1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:04,960 There is a demonic force that wants to strip you of your 2 00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,880 God-given beauty and authority in the spirit. 3 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:12,280 Don't let it. How should you respond if you 4 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:16,200 discover that your husband has been involved in pornography and 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,960 lied about it or hidden it? I don't want to just out the 6 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:24,160 guys here, women, if you are reading sexual literature and 7 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:27,960 you are thinking, why isn't my husband like this or you're even 8 00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:31,000 reading it and and saying this is an inspiration for me, I'm 9 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:33,320 going to I'm going to act out on this. 10 00:00:33,320 --> 00:00:39,560 I'm going to tell you it is a slippery slope, OK? 11 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:44,760 Today I am going to be tackling a tough topic and I hope you 12 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:47,760 listen in with me. I'm going to be talking about 13 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,000 pornography. I'm going to talk about the 14 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,120 effects of pornography. I believe that pornography is a 15 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:59,360 gateway for the demonic. I believe that pornography rapes 16 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,080 the mind. And the first thing I want to 17 00:01:02,080 --> 00:01:04,840 start off with what is pornography? 18 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,560 What is pornography? Well, I've got the definition 19 00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:11,400 here if you guys want to know. It is depiction of erotic 20 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:15,600 behavior as in pictures or girlfriends writing. 21 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:20,080 Writing intended to cause sexual excitement. 22 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:24,960 It is material such as books or photographs that depict erotic 23 00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:31,240 behavior intended to cause intense sexual excitement. 24 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:37,400 So you can read pornography, or you can see pornography, or you 25 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:40,560 can watch pornography. So it can be photos, it can be 26 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:44,800 videos, it can be literary. And I want you to know that 27 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:49,840 there is actually no healthy form of pornography. 28 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:54,640 It is something that will rob you of your strength, rob you of 29 00:01:54,640 --> 00:02:00,360 your intimacy, rob you of your sexual future, and actually come 30 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,400 in from your past. So I'm going to tell a little 31 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:07,000 bit about my story with my husband and pornography. 32 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:12,400 Listen, I was an incredible. He then lived horribly, made 33 00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:18,280 horrible sexual choices, married John and I discovered not too 34 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:23,200 long into our marriage that John was addicted to pornography and 35 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,560 along with that masturbation because that is what pornography 36 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:29,880 does. It starts as looking at 37 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:36,880 something and then it seduces or lures you into acting out what 38 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:42,600 you see or what you read. I'm saying I'm saying I have a 39 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,960 sweet friend who I love with all of my heart saying that 40 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:50,080 Christian women are upset with her for calling out books like 41 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,320 It Ends With Us. I know I got a lot of pushback 42 00:02:53,320 --> 00:02:56,040 about 50 Shades of Grey. All the Christian women are 43 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,360 saying, yeah, I can finally have sex and have fun with it. 44 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,920 That is a problem if you have to wait for that. 45 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:07,680 But going back to my marriage, my husband was wrestling with an 46 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,640 addiction. And so many times when John 47 00:03:09,640 --> 00:03:13,880 shares his testimony about getting free from pornography, 48 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,160 people are like, what? Where was Lisa in this equation? 49 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,680 Because I never come up. I never come up in the equation 50 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,760 because I did not handle it well. 51 00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:27,840 And I'm just going to tell you how I mishandled that structure 52 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:32,760 because I had brought my own sexual pain, my own sexual past 53 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:37,640 into our marriage. I felt that when I found out 54 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:42,160 that John wasn't living, or to be honest with you, faithful to 55 00:03:42,160 --> 00:03:45,200 me in the realm of our marital intimacy. 56 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:49,520 When I found out that was going on in his life, I because of my 57 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,320 own shame, because my own choices, ask myself questions 58 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:57,040 like what would make you think you deserved anything better? 59 00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,720 Of course you would have a husband who is wrestling with 60 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,280 addiction to porn. You had a problem in your past. 61 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,440 You don't deserve better. And so I was dealing with my own 62 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,920 shame. But how it how it played out was 63 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:14,720 I told John, hey buddy, you take care of this. 64 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,120 This is your problem. You had this problem before we 65 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,680 got married. This is your problem now to fix 66 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:25,440 in our marriage. And if I could go back, I would 67 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:29,040 do it differently. Listen, I don't know if you guys 68 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,600 are, you might want to turn off right now. 69 00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,280 You might be like, I don't want to hear this. 70 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:38,280 But if your wife or if your husband is addicted to 71 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,680 pornography and you're married, you're 1. 72 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:46,800 And so a problem with the husband becomes a problem to the 73 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:50,080 wife, though the wife is not the cause of it. 74 00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:52,880 The wife is not the problem. It's not because she gained 75 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,200 weight. It's not because she's not 76 00:04:54,200 --> 00:04:56,600 attractive enough. He came in with that. 77 00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:01,760 But what I have learned is it is a lot harder for the husband to 78 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:05,320 fight it on his own. It is better when you have a 79 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:07,640 wife alongside of you. Now, something that John and I 80 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:10,880 learned a long time ago and when we started to put this into 81 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:15,160 practice, it changed everything. A lot of people see a problem in 82 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,080 the marriage as the husband's on one side of the table, the 83 00:05:18,080 --> 00:05:20,640 wife's on the other side of the table, and the problems in the 84 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:22,880 middle. And what they do is they push 85 00:05:22,880 --> 00:05:26,320 that problem back and forth between one another. 86 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:28,680 You did this well. You did this well. 87 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,400 I did that because you did this well. 88 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:34,240 I did that because you did this. And they push it back and forth, 89 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:39,760 blaming and shaming, making excuses. 90 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,120 But what John and I have discovered, if we want to win 91 00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:48,920 over an addiction, if we want to win over a problem, we do not 92 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:52,280 see the problem on the table between the two of us. 93 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:57,680 We see us on the same side of the table and the problem on the 94 00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,920 opposite side of the table. There's reasons why the Bible 95 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:08,640 says one sets 1000 to flight, 2 set 10,000 to flight. 96 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,080 And when we're dealing with spiritual strongholds, which 97 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:16,280 pornography is a spiritual stronghold, we need to be 98 00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:18,320 united, we need to be in agreement. 99 00:06:18,320 --> 00:06:21,320 We need to have a plan and a strategy from God. 100 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,360 We need to understand what's going on. 101 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,440 Yes, there's so many people that say, well, This is why I was 102 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:30,520 addicted. Why is one thing going forward 103 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,680 is another thing you need a strategy going forward. 104 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,400 And so I did not navigate it well. 105 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:42,240 My husband fasted, prayed, really cried out to God and he 106 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:43,920 was able to get on the other side of it. 107 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:48,080 And he's been so vulnerable sharing his story about freedom 108 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:52,360 and seeing so many men get free. If you're enjoying this podcast, 109 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,320 I want to challenge you about partnering with us. 110 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,520 We are so excited about a partnership program. 111 00:06:58,520 --> 00:07:01,680 We're going to be bringing you exclusive content. 112 00:07:01,680 --> 00:07:04,720 So you want to get in on the ground floor, Go ahead and click 113 00:07:04,720 --> 00:07:07,400 the link below. Now here's the other thing. 114 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,200 It's not just men, it's women now as well. 115 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:13,960 It's not just men and women, it's couples as well. 116 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:17,560 I'm going to ask you a question and I want to go into some of 117 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,480 the practicalities. I'm going to ask you a question. 118 00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:22,480 Have you ever been flipping through the channels and all the 119 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:27,800 sudden you see a commercial or you see a scene from a show or a 120 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:31,360 movie and it is sexual in nature? 121 00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:37,760 Is that not the scene that you have to fight to get out of your 122 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,920 mind later that day, maybe the next day? 123 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:46,000 Because see, what happens is when you see certain things, the 124 00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:50,120 enemy loves to pounce on those things. 125 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,800 You can see newscasters, you can see sporting events and those 126 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,480 kind of imagery. They're not going to fight 127 00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:59,040 against you. But I have found things that are 128 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:04,120 demonic, things that have incredible, senseless, cruel 129 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,160 violence and pornography are things that violate my 130 00:08:08,160 --> 00:08:12,960 conscience and that I have to wrestle with to get it out of my 131 00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,400 mind. I want to talk to you. 132 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,560 Even I went online and I want to say, OK, like, what are people 133 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:20,600 saying in the world about pornography? 134 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:23,880 Because there seems to be some, you know, different thought 135 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:26,080 patterns. And one of the thought patterns 136 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:29,960 I found really interesting is they said pornography puts 137 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:34,600 people at mental at mental health risk and addiction level. 138 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:37,320 Pornography can become addictive. 139 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:42,600 I'm just going to say it almost always becomes addictive unless 140 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:47,720 it is arrested early on. It is it'll lead to compulsive 141 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:53,040 viewing and difficulty controlling urges impacting 142 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,960 other areas of life. What would be some of the other 143 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,240 areas? Well, obviously your 144 00:08:58,240 --> 00:09:04,360 relationship, when you have a relationship virtually that is 145 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:09,080 driving you, it compromises your interpersonal relationships. 146 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:13,120 If you are a man or a woman and you're involved in pornography, 147 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,720 it is going to come between you and your spouse. 148 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:22,400 So that's going to be a problem. It's also going to impact the 149 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,480 area of your life when it comes to finances. 150 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:31,480 It's also going to bring a cloud of shame and guilt on your life. 151 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,400 You're going to become less comfortable interacting in 152 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:40,160 healthy ways because you are entrapped with interacting 153 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:44,120 virtually in unhealthy ways. Another risk? 154 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:45,840 Addictions. First one, distorted 155 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,560 perceptions. Exposure to pornography can 156 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:54,800 create unrealistic expectations about sex and relationships, 157 00:09:55,080 --> 00:10:00,320 leading to dissatisfaction and difficulty in real life 158 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,920 interactions. I remember when I was writing my 159 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:06,280 book The Fight for a Female, I discovered that young men are 160 00:10:06,280 --> 00:10:10,120 actually having less actual sex. I said actual twice. 161 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:15,280 They are having less real sex and they're having more virtual 162 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:18,920 self sex. And that is not just limited to 163 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,120 the young man, it's actually limited to the women as well. 164 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:27,800 And then mental health issues, pornography is linked to 165 00:10:27,800 --> 00:10:33,720 increased anxiety, depression, feelings of guilt or shame. 166 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:37,560 Now, a lot of times our culture will respond to this by saying, 167 00:10:37,560 --> 00:10:39,960 well, let's just, let's just make make everything not 168 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:41,640 shameful. Let's just say there's no 169 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:43,800 problem. Pornography is good. 170 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:48,680 You should watch it. But deep down inside, people 171 00:10:48,960 --> 00:10:51,400 know. They know what is healthy and 172 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:54,520 they know what is not healthy. You know, just last week I was 173 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:59,720 reading a report about a young man, a young father who raped 174 00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,960 his little girl. And I want to say she was one, 175 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:10,520 raped her and it killed her. And you know what he said I 176 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:14,640 would do it again. When I hear that, I hear 177 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,080 inhumane. I don't hear the voice of a 178 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,720 father. I don't hear the voice of even a 179 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:23,840 human. I hear the voice of a demon. 180 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:28,840 A demon that would rape a child to death. 181 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:30,640 That's just insane. OK. 182 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:34,240 Sexual dysfunction. So now this is another another 183 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,720 aftermath of pornography. Sexual dysfunction To report a 184 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:41,080 decline in their sexual satisfaction with their real 185 00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:45,960 partners after pornographic use. Isolation. 186 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:50,360 Pornography leads to social isolation as individuals 187 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:54,280 withdraw from real life interaction and relationships. 188 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,640 I'm just going to tell you this, right? 189 00:11:55,640 --> 00:12:01,440 Real life takes work. Pornography is for the lazy. 190 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:08,240 If you want to develop intimacy in your marriage, pornography is 191 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:13,200 not going to develop intimacy. It's actually going to develop. 192 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:17,920 What is this? It is a unrealistic expectation, 193 00:12:17,920 --> 00:12:20,920 Theodore Roosevelt said. Comparison is the thief of joy. 194 00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:24,960 When you are watching other people do something that should 195 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:30,720 only be shared between the two of them, you are voyeuristically 196 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,560 engaging sexually with other people. 197 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:37,880 People wonder why things like, you know, only fans and all this 198 00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:43,480 kind of stuff is so, so popular. It's easy. 199 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:50,360 It's easy, John and I have been married 43 years, developing a 200 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:56,120 sexual legacy of intimacy and joy and pleasure. 201 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:01,640 That takes work, but I'm just going to tell you it is well 202 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,000 worth it. Social relational impacts of 203 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:07,880 pornography Pornography negatively impacts 204 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:11,440 relationships, leading to communication problems, decrease 205 00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:15,840 intimacy and infidelity. If you are if you're like 206 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,000 wearing down your conscience by looking at other people all the 207 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,880 time, then soon you will actually have to go from 208 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:25,960 watching to participating. Not just self sex. 209 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:29,120 You will go out there, maybe meet someone on chat line where 210 00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,280 you will engage in sex with them. 211 00:13:32,560 --> 00:13:37,320 Increased aggression. It usually goes from soft porn, 212 00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:42,880 what they call soft porn, to hard porn, to sadomasochism and 213 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:47,320 more of a tie the sexual aggression with the sexual 214 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:50,080 behavior. Exposure to violent pornography 215 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:54,400 has been linked to increase aggression, including sexual 216 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:59,800 aggression, particularly in men. And there's a couple other ones. 217 00:13:59,880 --> 00:14:03,880 Unrealistic expectations. We already know that people are 218 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:09,000 not going to live in the real world the way they do in the 219 00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:13,640 pornhub world. Incredibly different worlds. 220 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,960 Sexual violence. Sexual violence again. 221 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:22,240 Degrading of women, degrading of the intimacy in marriage and 222 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:28,080 then unsafe sexual practices. People getting involved in 223 00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:32,960 things that can end up leading to SDISSTDS. 224 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:37,880 Unsafe sexual health practice such as not using a condom with 225 00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:41,360 anal or vaginal sex which I'm already scared by that. 226 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,880 OK but now, now let's talk about how this effects adolescence. 227 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:51,320 Pornography actually hinders the brain development of adolescent 228 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:53,480 especially boys and and even girls. 229 00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,000 It's rewiring their brain in a different ways. 230 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,520 Their brains are still developing making them 231 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,760 particularly vulnerable. Meaning something that started 232 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:07,200 in the teens is going to be more difficult to stop than something 233 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:10,040 that maybe started in their 30s. I'm not saying either of them as 234 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,520 healthy. Negative effects pornography 235 00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,480 include addiction, distorted perception of sex. 236 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,240 This keeps coming sexual maturity. 237 00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:21,840 Pornography leads to premature sexualization and can negatively 238 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:25,360 impact the development of healthy sexual attitudes and 239 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,800 behaviors. We know that plays out in 240 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,960 marriage and then risky behaviors. 241 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:32,840 Adolescents who consume pornography may be more likely 242 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:37,880 to engage in risky sexual behaviors, including unprotected 243 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:42,200 sex and substance use. OK, all of that very 244 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:45,720 frightening, but let's talk about how to bring this home 245 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:48,600 again. I, I mentioned how I've been 246 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:54,280 married 43 years and John has been free for pretty much 4 247 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,360 decades of that. It was very rough in the first 248 00:15:57,360 --> 00:16:01,680 few years of our marriage and again, I did not handle it well 249 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:05,120 and we had to have conversations between he and I Was I 250 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:09,880 comfortable with him sharing? Because most people, when the 251 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:13,960 husband you know is is involved in pornography, they look at the 252 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,200 wife. They think, are you not giving 253 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:17,240 it to him enough? Are you not attractive? 254 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,680 Have you gained weight? What's going on? 255 00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:21,400 They tend to blame and shame the wife. 256 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:25,160 I want to speak to every single wife out there. 257 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:30,680 I want you to know that your husband's porn addiction is not 258 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,200 your fault. It's not. 259 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,040 It's not because you weren't sexy enough, thin enough, tall 260 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,280 enough. This is not your fault. 261 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,560 It's not because you were not engaged enough. 262 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:46,800 Any porn addiction of your husband is not your fault. 263 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:52,480 But it may become a battle that you guys need to fight together. 264 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:58,360 So what, how, what or how should you respond if you discover that 265 00:16:58,360 --> 00:17:02,640 your husband has been involved in pornography and lied about it 266 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:06,079 or hidden it all along? Well, first of all, I know how 267 00:17:06,079 --> 00:17:07,880 you're going to feel. You're going to feel betrayed, 268 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:14,040 you're going to feel angry, and all of those are healthy and 269 00:17:14,280 --> 00:17:17,960 just responses, but they're not going to solve the problem. 270 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:23,920 I do think there is a healthy way to broach the subject. 271 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:28,720 And the first thing is, I, I hope, I hope you have this, I 272 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,600 hope you have some people in your world that will come 273 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:34,080 alongside you. I, I feel like when it is 274 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,480 something as intimate as pornography, it's very hard to 275 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:42,920 navigate on your own. So if you have a friend who is a 276 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:47,040 marriage counselor or a confidant, someone that both you 277 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,880 and your husband love and trust, I would go to them. 278 00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,400 And I would say, hey, here's what's going on. 279 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:57,240 I've discovered AB and C and I just want to punch him. 280 00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:59,600 I just want to stab him. I just want to take his 281 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,880 testicles. I mean, I am so mad at him right 282 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:03,680 now. I want you to be honest. 283 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:09,120 But then you have to decide, do I want to leave him? 284 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:14,600 Do I, do I want to to be part of a reconciliation? 285 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:18,200 And then if you want to be part of reconciliation, you have 286 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:22,840 every right to share this anger and this portrayal with your 287 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:25,280 husband. I feel like, you know, too many 288 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,400 times people like don't make them feel bad about their 289 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:28,840 addiction. No, they need to feel bad. 290 00:18:28,840 --> 00:18:32,760 They need to know what is cost. They need to know that this is 291 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:37,960 wounded you more than anything you thought could possibly wound 292 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,640 you. But then if you have decided, 293 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:44,200 and I would take it to prayer, I mean, I would, you know, I know 294 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,320 right now if this was the situation, I know I have a 295 00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,560 friend I would call and she would be mad at John and she 296 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:52,840 would be mad at the situation. But at the end of the phone 297 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,200 call, she would say, what do you want to do? 298 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,400 And I would say, OK, I want to rebuild. 299 00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:00,040 And then she say, OK, then we need to come up with strategy 300 00:19:00,040 --> 00:19:01,920 and just be mad is not going to be enough. 301 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:06,000 So I would have, I would have an ally and then we would confront 302 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,600 John and more than likely it would be her and her husband and 303 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:14,760 we would confront John and, and we would say, Hey, we don't need 304 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:16,320 you to lie because we already know the truth. 305 00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:20,720 We know this is going on. Now the truth is, as awful as 306 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:25,120 this moment is, it's an opportunity for rescue because 307 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:27,960 once something is caught, it can be dealt with. 308 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,120 When it lives in the dark, when it isn't caught, it can't be 309 00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,040 dealt with. But once something is caught, it 310 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,120 can be dealt with. And I would have people that are 311 00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:40,200 in agreement with my marriage helping me go forward or 312 00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:44,400 counselors if you guys there is nothing wrong with counselors 313 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,840 but they need to have a biblical frame of reference. 314 00:19:48,840 --> 00:19:53,200 A lot of counseling right now does not have a biblical frame 315 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,200 of reference. They could even be a non 316 00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,360 Christian and have a judeo-christian frame of 317 00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:01,440 reference that honors marriage. But if they have a frame of 318 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:05,320 reference that you shouldn't be upset or this is OK or you 2 319 00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,840 should watch it together. No, that is not OK. 320 00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:09,760 That is, that's not somebody you want to go to. 321 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:15,560 But first and foremost, I want to validate that if you find out 322 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:19,480 that your spouse is cheating on you through pornography and is 323 00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,840 cheating you because they are cheating you out of intimacy, 324 00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:27,200 they are cheating you out of oneness in marriage. 325 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:30,480 They are, They have a secret area of their life where they 326 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,120 are engaged with something that you are left out of. 327 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:37,600 That is cheating. You know, Malachi says guard the 328 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,840 spirit of marriage within you. Don't cheat on your spouse. 329 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:43,560 And a lot of people like though that's adultery. 330 00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:46,160 It's not just adultery. It's not just adultery. 331 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:52,440 Marriage is 2 people that should be involved in one another's 332 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:56,720 life at least in agreement, even if like they're not involved in 333 00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:00,560 action, at least in agreement. Marriage is a covenant. 334 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,280 It's not a contract. So you have every right to be 335 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,560 upset, but then you have the right to make a decision. 336 00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:10,400 Are you going to just stay angry or you are you going to do the 337 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,600 hard work? And a lot of times that means 338 00:21:12,600 --> 00:21:15,760 sometimes somebody needs to leave the house for a while so 339 00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:19,080 that you can get some wholeness. And you can say I'm committed to 340 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:20,960 our marriage, but I'm not committed to this. 341 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,560 So you you need to go get some help over here while I get some 342 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,960 healing here. And then we come back together 343 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:31,840 and we see what we can build. Forgiveness is not optional. 344 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:36,880 Forgiveness is always mandatory. What is optional is restoration. 345 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:41,280 So we were all forgiven from the cross the moment Jesus said 346 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,280 Father forgive them. They don't know what they're 347 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:45,800 doing. So when a husband is involved or 348 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,560 a wife is involved in pornography, it's easy to echo 349 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:51,720 the words of Jesus. Father, forgive them. 350 00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,280 They don't know what they're doing. 351 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,160 They thought that it was an innocent. 352 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,960 They thought that this was a victimless crime. 353 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:02,400 But God, this has wounded me deeper than I know how to heal. 354 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,800 You bring it to the healer, You bring it to God. 355 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:06,960 You bring it to Jesus, you bring it to your Father. 356 00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:12,880 And then according to their response, if there's repentance, 357 00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,720 then there is a pathway for restoration. 358 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,200 We are commanded to forgive. We're not always commanded to be 359 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,920 restored. So none of us were reconciled to 360 00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,040 Jesus until we repented, until we said we were wrong and you 361 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:28,800 were right. Even though I was forgiven when 362 00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:32,280 he died on the cross, I did not receive that relationship or 363 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,800 forgiveness until I repented. And the same principle works 364 00:22:38,120 --> 00:22:41,280 when one of your spouses is cheating with pornography. 365 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,280 And I, I hope you're hearing I I don't want to just out the guys 366 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:49,600 here women you're reading. If you're reading pornographic 367 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:54,280 literature, the energy you are spending reading pornographic 368 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:59,720 literature is energy better spent building a beautiful 369 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,680 sexual intimacy with your husband. 370 00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:07,040 I'm not saying this to scare you, but the most common age for 371 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:13,320 pornography to be introduced to your children is 11 to 13 years 372 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,360 of age. You need to have these 373 00:23:15,360 --> 00:23:20,000 conversations early, not later. And you know, I was very, very 374 00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:24,360 vigilant to guard our household to make sure pornography did not 375 00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:26,440 come into our household. But guess what? 376 00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:30,520 Somehow they got in there. We had, we had all of the 377 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:35,280 different, you know, like policing things on the laptop. 378 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:38,920 We told our boys laptop stays in the kitchen, but you know, it 379 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:43,400 only takes one. And there was one day when one 380 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:46,280 of my son's friends came over. They were went to the took the 381 00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,560 laptop into the basement to print something. 382 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,760 And the young man who had seen something showed it to one of my 383 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,640 sons. And I remember, I remember 384 00:23:56,640 --> 00:24:02,720 specifically seeing that sun's countenance become shadowed. 385 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:05,160 I remember he started to be irritable. 386 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,000 I remember he started to like, couldn't look me in the eyes. 387 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,520 I felt like there was a shadow on him. 388 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:15,840 It was the enemy shaming. It was a shadow of guilt. 389 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,880 It was a shadow of I've seen things I shouldn't have seen and 390 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:24,280 now I'm doing things that seem like they are controlling me. 391 00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,400 And I just prayed. I had no idea what it was. 392 00:24:26,400 --> 00:24:28,720 I just prayed. I said, God, I don't know what 393 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:33,200 this is but expose it. And a few days later, our laptop 394 00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:37,400 broke and they called in a repair guy who happened to go to 395 00:24:37,400 --> 00:24:40,040 the same church we were at. And the guy said to John, hey, 396 00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:44,160 I, I just noticed there's a history of pornography on here. 397 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:46,360 You tell me this is your children's laptop. 398 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:50,000 I want to show you this. And we were just heartbroken. 399 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,120 I remember John called me and he said, I think it's this son. 400 00:24:53,120 --> 00:24:54,800 I said, oh, no, I know who it is. 401 00:24:55,320 --> 00:25:01,080 I know exactly who it is because I've seen shame and shadow on 402 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,920 his life. I seen his joy and his innocence 403 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:10,240 has been stripped away. We need to find a way to set him 404 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,200 free. And so we did a little, we did a 405 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:17,880 little, a little trick with him because he we knew he would deny 406 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:22,120 it. We knew that it had a snare and 407 00:25:22,120 --> 00:25:25,240 we knew he would deny it. So we we decided we pulled one 408 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,920 of our sons in that I actually knew wasn't involved with and I 409 00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,240 told him what was going on. He was like, it's not me. 410 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:31,480 I was. We said, actually, we know it's 411 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:33,000 not you, but can we lie about you? 412 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,920 And he's like, what do you mean? I said, can we lie about you? 413 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,720 And we told him what we wanted to do. 414 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:43,560 And what we did is we called the sun in that actually had seen 415 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:47,560 these things that made him feel so grieved and so dirty. 416 00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:54,040 We called him in and we said, hey, we think this other son saw 417 00:25:54,040 --> 00:26:01,880 stuff and we think he is so ashamed, he is so afraid, he is 418 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:05,360 so trapped that he doesn't want to bring it to us. 419 00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:12,240 We need, we need your help to rescue him out of this pit of 420 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:16,080 despair and addiction. And the sun just started crying 421 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:19,400 and he said it's not him, it's me. 422 00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:21,960 And we said we know. We know. 423 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:25,840 And we prayed with him. We did communion with him. 424 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:29,920 He already hurt our heart that we wanted to see rescue, that we 425 00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,960 wanted to see freedom. And then we created an 426 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,680 atmosphere that was open, not shameful because see, 427 00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:42,040 pornography and masturbation, these are things that happen in 428 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,920 the shadow realm. These are things that happen in 429 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:47,640 the dark. These are things that grow 430 00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:51,120 unhindered in shadow and shame and darkness. 431 00:26:51,120 --> 00:26:56,280 And so we created an atmosphere of of light and truth and hope. 432 00:26:56,280 --> 00:27:00,040 And rather than reject, rather than push away, rather than say, 433 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,480 how could you, we said, we are here for you. 434 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:08,680 So what I didn't do well with my husband, I was able to do better 435 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:12,600 with my son. And some of you, you have, you 436 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,120 know, you've, you've done all these things. 437 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:17,880 You, you homeschool your kids. You, you have, you know, all the 438 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,240 safeguards on your laptop and your computer. 439 00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:26,320 But you do need to know that not only is pornography, you know, a 440 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:31,080 stronghold, but it has a calling voice. 441 00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:35,680 I want to, I want to close with a story of how I actually had 442 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:38,280 two encounters very young with pornography. 443 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,920 First of all, my absolute best friend ever in my world. 444 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:46,000 When I was 7 or 8 years, we moved and she was the house 445 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,920 behind me and I, I just loved her so much. 446 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,080 And I would spend the night at her house. 447 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:51,640 She would spend the night at my house. 448 00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:56,720 And back then in the 70s, late 60s, early 70s, it was actually, 449 00:27:57,240 --> 00:28:01,640 it was actually acceptable for men to read Playboy magazines. 450 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:07,840 And so I'm staying the night at my friend's house and she sneaks 451 00:28:07,880 --> 00:28:14,560 these Playboy magazines into her bedroom and we're going to bed. 452 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:17,360 I have no idea there is even that existence of that magazine. 453 00:28:17,360 --> 00:28:20,400 And she begins to show me all these pictures, and I'm 454 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:24,240 thinking, why the heck are women taking their clothes off? 455 00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:26,920 I mean, I've been raised to wear underwear, keep my dress down. 456 00:28:26,920 --> 00:28:31,520 Like, why are these women naked? And again, you know, I was so 457 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:34,280 young at the time. I was shocked at, oh, that's 458 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,080 what a grown woman's body looks like. 459 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:40,000 I mean, it was traumatic for me. And then I remember, you know, 460 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,120 it became this thing where she would sneak the magazine and we 461 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:44,760 would laugh and we would look at it. 462 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,200 And then her. I went and spent some time at 463 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,160 her grandmother's house and the grandfather, who was a 464 00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:54,520 respected, I believe Dennis, some kind of medical 465 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,720 professional, had the magazines as well. 466 00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:00,200 And somehow the grandmother caught that we had slipped those 467 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,680 magazines into the guest bedroom and we were laughing and looking 468 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,960 at it and play acting. And I had to tell my mom. 469 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:11,920 I remember I had to tell my mom. I had to say, mom, you know, I, 470 00:29:12,360 --> 00:29:16,320 I looked at a Playboy magazine and I'm really sorry. 471 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:19,480 And, and then she was like, well, I'm taking you to 472 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,440 confession. And I'm imagining that that 473 00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:26,080 priest was like, wow, this was unexpected to hear the 474 00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:30,680 confession of AII would have to be. 475 00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:34,400 I was young. I, I was in junior high. 476 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,520 I think I was in fifth grade. I think it would make me, you 477 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,720 know, 10 or 11 years old confessing that. 478 00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:49,440 And it was the first time then, then I remember I would babysit 479 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,440 my brother and my parents let me sleep in their bedroom, which 480 00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:55,800 was like a really big deal. They had ATV in their bedroom. 481 00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,600 I was able to fall asleep in their bed and watch TV. 482 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:01,240 And I remember one night I was just watching TV and it wasn't 483 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,360 super interesting. And I just kept feeling like I 484 00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:06,280 needed to look in a particular drawer. 485 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,360 Like they had this big dresser had so many drawers, let's say 486 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:14,080 it had like maybe 9 drawers. And I thought I need to look in 487 00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:17,360 that particular drawer. And I remember I walked over to 488 00:30:17,360 --> 00:30:20,840 my parents dresser, opened up the drawer, looked in it, didn't 489 00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:24,800 see anything, closed it. And then I heard, go back to the 490 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:29,520 drawer, open the drawer, lift up the clothing. 491 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:34,640 And what did I find? I found pornographic material of 492 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:40,000 all the drawers. That pornography had a calling 493 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,320 voice to me. And maybe you're thinking, oh, 494 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:45,400 it's, it's all right. I keep it safe from my kids. 495 00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:51,640 It has a spirit attached to it. It has a calling voice. 496 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:54,320 And it will call out to your children. 497 00:30:54,760 --> 00:31:00,960 It will call out to you so that you do not have valid healthy 498 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,800 responses to building intimacy in your marriage. 499 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:10,280 So I want to speak to every single woman out there who is 500 00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:14,960 reading pornographic literature. And I want to speak to every 501 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:20,000 single woman out there that you are navigating the pain and the 502 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:25,720 betrayal of a husband who is involved in pornography. 503 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:28,960 First of all, I, I want, I want you to hear me. 504 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:36,320 If you are navigating reading sexual literature and you are 505 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,720 thinking, why isn't my husband like this? 506 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:41,240 Why why isn't my husband more this? 507 00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:44,440 Why isn't any more that or you're even reading it and, and 508 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,200 saying this is an inspiration for me. 509 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,640 I'm going to, I'm going to act out on this. 510 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:50,520 I'm going to tell you it is a slippery slope. 511 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:56,480 It may start like, Oh, this is giving us how much better that 512 00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:02,040 you guys build a sexual legacy. How much better that you 513 00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:06,560 actually talk with one another? I so many couples, so many 514 00:32:06,560 --> 00:32:14,080 couples do not enjoy a vibrant sexual intimate life because 515 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:19,040 they either have guilt and shame from their past or they don't 516 00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,960 talk. They expect the other person 517 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:25,240 just to magically know what they're thinking, what they 518 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,000 desire, what they like, what they don't like. 519 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:34,360 If you want to have an intimate, healthy sexual relation, you 520 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:36,960 need to talk, You need to talk to your spouse. 521 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,600 There's so many women, I, I took a poll on that. 522 00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:43,360 So many women said my husband doesn't pursue me, my husband 523 00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:46,840 doesn't pursue me. And and that's heartbreaking. 524 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:52,200 That's heartbreaking. I do think sometimes we need to 525 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:56,480 ask the question, why? What is he looking at? 526 00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:01,000 What is he looking at? If he is not pursuing you, where 527 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:05,200 is he spending his energy? Where is he spending his energy? 528 00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,120 Somewhere else? And I think it's I think it's 529 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:11,400 important that we can have these conversations by putting 530 00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:17,080 something out there positive, like I want back an intimate 531 00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:21,000 fulfilling for both of us, sexual relationship. 532 00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:24,280 I want to build that with you. What can we do? 533 00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:28,800 What have we lost along the way? So many couples get so busy with 534 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:33,760 children, they neglect their relationship and and being able 535 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:35,960 to say, we're going to make this a priority. 536 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:40,160 So, so many women say, I, it's been years. 537 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:41,960 My husband, he just just doesn't care. 538 00:33:42,520 --> 00:33:44,480 That's not healthy, That's not normal. 539 00:33:44,760 --> 00:33:49,160 It could be a medical reason. It is important to get that 540 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:53,320 checked out. But I also know that sometimes 541 00:33:53,320 --> 00:34:00,280 women can read things and have a voyeuristic relationship and not 542 00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,880 make an intimate connection with their actual husband. 543 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,840 They are watching things in the, the reading world. 544 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,480 You know, I, I was on the airplane and I was, we were 545 00:34:11,480 --> 00:34:14,960 actually getting off and I just glanced and I saw period drama 546 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,239 clothing. And I'm always like, hey, I, I, 547 00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:19,880 I love the period dramas. And I said, what are you 548 00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:22,560 watching? And the lady was like, oh, oh, 549 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,159 and I noticed she was like this the whole time. 550 00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:27,639 She said, oh, it's Bridgerton. I was like, Bridgerton. 551 00:34:27,639 --> 00:34:29,960 That sounds amazing. OK, I'm going to go home and 552 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:31,560 watch Bridgerton. Thank God. 553 00:34:32,159 --> 00:34:36,280 Thank God my husband was not home the first time I turned on 554 00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:40,840 Bridgerton. It was period of dressing and 555 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:45,960 full on X-rated. In my opinion, sexual behavior, 556 00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:52,000 no matter how it's dressed up, it is still pornographic. 557 00:34:52,360 --> 00:34:56,639 So there's that. And then if your husband is 558 00:34:56,639 --> 00:35:02,000 wrestling with this, can you do what we did with our son? 559 00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:06,720 Can you come alongside of him and say, this thing is not going 560 00:35:06,720 --> 00:35:11,400 to steal our marriage, This demon, this destructive force, 561 00:35:11,720 --> 00:35:14,760 it is not an ally to either of us. 562 00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:17,720 It is an enemy. We're going to stand together. 563 00:35:17,720 --> 00:35:20,400 We're going to fight. We're going to take back the 564 00:35:20,400 --> 00:35:24,640 ground that the enemy has stolen from our intimacy, from our 565 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,840 trust. And you know, here's the thing 566 00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,000 about trust. Trust is lost. 567 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,400 I don't know who originated the same, but it's I've never heard 568 00:35:32,400 --> 00:35:37,320 anything more true. It is lost in bucketfuls when 569 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:42,400 there's betrayal and it is rebuilt drop by drop. 570 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:47,760 You have to let trust be rebuilt. 571 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:51,240 And if you're out there and your husband has violated your trust, 572 00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:56,720 if he does not want to rebuild, that's very different. 573 00:35:57,000 --> 00:36:01,600 But if he does, if he does want to rebuild, let him understand 574 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:06,240 it's empty, but you're willing to actually give him access to 575 00:36:06,240 --> 00:36:08,640 the bucket. Let him actually start to pour 576 00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:14,000 some good things in it. I had one woman say, how do you 577 00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:17,280 walk with your husband through anger, porn addiction and how to 578 00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:21,160 be a safe space with him? I hope that is it that you hear 579 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:25,400 that in my words. The other question I get all the 580 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:32,440 time is, is porn adultery? Yes, Jesus makes it very clear 581 00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:36,960 he was talking to the Pharisees and he says, hey, when they're 582 00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:39,600 asking is it, you know, hey, what what's going to is this? 583 00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:46,120 And he says, if you even look upon a woman to desire her, 584 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,440 you've already committed adultery in your heart. 585 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:59,080 So yes, pornography is adultery. It does not start with the ACT. 586 00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,800 It starts with desire. It starts with a planning it 587 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,240 out. It starts there. 588 00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:13,560 Now, in my, in my opinion, I can forgive a pornographic adultery 589 00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:18,920 if I know that someone wants to be free much quicker than I can 590 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,760 forgive actual adultery. And see, it's, it's one of those 591 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:28,160 things where God is so clear that he says to people, when 592 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:33,320 you've had this kind of intimate betrayal, you have the right, 593 00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:38,440 you have the right to leave. And I want every woman out there 594 00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,160 or every, And if that sometimes I have men listen to me, every 595 00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:45,320 woman out there. If you just feel so betrayed, if 596 00:37:45,320 --> 00:37:48,920 you just feel so wounded, and maybe it's been years and you 597 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:53,760 guys have wrestled with this, there's nothing that says that 598 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:55,880 you're trapped. You can leave. 599 00:37:56,600 --> 00:38:01,200 And even when the the scripture says if the unbelieving partner 600 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:03,480 chooses to depart, let them depart. 601 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:08,640 And that is, in my opinion, that is not just talking about people 602 00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:10,680 who are Christians or not Christians. 603 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:13,640 I believe it is also talking about people who are 604 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:19,760 unbelievers, people who live in habitual sin, people who believe 605 00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:24,800 that what their their desires and their actions are more 606 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,800 important than denying themselves, taking up their 607 00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,720 cross and following Jesus. And so I just want to put that 608 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,840 around you and I want to pray for you. 609 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:37,680 I know I've hit so many different areas and this isn't, 610 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:40,800 I don't think this is going to be a one time conversation, but 611 00:38:40,800 --> 00:38:46,080 this is the conversation that I wanted to start because so many 612 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,880 of you came to me and said, Hey, can can you? 613 00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:52,200 We know that you wrestled with this with your husband. 614 00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:55,720 We we know that this is something think that culture is 615 00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:59,480 wrestling with what do we do? And so I want to pray with you, 616 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:03,920 but I also want you to know that there are very there's a lot of 617 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:08,920 practical things that you can do to walk free sadly, but in in a 618 00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:13,720 way kind of happy. Number one thing searched on our 619 00:39:13,720 --> 00:39:17,160 app Messenger X is how to get free from porn. 620 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,720 It would be really sad if we didn't have a resource, but I'm 621 00:39:20,720 --> 00:39:24,320 glad we have a resource. But it's it's tragic that on a 622 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:28,000 Christian discipleship app, that is when there's so many other 623 00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,840 courses. That is the area where the enemy 624 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:36,920 has captured God's people, shame them and trap them and engross 625 00:39:36,920 --> 00:39:38,800 them. And I've had men and women come 626 00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,440 up to me in my different meetings and say that they found 627 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:45,040 freedom through porn free and some of the other courses we had 628 00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:46,240 out there. So I'm going to pray for you, 629 00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:50,200 Father, I just thank you. I thank you for truth in the 630 00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:53,720 inner parts. I thank You that You said that 631 00:39:53,720 --> 00:39:58,240 when we confess our sins one to another, that there could be 632 00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:00,080 healing. Father, we know that we're 633 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:05,360 healed and we confess our sins to you, but there is a healing 634 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:09,160 that begins when we confess our sins one to another. 635 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:13,520 And Father, there are so many couples right now out there that 636 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:17,520 are hurting because they have held their sins within them. 637 00:40:17,520 --> 00:40:20,400 They've confessed it to you, but they've never actually gone to 638 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,280 the person that they've sinning against. 639 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,240 And so, Father, I thank you for timing, I thank you for courage, 640 00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:29,120 I thank you for truth, I thank you for love. 641 00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,480 I thank you for restoration. I thank you for the Holy 642 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:34,000 Spirit's covering. I thank you for a gift of 643 00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:36,120 repentance. For people whose hearts have 644 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:39,480 gotten so hardened that they feel they can justify this, 645 00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:41,760 well, my husband doesn't pay enough attention to me, or my 646 00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:45,120 wife ignores me. Father, I come against every 647 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:49,240 high thing that would exalt itself against these people, 648 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:53,440 knowing freedom, because it is for freedom that Christ has set 649 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,800 us free, no longer to be ensnared or entangled again by 650 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:02,720 any yoke of slavery. And I speak to the demonic 651 00:41:02,720 --> 00:41:08,080 forces that whisper lies. I speak to those high thoughts 652 00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:13,000 that would come with reasoning. I speak to the patterns in your 653 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:16,040 brain. I thank you that as you read the 654 00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:21,120 word of God, the patterns in your brain are renewed, for the 655 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:25,760 word of God can recreate a different reality. 656 00:41:26,320 --> 00:41:28,880 And I come against those memories. 657 00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,880 And I thank you that the word of God says the memory of the just 658 00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,720 is blessed. And God I know, I know, anything 659 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:40,560 we partake with in the natural, the demons can use against us in 660 00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,160 the spiritual. But I thank you, Father, that 661 00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:49,480 when we confess our sins, you are faithful and just to forgive 662 00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,120 us and to cleanse us of all unrighteousness. 663 00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,800 And Father, I thank you for a quick answer. 664 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,800 When the demons say to the people and bring up the images 665 00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:02,600 for a quick answer, that that was buried in the sea of 666 00:42:02,600 --> 00:42:05,280 forgetfulness. And the person that did that is 667 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:09,400 is made new that the grace of God and the mercy of God, but 668 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,800 that the grace of God to say no to ungodliness and the mercy of 669 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:16,520 God to escape the snare of shame. 670 00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:20,640 Father, I thank you that we can talk about these things and we 671 00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,800 thank you for freedom in the body of Christ. 672 00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,040 I thank you for freedom for my sisters. 673 00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,240 I I see like a widow out there. I thank you for freedom for that 674 00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:30,760 widow. I thank you for freedom. 675 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,960 There's been an ensnaring with shame. 676 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,600 I speak freedom to every young man, every young woman. 677 00:42:36,960 --> 00:42:41,920 You will not, you will not undermine the ability to have 678 00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:44,640 intimate, meaningful connections in their future. 679 00:42:45,280 --> 00:42:49,120 And father, we thank you that pornography is exposed. 680 00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:53,120 It is a gateway. It is not a victimless crime. 681 00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:56,880 It is the gateway to sex trafficking. 682 00:42:56,880 --> 00:43:01,640 It is the gateway to addiction. It is a gateway to all sorts of 683 00:43:01,640 --> 00:43:05,000 violence. And so we call down from its 684 00:43:05,000 --> 00:43:09,960 high place a spirit of Eroticism in our homes, in our lives, in 685 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:14,440 our literature, and we refuse to stand in agreement with it. 686 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:19,440 In Jesus name. And everybody said Amen, Amen. 687 00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:21,120 I believe in the power of prayer. 688 00:43:21,120 --> 00:43:24,320 I believe that no matter what the enemy says to you, you can 689 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:26,920 go through your household. I believe that you can walk 690 00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,280 through the different rooms. You can see if there's something 691 00:43:29,280 --> 00:43:31,840 hiding in your children's room. See if there's something hiding 692 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:34,040 in your bedroom. See if there's something hiding 693 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,960 in your laptop or in your husband's laptop. 694 00:43:37,320 --> 00:43:40,480 You know, when I was writing my book, I told my publisher I said 695 00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:46,680 pornographic imagery is trying to have home invasions. 696 00:43:46,680 --> 00:43:49,320 And she was like, what? And I said yes, constantly 697 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,800 through social media, through emails, through different links. 698 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,320 You link one thing, you click it and it shows you something else 699 00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:57,320 and then shame. And then as you go to close, it 700 00:43:57,320 --> 00:44:00,640 just keeps coming up. You are not the problem. 701 00:44:00,920 --> 00:44:05,920 There is a demonic force that wants to strip you of your 702 00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:08,840 God-given beauty and authority in the spirit. 703 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,760 Don't let it. This has been the least of of 704 00:44:12,760 --> 00:44:14,640 your podcast. I would have loved to been with 705 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:17,680 my beautiful daughter-in-law, Christian, or another guest on 706 00:44:17,680 --> 00:44:20,320 this. But I feel like there's so much 707 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,680 attack whenever we say we're going to address certain things 708 00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:26,400 and so many people on our team got sick, and I hope this 709 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:28,760 encouraged you to fight.