Hello is yours. Hey, guys, morning.
I think continuing from our call yesterday about this, but how so
many of us as men, we say we want to do personal development,
We want to, we want to improve, We want to have better lives,
better relationships, better finances.
But then we never willing to do the work, right?
And then the question is right in, in other's question in, in
the wakening group the other day, right?
We we have in what, 40 people in the group, people that pay
12,000 a year, right? And then people don't come on
calls, right. And the question then is like,
why the fuck? Why even do personal development
work? Why pay guys?
We have to ask ourself, why pay pay the money to do a program if
if you're not willing to do the work right?
And so first pearls, the fondling of Gustal therapy.
He talked about this, right? He, he said, if you look at men
today and he wasn't even talking about women, He said if you look
at the majority of men today, right, He said most men today
are paper people. He said if there was a term to
describe men today, you would literally say men are paper
people, right? We no longer real men, right?
We literally are hollowed out men, right?
We love hollowed out lives, right and and and and when I
when I heard him saying this, I was like, holy fuck, it is so
true. I'm repeatedly so so first
spells the founder crystals psychotherapy said that is the
majority of men in the modern world are paper people.
We literally right, we flimsy right, we one-dimensional.
There's nothing to us right except the piece of paper.
That's what we look like. He said we are hollowed out
versions of what we could be right.
We all are born with an in one potential right to become
something more than we are right But but but but we live our we
we choose willingly to live out hollowed lives, right.
And so you guys think about this.
So first of all, that previously, if you look at a
man, a man loved for one thing, a man loved for, for what he
believed was right, right? And then because he loved for
what he believed was right, he did his job.
He never questioned whether he wanted the job or whether he was
suited for it. I'm gonna repeat this for you
guys. Can you guys see this, that,
that, that if you look at all of the depression, anxiety
neurosis, psychosis amongst men, it is this fundamentally that,
that 100 years ago, right, Men loved or even 50 years ago, men
loved for what he believed he was right.
Guys, ask yourself right now, do you actually believe?
Do you actually love for what you believe is right?
Back in the day, a man loved, he did his job.
He never questioned, right? He never questioned whether I
won the job, whether I'm passionate about it, whether
it's my life's calling, right? He never asked himself whether
he was suited for it. Like men existed in this way.
Why? Because our society was
regulated by religion, by authorities who said you do your
thing whether you like it or not.
And today, well, guess what, we extremely end the authority, we
end the religious right and and we always say it's freedom,
freedom, freedom, freedom and Victor bring you want freedom,
awesome, great, have the freedom right.
But then you also have to accept that there's the price of of of
freedom, right? It's taken 100% responsibility
for life. Do you see this, that, that back
in the day, society, our religion, I thought the
authorities, our bosses ensured, right, that, that, that we were
responsible today, right, Our, our environment has changed.
But what have we done? We've literally exchanged
religion and authority and imperialism with, you know,
hedonism and repeat this last part for you is that today,
because our environment has changed, we've exchanged
religion. We said, now you know what, God
is dead. I don't believe in God
authority. No, the government wasn't
telling me what to do. Blah, blah, blah wasn't telling
me what to do. Puritanism.
I'm not being about moral in, in, in, in virtues.
You know what I want? I want to be fucking hedonistic,
right? Do you see this, this as men
today? What do we live for?
We literally, we live for fun, right?
We live for enjoyment, right? And and and and and we live for
our erotic desires, right? To be turned on and repeat this
last one for years. Do you see this guys back in the
day, men knew what they loved for they they they, they, they,
they, they, they, they live for what they believe was right.
Today, what do we live for? Well, do they love to be
hedonistic, right? My, one of my values, my values
is to have fun, right? If you have enjoyment is to
satisfy all of my fucking erotic desires, right?
To be constantly turned on. Hey guys, do you see that today
has been anything goes right? As long as it's nice, as long as
it sounds and fucking feels good.
I'm going to repeat this last word for you.
Do you see this that today is is mean if you ask men today?
Well, what do you value? I enjoy.
I enjoy fun. I enjoying enjoyment.
I enjoy great sex. My my ironic desires need need
to be satisfied, right? Anything goes as long as it's
nice, you know, as long as it sounds and feels good, awesome,
right? Do you see this in in we we, we,
we, we falsely believe that if I live this way, it will
emancipate us. But guys, this way of loving
instead of emancipating us is literally set us back.
It is set men back in so many ways.
It has made us. It is fundamentally as well as
that says it has made us phobic towards pain and suffering.
Do they? Anything that does not fun or
pleasant right is to be avoided. You know what I say?
I love freedom. I value freedom, so I'm not
going to work for anyone. I don't want an authority to
figure I don't want a boss. I'm going to start a business
because business will give me freedom.
But guess what? Running a business right
requires that you do unpleasant things.
But what do I do? Picking up the phone,
Prospecting with people, being rejected.
Guess what? It's fucking unpleasant.
It's not nice. But what do we do when my mind
says anything that's not found or pleasant is to be avoided.
But what do I So what do I do I run away from from any
frustration anything that that frustrates me.
My relationships frustrate me. I run away from them.
I guess frustrate me. I withdraw my work frustrates
me. I give up running a business.
The things that that frustrate me accounting look at my bank
statement knowing my numbers prospecting it frustrates me.
I run away any do you see that anything that's painful.
What do we do? We literally run away from it.
We try to shortcut it. I'm going to join this program
because hopefully Pete and Yasin will give me a shortcut.
I hire coach or maybe my coach will give me a shortcut.
I, I, we, we always looking for shortcuts to, to, to success.
As long as the shortcut doesn't involve pain and suffering.
You can see this in, in what is the result, right?
The result literally is a lack of growth.
As men, we've stopped growing. We say I'm doing personal
development, but guys, real personal development involves a
fuck ton of, of pain and suffering.
But guess what? We're not willing to do that.
We're not willing to experience the pain and suffering.
We want everything to be fun. We want everything to be all
about enjoyment. We want everything to be about
satisfying our erotic desires and on and on and on.
We, we, we want, we want everything to be about me being
turned on. We want, we want everything to
be to be about being nice, right and feeling good.
And guys, yes, I think when, as psychologists, when, when we
talk about readiness to encounter unpleasantness, right?
I'm, I'm not talking about being a set of messages again, right?
All of us as men back in the day, our fathers, our
grandfathers were ready. They literally when they woke up
in the morning, they were ready to encountering unpleasantness,
right? And, and, and it wasn't that
there was set of messages. They sort of be saying a
message, just writing in from a psychological point of view.
He's a person who is afraid of pain and trains himself to
tolerate it, right? That's what we're talking about.
I'm talking about the suffering that that that goes along with
growing up. Guys, if you want to grow up, if
you want to become everything that that you were meant to be,
if you want to become a heroic man, if you want to live a
fucking heroic life. If you if you want to be the
father that, that your kids look up to, if you want to be the
fucking man that your wife wants to fucking bang all of the time,
right? You have to fucking grow up.
You need to stop being a little boy, right?
And then do you see this in the difference between little boys
and matured men, right. And most of us, Young said, the
majority of us, of us will we left trapped in a life of
extended adolescent matured men. What do matured men do?
But matured men face honestly unpleasant situations.
You guys, can you see, can you see the difference here?
Most of us as men, we don't, we're not willing to honestly
face unpleasant situations. So what we do, we would draw, we
run, we hide, right? We avoid, do you see this guys
today as men, we suffer, right? Why do we suffer as men?
Why do men have such high rates of, of suicide?
Why do we have such such rate high rates of depression and and
anxiety? Why is it that 80% of of
marriages are ended by women? When women say, well, you know
what? I'm not his fucking mother.
I, I, I, I have no need to fuck a little boy.
Like I don't want to be in relationship with a little boy.
And, and the reason is because in in, in, in we suffer because
in, in our desire to be pain free, right?
We, we've literally allowed ourselves right or, or others to
fracture us. Guys, can you guys see this?
Because we, we so fucking unwilling to face our pain and
suffering. What do we do?
I've allowed other people, I've allowed myself right to fracture
me, to cut me up into little pieces.
You can see this as mentally we are no longer whole.
We literally are. We don't even if we can whole
piece of paper, we like literally cut down pieces of
papers thrown all over the floor, right guys?
And the truth is right is that our true self, what does our
soul one, what does the true self one our true self, our soul
right once it needs to be complete, right?
And, and, and, and if our soul is not complete, well, what the
fuck happens, right? We end up being erotic.
We end up with mental health issues and mental health
challenges. We become depressed, we become
anxious, we become suicidal, right?
And even more than it, we are left with unfeeling situations,
right? Our life, guys, look at your
life, most of us, right? Most of us, our lives are
literally like a, a patchwork right, of unfinished situations.
And, and, and even though we're not aware of it, right, because
they lie beyond our awareness, right?
All of those unfeeling situations, they, they press and
they press and they press upon our psyche right until something
has a gift. Guys, look at your life.
Ask yourself in your own life, right?
How many unfinished situations have you left?
We start things and then we stop.
I'm in a relationship. It never ever finishes.
I need to have a conversation with someone, I leave it
unfinished. I need to sort myself finances
out. I leave it unfinished, finished.
I, I need to solve my relationship with my parents, my
siblings, my kids, I leave it unfinished.
I need to solve my relationship with my boss.
I leave it unfinished and on and on.
Guys, can you feel we literally our life if you get it wrong,
man of most men, the men would literally be a patchwork, right
of unfinished situations. And and, and the thing about
unfinished situations is this right, as you said, right, all
of all of those unfinished things, you think, well, you
know what? Yeah, it's done.
It's not done. You put it into your fucking
unconscious and then you said it distorts itself from from
beyond, from beyond your awareness, right?
It all of those unfinished things, right?
They press, they press, they press, they press upon your
psyche, right? Because they have a need to be
competed. And then guess what, you, you,
you literally burst apart. You go insane.
Can you guys see this guys, let's say I have a fight, right,
with an ex or parents, etcetera, right?
And, and, and, and so I'm, I'm really angry with them, right.
And So what do I say? What do most of us say?
Well, even ex persist me off, my parents persist me off.
If my spouse pursue me off, what do I say?
Well, you know what, for most men, you know what?
Holy fuck, you'll see one day, one day I will show you right?
In our minds, we say, I vow to take revenge right in.
And then what happens? We'll we have two parts in our
brain. We have a conscious moralistic
mind, right? It says, well, you know, hey,
Pete, you know what? Forget that.
Don't be like that, right? You better than that, right?
So what do I do? So, so the mindset stain they
desire, they desire for revenge, right?
And, and, and, and shove it into the unconscious.
But guys, guess what? Again, right, they, they, they,
they, they need to have revenge, right?
To be even with them, right? It's still there.
It is unfinished business, right?
And, and, and it's the same with all of the thousands of of
unfinished business that that we have, right?
And guys, This is why men, right, need to do the work.
I'm going to repeat this for you guys.
Do you see this? The, the reason why we do the
work, the reason why we do the journaling and all of these
exercises is we fucking need to do the work to do to resolve all
of those unfinished situations, right?
Because as, as, as you said, until we don't make, make those
unfinished things conscious, right?
And, and resolve them, they, they, they will come to the
surface in, in distorted versions of themselves, right?
And even right now, guys, the, the, the, the, the thing that
that's holding you back, right? From growth from from from your
growth, right is what he is literally the most important
unfinished business. I'm going to repeat this for you
guys. The two two things to unpick
your number one, you say that that, that, that, that if you
don't make those those unfinished things conscious,
right and resolve them, they will come to the service in the
in distorted version of themselves.
And, and secondly, right, if you've been held back in life
right now, if you stuck in life right now, if you stuck in your
relationships, in your work, you can't find clients, can't get
better work, can't earn more money, can't, can't have more
sex, whatever you stuck in, right?
The reason that you stuck, the thing that's keeping you stuck
right, is the most unfinished, the most important unfinished
business in, in, in, in most of us know right, what an
unfinished business is. And, and, and if you don't know
how, the question is how will, how do we figure it out?
Right? And it's simple, become aware of
the obvious. And my favorite question to ask
client is what are you pretending not to know?
Guys, too many of us, right? We refuse to become aware of the
obvious because if you pay attention, the obvious is
fucking there, right? And and, and, and, and, and when
we, when we choose to not see the obvious, well, guess what,
we become neurotic, right? I'm repeating this past for you
guys. Guys, too many of us, we pretend
to not know, right? What what unfinished business,
the important unfinished business that is holding us
back, that is giving us stuff. But you know, what we want to do
is we want to make a commitment to pay attention to the obvious.
The obvious. It's there, right where they
choose to to pay attention to it is my choice.
But guys, again, remember, if you choose not to see the
obvious, right, you become you. You end up becoming neurotic.
Guys, any questions before Pete? Any questions before we end?
No, no questions. Lots of notes.
Great. Cool.
This will be loaded up as a podcast.
This is a good one, thank you man.
Thank you man. Cheers guys, see you tomorrow.