1 00:00:05,440 --> 00:00:08,680 Welcome, heroic men. Today we're going to be talking 2 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:14,920 about why so many people are using the inner child work and 3 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:20,360 it might just be a bunch of BS. Yazin is in the room. 4 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:22,880 We're going to be talking about this subject this morning. 5 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,880 Yazin, the floor is yours. Thank you, Pisa. 6 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:34,320 Yeah, he's like Pete said. I know for some reason, but 7 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,840 there seems to be this thing we speak to so many men, right? 8 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:40,760 And and and so many men will will tell you well, you know, 9 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,680 we've joined this program, hired a code fundamental doing 10 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:49,480 psychotherapy, whatever, because we want to do in a child work, 11 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,320 right? And honestly, if I have to say 12 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,680 something about this, it's fucked in a child work, right, 13 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,520 guys, Honestly, when it comes to when it when it comes to 14 00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:02,600 coaches, especially people, people act as if NHL work is a 15 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:04,160 new thing. It was discovered yesterday or 16 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:05,960 last week, right? It's not it. 17 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:09,400 Psychologists have been doing doing NHL work for the last like 18 00:01:09,400 --> 00:01:13,960 190 years or whatever. And almost always it's like it's 19 00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,800 the 1990s in psychology again, Like for some reason, whatever 20 00:01:17,920 --> 00:01:22,440 old is new again and too many cultures and gurus and in South 21 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,560 have orders have been doing NHL work. 22 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,120 Cool again, right? Except for the fact that 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,800 honestly, it isn't guys, I'm going to repeat this for you 24 00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,560 guys. They do need a child work, 25 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:33,160 right? Isn't cool. 26 00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:37,640 So back in the day, just for a little bit of context, back in 27 00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:41,040 the day and before we knew better as therapists and 28 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:44,000 psychologists, right, we'd help clients to go back to their 29 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:48,360 childhood. And the belief was, was that I 30 00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:50,840 did that with you because you were still stuck in some child 31 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,000 developmental stage, right? And, and, and, and the stuckness 32 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,240 was reaching on through the years. 33 00:01:55,240 --> 00:02:00,400 And it was like a ghost or, or, or some demon possessing you, 34 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:01,640 right? And it was haunting you. 35 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:04,400 It was wanting your presence and keeping you repeat this. 36 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,800 Can you see this is the reason why why we did in a child work 37 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:11,840 was because we, we believed right and still do right, That, 38 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,480 that, that, that, that that you were stuck in some child 39 00:02:15,480 --> 00:02:18,720 developmental stage and in the stuckness, what was reaching out 40 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:20,880 through the years, right? And like it goes to US haunting 41 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,800 your present and keeping you stuck. 42 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:27,600 And again, the problem with this right is we look at it 43 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:29,520 backwards. And the problem with looking 44 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:32,720 backwards is, well, if I'm looking backwards, guess what? 45 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:37,560 I'm not looking around right, but looking forward, right? 46 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,440 My focus is what's behind me, right? 47 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,000 And so the strip backwards, right, Carl Young had a word 48 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,480 when he had a phrase with he called you the child archetype, 49 00:02:47,640 --> 00:02:49,920 right? And so think about the child, 50 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,760 right? By its very nature, when we were 51 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,160 kids, we were disempowered, right? 52 00:02:54,160 --> 00:02:56,920 When we were kids, we were, we were apolitical, right? 53 00:02:56,920 --> 00:03:00,000 And so you see this when you talked about the child 54 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,320 archetype, he said that they're based very needs. 55 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:04,680 The the child archetype is apolitical and it's 56 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,240 disempowered, right? So the the the child archetype, 57 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,280 right, Like the little kid has no real and meaningful 58 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,000 connection with the present world, right? 59 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,400 It's called in the past I didn't. 60 00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:16,280 And so the, the what, what does the adult me do? 61 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:19,600 The adult me says, well, well, what can I actually do about my 62 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:20,800 world? You know what? 63 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,800 I'm, I'm on the right of the political spectrum. 64 00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:27,040 Now we have a left wing government. 65 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,880 Well, what can I do? I'm on the left of the political 66 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,440 spectrum. We have a right wing government. 67 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,040 What can I do? Can you see this? 68 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:35,800 The, the, the adult in me says, well, what can I do actually do 69 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,800 about my world, right? I have problems with my 70 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,320 relationships. Well, what can I do about my 71 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,440 world? I'm not happy at work, but what 72 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:45,040 can I do about my world, right? And, and, and and then the part 73 00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,920 of you says, well, you know what, this thing, your 74 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:52,880 relationship politics, your work issues are bigger than me. 75 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,840 Do you see that that why? Because it's the child archetype 76 00:03:55,840 --> 00:03:59,040 talking for the for the little child inside of me, right? 77 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,320 All of my issues, all my problems, right? 78 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,320 All my challenges are always bigger than me. 79 00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:07,480 And So what do I do? Will I think to myself, I need 80 00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:10,320 to sort this out? So I go, I hire a coach, I hire 81 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,480 a therapist, I join the program. And with this belief that, you 82 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,920 know what, if I work on myself, on my growth, they're going to 83 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,480 myself, right? If I work on my development, 84 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:22,880 even if maybe I finally find the parenting that that I so 85 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:25,680 desperately needed when I was a child, maybe I find a support 86 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:30,400 group, maybe I join a 12 step program, then you know what? 87 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,480 Maybe finally I will be whole. I will be, I will be enough. 88 00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:36,840 I'll be whole again. That is honestly, this is so 89 00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,560 much fucking bullshit right because here's the thing about 90 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:43,160 becoming whole becoming whole requires the intensity in the 91 00:04:43,160 --> 00:04:46,440 now I'm repeat this for you guys they're becoming a whole right 92 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,560 doesn't require you to be intense in the past. 93 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:50,840 It requires you to be intense in the now right. 94 00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:53,360 It requires you to be active in the present right. 95 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,560 It's not about excavating the past. 96 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,440 The last time I checked, none of us were were named Harrison 97 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,040 Ford, Indiana Jones, our job. We were not archaeologists. 98 00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:04,920 We have no work excavating the past because here's the thing, 99 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,280 when we do right, when we do in the child work, when we, when we 100 00:05:08,280 --> 00:05:11,520 emphasize the, the, the child archetype, when we spend hours 101 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,440 and hours and months and years evoking our childhood and 102 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,480 reconstructing our childhood, Do you know what I'm doing? 103 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:19,840 Well, I'm literally blocking myself from engaging with the 104 00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:21,320 present. So let me repeat this thing. 105 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,440 Can you see this? The, the, the, the if I say, 106 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,720 well, you know what I'm going to do in the child work, right? 107 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:31,040 So, so now I'm, I'm emphasizing the, the child archetype, right? 108 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,200 I'm spending hours and hours and months and weeks and years and 109 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,000 whatever evoking my childhood, right? 110 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:38,280 And reconstructing my childhood. Well, guess what? 111 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,960 I'm literally blocking myself from engaging with the present. 112 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,680 I've, I've literally become, or we as been have literally become 113 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,640 a cult of inner child worship, right? 114 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,840 You see this. And when we do that, we'll guess 115 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:50,520 what? We literally just empowering 116 00:05:50,520 --> 00:05:52,600 ourselves when we should be moving forward. 117 00:05:53,280 --> 00:05:55,080 So instead of moving forward, well, what am I doing? 118 00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:57,840 I'm just, I'm just empowering myself, right? 119 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,360 And then what do I do? Will I delude myself into 120 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,200 believing if I do the work, I'll become wealthy? 121 00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:05,160 If I do the work, I'll become more powerful. 122 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:07,520 If I do the work, I'll be become more lovable. 123 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,040 If I do the work, I will finally be enough, right? 124 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:11,960 We assume that inner work, right? 125 00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,320 He's the same as worldly power and wealth and prestige. 126 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,160 You can see this too many of us do this. 127 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,600 We think, well, if I do the work, if I join a program, if I 128 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,720 find a coach, if I find a therapist, right? 129 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:25,360 I will finally acquire worldly power. 130 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,800 I'll acquire wealth. I'll acquire prestige. 131 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,800 Guys, if that's true, right, then ask yourself, why are most 132 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,920 people who go for therapy? Why are most people who hire 133 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:35,440 coaches? Why are most people who do inner 134 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:38,520 work in self development without those, without those things? 135 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,880 Because the truth is, for some of you, you've been doing 136 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,800 personal development for years and years and years. 137 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,280 Well, guess what? You don't have Willie power. 138 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,040 You have no wealth, you have no prestige. 139 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,760 Because guys, do you see this? Because we join programmes like 140 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:56,120 this, right? Why do I join awakened man? 141 00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:59,080 Why do I join heroic man? Why do I hire a therapist? 142 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:02,040 Well, it's not to acquire worldly power and wealth and 143 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,400 prestige. I do those things to learn about 144 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,560 feelings, right? I do those things to learn to, 145 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,640 how to really remember how to find the size again. 146 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:13,680 I joined a program to, to, to, to learn, right, how to find 147 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,040 words for invisible things, right? 148 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:19,200 How to go to, how to go deep and how to face my darkness and, and 149 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,240 do you see that, that anybody do it right? 150 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,880 If I learn about my feelings, if I learn how to really remember, 151 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:27,080 how to fantasize again, if I learn how to find words, 152 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:30,360 invisible things, right? If I learn how to go to, to go 153 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,280 deep, if I learn how to face my darkness, if I do it right, 154 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,840 well, then you know what? Maybe I will attain wealth and 155 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,600 fame. Maybe I'll attain power. 156 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,120 And, but all of those things is, as Victor Frankel said, all of 157 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:43,000 those things, the wealth, the fame, the power, right? 158 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:45,680 They, they, they come as a byproduct of it. 159 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:51,200 And and then on the other hand, maybe you won't ever can you see 160 00:07:51,320 --> 00:07:58,200 this that unfortunately right more than it in the social 161 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:04,680 sciences, there's a fallacy, right called post hoc ergo 162 00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,840 Proctor hawk, right? I'm going to repeat this figure. 163 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:09,920 There's a fallacy in doing social science research, right, 164 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,520 called post hoc ergo Proctor Proctor hawk, right. 165 00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:16,960 And for those who were not all grew up on your Latin, it 166 00:08:16,960 --> 00:08:20,240 literally means that because one event happened before another, 167 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,120 the early event caused the the later one. 168 00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,200 So what does it mean? It basically means that because 169 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:29,880 one event happened before another, we then say that the 170 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,640 early event caused the later one, right? 171 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:33,960 And yes, it may be true in some cases. 172 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,240 Well, guess what? I'm not. 173 00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:38,000 I'm not looking where I'm walking. 174 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:40,960 I stabbed my toe and then I shout out, right? 175 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,080 But it is not necessarily or always true, right? 176 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,000 So some of us will say, well, you know what? 177 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,840 My parents beat me as a child, right? 178 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:51,120 And now I have trouble controlling my anger. 179 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,480 Well, guys, guess what? Your parents hit you as a child, 180 00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,480 right? And yes, now you've travel 181 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,120 controlling your anger, right? But we can't conclude that the 182 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,120 one cause the other. So you know what? 183 00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,480 Perhaps it did. But but, but, but it may well be 184 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:07,560 irrelevant, right? Because even if it were causal, 185 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:10,800 right, there may be many other contributing factors to your 186 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,760 anger, right? So, so let's go back to the 187 00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:15,160 example. Or stabbing your toe, right? 188 00:09:15,880 --> 00:09:18,520 It would be obvious that they're not wearing shoes, right? 189 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,600 And leaving junk on the floor and rushing across the room to 190 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,400 answer the phone in in the dark, right? 191 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:28,400 Are all causal events, right? But do you see this in the 192 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,400 complicated Stew of your past, right? 193 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:34,080 The question is, can every ingredient really have appearing 194 00:09:34,080 --> 00:09:37,480 on on on on your issue at hand? Make honestly ask yourself, did 195 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,760 your mother's rage really teach you to be explosive when you're 196 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,960 angry? Or was it your father's 197 00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,640 coolness? Was it both? 198 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:46,160 Was it neither? Right? 199 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:48,800 Do you see that they're casting back over the events of our 200 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,840 life, right? Looking for causes of our 201 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:54,640 current difficulties, right? It's further problematic because 202 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:58,200 there's so many connections that that that we can't ultimately 203 00:09:58,200 --> 00:09:59,760 see. And guess what? 204 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:01,400 All of us, our memory isn't perfect. 205 00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,800 Heck, those of us can't remember what the heck we did a week ago, 206 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:08,080 let alone two weeks ago, a month ago, a year ago, right? 207 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,280 And, and, and now and, and now we're wondering about, well, 208 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,920 what the fuck did I do 20-30, forty years ago? 209 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:16,200 I guess you can see this, our memory isn't perfect, right? 210 00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,280 So guess what? Some important facts will be 211 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:20,600 forgotten, right? And, and, and many irrelevant 212 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,400 details will be remembered, right? 213 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:26,440 And, and, and, and so then The thing is, in all of the, the, 214 00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:28,240 this mining of the past, what does he do? 215 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,920 It all he does, it turns up fool's gold, right? 216 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:34,400 But, but, but you and your coach, you and your therapist 217 00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,480 take it on as as if you've just stepped a major vein of wool. 218 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:40,120 Do you see this, that, that, that, that if my memory isn't 219 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:44,440 perfect, right? And, and, and, and so I forget 220 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:47,480 some important facts. I remember many irrelevant 221 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,920 details, right? And, and so I spent all of my 222 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,760 time mining the past. But you see that all he's ever 223 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,040 turning up is fool's gold, right? 224 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:56,320 But then what do I do? Well, me, my coach, my 225 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:58,800 therapist, we take it on as if we we've just stepped a major 226 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,760 vein of ore right and and and at best, right. 227 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:05,480 You're going to waste a shit ton of of time on irrelevancies and 228 00:11:05,480 --> 00:11:07,600 wrong turns even if you eventually arrive at your 229 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,600 destination, right? And so the other thing with no 230 00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,480 need laws to guide us right is a canvas of physicists hairs, 231 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,480 right? How the fuck do we even know 232 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:20,480 what makes what happen right if in principle anything could have 233 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:24,440 caused anything else, right? As long as one preceded the 234 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:28,880 other. In our case, we'll not wearing 235 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,520 shoes caused me to, to stun my toe, right? 236 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:34,640 The the, the, the, the danger is that that once I have a theory 237 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:37,880 right, you know what I can do? I can just pick out the items 238 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:39,560 that fit my theory and disregard the rest. 239 00:11:39,720 --> 00:11:41,080 I'm repeat this. Can you guys see this? 240 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:44,720 If, if in principle anything could have caused anything else, 241 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,040 right? Then the, the, the danger is 242 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,040 that that once I have a theory, I just pick out the items that 243 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:52,760 fit my theory right? And then I disregard the rest. 244 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:56,200 I I see way too many men. So men will go and read a book 245 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,120 on attachment theory, I think. Well, guess what? 246 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,120 Everything in my life, right? My partner is behaving the way 247 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:02,760 she is. His attachment theory. 248 00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,480 My mother was like that attachment theory, my behavior 249 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:06,840 in the present attachment theory. 250 00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:08,480 Do you see that? That's what we do. 251 00:12:09,040 --> 00:12:13,720 We literally pick out I have a theory to explain my behavior 252 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,320 and other people's behavior, and then I pick out items that fit 253 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,680 my theory and I disregard the rest, right? 254 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:23,440 And as Abraham also said, right, if the only tool in your toolbox 255 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:26,960 is a hammer, well, guess what? Then basically everything starts 256 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:29,080 looking like nails. But in in in. 257 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:31,480 Guys, here's the thing. Even if self help became a 258 00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:34,760 precise instrument, even if we became a precise science, right? 259 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,880 What good would finding the cause of your current discomfort 260 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,760 do? You, I'm repeating this figures. 261 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,960 Can you see this? Ask yourself this question. 262 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,240 What fucking good would finding the causes of your of your 263 00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,720 current discomfort do for you, right? 264 00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,840 Would having a label or being classified as uncomfortable make 265 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:54,040 you feel any better? Let's ask yourself this question 266 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,520 right? If I did just a label to myself, 267 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,320 if I classify some behaviors uncomfortable, right? 268 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,640 Will it make me feel any better right. 269 00:13:03,040 --> 00:13:05,960 This one I get up in the middle of the night, I have 270 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:09,040 excruciating pain in my mouth, right? 271 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,240 So I have a cavity, right, But knowing that I have a cavity 272 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:15,960 doesn't stop my tooth pain. Going to the dentist and getting 273 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:19,680 getting it filled as can you see this understanding that I have 274 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,800 an ache and headache, right, because I was punched too hard 275 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:28,440 it at BJJ, at karate, at boxing practice, whatever doesn't make 276 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:31,800 me feel any better, right? But taking a painkiller does. 277 00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,640 Do you see this? Yes, absolutely right. 278 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,840 In the case of the cavity, we should absolutely improve our 279 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,400 dental hygiene, right? And and indication of the 280 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,320 martial arts. We should yes, we should Polish 281 00:13:41,320 --> 00:13:44,240 our defensive skills to avoid similar pains in the future. 282 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,560 And, and yes, some people will be relieved by discovering the 283 00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:52,040 source of the psychology, right? And and some of us will be able 284 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,080 to see a course of action that they will be bring relief once 285 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:58,200 we understand the cause. But but but guys, again for for 286 00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,360 far many to for far many too many of us, right? 287 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,880 But pointing the cause won't be enough to help us repeat this 288 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,240 for you guys did it for way too many of us, right. 289 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,840 But pointing the cause, excavating the deepest, darkest 290 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,600 parts of our childhood, right, won't be enough to help us, 291 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:15,560 right. So we'll spend months, we'll 292 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:18,440 spend years digging until we we hit pay dirt, right? 293 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,400 And then our response is likely to be and So what? 294 00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:26,160 My mother beat me. So what my father yelled at me, 295 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:29,000 he was called So what, right? Knowing the cause of our psychic 296 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:32,840 pain, right? But having no Ave. to reduce it 297 00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,720 will actually make us make some of us feel even worse. 298 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,560 I'm repeat this for you guys. They'd knowing the cause of your 299 00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:41,320 psychic pain, right? But if you have no Ave. to 300 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,240 reduce, it will actually make some of us feel even worse, 301 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:45,880 right? Knowing that I'm depressed 302 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:47,880 because my marriage is falling apart, right? 303 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,720 But only increase my depression since I can't go back and change 304 00:14:51,720 --> 00:14:53,120 the past. Can you see this that, that, 305 00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:55,800 that knowing I'm depressed because my marriage is failing 306 00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,200 or falling apart, right, Might only increase my depression 307 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,160 since I can't go back and change the past, right? 308 00:15:01,160 --> 00:15:04,160 And then the second major problem with coaches and self 309 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:08,080 gurus now wanting to do therapeutic work, right then in 310 00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:10,720 order to do psychiatric and psychological therapies, right, 311 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:13,600 is that we have to mimic the medical model. 312 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,320 And then and so as clinicians, right, we, we licensed by right, 313 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,600 by relevant authorities in our countries and health insurance 314 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,320 covers us at least partially, partially, right. 315 00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:27,400 And so medical doctors are trained to diagnose and treat 316 00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,680 physical illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists 317 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,280 will be trained to treat medic mental illnesses, right? 318 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:39,880 And here's the thing, right? Guess what? 319 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:44,880 So on day one of grade school, right, one of the lecturers in 320 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,680 psychopathology told us a joke to illustrate this point. 321 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:54,320 The patients who came early for the appointment, right, we 322 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,880 diagnose them as anxious patients who come late, as 323 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,640 hostile patients who come on time, as compulsive. 324 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:01,880 I'm going to can you guys see this? 325 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,640 The joke was told by psychiatrists themselves, right? 326 00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:08,520 Who knew full well the difference between literal and 327 00:16:08,520 --> 00:16:11,760 metaphoric illness. But guys, it's not funny anymore 328 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,920 because their difference, right, has been blurred by too many 329 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,960 coaches and gurus, right, who who read the book or, or do in 330 00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:23,000 into what Thomas says calls the myth of mental illness, right? 331 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:25,680 And, and so medical problems, right? 332 00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,240 What do we call them? Well, we call them syndromes, 333 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,760 right? And, and, and so wholesome 334 00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:32,600 syndromes have been observed, documented, research and 335 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,560 understood. So for example, Down syndrome 336 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,440 is, is caused by a specific genetic sequence, right? 337 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:40,680 Whilst the rest syndrome is, is a specific brain dysfunction 338 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:43,720 that that manifest as as agitated but but not dangerous 339 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,200 gestures and vocalizations, right? 340 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,960 AIDS are quite immune. Immune deficiency syndrome is 341 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,200 caused by a retrovirus, HIV, right? 342 00:16:53,160 --> 00:16:55,720 There are attacks and disables the immune system, right? 343 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,880 But then, but then we get to mental health diagnosis, which 344 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:00,280 too many of us tend to do, right? 345 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,960 We diagnose ourselves, we get our coaches, our therapists 346 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,599 diagnose us. So, so let's, let's take 347 00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:06,440 something like like Gulf War syndrome, right? 348 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:08,160 What the fuck does that even mean? 349 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,160 Well, apparently it means that some people who served in the 350 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,359 Gulf War, I'm feeling well, right? 351 00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:14,680 And, and, and no one knows, right, or no one is saying 352 00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,760 whether the, the, the, the, those members of the armed force 353 00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,319 were exposed to biological agents or chemical toxins, 354 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:22,720 whether their problems are medical or psychological or 355 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,960 both, right. And so make it a diagnosis like 356 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,040 alpha syndrome, right? It sounds incredibly scientific, 357 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:31,040 but it, it reveals no new or useful information about the 358 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:32,560 problem. Do you see this? 359 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:36,840 It's literally an an example of circular thinking And, and, and 360 00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,800 well guess what? Do you know what happens when 361 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,760 when I apply circular definitions of literal literal 362 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,800 physical illnesses to metaphorical mental mental ones, 363 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,960 but we literally end up in a zoo of so-called disorders, right? 364 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,800 So, well you know what? You have an unresolved emotional 365 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,800 problem stemming from a past and peasant experience. 366 00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:59,560 Well, guess what, in, in, in every psychologist and 367 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,680 psychiatrist and therapist Bible, AKA the DSM or the 368 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:06,520 diagnostic and statistical metal, it becomes a mental 369 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,320 illness, post traumatic stress disorder. 370 00:18:08,320 --> 00:18:10,360 You can see that. Well, you know what you have an 371 00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,760 unresolved emotional problem stemming stemming from a past 372 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:15,240 and present experience. Well, we thought, well, you know 373 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:17,760 what we're going to label, label it a mental illness. 374 00:18:17,920 --> 00:18:19,960 You know post traumatic stress disorder, right? 375 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,560 Is your, is your child having a problem learning arithmetic? 376 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,400 Well, guess what? There's a good, there's 377 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:27,680 literally a good chance it's because a teacher wasn't paying 378 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,360 attention in, in, in teacher school, in teachers training, 379 00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:31,640 right? Or maybe a teacher doesn't even 380 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,280 know how you know how to be arithmetic, right? 381 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:36,240 Or maybe because current teaching methods claim that the 382 00:18:36,240 --> 00:18:39,920 right answer to 2 + 2 is equal to will whatever number makes 383 00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,600 the student feel good, right? Well, but guess what? 384 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:46,560 In in the DSM, it becomes a mental illness, developmental 385 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:48,800 arithmetic disorder. You can see this, right? 386 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,760 Are you disappointed because you didn't win the latest lottery? 387 00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,280 Well, in the DSM, it too becomes a mental illness, lottery stress 388 00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:59,360 disorder. The the question there is, would 389 00:18:59,360 --> 00:19:02,240 you still say get treatment for yourself or your child if you 390 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,120 were confronted with this kind of diagnosis? 391 00:19:04,760 --> 00:19:09,280 Well, guess what? Don't ever say no because it's 392 00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:11,520 John Peterson rightly points out about the DSM. 393 00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,400 Your refusal literally becomes a mental illness. 394 00:19:15,480 --> 00:19:17,640 We've now labeled you as non compliance with treatment 395 00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:20,040 disorder. And guys, honestly, this would 396 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,120 be fucking great if if it was science fiction or comedy, But 397 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:26,120 but, but honestly, it it it masquerades a serious science 398 00:19:26,120 --> 00:19:29,360 today, right? And and which brings me to do so 399 00:19:29,360 --> 00:19:35,080 many men's use scapegoat ADHD. Like let's go back 50 years, 40 400 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:36,520 years. In 1987, the American 401 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:40,600 Psychiatric Association voted in voted in attention deficit 402 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,960 hyperactivity disorder. Right is a mental illness, 403 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,160 right? And they did it by fucking 404 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:47,960 ballot. Guys, please, I'm, I'm going to 405 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,880 repeat this for you guys. In 1987, the American 406 00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:54,200 Psychiatric Association right voted in attention deficit 407 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:57,920 hyperactivity disorder as a mental illness by ballot. 408 00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,640 Literally we have ADHD today because Americans, not brats, 409 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:06,000 not French, not Germans, not Aussies, not S Africans, not the 410 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:09,040 Chinese, not the Russians, not Brazilians. 411 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:12,040 Americans decided that there's a new psychiatric disease called 412 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:14,720 ADHD. And and and the question is how 413 00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:17,400 the fuck did they even decide? Was it based on science? 414 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:20,400 Maybe, right? But they did it in a fucking 415 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,320 ballot. Well, guess what? 416 00:20:22,360 --> 00:20:25,440 In that year, in 1987, half a million American children were 417 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:29,000 diagnosed with ADHD. In 1996, it was estimated that 418 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,280 5.2 million children, 10% of American school children were 419 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,880 diagnosed by ADHD, right? And So what was the kill for 420 00:20:35,880 --> 00:20:38,040 this epidemic? Ritalin, right? 421 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,360 Whose production and sales in nightmare sky sky side effects 422 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:45,040 are fucking skyrocketed, right? And do you see this? 423 00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:47,440 It's fucking great for the drug business. 424 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,120 It's great for the pharmaceutical companies. 425 00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,160 Well, not so good for our children, right? 426 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,360 And again, right, there isn't one shred of medical evidence 427 00:20:54,360 --> 00:20:57,440 that ADHD is caused by any specific brain disease, right? 428 00:20:58,120 --> 00:20:59,960 But guess what? It's a claim that justifies 429 00:20:59,960 --> 00:21:02,440 pronouncing millions of American school children, millions of 430 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:04,520 pretty school children, millions of men, right? 431 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,360 Mentally ill. Do you see that? 432 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,480 Did literally, if I say I have ADHD, I'm literally justifying 433 00:21:09,480 --> 00:21:11,600 to myself in pronouncing that this what? 434 00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:15,320 I'm mentally ill and well, guess what, I can now, I can now drug 435 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,440 myself. I can drug my kids by coercion 436 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:21,560 and then I record these diagnosis of mental illness on 437 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,720 on, on, on on the children's permanent records. 438 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:27,240 And this guys, the question is why are so many normally healthy 439 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:33,040 foods have been in at times and all the children having trouble 440 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:35,240 paying attention in school, right? 441 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,200 And yes, you know ADHD is one possibility, but they are 442 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:41,560 fucking many others, right? It could also be because it is 443 00:21:42,280 --> 00:21:44,440 we've said so many times on on our course. 444 00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,440 Too many children have have absent father syndrome. 445 00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,200 No no father present to motivate them, no father present to 446 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:54,160 discipline them. Incompetent teachers, no subject 447 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,840 that are left to study, no standards that they demand any 448 00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,120 learning notice that they evaluate any knowledge. 449 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,760 Incompetent teachers and and and and parents were indifferent, 450 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,800 right? It could also be because men 451 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:08,000 really standards have been replaced with mindless slogans, 452 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,680 right? And there's no moral authority 453 00:22:09,680 --> 00:22:15,000 at home or school to inculcate virtues in in in in in in our 454 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,360 kids, guys. And then what about us is men 455 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:18,720 right? Do you see this? 456 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,600 Did did our children literally suffer right because maybe me as 457 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,720 a father, right? I'm never present to motivate 458 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,800 them as a man right? I have no baseline standards 459 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,920 right? I pride myself on mindless 460 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:33,280 nonsense, glean from dumb self help books and influence the 461 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,880 greater education right? We don't join the army anymore. 462 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,400 We had no corporeal authority in self-discipline. 463 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,560 We don't believe in God right? And and so well, guess what? 464 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,600 We have no ethereal authority in false discipline too, right? 465 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,720 Literally right. We have as men today. 466 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,680 We have no philosophy, we love by, we have no virtues to, to 467 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,280 defend our masculinity. And then, well, guess what? 468 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:58,640 The, the, what does it do to our children? 469 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,760 Well, the educational system is literally transformed from a 470 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,840 part of learning the minefield of, of debilitation, right? 471 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,920 If my dad doesn't pay attention in school, well, guess what? 472 00:23:08,080 --> 00:23:10,720 He's got ADHD. If I complain about this kind of 473 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,240 diagnosis, well, well, I've, I've, I've now got attention 474 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:16,600 deficit disorder, denial disorder, right? 475 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,360 And and, and again, do you see the, the, the one problem with 476 00:23:19,360 --> 00:23:24,480 this approach, right? Is it all the so, so-called 477 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,200 disorders, right? They aren't tested according to 478 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,800 any scientific criteria. Well, you know what in a child 479 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,520 work, it's, it's never been, been, been, been been tested, 480 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,960 right? According to any, to any sort of 481 00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,960 scientific criteria, The, the, the, the, the declaration or 482 00:23:38,960 --> 00:23:42,360 suppose supposition right there, there's something exists without 483 00:23:42,360 --> 00:23:45,440 evidence to pick it up, right? It's literally what philosophers 484 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:49,480 call ratification. Guys, I'm a therapist, I'm a 485 00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:52,440 psychologist and I can tell you they're a psycho psychiatrist 486 00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,160 and psychologist, right? We are all fucking experts at 487 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:58,400 refined syndromes and disorders. We dream them up, right? 488 00:23:58,920 --> 00:24:02,800 So I dream up a syndrome and a disorder and and then I find 489 00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:05,320 symptoms with people in in quality evidence that the 490 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:07,320 illness exists. I'm repeat this for you. 491 00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:08,880 Can you see this? This is what we do as a 492 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:12,120 profession, right? We fucking experts at refined 493 00:24:12,120 --> 00:24:13,960 syndromes and disorders. We dream them up. 494 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,600 We didn't find symptoms in people in quality evidence. 495 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,120 Did the illness exist, but in whatever benefit is to be gained 496 00:24:20,120 --> 00:24:22,600 from from proving symptoms like that right. 497 00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:24,680 There's also a huge fucking drawback. 498 00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:28,360 It living for us as many dead as the power of inquiry. 499 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:31,040 It makes us think that we have answers when we actually don't. 500 00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,160 Right. So well, guess what is a man? 501 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:37,880 I feel unhappy for no reason. Well, I believe it for that is 502 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:40,600 UN is unmediated depressive syndrome. 503 00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,520 Yeah, I see it all the time like to drum your fingers on your 504 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,120 desk. Now you've got percussive 505 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:49,440 digital disorder. Do you guys see this in in years 506 00:24:49,440 --> 00:24:52,560 pragmatism again to ask where the fuck that does any of those 507 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:56,560 glasses mean, right and and the only way right to have a true 508 00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,920 lasting solution to a current problem right is to work at it 509 00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:03,040 in the present, to resolve it in the present, to learn from it in 510 00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,920 the present, right? And then applied what I learned 511 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,640 to the future. Yes. 512 00:25:08,640 --> 00:25:11,440 Any questions? Nice. 513 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:16,120 So it's like focus on the past that keeps you in the past. 514 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,880 Yeah, absolutely. You see that they've been 515 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,840 spending all of my time, weeks, months, years in the past. 516 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:24,880 Well, guess what? That's where I'm focused. 517 00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:29,680 And then, well, just I'm now importing the child archetype. 518 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,120 This empowered, apolitical little part of me, right? 519 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:35,520 It literally looks at life challenges and says, well, you 520 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:36,880 know what? This is too big for me. 521 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,000 This is too much for me. Well, what can I do about it? 522 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:41,480 My relationship fails. Well, what can I do about it? 523 00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:46,000 I suck at work. My work environment sucks. 524 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:52,080 My boss is driving me crazy. Well, what can I do about it? 525 00:25:53,360 --> 00:25:55,480 Don't get along with my, my siblings, my parents, my 526 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,000 children. But what can I do about do you 527 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,840 see this, what we want, what we need to do, right? 528 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,160 The only way to have a true lasting solution to to to our 529 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,480 current personal problems, right is to work at it in the present, 530 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,240 to resolve it in the present, to learn from it in the present and 531 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,640 and then apply what I've, what I've learned to the future. 532 00:26:15,360 --> 00:26:18,120 Yeah, thanks man. Makes complete sense. 533 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,520 All right, guys, until next time.