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Welcome to the heroic man. 
This is your daily call to 

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adventure, gentlemen, and today 
we're talking about the 

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neuroscience of confidence. 
Guys, quickly quick question. 

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When you think of success, 
right, what is your idea of 

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success? 
When you think of success, what 

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is your, what is your idea of 
success? 

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Because if, if, if you like the 
typical guy or you'd be like the

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typical man, then then, then I 
then, then often our idea of 

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success, it's often the 
intrinsic one, right? 

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That, that, that, that we look 
at someone, right? 

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We look at other people and we 
say, well, well, that person is 

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successful, right? 
That person is super successful,

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right? 
That person is wealthy. 

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That person is famous. 
That person has a million 

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followers on, on, on social 
media, right? 

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That person is super powerful, 
right? 

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Or, or, or whatever. 
We, we, we, we use to define 

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other people right? 
In, in how we perceive them to 

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be successful. 
And, and, and, and the reason we

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do that is, is because it's our 
current culture's idea of 

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success, right? 
So I'm repeat this week is that,

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that, that, that if our idea of 
success is literally looking at 

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other people and, and, and, and 
then defining success based on, 

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on, on what someone else's 
success looks like, right, 

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Because that that person is 
super successful. 

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They have a great career, they 
have a great company. 

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They, they supremely wealthy. 
They, they famous, they, they, 

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they influencer, they have 
millions of followers or that 

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person is hot. 
They, they have a great body. 

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They they sculpted, they don't, 
they have a six pack, whatever 

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the fuck it is, right? 
Or we say, well, that person is 

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powerful, right? 
Well, that's because our current

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culture, right? 
Is, is, is inculcating in US, 

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right? 
The the, the view of success, 

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right? 
And guys, what we need to do is,

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is, is we need to challenge 
that, right? 

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And, and, and we have to start 
thinking about about it, right? 

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What does success really mean 
for me? 

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What what is true success for 
me, right? 

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And, and, and, and the thing 
about a psychologist, we 

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understand that the true success
isn't that, it isn't that, that,

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that extrinsic success, right, 
true success ultimately, right, 

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is, is loving our values, right?
And, and, and, and I'm repeating

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this for you guys, their true 
success, right? 

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Psychological, psychological 
success, right, is loving our 

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values, right? 
And, And, and what's exciting 

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about, about that right, versus 
the, the, the intrinsic success 

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is that you can have instant 
success. 

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I'm repeat this for you guys. 
That, that, that, that that's 

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psychological success, true 
success, right? 

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Is, is loving your values, 
right? 

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And, and the great thing about 
loving your values is, is that 

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when you're doing that right, 
you can have instant success, 

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right? 
Because why, when I, when I 

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identify my values, right? 
And, and, and I then I love and 

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I then love consistently with, 
with those values, right? 

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Then it's almost like magic 
because I press though, right? 

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I have success right now, right?
And then even in the midst of 

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failure. 
So I'm going to repeat this to 

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you guys that, that, that if I, 
if I identify my values, if I 

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live with those values 
consistently, well, then guess 

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what? 
Even in the midst of failure, I,

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I am successful, right? 
Do you see that, that, that you 

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can be successful because you 
are living in, in integrity with

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your deepest values, right? 
And, and so that you, you, what 

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happens is that we end up having
success moment to moment to 

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moment, right? 
And, and it, it, it, it, it 

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doesn't matter whether other 
people think that, that, that 

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I'm a failure according to, to, 
to, to, to, to, to, to our 

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culture's version of what 
success is. 

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And I'm going to, does it make 
sense to you? 

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Do you guys, do you guys see 
this, that if I identify my 

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values, if I live with them 
consistently, right? 

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It doesn't matter. 
I, I am successful in this 

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moment, right? 
And it doesn't even, it doesn't 

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mean that that I have to compare
myself to some, to some external

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version of what success looks 
like right then do you see this?

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So I can have instant success 
moment to moment to moment, 

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right? 
And and then again, it doesn't 

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matter how long I've lived with,
with these values, right? 

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I can literally right come up 
with a bunch of values that they

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don't want that I want to run my
life back. 

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And, and as soon as I start 
living my life consistently with

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them, well, guess what? 
I have success. 

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Any questions, Ben? 
No, I, I absolutely agree with 

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this. 
My, my highest values are 

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teaching, learning, leadership, 
you know, and, and I think, I 

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think something that changed for
me as I, as I, as I became a 

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father is that like health and 
fitness used to be like a big, 

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big value of mine. 
And when I, when we had the 

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kids, that was like a competing 
value. 

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Like all of a sudden I couldn't 
train at the times I wanted to. 

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And I saw this shift in my 
values. 

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Whereas now it's actually a 
question you asked me, you said 

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why did you want to make money? 
I think you asked me why did I 

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want to make the money? 
And I mentioned all things about

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myself and he said, he said, 
wasn't it about my family. 

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I think over the last two years,
a lot of my driver has to be has

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been to create experiences for 
the girls. 

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So yeah, I think it's it's a 
really, really profound way to 

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see confidence and success. 
You know, really, really. 

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I feel very, very aligned with 
those. 

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So yeah, I can I can relate 
totally. 

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Yeah, you guys so, but you're no
one's favorite subject now the 

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neuroscience of confidence, 
right? 

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And, and so I want to share 11 
great concept that, that, that I

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literally love my life by right?
And, and, and then I teach all 

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of my, my coaching and therapy 
clients. 

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It's the, the, the, the acronym 
of fear and dare. 

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So fear and dare, right? 
And, and so, so firstly, right, 

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when we have fear, right? 
So, so, so the word fear, right?

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So when we have fear, the F 
stands for fusion. 

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So FEAR, so the F stands for 
fusion, right? 

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And, and, and so when we have 
fear, right? 

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And, and what is fear? 
Well, well, well, a 

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psychologist, we understand that
that that fear is literally OK. 

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So at any given time, you, you, 
you can either experience one of

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two states. 
You can experience either fear 

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or excitement, right? 
And, and, and so physiologically

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speaking, fear and excitement 
show up in your body, in your 

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nervous system, exactly the 
same. 

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It's the exact same 
physiological response, except 

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right, that, that, that when you
have fear right, you stop 

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breathing, right. 
Fear is, is first of all, the 

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founder of Gestal psychology 
said that fear is literally 

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right. 
The absence of, of, of, of 

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breathing. 
It's literally excitement, 

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except that you don't breathe 
right. 

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So, so, So what do we 
understand? 

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Our fear? 
Fear is literally it's a, it's 

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a, it's a physiological response
to a psychological phenomena 

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phenomena. 
I'm repeat this for you guys, 

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that fear, right, is a 
physiological response to a 

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psychological phenomena, right? 
And, and so the, the 

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psychological phenomena that a 
psychologist we call fusion. 

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So, so again, I'm repeat this 
for you guys, that fear is 

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literally the the physiological 
response to a psychological 

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phenomena that psychologist 
called fusion, right? 

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And so when I have fear, right, 
what happens? 

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Well, when I fear, I'm literally
I'm fused, right? 

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I'm stuck, I'm glued, I'm sold 
it right to my negative 

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thoughts. 
And repeat this for you guys, 

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right? 
We talked about negative 

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thoughts over the last few days.
And So what is fear? 

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Fear is literally right, a 
physical physiological response 

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to what to do my negative 
thoughts, right? 

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Because I have negative thoughts
and because I have negative 

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thoughts, right, I become fused 
to those thoughts. 

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I'm stuck to those thoughts, 
right? 

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I'm literally glued or sold it 
to those thoughts, right, Those 

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negative thoughts right in, in, 
in, in, in, in, in, in, in. 

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When I'm first to those 
thoughts, I'm I'm neither taking

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action right nor am I showing up
right and doing the thing that 

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that I know I should be doing. 
Any questions Ben, about the F 

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part? 
No, I I really love this. 

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I was actually climbing crib. 
Go on in, in Wales and I and I 

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got, I got quite fearful at the 
top and I actually remembered 

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your, your voice on my shoulder 
saying fear is excitement 

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without the breath. 
And I remember just breathing my

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way across the, the, the crib 
and I was like, my fear just 

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dropped substantially. 
So yeah, it's super, super 

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pragmatic as well. 
Yeah, guys, the, the, the, the, 

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the next part of, of, of a 
little equation, right? 

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E right? 
And, and, and, and this is the 

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one, right, that if you're an 
entrepreneur or whatever, right?

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This is the one that, that fucks
us all up, right? 

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So E is literally E stands for 
excessive, right? 

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And, and it literally stands for
excessive goals, right? 

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Guys, we all have, we have 
goals, right? 

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That, that, that fucking stress 
us the hell out, right? 

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And, and, and, and, and our 
goals are just so overwhelming. 

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Guys, here's the thing, right? 
And, and, and, and I know this 

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for myself, right? 
Both myself and Pete, right? 

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I I've literally started a dozen
multi million companies, right, 

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big set of the awakened men 
right after having built his own

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his architectural practice to a 
million right and I can tell you

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this right and Ben Ben will tell
you over the last few years we 

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we build awakened men into 7 
figure business. 

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But you know what again with 
even with all of the experience 

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that years I've been in 
entrepreneur it is fucking it's 

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tough it's not easy. 
Do you see that in, in So what, 

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what? 
But what most of us do, right, 

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because we have no other idea. 
We, we said excessive goals 

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that, that we have no way of 
overachieving. 

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We say to ourselves, well, you 
know what? 

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I'm going to build my business 
into a 7 figure company or 

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whatever, right? 
Or, or I'm going to do ABC and 

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in terms of my career, right, 
the goal is fucking excessive, 

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right? 
We have no, we have no way of, 

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of achieving it. 
We know no one has done it 

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right. 
And guess what, right? 

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We we end up literally 
overwhelming our, our nervous 

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system. 
We end up stressing ourselves 

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out right? 
And, and, and what we want to do

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right is we literally our, our 
goals literally cause us to, to 

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live in, in, in a constant state
of overwhelm. 

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And, and what we want to do 
right is, is to stop doing that 

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right? 
The, the so, so that's the E for

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excessive goals, right? 
The, the, the, the a in, in, in,

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in fear, right? 
He stands for avoiding or 

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avoidance, right? 
And do you see this? 

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So, So what happens, right? 
And, and this is Benjamin Owens 

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expertise. 
Yeah, right. 

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That, that all of us, what we do
is we, we, we avoid, right? 

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We, we, we, we, we love to 
fucking be obsessed with 

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avoiding discomfort, right? 
And and and and and and and a 

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major theme of, of, of being in 
heroic right is, is, is that we,

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we want to do the work, right? 
To get fucking uncomfortable, 

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rather to get comfortable being 
uncomfortable. 

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I'm repeat this for you guys. 
Guys, the work of being a heroic

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man, the work of being an 
awakened man, right, is to get 

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fucking comfortable being 
uncomfortable. 

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It, it, it, it, it's not about 
getting rid of, of our fear. 

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It's not, it is physically and 
it is physiologically and 

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psychologically impossible, 
right, to get rid of your fear, 

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right? 
And, and, and, and, and, and so 

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we don't want to get rid of the 
fear, right? 

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We don't want to get rid of, of 
the feeling of, of fear or 

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discomfort, right? 
It's about getting comfortable 

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with it, right? 
And, and, and, and then we do, 

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and then we do what needs to get
done, right? 

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And, and, and, and then maybe on
the next call, you can do the, 

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your favorite schools with, with
the guys, right? 

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So, so guys, the, the, the, a 
right, look at your life. 

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Ask yourself, where the fuck am 
I avoiding discomfort, right? 

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Because again, a, a, a huge 
theme, right, of being 

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successful, right? 
He's getting fucking comfortable

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with being uncomfortable, right?
And again, right, it's not 

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trying to delude ourselves. 
You say, well, I'm going to get 

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rid of the fear, right? 
It's not, it's not 

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physiologically or 
psychologically impossible 

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possible to get rid of fear. 
What we want to do right is we 

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don't want to get rid of the, of
the feeling of the fear or 

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discomfort. 
It's just getting comfortable 

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with it. 
And then we do what needs to be 

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done right. 
And, and the, the, the, the, the

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last part, the, the R right in, 
in the acronym fear right stands

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for removal, right? 
And what does it mean? 

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What will it stands for removal 
from or distance from our 

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values, right? 
So I have values, right? 

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But if I have fear AKA fusion, 
right, if I have excessive 

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goals, if I have avoidance of 
discomfort, well, guess what, 

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right? 
I'm far away. 

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I've lived. 
I'm literally removed from my 

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values. 
I'm repeat this to you guys. 

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So the, the, the last part, the,
the, the R stands for removal or

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distance from my values. 
Because even if I'm living my 

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life in fear, even fuse to my 
negative thoughts, right? 

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If I ever, if I have excessive 
goals, right, they're stressing 

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me the fuck off if I'm avoiding 
discomfort, right? 

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00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,080
Well, guess what, right? 
I'm literally removed from my 

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values and and and and guess 
what? 

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When I'm removed from my values,
I will feel fear. 

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So do you guys see this? 
It is literally right, a, a, a, 

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a sort of feedback loop, right? 
I have fear because I'm, I'm, 

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I'm, I'm, I'm removed from my 
values, I'm fused to my negative

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thoughts. 
I'm avoiding discomfort. 

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I have excessive goals, right? 
And therefore I, I, I feel fear 

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again. 
And so we, what, what happens 

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that is we love in, in this 
roller coaster, right, of, of 

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our fear in degrading the fear. 
Does that make sense to you 

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guys? 
Yeah, you're saying can you? 

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Can you? 
I got everything there but but I

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didn't get removed from my 
values how that fits into the 

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equation. 
I just if you could re explain 

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that for me. 
Yeah, guys, we have values, 

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right? 
So I say to myself, so, So Ben, 

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what are your values? 
Teaching, learning, leadership, 

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and family. 
OK, teaching leading leadership 

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and family. 
OK, so how do you teach? 

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How do I teach from experience 
that I that I've I've undergo? 

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So you're going to set, you're 
going to set a business to teach

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people. 
Yes. 

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OK, so that's how you're going 
to teach. 

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So one of your values is, is 
teaching, right? 

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How how are you going to achieve
your teaching by creating a 

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business that allows you to 
teach, right? 

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But guess what? 
Right now, so that's that's a 

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core value for you. 
But right now, what are you 

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00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:20,640
doing? 
You're not doing that. 

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00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:22,200
Why? 
Because right now you're fused 

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to your negative thoughts, your 
negative thoughts, you But then 

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00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:27,520
you know what? 
Right now you're not enough. 

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You're not good enough to teach,
right? 

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00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,880
You don't have enough skills, 
blah, blah, blah, blah, right? 

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Whatever those negative thoughts
that we talked about. 

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Do you see that? 
So. 

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00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,800
So now. 
Yeah, sorry. 

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But I'm focusing, I'm, I'm 
focusing more on the fear than I

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00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,680
am on my values. 
So like, say I want to like, I 

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really want to help people. 
I want to help them do this 

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00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:51,160
thing. 
But then like that's my value. 

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00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:56,680
And then I'm really fearful. 
I've got all my kind of myself 

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00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,960
sabotage my blocks going on. 
And I'm focused more on that 

295
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:02,400
than I am on the actual service,
Right? 

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00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,280
I get it, I get it and some now.
Yeah, it's good because again, 

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00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,280
the psychologist, we understand 
that there's only two things 

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00:15:08,280 --> 00:15:10,880
ever happening, right? 
Number one is I have painful, I 

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00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,760
have painful thoughts. 
Sorry. 

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00:15:12,760 --> 00:15:14,560
I have trembling thoughts and I 
have painful emotions. 

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00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,480
And my troubling thoughts, my 
painful emotions are what keep 

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00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,880
me stuck. 
So, so so so Ben has his goal. 

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00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,480
He wants to be a teacher, right?
But he's now used to his thought

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00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:24,440
because his negative thoughts 
say to him, well, Ben, who the 

305
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:27,320
fuck are you to teach, right? 
You don't have enough, you don't

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00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,880
have enough experience. 
You don't have the skill. 

307
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,040
Maybe what you need to do to do 
some other courses, read, read 

308
00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:33,200
more books, blah, blah, blah, 
blah. 

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00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:38,240
So so now Ben is is fuse his 
negative thoughts, but those 

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00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:39,440
negative thoughts arise. 
Why? 

311
00:15:39,440 --> 00:15:44,360
Because because Ben is excessive
goals, because Ben is saying to 

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00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:46,640
himself, well, you know what? 
I'm in order for my business to 

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00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,800
be successful, I need to make 
$1,000,000. 

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00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:52,640
And in order to make $1,000,000 
this year, I need to teach who 

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00:15:52,640 --> 00:15:54,840
have 1000 people join my 
program, right? 

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00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,280
Do you see that right. 
But but that's an excessive goal

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00:15:57,280 --> 00:15:58,960
because Ben has never created 
anything, right? 

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00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,600
He had 1000 members. 
So now what's happening, right? 

319
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:06,680
His excessive goals, right are 
causing him to get even more and

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00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,320
more fused because he's negative
of us saying, well, Ben, who the

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00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:12,920
fuck are you to be able to 
create a program that is 1000 

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00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,320
paying members right? 
And so now what does what does 

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00:16:15,320 --> 00:16:17,680
Ben do? 
Will Ben does the avoiding of 

324
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,960
discomfort, But because Ben 
knows that in order to hit those

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00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,960
fucking accessible, he needs to 
be other. 

326
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,440
He needs to be fucking hustling.
He needs to be doing to be doing

327
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,480
things that he's never done 
before, right? 

328
00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,880
But, but, but, but by 
definition, those things right 

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00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:34,280
require Ben to to do things that
are fucking uncomfortable, 

330
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:34,960
right? 
So what? 

331
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:37,040
But what does he do? 
Well, his his negative thoughts 

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00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,080
have said to him, well, you know
what, you're not good enough, 

333
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,120
right? 
So he avoids a discomfort, 

334
00:16:41,320 --> 00:16:43,080
right? 
And and in in doing those first 

335
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:46,640
three things, right, Usually his
negative thoughts, he his 

336
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,400
excessive goals are are fucking 
him, him up, right? 

337
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,920
He's avoiding discomfort, right?
So guess what? 

338
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:56,920
His values, right, get further 
and further, living with his 

339
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,480
values, living in integrity with
his values right, get further 

340
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,480
and further and further away. 
He's literally removed from his 

341
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:04,720
values. 
And because he's removed from 

342
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,839
his values, well, guess what he 
feels? 

343
00:17:06,839 --> 00:17:08,960
He feels the physiological 
sensation of fear. 

344
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,880
He feels the psychological 
sensation of fear. 

345
00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:16,040
And because he now feels fear, 
it's now a fucking unhealthy 

346
00:17:16,040 --> 00:17:17,880
loop. 
Because the more he feels fear, 

347
00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,960
the more he gets used to his to 
his negative thoughts. 

348
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,119
The more he gets few see 
negative thoughts, the further 

349
00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:30,120
away his goals get. 
Because he to do a million a 

350
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,120
year, they need to do 100,000 a 
month. 

351
00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:33,680
But this month he didn't do 
100,000. 

352
00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,040
Next one he doesn't do so well. 
Guess what? 

353
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:37,840
Now there's only 10 months left 
in the year and that 100,000, 

354
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,000
whatever that goal that he had 
now becomes even more, he now 

355
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:44,120
needs to do even more right? 
And so he's going even more 

356
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:46,280
excessive, right? 
And the more excessive his goal 

357
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:48,520
becomes, he needs to even do 
more things that are 

358
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,080
uncomfortable. 
Well, guess what? 

359
00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:54,720
Like he now avoids, he doing 
uncomfortable even more right? 

360
00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,160
And the more he does it, the 
more removed he's from his 

361
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,800
values. 
The more removed he's from his 

362
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,400
values, the more fear he feels 
right then and on and on and on 

363
00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:04,040
and on. 
Does it make sense to answer 

364
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,760
your question, Benjamin? 
Yeah, yeah, perfectly. 

365
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:07,840
Yeah. 
I love that. 

366
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:10,600
I've got, I've got it down here 
guys. 

367
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:14,080
We haven't managed to go into 
DARE today, but I think that is 

368
00:18:14,080 --> 00:18:18,120
quite a very, a very 
comprehensive breakdown of fear.

369
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,440
Thank you so much for the call 
today. 

370
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,680
You've seen us. 
Marvellous. 

371
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:27,400
Thanks Guy. 
Before you go, we are a believer

372
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:30,720
in the ripple effect. 
So who do you think would 

373
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,800
benefit from this episode? 
That you could send it to a mate

374
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:39,840
or a group of mates, a family 
member, a team colleague, that 

375
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:42,960
in turn they would listen to it 
and then they would become 

376
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,440
better and then the ripple 
effect would continue. 

377
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:47,520
Who could you send it to?