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Gentlemen, welcome to the Heroic
Man, the daily call to 

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adventure. 
You joined me and. 

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You see, people, what are we 
speaking about, Ben? 

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He talked on Friday about goal 
setting and and the the idea of 

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goals that are not too big and 
the the downside of confidence, 

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the downside of goal setting. 
Yes, people, Just to refresh 

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Benjamin Owens very bad memory, 
we said last week that the 

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reason why so many of us get 
stuck and the reason that we 

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suffer or from low levels of 
confidence is because we aren't 

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very clear on our values, right?
And so just just as reminded 

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that when it comes to values, as
psychologists, we understand 

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that there are many ways to 
define values, right? 

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And, and so one definition of, 
of, of values is that values are

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a combination of, of, of, of a 
concept of belief system and a 

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pattern of behavior that we hold
in the highest regard possible. 

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So let me, let me repeat this to
you guys that the value is, is a

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combination of a couple of 
things, a concept of belief 

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system in, in, in the behavior 
pattern that, that, that, that 

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we hold in, in the highest 
regard possible, right? 

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And, and, and because values, 
right, I held in the highest 

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regard, right? 
They're extremely difficult to 

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change. 
So a couple of things, because 

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we hold our values to such a 
high regard, right, that once we

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have a value or once we have a 
value system, they're incredibly

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difficult to change, right? 
And the other thing about 

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values, values are extremely 
personal and totally subjective,

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right? 
And and, and so they, they, 

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they, I know right the wrong 
values, but because values are 

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personal, what my, my values 
are, right? 

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And what bands values are could 
be completely on the opposite 

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end of the spectrum, right? 
And, and, and, and more than 

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that, because our values are, 
are totally subjective, right? 

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Even you might find that, that 
even within a relationship, you 

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and your spouse, you and your 
employees, you and business 

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partners, you and your kids, 
right? 

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Your, your values can be at 
opposing end, right, which leads

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to, to, to, to a lot of 
conflict, but but also causes us

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to, to remain stuck, right. 
So another way to think of 

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values is, is to view them as a 
foundation, right, of what 

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psychologists refer to as a big 
picture of our lives. 

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And I think this is a better way
to understand values. 

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Is it we, we can think of values
as the foundation, right, of, 

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of, of, of, of, of the big 
picture of our lives, right. 

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And so if you look at your life,
the big picture is made out of 

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what it's made-up of our 
thoughts, our put the personal 

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scripts that, that, that, that 
we use to run our lives and, 

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and, and the mental images that,
that, that we have right about, 

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about how the, our world and the
people in it should be. 

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So let me repeat this for you 
guys. 

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You, you, you can see values is,
is the foundation of what a 

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psychologist we refer to as the 
big picture of our lives. 

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And, and the big picture is 
made-up of, of all our thoughts,

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our personal scripts and our 
mental images about how our 

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world and, and the people and it
should be, right? 

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And in this way, right, we often
use value latent words like 

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should and must to describe the 
big picture. 

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I'm going to repeat this for 
you. 

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So when we think of the big 
picture, right, we almost always

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use, use value latent words like
should and must, right? 

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So, for example, I can never 
believe like person A, my son 

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should really marry someone of 
his own fate, right? 

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So you see that that's a value, 
right? 

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Or, or, or, or I can say the, 
the Prime Minister must be about

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moral reproach, right? 
Again, there's a value that I 

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have around morality, right? 
Or faith. 

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Or I could say, well, Ben, Ben 
should really like, or Ben must 

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really save more of his salary 
for, for rainy days, right? 

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So that my value around 
finances, right? 

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And, or if I say, or I might 
say, well, everyone must be 

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allowed to die with dignity, 
right? 

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Again, that's a value, right? 
And, and so do you see that, 

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that, that, that, that, that 
when it comes to, to value, an 

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easy way to, to know if 
something is our value is, is 

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whether we use the word I should
or I must, right? 

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And and and and again values or 
the big picture statements right

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about evaluative in, in, in, in,
in, in judgmental. 

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So, so a couple of things about 
our values. 

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Our values are always evaluated.
We use them to evaluate what we 

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want in life And and and and 
and. 

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They also judge mental Any 
questions, Ben? 

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No, I love that. 
I've never heard that before. 

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So, so, so just to reiterate. 
And so if you're saying shoulds 

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and musts that you're always 
speaking from and maybe an 

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unclear value that you're that 
you're talking about. 

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So for example, like, oh, I 
should, I should have tried 

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harder. 
You're actually talking about 

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your value for showing up and 
doing work. 

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So actually what you're like, 
what I'm trying to articulate is

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like getting clear on these will
help you be more overt about why

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you're driving yourself to 
behave in such a way. 

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It's like, Oh, I value hard 
work. 

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That's why when I'm not working 
hard, I say, I say to myself all

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the time, I should, I should I, 
should I value exercise and 

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health. 
So when I say I should have 

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trained today, it's just me all 
and below my values. 

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My. 
Values, right. 

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OK, I get that. 
That's really, really helpful. 

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OK, guys. 
So, so like all of the other 

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personal scripts in mental 
images that we developed, right,

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the the, the ones related to our
values have been continuing, 

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have been continually evolving 
ever since we started using 

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language. 
So I'm going to repeat this to 

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you guys that they along with 
all of our other personal 

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scripts and the mental images 
that we developed, right? 

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The, the, the ones that they're 
related to our values, right, 

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have been continually, 
continually developing ever 

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since we started using language,
right? 

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So, so when we were kids, our 
values luckily mirror those of 

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our parents. 
And for those of you with small 

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children, you'll see that your 
children don't have the ability 

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to form their own values. 
Their values almost always 

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mirror yours, right? 
And so as kids, we value what 

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what our parents did because it 
was all we knew. 

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Our world was literally created,
right? 

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Our parents literally created 
the matrix in which we live. 

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They literally created our 
reality as we went along, right?

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And then as we moved to China, 
adolescence into young 

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adulthood, right, some of our 
values began to change, right? 

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As we were exposed to to new 
experiences, new information and

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ideas, our value story began to 
shift. 

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And most of us don't even 
realize it, right, that this, 

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the shift has occurred until one
day, right, you wake up and in 

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in the middle of a discussion 
with your parents, you suddenly 

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realize that, that, that, that, 
that you no longer share some of

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their values. 
Any questions about this Ben so 

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far? 
No, no. 

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So just like just you often find
that I find that that like my 

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driver for health is very, very 
different to my dad's and it's a

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big it, it divides us. 
It actually causes a big issue 

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in like in the way that we 
think, in the way we behave in 

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our life. 
That's caused a huge divide 

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because his he just doesn't look
after himself, his health, he's 

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really like doesn't train, 
doesn't eat very well. 

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He drinks and like I'm the polar
opposite of that. 

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And my question while you're 
talking is in is like how how 

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come often they they, they fall 
so far from your parents values?

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Because like, there's some 
values that I did keep in line 

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with my parents and there's 
others I'm absolutely polar 

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opposite of. 
Yep, good question guys. 

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So, so Doctor Stephen Haynes, 
the the, the founder of 

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acceptance and covenant therapy,
like like to say that that 

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values are, or he describes 
values as being the, the mirrors

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of the soul. 
And so he says that if anything 

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can, can paint the picture of 
what a person is really about, 

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right, It's our values, right? 
And, and so why? 

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Because our, our values are 
literally the, the truest 

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reflection of who we are as 
people, right? 

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And, and what we care most about
in the world. 

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So, so, so, so like Ben said, 
the things that that Ben cares 

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about, right? 
Ease his health, right? 

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And, and, and his family time 
and, and, and spending quality 

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time with his daughters, right? 
And, and so that's what bank is 

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about most in the world, right? 
And, and yes, while our 

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knowledge, our attitudes, our 
beliefs in, in, in, in, in 

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behavior are part of who we are 
and, and, and, and, and paint 

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picture of, of us for other 
people, right? 

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It's our values that are the 
foundation on, on, on which all 

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the other things are both. 
So I'm gonna repeat this for you

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guys. 
So, so a couple of things here, 

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right? 
So, so #1 is that our values are

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the truest reflection of we are 
who we are as people and, and 

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what we care most about right in
the world, right? 

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And yes, so things like value, I
mean things like knowledge, our,

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our attitudes, our beliefs and 
behavior, right? 

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A part of who we are, right? 
They, they, they, they, they, 

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they, they, they also literally 
exist, right, to paint the 

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picture of, of us for other 
people. 

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So I'm repeating this for you 
guys. 

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So the, the, the biggest 
difference between our values 

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and other things is it our 
knowledge, our attitudes, our 

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beliefs, our behaviors, right? 
They are part of us, right? 

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But, but, but, but they, they 
exist in order to paint a, a 

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picture of us for other people. 
So what does this mean? 

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Well, well, well, well, Ben, the
knowledge Ben has, the attitude 

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that he holds the, the, the 
belief system that, that he 

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believes in the behaviors that, 
that he exhibits, right? 

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They're part of him, right? 
But they exist in order for 

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Ben's right to paint a picture 
of himself, right? 

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For, for, for, for, for, for, 
for other people, his clients, 

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his partner, his parents, his 
neighbors, his kids, et cetera, 

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right? 
To, to, to, to, to have of him, 

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right? 
And other, it, it bends values, 

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right? 
Are the foundations on, on, on 

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which all of the, the, the, the,
these other dimensions are 

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built. 
And, and, and, and, and so when 

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it comes to values, right, the, 
the, the psychologist, we 

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differentiate between two 
different types of values. 

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Number one is core values and 
satellite values, right? 

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And, and, and so our core values
and our satellite values don't 

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carry the same weight, right? 
So one of the best ways to 

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understand this right is for 
those of you who are 

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scientifically inclined, right, 
is to visualize an atom, right? 

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And so an atom is a nucleus at 
the core, right? 

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And then you have these 
electrons that spin around it. 

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And so our core values represent
the nucleus, right, with the 

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satellite value spinning around 
it that create energy in a 

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synergistic way. 
Does it make sense to you guys 

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that if you use an analogy of an
atom, right, then our core 

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values are the nucleus of the 
atom in, in our satellite 

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values, right? 
Spin around our core values, 

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trading energy, right? 
And so our core values represent

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the, the things that, that are 
central to, to, to, to who we 

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are, right? 
And, and, and what we'd be 

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willing to fight or die for. 
So I'm repeat this for you guys.

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Our core values represent the 
things that, that are central to

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who we are as a person, right? 
And, and these are the things 

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that, that we'd be willing to, 
to fight and die for, right? 

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And so our core values are 
literally they, they, they're 

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the bedrock of our personality, 
right? 

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And and and and, and, and they, 
they related to do a thing like,

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like your country of origin, 
your spouse, your children, your

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religion and your values around 
freedom, right? 

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Satellite values on the other 
end consist of less important 

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things. 
The, the, the yes, we hold here,

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we hold them dear, but they 
aren't strongly, we aren't as 

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strongly as committed to them, 
right? 

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And they typically include 
political beliefs, our cultural 

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traditions, our community 
servers, our personal 

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attributes. 
So intelligence, beauty, our 

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weight, our health, etcetera, 
etcetera, right? 

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Our, our hobbies, our 
recreational activities, sports 

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and on and on. 
Does it make sense to you guys? 

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Can, can you see the difference 
between, between, between 

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satellite values and core 
values? 

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And, and, and the thing about 
values again is that values are 

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very subjective like, and so one
person's satellite values, 

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right? 
Might, might be another person's

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core values. 
So, so, so coming back to, to 

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Ben's question, right? 
Ben's core values their own 

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health, right? 
But that doesn't mean that, 

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that, that his father's core 
value is their own health, 

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right? 
So, so because for, for Ben's 

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father, right, health is 
literally a satellite value. 

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So as in, in any, we're going to
do a quick exercise, right? 

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A good indication right, of, of,
of, of, of, of, of what you 

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value, right? 
Is evidence, right? 

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Or is evident in this exercise. 
So if you could create the 

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perfect day, right? 
So if you could play on a 

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perfect day, what would you do 
right? 

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Who would you spend? 
Who would you spend the day 

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with? 
Right? 

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And and and and and where would 
it occur? 

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So quick, so quick exercise, 
right? 

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A good way right to to determine
your, your, your values, right 

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is to define for yourself what a
perfect day would look like. 

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If you could pay on a perfect 
day, what would you do right? 

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Who would you spend it with and 
where would it occur and why? 

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Because your daily life criteria
for a perfect day are literally 

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are your standards for living 
life. 

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Well, I'm repeat this for you 
guys. 

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The perfect exercise, literally,
right? 

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The criteria that we have right 
for perfect day are literally 

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the standards for that we hold 
for living life well, right? 

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And so these criteria are 
literally the concrete 

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activities. 
And so maybe Ben is one is 

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cooking a meal with his spouse, 
having intensely hot sex right 

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in on and on, right? 
The the the, the been would 

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partake in right that represent 
his values, right? 

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00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:04,800
So, so guys, ask yourself in, in
any right, what would a perfect 

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day be like if you could meet 
all of your, your daily life 

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criteria during a 24 hour 
period? 

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So let me repeat this, Let me 
repeat the the homework for you 

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guys. 
What would a perfect day like? 

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What would a perfect day be 
like, right, if you could meet 

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all of your daily life criteria 
during a 24 hour period? 

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And so generally, right, you're 
perfect. 

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00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,640
They would be free of your need 
to play mind games, right? 

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00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:37,120
And take on roles that 
compromise your values, right, 

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00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:40,480
and your beliefs and therefore 
make you feel uncomfortable. 

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So I'm repeat this for you guys.
They generally they're perfect. 

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They would be free of your need 
to play mind games, right? 

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00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:50,760
And indulge manipulation, right?
And it would be free of you 

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taking on roles that compromise 
your values and beliefs, right? 

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00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:56,840
And it would be free be free of 
you doing anything that makes 

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you feel uncomfortable, right? 
Perfect day would involve doing 

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00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:02,160
all of the things that that have
value and meaning and. 

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00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:24,120
Seeing we've lost your, lost 
your, your audio and I'm taking 

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00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,600
that to the end of the call 
anyway, guys, I would head on 

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00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:29,840
over and do that exercise in the
15 minutes you've got allocated 

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00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,040
guys to to do your your work 
today. 

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What would a perfect day look 
like or be like if you could 

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meet all of your criteria in a 
24 hour period? 

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00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:43,200
I'd love to see you guys right 
into school about what that 

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would look like for you. 
Thank you for being here and 

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we'll see you on today, 
tomorrow's call.