Welcome, heroic men. Today we're going to be talking
about why so many people are using the inner child work and
it might just be a bunch of BS. Yazin is in the room.
We're going to be talking about this subject this morning.
Yazin, the floor is yours. Thank you, Pisa.
Yeah, he's like Pete said. I know for some reason, but
there seems to be this thing we speak to so many men, right?
And and and so many men will will tell you well, you know,
we've joined this program, hired a code fundamental doing
psychotherapy, whatever, because we want to do in a child work,
right? And honestly, if I have to say
something about this, it's fucked in a child work, right,
guys, Honestly, when it comes to when it when it comes to
coaches, especially people, people act as if NHL work is a
new thing. It was discovered yesterday or
last week, right? It's not it.
Psychologists have been doing doing NHL work for the last like
190 years or whatever. And almost always it's like it's
the 1990s in psychology again, Like for some reason, whatever
old is new again and too many cultures and gurus and in South
have orders have been doing NHL work.
Cool again, right? Except for the fact that
honestly, it isn't guys, I'm going to repeat this for you
guys. They do need a child work,
right? Isn't cool.
So back in the day, just for a little bit of context, back in
the day and before we knew better as therapists and
psychologists, right, we'd help clients to go back to their
childhood. And the belief was, was that I
did that with you because you were still stuck in some child
developmental stage, right? And, and, and, and the stuckness
was reaching on through the years.
And it was like a ghost or, or, or some demon possessing you,
right? And it was haunting you.
It was wanting your presence and keeping you repeat this.
Can you see this is the reason why why we did in a child work
was because we, we believed right and still do right, That,
that, that, that, that that you were stuck in some child
developmental stage and in the stuckness, what was reaching out
through the years, right? And like it goes to US haunting
your present and keeping you stuck.
And again, the problem with this right is we look at it
backwards. And the problem with looking
backwards is, well, if I'm looking backwards, guess what?
I'm not looking around right, but looking forward, right?
My focus is what's behind me, right?
And so the strip backwards, right, Carl Young had a word
when he had a phrase with he called you the child archetype,
right? And so think about the child,
right? By its very nature, when we were
kids, we were disempowered, right?
When we were kids, we were, we were apolitical, right?
And so you see this when you talked about the child
archetype, he said that they're based very needs.
The the child archetype is apolitical and it's
disempowered, right? So the the the child archetype,
right, Like the little kid has no real and meaningful
connection with the present world, right?
It's called in the past I didn't.
And so the, the what, what does the adult me do?
The adult me says, well, well, what can I actually do about my
world? You know what?
I'm, I'm on the right of the political spectrum.
Now we have a left wing government.
Well, what can I do? I'm on the left of the political
spectrum. We have a right wing government.
What can I do? Can you see this?
The, the, the adult in me says, well, what can I do actually do
about my world, right? I have problems with my
relationships. Well, what can I do about my
world? I'm not happy at work, but what
can I do about my world, right? And, and, and and then the part
of you says, well, you know what, this thing, your
relationship politics, your work issues are bigger than me.
Do you see that that why? Because it's the child archetype
talking for the for the little child inside of me, right?
All of my issues, all my problems, right?
All my challenges are always bigger than me.
And So what do I do? Will I think to myself, I need
to sort this out? So I go, I hire a coach, I hire
a therapist, I join the program. And with this belief that, you
know what, if I work on myself, on my growth, they're going to
myself, right? If I work on my development,
even if maybe I finally find the parenting that that I so
desperately needed when I was a child, maybe I find a support
group, maybe I join a 12 step program, then you know what?
Maybe finally I will be whole. I will be, I will be enough.
I'll be whole again. That is honestly, this is so
much fucking bullshit right because here's the thing about
becoming whole becoming whole requires the intensity in the
now I'm repeat this for you guys they're becoming a whole right
doesn't require you to be intense in the past.
It requires you to be intense in the now right.
It requires you to be active in the present right.
It's not about excavating the past.
The last time I checked, none of us were were named Harrison
Ford, Indiana Jones, our job. We were not archaeologists.
We have no work excavating the past because here's the thing,
when we do right, when we do in the child work, when we, when we
emphasize the, the, the child archetype, when we spend hours
and hours and months and years evoking our childhood and
reconstructing our childhood, Do you know what I'm doing?
Well, I'm literally blocking myself from engaging with the
present. So let me repeat this thing.
Can you see this? The, the, the, the if I say,
well, you know what I'm going to do in the child work, right?
So, so now I'm, I'm emphasizing the, the child archetype, right?
I'm spending hours and hours and months and weeks and years and
whatever evoking my childhood, right?
And reconstructing my childhood. Well, guess what?
I'm literally blocking myself from engaging with the present.
I've, I've literally become, or we as been have literally become
a cult of inner child worship, right?
You see this. And when we do that, we'll guess
what? We literally just empowering
ourselves when we should be moving forward.
So instead of moving forward, well, what am I doing?
I'm just, I'm just empowering myself, right?
And then what do I do? Will I delude myself into
believing if I do the work, I'll become wealthy?
If I do the work, I'll become more powerful.
If I do the work, I'll be become more lovable.
If I do the work, I will finally be enough, right?
We assume that inner work, right?
He's the same as worldly power and wealth and prestige.
You can see this too many of us do this.
We think, well, if I do the work, if I join a program, if I
find a coach, if I find a therapist, right?
I will finally acquire worldly power.
I'll acquire wealth. I'll acquire prestige.
Guys, if that's true, right, then ask yourself, why are most
people who go for therapy? Why are most people who hire
coaches? Why are most people who do inner
work in self development without those, without those things?
Because the truth is, for some of you, you've been doing
personal development for years and years and years.
Well, guess what? You don't have Willie power.
You have no wealth, you have no prestige.
Because guys, do you see this? Because we join programmes like
this, right? Why do I join awakened man?
Why do I join heroic man? Why do I hire a therapist?
Well, it's not to acquire worldly power and wealth and
prestige. I do those things to learn about
feelings, right? I do those things to learn to,
how to really remember how to find the size again.
I joined a program to, to, to, to learn, right, how to find
words for invisible things, right?
How to go to, how to go deep and how to face my darkness and, and
do you see that, that anybody do it right?
If I learn about my feelings, if I learn how to really remember,
how to fantasize again, if I learn how to find words,
invisible things, right? If I learn how to go to, to go
deep, if I learn how to face my darkness, if I do it right,
well, then you know what? Maybe I will attain wealth and
fame. Maybe I'll attain power.
And, but all of those things is, as Victor Frankel said, all of
those things, the wealth, the fame, the power, right?
They, they, they come as a byproduct of it.
And and then on the other hand, maybe you won't ever can you see
this that unfortunately right more than it in the social
sciences, there's a fallacy, right called post hoc ergo
Proctor hawk, right? I'm going to repeat this figure.
There's a fallacy in doing social science research, right,
called post hoc ergo Proctor Proctor hawk, right.
And for those who were not all grew up on your Latin, it
literally means that because one event happened before another,
the early event caused the the later one.
So what does it mean? It basically means that because
one event happened before another, we then say that the
early event caused the later one, right?
And yes, it may be true in some cases.
Well, guess what? I'm not.
I'm not looking where I'm walking.
I stabbed my toe and then I shout out, right?
But it is not necessarily or always true, right?
So some of us will say, well, you know what?
My parents beat me as a child, right?
And now I have trouble controlling my anger.
Well, guys, guess what? Your parents hit you as a child,
right? And yes, now you've travel
controlling your anger, right? But we can't conclude that the
one cause the other. So you know what?
Perhaps it did. But but, but, but it may well be
irrelevant, right? Because even if it were causal,
right, there may be many other contributing factors to your
anger, right? So, so let's go back to the
example. Or stabbing your toe, right?
It would be obvious that they're not wearing shoes, right?
And leaving junk on the floor and rushing across the room to
answer the phone in in the dark, right?
Are all causal events, right? But do you see this in the
complicated Stew of your past, right?
The question is, can every ingredient really have appearing
on on on on your issue at hand? Make honestly ask yourself, did
your mother's rage really teach you to be explosive when you're
angry? Or was it your father's
coolness? Was it both?
Was it neither? Right?
Do you see that they're casting back over the events of our
life, right? Looking for causes of our
current difficulties, right? It's further problematic because
there's so many connections that that that we can't ultimately
see. And guess what?
All of us, our memory isn't perfect.
Heck, those of us can't remember what the heck we did a week ago,
let alone two weeks ago, a month ago, a year ago, right?
And, and, and now and, and now we're wondering about, well,
what the fuck did I do 20-30, forty years ago?
I guess you can see this, our memory isn't perfect, right?
So guess what? Some important facts will be
forgotten, right? And, and, and many irrelevant
details will be remembered, right?
And, and, and, and so then The thing is, in all of the, the,
this mining of the past, what does he do?
It all he does, it turns up fool's gold, right?
But, but, but you and your coach, you and your therapist
take it on as as if you've just stepped a major vein of wool.
Do you see this, that, that, that, that if my memory isn't
perfect, right? And, and, and, and so I forget
some important facts. I remember many irrelevant
details, right? And, and so I spent all of my
time mining the past. But you see that all he's ever
turning up is fool's gold, right?
But then what do I do? Well, me, my coach, my
therapist, we take it on as if we we've just stepped a major
vein of ore right and and and at best, right.
You're going to waste a shit ton of of time on irrelevancies and
wrong turns even if you eventually arrive at your
destination, right? And so the other thing with no
need laws to guide us right is a canvas of physicists hairs,
right? How the fuck do we even know
what makes what happen right if in principle anything could have
caused anything else, right? As long as one preceded the
other. In our case, we'll not wearing
shoes caused me to, to stun my toe, right?
The the, the, the, the danger is that that once I have a theory
right, you know what I can do? I can just pick out the items
that fit my theory and disregard the rest.
I'm repeat this. Can you guys see this?
If, if in principle anything could have caused anything else,
right? Then the, the, the danger is
that that once I have a theory, I just pick out the items that
fit my theory right? And then I disregard the rest.
I I see way too many men. So men will go and read a book
on attachment theory, I think. Well, guess what?
Everything in my life, right? My partner is behaving the way
she is. His attachment theory.
My mother was like that attachment theory, my behavior
in the present attachment theory.
Do you see that? That's what we do.
We literally pick out I have a theory to explain my behavior
and other people's behavior, and then I pick out items that fit
my theory and I disregard the rest, right?
And as Abraham also said, right, if the only tool in your toolbox
is a hammer, well, guess what? Then basically everything starts
looking like nails. But in in in.
Guys, here's the thing. Even if self help became a
precise instrument, even if we became a precise science, right?
What good would finding the cause of your current discomfort
do? You, I'm repeating this figures.
Can you see this? Ask yourself this question.
What fucking good would finding the causes of your of your
current discomfort do for you, right?
Would having a label or being classified as uncomfortable make
you feel any better? Let's ask yourself this question
right? If I did just a label to myself,
if I classify some behaviors uncomfortable, right?
Will it make me feel any better right.
This one I get up in the middle of the night, I have
excruciating pain in my mouth, right?
So I have a cavity, right, But knowing that I have a cavity
doesn't stop my tooth pain. Going to the dentist and getting
getting it filled as can you see this understanding that I have
an ache and headache, right, because I was punched too hard
it at BJJ, at karate, at boxing practice, whatever doesn't make
me feel any better, right? But taking a painkiller does.
Do you see this? Yes, absolutely right.
In the case of the cavity, we should absolutely improve our
dental hygiene, right? And and indication of the
martial arts. We should yes, we should Polish
our defensive skills to avoid similar pains in the future.
And, and yes, some people will be relieved by discovering the
source of the psychology, right? And and some of us will be able
to see a course of action that they will be bring relief once
we understand the cause. But but but guys, again for for
far many to for far many too many of us, right?
But pointing the cause won't be enough to help us repeat this
for you guys did it for way too many of us, right.
But pointing the cause, excavating the deepest, darkest
parts of our childhood, right, won't be enough to help us,
right. So we'll spend months, we'll
spend years digging until we we hit pay dirt, right?
And then our response is likely to be and So what?
My mother beat me. So what my father yelled at me,
he was called So what, right? Knowing the cause of our psychic
pain, right? But having no Ave. to reduce it
will actually make us make some of us feel even worse.
I'm repeat this for you guys. They'd knowing the cause of your
psychic pain, right? But if you have no Ave. to
reduce, it will actually make some of us feel even worse,
right? Knowing that I'm depressed
because my marriage is falling apart, right?
But only increase my depression since I can't go back and change
the past. Can you see this that, that,
that knowing I'm depressed because my marriage is failing
or falling apart, right, Might only increase my depression
since I can't go back and change the past, right?
And then the second major problem with coaches and self
gurus now wanting to do therapeutic work, right then in
order to do psychiatric and psychological therapies, right,
is that we have to mimic the medical model.
And then and so as clinicians, right, we, we licensed by right,
by relevant authorities in our countries and health insurance
covers us at least partially, partially, right.
And so medical doctors are trained to diagnose and treat
physical illnesses. Psychiatrists and psychologists
will be trained to treat medic mental illnesses, right?
And here's the thing, right? Guess what?
So on day one of grade school, right, one of the lecturers in
psychopathology told us a joke to illustrate this point.
The patients who came early for the appointment, right, we
diagnose them as anxious patients who come late, as
hostile patients who come on time, as compulsive.
I'm going to can you guys see this?
The joke was told by psychiatrists themselves, right?
Who knew full well the difference between literal and
metaphoric illness. But guys, it's not funny anymore
because their difference, right, has been blurred by too many
coaches and gurus, right, who who read the book or, or do in
into what Thomas says calls the myth of mental illness, right?
And, and so medical problems, right?
What do we call them? Well, we call them syndromes,
right? And, and, and so wholesome
syndromes have been observed, documented, research and
understood. So for example, Down syndrome
is, is caused by a specific genetic sequence, right?
Whilst the rest syndrome is, is a specific brain dysfunction
that that manifest as as agitated but but not dangerous
gestures and vocalizations, right?
AIDS are quite immune. Immune deficiency syndrome is
caused by a retrovirus, HIV, right?
There are attacks and disables the immune system, right?
But then, but then we get to mental health diagnosis, which
too many of us tend to do, right?
We diagnose ourselves, we get our coaches, our therapists
diagnose us. So, so let's, let's take
something like like Gulf War syndrome, right?
What the fuck does that even mean?
Well, apparently it means that some people who served in the
Gulf War, I'm feeling well, right?
And, and, and no one knows, right, or no one is saying
whether the, the, the, the, those members of the armed force
were exposed to biological agents or chemical toxins,
whether their problems are medical or psychological or
both, right. And so make it a diagnosis like
alpha syndrome, right? It sounds incredibly scientific,
but it, it reveals no new or useful information about the
problem. Do you see this?
It's literally an an example of circular thinking And, and, and
well guess what? Do you know what happens when
when I apply circular definitions of literal literal
physical illnesses to metaphorical mental mental ones,
but we literally end up in a zoo of so-called disorders, right?
So, well you know what? You have an unresolved emotional
problem stemming from a past and peasant experience.
Well, guess what, in, in, in every psychologist and
psychiatrist and therapist Bible, AKA the DSM or the
diagnostic and statistical metal, it becomes a mental
illness, post traumatic stress disorder.
You can see that. Well, you know what you have an
unresolved emotional problem stemming stemming from a past
and present experience. Well, we thought, well, you know
what we're going to label, label it a mental illness.
You know post traumatic stress disorder, right?
Is your, is your child having a problem learning arithmetic?
Well, guess what? There's a good, there's
literally a good chance it's because a teacher wasn't paying
attention in, in, in teacher school, in teachers training,
right? Or maybe a teacher doesn't even
know how you know how to be arithmetic, right?
Or maybe because current teaching methods claim that the
right answer to 2 + 2 is equal to will whatever number makes
the student feel good, right? Well, but guess what?
In in the DSM, it becomes a mental illness, developmental
arithmetic disorder. You can see this, right?
Are you disappointed because you didn't win the latest lottery?
Well, in the DSM, it too becomes a mental illness, lottery stress
disorder. The the question there is, would
you still say get treatment for yourself or your child if you
were confronted with this kind of diagnosis?
Well, guess what? Don't ever say no because it's
John Peterson rightly points out about the DSM.
Your refusal literally becomes a mental illness.
We've now labeled you as non compliance with treatment
disorder. And guys, honestly, this would
be fucking great if if it was science fiction or comedy, But
but, but honestly, it it it masquerades a serious science
today, right? And and which brings me to do so
many men's use scapegoat ADHD. Like let's go back 50 years, 40
years. In 1987, the American
Psychiatric Association voted in voted in attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder. Right is a mental illness,
right? And they did it by fucking
ballot. Guys, please, I'm, I'm going to
repeat this for you guys. In 1987, the American
Psychiatric Association right voted in attention deficit
hyperactivity disorder as a mental illness by ballot.
Literally we have ADHD today because Americans, not brats,
not French, not Germans, not Aussies, not S Africans, not the
Chinese, not the Russians, not Brazilians.
Americans decided that there's a new psychiatric disease called
ADHD. And and and the question is how
the fuck did they even decide? Was it based on science?
Maybe, right? But they did it in a fucking
ballot. Well, guess what?
In that year, in 1987, half a million American children were
diagnosed with ADHD. In 1996, it was estimated that
5.2 million children, 10% of American school children were
diagnosed by ADHD, right? And So what was the kill for
this epidemic? Ritalin, right?
Whose production and sales in nightmare sky sky side effects
are fucking skyrocketed, right? And do you see this?
It's fucking great for the drug business.
It's great for the pharmaceutical companies.
Well, not so good for our children, right?
And again, right, there isn't one shred of medical evidence
that ADHD is caused by any specific brain disease, right?
But guess what? It's a claim that justifies
pronouncing millions of American school children, millions of
pretty school children, millions of men, right?
Mentally ill. Do you see that?
Did literally, if I say I have ADHD, I'm literally justifying
to myself in pronouncing that this what?
I'm mentally ill and well, guess what, I can now, I can now drug
myself. I can drug my kids by coercion
and then I record these diagnosis of mental illness on
on, on, on on the children's permanent records.
And this guys, the question is why are so many normally healthy
foods have been in at times and all the children having trouble
paying attention in school, right?
And yes, you know ADHD is one possibility, but they are
fucking many others, right? It could also be because it is
we've said so many times on on our course.
Too many children have have absent father syndrome.
No no father present to motivate them, no father present to
discipline them. Incompetent teachers, no subject
that are left to study, no standards that they demand any
learning notice that they evaluate any knowledge.
Incompetent teachers and and and and parents were indifferent,
right? It could also be because men
really standards have been replaced with mindless slogans,
right? And there's no moral authority
at home or school to inculcate virtues in in in in in in our
kids, guys. And then what about us is men
right? Do you see this?
Did did our children literally suffer right because maybe me as
a father, right? I'm never present to motivate
them as a man right? I have no baseline standards
right? I pride myself on mindless
nonsense, glean from dumb self help books and influence the
greater education right? We don't join the army anymore.
We had no corporeal authority in self-discipline.
We don't believe in God right? And and so well, guess what?
We have no ethereal authority in false discipline too, right?
Literally right. We have as men today.
We have no philosophy, we love by, we have no virtues to, to
defend our masculinity. And then, well, guess what?
The, the, what does it do to our children?
Well, the educational system is literally transformed from a
part of learning the minefield of, of debilitation, right?
If my dad doesn't pay attention in school, well, guess what?
He's got ADHD. If I complain about this kind of
diagnosis, well, well, I've, I've, I've now got attention
deficit disorder, denial disorder, right?
And and, and again, do you see the, the, the one problem with
this approach, right? Is it all the so, so-called
disorders, right? They aren't tested according to
any scientific criteria. Well, you know what in a child
work, it's, it's never been, been, been, been been tested,
right? According to any, to any sort of
scientific criteria, The, the, the, the, the declaration or
suppose supposition right there, there's something exists without
evidence to pick it up, right? It's literally what philosophers
call ratification. Guys, I'm a therapist, I'm a
psychologist and I can tell you they're a psycho psychiatrist
and psychologist, right? We are all fucking experts at
refined syndromes and disorders. We dream them up, right?
So I dream up a syndrome and a disorder and and then I find
symptoms with people in in quality evidence that the
illness exists. I'm repeat this for you.
Can you see this? This is what we do as a
profession, right? We fucking experts at refined
syndromes and disorders. We dream them up.
We didn't find symptoms in people in quality evidence.
Did the illness exist, but in whatever benefit is to be gained
from from proving symptoms like that right.
There's also a huge fucking drawback.
It living for us as many dead as the power of inquiry.
It makes us think that we have answers when we actually don't.
Right. So well, guess what is a man?
I feel unhappy for no reason. Well, I believe it for that is
UN is unmediated depressive syndrome.
Yeah, I see it all the time like to drum your fingers on your
desk. Now you've got percussive
digital disorder. Do you guys see this in in years
pragmatism again to ask where the fuck that does any of those
glasses mean, right and and the only way right to have a true
lasting solution to a current problem right is to work at it
in the present, to resolve it in the present, to learn from it in
the present, right? And then applied what I learned
to the future. Yes.
Any questions? Nice.
So it's like focus on the past that keeps you in the past.
Yeah, absolutely. You see that they've been
spending all of my time, weeks, months, years in the past.
Well, guess what? That's where I'm focused.
And then, well, just I'm now importing the child archetype.
This empowered, apolitical little part of me, right?
It literally looks at life challenges and says, well, you
know what? This is too big for me.
This is too much for me. Well, what can I do about it?
My relationship fails. Well, what can I do about it?
I suck at work. My work environment sucks.
My boss is driving me crazy. Well, what can I do about it?
Don't get along with my, my siblings, my parents, my
children. But what can I do about do you
see this, what we want, what we need to do, right?
The only way to have a true lasting solution to to to our
current personal problems, right is to work at it in the present,
to resolve it in the present, to learn from it in the present and
and then apply what I've, what I've learned to the future.
Yeah, thanks man. Makes complete sense.
All right, guys, until next time.