1 00:00:01,480 --> 00:00:06,800 Ever wondered if real, lasting change is possible? 2 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,480 Well, friends, you're not alone with that. 3 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:14,040 It's a question Ben and I get a lot with the coaching that we do 4 00:00:14,320 --> 00:00:17,720 with guys, and we're going to talk about it today. 5 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:21,800 Can I change? Can you change me? 6 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:27,200 Fuck knows mate. Yeah, you know, I actually know. 7 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:29,480 Do you know what? I think both of us are very good 8 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:32,520 at this. Like, so I probably what I could 9 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,920 say even in the time that I've known you. 10 00:00:35,920 --> 00:00:39,560 So like, so just like an example of this, I remember both of us 11 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,160 sat on a train saying how much we did add this taste for social 12 00:00:44,160 --> 00:00:47,600 media and how we didn't want to be that those people doing 13 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:49,640 stories and showing up all the time. 14 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,000 And we were like, can't we just have conversations and meet 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:54,840 people for coffee? And I like there was like both 16 00:00:54,840 --> 00:01:00,600 of us in that moment, our, our belief about ourselves that we 17 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:04,200 weren't these guys that showed up on socials did all the, the, 18 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,200 the influence and then we'll call it influence him for just 19 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:10,520 kind of like a real high level look at it. 20 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,520 And I remember you just made this decision. 21 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:16,000 You like, I'm just going to embrace this. 22 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,360 I'm just going to do it. And it wasn't like it wasn't 23 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,160 this like I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. 24 00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,200 And then you didn't do it. It was like, I'm just going to 25 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,760 do it. And then all of a sudden there's 26 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:29,160 this massive change where you went from your pitches on 27 00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:33,000 Facebook or Instagram being couple of Thor, maybe some of 28 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:34,760 Leo. So all of a sudden there was 29 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:39,720 these 6/10/15 Reels a day, not Reels Stories a day going up. 30 00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:42,160 And that was just a big shift in you. 31 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,680 You changed yourself in a very, very short space of time. 32 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,560 And I think that is probably one of your master skills is seeing, 33 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,600 seeing something that you really like in some like a mentor. 34 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,000 I know you know, you, you invest heavily in mentorship and 35 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,120 coaching. You see something in them and 36 00:01:58,120 --> 00:02:00,760 you're very, very good at bringing it into your own 37 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:04,480 operating procedures and changing narratives. 38 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,280 Perhaps like, Oh, I'm not the guy that does that. 39 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,960 So that's what I I my thoughts on like this initially are. 40 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:12,760 Yeah, yeah. And I and I remember that 41 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,000 moment. I remember having so much 42 00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,800 reluctancy to putting myself online. 43 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,880 So now I'm the operations guy. I've always been the operations 44 00:02:20,880 --> 00:02:22,720 guy. I'm cool behind the scenes, 45 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,720 don't want to be in front of the camera. 46 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:29,760 And at the time, my my wife, now ex-wife, she was kind of like 47 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:31,520 she was building her own influence. 48 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,120 So she was loving the camera and always and it was always, hey 49 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:36,920 Pete, take a photo. Hey Pete, take a video. 50 00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:39,520 So it was like there was also that for me as well. 51 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:41,440 I don't want to get, I don't want to be that person. 52 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,680 Yeah, yeah, I, I and I'm the same. 53 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:48,720 I think I've been the same. I love, I love talking to the 54 00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:51,280 camera. I hate posing. 55 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:55,120 Like doing a false pose for me was really like, really, really 56 00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:58,200 uncomfortable. And I even remembered, like, we 57 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,120 did a recent shoot where I just got some stock footage for my 58 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,840 promotions and I remember just posing and feeling really 59 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,080 uncomfortable and like, we're going to talk about this in the 60 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,680 podcast today. It's like that was real pain for 61 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,600 me. So it's like it, you know, 62 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,560 probably in front of an audience of 1000 people. 63 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,880 I'm like comfortable, you know, maybe a bit bit, but at the same 64 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:25,080 time, but make me pose and put a :) on for a photo and I'm like, 65 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:26,600 this is really, really uncomfortable. 66 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:31,120 Yeah, well so last weekend I just hosted an event in London 67 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:36,240 and had 40 plus guys come and it was an amazing event, 2 days. 68 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,120 And one of the guys said to me before the event started, bumped 69 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:44,840 into me is like, do you don't get nervous like about hosting 70 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:50,160 this sort of thing? And my response was, I feel 71 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:53,800 though, I feel the whirring in my stomach, but I don't label it 72 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,600 as being nervous. I actually label it as it's the 73 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,600 fucking energy that I'm that I'm building right now and I'm going 74 00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:01,600 to cultivate and I'm going to bring that into the room. 75 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:04,680 And like, I'm like, dude, you will see it later and I like 76 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,200 you'll see it. You'll fucking feel it. 77 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:10,760 But there was absolutely a time where that was not the case for 78 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,760 me. I remember in my early 20s when 79 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,200 I, I actually wanted to be a pitch designer. 80 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:22,240 So I wanted to stand essentially in front of groups of people, 81 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:26,680 corporates and pitch designs to them, which was it was a high 82 00:04:26,680 --> 00:04:28,480 paying job. It's also, it's a job with a lot 83 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,200 of status, like to be the pitch designer, to be the guy that's 84 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:32,760 winning projects for your company. 85 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:37,040 You get a lot of status on that. I wanted to be that guy, but I'd 86 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:42,240 fucking ship myself even thinking about standing in front 87 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:46,280 of people and essentially pitching to, to win a project. 88 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:53,440 But for a good year, 18 months, I just consistently put myself 89 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,200 into those scenarios, even though I was fucking cheating 90 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,000 myself, consistently put myself into the rooms. 91 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,760 I I remember like going to these pitches and I'd have music 92 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:06,760 playing in my ears around like a bit like motivational talks, 93 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,320 right, And I'd be highly caffeinated. 94 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:15,040 I'd be doing anything to like just make sure that all's 95 00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,280 tactics to to get me through the door. 96 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:22,320 And so many times, so many, like I fucked pictures up and like 97 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,520 I'd lost my words and was standing in front of 1020 people 98 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:30,160 like like in her endless over time, I got really good at it. 99 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,800 And now, like you can, you know, talk in front of thousands of 100 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:36,720 people. I can I can host host a room so, 101 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:41,920 so comfortable, but there was a huge period of being incredibly 102 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:46,960 discomfortable, uncomfortable. But the out on the on the other 103 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:51,080 end of that is change. Yeah, I am. 104 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:55,080 I think the great question for the podcast today is like, can I 105 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:59,760 change myself? And I remember there's been like 106 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:04,000 so many times in my 20s where I let people down. 107 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:09,280 I was so disorganized and, and had that question in my head and 108 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,200 I'm like, am I, am I going to be living a life of this? 109 00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:15,440 Like, is this my life where I'm just have to face these kind of 110 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:19,680 frustrations with myself all the time, like chaotic finances, 111 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:23,720 chaotic relationships, chaotic and knowing that it was all my 112 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:27,600 own doing, like knowing that I was the root cause of all of it. 113 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:32,360 And, and I remember thinking, and anyway, it was, it was a, it 114 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,800 was a moment. I remember thinking I was 115 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,040 drinking coffee and I stood up a client, you know, she was a high 116 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,920 playing client. I, I rocked into the gym late by 117 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,800 about two minutes and she said, where were you? 118 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,000 And and she did literally didn't sign up because I was 2 minutes 119 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,000 late. And she said, Ben, I don't have 120 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:50,480 time for people like you in my life. 121 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:55,840 And I was like, what? And I, it stung like crazy, but 122 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,920 it will help me help me enormously. 123 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,920 Anyway, I closed the gym up for the day. 124 00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,480 I was really butt hurt. And then I sat in the coffee 125 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:07,040 shop and sulked and I remember thinking to myself, like, am I 126 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:13,080 just like doomed to this life of being disorganized, not doing 127 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:17,560 the things that I said I would do, being like character traits 128 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,160 of, you know, so. And this is that I think, can I 129 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,040 change myself looking at where did all these come from? 130 00:07:23,040 --> 00:07:26,800 Like not only just from my mum, from my dad, but like my own 131 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,520 doing. I was like, am I just doomed to 132 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:33,280 live a life of these shadow behaviors from my parents and my 133 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,200 upbringing? And then it wasn't until I 134 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,040 actually started working with a really transformational coach 135 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,640 that ice really started to see massive, massive change. 136 00:07:42,640 --> 00:07:45,760 So so yeah, I just want to share like, we're doing the podcast 137 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,120 today, having been in that place, haven't asked that 138 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,600 question. I think it's a really, really 139 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:53,400 important question for you to ask and answer. 140 00:07:54,240 --> 00:08:00,520 I think that's step one is explore the doubt, exploring 141 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:04,760 where you're doubting yourself. And and like, like Ben just said 142 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,600 there like am I taking on the traits of my parents? 143 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,360 Like, like where is this doubt coming from? 144 00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:15,200 Like is the have I have I got like this fucking horrendous 145 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,840 fear of failure or horrendous fear of like people judging me? 146 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:23,840 Like I had the fear, like I had the fear that fucking came 147 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,080 fucking true as well. Like standing in front of people 148 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,640 not knowing what to say in a pitch. 149 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:35,120 Like it came fucking true. I didn't die you, you know, I 150 00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:37,919 just did it again and I got better at it, did it again, got 151 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:40,840 better at it. And those and those people, by 152 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:42,600 the way, those people that I stood in front of fucking 153 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,520 remember it. I fucking remember it so well. 154 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:50,880 My MD was there and and I remember and I try and I really 155 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,880 tried to ramp up the conversation as well because I 156 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:58,440 knew I was fucking up and it, it was like a fucking lead balloon. 157 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:04,520 It was like a level of oh, no one responded to my bid of yeah, 158 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:06,480 it was the room was fucking silent. 159 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,000 And I remember I was fucking so red. 160 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:12,400 But I just did it again. I did it again. 161 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:14,920 And those 10 people that were in that room, I bet they don't 162 00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:18,200 Remember Me now, right? No, I can't remember their fate. 163 00:09:18,200 --> 00:09:20,040 I can't remember who they are. I don't remember the fucking 164 00:09:20,040 --> 00:09:21,640 name of the company. Just remember it happening. 165 00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:25,080 That was years ago. Yeah, they, they the best like 166 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:30,240 the I, I was like, whenever I'm going to try and do something. 167 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,360 So say, for example, you've clicked on this podcast today, 168 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,560 you're listening in or watching, and this is a big question for 169 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:36,680 you. Can I change myself? 170 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:39,160 I, I always think like, where can I go to explore this? 171 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,760 And I, I loved Steve Chandler's work on this, like Steve 172 00:09:42,760 --> 00:09:44,040 Chandler. So let me just kind of give you 173 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,000 a background on Steve. Steve is one of the best coaches 174 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,200 in the world and one of the most highly acclaimed coaches work 175 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,360 with some of the biggest names in business and with Brian 176 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,680 Johnson from heroic and he's like such a plow in the coaching 177 00:09:54,680 --> 00:09:57,320 industry. And there was one specific book 178 00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:58,960 and it's not even the book itself. 179 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,080 It's the freaking title that says everything. 180 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:04,440 It's the story of you and how to write a better 1. 181 00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:08,600 And in the in the book, he talks about these ideas of we live 182 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:11,240 inside stories and we just have a story. 183 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:15,080 We, we've at some point we've made a story about ourself that 184 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,880 we've made permanent. We have this idea of something 185 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,360 called and this might be something you want to write 186 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,520 down. And it's a it's a word. 187 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:27,000 Is it 2 words that have really helped me understand and and 188 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,840 answer this question is idea of personal permanence. 189 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:36,040 So personal permanence is this belief that we are somehow fixed 190 00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,120 in time and space and we'll never change. 191 00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:42,640 So when we recall a friend from university or college or school, 192 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,920 when we think about a, Hey, I knew Pete back in, Oh yeah, he 193 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:49,160 was that this this guy and he had these traits. 194 00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:53,040 The way that your mind works is you don't imagine Pete as he is 195 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:56,480 now. You imagine Pete as he is or was 196 00:10:56,600 --> 00:11:00,560 1520 years ago, because you have this idea that Pete is fixed 197 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,200 Pete. Pete was this, there's this 198 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,560 identity that's fixed and is the same. 199 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:08,240 And anyway, this like, I was like, yeah, it's so crazy this 200 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:11,080 idea we have this idea that we have this personal permanence. 201 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:14,000 And I was like, and it was really interesting. 202 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:17,680 There was a guy in my school year who was an absolute 203 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:19,680 failure. Like the guy was just like a 204 00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:21,960 layabout, never did anything in his life. 205 00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,920 He was I, you know, I used to think he was thick. 206 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,480 You know, I was like, this guy is like intelligence is somewhat 207 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,360 poor. Anyway, I was walking through 208 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,520 Clandido Town, which is real small town vibe, and I bumped 209 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:37,440 into him and I was like, hey, man. 210 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,440 And he's like, in turn around. He'd had his teeth done. 211 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:42,760 His face looked good. Yeah. 212 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,400 The sun tan, his clothes looked on point. 213 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:50,600 And my brain was going wild. I was like, this guy is 214 00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,160 different. He's like taking it. 215 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,200 And I was like, dude, I was like, I mean, I can't just say 216 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,680 you look incredible. And he goes, oh, man, back in 217 00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,440 school, you knew me when I was back in school. 218 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:00,600 Like, you know, I've got my own company. 219 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,440 I've got the doing this. And I was like, oh, wow. 220 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,000 And like in that moment is one of those moments where I was 221 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,520 like, change is possible. He was not the, he was 222 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:15,000 categorically not the same guy that I knew in school. 223 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:17,240 He wasn't, he was a successful guy. 224 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:19,880 Vibrance and that. And it's this idea that when, 225 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:23,800 when we believe change is possible for ourselves, we 226 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,560 believe it to be possible for others as well. 227 00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:29,400 And that's why it's so important as a coach, as a consultant, as 228 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,360 even a therapist, you've got to believe that you can change 229 00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:35,240 because you because you've got to believe other people can 230 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:37,880 change. So that, that was my experience 231 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,400 of it. And, and the the words that I 232 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,200 think that we hang on to it is the idea of personal permanence. 233 00:12:42,200 --> 00:12:44,000 I am the same person no matter what. 234 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,840 Yeah. And I like that. 235 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:49,560 I've not, I've never heard of that before. 236 00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:52,680 And I'm going to relate that to Yeah. 237 00:12:52,680 --> 00:12:55,360 And what you talked about there like you are the story that you 238 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:58,400 tell, but you're also, you're also your habits. 239 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,360 It's like that, that story that you tell coincides with your 240 00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,360 habits. And then you, you are 241 00:13:05,360 --> 00:13:07,960 essentially your habits. The way, the way you wake up in 242 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:10,520 the morning, the way you go straight to the toilet, the way 243 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,720 you think, the way you think when you wake up in the morning, 244 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:15,720 when you go into the toilet, what you're thinking, whether 245 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:19,720 you're thinking gratitude and I'm and I'm so blessed to be in 246 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:21,840 this place or whether you're thinking, fucking hell. 247 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,960 Got that e-mail to say. And I've got that to do. 248 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,280 I can already hear the kids getting up, right And then 249 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:30,120 whatever you do after that and after that and then after that 250 00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:33,680 and after that, highly, highly likely it was the same thing 251 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:36,960 that you did yesterday and the same thing that you did the week 252 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,560 before and then the month before that. 253 00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:42,840 Highly, highly likely. Like it's not as though like you 254 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:44,760 wake up this morning, Ben and we're like, do you know what? 255 00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:47,360 Today, complete new fucking identity. 256 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:49,640 Just going to take that mask over there. 257 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:51,680 Take this one off, put this one on. 258 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:54,960 New done. New habits, new fucking 259 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:56,920 everything. Highly, highly unlikely. 260 00:13:57,360 --> 00:14:00,720 Like we are our habits. We are the stories that we tell 261 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:02,640 ourselves. Yeah, there there is actually 262 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:05,240 something I've I've really had a revelation around. 263 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,400 I've I've done a lot of work with Benjamin Hardy over the 264 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:12,560 last say, say 6 to 12 months. Like I told you to read his book 265 00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:13,960 Pete, you know, he's one of those books in it. 266 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,560 It's like. Gotten good book? 267 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,880 He's such a good book. He's like one of his many books, 268 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:20,480 but and I and I one of the things I do really, really well 269 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,520 when I get an author, I read all of their work and I'll read it 270 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,640 multiple times and I'm still rereading and his books at the 271 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:31,680 moment and his concept around your your past creating your who 272 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:33,920 you are in the moment. Most people think that they're 273 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,920 created by the past and it's not actually not true. 274 00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:41,160 And it, and it is actually, this is his, his argument against 275 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:44,160 this is actually really powerful about especially with how can I 276 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:47,800 change myself is that most people believe the past creates 277 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,440 the present and your present creates the future. 278 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,040 That's them. That's their way that they 279 00:14:51,040 --> 00:14:53,440 think. So we think that we are a 280 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:56,200 product of our past. So when we want to look at like 281 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,520 who we are and the moment we look at blaming our past, 282 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:05,080 however, he argues that your future creates your present and 283 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:08,440 your present creates your past. And let me let me explain this. 284 00:15:09,320 --> 00:15:12,280 When you think that your past creates your present, you 285 00:15:12,280 --> 00:15:14,280 believe that you're a product of all the things that have 286 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:15,920 happened to you, all the thoughts and habits of the 287 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,160 behaviors, and that's who you're living and breathing right now, 288 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,440 which is true to an extent. The results you're experiencing 289 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,080 now are a result of the things that have happened. 290 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:29,000 However, who you want to become and who you're going to be is a 291 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:30,960 result of your future. And the way that he talks about 292 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:35,560 this is when you have a brighter future, what happens is you 293 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,560 start to change the way that you behave in the present. 294 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:42,880 And when you behave better and you think better in the present, 295 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:45,080 you also look at your past differently. 296 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,240 So your actual past changes because of the way that you're 297 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,280 looking at it now. This is like, for example, when 298 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,800 you look at three wins every single day when I've done 299 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:57,440 what's, what are three things that have gone well today And 300 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:01,040 you stack them every single day, day after day after day after 301 00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:03,600 day after day after day. All of a sudden you start 302 00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:08,120 looking at your past in a different way and that changes. 303 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:12,480 So actually the past just becomes a subjective 304 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,240 interpretation of what we're experiencing in the moment. 305 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,280 And and that's like what he talks about when in terms of 306 00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:21,480 trauma, he talks about trauma is, is just an experience that 307 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,920 hasn't been made into a win. It's such an amazing concept. 308 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:27,800 So let's just kind of put this into the context of what we're 309 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,520 talking about now is do I believe that I can change? 310 00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,080 Yes. And and not only can you change 311 00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:35,960 in the present, you can actually change the way that you look at 312 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:39,280 your past. And I think this is so important 313 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,760 for so many of you guys listening in is that you 314 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,840 probably thought divorce happened to you. 315 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,280 Your business broke down because of you. 316 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:49,800 You you're the failure. All these things had negative 317 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:54,320 consequences and they hurt you. Until you reframe them and say 318 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:58,600 saw that all happening for you, it will continue to be painful. 319 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,600 It will continue to inhibit your change. 320 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,800 So this is the stuff I'm getting at the moment from his work and 321 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:07,400 it's really, really helping me see not only my own life, but 322 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:10,400 the lives of clients as well. Such a great insight. 323 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,760 That's a fucking such a powerful insight. 324 00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:16,760 It is, but it like here's an example. 325 00:17:17,280 --> 00:17:22,240 When I went through divorce, the the moments of like when I was 326 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,280 in that when it was so fresh was so fucking painful. 327 00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,520 Man, yeah. So it's just just so, so 328 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,400 painful. And I had people around me 329 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,320 saying, dude, some stage you're going to look back at this and 330 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,840 it's going to be one of the best things that ever happened to you 331 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,680 in the moment. You can't see that. 332 00:17:38,720 --> 00:17:42,000 Mate, I, I get what you're saying, but it's hard to hear, 333 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,400 right? But now, now I can now like 334 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,760 because my mind is in a better place, I can look back at that 335 00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,640 and go, wow, yeah, what a gift. What a gift to all the lessons 336 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:53,960 that I took from that relationship and actually over 337 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,360 the last like years since I've separated, I probably had more 338 00:17:57,360 --> 00:18:00,120 growth in that year than I had in the previous 6. 339 00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,320 Fucking hell what? What a gift. 340 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,520 So I can see how that concept works. 341 00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:06,760 But I think you would like it. I mean, we've talked about this 342 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,160 before. Is that you one of the things 343 00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:10,760 that you were Catherine Woodward Thomas? 344 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:12,920 Yeah. So it's like you had that 345 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:16,880 conversation with her, which was talking about not taking, like, 346 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:21,520 making personal change. So you don't you don't bring all 347 00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:23,880 the shit from your previous relationship into the next one. 348 00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:26,000 It's like. And I think going back to the 349 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,680 question we're talking about is like, can people change? 350 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:30,720 Well, The thing is that some people actually don't. 351 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:34,920 They'll have a relationship. They, they will, it'll finish. 352 00:18:35,120 --> 00:18:38,480 They won't do any personal work. And then what they will do is 353 00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,200 they will just repeat the pattern again. 354 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,520 Yes. And there was a, there was a, Oh 355 00:18:43,520 --> 00:18:47,560 my gosh, this is like, actually I had, I had a cycle of 356 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:52,760 three-year relationships. And so I literally, honestly, it 357 00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:55,080 was like my, my high school relationship was three years. 358 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,600 My university relationship was 2-3 years. 359 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,800 And it was like 3 years relate 3 year relationships all the way 360 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,920 up to the point of when I met my first wife. 361 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:07,200 And I think that didn't last long, obviously after the 362 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,920 divorce either. So, and then I remember speaking 363 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:11,960 to a therapist, Tim, I was speaking to Simmons. 364 00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,960 Like, I was like, yeah, yeah. And I noticed there's a pattern 365 00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,600 that three years. But guess where that pattern 366 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,880 came from? My mum. 367 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,680 Your mum. Them had three-year 368 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,120 relationships and then there was so many three-year 369 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:25,800 relationships. They're almost like exactly 3 370 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,720 years. And not blaming my mum, but I'm 371 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,280 just saying that that we become the patterns that we get from 372 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,880 our our parents. And I think change, like can we 373 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,040 change? Is that a decision that I'm not 374 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:38,600 going to perpetuate those patterns? 375 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,120 Yes, yeah, yeah. And it and it's a decision to 376 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:47,480 not only acknowledge that, but then go right, like I just like 377 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:50,040 I did with my previous relationship was like, OK, I'm 378 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:52,880 coming out relationship now. How can I just go into 379 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:57,160 uncovering like where I was at fault during that relationship 380 00:19:57,360 --> 00:20:01,160 where I let things slip like how I can improve going forward 381 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,880 rather than just going jumping straight into the next. 382 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,800 But it's the same with anything. It's the same like say you have 383 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,080 a business back up a business breakdown, you're going to start 384 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,760 a new business. It's actually being aware of 385 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:16,400 like why? The original business broke 386 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,480 down. Same with your finances. 387 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,800 Say your finances have been a pickle for a long time. 388 00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:23,680 It's not right. Let me have a look at this. 389 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,080 Where am I fucking up? What's my habits? 390 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,720 What's my behaviours that I've consistently repeated over time? 391 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:32,960 And just getting aware of all of those things. 392 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:38,680 Yeah, there's something that I I actually like, Yeah. 393 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:40,520 Like can I change? But how do I change? 394 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,880 And then, and then I think that's what is the nebulous, 395 00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:47,840 confusing struggle that a lot of people have is like, well, 396 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:49,720 actually, this is the way I've always been. 397 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:52,920 How do I change? And the first most obvious thing 398 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,120 is time and attention. It's like time and attention. 399 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:02,120 It's giving something time in your calendar and intense bouts 400 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:06,520 of attention is, is the first tool to change anything. 401 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:09,240 And it seems overly simple. But if you think about this 402 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,080 right, you've got this character trait that you're lazy. 403 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:14,800 Yeah. This is what you believe about 404 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:15,760 yourself. I'm lazy. 405 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,200 I'm a lazy person. I I don't like training or 406 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,840 pushing myself hard. And I want to change. 407 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:25,200 I want to change, but I've never been the the person that goes to 408 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,880 the gym. Well, the only way that you're 409 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,160 actually going to change that is time in the gym and attention. 410 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,600 Like bring your attention to the gym for a period of time. 411 00:21:34,120 --> 00:21:39,160 And it's amazing what happens when you see people that they, 412 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:41,960 although, although they might have this story that I'm not 413 00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,760 this person that goes to the gym, I'm not a saver, I'm not 414 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,600 someone who goes into long distance relationships. 415 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:51,760 If they can just suspend that story, like just park it, like 416 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,880 may it might be true, but we're going to carry on doing things 417 00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,680 anyway and just give something time and attention. 418 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:01,480 It's amazing what you can do Like, and this is where I I'm 419 00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:04,360 actually going to a bit of a, a challenge at the moment with, 420 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,040 with ADHD. There's so many people 421 00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:10,160 pathologizing themselves with ADHD, and then they're like, I'm 422 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,320 just, you know, I can't change unless I saw a person who can't 423 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,000 focus. I can't bring my attention on 424 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:18,200 something. I'm like, I am definitely in the 425 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,520 category of people with terrible attention spans. 426 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:25,640 Yeah, I can spend long stretches of time focused on something. 427 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,240 And here's why. I never bought into the story 428 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,640 that I had ADHD or ADD, never even got diagnosed, never got 429 00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:36,360 statemented. And then I just spent time doing 430 00:22:36,360 --> 00:22:40,000 the things that actually improves my attention span, 431 00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:42,560 reading books, listening to audio books, going on long 432 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:46,240 walks, focusing on one thing, meditation and that. 433 00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:49,800 And, and I think there's so many people do that now is that they, 434 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,280 they, they pathologize themselves with something. 435 00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:56,160 And then they say, well, this is the reason I can't change. 436 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,960 I can't possibly change because I've got ADHD so I can't focus 437 00:22:59,960 --> 00:23:02,840 on this. Yeah, it's a label. 438 00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:09,240 Yeah, it's like, and sometimes it is a simply a, it's like it's 439 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:14,200 reframing the label. Maya saw my mum a couple of 440 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,600 weeks ago. I could see she's fucking so 441 00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:18,720 stressed. I could just see it in the way 442 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,240 she looks, the way she's acting. She's so stressed. 443 00:23:22,680 --> 00:23:27,720 And I had a really long, deep conversation with her and I was 444 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:29,680 like, she's just putting everyone else before her, 445 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:31,960 everyone. And I was like, you have to you 446 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,280 have to stop putting yourself first. 447 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:36,320 Just do, do something for yourself, whether that's some 448 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,440 Pilates or yoga every week, just something for you to take 449 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:42,280 yourself out of everyone else's equation. 450 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:46,320 And anyway, right, she agreed, she agreed to do. 451 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:50,840 And I messaged her yesterday. I said, hey, how's the plotties 452 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,160 going? She goes, oh, well, I'm supposed 453 00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:57,160 to have my first session on Saturday, but Saturday is our 454 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,440 her her husband, my stepdad. It's his 70th birthday. 455 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:02,000 In the evening, they're having a party. 456 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:06,000 She goes, but I just, it's way too stressful for me to do the 457 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,280 Pilates on the Saturday, so I'm going to have to wait until 458 00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:13,120 another Saturday. And I said, mum, you just 459 00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:17,680 labeled that stressful. Like why not just reframe that 460 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,680 label from the hey, this is really stressful to this is my 461 00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:25,000 time to ground myself and relax before I've got a big day ahead 462 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:27,800 of me with the party. Right. 463 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,880 And it and it is it's like just catch yourself where you've 464 00:24:31,120 --> 00:24:34,080 you've like Ben just said there. I'm like labeling myself with a 465 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:38,120 condition or I'm labeling a scenario with arse is stressful. 466 00:24:38,120 --> 00:24:41,160 Arse is overwhelming. I've got so much going on right 467 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,000 now. Try reframe because it goes back 468 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:49,240 to the story you tell. I think the the the kind of the 469 00:24:49,240 --> 00:24:51,400 sentence was like I am someone who. 470 00:24:51,840 --> 00:24:54,920 Yes. I am someone who can't focus. 471 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,840 I am someone who can't, I'm someone who can't eat just a 472 00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,040 salad. I'm someone who who can't. 473 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:03,800 Like, you know, if you were to finish that sentence out loud, I 474 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,600 am someone who can't. And that's the like an identity 475 00:25:07,600 --> 00:25:12,640 you've created for yourself. And that's the great thing is 476 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,160 that when you actually realize it's, it's very plastic, it's 477 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:18,160 very changeable. It's very, it's, it's actually 478 00:25:18,160 --> 00:25:20,120 very, very, what's the word for pliable? 479 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,840 It means you feel like it's actually really empowering as 480 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:26,200 well. I think that I was someone who 481 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,320 saw myself as really disorganized. 482 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:34,880 IIA default state for me was not to use my calendar, not to have 483 00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:37,520 appointments, and that's what I called freedom. 484 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,960 I thought freedom was not having no appointments and it was 485 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,280 chaos. It was really chaos. 486 00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:46,200 And then I worked enormously on that. 487 00:25:48,360 --> 00:25:50,320 And the only thing is in the last two or three years where 488 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,840 I've thought a second, yeah, I'm actually quite organised. 489 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,320 I'm not, I would never say I'm on the upper echelons of, of, of 490 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:57,880 diligence with my calendar, you know. 491 00:25:57,920 --> 00:25:59,720 So obviously this goal was going to be somewhat better. 492 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,560 But I remember thinking I was like, hang on a second. 493 00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:05,560 No, this is actually, I'm really good compared to where I was. 494 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,120 And that was something that was a big shift to me was like, oh, 495 00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:14,400 I can call myself organised now. Yeah, another, another reason 496 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:19,400 why change can be hard is that it's highly likely, and you 497 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:22,320 know, I do this, Ben does this, we'll have things in our 498 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,440 subconscious. They're just not fucking aware 499 00:26:24,440 --> 00:26:27,080 of that we're doing. So example of this last week, 500 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,560 one of the guys in the Awakened Man, we're having a bit of a 501 00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:36,040 competition right now on sending out offers, proposals, see who 502 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:38,080 can make the most money. Essentially, it's just a game, 503 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:40,280 right? It's a really fun game. 504 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,880 One of the guys who is incredibly intellectual, has a 505 00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:47,080 super, has a super great business, should probably be 506 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:50,000 doing the best out of everyone has, I think made like one 507 00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,400 offer, right? One of the other and one of the 508 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:56,800 other guys who's new to the game has made like 67 offers, right? 509 00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:02,400 But me and then and this week I ironically sold to everyone and 510 00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,920 literally with a WhatsApp and a Stripe link, that was it. 511 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:08,800 And this guy messaged me. His name's Al. 512 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,800 I hope you're listening. And he was like, your funnel was 513 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:13,440 literally a WhatsApp and a Stripe link. 514 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:15,520 And I'm like, yeah, I don't fucking complicate things. 515 00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:20,040 And then what came out was that because Al is highly 516 00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:23,560 intellectual and he's an accountant, and so for most of 517 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,360 his life, he's actually had to make things quite complicated 518 00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:28,120 because accounting can be very complicated. 519 00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,480 And the way that he was taught when he was going for his 520 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,280 college and university and graduate degrees and so on to 521 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,920 become a chartered accountant, there's a lot of complexities 522 00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,800 that he has to go through. And so subconsciously it's like 523 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,680 everything, he has to make everything mega complicated. 524 00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:49,560 Every proposal has to be extremely detailed and has to 525 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:53,240 really put a lot of thought into it, overcomplicating everything. 526 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:59,880 Was not able to see it, didn't even realise he was making 527 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:01,440 things complicated. And because of that 528 00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,800 complication, actually stopping him from going out and making 529 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:08,080 those offers, right? Whereas we saw that like, hey 530 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,160 dude, you're just complicating the shit out of everything. 531 00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,520 Make this super simple. Just give people offers. 532 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:17,800 But without seeing that, you see, it was just well within his 533 00:28:17,800 --> 00:28:18,800 subconscious. He just could. 534 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:23,200 He just wouldn't have seen that. Yeah, I think the like I did the 535 00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,280 training a while ago on the many masks of fear. 536 00:28:25,280 --> 00:28:28,360 Like why wouldn't, why don't we change his fear like fear of 537 00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:31,280 like he's obviously got a fear there that even less. 538 00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,600 It's complicated. All the IS are crossed and the 539 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,800 T's dotted. He crossed the TS dot, the IS. 540 00:28:37,240 --> 00:28:39,720 But if if he hadn't done that, there's something's going to 541 00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:41,080 happen. Something bad's going to happen. 542 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,080 And I think the the complicated mask that we wear when it comes 543 00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,800 to fear is that I'm going to make this so complicated. 544 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,840 It justifies my ability to not take action and not change. 545 00:28:54,640 --> 00:29:02,800 And yeah, yeah, it's you feel that you feel justified in, in 546 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,200 not me moving forward because things are so complicated. 547 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:08,960 Yeah, what? So if we were to map out some 548 00:29:09,120 --> 00:29:13,560 some paths to change? Yeah. 549 00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,200 What do you think there would be steps? 550 00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:18,240 I think first of all isolate is going to be the first one. 551 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:22,080 Is isolate what specifically you want to change? 552 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,720 Because I think trying to change too many things at the same time 553 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,320 is difficult. So say for example, you're 554 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:33,320 disorganized, you're late, you're you don't keep your 555 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,720 promises. You know, it all falls under the 556 00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:38,560 banner of integrity. But it's like if you were to 557 00:29:39,200 --> 00:29:42,880 isolate one thing in your life and say, right, I'm going to 558 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:46,640 change this thing, I think that that's the first place to start. 559 00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,040 Like whether it's self sabotage, whether it's lateness, whether 560 00:29:50,040 --> 00:29:52,920 it's paying people on time, whether it's money management. 561 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,840 My belief is that putting lots of time and attention into one 562 00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:01,520 thing and and almost working on that thing so you see it making 563 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:04,520 significant progress is a good place to start. 564 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:07,160 I believe that especially in self development, too many 565 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:10,200 people try to change too many things at the same time and they 566 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,120 haven't got enough time and attention to place on these 567 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:16,680 different things. So I believe the 1st place to 568 00:30:16,680 --> 00:30:19,840 start is isolate. One thing you want to go to 569 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,760 freaking war on, you're going to go absolutely all out. 570 00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:26,640 You're going to, you're going to laser it like, you know, laser 571 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:30,920 it out because when you start to try and change too many things, 572 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:34,040 you just haven't got that ability to spread that across so 573 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:37,960 many. Yes, I wholeheartedly agree. 574 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,440 It's essentially you are bringing awareness. 575 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,240 It's you're cultivating your own self-awareness here. 576 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:52,560 It's like, all right, well, where in my life that's, that 577 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:56,320 keeps fucking coming up that I'm not where I want to be. 578 00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:01,800 Yeah, in relationships, in health and fitness, in business, 579 00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:04,680 whatever that looks like. It's it's, it's getting real 580 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:10,480 self aware on those areas and, and actually like journaling, 581 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,680 like writing this down is mega, mega powerful. 582 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:18,000 Like we can think and think and think in our heads when we start 583 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:21,880 getting things down on paper. It's like, why do I, why do I do 584 00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:23,760 this? Where does this come from? 585 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:30,600 Who have I learned this from? Like the what is this doing for 586 00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:35,440 me by me doing this behaviour? Like why do I like this? 587 00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,440 Because sometimes like if this is a good one, it's like, why do 588 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:42,640 I like this behaviour? It's why do I like eating lots 589 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:44,520 of food? Why do I like not going to the 590 00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:48,000 gym, whatever that looks like. It's like, find the reasons that 591 00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:50,280 it's like keeping you safe and keeping you comfortable. 592 00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,800 It's really fucking enlightening to to know that and to figure 593 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:55,480 that out. So self-awareness bring 594 00:31:55,480 --> 00:31:59,080 awareness to all. Yeah, I think the next piece is 595 00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:02,920 like, get very clear on what changes that part of you. 596 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:10,080 So I think so many people try and solve the wrong things with 597 00:32:10,080 --> 00:32:15,320 the wrong activity. So for example, most people 598 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:19,960 think that doing a body transformation will change their 599 00:32:19,960 --> 00:32:23,920 self love. And this is something that I 600 00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:28,640 think is really important is that just getting thinner, it 601 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,920 might facilitate some of the things that might make you love 602 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,800 yourself more, but they are very different things. 603 00:32:34,800 --> 00:32:37,160 They get very clear on what needs to be done. 604 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:43,400 Like the the practice of learning to love yourself is 605 00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:47,240 mainly psychological, albeit can be you're done with going to the 606 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,080 gym and starting to look in the mirror and saying nicer things 607 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:54,200 to yourself. But be very clear on what it is 608 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,760 that's going to make the changes that you want, because sometimes 609 00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:00,120 I think that we just end up doing the wrong thing and for 610 00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:02,320 such a long time. So you can have very targeted 611 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,840 approach. For example, one of the things 612 00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:09,680 that I think awaken man is very, very good at is allowing man to 613 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:13,600 speak openly in front of other men and and get courageous, 614 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:16,640 improve their integrity. And so if you're a man who 615 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:20,440 hasn't, hasn't been making and keeping promises to people, get 616 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:23,680 in a group of men and making commitments in front of them 617 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,840 about what you're about to achieve is the that is actually 618 00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,920 the medicine, like that's the right thing. 619 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:32,200 Whereas if you're trying to improve your integrity by, I 620 00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:36,040 don't know, just trying to be on time more often, it's probably 621 00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:38,640 not a big enough shift. It's not a big enough 622 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:43,240 commitment. Yes, yeah, we actually had that 623 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,160 over the weekend and that was one of the guys things and and 624 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,760 what are the, and this is actually what Ben said to you in 625 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,240 the previous point was to keep this simple. 626 00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:57,240 It's like one thing just just like what's the one thing that 627 00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:01,240 you can do that in doing so will make everything else easier or 628 00:34:01,240 --> 00:34:03,640 simpler. And this was what like one of 629 00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,840 the guys, he was like, this is what I'm going to do for the 630 00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,640 next 90 days. And there was like 4 things in 631 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:08,800 there. I'm like, dude, you're fucking 632 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:11,679 over complicating this. Your thing is that you can't 633 00:34:11,679 --> 00:34:16,960 keep to fucking your schedule. You're late, you're just late to 634 00:34:16,960 --> 00:34:19,040 things. And you and you put way too many 635 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:20,920 things. You're like, you allow people to 636 00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:23,400 go into your schedule. Why don't we just stick to your 637 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,880 schedule for the next 90 days and that's it, right? 638 00:34:26,880 --> 00:34:28,800 Report back to the group every day. 639 00:34:29,239 --> 00:34:31,159 Done it, done it, done it, Just stick to that. 640 00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,080 But and again, it's this is, this is habit forming. 641 00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:37,440 You're essentially when you, when you're doing these things 642 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:42,040 is that you are installing a new pattern, a new habit that you 643 00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,159 can repeat over and over. And like we said earlier, your 644 00:34:45,159 --> 00:34:48,960 habits and your stories, they produce the result of where you 645 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,280 are now. Yeah, I think, I think the next 646 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:54,719 one for me would be watch for upper limit behaviours. 647 00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:58,120 So I was actually on a client call before this and like he's 648 00:34:58,120 --> 00:34:59,640 like, dude, yeah, I've been doing really well. 649 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,560 I'm sticking to my structure. I've been following my, my, I've 650 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:06,960 been following my calendar. And, and he was on holiday. 651 00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:08,600 He was actually in a different country and I was like, well, 652 00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:10,640 what have you got in your calendar for the next two weeks? 653 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,160 He's like, Oh no, I'm, I'm all over the place the next two 654 00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,200 weeks. So I can't put anything in my 655 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,720 calendar. I'm like, oh shit. 656 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,320 I was like, that's this is precisely when you most need to 657 00:35:19,320 --> 00:35:22,800 stick to your calendar. And I and I think what happens 658 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,760 is we get a little bit of momentum with something and we 659 00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:29,760 cannibalise the results by thinking we're out of the woods. 660 00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:33,240 And I think this is for a lot of guys, this is what happens. 661 00:35:33,240 --> 00:35:35,160 So this is, for example, alcohol. 662 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:37,960 You think that you've done like maybe a month off the booze, 663 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,280 you're like, yeah, I feel great. Do you know what? 664 00:35:40,560 --> 00:35:42,160 I'm just going to go out for one. 665 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:44,120 I'm just kidding. I'm just going out for one. 666 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:48,280 And that one turns into 55. You know, it's just like you're 667 00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:51,240 not out of the woods. You're like, dude, like get out 668 00:35:51,240 --> 00:35:53,320 of the woods. And, and this is something I 669 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:57,160 think that why so many people relapse is that they think they 670 00:35:57,160 --> 00:36:03,440 get a bit cocky about the power that that previous self, that 671 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,960 previous person, that previous habit had over them. 672 00:36:06,320 --> 00:36:09,720 So I think what you've got to do is you've got to be very, very 673 00:36:09,720 --> 00:36:13,240 mindful if you're making change, you've got to totally cut off 674 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:16,600 oxygen to the previous self, like the previous version of 675 00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:21,080 yourself. Yeah, and and also acknowledge 676 00:36:21,080 --> 00:36:25,280 that change is hard. Like it is. 677 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,720 We've all been there. Like, ah, fucking knock drink on 678 00:36:27,720 --> 00:36:29,000 the head. Do you know what? 679 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:32,480 I'll have one. That's the that bit there is the 680 00:36:32,480 --> 00:36:36,800 hard that that in, in that moment where you have to be 681 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,680 disciplined. Knocked it on the head for 33 682 00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:41,280 days. Well, it's all right to have 683 00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:44,640 one. It's in that moment where you 684 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,200 need your discipline. That's where it's fucking hard. 685 00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:50,000 Like cigarettes. I've knocked on the head for 60 686 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,160 days. So I just have 1 little cheeky 687 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,640 one on them. Out without with the guys is the 688 00:36:56,640 --> 00:37:01,440 hard not porn on the head. Yeah, this is this is a really 689 00:37:01,440 --> 00:37:03,040 difficult one for for a lot of guys. 690 00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:04,960 You know, I've been through, I've been through this, but I've 691 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,240 still going through this. It's like, oh, I've not not 692 00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:11,040 watched porn now for a year. It won't hurt. 693 00:37:12,680 --> 00:37:17,760 It won't hurt that in that moment that is your fucking 694 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,360 test, my friend. That is the heart. 695 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:24,440 So I went through a relapse with it when with hotel rooms. 696 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,280 Yeah, it's environments. I just. 697 00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:30,280 Made this little rule I was like, Oh yeah, well, one of my 698 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:32,760 way and then a hotel room by myself. 699 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,400 That's when it's allowed, and then it's. 700 00:37:34,400 --> 00:37:36,320 Not dude, that is not just your rule. 701 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:38,360 Isn't it all right? I just mate. 702 00:37:38,360 --> 00:37:39,920 What? Nice when we guys laughed when I 703 00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:41,680 said it, Yeah. Yeah, one of the guys on the 704 00:37:41,680 --> 00:37:44,720 weekend, and I know a bunch of them stayed in hotels and we're 705 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:49,000 like seeing each other off at like 10:30 at night and he's, 706 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:51,480 ah, fucking get back to the hotel, have a little just just 707 00:37:51,720 --> 00:37:53,840 me and me in the right hand. Yeah. 708 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:57,000 And then it was this, like, long joke for about 10 minutes about 709 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,600 how, like, his, his iPad screen is going to burst open because 710 00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:01,760 there's going to be so much of it going. 711 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:05,080 Yeah. Yeah, it's, I think it's, I 712 00:38:05,080 --> 00:38:06,720 think I just say what a lot of guys do. 713 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:09,320 Yeah, the, the, I think that that's. 714 00:38:09,440 --> 00:38:12,160 But coming back to the point, I think this is actually so 715 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,520 important. We've got to remember the the 716 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,960 grasp that our old behaviours have on us. 717 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,880 And we're we're. So if you think that you can do 718 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,720 the habit or the thing and get away with it not having a 719 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:29,160 crippling effect on you for days afterwards, you you lie into 720 00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:30,200 yourself, I think. Yeah. 721 00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:36,280 And and I think you know what the film that demonstrates this 722 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:40,000 the best is Frank the Tank in Old School. 723 00:38:41,960 --> 00:38:43,440 And he's just like, at this moment. 724 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:45,840 So yeah, if you haven't seen it, I'm not even going to explain 725 00:38:45,840 --> 00:38:48,600 the film because you just you need to you've got really got to 726 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,040 look at yourself in the mirror and like, just think about your 727 00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:54,480 consumption. So there's a moment where Frank 728 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,640 drinks from the beer bong and he's like, oh, as soon as it 729 00:38:57,720 --> 00:38:59,360 touches your lips And it's like the. 730 00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:01,960 Boy is drinking, He's like no, no, I've stopped drinking, I'm 731 00:39:01,960 --> 00:39:03,280 not drinking. He's like no. 732 00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:05,640 And he was persuaded into it by the young lad. 733 00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:07,440 Yeah. And then, and then, and I think 734 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,120 that's what you see in that is you see this this guy that's 735 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,240 like kind of, you know, enjoying a mild life. 736 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,760 He's not connected with anyone anymore. 737 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:18,080 As soon as he had some alcohol, whoosh, he's streaking around 738 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:21,400 the neighbourhood. And I think that that kind of is 739 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,160 1 some, some guys actually have a real issue with that. 740 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,920 They do actually revert straight back into old habits very, very 741 00:39:27,920 --> 00:39:31,440 quickly. And that's why you need a group 742 00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,320 of guys around here. You need a group of guys to like 743 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,960 because to keep that standard same like you know you don't do 744 00:39:35,960 --> 00:39:37,080 this. But I don't. 745 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:41,680 I'd also say this right? If you have a set back in your 746 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:46,280 change, acknowledge it. Give yourself a bit of self 747 00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:47,920 compassion. Go fucking it. 748 00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:50,160 I've had this, I've had this habit for a long time. 749 00:39:50,440 --> 00:39:52,160 Right. I've I've thrown off the wagon. 750 00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,360 Fair enough. Then jump back on. 751 00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:57,880 Don't, don't. The last thing, the worst thing 752 00:39:57,880 --> 00:39:59,360 you can do is I'll fuck it. I've fucked it now. 753 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:02,720 Yeah, go back to normal. Yeah, I think that this is 754 00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:05,160 something I, I talk quite a lot with regards to changes that 755 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:09,280 what the the win is, is how fast you get back on the horse, like 756 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,320 the how fast you recalibrate and then the distance you can go. 757 00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:16,800 So like say for example, you self sabotage on a frequent 758 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:19,360 basis. So then you go six months, then 759 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:21,240 you go a year, then you go 2 years. 760 00:40:21,480 --> 00:40:24,560 Like that's all wins. It's not that you're, you are a 761 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:28,440 flawed imperfect human, but I think you've seen talked a lot 762 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,800 about this with regards to drugs and alcohol. 763 00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,720 There is actually a 0 tolerance policy. 764 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:36,960 It's like that that's something you just can't return to. 765 00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:39,720 It's like it's it's like, and it's the same with womanizing. 766 00:40:39,720 --> 00:40:43,200 It's the same with and it's like these are that they've got to be 767 00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,520 hard nosed. Like this is like, say one of 768 00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,400 the things that you want to change about yourself is that 769 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:48,960 you're unfaithful to your partner. 770 00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,960 You can't go from it's like you can't go. 771 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,040 You can't just double in that you can't have a part. 772 00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:57,720 You know, I'm you know, I'm a recovering what's called 773 00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:00,360 womanizing cheat. What's the word for it? 774 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,400 Is it the word for it? Nothario, whatever you want to 775 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:07,360 call it and you can't go from like that's just got to be a 776 00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,080 hard no. This is a change that's 777 00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:10,680 happening. I'm never going back. 778 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:14,320 I'm just changing. I'm changing who I am and I 779 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,760 think that that's I like that. There's a guy called Alexander 780 00:41:17,760 --> 00:41:20,080 Debottom talks about this in the school of life and he talks 781 00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:23,320 about this idea of marriage and why marriage is a like a sacred 782 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:27,840 practice is that we the reason that we sometimes stand in front 783 00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:31,640 of a group of our nearest and dearest and say these vows to 784 00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:37,400 this other person is we are all flawed when it comes to matters 785 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,720 of the flesh. We, we, there's such a drive for 786 00:41:40,720 --> 00:41:43,360 especially men to cheat on their partners and see, look at 787 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,080 elsewhere. So what we did is a social 788 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:52,200 practice where we make it even more shameful and hard to break 789 00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,800 a bond. So that's like one of the one of 790 00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:58,480 the reasons that marriage is, you know, made as it is in in 791 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,240 his philosophy. And I was like, oh, that's such 792 00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:04,720 an interesting thing is like I stand in front of a group of my 793 00:42:04,800 --> 00:42:08,360 my closest friends and family, and so does she and we say that 794 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:10,320 we're going to be faithful to each other forever more. 795 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,520 And what that does is it enhances the bond and makes it 796 00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:15,680 less likely with their work are going to go and cheat. 797 00:42:17,120 --> 00:42:19,800 And I was like, that's a really interesting argument for 798 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:23,880 marriage And, and that's part of the change. 799 00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:26,320 So I go and think like, what can you do to make sure that you, 800 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:28,160 you change and you change forever? 801 00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:35,880 Is you make the, you make the pain of going back so big that 802 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:40,360 it's just not an option. And that's where I think that 803 00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,720 you can really do yourself a lot of favours is like this is where 804 00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:46,120 you invest heavily in coaching or an event or something that 805 00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:50,880 you put so much into. The thing that you've you try to 806 00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:54,800 change into going back is just a terrible investment of time, 807 00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:59,640 energy and money. Yes, yeah, you, you force it. 808 00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:02,920 So it's like I fucking, I can't go back. 809 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:09,160 It's like there's no, it's like it's like with me now, like the 810 00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:13,720 lifestyle I live, like I have to earn a certain amount of money. 811 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,440 Yeah. Otherwise, like I'm not, there's 812 00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:20,320 no fucking way I'm going back. And because and because of that, 813 00:43:20,320 --> 00:43:24,520 it's like I'm forced to consistently improve and carry 814 00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:28,640 out consistent habits of change to rise up. 815 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:31,920 I think that's actually called a forcing function. 816 00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,720 I think it's actually the actual term for it is a full have a 817 00:43:34,720 --> 00:43:39,440 forcing function. Yeah, but also part part of 818 00:43:39,440 --> 00:43:41,360 that, and this would go back to what you were talking about 819 00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:44,360 earlier with Benjamin Hardy, about having a brighter future. 820 00:43:44,720 --> 00:43:47,120 Like, I have a really clear vision. 821 00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,280 I have a big vision, and I'm always fucking thinking about 822 00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,560 it. I read it like two hours ago. 823 00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:55,360 Like, I'm always looking at the vision. 824 00:43:55,360 --> 00:43:57,960 I'm always looking at that's my future, that's my future, that's 825 00:43:57,960 --> 00:43:59,680 my future. Like how? 826 00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:03,240 How am I being that person now? Yeah, the there's actually, Tim 827 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,520 Ferriss talked about it in them for our body and he calls it a 828 00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:07,560 Harajaku moment. It's like when the pain is 829 00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,520 staying the the same outstrips the pain of change. 830 00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:14,160 That's when you'll change. So he called it, he he calls it 831 00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:16,680 a Harajaku moment. So let me say that again, 832 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,800 because it's it's also known as the fucking moment. 833 00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:24,440 It's where the pain of staying the same outstrips the pain of 834 00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,280 change. That's when you'll change. 835 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,960 I've got this quote here which I screenshotted earlier is on my 836 00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:34,960 buddies Instagram. It says getting things done 837 00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:38,840 doesn't motivate me. It's what I'd become if I didn't 838 00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,080 get these things done that motivates me. 839 00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:46,120 Yeah. I can strong, right? 840 00:44:46,240 --> 00:44:52,480 It's it's like the consistently going into the bad habits, doing 841 00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:55,440 the things that don't break your barriers consistently over and 842 00:44:55,440 --> 00:44:58,840 over again. It's like Habits of that fucking 843 00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:02,520 scares the shit out of you who you will not become if you don't 844 00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:06,800 break them. Yeah, I am. 845 00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:11,320 I think that, well, there's a, you know, we, we, I think a lot 846 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,960 of the Waker Man stuff, what I base my coaching round is what 1 847 00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:16,080 can be. One must be. 848 00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:19,880 I, I think that, you know, the Maslow quote of knowing that 849 00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:22,800 they're like every man. Every man has his deep inner 850 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:24,480 knowing of who he's capable of being. 851 00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:29,520 We all have that and that is the biggest pain, like not achieving 852 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:33,680 what we're capable of achieving. And that has always stuck with 853 00:45:33,680 --> 00:45:35,760 me. Like I just want to see how far 854 00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:37,760 I can go. I just because I enjoy the 855 00:45:37,760 --> 00:45:40,200 process. Yeah, yeah. 856 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,480 OK, let's wrap this up. Anything you want to add to that 857 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:47,080 this Ben? No, I think, you know, I think 858 00:45:47,160 --> 00:45:50,520 endorsing coaching, you know, like for, if you want to look at 859 00:45:50,760 --> 00:45:54,160 a modality to help you with change, get a coach. 860 00:45:54,160 --> 00:45:55,880 It's like it's, it's a cheat code. 861 00:45:55,880 --> 00:45:57,760 It's a shortcut. Get, you know, get in touch with 862 00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:01,680 the awaken man, get in touch with us Like it's, it's such an 863 00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:05,760 easy, it's easy way to speed up the certainty that you'll 864 00:46:05,760 --> 00:46:08,280 achieve the goal. And I think that the faster you 865 00:46:08,280 --> 00:46:10,920 achieve something, the more certain it feels, the more 866 00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:12,520 likely you are to actually achieve it. 867 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,600 So I think just be really mindful that this is what 868 00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,800 coaching is essentially is helping you answer that 869 00:46:18,800 --> 00:46:21,000 question. Can I change and then actually 870 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:24,280 making it happen? Yeah, good round up. 871 00:46:25,240 --> 00:46:29,200 You can fucking change, but especially if you've got the 872 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:32,320 right people around you. Fast tracks it, Team. 873 00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:33,960 Good to see ya, Ben. Good to see ya. 874 00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:37,880 Until next episode. We'll catch you then Team before 875 00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:39,840 you go. If you're not following us 876 00:46:39,840 --> 00:46:42,520 already, can you give us a follow on Instagram? 877 00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,640 The handle is at heroic Man official. 878 00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:48,400 Two things on there. Number one, the link in our bio 879 00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:52,160 has all the information on our next meet ups, next events, and 880 00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:53,880 there's a number of trainings in it too. 881 00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:57,120 The second thing is, if you give us a follow, then shoot us a 882 00:46:57,120 --> 00:47:01,160 message, we will send you a free training on the four core 883 00:47:01,160 --> 00:47:07,760 archetypes that every man must master to succeed in this modern 884 00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,040 Western world. That's it for me. 885 00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:14,800 I'll see you on the next episode after you've given us a follow. 886 00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:16,200 Cheers man, see you then.