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I was in complete revolt, like 
my demons were roaring at that 

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point. 
I was so upset that someone had 

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confronted me. 
I'm like, do you know who I am? 

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Like, I have power, I have 
money, I can do anything that I 

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want. 
One day I was randomly 

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approached on the Internet by 
this man who is recruiting for 

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only Fans. 
My first month I made like 

8
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$87,000. 
I started doing more and more 

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and more and it was such a 
slippery slope. 

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I want you to know I probably 
understand more than most people

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every moral I ever had a 
compromise. 

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At some point you feel like what
you you're doing is wrong, but 

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you're just kind of stuck now. 
And then how did you escape? 

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It's so hard to even describe my
circumstances at where God found

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me. 
It was terrible. 

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I was wondering what kind of 
backlash you were getting from 

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the church. 
I've had people talk so 

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hatefully about my husband and 
I, and A lot of people still to 

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this day love to say that I'm 
pretending I'm grifting. 

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I'm not modest. 
She literally sells you courses 

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right now. 
Got to keep those monthly 

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subscriptions. 
Coming in here is nothing meaner

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than a religious spirit. 
It was a religious spirit that 

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put Jesus on the cross. 
They can't believe somebody like

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me could be saved and yet. 
Welcome to the least of your 

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podcast. 
You do not want to miss a thing.

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Go ahead and hit the subscribe 
button because we are just going

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to dive right in. 
Today we're going to be sharing 

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the power of God's word, the 
power of God's love. 

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Today I'm going to be talking 
with Nala, who was an only fan 

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and now she is a follower of 
Jesus Christ and I love that so 

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very, very much. 
And I know somebody in my 

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audience, because I have 
predominantly women may have no 

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idea idea what Only Fans is or 
of your story. 

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And so I want you to share your 
testimony. 

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I want you to share a little bit
of who you were growing up 

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because you were a pastor's 
daughter. 

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I was for quite a long time, not
like my entire life. 

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My family didn't start becoming 
religious until my parents 

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remarried. 
The first time did. 

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Your parents divorce and remarry
each other. 

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My parents did that. 
Yeah, well, now it's kind of 

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different. 
Now my parents are divorced 

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again. 
My parents did that. 

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OK, so I'm not the only one here
who feels really divorced. 

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Very divorced again, yes. 
So yeah, my after my dad came 

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back into my family, he just 
decided that my family needed to

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be in church. 
So we started going to a church 

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and it was a Baptist Church. 
And then I don't know where 

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along the way, my dad said that 
he felt the calling to become a 

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pastor. 
And so that kind of ripped us 

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away from the Baptist Church 
that we were originally at 

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because the pastor there would 
not give my my dad like, an 

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opportunity to preach at that 
church. 

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OK. 
So he decided to uproot us. 

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And then we moved. 
So we moved to Florida, where my

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dad prominently started 
pastoring and preaching, and 

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also in Illinois. 
And then we went through 

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multiple church splits, like 3 
at within. 

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It just felt like a year. 
That's a lot. 

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It was a lot. 
And for a kid, like constantly 

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making friends at churches and 
then being uprooted again, it 

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was just really difficult 
because, you know, as part of 

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your family, you want to defend 
your family, you know, and stand

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up for them. 
Even though I had no idea what 

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was actually going on behind the
scenes, I just knew that, oh, 

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hey, we're we don't belong here 
anymore and we got to move. 

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So it was just constant 
uprooting with my family. 

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And there's, we're a family of 
seven. 

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So yeah, after that, after I 
became a teenager, I really just

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went down a bad path of being 
very rebellious. 

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I didn't do well in school. 
Something kind of tragic 

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happened to me when I was 13. 
And then it just felt like my 

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life was in shambles. 
I was being so guarded heavily 

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by my parents, like being 
homeschooled and then just going

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to church all the time. 
I was just so angry at life. 

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And later on, I just told 
myself, like, as soon as I can, 

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as soon as I have the money, I'm
moving out. 

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Like I can't wait till you. 
Just want to escape. 

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Oh, yeah, absolutely. 
I just felt like my parents 

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didn't understand me. 
They were going through a lot. 

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My mom never healed from 
traumas. 

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My dad never healed from 
traumas. 

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And they just, I felt like they 
took it out on their children, 

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you know, And then we were just 
supposed to be this great 

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looking face for the church and 
we were so broken inside. 

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So it just led me to make very 
bad decisions when I was a 

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teenager, like sneaking out of 
my house, meeting up with random

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men just like, and I didn't care
about my safety at all. 

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You know, that was pretty clear.
Sneaking out of my window at 

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3:00 AM. 
And then when I became 18, right

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after that, I moved out. 
I, I did what I said I was going

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to do and I ended up moving to 
Cincinnati. 

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I got engaged and then I broke 
off the engagement because we 

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were just, I knew that I wasn't 
in love with him. 

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So I broke off the engagement 
shortly after I got my apartment

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moved back to Florida and then 
one day I was randomly 

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approached on the Internet by 
this man who is recruiting for 

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Only Fans. 
Now if you don't know what Only 

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Fans is, in a nutshell, it is 
just a subscription based 

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website behind a pay wall. 
So you know if you want anything

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like what Only Fans. 
What I think they would have 

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loved it to be was like fitness 
classes, therapeutic classes, 

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like a place where people can 
actually learn from other 

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people, like cooking classes, 
stuff like that. 

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And it very quickly became the 
opposite of that and became a 

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full porn website, you know, 
where people are only paying for

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00:05:34,840 --> 00:05:37,320
that on their. 
There is no cooking classes on 

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Onlyfans. 
So he approached me and at the 

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time Onlyfans wasn't that big. 
I'd never heard of it before. 

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And he just basically said, hey,
you're going to make so much 

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money if you sign up on this and
you don't have to show that much

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skin. 
You basically you could probably

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get away with just posting 
bikini photos and a little bit 

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more maybe. 
And I said OK. 

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And I was working a full time 
job in orthopedics at the time, 

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not making much money at at all,
barely enough to survive paying 

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my rent. 
And then I signed up. 

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And then in my first month I 
worked so hard I made like 

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$87,000. 
Which was probably more than 

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you're making. 
I was making like 35,000 a year 

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at my job, so I just like 
basically doubled what I was 

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making and quit my regular 9:00 
to 5:00 and gave everything to 

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only fans. 
And then month by month I 

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started doing more and more and 
more. 

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And it was such a slippery 
slope. 

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I compromised in every possible 
way of the word. 

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So I just continued to go down 
the rabbit hole. 

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Once my parents had found out 
what I was doing, my mom had 

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kind of just disowned me. 
She and I didn't talk for about 

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four years. 
I didn't have any communication 

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with my brother or sisters. 
And it was just my dad, you 

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know, talking to me. 
And he like, he wasn't a pastor 

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at the time, which a lot of 
people like to believe, but he 

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wasn't. 
And they just, well, basically 

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he just said that like, hey, if 
I was your age, I'd be doing the

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00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:04,280
same thing so. 
You do not get taught that at 

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seminary. 
I don't know where he got that 

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idea. 
I don't either. 

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He was never like taught how to 
be a pastor. 

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I guess he just felt this self 
calling to be 1, but then, you 

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know, into my career right after
my parents. 

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So how many years were you 
involved in only? 

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Fans, Five years, 05 years, five
years. 

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Wow. 
Starting when I was like 2020 

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years old. 
Yeah, wow. 

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So, OK, yeah, it's a long time. 
Yeah, so here you are. 

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You're kind of trapped and. 
And then how did you escape? 

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One night I was scrolling on 
TikTok and I was like, I was 

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living in this like $4.3 million
home. 

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00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,560
I owned a Porsche. 
Like I had so many designer 

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00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,240
bags, like just to give you the 
picture of wealth that was 

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00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:54,040
surrounding me. 
But I was all alone. 

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I didn't have anybody living 
with me. 

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I didn't have a boyfriend. 
I was just really alone. 

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And my dad at the time was very 
much so using me for money. 

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So every time he call, make up a
sob story and I just send him 

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money, you know. 
And so I just felt super alone. 

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And I was scrolling on TikTok 
one night and I saw this guy 

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named Jordan Giordano, and he 
was dressed up in. 

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Italian. 
Yeah, I think he's a little 

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Italian, but so, yeah, we 
started talking through the app 

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and I don't know who gave who 
their phone number, but we 

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started Facetiming. 
One night he just called me and 

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we spent like 8 hours on 
FaceTime just talking. 

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And I was like, so relieved to 
be able to just talk to somebody

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who was like a real person who 
wasn't in my industry. 

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You know, everybody in my 
industry was just so warped. 

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You know, like, like everybody 
in that industry just justifies 

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their own sins. 
And like, everything you're 

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00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,520
doing is fine. 
And you know, at some point 

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it's, it's not OK. 
You know, you, you feel like 

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what you you're doing is wrong, 
but you're just kind of stuck 

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00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,840
now in it. 
You've made this choices you're 

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00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,440
making and people make fun of 
you and say, oh, you'll never 

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00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:10,320
get a real job after this. 
So you really feel trapped. 

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You're like, well, I've already 
started. 

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00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:13,200
I've already done all this bad 
stuff. 

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I have nothing else to do, you 
know, so and then I started 

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talking and Jordan loved God so 
much. 

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00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:25,040
Like that's all that like oozed 
out of every pore of him was 

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just Christ. 
And he was so different from 

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00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:31,480
like the religious people I've 
encountered in the past, so 

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different, never brought up 
religion at all. 

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He went to like a non 
denominational church and just 

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00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:40,320
talk so highly about the one who
saved his life, you know, from 

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00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,240
potential suicide, from alcohol 
abuse. 

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00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:46,200
You know, God had really saved 
him and stepped into his life 

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00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:49,120
and he was able to talk to me 
about those harsh encounters 

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00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:52,800
he's had, you know, with God 
convicting him of his sins. 

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00:09:53,120 --> 00:09:56,960
And he just one day in December 
told me like, hey, you know, 

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00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,880
like God has so much of a bigger
plan for your life and what 

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00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,840
you're doing, isn't it? 
You know, nobody had sued up to 

194
00:10:02,920 --> 00:10:05,040
him like that, so. 
You had told him what you were. 

195
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,400
Doing Oh yeah, I told him super 
early on because I was feeling 

196
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,560
like, hey, you know, he's going 
to find out number one and two, 

197
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,960
yeah, you need to know because 
if I'm going to lose you, I'd 

198
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,360
rather lose you early on than 
later on, you know? 

199
00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:17,880
Before I give away too much to 
my heart. 

200
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,280
Exactly. 
Exactly. 

201
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:23,440
And we just became best friends.
So then in December, after he 

202
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:27,000
had sent me that message, I was 
in complete revolt. 

203
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:31,240
Like my demons were roaring At 
that point, I was so upset that 

204
00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,200
someone had confronted me. 
I'm like, do you know who I am? 

205
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,320
Like, I have power, I have 
money, I can do anything that I 

206
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,240
want. 
And you, are you the boss to 

207
00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:41,720
tell me that. 
You know, I'm also Italian, so 

208
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:45,200
I'm extremely spicy, so I kind. 
Of started to pick that up. 

209
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:52,400
So, yeah, and then in early 
January or end of December, 

210
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,960
that's when I had this crazy 
encounter with God in my living 

211
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,160
room at like 1:00 AM where I 
just heard God tell me like 

212
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,800
openly, so verbal that like, he 
was all I ever needed out of all

213
00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,720
the fame, all the power, all the
money, He was all I needed to be

214
00:11:07,720 --> 00:11:11,840
searching for. 
And it just struck me so hard. 

215
00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,280
So out of five years of like 
smoking weed and drinking and 

216
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,240
doing other drugs, I was like 
free. 

217
00:11:18,320 --> 00:11:20,680
And I was like, wow, I didn't 
get saved in that moment. 

218
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,240
But I called Jordan the next 
morning. 

219
00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:26,720
He flew out from Virginia and 
took me to church where that's 

220
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,040
when I got saved and baptized 
that Sunday. 

221
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,400
And then very shortly after, 
like a week after, I deleted my 

222
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,000
only fans and just gave it all 
up. 

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00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,400
I like threw away half my closet
of promiscuous clothing. 

224
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:42,600
I'd stop smoking weed after 
seven years of addiction, just 

225
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,400
stopped and then just my life 
changed. 

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I know it sounds like so 
simplified how the way I speak 

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00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:53,040
it, but it wasn't. 
It was so hard to give up a 

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00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:58,200
lifestyle of making that much 
money and drug abuse and being 

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00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:04,760
numbed all the time by weed and 
having so many people look up to

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00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,720
you kind of in a way, you know, 
cuz I was like a top, Top Model.

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You know, everybody wanted to 
work with me. 

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Everybody wanted to do a podcast
with me. 

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And for me I was like, you know,
at this point I don't care if 

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00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:20,280
God decides to like take my 
entire platform away. 

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00:12:20,720 --> 00:12:23,040
I don't care anymore. 
He's got something better for me

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00:12:23,040 --> 00:12:25,680
to do. 
So I don't know it just after 

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00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,560
that my story blew up. 
People continue to ask me to be 

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on podcasts and I was not 
praying for that. 

239
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,040
I'm not a great public speaker. 
I feel so. 

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00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,440
I was not, I was terrified, you 
know, I was terrified of the 

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00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:40,280
backlash I would get. 
It was so, it was so much 

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00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:43,680
backlash by Christians and then 
people from my industry. 

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00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:48,680
With so many questions about the
quality of meat, what's in the 

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00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:52,080
meat right now? 
One of the most comforting thing

245
00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:57,720
is showing up for my family by 
giving them good healthy 

246
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,560
American sourced beef, good 
ranchers. 

247
00:13:01,560 --> 00:13:05,080
They take all the pressure off 
and they we deliver quality 

248
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:09,880
right to your home. 
American Source straight to your

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00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:13,440
door so you can be confident 
that you are serving your family

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00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,720
what is simple, what is healthy 
and here's that here's the whole

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00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:21,880
thing about it. 
It is all American Source with 

252
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:26,000
so many things to worry about, I
do not have to worry about what 

253
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,480
I'm feeding my family with the 
box I get once a month 

254
00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:35,240
goodranchers.com it is 100% 
American and there is absolutely

255
00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:40,240
none of those sneaky additives. 
And right now there is a spring 

256
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:44,440
into action offer free bacon, 
free ground beef. 

257
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:48,520
Listen to this seed oil, free 
chicken Nuggets. 

258
00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:53,240
My grandkids love that or wild 
caught salmon in every order, 

259
00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:56,360
not just one time but for a 
year. 

260
00:13:56,600 --> 00:14:03,360
And right now you can get $40 
off with a code Bevere BEVERE, 

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00:14:03,640 --> 00:14:06,240
if you, you mentioned that 
you're going to get that 

262
00:14:06,240 --> 00:14:09,640
discount. 
So good ranchers is our go to 

263
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,160
good ranchers, American meat 
delivered. 

264
00:14:13,480 --> 00:14:15,120
And that's the thing. 
There's a couple things I 

265
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:18,200
definitely wanted to go back to 
and dive into deep. 

266
00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,800
First of all, I want you to 
know, I probably understand more

267
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:26,600
than most people. 
I was definitely in very, very 

268
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:31,400
promiscuous background. 
I had no righteousness, no 

269
00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,000
goodness to my life. 
I had gone to the place where 

270
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,520
there was every, every moral I 
ever had. 

271
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,240
I had compromised and I cried 
out to God and I said, God, 

272
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,440
there has to be something more. 
I have to drink to even go out 

273
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,760
to drink. 
I mean, I was at the place where

274
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:48,440
I was like, God, I, I, I don't 
know how to find you. 

275
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,080
And John invited me to a Bible 
study picnic. 

276
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,720
And all I heard was free foods. 
I was like, OK, I'll go there 

277
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,280
and then I'll go party 
afterwards. 

278
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,560
And so I'm like, wait a minute, 
what's just happened? 

279
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,360
People are in a circle. 
They're singing. 

280
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,840
Some people are raising their 
hands. 

281
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:04,960
I'm like, do they have a 
question? 

282
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,120
Like what is wrong with these 
people? 

283
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,840
They have a song sheet. 
I don't know what's going on. 

284
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,360
And I was raised Catholic and so
it was very confusing to me 

285
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:14,160
because you're kind of quiet in 
the Catholic Church. 

286
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,680
You're not loud. 
And I read this one line from 

287
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,920
one song when it said when God 
looked at me, he would no longer

288
00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,240
see me, but he would see Jesus. 
It was a song called Robes of 

289
00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,600
Righteousness. 
And I heard the Holy Spirit say,

290
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:29,440
you are covered in sin and 
shame. 

291
00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,800
You need the covering of my son 
and I I elbowed John, and we 

292
00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,240
weren't, we weren't dating. 
He just invited me to this Bible

293
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,400
state picnic. 
I said, is this true, that God 

294
00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:40,000
could ever look at me and not 
see me? 

295
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:44,360
And John was like, yeah. 
So we went walking on the campus

296
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,840
that night. 
And I interrupt him. 

297
00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:47,280
I said, I want to do this 
Christian thing. 

298
00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:49,680
I don't know what we need to do.
Do we need to, like, light 

299
00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,200
candles? 
Like, what needs to happen? 

300
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:54,000
And I said, I want to do this 
thing right now. 

301
00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,400
It's on my first date with John.
I got born again. 

302
00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,120
And he said, now you're saved. 
And I said, what does that even 

303
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,280
mean? 
I mean, I had no Christian frame

304
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,640
of reference. 
And he said it means you're 

305
00:16:04,640 --> 00:16:06,480
whole again, spirit, soul and 
body. 

306
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:10,120
And he had no idea that he was 
talking to a young girl who had 

307
00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,040
an eating disorder, who was so 
sexually broken, you know, 

308
00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,760
mentally broken. 
But the only thing I brought up 

309
00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:19,680
was I said, so you're saying I 
can have cheese now? 

310
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,520
And he's like, what? 
And I said, I have lactose 

311
00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,200
intolerance, so I can have 
cheese now that I'm a Christian.

312
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,840
He's like, Oh my gosh. 
So he grabbed my hand. 

313
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:31,040
He was like, God, I think if you
can save this he, then you can 

314
00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:34,680
basically heal her. 
And I felt the love of God come 

315
00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,680
into my stomach and untie all 
the knots that have been there 

316
00:16:37,680 --> 00:16:41,800
since I was 15. 
And I knew I was healed and I, I

317
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,440
experienced a love like I had 
never experienced. 

318
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,360
And I remember feeling like 100 
lbs came off of my shoulders and

319
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,120
it went back to my, my college 
dorm room and it was like, 

320
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,440
Jesus, I need you to stay in the
hallway. 

321
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:57,120
I got some trash in here. 
I like took out all the alcohol.

322
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,120
I took out all the porn out. 
Nobody told me to do that. 

323
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,640
All the porn out. 
And I threw it away. 

324
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:04,119
And I was like, now you can come
in. 

325
00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:06,599
And then I spent about an hour 
and a half looking for the book 

326
00:17:06,599 --> 00:17:08,680
of Paul because John had said 
Paul said this. 

327
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:12,160
And Paul said that no way. 
I had no idea that there was a 

328
00:17:12,359 --> 00:17:17,000
book of Paul. 
So I was radically saved from a 

329
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:23,160
very dark past. 
And I remember experiencing so 

330
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,200
much freedom and not judgement 
from God. 

331
00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:31,840
No, I mean, I was aware so much.
Yeah, I was aware of shame when 

332
00:17:31,840 --> 00:17:35,040
I was in sin. 
But I mean, do you think you 

333
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:38,120
have all that money you were 
making and yet you had to smoke,

334
00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,280
you had to use drugs, you had to
drink to get some kind of peace 

335
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,720
in your life just. 
Not to think, you know exactly 

336
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:48,760
because I was alone so much. 
When you're alone, you're alone 

337
00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,440
with your thoughts. 
And I didn't want to think that 

338
00:17:51,440 --> 00:17:52,760
was. 
That was my turning point. 

339
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:55,320
I drove back from the University
of Arizona, where I went to 

340
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:58,680
school, to the party school, to 
Indiana, my little hometown 

341
00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:03,760
Indiana girl listening to ACDC 
yelling at the top of my lungs. 

342
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:06,320
I'm on the highway to hell and I
realized, yes, you are. 

343
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:09,600
You are straight to hell. 
And I was alone in the car and I

344
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,000
thought, I do not even like me. 
I don't even like me. 

345
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:19,000
So I want you to know that I 
understand and and I hope 

346
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,440
people, I hope people are 
hearing that no matter how many 

347
00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:26,600
designer purses, how many people
admired you, how much clothing, 

348
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:31,360
how big your house was, there is
a void that cannot be filled it.

349
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,480
Won't be and it'll continue to 
get bigger. 

350
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,000
That's that was my issue 
throughout the five years that 

351
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:42,320
void kept getting bigger and 
there my bag collection grew, my

352
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,000
house got bigger, my car went 
faster. 

353
00:18:45,120 --> 00:18:48,480
You know what I'm saying it like
I upgraded and yet the whole 

354
00:18:48,480 --> 00:18:53,720
continued to get bigger and it 
just took one person, one person

355
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:58,000
to plant a seed, you know, 
because religion did nothing. 

356
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,400
I was very angry at the church, 
super angry. 

357
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:05,240
I didn't understand it. 
I was like, this can't be God 

358
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:09,480
because it doesn't feel free. 
It felt like a cage and I felt 

359
00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:14,080
like I was in a cage most of my 
young life, you know? 

360
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:17,280
And then I was like, once I'm 
out, I'm out. 

361
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,440
I'm done. 
I don't have to do this Jesus 

362
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,280
thing anymore. 
I don't have to go to, I don't 

363
00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:23,600
have to step foot in one more 
church. 

364
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:27,160
I was so excited about that 
because I was like, this church 

365
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,840
thing is horrible. 
It's absolutely horrible. 

366
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,640
And then I've really gotten to 
see the other side of it, where 

367
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:36,240
me becoming a Christian now 
there's this that religious 

368
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:40,720
mindset has stirred because they
can't believe somebody like me 

369
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:43,440
could be saved. 
And yet, if they actually read 

370
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:46,160
the Bible, they see that my 
story isn't that uncommon. 

371
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:50,520
Nala, I've actually heard 
ministers say if a woman comes 

372
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:55,000
into my church and she is not 
dressed modestly, I am sending 

373
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:58,800
her out so she doesn't corrupt 
the other women of the church. 

374
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,680
What do you think about? 
That, Well, number one, if, if a

375
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,320
woman dressed promiscuously can 
come in and so easily corrupt 

376
00:20:06,320 --> 00:20:09,400
the women in the church, then 
I'd be more concerned about what

377
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,040
you're preaching and teaching to
those women if they're so easily

378
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,200
corrupted, you know, and why 
weren't the men in a factor in 

379
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,400
that either, You know what I'm 
saying? 

380
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,240
Why wouldn't the men be affected
by that? 

381
00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:19,960
Because men are holy and women 
are. 

382
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,120
Factors. 
If you know that. 

383
00:20:22,680 --> 00:20:25,960
But for me, again, if Jesus has 
come as you are, then it doesn't

384
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,440
matter what your church 
atmosphere looks like. 

385
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,680
I mean, I've been in churches 
where it feels like you can't 

386
00:20:30,680 --> 00:20:32,880
wear anything less than a dress 
at. 

387
00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,960
And we left that church. 
There was no time for, you know,

388
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:38,600
groups or, you know, trying to 
become friends with anyone. 

389
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,240
It was in and out. 
You know, you better look good. 

390
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,240
You better look like Easter good
and get out. 

391
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,960
You know, you know, that's 
exactly what it felt like and 

392
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,720
being a young Christian that 
deterred my husband and IA 

393
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:51,960
little bit. 
So, you know, if you're wanting 

394
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:55,120
to grow your congregation, you 
need to be in it for that one 

395
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:57,600
person that might stink like a 
homeless person. 

396
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,320
You know what I'm saying? 
Like it doesn't corrupt 

397
00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:01,920
anything. 
In fact, I think that Jesus 

398
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:06,640
would be so happy for that one 
person to just hear about him. 

399
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,040
You know, Christians, I, I think
that they don't like to get out 

400
00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,800
of their little bubbles because 
it's uncomfortable. 

401
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:15,280
The one thing that Jordan, my 
husband encountered from a 

402
00:21:15,280 --> 00:21:18,760
Christian group of people who 
are on the Internet prominently 

403
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:22,680
was that when Jordan came to see
me in California, we posted a 

404
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:25,400
funny video together and they 
called him. 

405
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,680
The owner of this company called
him and was like, it's not a 

406
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:30,520
good look for you to be posting 
with her. 

407
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,920
Like, do you know who she is? 
Do you know what she does for a 

408
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:36,200
living? 
And he was like, screw you guys.

409
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,640
Like, I'm in it for that one 
person. 

410
00:21:38,640 --> 00:21:41,760
You know, that lost person. 
So I feel like Christians need 

411
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:44,400
to be outside of their comfort 
zone instead of in their little 

412
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:45,840
Christian bubbles all the time. 
Yeah. 

413
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:50,000
Yeah, but I don't feel like we 
need to compromise what we 

414
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,680
preach. 
I I feel like, you know, John 

415
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,360
preaches very strong messages, 
but he's not a harsh person. 

416
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,520
So he preaches God's word and he
lets God's word do the work 

417
00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:05,320
rather than thinking that he is 
the judge and the administrator 

418
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:09,000
of what how God wants it done. 
So I do, I do feel like we have 

419
00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,160
a lot of compromise preached in 
the church. 

420
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:13,880
And I don't think, I don't think
the Gen. 

421
00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:16,280
ZS and the Gen. 
Alpha want to hear compromise. 

422
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:18,680
I think they really want to 
actually be invited in a 

423
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,640
consecration. 
Really. 

424
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,120
I do feel like our generation is
searching for something. 

425
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,240
I feel it, You know, with 
everyone you speak to, there's 

426
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,240
such a loss of identity and 
everybody wants to be found, you

427
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,840
know, but they end up finding 
their identities and, you know, 

428
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:38,040
homosexuality or drugs or 
alcohol or promiscuity, that's 

429
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,960
who they end up identifying 
themselves at. 

430
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,440
But, you know, if the word of 
God being spoken to you is kind 

431
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,120
of like, whoa, that's kind of 
harsh. 

432
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:49,680
It's because the word is a, is a
sword, you know, a sword isn't. 

433
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,760
I heard this preached 1 the time
and I was so like, yes, I love 

434
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:54,960
this is that you know, if the 
word of God is a sword, it's 

435
00:22:54,960 --> 00:22:58,000
going to cut, you know, between 
bone and marrow. 

436
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:01,560
It hurts, but it will sanctify 
you. 

437
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:04,560
You know it will help you grow 
into like the identity that God 

438
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,840
is calling you to be at. 
So I am still learning and I 

439
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,200
will learn the rest of my life. 
I do not know it all. 

440
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:13,680
There is people who have to 
correct me lovingly and I love 

441
00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:15,440
that. 
I never want that to stop 

442
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:19,800
because if if I'm if I feel like
I'm good now, like I'm saved, 

443
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,080
you know, I deleted my only 
prize. 

444
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,920
I'm stuck, I will be stuck and 
I'm not here to be stuck 

445
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:26,320
anymore. 
I want to grow. 

446
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,920
So I feel like taking criticism,
not even criticism, but just 

447
00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:33,880
loving words from people who do 
know Christ. 

448
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:35,800
You know, my mother-in-law was 
one of those people. 

449
00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:39,120
She had to correct me lovingly 
about what my, my outfits, 

450
00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:41,560
because at that point I'd come 
out of like 10 years of being 

451
00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:43,960
promiscuous. 
So what do I know about modesty?

452
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,040
So she's so lovingly took me 
like alone and just, you know, 

453
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,240
guided me on that modesty. 
So I feel like it's, you know, 

454
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,080
don't don't get like 
misconstrued about some people 

455
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:57,920
who might come up to you and 
just mention things to you like 

456
00:23:57,920 --> 00:24:00,080
that. 
That is something that will help

457
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,760
you along the way. 
And then I've been able to share

458
00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:06,680
with other girls who, you know, 
I've met like, hey, listen, you 

459
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,600
know, this one lady came up to 
me one time and corrected me 

460
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,000
about how I was dressing and it 
really helped me. 

461
00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,360
Let me share it with you. 
But she did it from the right 

462
00:24:14,360 --> 00:24:15,320
motive. 
She did. 

463
00:24:15,320 --> 00:24:16,920
Sometimes people just want to 
shame people. 

464
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,520
That's very factual. 
That's very factual. 

465
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:22,400
And there's like a it's just 
such a dividing line there, You 

466
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,680
know, not everybody has good 
motives. 

467
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:26,840
And not everybody should have a 
voice into your life. 

468
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,360
You know, we we need to have 
people who are true mothers in 

469
00:24:30,360 --> 00:24:34,760
the house who truly love not 
that are just resentful, right, 

470
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,960
resentful or angry. 
I don't I don't even like having

471
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,880
to say this being that I love 
the Church of Jesus Christ. 

472
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,440
I love it. 
But there is nothing meaner than

473
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:47,840
a religious spirit. 
And it was was a religious 

474
00:24:47,840 --> 00:24:50,200
spirit that put Jesus on the 
cross. 

475
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,200
And so when I've been attacked 
by somebody with a religious 

476
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:57,400
spirit, it is the meanest, 
cruelest thing I've ever gone 

477
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:58,680
through. 
And I'm so sorry. 

478
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:02,760
I was wondering what kind of 
backlash you were getting so 

479
00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:04,800
much the church. 
So. 

480
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,720
Much I'm so. 
I've had people talk so 

481
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:11,560
hatefully about my husband and 
I, which was a good lesson to 

482
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:13,800
me. 
For one, praying for your 

483
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,800
enemies. 
It really does help. 

484
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,480
It's like, and I've even been 
mocked because I say that, you 

485
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:22,160
know, like, oh, they're praying 
for me. 

486
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,240
Ha, ha, ha, that's funny. 
Like I don't want your prayers, 

487
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:30,200
but it's it's helped me see that
they haven't experienced the 

488
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,720
love of God that I have, because
if you had, it would change you.

489
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:37,640
Like it changed me. 
Like if I just, it's so hard to 

490
00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:41,120
even describe my circumstances 
at where God found me. 

491
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:45,120
It was terrible. 
I was so hurt and broken. 

492
00:25:45,120 --> 00:25:49,720
I've had so much trauma in my 
past, not even from only fans, 

493
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,840
but my family has been through 
so much trauma. 

494
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,680
And then up until recently my 
brother passed away. 

495
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:01,240
And so it's OK. 
But it's just, you know, I just,

496
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:04,320
I don't know. 
I wish people, I really wish 

497
00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:08,160
people would change, you know, I
wish they would just ask God to 

498
00:26:08,160 --> 00:26:12,400
humble their hearts enough to 
see the light, you know, to see 

499
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:14,560
how much darkness you're 
actually in. 

500
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,040
Because that, that verse really 
scared me where it talks about 

501
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,960
like, you know, they'll, they'll
come to me and say like, Lord, 

502
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,200
Lord, you know, and I never knew
you. 

503
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,800
I pray all the time, God, you 
know me, right? 

504
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:27,920
Like we're good, right? 
Just make sure. 

505
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:29,560
Please no. 
And I I. 

506
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,600
Mean I think that I don't. 
Think salvation is a hard thing 

507
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,280
to lose. 
I mean, it's not like Oh my 

508
00:26:35,280 --> 00:26:40,120
goodness, I tripped, I cussed, I
cussed my salvation because I do

509
00:26:40,120 --> 00:26:44,400
feel like that's legalism where 
it's you're saved by grace, but 

510
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:45,960
then you've got to maintain it 
with words. 

511
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,760
But yet when you have a 
relationship, which it sounds 

512
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,760
like you never experienced a 
relationship with living God, I 

513
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,400
did not either. 
I got in huge trouble when I was

514
00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:57,640
a little girl. 
I'm trying to think right before

515
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,880
my confirmation, after my first 
only communion, I decided to 

516
00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,720
draw a picture of the Virgin 
Mary peeing. 

517
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:09,160
And you can only imagine what 
the reaction of the nuns were on

518
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,640
that one. 
And I got in so much trouble for

519
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,320
that, that I was like, I'm I'm 
I'm definitely in hell. 

520
00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:17,800
Like there's they just gave me 
way too much time and I was a 

521
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,120
kid and I was like, not. 
So much like. 

522
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:24,920
Me, I was in so much trouble, I.
Used to make so many jokes about

523
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:28,760
God, so many. 
I was like, oh, I would say the 

524
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:31,440
most horrible thing. 
I was just curious, really. 

525
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,000
I wasn't, I mean, I was a child.
I was like, she obviously she 

526
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,880
wouldn't have to pee. 
And I was like. 

527
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:41,120
It was just so like, it was so 
much anger When I was a 

528
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:46,000
teenager, I was so angry at God 
for like letting all this stuff 

529
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,480
happen to my family. 
I'm like, God, you're really not

530
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,880
here, man. 
You left us all alone. 

531
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:54,960
I was so angry, but then I 
realized I was still doing stuff

532
00:27:55,120 --> 00:27:58,760
that I fully realized. 
I was like, oh, I'm definitely 

533
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,360
not a Christian fully right now 
because I'm still, you know, 

534
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,920
having sex out of marriage or 
I'm still smoking weed or you 

535
00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:06,800
know what I'm saying? 
Like there was always something 

536
00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:09,160
in my path that I made an excuse
for. 

537
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:10,840
And I was like, I just can't 
give this up. 

538
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,240
You know, I can't. 
I don't know how to give it up. 

539
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:19,200
So this feeling of like, God, 
here's only fans, God, here's my

540
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,600
modesty back. 
God, here's my drug abuse, 

541
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,680
here's my alcohol abuse. 
Like here's my language. 

542
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:28,320
I, I literally every other word 
out of my mouth was the F word. 

543
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:32,200
So it was just, it was constant 
refining and a lot of people 

544
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:35,320
still to this day love to say 
that I'm pretending I'm 

545
00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,120
grifting. 
I'm not modest. 

546
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:39,920
I, you know, I still mess up. 
I'm like, I will mess up for the

547
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,680
rest of my life. 
News flash, like I just will. 

548
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:48,400
I am not Jesus, not the perfect 
lamb, you know of God, but I am 

549
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:53,160
the sheep that God left the 99 
for and found, you know so. 

550
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,960
And this is the tension of our 
day because we do need to speak 

551
00:28:55,960 --> 00:29:01,080
truth, but truth without love 
is, is harsh and people can't 

552
00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:03,240
hear it. 
And so our culture was responded

553
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,200
by preaching love without truth,
which is what we're seeing going

554
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,720
on in our culture right now. 
And then you. 

555
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:10,560
So like how long ago did all 
this happen? 

556
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,520
A year and a half ago. 
Yeah, So I mean, this is new for

557
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:19,720
you, and yet you are having a 
very mature response. 

558
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:22,400
You know, so many people, 
they're baby Christians. 

559
00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:24,880
They get attacked, they attack 
back, they leave the faith. 

560
00:29:25,120 --> 00:29:27,840
But the truth is, it's never 
Jesus. 

561
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,840
It's never Jesus that attacks or
accuses us. 

562
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,800
It's always a Pharisitical 
spirit. 

563
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,960
It's always a religious spirit. 
It's always mean. 

564
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:39,000
And the fear of the Lord rather 
than the fear of man is 

565
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:41,680
something that when you get that
that kind of awe of God in your 

566
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:44,720
life, then you realize you start
to have a personal relationship 

567
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:47,640
with Jesus Christ. 
And you said that you've read 

568
00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:49,800
some of my husband's book. 
Oh my gosh the awe of God 

569
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:54,240
changed my perspective so much. 
I literally asked God. 

570
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:58,960
I was like, God put the fear of 
you inside me because I can love

571
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,600
God, but if you do not fear him,
you won't obey him. 

572
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,760
And I was like when John Bevere 
said that in his book, I was 

573
00:30:04,840 --> 00:30:08,240
awestruck. 
I was like, wow, so I need to 

574
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,480
fear him. 
Same with the Holy Spirit book. 

575
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,680
For some reason in my mind I 
thought Holy Spirit was like 

576
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,640
some floating cloud from my 
religious standpoint. 

577
00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:17,200
We don't talk about him in the 
church. 

578
00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,120
That's exactly what to like in 
the Baptist. 

579
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,800
You know, religion. 
You don't talk about the Holy 

580
00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:25,200
Spirit. 
Like there's none of that going 

581
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:27,520
on. 
So now that I can do define 

582
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:31,680
religious spirit and then having
a relationship with Christ, it 

583
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,320
is so like black and white for 
me. 

584
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:38,200
There is no Gray lines and you 
do encounter people online and 

585
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:41,240
in person you who do have that 
religious spirit, but it really 

586
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:44,560
makes you feel sorry for them. 
You're like, man, if only you've

587
00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,920
actually been able to feel like 
get on your knees and feel Holy 

588
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,720
Spirit deep inside you speak to 
you. 

589
00:30:51,080 --> 00:30:53,680
It changes everything. 
You can't ignore that voice. 

590
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,400
You just can't. 
The conviction, the heavy 

591
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:02,280
eviction I felt over what I was 
doing and the shame I felt was, 

592
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,400
Oh my God, I couldn't, I 
couldn't like eat, couldn't 

593
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:07,760
sleep. 
It was just overwhelming me. 

594
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:09,560
And I knew I had to make a 
change. 

595
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,680
I knew what I was doing was 
wrong and I couldn't live in 

596
00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,760
that any longer. 
And I'm like, well, God, you're 

597
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:17,960
giving me a second chance, like 
a second second chance. 

598
00:31:17,960 --> 00:31:20,680
Now I can't like I'll never go 
back. 

599
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:23,160
And that's something that the 
devil's really tried to get me 

600
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:26,320
on an extreme low moments is you
could just go back. 

601
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:29,920
You know, all your debt will be 
wiped if you just go back. 

602
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:33,560
You know, you'll you'll have 
your friends back if you just go

603
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:35,440
back. 
And I'm like, I don't want those

604
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,040
people in my life anymore. 
I don't care if I live the rest 

605
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:39,480
of my life. 
And plus it's a lie. 

606
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:43,760
Even if you went back and you 
got the money, the cost to your 

607
00:31:43,760 --> 00:31:46,520
soul. 
Not worth it And and. 

608
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,360
And your friends would 
disrespect you because deep 

609
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,840
down, the friends that are 
actually attacking you now that 

610
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:54,680
are still in the industry, they 
actually really want what you 

611
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:56,240
have to be genuine. 
I agree. 

612
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,120
Yeah. 
So they they're pushing hard, 

613
00:31:58,120 --> 00:32:01,240
but they want to know because 
deep down, each and every one of

614
00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,280
us, we were created for a 
internal relationship with Jesus

615
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,400
Christ. 
And so it's hard on people when 

616
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:10,440
people that they are looking to 
disappoint them. 

617
00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:13,240
And yet Jesus is the only one 
that's not going to disappoint. 

618
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,840
You know, I'm in having so much 
much critics. 

619
00:32:15,840 --> 00:32:18,400
I'm going to I'm going to share 
what the Holy Spirit said to me 

620
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,920
because, you know, I remember as
soon as I got saved, people were

621
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:23,360
like, why are your ears double 
pierced? 

622
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,680
You know, because I was a 
radical, because I double 

623
00:32:25,680 --> 00:32:27,560
pierced ears. 
You know, double pierced ears 

624
00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,000
were like, what in the world? 
You know, what's going on? 

625
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:31,720
What's going on with this? 
What's going on with that? 

626
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:36,800
And I started to feel like shame
coming in and I had to fight to 

627
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:39,640
get free from a religious spirit
because you can go to bed free 

628
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,320
and wake up with a religious 
spirit the next day. 

629
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:45,840
I swear a Pharisee. 
So there's so many people out 

630
00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:49,560
there that would be like, oh, I 
don't, you know, I don't, I 

631
00:32:49,560 --> 00:32:54,440
don't, I don't know if I could 
just have what she had for a 

632
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,280
little while, then I could just 
flip it around later. 

633
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:00,840
Tell, tell them the entanglement
of that. 

634
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:05,920
Tell them how you've had to 
fight to get free from that 

635
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:08,080
because there's going to be 
young girls that are going to 

636
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,320
admire you that are not born 
again, I know, or even that are 

637
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:14,840
born again that are attracted to
the money, attracted to the your

638
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,080
beauty. 
The money is. 

639
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:19,360
Attracted to be attracted. 
The money is the one of the 

640
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,920
money and attention I've noticed
are the biggest things. 

641
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:27,040
I rose to a very hot like I was 
top .01 person. 

642
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:29,600
But yet you had debt. 
Oh, well, no, I didn't have debt

643
00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:32,160
while I was in. 
I have debt now because 

644
00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,600
literally because one of my Cpas
from 2021 failed to file my 

645
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,080
taxes and I just found out about
it. 

646
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:42,120
So that was great. 
But so for me, like people the, 

647
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,520
the women I've spoken to in the 
industry seem extremely bitter 

648
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:49,160
about my decision. 
And it's like, it's so crazy to 

649
00:33:49,160 --> 00:33:53,840
see someone like me who's who 
was a like a top, Top Model to 

650
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:57,480
literally just give it all up 
when they're struggling to make 

651
00:33:57,680 --> 00:34:02,000
30 grand a month, you know, 
where I was making like 400,000 

652
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:03,680
a month, you know what I'm 
saying? 

653
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,800
And they fight for it. 
They fight and fight and fight 

654
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,880
for it. 
So I, I feel like I have such a 

655
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:12,880
heart to protect them, you know 
what I'm saying? 

656
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:17,080
From the world, the world is 
attacking them so harshly, you 

657
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,080
know, and yes, they are part of 
the problem. 

658
00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,000
I was part of the problem of, 
you know, when men love to 

659
00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,760
complain about how there's no 
more good women out there, you 

660
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,679
know, and yeah, we're all 
selling our not all, but most of

661
00:34:27,679 --> 00:34:29,320
us are selling our your body is 
online. 

662
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:32,159
So yeah, but who's supplying 
that demand? 

663
00:34:32,199 --> 00:34:35,000
Women are buying porn. 
Men are buying porn. 

664
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,880
There's millions of men signed 
up on Onlyfans just purchasing, 

665
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,440
purchasing because, you know, 
you're, you can't even fulfill 

666
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:43,760
your own sexual desires and your
needs are not being met by 

667
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:45,520
Christ, They're being met by 
you. 

668
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:49,400
So they're like that. 
That pool of emptiness won't end

669
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:53,679
for men or women until we 
realize that Christ is truly all

670
00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:56,679
we ever need. 
It'll never run dry where we 

671
00:34:56,679 --> 00:34:59,640
continue to be like the woman at
the well who just keeps going 

672
00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:02,800
for that water for a couple days
instead of the living well of 

673
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:05,160
Christ. 
That is what I seek to draw 

674
00:35:05,160 --> 00:35:05,760
from. 
Yeah. 

675
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:10,040
And I do think there's a lot of 
women going to these wells and 

676
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:12,640
they're they're deep wells and 
they're living shallow lives. 

677
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:15,800
And they keep thinking if I 
marry another person or if I get

678
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:17,760
this or if I do that, then I'll 
be happy. 

679
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,600
And then they find out, no, 
they're empty. 

680
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,960
I mean it's so interesting to 
listen to the different 

681
00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:25,560
interpretations of that the 
woman because they make it sound

682
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,160
like she was this horrible woman
and she kept leaving our 

683
00:35:28,160 --> 00:35:29,760
husbands. 
But back then women couldn't 

684
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,000
divorce their husbands. 
She had been rejected, rejected,

685
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,920
rejected, rejected 5 times to 
the place where she was now 

686
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:40,240
living with a a man that didn't 
even give her his name. 

687
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:43,520
She was that empty. 
And yet when she meets Jesus, 

688
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,720
she talks about worship and 
there's this, there's this 

689
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:49,600
longing in so many young people 
and so many women. 

690
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,360
And I believe there's going to 
be a revival among, I agree only

691
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:58,840
fans among LGTBQI, whatever. 
I believe that there is a 

692
00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:01,280
revival coming. 
I believe that when God says in 

693
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,800
Acts 217, I'm going to pour out 
my spirit on all flesh, that 

694
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:06,600
means he's going to pour it on 
people that are going to 

695
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:09,280
surprise us and that God's going
to pour out his spirit and 

696
00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,320
there's going to be a revival 
and unexpected places. 

697
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:17,920
And you know, I, I love the 
story of the woman caught in 

698
00:36:17,920 --> 00:36:19,320
adultery. 
You know, so many people, like 

699
00:36:19,320 --> 00:36:22,440
where's the guy and everything? 
But but when you really look 

700
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:28,160
into the story, you realize that
this woman had courage because 

701
00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,240
when the last person that could 
have condemned her dropped the 

702
00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:36,120
stone, she stayed and Jesus 
looked at her. 

703
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,240
And I believe there's a whole 
generation of young women 

704
00:36:39,240 --> 00:36:42,000
trapped in bondage, whether it's
pornography, whether it's drugs,

705
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,880
whether it's alcohol that they 
have heard about Jesus, but they

706
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:47,440
are not content to hear about 
him. 

707
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,760
They want to hear him speak 
directly like you did to them. 

708
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:54,080
And he said, woman, where are 
your accusers? 

709
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,880
And he's like, they're gone. 
And they said, well then I don't

710
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:01,840
can do you accuse you. 
But then he said go and sin no 

711
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,920
more. 
And a lot of times people hear 

712
00:37:03,920 --> 00:37:06,960
the go and sin no more as you do
this again, you're ending up 

713
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:10,280
under a rock pile. 
But Jesus was actually saying I 

714
00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:12,080
believe better things of you and
your future. 

715
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:16,120
You can leave this life of a 
shadow and you can sin no more. 

716
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:19,040
Because the very next thing he 
says is I am the light of the 

717
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:22,120
world and he walks in me no 
longer walks in darkness, but 

718
00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:25,280
has the light of life. 
And so Jesus is speaking life 

719
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:29,680
into areas and light into areas 
of death and darkness work. 

720
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:33,200
The church doesn't even know how
to address some. 

721
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:35,960
Of these things, condemnation I 
noticed. 

722
00:37:36,120 --> 00:37:38,600
Conviction is. 
Different and we we, we think 

723
00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:42,360
I'd say not we. 
But you know, what I'm seeing is

724
00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:46,760
all people want to do now is 
tear other people down instead 

725
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:49,400
of speaking life, you know, even
in a marriage, we're taught in 

726
00:37:49,400 --> 00:37:52,880
counseling to, you know, speak 
life into your partner, lift 

727
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,560
them up, call them higher. 
And that's exactly what Jordan 

728
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,600
did to me. 
And that's what changed me. 

729
00:37:59,720 --> 00:38:02,520
He and he literally spoke. 
To said me too. 

730
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,040
You know, this is not what God 
has for you. 

731
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,760
What God has for you is 
something so much greater. 

732
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:12,160
And like everyone would condemn 
me, call me a whore, you know, 

733
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:14,760
I'm used up. 
I have a huge body count, which 

734
00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,680
I don't, by the way, but you 
know what I'm saying? 

735
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:20,800
Like for me, I was, it was all 
about tearing me down. 

736
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,760
And even now that I'm a 
Christian, it's about tearing me

737
00:38:23,760 --> 00:38:25,960
down. 
But I'm like, you can't take 

738
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,280
away from me what God did. 
You can't. 

739
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,800
You're not powerful enough and 
you are not Christ. 

740
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:34,840
You will never be able to take 
away the gift that he gave me of

741
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:38,560
my salvation, my eternal life 
being spent with him in heaven. 

742
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:41,160
You can't take it away. 
So that's why it does doesn't 

743
00:38:41,160 --> 00:38:44,360
bug me anymore because thank 
goodness I'm not being judged in

744
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:47,560
heaven by them because I would 
have been condemned and in hell 

745
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,760
a very long time ago. 
But it's by our Father who is 

746
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,640
gracious, who is merciful. 
And if I could say anything to 

747
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,120
those women is that you are 
called higher. 

748
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,160
We all have a calling. 
We all have an anointing. 

749
00:38:58,160 --> 00:39:01,840
We all are blessed with 
spiritual gifts to help others. 

750
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,440
This life here on earth is not 
to be served but to serve just 

751
00:39:05,440 --> 00:39:09,320
like Jesus came to do. 
And it's the best feeling in the

752
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,480
world to serve others and not 
ourselves. 

753
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:15,600
I told God once I got saved, I 
was like, I'm so done being 

754
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,720
selfish. 
It my selfishness disgusts me 

755
00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:20,720
and I don't want to do it 
anymore. 

756
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:25,000
So whatever you have for me, if 
it's being off social media, if 

757
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:26,880
you want me to go be a 
missionary for the rest of my 

758
00:39:26,880 --> 00:39:29,520
life and God knows where, I'll 
do it. 

759
00:39:29,720 --> 00:39:32,760
Whatever you want for me, I'm 
here for it, you know? 

760
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:37,680
And it was the best surrendering
point of my life because where I

761
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,960
was at was just being in control
all the time. 

762
00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:44,680
And it's exhausting trying to 
keep everything up for yourself,

763
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:48,480
trying to control your own path,
see where life takes you, you 

764
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:51,000
know? 
But it's like through Christ, 

765
00:39:51,280 --> 00:39:55,800
it's so gentle and so loving, 
and he gives you that rest that 

766
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:58,120
you really need. 
Like, God put me through like a 

767
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,360
year of just kind of being 
still. 

768
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:04,000
And I was like, OK, what do I do
now, You know, because I'm so 

769
00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:05,520
used. 
Yeah, be still. 

770
00:40:05,720 --> 00:40:08,560
And I heard that so many times. 
From even other people. 

771
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,240
Maybe it's time for you to be 
still. 

772
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,920
And I was like, oh, OK. 
Because I just come out of five 

773
00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:20,920
years of just being used by men,
used by the industry, used by 

774
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:25,280
only fans, agencies who are men 
just for money. 

775
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:28,640
And then now it's like God's 
like dive into me. 

776
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:30,440
That's when I started reading 
John Bevier's books. 

777
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,240
I started listening to you guys 
podcast. 

778
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,560
I dove into my Bible, dove into 
downloaded. 

779
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,160
I literally deleted my entire 
secular playlist and filled it 

780
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:41,120
with worship music because I was
like, I'm done. 

781
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:45,800
Let me just dive in, you know, 
let me just seek and find you. 

782
00:40:45,800 --> 00:40:47,520
Let me lay by those still 
waters. 

783
00:40:47,720 --> 00:40:50,160
That's beautiful, you know. 
So I want you to speak to that 

784
00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,200
young girl that's hearing you 
and and thinking. 

785
00:40:52,760 --> 00:40:54,640
But Nala, I'm in too deep. 
I can't get out. 

786
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,560
What would you say to her? 
I made that excuse so many times

787
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:01,200
and I know it's so hard. 
Like again, my excuses were, oh,

788
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,520
I'm having sex out of marriage. 
You know, I'm definitely not a 

789
00:41:03,520 --> 00:41:05,680
Christian or I'm smoking too 
much weed. 

790
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:09,080
I can't give weed up. 
You know, every excuse, it's any

791
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,920
excuse that you can come up with
will never be enough. 

792
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:16,040
It will never give you the 
freedom that God truly desires 

793
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:18,960
for you, even like God. 
The book I'm reading right now 

794
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:23,120
by John is that you are called 
and I love the line where it 

795
00:41:23,120 --> 00:41:27,960
talks about how God is even more
excited for your purpose that he

796
00:41:27,960 --> 00:41:31,640
has for you than you are. 
So like I know that your life 

797
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,480
might feel hopeless and this is 
you're just stuck in this 

798
00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:38,240
situation, but all you have to 
do is reach out to Him in 

799
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:42,080
humility, humility. 
Like I surrendered everything 

800
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,880
that night in the living room. 
I was like, God, I am utterly 

801
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:46,600
alone. 
What did I do? 

802
00:41:46,920 --> 00:41:48,880
Like look at what I did with my 
life. 

803
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:52,200
God, what do I do, you know? 
And then he just spoke to me 

804
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:54,400
clearly I was utterly alone 
though. 

805
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:57,680
I think you need to get into a 
very intimate place and a very 

806
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:02,120
real place with God and alone. 
You can't be around people. 

807
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:06,400
It needs to be such a one-on-one
encounter with him that you know

808
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:09,840
you're just sharing your 
entirety with him and he will 

809
00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:12,760
speak to you. 
Holy Spirit is he never left 

810
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:13,840
you. 
You know, I love that saying 

811
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:16,800
about God never leave left you. 
You just kind of decided to go 

812
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:19,160
further away from him. 
All you got to do is take that 

813
00:42:19,160 --> 00:42:20,840
step back. 
He's right there waiting for 

814
00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:22,520
you. 
You know, all the grace in the 

815
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,640
world that you know people have,
it's nothing compared to the 

816
00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:28,960
grace that God has over you. 
And he will forgive you for any 

817
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:30,720
sin. 
I think the only sin that is 

818
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:33,240
unforgivable is what blasphemy 
of the Holy Spirit. 

819
00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:35,280
Which is not an easy thing to 
do, right? 

820
00:42:35,680 --> 00:42:40,160
Yes, so you know, just remember 
that, you know, just don't 

821
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:43,280
blasphemy the Holy Spirit. 
But any sin you could ever think

822
00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:47,240
of, like all the sins I've 
committed, Oh my gosh, in 26 

823
00:42:47,240 --> 00:42:50,040
years of my life, never serving 
Christ. 

824
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:54,360
And then it was just like all I 
prayed for after I got saved was

825
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,000
God, please let me have more 
years on this earth so I can 

826
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,040
serve you. 
Let me experience that, please. 

827
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:04,040
So yeah. 
I love that so much. 

828
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:05,920
You know I love that, David 
said. 

829
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:11,240
Cleanse me and I will be clean. 
Psalm 130. 9 he said. 

830
00:43:11,240 --> 00:43:14,200
And then will I teach 
transgressors your ways? 

831
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:16,320
And so there's something that 
happens. 

832
00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,520
It's one thing to receive the 
cleansing of God and then 

833
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,200
acknowledge it, but then to 
teach other people God's ways. 

834
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,040
Because when we've experienced 
the mercy of God, I've loved 

835
00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,880
that. 
The other one portion that I 

836
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:30,760
love that they often don't 
highlight with the woman taking 

837
00:43:30,760 --> 00:43:35,560
in adultery, it said they went 
away 1 by 1, the oldest ones 

838
00:43:35,640 --> 00:43:38,600
1st. 
And when you're young, the 

839
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:41,880
quickness to judge is so 
evident. 

840
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,040
You're like Caleb Jaja. 
You know what? 

841
00:43:44,400 --> 00:43:48,200
But the older you get, the more 
you know you've needed the mercy

842
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:52,720
of God, the quicker you are to 
or you should be to extend the 

843
00:43:52,720 --> 00:43:55,320
mercy of God. 
And I just want to, I want to 

844
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:59,360
thank you for your courage 
because there are so many young 

845
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:03,360
girls that need to hear what you
were saying because they're 

846
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,840
thinking, if only I get this, 
I'll be happy. 

847
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:07,480
If only I get that, I'll be 
happy. 

848
00:44:07,480 --> 00:44:10,720
And then you and I both know 
that sometimes the greatest 

849
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,640
depression is found when you get
all those things. 

850
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:14,840
Oh, it is. 
And then you have. 

851
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:18,280
And then you find an emptiness. 
You know, I got married to John 

852
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,120
when I was 26. 
No, 20. 

853
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:23,120
I'm sorry, that's not even true.
I got married to John when I was

854
00:44:23,120 --> 00:44:25,360
22. 
I had my first baby when I was 

855
00:44:25,360 --> 00:44:28,440
26. 
And I love that you're part of a

856
00:44:28,840 --> 00:44:31,440
vibrant church. 
I love my church. 

857
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,240
I love that so much. 
I love that, you know, my third 

858
00:44:34,240 --> 00:44:36,600
son and his beautiful wife, Alec
and Maddie. 

859
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:42,320
And, you know, I remember John 
having this beautiful godly 

860
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:46,840
past, except for he, he was a 
virgin physically, but he was 

861
00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,320
addicted to porn. 
My husband was, he's been very 

862
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:52,400
open about that. 
And then I was basically 

863
00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:55,840
promiscuous. 
And I remember thinking, I'm so 

864
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,640
glad I have all boys. 
I never have to share my story 

865
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,520
with my girls. 
I've had all boys. 

866
00:45:00,520 --> 00:45:03,400
It'll be awesome. 
And I remember the day that I 

867
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:05,680
got up, it was like making 
coffee. 

868
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:08,560
And John had the talk with one 
of our sons. 

869
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,560
And so my oldest son, Addison, 
said so. 

870
00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:12,680
So Mom, were you a virgin when 
you married dad? 

871
00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:16,080
And I was like, what? 
This. 

872
00:45:16,240 --> 00:45:20,160
Is for coffee and I I just 
remember my whole world 

873
00:45:20,160 --> 00:45:22,480
freezing. 
I remember Alex saying what's a 

874
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,760
virgin? 
Am IA virgin, I want to be a 

875
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:26,360
virgin. 
I'm like this is a nightmare. 

876
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:30,800
John wasn't there and I remember
thinking I can say that's none 

877
00:45:30,800 --> 00:45:32,600
of your business, which mean no,
I was not. 

878
00:45:32,840 --> 00:45:35,360
Or I could say that was before I
was a Christian, but you're also

879
00:45:35,360 --> 00:45:36,240
mean. 
No, I was not. 

880
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:41,480
Or I could say the truth, not 
the details, but the truth. 

881
00:45:42,200 --> 00:45:44,200
And I looked at my son and I 
said I was not. 

882
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:47,360
But I want something so much 
more for you. 

883
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,720
And I I hope that people are 
hearing that you're speaking 

884
00:45:51,880 --> 00:45:55,760
truth because you want something
so much more for this next 

885
00:45:55,760 --> 00:45:56,840
generation. 
I do. 

886
00:45:57,000 --> 00:45:58,880
Yeah. 
And only the heart and power 

887
00:45:58,880 --> 00:46:00,520
for. 
Them yeah, because this next 

888
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:06,040
generation is growing up online.
Yeah online like it is 

889
00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:10,160
terrifying that you know we have
to think about our kids, my 

890
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:13,720
future kids having to grow up in
a society where it's just 

891
00:46:13,720 --> 00:46:16,160
comparison. 
It's oh, I don't have that car, 

892
00:46:16,160 --> 00:46:18,840
I don't have that house or, you 
know I don't have this many 

893
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,720
followers you know and it's just
so not true. 

894
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:26,000
If you're looking at your life 
through Internet lens you will 

895
00:46:26,000 --> 00:46:28,840
never be a good enough. 
There's someone always richer, 

896
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,560
someone always more attractive, 
you know someone who has more 

897
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:33,960
things than you or runs their 
own business. 

898
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,400
There's always going to be 
somebody better. 

899
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:40,440
But under Christ there is no 
comparison lens. 

900
00:46:40,440 --> 00:46:43,440
God made you fearfully and 
wonderfully made you are unique.

901
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,960
Even if you're a twin to 
somebody you are completely 

902
00:46:45,960 --> 00:46:49,400
unique. 
Your identity is so sealed 

903
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:54,040
through him and it's again, like
God made me so different from 

904
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:56,560
you. 
And yet what we have together is

905
00:46:56,800 --> 00:46:59,600
Christ. 
And I say for anybody even 

906
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,640
starting their journey through 
Christ, it's so important to be 

907
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:06,480
behind a community of true 
believers that is holding, 

908
00:47:06,480 --> 00:47:09,680
holding you accountable. 
My husband actually runs this 

909
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:13,400
group called Lust to Life who is
helping men get out of porn, 

910
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,920
which is such a big issue. 
So many men come to me and I've 

911
00:47:16,920 --> 00:47:20,400
struggled with porn while I was 
in the porn industry, you know, 

912
00:47:20,920 --> 00:47:24,120
And so I understand that. 
But like you have to have 

913
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:26,440
self-control. 
You absolutely have to. 

914
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:29,760
And helping that is mainly 
having other believers surround 

915
00:47:29,760 --> 00:47:34,200
you in prayer and being there 
for you to advocate for you and 

916
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:35,800
just being an accountable 
friend. 

917
00:47:35,880 --> 00:47:38,600
You know, it's so important even
in the Bible when it talks 

918
00:47:38,600 --> 00:47:41,880
about, you know, tell your 
friend like your sins, you know.

919
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:44,320
You confess your sins to another
because there's healing. 

920
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:47,000
We know we're forgiven. 
We confess it to God, but 

921
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:49,440
there's healing when we confess 
it one to another. 

922
00:47:49,920 --> 00:47:51,920
Yeah, Well. 
I I am so proud of you. 

923
00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:55,120
Thank you, I'm so happy to meet 
you finally. 

924
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:59,560
You and John are like I'm man 
Girling so hard over you too. 

925
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,320
We'll get you guys together. 
We'll have to do like an Italian

926
00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:03,960
meal since I love that Italian 
background. 

927
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:08,640
But you know, I want you to know
I'm sorry that horrible things 

928
00:48:08,640 --> 00:48:11,520
have been spoken to you about 
you over your whatever. 

929
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:16,680
And as a thank you grandmother, 
and as a mother in the House of 

930
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:21,080
God, I break those words off of 
you, Nala, and I bless you and I

931
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:24,080
thank God for your life. 
I'm thankful that you are a 

932
00:48:24,080 --> 00:48:25,920
gift. 
And I believe this is just the 

933
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:27,840
beginning. 
I believe that God is going to 

934
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:31,640
give you back so many things 
that you've lost, that your 

935
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,080
marriage will be blessed, that 
your children will be blessed, 

936
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:38,080
that you'll be a legacy, that 
you'll be the beginning of 1000 

937
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:41,040
generations who love God and 
keep His commandments. 

938
00:48:41,320 --> 00:48:43,720
And that your past is just going
to be something you have to 

939
00:48:43,720 --> 00:48:47,880
almost dig up because of the 
beauty and the newness. 

940
00:48:47,880 --> 00:48:52,360
I believe that you are are like 
this beautiful Rahab, that God 

941
00:48:52,360 --> 00:48:55,840
redeemed out and that God has 
restoration. 

942
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:59,040
And I believe that you are going
to be used as an instrument of 

943
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:02,000
salvation to so many people that
are trapped in the industry 

944
00:49:02,000 --> 00:49:03,200
right now. 
Amen. 

945
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:08,240
And so I, I, yeah, absolutely. 
And you know, and again, we 

946
00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:11,080
don't have to be them to save 
them, but we do need to actually

947
00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:13,800
make way for them because 
they're going to come in and 

948
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,480
there's going to be a harvest in
the church needs to be ready. 

949
00:49:16,480 --> 00:49:18,280
They need to. 
Yeah, they need to be ready to 

950
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:21,560
love them and speak the truth. 
And sometimes we just streak 

951
00:49:21,560 --> 00:49:25,560
truth and drive people away or 
or do love and then keep them in

952
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:28,120
an area of compromise. 
So thank you so much. 

953
00:49:28,120 --> 00:49:31,160
Thank you so much for having me.
Absolutely is an incredible, 

954
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:33,640
incredible testimony of the 
power of God. 

955
00:49:33,640 --> 00:49:34,160
Thank you.