1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,880 I noticed all these people I knew were thanking somebody for 2 00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:08,000 putting them on a list that I very quickly realized I hadn't 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:12,280 made top 100 female ministers in the United States. 4 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,960 I didn't make cheerleader. I didn't make homecoming. 5 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:19,040 No, I didn't make the top 100. Is there something that is 6 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:22,320 stealing from you and you may not even know it? 7 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:26,120 Today we're going to talk about that something and that 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:29,840 something is called. I Don't Believe We discover what 9 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:33,280 we're called to do or how to do it by looking at everybody else. 10 00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:36,280 I do believe that we discover what we called to do. 11 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,520 Ultimately, with people being so aware of what everybody else is 12 00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:43,360 doing, comparing, they're actually not becoming who they 13 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:44,680 really. Are how can we make it like a 14 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,760 spiritual battle so we're not robbed? 15 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,600 Yeah, well, first and foremost, don't do what I did. 16 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:56,200 Do not I want to speak to everybody out there that you 17 00:00:56,200 --> 00:00:59,040 feel like God is calling you to be creative. 18 00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:03,600 Maybe it's to write a book or music or whatever that creative 19 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:09,000 make a business listen. Comparison will be the enemy of 20 00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:12,120 anything you try to do creatively. 21 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:16,840 I need you to be free from comparison so you are free to 22 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,760 create. Is there something that is 23 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:23,000 stealing from you and you may not even know it? 24 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,800 Today we're going to talk about that something, and that 25 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:32,280 something is called comparison. Christian, you know that 26 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,440 comparison. I have an embarrassing 27 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,880 comparison story from my back, but it is epidemic proportion 28 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:39,000 right now. It is. 29 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,040 I don't think we even understand the limits of like healthy 30 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,920 comparison or who we truly are because it's really rampant. 31 00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:47,840 I'm sure you've seen that too. Yeah. 32 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:50,840 I mean, I think when I was growing up, the comparison, it 33 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,240 was either with your peers, but you got to leave it like it was. 34 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,440 I was at school, it was like swimming me. 35 00:01:56,440 --> 00:02:00,200 That person's faster than me or at school, that person's thinner 36 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,040 than me. But I didn't bring them home. 37 00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,400 They weren't in my home constantly showing me who I was, 38 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,400 who I wasn't, who they were. And I I didn't have this 39 00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:13,120 constant imagery in front of me that said I was not enough, that 40 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,760 I was not whatever connected enough that I was missing out, 41 00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:18,520 that everybody else was together. 42 00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:21,120 I mean, you know, you had to call and find out they weren't 43 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,800 home yet. And but now you're like, wait, 44 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,320 everybody, somebody is doing something and I am the only 45 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:30,720 person left out. And I do feel like comparison is 46 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:35,440 a horrific dynamic because what's happening is with people 47 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,960 being so aware of what everybody else is doing and comparing, 48 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,200 they're actually not becoming who they really are. 49 00:02:41,800 --> 00:02:42,440 Really. Yeah. 50 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:46,400 And we even just think. I think that the problem with it 51 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,360 the most is we're not discovering. 52 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,120 OK, God, what have you called me to do? 53 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:52,040 What do you say is beautiful about me? 54 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,560 That may be different. We're just looking. 55 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:54,800 We're saying, oh, I don't have that. 56 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,560 I don't have that. And it's like this FOMO 57 00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,320 response, honestly, is what I think you're saying. 58 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,080 I. Need all of that. 59 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,160 Yes, I. Need to be everything, yes. 60 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,240 Not like the Paul be all things to all men, but be like all men 61 00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:06,840 is what we're trying to do. Exactly. 62 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,080 Or women, I have to come up with something completely different 63 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,640 and wait, that other person already we did this and now I 64 00:03:12,640 --> 00:03:15,800 have nothing else to do. I do believe the comparison 65 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:20,600 culture has robbed us of a lot of artistic expression. 66 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,720 It's actually become this copycat culture, you know, and, 67 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:29,240 and I remember, you know, that when we have comparison, we 68 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:32,800 begin to see other people as enemies rather than allies. 69 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,080 We begin to say they have something I don't have. 70 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:40,360 I need what they have if they're not yet, if they're doing better 71 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,600 somehow it was deducted from my personal account, Whatever that 72 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,480 personal account is with, it's a friendship account, financial 73 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,920 account, ministry account. I feel like ministers are 74 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:53,400 constantly even comparing themselves on the Sunday morning 75 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,920 reels and it's not healthy. And I remember when God began to 76 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:06,320 deal with me about comparison, not corrupting who I was, it 77 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:11,080 started with him dealing with me about a very silly thing. 78 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:14,200 I was 54. I was 54 years old. 79 00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:16,160 And I don't know what I was thinking. 80 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:17,440 All the boys have gone to school. 81 00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,760 I'm, you know, sitting down with coffee. 82 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,360 And I have this devotional by AW Tozer. 83 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,840 And I should have just picked it up, but I picked up my phone at 84 00:04:24,840 --> 00:04:26,720 the same time. I was like, I'm going to have 85 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,040 coffee with friends. And I'm scrolling through what 86 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,880 was Twitter, that which is now X. 87 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:36,480 And I noticed all these people I knew we're thanking somebody I 88 00:04:36,480 --> 00:04:40,920 didn't know for putting them on a list that I very quickly 89 00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,120 realized I hadn't hadn't made. And I'm like, wait a minute, 90 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,440 wait, wait, why am I not on this list? 91 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:50,440 And I started looking through and I was like, wait, I want to 92 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:55,080 be on this list. I was like top 100 female 93 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:57,960 ministers in the United States. I was like, I would have put 94 00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:59,760 you, I didn't even know there was 100. 95 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:03,200 I didn't, you know, like how did I not make the top 100? 96 00:05:03,360 --> 00:05:06,000 I didn't make cheerleader. I didn't make homecoming. 97 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:10,160 No, I didn't make the top 100. And I just remember spinning out 98 00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:13,840 of control looking people that translated in my books were on 99 00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,640 the list. I'm like, how is this even true? 100 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:18,080 Like people they've on purpose left me out. 101 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,160 So I came into John's office and he's a real Christian. 102 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:23,840 He's reading his Bible and I'm like, hey, I need your phone. 103 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:26,720 And he's like, what? And I said, well, they have this 104 00:05:26,720 --> 00:05:28,880 list, the top 100 female ministers. 105 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:33,000 And at the end of the list, they said perhaps they left somebody 106 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:37,080 off and I can't add myself, so I'm going to have you add me. 107 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:39,600 And I was like, put your put my phone down right now and you 108 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,560 need to go read your Bible. And and I was like, wait a 109 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:44,280 minute. And he quotes me a scripture 110 00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:48,040 that I already knew. And I was like, hey, I know I'm 111 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:49,680 wrong. That doesn't make this feel 112 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,600 right. And so I went outside. 113 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,920 There was snow on our deck. I put on my Ugg boots. 114 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:58,400 I called Chris Kane. I started to rant with her about 115 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,000 it. I said, Can you believe this? 116 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:02,000 You know? And she said, well, am I on the 117 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,360 list? And I said, yes, and you're not 118 00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:06,240 even American. Yes, you are on the list. 119 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:07,080 She said, well, what do you care? 120 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,400 I said, you already asked me if you were on the list, so you 121 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:12,920 just showed that you did care. And so I was embarrassed. 122 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:14,840 Then I said, OK, it's just a confession. 123 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:18,840 Then I went into my room and I, like, hit my knees. 124 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:22,960 And I was like, God, I just acted like a 8th grade girl all 125 00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,760 over again. God, will you forgive me? 126 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,240 Will you forgive me? I knew I was wrong. 127 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:30,520 I knew I was wrong. And I went into John's office 128 00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:34,560 and it's like, hey, I just want you to know I put an estrogen 129 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:36,440 patch on. I'm OK. 130 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,120 I was spinning out of control. I texted Christine and I went 131 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:43,080 through my day and I just was like, that was just a weird 132 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:44,720 moment. And even my boys, I think Alec 133 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:47,360 was home because he he remembers it. 134 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:52,480 And later that day I get sent a plastic doll. 135 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,760 And I, you know, if somebody's going to make a plastic doll out 136 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,520 of me, I would have preferred a different outfit. 137 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,840 I mean, if they outfit that, I chose the angle that it was you, 138 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,080 you were the plastic doll. They made a plastic doll out of 139 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,880 me. And they said since I couldn't 140 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:11,920 come to this event that they were hosting for like their 141 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,960 favorite ministers, they made dolls out of their favorite 142 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,920 ministers and they sent it to me. 143 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:20,400 They said that maybe John would like to have it. 144 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:22,880 And I remember take it out-of-the-box, it was not 145 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,760 attractive. And I heard the Holy Spirit say, 146 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:27,520 well, you're a plastic doll. Are you happy now? 147 00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:32,600 You made the list here. And I just realized when you are 148 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:39,960 looking for affirmation outside of God, you end up fake, false 149 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,760 and plastic. And it was such a mojon took it 150 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,560 and he was like, the next time you look like this, the dog 151 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:48,200 comes out. And so I had such an awareness 152 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:52,480 that this comparison and me not making the list and and when I 153 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,520 actually prayed, I said, God, you know, this are evil. 154 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:58,240 Other people are feeling bad for being left out. 155 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:01,200 Maybe I'll make my own list. I've got a bigger Twitter 156 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:03,800 following than this person. I mean, I went through the whole 157 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,560 thing and God said, and yet if you'd been on the list, you 158 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:11,200 would have retweeted it. And that was my wake up call, 159 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,480 Christian. And, and the truth is, there's 160 00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,400 so many lists that all of us are going to be left off. 161 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,560 There's so many moments that we're going to be left out of, 162 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:26,400 but there's only one book or list that really matters, and 163 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,720 that is the book of life. I mean, when we are, we are 164 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,520 wrestling. Yeah. 165 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:34,400 When we are wrestling for things that don't really matter in 166 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,640 life, we lose track of who we really are. 167 00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:39,880 And, you know, people could, people would probably said, 168 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:41,080 well, you were probably triggered. 169 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:42,919 You're probably triggered because this. 170 00:08:42,919 --> 00:08:45,160 And yeah, maybe I was. You need to put a boundary up 171 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:50,720 between you and that, yes. Well, and what's so sad is it 172 00:08:50,720 --> 00:08:54,320 was immaturity on my part. It wasn't that they did anything 173 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,400 wrong. It was I was looking to the 174 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,640 wrong thing for some kind of affirmation that I should only 175 00:09:00,640 --> 00:09:04,840 be getting from God. With so many questions about the 176 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,520 quality of meat, what's in the meat right now? 177 00:09:07,800 --> 00:09:12,960 One of the most comforting thing is showing up for my family by 178 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:18,920 giving them good healthy American sourced beef, good 179 00:09:18,920 --> 00:09:21,360 ranchers. They take all the pressure off 180 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,000 and they deliver quality right to your home. 181 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:29,400 American Source straight to your door so you can be confident 182 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:33,560 that you are serving your family what is simple, what is healthy 183 00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,440 and here's that. Here's the whole thing about it. 184 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:41,800 It is all American Source with so many things to worry about, I 185 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:45,920 do not have to worry about what I'm feeding my family with the 186 00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:50,640 box I get once a month. Goodranchers.com It is 100% 187 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:56,000 American and there is absolutely none of those sneaky additives. 188 00:09:56,200 --> 00:10:01,240 And right now there is a spring into action offer free bacon, 189 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:05,520 free ground beef. Listen to this seed oil, free 190 00:10:05,520 --> 00:10:09,080 chicken Nuggets. My grandkids love that or wild 191 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:13,680 caught salmon in every order, not just one time but for a 192 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,880 year. And right now you can get $40 193 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:23,560 off with a code beveer BEVERE if you mentioned that you're going 194 00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:27,600 to get that discount. So Good Ranchers is our go to. 195 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,080 Good ranchers. American meat delivered. 196 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,320 Because you said it yourself, the end of the list. 197 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:34,840 Someone's always going to be left off. 198 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,200 But. He's always going to be left 199 00:10:36,240 --> 00:10:38,080 off. Make my own list. 200 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,640 I'll leave some other. I'll leave this person off and 201 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,120 that. Is intentional, yeah. 202 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:45,680 I didn't ever do it, just so you know, but those were all these 203 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:47,680 wonderful ideas I went through my head in that moment. 204 00:10:47,840 --> 00:10:50,000 Well, you know, you said something that kind of caught me 205 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,240 by surprise too and got me thinking. 206 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,720 As you said, maybe that being left off of that list reminded 207 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:58,320 you of being left off of the cheerleading squad, and I wonder 208 00:10:58,320 --> 00:10:58,760 how. Many. 209 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,160 I'm sure it did. Of these moments are like these 210 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:03,240 these small let downs where we thought, huh, I thought my 211 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,240 identity was going to be in that thing. 212 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,280 It was going to be in getting that job or getting married to 213 00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,600 that person at that age, you know, whatever it is. 214 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:14,000 So I, I would love if you could even unpack that because what 215 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,520 I'm hearing you say is if we know our identity, we're not 216 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:22,480 perfect, but it's less tempting to try to find ourselves in all 217 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,360 the affirmations and the highlight reels. 218 00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:27,480 So what have you seen the importance of understanding who 219 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:30,840 you are, where you're called to, to not be caught in comparison. 220 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,440 Well. I think you've highlighted 221 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,240 something so crucial. First of all, our identity is 222 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:40,880 not what we do. Yeah, and so we got to know who 223 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:44,240 we are. The identity is grounded in 224 00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:47,960 Christ. And so who I am to God, and I 225 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,040 say this and people get mad at me, but I'm just going to keep 226 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:53,360 saying it because I believe it. Who I am to God is more 227 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:55,440 important than what I can do for Him. 228 00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:59,640 And so I am first and foremost His daughter. 229 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:04,000 I'm his child. I am not God doesn't talk to me 230 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:10,320 like Minister Bevere or author Lisa or list number number 85 on 231 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,160 the list of 100. He he does not, he does not 232 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,840 connect with me according to achievement. 233 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:18,920 He connects with me according to relationship. 234 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:25,920 And so when we have that grounding of I am loved, I am 235 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:30,200 redeemed, I am forgiven, I am graced, when when we know who we 236 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:33,560 are in Christ, then we have a grounding. 237 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,720 And so many people say, well, no, you know, I am a mother. 238 00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,280 Well, that's what you do. That's not your identity. 239 00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:43,880 Because if you can, if it can be taken from you, then it's a 240 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:47,160 role. Like right now I am a mother, 241 00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:49,720 I'm a grandmother. I get to write books, I get to 242 00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:53,560 be on podcast. But those are all things I do. 243 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:59,480 It's not who I am. And and so when you lose track 244 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,440 and you begin to imagine, you know, if I get married, you 245 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:06,240 know, single is my identity. Married is my identity. 246 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:09,120 No, those are things. There's a rules and they're good 247 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:10,960 things. They're not bad things, but 248 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:14,360 they, they, they shouldn't be what you ground yourself in. 249 00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:18,160 And so whenever I pray, I hear daughter, you know, that's 250 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,160 that's how God relates to me. And and then, you know, like I 251 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,960 remember, you know, I were talking about the other thing 252 00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:28,320 was when, you know, I started, do you want to have my first 253 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:31,480 baby? When I had Addison, I was so in 254 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,680 love with him that I thought, I want to have eight boys. 255 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,640 I want to have eight boys. And I'm sorry, I should have had 256 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:37,480 eight because they're all amazing. 257 00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,600 But I got pregnant with my second son. 258 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,600 I started to panic and I started to think, wait a minute, what 259 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:47,080 was I thinking? I love Addison so much. 260 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,240 And now I'm going to have to cut the love I have for him in half 261 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,800 and share it equally with Stranger Baby, who in the 262 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,960 sonogram looks like an alien. I don't even know how I feel 263 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,360 about Stranger Baby, but I know I feel about Addison. 264 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:03,920 But when I gave birth to Austin, my love for Addison wasn't 265 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,160 diminished. It wasn't cut in half. 266 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,640 Not my time, but my but my love was not cut in half. 267 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:12,480 And the things I loved about Addison stayed unique to 268 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:15,680 Addison, just as the things I love about Austin are unique to 269 00:14:15,680 --> 00:14:18,480 Austin. And I remember God saying to me, 270 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,600 I do not love my children equally. 271 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:24,800 I love them uniquely. And you know, some people are 272 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:26,680 like, that's heresy. But wait a minute, let's talk 273 00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:28,720 about it. First of all, God is love. 274 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:33,000 Now, if you are something, you cannot quantify it. 275 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,480 God is love. He doesn't have it. 276 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:39,360 I have love, He is love. There's a big difference there. 277 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:45,520 And so that God loves all of us uniquely because he wove each of 278 00:14:45,520 --> 00:14:48,040 us uniquely. And so the things that God loves 279 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,400 about you are different than the things he loves about me. 280 00:14:51,680 --> 00:14:55,000 But it isn't like he's like, well, I love Christian uniquely 281 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,960 80% and I love Lisa uniquely 60%. 282 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:03,920 He loves us all and he responds to us and how he loves to us and 283 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:09,120 how he loves through us, how he measures that is unique to us. 284 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:12,600 And you know, you've got a sweet little boy and you see how a boy 285 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:16,400 acts compared to a girl. It's very, very different, you 286 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:20,560 know, and how you relate to your son is different than how you 287 00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,480 relate to your daughter. I mean, because we're just 288 00:15:22,480 --> 00:15:25,960 talking earlier about how how boys are a little bit more 289 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,720 clingy with the moms and girls are kind of like, yeah, you 290 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,240 know, I'm done. You know, this is great. 291 00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:33,480 And and that isn't bad. It's unique. 292 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,040 It's unique. And when I was working on the 293 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,960 manuscript to the book without rival, I looked up the meaning 294 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:42,680 of the word unique, and it means without rival. 295 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:47,560 It means that we serve a God who is without rival and he loves us 296 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:51,080 without rival. There's no competition between 297 00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,800 you and I. And so if there's no 298 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,800 competition, there should be no comparison. 299 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,360 You know, this brings up a point you touched on earlier is the 300 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:02,000 idea of part of comparison is OK, I look at them and I feel 301 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,360 like I have to reciprocate that. But there's another side where 302 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:06,520 it's OK, They're doing that. I have to do something so 303 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:09,520 different. And I think I'm so unique where 304 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,200 yes, there's an idea of that. I love that you speak some of 305 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,640 your boys. If you're made for signs and 306 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,560 wonders things not yet seen, but where's the line in OK, I'm 307 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,320 going to walk in my calling and my identity without comparing 308 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:23,000 myself to others. And then also the side of it 309 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:26,320 where I'm striving to prove I'm someone or something. 310 00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:30,200 How can women watching know that line internally? 311 00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,840 Yeah, well, I had a gift. I had a gift that when I wrote 312 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,640 my first book, it was very different than it is now when 313 00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:40,200 you write books. I mean, I think now when people 314 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,520 write books, they're like, just signed a contract, you know, and 315 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,240 I have to post it. And then it's like working on 316 00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:46,640 this chapter. I can't wait to share it with 317 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,440 you. And I'm not saying that's wrong, 318 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:53,240 but I got to do it in secret. No, but I didn't have any. 319 00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,960 I didn't have any ways to tell anybody. 320 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,040 And I was kind of like, should I even be writing? 321 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,480 I am a sleep deprived breastfeeding mother. 322 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:03,520 Perhaps, perhaps I shouldn't be allowed to write anything, you 323 00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:06,680 know? And and so I wrote it in secret. 324 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,920 And so because I was writing in secret, I didn't have critics 325 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:17,200 and I didn't have comparison. I just had my journals and I had 326 00:17:18,079 --> 00:17:22,680 worship and I had prayer and I had scripture and I was like, 327 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:24,359 God, what? What do you want me to write? 328 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,480 What can I say that will bring comfort to women who feel like 329 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,600 their lives are out of control because my first book was out of 330 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,360 control and loving it. What can I say to women who are 331 00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,880 trying to control and finding their lives slipped through 332 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,760 their fingers? What can I say and and taking 333 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:44,160 where the word of God had met me and had become alive in my life. 334 00:17:44,160 --> 00:17:47,120 The word had been made flesh and putting that on on pages. 335 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,760 I didn't have to perform for anybody. 336 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:52,040 I didn't have an audience. I didn't have to say, do you 337 00:17:52,040 --> 00:17:53,920 guys like this? Oh no, they don't like it. 338 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:56,480 OK, I'll stop writing it. You know, I didn't have any of 339 00:17:56,480 --> 00:18:01,480 that and and I do feel there's a reason why Jesus would go away. 340 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:07,840 I do feel like there's AI mean he was signs, wonders, 341 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,840 preaching, pouring out, but there came these moments where 342 00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:16,560 he had to reorient and be alone with his father and he had to 343 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:20,920 worship and he had to to listen. And you know, it said that Jesus 344 00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:24,520 only said what he heard his father saying only did what he 345 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:27,320 saw his father doing. I don't know whether he pondered 346 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,480 things and God would say you're going to meet somebody today and 347 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,400 when you meet this person that's blind, you need to spit in the 348 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:36,040 mud and do it on their. I mean, I don't know whether it 349 00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,400 was like he told them at the beginning of the day or that 350 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:42,120 just was the time where he created a sensitivity to the 351 00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,920 things of the spirit. But I do feel like comparison 352 00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:48,520 will undermine your ability to be sensitive to the things of 353 00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:51,520 the spirit. Comparison will undermine your 354 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:57,640 ability to be creative and comparison what actually rob you 355 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:00,840 of relationships that God wants you to have because you're 356 00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:04,320 seeing other people as competition instead of Co 357 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,280 laborers. That's a good I would love for 358 00:19:06,280 --> 00:19:09,600 you to go deeper on that as it robs your creativity because you 359 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,160 know, watching movies with your son, all of them are like 360 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:16,080 Marvel, this and the movies. But their complaint right now 361 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,240 is, well, there's no good movies because they're just remaking 362 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,720 everything. They don't know how to have this 363 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,240 originality. How do you see that happening 364 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:26,680 within the human nature when we're stuck, I guess not getting 365 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,800 that time to hear the whispers and the ideas and we're just 366 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,400 stuck on focusing what can I do from what I've already seen? 367 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:36,440 Yeah, well, I mean, I think we're drawing on water that is 368 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,280 dirty. You know, I actually, I 369 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:42,000 actually, I actually saw this young woman post this question. 370 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,600 You've probably seen that I for whatever reason, I don't. 371 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,600 It just came in my feet today. And she said her question was, 372 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,120 why is everything so ugly? Why, why is beauty not in our 373 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:55,640 art anymore? Why is beauty not in our songs? 374 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:59,840 Why is beauty not in our world and our conversations, in our 375 00:19:59,840 --> 00:20:03,720 writings? And, and I, I have to think that 376 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:10,200 God is the one who makes everything beautiful in its 377 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,600 time, in its season. And so if you're drawing from 378 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:18,880 people, all you're doing is a derivative of something, 379 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:23,480 somebody else. Made in a season of alone or in 380 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:27,560 beauty. And so I feel like there's this 381 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:32,360 robbery of a creative process. And I am, I am concerned because 382 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:37,640 I do believe that the the Gen. alphas are supposed to be 383 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:42,360 bringing back beauty in music and in art and in literature. 384 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,080 I believe that they're the ones that are supposed to sing and 385 00:20:45,080 --> 00:20:48,720 write and tell some stories. And there are stories that are 386 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,880 mythical and that need to be repeated. 387 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:56,920 But it is tragic to me that they have to just keep remaking the 388 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:01,560 old stories or twisting the old stories. 389 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:07,240 Where are the people that come up with a story that is not yet 390 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,360 written? And I do believe that God has 391 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,240 it. God is God is a creative God. 392 00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,240 And, but, but you cannot be creative when you're looking at 393 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:18,560 what other people have done instead of leaning into what God 394 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:21,520 is asking you to do. And I I don't believe we 395 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:25,600 discover what we're called to do or how to do it by looking at 396 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,280 everybody else. I do believe that we discover 397 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,600 what we call to do ultimately and who we are in the presence 398 00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:34,000 of God. It wouldn't you say there's also 399 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,280 and you have to be willing to go into a process to find that 400 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,880 because I think of Michelangelo and Rembrandt and people that 401 00:21:38,880 --> 00:21:42,040 spent years, whether it's a craft or even just a personal 402 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:44,480 journey. I feel like the quick nature 403 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:46,760 kind of robs us of that chance to, if you'd agree. 404 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:51,120 Yeah, I mean, I'm we just got back from Italy and jealous. 405 00:21:51,240 --> 00:21:58,120 It's a it's astounding that so much of the architecture, so 406 00:21:58,120 --> 00:22:04,440 much of the statue, so much of the art is magnificent. 407 00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:07,800 Still, it's timeless. Like course they were naked a 408 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:12,000 lot, but but I mean, they even, they even were thinking like 409 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:17,200 clothing of certain times becomes attached to a season 410 00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,440 instead of like a thought. And so it was just very 411 00:22:21,440 --> 00:22:26,880 interesting to to walk along architecture that was beautiful. 412 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:31,720 And last, I mean, being in front of the Pantheon and, and 413 00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:35,840 realizing this building that has an open Dome and all this and 414 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:41,320 that has been there for more than 2000 years and, and seeing 415 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:45,480 that we have all these buildings now that do not give any beauty. 416 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:50,320 And there's something in the human soul that longs for 417 00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,560 beauty, but you don't discover beauty in comparison. 418 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:57,720 Comparison is more about who you are not or what you don't have. 419 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,520 And a lot of times comparison can also make people feel proud, 420 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:06,280 like, oh, look at them. It puffs up or it isolates. 421 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:11,840 And neither of those puffing up or isolating is not the 422 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:14,960 environment for creativity. So good. 423 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,440 And I want to lean into the the practical sense of that, 424 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,400 especially as women, I think we feel those highs and those lows 425 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,480 so much. And we mentioned beauty and I 426 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:27,400 did something crazy after my having my first. 427 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:29,280 I was just having a conversation, I think, with 428 00:23:29,280 --> 00:23:32,320 Julie and talking about all these ramifications. 429 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:33,960 Julie's our other daughter-in-law, yes. 430 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:39,680 She's one of the four of your ladies of this generation, the 431 00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:43,640 matriarch. And I was just talking about the 432 00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:45,360 ramifications that come with being a mom. 433 00:23:45,360 --> 00:23:47,800 And even it was wild. I was like, yeah, you know, you 434 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:50,360 can't even become Miss USA if you're a mom. 435 00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:53,040 And that day there was something of now you can be a mom and be 436 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:54,680 Miss USA. And I was like, I'm going to do 437 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:56,920 it sleep deprived, 2 weeks postpartum. 438 00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,080 And I was like, what did I just sign up for? 439 00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,040 But went through with it. It was such a sweet process. 440 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,600 And until it actually became the time And I'm in a one piece 441 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,120 bathing suit next to 20 year olds in bikinis. 442 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:12,080 And I'm thinking, which was like an interesting journey. 443 00:24:12,080 --> 00:24:14,720 But even just like in our fitness apparel, I'm like, I 444 00:24:14,720 --> 00:24:18,320 look different than these women because I'm nursing a baby. 445 00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,040 Like my body's gone through changes. 446 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,600 My definition of beauty has changed, but I think I feel even 447 00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,280 more confident because I know more of well, I've, I've gone 448 00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,640 through some seasons, I've accomplished some things. 449 00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:34,960 I've I'm using all parts of me, new parts of me for other people 450 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:38,760 than just myself. And but there was that tension 451 00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,480 of, you know, my standard of beauty has changed. 452 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:43,840 And in some ways it could be less beautiful or less 453 00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:46,360 desirable. And I think I'm curious what 454 00:24:46,360 --> 00:24:48,760 your advice would be to a woman that's in that stage now, 455 00:24:48,760 --> 00:24:51,440 whether it's because of motherhood or, or or aging 456 00:24:51,440 --> 00:24:54,840 differently, or maybe she just has like something where I've 457 00:24:54,840 --> 00:24:57,080 always painted my nose or whatever it is. 458 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,080 How do you meet that with the tension of not just you're 459 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:04,120 beautiful, it's OK, but really embracing that tension and and 460 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:07,280 getting to a place where you're OK with things changing or you 461 00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:10,120 love things that some people may limit as flaws like that. 462 00:25:10,480 --> 00:25:14,000 That does take some some grit. And I think you have to journey 463 00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:17,400 through disappointment of things looking different or accepting 464 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,240 changes that you can't control. But there's beauty within that 465 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:22,960 too. If you have encouragement for. 466 00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:25,240 Yeah, you know, it's interesting. 467 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:29,600 Part of the reason why I decided to grow my hair out Gray was 468 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,880 kind of like a personal rebellion about why can't my 469 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,720 husband have this gorgeous Gray hair and he looks better. 470 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,680 And if I do it, then people like Fox. 471 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:43,360 Yeah, yeah, he's silver fox. But I'm like, you need to color 472 00:25:43,360 --> 00:25:47,880 your hair. And it's so crazy, but for me, 473 00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:50,760 you know, there was a number of reasons. 474 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:53,680 There was health reasons. There was, I was so tired of 475 00:25:53,680 --> 00:25:58,480 sitting in the chair for 2 1/2, three hours with chemicals in my 476 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:00,440 hair. And then my Gray was super 477 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:01,880 resistant. And the three weeks later I had 478 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,080 to do it again. So I was like, I'm, I'm just 479 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:09,080 tired of it. But then it became, I don't want 480 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,480 to pretend that I'm not in my 60s. 481 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:18,240 I don't want I want the next generation to be excited about 482 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:20,880 being this in their 60s, not ashamed. 483 00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:24,240 I want people. And do you know, it's so funny 484 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,560 when I was paying so much money to get my hair highlighted or 485 00:26:27,560 --> 00:26:31,160 colored or whatever, hardly ever did I get anybody a compliment 486 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,040 with my hair. Do you know, every single week 487 00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,600 somebody says something to me about my hair And it's usually 488 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,160 young girls I love. People will say, I love your 489 00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,320 hair. And I'll be like, oh, thank you. 490 00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:46,160 I mean, I, I think that there's nothing, it's not more godly to 491 00:26:46,600 --> 00:26:49,560 grow your hair Gray. It's, you know, it was just a 492 00:26:49,560 --> 00:26:53,640 personal choice, but for me. And, and there were moments I 493 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:56,080 was like, what have I done? I look so much better on those 494 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:57,880 pictures. I'm coloring my hair again. 495 00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:03,800 But but it was more the principle and and I've had 496 00:27:03,800 --> 00:27:09,240 people say stupid things too, but more more complimenting the 497 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,560 fact that I'm trying to be authentic. 498 00:27:12,800 --> 00:27:16,080 You know, I'm not against anybody else taking a different 499 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,640 choice. But for me, that was important 500 00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:21,600 to me. And it may just be a silly 501 00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:25,080 thing, but for me, you know, I feel like if you girls later 502 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:28,040 say, Hey, I want to grow my hair out Gray, your husbands aren't 503 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,520 going to be like, heck no. My mom colored her hair until 504 00:27:30,520 --> 00:27:32,960 she was 80. You know, if you want to, you 505 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:35,320 can do whatever. But I do feel like there's this 506 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:43,000 constant comparison and I'll say this, I am more comfortable in 507 00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:48,120 my skin or I was for sure in my 50s and 60s and I was in my 20s 508 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:52,000 and 30s. So I think you've kind of 509 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,920 touched on this when you talked about being in this pageant, 510 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,480 seeing these young 20 year olds in bikinis and you've had a 511 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:00,640 baby. But all the sudden you realize 512 00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:02,520 your body isn't just something to look at. 513 00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,080 Your body is powerful. You carried a baby, you're 514 00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:09,680 breastfeeding a baby. You have this this whole nother 515 00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:11,880 experience that they've never had. 516 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:15,240 You know, would that mean that, OK, maybe, you know, I have 517 00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,960 three locations from my belly button now, since I've had kids, 518 00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:21,080 I've had the where originally was, you know, but would I say, 519 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:23,400 oh, you know, I want, I want the original back? 520 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,560 No, but if someone's there, like you don't understand, my skin is 521 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:31,000 all stretched out and I, I feel so uncomfortable with my body. 522 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,280 If she wants to do something full permission. 523 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:36,520 So it's not that I'm just saying you have to be able to know 524 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:39,240 what's important. At the end of the day, these are 525 00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:41,240 all things that are going to pass away and you don't want to, 526 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,160 you don't want to put your effort in the wrong things. 527 00:28:43,560 --> 00:28:49,040 But yeah, comparison is comparison is everywhere and and 528 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,400 we have to be intentional to fight it. 529 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:58,080 And most people either see people as a rival, like, hey, 530 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,760 you're my rival, you're the one keeping me from succeeding your 531 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,200 success or what you have or your husband or you know, of course, 532 00:29:05,200 --> 00:29:06,840 Christian, you wouldn't understand me because you 533 00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,760 married young. Or of course, Christian, you 534 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:12,680 wouldn't understand me because whatever or Lisa, you wouldn't 535 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:15,000 understand. And most people don't know other 536 00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:18,280 people's stories. And when you, when you classify, 537 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,080 compare people, you minimize them. 538 00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,840 And what you do is you're trying to manage people rather than see 539 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:29,160 people in their full potential. You know, when, when Paul said 540 00:29:29,160 --> 00:29:33,880 not that we dare to classify or compare our ourselves with one 541 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:36,840 another as the as like others. So he says we are. 542 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:40,640 When people do that, they are without understanding. 543 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,520 So you can have a generation. And I do feel like we live in 544 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:45,520 this time period. We have a generation that has a 545 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,920 lot of knowledge. Well, sometimes they even wonder 546 00:29:47,920 --> 00:29:50,080 about that because they can't name countries in Africa. 547 00:29:50,360 --> 00:29:53,280 OK, We have a generation with knowledge, but not 548 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,880 understanding. And understanding goes with 549 00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,640 wisdom. And wisdom means you know how to 550 00:29:57,680 --> 00:30:01,960 apply the knowledge that you learn to build a life that you'd 551 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,760 want to live. And I don't feel like we have 552 00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,520 that right now, right? Has comparison ever showed up in 553 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:10,920 your marriage? Yes, absolutely. 554 00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:17,880 It has. Not so much, not so much, not so 555 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,000 much like a competition. I mean, we'll definitely be 556 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:25,080 competitive when it comes to sports stuff, card games, yes, 557 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:27,440 you guys slaughtered us last night in a game. 558 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:32,360 But comparison, I remember when I first started to to speak in 559 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,520 churches and I was very uncomfortable with knowing like, 560 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,360 how do I do this? And so I would look how John 561 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:42,440 would do it, but it was kind of like Saul's armor. 562 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,560 I was like, that's I'm not you. I'm not you. 563 00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:50,040 I see that that works for you and how you do it is perfect. 564 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:54,800 But if I'm going to speak to women, that's not that's not how 565 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:56,920 women hear things from another woman. 566 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:59,200 Now they hear that from a man, but not from me. 567 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:01,040 And I had to keep saying, John, I'm not you. 568 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:03,400 Like when he was telling me, I said, but I'm not you. 569 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:04,320 And you'd be like, what are you saying? 570 00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:07,320 I mean, I can't, I can't, I can't do it that way. 571 00:31:07,800 --> 00:31:11,400 And so the comparison thing was this confusion where I had to 572 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:16,840 really ask God, like what how do I bring, how do I bring 573 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:21,040 something to somebody where they can hear me, where I can make it 574 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,840 easy for them to hear me? And usually it's always that you 575 00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:27,080 make a connection on the front end with a vulnerability and 576 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:31,120 then they allow you to connect because they're no longer see if 577 00:31:31,120 --> 00:31:34,560 you're vulnerable with somebody. It dismantles comparison. 578 00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,200 It really does. So if you say things like, man, 579 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,320 have you ever gone through this or felt that and people are like 580 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:44,040 what you feel that way? I feel that way. 581 00:31:44,240 --> 00:31:47,440 You make a connection and too many people power position 582 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:49,640 themselves rather than make connections. 583 00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,000 And so connections are really important. 584 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:56,440 And I do think connections they, if you can get them and they're 585 00:31:56,440 --> 00:32:00,360 not competitive connections, then they actually under they, 586 00:32:00,520 --> 00:32:03,720 they just, they undermine comparison that it, it, it 587 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,760 uproots it. There's like some unity and 588 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:08,440 harmony. Yeah, yeah. 589 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:12,880 Something I've seen be really prevalent, you know, aside from 590 00:32:12,880 --> 00:32:16,440 like the self comparison and the self deprecation in this 591 00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:20,880 generation is there's a lot of comparison with mothers and 592 00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,040 their daughters, especially in those teenagers. 593 00:32:23,040 --> 00:32:24,800 Did you say comparison or competition? 594 00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:28,640 Maybe there's both, a little bit of both or comparison that comes 595 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,240 out as competition because, you know, for whatever reason, I 596 00:32:31,240 --> 00:32:36,414 know you had four boys, but you have 4, you know, daughter in 597 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,960 But what would your, I don't know, like encouragement be to 598 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,160 either the daughter that's stuck in that cycle or to the mom 599 00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:49,360 that's like, oh, I may be be doing this, comparing myself to 600 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,640 my daughter and it's coming out as competition or with my 601 00:32:52,680 --> 00:32:55,120 friends even. But I've seen that happen a lot, 602 00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,480 surprisingly, the mother daughter dynamic. 603 00:32:57,560 --> 00:33:01,160 The mother, yeah, I, I mean, I, I definitely feel like my mom 604 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,960 felt competitive with me. And I suppose then there would 605 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,240 be a root of comparison. I do remember we like we were 606 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,760 just, we were just so poor for so long at the beginning of, of 607 00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:15,000 our, our marriage and being youth pastor, you know, John 608 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:18,040 being a youth pastor. And then, and then there came a 609 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,920 moment where we got a house. It's the house we lived in when 610 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,000 you've met Arden. We got a house. 611 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,080 And I remember I was so excited to show it to my mom because, 612 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,440 you know, it had, it had four bedrooms and not everybody was, 613 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,080 it wasn't 2 bedrooms for the boys. 614 00:33:32,080 --> 00:33:35,240 We had four bedrooms, you know, and I was so excited. 615 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:38,320 And I remember she came and I'm like, mom, here's the house. 616 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,480 This is, we've flown her out for Thanksgiving. 617 00:33:40,480 --> 00:33:42,600 And she looked at it and she looked around and she said, 618 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:44,880 we're just going to get everything, aren't you? 619 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:50,200 And I remember I felt, I felt shame. 620 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,920 I felt like, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 621 00:33:54,360 --> 00:33:56,640 I didn't take anything from you. Like. 622 00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:01,520 And, and it was sad for me that my mom wasn't happy that I was 623 00:34:01,520 --> 00:34:04,760 raising my boys in a good neighborhood and with great 624 00:34:04,760 --> 00:34:07,800 friends near the church that we went to or anything like that. 625 00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:11,199 And that that hurt. And I think my mom did feel like 626 00:34:11,199 --> 00:34:15,159 everything good that happened to me should have happened to her. 627 00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,400 And actually it was interesting. I was with somebody that so 628 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:23,639 precious woman and she she literally told me that she 629 00:34:23,639 --> 00:34:25,120 marries someone a little bit older than her. 630 00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,960 And her mom said I should be with that person, not you. 631 00:34:28,560 --> 00:34:31,639 And and those those kind of comments shocked me and I look 632 00:34:31,639 --> 00:34:36,280 back, but I hope you don't. I hope like I actually I 633 00:34:36,320 --> 00:34:39,000 actually celebrate the beauty of all my daughter in law's. 634 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,280 Like I'm thrilled. I don't feel like Oh, man, well, 635 00:34:42,280 --> 00:34:43,960 I used to look good because I didn't. 636 00:34:44,120 --> 00:34:48,040 I mean, I used to feel like, no, I mean, we no, no, we we got 637 00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,400 saved early 80s. I mean, we're it's like an 638 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,480 awkward. It was an awkward time period to 639 00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,960 be a Christian. Yeah, yes, blonde Bob with 640 00:34:56,080 --> 00:34:58,880 somebody looks like an Arab. I mean, it just, there was so 641 00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:04,560 much and I love that I, I look at you and Julie and Jessica and 642 00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:07,120 Madeline and I just, I think you, you guys are all beautiful 643 00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,200 and I love that. And I love that your, your 644 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:14,080 husbands love you. Well, and you know, sometimes 645 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,480 I'm like John, take some notes, but but most of the time I'm 646 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,480 just thrilled. I'm just thrilled. 647 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:25,760 And again, that's possibly because I am in my 60s and I 648 00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,400 have found that the only one who makes me feel whole is Jesus. 649 00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,600 OK, so we've established that comparison is obviously not 650 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:36,760 good, but it's not good because it can take away creativity and 651 00:35:37,000 --> 00:35:40,640 rob us of our identity. It can seal even good things 652 00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,280 that the Lord wants to produce in the world. 653 00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:45,160 So. And through relationships. 654 00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:47,600 Yeah. And so I'm sensing, hey, there's 655 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,760 a holiness that we need to protect here. 656 00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:53,680 So how can we fight comparison with daily disciplines or 657 00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:55,280 prayer? How can we make it like a 658 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,120 spiritual battle so we don't? We're not robbed. 659 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,560 Yeah, well, first and foremost, I think don't start your day 660 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,480 first thing with your own. Don't do what I did. 661 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:07,160 Do not pick up the devotional. Do not pick up your phone. 662 00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,880 I don't even turn on my phone until I if I can, until we go, 663 00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:13,360 our team goes on prayer. I just will not turn it on. 664 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,280 I'm like, I don't want that in my mind first thing in the 665 00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:17,800 morning. She slept through tornado 666 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:21,120 warnings I. Did I did like my phone is off, 667 00:36:21,480 --> 00:36:25,040 like I tap out. But I also think that you need 668 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,600 to watch what you put in. You are in charge of what you 669 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,120 put in your mind. And if you are constantly 670 00:36:31,120 --> 00:36:34,720 scrolling through things and even if you don't realize it, 671 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,880 you're taking in too much information to process. 672 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:41,600 You're making yourself weary. And then when you're weary, you 673 00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:44,160 make yourself vulnerable. And then all the sudden there's 674 00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:47,240 people that you're like, well, wait a minute, you don't know 675 00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:48,640 these people. And now you're getting mad at 676 00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:51,720 strangers and you're it having arguments or you're like, I 677 00:36:51,720 --> 00:36:54,440 don't think I don't, you know, I don't think that I don't think 678 00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,160 that looks good. Or I mean, I see people, I see 679 00:36:57,160 --> 00:37:01,000 sweet people like I'm going to teach out to your and they they 680 00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:02,280 ever do. And people like, I don't think 681 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:05,000 you look good. I'm like, Oh my gosh, you know, 682 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:11,120 if people people are, they can get really mean because nobody's 683 00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:12,480 supposed to live in that environment. 684 00:37:13,240 --> 00:37:16,800 And so if you put yourself in an environment that is just 685 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:21,360 competition and comparison, you're going to start acting 686 00:37:21,680 --> 00:37:26,080 like a combative person and you don't need to do that. 687 00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:29,600 So I mean, I, I remember when I was working on the fight for 688 00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:34,080 female, I really felt like God said to me that social media is 689 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:36,480 the Colosseum of our day. It's the Circus Maximus. 690 00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:40,160 It's, it's where there's gladiators, there's spectators, 691 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:43,840 there's the powers that be. And so that is not your realm. 692 00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,240 And so you need to know your realm. 693 00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:50,000 And you don't want to give a realm that is not where you live 694 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,120 that much power, that much attention. 695 00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:58,640 You don't allow horrible, hateful words from random 696 00:37:58,640 --> 00:38:00,480 strangers who may not even be people. 697 00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:03,280 They could just be trolls to wound you. 698 00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:05,920 You know, I remember somebody coming after you. 699 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:08,000 I've, you know, seen people come after you, seen people come 700 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:12,080 after me, seen people come. You don't give people that you 701 00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:14,200 don't know that kind of power. You really don't. 702 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:19,920 The only person that should have the kind of power to wound you 703 00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:25,240 with truth is close friends, husband and Jesus. 704 00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:28,400 Seriously. But most of these people, they 705 00:38:28,400 --> 00:38:30,800 just want to wound you. They don't want to wound you 706 00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,560 with truth. And you know, I know that 707 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,880 something that the Holy Spirit said to me was you allow your 708 00:38:36,880 --> 00:38:40,760 critics to refine you, not define you. 709 00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,960 So again, going back to identity, they don't get to call 710 00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,560 me names that, you know, if I can say it clear, if I can be 711 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:50,760 kind or if, if, if something I, you know, said could have been 712 00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:55,720 any any way differently framed, OK, I'm great with that. 713 00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,160 But they do not get to name call me. 714 00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:02,520 And you know, I mean, I get everything from false teacher to 715 00:39:02,520 --> 00:39:07,200 heretic to Jezebel to witch. I get all those kind of things. 716 00:39:07,200 --> 00:39:10,640 I mean, I can look back and say, huh, did I say something that 717 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,160 could be mistaken for witchcraft? 718 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:14,920 Because if I did, I'm going to take that to the Lord and I'm 719 00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:17,080 going to ask him. And if he's like, these are just 720 00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,760 mean people, then be like, OK, you know, so you have to you 721 00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:24,440 have to weigh things before the judge of the universe, not 722 00:39:24,440 --> 00:39:27,040 people who you don't even know who you don't know their 723 00:39:27,040 --> 00:39:28,640 motives, you don't know who they are. 724 00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:32,400 So that would be a big thing. And then I really, I really like 725 00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:36,720 a lot of worship music and worship music for me with my 726 00:39:36,720 --> 00:39:40,680 mind is very important. John also like we'll often just 727 00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:42,680 play the Bible on the Bible apps. 728 00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:46,640 We'll just listen to the Bible and I arrest my mind because my 729 00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:51,560 mind will take me emotional hostage and and be be a 730 00:39:51,560 --> 00:39:54,960 terrorist to me if I do not arrest it, especially first 731 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:59,520 thing in the morning. So phone off Devotion Coffee. 732 00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,040 Yes, Yep, I do. I do coffee with the mushroom 733 00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,080 and cacao and then I'm happy. I think we need to do a deep 734 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,160 dive on your coffee routine because it's good like 735 00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,520 superfood. We'll do that next. 736 00:40:08,520 --> 00:40:12,240 So make sure you're subscribed. I this is really helpful. 737 00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:15,200 I'm taking notes and I'm thinking of the people that, you 738 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:18,240 know, maybe there's trapped in a friend group that's just highly 739 00:40:18,240 --> 00:40:21,440 comparative or there's so much comparison in their mind. 740 00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:25,360 What are maybe like a challenge you can give them this week of a 741 00:40:25,360 --> 00:40:26,720 way to start renewing their mind. 742 00:40:26,720 --> 00:40:28,800 I know you said worship, you know, taking the. 743 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,520 Right account. Sometimes you have to leave 744 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:34,640 certain friend groups. I mean, I had to there's I mean, 745 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,520 sometimes it has absolutely nothing to do with them. 746 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:39,480 It has everything to do with me. I mean, I've had people that I 747 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:43,120 was following before on social media and every time I saw them, 748 00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:47,200 I was wrestling with comparison and I had to be like, you know, 749 00:40:47,360 --> 00:40:49,480 they're going to have to be muted for a while because I'm 750 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:53,880 not it's not them, it's me. And I got to guard my heart. 751 00:40:53,920 --> 00:40:59,360 I'm either judging them and or I'm threatened by them or 752 00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,760 jealous, whatever it is. And so I have the right to edit 753 00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:04,160 my life. Everybody does. 754 00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,840 They have the right to edit their life, meaning what they 755 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:08,480 take in and what they take out on that. 756 00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,560 That can go with friend groups. And you know, if a friend group 757 00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:16,360 is, is feels a little toxic and you leave feeling drained rather 758 00:41:16,360 --> 00:41:19,000 than refresh when you've had time with your friend groups, 759 00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:22,480 then you can challenge what the conversations are, what's going 760 00:41:22,480 --> 00:41:26,560 on or why you're in that group. I remember a long time ago and 761 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,040 please don't send me emails saying that they're demonic. 762 00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:31,400 I already prayed over all this stuff, but I was in a sorority 763 00:41:31,720 --> 00:41:35,240 and in a sorority I remember I was a rush counselor, which 764 00:41:35,240 --> 00:41:37,160 would mean I would like work with the girls. 765 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:40,440 They wouldn't know what house I was from, but I would walk them 766 00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,600 through sorority rush and I would tell the girls. 767 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,960 I said choose the house where you already feel comfortable, 768 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,800 not the House of the girls you want to be like. 769 00:41:52,000 --> 00:41:55,880 And you know that you just are dying for their approval because 770 00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:58,360 you're going to be living among them when you're all brushing 771 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:01,120 teeth and stuff like choose where you already feel 772 00:42:01,280 --> 00:42:04,760 comfortable in yourself. And you know, there's people, 773 00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:08,200 yeah, you want people that inspire you, but not people that 774 00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:10,640 belittle you or make you feel less than. 775 00:42:11,120 --> 00:42:14,520 And you know, another thing with comparisons, got to be really 776 00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:16,760 careful if you go out with your friends and they're talking bad 777 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:21,160 about their husband. I had to have, I had a friend 778 00:42:21,160 --> 00:42:23,320 group where there was four of us. 779 00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,560 We're all four couples and every time we would go out, you know, 780 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:30,480 oh, men, they're just this or they're that and blah, blah, 781 00:42:30,480 --> 00:42:32,680 blah. And I mean, I would sit there at 782 00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,800 the table and I would think I got to say something bad about 783 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,200 my husband. Like everybody's throwing their 784 00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,600 their chips into the table. I need to say something or else 785 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,120 if I didn't say something, I'd come home And it's mad at men 786 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:47,800 like John, all men are this. And I thought, do I want John 787 00:42:47,800 --> 00:42:50,760 hanging out with people that the husbands talk bad about, the 788 00:42:50,760 --> 00:42:52,920 wives? No, that's not a friend group. 789 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,240 That's gossip and that's poisoning water. 790 00:42:55,240 --> 00:42:57,240 I don't want that. And so I had to just isolate 791 00:42:57,240 --> 00:42:59,640 myself. Yeah, what did the the verses of 792 00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:01,960 the seven things I hate because I mean, there's gossip in there 793 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:04,320 with comparison fit into that fold. 794 00:43:05,600 --> 00:43:07,720 I think sewing strife among the brothers would fit in. 795 00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:10,680 Yeah, you know, the ones that host strife and slander. 796 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:15,160 So comparison could basically be a spiritual warfare idea. 797 00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:18,840 It definitely can. And again, it always it always 798 00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,280 comparison. I don't think I think that 799 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:25,760 there's there could be a healthy form of comparison where it's 800 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:31,080 actually you look to that to be inspired like, OK, if I if I was 801 00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:32,640 an artist. Like Lisa's daughter, I'm like, 802 00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:34,800 thank you, I like that comparison. 803 00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:37,640 Your mom might not be happy about that because you do look 804 00:43:37,640 --> 00:43:39,880 like your mom. Yeah, but like when you go to 805 00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:43,920 Italy, you see all these art students and they're studying 806 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,640 the masters and I'm sure they're comparing their talent with that 807 00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:51,680 talent, but they're inspired. They're inspired. 808 00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:55,280 So there can be an inspiration. But when comparison says you'll 809 00:43:55,280 --> 00:43:58,680 never be good enough, you'll never be this, you want 810 00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,840 something that inspires, not something that that says you're 811 00:44:01,840 --> 00:44:04,280 eliminated. And again, when when you're 812 00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:08,920 talking about comparison with women, it tends to be a musical 813 00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,920 chair game where somebody doesn't get a seat and somebody 814 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:16,840 is always left out. And, and for me, that was part 815 00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:18,560 of the reason why I was like, well, that's why I'm more 816 00:44:18,560 --> 00:44:21,680 comfortable with men. But God will take you into 817 00:44:21,680 --> 00:44:24,840 situations where you're uncomfortable so that you can 818 00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,760 actually begin rather than just try to fit in and belong. 819 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,480 Well, I know that you've learned some of these anecdotes and 820 00:44:31,480 --> 00:44:34,800 tools and lessons like your plastic doll over the years of 821 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:38,000 just being in ministry and you know, and with good community. 822 00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:41,640 But if you could speak to younger Lisa, maybe teenager, 823 00:44:41,760 --> 00:44:44,880 early Tony Lisa, what would you say to encourage her in the way 824 00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,520 of because comparisons not going anywhere, But how do we learn 825 00:44:48,520 --> 00:44:50,560 from it and invite it in the right way? 826 00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,960 Yeah, well, first of all, I would tell the teenage Lisa, 827 00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:57,800 stop trying to be friends with people that don't even like you. 828 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:03,160 I don't know what my deal was, but I was like so desperate to 829 00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:06,760 be friends with people that didn't even like me and missing 830 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,760 the people that I could have been friends with. 831 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:12,680 And then this is going to sound mean, but the people that you're 832 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:17,680 pursuing in high school in a couple years, you're not going 833 00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:19,680 to even know them. And the ones that you have given 834 00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:25,840 so much power over your identity, your ability to 835 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:30,640 achieve or not achieve these people, they're not going to be 836 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:35,200 in your world. And I would just in, if I was in 837 00:45:35,200 --> 00:45:39,720 high school again, I would challenge myself to dream and to 838 00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:45,960 see beyond and, and not spend my time thinking that that was 839 00:45:45,960 --> 00:45:48,880 everything. And, you know, with with me, the 840 00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:53,960 younger person, I would have also told myself to enjoy the 841 00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:57,960 season I was in and not be so concerned about the next season. 842 00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:01,560 You know, I mean, I can look at you and I can look at me. 843 00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:05,440 And I know, you know, I know that when I was your age and had 844 00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:09,320 two kids, I thought, oh, there's certain things on my body I 845 00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:12,800 don't love anymore. But now that I'm 65, I'm like, I 846 00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:14,960 would love to have that body back. 847 00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:16,960 That would be a great body to have. 848 00:46:16,960 --> 00:46:20,280 And, and I would love to enjoy my husband more. 849 00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:22,720 And I would love to play with my kids more. 850 00:46:22,720 --> 00:46:24,040 And I would love to do this more. 851 00:46:24,040 --> 00:46:27,360 And I think too many times we aren't enjoying life, we're just 852 00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:29,760 surviving it. And then we look back and we 853 00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:31,280 realize all the things that we miss. 854 00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:35,360 And I would, I would definitely tell myself to enjoy my husband, 855 00:46:35,360 --> 00:46:40,640 enjoy my children at work, on my grades, at read more books. 856 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:46,840 I, I majored in suntanning and I, I threw away my education 857 00:46:46,840 --> 00:46:48,840 that I am having to pay for. So it was a mistake. 858 00:46:48,840 --> 00:46:55,080 But yeah, I, I and I also with ministry stuff, friends can be 859 00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:59,520 seasonal and the seasonal friends can season your life. 860 00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:01,360 But don't get mad when they leave. 861 00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:04,280 Just look for what's next. So good. 862 00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:08,320 Well, we hope that you guys have gotten a nugget or two from this 863 00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:11,400 episode and we would love for you to subscribe so you can stay 864 00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,400 tuned for the next episode, which come out bi weekly on 865 00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,600 Thursdays. And thank you for all this 866 00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:17,960 wisdom. Absolutely.