Hey there, and welcome to the show.
This is Jules, the Budget Nerd, and I am so glad that you're
here. I want to say a special shout
out to Alexis. It's so great to meet you.
Thanks for listening to the show.
And a special welcome as well to April and Stacy, who have
downloaded the freebies on my website.
So thank you so much for jumping in and being a part of this
community. Today we are going to talk about
money mindsets and why, especially if ADHD is something
that's part of our life, why it's so important and how it
could possibly matter more than budgeting.
So this is going to be a great episode. 1 of the things that I
love talking about is money. Obviously sometimes it's our
money mistakes that really get to be the big hang up for us.
And I know for myself, that was a huge part of my journey,
especially being taught how to manage my money.
I even got a degree in economics and still end up in $107,000 in
debt. Have you ever made the same
money mistakes so many times that you just started believing
that it's just who you are? So if you, if that's you, this
episode is absolutely for you because I see you, I hear you
and I have been in your shoes before because you know, our
culture says, you know, the same and you know, doing something
over and over again and, and expecting different results is
the definition of insanity. But I think that this kind of
stuff is not helping us. And so that kind of mentality is
not, is not serving us well and especially when it comes to our
money and managing it, if it, if ADHD is something that's
challenge for us. And so today we're going to talk
about some of those common things and ways to move past
those. So some of the examples that I
have come across and also been through myself is that overdraft
that just keeps having over and over again.
Maybe it's some of that emotional spending.
Hello, been there. Retail therapy is a thing.
Maybe it's avoiding even looking at your budget or your bank
account because you just, your brain wants to protect you from
what is going to be there. And maybe it's just starting
over and over every month because we're stuck in this all
or nothing mindset. So what I want you to hear me
say today is money mistakes are just data.
It's information for us to make different decisions.
So it allows us to recognize patterns and those patterns can
reveal the beliefs that we have about money.
And one thing that I've experienced and I know a lot of
people that I work with, experience is some shame around
our money. And so shame is what keeps us
stuck longer than the actual mistake itself.
Today is a good one. We are not talking about
spreadsheets today. Although if you want to talk
about spreadsheets, I've got another episode, I'm sure about
that. We're talking about identity and
why changing our mindset, shifting our mindset and our
perception of money can really drive the financial behavior
that we have been craving. And that is going to help us be
successful in budgeting, in our personal finances.
And also we're going to allow ourselves some opportunity to
work with our ADHD brains instead of the extremes of the
all or nothing thinking that we can get stuck in sometimes.
So if you recognize yourself in some of these financial
patterns, so those patterns are trying to tell us something.
It's not necessarily that we're bad at math because, you know,
things that maybe would overdraft our account.
Sometimes it's things that we have these these avoidance
behaviors or these emotional regulation struggles.
Maybe we've got some past identity.
Maybe with the way we were brought up in our thoughts about
money, maybe we are stuck in survival mode and my pattern
that isn't allowing us to see things for what they are.
So some of the ways those identity beliefs can show up are
when we say things like I'm just bad with money or I'm never
going to get ahead. Maybe you've said budgeting just
doesn't work for me and I will just ruin everything financially
or one of my favorites, not my favorite, but one that I hear
like, you know what, I'm just going to be in debt forever.
And so you know, I'm here. This is this is where we're at.
And so I want to, I want you to reframe some of those thoughts
because this is where if you've ever heard that saying, you know
what, what you think about, you bring about.
And so for myself, this was really helpful to say, Hey, you
know what that isn't? That is an old belief about
myself. The new me is going to think
about things a little bit differently.
And so when we choose to think differently and when we choose
that, then our behavior follows along with it.
So that helps us reduce some stress.
OK, so some of those hidden identity beliefs lead to a
pattern of behavior that's usually about protecting
something. So it could be a stress relief,
it could be dopamine search, it could be control, it could be
safety, and it could be something like comfort.
There's a lot of things that can come into that.
And so the way that our brains think is we are often seeking
out quick relief or quick stimulation.
It doesn't mean that we are lazy or irresponsible.
It means that our systems need to support our brain instead of
fighting against it. And this is what I found with
some traditional, you know, budgeting and restrict
restricted spending is that our brains naturally want to rebel
against that. That's just how we are.
And so how can we take that information and shift it so that
it serves us better? All right, So that's
information, right? But sometimes that information,
if we aren't framing it correctly, can lead into these
patterns of shame. And this is where we can get
stuck. What I have found in my, in my
personal experience and working with other clients is that shame
can feel like it's creating something good, but it's not
necessarily. So what I mean by that is we are
avoiding situations that we should probably address.
We might be hiding from things that we don't want to face.
We could indulge in the impulse spending to a level that is
maybe out of control and also sabotaging those financial goals
that we have for ourselves. Or we get into this financial
freeze mode. Let's pull send this in.
A moment of shame turns 1 mistake into a complete spiral.
So that is like, you know what we've overspent so let's ignore
the bank account. Maybe it's avoiding opening your
bills when they come in the mail or they pop up on your e-mail
and you're like, I'm going to deal with that later, but later
never comes, right? Or maybe it is restarting every
every Monday or every month restarting our budget because we
didn't do great on Friday or Saturday and then we just
restart. So what if we change some of
those things up? What if we shifted that because
we don't want to shame ourselves into this long term financial
consistency. And we also don't want to put
ourselves into these mindsets where we ask ourselves
constantly why am I like this and what you know, we can figure
out what that is. So one of the things that's
helpful that I've done is what is the thing that triggered that
initial event? So was there a specific need
that I was trying to meet that wasn't getting met?
And so I decided to go, you know, the retail therapy route
or I'm avoiding this because I know that, you know what,
there's not going to be enough money in the account for the
bills this month. So I'm going to avoid it because
if I don't look at it, it's not happening, right?
And that experience for myself was not the case.
It just made the situation worse.
And so I want you to hear me say you don't have to do this part
alone. And this is what we talked about
inside the membership because these identity shifts are going
to be the things that help change your future, but also
your kids future. And how you talk about money
around your kids. It is also the precursor to in
the financial success, instead of saying I'm trying to budget,
we can shift and say I'm becoming someone who plans
ahead. And maybe you've said before,
I'm terrible with money. So that mindset shift could be
I'm learning how to manage my money differently.
All right. So some, some strategies that
can help, especially with ADHD brains is building systems
around your energy and your habits and focusing on those
tiny repeatable wins. So one of the things that we do
is we remove points of friction or points of where we we reduce
the mental load. So that is automating certain
bills. It's simplifying the number of
categories maybe or the number of bank accounts and that we
have. So we're not shifting money
around and creating a complicated system for
ourselves. Also creating a budget will help
reduce that decision fatigue. So you know, already ahead of
time. OK, you know what I've looked at
this month and I know that my kid has a dance recital this
month. So I know I'm going to have some
extra expenses there and I'm going to have some extra
expenses because the end of the year, the school year is coming
up, that kind of stuff. And you can know what you're
going to be able to say yes to before that time comes.
That is a super big gift to your future self.
So some ways that you can continue to build your
confidence in these, in these exercises for shifting your
mindset is celebrating those small consistent wins.
So maybe it is, you know what I looked at my bank account and I
did at my 10 minute money reset this week, celebrate that.
That's amazing. Track that evidence of growth.
Now this is really fun. I just got a message in our in
our group chat for the membership.
One of the members has been with me since the very beginning as a
whole binder of all of her stuff.
And she said it's really been really fun to look back and see
how things have changed and grown for her.
And so keeping track of that, keeping some visuals, some
reminders of the things that you have done, because those are
going to be things that you're going to lean on when times get
tough. And maybe sometimes you feel
like, you know what, I'm not making any progress.
And then you look back and you go, Oh my gosh, I actually did.
I paid off $1000 last month in debt or I, you know, paid off my
credit card, I paid for my car, those kinds of wins.
Or it could be, you know what, I went to Target and I didn't get
a coffee this time because that was one of my goals.
All right, Those kinds of things.
And then it's creating these little wins for yourself, these
little promises that are tiny enough for you to maintain.
So if it's something that you're like really struggling with,
let's break it down into a smaller bite so you can eat one
about one elephant, one bite at a time.
And so let's let's break it down.
What's a smaller win that you could capitalize on and that
that will build? Confidence is the thing that's
going to build through evidence, not motivation.
And when we build that confidence, that's when it
starts to ripple effect into other areas, not only of our
life, but in of our money. So when we build these tiny
habits and these tiny wins for ourselves, that proves to our
brain, one, we are capable of doing it.
And two, it knows that all right, I'm going to follow
through with this. I have set a goal for myself and
I'm going to follow through with it.
Those are big. All right.
How are so when we talk about healing some of these financial
things, these financial setbacks for ourselves or maybe our old
ways of doing things, one of the biggest things that not only is
creating these manageable, these manageable goals for ourselves,
but also having compassion for ourselves and compassion is not
excuse making. It is grace for ourselves that
we are learning something new. It's not going to be perfect
every time. And I would also, I would also
say it's probably not going to be perfect ever.
I know I'm not perfect when it comes to my money management.
I have worked really hard to set up a system that has worked for
our family. And that's what I love teaching
because I went through all of the trial and errors, the things
that I was like, this works, you know, cutting out all the
coupons and all the things. And I was like, this is, this
isn't something that's sustainable for our family.
And so the system that I teach is what is sustainable for our
for our family. And I love sharing it with you.
So remembering that compassion is important for yourself in
this process because as we learn something new, we're going to
make mistakes, but those is remember that is information
that's data for us to make different decisions moving
forward. And accountability still
matters. And accountability is not a,
it's not a, it's not a bad word. It's not about beating ourselves
up because we made a mistake. It is the thing that's going to
help us create that change for ourselves.
And so like right now we're in the middle as I record this,
we're in the middle, the savings challenge for the summer.
And part of it is just sending me an e-mail back saying, Hey, I
did the thing for today or this was my win for today.
And it is not a, I'm going to, you know, keep track kind of
thing or it's not that you're going to have any less success.
It is just knowing that someone could check in on you about
something and having that accountability also is going to
help with your success. So, So what if we stopped
treating our mistakes like identity labels and we actually
treated them like the things that they are?
It's information, information for us to do things a little bit
differently next time, right? Just like we do with our kids.
Do we say, oh, you are, you know, we're not going to tell
our kids they're a mistake if they make a mistake or that
they're, you know, bad at this. They're learning it.
And just like you, this is something new that maybe you
have tried before and it hasn't worked well for you because
maybe the system wasn't set up for you or maybe there's
something you've never learned. So having compassion for
yourself and having grace for yourself is very, very important
because this is a journey. It's not an overnight thing
where you are with your financial goals right now didn't
happen overnight. And then getting to a place
where you're more comfortable with those, you're more
confident with those does take time.
So, but remember, your worst money decision does not get to
become your permanent identity. So there you go.
I think that's some good stuff right there.
Your worst money decision does not need to become your
permanent identity. All right, there it is.
All right. So while I am not a therapist or
a counselor of any kind, I am a financial coach and one of the
things I love to do is just have conversations with listeners
about what is going on with your finances and help you fix the
one thing that's getting you stuck right now.
I've started these Borrow My Brain sessions where you can
book a 15 minute session with me and I will help you unpack the
situation that you're going through and get you your next
best step so that you can get unstuck.
So the cool thing about this is that sometimes these might make
for a great episode of the show here.
So you could be featured on the show.
You can be anonymous if you would like also, but I'm going
to leave that link in the show notes so you can book your
Borrow My Brain session. All right, so before we sign
off, I want to remind you that your money habits can change
faster than the story you've told yourself about them.
Healing your finances starts with changing the way that you
see yourself and your money. And also you are not your
overdraft fee, your debt balance, your credit score, or
your financial past. So I am excited to have a
conversation with you. If you want want to talk more
about this or another thing that is getting you stuck in your
money, jump on my website and book your book your borrow my
brain session. All right, we'll see you in the
next episode. Thank you for.
Tuning into the debt rebel show today ready to take your family
budgeting to the next level stop that paycheck to paycheck grind
and start living debt free head over to my website
debtrebelpodcast.com that's. DEBTREDE.
Elpodcast.com to grab resources, tools and tips to make it
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Be such a gift for both of us, your friend and me, if you share
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life starts with one brave step and I'm cheering you on every
step of the way. We'll talk soon.
Debt Rebel.