1 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,080 Hey there, welcome to Tea with Mara. 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,840 Thanks for seeking out these recordings and listening. 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,960 My name is George and you may know me as Keoki in the 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,280 metaverse. These recordings are from my 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:18,320 live sessions in virtual reality and in person at Two Hand Sanga. 6 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,160 For the best experience of these sessions, you can join me in 7 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,400 virtual reality, but when you can't, or if you want to go back 8 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:28,400 and listen again, these audio recordings will be offered 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,520 freely. If you have a VR headset or an 10 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:35,720 Android or Apple smartphone, you can log into VR Chat and search 11 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,680 for the group Mindfulness VR with No Spaces. 12 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:42,800 Join that group and you can find me there at 8:00 PM Eastern Time 13 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,600 on Tuesdays or 9:00 PM Eastern Time on Thursdays. 14 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,800 If you wish to support my teachings and these recordings, 15 00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,520 the best way to do that is to leave a review and share this 16 00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:55,400 podcast with others. And if you find value in them 17 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:58,760 and you want to, you can make a donation offering right within 18 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:05,760 the Two Hands Sanga website at www.twohandssanga.org/donate. 19 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:08,120 Now let's invite the bell and begin. 20 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,760 All right, good evening and welcome to Two Hands Sanga. 21 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,040 Thank you all for being here. I mentioned a moment ago that 22 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,960 we're going to talk about something called Tilt tonight, 23 00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,600 which is a video gaming reference, but you don't need to 24 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,240 know about that. I was on Instagram yesterday and 25 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,880 that can be a good thing or a bad thing depending upon how 26 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,200 long you watch a particular video and your algorithm changes 27 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:57,280 and all that. But at this particular moment, 28 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,640 my algorithm was doing good and I had AI had some good videos 29 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:06,000 that I was looking at. And this one reel that came 30 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:11,200 across my timeline on there was this woman who was laying in bed 31 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:16,120 talking and she's telling about how she had a gamer friend that 32 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,600 she used to play a lot of World of Warcraft with, which is a 33 00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,880 video game. And one night they were playing 34 00:02:22,880 --> 00:02:28,600 and he gave her some feedback about her gaming, just kind of a 35 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:33,240 passing comment that she said not only helped her gaming in 36 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:37,120 that moment in the game they were playing, but that she said 37 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:40,360 that comment has been living rent free in her head ever 38 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,600 since. And that she said it kind of low 39 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:46,080 key changed her whole life. She said this thing that was 40 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,720 supposed to be a passing comment about video gaming. 41 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,680 She said it just they were talking about it and at the 42 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:55,600 moment she was really super tilted about this video game. 43 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:59,720 And that what that means is being tilted in gaming is when 44 00:03:00,560 --> 00:03:02,520 you're playing along, you're doing whatever game is. 45 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,080 It could be poker. A lot of it actually is heavily 46 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:09,360 used in poker online, but it's also used in any other kind of 47 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:12,080 gaming. And if you're in a video game 48 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,800 and you get killed or you lose around or whatever it is, you 49 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,600 start getting a little bit angry and you might get obsessed with 50 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,840 revenge on the player that beat you or the person who who's 51 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,080 round, who won that round or whatever it is. 52 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,120 And you become focused on beating that person, not winning 53 00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,120 the game, but beating that person. 54 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,600 And that's a bit of an oversimplification of it. 55 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:39,000 I'm sure by the end of tonight you'll know more about it than 56 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:41,440 you'll ever need to. But hopefully that makes enough 57 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,320 sense that you understand what I'm talking about. 58 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,480 And basically what it is, it's obsessed with. 59 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:50,640 It's being more obsessed with winning, but less and less 60 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,800 capable of actually doing that. And it's becomes this downward 61 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,320 spiral. And so this woman said she was 62 00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,920 sort of beating herself up talking to this guy that she 63 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,400 knew who was a really pro level gamer. 64 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:10,920 And and he said to her, you're a really exceptional player. 65 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:15,440 And he said you're just tilted and tilt is just being overly 66 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:20,399 attached to an outcome. And she said she was shook. 67 00:04:20,399 --> 00:04:25,440 She said that really hit her. And he said you're either too 68 00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:30,640 focused on wanting to either win or to time something just right 69 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,840 to be able to do that, to get that achievement or to make that 70 00:04:34,840 --> 00:04:39,440 timing happen or whatever. It's like I immediately 71 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:43,160 completely non gaming related. I immediately thought of like, 72 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,040 if you ever get a really full cup of coffee and you have to 73 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:49,600 walk from the kitchen to the to your chair or whatever and 74 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,600 you're walking and the more you try not to shake and spill that 75 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,960 coffee, the more that coffee is going crazy. 76 00:04:55,360 --> 00:05:01,120 It's like that. And, and he said you're just 77 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:03,960 overly attached to this. You're focusing on winning or 78 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,360 doing the thing right or timing something right. 79 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:10,200 And he said you're missing all of the opportunities for growth 80 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:14,000 and all of the chances to get better and all of the chances to 81 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,360 improve and help other people do the same. 82 00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,160 And she said she just was, she said that changed everything for 83 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,520 her, not just in the gaming, but in her life. 84 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:29,280 And this is the same thing that the Buddha was teaching pretty 85 00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,800 much. And that I recently shared about 86 00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:34,880 shifting your focus from One Direction to the other. 87 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,680 We, I did a talk a few weeks ago about when you're, it was the 88 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,160 night that best in VR. How do you get back on the path 89 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,120 when somebody has pulled you off the path? 90 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,880 Of course, the answer was nobody pulls you off the path. 91 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,120 You pull yourself off the path, but how do you get back on when 92 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,240 that happens? In that talk, I was talking 93 00:05:52,240 --> 00:05:55,320 about when you're pulled off the path, it's you're only ever one 94 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,680 step away from getting back on the path. 95 00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:02,600 You know, it's just a decision to oh, I'm headed in the wrong 96 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,680 direction. This is the direction I need to 97 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,160 head in. Boom, you're done. 98 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:09,240 Of course it's not that easy, but that's the idea. 99 00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:16,080 And the goal is exactly the same for what you're trying to do, 100 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:21,120 but your path is different. You can want to be fully 101 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:25,600 awakened but be going about it all wrong, or you can be going 102 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,520 about it the right way. You still want the win, you want 103 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:32,520 the victory, but the path towards that victory can be rage 104 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:37,480 and obsession, or it can be peaceful and easier. 105 00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:44,520 Rage and obsession is not an easy path and may not even get 106 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:48,320 you to the goal. Or you can focus, as she said in 107 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:51,240 her video, on growing and improving and getting better and 108 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,960 helping other people along the way. 109 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,000 And as we said last week, helping yourself is helping 110 00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:58,200 others, and helping others is helping yourself. 111 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:03,920 And you can make that victory, whatever that is, gaming or in 112 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:08,280 anything in life, you can make that win or that victory into a 113 00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:11,520 positive experience for yourself and for others along the way. 114 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,800 And I thought this was brilliant. 115 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,440 I paused and I didn't know at the time I was going to talk 116 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:20,720 about that, but I saved the video and then I came back later 117 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:23,480 and sort of transcribed it and and I was like, yeah, I think 118 00:07:23,480 --> 00:07:26,440 I'm going to talk about this. And I think because it hit home 119 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:30,480 for me as well, because I do play video games and or a video 120 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:37,400 game and I me, your peaceful Buddhist teacher, reverend 121 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:42,200 friend, I get instantly tilted when I play population One with 122 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:47,520 Kristen and our friend Stoney. And those two squad mates of 123 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:53,040 mine will tell you gladly that I am like the Tasmanian devil in 124 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,880 that game. I get in there, I go crazy and I 125 00:07:55,880 --> 00:08:01,160 go after everybody until we win. And, and if things are going 126 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:03,920 really well for all of us, if we're all kind of firing on the 127 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:08,480 same wavelength and we all are working together and everything, 128 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,520 and if everything's going our way, then we're winning and 129 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,400 everybody's in a great mood. I'm just fine. 130 00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:19,280 But if I get killed by somebody in the game and then I start to 131 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,920 tilt a little bit, I'm like, oh, I got to get that guy back. 132 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:27,880 And I go after him and they'll res me and bring me back to 133 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:29,880 life. And then I go immediately, as 134 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:33,360 soon as the second that I'm resurrected, I go right back 135 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,280 after the fight, I go right back to where I was, where I got 136 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:40,080 killed, no weapon. I go back and I'm just like, I'm 137 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,120 on a mission at that point. And now I'm even less prepared 138 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:45,960 than I was before, but I'm still trying to kill the people that 139 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:49,320 killed me. And so I die again and again and 140 00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:54,760 I get res, then I get RES, then I get res and we're a pretty 141 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:57,840 good team. We win almost, I would say most 142 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:02,640 of the time we win. So usually works out pretty 143 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,080 well. I chip away at the other team 144 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,920 dying a lot, but I'm winning. So it's like a, it's like not 145 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,560 quite a Pyrrhic victory. Pyrrhic victory is when the cost 146 00:09:12,560 --> 00:09:16,320 is too great for the win, right? So it's not quite that, but it's 147 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:20,200 close. And it costs my team a lot to 148 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,320 take care of me while I slaughter everybody in this game 149 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,400 right now. It's I know it's ironic that I 150 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:32,680 play this violent game. And it's so funny because I was 151 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:35,640 thinking about this talk and I thought a lot about my teacher 152 00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:38,400 today when I was kind of putting my thoughts together for this 153 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:42,040 talk, because some of you might recall it, Bri, you might recall 154 00:09:42,080 --> 00:09:45,520 the story about my teacher, Venerable Panagwati. 155 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:50,240 She told us she did a Dharma talk one time where she said she 156 00:09:50,240 --> 00:09:55,160 loved to in real life before she was a Buddhist, she loved to go 157 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,360 fishing and she caught fish. She was really good at catching 158 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:02,120 fish and she was quite proud of how good she was at catching 159 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,960 fish. And she, she told this whole 160 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,640 story. She becomes a Buddhist. 161 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:11,440 She's got the, the retreat center or whatever, the 162 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,080 monastery up there with a venerable, her partner was a 163 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:19,000 venerable Panya Deepa. And they would every now and 164 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:23,200 then they would go into town and go to the Dave and Buster's and 165 00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:27,520 have dinner and whatever. And she saw that they had this 166 00:10:27,520 --> 00:10:30,160 fishing game in Dave and Buster's where you could do 167 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:33,040 video fishing. And she was like, this is great. 168 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:35,280 She had quit fishing because she was a Buddhist and she didn't 169 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:39,080 want to cause harm to the fish. And so they had this fishing 170 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:40,960 game. She was like, I'm going to play 171 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,040 this fishing. I can fish without causing harm. 172 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:46,120 And so she got really good at the video game of fishing. 173 00:10:46,120 --> 00:10:48,960 She was just as good or better than she was in real life. 174 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,360 And she did this for a while, and she would get so excited 175 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,240 about it and talk to Panya Deepa about it. 176 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:59,840 And he was a very serious guy. And she would talk to him about 177 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:01,120 it. And he told her one day while 178 00:11:01,120 --> 00:11:05,960 she was all worked up about this game, he said if you want to 179 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,320 fish, you should just go fish. And she's like, what do you 180 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,480 mean? He said, well, you're doing the 181 00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:14,280 same thing. She was like, no, I'm not, I'm 182 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,080 fishing. I cause harm this way. 183 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,680 I'm not causing harm. He said to your mind, it's the 184 00:11:18,680 --> 00:11:20,640 same thing. You're still causing harm in 185 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:24,800 your mind to those fish. And every time I kill somebody 186 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:28,400 in that video game, I think about her getting on to me. 187 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,080 She would probably get on to me for that. 188 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:33,400 And I know she's right, but I'm not ready to give up my video 189 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:39,720 game yet. But anyways, this habit of mine, 190 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,520 in gaming terms, they call me a pusher. 191 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,640 It means that I go up and I aggressively go after everybody 192 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,920 and they'll hang back and clean up the mess. 193 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,600 And I know most people here might not be gamers or whatnot, 194 00:11:56,000 --> 00:12:00,880 but this phenomenon in to put it into perspective for you in your 195 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:05,200 non gaming regular daily life, not playing video games, there 196 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:09,360 are plenty of examples of tilt that you experience every single 197 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,480 day probably. And one of them, a great example 198 00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:16,800 is road rage. If you've ever had road rage as 199 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,080 I used to have, then you probably already understand 200 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,480 this. You expect to get somewhere 201 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,520 quickly and smoothly. Somebody cuts you off in traffic 202 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:27,760 and traffic stops and or there's an accident or something. 203 00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:31,160 And now you're angry. You're getting madder and madder 204 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,040 every second you're sitting there and you're you're 205 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,240 tailgating somebody. Maybe you change lanes 206 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:40,360 aggressively, maybe as, as, as our teacher friend Brother Chen, 207 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,000 we said that time. Maybe people are waving, you're 208 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:46,680 waving at people with your one finger or something like that. 209 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:52,760 You're obsessed with the driver who caused you that irritation, 210 00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,720 and you might make yourself end up actually arriving later than 211 00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:59,560 you had to just because of your obsession with that. 212 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:03,920 Or nowadays maybe getting hurt in the process because nowadays 213 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,120 people will just shoot you or something on the road. 214 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:12,720 The original problem as we hear right now is traffic, right? 215 00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:17,000 Everything that comes after that is tilt. 216 00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:22,760 And but you never forget that. By the way, never forget that 217 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,120 when you're mad at traffic, you're part of traffic. 218 00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,440 So don't ever forget that either. 219 00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,200 But another way, relationship issues that you have an argument 220 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:35,640 with your spouse or partner and you want them to understand your 221 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,040 point. You want to be right. 222 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:39,360 They don't understand or don't want you to be right. 223 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:41,640 That is a common occurrence in my life. 224 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,760 And instead of continuing to communicate effectively, then 225 00:13:48,760 --> 00:13:52,320 instead you become increasingly invested in being right. 226 00:13:52,640 --> 00:13:56,000 And you raise your voice, you stop listening, you bring up old 227 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,360 arguments or you say things that you might not normally say to 228 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,680 this person you love. You're no longer working towards 229 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,520 understanding. You're now trying to force the 230 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:10,280 outcome that you want. Tick Nahan often said that love 231 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:13,960 is understanding, so if you lose that understanding, you're no 232 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:16,000 longer in the space of love, right? 233 00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,320 And another way is weight loss as an example. 234 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,080 I hear this one a lot and I experienced this one a lot. 235 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:25,440 If you're trying to lose weight or get fit, you've been doing 236 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:29,360 well for some period of time. And then one day you step on the 237 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,520 scale and it hasn't changed and you feel like it should have. 238 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:35,720 And now you're like, oh screw it, this isn't working. 239 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:39,480 And you abandoned the habits that you're doing that are 240 00:14:39,480 --> 00:14:41,080 working, but they're working slowly. 241 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,520 And you abandon those and you start trying to change it and 242 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:46,760 tweak it and do something better or different or you give up 243 00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:49,880 completely and and it's all because the scoreboard didn't 244 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:52,000 show the numbers you wanted to show. 245 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:54,400 Parenting is an area where this happens. 246 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,520 You give your child some good advice that you think is good 247 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,520 advice, and then they don't take that advice. 248 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:06,760 And instead of continuing to give them stable guidance, you 249 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,920 become very frustrated with them because they aren't producing 250 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:14,040 the outcome that you want them to produce in their life that 251 00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,840 you think is the right outcome for them. 252 00:15:17,280 --> 00:15:20,960 And now you're not helping them. You're trying to control them or 253 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,400 guide them. And we do this in our jobs in 254 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:28,360 our effort to learn some new skill or with our sleep and so 255 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:32,040 many other different ways that we experience tilt or we spiral 256 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,880 out of control on it. And you might even be thinking 257 00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:38,360 right now of examples in your own life of ways that you 258 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,160 experience this. And we even do it with our 259 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,320 Dharma practice, with our meditation. 260 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,360 When you sit down and you expect a nice peaceful meditation, 261 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:49,640 which is a, that's a total delusion by the way. 262 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,160 Nobody promised that meditation would be peaceful. 263 00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,880 In fact, it shouldn't be probably, but it can be. 264 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:57,280 But that doesn't mean it will be. 265 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,240 If your meditation is peaceful every single time you sit down, 266 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,840 then you're you've got a great life. 267 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,960 You're not having any troubles. Most people don't meditate if 268 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,920 they don't need it. So we wouldn't be sitting here 269 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:12,800 if we didn't have something we were dealing with. 270 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:17,720 And so we do it in our practice. And you sit down, you expect 271 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:19,720 that peace. And instead your mind is all 272 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:22,400 over the place. And then comes your the talk 273 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,080 like settle down. Come on, Why can't I 274 00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,000 concentrate? I'm so bad at this. 275 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:31,440 They're so good at this. Yesterday was so much better. 276 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,200 Why can't I just do it like I did yesterday and stay? 277 00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:37,160 Why can't every sit be as good as that one time? 278 00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:42,560 And now you're agitated and you can't get a peaceful sit no 279 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:44,760 matter what because you're agitated about something else. 280 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:50,840 And so the original wandering mind that was disruptive to you 281 00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:56,320 is, is now attached to getting a good meditation, which it's 282 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,200 probably not going to happen at that point. 283 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:02,320 So the other reason I love this concept of tilt in regard to all 284 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:06,720 of this is outside of gaming and specific to the Dharma is that 285 00:17:06,880 --> 00:17:10,760 it says what it is. Tilt kind of gives you the idea 286 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:14,119 of what it does to you. That which we frequently ponder 287 00:17:14,119 --> 00:17:18,200 becomes the inclination of the heart and mind we lean toward or 288 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:22,760 we tilt toward the direction that we're practicing tilting 289 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,440 toward. So which which way are you 290 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,920 practicing toward happiness or away from it? 291 00:17:30,240 --> 00:17:33,840 And there's a little bit of a difference in it because tilt in 292 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:38,200 gaming is just bad. But from this perspective that 293 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:42,640 I'm giving us on the Dharma approach of tilt, tilting toward 294 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,280 happiness, it would be a good thing. 295 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:46,960 You want to incline toward wholesome. 296 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,320 You don't want to incline to incline towards the unwholesome. 297 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:55,560 And the Buddha said in effect that, paraphrasing heavily, 298 00:17:55,560 --> 00:17:59,840 tilting is not inherently bad, but make sure you're tilting in 299 00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:03,200 the direction that leads toward lasting happiness and helping 300 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:11,760 other people along the way. There's a Buddhist suta called, 301 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,960 it's Mujima Nakaya 19. It's called the two kinds of 302 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:18,960 thought Suta, and we just talked about this recently. 303 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:24,400 Before his awakening, the Buddha said that he figured out one 304 00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:26,760 night he was like, what? I'm just going to divide my 305 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,920 thinking into two kinds of thinking. 306 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,280 And he said, on the one hand I've got thoughts that lead 307 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:36,840 towards sensual desire, that lead towards ill will, that lead 308 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,040 towards cruelty or that are coming from those and will 309 00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:43,240 continue to go toward those. Or on the other hand, you have 310 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,760 thoughts that are coming from a place of renunciation, coming 311 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:52,000 from non ill will, from goodwill, from harmlessness, and 312 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:54,560 those are leading towards the wholesome direction. 313 00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:59,520 And he said whatever Abiku frequently thinks and ponders 314 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:02,560 upon that will become the inclination of his heart and 315 00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,080 mind. Or actually he just said of his 316 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:07,000 mind. Nowadays you hear this a lot. 317 00:19:07,000 --> 00:19:08,520 It's usually of the heart and mind. 318 00:19:09,000 --> 00:19:10,920 But he was very specific on this. 319 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:15,560 Repeatedly thinking thoughts of ill will causes the mind to 320 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:18,560 incline towards easily thinking of thoughts of ill will. 321 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:22,200 So if you're always angry, it's going to be easier to get angry. 322 00:19:22,200 --> 00:19:24,680 If you're always happy, it's going to be easier to get happy. 323 00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:31,960 And that goes for everything. And he said repeatedly thinking 324 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,080 thoughts of ill will, you're going to lean that way 325 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:38,000 repeatedly cultivating non ill will or harmlessness, then 326 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,040 you're going to incline in that direction instead. 327 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:43,880 And that's tilt 1 is toward unwholesome and the other toward 328 00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,160 wholesome. And when we use those words, you 329 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:48,040 guys, I always feel like I have to explain it. 330 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,600 But you think you guys all know unwholesome just means away from 331 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:55,000 happiness, lasting happiness and wholesome means toward lasting 332 00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,880 happiness. Unwholesome and wholesome 333 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:03,400 sometimes have a bit of a, a religious feel to them. 334 00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:05,360 And that's not what he was talking about. 335 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,320 And so the woman in that video that I was talking about, she 336 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,520 was obsessed with a particular outcome. 337 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,000 And that's the teaching in the Dharma is to let go of the 338 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:23,160 preferences for that outcome. The Buddha said if you're 339 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,800 clinging to a particular outcome, you're already headed 340 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:31,400 for the wrong outcome. And so it's that Ajahn Chah had 341 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,240 that saying of let go a little, be a little bit happy, let go a 342 00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,280 lot, be a lot happy, let go completely and you'll be 343 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:40,440 completely happy. And I forget who it was, if it 344 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:47,760 was Chogyam Trungpa or somebody, but somebody once asked, people 345 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:51,000 have asked this of almost every teacher, and some teacher at 346 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,680 once was asked in a sentence or less describe Buddhism. 347 00:20:55,680 --> 00:21:00,560 And their answer was let go of preferences. 348 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,480 And that was, that's it. That's the Dharma. 349 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:09,200 And if you don't, you're either going to have a really hard time 350 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,400 or you may not ever even get to where you're trying to get to 351 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,000 because and sometimes people go, oh, yeah, but we're not trying 352 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,040 to get anywhere. That's not true. 353 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:18,360 You have goals. The Buddha knew you had goals. 354 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,360 He wanted you to have a goal of getting to awakening. 355 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,000 He didn't want you to cling to being awakened. 356 00:21:25,000 --> 00:21:28,160 That's a different thing than shooting for awakening. 357 00:21:30,080 --> 00:21:33,200 So that, and that's literally what this talk is about South 358 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,760 Someone cuts you off in traffic, that's just an event that 359 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:40,040 happens If your spouse disagrees with you, that's just an event 360 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,520 that happens a lot, at least in my experience. 361 00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:46,640 If the scale says you weigh 3 bills, that's just an event. 362 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:50,120 If you lose a match in a video game, just an event. 363 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,600 If your mind wanders during meditation, that's another event 364 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:57,880 that happens a lot. And whatever you do next after 365 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:01,760 those events, that's where you're either going to tilt in 366 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,120 One Direction or the other and hopefully you'll tilt towards 367 00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,520 practice. And that's where the suta gets 368 00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,400 more impactful. Here is the Buddha doesn't 369 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,400 classify those thoughts that he split it up to as good thoughts 370 00:22:15,400 --> 00:22:18,240 or bad thoughts. He just said I've got 2 baskets 371 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:22,440 of thought here and one of them leads the direction I want to go 372 00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,720 and the other leads away from that goal. 373 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,720 And so which one? And he's basically was just 374 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,760 trying to recognize what's happening when I'm thinking am I 375 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:37,000 thinking am I leading myself astray or am I leading myself 376 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,440 where I want to go? And that goes back to the person 377 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:43,160 who said, how do I get back on the path when somebody else has 378 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,640 pulled me away? Nobody pulls you away. 379 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,480 They can contribute to it, make your life a little more 380 00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:51,080 difficult, but you pull yourself away. 381 00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:52,920 You allow yourself to be pulled away. 382 00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:56,120 And that's not blame. That's just something you need 383 00:22:56,120 --> 00:22:58,600 to be aware of so that when you're practicing and you see 384 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:01,480 that you're tilting in that direction, you go, oh, I need to 385 00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:03,920 tilt the other direction and get back on track. 386 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,720 But the Boo didn't say their good thoughts and bad thoughts. 387 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,120 He examined where his thoughts LED. 388 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,160 He recognized unskillful thoughts that lead to his own 389 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,880 affliction, to the affliction of others, or both. 390 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:23,320 They obstructed his wisdom and they led away from Nirvana or 391 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,560 awakening or unbinding or the deathless or whatever you want 392 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:29,400 to call it. I like the deathless because it 393 00:23:29,400 --> 00:23:32,040 sounds metal, but he anything was fine. 394 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:36,120 I, I actually, the term that I use the most for awakening 395 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:40,520 nowadays is lasting happiness. And it's a little bit of a play 396 00:23:40,520 --> 00:23:45,120 on the famous jazz musician Wayne Shorter, who said that he 397 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:48,760 was trying to achieve indestructible happiness. 398 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:52,320 And I really like that. I like it a lot more because I 399 00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:54,200 think it's very clear what that means. 400 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,920 And if you say you're trying to reach the deathless with 401 00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,360 somebody, they're like, whoa, OK, all right, whatever, buddy. 402 00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:04,120 But if you say I'm trying to achieve happiness that never 403 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:07,960 departs, that's clear to everybody, right? 404 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,480 Or at least clearer to everybody. 405 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:16,280 And that whole basket thing that the Buddha was looking at, there 406 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,520 is a great test to see if you are experiencing tilt. 407 00:24:21,160 --> 00:24:24,680 You can say where is this thought taking me not am I 408 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:28,120 justified for being angry? That's what I asked myself a lot 409 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:32,360 like my wife's telling me this. I think it's that am I justified 410 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:34,800 of being angry? That's a waste of time. 411 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:40,880 Instead, you might. If you're in traffic, somebody 412 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,440 cuts you off. You might say, did that jerk 413 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,840 just cut me off and do I need to get him back? 414 00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:46,760 Do I need to speed up and cut him off? 415 00:24:49,200 --> 00:24:50,800 Maybe the guy in traffic is being a jerk. 416 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,480 Maybe my wife is wrong. Maybe. 417 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,160 But where is that taking me? I mentioned in VR the other day 418 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,160 a buddy of mine who when he was married, newly married, and he 419 00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:09,560 was going through a lot with his spouse and he went to a college 420 00:25:09,560 --> 00:25:11,920 student who was studying to be a therapist. 421 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,880 And they have like cheap, like they practice for a cheap price 422 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,160 so that you can afford it. And they get practice and 423 00:25:17,160 --> 00:25:19,720 everybody wins. And he went to this kid who to 424 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:23,200 him was a little kid and my buddy is twice his age and he 425 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,840 felt like was this kid know about anything? 426 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,000 How this how's this guy going to give me any advice? 427 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:32,600 And the guy listened to his whole story, listened to his 428 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,520 wife's story. And then he was talking to my 429 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:39,120 buddy privately and he said, he said, listen, I'm just a 430 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,920 student. I'm just learning here. 431 00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:48,320 He said, but from what I see, you can either be right or you 432 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,240 can be happy. And in other words, he was 433 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,760 saying you can fight for and win those arguments if you want. 434 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,120 And maybe you even are right. Or even if you're not, maybe you 435 00:25:58,120 --> 00:26:00,280 can win the argument. But he's like, that's not going 436 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:03,360 to make you happy. And he wasn't saying let her 437 00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:06,040 walk all over you and that or not anything like that. 438 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,200 You don't want to do that. You have to have boundaries in 439 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:11,600 life and all of that. But sometimes it's not worth 440 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,760 fighting about. And I'm not talking about just 441 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:15,960 relationships. I'm talking about anything. 442 00:26:16,360 --> 00:26:20,040 So where is this taking me? What am I doing with it? 443 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,840 That's what you want to be checking. 444 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:26,560 And that first moment is just the event. 445 00:26:26,560 --> 00:26:28,760 It's not the problem. Tilt is the obsession, or you 446 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,320 might say the actions rooted in the second arrow. 447 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:33,800 Everybody here, I think, probably knows about the second 448 00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:37,920 arrow training that the Buddha talked about, the Salatha Suta. 449 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,680 It's not the disappointment we feel legitimately. 450 00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:48,160 That's one thing. It's becoming attached to 451 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:51,480 revenge, to getting your payback or whatever. 452 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:53,920 And you wanted the promotion. You didn't get it, and that 453 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,640 hurts. You wanted the relationship to 454 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,360 work out. It's not, and that hurts. 455 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,560 You wanted your kid to make a different decision. 456 00:26:59,560 --> 00:27:01,840 They sure didn't, and that can be a pain. 457 00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:06,800 You lost, you wrecked, whatever The thing is, and none of that 458 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,720 stuff happening means that you're attached to anything. 459 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:14,840 But the revealing moment for us is what we do next. 460 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:17,800 After we learn about the event, what do we do? 461 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,240 We learn. Maybe if we're lucky, we grow a 462 00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,400 little bit. That's good, help others do the 463 00:27:22,400 --> 00:27:24,240 same. If we can do that, we're doing 464 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:26,000 good. And that's what the guy in the 465 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,720 video was telling the woman. Or do I turn towards the dark 466 00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:33,440 side of the Force? Do I feed the disappointment? 467 00:27:33,440 --> 00:27:35,400 Do I let it begin steering the ship? 468 00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,720 The anger and the hatred. Steering the ship. 469 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:41,040 And I'm using some Star Wars language here because it's 470 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:45,240 perfect for a Darth Vader said give yourself to the dark side. 471 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,360 It's the only way to save your friends. 472 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:49,800 This is very enticing. You want to save your friends. 473 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,760 You have to give in, Palpatine said in Star Wars, give in to 474 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,280 your anger. With each passing moment you 475 00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:00,240 make yourself more my servant, and that's really good language 476 00:28:00,240 --> 00:28:03,520 for how anger and I'll will and stuff works within us, how our 477 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:06,080 mind works actually, and that's Mara. 478 00:28:06,120 --> 00:28:09,640 That language from Star Wars is your Mara mind talking to you, 479 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,920 the demon God Mara in Buddhism is your craving mind trying to 480 00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:16,360 convince you that this is the best way to go. 481 00:28:16,360 --> 00:28:19,960 The bad way is the best way, and it never is because you can't 482 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:24,600 hate your way to love you. You'll never wind up love in a 483 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,240 place of love by hating everybody on the way there. 484 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:32,960 And tilt is that outcome that starts compromising the quality 485 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:36,800 of our response. And so when we talk about being 486 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:40,400 attached to outcome, there's a difference between I want this 487 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:44,480 outcome and I need this outcome in order for me to be happy or 488 00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:47,640 to be OK. In the Buddha's framework of 489 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:51,480 dependent origination, craving conditions clinging. 490 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,960 So clinging is created by the conditions of craving. 491 00:28:55,320 --> 00:29:00,560 And the canonical teaching isn't that just having a practical 492 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:03,000 objective is forbidden or anything like that. 493 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:07,480 That Buddha again encouraged us to have goals, but that craving 494 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,400 and clinging to the outcome means that we're participating 495 00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,400 in the arising of our own suffering. 496 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:16,880 We're doing it. Nobody's doing it to us. 497 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,840 In another suta called the Upadana Suta, for example, he 498 00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:26,680 explicitly describes craving giving rise to clinging and the 499 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:29,840 subsequent chain that leads eventually to suffering. 500 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,800 And actually we were talking earlier tonight about rebirth 501 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:36,600 and reincarnation and all that. The dependent origination ends 502 00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:41,560 with becoming, which is to it's the craving that leads us into 503 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,240 the next life. Supposedly, if you believe in 504 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:48,200 all that takes you into the next life and creates the conditions 505 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:49,760 for what you'll be in that next life. 506 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,800 So if you went into the next life clinging, you're going to 507 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,400 be somewhere further down the line. 508 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,800 If you went into the next life clinging less, you'll do better. 509 00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,280 Supposedly that's the way the the story goes. 510 00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:09,360 So if you have a goal like I'd like to win, you might have an 511 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:12,800 attachment to I need to win because that's what that looks 512 00:30:12,800 --> 00:30:15,720 like. And then Tilt is saying, now I'm 513 00:30:15,720 --> 00:30:19,160 behaving in ways that make winning less likely because I 514 00:30:19,160 --> 00:30:22,960 can't tolerate losing. And sadly, I know all about 515 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:25,240 that. But the IT it's a great example 516 00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,840 of what craving and clinging can do to us. 517 00:30:28,200 --> 00:30:32,920 And the paradox is the attachment can sabotage that 518 00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,200 goal. As we've been saying, it's kind 519 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,680 of crazy. My attachment to winning should 520 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:40,400 make me do better at winning, but it doesn't work that way. 521 00:30:40,680 --> 00:30:44,000 It usually makes me less and less capable of winning each 522 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,960 time I die and come back in the game. 523 00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:51,480 To use that example, you've you guys have heard me talk about 524 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,600 this. Sometimes I call it a duka loop, 525 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,080 which is a duka is suffering and a suffering loop. 526 00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:59,680 A duka loop is suffering loop. A suka loop is like a happiness 527 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,440 loop and it's pretty easy for us to get into those. 528 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:06,520 And when I talk about going down one path or the other, you could 529 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,000 say 1 is a suka loop and 1 is a duka loop. 530 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,680 I want to win. Whatever it is I'm trying to 531 00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,080 win, I want to win. I get angry if I don't win. 532 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:18,480 I get tunnel vision on winning and I have to have my revenge. 533 00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:22,080 And now because I'm angry and I'm tilted towards revenge, I 534 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,160 make more mistakes because I'm less calm. 535 00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:27,840 I'm trying too hard and it's that cup of coffee I was talking 536 00:31:27,840 --> 00:31:29,360 about. Now that cup of coffee is 537 00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,440 shaking because I'm walking extra slow and all of that. 538 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,760 And I make more mistakes because I'm less calm. 539 00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:37,280 And it goes round and round until I lose. 540 00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:42,640 Finally, permanently maybe, or I might still win, but it cost me 541 00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:45,080 so much. I cost my team so much in the 542 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:48,760 video game I might want to get there faster. 543 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:51,240 So I drive in ways that delay me and cause an accident. 544 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,280 To use some of these examples. You. 545 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:56,960 I want my wife to understand me. I stopped listening to her. 546 00:31:57,320 --> 00:32:00,040 I desperately want to fall asleep and not be up in the 547 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:03,000 middle of the night. Anxiety about that, about being 548 00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,240 tired the next day, keeps me awake even longer. 549 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:10,600 And on all this stuff goes. And we don't have to stop 550 00:32:11,520 --> 00:32:15,400 playing the game of life, so to speak, or stop participating in 551 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,520 life. We just need to stop strangling 552 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,840 it and trying to force it to work the way we want it to work. 553 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,800 Instead of obsessing over did I win, ask yourself if you got 554 00:32:27,800 --> 00:32:30,040 better. Instead of saying did I get what 555 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:32,400 I wanted, ask yourself, what can I cultivate? 556 00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,800 What did I cultivate? I didn't get that promotion at 557 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:38,920 work, but how did I respond when they told me no? 558 00:32:39,360 --> 00:32:42,400 My meditation was chaotic. How did I practice while it was 559 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,160 chaotic? My kid ignores my advice. 560 00:32:45,280 --> 00:32:49,520 What kind of parenting practice did I bring to it? 561 00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:57,160 You know. In that game, I play in VRI 562 00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:01,640 often say that in the game at the end when you win, there's 563 00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:04,480 confetti and this trumpets Blair and all this. 564 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,160 And I often say that I don't care how we get there as long as 565 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:08,360 we get there. As long as we get to that 566 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:10,800 victory. I don't care how bad it was, how 567 00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:14,160 good it was, how close we came or whatever, as long as we win. 568 00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:16,680 And that's a terrible mentality to have. 569 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:19,440 But that's the mentality I have when I'm playing that game. 570 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:24,240 And my teammates will be the first ones to tell you that is 571 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:29,040 so much more fun when we get that confetti and we get that 572 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:33,480 sound without them having to have resed me 10 times because I 573 00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:38,520 was savaging everyone on the map and caused their video game to 574 00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:42,480 be taking care of me while I just went crazy on everybody in 575 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:47,800 the game. And even more wild is that 576 00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:52,840 sometimes it's even more fun to lose, believe it or not, as long 577 00:33:52,840 --> 00:33:55,720 as the game was fun and the game was challenging and we did our 578 00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,600 best. And this is true in all areas of 579 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,400 life, not just video games, which is why I'm bringing this 580 00:34:00,400 --> 00:34:02,200 up. But when you do your best and 581 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,240 it's challenging, you might still lose, but you'll feel good 582 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:08,520 about how you did it. And of course you'd rather win, 583 00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:13,400 but you can still lose and feel good about what you did to to 584 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:16,239 get there, how close you came, how much you improved, stuff 585 00:34:16,239 --> 00:34:20,080 like that. And it feels good to end the 586 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:24,440 game and even whether you win or lose, to not be angry, to not 587 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:28,040 feel exhausted. And the feeling of doing well is 588 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:31,480 still there, even if sometimes the confetti and the trumpets 589 00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:34,080 aren't. And we're not exhausted from my 590 00:34:34,080 --> 00:34:38,159 campaign of terror on the map. Sometimes things don't have to 591 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:43,480 go our way for us to feel good about the going that Suta Mujima 592 00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:45,960 Nakaya 19 the two sorts of thinking. 593 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:49,920 It doesn't tell us to obsessively manufacture 594 00:34:49,920 --> 00:34:53,440 wholesome thoughts all day. That would still be tilt. 595 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:56,920 The Buddha said that even the even prolonged thinking and 596 00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:00,640 pondering even about wholesome things that you're thinking 597 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:03,680 about can tire out the body and strain the mind. 598 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,680 Again, there's a reason the Buddha taught the middle path. 599 00:35:09,160 --> 00:35:13,360 He said that if you settle and concentrate the mind, you'll be 600 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,320 much happier. And that's a great safeguard for 601 00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:19,960 the I must get better and turning that into tilt. 602 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:22,960 The guy in the video didn't tell that girl. 603 00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:25,640 You must teach others how to grow and learn. 604 00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,680 He said you're obsessed with an outcome. 605 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,800 The practice is not another achievement. 606 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:37,040 It's we're training our inclinations and eventually 607 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:40,880 whatever initially required a lot of deliberate effort starts 608 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,640 to become second nature and natural to us and we get better. 609 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,200 And then if we're kind of other people, they might learn 610 00:35:46,200 --> 00:35:49,960 something from us. The I don't mean to harp on this 611 00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:53,000 video game, but the another thing about it I remember when I 612 00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:57,440 very first started playing this game several years ago now, one 613 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:01,560 of the first times I ever played the game, there was a streamer 614 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:05,120 in the game who streams his gameplay to make money and stuff 615 00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:07,960 like that well known kind of a jerk. 616 00:36:09,400 --> 00:36:13,280 And I met him in the lobby and I said something about not knowing 617 00:36:13,280 --> 00:36:15,920 how to do a particular thing. And he took the time in the 618 00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,040 lobby to teach me how to do that thing. 619 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:19,800 And I thought that was pretty cool. 620 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,080 And I never forgot that he was a huge jerk. 621 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,320 But he it took time to be nice to me and teach me something in 622 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:26,720 the game. He didn't have to do that. 623 00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,920 In fact, it's in his best interest not to because it made 624 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:33,480 me better at the game and I could then play better. 625 00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,000 But the Buddha, he's hanging out one day walking through the 626 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,360 woods, and he hears something that catches his attention. 627 00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:42,640 He goes and he finds this guy named Sona. 628 00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,280 Then this is from the Sona Suta. He goes and he finds this young 629 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,000 man named Sona who is fairly new to practice, and he's doing all 630 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:52,240 the right things, trying really hard. 631 00:36:52,240 --> 00:36:54,320 And he's formerly a professional musician. 632 00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,640 He's really good at it. And he played the what we would 633 00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,120 call the loot these days, but he played this stringed instrument. 634 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:06,760 And the Buddha comes upon him having a really tough time, like 635 00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:10,520 really berating himself. And he's considering leaving the 636 00:37:10,520 --> 00:37:13,720 monastic order because he's just not doing good. 637 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,480 And the more he tries, the more discouraged he gets and the 638 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,880 worse he does. And that's tilt. 639 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:22,400 And so he's considering giving up. 640 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,880 And the Buddha comes upon him and says, hey, look, if you you 641 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,960 played the lute in your previous light, were you good at? 642 00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:30,840 Yes, of course he's good. And he said if you tuned your 643 00:37:30,840 --> 00:37:33,360 strings too tight, they broke, right? 644 00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:35,480 And he said, yeah. And he said if you tune them too 645 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:37,480 loose, did they play well? He said, no, they sounded 646 00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:38,520 terrible. And so. 647 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,560 So to properly tune them, you have to be in the middle path. 648 00:37:41,920 --> 00:37:45,480 And he said the guy finally got it and he he went on to become 649 00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:51,360 awakened and all of that. And that's the gamers advice to 650 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,520 the woman in the video all over again. 651 00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,160 Sona was so focused on why can't I get there? 652 00:37:57,160 --> 00:38:00,280 Why am I not there already? I'm doing all the right things. 653 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,360 Why can't I be awakened like everybody else is? 654 00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,680 And the Buddha said, you're looking at the wrong thing. 655 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:09,880 He said, look at how you should practice. 656 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,640 Look at what you're cultivating. I mean, look at why it's doing 657 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:17,560 this or doing that. And and then he focused him on 658 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:22,440 the process of the doing, not on the I'm a failure at doing it 659 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:30,360 part. And and Sona, he said, he did 660 00:38:30,360 --> 00:38:33,560 not say to Sona, you have to abandon liberation. 661 00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:37,880 He said definitely try to become liberated, but he said just 662 00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:41,440 focus on doing the practice, not how well you're doing it, not 663 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:44,520 you're doing it wrong. Just focus on the things that 664 00:38:44,520 --> 00:38:47,160 you need to do in order to get there and you'll get there. 665 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:51,520 And we spoke recently about the four right efforts, and that was 666 00:38:51,720 --> 00:38:54,920 prevent an arisen unwholesome qualities from arising. 667 00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:58,080 If they're bad and they haven't arisen yet, do your best to keep 668 00:38:58,080 --> 00:39:00,880 them from arising. If they've already arisen, do 669 00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:02,880 your best to let go of those things. 670 00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,080 You want to also cultivate the unarisen wholesome qualities. 671 00:39:07,280 --> 00:39:11,040 If you don't have the wholesome things happening for you, do the 672 00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:12,720 practices that will bring that about. 673 00:39:12,960 --> 00:39:15,720 And if they've already arisen and you have those wholesome 674 00:39:15,720 --> 00:39:19,400 qualities, do your best to hold on to those without clinging to 675 00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:22,120 them and all of that. And that was the advice that he 676 00:39:22,120 --> 00:39:25,800 gave to everybody all the time, but particularly to Sona that 677 00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:28,560 day. And if you need a practice is a 678 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,880 real simple way of doing it. You can notice name and nudge. 679 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:36,040 You can notice when you're tilted and you're experiencing 680 00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,280 anger. The events, right? 681 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:40,480 The anger event, the panic event, the obsession event, 682 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:43,240 desperation. Whatever it is, once you've 683 00:39:43,240 --> 00:39:46,560 noticed it, then name it. What outcome am I clinging to 684 00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,200 right now? What am I insisting on 685 00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,280 happening? What am I? 686 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:53,120 What? Where is the reaction going to 687 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,840 lead me? If I react this way? 688 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:57,960 Is it going to lead me toward affliction or to someone else's 689 00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,440 affliction, or both? Or is it going to lead me away 690 00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,480 from Wisdom? And then once you've named 691 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,600 whatever that thing is, then nudge it in the direction you'd 692 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:09,720 prefer it to go. Where can I incline the mind 693 00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,880 instead towards goodwill, Towards patience and 694 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:17,080 harmlessness and generosity, curiosity, equanimity, wise 695 00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:19,600 effort? Pick whatever thing you're 696 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:24,360 wanting to work toward and take one action in that direction. 697 00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:26,160 You don't have to win the game that night. 698 00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,520 You can just take that one action and move in the right 699 00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:31,040 direction. And then you're practicing the 700 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:36,120 person that you want to become. We spend all this time focused 701 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:40,440 on the scoreboard of life, how much money, weight, job titles, 702 00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:42,280 all those things we've talked about all night. 703 00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:45,280 And scoreboards aren't inherently bad. 704 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:47,680 They're good things that can tell us some good information, 705 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:49,840 but they're not telling us the whole story. 706 00:40:50,160 --> 00:40:52,120 And they're just one piece of information. 707 00:40:52,440 --> 00:40:55,880 And so to kind of wind us down here, the important question is 708 00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:58,160 not did you win? The important question is, what 709 00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,800 did you practice while you were playing the game? 710 00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:05,120 And if you do that, then you're frequently pondering the things 711 00:41:05,120 --> 00:41:06,720 that lead the direction you want to go. 712 00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,880 That becomes the inclination of your heart and mind. 713 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:16,280 So yeah, I think that's all I really have to share about that 714 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,760 tonight. I think every time we, every 715 00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:22,240 time somebody pushes that one button that we really wish they 716 00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:27,360 wouldn't push, the mind is learning from that, which way 717 00:41:27,360 --> 00:41:30,000 it's going to tilt. And you can pay attention and 718 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,520 see, am I clinging to this outcome or not? 719 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:36,120 And then you can shift that if you need to. 720 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:40,640 And yeah, that's it. So if anybody has any questions 721 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,440 or comments, we'll talk about that in just a moment. 722 00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,160 But thank you for being here tonight, and we'll see you next 723 00:41:45,160 --> 00:44:07,400 weekend. You're still here. 724 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:10,760 It's over. Go. 725 00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,320 Practice. Go.