1 00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:06,080 Hey there. Welcome to Tea with Mara. 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,840 Thanks for seeking out these recordings and listening. 3 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:11,040 My name is George and you may know me. 4 00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:14,280 As Keoki in the metaverse. These recordings are from my. 5 00:00:14,280 --> 00:00:16,200 Live sessions in virtual reality. 6 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:18,320 And in person at two hand Sangha. 7 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:21,440 For the best. Experience of these sessions you 8 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:23,800 can join me in. Virtual reality, but when you. 9 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:25,840 Can't or if you want. To go back and listen. 10 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,400 Again, these audio. Recordings will be offered 11 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:32,520 freely if you have AVR. Headset or an Android or Apple 12 00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:35,440 smartphone. 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Well, welcome in. 24 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,040 You're just joining us and I'm glad to have all of you here. 25 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:47,760 And I hope that the person who requested this talk is online 26 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,920 listening or else maybe they'll catch it on a recording later on 27 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:55,440 the Tea with Mara podcast. But as I said right before 28 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,040 coming in here, I didn't have a topic. 29 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:02,000 And literally moments before coming in here, somebody 30 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:08,199 messaged me and said could you do a Dharma talk on finding your 31 00:02:08,199 --> 00:02:13,880 direction again after letting other people pull you off of 32 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,720 your path? So the question was finding your 33 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:22,040 direction again or finding your way back to the practice path 34 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,960 after letting others pull you away. 35 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,600 There's, there's a lot packed into that little sentence there, 36 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,800 which hopefully I'll try to help us unpack a little bit. 37 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:37,560 But sometimes we don't notice when we've left the path. 38 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:41,760 You know, sometimes we get pulled off of the path or it's 39 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,160 really more accurate to say we allow ourselves to be pulled off 40 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:50,480 the path because really nobody can pull you off the path, but 41 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,840 you can definitely get pulled off the path and allow that to 42 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:57,320 happen. Or I, I don't even like saying 43 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,040 it that way because allow it to happen kind of even though it's 44 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:06,720 correct, it implies or it sounds like it's your fault somehow and 45 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,040 it's really not because you don't notice it's happening or 46 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:10,600 you wouldn't let it happen, right. 47 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,920 So that's, that's part of this too. 48 00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:16,480 But there's dramatic ways that we can lose our direction. 49 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:23,400 We make unfortunate decisions, maybe we might abandoned 50 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:25,560 something that's important to us. 51 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:30,400 We deliberately choose to do something that we know is not 52 00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:33,480 good for us sometimes. And by the way, I have no 53 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,280 context for the person who asked this, so I don't really know 54 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:40,640 what it's about, but this is just my thoughts on it. 55 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,320 But the more insidious way, the quieter way that this happens 56 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:48,800 for us, is we slowly begin to walk somebody else's path. 57 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,760 And that's really it. It's not that they're dragging 58 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:58,080 us off of our path. We just find their path to be 59 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:01,320 interesting for some reason, and we start stepping over there, 60 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:07,760 You know, and I could just end the Dharma talk right here by 61 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,760 saying that you're not off the path. 62 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,200 It's right there. All you gotta do is put your 63 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,560 foot back on it. It's that it's that easy and 64 00:04:15,560 --> 00:04:18,040 it's that simple. It's that close by. 65 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:21,000 It's not far away. So there's really, I'll do a 66 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:24,120 whole Dharma talk on it. But really it's as simple as 67 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:27,640 just picking your direction and moving in it. 68 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,400 It's that easy. And if it were that easy, we 69 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,040 wouldn't have Dharma talks about it, right? 70 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,800 But, you know, sometimes it's because somebody wants something 71 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:48,240 from us or somebody needs us, or somebody is disappointed in US. 72 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:54,320 Someone has strong opinions about what they think we should 73 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:56,840 be doing. And that should word is always 74 00:04:56,840 --> 00:05:04,200 troublesome. Sometimes someone else's crisis 75 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:11,760 becomes our crisis. Sometimes we just, you know, a, 76 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:15,360 a real common thing in the practice is people get, they 77 00:05:15,360 --> 00:05:17,320 think they've got it. I think they did it. 78 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:20,800 You know, you practice trying to solve whatever problem it is. 79 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,080 Maybe you're trying to deal with grief or maybe you're trying to 80 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:28,080 deal with anger or forgiveness and you practice five years, 10 81 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:32,960 years, 15 years, whatever it is, and then you suddenly have no 82 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,320 more anger towards anyone. You have a moment where, Oh my 83 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,680 gosh, I've done it. I've gotten rid of all of my 84 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:41,920 anger. And if you walk outside and stub 85 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:47,160 your toe, you'll be angry again, you know, and we mistakenly 86 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:49,760 think sometimes that we've, we're, we're doing good. 87 00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:51,280 We're, we're, we fixed the problem. 88 00:05:51,280 --> 00:05:53,840 Now we can just be how we want to be again. 89 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,800 And then kind of in conjunction with that or right, right, kind 90 00:05:57,800 --> 00:06:05,760 of a near enemy of that is when you know, there's something 91 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:10,040 that's more enticing. And sometimes that's a person, 92 00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:13,800 sometimes it's a relationship or something and we go home, you 93 00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,200 know, I know I should be practicing, but I really enjoy 94 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,600 spending time with that person and they're not into it. 95 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:22,800 So let me go do that instead. And that's perfectly normal. 96 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,720 We want to feel that joy of those relationships, especially 97 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,400 if it's something that we've maybe denied ourselves or been 98 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:34,360 denied in our lifetimes. So sometimes it's just a 99 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:38,320 combination of those things, just feeling, you know, drawn to 100 00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:41,200 somebody else's path for a little while because it's a 101 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,800 little more enticing or because we want to be with that person. 102 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:51,480 And then also doubly easy to do that when we think, OK, well, 103 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,240 I've been doing pretty good. I've I've licked all this anger 104 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:57,840 and animosity stuff. No more second arrows for me. 105 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,240 I'm set. And then next thing you know, 106 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:07,040 we're not. So eventually we might look 107 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:10,200 around and think, you know, how, how did I get all the way over 108 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,080 here? I used to be all the way over 109 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,440 there. Now I'm all the way over here. 110 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,520 The important thing is for us to recognize that that's not a 111 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,240 failure. It doesn't mean that you failed 112 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:22,360 at doing something or that you were bad at walking the path. 113 00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:26,440 It just means you got distracted. 114 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:29,200 And you know, we practice for that all the time in our 115 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,480 meditation. Every time a thought drags us 116 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:36,080 away and we have that pause, we come back and we begin again. 117 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:41,360 And that is the practice. In fact, if, if ever, if we 118 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,240 never ever got distracted, then we'd all be enlightened and 119 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:45,760 there wouldn't be a need for practice. 120 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:50,800 So in a certain sense, getting distracted and beginning again 121 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,320 is the practice that we're here to do. 122 00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:57,200 And so it's just another opportunity to start again. 123 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:00,080 And that's a good thing. It builds that strength. 124 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:05,800 It builds that muscle. Recognition of that, of the fact 125 00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,840 that you've stepped off of the path is already the beginning of 126 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:12,320 returning. It's the beginning of beginning 127 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:22,000 again, you know. And you know, I think one of the 128 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,560 clearest statements in the Damapada is when it says you 129 00:08:26,560 --> 00:08:30,600 yourselves must strive. The Tatagathas only point the 130 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,480 way. In other words, the Buddha can't 131 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,400 do your practice for you, you have to do your practice 132 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:38,720 yourself. And that person that drags you 133 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:42,960 away, or that maybe you let yourself be dragged away by from 134 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,480 your practice, they can't do your practice for you either. 135 00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:51,440 You have to do it yourself. Your sangha, your community of 136 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:54,240 spiritual friends can't do your practice for you, but they can 137 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,880 support you in doing your practice. 138 00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:59,840 So we've come here together. You might be struggling, you 139 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,440 might be having a hard time. And you come in here and you see 140 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:06,120 that there's people here that they can't do it for you. 141 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:10,040 They can't fix it for you. They can't tell you what's going 142 00:09:10,040 --> 00:09:12,880 to make it work because they could tell you a lot of useful 143 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:20,080 things, but you have to use the useful things and they can't do 144 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:24,240 that part for you. So even in the best 145 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:28,120 circumstances possible, you have to do your own work. 146 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:35,800 And that's what that damapata #276 means when it says you 147 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:38,960 yourselves must strive. The tatagatas, the teachers, the 148 00:09:39,040 --> 00:09:43,360 the, the enlightened ones. Buddha, in other words, can only 149 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:47,680 point the way. Even the Buddha cannot walk our 150 00:09:47,680 --> 00:09:52,360 path for us, and that means that nobody else can determine our 151 00:09:52,360 --> 00:09:56,440 path either. Teachers can't. 152 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:01,000 In fact, the talk I was going to do tonight, I almost did and I 153 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,200 just didn't feel ready to do it yet. 154 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,520 I mentioned it in Tuesday night. If you were here Tuesday night, 155 00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,920 I talked about seeing this, the building with across the street 156 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,160 with the name still. That's the name of whoever owned 157 00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:17,680 the building, I guess. And it's like carved in the 158 00:10:17,680 --> 00:10:22,400 building and it reminded me to be still. 159 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,160 That building didn't tell me to be still. 160 00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:30,680 The building reflected back at me my own mind. 161 00:10:30,680 --> 00:10:35,160 So the, you know, my mind already knew that it was active 162 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:37,800 and my mind knew that it needed to be still. 163 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:42,360 And when I saw that word on that building, I went, oh, it was a 164 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,480 reminder as a wake up call for me. 165 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:47,800 And all it really did was reflect back what I already 166 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,640 knew. My mind is busy. 167 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:56,280 I need to be still. It wasn't metaphysical, you 168 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,720 know, It wasn't the universe working through the building. 169 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,440 It wasn't. Everything happens for a reason. 170 00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:06,200 Everything does happen for a reason. 171 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:09,960 It's called karma, but it's not mystical. 172 00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:14,120 It's not magical. Things happen for reasons is 173 00:11:14,120 --> 00:11:18,240 just a way of saying that karma is based on causes and 174 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,920 conditions. Things happened in the past that 175 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:25,280 made things happen now, and the things that we react to, those 176 00:11:25,280 --> 00:11:28,000 things will make new things happen in the future. 177 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:35,120 That's just karma. And so nobody can do our 178 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:37,720 practice for us. Teachers can advise us. 179 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:41,040 In other words, when a teacher advises you, a good teacher 180 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:46,240 who's worthy of following is one who is reflecting back to you 181 00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,960 information. I've talked about this many 182 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,280 times before, mentioned this many times. 183 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:57,320 It's one of the most profound moments in my practice was when 184 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:03,000 I was I was at the Shambhala Center, which is not somewhere I 185 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:07,120 normally go, but I was at the Shambhala Center in Atlanta and 186 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,440 I was with a buddy of mine and we went to see Llamarad Owens, 187 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:15,160 who had co-authored a really great book called Radical 188 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:20,880 Dharma. And it was at a time when there 189 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:24,000 was a lot of sexual scandal going on in various Buddhist 190 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,920 communities with teachers who had lost their way. 191 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaking of stepping off the path, these teachers had stepped 192 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,440 off the path and nobody did that to him. 193 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:37,600 Nobody made them do that. They did it on their own. 194 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,960 And some of them tried to step back on the path, and some of 195 00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,640 them took a different path and called it the path. 196 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:50,240 Some of them stayed on the path they were on and just said, oh, 197 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,440 this is my path now and I'm still a Buddhist. 198 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,920 Well, you can't have it both ways. 199 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:58,840 You can't violate the precepts that a teacher holds most dear 200 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:02,280 and then still teach. You can do it, but you're not 201 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:04,640 teaching the Dharma. You're certainly not living the 202 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:10,000 Dharma. So that's my point is, is a 203 00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,760 teacher that's worthy of following is someone who is 204 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:18,480 honest, who walks the walk as best they can, who, you know, 205 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,520 doesn't come in and tell you one thing and then, you know, go do 206 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,280 something different. That doesn't mean they're 207 00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:28,040 perfect either, but it means that if they make a mistake, 208 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,680 they see that and they come back and they bring themselves back 209 00:13:30,680 --> 00:13:32,960 onto the path. Just as we're talking about 210 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:37,680 tonight. If I do something like I've so 211 00:13:37,680 --> 00:13:44,480 many times I have made mistakes, usually they are, I don't know 212 00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:47,840 what you would call them, social mistakes. 213 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:52,480 You know, where I misgender someone or I say something that 214 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,600 comes off crass or something like that. 215 00:13:55,960 --> 00:14:00,560 And when I've done that for me and I as soon as I become aware 216 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:04,160 of it, I've had to make amends for that and try to make it 217 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:08,360 right as best I could. And you know, that's normal. 218 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:10,960 That's the path. So I don't beat myself up for 219 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,400 it. I just go, oh man, I really put 220 00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,000 my foot in it there that time. I need to fix that. 221 00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:17,160 And I just do the best I can to make that happen. 222 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:21,040 And sometimes, you know, I mentioned this a couple of talks 223 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,960 back, I said sometimes when you make amends with people, they 224 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,720 don't want the amends and you have to be OK with that too. 225 00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:30,720 Doesn't mean that you can't forgive yourself, but sometimes 226 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:31,760 they're not going to forgive you. 227 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:35,040 And that's why forgiveness is not about them, it's about you. 228 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,280 You know, when you forgive somebody for something, it's up 229 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,600 to them whether they feel forgiven. 230 00:14:42,240 --> 00:14:45,640 But when you forgive somebody else, you're helping yourself. 231 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:49,840 And that's not selfish, it's just how it works. 232 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:53,440 Same way that the Buddha can't walk your path for you, other 233 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:59,440 people can't forgive you for your things that you want to 234 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:02,280 forgive yourself for. You have to forgive yourself, 235 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,400 friends. Just as teachers can challenge 236 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:13,440 us, friends can challenge us, and family can need us, and 237 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,800 people can inspire us, but ultimately, practice requires 238 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,080 personal responsibility. Especially the Buddhist path is 239 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,800 a path of personal responsibility. 240 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:33,320 So that's all it is. And a lot of times it sounds 241 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:37,600 selfish, and it's not selfish. The Buddhist path does not ask 242 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:39,520 us to stop caring about other people. 243 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,640 It asks us to learn the difference between compassion 244 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,640 and, you know, giving up the steering wheel. 245 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:58,960 But other people can sort of contribute to pulling us off the 246 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,480 path. They can't physically grab us 247 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:05,080 and take us off the path 'cause, you know, I mean, you look at 248 00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:07,560 the history. We have some examples in history 249 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:11,040 of people who practiced their practice even when they were 250 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:16,600 imprisoned by an enemy. You know, they're in prison, 251 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,200 locked away, no access to any of their spiritual stuff. 252 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,600 But as long as they can use their mind, they can practice, 253 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:32,680 and that's what they did. Usually nobody is going to 254 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:36,720 physically drag us off the path. The pulling happens internally. 255 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:40,440 Someone criticizes us and we start questioning ourselves or 256 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,520 they get angry at us and next thing you know, keeping them 257 00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:49,440 happy becomes our priority. And a lot of times keeping 258 00:16:49,440 --> 00:16:52,360 someone else happy looks like the problem. 259 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:58,760 But the real problem is that we're not willing to let them be 260 00:16:58,760 --> 00:17:02,920 unhappy for our own benefit, meaning that when we think we're 261 00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:06,440 trying to keep someone else happy or please someone else. 262 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,839 I have a teacher friend who's a people pleaser her whole life 263 00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:13,680 and she talks about this a lot. And a lot of times when we're 264 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:17,480 trying to, you know, please another person, it's not for 265 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,400 their benefit that we're trying to please them. 266 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:24,079 It's so that we're, we feel important or wanted or cared for 267 00:17:24,079 --> 00:17:27,800 or something like that. And that's just a misalignment. 268 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,760 It's not wrong or bad or anything like that. 269 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:35,560 It's just that we have allowed our understanding of 270 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:40,920 relationships to get confused. That's really all. 271 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,960 At the end of the day, that's all any suffering is, confusion. 272 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,200 If we've been pulled off the path by someone else because 273 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:55,680 we're trying to please them, it's worth considering. 274 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,440 Are we really trying to please them? 275 00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:02,160 Or is pleasing them what will allow us to feel safe and to 276 00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,040 feel wanted? And you know, that kind of 277 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,920 thing. So that sometimes is the 278 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,200 problem. And if so, it's not a thing to 279 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:13,280 beat yourself up for. Everybody loves to be wanted and 280 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,000 needed and feel cared about and all of that. 281 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,640 And sometimes we're the reason that doesn't happen, and 282 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:23,360 sometimes we're the reason that we make it happen. 283 00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,160 And it's not really for the right reason. 284 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:31,640 You know, I don't know if that made sense, but sometimes 285 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,960 someone is struggling and their suffering consumes our entire 286 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:38,120 field of awareness. And we hear that and we think 287 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:41,800 like, Oh yeah, but you know, they're, they're physically sick 288 00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:44,640 or they're, you know, they're terminally ill or, you know, 289 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,800 whatever it is. But that's not what it means. 290 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:50,480 It could mean that, but it also means that they're suffering. 291 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:52,800 When we say the reason I say this 'cause when you say 292 00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:56,520 sometimes if somebody is suffering or struggling, their 293 00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:59,840 suffering consumes our entire field of vision or field of 294 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:05,240 awareness, But their suffering doesn't have to be physical pain 295 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,160 or, you know, illness or whatever. 296 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,200 Their suffering can be greed, it can be anger, it could be 297 00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,800 violence, it could be all kinds of different things. 298 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,040 Sometimes people have expectations for us and without 299 00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:24,640 consciously deciding to, we start to sort of, you know, live 300 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,400 into those expectations. We start to become what they 301 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,880 want us to be, not who we want to be. 302 00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:34,840 And we think that we're pleasing ourselves by pleasing them, but 303 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,160 really all we're doing is pleasing them. 304 00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:41,160 And the bad news of that, the really bad news of that is a lot 305 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,360 of times the people that we think we're trying to please, 306 00:19:43,360 --> 00:19:47,040 they can't be pleased because they are suffering from 307 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:50,520 something that no amount of you doing the right thing that you 308 00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:52,760 think they want is going to please them. 309 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:57,440 They'll always want more. They'll never be satisfied with 310 00:19:57,440 --> 00:20:02,240 your attempts to please them because they don't want that. 311 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,480 If you're in a relationship where you're trying to please 312 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,000 someone else, it's a dead end road. 313 00:20:10,080 --> 00:20:15,240 It's a bottomless pit, you know. They are unhappy with 314 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,800 themselves. So you cannot fill that void in 315 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:20,440 them. Nothing you can do will fill 316 00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:24,160 that void in them, which means the void you're trying to fill 317 00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:27,760 in yourself will never be full because you'll never fulfill 318 00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:39,800 theirs. And the Buddhist insight in that 319 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:44,680 is really important, which is, you know, somebody else can 320 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:49,560 provide some conditions that affect us, but the movement 321 00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:55,560 happens in our own mind because only some of the conditions are 322 00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,800 external. Most of the conditions are 323 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:00,560 internal, and that means you're in charge of them. 324 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,640 When contact occurs, feeling arises. 325 00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,560 This is that dependent origination we've talked about 326 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:10,800 before. And then craving happens. 327 00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:16,160 Aversion, fear, attachment, identity, obligation, habits. 328 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:20,960 These things can take over. And instead of just asking like, 329 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:24,160 you know, why did that person pull away from me? 330 00:21:24,160 --> 00:21:29,280 The practice says, what is it in me that was pullable? 331 00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:33,680 What was allowing, what got stuck and enabled them to pull. 332 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,880 And that's not blame. It's not meant for anything. 333 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:43,200 Remember, one of the key things in the Dharma practices, and 334 00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:47,440 people forget this so easily and so often, one of the key things 335 00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:51,000 in our Dharma practice is that there's there is no judgment in 336 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,440 any of this. The Buddha said, you know, 337 00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,840 judgment doesn't have a place in all of this, you know, so if you 338 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,080 look at it and you say what's pullable in me, don't judge 339 00:21:59,080 --> 00:22:03,640 yourself for having a weakness, you know, for having some chink 340 00:22:03,640 --> 00:22:06,080 in the armor. You know, that's just an 341 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:11,000 observation to make so that you can improve that aspect if it 342 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:14,080 needs to be improved upon or just be aware of it so that, you 343 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,680 know, it's there. Sometimes nothing needs to be 344 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,080 fixed. You just have to know, oh, I 345 00:22:19,080 --> 00:22:22,920 have that little, you know, chink in my armor, so to speak. 346 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:33,680 It's just investigation, because that's where our freedom lies. 347 00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,320 Mara doesn't always look like temptation. 348 00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,560 We just talked about this the other day as well. 349 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:49,040 A lot of times we imagine distraction as something that's 350 00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:53,040 obviously unwholesome, but some of the most powerful 351 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,360 distractions look totally reasonable. 352 00:22:55,360 --> 00:23:01,720 In fact, they look fantastic. You know, if we have in US a 353 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:10,600 desire to be needed and someone exhibits a desire for that need, 354 00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:16,960 a place to fill with, you know, themselves with what we offer, 355 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,200 then that's that's going to be pretty enticing. 356 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,120 And it will look good. It'll look like, oh, I'm doing a 357 00:23:26,120 --> 00:23:28,200 good thing. I'm helping that person or I'm, 358 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,960 you know, I'm making myself happy. 359 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,920 Sometimes we just are going, you know, sometimes it's just to 360 00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:37,840 make ourselves feel better. If I do what that person wants, 361 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:43,240 they'll want me around and I'll feel I'll feel better and that's 362 00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:45,360 OK too. There's nothing wrong with that 363 00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:48,240 as long as you know that's what you're doing, as long as you're 364 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:51,440 doing it with intention. It's when you don't realize it's 365 00:23:51,440 --> 00:23:54,840 happening that you wake up one day and the path is over there 366 00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:58,600 and you're over here, and then that's still OK because it 367 00:23:58,600 --> 00:24:03,200 literally is one step away. The path is never more than a 368 00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:12,360 single step away. I go back to this so often, but 369 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:14,120 I just mentioned it the other night. 370 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:17,080 This is what my teacher always said about when you know, the 371 00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,840 Dharma arises when ignorance meets wisdom. 372 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:24,560 So when you are ignorant to the fact, meaning not knowing, not 373 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,920 meaning stupid, meaning not knowing, when you don't know 374 00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:31,040 that you've been, you know, you've stepped off the path. 375 00:24:31,040 --> 00:24:33,120 You're not aware of it like Dorothy in the middle of the 376 00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:35,440 poppy field. You know, when you don't know 377 00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:41,040 that you've stepped off the path, All you need is that one 378 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,000 moment where you realize, oh, I'm not where I'm supposed to 379 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,760 be. And then that path is only one 380 00:24:47,760 --> 00:24:49,880 step away. And that's when the Dharma 381 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,520 arises, when that wisdom shows up, when that wisdom shows up 382 00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:57,800 and says, you know, oh, oh, I messed up. 383 00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:05,120 You know, it's like that video trend sound, you know, it was at 384 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:10,080 that moment he knew he'd fucked up, you know, and that's it. 385 00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:13,400 It's in that moment you go, oh, I messed up. 386 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,320 And then it's just one step away. 387 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:23,440 The the the waking up to the mistake is the big gap. 388 00:25:23,840 --> 00:25:27,120 That's the hard part. Once you recognize that you've 389 00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:30,840 stepped away from your path, then the big gap has already 390 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,200 happened. You're now just one step away 391 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,680 and all you got to do is make a choice to put your foot back on 392 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,560 that path. It's all it takes. 393 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,560 Sometimes it's being needed, sometimes it's being liked. 394 00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:49,440 Avoiding conflict, keeping the peace, helping someone. 395 00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:54,840 Sometimes it's wanting to feel powerful, or wanting to feel 396 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:59,960 responsible or strong. Being the person that everybody 397 00:25:59,960 --> 00:26:03,160 can count on. And there's nothing wrong with 398 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,440 any of that. None of that is bad. 399 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,600 Just because it distracts you from your path doesn't make it 400 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,720 bad even. It just makes it distracting. 401 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:19,200 That's all it is. Something was successfully 402 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,360 distracting. I am successfully distracted 403 00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,800 probably dozens of times per day. 404 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:31,160 But I'm really good at seeing it and I'm really good at stepping 405 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:39,400 right back onto that path. Even wholesome looking things 406 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:45,120 can have or become attachments. Mara doesn't have to convince us 407 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:48,000 to abandon the past. Sometimes all that's necessary 408 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:50,120 is just so let me take care of this, I'll be right back. 409 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,120 And then five more things come up, and then another. 410 00:26:57,160 --> 00:27:01,480 And the thing that we keep postponing is our own practice, 411 00:27:01,480 --> 00:27:06,280 our own values and health and relationships, creativity and 412 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:11,240 direction. Just the other day I spoke, I 413 00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:14,480 can't recall if it was in here or in my local Sanga, but just 414 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:19,480 the other day I spoke about thought pillars I versus 415 00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:23,480 intentions. And sometimes a something that 416 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:26,960 we think is an intention is like sometimes we'll say to her, and 417 00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,160 I'm guilty of this a lot myself. And sometimes, you know, you say 418 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,680 to yourself, like for me, it's the example I used in the talk 419 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,560 was about going to the doctor. Like I know I need to go to the 420 00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:38,120 doctor. I know I do. 421 00:27:38,120 --> 00:27:40,760 I got a lot of things I need to go see a doctor about, you know, 422 00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:44,120 I need to do that. I need checkup, I need shots, I 423 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:51,040 need all kinds of stuff, you know, and I've said to myself 424 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:53,320 many times, I need to go do that. 425 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:55,720 I need to do that. I got to go to the doctor. 426 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:59,640 I need to go to the doctor. But if you notice, it's like in 427 00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,280 my mind, I've made-up my mind to go do it. 428 00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:07,240 But in reality, all I've done is had this static thought of I 429 00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,720 need to go to the doctor, which is very different from I'm going 430 00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:16,200 to make an appointment on X month, you know, first of the 431 00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:20,920 year when the new stuff kicks in for medical insurance or 432 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:22,840 whatever. I'm going to get all this taken 433 00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:27,400 care of no later than January, whatever, 15th or something like 434 00:28:27,400 --> 00:28:29,520 that. You know, and that's an 435 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,560 intention because now you have a date and you're leaning in a 436 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:36,040 direction of action. I don't mean to re give that 437 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,040 talk I already gave, but if you're interested in that, I was 438 00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:43,320 called thought pillars or pillars of thought and I posted 439 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,520 it already on the Tea with Mara podcast. 440 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,480 So you can go check that one out because it's directly tied to 441 00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,640 this. Sometimes we think, oh, I got to 442 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:57,000 get my butt back on the cushion, but that that doesn't have any 443 00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:00,680 movement to it. That's just a straight up column 444 00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:04,720 of thought, a pillar of thought. Whereas if I say, OK, I've 445 00:29:04,720 --> 00:29:07,160 slipped off the path, I haven't been practicing. 446 00:29:07,520 --> 00:29:11,040 I'm going to start meditating every morning, 9:00 AM, for at 447 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:15,400 least 10 minutes. That is an intention, not a 448 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:25,680 pillar of thought. But there's a suta where the 449 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:30,760 Buddha describes looking at his thoughts and where they lead to, 450 00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,800 you know, good or bad and or wholesome or unwholesome. 451 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,120 I talked about that the other night too, and that's what this 452 00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,880 is. That's when when you realize the 453 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,720 hard part, like I said, is realizing it. 454 00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,200 Once you realize that you are off the path, then it's just a 455 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,560 simple thing of recognizing, OK, these thoughts that I'm having, 456 00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:53,080 do they lead me, you know, in the direction I'm already going? 457 00:29:53,080 --> 00:29:54,840 Or do they lead me back to the path? 458 00:29:55,760 --> 00:29:58,320 And then you follow the thoughts that lead back to the path, 459 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:04,800 whatever those may be. You know, once we realize we've 460 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,280 been pulled away from the direction we want to be going 461 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:12,320 in, we can immediately create ourselves another problem, which 462 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,240 is called regret or blame or shame. 463 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,760 We say, oh, I've wasted so much time. 464 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:22,640 I should have known better. I always let this happen. 465 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:26,520 This always happens to me. Nobody ever really cares about 466 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,000 me. And I messed up. 467 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:32,520 You know, we start blaming ourselves, but you know, we're 468 00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,680 literally one step away from the path. 469 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:37,800 We can just go, where am I right now? 470 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,440 What direction am I facing? What's the next most wholesome 471 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:45,360 step I can take from where I am right now? 472 00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:48,400 And that's very important. That's, you know, if it sounds 473 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,520 familiar, it's the how can I do the best I can with what I have, 474 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:54,200 where I am? That's all. 475 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,440 It is not how can I fix everything in one big shot, but 476 00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:02,680 what's the next best thing that I can possibly do right now? 477 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:05,880 I'm over here. I want to be over there. 478 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,600 What can I do to take one step in that direction? 479 00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:13,480 And that's right effort. That's wise effort in the 480 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:15,440 eightfold path. It's about direction. 481 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:20,520 The Buddhist teaching of wise effort gives us a model to 482 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,160 reclaim that path, to get back on that path. 483 00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:27,520 And you know, we cultivate what is wholesome that hasn't yet 484 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:30,320 arisen. We maintain whatever's wholesome 485 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,920 that has arisen. We prevent whatever unwholesome 486 00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:37,040 states we can from arising. And we abandoned the unwholesome 487 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:40,320 states that have arisen. Talked about that in that talk 488 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,960 last the other day too. It's amazing how really how 489 00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:48,160 aligned that last talk is with this question for tonight. 490 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,960 But you know, the path that we practice is not about someday I 491 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:56,280 should get myself back on track. It's what can I cultivate right 492 00:31:56,280 --> 00:32:00,120 now? What can I do or protect right 493 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:02,760 now? What can I stop feeding right 494 00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:05,240 now? What can I let go of, renounce 495 00:32:05,720 --> 00:32:09,280 right now that's going to allow me to put something down so that 496 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,200 I can carry the things I need and get back over on that path. 497 00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:17,720 Returning where we want to be requires a little bit of 498 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:25,280 movement, and boundaries are a super important part of this 499 00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:29,040 topic. This is where, you know, 500 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:32,360 reclaiming that direction can get a little bit uncomfortable. 501 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:35,640 Sometimes it's not easy to do, and sometimes that's the reason 502 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:38,520 we're off the path in the 1st place is because it's just a lot 503 00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:41,320 easier to drift away from practice. 504 00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:47,360 Practice is not easy. It is, but it's also not. 505 00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:51,800 And sometimes we take the path of least resistance, which is 506 00:32:51,800 --> 00:32:55,040 doing the thing somebody else wants us to do or or doing the 507 00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:56,840 thing that quite honestly we want to do. 508 00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,160 Let's be honest about it. Sometimes we want to get off the 509 00:33:00,160 --> 00:33:01,760 path. Sometimes we're like, this 510 00:33:01,760 --> 00:33:04,360 sucks. This is hard work. 511 00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:11,960 It's not easy paying attention all the time, but I have a 512 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,920 little cheat for you on that. It actually is easy paying 513 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:17,120 attention all the time. People think it's hard work. 514 00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,920 It's actually not. It's really hard to build that 515 00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:22,840 habit. Once you've developed, once 516 00:33:22,840 --> 00:33:25,720 you've cultivated a habit of mindfulness, of paying 517 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:34,640 attention, then it actually does get a lot easier because it's 518 00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:38,200 like anything, it's momentum. That's what I was trying to 519 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,680 figure out what to say there. It's it's about momentum. 520 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:46,200 So you've heard me talk in the past many times about Suka loops 521 00:33:46,200 --> 00:33:48,480 and Dooka loops, and that's what it is. 522 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:51,560 Those are just feedback loops and one of them leads to 523 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:53,400 unwholesome and one of them leads to wholesome. 524 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:58,600 Duka loops is where you're suffering and it's becomes 525 00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:02,880 really easy to keep suffering. And when things are going great 526 00:34:02,880 --> 00:34:06,720 and you're happy, then it can become really easy to stay happy 527 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:10,159 too, believe it or not. But it requires a little bit of 528 00:34:10,159 --> 00:34:13,800 maintenance. You don't have to white knuckle 529 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,760 your way to awakening. You know you can. 530 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:20,000 You can get on the path and start practicing and you can 531 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,239 build a practice. And then once that practice is 532 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:26,960 established, then you can maintain it pretty easily. 533 00:34:27,199 --> 00:34:30,920 You don't have to sit for an hour every single day. 534 00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:34,400 If you can, that's awesome. If it doesn't, if it's not too 535 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:36,920 much of A struggle to do it, that's awesome. 536 00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:41,760 But when practice is difficult and you don't want to fall off 537 00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:46,480 the path, you can just like keep the wheels oiled, you know, you 538 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:51,600 can just, you can maintain that practice instead of like going 539 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:53,679 all out. And then when you're ready, you 540 00:34:53,679 --> 00:34:56,679 can go all out again, you know, so you can ebb and flow with it 541 00:34:56,679 --> 00:35:10,120 a little bit. Doesn't have to be so hard and I 542 00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,600 think I'll start to wrap us up there because we're running out 543 00:35:12,600 --> 00:35:14,480 of time. But I'll just say that. 544 00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:19,440 What else did I want to say about? 545 00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:24,360 It's a lot already. I think, you know, being 546 00:35:24,360 --> 00:35:27,920 distracted from the path does not erase the path. 547 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:31,840 One of the things I've, I always really struggled with in, in 548 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:35,280 when I worked with addiction recovery groups, I worked with a 549 00:35:35,280 --> 00:35:38,720 lot of recovery Dharma and refuge recovery and stuff like 550 00:35:38,720 --> 00:35:40,360 that. And one of the things that 551 00:35:40,360 --> 00:35:46,520 always bothered me about recovery places is that a lot of 552 00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:49,000 times people in recovery will relapse. 553 00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,400 It's very common. It's like an overwhelming 554 00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:58,640 percentage of the time. And there's this culture in some 555 00:35:58,840 --> 00:36:04,920 recovery rooms, not the ones I was part of, but in some 556 00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:10,680 recovery spaces, there's this culture where if you relapse, 557 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:13,760 they treat you like you went back to 0, like you're you 558 00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,480 starting all over again. I am not a believer in that. 559 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:20,240 And then some people in recovery might come at me for that and 560 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:22,440 fine, let them do it. I don't care. 561 00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:28,640 But I am a firm believer that every time you have a period of 562 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:34,080 wholesome, whether that's the path of practice or whether 563 00:36:34,080 --> 00:36:39,000 that's freedom from addiction or whatever, any months or years or 564 00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:44,800 time that you spend in a good place is not zeroed out by one 565 00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:55,240 mistake unless it kills you. But I I believe that when you 566 00:36:55,240 --> 00:37:00,000 have recovery time and you make a mistake, it just becomes 567 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,240 easier to recover. That's not, that's also not 568 00:37:03,240 --> 00:37:06,080 encouraging or condoning relapse. 569 00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:09,960 But relapses happen. And I think it's this way in our 570 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,560 practice as well. It's not because really, when 571 00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:15,600 you get down to it, everything is addiction. 572 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,680 We like to think it's just drugs and alcohol. 573 00:37:18,680 --> 00:37:21,520 Everything is addiction, including happiness and 574 00:37:21,800 --> 00:37:24,160 suffering. Suffering can be an addiction, 575 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:28,280 happiness can be an addiction. And if I had to be addicted to 576 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,480 one, I'd choose happiness. But really, if you're addicted 577 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:34,800 to it, you're not going to be very happy because suffering 578 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:39,640 happens, right? So point of all of that being, 579 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:44,160 don't you know, don't zero out your happiness just because you 580 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:45,800 drift off the path for a little bit. 581 00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:48,080 Just put your foot back on the path and keep going. 582 00:37:48,080 --> 00:37:54,800 It gets easier every time. You can wander for a day, a 583 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:58,120 month, for years. You can allow relationships and 584 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:02,920 obligations and fears and anger and grief and desire and other 585 00:38:02,920 --> 00:38:06,840 people's expectations to determine your direction for a 586 00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:11,080 really long time. And then at some point, just 587 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,160 like when you're meditating and your mind wanders, at some point 588 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:19,280 there's a pause and you realize, oh, wait, this isn't where I was 589 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:22,760 meant to be going. And that's when you recognize 590 00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,640 that that's that big gap that's hard to recognize. 591 00:38:25,640 --> 00:38:31,040 Once you have that recognition, you just put your foot back on 592 00:38:31,040 --> 00:38:33,200 the path. Mindfulness has already 593 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,120 returned. You just have to figure out 594 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,080 what's the next most skillful step I can take in this moment. 595 00:38:38,360 --> 00:38:41,320 Discernment has returned. Choice has returned. 596 00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,760 But you know the Buddha didn't demand that we explain why we 597 00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,200 wandered before we're allowed to get back to it. 598 00:38:47,400 --> 00:38:50,080 He didn't even care. He didn't care why you got off 599 00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:53,000 the path. Doesn't matter why you're off 600 00:38:53,000 --> 00:38:57,440 the path is useless information. What matters is how do you put 601 00:38:57,440 --> 00:39:01,120 your foot back on that path. And that's it. 602 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:08,680 Let me see. Yeah, let's just do a super 603 00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:26,010 brief sit with that and if you're not already in a 604 00:39:26,010 --> 00:39:29,850 posture, take one up that you can maintain for 5 or 10 minutes 605 00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:41,560 here. And if that's standing, then 606 00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:46,800 that's fine. For many of us it will be 607 00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,320 sitting. For some of us, it might be 608 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:51,440 standing. If it's walking, that's OK too. 609 00:39:54,040 --> 00:40:02,520 If it's reclining, that's OK. Whatever posture you are able to 610 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,360 maintain for a few minutes is fine. 611 00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:12,880 And for this period of time is 5 or 10 minutes here, I don't want 612 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:16,240 you to really do anything. I just want you to notice what's 613 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:18,680 happening in your body right now, what's happening in the 614 00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:23,600 mind, any thoughts that are racing around trying to get your 615 00:40:23,600 --> 00:40:25,280 attention. Just notice them and let them 616 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,240 keep moving. It's like catch and release, you 617 00:40:28,240 --> 00:40:33,640 know, capture them, band them and then let them run around so 618 00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:38,720 that we can track them. We don't even really care about 619 00:40:38,720 --> 00:40:40,680 tracking them. If they can go off on their own, 620 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:46,680 it's fine. And notice the aches and pains 621 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:51,480 and feelings and good and bad that are in the body in a 622 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:55,200 wholesome and unwholesome, not good and bad. 623 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,840 I guess just notice what's going on. 624 00:40:57,840 --> 00:41:09,000 And then as you kind of complete that, it might take you a 625 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:12,600 moment, it might take you several minutes, but when you're 626 00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:15,760 done noticing whatever's going on in your experience, start to 627 00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:19,760 let go of those things and, you know, let them fade to the 628 00:41:19,760 --> 00:41:25,040 background. And then for the rest of this 629 00:41:25,040 --> 00:41:31,160 meditation, all I want you to do is just see if you can tell 630 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:37,120 anytime your mind is pulled away. 631 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,760 Notice what it is about. That felt good. 632 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,160 What is it that made you willing to get pulled away? 633 00:41:46,240 --> 00:41:47,960 And that can be really difficult to see. 634 00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:49,720 So if you don't see it, that's OK. 635 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,040 Just notice that you didn't see it. 636 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:58,400 That's good information too. I don't know why my mind latched 637 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:03,200 on to that thought. It could be as easy as it seems 638 00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,560 important to me. Grocery shopping have to do 639 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:07,320 tomorrow. I'm going to have to get some 640 00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:09,200 stuff. My cornbread went bad. 641 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:13,600 I got to go get new cornbread, and I got to make another pot of 642 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:17,040 chili. You know, it could just be 643 00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:21,840 you're hungry, or it could just be that nobody's going to do it 644 00:42:21,840 --> 00:42:29,040 for you, so you got to do it. Or it could be that you don't 645 00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:33,040 want to meditate and anything is better than meditating. 646 00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:39,840 Maybe you don't want to sit down, so you stand up. 647 00:42:48,760 --> 00:42:51,400 Sometimes we don't even control these things. 648 00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:10,400 But when you notice it, you can go, oh, OK, I didn't really plan 649 00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:15,240 to do that, but here I am. Let me step back on to what I 650 00:43:15,240 --> 00:43:20,480 was doing, Meditating, breathing in and breathing out. 651 00:43:28,750 --> 00:43:35,630 And it's that easy. Now, I'll tell you something I 652 00:43:35,630 --> 00:43:41,440 didn't say all night tonight. I'll tell you the really bad 653 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:56,560 news. The really bad news is that this 654 00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:03,000 can only be solved by you. I guess I did tell you that 655 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:04,000 tonight. I lied. 656 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:07,720 But only you can do this. Nobody can do it for you. 657 00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:11,040 So once you know it, you know, Buddhism ruins everything. 658 00:44:11,840 --> 00:44:15,800 Once you know that this is your responsibility, you can't 659 00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,000 pretend it's somebody else's any longer. 660 00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:23,800 If you say I, you know, I let somebody pull me off the path, 661 00:44:24,600 --> 00:44:27,160 you might really believe that. You might think that that's what 662 00:44:27,160 --> 00:44:29,800 happened to somebody else, pulled you off the path. 663 00:44:32,160 --> 00:44:34,680 And that is completely understandable. 664 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:43,400 But the bad news is that once you know that it's actually your 665 00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:47,280 own personal responsibility, whether or not you practice and 666 00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:51,920 whether or not you allow somebody to, you know, whether 667 00:44:51,920 --> 00:44:56,760 or not you respond to the call is in your power to control. 668 00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,440 And then once you know that, you can't unknown that. 669 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:06,200 So now when it happens, you have to go, oh, I did that, but it's 670 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:11,400 OK because as bad a news as that may sound, that you can't blame 671 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,600 somebody else's, you got to ultimately take responsibility. 672 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:17,560 The good news is it's super easy right then to fix it. 673 00:45:18,120 --> 00:45:23,560 You just go breathing in, know that I'm breathing in, breathing 674 00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:30,720 out, know that I'm breathing out and it's that easy. 675 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:38,360 You're back and then you have to do it again and again. 676 00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,240 And then when something comes up that's really enticing, you go, 677 00:45:41,240 --> 00:45:44,480 oh, maybe I can go do that thing one more time. 678 00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:46,800 You can. And you can come back 679 00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:49,280 afterwards. But if you don't want to go over 680 00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:52,560 there, you can also say, no, it's OK to have healthy 681 00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:56,400 boundaries, and boundaries aren't. 682 00:45:56,920 --> 00:46:01,840 I'm not going to allow that person not to come here, not to 683 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,040 tell me what to do or whatever boundaries are. 684 00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:10,960 I'm not going to respond to this or to that. 685 00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,240 Boundaries are set for us, not for others. 686 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:24,200 It's what we will allow ourselves to tolerate, not what 687 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:30,280 we will take from somebody else. So just notice that in your 688 00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,960 thinking and your thoughts as they come and go, and see what 689 00:46:33,960 --> 00:46:42,080 you can do about it. And in the interest of time, 690 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:46,200 we'll wind up there. We'll start noticing our bodies 691 00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:51,520 again, start noticing the space, just moving around a little bit 692 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:56,440 if you need to, wiggling the extremities, rolling the neck, 693 00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:01,720 lifting the shoulders and dropping them, and ending with a 694 00:47:01,720 --> 00:47:10,000 nice big in breath and a stretch and a long slow exhale. 695 00:49:30,920 --> 00:49:33,920 You're still here. It's over. 696 00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:36,120 Go. Practice. 697 00:49:37,520 --> 00:49:37,920 Go.