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Welcome to this episode of the Tea With Me podcast.
With me, your remit. Shane Todd.
It's a guest episode today. Got a guest sitting over there.
I'll let him put his clothes on before he does.
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We are also sponsored by none other than Thompson's Teas.
Tea starts with Thompson's and ends with Thompson's.
We're fueled by Punjana here and a lot of people go Punjana
sounds exotic, you know what I mean?
It sounds like a guy from the movie 300.
Is he a body from 300 Punjana? No, it's not.
It's just Northern Ireland's best selling tea.
That's really what it is. The Thompsons family since the
8, literally the 1800s, which is, you know, that's when they
started doing tea, which is makes them the, some of the
people that have been doing something for the longest time
ever in the world. That is that fact like the 8th.
Like imagine if you're drinking Punjana, cup of Punjana, if
you're drinking Thompson's tea and then you go back in a time
machine to the 1800s, you would start explaining what you were
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The Thompson's family are so busy, if they're not travelling
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and they're making sure it tastes good for your mouth and
lips and throat. Panjana Northern Ireland's
number one folks, it's a guest episode today.
My guest is, I hope he's not offended by this, but a cheeky
little guy. He really really, really is.
He is the worst. He's the worst.
My guest is someone who whenever I put it out on Patreon, also
let me plug patreon.com/T with me podcast.
We do a bonus episode see at the see.
At the minute we're doing too much on Patreon.
I'm not comfortable with it. We're doing bonus episodes on a
Monday, whether that's one in the studio or I'm on this
outdoor tour, which we're going to be talking about.
Sometimes on the way there or back.
We just record an episode in the car.
What about last week when me and Patty McDonald went to do a
wedding and then we had the drive from Lauren to Ballymena
at 600 mile an hour. We did an episode.
Patty was telling me about UDA raves that used to take place on
the route where we were driving and then he would get a phone
call every 5 minutes from the bride and have to go.
I'm 2 minutes away and I was like, Patty, we're 27 minutes
away. Fun.
Also, we're doing like EUR Watchalongs as well.
No one asks for that. It's not the best kind of thing
when nobody asks for it. I mean, in terms of podcasts.
So we've got loads. We've got too much on there.
patreon.com/TTP podcast. But I put it out and I said
who's been the best guest of the year?
I asked the Patreons, I asked the sippers, and one of the top
answers was my friend right here.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is none other than the West Belfast guy.
No, wait, let me give you a great intro.
He's the man with the master plan.
He's the guy that wears silk pyjamas.
He's in the he wears school trousers and he left a long time
ago. It is none other than the
People's Prince or Diana. Aaron Butler.
Thanks.
For that mate. We've seen each other a lot this
week. We've seen each other a lot,
which is not uncommon for us. But because we because of Covad
Gross, we hadn't been able to see each other for a long time
and now we're back. It's like we never stopped
spending time together. It does feel like we've just
picked up where we just left off It's nice.
And you forget like people's quirks.
Yes. Like during like during COVID
and stuff, you know, you, you have this romantic idea of your
mate, you know, like in locked. I mean, you're like, remember
that person, like, oh, what they're like.
And then you meet up with them again and you're like, Oh yeah.
But remember, like this kind of stuff too.
Like for example, you've, you're just going to like move in your
own house, right? You've got the keys.
By the way. Everyone who listened to this
podcast is so invested in you moving into your house.
People always like ask Aaron how he like the new gas going and
stuff. But let me say this, you know
the guy at the ripe old age of 43, I need independence.
You know, I just want to do my own thing.
Moved out of his parents house for a new chapter, a new
challenge, moved 3 Doors Down basically.
I mean, yeah, it's close. You can.
See your mom and dad's house. Yeah, I could, but here's how
you here's what's great about forgetting how weird you
yourself and your friends are. Yes.
And you said to me, we're talking about the house way back
on the way to the gig the other night.
And you said you're like, you're like a technology guy, aren't
you? Like you like devices and
gadgets and gizmos. Huge nerds.
Remember the gadget shop in Castle Court?
Yes, I used to love that place. I know you did.
And they had like disco balls for no reason and all all sorts
of weird that that thing where you put your hand and then it
did like a wee print of it and then it would just disappear
right away. What were those?
About that, my dad used to put his cock in that.
And he still has it framed. He got it all encased so just in
case, but Ulster Folk Museum there.
But yeah, you said to me Ulster folk music.
You said to me, oh man, just thought you think this is cool,
You go. I got a wee post box for Amazon
and I went, oh, right, what's up?
And you went, it's so you can get Amazon deliveries without
them leaving it around the side or whatever it getting nicked.
So Dan, have you heard about this?
An Amazon post box? So what are you thinking in your
head? You thinking just like a little
slit somewhere below your post box at the front of your house,
just like a flop or something pretty small.
Something pretty small. This fucking guy has moved into
his first house and he's decided to put a full fucking filing
cabinet out the front of it. It's like a massive iron filing
cabinet. He goes.
That's where the Amazon man can pop it in.
You could put a walrus into it. What are you getting delivered
from Amazon and why is it that big?
It's just a it's just a parcel box.
Maybe you're not in. You ordered something.
You don't want to miss it. You don't want to have to go
down to the Royal Mail building and stand Toon Street with all
the rest of the retrobate. That would be better, and it's
reprobates, not retrobates. Retrobates, because they're old
school, but they're retrobates all right.
They're old people and they're reprobates.
What is the word? I don't know what the word is.
Reprobates. Yeah, I don't even know.
Do you know sometimes you get in this stupid conversation and you
feel stupider? This is it that but.
Yeah, yeah, I think going down to Tomb St and stuff is less
hassle than having a TARDIS at the front of your.
House it is. It is you.
And you're the guy who would 100% purchase the TARDIS for the
front of your house, You fucking weird as?
Decor yeah. Well, I looked at online and I
met like I got I got tape measure and was like measuring
it being like, how's this going to sit at my front?
I was like, yeah, that'll be like a great fit.
And then it arrived on like a pallet with with five fellas
lifting it and I was like, oh, I've definitely overestimated
the measurements. You're like, who's died?
You thought of Coffin was coming down the road.
Nigerian guys. What's up bro?
That never, not that never doesn't make me laugh.
Nigerian guy, Nigerian guys. And people are like you, Have
you seen this? Yeah, We, I think we talked
about the podcast before. I love that.
We need to start putting it after stand up clips of mine the
the after flipping castle derg the other.
Shout out to those. Guys, well, look, let's talk
about so like we're back, the booms back.
It's weird, isn't it? Because it's just strange how
you just get straight back into it.
That's like, yeah, like you thought there was.
I don't know. I didn't, I didn't know what to
think. Obviously there was like we had
the first sort of locked in and we came back again and then that
lockdown. Now we're back again, but that
the second one felt way worse than the first one, you know
what I mean? Yeah.
In terms of stand up, in terms of like there was a part during
the second where I was like, when are we?
You just felt like what, what? When are we going to do this
again or what's it going to feel like?
And the 1st. Comeback like September,
October, sort of time felt like it was like purgatory, like
there were good gigs, but it felt like all let's make the
most of this while we can. Whereas now I think everyone's
more relaxed because you're like, I think we're back, yeah.
Are we back? I think we're back.
We're back doing. Outdoors stuff and I I kind of
like the sorry van. Morrison.
What do you say I suddenly. Van Morrison I'm like, are we
back? And then very quickly turn into,
you know. Be careful, call people evil.
Van Morrison I-75 What are you doing with your life?
The the. But I think, I think we're, I
think it's but like do like, do you think there will be another
lockdown? I mean, I would hope not, but.
And after the last year, I don't know anything anymore.
You know what I mean? Like, yeah, I just don't know.
It's like I. Don't know if out of.
It, yeah. Or if we're still in, in and
there's so much conflict and stuff and it's just like, I
don't know. All I know is the outdoor gigs
are nice and they have a very different sort of charm to them,
I think. Yeah.
And the idea is like, look, let's go to every hole in the
hedge. Let's go to all the play because
you do like your normal circuit of like Pugs, Laveries,
Limelight and you get used to that.
And like don't get me wrong, there's some of my favourite
gigs, but what I want to do this time was like, let's just travel
the places and like have fun because that is huge.
Part of it is just enjoying the journey there and talking shit
on the way back and all that sort of thing.
But we did Castle Derg. So last week the tour started.
We did Castle Derg last Wednesday, Wednesday Wednesday
and honestly like I'd heard bad reports from friends of ours
about one particular gig in Castlederg like years ago and it
always like stuck with me. So that makes that made me want
to go do it. When I hear something I got I'm
like fuck, let me see. And it was unreal.
It was. Good.
I mean, it was my first gig back yeah, it's like this year
basically, or in a long, long time.
So for me it was a bit of a nerve, nerve wracking one, but
we. We sort of flipped it because
then the next night we did top of the town and we had the other
that's you and Jordan opened and news came off and we're like,
yeah, it was good. Nice crowd, but like nervous and
just couldn't get going. And then last week doing Antrim
the night after use, killed in the first half and I thought I
had a difficult one doing my set in the second-half.
You had a. Difficult one, but that's
because they were a bit more difficult.
I think it was just more of an alcohol thing where it was like,
oh, we're we're half plastered here, so we're going to make a
lot of noise. Yeah, like that's definitely.
The risk with stand up, just all of a sudden being back, people
like you forget. Like this could be people's
first night out. Yeah, since lockdown.
So like, I never like, there's no like, anger of me being like,
fuck's sake, everyone's heckling and drunk.
It's going to happen. The old time.
Yeah, But even then it was like, we've done far worse gigs than
that. Oh yeah.
But it is like, it was like, annoying because from when it
came back, I did a couple of weddings, which can be tough,
but they were so enjoyable. It was brilliant.
And then, like, the castle Derg loved it, Limelight loved it.
And then the first you, I almost forgot that you have ones where
you're like, fuck, I didn't do as well as I could have there.
So it like, brings you back down to earth.
Yeah. But then you just move on to the
next one and it kind of gives you a little push to, to make
that one really good and really special.
But I thought you did really well.
I mean, the only issue is they weren't really there for
material. So like you're going into bits
and jokes and they're like, I'll just slag my mate, you know what
I mean? I'll give you full credit.
Like you give some great mug offs, which is what they wanted
in the end, you know what I mean?
So when you break it down, like they, they were all delighted,
to be fair, you know, So I was good.
It was so funny. Like during the break they were
just like playing like a bit of music in the venue just over the
PA or whatever and they play there.
Was it Iris? Goo Goo Dolls?
Yes, so I. Went out to like, have a look at
the crowd. Are we sneaky?
That's when I. Knew you were in trouble.
It was like 100. People going and undergoing and
I don't want the world to see me before.
You went literally minutes before you went on stage.
They're all in a group saying a whole place.
You. You if you never.
Went out that night, they'd still be there singing it right
after night. They would have had so I.
Went up to or sound guy and said at they they want to sing along.
So at the end of my set, fuck it, just put on Aerosmith.
I don't want to miss a thing and I will all sing and have a mass
sing along. And then after my set, which was
tough work at times and like don't get around, there was so
many people you could like the people like talking amongst
themselves or shouting stuff out.
Like that's part and parcel of it.
And I love that at times. But once you've cut somebody
down once, that has to be it. And if.
Someone's that drunk, they just keep going.
It's like you're ruining the show and you could see people
round looking at them like fuck up.
But then at the end, so I was like at the end put on.
I don't want to miss the thing by Aerosmith.
We'll all sing along and then whenever I finish my said I'm
not on the end like this, which basically said don't play.
I don't want to miss the thing by Aerosmith because I need to
get in my car and go like I'm if I have a bad gig, I'm really
hard on myself and I like to just leave.
And it's not like it's not like leaving in a Hoff for anger.
It's just like I have this weird thing where you know, after
people are so dead on, even if you had a bad show, they're
like, mate, that was brilliant, Nolan.
I can't pretend like it was. So I just want to like go and
think about the set and what I could do differently next time.
So the guy, yeah, Johno, who's like the entertainment manager
runs a night in there and I think it's called, it's called
Ultima Cheese. So they have like, you see, as
their logo. And he gave me a baseball hat at
the interval. He's, I guess one of our hats,
you know, fired me. And I was like, cheers.
And it was like way too big for my head.
So I look like, you know, I look, I'll with hats on like I
look, I look like, not like. I'll like, oh, that's I'll more
like more like that's terminal. He's going to.
Meet the Rock. He's he's going to Barry's
amusements. Yeah, yeah.
Instead of Desi like I look like sort of guy.
Instead of going to Disney to meet John Cena, I'm going to
Barry's the medium in homes, you know what I mean?
So. So he gave me this hat and I was
like cheers when I did my set. Obviously also with COVID, you
can't like if you're like chatting the people after and
running people. Yeah, if somebody is like
confirm COVID case and I have my arm around them getting a photo,
I would hate to have to cancel. It would be the responsible
thing to do, cancel some tour shows.
So after as much as, you know, I love doing that, I just have to
like leave. But that gig annoyed me so much
just from my like from my own shortcomings or whatever.
I after took my jumper off so I wasn't wearing the same top as I
did on stage. Master of disco put the big.
Baseball hat on and just like the Pink Panther do.
Do do do do. Clark Kent here, just got.
Out and just speed off. I look like a footballer who was
like just about to leave the club in deadline day, driving
out of the parking lot to go and sign for QPR.
You need to. Bring with you in your boot,
like just some Cape or some code or something.
And me and William, when we're bringing, we just put it around
your head and escort you, I think.
That might draw attention, but what if I spent like 1516 grand
on prosthetics and was just like a middle-aged Asian man?
It was perfect. Like, and I really got into the
back story of who I was, where I come from.
Maybe that's maybe that's something to do.
Let's look. Into it I mean I also think just
a 5 LB blanket would be way more cheaper for your budget.
Were you chatting? To people after the show.
No. I saw William and as I was
driving away, William was in the Yeah.
William said he got caught like just, I think it was his car at
the front. No, I.
Think it's beside my. I think he got caught.
I think he maybe like, you know, slowly walked to the car and
went, will he tell you? Walk into the car.
Oh yeah. You think he's built a little
bit? No, I got in and nearly drove
through everybody because they were all just standing there and
I was like, well guys, I have to go.
Lucky I did. A Gig and Dairy Mccash, which is
outside Lurgan years ago, like 7-8 years ago.
And it was like me, Mickey, Colin and Sean Haggerty I think.
And it was a fucking shit show. It was a shit show disaster of a
gig. Most rowdy thing you've ever
seen. And everybody just died.
And after I was driving so Colin I think was headlining or
Mickey, they were like, we'll go and get the money, get the car
running, we jump in, we drive out of here.
Sounds like you're. Robbing the place, So what we
were. So I'm waiting just with a car
engine running. Yeah, about 100 people that have
been at the gig in this mad place come out to the parking.
I'm saying parking lot, what's called car park, car park.
And they just amassed brawl. I've been.
Hanging out Jordan Robinson too much John Robinson we get yes
for a. Soda and Nando's and our decks
went back inside us. What the fuck are you doing?
You want a soda? I was like don't do sodas here
mate. We'll get you a soda after down
the phone coffee, but don't do sodas.
Ordered burger and soda. I was like, that's too much
bread. And so yeah, I was waiting in
the car for the guys and then a mass brawl broke out in the car
park from everyone. That been the gig.
Like literally 20 fights going on at once and I just had to
like slowly drive around little like navigate round little.
Yeah, I like to just. I like to just leave after.
Do you know what I noticed as well from last night and
Castlederg, not so much, but like from last night especially
is like, it's funny because they're all doing table service
now. It's almost like it it, it makes
the chatter increase a bit more because the person's coming over
going, what do you want to drink?
And maybe the bar stops whispering to and then they're
shouting back. I'll have a vodka in G And then
someone else hears it and starts talking.
And that's sort of that, that's a wee bit like of a dynamic we
need to work around like, but it's, it's definitely makes it
more difficult. Luck.
Yeah. Do you think it'd be better if
you communicated your drink or just like by your face you
could? Just So, what am I?
Asking you for here poppers. That's a few pints.
Show me the game.
That's a few. Pints.
Now I'm aware there's this. Anyone listening to audio won't
see this, but you can guess the sort of face and make it.
Now what's this? Oh, that looks like it could be
like a wee cheeky. Maybe it's AG and T?
Yes, it's AG, yeah. And let me get one more.
OK, what's this? The oh, hold on, I'm struck this
one's I'm struggling with this one, but I it's something like
little something you shouldn't have, but like you're you're on
an aid out with the lads and you're like, Oh yeah, I'm going
to have a down. Have you got any guesses?
Come on, come on. I mean, come on.
Just go with it. That needs to be the bar man at
all the outdoor shows. Well.
Done man, I was just struggling so much there.
I have a. Gift.
Yeah, sure. Communicate Drink orders in the
face. What?
1:00 AM I order? Paint thinner.
Yes, let me see. What?
Let me see water, yeah. Is it?
No, I just didn't have a drink lined up.
I was just I was just trying to see if I could like make you
think of a cool drink just by I didn't even do a facial
expression. I was maybe thinking.
Pot chain as well. I mean, yeah, yeah, you've also.
Never drank in your life. Have you ever tried watching?
Oh is have you? No, I think I pretended to once
someone had pot chin. Whoever has pot chin always has
it in like A2 litre coke bottle and there's about that much in
it, but it's like an empty coke bottle.
And I was at somebody's house and they're da ha patching and
they this is when we were fucking kids and they were like
everyone was taking a sip. And I remember putting it up to
my lips and going oh, but I never I never drank it.
Or do you take it? I.
Just. Did a household there's some
way? More to.
This. There's way more to this when
you're. From OMA, you know it's.
Yeah, when you're from OMA, you go.
With the half licence and they just give you yeah, you.
Just when you're from where you go in the Costa and you can get
parching can have a can have a ham and cheese Panini and pinta
pochi parching. Jesus Christ.
Like do you think there's there must be very few people that
really drink poaching or would you say it's more common?
That's. It's more common in rural areas,
but. Who makes it?
What's the brand? Anybody can.
Make no, no, no, no, no. It's not a brand.
You're not like it's it's. Basically, yeah.
Yeah, it's mean. It's like pure alcohol, I think.
Well, close to. It's like potatoes, isn't it?
Fermented potatoes? Yeah, I think it's business.
But it can be like, I don't know how they work like the
percentage. Oh, it's like 6070.
Percent, yeah. There'll be like nothing more of
surely. Absinthe, is that not more than
that? Absinthe is like 90 or 100, am I
right? But I.
Think. The thing with moonshine is it's
like it's unregulated, so it could be like 40.
Or it could be. Yeah, it's a bit of a.
Yeah, it's a. Lucky dip so we we so fun game.
They don't have percentages. Yeah, it says it can be anything
from 40 to 90%. Umm, it's a traditional Irish
distilled beverage, 40 to 90%. I mean that that is Irish in
itself. What percentage is this?
Fucking 40 to 90? Somewhere in between 40 and 90%.
It's. Very broad and very vague.
We don't like to be precise. It was true.
It's also known as Mountain Dew. I mean, no, that's confusing.
The Americans come over here like, bro, can I get a Mountain
Dew? Like, yeah, you can.
Mountain tea. It's also known as mountain
teas. If could make name for it.
Yeah. Or the devil spittle.
Well, it was traditionally distilled in a small pot, and
the term is diminutive of the Irish word poda, meaning pot.
The Irish word for a hanger, a hangover is poet, and according
to the Irish Poaching Technical File, it can only be made from
cereals, grain, whey, sugar beet, molasses, molasses and
potatoes. Molasses.
Sorry. It's just molasses.
Was the guy that did it showing on Molasses?
Yeah, it says like, yeah, I don't think you're allowed.
It was produced to authorise the distillation of spirits or
requirement was introduced at Parliament and drought in 1556,
which necessitated A licence under the great seat.
I think it's basically like you're yeah, you're not allowed
to make it. Oh yeah, that's what we've
learned from that whole thing. But.
Stinking like there's no way I can be nice.
Damn, what's? It taste like.
Just a spinner. Very strong taste, just alcohol.
I don't think people drink it with anything Sure they don't
like there's no mixer. Like it's just just punching.
They just pass a. Bottle around and just take.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not.
COVID friendly anymore, no? Can't do that.
I think though, if you're drinking, punching, getting
COVID, the least you're worried to be very it's.
Probably that high alcohol percentage that when it touches
your lips it's probably just makes everything cleanse.
Punching Jesus, I mean. Even like we're Chris Crooks on
a couple weeks ago to talk about whiskey and like I have always
been like big alcohol, things like that, like spirits or like
I like gin. I could obviously never drink it
straight. I mean, put give me gin lemonade
with low dice and cucumber and genuinely, I'll suck you up.
But the the whiskey I've always been like scared, like even the
smell of, but I once he explained it to me a wee bit, I
I quite enjoyed that, But that would be as far as I could go.
I couldn't potch in or anything. I hate it when alcohol gives you
the, you know, like the the like Burr after.
Do you know what I mean? When you go, Oh, that's, that's
what I'm like with tequila. If you ever like if you ever
drank you obviously never have alcohol net like avoid shit like
that I. When I was like 4, I drank some
beer from my dad's ten that he left laying around and they're
probably going to arrest him like because he left at land
about and so that's. Why you don't?
So you tell people you just you're not interested in
drinking. You don't drink because at 4 you
developed a problem at 4:00. I drank like some drags from my
dad's harp 10 blitzed. Oh, apparently like not.
They. They said you've never been as
angry. They were, like, as the most
angry baby we'd ever seen. That's true.
Yeah, that's true. My mom had, like, her friend
Kathy over for a drink and Kathy was like, a bit overweight and
just. And.
Why is that part of the story? Because.
I came in drunk for my wife's Kathy.
So fat and and my mom so that's. So that's why you can't drink,
because you turn into a super bitch.
I turn. Into a queen.
Yeah. Yeah, I turn into a young, sassy
black woman. Why are you fat, Cathy?
And then I just got put to bed and then woke up the next day.
Pissman, Abby. Oh well, yeah, of course.
So holy shit, so the first time you were drunk was 4?
And only, yeah, never again since I've been off it for 26
years now. So 26 years sober.
Coming up, we're going to celebrate the anniversary.
That's going to bring some patching.
We're going to get some fat ladies.
Do you remember? I'm going to slag them.
The only time that you were ever like, I will take a drink if
this thing happens. And it was if Dave went down the
biggest water slide, the water park in Tenerife.
And Dave was like, yeah, I've got to do it.
And then he didn't do it. How?
Severe. We we're 30 year old men and
that was like a thing that we were really, really like
planning. I'm raging.
And like, what's wrong with you? I was like, my estimate here
said he was going to go down a big water slide.
If he did, he said he was going to have a wine and he's not now.
Yeah, I mean, I would still love to see it.
I would love Dave. See, But we went up.
We took Dave like he started when we went to the water park
that day. You're like, Dave, come on, on
the lazy river with. And he was like, all right,
that's the lazy river. Like, I can't really go too
wrong here. He couldn't get on the lazy
river board and just floated around the lazy river like this.
Yeah. And he because the Lever River,
you can't get off it. You have to like, wait to get to
the end. So he had to be like this just
raging. Just.
Yeah, really angry, getting sunburned on his back just like.
And not. I think that put him off getting
down to the big slide, do you think?
There would be an occasion where where you would be like more
open to having a drink. Like is there something that you
in your head, you're like, ah, if this like maybe I would have
this or that. You know what?
I. Mean no, there's nothing that
stands out and there's nothing that even entices me or I'm not
even curious. What would it be?
If, if, if we said no, £1,000,000, if you have an
alcoholic drink but you get to pick it, what would you have?
I get to pick the drink. Yeah.
Blue wicket. Or something.
No, I think I'd go a little bit more adventurous than that.
I do like some sort of nice cocktail of some kind, you know,
like one of those fancy ones you see at the hotels where they're
lipping out and what they put in it or whatever.
Why? Yeah, Because.
Yeah, because. Yeah, because.
That's maybe the most tragic thing I've ever heard.
Is it? Why are you going?
I just like the half of those fancy.
Cocktails that they have in the movie.
You stand outside the window of the Europa your he knows against
the glass. The new Northern Ireland
Christmas film Can I have? I have a water, but me can I
have a few those wee umbrellas, picking them home, putting in
your Coco pops. I love that that's your dream.
Well, I say. It because when I was on holiday
with my family like years ago, they got me like a virgin
daiquiri and it was really, really nice and I just remember
the tea is being good and I was like, oh, you know, cocktails
you. Can't go wrong with because
they're really sweet, you know what I mean?
Like the sweet with ice in them. It's a good time.
Like I will have a great time. Like pounding cocktails, mojito
or minus the. Tails Mojito.
Is like rum with mint and soda water.
Oh yes. I've I've seen the mojito the.
Best meal I ever had was in Miami, in Little Havana.
So it's like, you know, the way you Little Italy, Little China,
all that kind of thing. Sure.
This is like Cuba in Miami. And they're just over the water
from each other. So it's like all Cubans.
Yeah. And we went into this bar and
it's like all like palm trees all around the place inside and
like the Cuban music and stuff. I'd love that.
And it was, they made mojitos and Oh my God, just I can still
taste it if I think about it. See something?
Like that would be a good first drink, but then.
Some mojitos you get here are stinking because if you've
tasted nice ones, George lovely too.
A Bramble. My family are big fans of the
Bramble. Oh, A.
Bramble again if it's done right, but things like daiquiri,
stuff like that, you can't go wrong because literally just
sugar like the. The gin they make where they put
the bit of honeycomb in it, that looks like a drink I would like.
Yeah. Do you know what we?
Should do down at some point. Obviously you can just come
down, but we should do cocktails like a cock.
We should bring Cocktail expert onto the podcast and just have
like a couple of guys down doing a little bit of a taste.
And what do you think? I mean, we're very quickly going
an alcoholic group here, yes. Yeah.
And then the next week it's vodka.
The next week it's poppers. I mean it's.
Just it's fun, the start of time.
Experiment with narcotics. Yeah, yeah.
Different, different drugs. You could.
Yeah. Well.
When you were four or five, you probably, you're probably like
on smack. Well, I.
Did I did the alcohol thing and then I did the Calpol thing
where I overdosed on Calpol? I've told you that before.
Surely you've never. Told me you overdosed on how do
you guys? I've I've thought I've mentioned
this before. So what happened was the same
sort of age for as rough year for me.
I was going through my addict phase and now you can tell why I
don't do anything now because the fucking this is where the
trauma call it. Like if I sat down in therapy,
this would be what we talk about.
I've seen a lot. Of shit, man.
You's mental that you don't think this is therapy.
That's crazy that you think you're here doing a podcast.
Yeah, these mics don't exist. This is the cardboard cutter
push. Them over like what?
Yeah, it's called T with me, Yeah.
Yeah, Thompson, I think that one.
Yeah. When you were talking about
Thompson's Theatre, I was like, do you know why?
Like businesses like changed over Coven, like all we do this
now. I thought Thompson's Nightclub
were just doing T9 and sponsoring your podcast because
I was like, oh fuck, you're good for them, you know what I mean?
They can't serve pains, but they're like, get the teeth.
How shit would it be if you really weren't therapy?
And then I think that I'm hosting a podcast and you're
like my patient. And then I realised that I'm
also with therapy as well. But you're you're the, you're
the doctor, the therapy man. Yeah.
Is down. Really.
Maybe dance the therapist. Yeah.
Are we alive? I don't know but.
That's just a Porter here, just security.
Yeah, this is just room is all part of.
Yeah, it's Jack the the but I don't know what's real.
I'm freaking out. Am I on something?
The. This is like a Styrofoam cup on
a crutch tables. Dean Elliot.
Just on all. Fours.
The no IoD don't I'm going to say ODIOD don't calpol.
When I was like 4 or five, mum left it out.
Cry for help no. Just because.
Do you remember how good it tasted?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So they.
Left it out, left me in the room with it and I just started
drinking it like a drink. And then mum came in and seeing
that the bowl was empty and I was just sitting there like, and
then she sort of put two and two together.
It was like it was late at night, like from what I
remember. And she put me under her arm,
like got me straight in a taxi to the Royal Hospital, ran in
the emergency room. He drank a full bottle of
Calpol. I don't have any memory of this
stuff. But just from what she was
telling me, she says the doctor sits mum down and is like, look,
we've had a little like sort of scan or whatever, we're probably
going to have to pump his stomach, which means that big
tubes going to have to go down is like oesophagus.
And you know, it'll be pretty traumatic for him like at this
age and things like that be pretty bad.
Or alternatively, if he froze up in like the next 10 minutes, you
know, that would get a lot of his system.
And my mum just being from West Belfast, sort of pushed the
doctor's side and was like, you're not putting a tube down
my child's throat. Got her fingers put them down my
throat like and I was like, I was sick at all the Cal Paul.
But then they had to keep me in just to watch me.
And all I can remember is being in the kids play area of the
Royal Hospital at like 2:00 in the morning on my own, just
having a great time because that's the only I was on the
seesaw, but no one else was on the seesaw because it was only
me. So it was just more like me
sitting on it trying to go back and forth.
And that's why I don't drink I. Mean that's like a student
story, but. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. So that's my experience of
Calpol overdosing. I'd still, I'd do a line of
Calpol today if I could. Like, yeah, if there was on that
table, I'd do a line, yeah, to like.
To win yourself like you're still like you.
Take the old. I do.
The old bump of Calpol when I go home, yeah, I'll pull my teeth
and stuff in the gums. It's a bit of.
Jello rub, but jello. Was good too, remember that?
Oh, why that was good stuff. So there's there's like
industrial strength type ones now who's like everything over
time really. We would have had stuff back
then. Or maybe it's the opposite.
Maybe back then the stuff was all like unregulated and stuff.
And now it's all like the opposite, like watered down,
yeah. Medicine.
Medicines got a little bit better.
So there you go. There's a story when I near
died. Shit, well, I'm glad you're
still with us. I have no kidneys, but yeah,
yeah. Yeah, I'm still here.
No. And by the way, can I just say,
you know, if someone put a big long tube down your throat now
all that would happen? I'd say yes, please.
So we've got some questions here kicking off from Nathan Burke,
who says what happened to Daniel Watson, which sounds like a
movie that Robert Pattinson would be in.
What? Did though, because that that's
a question I would like to ask to.
No one knows though. Sure they don't.
There's no definitive on the podcast before.
So what happened was we should just start.
Making stuff up now until he comes back at a well.
He used to do videos with Colin obviously, like my own fighter
and stuff. And when people used to ask
Colin a gig, like where's that? Where's Thomas the tanker?
Colin used to like obviously as a joke go he's in macabre but
not change his facial expression.
And then people be like, is he me at what for now?
And then Colin just walk off. So I think a lot of people
thought that. So yeah, he did like he was
Thomas the tanker and I am fighter videos.
He like grew up like right beside Colin, like family,
friends. And then and then he like he
stopped doing that, didn't do anything for a while.
And then I think, I can't remember how I came about, but
he was like, do you want to do a football podcast?
So we did one called the Blaster or something, something like
that. I can't remember Goal rush or
fucking podcast. Football.
The power. Blaster there it was the power
blaster and then and we did like couple episodes, but then it
didn't really work or something so we're like we'll just make a
few sketches and videos. I think we're doing stuff.
I have no idea in my head how long it was.
Was it like 6 months? Were there for a couple of
years, don't know and but we did like we did a lot.
You're like the. Same guy that does the poaching
percentages. Yeah, Six months, couple of
years, decade. I don't know.
We did a live. Show at Belfast Comedy Festival
that we wrote that week right and went over on the morning of
the show somewhere good. But it was fucking disaster like
terrible. And then it was weird because
like sort of like friends too. But then he just stopped wanting
to do anything out of the blue one day and like wouldn't get
back to me. And then I think Colin had had
like exactly the same experience.
So so I have no idea. I think he was like working away
somewhere, but like, I don't think he's any comedy links and
stuff, which is my because like very, very, very good writer.
Would you? Have him on the podcast, yeah.
Don't think he'd want to do it, but.
There's there's the invite if he's watching.
No, I. I would, I would love to like,
but he was never like, I don't think he was ever that
comfortable putting himself like out there too much, you know,
just like, you know, because we do this kind of thing.
I think there's stuff that goes along with it, like people just
knowing you and chatting to you. And I think part of the thing
was not speaking for him, but like he was working as well.
So if he was working in like a shop or whatever, a lot of
people were probably because of the success of a fighter.
Yeah. A lot of people were probably
coming up and Thomas and shouting like fucking boys and
all, you know. Yeah, it's probably like in a
work environment, it's an ideal, but very, very smart guy, like
really intelligent guy. Yeah.
And and really nice guy, but don't know.
Definitely a strange one, yeah. No one knows The Curious Case
will be a Netflix documentary in about 10 years.
And what happened to Thomas Because it was a.
Lot like we had a lot of plan, but don't know, just didn't
happen. Did stand up a couple of times
and was very good, yeah. But just.
I don't know, just I think never comfortable with like, but and
there's been people like that, like you do stand up and you go
like, fuck, they're good. And then they just stop or you
see people do a couple of gigs, you think they have like real
potential and they just don't want to do it again.
Yeah. It's funny like because one of.
Those things, when we do it, you're like, how could anyone
not do it? But like, well, you took a
seven-year break, which I never understood at the time.
Yeah. It was just more of AI just
wasn't confident in myself type thing, which is all What all at
that when you break it all down, like there's loads of our stuff
too, but that was the core sort of element.
And then when even when we took that sort of code break that we
didn't want to take. A sort of question myself being
like, I want to go back and do this again.
Blah. And it was all the answer is
always 100% yes, you know what I mean, which is a good sign.
The the but I just did have that moment where I was like, when
this comes back, like what what way do I want to make sure I
want to come back And like it's all.
I think I look at it and go, I don't want to be 50 years old
and look back and go. I wish I would have did that,
you know what I mean? Yeah.
So it means more to me now to continue doing it so that I
don't wake up that day of the regret going.
I didn't do it. You know you'll have died of.
Syphilis before 50, But if it hasn't.
Got me now it won't ever get me immune my Dicks like Teflon
anyway. The the shout out to Densmore.
Doctor Walls did more Yeah, keeping our Dicks healthy since.
Forever. Promo code COCK for 20% off.
So yeah, that's as best as I can answer that question.
Not a podcast question at all, but in my Instagram feed of
messages, I asked Patty McDonald if I could do 10 minutes at his
gig at the Feeler. And then he said, yeah, so I
might be, I might be doing that, but let's not make it official.
Let's not make it official. I'm going to just go watch
because that'll be a. Unbelievable gig, Dean Carroll
says We need a rundown of the that outfit, surely.
So you see the picture I put up with you in like the self
pyjamas and the slippers. So let's just I mean, people
like your style, they like your well, they don't like it.
They don't. Like it, but they.
Probably like, I think people, the idea of it, respect what you
do, yeah. Just what you do.
Like Dan Dawson, because Dan is a functional fashion plain
T-shirt, plain T-shirt, plain bottoms, simple pair of trainers
are come nice converse. She has on no Pzazz about it and
he tell you that himself no Pzazz at all.
Now what he what he does, though, which so he'll pretend
he like just gets up in the morning, grabs first thing or
whatever. He doesn't.
He texts Mike. Mike's here and goes.
What are you wearing to the podcast today?
Because more often than not, they were matching outfits and
that is cute. I was going to.
Say at least he's just asked him he's wearing to the podcast
because if it just stopped there that way.
Weird, Yeah. What do you know those?
There's something like. Sometimes I think about texting
you stuff like when we're going to stand up, because sometimes
we'll wear like a white T-shirt and blue jeans.
Yeah, yeah. And I'd be like, ah Desi.
Mccracken's right? Like there's something between
Dan and Mike and it's like this like big gig.
Like when I if I come in just for a podcast, there's like,
it's like the lot. There's a last day of term vibe.
You know they're. Shining on each other's tops and
stuff and it's a bit of fun, but like, yeah, your, your fashion
like you will like you will wear a lot of outfits that like, I
think you're walking the tightrope of cultural
appropriation daily. Yes, like quite a lot, yes.
You mean like you're, you know, you're 3030 year old, 31 year
old 2? 30. 2 year old guy from West
Belfast who dresses like a fringe member of the Nigerian
royal family. Like he's not like he's not in
like he's like third, nice 34th in line to be king.
Oh. Yeah, for sure.
I just look, I think fashion is interpretive and it's meant to
be, you're meant to break the rules with it a little bit.
And that's what I do. I break the rules.
I show people what what is possible because they do people,
people look at that and go, I couldn't wear that.
Yeah, you could because it's the man that makes the clothes, not
the clothes that make the man or one man or non binary person
because we're whatever. Yeah, you know.
Yeah. So there you go.
Have you? Ever.
Like if you ever put an outfit on, been walking out and gone.
Today, but have you ever? Have you ever like caught
yourself in reflection? Like I've said this in the
podcast before, remember as a kid, like as a young kid, when
you're on holiday and all around the pool, you can be fucking
naked. No, like on the beach and all.
You're at a certain age where like I do.
Remember that like my mom would bring me to Ballycastle and like
she'd be like, just get changed here and you're like, but we're
out in the open. She's like, it's no one's
looking like, I mean. Further than that, you could go
to the beach and play and swim fully naked.
Up until a certain age, yeah. When you're with your family,
1000% what is it? Three, do you reckon 3 is the
cut off I. Reckon like 3-4, right?
Yeah, but what happened? Yeah, what happens if you're?
6:00 and you're. Still doing.
I could I taste so much worse. Oh no.
I. Remember when I was in like P in
between so I must have been like P4P3P4?
What age you? Then about 7, yes, that's what
P3 is and I. Remember being on holiday in New
York and we met up with some friends and their, you know,
like other and other family and I went to school with the guys
and we had to go back up to the room to get something.
So one of the kids, Maz was like here take this card and you go
and get sweets, whatever it was. And I went for a wee wee in
their hotel room and then I just like forgot to put my shorts
back on and I went back down to the pool naked.
And I remember being like in my head going, but we kids like me
can do this. And then I remember being out
and walking to the pool naked and catching a reflection of
myself with some sort of going I'm too old for this.
And the embarrassment just flooded me it was so bad.
I remember that exact moment where I felt like I got too.
Old for that? Yeah, well, there you go.
Now we found the age. I started trying to drink 3
leaves water a day. I needed to pee when we did the
birthday podcast. I need to do it again so I'm
going to pee in one second in the toilet.
But William Palmer says. Do you guys get tea at the end
of a meal in a restaurant? I always feel it's unnecessary
and would rather let it all settle before enjoying a nice
mug at home. That's a great.
Question, but I'm going to go pee.
You go. Pee first, do you want me to
just stay silent or keep or do you want me to answer the
question while you keep? OK, so here we go.
Who asked the question? Do we know the name William
Palmer? Willie Palmer, my guy, my guy.
Willie Big Willie Palmer, which if is a Northern Ireland porn
name, that's not your real name, Willie.
Start who you're trying to fool with that name.
You know what I mean? Oh, I my name's Willie Palmer
and you've went the jokes went too far.
Willie, change your Instagram name.
I see you in my Instagram DMS all the time.
I'm sick of it. Although you are a little bit of
a cute boy and that. And so I think I just I'll let
you have it for one more week. You can be called Willie Palmer.
But if I come back on this podcast again and I see another
question from Willie Palmer, I've had it.
I'm going to go down there. I'm going to sort it out.
And that sounds like a sexual threat.
And it might be, It might be. And that's OK If it is.
I forgot your question because I've went on that long.
It's about tea. It's about tea drinking at the
end of dinner. I'm not a tea drinker again,
Shane, I'll tell you, I'm a weird guy with a lot of quirks.
That's one of them. Don't really drink tea.
Don't drink coffee. Not a hot drink guy, hot
chocolate I like in the winter time with a lot of cream on it
because I have a bit of AI think I'm diabetic.
But tea's not. Tea's not a big fat.
Shane loves tea. This guy's mad for tea.
But why do you think he's a white pissing now?
He's probably had about 8 teas. He's got Crohn's.
He shouldn't be. He shouldn't be drinking that
many teas with Crohn's in them. Does he really have Crohn's?
I don't know. I don't think he does.
You know he'd say he does, but then I've never seen him being
sick with it. Does he just?
Drink too much tea. Do you think that's what caused
the Crohn's? I don't know.
I've still not answered this question because I've went on
quite a ramble. And when you watch this back,
you'll be, I mean, the podcast is finished.
I've essentially cancelled the entire thing.
But Robin Swan is dangerous and that's all I want to finish on.
Oh no. Anyway, the question you, you
were. Do you?
Do you drink cheese after dinner?
No. Do you know what you.
Do though this is what I'll tell you and no, you'll agree here.
This is good, this is good. What do I?
Do no trust that's. What you do right?
OK. What do I do you?
Because I do me. Let me set up you do do you say
I do me? So whatever it is, is me.
Do you? Boo, Boo.
Yeah. Yeah, you, yeah.
We have our Nandos when we're on the way to gig.
Then what you like to do? Get a coffee.
But 20 minutes up the road you're like, let's find a little
garage and you get a coffee. But do you get a tea too?
Do not. No one.
I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why.
Because garages and places like that never have an almond milk
option. So I by default I get a coffee.
But you hit on a great point. I would never get food and then
get a coffee near there to take away.
I like to get away from there, start a new chapter, get up the
road and have a coffee. So if we if we have a Nando's in
Dublin Rd on our way to your gig and you go here, do you want to
just grab you like coffee? Don't you want to get a coffee
to go up? I go.
No, no, no, no, no. We'll stop at the Apple green.
We'll go up the Labats. It's in.
It's another experience. And Dan hates that.
Why he Because because now let the road keep driving.
No, fucking get that. Just fucking.
Buy your car No. Send the car down there.
Dan has a very like A to B brain autistic A to B, right?
He starts here, needs to go there.
Plain sailing in between, no room.
For stops of that no. Room for stops.
No, stop down me. Oh, all the fees, Probably 10.
Minutes late already, yes? Yes, yeah.
Look, here's all you need to know.
My brain isn't like most other people.
Oh, it's. Certainly not.
So I I am a creative, I am an artist.
This is your court. And I don't believe in time
because the concept of time was made-up by the Nazis.
And if you love it so much, Dan, maybe you have other issues.
OK And what I like to do is visit, I like to visit new
places like the Apple Green Lavazza.
Sometimes I walk in the Lavazza is closed.
I'll go to the coffee machine downstairs in Apple green.
Not as good, but still an enjoyable moment.
I like to go places. I like to see faces.
OK, I don't like to go from A to BI, like to start at A and visit
GQ you. Sure do.
Oh. All different places.
And you know what, Dan, are differences friends because and
have our disagreements and have our disagreements, sure.
But all I'll say is my new model is enjoy the ride.
Yeah, and it's also when anyone ever asks why.
Are you late? You go because time was made-up
by the Nazis and that's, I mean, I don't.
Think anyone's going to? Fight you on that because
they're just going to go, well, he's a bit of a fucking looper.
So well, they go, he's got a point.
He's got a point, yeah, you know.
But look, we we're all different.
That's what we got to celebrate. I'm right.
We're all different. We all have our quirks.
Yeah, like your quirk. Is you got a fucking 17 foot.
Amazon package out the front of your house.
I can get, I can get just for one Pokémon card to be
delivered. That's.
One Pokémon card I'm 3 Viagra. And you're like, you have to
open like open seven locks and get a ladder to fucking prize
this thing open with a crowbar. I've devalued my neighbour house
across. The street because it's such.
An eyesore, The whole. Street has actually been
devalued since I've moved in. Everyone's moving out of their
houses. Certainly a few alerts have gone
off anyway. If you subscribe to certain GPS
type website, Carrie says. Why is Below Deck so addictive
and what's your favourite season?
Have you seen Below Deck? What is this?
It's a reality. Show and it's like scripted
reality. Thing on Netflix, my favourite
type of reality. By the way, it's about a cruise
ship, not a cruise ship like crew that work on like a fancy
yacht or like ceiling ship for like rich people.
And they like they're cooks, they clean it, they get
groceries for them, all that sort of stuff.
It's just about the staff and it's like I've seen one or two
episode, you've seen some of it. It's wild.
Like I know of it, I've seen something, but it's.
Like OK, take like. Twenty Americans put them in
like tiny living quarters on a ship and just witness the
madness. That's the format.
I actually haven't seen loads of it, Yeah.
That is the standard. Format of any reality show, I
think you'd. Like it America.
Oh, I'd love it. I I like I have a real obsession
at the moment with like reality stuff from the TLC channel, the
people who do 90 day fiance. Yeah, I think no scrubs.
No. Oh, was.
That like another 10. No, I don't want.
No scream. Don't go chasing waterfalls.
That was another good one, yeah. It was, but what else did they
have? Is that the only?
Two I can like. I can't think probably a lot
more, but I think they're like the well known.
Ones you know, but the TLC channel in America which stands.
For the Learning Channel, I never knew that because one
thing you don't. Do when you watch it is is
learn, Yeah. Oh, you learn.
You. Learn what fucking crazy
Americans are like. And they have one at the minute
called Sister Extreme Sisters. And it's about twin sisters who
are too close together. And there's one sister who's
like, yeah, I just shave her butt hole.
And they all and they're standing in the bath together
and like, and then I turn around and she shaves mine.
And these are in American people who are real people.
And, and go watch it. We'll play a clip one day on the
podcast and you'll just be like, wow, I swear to God, this is
real. Why are you so amped up about
it? Because.
I had two Viagra when I come in. Here, when you left the room and
it's just hit me and I shoved them straight up with no IV.
So yeah, maybe we'll watch some clips from that.
That'll be fun. Carrie also says what would
happen if you hire 2 private investigators to follow each
other. Like I really need to know.
I mean, we, we know each other well enough for their well.
Oh, do you know what I thought that question meant?
I thought it. Meant if you hire 2 private
investigators put to follow each other to see what.
By the way, there's private. We talked about this in Podcast
4. There are private investigators
in Northern Ireland. Did you get a quote?
No, I. Didn't we were talking about
private? Investigators.
Then I was like, I wonder, do any exist locally?
And there are imagine just like a sleuth locally, you know what
I mean? I think if a private
investigator followed you, I think he would Then, you know,
at the end of the week, you'd give me the dossier.
I think you would go. You don't even want to know
this, you know? I mean, I think he'd go, let's
just leave this and pretend I never saw anything.
Yeah. And then hand the file into the.
Cops probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's OK.
I don't know what you're. If I sent one on you.
What you would find out, you know what I mean?
He probably found out a lot of your weird cooking techniques.
He'd be like, look, there's none really too, none really too like
scandalous. But he does.
He does like just the warm steak up.
He sits on it like something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There'd be weird like he puts he.
Puts a boy leg under his armpit and.
Like let's it sit there for a while before.
Like it'd be something like any weird things.
You don't need eggs, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like, no, I'm weird.
He would find weird like, but then I know weird stuff like
quirks about use to them, but what is it that I'm not seeing
like that is that's the scary question, but I think that
about. All the local comedians here,
like, it's what you don't see. You're like, you know what I
mean? Yeah.
Because you only really know a lot of people as.
In That's not a game. Yeah.
So like, could you picture like,
Mark McCartney in a bath? I mean, no exactly.
No. We got more here.
Any awkward barbershop experiences?
Walked in something one yesterday for 30 minutes for
realised they were appointment only and had to walk out of
there. Yeah.
I mean how long would you have sat there?
I like that though. Awkward Barber experiences yes
at the Edinburgh Fringe festival, umm about like 3 years
ago or something. No more, way more.
I made of mine was living out there and he was playing rugby
and he was also like interested in Barber and to get a lot of
spare time in the sands. Interested in Barber and is
never a good sign. No, because you need someone who
isn't. It's not like I'm just
interested in it. I'm interested in brain surgery.
Yeah. I'll do you.
Come on around. We'll give it a go.
Yeah, yeah. He was like, I think he just
wanted to learn a new skill. So he'd been barbering and going
to like classes and he was cutting his teammates hair.
Some of them he was like shaving, doing like feeds and
all and cutting her. But we were chatting about like
having lunch with him when I was over at the festival.
And then he said, listen, that's a bit weird.
But like if you want a haircut, he goes, I cut your hair.
I've got all the gear and all, and if you're up for that, let
me know. So I was like, yeah, I was like,
yeah, I mean, at the fringe you could be performing in front of
industry people. You want to look good.
So I was like, yeah, I mean, it would be nice to have a wee like
touch up, get the hair done. I said look sounds good.
So I agreed to like go over to his house, get my hair cut.
And you know, when you're someone's cutting your hair, the
spray all the water on loads of water and then they like comb it
and you're getting your hair cut.
He's cutting away and he's fucking like doing, he's like
measuring it up and all and he's doing the right thing and he's,
you know, you know, texture and like, you know what I mean, like
cutting into it and stuff. And like he's talking me through
what he's doing. I'm like this guy should just
like Jack in rugby because like hairdressing is his calling like
100%. And he he finishes up and he
shows me and all he's like, what do you think?
I was like brilliant And it's sort of like 50 style, like
Quiff the wee bit like quiff back and come back and it's
sitting great. I was like brilliant.
Went to the gym, thank them and stuff.
Went to the gym, went back to the house, had a shower to go do
a gig that night. And then when I dried my hair,
Dreadlock could see the full extent of what had happened.
It was like 6 cuts on the one head.
It looked like a sample board of haircuts.
This bit was long. This bit was shaved all like
different lengths. And when I put product on it, it
looked terrible. And I had to get a photo shoot
for some newspaper or magazines straight after it.
And then I went to a barber's straight away and said, how
short do you need to cut this to like reset my hair?
And he's like pretty short. I should have got like A1 all
over. But I got, you know, that like
in between like A4 or A5 or A6 and it just like, oh, there's
photos of me from that fringe. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ.
Then I start to get really worried that the guy's going to
get offended that I've got my hair shaved the day after he cut
it. So I text him and I didn't need
to do this. And I said all right mate,
cheers for the cut. The other day.
In case you see me walking around at the festival, just to
let you know I got an audition for a war film set in Belfast.
Had to go back to do an audition.
Really wanted the part so I just shaved my head.
I never saw him again. Yeah, well, I think it was nice
of you to say though. Like the because that, you know
what I mean? Yeah.
But I don't think he would have mattered anyway because I think
he probably did it as a joke at the Yeah, like I'm real
interested. In this Yeah, I.
Look back on it. Yeah, he just mind.
If you had to get. One of our friends, local
comedian. Somewhere on the podcast
regularly to give you a haircut. Who do you think would do the
best job? Not Willie or Jordan, anyway.
The. And that's for multiple reasons.
Not Potty McDonald either, because I mean tracking.
Just not. I actually think Colin could
potentially give you a haircut. Colin.
Because he's got an artistic eye would probably be good.
I'll also go Kizy because Connor's wife.
Cuts his hair and like his hair always looks really good.
Yeah, that's true. He's in with a shout for me.
There's too many other fellas that.
I mean, yeah, actually, I'll tell you another one.
For some reason off top my head, I'm James McKechnie.
Give you a decent cut he would, but it would also be like a
little bit sort. Of out there too.
He'd cut a good mullet you know what I mean like it be it would
give you a class so can mullet you'd go yeah I can wear this
now yeah. Yeah, even though you probably
shouldn't, but. Yeah, I can't imagine too many
of the other lads being that detail oriented.
I think I could be a good Barbara.
Barbara, Barbara is always something I.
Looked at and thought, yeah, I quite enjoyed it.
You look, I could see you doing a.
Shift in skinny Isaacs. Like, just like, just chilling,
you know what I mean? Not even doing a shift, just
chill, just chilling. Barbara's chair rag over my
shoulder. Just chilling.
Sometimes you cut her, sometimes you don't.
Sometimes. You come in for a book and then
go kind of get a trim. Around the size, a bit off top
and I go, no, I'm like, I'm not going to cut your hair.
Let's just chill, let's talk and then let's play a vinyl record.
No, I, I, I spray your hair with water.
I comb it. I, you know, make it look good.
And then I just tell you like, that's it.
That's all I'm in for today. But why?
Does everyone find it really weird that I have vinyls in my
office? Here in this building?
Do you actually? Yeah.
I thought that's what you knew. Oh no.
I've got a vinyl player. With like, oh, you do 30 records
and I'll say like if me down a micro having lunch, I go, what
are you guys in the mood for? And then I go round and I put
the go. Any song that's available on the
Internet later on. Loser.
And there's some good record, like.
Yeah. It's been a bit like Don, like
surfing. Put The Beach Boys on for him
recently. Last thing we listened to was
Simon and Garfunkel live in Central Park.
It's a nice time, a good record. That's good.
We take your shirts off and enjoy it.
I'll say I know more about that. The outdoor tour.
The only gigs that there's. Tickets left for are Portrush,
second date and Kelly's and also Newton Abbey Theatre at the
Mill. Theatre at the Mill.
This is pretty class are just getting the front lawn of that
whole venue and just setting it up for a show.
It's going to be a massive outdoor show, about 400 people.
So shine.net for the tickets. They're the 2 ones that we've
still got tickets for and the rest are sold out.
This guy's going to be doing a load of them.
Yep, can't wait to see the there to.
Support. As do.
I'll be doing support, OK? And that's why that's well said.
And that's why, yeah, thank. You sorry but you we speak in
English for the gigs. Nope, that's.
Exactly how I deliver myself. Good, good, good.
OK. And yeah.
We'll we'll be doing loads more euro.
Streams as well. For some of the games, but
we'll, we'll update you on Patreon with what we're doing.
patreon.com/tea with me Podcast. Dan, any other business?
No. All good.
Good. You.
Anything else you want? To play like, not even like.
Comedy related? No, I don't think so.
Just want to give anyone a shout out shout.
Anyone out shout out Rogaine for keeping the hair?
On my head. Shout out to.
Pfizer. Joe Rogan Yeah, shout out to
Pfizer for making the vaccines and making my favourite pills.
Shout out to Doctor John McCormick from my vasectomy.
Yeah, shout out to whatever doctor he got for his
circumcision. Ryan Walsh doing some good work
to both of our. Junk.
We are like mutilated. Or should we do a side Patreon
podcast called Procedures? Where every week it's a mystery
procedure. And we were a GoPro.
On her head for the Patreon. Like, honestly, we're doing that
much of Patreon that that's probably the only thing we're
not doing. I mean, yeah, King of the
content right here. Yeah, just supply.
And it's just dishing it out. I like to see getting my balls
made square. Content.
Yeah, we both do that. We both.
Do little day trips like that? Like.
The scroll talks is 1 I. Pick mine, I pick yours and then
when you wake up from the anaesthetic.
You don't have a mirror, Mike's filament.
You're just like, Oh no, what is it?
And you just walk out in public and see the reactions you get.
I give you the face of Nicolas Cage.
What the? Fuck, has he done here?
Yeah, I just take one of your ears off.
Yeah, I give you the Van Gogh. Yeah, but you're you're a place
with my nose. You just swap them.
You're hearing stuff from here. And like over there.
Smells. Rotten doing coke like that.
All right, well, look, thank you very much everyone for
listening, for watching. We appreciate it.
The podcast is growing, it's getting bigger.
It's what is it? It's a boner.
It's a podcast boner.
It's getting. Bigger.
It's growing. Sometimes it needs a little
support. There's a being going through
the middle, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Not after your. Procedure there is sometimes you
don't like to see it, but. It's just there in your face
there. Sometimes you talk it up,
sometimes you have to. Sometimes.
You save it for later. Sometimes you talk it up, or
maybe you're one of these guys that folds down.
You know, but I I like when I was on the talk was when I was
in three boss, whenever I used to get the bus attack, I used to
always get a bone and I used to go back up into the waistband.
But then there was that awkward thing where when you were
getting off, as long as it stayed there, you're getting
off. But if it was, if it was going
down and you were in that in between, like because then it's
like a wee bit of a lump, isn't it?
Looks like you have like AI. What I used to do is I bought
like, you know, like the cage you would take a cap.
To the vets too, right? I would buy one of those and I
would always just hold the like. Out a cat to.
Take the vets and the basket was just empty.
Well, no, I I would. Hold that in front of my crotch
and say. Oh, she's getting her paws
looked at and but there was no card in the thing.
It was just I would keep the front of the cage open and I
would put my myself inside it and they would be like, oh,
that's padded. And you'd be like, I can't.
He's sleeping. He bites, he's biting.
He's just having. He's not.
He's not vaccinated yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's got fleas. He's thrown his milk up.
Thank you very much for listening.
For watching zippers, appreciate it, see you next time.
Thank you very much to aaronbutleraaronbutler.com/viagra
promo code. But man, I'm going to buy that
to me and when I get home.