I'm Michael Che and I'm Colin Jose, and we've got a little
secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock, exactly how it's called
New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that only features
drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Ladies and gentle sippers,
welcome. I'm trying it out.
I don't know if that works, but you got to try these things.
Welcome to this episode of the Tea With Me podcast.
I hope you have your tea in hand like myself.
I hope that's all you have in your hand, by the way, because
most people get really excited for this podcast.
I'm drinking under my Belfast Blues mug, which Belfast Blues
was. Of course, the web series that
me and my friend Aaron Butler made showed it to my man Aaron
Butler. We made it.
We loved it. You guys didn't know a lot.
Yeah, yeah, we, we had a great time making that.
And at the time we were thinking if people like this half as
much, if people get as much fun, right, of watching this as we
had make and it will be on the winner.
And you didn't have half as much fun watching it as we did making
it. But but look, you got to learn.
You got to learn from your mistakes.
Go, we are what? I'm not allowed to make a
mistake. Oh, because you are all perfect.
Uh huh, Uh huh. Sitting over your big pancake
heads. I don't know.
I don't know, but I mean, I'm enjoying that tea.
That's, that's my first cup of tea of the day.
My first, first of many, first of many.
I think because I, I'm, I people will know that I, people know I
do this podcast. I think people will start to
really start associating me with tea and it will get to the point
where it's, it's a hindrance to my life.
You know, I think I'll be in cafes and restaurants and people
will be like here, send the tea over to that fella.
Tell him, tell him I sent it, you know, and I'll just be, I'll
just be in cafes and I already have tea.
But the waitress will come over and go.
That's from the jet. That's from the gentleman at the
bar there in the windbreaker. And I look over, it's just a 50
year old guy going, you know. But I think I'll be happy
enough. I think I'll be happy enough for
that. So I had a big day yesterday
because I went out. There you go.
I went out, I, I ventured away from my home because I had a
hospital appointment and it was weird because I didn't know.
So essentially, to provide you with a bit of background, I get
infusions every eight weeks. And Infusions definitely does
sound like a really cool indie band from about, I don't know,
2006. The Infusions.
The the infusions would definitely support the Pigeon
Detectives. She's got everything he wants.
She's got everything he needs. Take her back.
Take her back to your place. I mean, that was a weird song.
The Pigeon Detectives. It was, I think it was a, a song
about a pedo. She's not sure what he should
do. She's 17, he's 22.
Does that make no difference? Does that make a difference?
Yeah, but let me get the lyrics to that song because I I think
we missed a lot of warning signs and not Pigeon.
Like, why were they not reporting this guy?
Pigeon Detectives take take Her Back lyrics.
By the way, how good was music around that era?
You know, when there was like after a Brit pop, there was like
a second thing of British indie bands that was in like the
Pigeon Detectives, the Enemy, Scouting for, well, Scouting For
Girls weren't that cool. But I liked them because they
were really silly. I think that you are beautiful.
She's lovely. Why?
Here's the scene.
I think nowadays there's this thing in music and society, we
are not allowed to like be a bit silly.
You have to be like, like you don't care about things.
Because those bands were giving it everything, you know.
I mean, like they were they were going for it.
Elvis ain't Ted. But I went like, goodbye, Mr
Ray, you know, like don't fucking those guys really,
really went for it. And nowadays it's like Mumbo,
you know, guys are like, like that's rap nowadays.
And I'm aware I'm an old guy saying I'm 31 and I'm aware this
isn't what I was planning to talk about.
But I'm the lyrics start like this.
Pigeon detectives take her back, which is from 2:00, 2007.
Nine goes before that. Anyway, it says he's not sure
what he should do. She's 17, he's 22.
Is that too much of a difference?
I mean, yes, yes, because she could be in lower 6th and a 22.
You could be, you could be a car salesman.
Not sweet. I remember looking back
whenever, I mean, people go age is just a number.
And you know who said that? R Kelly.
And you know what? R Kelly was a dirty bastard.
OK, Is it there? I want to say R Kelly.
I mean the rapper. I don't mean R Kelly is in like
a relative of mine. That's R Kelly over there.
So it is bumping and grinding away.
But sorry, people don't like the noise of me drinking.
But but you know, fuck off. It's my podcast.
But yeah, 1722, I mean, I don't, I don't know.
I don't know, because I remember whenever I was in, I don't know
if I've mentioned this in the podcast before when I was in P7,
right. And for all our, for all our
foreign listeners or as he's known, Jesus, you know, when
you're in P7, that's like primary 7.
You're, you're about 11 years old.
I think you're about 11. So when I was in P7II was going
steady, I was going out with a girl that was in P6 now that at
the time was totally grand and I don't need to justify it and I
don't know why I'm sweating, but I was 11.
She was also the same age as me, but in a different year because
I was one of the youngest in my year.
And by the way, that's such a defensive thing to say.
No, your Honour, I see. Here's no, no, no, listen to me.
I am young from a year and she is old for her year.
And the judge is like, yeah, but there was 25 years between
these. No, I went out with a girl that
was in P6 when I was in P7 and that was fine.
Like that was that was totally like there was a couple of guys
in P7 like you're like, he's like got any girlfriends in P5
and you're way what? But the thing was it was all
good up until and what weren't what weren't serious?
You mean? I don't think I ever spoke to
her like face to face. We spoke through like through
different people. You know, I'd be like, listen,
go and give her this message, tell her that I think her
trainers are like her wee Jelly shoes are so sweet.
And then she'd come back her her mate would come back and tell my
mate and be like his his blonde peroxide flick is fringe is
looking unreal, but it was it was totally fine.
I don't know how long went out for, you know, it's just a silly
like child. I was about to say child
relationship. Bear in mind I also was a child,
but it was fine up until the next year that summer after P7,
because I was then in first form of big school and she was in P7.
But he so even though we were the same age, if we had like met
up after school, you know, like I'll meet me and my mates, I'll
meet up with you and your mates and then like, maybe I'd like
walk with her, you know, like I'll walk you to your house or
whatever. And you're not even talk.
You know what I mean? Like you're not, it's not proper
relationship, but at the time you think it is.
Here's the weird thing about it and why, like, I don't think it
could go any further because I was in first year of big school.
So I'm wearing like a straight up suit, you know, that's that's
a way for some reason. And it's taken me locked down to
figure out that this is weird. Like, why do we make kids from
the age of 11 upwards dress in like, as like, you know,
businessmen and businesswoman? Because I was wearing like a
full suit, you know, So if I met up with her, I'm wearing like,
the dark trousers, the white shirt, the tie, the blazer.
You know, I look, I look like a miniature businessman.
You know, people might have looked at me and gone like, hey,
he's a, he's, you know, people go, he's a very, very short
lawyer. You know, that's the way.
Because I had a briefcase as well in school.
So as the original briefcase wanker, I didn't have a
briefcase right at a national Backpack Association backpack,
shouted all the guys with good posture.
But how about at the time when everyone had national backpack
backpacks and, and everyone's like, that's so fucking weird
because we have like Nike and, and he does.
And there was like 4 complete nerds with national backpack
association backpacks. And they were always like, we'll
have the last laugh. And you know, what the fuck you
talking about? And now you see these guys bolt
upright, you know, I mean like we, we'll all be 70 and I go, I
just go to school. We used the National backpack
association backpack and the guy go, yeah, man, look at this
perfect capital. I, you know, the guys just like
straight up and we're all slouched anyway.
If we met up whenever I was in P7, I was in first year and she
was in P7. I'm wearing the full businessman
outfit. I'm mature.
I'm a different level. She was, it looked weird because
she was still wearing the primary school outfit.
Like she had, she had like the, the trousers were the same, you
know, like playing great trousers.
But then she like our primary school was just like a jumper
with like comic sounds font, you know, like the primary school
name in the wee logo. So it just, it just wasn't a
good look. You know, some people might have
been looking at us and been like, oh, she has a very, very
small father, you know, so, so it just had to be knocking the
head. But but yeah, the pigeon
detectives. Yeah, man, there's pretty,
pretty, pretty weird lyrics for sure.
And then unless and if anybody is listener watching and going,
can you can you explain more about the situation?
It was fine, OK, Don't worry about it.
It was put to an end. But it was just weird that the
uniforms were different. Alright.
And we'll, we'll leave it at that.
We'll leave it at that. I might speak to my lawyer, but
we'll leave it at that. But yeah, there was this, I
don't know how it got under the pigeon detective, but there was
this class thing of music around.
I'm going to say like 2000 and two, 2003, the Hoosiers, the
enemy, remember them. You're not alone.
You know, I I want to search that on on Apple Music recently
because I wanted to listen to music from that hard fight.
Remember that hard fight? Do you remember hard fight?
Can you feel it? Rocky in the city?
Yeah. Hard to beat those regular and
it was hard to beat. But I can't.
I don't know what that genre of music is called.
So if somebody can tell me, please let me know.
Oh yeah. This all started because I went
out yesterday. And that's what lockdown does.
Do you, you know, your brain scrambled?
I went out yesterday and all I wanted to do was quickly tell
you about it. So I had to go to hospital for
my infusion. That's how I started it because
I said the infusion sound like a band that would support the
pigeon detectives and that and that also is true and everybody
knows it's true. But then, but I went out
yesterday. I had to go to the, the royal
had to go to hospital to get my infusion and I didn't know if it
would be on or not. But they were like, no, we'll,
it's business as usual, but you're in a different building
this time. And I didn't get off to a good
start because the woman on the phone specifically phoned me to
say it's in a new building. Do you know where that building
is? And I went yes.
And she said brilliant, I can explain where it is in the
hospital. And I said, don't worry about
it, I know it. Here's the thing, I didn't know
it. I did not know it and I parked
in their own car park and I had to walk just a wee bit too far.
And halfway there I was thinking, should I go back and
get my car and move it to this car park that is beside the
building that it is in? And then I thought, no, because
probably if when I, when I walk back and then drive around,
it'll be longer. So it wasn't off to a good
start. But then whenever I got in, you
know, here's the thing, it's, it's almost like a bit eerie
around hospitals that aren't COVID hospitals, I'm sure
because it's it's like it's quiet.
You know what I mean? Like people are because you
normally see like you normally see two things at hospitals.
You see people like porters going about the place.
And then you also see people cheating, smoking.
And none of those were happening.
So I was like, I don't know what the setup is here because it was
in a temporary building or like the infusion suite was moved
into a temporary place. And then, you know, the way we
have this thing of and I do it as well.
You know, I, I, I, I, I newer find respect for the NHS.
Like I've, I was going to say, I've always respected the NHS.
That made me sound like one of those people who when you
mention a band goes man, I was into them before they were
signed. Oh, I made the NHS.
Yeah, I have all their demos. But, but because I've, I've
benefited from it, then I, I've got great care from the NHS and
family that are, that are doctors and stuff.
I am, I, I think the NHS are great.
But yesterday when I went for this, they just, they just go up
a level for me because I'm, I'm seeing with my own eyes how
great it is. So basically to go and get an
infusion. I've, I've Crohn's disease,
right? Which is, I think it's like an
auto, it's an autoimmune disorder that affects the
digestive tract. Now I've had it for about 6
years and only today have I successfully been able to
describe what it is. So Chrome's very quickly is like
it's on a spectrum. So you can have a very mild or,
or or very, very aggressive. Luckily up until now, who knows
what happens in the future. But I, I, I've, I've had a very
mild compared to most people as long as my like diet's good and
my lifestyle's good. Like I'm getting enough sleep
and stuff, it's all fine, but but I have to go and get this
infusion for this drug that kind of just, I think does it
suppress my immune system? I genuinely don't know.
And I don't know what it's called because I showed up to
get it yesterday and the wee man went, what are you here for?
And I said an infusion. He said of what?
And I went, I'm not too sure. He goes, is this your first time
getting it? And I went, no, he goes.
But then being polite he goes, but how do you do you not know
what it is? And I said, I don't know.
They just put it in me and he said, what does it begin with?
And I said in, in, in something. He went, OK, I know what it is.
That's fine. Just take a seat.
And then I think he thought maybe there was going to be a
guardian, you know what I mean? Like someone had driven me to
the hospital, but then I was like, no, actually, I just don't
really know what it is. And he goes the drug.
And I was like, I'm also Crohn's disease.
I don't know how to describe it to people.
I don't know what it is, you know, I just feel sicky, Boo,
Boo. Sometimes I get cramps in my
stomach. That's my, that's my main side
effect, crumps in the stomach and I get really tired and mummy
just needs to have a lie down. But see the, see the NHS people,
they just, they just get on with it.
They just go here's the crack. We're moving this whole suite
down the road, half a mile down the road in hospital and we've
got a wee bit of PPE on, but we're just going to chat to you
normally and we're just going to get you sorted.
And then I was, I was having great crack with the, with all
the nurses that were there. You know, we're chatting away.
They're they're full of life. They're, you know, they're
funny. We're we're, we're chatting
about, you know, you start off making small talk.
Course you have the roads are a bit quieter.
Oh, why? They're very quiet, you know,
but it was like it was all the time, you know, and then we just
started talking like a couple, a couple of the guys had had seen
some of the videos before and we're chatting about that.
Also, there's Roy awkward woman where one of the nurses said,
what's your name again? Sorry.
And I said Shane and she said Shane what?
And I said Shane Todd and she went, Oh, I, she goes, I I don't
know you. And I went, I said I was nearly
going to say, do you not know who I am?
And she thought I was being serious.
And she goes, oh, no, no, no, I do know who you are.
And I went no, no, no, I was, I was, I was joking.
I presume that you don't know who I am.
And she was better doing who you are.
Or I was like, I know, but I was just making it as being
deprecating to myself. But it maybe doesn't work
because you do know who I am. But then but it was great.
It was great when we're just chatting away and everybody in
there seem to be like in in good form, even though it's a weird,
I mean, it's weird to go to hospital to get hooked up to a
drip for an hour and a half anyway and just sit there.
But under the circumstances, I thought everybody would be a bit
jumpier and a bit nervous. But you're just in a building
full of people who are like, look, this is the situation,
let's just get on with it. And yeah, amazing what those
what, what, what those medical staff do.
Like people always say with stand upright people go mate, I
couldn't do that there. No, you know what we all
couldn't do if the of people who don't do it, we could, we
couldn't be like medical staff. We couldn't work in hospitals
and do that. We just, we just don't have it.
See, stand up. You could do it to some degree.
Like it's not, it's not that impressive.
It's cool, but it's not that impressive.
And whenever I was leaving yesterday, so I'd go in for an
infusion an hour and a half. I feel good a two oranges during
it. We're buzzing.
I write a bit of stand up for the first time since lockdown
started. I've been writing videos, I've
been doing bits and pieces. But I actually, because I know
I've got to sit for an hour and a half, I write stand up and I
write this bit that I'm it's bittersweet because I'm so
buzzing that I'm writing stand up again.
And I think this is like a really good, we call them bits.
So a bit is like a joke or some material on the one subject.
I got this bit and there was this.
I like slapped my leg whenever I went.
That's the one. Whenever I finished writing it.
And then there was that sense of, but I've nowhere to do it.
You know, I was really sad because I was like, normally if
I write a bit of material, I go, OK, wait, say it's a Wednesday,
I go right, what's the next gig? All right, there's a gig
tomorrow night and pugs pug uglies.
Maybe Dave will let me do. I mean, of course you will.
Maybe Dave will let me do 5 minutes and I can try this bit.
But it's, it's frustrating now in a way, because and hey,
there's way more bigger frustrations in the world.
But now I was frustrated that I couldn't do stand up before, but
now I'm frustrated because I'm writing the stand up and I have
no outlet for it. But it's all it'll eventually,
it'll eventually be OK, you know, it'll eventually be all
right. But The funny thing was whenever
I walked out of hospital yesterday, I was like, guys,
thanks very much. I was nearly going to say keep
up the good work or something like that.
But, you know, I couldn't think of a lion without it maybe
sounding like I'd planned it in advance.
Hey, guys, Not all heroes wear keeps, all right?
And I would have meant it, but I just couldn't think of what to
say. But I was like, all right, guys,
cheers to you later. Thanks for the help them and the
there was a lovely nurse working on on reception and as I walked
out, she said, you know, your your videos are are are really
keeping everybody going, you know, with we need comedy at a
time like this and you know, you're doing great work and I
went thanks, thanks for saying so appreciate it.
See you later. And when I walked out, I
realised, hey, maybe it's them that's doing the good work.
But the worst thing is I took it.
I was like, hey, cheers, thanks. Glad someone said it.
You know, and I'm looking around at a team of people who are
going into a place of work where this disease that everyone is,
is, is being told how rightfully so, like how, how dangerous it
is that they go to work there where that is, you know, and.
They're so they're, so what's the word?
They're just so heroic that they, they, they probably do in
a way, but it's almost like they don't realise.
It's almost like they're just like, I'm just going to work.
This is just what I do. And I thought I thought that was
that was incredible, you know, because they're like, we need a
good laugh at the minute and I'm like, you know what, we need
more what it is that you guys do All right, so, so, you know, but
I it was great to get out, you know, even though it was to
hospital, you know, it was just class to like drive down to
Belfast and and and just just see things again, you know,
looking up at the balls and the falls and what do I like there?
She is all I love. But but it was it was fun, which
is a weird thing to say about them going to get cream
treatment for Crohn's disease. I said createment there, which
might have made it sound like cream.
Just let everybody know I don't get cream for Crohn's disease
because there will be people watching one.
I have it and we don't get cream.
So you, you probably need to switch up your treatment or, or,
or do something else because you know, you don't, you don't, you
don't get a bit. I put a wee bit of cream on my
nose. Is that going to help my
digestive disease? No, yeah, And I put a picture up
yesterday basically being like on Instagram, like shout out to
the NHS staff who were literally keeping us hooked up.
And it was hilarious because it was hooked up to a trip at the
same time. And I think a lot of people
thought that I had just been admitted to hospital in an
emergency situation because people were like, hey man, are
you OK? Like got a few texts, couple
comedians, some friends, being like, mate, is everything all
right? Just see her in hospital.
So, yeah, and anybody that was concerned, your boy's good.
He just gets this infusion to keep him looking like a 21 year
old Tommy Hilfiger model. And that is, that is legitimate
fact. Like for some reason, since
lockdown, I look younger. What, what?
Why? Why do I, why do I look like a
19 year old guy from the 40s? I don't know.
Why do I look like a 19 year old
guy from the 1940s who's in some sort of, I look like a guy now
playing a guy from the 40s in a film about the Second World War
and that's just the way it is. I can't describe it.
I went in yesterday at the hospital.
They went, have you, have you been OK since your last
appointment? I said, well, The thing is my
last appointment I looked 31 and they went and what does that
mean? They said, look at me and they
said, what do you mean? And I said, I I look like I look
like a 16 year old American high school athlete, like an all
American athlete. And they said, what does that
mean? And I said, guys, we know
exactly what it means. So I don't know.
I'm looking younger. I'm wearing my hair to the other
side. That's that's a big discontent
people TuneIn for and what? Yeah, I've got my quiff going
over to the left and and that shocked a lot of people, you
know, walk past a lot of people on the way in the hospital
yesterday. And they went and I said, yeah,
deal with him over to the left now.
And they went, no, we're doing that because it's, it's because
you're you're I don't think you realise, but your your testicles
have have come into your fly. And I went off fair enough.
And they said, but now you say it hair to the left.
Bold move. And I said that's what I do.
That's what the man boy cheeky does.
He keeps people guessing the money toad.
He keeps people on their toes. I had so much more.
I have a wee white board here because I have a real just a new
slasher people. I have a scattergun brain.
Did you not know that? Come on.
And, and I've, I've so much to, to get through to chat about,
but I just haven't had time for 25 minutes.
I don't know what I've talked about, but I hope that you're
enjoying this podcast because I like doing the solo ones.
I'm a big fan of doing the solo podcast.
I think that's what we that's working for us at the minute,
doing the guest podcast a week on a solo one and exclusive
sound the cannons. My guest for next week's
podcast, a lot of people asked for this and we have delivered
is going to be Jimmy, Jimmy Lee O'Donnell from Derry girls.
By the way, her name isn't Jimmy Lee, Jimmy Lee O'Donnell.
I just stuttered there. But Jimmy Lee O'Donnell from
Derry girls. We've worked together on a, on a
BBC programme a couple years ago, which we'll probably talk
about and, and I just want to chat to her about here's the,
here's the thing with these podcasts.
I say no, I want to chat to her about Derrigerds, the success of
it. We probably won't a bit like
when Jamie Dornan was on, I wanted to chat to him about like
his acting career and all, but we, we didn't, we just talked
about silly things. And that's probably going to be
the way this is. So I will, I will be asking you
for your questions for that podcast.
But yeah, that's going to come out on Wednesday and then next
Friday it'll be another wee solo episode.
Zippers. Let me interrupt the podcast for
just one minute. Let me plug the
patreonpatreon.com/tea With Me podcast.
That is where we bring up the bonus episode.
Every Monday, me and producer Dan link up for an episode.
Sometimes they're 45 minutes long and are sometimes more.
Last week I didn't hit record and we had to do a different
one, but that's all fine. It's fine.
And has he spoken to me since? No, but things eventually will
be OK. I'm only joking.
He has spoken to me just to say don't speak to me.
So we got the on episode. There's loads of other benefits
over there like we merchandise things and gig news, all that
sort of thing. So that's patreon.com/tea with
me podcast. We have a charity read as well
so you can get in touch with the podcast
teawithmepodcast@gmail.com and basically whenever you do that
you can send us over charity appeals or anything like that
and we will read out as many of those as we can.
Producer Dan just forwarded this one on to me.
This comes from the community rescue service CRSI think we've
done some stand up stuff for them before.
I think I'm writing saying Colin Geddis does a lot of stuff with
these guys as well. It's a charitable search and
rescue organisation operated by volunteers from communities
across Northern Ireland. Recently the organisation been
delivering the hero face Shields across the country.
So look, you don't need me to tell you, you can hear from
that. The work they do is incredible.
These guys are are brilliant people as well.
We've done some gigs for them at libraries I think, and they're
they're volunteer based. So fair play to them.
They definitely need your help. But the minute though, So if you
are in a position to to maybe make a small donation or
something like that, you can get in touch with them.
communityrescue.org, communityrescue.org.
They're doing some brilliant work at this difficult time.
So, so do check them out if you would like to sponsor the
podcast, if you're a company, a business, or maybe just a really
rich person who's like, I don't have a company, but I'll just
sponsor it and you can just like say my name.
That would be so sweet. Like we'd definitely be up for
that. teammepodcast@gmail.com. We're looking for a sponsor.
So get in touch if that could be you.
Just before we get back into the pod, let me give a big shout out
to the Patreon crew. Aaron, Adam, Andy, Ashley,
Brian, Karis, Cormac, Dermot, Emma, Gary, Gemma, Joan, Johnny,
Julie, Leanne, Matthew, Mick, Nile, Noel, Orla, Paul, Peggy,
Peter, Rebus, Reese, Shane and Terry.
There we go. And just to show that the, the I
mean, we give the podcast, the Patreons give a bit of a bit of
cha ching, a bit of financial support.
Terry is one of the Patreons last week said, Hey, man, I'm on
Patreon. I've started my own podcast.
Will you do an episode? And what did this guy say,
Rabbit? Yes, I will.
The money told said, yes, I will.
So, so I really appreciate all the support we get from from
everybody on the Patreon. If you want to help us,
patreon.com/tea with Me podcast Back to the pod.
Zippers, welcome back to the podcast now on the second-half
of the podcast, what I was going to do is the TripAdvisor thing
that we used to do in the Shane tollcast.
I'm not I'm probably not going to have time to do that because
I want to keep these pods to an R and them and I want to be able
to do listeners questions and actually give it the the time it
deserves because sometimes you throw up questions on this to
get me talking for quite a minute or two.
So I'll do the TripAdvisor 1 next week.
We'll just put that on the back burner because the listeners
come first spell obviously CUM. First question today comes from
SJ McCall who says topic most likely to hear the things to
come out locked on in social media, for example, tech talk.
Well, you open the kind of worms there, my friend.
I put out a tweet basically slagging off tech talk and the
sort of people that use it, basically saying tech Talk is
for kids that want to do funny dancing videos and also older
people that probably shouldn't be on it.
I have become one of those older people that should not be on
tech talk. A couple of days ago I joined
Tech Talk and I still don't really know what Tech Talk is,
but I put up the videos that I've been doing on Twitter and
Instagram for the last few. I let me just singing and
dancing when I go out from a daily walk.
And what I really like about Tiktok is people are well into
it. So I'm obviously taking the piss
and putting out these videos where I'm quite clearly badly
singing and dancing even though for a lot of use it would be
good, but I can sing and dance far better than that.
I actually used to go to Pineapple Dance Studios, but
that's another thing I hate about fucking tech talk.
As soon as you open it up, it's it's really loud.
I mean that's, that's why I'm on the age where I shouldn't be on
it. It's too loud when you open it.
So I just put up videos of me dancing and most people know
this guy, he's taking the piss not to be taken too seriously.
And somebody says I might. So then I realised it's all
about hashtags on tech talk. So a bit of a video yesterday of
me dancing and a hashtag K pop. You know like so Korean pop BTS
who are the number one Korean pop band hashtag dancer
#acapella #riverdance. No, none of those hashtags are
relevant to what I'm doing. 4 comments on the post One.
Why? Why do you tag BTS and K pop?
This guy is fucking pissed. His name is Chim Chim OK and
Jim. Jim I can see from his account.
Big fan of BTS as am I. Why you tag?
Why you tag BTS and K pop? By the way that comment got 5
likes and I liked it as well. Someone underneath it, Aisha
says, why do you tag K Pop and BTS 14 people like that.
So I'm now thinking that people on TikTok get really offended of
things like why can't I? If I want to be a Korean boy
band, dancer, singer, why can't they be, you know, don't shoot
down my dreams? I mean, there's this is
children. Basically you're interaction,
interacting with children. Louise writes, Whoa, nature,
nature is beautiful. Somebody else writes, take it
you're from the UK. Well, it's controversial on
that, but I mean, what I enjoy about that is people are just
really getting into it. So why don't I put up another
one of those singing dancing videos and we'll see if we can
put up hashtags that are really, really going to get people like
interacting with the post, right?
I've got another one here. It's me singing Boyzone.
So yeah, I'm singing and dancing in nature.
You've probably seen these on my on my Twitter and Instagram.
So I'm going to add, I'm going to put up a post and I'm going
to say I'm going to say nature is beautiful.
That girl is like, whoa, nature is beautiful.
In fact, I'll just write that exact thing.
Whoa, nature is beautiful. Oh, this is so funny to me.
And I'm going to say hashtag Harry Styles.
Hashtag Harry Styles. Yep, there's 3.2 billion viewed
videos with that hashtag. Hashtag Harry Styles #btsi mean
every time I'm going to #BTS just so their fans are like, why
have you done this? And I'll, my answer will always
be the same. Wanted to hashtag who else are
like people really at Taylor Swift?
Hashtag Taylors Swift hashtag #Arlene Foster for sure.
What else are we doing here #Arlene Foster, hashtag #Obama.
OK, so let's fire that up as the comments come in on that.
I mean, they might not as the comments come in on that.
I'll update is we'll keep an eye on this post as the day goes on.
So I've posted that. Whoa, hold on.
See, it's weird. I don't, I don't really know
what. Maybe I'll stick up some stand
up clips on it. I don't know.
I wrote whoa, nature is beautiful hashtag Harry Styles
#BTS hashtag Taylor Swift #Arlene Foster.
Hashtag Barack Obama and we'll we'll see what happens with that
as we go on. But here's what I think of tech
talk. Have fun, enjoy yourselves.
Whenever I say like it's for weirdos, I'm obviously only
joking, although there probably is a lot of weirdos on it.
If you if you have fun doing it, do it, man.
Don't let anyone tell you you can't do something.
But it is weird. Jack Graham says Brexit.
I'm not going to. No, no, we don't.
We don't really talk about Brexit anymore.
Do I mean, it just kind of is, is just it's a way.
No, I don't know. Are we still in the European
Union or we're not? I have no idea.
But I'm not really not really interested in talking about
Brexit. I think when I'm when we're
allowed to do stand up again, when the boys are all allowed to
play, I think that I won't do any stand up about coronavirus
or lockdown. I think it's like Brexit.
It's going to be one of those things where it's like, look,
let's just talk about anything else.
Ben says. How's your garden coming along,
Mocker? Good question.
There hasn't been many. I fucked up at one point.
I really fucked up. Here's what I've done by the
way, I need to do one one last coat, one last coat of medium
okra on CDP. They're not sponsoring the
podcast. Don't know why I said that like
that. I need to do one more coat to my
fence and then the majority of my fence is going to be done.
But I fucked up because I put down weed killer on the lawn,
like lawn weed killer and I mean, I put too much of it on.
I got carried away, right, really lost around myself.
But I have infected grass, right?
I have that grass that spreads. It's gross.
It like it's like we we roots almost right?
You eat it's like we roots and I pulled some of it out and it
basically pulls loads. It pulls loads out, but then it
leaves a big patch in my grass. So I don't know whether to pull
it out and have patchy grass or leave it in and have infected
grass. Help.
What should I do? I don't know what to do.
I don't want Apache garden. I don't want to infect the
garden. Watch this space.
I'll maybe seek real garden advice.
Let's figure out what's happening.
But my garden is. It's OK mocker, but it could be
better. Reuben Russell says what are
your thoughts on tea granules? Not to be confused with loose
leaf. I guess their tea's answered
instant coffee. Personally, I wouldn't let them
grace my kitchen. Yes.
By the way, some likes coming in on that tech talk video.
I'm new to tech tech talk, so if you have it follow me.
So loose leaf tea or tea granules, I don't know.
Is that what is it when people do a teapot with a wee like net
thing like a wee mesh net and they pour, is that do they pour
granules into that or is that loose leaf?
I don't know. I don't know what tea granules
are. I mean, it makes perfect sense
why you say it's like instant coffee.
I get it. You probably just stirred in.
That sounds terrible. And who?
I can understand instant coffee when you couldn't be bothered,
like, I don't know, brewing up coffee or doing a cafetiere or a
pod machine. But who doesn't have time to dip
a bag a couple of times? You're too busy to dip a bag.
Fuck's sake. Yeah.
I mean, dip, dip, dip bin. By the way, I don't dip three
times. I dip 15 times.
But yeah, ribbon, they don't sound like they'd be welcome on
on the podcast granules, you know, they just sound Betty,
Betty, you know, no, I don't like the sound of that.
Clara Gallagher says if you watch Geno, Fred and Gordon's
road trip. If so, what lads and number of
commas would you take on food tasting or an activities road
trip? Who would drive whose shotgun?
Who's in the backseat and where would your destination be of
choice? I haven't seen that.
So it's Geno Dicampo, Gordon Ramsay and Big Fred from First
Dates, a sexy bastard and yeah, they go on, believe it or not,
on their road trip. I believe they go on a road
trip. Dave Elliott is obsessed with
this programme. He tells me it's the best thing
on television. I will watch it at some point,
but at the minute we're watching Money Heist.
Just watched Quiz about who wants to be a millionaire, which
is brilliant. Michael Sheen is Chris Tarrant
was great, but Chris Tarrant, you're down to the last quote.
I mean that's not good, but Michael Sheen's is.
So the Jeep Gordon and Gino thing.
I will watch it at some point and I like the sound of it.
Sounds like fun and easy watching Gordon.
Fucking fuck me mate. What are you doing by the way?
I'm way better. I got.
No, I did Christian Bale there, remember?
He had a meltdown and the Terminator set.
What are you doing? I got confused.
Let me try Ramsey again, although I need my hands for it
usually. Big boy.
OK, yes. What the fuck are you doing?
No, no, I fucked it. I fucked that.
I really, I really wish I hadn't done that.
I really wish I hadn't done that.
And if I had to do something like that, first of all, I'd
love to do something like that. But all comedians just want to
do a road trip type thing. I pitch so many of them and
always been told no. But I think me D if we're doing
comedians and there's three of us, I think it's me, Dave and
Aaron Butler. That would be a lot of fun and
we could definitely do something.
Plus we have three very different personalities.
Like Dave is a grumpy bear. Quite a lot of the times Dave is
either in brilliant form or he's a grumpy bear.
Especially when he needs a poo, right?
He gets in really, really bad form until until he gets to do
1. So we have three different
personalities. Aaron is, you know, likes to
likes to dance to Michael Jackson in in his in his garden
and and only got his first pair of jeans about two years ago.
So that is very interesting. I mean, that should be its own
programme, But and then I am very, I don't know what the I
don't know what the word is, but like on a road trip, I, I think
I could be quite annoying. I always, I like to make sure
people are always having a good time.
I'm not can get annoying, you know, like you enjoy yourself,
you enjoy yourself, you know, so maybe we could go to.
Why, you know what? Let's just do Route 66.
Why don't we do that? We either oh, I kicked the
camera and changed the angle, but it's fine.
We could either do Route 66 or go inter railing.
I think that'll be fun. I never went into railing and I
don't think the no Dave and Iron didn't either.
So maybe we could have that trip again at when we're too old for
it. You know what I mean?
That that that that might be enjoyable.
So yeah, we would do that. Who would be from who'd be
passenger? Who'd Dr who'd be in the back?
I would drive because I'm the best driver.
I did three of us, although I'd say the other two but also claim
to be the best drivers, but they're they're not.
Dave would be in the back because he likes to spread out.
You know, he likes to he likes to nap quite a bit as well.
So think he'd land the back and really just spread out and maybe
get a sleep in. And Aaron's happy to always
happy to be shotgun them and me and him would sing a lot of
Frankie Valley on The Four Seasons.
So I mean, it'd be a good trip for us.
I don't know, but for the viewers, but it'd be fun for us.
Yeah. That is that message is
absolutely nothing to do with tea with me.
Yeah. So a lot of people get in touch
with me and going, hey, man, I didn't know you had Crohn's.
I also have it to shut up on my Crohn's brothers and sisters.
We Musa says. Do you ever worry about your
teeth turning yellow from drinking too much tea?
Personally, I'm worried sick about mine.
Well, as we all know, I have great teeth.
I'm very, very natural white smile and my teeth are way
better now because I've had extensive reshaping work done to
them. But do I worry about them going
yellow? No, because I'm a big brusher.
I brush at least twice a day, quite a lot of times 3.
But I don't think tea would turn to yellow, man.
I think that that's just from that would just be from like
Monster Munch and all that, which I don't need.
I think tea would turn your teeth brown and that might be
fun. You know that that'll be a bit
of fun. So I drink tea and then I start
drinking red wine. So that's brown and purple.
So I'd probably be like a like a shady purple type colour.
I don't know, I'm OK. I think you get to the age where
you just go, fuck it. This is the way it is.
And I like sometimes I see pensioners and TV that I've
never seen before. I never a crooked teeth and I
go, why would you not just get those specs?
And then I go because you're 87, you know, and I'd real.
Was it reflux there? I don't know what it was, but
then my throat made noise. Daniel Houston says if you could
compare yourself with any animal, which animal would it be
and why? Tough question.
I would def. I mean, a lot of people do know
me as the money toad anyway, so I think I do.
I have a lot in common with the with with the toad, you know,
not just because my name is similar.
Like a lot of the time I'm just chilling on the Lily pod, which
is my house, you know, I like to chill on the Lily pod.
I do have a really, really long tongue.
Not long, but really wide. It's weird.
I, I would put my tongue out for you, But people will isolate
that as a separate clip and they'll, they and they'll,
they'll, what they'll do is they'll edit the podcast to make
it look like I've gone whenever I was 22, I had a girlfriend who
was in P6. And then they'll cut the me a
clues up of me with my tongue out.
So that's why I'm not going to do that.
But yeah, probably a toad or like a Gabon.
Is that what they're called? A Gabon?
Gabon, Gabon. It's like a wee, a wee monkey
type thing. No, it's not a Galbon Monkey.
Do these not exist? Yeah.
Gabon PowerPoint.
Fuck, I don't know. I'm no Attenborough, right?
But basically I would be like a cute wee monkey, Like a wee
chimp type thing. Because I'm just cute.
People would like to hug me, but I don't let people hug me that
don't know me. This has happened after a few
gigs sometimes. Can I give you a hug?
No. Why?
I don't know you and you're a 57 year old man and you're not
wearing trousers. But yeah, I think I'd be some
sort of cute, cute but vicious thing because everybody knows,
you know, if you stepped to me, you know, I will scrub you.
So yeah, maybe like a koala. A koala, you know, cute people
love them, Really popular. But if you get close enough, I
could rip your stomach out, you know?
So probably something like that. Jamie says if you woke up
tomorrow and fluently knew a second language, which one would
you choose and what situation could you find yourself in that
it would prove most useful? I mean, I guess if I was in the
country where they spoke that language, you know, if I spoke
Spanish, I could find myself in a situation would be useful
would be being in Spain, you know, because I would then be
able to speak their language. By the way, showed it to my blue
blue Nike tracksuit bottoms that a lot of people watching
probably didn't think I was wearing, but I am if I could
wake up fluent in another language, probably Mandarin,
maybe something like that, because that would be fun to
just like ring friends and family and just start going into
fluent Mandarin and it's also some a language I don't really
know anything about. Let me just see what English to
Mandarin. Let's see what tea was Me
podcast is in Mandarin English to mand Mandarin.
Yep, OK, tea with me podcast. That would translate before I
hit how it sounds as Hiro Ikihichabok.
Now I've had a star, but that without knowing any Mandarin
here I'll play Huawei Chi Huawei Kisha Boka.
Hey Oishi, a Cha Boca tea with me podcast.
So let me see listen to tea with me podcast.
So if you know anyone that's Mandarin or if you live in
Mandarinia, I want you to go up to people and say thing he woke.
We watch a Cha Boca tea with me respectful.
That's what that is, respectful because I've done my best there
and but I don't know if I'm fluent yet.
So yeah, I think that'll be pretty cool.
Maybe learn Mandarin or Latin because it's extinct, but you'd
still have a few like people that probably still speak it,
you know, like older Italian people.
I'm not too sure, but I'm sure that the Pompeii, that volcano
cloud and stuff, really sly, Really, really sly.
Someone's asked me to get Francis Higgins, the Viper onto
the podcast because I got on Colgan on last week.
Yeah, I will certainly ask. I've met him before.
Very pleasant guy. I think he'd be a good podcast
guest. So we'll try.
Adam Black says. Big question.
Maybe you weren't a girl's hoodie.
This is the Instagram story I put up asking for questions.
I wasn't at the time, but I have worn girls hoodies before.
I would do it again in the future.
My style transcends gender when it comes to fashion.
I have worn stuff that yes, is fine.
And if you want to call it the woman section, he can because
that is what it's called. But I'm not I'm not I'm not
worried about that. The hoodie you saw me where it
was a night hoodie that I got given because everyone knows
we've got that big night hook up from a man.
Stevie just gave me like a loader like those in night gear.
And so whenever you're getting free premium night gear, you
don't worry about what the gender of it.
Like if he'd given me in like sports bra, I don't worn it
because he gave me it, you know, So I don't think that matters
what it is. And I would say that people in
glass houses shouldn't that shouldn't throw stones.
So next time you're next time you're wearing your your mum's
pants and bra, make sure the cameras are there.
All right. So, so no, I wasn't, but yes, I
would. Matthew Mernan says, Hey man,
talk about alcohol free beer and what Matthew Mernan has done
there. The vindictive little bitch is
sent a picture of a sketch I did during the week mate wiser,
where we did like a lockdown drinking beer sketch.
And yes, in it I'm supposed to be drinking a can of beer, but
as that little hawk eyed bitch has show me, here I am drinking
alcohol free beer in it. But I'm trying to hide it with
my fingers and I thought I'd be able to because I have very long
fingers, but I've done a bad job of it.
So fuck you Matthew Merlin. Yes, that is true.
I don't drink beer. Why?
Because I do not consume gluten. Why?
Religious reasons. It doesn't align with my
beliefs. No, I just, I just.
Gluten just doesn't really agree with me.
So. Oh yeah, right.
So we have non alcoholic beers in the house because sometimes
when a pal calls over, you know, say, say friends of ours come
over and one of them's driving, you want to be able to say,
listen, there's a couple of alcohol free beers there if you
want one of you be 10s. It's nice to be able to see what
I mean. Always taking care of people,
making sure people are having a good time so they're in the
house. I don't have any beers because I
don't consume gluten. Because of our Lord, because of
our Lord Dale Winton, right? So, so yes, Matthew, I did my
best. All right, mate.
I didn't have beers, but I improvised.
I do have a lot of cider in the house.
I don't really. This doesn't answer your que,
fuck you, right? This doesn't answer your
question and I'll leave that there.
But I love the idea, especially in lockdown, about the weekend,
having a few drinks, going on a session, getting blitzed in the
house. I never nowadays have more than
one drink. Sometimes I have a second glass
of wine every, every now and again, but I always have like
cider in the fridge and I'm like, yes, mate and all.
And then I have one and I go, let's, let's, let's have water
now. You know, I don't know.
I don't know what I like the idea of drinking now way more
than I like drinking. So the big, the big pint monster
of days might be numbered on the drinking game.
I don't know. But Matthew, thanks for your
question. Go fuck yourself, Jerry Morgan
said. Jerry Morgan, by the way, one of
the finest drummers in the land. OK, this man has drummed and I
don't even need to look at a profile to know this because I
know Jerry. Jerry's drummed for I think 9
horn James Bay. All right, loads of loads of JC
Stewart who I've had on the podcast Top Musical Acts and
he's a fine drummer from Pump. Jerry says why can't we sanction
A2 metre social isolation rule against horseflies?
I woke up with a fucker of a sting between my eyes.
Also, if you could be a stinging insect, what would you be and
why? Or would you would you just be a
fucking hippie butterfly? Just a thought.
Butterflies are definitely hippies aren't they?
Like butterflies serve no purpose.
They're not trying to like eat any other animals, they're not
trying to fuck about. They're just happy to float
around. And yeah, like they would, if
butterflies could shop, they would.
They would go to fresh garbage in Belfast for sure.
Hippie Central. So I think horseflies yeah, I
don't even know what those are half horse half fly.
I'm I'm guessing, but like they're flies with the head of
full-sized head of a horse. No, I don't know, man, I'm sorry
to hear that you got you got stung up, but I would like to be
would like to be a mosquito because they get lot of respect.
Like people are really scared of them because of the damage they
can do. But I would be a dead on
mosquito and I'd be saying to the rest of the lads like here,
don't be don't be stinging anybody, you know, but I'd still
be buzzing about travel and enjoying myself.
But then I just wouldn't I wouldn't I would be a mosquito
that lives in the third world, But then I would start spreading
the message of let's fly, not sting, you know, let's just fly
for the crack. And we don't need this thing
people because it's sly or they don't, they don't sting, they
suck the blood. But but I would, if I, yeah, I
would, I would befriend A hippie butterfly who could make me
like, like a vegan blood, you know, like, like because they
being all the alternative stuff. So I would just be like, lads,
we don't need to suck the blood of children and all people and
all that and make them sick. Here's what we can do.
Buy pints of this. And I would just be, well, there
wouldn't be pints because they're so small.
It'd be a thimble, a thimble of vegan blood, artisan vegan
blood, with a blueberry compote, something like that, Connell
Sweeney says. Can you take requests for skits,
like sketches? Yeah, kind of.
But it probably probably won't. I don't mean that in the sly
way, but then I'm always, but not to continue from the
mosquito theme. I'm always buzzing about with
ideas, so I don't know if if if it was a good idea.
Go Yeah, sign interest. Maybe I'll do.
It'll give you a credit for it. But, you know, probably,
probably, probably not. And I don't mean nothing
offensive way, but I don't know. Am I open to ideas for sketches?
No. But I'll tell you what I will do
if anyone's like here. I'm thinking about doing this
sketch. What do you think?
This. I'll tell you if I think it's
good or not. Always, Michael.
All right. OK.
This is not yeah, that's not. I'm going to take a screenshot
of that so that I definitely reply to it.
It's not podcast related, but it is football related, so I'm
always there to entertain it. Bean sets gets in touch and says
talk about prank calls, please. Man, I used to do so many prank
calls whenever I was a kid. Oh my God, yeah.
That's bad though, you know, But also, I think those adults you
would do would know when they're like, Oh yeah, they're all
playing alone. But we me, oh fuck me and this
guy went to school with we used to pretend we had a micro
scooter company, John Mills micro scooters.
He he came up with that and I don't know why, why the name
John Mills? We didn't know anyone called
John Mills. And he used to try and sell
micro scooters to people over the phone.
I mean he wasn't taking credit card details, but he was like
talking about all the features of the of the micro scooter.
That sounds like such a shit banter, but the time it was
quite funny. I have a friend who did a prank
phone call once whenever we were like 1415 and it backfired
massively, massively. He phoned a random number, a
random number and like basically said that someone like we know
where you live and all that was not.
This guy was never normally doing calls like that.
He must have just had like an extra kind of lilt or found the
exotic and just lost the run of himself.
By the way, I'm saying this as if like, I think it's going to
go like someone's going to go to gaol.
I wasn't there, OK, I just heard about it.
And then he'd actually phoned an off duty undercover police
officer's house and the police like showed up, but a week later
to his house and we're like, what's happening here?
And he was like, Oh no, his parents were like, oh, he's just
a child. Like he didn't mean to do this.
And he nearly got into so much shit.
So I haven't done prank phone calls since then, apart from the
Boy Tone podcast where we do them pretty much every week.
But but they're just silly. You can see loads of those on
Facebook Boy Time podcast. You can you can check all those
like I need to hit record on the camera again.
There we go, we're back. But yeah, prank phone calls are
sometimes funny, but like, not if you're doing ringing the same
person loads or whatever. Don't be doing them right?
Don't be doing them. Connell says.
He sends me a picture of a newspaper headline says Mike
Tyson reportedly offered a zookeeper 9 grand to let him
fight a huge silverback gorilla during a romantic night out with
his ex. Yeah, I can believe that Tyson
would have done that. And you know what?
I don't know if I could call who would win that fight.
I mean, you'd like to think a huge silverback gorilla would
beat the fuck out of any human but Tyson back then, like if he
was in his early mid 20s, I don't know.
It's good. And do they have ear?
Do gorillas have ears? Because you know, chances are
Mike would be leaving that cage with, with a knockout and also
an ear, you know, which would be pretty sly.
I saw a video once this is this is really going back to when I
was about 16 where some lads got into Belfast Zoo at night and
they were on a tree. This guy climbed the tree and he
was filming with an old Nokia phone.
Not so long ago, it was over an enclosure of like fucking lions
or tigers or something. And he wasn't like that close,
but he was still over the over the pen just a little bit.
And I remember at the time, like having serious scaredness about,
you know, like anxiety about that, like temporarily about
that. I'm going, Oh my God, that's not
fun, you know, And if anyone knows more about that, tell me
because I'm, I'm pretty sure everyone got that infrared to
their phones. I'm on that right?
Freak me out. I just thought about that again.
I really hated it. Heather says what?
What are the worst ideas or new hobbies you've seen people take
up since quarantine started? I was sick of hearing people
talk about making banana breads until I myself started making
banana breads and I've absolutely killed it.
So probably that I'm making banana bread now.
I've got the usual mix and I read the package and I see what
it tells me to use and then I go fuck that.
This is going to be my own signature dish.
I've started putting blueberries, raisbins, raisins
and raisins in it. And also don't don't say this to
Lloyd, but I've started crumbling up a hobnob and
putting it over the top of the mix for a wee crunchy top.
Sorry, sorry, I'm not sorry. I'm knocking them out of the
park. But yeah, people definitely are
doing weird things. Kevin said.
How much are pints of tenants in the student bar at Queens these
days, man, I don't know. I think they knocked that down,
dude. That Queens student Union.
I don't know. I don't think I've ever ordered
attendance in my life, but I'd imagine like feel like back in
the day I pint attendance whenever I was about 1617 was
like, you know, EDA P And I think now it can't be much more
than that. I have no idea.
Also, if tenants want to sponsor this podcast, get in touch
because you can't do I don't even know how much a pint.
I don't know how much a pint is these days because I never go
out drinking by myself because I'm not really that into
drinking. So the old time I do go out
drinking, it's in a big group and I am I'm a round getter.
You know, the way some people ditch the round.
I need to make a phone call. I make sure I get him around.
I mean, I only buy one round. That's what I do.
If save you by the first round, people in their heads go he's
already bought 1 and they keep going.
Is it you're right now I go, not sure I got one.
They go Oh yeah, but they only associate you with the first
one. So I do buy a round, but only
the first one of 50, you know, So I have no idea how much pint
is because you're usually going out in groups of, you know,
66700. So I have no idea how much
points are these days. Ronan says.
What kind of jobs did you have before comedy and what was your
worst experience with a customer, if you have one?
I have. Let me try and get these right.
I've been a dishwasher, a kitchen Porter, a waiter.
I've worked for a magazine. Is that it?
I, yeah, I worked in a call centre.
Call centre is my main. I want to work there for a
couple of years was my worst experience with a customer.
Don't know if I had anything terrible that stands out all of
you when you work in a call centre, you don't need me to
tell you, you get so much shit because especially we were, we
were cold calling people. We were like phoning out to
people who hadn't been asked to be phoned.
And that was horrific When I look back on it because like I
would just hang up on cold callers and I'd be like, no,
sorry, thank you. Hang up.
Don't phone me again. Hang up.
But it's the people who wanted to keep you on to give you abuse
that was mad. Like it never because I, I did
stand up then you know, you're getting heckled on stage so
someone over the phone miles away isn't going to affect you.
But there was definitely people who were like threatening you.
You know, I remember one guy said he was going to come and
fuck, come and kill me and I was like slime it.
I'm just asking if you take a book of raffle tickets, you
know, overreaction. But them but there was nothing.
There was nothing really too bad.
I worked as a waiter for a while, like a short while.
I was a dishwasher there mainly, but in cultural Yacht Club in
the restaurant, and I didn't have a bad customer service
experience or customer experience, but I was so shit as
a waiter. Oh my God, The woman showed me
how to do the job went So here's the thing.
You just get loads of plates from people and then you just
scrape it all on the one plate that's on the end of your hand
and you keep all them on the flat of your arm.
And she was, she had like 9 plates at a time.
I never got past two plates. I had two hands.
So I took two plates and I was never going to get better at it.
And then they said you want to go back to being a kitchen
border. And I said, eh, yes, please.
Sigh. Seb.
Seb says you're such a comedian. Please make Keith Grey summer
soccer school Part 2. First of all, thank you for the
compliment. I concur.
I fully agree. And yeah, I'm thinking about
making Keith Cruz lockdown football summer school video for
the kids. You know, like this sort of
thing you can do in your back garden.
But I need to have a bit of a think about it.
I'll think how to work that out because I'm sure I can.
I'm sure I can. So.
Well, Seb, thanks. Thanks for enjoying the videos.
I appreciate it. Daniel Hackett says have you
seen the Nolan Inside Hyde Bank show?
Get all over it. Good few laughs all round.
No but I've heard a lot about it and I think what we should do is
probably talk about it on the next podcast that I'm doing by
myself. So Stephen Nolan has gone in the
Hyde Bank Young Offenders Centre to like interview like inmates
and stuff like that. And my mate sent me the 1st 30
seconds of it and hey, those guys are so sly.
Those guys are giving Nolan so much abuse.
And then this guard in the backhoe, sorry, no it's not.
Got the head there. So this is something I
definitely want to watch. Definitely want to watch.
I've seen a lot in social media about the people talking about,
oh, you have to watch it, so I will and we'll talk about that
next week. Daniel.
That is not a podcast question. That's somebody asking me to do
something for money. And that makes me happy because
I like money and I don't make money because there's no stand
up and there's not going to be for 50s, but it'll be sweet.
It'll be definitely sweet. Guys, That was that was your
listeners questions. Thanks very much for everybody
that sent those in. I appreciate it.
We do listeners questions on the solo episodes, not always with
the guests, but I tell you what, if you made it this far on the
podcast, congratulations. If you want to send over some
questions for my interview with Jamie Lee O'Donnell from Derry
Girls, that's going to be in next week's podcast, do it at
the tvpodcast@gmail.com. So send them over to there.
We'll we'll get those together and we'll maybe do some of
those. And then the Patreons for sure
send us your questions because you know, the Patreons get like
the velvet rope lifted up and they get, they go through the
VIP. That's just the way it is.
I'm sorry. OK, I'm really sorry.
But if you wanted to find a plug for patreonpatreon.com/tea with
me podcast, the community Rescue that we talked about in the
middle of the podcast, go check out their website and then and
see the great work they're doing.
If you can make a small donation, that would be
brilliant. Let me one more time say yes to
the NHS staff and everybody that's still out working, you
know, providing key work, massive amount of respect for
you and keep doing, keep doing what you're doing because you
forget that we rely on so many people.
You know, we really do. We need people to be to be
packaging food for us, you know, we need people to be working in
in customer service, you know, so when we go to the
supermarkets, people are on the tails stack in the shelves, all
that and them and you know, it's it's it's phenomenal that so
many people are especially especially health, health staff,
frontline workers are just out there being heroes, you know, so
so a massive a massive cheers, my tea cup to you guys, everyone
this lesson than watched. I appreciate it.
If you just listen and you want to see the video version, see me
in all my glory and check out my blue Nike tracksuit bottoms.
That's that's on YouTube. Shane told to me podcast.
You know you'll find it and if you just watch the video
version, you want to hear the audio one to have on your
headphones or take with you on your commute to work or when you
go around to your uncle's house to play darts, whatever it is
after lockdown, by the way, don't be doing that now that's
it's everywhere. Apple podcast, Spotify, you name
it, it's their mate tea with me podcast.
If you if you want to subscribe and rate and review the podcast,
that'll be really, really class. Got loads of good guests coming
up. Loads of good guests have asked
a recent guest, I'll just give you a clue, Mountain guys, to
come and do another episode because we had a lot of fun.
So we'll see what the crack with that is.
But as always, I'm buzzing about this podcast.
I'm having a great time doing it, bringing you 3 episodes a
week. And then it's great for me
because it's keeping me on the on the straight and narrow.
You know what I mean? It's keeping me having something
to do, like a real purpose of like, no, I've got to get this
out. You know, we've got to get this
out because I have 3 listeners in Cameroon, you know, and, and
yeah, I appreciate you following me on tech talk.
Oh, do you want to just double? Will we just check and see if we
have any tech talk comments of people saying why have you
hashtagged BTS? It's going to be so sly if
there's no, if there's no comments on this, there's two
comments. Louise Beckett says Ronan
Keating, who is right Because I was singing a bit of boys on
there. And I'm glad that you picked
that up and I'm glad that you have accepted that I'm a better
singer than Ronan Keaton. We'll get Ronan on the pod.
Let's do it. Let's get Ronan Keaton on the
podcast. Guys.
I'm in a great mood. I'm going to go and drink 7 more
cups of tea before this day. I'm going to plan some more
guests. I'm going to beg producer Dan to
take me back. Take me back, baby.
Come back with a bye, bye, bye bye and and we'll just we'll
just drink tea. We'll be merry.
I will see you on I'll see you on Monday.
If you're a Patreon episode listener, main producer Dan will
record an episode Sunday. I'll see you on Wednesday.
I'll see you on Friday and we're just going to keep that going.
And with you user with me, we're drinking tea that rhymes and
let's leave it there. This outro has been way too
long, but it's a bit like having company again that people that
haven't seen in ages, like use the listeners.
And I don't want to let you go. It's like when your postman
comes round and he goes, can you sign for this?
And I go, I'll sign for it mate, if you stay here for 15 minutes
and talk to me about anything, you know, and then he's like,
I'm going to have to file another complaint.
And I go, actually don't worry about it.
I'll let you go about your business guys, sip, sip.
Take it easy. Thanks for joining me.
See you next time please.