1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:03,360 I wrestled with an eating disorder from the time I was 15 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,960 until the time I was 22, and I would try to eat very little and 3 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,720 I'd weigh myself again, and then I'd eat a little bit at lunch 4 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,800 and weigh myself again. And if I wasn't losing weight, 5 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,920 then I would do one or two things. 6 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:20,200 I would either starve myself or I would binge like crazy. 7 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:24,200 I came in from school and my Sicilian dad come here and he's 8 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,280 like, turn around and I do this awkward 360. 9 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,120 He just looked at me and, you know, put down his newspaper and 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,680 said, you're fat and no guys are going to like you. 11 00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:35,640 You need to lose weight. And Christian, I think in that 12 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:40,280 moment, my soul and my body cracked. 13 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,600 Welcome to the Fight for Female podcast. 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,440 I'm Lisa Bevier. I am joined by my daughter in 15 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:54,640 love, Christian Bevier and Christian. 16 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:58,200 We are talking about an interesting topic today. 17 00:00:58,280 --> 00:01:00,760 That's all we do. Yeah, that's our hope. 18 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,200 That's our hope. We don't want to talk about 19 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:09,320 stupid topics, but is body positivity actually having a 20 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:13,160 positive effect? And I kind of want to open up 21 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,960 with a little story that happened recently. 22 00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,960 You're going to, I don't know if you were part of this or not, 23 00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:24,360 but we, we were all on the spring break and we were at a 24 00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,960 family friendly beach where they sent out a letter like, please, 25 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:33,160 please, let's do family friendly beachwear. 26 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,800 And somehow these young college girls, I think they missed that 27 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:42,000 memo. They were like, no, no, I want 28 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:46,720 to have a exhibitionist friendly moment. 29 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:50,400 And so we come on the beach. I'm very mindful now having 30 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,960 grandkids. When I had young boys, I was 31 00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:57,160 mindful, but now having grandkids and sons and you all 32 00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:59,040 have to be in charge of them. You have to be in charge of 33 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:01,320 them. But I remember we all just 34 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:03,800 started moving down the beach away. 35 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:07,480 And at first the girls were, they were kind of like we're 36 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:11,280 here. And then they were getting drunk 37 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:14,480 and they were standing up and they were gyrating and they were 38 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:18,080 grabbing their butt and, and John was like, let it go. 39 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,600 Lisa and I said, no, I am not letting it go. 40 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,320 There was an e-mail that went out. 41 00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:28,120 So I just pick up my my little cell phone and I call and I'm 42 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,720 like, Hey, there's some people here that you know, they're not 43 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,040 are. Gyrating. 44 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:37,840 Yeah, who are gyrating like we cannot, we cannot avoid their 45 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:41,720 backside. And and then I I went down the 46 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,640 beach, but I guess. And you had your 14 year old or 47 00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,120 13? Year old grandson with me, which 48 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:50,560 was part of the reason why gyrating was not acceptable and 49 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,200 I wish. Because it usually is. 50 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:56,160 Well, it was never acceptable. So I went down was talking to my 51 00:02:56,160 --> 00:03:01,040 friend and unbeknownst to ME3 women in suits came down and and 52 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,840 talked to these these college girls that were super excited 53 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,040 about their back sides. And they were like, Hey, you 54 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:09,640 guys come on like, you know, this is this is family friendly. 55 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:13,080 You need to cover her up and then what? 56 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,640 Soon as they walked away, one of the girls in front of me made 57 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:23,960 the the gross air of yelling my body F you grabbed your butt, 58 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,600 tore the cover up off of the other girl. 59 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:31,400 And I was like, OK, OK, now, now they're in trouble. 60 00:03:31,640 --> 00:03:34,520 And I walked over to the young men that they're with and I was 61 00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,400 like these these girls, your friends. 62 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,000 Well, first I walked over, I was like, are y'all members? 63 00:03:40,040 --> 00:03:44,160 They're like, and I was like, hey guys, are are these your 64 00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:46,080 friends? And they're like, yes, ma'am, 65 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,880 yes ma'am. I'm like, you need to get them 66 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,280 under control. I am reporting them and and the 67 00:03:53,280 --> 00:04:00,000 truth is everybody was uncomfortable about their body 68 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,400 positivity. And I think we need to say when 69 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:10,360 somebody else's expression violates the imagery of what you 70 00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:13,720 want in front of your children, what you want to represent. 71 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,840 And, and can I, you know, I'll just be honest with you. 72 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:19,279 Hey, thongs were not a thing when I was in college and a 73 00:04:19,279 --> 00:04:21,360 heathen. So who knows what I would have 74 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:27,240 done if I had access to thongs. But the truth is that there are 75 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:32,000 other people in our world. And so our body positivity 76 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,680 should not become a negativity for anybody else. 77 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,160 So that was just kind of a, a thing recently. 78 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,000 And so now it's become a joke. But but when I was leaving, I 79 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,720 saw I saw one of the managers, like she was dressed in a suit. 80 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:45,400 You're just not in suits at a swimming pool. 81 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:48,240 And I, John and I were leaving, you know, we're going home for 82 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,080 the day. And I saw this woman in a suit. 83 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,840 And I said, hey, I just want you to know soon as you laugh, this 84 00:04:52,840 --> 00:04:55,640 is what these girls did. And she looked at me and she 85 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:02,880 said I just had a baby boy. And I am so mad about women 86 00:05:02,880 --> 00:05:07,560 behaving like this. You have a little boy. 87 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:13,000 How has that changed your ideas about women and how they dress? 88 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,520 Yeah. I mean, I think it goes back to 89 00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:19,800 when you have a man, especially a young boy that you were 90 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:21,800 rearing to become a gentleman one day. 91 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:26,840 It's you realize how much of A feat that has become with our 92 00:05:26,840 --> 00:05:28,680 world because like, well, do you block them off? 93 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:31,400 Do you teach them? Do you teach them self-control? 94 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:34,240 But I think this idea of self-control is even hard 95 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,840 because it's one thing if those girls were like, I love my body, 96 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:42,560 I'm in front of my mirror, come. On a honeymoon with my husband 97 00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:46,040 in the isolated. Beach wearing lingerie when 98 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,960 you're in your intimate setting. But there's a big difference in 99 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,600 public and private. And I think this idea of 100 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:56,080 positivity is not so much I'm confident in my body, but I want 101 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,720 others to validate. And I think that's kind of where 102 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:03,520 we're going is body positivity has not become, I'm confident 103 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,120 who I am, but I need who I am to be validated. 104 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,640 And that's where I've seen it get really. 105 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:14,120 I almost felt I, I actually felt like it was beyond validation. 106 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:18,160 I felt assaulted. I, I felt like it was in my 107 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:22,400 face. You will, you're, it doesn't 108 00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:27,000 matter how you feel or how you care about your children. 109 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:32,000 Two things I felt violated, but I also felt protective of these 110 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,560 young girls. I thought, do they understand 111 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,400 how they are cheapening themselves and how they're 112 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:47,640 presenting themselves in a way that is so possibly opposing to 113 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:52,640 what they actually want right in life and in a man and they 114 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:54,840 probably. Don't that's the truth. 115 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,720 I mean, as you're saying, if thongs would have been around, 116 00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,680 like I can only imagine if someone's like Lisa Bevere, I've 117 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:04,320 got a photo of you and even things of my own college spring 118 00:07:04,320 --> 00:07:05,240 breaks. It's like there's this 119 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:09,520 heightened unawareness of what comes later and it's just this 120 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:13,440 in and now I need to be sexy, I need to be the most beautiful 121 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:16,760 body and that's really what's pushed. 122 00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:22,760 And yet, and yet there is this perfection that none of us can 123 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,680 attain. Like I remember another story 124 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:29,480 and I would love you to share. You and I both have a We have 125 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:33,240 some similar similarities in our background, but I wrestled with 126 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:37,520 an eating disorder from the time I was 15 until the time I was 127 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:41,560 22. And it, it didn't start severe, 128 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:46,160 but it became that. And I, I was, I swam from the 129 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,400 time I was 5 till the time I was 18. 130 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:53,320 But I had an ankle injury and I sat out one year, but I ate like 131 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:58,680 I was still in training and I had no idea what I weighed. 132 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:02,160 I had no idea. I, I thought weight gaining 133 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,800 weight was a function of growth. And I remember I came in from 134 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:10,000 school one day and, and my Sicilian dad, which he was just, 135 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,280 that was always scary. Just, I mean, he was just 136 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,160 sitting there smoking. Like he just came in and you're 137 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,840 like, Oh no, he's home. And you know, I was like, I've 138 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,480 done something wrong. I don't know what I've done 139 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,120 wrong, but I've done something. And he just looked at me and he 140 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:23,520 said, and I said, he's like, hi dad. 141 00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:26,320 And I was heading back to my bedroom to do my homework and he 142 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,400 was like, come here and, and I'm like, OK. 143 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:34,600 And he's like turn around and and I do this awkward 360 and he 144 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:39,799 was like, your butt is huge. And I was like, he said, how 145 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:43,000 much do you weigh? And I said, I at camp. 146 00:08:43,159 --> 00:08:45,400 And so I like gave him the number that I had weighed at 147 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,480 camp that summer before. And he's like, well, you're not 148 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,400 at camp anymore. You don't weigh that. 149 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:51,840 You go back and weigh yourself right now. 150 00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:55,640 And I was like, I can do that. I can weigh myself. 151 00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:57,880 Like, I didn't even know people weighed themselves. 152 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:00,440 I was like, you go to the doctor's office and they weigh 153 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,320 you at camp. They weigh you to make sure 154 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:05,040 you're not losing weight, You're getting enough food. 155 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,760 So I remember going back and weighing myself and then coming 156 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:12,640 back and, you know, in all honesty, I was probably 4 inches 157 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:16,920 shorter than I am now. And I weighed a little bit more 158 00:09:16,920 --> 00:09:20,800 than I weigh right now. And I came and I told my dad 159 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,760 what I weighed. And he just looked at me and, 160 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:29,240 you know, put down his newspaper and said, you're fat and no guys 161 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,600 are going to like you. You need to lose weight. 162 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,560 And I remember I had this ghetto boyfriend that broke up with me 163 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:38,400 that I didn't even like. And I thought that is why he 164 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:40,840 knew I was fat. Why did I not know I was fat? 165 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:43,040 And he was like, you need to take care of this. 166 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,880 And I was like, yes. And that's pretty much it. 167 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:50,480 He didn't say it's unhealthy. Right. 168 00:09:50,920 --> 00:09:54,520 He just said you're undesirable, you're unattractive. 169 00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:58,640 And I remember I went back to my room, locked the door, stripped 170 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:02,320 down to my bra and underwear, stood on my bed, and I had like 171 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:04,000 a little mirror above my dresser. 172 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,480 And so all I saw was this headless reflection. 173 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:13,280 And I hated, hated my body and Christian, I think in that 174 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:18,760 moment, my soul and my body cracked. 175 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:25,240 There was like a split in my in my being and my body became an 176 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,720 enemy. And I, I remember eating that 177 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:31,800 night and my dad watched me everything I ate. 178 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:37,120 I went running through the snow drifts and my sweats until I, 179 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,600 you know, my lungs right there going to burst. 180 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,440 Yes. And I, you know, and I and I 181 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:45,840 dropped weight. And as I dropped weight, I 182 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:51,720 picked up affirmation. I picked up, oh, wow, guys are 183 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:54,320 paying attention. Being now, now my dad's proud of 184 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,640 me. Wow. 185 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,640 If you're thin, you're worthy of love. 186 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:00,640 If you're thin, you're in control in your life. 187 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:04,440 If you're thin, you deserve everything you get. 188 00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:08,040 But if you are not thin, well, then you're out of control. 189 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,760 Then you, you're undisciplined, you're unworthy. 190 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:15,640 Some, nobody told me these things, but from the time I was 191 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:22,880 15 to the time I was 22, those mindsets were reaffirmed in my 192 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:26,920 life. And and you, you, I mean, tell 193 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,600 me your story on that. Well, I think you highlighted 194 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:33,400 something very important and your decade of growing up, I 195 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:36,000 think that's when like it was heroin chic and that was like 196 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:40,440 the Twiggy and that was the image like dangerously thin. 197 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:45,200 And it's one thing because I think that's kind of pushed us 198 00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,320 to the point where it's like, well, don't talk about body at 199 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,680 all because we don't want to know if your dad had said, hey, 200 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,640 I noticed there's something irregular. 201 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:54,720 Like are you eating well for your body? 202 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:58,160 Is everything OK rather than just are? 203 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,600 You OK, right? Like, even if there's some are 204 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,280 you upset, Lisa? I know you had an injury. 205 00:12:04,280 --> 00:12:05,840 I know you're not on the swim team. 206 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:07,760 I know you don't have the social interaction. 207 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,040 I know your mom and I are crazy. Like what is? 208 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:13,160 What is going on? That would have been really 209 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:14,320 helpful. There were a lot of things. 210 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:15,720 That would have been. Helpful. 211 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,280 Yeah, no. And, and for me, for me, I went 212 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:26,200 away to the University of Arizona and there is Indiana 213 00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:30,600 slender and then there is Arizona, California slender. 214 00:12:30,600 --> 00:12:33,840 And all of a sudden I was a corn fed heifer and I am out there 215 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:36,720 and I'm like, I need to, I need to get thinner. 216 00:12:37,040 --> 00:12:41,720 And I remember literally coming home from my freshman year of 217 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:47,960 college and I, my mom was so concerned about my lack. 218 00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:50,280 You know, I kept losing weight, losing weight, losing weight, 219 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:55,360 lack of eating. She took me to the doctor's and 220 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,600 and I was, you know, five. I've shrunk a little bit, but I 221 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:03,000 was 5-7 and at the time I weighed 103. 222 00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:04,680 Oh my goodness. I know. 223 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,240 And I wanted to weigh 83. And do you know why I wanted to 224 00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,320 weigh 83? Because that was the last time I 225 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:14,320 remember being comfortable in my body and I never got to that. 226 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:19,200 But that was the last time. And you know, for me, thank God, 227 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,840 thank God I couldn't get any thinner. 228 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:28,560 Thank God that I had an encounter with Jesus Christ, you 229 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:33,840 know, so my weight was like this constant laxative diuretic, 230 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,080 starving myself. And we just had it every dinner 231 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,200 in my sorority and we talked about how to lose weight. 232 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,160 We measured all of our calories and it was feast and then 233 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,960 famine, feast and then famine and it was a horrible, horrible 234 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,840 life. Hey friends, I am so excited to 235 00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,360 share with you about my newest book. 236 00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:55,280 It is called The Fight for Female Reclaiming our Divine 237 00:13:55,280 --> 00:13:59,160 identity. I have never had to wrestle so 238 00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:03,640 hard to write a book. It is available for pre-order 239 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:07,520 right now and then it will be available everywhere on 240 00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:11,120 September 3rd. I want to see you reserve your 241 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,280 copy. I believe that this book will 242 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:16,840 equip you to have the conversations that we are going 243 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:20,400 to be needing to have in the near future. 244 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,360 I believe that women are being sexualized and silenced and I am 245 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,760 not OK with that and I know you aren't either. 246 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,520 So grab your copy today. I mean thank goodness you didn't 247 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:34,800 get down to 80 cuz I know once you do like infertility like 248 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,640 stomach issues. I did. 249 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:39,400 So that was my wake up. I got hospitalized for stomach 250 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,880 issues. Good, yes. 251 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,760 Was that ulcers or? So I had shut down my stomach. 252 00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:50,000 It's not attractive to talk about, but 2, two weeks without 253 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,400 a bowel movement, I started to poison myself. 254 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:57,640 So I had shut down my body and I had to go through all of the 255 00:14:57,640 --> 00:14:58,880 tests. Of course I lied. 256 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,960 You know, they, they were like maybe she has ulcerative colitis 257 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,680 and it. Probably felt normal if that's 258 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:05,800 what you're. Constant pain. 259 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:11,760 Food was pain and food was pain and food was my enemy and my my 260 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,520 source. And I went back home that summer 261 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:20,280 and that is when I met Jesus for the very first time. 262 00:15:20,680 --> 00:15:25,480 And you know, John told me, you know, that salvation meant to be 263 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,480 whole again. And I said, so I can have, I can 264 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:32,240 have cheese now because I had lactose intons, which caused a 265 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,240 lot of pain. And he was like, whoa, wait, 266 00:15:34,240 --> 00:15:37,040 wait, what's going on here? And prayed. 267 00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:41,640 I felt the love of God come into my body and I was healed of an 268 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,600 eating disorder as far as starving myself. 269 00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:50,920 But then I started to overeat. And for me, I had to go back 270 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:54,560 into the put this into the right perspective. 271 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,080 Because if you have something that's out of balance in your 272 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,440 life, you're either going to overcompensate or you're going 273 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:03,080 to, you know, in one way, One Direction or other. 274 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,080 So Christians don't drink. I stopped drinking, so I started 275 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,680 eating the Christian eat all the time and I outgrew my wedding 276 00:16:10,680 --> 00:16:13,960 gown and my wedding gown I'm. Prior to getting married. 277 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:19,800 My wedding gown was a size 10 and I, I, I went to go get the 278 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,520 slip for it three weeks out and they couldn't zip it, they 279 00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:27,040 couldn't close it. I so I yes. 280 00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:31,080 And sorry, a stressful time. Yeah, and and and I blamed God. 281 00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:33,800 I was like, Hey, I became a Christian and I stopped 282 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,760 drinking. Like, like I've done him a favor 283 00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:41,000 and and now I'm fat. And you, you know, you did this. 284 00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:45,360 And he said to me, your weight is an idol to you. 285 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,080 Food is an idol to you. When you're sad, you eat. 286 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,000 When you're lonely, you eat. When you're happy, you eat. 287 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:56,320 You don't come to me. And he said, if you will give 288 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,480 this to me, See, I didn't think I could trust God with my 289 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:03,000 weight. I said, if you'll give this to 290 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,920 me, I'll tell you we should weigh, not shape, not Vogue. 291 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:08,079 They're not the one that made you. 292 00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:12,000 I am the one that made you. And I remember I wrote, I just 293 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,640 had the sense there was this number. 294 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,599 I just wrote it down on a piece of papers. 295 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:18,359 It's a way that I've never been. I've been more and I've been 296 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:19,720 less, but I'd never landed there. 297 00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:24,880 And I put it in my Bible. And he said, now stop dieting, 298 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:27,480 stop weighing yourself, stop obsessing. 299 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:30,000 And he said, I'm going to teach you how to eat until you're 300 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,640 satisfied. But I remember praying before 301 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:37,080 every single meal and saying, God, show me when I am full 302 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:39,640 because I only knew how to eat until I was in pain. 303 00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:42,840 Show me when I am full and I'll put my fork down. 304 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:47,640 And by the wedding, I was exactly that weight and I was 305 00:17:47,680 --> 00:17:49,960 able to wear the dress. It was loose on me, but I was 306 00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,320 able to wear it. And yeah, so I mean, I believe, 307 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,480 and this is something I want every woman to hear because I 308 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:57,560 think sometimes we're like, oh, that's carnal. 309 00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:01,560 I'm just going to tell you, if it's important to you, it's 310 00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:04,160 important to God. If it is something that holds 311 00:18:04,160 --> 00:18:07,560 you captive, then it is something you can invite God's 312 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,440 Spirit into. You say, well, I should have 313 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,720 this, I should. No, you know what? 314 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:15,040 You don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do it alone. 315 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:17,800 You don't have to figure it out. You don't have to fix it. 316 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,480 If this is something that controls you and you're not 317 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,720 spirit LED or spirit controlled or you're ashamed of your weight 318 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:30,400 or you're, you know, whatever that is, you can invite the Holy 319 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:35,880 Spirit into that area. And it's interesting, God, God 320 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:41,680 didn't affirm the unhealthy or say, oh, this supermodel body 321 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:46,160 that we see on every cover that you will never be. 322 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,920 He did not say that. They're probably airbrushed as. 323 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:51,800 Well, he didn't say, well, that's your goal. 324 00:18:51,960 --> 00:18:52,680 Right. He said. 325 00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:55,680 This is the number for you, 'cause what I'm hearing is 326 00:18:55,720 --> 00:18:58,440 there's probably some women listening that do weigh around 327 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,880 100 lbs naturally. There are some women that are a 328 00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,920 size 10 naturally and it's like that's their beautiful design. 329 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,520 But for you to fluctuate so much and not know, I don't even know 330 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:10,760 what's healthy for my body, what my body was designed to look 331 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:13,640 like. I think that's what speaks to me 332 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,800 so much as you know, there there is differences in how God made 333 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:21,440 us like beautifully. Not every woman is a size 6, not 334 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,240 every woman is a size 2, not every woman is a size 12. 335 00:19:24,760 --> 00:19:28,160 But I do think every woman, whatever she is, should be 336 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,120 healthy, right? And that was something God said, 337 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:32,880 I don't want you skinny and weak. 338 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:35,720 I want you strong and free. And I think that that is the 339 00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:39,120 powerful goal for all of us. And you know, we talked about, 340 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,880 you know, a fast changes the way you see and a diet changes the 341 00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:43,480 way you look. And that was when he actually 342 00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:47,240 talked to me about that. He said you need to see your 343 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:53,960 body as something that I formed and I love. 344 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,160 You know another thing in that moment, he said. 345 00:19:56,560 --> 00:20:01,880 Stop the obsessive exercising. Yeah, can relate to that. 346 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,920 And he said Sarah was not beautiful because she ran 347 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:09,480 aerobics in the desert. Said that Sarah was beautiful 348 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,600 because she refused to give way to fear. 349 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:18,280 And what I have learned is when you are afraid and you're 350 00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:23,840 stressed and you're worried, you eat different you, digest 351 00:20:23,840 --> 00:20:26,080 different you. Store different. 352 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:30,160 Everything. So when we are women of I trust 353 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,040 God and I'm I'm going to believe he's my source. 354 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,760 I'm not going to give way to fear. 355 00:20:35,760 --> 00:20:38,120 And that means that we live under a constant oppression, 356 00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:40,920 depression comparison thing. I'm not going to give way to 357 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:45,640 fear, but I'm going to lean in to strength that that change 358 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:49,960 that changed everything for me. I'm curious, being a daughter 359 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,240 that heard that from a parent, what would you say to a parent 360 00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:57,320 that's in a situation where either suddenly or not suddenly 361 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,560 they have a child who is scaling overweight? 362 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,000 How do they have that conversation? 363 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,760 Well. Yeah. 364 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:10,440 Well, I mean, I think that if my dad had approached it not from a 365 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,880 point of you're going to be rejected, you're overweight, 366 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,960 guys are not going to ask you if if he hadn't approached it from 367 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:22,720 that way. I mean, I heard him, I just had 368 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,680 the wrong response. It was about vanity, not how. 369 00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:31,320 It was, I think if my father had come to me and said, baby girl, 370 00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:34,040 why? You know, I I've noticed that 371 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,360 you know, you're you're not yourself right now. 372 00:21:37,120 --> 00:21:39,440 What's going on? I noticed you're eating more 373 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:42,680 than you normally eat. Are you are you upset about 374 00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:48,320 something or even if he had maybe said nothing but involved 375 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:52,000 being an activity, maybe if he had just said, you know, you're 376 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,200 becoming a woman and I just I want to go on walks with you. 377 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,400 And instead of like, even like if he had been a little stealth 378 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,440 with it, that might have been helpful. 379 00:22:02,080 --> 00:22:05,480 I do think a lot of mothers might transfer their own fears 380 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:11,200 onto their daughters. And I watched my mother to rate 381 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,640 herself in the mirror. And I watched her every time. 382 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,960 I mean, growing up, you look at your mother and you're like, 383 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:18,720 this is the most beautiful person in the world. 384 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:21,320 And my mom was so glamorous. She wore wigs. 385 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,440 She wore costume jewelry. She was, you know, in the 70s. 386 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,920 I mean, she was just, they were going to parties and just, I 387 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:33,280 just thought my mom was gorgeous and she would look in the mirror 388 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:37,440 and just be like, Oh my gosh, you know, my stomach or this and 389 00:22:37,440 --> 00:22:39,640 that. And she, she used to have this 390 00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,480 thing where she would blow it up and put her around her stomach, 391 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,680 blow it up and then work out and do sauna pants. 392 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:48,080 And I thought, well, that's what we do when we grow up. 393 00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:52,440 We, we wear sauna pants and we have this blow up thing we put 394 00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:55,440 on our stomach and we take diuretics and we always look in 395 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:59,240 the mirror and we tell ourselves you're not attractive, you're 396 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:03,640 not enough. And so I think maybe if a 397 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,200 daughter is wrestling with something, the mother might need 398 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,840 to first look at herself. What messaging am I sending to 399 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:12,040 my daughter? Am I projecting my fears about 400 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,120 my body? Am I saying these things? 401 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:19,240 And then the other thing is, you know, if the, if the daughter 402 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,680 brings it up, if the daughter's like, hey, the kids are making 403 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:23,320 fun of me and they tell me I'm overweight. 404 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:29,160 I think you asked back, are you, are you comfortable with your 405 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:35,280 weight? And if they say no, no, I'm not 406 00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:39,920 OK, do you want, do you want me to help you with that? 407 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:42,600 What, what do you, what are some things we could do? 408 00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:49,120 And I think it becomes a changing of a pattern instead of 409 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:53,480 a shaming of a person, you know, So, you know, eating different 410 00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:57,960 walking, different exercise, because at, at this time period, 411 00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:02,040 let's just all be honest right now, kids are more sedentary 412 00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,680 than they used to be and food is higher caloric count. 413 00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:09,880 So like, I did not come in until the street lights came on. 414 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:11,840 I was outside playing every single summer. 415 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:14,320 I swam, I, I was out, out, out, out. 416 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:19,880 And now kids are on screens. And so it is, it's going to be a 417 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,880 diminishing return. So you you can't take in a 418 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:27,720 certain amount if you don't have activity, but you don't want to 419 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:30,880 starve your kids. So you have to say, you know, 420 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,600 tell me, tell me some of your goals. 421 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,960 And I think you put the goal on the other side like I, you know, 422 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,280 I want to really be good at tennis. 423 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,040 I really want to do pickleball. I think you get them involved in 424 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:45,400 things, but it instead of feeling sorry for them because 425 00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,440 other people are making fun of them or they aren't happy with 426 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:51,400 themselves or what, what what should we do? 427 00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,320 Yeah, to make to make that change. 428 00:24:53,360 --> 00:24:55,800 Not just putting a Band-Aid on the wound, but helping them 429 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,280 assess. And I love that model too 430 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,960 because you're teaching them how to deal with this, especially 431 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:02,800 young girls if they feel it again later in life or just 432 00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:05,840 healthy goal setting. But what you said the most that 433 00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:09,680 stuck out to me is you have to believe what you want them to 434 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:11,560 believe. Like if you want them to believe 435 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,840 my body is beautiful, my body is purposeful, You have to believe 436 00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:18,000 that as a parent. I even saw a study recently that 437 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:23,040 said when you are pregnant, your thoughts, your baby can, they'll 438 00:25:23,040 --> 00:25:25,640 say it's more scientifically, but they can feel the same 439 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:28,000 thoughts you're thinking. So I'll look in the mirror, 440 00:25:28,360 --> 00:25:31,240 especially as my body's changing and I have to tell myself this 441 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,440 is beautiful, this is purposeful. 442 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:37,840 Not my clothes don't fit and I look like this and my thighs, 443 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,600 what is that dimple? Like I have to take my thoughts 444 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:45,040 captive because I'm thinking my daughter is feeling this and she 445 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:48,280 will feel it too. So I think it it starts with us. 446 00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,760 I love that you said that. Yeah, You know, I remember 447 00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:55,360 actually crying when I had this beautiful young girls many years 448 00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,000 ago. She's babysit your, your 449 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,120 husband. And as she told me that her dad 450 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,400 would just like anytime she came out of her room, she'd be like, 451 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,800 dad, get ready, I'm coming out. I'm coming out. 452 00:26:08,800 --> 00:26:12,640 And she'd be like da da and and her and her dad would be like, 453 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:16,680 Oh my gosh, you are the most beautiful girl in the world. 454 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:21,840 I just looked. I thought never, never was that 455 00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:24,240 my experience. Now my husband treats me in that 456 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:26,600 way. And I, I hopefully your husband 457 00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,200 treats you that way or I'll come after him. 458 00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:30,040 OK. He makes our one year old go 459 00:26:30,040 --> 00:26:34,440 whoa and I come out dressed. So yeah, yeah, it's redemptive. 460 00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:40,680 Yes, but yes, but but I so the father is so important to 461 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,000 celebrate the beauty of his daughter. 462 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,800 And you know, I watch Addison with his girls. 463 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,680 He's always like, Oh my gosh, you're so beautiful. 464 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,560 Get over here. I need you to kiss me. 465 00:26:50,920 --> 00:26:56,680 I think washing our our children from all the words of shame and 466 00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,560 comparison that they're constantly getting, washing them 467 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:03,360 with that is important, but not denial if they're in a place of 468 00:27:03,360 --> 00:27:05,600 unhealthy. So we can do both. 469 00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:10,280 You know, Christian, you and I both have kind of a square jaw. 470 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:16,800 And so no matter how thin I got, I always thought my face was 471 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,440 fat. And so no matter if when my body 472 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,480 is one O 3, no matter, no matter what, I was like, Oh my gosh, 473 00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:27,360 I'm going to just have to lose more weight because his face is 474 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,800 still fat. And I can look back at some of 475 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,320 my Shorty pictures and I'm like, what? 476 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,560 I was I thinking I and my face wasn't fat. 477 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:42,480 It was just young. It was it was like what? 478 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,560 Or your perception of what it should have been. 479 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:51,040 Yes, yeah, definitely there was this perceived at versus my 480 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,680 reality. And then, you know, then I 481 00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,560 remember there was another moment for me after, you know, 482 00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:01,840 you have kids and and I remember having some stretch marks where 483 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:03,560 I look like I was clawed by a tiger. 484 00:28:03,880 --> 00:28:09,640 And I think John said something to me like you're beautiful. 485 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,400 And I said, did wait, did you see this? 486 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,760 Do you see these stretch marks? Do you see this? 487 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:21,360 Do you see that this isn't the same and this isn't the same? 488 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:26,320 And John actually stopped me and he said please don't show those 489 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,520 things to me. He said, that's not how I see 490 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,360 you. I don't want those things 491 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:37,160 pointed out because then I'm going to start to see the things 492 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,560 you're showing me. And and it it's true. 493 00:28:40,560 --> 00:28:44,880 Like, you know, even even with me, like if you if you meet a 494 00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:46,800 woman and you say, oh, you're beautiful. 495 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:50,160 And then she's like, oh, you know, I've gained 5 lbs and 496 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,840 these pants are too tight. Then all of a sudden you're 497 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:55,440 like, well, let me look. Yeah, I mean, I never do, but 498 00:28:55,440 --> 00:28:59,760 I'm just saying I don't. But you, you you saw this whole 499 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:05,360 package and what we do as women is we hone in on the one thing 500 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,400 that is not the best thing or whatever we think it. 501 00:29:08,600 --> 00:29:13,320 So I definitely was constantly look at my sorority sisters that 502 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,960 were blonde and blue eyed and tiny and Oval shaped faces and 503 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,800 I'm like, I will never be that. I need to change into that. 504 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:26,960 I also, when I would starve myself again, I would weigh 505 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:31,080 myself first thing in the morning, of course, after you go 506 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:32,640 to the bathroom. Yeah. 507 00:29:32,880 --> 00:29:37,160 And then I would try to eat very little and I'd weigh myself 508 00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:39,760 again. And then I'd eat a little bit at 509 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:44,680 lunch and weigh myself again. And if I wasn't losing weight, 510 00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:47,320 then I would do one or two things. 511 00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:51,560 I would either starve myself or I would binge like crazy because 512 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,000 I would think, well, I'm not losing weight. 513 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:56,680 I might as well just eat everything and then I'll starve 514 00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:59,640 myself the next day. And so for me, I could eat 515 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:02,360 nothing or I could eat everything. 516 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,360 I just couldn't eat normal. I couldn't. 517 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:09,800 I couldn't eat where I, I, it was like both ends of the, the 518 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:14,200 spectrum had to have pain, pain of hunger or pain of overeating. 519 00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,720 And food was very, it was punitive almost for me. 520 00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:20,640 Like you ate too much. Like I remember ordering a 521 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:25,080 Domino's Pizza in my sorority and one of my sorority sisters 522 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:28,720 asked for a piece and I was like, are you kidding? 523 00:30:28,720 --> 00:30:34,720 No, I'm eating all this. I ate all of it and and why I 524 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,040 obviously wasn't hungry, not for the food. 525 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:42,400 I was hungry for something else. That's something I didn't know 526 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:47,000 that I didn't know that I needed an unconditional love and and 527 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:51,280 again, I think I do think Christian women get sent a lot 528 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:55,120 of very mixed messaging. I know I've even felt like, felt 529 00:30:55,120 --> 00:31:02,840 some of this mixed messaging where it's a you're, you're 530 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:07,880 loved by Jesus, but that shirt's too low or that skirt's too 531 00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:11,960 tight or are you sleeveless or, and, and again, I there's 532 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,480 modesty to me is about respect of your audience. 533 00:31:16,880 --> 00:31:22,680 So if I show up at a wedding in a sweat suit, that's 534 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:27,480 dishonouring the event. So that's immodest. 535 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:31,840 So it is more to me, it's more about honor. 536 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:35,480 You know, it's not so much about the amount of clothing. 537 00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:39,840 And I do think that women have been a little careless now, 538 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:42,360 like, OK, we're not going to go with your legalism. 539 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:44,800 So we're going to we're going to do whatever we want. 540 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:51,560 And I'm like, well, if you want guys to pay attention to you for 541 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:54,880 one thing, and you're overwhelming them with another 542 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:57,960 thing, you're sending mixed messages. 543 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,720 And almost the opposite of what John was saying. 544 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,640 Like I see you as beautiful and take that from me and. 545 00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:08,120 And they're saying, look at me seductive and, and don't see 546 00:32:08,120 --> 00:32:12,200 what I want you to really honor me for is my godliness or my, my 547 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:14,520 insight or my wisdom. And so it's not legalism. 548 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:18,080 It's just the way it is. And you know, at, at the risk of 549 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,560 getting in trouble with women, I, I want to say that people see 550 00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:25,280 what you show them. And I, I, I wish everybody could 551 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:28,640 see our heart. I wish everybody could say, I 552 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:32,440 see your heart. But the truth is man judges by 553 00:32:32,440 --> 00:32:34,400 the outside. God's the only one that can see 554 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:37,720 the heart. So we want to present something 555 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:39,840 that isn't going to conflict with what our heart is. 556 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,840 And you know, if you, I feel like that becomes this iffy area 557 00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:46,240 where you say, well, they should see me. 558 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,760 Well, they can't. You know what else I think is 559 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:52,520 beautiful too take in comparison from women and take and flipping 560 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,920 it on its head is what if we call out the things in women 561 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,520 that we want them to see in themselves? 562 00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,280 Like one of my friends, I, you know, you're going to know who 563 00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:01,800 I'm talking about. And Slate, who I think is one of 564 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:03,400 the most beautiful women I've ever met. 565 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:06,000 Her name is Nava. And sometimes I just look at 566 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:07,040 her. I'm like, you're so sweet, 567 00:33:07,040 --> 00:33:09,400 You're so beautiful. And then it's almost like she's 568 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,880 reading my mind and she'll just sit there and go, you're so 569 00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:13,680 pretty. Have I told you you're so pretty 570 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:15,720 today? And it's almost like, oh, I saw 571 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,040 her as beautiful and she sees me as beautiful. 572 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:21,560 And it gives us this allowance and instead of pitting each 573 00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:25,040 other apart of me saying, oh, well, she's pretty, but that 574 00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,720 that shirt was too low. And you know that gossipy 575 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:33,920 comparative way of wanting to envy someone or or belittle them 576 00:33:33,920 --> 00:33:37,640 to feel better. What if we sharpened the lovely, 577 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:40,800 sharpened the worth in other people and your friends and your 578 00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:46,000 sisters and just saying, let's beautify each other by the way 579 00:33:46,000 --> 00:33:49,480 we present ourselves and the way that we allow others to present 580 00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:50,520 themselves. Yeah. 581 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:53,800 But I remember being in college getting ready for spring break. 582 00:33:53,800 --> 00:33:57,360 And there's something about I have to put on a bathing suit 583 00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,000 and we're coming out of, like, winter months. 584 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:00,960 I don't even know what I look like in a bikini. 585 00:34:01,400 --> 00:34:04,320 And during my college years, I had some friends. 586 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:06,840 They started getting on goodness. 587 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,480 It was one of those like anxiety medications that also made you 588 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:11,719 lose weight. It came. 589 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:12,840 It was really. Popular. 590 00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:15,480 Don't do it. We're not talking about Ozympic, 591 00:34:15,480 --> 00:34:19,280 We're talking about Adderall. Adderall is what people were 592 00:34:19,280 --> 00:34:21,280 doing. It was like an ADHD thing, but 593 00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:24,199 it would help you lose weight. So I had some friends that got 594 00:34:24,199 --> 00:34:27,320 on and they're like, oh, I look better for spring break. 595 00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:33,600 And I was like, oh, I don't, maybe I should start obsessing 596 00:34:33,600 --> 00:34:37,199 over what I eat. And so broke college girl 597 00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:41,280 thinking I need to eat less. I would go all day without 598 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,679 eating, go to class, go work, go to tennis. 599 00:34:45,159 --> 00:34:47,800 And then I'm like, well, I need to eat something and I have no 600 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:48,760 money. Broke college kid. 601 00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,159 I'll just go eat Taco Bell $1.00 Taco. 602 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:55,199 That was terrible not eating. And then that's the kind of fuel 603 00:34:55,199 --> 00:34:58,240 I'm putting in my body. But I dropped down weight. 604 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,240 I felt a little better. I was even actually, when we're 605 00:35:01,240 --> 00:35:04,760 going back to the storing thing, I was thinner, but my body 606 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:09,040 didn't look better. And it's so interesting now as I 607 00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,840 think about what I weighed, what I looked like, how I felt, how 608 00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,720 happy I was, how much I cared and looked at every single 609 00:35:16,720 --> 00:35:20,880 mirror and that stage. And then when I got married to 610 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:25,560 Arden about a year in, I actually lost about 10 lbs and 611 00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,560 have stayed around that size because I just started. 612 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:30,280 I mean, I was happy I was married. 613 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,440 I wasn't worrying about eating healthy. 614 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,320 I was eating healthier foods, but I wasn't worried about what 615 00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:37,440 does every man think of me? What do I have to look like? 616 00:35:37,440 --> 00:35:40,520 And so I think there was a freedom for my body to relax. 617 00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:42,400 I was putting better air fuel in it. 618 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:43,800 I haven't had Taco Bell in years. 619 00:35:44,000 --> 00:35:45,720 Just to anyone that's I do miss their. 620 00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:47,680 Hot sauce. I don't know why I always love 621 00:35:47,720 --> 00:35:48,400 their hot sauce. I. 622 00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:50,480 Like their Baha blast, Their what? 623 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:52,920 Their Baja blast. I never, you know what, they 624 00:35:52,920 --> 00:35:54,960 didn't have that. One they went there probably a 625 00:35:54,960 --> 00:35:56,320 good thing. Yeah, Arden will still. 626 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,160 He'll see something. He's like, oh man, they made a 627 00:35:58,160 --> 00:35:59,960 Dorito Taco. I'm like, don't look. 628 00:35:59,960 --> 00:36:00,640 It's not good. It's. 629 00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:01,640 Not. Good. 630 00:36:01,640 --> 00:36:04,080 You'll regret it. So I I've kept them in line 631 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:05,600 there as we're talking about keeping them in line. 632 00:36:05,720 --> 00:36:10,960 But yeah, so I just remember those days of feeling like so 633 00:36:10,960 --> 00:36:14,280 much competition. And I think that when we're 634 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:17,480 talking about body image for women is a key thing of like, 635 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,360 what does the magazine look like? 636 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:20,880 What does my best friend look like? 637 00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,800 What does my ex boyfriend's new girlfriend? 638 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,240 Yeah, I had no way of knowing, but on Instagram now you would 639 00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:30,520 know. Like, I had no way of knowing. 640 00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:34,200 I was just like, I know she's not as good as me, but now on 641 00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:37,920 Instagram somebody's like, well, maybe maybe she's better. 642 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:39,960 You know? There is a scripture in the book 643 00:36:39,960 --> 00:36:46,080 of Isaiah and it talks about the fashioners of images that what 644 00:36:46,080 --> 00:36:49,480 they fashion is nothing. And I, I should have it pulled 645 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,200 up. But what was so interesting when 646 00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:56,760 I was walking my way through because I've had so many people 647 00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,520 say you can't just get free from an eating disorder. 648 00:37:00,720 --> 00:37:02,360 And I was like, Oh, I didn't know that. 649 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:04,680 Like, I'm so sorry. I just got free and I, I didn't, 650 00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:08,400 I didn't know that this this wasn't something that just could 651 00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:15,600 happen, but it talks about the fashioners of the images. 652 00:37:15,880 --> 00:37:19,440 And then I was like, wait, that's almost like fashion image 653 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,520 like it. It's like we didn't even know 654 00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:27,560 that there has been an image that has been fashioned for 655 00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:35,400 every single woman that is crafted to make her feel less 656 00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:39,440 than like you're never tall enough, you're never thin 657 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,280 enough. Your breasts are too small, too 658 00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,240 big, your legs are too short, your legs are too long. 659 00:37:44,240 --> 00:37:49,040 Your waist is too what? Whatever you are, whatever you 660 00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:52,960 are, it isn't. It is always this imagery. 661 00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:55,560 You're too white, you're too black, you're too like, it's 662 00:37:55,560 --> 00:38:00,360 just doesn't matter. And and as I have aged and we 663 00:38:00,360 --> 00:38:02,680 talked, we, we had a guest yesterday, they kind of topped 664 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:09,760 on as I have aged, the aging thing becomes something and 665 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,560 where it's like, oh, well, you're just letting yourself go. 666 00:38:12,560 --> 00:38:15,760 Well, you can't just age. You can't, you can't, you can't 667 00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:19,720 like what in the world like, Oh, well, you know, what are you 668 00:38:19,720 --> 00:38:21,880 supposed to do? Hang upside down all the time 669 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,520 and just hope that nothing begins to sink And that becomes 670 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:30,000 this ridiculous battle because you can fix your face and then 671 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:34,480 your knees sack and and I'm not again, I'm not against any of 672 00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:40,360 that, but it cannot drive you. And and I think too many women 673 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:46,160 are feeling this constant. I'm never enough and and yet, 674 00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:50,400 and yet God doesn't ever say that. 675 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:55,440 I mean, I love that God first and foremost, of course, he says 676 00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:59,400 he makes everything beautiful in its time. 677 00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:02,480 So people are like, well, I guess it's not my time anymore. 678 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,280 But but that's not what he's saying. 679 00:39:04,280 --> 00:39:08,800 He's saying he's, he's in a process of making everything 680 00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,080 beautiful and it's time because he doesn't stop there. 681 00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:15,160 And it says, and he sets eternity in our heart. 682 00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:19,640 And so there is a longing. I believe people, I believe 683 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:23,720 people wrestle with the idea of I want to be perfect because the 684 00:39:23,720 --> 00:39:28,520 day will come where we will be, what we long for. 685 00:39:29,040 --> 00:39:30,800 But it doesn't happen here, right? 686 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:34,960 Because here we're like, like we're there is who we really 687 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:37,120 are. Here is OK. 688 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:41,280 This is the this is the version that is aging. 689 00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,520 This is the version that can get hurt. 690 00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:50,000 This is the version that is in part not in full. 691 00:39:50,360 --> 00:39:54,680 And so now, so we've we've got this imagery saying you're not 692 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,800 this enough. And now we've got the body 693 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,120 positivity. Your your home state just had a 694 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,760 a contest. Oh yeah. 695 00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,120 Yeah. No, no, no. 696 00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:16,400 Well, a a beautiful young girl who was morbidly and I say 697 00:40:16,400 --> 00:40:21,600 morbidly like in the sense of dangerous, dangerously 698 00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:25,400 overweight, won a beauty contest. 699 00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:28,760 Now do I think every person is beautiful? 700 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,680 Absolutely. Does God think every person is 701 00:40:30,680 --> 00:40:31,400 beautiful? Yes. 702 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:36,200 But are we rewarding things that are unhealthy? 703 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,080 Just like the Adderall, that's unhealthy, right? 704 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:41,760 Just. But it's normal. 705 00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:46,360 So if culturally it's normal, then we think, well, it's OK. 706 00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:48,240 And I think there's a key distinction. 707 00:40:48,240 --> 00:40:50,880 You were in saying this like make everything beautiful in its 708 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,480 time. I think beauty should be ever 709 00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:54,840 best. It should be changing. 710 00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,520 Like even as you were talking yesterday, my Gray hair is a 711 00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:02,840 beauty of wisdom. It is a beauty of the season I'm 712 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:04,480 in. But I think we're just always 713 00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:07,840 told you have to be sexy and like sexy is what women should 714 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,880 aim for. And I love how the the Bible 715 00:41:10,880 --> 00:41:15,120 says to honor your body, not love your body. 716 00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:19,000 So as we're talking about this, I want to ask you, OK, we're 717 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,840 seeing women that especially in maybe a few decades ago, it was 718 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,760 solely, you have to be super thin. 719 00:41:25,880 --> 00:41:28,280 You have to be all this. But now it's what you have to be 720 00:41:28,280 --> 00:41:32,200 curvy and you have to be kind of thin or you have to be whatever 721 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,880 you want to be now. So what is the difference? 722 00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:38,600 Can you shed some light on that, even biblically between this 723 00:41:38,600 --> 00:41:41,800 idea of love your body and everyone has to accept their 724 00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,240 body and not ask any questions, but what does actually mean to 725 00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:47,600 honor your body as it says in Corinthians? 726 00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:52,240 Well, I think if our body is the temple, which it is like we're, 727 00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:56,720 we're part of the cumulative temple, but our body is, is the 728 00:41:56,720 --> 00:42:01,800 temple of the Holy Spirit like so I want to honor that temple. 729 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,560 And so I want to be a good steward of my body, which means 730 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:09,320 I should eat things that will strengthen and support the 731 00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:15,920 health of my body and I should not feel compelled to starve 732 00:42:15,920 --> 00:42:20,080 myself because that would not be supporting or honoring of the 733 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:23,920 health of my body. I should also not compare my 734 00:42:23,920 --> 00:42:28,200 body with other people's bodies because their DNA is different, 735 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,040 their age is probably different, their life experience is 736 00:42:32,040 --> 00:42:35,800 different. I mean, there is no person that 737 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,840 is identical unless are identical twins. 738 00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:41,760 They're going to have a different DNA structure, how 739 00:42:41,760 --> 00:42:44,000 they build muscle, how they process food. 740 00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,440 All those things are different in each of us. 741 00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:51,040 So I think that we all need to be our best version of us. 742 00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:55,880 And the best version of us is to have everything in moderation 743 00:42:56,360 --> 00:43:01,160 that nothing masters us. You know, Paul says I buff it my 744 00:43:01,160 --> 00:43:05,160 body like a boxer. And what was he saying? 745 00:43:05,160 --> 00:43:09,480 He's like punching himself now. He was saying I train, I train 746 00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:14,680 my body so that I master my body and my body doesn't master me. 747 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:18,440 You know, Kristen, I, I remember there was this beautiful young 748 00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:22,840 girl and I, I've lost contact with her that had a horrific 749 00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:27,400 eating disorder. I mean, she was so anorexic that 750 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:31,400 she tragically lost her job because the school system said 751 00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:35,080 we cannot have you around little girls like you. 752 00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:39,360 Oh, oh, no, it was, it was, it was, it was heartbreaking, you 753 00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:43,160 know, and they did not want these little girls to think, oh, 754 00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,440 you know, this is our role model teacher. 755 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:50,760 And we can see. We can see her muscles and her 756 00:43:50,760 --> 00:43:54,200 veins through her skin. And she'd lost her sight a 757 00:43:54,200 --> 00:43:57,360 couple of times that it was. I know, I know. 758 00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:06,760 And so she came to meet with me and I said, I'm not going to ask 759 00:44:06,760 --> 00:44:11,400 you to do a hard thing. I'm going to ask you to do an 760 00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,600 easy thing. And she said, what is that? 761 00:44:15,320 --> 00:44:17,080 And I said, I'm going to ask you to eat. 762 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,280 And and she was like, well, I can't. 763 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:26,440 I said no, like I said, let's go back to the story of the 764 00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,760 Samaritan leper that came to the prophet Elijah. 765 00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:32,800 And he said, you know, OK, I heard he could cure me of a 766 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,720 leprosy. OK, knock on his door. 767 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,200 He doesn't even come out. He doesn't see the guy. 768 00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:40,200 This guy's like, hey, I'm a major military figure, you 769 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:41,920 should be coming out. You should be talking to me. 770 00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,120 Doesn't even talk to him. Sends his servant says, oh, tell 771 00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:45,760 him just go dip in the river 7 times. 772 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:50,000 He's like, we got better rivers at home. 773 00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:52,440 This is a dirty river, I'm not going to. 774 00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:55,720 And his servant looked at him and said he'd ask you to do some 775 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:59,240 great thing. You would have done it, go ahead 776 00:44:59,240 --> 00:45:02,400 and just do it. And he dipped 7 times and he 777 00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:07,160 comes out clean and, and there's this thing where we try to make 778 00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:11,680 things really difficult that God says this isn't a hard thing. 779 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:16,640 You need to celebrate the food that I give you. 780 00:45:17,520 --> 00:45:20,520 You know, we offer up our food with prayer and Thanksgiving, 781 00:45:20,560 --> 00:45:22,720 and we believe. And I think it's becoming more 782 00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:25,040 and more an issue to sanctify your food. 783 00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:28,080 Oh God, all the crazy stuff. I mean, every day I'm like, 784 00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,480 well, now that's bad for us. Well, now that's bad. 785 00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:33,120 Well, I forgot to wash that before we ate it. 786 00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,360 You know, sanctify mana from heaven. 787 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:38,640 Give it directly with prayer and Thanksgiving. 788 00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:41,720 Thanksgiving. So we are thankful for the food 789 00:45:41,720 --> 00:45:43,400 we have, but we don't live to eat. 790 00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:48,920 We eat to live and, and we celebrate and we remember that 791 00:45:48,920 --> 00:45:52,720 if we, I mean, seriously, if we're in a nation that you can 792 00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:57,000 eat and have regular access to food, when there are so many 793 00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:01,360 other nations that don't have that, it's, it's almost, well, 794 00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:07,920 it's dishonouring when we don't honor God for his generosity to 795 00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:10,360 us. But then again, we want to do it 796 00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:13,760 in a way where it is building strength to our body. 797 00:46:13,760 --> 00:46:17,480 So you know, and again, I don't know if I answered your 798 00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:22,800 question, but I, I do feel right now that we are, we're, we're 799 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:26,080 saying everything is right and nothing is wrong. 800 00:46:27,240 --> 00:46:29,320 And. It goes back to both end of the 801 00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,000 spectrums are wrong. Right, And what we even started 802 00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,720 the very first episode of this podcast talking about is we want 803 00:46:34,720 --> 00:46:40,320 truth and love. So if I started completely not 804 00:46:40,320 --> 00:46:43,200 eating or I started eating all the time, which I kind of am 805 00:46:43,200 --> 00:46:45,760 eating all the time right now because I'm pregnant, you know, 806 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,880 But if something just went completely out of skew to how I 807 00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:53,760 was designed and you saw and you said nothing, whenever I came to 808 00:46:53,760 --> 00:46:56,960 terms with my healing, my reality, whatever it was, I 809 00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:59,000 would think Lisa doesn't actually love me because she 810 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:01,120 didn't tell me the truth. She only told me what I wanted 811 00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,280 to hear. Well, I think I would have to 812 00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,640 say what's troubling you. Yeah. 813 00:47:06,040 --> 00:47:08,200 But I'm saying we're not saying that to people. 814 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:09,800 So when? Yeah, I wouldn't be like, why 815 00:47:09,800 --> 00:47:11,920 aren't you eating? I'd be like, what's what's 816 00:47:11,960 --> 00:47:13,200 what's hurting? You, I don't know, you're 817 00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,480 Italian, so you would be like, why are you not eating my pasta? 818 00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:19,840 Well, I would. I would listen in his his 819 00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:23,320 birthday card to me. Please never stop making pasta. 820 00:47:23,600 --> 00:47:25,160 This is like, this is you, Metalia. 821 00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:28,560 But I I was like, that's an easy thing. 822 00:47:28,720 --> 00:47:29,720 That's easy. I love you too. 823 00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:33,160 Yeah, Yeah. And I mean, like babysitting 824 00:47:33,280 --> 00:47:36,280 Azariah last night. Oh my gosh. 825 00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,520 He would not eat anything but pasta. 826 00:47:39,280 --> 00:47:43,960 We we put the summer squash pasta and and I gave and he was 827 00:47:43,960 --> 00:47:46,280 like pasta. And I was like, oh, summer 828 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,040 squash pasta. And he's like, please, please, 829 00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,720 please. I thought, Oh my gosh, what do I 830 00:47:51,720 --> 00:47:54,320 do? He's crying for pasta. 831 00:47:55,280 --> 00:47:57,320 So he's like mangoes too, you know, we had some fruit. 832 00:47:57,320 --> 00:47:57,880 He did. There was. 833 00:47:58,520 --> 00:48:00,400 Some balance? What in the world? 834 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:06,200 Yeah, but we enjoy food. But I also enjoy health. 835 00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:10,320 And, you know, there's a lot of people that say, how come you 836 00:48:10,320 --> 00:48:12,800 and John feel so vibrant and you're in your 60s? 837 00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:15,840 And it is because we make certain food choices. 838 00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:20,480 And, you know, we say we're going to eat for strength, We're 839 00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,400 going to eat for enjoyment, but we're going to eat for strength. 840 00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:27,720 And and I do think right now there is definitely some, some 841 00:48:27,720 --> 00:48:30,160 issues going on. You know, another issue we have 842 00:48:30,160 --> 00:48:33,480 in front into this conversation, I feel like it's inevitable, is 843 00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,120 we talked about beauty pageants. There is this woman to woman 844 00:48:37,120 --> 00:48:42,600 comparison, but now for the first time, we're seeing men 845 00:48:44,720 --> 00:48:50,240 transform into women like figures, and it's even more 846 00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:52,480 changing. How we think we're supposed to 847 00:48:52,920 --> 00:48:55,040 in Maryland. Maryland and let me tell you, 848 00:48:55,040 --> 00:49:00,840 Lisa, because I can competed in Tennessee, USA as a postpartum 849 00:49:00,840 --> 00:49:04,080 mom, which I was just like, I'm just glad I can stand up here 850 00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:08,200 and I love my body more now. But I was looking at like the 851 00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:11,400 bikini photos. I'm like, there's nothing about 852 00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:13,320 this that's feminine. Truly. 853 00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:16,640 There's nothing that he doesn't know what it's like to go 854 00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:20,240 through puberty as a woman. His chest is different. 855 00:49:20,240 --> 00:49:23,240 And I'm just like, this is hard because it's adding even more 856 00:49:23,240 --> 00:49:26,680 pressure to what a woman should look like in a bathing suit. 857 00:49:26,680 --> 00:49:29,840 And it's completely, it's farce. It's false. 858 00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:35,760 Yeah, You know, when when I was writing the fight for female, I 859 00:49:35,760 --> 00:49:40,240 realized that the word trans doesn't just mean on the other 860 00:49:40,240 --> 00:49:49,040 side of it means beyond. And I and when when men compete 861 00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:55,480 against women in sports and in beauty pageants, they're always 862 00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:57,760 going to be taller, they're always going to be more 863 00:49:57,760 --> 00:50:00,880 muscular, and of course they're going to have to be surgically 864 00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:03,040 enhanced. They don't store fat in their 865 00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:06,280 thighs like. They do not store fat, but trans 866 00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:09,640 means to go beyond like transformation. 867 00:50:10,560 --> 00:50:17,200 And so it's it's interesting to me that women have so devalued 868 00:50:17,640 --> 00:50:21,840 some of the beauty of our femininity that we've opened the 869 00:50:21,840 --> 00:50:28,960 door to share that with men. And I always think back about 870 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:34,440 this legacy. You know, we going back to the 871 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:37,400 biblical example. You've got Esau and Jacob. 872 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:42,360 And Esau is is his father's favorite. 873 00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:45,680 Isaac loves Esau. He brings him, he brings in me 874 00:50:45,680 --> 00:50:50,680 he's and Jacob clothes himself as though he is. 875 00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:56,320 Esau puts on like fur and sneaks in and and the mother makes a 876 00:50:56,320 --> 00:51:00,200 Stew and he tricks them and then he gets the blessing. 877 00:51:00,680 --> 00:51:06,040 But it's interesting that before that, for all the tricking, 878 00:51:06,040 --> 00:51:10,000 before all that, there's a moment where Esau comes in 879 00:51:10,000 --> 00:51:13,240 hungry and and Jacob says, give me your birthright. 880 00:51:13,880 --> 00:51:15,800 And he's like, what's a birthright to me if I'm hungry, 881 00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:20,160 if I starve to death? And I feel like women have 882 00:51:20,160 --> 00:51:23,800 neglected their divine birthright. 883 00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:29,120 And it's been, it's been something we've been fast and 884 00:51:29,120 --> 00:51:33,520 loose with what it means to be a woman, that it's OK to be soft, 885 00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:41,120 that it's OK to to have a feminine body, that it's OK to 886 00:51:41,120 --> 00:51:45,600 not be sexualized, it's OK to get older, that it's OK to be a 887 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,840 stay home mom and breastfeed. And it's been a while, but I 888 00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:51,400 remember feeling like I am a milk factory. 889 00:51:51,480 --> 00:51:53,720 That's all I am. I just felt like I was leaking 890 00:51:53,720 --> 00:51:56,000 milk and and carrying a child and. 891 00:51:56,000 --> 00:52:00,040 Gravity. And yes, but, but looking back, 892 00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:04,640 so thankful and, and now we're like, wait, wait, wait. 893 00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:08,080 The men are taking that from us. What is it? 894 00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:12,280 Because we were careless Because I, what troubled me the most, 895 00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:15,240 Yes, I, you know, when I, I saw the pageant in Maryland and what 896 00:52:15,240 --> 00:52:18,160 troubled me was, of course, that they would choose a man saying 897 00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:21,760 the most beautiful woman in all of Maryland is the man. 898 00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:22,960 I found that to be very troubling. 899 00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:26,720 But what even troubled me more were the women clapping. 900 00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:30,240 I'm sorry. I feel like all of the women 901 00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:34,080 should have stepped out of that pageant as soon as they found 902 00:52:34,080 --> 00:52:37,480 out that a male was competing. Yeah, seriously. 903 00:52:37,480 --> 00:52:40,520 It's it's no longer a valid pageant. 904 00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:45,360 So, yeah, having said that, I didn't know we were going to 905 00:52:45,360 --> 00:52:47,640 talk about that, but that is that is what we're talking 906 00:52:47,640 --> 00:52:49,400 about. The fight for a female is to to 907 00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:56,760 recover the beauty, femininity, to not have it be so sexualized 908 00:52:56,760 --> 00:53:02,280 and idolized and marginalized and commercialized, and to stop 909 00:53:02,280 --> 00:53:06,320 buying the magazines that have the covers that promise us 910 00:53:06,320 --> 00:53:09,040 things that they will never be able to deliver. 911 00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:12,960 I mean, I've been seeing the same magazine covers since I was 912 00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:15,880 a teenager. You know, thin thighs by June, 913 00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,600 you know, ABS by July. It's all lies. 914 00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:19,880 They don't know what I'm going to look like. 915 00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:23,440 But women keep buying it and keep buying it and keep buying 916 00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,520 it. And as long as women will buy 917 00:53:25,520 --> 00:53:28,360 the magazines, they will say the same things. 918 00:53:28,600 --> 00:53:34,320 And as long as the women compete in the pageants with men, the 919 00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:36,360 men are going to keep entering the pageants. 920 00:53:36,880 --> 00:53:39,240 And, you know, I mean, I'm not trying to be hateful. 921 00:53:39,640 --> 00:53:42,200 If they want to have a trans pageant, have a trans pageant, 922 00:53:42,520 --> 00:53:46,480 but men have no business in a woman's pageant. 923 00:53:48,520 --> 00:53:50,560 It's my it's my thoughts. It's my thoughts. 924 00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:54,840 And that's, you know, that that's going to cause all sorts 925 00:53:54,840 --> 00:53:57,760 of more confusion for a generation of young girls. 926 00:53:57,760 --> 00:54:00,560 I mean, not, not only are they competing with other girls, they 927 00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:04,560 are, they're looking that themselves as less than of an 928 00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:10,640 athlete, less than in strength, less than in stature, because 929 00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:14,280 now men are presenting as women. That's that's terrifying for me. 930 00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:16,560 What would you say to young women? 931 00:54:16,560 --> 00:54:18,880 So we've heard the dangers, we've heard the rest, we've 932 00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:22,360 heard the the challenging. What is the beauty and 933 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:27,160 femininity that you've learned over your last years on this 934 00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:31,640 earth that you're like I I wish people, women knew that this is 935 00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:34,160 what's beautiful about them or this is what to focus on? 936 00:54:34,600 --> 00:54:41,480 I think looking over my shoulder at my ears previous, I think the 937 00:54:41,480 --> 00:54:47,280 most wonderful, amazing things about my body is the fact that I 938 00:54:47,280 --> 00:54:52,800 had children that you can partner with God to conceive and 939 00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:58,080 carry and give birth and then sustain a life and you know, 940 00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:02,440 nurse a baby. I nursing I I nursed your 941 00:55:02,680 --> 00:55:07,120 husband for 2 1/2 years. You know, there was no question 942 00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,280 that he was going to marry a brunette with long dark hair 943 00:55:10,000 --> 00:55:12,440 because I imprinted myself on him. 944 00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:17,000 But and I'm joking, but I'm possibly serious on that. 945 00:55:17,520 --> 00:55:23,520 So but the idea that out of two people, John and I, a commitment 946 00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:28,120 to God, a commitment to one another became the two, became 947 00:55:28,360 --> 00:55:33,160 6, then the six has grown where we have all these beautiful 948 00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:35,480 daughter in law's added. And so the six becomes 10 and 949 00:55:35,480 --> 00:55:40,640 then the 10 becomes grandbabies. And I look at that and the 950 00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:47,120 legacy of life and the seasons of life to me are so enriching 951 00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:50,240 that I think you enjoy every single season. 952 00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:53,440 Looking back, there are a couple things I wish I would have said 953 00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:55,760 to myself. I wish I would have said to 954 00:55:55,760 --> 00:55:58,480 myself. I have AI have a photo of John 955 00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:01,200 and I in Hawaii. We are flying back from 956 00:56:01,200 --> 00:56:02,720 Indonesia. We're on a ministry trip. 957 00:56:02,880 --> 00:56:05,680 We have three boys. And I remember our babysitter 958 00:56:05,840 --> 00:56:08,640 wanted to take a photo of us. And at the time, I was like, I 959 00:56:08,880 --> 00:56:11,480 don't want to be in the photo. My hair was freezing out. 960 00:56:11,640 --> 00:56:13,680 I have some headband on. I have a headache. 961 00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,720 But I'm so glad she actually captured this moment. 962 00:56:16,920 --> 00:56:21,160 And I remember looking at myself, John's like happy, he's 963 00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,960 got three boys. And I'm like, Oh my gosh. 964 00:56:24,400 --> 00:56:29,760 And I wish I could just sit that person down and say enjoy that 965 00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:34,120 body. Enjoy that 33 year old body. 966 00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:38,680 You're going to look back at it when you're in your 60s and say, 967 00:56:38,680 --> 00:56:41,720 why was I so hard on it? Why didn't I just enjoy it? 968 00:56:42,680 --> 00:56:43,920 Get a flat iron. I would. 969 00:56:43,960 --> 00:56:45,480 I would have said that to me as well. 970 00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:47,440 I would have said enjoy your children. 971 00:56:47,440 --> 00:56:51,400 Don't just survive them. I would say enjoy your husband. 972 00:56:51,520 --> 00:56:54,080 Don't just survive him. Have more sex. 973 00:56:54,080 --> 00:56:57,040 I would have said that to myself, like, like you're just 974 00:56:57,320 --> 00:56:59,120 don't just be tired all the time. 975 00:56:59,600 --> 00:57:02,320 Enjoy that time with your husband. 976 00:57:02,640 --> 00:57:04,760 And then I probably would have laughed because I was 977 00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:06,880 overwhelmed back then and I was getting ready to have a fourth 978 00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:09,640 baby, so I had no idea I was going to come home from that 979 00:57:09,640 --> 00:57:13,920 trip and end up pregnant. But the the beautiful thing is, 980 00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:18,720 I can't, yeah, I can't imagine life without it. 981 00:57:18,840 --> 00:57:23,520 But in the moment, In the moment, we get so caught up with 982 00:57:23,520 --> 00:57:27,760 the things that don't matter that we miss what really 983 00:57:27,760 --> 00:57:30,800 matters. And to every woman you know out 984 00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:34,400 there, I would just say enjoy the season that you're in. 985 00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:38,040 Enjoy the body that you're in. We already talked about it's a 986 00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:41,280 fear thing. Like if you hate your body, you 987 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:45,240 will eat destructively. You will punish it by either 988 00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:50,120 overeating or starving or eating things that aren't good for it. 989 00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:55,080 But if you're like, God gave me this body and I am going to 990 00:57:55,280 --> 00:58:00,520 honor God with the way I eat, with the way I behave sexually, 991 00:58:00,920 --> 00:58:04,160 with the way I dress, nobody likes to hear that anymore. 992 00:58:04,520 --> 00:58:07,240 But all of those things are important. 993 00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:12,680 And you know, if we just, we need to just have that full 994 00:58:12,680 --> 00:58:16,520 expression of who we are. And I think too many women feel 995 00:58:16,520 --> 00:58:21,320 very disconnected from who they are physically and who they are 996 00:58:21,320 --> 00:58:22,920 spiritually. And we need to emerge those 997 00:58:22,920 --> 00:58:26,400 things back. So we want people to be positive 998 00:58:26,400 --> 00:58:29,000 about their body, but not unhealthy. 999 00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:34,040 We want people to be strong, but we want them to be free. 1000 00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:37,520 And excessive exercise is not freedom. 1001 00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:40,160 Starving yourself is not freedom. 1002 00:58:40,920 --> 00:58:46,000 Overeating is not freedom. And so we just want to see the 1003 00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:49,800 fight for female mean women who fight for each other. 1004 00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:54,240 I love that she deflects and says, thank you, you're so 1005 00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:58,800 pretty because I mean, she's seeing you as beautiful doesn't 1006 00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:02,560 take away from her beauty. And and I think sometimes we we 1007 00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:05,840 are so competitive as women. I remember the first time John 1008 00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:07,640 called that out. I mean, we were in we're in a 1009 00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:09,640 mall in Dallas and Dallas is always confusing. 1010 00:59:09,880 --> 00:59:13,440 And and I, I was trying really hard to be blonde, which was 1011 00:59:13,440 --> 00:59:15,800 wrong. And if we were talking to this 1012 00:59:16,560 --> 00:59:20,400 beautiful Dallas woman and we walked away and I looked at 1013 00:59:20,400 --> 00:59:22,120 Johnny said, well, you know, that's not her natural hair 1014 00:59:22,120 --> 00:59:24,480 color, right? He's like, what, like where did 1015 00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,120 that come from? I'm like, I don't know. 1016 00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:29,040 It was yucky. It wasn't it makes us do weird. 1017 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:33,760 Why do I have to pull her down? It's just some kind of equalize 1018 00:59:33,760 --> 00:59:35,720 her so I could deal with her. We need to stop that. 1019 00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:39,880 And so, you know, when God calls us all together lovely, he's 1020 00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:45,440 saying every part, every part. And, and all I know is that when 1021 00:59:45,440 --> 00:59:50,920 I see myself as God sees me, he sees the finished product. 1022 00:59:51,440 --> 00:59:55,920 He doesn't see the in between. And he calls us in the likeness 1023 00:59:55,920 --> 00:59:59,720 of who we're going into, not in the likeness of who we've been 1024 00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:02,680 or who we are in this moment. And I, I love that. 1025 01:00:02,680 --> 01:00:06,720 And so, you know, for women, I want them to see their bodies 1026 01:00:06,720 --> 01:00:10,280 as. God sees them as beautiful seeds 1027 01:00:10,760 --> 01:00:16,240 that need to be cared for and celebrated in the sense of what 1028 01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:20,920 they will be able to do and what they one day will see themselves 1029 01:00:21,400 --> 01:00:24,320 fully realized. Well, that was a lot of ground 1030 01:00:24,320 --> 01:00:29,480 we covered in this conversation, the fight for a female. 1031 01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:32,680 And you know, I, I love that we get to do this together. 1032 01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:37,560 And I, I hope that you're hearing some of your questions 1033 01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:41,520 and some of your concerns in our conversations, which means we 1034 01:00:41,520 --> 01:00:44,560 hope you subscribe. We want you to rate, we want you 1035 01:00:44,560 --> 01:00:46,760 to review. We want to hear from you. 1036 01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:52,120 We believe that the fight for a female is about taking back our 1037 01:00:52,280 --> 01:00:56,640 divine and trusted bodies are divine and trusted choices. 1038 01:00:57,000 --> 01:01:00,480 And it's not about shaming anybody, but it is about 1039 01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:04,240 honoring God with every aspect of our life. 1040 01:01:04,760 --> 01:01:08,080 Thanks for joining us for another episode of the Fight for 1041 01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:10,800 Female podcast. We want to make sure that you 1042 01:01:10,800 --> 01:01:14,840 don't ever miss out. So subscribe below and we would 1043 01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:18,800 love to see you share this conversation with your friends. 1044 01:01:18,840 --> 01:01:21,240 Until next time, this is Lisa Bevere. 1045 01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:22,200 Thanks for joining us.