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Right mom, have you ever told 
Right Mama? 

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Have you ever told your kid no 
to something small? 

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And then it spiraled into this 
guilt like you're the worst 

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parent ever? 
OK, so if you have, you are not 

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alone. 
You are definitely not a bad 

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parent. 
So saying no is hard because we 

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love our kids. 
But what if telling them no is 

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the in the short term is 
actually one of the most loving 

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things that we can do? 
So today we're going to be 

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talking about why we feel so 
guilty when we tell our kids no 

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and what to do about it. 
So stick around, you're going to

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like this one. 
Welcome to the Debt Ripple 

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podcast where we discuss the 
insurance and outs of personal 

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finance for families so you can 
eliminate the burden of debt, 

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create financial margins, and 
learn a new way to interact with

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your money. 
I'm your host, Jules the Budget 

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Nerd, and I have been in your 
shoes. 

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My husband and I have paid off 
over $107,000 in consumer debt 

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until we finally threw in the 
towel and decided it wasn't for 

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us. 
Throughout our journey, we 

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learned another way to do life 
without debt, and that's my hope

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for you. 
You can learn more about our 

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story and see full show what's 
on my website, 

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julesthebudgetnerd.com. 
That's JEWLZ, the budget 

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nerd.com. 
Now let's dive into today's 

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episode. 
All right, so welcome to today's

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episode. 
And this one is to call out that

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mom guilt. 
I know I've had this 

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conversation. 
Allison, this one's for you. 

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We and man, we as moms can feel 
that serious mom guilt, right? 

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So maybe our kids ask for 
something and we just feel like 

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we're saying no. 
So my husband calls it vitamin N

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and he loves saying no. 
But I also, I'm like, OK, this 

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is really challenging because I 
feel like all I'm doing is 

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saying no. 
When we say no, it isn't 

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necessarily about the thing that
we're saying no to. 

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There's some emotion behind it, 
but it can also be the most 

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loving thing that we can do for 
our kids. 

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So I want to break down the root
cause of why we feel this guilt 

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sometimes. 
So sometimes it could be we feel

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like we are providing when we 
provide that is tied to love. 

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So especially if this is 
something that you didn't have 

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growing up, this could be 
something that when you had the 

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opportunity now to parent that 
you want to do differently. 

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Sometimes it's we have just that
pressure from social media to 

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give our kids everything. 
And I know that my daughter will

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see stuff on TV and she's like, 
I want this. 

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And she knows all these brands 
and all these things. 

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And I was like, Oh my gosh, how 
do you know all of this stuff? 

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You're 6, how do you know this? 
These are not things. 

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The world was a very different 
when I was 6. 

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So we have to take into account 
that there is a lot of outside 

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noise that not only do our kids 
see, but we also see. 

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And so we can feel that pressure
whether we recognize it or not. 

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Are we, Oh, not necessarily that
we're succumbing to it, but that

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there is a lot of outside noise 
saying that we need to give our 

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kids these things. 
So that also leads me to FOMO, 

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the fear of missing out. 
Maybe that's we don't want our 

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kids to miss out on things. 
Maybe we don't want to ourselves

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miss out on things. 
And so that's where that guilt 

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feeling can come in. 
OK, mom math, this one right 

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here gets me going. 
So that's that mental gymnastics

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of like, I should just make it 
work, right? 

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And so we are going to make it 
work for our family. 

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We're going to make it work for 
our kids. 

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And so this is one that I feel 
like could be a real hot button 

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for myself because this is the 
lie right here that kept our 

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family in that debt cycle was 
I'll just figure out I'm I'm 

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just going to make it work. 
I'm just going to make it work. 

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We got to keep the lights on. 
So I'm going to put it on a 

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credit card. 
I'm just going to make it work. 

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And so that is a lie. 
I'm just going to call it what 

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it is, and we're going to talk 
about that more in a little bit.

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We going back to why we feel 
that guilt is we want to give 

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our kids the world. 
We want them to have things 

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maybe that we didn't have. 
And if we give them everything, 

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they might not necessarily 
understand how the world works 

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if we give them everything. 
So just like we have to work for

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things, that's something that is
important for them to learn. 

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So how do we take that mom guilt
and eliminate it or turn that 

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into a confident feeling when it
comes to our money and how we 

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approach spending money with our
kids? 

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So I want, OK, so one of the 
things that we can remember when

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it feels hard to say no is that 
we are modeling for our kids. 

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We are modeling delayed 
gratification now. 

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Delayed gratification is 
something that our culture I 

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feel like is just completely 
void of most of the time. 

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And this is a really, really 
important thing for kids to 

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learn. 
It's really also important for 

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us as adults to learn. 
But this, if we love our kids 

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the way that I know that you do,
modeling this for your children 

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is going to serve them so well 
in the future. 

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So delayed gratification, 
they're going to learn how to 

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handle disappointment, but 
you're going to be there to 

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support them. 
And that right there, friend, is

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emotional gold. 
Because if they think they can 

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get whatever they want for four 
easy payments or they can just 

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put it on a credit card and deal
with it later, they're going to 

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continue that cycle. 
And I know that you don't want 

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that for your kids. 
So when we model that delayed 

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gratification, that's a huge 
win. 

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We're helping to build future 
security and not just that 

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present pleasure. 
So when we say no to a $30 toy 

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that our kid asks for, it's 
because we're saying yes to a 

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debt free family vacation next 
summer. 

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Or you're saying yes to taking 
some time off so that you can, 

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you know, cozy up in the winter 
time next to the fire with your 

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with your family and not have to
worry and you can enjoy time 

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together. 
Maybe it's when you say no to 

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that $30 toy that your kids 
asking for. 

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Maybe it's so that you can take 
that extra day off and spend 

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their birthday with them when 
you're usually supposed to be at

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work. 
You can take that time off and 

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it's not going to completely 
destroy your financial financial

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plan. 
Another thing that's really cool

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is when we feel like no can be a
hard thing to swallow is when we

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say yes to our values. 
It's not just the stuff. 

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So when we say, hey, we're not 
going to be buying that today, 

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but we can bake cookies 
together. 

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We can save up for that special 
thing later. 

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And so it isn't about not having
the thing. 

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It's about aligning your your 
spending with your goals and 

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your values for your family. 
So one of the things that I 

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teach inside the Alliance 
coaching membership is that if 

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someone was to look at your 
spending, your budget for the 

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month, would they know what 
matters most to you and your 

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family? 
And that's where this comes in 

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is when we, you know what your 
family values more if it's, and 

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sometimes it is things because 
there are certain things that 

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our family needs in this in this
season. 

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But when you know what those 
things are, you can say yes 

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confidently or you can say no 
confidently because you know 

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what matters most to you and 
your family. 

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Remember that no is not a 
rejection. 

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It is just a redirection towards
what matters most to you and 

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your family. 
So how can we practice saying no

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and have peace about it and not 
that shame spiral that goes out 

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of control? 
So one thing that has been 

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really helpful for me is decide 
what my know is ahead of time. 

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So maybe you know what, when 
you're at the grocery store or 

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you know that OK, your kid asks 
every single time when you're in

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a specific store or a place and 
they say they always ask. 

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So for instance, my daughter 
always asks for an IC and when 

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we go to the trampoline place. 
So I will let her know ahead of 

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time. 
All right, today is not an icy 

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day, but you're not going to be 
getting 1 today. 

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And so when I let her know that 
ahead of time on, I've 

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communicated that to her, but 
also I am setting that that 

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boundary and I am sticking with 
that. 

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But I've also decided ahead of 
time that that's going to be in 

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my know. 
And maybe, you know, you can 

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experiment and let in if this 
is, as you know, a continual 

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cycle that your your kids are in
is sometimes maybe it's 

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communicating that before you go
or knowing for yourself. 

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Like I'm going to hold firm to 
this. 

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And one thing that we talk about
a lot is just because I say no 

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now doesn't mean that it's it's,
it's, it's just no now. 

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But maybe there's some other 
alternatives. 

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So it kind of just takes when 
you know you're going to say no 

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ahead of time is have an 
alternative available. 

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So this is kind of where it goes
to that redirection. 

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And this is really helpful for 
kids to not just ourselves, but 

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to say, hey, OK, just because 
we're going to say no to this, 

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it means that we're going to do 
this. 

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So for example, when my daughter
asks for an IC and I've already 

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decided ahead of time that today
is going to be a no icy day, 

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then I say, hey, we know what 
no, I see now, but when we get 

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home you can have this or 
whatever. 

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So offering an alternative is 
very helpful. 

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Also letting your kids be a part
of the plan. 

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Now this one, obviously you want
to do age appropriate, but I 

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started this early on with my 
daughter and it's been very 

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helpful is just having like 
those saving charts or creating 

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a wish list of things that you 
want to be saving for or 

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planning ahead for, but let your
kids be part of that process. 

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Now, the really cool thing about
that is is when you say no and 

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then refer back to that thing 
that they were saving for, 

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they're going to make that 
connection in their brain. 

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It's also going to help them 
deal with that disappointment 

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that they didn't get the thing 
that they asked for. 

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But it's also going to help 
their brain make that connection

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that, hey, just because my mom 
said no to this doesn't mean I 

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don't get this really cool thing
later on that our family really 

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wants to do. 
Or, you know, maybe it's 

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something that they want to save
up for, that kind of thing. 

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So it's very important. 
These are some really great ways

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that you can teach your children
now without sitting down and 

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saying, hey, here's our whole 
budget and a spreadsheet. 

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But these are some really easy 
ways that you can invite your 

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kids into this process with you 
at an age appropriate level, but

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to help them understand the 
value of money and managing 

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their money and then celebrate 
the values behind the reasons 

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why you're saying no. 
So some of the things could be, 

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you know, if your family values 
just enjoying what you have 

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contentment. 
Maybe it's that you know, it's a

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teamwork thing. 
Everyone's working together for 

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this common goal. 
Maybe you want to help instill 

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patients in your kids those 
types of things. 

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And so celebrating those things 
and reminding them and keeping 

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those as teaching moments is 
going to be really helpful for 

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them in the long term. 
So now we've we've covered a lot

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of things today. 
And so I hope that this is 

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helpful for you because that 
shame and that guilt feeling, 

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those things are temporary and 
in the moment and they do pass. 

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But let's change those. 
Let's reframe those so that when

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we say no, it's so that we can 
say yes to other things in the 

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future that matter more to us 
and our family. 

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So this is where I like to lean 
in and really remind you that it

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when you say no to certain 
things, that guilt, let it pass 

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quickly. 
Because this is about parenting 

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with intention and allowing 
yourself and your family to 

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build a better budget, but also 
to build better connections as a

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family and grow stronger and get
to that goal faster of 

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eliminating your debt. 
Because when you do eliminate 

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that debt, life gets even 
better. 

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I know it's great now, but it 
gets even better when you don't 

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have the stress of money and 
debt and maintaining all of that

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stuff because you're able to be 
more present with your kids and 

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create the family memories that 
you want instead of paying for 

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the things that you haven't 
necessarily used or are broken 

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in the past. 
So if you're trying to, if 

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you're like, hey, I do want to 
break free from that guilt, that

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overspending and the pressure 
just to keep up. 

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I really want to encourage you 
to check out the Alliance 

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00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,720
coaching membership because this
is how we learn as a community 

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to parent and budget with 
confidence. 

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But also we get support from 
other moms that are saying yes 

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to purpose and no to the 
pressure. 

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We I have there's some live 
coaching opportunities 

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throughout the month. 
We get together and we plan our 

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budgets every single month. 
And no, not the type where you 

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have to share your screen and 
all that kind of stuff, but I'm 

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going to remind you of a few 
things that can slip through the

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cracks when it comes to our 
monthly planning. 

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And it's real talk, but it is 
not about the shame and the 

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guilt and all of the ick that 
goes with managing our money. 

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It's about having real access to
myself and to other families 

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that are doing the exact same 
thing because this is this is 

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countercultural. 
This is not what the world is 

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saying. 
Like, hey, we just want to give 

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our kids everything. 
And I know that you want to give

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your kids the world in the most 
positive, encouraging and 

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healthy way for them. 
And so when we do that together 

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in this in this type of setting,
and we can plan ahead some of 

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those things that we know 
they're going to ask for every 

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single time we go to the 
trampoline place, right? 

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We can make empowered decisions 
for our family and be confident 

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with how we spend our money 
because we know that it aligns 

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with what matters most to our 
family. 

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So if that sounds like something
that you're like, yes, I'm 

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absolutely on board with that. 
Or maybe you just want some more

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00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:37,120
information, you can go to 
julesthebudgetnerd.com slash 

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00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:43,440
membership that's JEWLZ the 
budget nerd.com/membership and 

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00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:47,200
join us inside the alliance. 
So you do not have to do this 

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00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,320
alone and you do not have to 
keep spending money to prove 

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00:14:50,320 --> 00:14:52,760
your love. 
So until next time, stay 

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00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,400
resilient. 
Thank you for listening to the 

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00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,960
Debt Rebel podcast. 
Now, if you want to take your 

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00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:02,000
next step, check out my website,
jewelsthebudgetnerd.com. 

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00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,560
That's JEWLZ, the budget 
nerd.com. 

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I've created a bunch of 
resources just for you. 

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So hop on over, check it out, 
and we can connect more there. 

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If you love today's episode, I 
would be honored if you would 

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00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,840
hit that subscribe button and 
leave me a review. 

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And remember, every step towards
financial independence is a 

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00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,920
rebellion against debt. 
So stay strong, keep pushing 

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00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:27,240
forward, and fight the good 
fight until next time. 

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Debt rebels stay resilient.