never tell such 702 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,320 and such about more problems because he just tries to fix me. 703 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:35,640 And I'm like, oh, that's him just just trying to seek some, 704 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:38,600 some level of control because it's an emotional issue. 705 00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:40,600 And she's like, Oh yeah, that's really profound. 706 00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:43,280 And there's actually a book that we recommend more, but we, we 707 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:46,080 can talk about it at a time. But it's like the way that 708 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:49,320 you'll sometimes see your, you trying to control is trying to 709 00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,760 fix everything. Logic. 710 00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,960 Logic like prior logic to everything. 711 00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:58,280 And it's not always the case. Yeah, and, and for and for us 712 00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:04,920 guys, this is fucking difficult because biologically we've grown 713 00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:10,200 up as builders, creators. We, our minds work in systems 714 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:13,520 and processes and operations. And that's how our minds work. 715 00:41:13,520 --> 00:41:17,200 We like, we don't work emotionally, so we work, we work 716 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:21,240 logically. So always our our media is how 717 00:41:21,240 --> 00:41:23,440 can I fix this? How can I systemize this? 718 00:41:23,440 --> 00:41:25,160 How can I put a solution to this? 719 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:27,840 Because that's how that's how our minds are made-up. 720 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,880 Yeah, there's actually a statement by Bernie Brown. 721 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:34,680 It's not gender specific. It's like we originally termed 722 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:38,000 as thinking beings that occasionally feel, and it's 723 00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:40,000 actually the opposite. We're feeling beings that 724 00:41:40,000 --> 00:41:42,560 occasionally think it's just like it. 725 00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:47,360 We've we've reversed it as we've come into the digital and the 726 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:51,360 technological age, it's like we actually we relied way more on 727 00:41:51,360 --> 00:42:00,920 how we felt, but like, you know, way more we got here maintain 728 00:42:00,920 --> 00:42:05,480 daily practices. And this is something I think 729 00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:11,120 was missing for me was a practice to surrender. 730 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:15,440 I didn't know how to do that. And like, I remember my first 731 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:17,600 therapy session with Tim. And then have you had the same 732 00:42:17,600 --> 00:42:20,320 experience, Pete? And he was like, we had a chit 733 00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,720 chat for like 20 minutes. And then we were like, all 734 00:42:22,720 --> 00:42:24,480 right, I want you to lie on the floor. 735 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:27,400 Then I want you to do these exercises where you move your 736 00:42:27,400 --> 00:42:32,200 hips in like a kind of erotic way, like a tilt and a breath. 737 00:42:32,200 --> 00:42:33,800 And I was like, well, what am I doing? 738 00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,880 And I was like, OK, well, you're going to try and invoke a SOB. 739 00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:41,080 And then and then what was happening was he was trying to 740 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:43,560 help me get to the point where I could just surrender and just 741 00:42:43,560 --> 00:42:48,560 like literally let it out and let, let go of let it was just 742 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:50,440 letting go. That was the practice that, you 743 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:54,440 know, let go and letting go is going to take you into a reflex, 744 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:57,880 which is a is a SOB and that is you letting go. 745 00:42:57,880 --> 00:43:00,400 And I, and I realized that I'd never let go, never really 746 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:03,640 sobbed in my life really, you know, go back. 747 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:07,120 And that was a practice. And I was doing this practice, I 748 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:09,080 had a couple of goes at it and every time I would have a 749 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,160 certain like letting go if it's got close to the point where I 750 00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:16,200 might cry or sob or let go, I would there would be like a 751 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,720 thought that was shut it down. Yeah, Control. 752 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:20,560 Control. Yeah, exactly. 753 00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:21,160 Yeah. Control. 754 00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,680 I tried to control myself, control my emotions. 755 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,240 And then the one day I finally got to that point where I just 756 00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:30,640 like, I'm just, I just, I'm just so fucking fed up of trying to 757 00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,000 control. And then we, I get to feel it 758 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,160 was a weird sensation. I was sat in this chair. 759 00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,280 He said, let's, let's do some body work on that. 760 00:43:38,280 --> 00:43:41,080 And I did this like, you know, the forward band and we did the 761 00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:45,960 back arch and I led on the floor and I just, Oh my God, all just 762 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:50,360 this letting go, crying on the floor in front of me there. 763 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:56,040 And it was just like, it wasn't embarrassing, it wasn't 764 00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:59,120 shameful. It was just like really letting 765 00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:00,920 go. But that was the, the practice 766 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:04,240 and like, you know, both Pete and I, we, we were doing not 767 00:44:04,240 --> 00:44:05,440 together. Sounds like we're doing couples 768 00:44:05,440 --> 00:44:08,920 therapy, bro. It's like we had a practice, 769 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:13,200 like I had a therapy session every week and that was my 770 00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:17,320 daily, weekly practice to do that breath, that one thing. 771 00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:20,640 And I got to that point. And now when I go and do breath 772 00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:25,640 work, you know, Pete and I came to, went to Dubai and then we 773 00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:29,040 went to a breath work session. I've been going to that every 774 00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:32,560 week on a Friday. I'm like, Jesus, I let go in 775 00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:34,760 that session. I'm like all sorts of crazy shit 776 00:44:34,760 --> 00:44:35,960 comes up. It's amazing. 777 00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:39,880 It's like I, I walk out that session, I'm like, feel so clear 778 00:44:39,880 --> 00:44:43,600 on what I need to do, you know, So I think that this is a really 779 00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,240 important point is that you've got to have a practice of it, 780 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:51,080 whether it's weekly, daily, you know, mine was like my first 781 00:44:51,240 --> 00:44:53,840 experience of that practice was in on on a retreat. 782 00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:57,960 It was, it was a week of doing this stuff, but it was very, 783 00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:00,680 very, very large amount very quickly. 784 00:45:01,040 --> 00:45:06,800 Yeah, and other other practices here is meditation, is yoga, is 785 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:08,200 breath work. Ice bath. 786 00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:14,560 It yeah, it is it the the point of or yeah, the first point of 787 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:18,520 the practice is for you is just to get present because the more 788 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,960 present you are with what's going on, with how you're 789 00:45:21,960 --> 00:45:26,640 thinking, feeling, acting. When resistance comes up, step 790 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:31,640 number one, you can spot it. If you're not present with how 791 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:36,240 you're feeling, acting, doing, if you, you won't fucking spot 792 00:45:36,240 --> 00:45:37,280 it. It'll just come up. 793 00:45:37,600 --> 00:45:41,520 You'll just, you go into the existing reactive state of how 794 00:45:41,560 --> 00:45:45,560 you, how we, you've always acted and then continue pissed off. 795 00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:51,840 So it's, it is fucking important to be to practice your, your 796 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:54,440 regulation here, your nervous system regulation, your 797 00:45:54,440 --> 00:46:00,680 mindfulness, like I like I, I recently got into yoga and I 798 00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:04,600 fucking I love it. Like I, I, I said to you, I love 799 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,840 the pallari of going having a fight in jiu jitsu and then 800 00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:10,880 doing yoga in the evening. It's just, but it's so you just 801 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:13,680 have to be so present. It's difficult to be thinking 802 00:46:13,680 --> 00:46:17,920 about other things and it's it's it's an amazing practice. 803 00:46:18,720 --> 00:46:21,360 You know, something I was thinking about a couple of 804 00:46:21,360 --> 00:46:26,000 nights ago, I watched a film and it's called, I recommend it, 805 00:46:26,120 --> 00:46:28,640 guys. It's actually, it's about a 806 00:46:28,640 --> 00:46:32,400 father and how he looks after his son and teach and how he's 807 00:46:32,400 --> 00:46:37,800 teaching his son to be a man. It's just deep. 808 00:46:37,840 --> 00:46:41,960 It's deep film. It's called The Road I and 809 00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:44,680 towards the end of the film fucking cried because just there 810 00:46:44,680 --> 00:46:48,120 was this, there was this scene and I'm not. 811 00:46:48,240 --> 00:46:52,360 And because I have a son and I could just fucking how I just 812 00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,000 felt the emotion for what I could feel it now I'm like, Oh 813 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:59,720 my God, it was so painful and I had fucking tears coming down my 814 00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:01,840 face. And it was actually a moment for 815 00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,680 me when I thought, fuck, do you know what? 816 00:47:04,960 --> 00:47:09,560 This is actually an example of actually how far I've come with 817 00:47:09,560 --> 00:47:14,720 this, because so many other films in the past where I felt 818 00:47:14,720 --> 00:47:17,240 like teary emotions and I've controlled it. 819 00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:21,280 No, do not let the tears out, no control. 820 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,520 Don't fucking let that out, you fucking little wet wipe. 821 00:47:24,280 --> 00:47:27,560 That's what'll go from my head. Don't fucking let it this you 822 00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:29,160 misses or there's a woman that next year. 823 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:34,560 Don't let don't let a tear out. But that seems micro. 824 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:38,400 But actually that practice over time with me controlling my 825 00:47:38,400 --> 00:47:41,880 actual emotions there and just like feeling emotive because 826 00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:44,080 something fucking sad is happening on a film, which is 827 00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:47,640 very it's natural me controlling that actually LED later down the 828 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:50,200 line to like people going, do you actually have any emotions, 829 00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,800 Pete? Do you, do you, do you, do you 830 00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:55,720 feel? Do you actually feel? 831 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,480 And that and that I'm not saying that was the only thing that led 832 00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:02,840 to those sorts of comments, but I just picked up on it the other 833 00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:06,600 night and I'm like, I, I know there are so many other guys 834 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:09,000 that their women say to them, do you actually have any feelings? 835 00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,080 Oh, I've I've had so many women say that to. 836 00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:17,480 Me like it is, but it is nice. It's these I now I'm getting 837 00:48:17,480 --> 00:48:20,640 fucking aware to this. It is these micro moments where 838 00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:25,200 we actually control those emotions and go Nah, I ain't 839 00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:29,800 going to I ain't going to yeah, cry the film or or or or 840 00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:31,440 whatever. I'm not going to feel that. 841 00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:32,960 I'm going to control that and keep it in. 842 00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:36,280 Yeah, because it's not that. It's not that you don't feel 843 00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:37,680 them, You just don't want to show them. 844 00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:42,320 Yeah, the next, the next one's observed without judgement. 845 00:48:42,320 --> 00:48:46,160 And I think that's like what, you know, we kind of pertinent 846 00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:47,240 to what we're talking about there. 847 00:48:47,240 --> 00:48:50,320 It's like notice life events and your reactions about judgement 848 00:48:51,720 --> 00:48:53,680 and it's allowing yourself to feel. 849 00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:57,320 There's actually a really good book called Permission to Feel. 850 00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:02,240 It's actually really good. It's it's very, it's very much 851 00:49:02,240 --> 00:49:03,640 about what we've just been talking about. 852 00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,840 It's really, really great and is permission to feel. 853 00:49:07,840 --> 00:49:11,200 I can't remember the author and it's a really, really 854 00:49:11,200 --> 00:49:13,800 interesting emotional intelligence book. 855 00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:17,480 Definitely recommend it. And it's it's it's not judging 856 00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:19,640 how you feel. It's being curious about it. 857 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:23,200 It's like, Oh my gosh, I'm I'm I cry at pride and they anything 858 00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,160 not pride, not not gay pride. Maybe it's the the end of 859 00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:32,640 homosexual coming out, but like pride is if there's pride pride 860 00:49:32,640 --> 00:49:35,800 moments in a film. I said this to Mark Gernachli 861 00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:40,240 and I said to him, like, dude, I get really teary around pride. 862 00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:44,320 Like I literally that will be me sobbing really upset if there's 863 00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:45,840 pride and Poppy's the same actually. 864 00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:48,280 Well, it's funny. We're both watching a film in 865 00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:50,720 the corner of our eye. I'm like, I know you're crying. 866 00:49:50,760 --> 00:49:52,200 I'll say so I know you're crying. 867 00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:56,080 But pride for me was like, and and I found out why. 868 00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:59,680 It's because I, I just wanted pride for my dad so much. 869 00:50:00,120 --> 00:50:03,080 And actually I was reading something, it was actually a 870 00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:06,600 marketing book the other day and it's, it was actually really 871 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:11,360 deep and it's Travis's book. Make him beg to buy from you. 872 00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:16,120 And it he was talking about this idea as like all a guy ever 873 00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,880 wants to hear from his dad is I'm proud of you. 874 00:50:19,880 --> 00:50:23,440 Oh, I read it and I was like, I was crying. 875 00:50:23,440 --> 00:50:26,080 I was like, what the fuck? I'm reading this fucking 876 00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,200 marketing book. I'm crying. 877 00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,360 I'm like tearing up now talking about it because I'm like, 878 00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,040 that's all I wanted to hear. And I'm anyway. 879 00:50:34,040 --> 00:50:38,080 So like I judged that so much and I used to hold it back so 880 00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,440 much. And I'm like, Nope, don't judge 881 00:50:40,440 --> 00:50:42,880 that anymore. I just, that's all I ever wanted 882 00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,520 to hear from my dad. And then hearing that I was 883 00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:50,040 like, oh, anyway, like, and I just stopped, started, started 884 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:51,520 observing it and I was like, oh, right. 885 00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:56,520 So I know it's so kind of observe without judgement. 886 00:50:56,520 --> 00:50:58,280 This is what the, the, the step is. 887 00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,800 It's like, oh, just being OK about just observing it and 888 00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:04,560 yourself and like, Oh yeah, I'm, I'm really upset about that. 889 00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:07,840 There's no, that doesn't make me any less or more of a man. 890 00:51:07,880 --> 00:51:11,680 It doesn't make me a wet wipe. It doesn't make me weak. 891 00:51:11,800 --> 00:51:13,600 It's like, Oh yeah, I just feel like that. 892 00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:17,200 So that was really interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 893 00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:24,400 Step #10 this the, the last step is trust in the process is no, 894 00:51:24,960 --> 00:51:30,160 this is a process and to go right, this is long term. 895 00:51:30,160 --> 00:51:33,120 And this is someone I was speaking to. 896 00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:36,320 I hope he listens to this. Speaking to my the guy in 897 00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,640 concierge downstairs a couple of days ago. 898 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:41,440 Make a make a commitment to listen to it. 899 00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:42,760 There you. Go yeah, I'm going to. 900 00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:45,800 From me you can say, listen, my buddy said I've got and when he 901 00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,320 listens to it and I'm talking to you, Mr. Concierge Guy, there 902 00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,440 you go. Yeah, come on, D Right. 903 00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:56,440 And we're talking about identity change and shifting identity. 904 00:51:57,160 --> 00:52:01,560 And he was like, yeah, but Pete, how long will it take? 905 00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:05,120 How long would like, can I get it? 906 00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:08,600 Can I get this done quickly and my answer? 907 00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:13,840 Yeah, mushrooms. It was not that my answer was. 908 00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:16,480 That is the wrong question my friend. 909 00:52:16,800 --> 00:52:20,440 It is, yeah. It what this is more of a a 910 00:52:20,760 --> 00:52:24,280 statement that this is I am in this for the long term. 911 00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:27,640 Hey, I'll do this for 10 years. Hey, I'll do this for 20 years. 912 00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,680 Like that's my commitment to this. 913 00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:32,040 Do not be interested in doing something like this. 914 00:52:32,120 --> 00:52:35,240 Fucking commit and don't commit for a year. 915 00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:40,320 Go do you know what I I trust these guys on awakened man seem 916 00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,640 to, you know, know a little bit about a bit. 917 00:52:42,960 --> 00:52:46,320 I'll commit to this for 10 years, see how I get on and I'm 918 00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:53,200 and just trust the life, the universe, faith, whatever it is 919 00:52:53,200 --> 00:53:00,280 that you might feel drawn to, has your back and you'll be well 920 00:53:00,280 --> 00:53:03,760 in your way, my friends. Yeah, that's really profound. 921 00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:11,160 That was a word that came up for me a lot, Trust faith. 922 00:53:11,160 --> 00:53:14,560 And it was really frustrating because I I literally had no 923 00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:17,240 concept of faith. We should do a podcast on this. 924 00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:20,760 Yeah, well, I actually got someone who who said that they'd 925 00:53:20,760 --> 00:53:22,160 come and talk to us about this because. 926 00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,600 I have way more insights on it now since with the last 927 00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,560 discussion we had. Yeah, because I and me too. 928 00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:30,440 And I'm still, I'm still learning about this because like 929 00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:34,640 for me, trust and faith and like this is like the next and maybe 930 00:53:34,640 --> 00:53:37,280 this is the road map, you know, like where Pete and I are 931 00:53:37,280 --> 00:53:39,960 talking about where we're going with this is like we're speaking 932 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:42,920 to a lot of guys, successful men, successful women. 933 00:53:43,240 --> 00:53:46,600 One of the things that they have is that some sort of faith they 934 00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:49,160 have, they have faith and it's not religion. 935 00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:52,280 It could be religion. But it is like I'm just noticing 936 00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:55,320 this, that it gets Maslow talked about in terms of the hierarchy 937 00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:56,960 of needs. When you get all the, you know, 938 00:53:57,080 --> 00:53:59,960 every step of the need, then you start to have more faith. 939 00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:04,160 But yeah, I think it's, it's definitely something I'd like to 940 00:54:04,520 --> 00:54:08,800 to talk through and we will commit to bringing a, a podcast 941 00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:12,520 on that. Team that is end of this 942 00:54:12,520 --> 00:54:17,720 podcast, TuneIn next week for the next and thanks so much for 943 00:54:17,720 --> 00:54:22,480 listening. Catch you later before you go. 944 00:54:23,120 --> 00:54:25,800 We are a believer in the ripple effect. 945 00:54:26,920 --> 00:54:29,120 So who do you think would benefit from this episode? 946 00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:33,040 That you could send it to a mate or a group of mates, a family 947 00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:37,600 member, a team colleague, the intern. 948 00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:41,080 They would listen to it and then they would become better and 949 00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:42,560 then the ripple effect will continue. 950 00:54:43,840 --> 00:54:44,640 Who could you send it to?