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I'm Michael. 
Che and I'm Colin Jose, and 

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we've got a little secret. 
Actually, it's a pretty big 

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secret. 
Well, now you got to give the 

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people something. 
I'm not saying a word. 

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Oh, then people will know to 
tune in. 

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Come on, tell them a little. 
Like how we're hosting of comedy

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events streaming only on 
Peacock, exactly how it's called

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New York After Dark and it's a 
comedy show that only features 

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drop in comic. 
Boom, you nail. 

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Into Michael Chase phone 
numbers. 

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Whoa, whoa, whoa. 
Hey, hey, hey. 

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New York After Dark. 
It's some kind of comedy thing, 

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and it's streaming now only on 
Peacock. 

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You love it. 
Hello and welcome to this 

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episode of the Tea with Me 
podcast with Me, She and Todd. 

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Before we get into this episode,
I'm going to plug a couple of 

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things pretty quick. 
Number one is 

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patreonpatreon.com/tea with Me 
podcast with a bonus episode on 

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a Monday, live stream on a 
Friday. 

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I've been putting up some gig 
clips as well. 

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We'll continue to do that. 
I'm going to put a rattling 

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video up. 
I'm going to put a Todd's Leap 

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video up as well where we did 
clay pigeon shooting and then 

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William, here's the sale for 
that video. 

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William Thompson, who has 
cerebral palsy jumped off a big 

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thing onto like a foam like 
landing pad. 

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So if you want to see that 
patreon.com/tea With Me podcast,

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and again, if you want to see 
more people with debilitating 

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conditions do stunts, 
patreon.com/tea With Me 

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podcasts, we've got you covered.
Also, we've got sponsors. 

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We've got sponsors. 
None more so than Thompson's 

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Tea. 
What is the number one selling 

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tea in Northern Ireland? 
Is it Tetley? 

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No, we hit those guys with those
cartoon guys with the white 

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coats on the brown flock cups 
and glasses. 

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The nerds of Tea, the Tetley 
guys. 

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Is it, you know, what are some 
of the other ones? 

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PG Tips? 
Obviously not. 

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It's Panchana and you're 
probably going where's Punjab 

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because Punjana sounds exotic. 
Where is it from? 

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They've been making tea in 
Belfast since 1800's. 

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The Thompson family make Punjana
tea. 

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They make it by hand and they 
drink it by mouth and they 

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travel around the world bringing
you the best tea. 

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They go to places like India, 
they go down where else they go,

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go to places like Pakistan on 
tea business. 

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They come back with all those 
leaves and then they taste it 

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and they say either thumbs up or
thumbs down. 

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So I was going to say, you know,
every tea has been tasted by the

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time site, not the one you're 
getting, but they taste the 

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batch and then they sign off on 
it. 

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Panjana is Northern Ireland's 
number one selling tea. 

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We drink it here, We drink, we 
drink it. 

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You love it. 
And again, that's not one of 

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their slogans. 
But you know, theoretically it 

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could be Panjana. 
You love it, we make it. 

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I don't make it. 
We don't make it here. 

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They made Thompson's family make
it. 

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Our second sponsor, of course, 
is Manscaped. 

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I've been thinking about balls a
lot recently and Manscaped have 

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to, that's their job, you know, 
because balls don't get balls 

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don't really get a look in, you 
know, in conversation and all 

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that kind of thing. 
It's all deck. 

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But the balls are always just 
there, you know, in the 

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background doing doing a really 
good job. 

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And Manscaped are the number one
company for below the belt 

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crewmen. 
It's 2021. 

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We're at a lockdown. 
We need to just, you know, 

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everyone's doing stuff like 
other they're doing up the 

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garden. 
You know, they're, they're 

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building the bar in the, in the 
back garden. 

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You need to translate that into 
your pubic region, landscape 

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manscape. 
That's that's brilliant, that's 

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brilliant. 
And isolate that and send that 

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to them. 
Specifically landscape your 

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garden, manscape your decking 
balls. 

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You know they've got the 
lawnmower 3.0. 

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It's up behind me there. 
It's got a wee light on. 

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It's an electric razor. 
Anti snag technology so you 

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don't snag your balls. 
That's what it is. 

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Anti snag technology. 
Dan uses it. 

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I use it, Mike uses it. 
Mike uses it on Dan, Dan uses it

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on me. 
That's what we do before every 

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podcast. 
Manscape.com Musical Tea with me

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for 20% off and free shipping. 
If you're also in the balls 

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game, manscape.com you score Tea
with me 20% off and free 

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shipping. 
That's a sponsor. 

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Reads done. 
No get on. 

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Get on to the main business. 
I've got a guest. 

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I've got a guest. 
He is a friend of mine and a 

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friend of yours. 
He is Lurgan's finest son, 

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Mickey Bartlett. 
We talked about this for a 

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Bible, said who else? 
You can't do all of that ball 

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stuff. 
Lurgan's Finest on Mickey 

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Bartlett. 
Lurgan's finest, Mickey 

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Bartlett, and I've asked this 
before. 

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I said Lorgan's finest. 
Who else is? 

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Famous from Lurgan Collie Duffy 
needling That's right, the Troy 

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factor you. 
Guys are think. 

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All. 
All killers in our own way, 

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allegedly. 
I think it's fair to say you 

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guys are coming together for a 
new stage. 

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Is that right? 
Yeah. 

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It's called getting off in 
different ways. 

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Me. 
It's actually Duffy. 

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Good Friday and Neil Lennon. 
Sack by Celtic. 

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Yeah, Yeah, fair enough. 
I like a shirt we're both 

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wearing. 
Is that, is that linen? 

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It is a linen shirt, yes. 
We sort of. 

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Linen mix, like we cotton blend.
This is one of these situations 

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where I was shopping with my 
girlfriend and I went, you want 

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to think of that shirt? 
And she was like, babe, that's 

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great, that's really nice, 
that's really nice. 

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And then she was like, do you 
want to try it on? 

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And I went, Nah to grand. 
Yeah. 

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And I put it on this morning and
I've realised that I thought it 

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was going to make me look like 
some sort of, you know, kind of 

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like all relaxed, James Bond 
casual, yeah, sort of lemon 

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thing going on. 
Well, if you had it. 

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Looked like I should have a cane
with a mosquito on the top. 

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That's what I was going to say. 
If you were like if you had the 

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matching trousers, you'd look 
like you own land and Indian 

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like, yeah, I look like yeah, I 
don't know when people. 

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For the tea that you're. 
Yeah, I look like. 

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I look like I call everybody 
boy. 

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Yeah, my boy, boy. 
Come over here and shave me with

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your manscape, boy. 
I just lost your sponsors. 

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I'm really. 
Sorry with that I'm just. 

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Jealous of having it, sorry. 
Where do you go? 

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Where do you retail Rushmere? 
Will you walk about the Rushmere

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and drop some money? 
I'll. 

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Just. 
Yeah, usually. 

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Do you ever get a shop closed 
closed for you? 

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Quite often could you ring 
Debenhams actually. 

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It's not why they're. 
Close them a top man. 

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Yeah, it was sick of that whole 
muscle for thing they were 

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doing, so I wanted to shut it 
down. 

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Honestly one of my favourite 
bits from stand ups ever that we

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would have gone out and seen was
your bit back in the day which 

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could still 100% work. 
Now about going into your shop 

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and someone thinks you work 
there and then you proceed to 

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just. 
I start working questions. 

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That's a brilliant, brilliant 
bit. 

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That's not even, that's only 
about 50% made-up. 

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Yeah, like half of that did 
happen. 

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I was in, I was in a top man 
Craigavon. 

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And this girl just like, I don't
even know why she thought I 

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worked because I'm too fat to 
work in top man and always have 

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been. 
But it must have been like I had

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a pair of Dun Dunlop green 
flashes on. 

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She just must have been like, 
oh, he must work here. 

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And she was like, you know where
the jeans are. 

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And I went, yeah. 
And then she, I just saw her 

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coming back with like another 
question. 

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And I was like, I need to get 
the fuck out of here quick. 

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And I just had in the change 
room until she left. 

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Did you, do you remember like 
back in the day when someone 

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thought you work somewhere and 
then you both thought it was the

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funniest thing ever? 
Yeah. 

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Do you work here? 
I don't know. 

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And then you both like, I can 
die laughing. 

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Yeah. 
I used to, you know, say put too

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far for top man. 
I When Hollister opened in 

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Belfast, I was. 
Too far for there also. 

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Well, so was I. 
I was looking for. 

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I was too ugly for Hollister. 
Well, that's a disgrace. 

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I know you're. 
I'm a seven, I'm a 7, but a 

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comedy 10, no. 
Yeah, because yeah, with comedy,

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I'm about a six. 
Yeah, No, no, you're, you're a 

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comedy A. 
Comedy. 

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Yeah. 
Yeah, that one. 

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Thanks. 
Very much. 

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But Hollister opened up in 
Belfast like an American 

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California surf company and I 
was like, why? 

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Look, I'm looking for a job that
might be good. 

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Someone sent me the link to 
apply and then I applied and 

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they have like tears of how good
looking you are. 

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So the first one is like front 
of house. 

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You stand at the doorway, 
remember used and people and 

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this would work in California. 
You'd walk in and the people had

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to say what's up dude, welcome 
to the pier. 

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You had to say that as your job 
to everybody who walked in. 

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What's up dude? 
Welcome to the pier. 

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But like people to say that in 
the Belfast shop from Belfast. 

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All right, bro. 
You're looking a wee tap all. 

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Right, dude. 
Gnarly morning. 

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I'm going to burn your surfboard
the 12th. 

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Call Bunga you fucking bastard. 
My cousin from fucking are doing

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call bunga Haggerty loves his 
gear mate. 

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Loves his gear. 
Couldn't play for Arsenal 20 

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Brooklyn man of Tarsal but 
fucking make the win Jason boss.

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Not for translating anything, he
just he. 

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Just like Saint James, a boss, 
he sits on a dinner plate, goes 

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like out there, but he's not, 
he's not falling, right? 

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00:09:03,880 --> 00:09:07,640
I mean got them greater. 
So they're the number one best 

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looking people. 
Yeah, but didn't Hollister have 

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a thing where it got slightly 
darker as you went? 

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So like their shop got doggy 
ones were at the back, Yeah. 

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And you couldn't really smoke 
emerge like the whole shop. 

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She had the best looking people 
out the front, second best 

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00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,520
looking people were on like the 
tails, you know, they serve you 

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00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,520
and stuff. 
Third best looking people going 

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around restocking, making the 
place sit nice. 

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I apply and then by the way, 
then worst kind is overnight. 

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And what that means is you get 
brought in under the cover of 

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darkness with with a cloak on 
your face. 

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You know what I mean? 
They hide you and they bring you

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in and they then they unleash 
you and you just run about 

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folding clothes, Bill. 
There you go, Master. 

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Yes, Master, I do that for you. 
Now please don't kick us again. 

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We loved it. 
All the surf shorts, is it 

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00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,400
master? 
You know, so you had to go and 

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00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,400
do that. 
Nice. 

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00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,520
Welcome to dogs. 
I just want to say welcome to 

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the PA once Master. 
Here's how ugly I am. 

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I didn't get the overnight job, 
but then they phoned me after 

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someone couldn't take it. 
And when we had you on the 

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waiting list, do you want to 
come and do that? 

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So I was that tier level 5, good
looking for a Hollister. 

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And it was, it was fucking 
terrible. 

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And there's two things I always 
think about because I worked in 

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retail for years, like, but the 
worst thing I think I've ever 

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heard was a maid of mine. 
We were still at uni and she 

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started working in Starbucks and
Derry when it just opened and 

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00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,160
they had to say every single 
customer when it first opened. 

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00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:43,400
They had to say thanks a lot 
every fucking single time. 

227
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:48,360
That and my mum, right she 
retired she retires about 53 or 

228
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:53,080
54 working with civil services 
got like fucking leave and she 

229
00:10:53,080 --> 00:10:55,840
went looking for a job and she 
they're open and as that I think

230
00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:58,400
and poured it on and she was 
like I'll just go and we get a 

231
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,400
part time job and as just. 
Keep going to do. 

232
00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:04,840
Yeah, but I also do like a 
personality test to see where 

233
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:07,560
you're best suited like in the 
store. 

234
00:11:07,560 --> 00:11:10,080
So, you know, like same thing 
like if you're going to be a 

235
00:11:10,080 --> 00:11:12,040
sales assistant or. 
If you're bubbly and stuff, 

236
00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:14,240
pills. 
And yeah, and they had my mind 

237
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,240
that a personality test and they
basically told her she was 

238
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,840
suitable to drive a van on her 
own. 

239
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,960
Just yeah, not like away from 
that, not not do deliveries. 

240
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just. 
Literally driver, there's a van,

241
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,120
just drive around. 
Do you ever? 

242
00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:30,480
Work in a supermarket like a big
one. 

243
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,840
I worked in Dunn's for a bit. 
I'm so shit at jobs like that. 

244
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:38,160
Yeah, I'm brutal. 
I like in Hollister, we had to 

245
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:41,800
like, here's this mental. 
They don't hang any clothes. 

246
00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:45,000
It's they're all to be folded 
right like stacks. 

247
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,160
So I would come in overnight, 
but I never like I was so bad at

248
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:49,480
it. 
And then even when I worked in 

249
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:51,960
shops, I know I would never give
someone the right change. 

250
00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,600
I. 
Ever like, well, I was tired, 

251
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,760
but like because I've worked in 
I worked a lot of clothes 

252
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:57,560
retail. 
So working next I worked in 

253
00:11:57,560 --> 00:11:59,040
Duns. 
I'm going to close one and then 

254
00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:03,920
a supermarket Duns as well. 
So duns were like, well, I got. 

255
00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,400
AI pretty much got sacked from a
Duns and Craigavon, and then I 

256
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,960
applied for the Duns and 
Portadown as a joke because I 

257
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:13,200
was like, they're bound to ring,
it's only 5 minutes, they're 

258
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:14,480
going to go here. 
What about this guy? 

259
00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,760
Nah, yeah. 
And they gave me the job I 

260
00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:18,840
didn't really want. 
Right, but just just despite. 

261
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,480
That, but then I remember like 
being mind blown that conveyor 

262
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:24,120
belts on checkouts aren't 
automatic. 

263
00:12:24,120 --> 00:12:28,560
There's we pedal what I know 
you, you do that. 

264
00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,720
You go Boo, the garden moves and
then you can stop when you want.

265
00:12:31,520 --> 00:12:35,280
Did you know this? 
Now this back in 2004, times 

266
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,440
have changed. 
I don't know if. 

267
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:38,960
That's probably doing that just 
for your thoughts. 

268
00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,400
Yeah, yeah. 
But so you so you would do 

269
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,440
right? 
So that's fucked. 

270
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:45,240
That makes a lot of sense 
because I never I never knew how

271
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,320
it was done and I presumed I 
would never find out. 

272
00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:49,640
It was the kind of thing like I 
remember like really panicking 

273
00:12:49,640 --> 00:12:52,160
about that, like how, how do you
move the because I started being

274
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,920
like if that thing moves, moves 
faster and I can. 

275
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,640
Put yeah, yeah, yeah. 
It's going to be a fucking 

276
00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:57,280
night. 
But it's not just you do your 

277
00:12:57,280 --> 00:12:59,720
foot and then my motor skills 
are so bad that I would like 

278
00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,560
just keep moving with my foot 
and fuck it up anyway. 

279
00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,200
I hated it. 
I used to like I'd finished 

280
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:09,160
school, get a bus, not even a 
school bus, like get a bus and a

281
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,640
uniform out to Portadown, which 
took like half an hour, get 

282
00:13:12,640 --> 00:13:15,240
changed and then just go to work
and everyone time be like just 

283
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,560
being fucking starving because 
you're only working like a four 

284
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,320
hour chef. 
You didn't get a break. 

285
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,200
And I was so hungry I tried to 
eat a bag of peanuts. 

286
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,920
Like just by holding it. 
Like I could feel a bag of 

287
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:25,160
peanuts. 
What do you mean you tried to 

288
00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:26,880
like, ingest it through your 
hands? 

289
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:29,640
I was like, I wonder, can I just
like put enough pressure in this

290
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,520
that I'll get some nutrients 
because I'm fucking? 

291
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,000
Starved into your skit, you 
thought of you. 

292
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,680
And I was 16. 
I wasn't very smart, wasn't it 

293
00:13:34,680 --> 00:13:39,320
was very we're just done like 
osmosis and sorry mimosas. 

294
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:43,520
We were drunk. 
I just see you in subway after 

295
00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,400
this. 
Work in Subway as well as 

296
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,560
another one, yeah. 
What? 

297
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,440
Remember what you did in Subway?
No. 

298
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,200
The Dirty thing. 
Yeah. 

299
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:51,440
You've told, you've told it on 
stage. 

300
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:52,960
Yeah, I've told it a few times. 
Can you tell it? 

301
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:53,680
Yeah, that's. 
Just. 

302
00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:56,160
That's 10 out. 
That's the thing, people. 

303
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:59,160
The thing people worry about is,
oh, do the mess for your food 

304
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:01,040
and stuff. 
Yeah, you do. 

305
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,960
Yeah, if you're a complete Dick,
yeah, somebody's going to make 

306
00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:06,520
because it's minimum wage you. 
I don't work for somewhere, I 

307
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:08,480
work in, so you're. 
Not doing it for the passion of 

308
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,600
like culinary. 
Call me a sandwich artist all 

309
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,000
you want. 
Yeah, I don't believe you, 

310
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,120
right? 
This is an art. 

311
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,920
But yeah, we used to do a thing 
where and it was pretty ranked 

312
00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:20,760
and it was always like the same 
two or three customers, right? 

313
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,120
Because you'd basically, you'd 
figure it after a while, after 

314
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:24,880
you work there for a couple of 
weeks, you'd be like, oh, this 

315
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:26,880
guy comes in Monday, Tuesday and
Thursday. 

316
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,160
And there was like always a guy 
who would come in and he'd stand

317
00:14:30,160 --> 00:14:33,400
in the queue all day, not all 
day, just like all at lunchtime,

318
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:37,120
get to the counter and then go. 
Yeah. 

319
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,840
And then he would order a plain 
Turkey sandwich or ketchup. 

320
00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,440
With delight shall I shampoo. 
Yeah, and he would just order 

321
00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,360
something in a picture of it. 
Yeah, he just, and we do things 

322
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:46,720
for when customers are really 
rude. 

323
00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:49,200
What we would do is that we 
cardboard trays where you put 

324
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,280
like the chicken and stuff in. 
We would all just like spit on 

325
00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:56,040
it and leave it onto the desk. 
So that when somebody was a 

326
00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,000
deck, when you were looking for 
your wee knife, you would just 

327
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,600
rub your finger in this in the 
spit and then push their salad 

328
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,080
down with it. 
I made another one as well where

329
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,720
he would when he was toasting 
their sandwich. 

330
00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,560
He would just scratch his armpit
for ages and then use that hand 

331
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,600
to put their salad. 
That's Bob. 

332
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:12,520
That's Bob. 
Ever having a meet. 

333
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:15,520
He worked at a McDonald's and he
was like, if this is before like

334
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:18,320
June, like not McDonald's, now 
you can go to can I get 

335
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:20,640
cheeseburger with no onions and 
have them ready, right? 

336
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,600
Whereas before they didn't. 
He was like, they'd never have 

337
00:15:22,600 --> 00:15:23,640
those fucking things. 
Make it fresh. 

338
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,360
Yeah. 
But he was like, that's when 

339
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,240
people are going to spend your 
food if you make them make you a

340
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:30,680
fresh burger. 
Just don't mess with people who 

341
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,480
are like making your food. 
It's just don't do it. 

342
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:34,600
It's not worth it. 
Yeah. 

343
00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:38,640
Yeah, I, I like genuine see 
people that do like the job of 

344
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:42,360
like barista or McDonald's from 
like, I have so much respect 

345
00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,640
because I couldn't do see when 
you go see when you go into like

346
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:48,400
Nero and you're like, could I 
get 2 black Americanos and a 

347
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,080
latte, whatever. 
And they're doing that thing, 

348
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,840
they're putting the thing into 
the thing. 

349
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,920
And then and then all the things
and then two week shots. 

350
00:15:55,920 --> 00:15:58,120
I'm like, how are you spinning 
all those plates? 

351
00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,680
How are you doing that? 
When a bar man makes a fucking 

352
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,400
cocktail, gives gives it that 
shit, yeah. 

353
00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:03,000
Yeah, yeah. 
And. 

354
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,440
Like, how do you even know 
what's in that? 

355
00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,520
I was a waiter. 
No way anybody else has asked 

356
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,400
for an old fashioned. 
I was a waiter for one shift and

357
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,960
the reason I got sacked is 
because I could only do plates 

358
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:15,360
one at a time. 
So I'd walk the full length of 

359
00:16:15,360 --> 00:16:18,400
the restaurant with one, like a 
table of 12 people, your boys 

360
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,960
doing 24 tribes back and forth. 
Yeah. 

361
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:23,320
And then the chefs used to fuck 
with me and tell me like the 

362
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:26,880
different ice cream specials on.
So they'd be like, you know, the

363
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:28,600
Roman reason. 
They tell me the first day, like

364
00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:30,760
because I was, that was 1. 
They'd tell me that and they're 

365
00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,360
shocked, you know, chocolate ice
cream. 

366
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:35,240
But then they would get a little
bit more like even savoury ones 

367
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,320
as they went on. 
So the guy would be like, tell 

368
00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,080
them it's like a pastry and beef
ice cream. 

369
00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:41,680
And I was like, you know, he's 
the chef. 

370
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,320
And I was telling people like I,
I couldn't start. 

371
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:48,600
I couldn't stand being a waiter 
because I can't balance so many 

372
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:50,840
different things. 
It's like stand up is like one 

373
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,960
thing. 
Yeah, I think, like me, Subway 

374
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,760
was probably the worst I've ever
had, because working with 

375
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,760
people's food is when you really
see how angry when somebody's 

376
00:16:57,760 --> 00:16:59,360
hungry and they're in a rush. 
Yeah. 

377
00:16:59,920 --> 00:17:02,280
And you don't make a sandwich 
exactly how they like it. 

378
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:05,240
I remember one woman would be 
like bit more sauce, bit more 

379
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,240
sauce, bit more sauce, bit more 
sauce. 

380
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,160
That's too much sauce. 
And I was like, I was like, let 

381
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:14,720
me get your salad for you. 
But do you know what's crazy 

382
00:17:14,720 --> 00:17:16,640
though? 
Because I like, it's been, I've,

383
00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:19,040
I've always been like quite 
proud of the fact that I treat 

384
00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:20,880
people who work in shops well 
because I've got experience 

385
00:17:20,880 --> 00:17:22,880
working on them. 
But as I've got older and I've 

386
00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:24,960
spent more and more time not 
working in shops, I'm starting 

387
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,079
to lose my fucking patience with
people. 

388
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:28,720
Yeah, I think that's an age 
thing though as well. 

389
00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:29,800
I've. 
Been trying to get people to get

390
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,240
angry about this for a couple of
weeks now, right? 

391
00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:35,080
So my local petrol station, 
they've got like self-service 

392
00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:38,880
checkouts now, yes, right. 
And I was going in to get petrol

393
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,160
and cigarettes, which are two 
things that you can't get in a 

394
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:43,440
self-service checkout, right. 
So in this queue. 

395
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,320
And there's an English lady and 
I I've been in the shop enough 

396
00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,760
to know she'd recently been 
promoted and she was taken a 

397
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:50,840
dead seriously. 
Right. 

398
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,920
Has she gone from like bottom 
level up a rung or she already 

399
00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:56,360
up a? 
Rung I have this, I'm trying to 

400
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:59,280
work on it as a bit of stand up,
but nobody really understands 

401
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:00,720
it. 
I think the the the most 

402
00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:02,880
dangerous people in the world 
are recently appointed assistant

403
00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:04,720
managers and they should be 
hated this. 

404
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,160
Yeah. 
No, no, I 100% know what you're 

405
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,040
talking about. 
So we're all in this in the 

406
00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:11,400
queue and she's like, you're 
paying cash a card, you're 

407
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,600
paying cash a card to everybody.
And she gets to me. 

408
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,400
He's like, you're paying cash 
your card and I want card, but 

409
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,600
to get petrol and cigarettes. 
And she went card though. 

410
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,640
And I'm like, yes, she brings me
to this machine. 

411
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:22,240
So I'm like fucking put in a 10 
of coke, whatever. 

412
00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:23,640
She's like, you're getting 
petrol. 

413
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,000
Yeah, She starts working on the 
machine to put petrol in. 

414
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:27,840
Then she's like, I'm like, can I
get cigarettes? 

415
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,800
Then she calls another guy over 
to get me cigarettes and I'm 

416
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,480
like, now there's three of us 
working here. 

417
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,400
Yeah. 
Yeah, yeah, like. 

418
00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:34,800
I should be on the staff though.
I could have went to him and 

419
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:37,320
been out of here because you're 
all like, no, we've got a 

420
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:42,480
machine and I'm not the nobody. 
I can't express how fucking 

421
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,280
angry it was. 
Yeah, it's like the, you know, 

422
00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:48,160
the pet pump petrol thing. 
Yeah, those like those ones that

423
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,680
are like entirely paid at the 
pump. 

424
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:50,920
There's no place you can go 
into. 

425
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:53,440
Yeah, of course. 
I realised recently there's just

426
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,760
like a fella sitting in a wee 
hub out the side of it. 

427
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,600
So if you get into trouble, he 
comes out and it's like, well, 

428
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,200
either like have someone serving
or don't have him at all. 

429
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,560
It's I've never used a 
self-service chequered by 

430
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,400
myself. 
What do you mean? 

431
00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:08,680
I've never, I've never completed
that task without having to get 

432
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,000
somebody to come over. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

433
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,920
There's never been a fucking 
point where I like, are you over

434
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:14,760
25? 
Yeah, just for this Red Bull. 

435
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:16,360
That's all right. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

436
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,400
Like the fact that you can have 
8 self-service checkers and a 

437
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,280
Tesco and two people run on back
and forward. 

438
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,520
Like just let them work here. 
Yeah, and then and they always 

439
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,560
have to key in 19 numbers. 
Yeah, the scan 2 pints of paper 

440
00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:31,520
and he's like 2 seconds. 
There's nothing, nothing annoys 

441
00:19:31,560 --> 00:19:33,960
me more. 
Whenever a fucking, it doesn't 

442
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:37,280
pick up the bag. 
Yeah, you're just like, it's 

443
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:40,600
just fucking. 
I know how the pedal works, I've

444
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,440
been inside the system. 
I know why this works. 

445
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:46,400
I can see the woman with a red 
dress and you're making me do 

446
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,280
all this shit. 
What pisses you off and like 

447
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:51,920
what it What's your number one 
thing that really pisses you 

448
00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:54,560
off? 
People who if you're watching 

449
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:58,680
TV, just go on tech talk so or 
somebody who takes a phone call 

450
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,720
without excusing themselves and 
leaving the room. 

451
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:03,720
I fucking hate it, right? 
I hate it so like. 

452
00:20:05,320 --> 00:20:07,680
I would commit acts of violence 
of someone just picks the phone 

453
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,560
and starts talking. 
Do and I think's a nice touch 

454
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,880
where you can almost beat them 
to it. 

455
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:13,360
Say we're sitting here after we 
record the podcast, your phone 

456
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:15,560
rings and I know you're a bit 
weird about answering. 

457
00:20:16,120 --> 00:20:17,720
Here's a nice touch. 
Here's what I'm going to say to 

458
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:18,680
you here. 
Walk away. 

459
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,480
I but that's that fair enough. 
I understand in this sort of 

460
00:20:22,480 --> 00:20:24,320
context, right? 
If I'm sitting in my house 

461
00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:26,720
watching my TV and my 
girlfriend's phone ring, she's 

462
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:29,720
like, hey, what's going on? 
I'm like, they're going to the 

463
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,720
other room. 
So if you're watching it because

464
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:34,480
it's going to disrupt your 
programme or you don't like the 

465
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,560
attic or just. 
My my mum will do this thing 

466
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,160
where she'll pick the she'll 
FaceTime, right? 

467
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,440
And she's 63 so she Facetimes 
like that's hair. 

468
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,480
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 
And she'll just point the phone 

469
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:45,680
to like my nephew and then not 
say anything. 

470
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:48,000
So whoever she's talking to 
could just watch my 2 year old 

471
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,720
nephew take a shit or whatever 
it is, right? 

472
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:51,840
But she'll be like, hi. 
And then she'll go turn that 

473
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:54,720
down and keep talking and I'm 
like, I was here first, you 

474
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,280
cunt. 
I know it's your house. 

475
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:57,760
I understand that. 
Thanks for letting me live here 

476
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:02,320
until I was 34, but that's rude.
You know what I'm do what I 

477
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:05,880
think is in the CMV and stuff. 
Here's one thing really, really 

478
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:08,760
annoys me. 
Me and my wife in the car, She 

479
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:11,840
needs to take a phone call. 
I'm listening to music like I 

480
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:13,520
saw, like, not the radio, like 
songs. 

481
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:15,440
Yeah. 
She turns the volume down to 0, 

482
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:18,360
but the song's still playing. 
Just stop it. 

483
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,200
Yeah, just stop. 
It I'm with you and not just 

484
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,120
pause it. 
I was enjoying can you? 

485
00:21:21,120 --> 00:21:23,160
Turn that or just driving, Can 
you turn that down? 

486
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:25,240
Yeah, yeah, turn down. 
I turned down a bit more. 

487
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:27,000
Well then, what's a point while 
I'll turn off? 

488
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,960
I'll turn it off, but why am I 
turning it down? 

489
00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:30,400
Yeah, I'm with you on that one 
as well. 

490
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,400
And I, I don't, I don't like 
you're watching a film that's 

491
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,000
probably a common one. 
You're watching a film and then 

492
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,080
there's you're in conversation 
during it and it's like, oh, 

493
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:42,360
rewind that or who's that? 
Either what we're watching this,

494
00:21:42,360 --> 00:21:45,760
we're in, or we're not. 
At all I if you put a film on. 

495
00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:46,880
My girlfriend does this quite a 
bit. 

496
00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,160
I'll put a film on and if it 
hasn't grabbed during the first 

497
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,600
30 seconds, just start going 
through your phone. 

498
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:52,560
So I'll be watching something 
like that. 

499
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:54,480
I've been down to see for ages. 
And then out of nowhere, I'll 

500
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,320
hear like, and she's just 
fucking scrolling. 

501
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:59,520
Yeah. 
It's like this movie shit. 

502
00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:01,880
I'm like, how do you know? 
Yeah, You haven't watched it. 

503
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:03,120
Yeah. 
By the way, please don't watch 

504
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:06,360
this, babe. 
Love you. 

505
00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,000
What are you? 
What are you people walking slow

506
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,400
in shopping centres as well? 
And no problem that you're 

507
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,680
walking slow. 
But don't spread out. 

508
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:16,600
Don't spread. 
Out as a family and don't just 

509
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,080
stop and be like, oh, I don't 
know where I'm going. 

510
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:20,640
Like every time I know exactly 
where I'm going, every shop I go

511
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,040
into. 
Every time you're trying to get 

512
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,200
out of the Tube in London, when 
you go up the top of the stairs 

513
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,000
and you're at the barrier, or a 
family of 25 Italians decide to 

514
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,400
have a family reunion, all in 
very shiny jackets. 

515
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,800
Yeah, I know. 
Yeah, London's. 

516
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:35,640
I haven't been to London now for
about two years. 

517
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:37,800
Do you find the same thing that 
I have? 

518
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,520
That when you get there it's 
stressful as fuck, and then when

519
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,080
you come back home to normal 
speed, you can't believe how 

520
00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:45,360
slow everything is. 
Yeah. 

521
00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,800
Like I would spend like a week, 
maybe 10 days gagging in London.

522
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,560
I was living in Donegal. 
The time and get so used to the 

523
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,040
pace that when I went back to 
Donegal and people just I'm just

524
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,760
going to leave the car in the 
middle of the street here now. 

525
00:22:55,960 --> 00:22:59,200
Yeah, I would just. 
Lose my mind a place, man. 

526
00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:01,440
Yeah, just sure. 
Ambulance fucking moved. 

527
00:23:01,640 --> 00:23:03,320
Why does Daniel Donnell live in 
that time? 

528
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,920
That's just He's not Donegal. 
Yes, isn't he? 

529
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,760
Yeah, that's how they all sound.
That's how everybody Donegal 

530
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:10,960
sounds to me. 
I'm. 

531
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,720
Going to kick your fucking. 
Remember you lived just in the 

532
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,160
mid like not in like Letterkenny
or anywhere. 

533
00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,000
You lived in the middle of 
nowhere in Donegal. 

534
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,040
Yeah, well, it was like it was 
just outside of Derry, but it 

535
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,080
was a street, it was a wee tiny 
village, but it was like a 

536
00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,920
really staunch Protestant Ulster
Scots village in Donegal. 

537
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:31,640
Right, right, right. 
Which was, it was just a weird, 

538
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,600
cheap as fuck, Yeah. 
And had a class, the kind of 

539
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:36,960
place where I was like, I was 
only about 29 when I lived 

540
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,680
there. 
And I was like, if I was 

541
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,920
retiring at 60. 
Yeah, this would be a dream. 

542
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:45,160
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
How have you found gigging 

543
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:46,520
again? 
Loving it man. 

544
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,600
Absolutely cannot get enough of 
it. 

545
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,560
So I'll, I don't know if you're 
having this as soon as gigs end,

546
00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:54,800
I have this thing where I like 
as in like when you're driving 

547
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,480
home or whatever. 
I'm just like back to normal. 

548
00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,720
I don't feel adrenaline really 
after a gig. 

549
00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,040
I'm just like, I'm I'm good to 
go, good to go home and go to 

550
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,320
bed and stuff. 
But because it's back on again. 

551
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,360
And and remember when stand up 
was just back a bit, it's like 

552
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,840
you might have a one off big 
thing once a week. 

553
00:24:10,840 --> 00:24:14,200
Yeah, because of the tour. 
Sometimes you're like 4 nights 

554
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:17,240
in a row. 
I'm driving home being like this

555
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:20,720
is this is this is class. 
Yeah, this is it. 

556
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,040
This is back again. 
I've got a gig tomorrow night as

557
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,320
well. 
So I'm like thinking of my bits 

558
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:29,000
and it proper feels like it's 
back. 100% like I've, I've loved

559
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:35,360
the the first gig I had backs in
Banbridge and I was like afraid 

560
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:36,600
again. 
And I was, I forget what it 

561
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,080
feels like to be afraid of this 
because it, I think you get to a

562
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,960
certain point of stand up where 
you just know how to do it and 

563
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:41,840
that's fine. 
Yeah. 

564
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,000
But I started going. 
I don't know if I know how to do

565
00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:45,440
this anymore. 
Yeah, like, yeah. 

566
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:49,080
And then I got heckled and 
straight away I was like, I'm 

567
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:52,920
back baby. 
So genuinely, I I'd started the 

568
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,400
tour and most gigs were good 
couple. 

569
00:24:55,400 --> 00:24:56,960
I just didn't feel like I did a 
great job. 

570
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,480
And then I was like, I'm just 
going on like, first of all, I'm

571
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:03,680
not just called the audience. 
They haven't seen stand up maybe

572
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:05,600
ever, but in like at least a 
year and a half. 

573
00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:08,360
So then I was like, I like doing
crowd work. 

574
00:25:08,360 --> 00:25:10,800
As soon as as soon as I started 
doing that again, I was like 

575
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,240
now. 
This I'm the same as now this 

576
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:14,280
is. 
It's really strange. 

577
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,280
We're like, I've been doing 
crowd work at the start of it 

578
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,880
and I mean really slagging 
people as well, which I've never

579
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,240
done before. 
I've never been the kind of 

580
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,480
comes out like, what the fuck, 
You weren't. 

581
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:24,520
Yeah, yeah. 
But for some reason, a year or a

582
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:26,080
year and a half, just pent up in
the house. 

583
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:29,080
Yeah, I did. 
And people are loving it as 

584
00:25:29,080 --> 00:25:30,120
well. 
Nobody's taking offence to it. 

585
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,200
It's great to see people being 
like, do him next, Yeah, do me 

586
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:35,440
like. 
Yeah, why is there always fellas

587
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:39,120
like especially after gig come 
up me like made slag me. 

588
00:25:41,120 --> 00:25:44,040
Yeah, like I don't tell you 
about like my first one back in 

589
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,200
Banbridge. 
This this is weird as well. 

590
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,960
So the manager of the of the 
hotel came up to me and he was 

591
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:50,920
like, listen, there's a guy 
sitting in the front row and I, 

592
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:52,640
he's in a wheelchair. 
He's got cerebral palsy. 

593
00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:54,280
He fucking loves it. 
Gets stuck in them. 

594
00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,160
And I'm like, William, not open 
it for you. 

595
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,520
But I was like, it's one of 
those things as a comedian, I 

596
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,800
was going, I'm not going to just
start on a guy with cerebral 

597
00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,360
palsy. 
Yeah, Comedian Bream was going 

598
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,800
have something in case he starts
though. 

599
00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:09,240
Right time in my head going 
through what can I say to 

600
00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:11,280
somebody with cerebral palsy if 
he slags me off? 

601
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:13,400
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
So get the end of the gig and 

602
00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:14,800
the guy called me where to get a
photo. 

603
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:18,080
And he's like, mate, honestly, 
fucking never be afraid to make 

604
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,400
fun of somebody in a wheelchair.
You know, we love the crack as 

605
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,680
much as anybody else. 
And I'm like, I get that, but 

606
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,720
I'm not going to just out of 
nowhere pick on you. 

607
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:25,320
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

608
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:26,760
Because they don't understand 
that, right? 

609
00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:29,200
Yeah. 
So then I get home and it was 

610
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:32,000
probably like first gig back and
he just went home and said I'm 

611
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,720
gonna have a drink, I'm gonna 
have wee fucking celebratory 

612
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,760
glass of wine here. 
So I'm sitting like sort of half

613
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:39,880
pesh being like I'm really funny
and he'd get a message from the 

614
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,720
the guy's mate and he's like, 
listen, fucking Scott had a 

615
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,280
great night. 
Do us a favour. 

616
00:26:45,280 --> 00:26:48,240
Sure, that selfie has got on 
Instagram, but do me a favour 

617
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:49,960
and like slag and wee bit 
because he really does love the 

618
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,760
crack. 
So I put up on Instagram like, 

619
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,000
Oh thanks to Scott for giving me
a backy home, right? 

620
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,240
And then I started taking shit 
off people on Instagram for 

621
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,040
making fun of again, a 
wheelchair who fucking told me 

622
00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:00,320
to do it. 
Yeah, yeah. 

623
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:02,040
I would love it if he rolled on 
that. 

624
00:27:02,120 --> 00:27:04,080
That's hectic. 
Ask me what the fuck, I'm in a 

625
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:05,200
wheelchair. 
Please delete. 

626
00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:09,240
Yeah, I mean, I'm going to say 
some like, I hope this is true. 

627
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:11,360
I think he was up my show. 
Yeah. 

628
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:13,200
But then I'm taking a risk by 
saying that the. 

629
00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:15,600
Real best partners. 
Base yeah, yeah, we have 100%. 

630
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,800
I just love it. 
Like even like the little bit of

631
00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:21,640
heckling stuff, it does feel 
like, because I was thinking, I 

632
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:24,200
was like, are these those shows 
going to be really rowdy because

633
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:25,960
everyone's back out because it's
outdoor. 

634
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:28,920
So I was like, flip, you know, 
cougar either way. 

635
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,440
And then the first time it 
happened, I was like driving 

636
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,400
home going, thank God that was a
rowdy one because that muscles 

637
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,040
worked again. 
Yeah, that's it does. 

638
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:38,280
And it's especially back at 
their outdoor gigs as well. 

639
00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:42,280
They're kind of at the Elk last 
night and it was great. 

640
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:44,000
It was one of my. 
Favourite it was, it's a class 

641
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,080
venue, but I had a point where I
went fuck if there was a roof in

642
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,200
here. 
Added an extra 20 minutes. 

643
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:50,880
Yeah, yeah, just writing out 
laughs. 

644
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:53,520
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
They disappears so quick. 

645
00:27:53,720 --> 00:27:57,480
See, See, at the L gig and we 
were upstairs getting food 

646
00:27:57,480 --> 00:28:02,320
beforehand in the venue and the 
iron had gone out, Butler gone, 

647
00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:04,400
like sound checked and he was 
coming back up the stairs. 

648
00:28:04,800 --> 00:28:07,600
So I see him and I'm recording 
him a video and I'm waiting to 

649
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:11,520
like jump out at him because, 
you know, I'm 33 and I was like,

650
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,280
this would be hilarious. 
I don't know why I'm like the 

651
00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,080
original prankster, but that's 
like, I'm going to jump out and 

652
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:19,760
scare him like I did by the way,
I jumped out and scared him. 

653
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:22,960
Mike in the office like a couple
of weeks ago and like halfway 

654
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:25,880
through it, I felt so bad 
because he looked like the 

655
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:29,240
saddest, most scared guy in the 
second that I did it. 

656
00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:34,360
He like he didn't jump. 
I jumped out and he just did 

657
00:28:34,360 --> 00:28:37,000
like a real sad. 
He's bringing the T in and I 

658
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:39,600
jumped out and he just did a 
real sad face and then walked 

659
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:43,840
straight back out because. 
There's nothing I enjoy more. 

660
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:44,840
Scaring someone? 
Yeah. 

661
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,160
Because like my father, we all 
do it. 

662
00:28:47,160 --> 00:28:49,240
And to the point where it gets 
more and more elaborate. 

663
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,200
Yeah, like I've heard my mad 
giggles, my wardrobe like 

664
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,640
really, really try to screw and 
but over one time when I was at 

665
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:00,760
uni, we were all doing the same 
shit and one of my mates guy 

666
00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,880
Paddy, he was the only he was 
the alpha male of our flat. 

667
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,400
He was the only guy who could 
fight and, you know, could pull 

668
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,320
women and stuff. 
We were all just fucking If you 

669
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:11,880
anymore clears though, right, 
One of the lads was like, I'm 

670
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,200
going to get Paddy and he jumped
like Paddy come out of the 

671
00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:17,000
shower or something. 
He jumped, Paddy's tile fell and

672
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,200
he just punched the guy straight
in the face. 

673
00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,320
No, like just completely naked. 
Smack him right in the nose. 

674
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,240
It was a cracker. 
So I wait for the I wait for 

675
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,600
Butler to come up the stairs of 
the venue and it's a big long 

676
00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:30,120
staircase. 
So I'm like, it's going to be 

677
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:31,880
good. 
And I stand on my phone. 

678
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,800
I'm waiting to do it. 
And then I jump out. 

679
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,360
But at this, before I can go, 
oh, I've started my jump. 

680
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:39,880
I realised that the venue 
managers walked in before. 

681
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:45,720
So I, I, I do the most lame 
thing ever and I revert to like 

682
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,840
being a kid who like imagine 
that guy's like a teacher. 

683
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,560
I'm ready to go. 
I jump out, I'm in mid jump, I 

684
00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:54,480
realise that the venue manager 
and I go, oh, I'm so sorry. 

685
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:01,280
I said I thought you were my 
friend and I just felt so shit 

686
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,880
doing it. 
But I, I, I just know I scare my

687
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,920
dad all the time, but he has, he
genuinely has a heart problem. 

688
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,720
So I had to say I have a 
conversation where I was like, 

689
00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:14,960
if I do one of these and you 
have a heart attack or die, if 

690
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,280
it's a good scare, can I use it?
He's like, yeah, 100% yeah. 

691
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,120
For a player jumping out and 
scared like there's nothing 

692
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,680
funnier than just jumping. 
Out it's the excitement of 

693
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,920
knowing they're coming around 
the corner and it's the bet 

694
00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:28,600
where you're like, there's no 
idea that one of the best ones 

695
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,680
we did like when I was a kid, 
there's a there's a bat got into

696
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:34,080
our house. 
I was about maybe 12 or 

697
00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,240
something like that and my mum 
was on the phone to my sister's 

698
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,640
Irish dancing teacher right. 
So my mum, like, one of those 

699
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,760
women loves to think she's dead 
in middle class, but she's from 

700
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:43,800
the go back to the road and put 
it on. 

701
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,280
So she's scum and she's on the 
phone. 

702
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:47,840
And she was like, I should 
always give my sister a hard 

703
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:49,360
time for dancing. 
She was on the phone going, 

704
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:52,880
yeah, really, really like one of
those proper Persy mums like. 

705
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:56,600
And she was like, well, yes, I 
think that Sophie danced 

706
00:30:56,600 --> 00:30:59,120
fantastically. 
I was really disappointed in my 

707
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:00,880
daughter. 
And I think that just, you know,

708
00:31:00,880 --> 00:31:03,800
next we really have to maybe get
her into extra classes and make 

709
00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:05,360
sure, because I'm spending quite
a lot of money in these shoes. 

710
00:31:05,720 --> 00:31:08,960
And my dad had gotten like an 
old Batman toy that I had right?

711
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,880
And just hide A string around it
and just dangled it like in 

712
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:12,920
front of my mum, which is on the
phone. 

713
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:13,920
And my mum went straight in 
there. 

714
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,280
You fucking bastard, fuck you 
fucking cunt, you fucking 

715
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:18,840
fucking. 
I'd burn this fucking house, the

716
00:31:18,840 --> 00:31:21,000
fucking guy, you cunt. 
I fucking wasn't ever, mind you,

717
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,760
baldy fuck. 
Anyway, what was I staying 

718
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,880
there? 
But the dance like like. 

719
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:31,800
So we did Muri on the tour and 
William and somebody else was 

720
00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:35,440
doing sport and there's like 5 
minutes go to Showtime and 

721
00:31:35,440 --> 00:31:38,440
William goes into he's like I'm 
waiting for a piss here. 

722
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:41,880
Now I knew I'm getting this up 
here. 

723
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,600
I knew he would go into the 
cubicle. 

724
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:47,600
I just felt it. 
So these were like private 

725
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,160
toilets. 
They were like in the middle of 

726
00:31:49,160 --> 00:31:50,600
nowhere. 
In the event, you know, the bank

727
00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:54,000
Newry's like Hogwarts. 
So I thought what I'm going to 

728
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:55,560
do is I'll play the audio of 
this. 

729
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:59,880
I was like, I'm going to follow 
him up and as he's in there, I'm

730
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:04,880
going to pretend that I'm just 
this mental fella who doesn't 

731
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:07,720
know someone's in. 
What happened was he's in the 

732
00:32:07,720 --> 00:32:09,160
cubicle. 
He starts pissing. 

733
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:13,080
I walk in straight after him, 
but he doesn't know I'm going up

734
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:17,600
and I take on this character and
I stopped doing it become 

735
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:21,160
because I think to myself, I'm 
so weird. 

736
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,680
I'm like, why am I doing this? 
So the cat, the the character I 

737
00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:30,960
played, I was like, I'm going to
pretend to be a fellow who's 

738
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,480
just fucking and all on the 
head. 

739
00:32:33,800 --> 00:32:37,320
And then as I. 
Pretend what he's going in that 

740
00:32:37,320 --> 00:32:39,000
turn at the scars, disabled 
mate. 

741
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:45,760
He's pretended to be mental. 
But I go what if? 

742
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:48,600
And then there's gaps in this 
audio wise because I'm trying 

743
00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:53,000
not to laugh because I start to 
go I start to say things like 

744
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,240
fuck, why have I got this 
fucking knife? 

745
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:59,280
No, it's only William in the 
door in the in the whole place. 

746
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,360
And I know he's not going to 
come out, but this fella. 

747
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,840
So I was like, I've got this 
fucking knife and I said, I 

748
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:08,280
think I say you should fucking 
stab everybody. 

749
00:33:08,600 --> 00:33:10,560
And I know he's in there right 
now. 

750
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:14,520
Now at no point there revealing 
me. 

751
00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:16,120
So let's see what I have here 
now. 

752
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:20,560
Also halfway through this, I go.
I think it's William in there, 

753
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,480
but what if it is and how it 
was? 

754
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:34,120
But calm down Tommy, calm down. 
Tommy talking to myself, he's 

755
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:43,670
just started pissing. 
He's not making a noise. 

756
00:33:48,270 --> 00:33:49,390
I go. 
Who's that? 

757
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:53,320
Right at that point I stop 
recording, but I go on to this 

758
00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:57,000
thing of going like, and I take 
on the character of Tommy and I 

759
00:33:57,000 --> 00:33:59,400
go, Tommy, you shouldn't have 
brought the fucking knife. 

760
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,240
He's a knight. 
Out I go, but someone's getting 

761
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:07,760
it. 
And he's like he said, he's 

762
00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:11,520
obviously like go for a best, 
but at one point they're here as

763
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,080
a way. 
I don't hear anything from 

764
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:21,440
personally and I go on and on 
and then I'm laughing too much 

765
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,760
and I don't want to record him 
leaving the cubicle in case it's

766
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:27,800
not him. 
So I go back downstairs and then

767
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,880
he walks down and I'm like, is 
he going to mention? 

768
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:34,600
He goes, There was some fella in
the toilet there and I went, 

769
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:37,719
yeah, I mean, that was me. 
And he goes at Wilson. 

770
00:34:37,719 --> 00:34:39,639
He was just some mental bastard 
called Tommy. 

771
00:34:39,639 --> 00:34:43,960
And I went, that was me though. 
And he goes it wasn't. 

772
00:34:43,960 --> 00:34:46,600
And I said, was he all like you 
shouldn't have brought the 

773
00:34:46,600 --> 00:34:49,679
fucking knife? 
And he went, Nah, not really. 

774
00:34:49,679 --> 00:34:52,840
That really sounds like that. 
Then in my head I was like, was 

775
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:54,719
that not William? 
And then was he in the different

776
00:34:54,719 --> 00:34:59,520
toilets and the water fella? 
See, I that's taken to the weird

777
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,960
level, but I was going to like I
was good that I ever tell you 

778
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:04,240
the story. 
I've maybe told the podcast 

779
00:35:04,240 --> 00:35:08,240
before about because I could see
his feet under that cubicle, but

780
00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:10,720
when I was manager in a call 
centre and I had to check what a

781
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:12,360
fellow was doing, toilet 
cubicle, I'll tell you. 

782
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:14,480
This no. 
I told you this, no. 

783
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:20,240
So I was like manager in a call 
centre and people used to 

784
00:35:20,240 --> 00:35:23,640
include myself, waste time all 
the time, you know as well, You 

785
00:35:23,640 --> 00:35:25,440
just fucking disappear. 
You sit in your phone and all 

786
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,840
that sort of thing. 
So there's this guy kept going 

787
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,840
missing for like 40 minutes at a
time. 

788
00:35:30,640 --> 00:35:33,320
He was going down to the toilets
and there was only one cubicle 

789
00:35:33,320 --> 00:35:35,280
and just couple urinals in a 
small place. 

790
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:38,800
And a fella came up to me and 
goes, listen, I need you to go 

791
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,960
down and sort of see if you can 
find out what he's doing because

792
00:35:41,960 --> 00:35:43,440
we can't accuse him of time 
wasting. 

793
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,640
But he goes, I think there's 
something not right there, some 

794
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:47,400
not. 
So it's like right. 

795
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:50,200
And the fella goes down to the 
toilets and I waited, but like 

796
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,680
William, I wait about 20 seconds
and I thought, right, I'll go 

797
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:56,280
down after him. 
So I walk in but really quietly 

798
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:58,920
and I was like I'm going to hear
him doing some weird or talking 

799
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:04,000
or doing something. 5 minutes 
pass, there's like nothing going

800
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,600
on. 
I'm like I guess it's weird but 

801
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:10,720
I can see his I can see his his 
fate. 

802
00:36:11,600 --> 00:36:14,720
And I was like maybe he's just 
going to loo maybe has stomach 

803
00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:18,640
problems or something. 
A little bit of time goes by, I 

804
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,760
stand up and but eventually I 
keep checking down to see if his

805
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:24,640
feet are in the same position. 
So I'm about to leave and then I

806
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:28,120
think maybe I'll go down on the 
ground and like a press up 

807
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:32,320
position and not look under, but
I'm far enough away where I 

808
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:34,280
could just see what's happening 
on the ground. 

809
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,360
So I'm like, I'll do that and 
then I'll leave just to see if 

810
00:36:37,360 --> 00:36:42,000
he's doing anything weird. 
And I swear to God, I like 

811
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,920
quietly like went down and press
opposition cream ahead. 

812
00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:56,800
I didn't think he thought anyone
was there. 

813
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,000
And I looked down. 
It's like this. 

814
00:36:59,720 --> 00:37:06,920
And he just went, all right, 
man, he goes, he goes, what are 

815
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:08,720
you doing? 
And I went, no, no. 

816
00:37:10,720 --> 00:37:12,280
Then I came back and had my boss
went. 

817
00:37:12,440 --> 00:37:16,040
Was he doing anything weird? 
No, but I was IA 100% was. 

818
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:18,600
That's amazing. 
Never forget it just looked 

819
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:19,520
down. 
He had no facial. 

820
00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:21,040
Expression The whole time I'm 
thinking you were going were 

821
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:23,440
like and then the door opened 
that he's doing too. 

822
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:28,960
He was doing too. 
Oh my God. 

823
00:37:29,840 --> 00:37:32,440
Checking in on people, I think 
there's somewhere working in a 

824
00:37:32,440 --> 00:37:36,560
call centre was where you you, 
you just see so many different 

825
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:38,320
types of people. 
It's a weird. 

826
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:40,960
Environment, that was another 
one I did were like, again, 

827
00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:42,120
something about call centre 
tortoise. 

828
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,480
They're very like emotional 
place. 

829
00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:47,240
Yeah, because I remember a mate 
of mine, I live with them in 

830
00:37:47,240 --> 00:37:50,080
uni, We both got a job in the 
same place and we're on like 

831
00:37:50,080 --> 00:37:52,440
different contracts. 
So I had to like, like I've told

832
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:54,320
you before, I had to phone 
people and give them basically 

833
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:57,280
free stuff for BT, but he had to
phone people, try and get money 

834
00:37:57,280 --> 00:37:58,960
off them. 
So we're two very different 

835
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,040
jobs. 
Mine was just like, yeah, sure, 

836
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,160
whatever. 
And he had to like fucking Wolf 

837
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,720
of Wall Street kind of thing. 
And he came over one day, he was

838
00:38:05,720 --> 00:38:08,160
like, I'm going home. 
Like I've just been crying on 

839
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:09,360
the toilet. 
Like I just started fucking 

840
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:12,840
crying on the cubicle and I'm 21
being like oh you're a fucking 

841
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,480
fruit mate. 
Can you 2021 you could have that

842
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,520
conversation to an expert level 
but back. 

843
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:18,960
Then back then I was like, mate,
what? 

844
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:20,680
Stop you go ahead. 
Yeah, yeah. 

845
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,040
You were freaking out. 
Don't speak to. 

846
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:27,560
Me if I don't chin up and place 
the fucking number. 

847
00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:28,480
But he went home that day 
anyway. 

848
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:31,960
And about a week later, after 
all the slag and I gave him, I 

849
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:36,320
find myself on the toilet like 
right, having a fucking 

850
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:38,320
breakdown, right? 
And then I hear like the door 

851
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:46,440
and Cuba next week and then I 
just hear I went shame and he 

852
00:38:46,440 --> 00:38:50,400
went Mick and the two of us that
came out of the cubicle like 

853
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,320
don't just quit. 
Yeah, I just went home, went 

854
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:55,320
home and played Call of Duty all
day. 

855
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,320
I. 
Love that. 

856
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:02,920
This is proper like and a guy 
once like just start talking to 

857
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:06,720
me in a cubicle and like I was 
doing a shit. 

858
00:39:06,920 --> 00:39:09,480
Yeah, like but like normal. 
Just chatting away and then when

859
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:13,240
he passed he passed his phone 
under the fucking cubicle door 

860
00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:14,600
and started showing me photos of
his kids. 

861
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,600
I still don't know who it is. 
I don't know if it was somebody 

862
00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:23,120
saw me go in and went others 
Michael chat away to him or just

863
00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,160
if it was fucking Tommy. 
Want to make? 

864
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,680
Just. 
The thing is. 

865
00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:31,560
The BlackBerry. 
See, since then, I've been Tommy

866
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:32,360
more than I've been. 
Oh. 

867
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:36,160
Yeah, it happens then. 
I, I, I I I could easily do. 

868
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,640
The Donald Dale Lewis, the 
toilet pranks like yeah, yeah, 

869
00:39:39,240 --> 00:39:42,040
there will be blood. 
Tolls about like Beatles but 

870
00:39:42,040 --> 00:39:45,560
it's all toilet based. 
Pranks are fucking pranks are 

871
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:47,640
class, aren't they? 
Like a good prank. 

872
00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:51,760
One of the best things as a kid.
The prank phone call or if you 

873
00:39:51,800 --> 00:39:54,680
could do good prank phone call. 
I used to do a thing if we were 

874
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,280
having like, sleepovers when I 
was younger at like, school. 

875
00:39:57,480 --> 00:40:00,440
I would pretend to ring people 
and be remember Doctor Fox who 

876
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,280
was on the radio and I would 
offer people like the chat. 

877
00:40:03,280 --> 00:40:06,440
I would say this Doctor Fox. 
Yeah, probably this shittest 

878
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,480
accent, like just an English 
accent. 

879
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:11,520
And you would prank like girls 
just knew if you're like cooking

880
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:14,240
all 11 and 12. 
And so you'd phone girls and go.

881
00:40:14,840 --> 00:40:17,120
Said they were called Sinead. 
You'd be like, Sinead, It's 

882
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:19,880
Doctor Fox. 
You're live on hit radio. 

883
00:40:20,120 --> 00:40:23,160
You have the chance to go and 
see Blue live in concert. 

884
00:40:23,160 --> 00:40:25,400
All you got to do is answer this
question. 

885
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,000
And then, of course, you'd burst
out laughing. 

886
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:30,040
But like, sometimes you'd ask to
quit, like a bit of pop trivia. 

887
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:32,280
And then the straightaway go, 
oh, I don't know. 

888
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:34,240
And then you're like, this is 
the this. 

889
00:40:34,240 --> 00:40:39,160
Yeah, yeah, This is the prank. 
My mate used the phone, my mate 

890
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:42,000
was not called John Mills but it
was made it even ring people and

891
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,960
be like hello this is John Mills
home of the John Mills micro 

892
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:46,680
scooter. 
Would you like to buy a micro 

893
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,800
scooter and we would have fun 
with that for our. 

894
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:50,880
As a builder, I once phoned my 
cousin. 

895
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,440
My cousin was somebody's phone, 
a friend who wants to be a 

896
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,320
millionaire. 
And I phoned him and tried to be

897
00:40:55,320 --> 00:40:57,920
Chris Tarrant. 
So I was like, hi Mike, it's 

898
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,480
Chris Tarrant here. 
And we've got John like right, 

899
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,400
Completely forgetting he wants 
to be millionaire's prerecorded 

900
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:08,160
just like Mac. 
It was 2 days ago, Mitch. 

901
00:41:08,720 --> 00:41:12,160
You know what the worst one I 
ever did, the worst one I ever 

902
00:41:12,160 --> 00:41:15,640
did was not that long ago. 
You know the cool FM cash call. 

903
00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,240
Yeah. 
You know the way they phone you 

904
00:41:18,240 --> 00:41:21,000
from like an unknown number and 
you have to answer it and say 

905
00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:25,280
the amount? 
I knew that my mother-in-law was

906
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:28,360
doing it that day and at the 
time were on air. 

907
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,120
They were like, we're going to 
phone someone now. 

908
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:36,040
I withheld my number. 
I phoned and said, umm, I think,

909
00:41:36,040 --> 00:41:37,680
I think you're supposed to just 
say the amount. 

910
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:42,320
But I said this is John Kearns 
from Kill FM here at what is 

911
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:44,640
today's amount? 
And she said the amount. 

912
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:47,880
And then I couldn't speak for 
like 2 minutes and hung up and I

913
00:41:47,880 --> 00:41:50,480
was like I couldn't even bring 
myself to burst out laughing 

914
00:41:50,480 --> 00:41:51,760
because I felt that bad about 
it. 

915
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:57,680
I knew a girl who won it once 
and there was a point where she 

916
00:41:57,680 --> 00:42:00,080
ran me just like on the cash 
call and I was like oh fuck her 

917
00:42:00,080 --> 00:42:03,080
dad's playing a prank and me and
her dad were texting each other 

918
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,320
like you better fucking tell 
her. 

919
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:07,040
Right, she spent. 
This money in her hail already 

920
00:42:07,120 --> 00:42:08,960
she had won it, but we were both
just terrified. 

921
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:11,200
We both we both thought we'd 
done the same prank do. 

922
00:42:11,720 --> 00:42:13,720
You want to do you want to 
pranks all. 

923
00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:15,360
Yeah. 
Wait, do you? 

924
00:42:16,080 --> 00:42:18,200
What would we, what would we say
we were doing? 

925
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:20,920
I don't know who could perform a
comedian like, yeah, maybe 

926
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:22,360
William or Jordan. 
Jordan or something. 

927
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:24,040
Will Jordan or William? 
Yeah, she's phoned Jordan, but 

928
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,000
oh, I'm your dad. 
What? 

929
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:29,560
What about? 
What if? 

930
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:31,280
We phoned Jordan and tell me we 
got the wrong heart. 

931
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,360
We need it back. 
What about we phone William and 

932
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:40,000
who was that guy said I was that
guy. 

933
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:44,200
Tell me what about iPhone them 
up for like a customer service 

934
00:42:44,200 --> 00:42:48,480
call and I'll be Tommy again, 
but like less mental Tommy, you 

935
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:49,840
know what I mean? 
Yeah, I'm trying to think of 

936
00:42:49,840 --> 00:42:52,920
what see a good prank phone 
calls, one of those things you 

937
00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:54,160
have to do, you have to plan a 
bit of it. 

938
00:42:54,720 --> 00:42:56,800
So. 
I've, I've wanted, I want to 

939
00:42:56,800 --> 00:42:59,200
fall into the Stephen Nolan show
at some point and just be. 

940
00:42:59,600 --> 00:43:01,280
That character, Yeah, yeah, 
yeah, yeah. 

941
00:43:01,280 --> 00:43:03,920
I also want to phone in the 
Steven Nolan show while drinking

942
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:06,800
it's. 
All half 10 in the. 

943
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,560
Morning. 
Yeah, I know, but I would, I 

944
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:09,600
think. 
I think it's a good drink and 

945
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:11,440
can be played where every time 
somebody goes, I tell you what 

946
00:43:11,440 --> 00:43:15,840
is Steven, you take a shot. 
When someone says Mr Nolan, it's

947
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:16,520
finished the. 
Record. 

948
00:43:16,680 --> 00:43:17,720
David. 
David. 

949
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:21,040
David. 
David. 

950
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:24,360
No, no, you're you're cutting 
the bed didn't come into you. 

951
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,480
For some reason, every time 
somebody phones into the Nolan 

952
00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:28,160
show, the goal death halfway 
through it don't talk. 

953
00:43:28,240 --> 00:43:35,120
When I got there, they went, let
me tell you what they went, they

954
00:43:35,120 --> 00:43:37,480
went. 
No problems. 

955
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,440
The sentence no, all cultures 
have to be respected, but. 

956
00:43:42,560 --> 00:43:47,440
Not the blacks. 
Mr Nolan, I mean, I I can't go 

957
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,440
around around these days saying 
certain words like, and then he 

958
00:43:50,440 --> 00:43:51,840
proceeds that word and they're 
like, yeah, of course you. 

959
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,200
Can't. 
Yeah, you never could. 

960
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:56,120
You never could. 
Apparently it's not the term 

961
00:43:56,120 --> 00:43:56,640
they're telling. 
Me. 

962
00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,160
I don't know for some reason why
it's always a guy called Graham 

963
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,080
from Newton Abbey. 
Yeah, yeah, Everybody from 

964
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,200
Newton Abbey. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

965
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:08,160
Mr. Nolan, you're melon. 
You're melon. 

966
00:44:12,480 --> 00:44:18,880
I mean, yeah, OK, I had no way 
from William and say like could 

967
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:22,520
I be from the not attacked? 
They always want to say DLA. 

968
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,240
Now you better put a phone pay 
McDonald's that one. 

969
00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,000
Now with it, well, maybe. 
I'm trying to be good. 

970
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,720
Who do we know? 
That's like, is anybody 

971
00:44:32,720 --> 00:44:35,080
undertaking a task recently? 
What do you mean? 

972
00:44:35,480 --> 00:44:37,240
Go from a camera to his landlord
in London. 

973
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:43,320
Oh, that's, is that good? 
Yeah, just just a quick one 

974
00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:49,600
mate. 
Aaron McCann Aaron McCann, I'm 

975
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:53,240
just phoning from the apartment 
in London and we've got a rat 

976
00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:55,880
infestation and apparently. 
Imagine he's like, well, what 

977
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,200
apartment says you're like, you 
know, the one in London. 

978
00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,640
You've never had a back story 
with him. 

979
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,440
Hey, hold on. 
I just I'll I'll phone William 

980
00:45:09,720 --> 00:45:19,600
and something will come to me. 
So hang on, for what network 

981
00:45:19,600 --> 00:45:23,560
would he be on phone wise? 
You'll find out he doesn't 

982
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:32,200
answer. 
Was I'm booking for a gig? 

983
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:36,560
Yeah. 
I asked him to the live stream 

984
00:45:36,560 --> 00:45:40,640
at 2:00 today and he didn't 
reply to me so he deserves this.

985
00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:42,280
Hello. 
Hello. 

986
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,800
Is it possible to speak to 
William please? 

987
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,560
Yes, hello. 
William, how are you doing? 

988
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:50,680
I got your number from Mickey 
Bartlett. 

989
00:45:50,680 --> 00:45:55,200
I'm running a stand up comedy 
gig in Glasgow for students. 

990
00:45:55,200 --> 00:45:56,680
Could could we get a quick chat 
about it? 

991
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:00,560
Yeah. 
Could you ring me back in like 

992
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:02,000
an hour? 
I'm. 

993
00:46:02,280 --> 00:46:04,840
I can, May, I can. 
It's time sensitive. 

994
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,120
If look, I'll. 
I'll not keep you. 

995
00:46:07,120 --> 00:46:09,800
It's a gig in the Student Union 
in Glasgow. 

996
00:46:10,760 --> 00:46:13,160
It's you and it would be you and
Mickey, he says. 

997
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:16,320
You might be up for it. 
It's being sponsored by Fat 

998
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:20,600
Frog. 
By what side? 

999
00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:23,120
Fat Frog Fat. 
Frog, yeah. 

1000
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:31,920
Uncle Pops, and we'd love to 
love to get you on. 

1001
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:34,560
I know you're maybe you're at 
work there, but we'd love to get

1002
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:35,040
you on. 
Yeah. 

1003
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:46,080
She and your Scottish accent. 
Literally just your voice. 

1004
00:46:46,520 --> 00:46:49,200
I mean, the only reason we were 
talking about prank phone calls.

1005
00:46:49,200 --> 00:46:52,120
And I chose you because I should
do the live stream today. 

1006
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:55,160
And you didn't reply to me. 
I don't reply to Jim. 

1007
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:56,560
Go. 
Don't you not get my message? 

1008
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:57,200
All right. 
No, sorry. 

1009
00:46:57,200 --> 00:47:01,440
I'll see you too, then. 
All right, See you in a bit. 

1010
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:08,040
Bye. 
Well, here you live and learn. 

1011
00:47:08,800 --> 00:47:12,400
You live and learn and done. 
That is quintessentially me, 

1012
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:14,000
isn't it? 
That is very me. 

1013
00:47:14,000 --> 00:47:14,680
Very. 
Good. 

1014
00:47:15,720 --> 00:47:17,320
I don't know where that I tried 
to see a track. 

1015
00:47:17,480 --> 00:47:20,960
I didn't want to make the guy 
like fool Scottish, so I tried 

1016
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:22,400
to just give him like a little 
bit. 

1017
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,800
William just sent me a 
screenshot of him saying to me 

1018
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:29,200
I'll be there. 
So yeah, I feel I feel bad about

1019
00:47:29,200 --> 00:47:33,000
that. 
Oh, he did. 

1020
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:35,760
I said fancy live stream 2:00 
PM. 

1021
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:37,280
He said 100% me. 
Would love to. 

1022
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,440
Yes, Sir. 
I'll just write our cheers. 

1023
00:47:41,280 --> 00:47:45,440
Sorry about the call. 
Get 5 frogs your way up here. 

1024
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,760
See you at 2 then. 
I mean, you had them at the 

1025
00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:50,920
start. 
I know. 

1026
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:52,000
You definitely had them at the 
start. 

1027
00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:54,280
I know, and then the accent just
fell I should. 

1028
00:47:54,440 --> 00:47:56,560
You're right, you do need to 
like, nail it down a little. 

1029
00:47:56,560 --> 00:47:58,800
Bit like properly fucking. 
I want to do 1 now. 

1030
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:04,200
Could you phone Jordan Robinson 
and say that just you're trying 

1031
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,440
to book him for a gig? 
Who did he tell me? 

1032
00:48:06,640 --> 00:48:07,880
Somebody asked him about doing a
gig. 

1033
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,880
Fucking Andrew Neil, right? 
Can you withhold your number? 

1034
00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:16,680
Yeah, this is fucking class. 
So could you meet? 

1035
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:19,080
Yeah. 
So would you say you're booking 

1036
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,280
for a gig? 
But by the way, tell them the 

1037
00:48:21,280 --> 00:48:23,480
money involved is fucking 
massive. 

1038
00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:25,800
Be like, I don't know how you 
normally charge me. 

1039
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:28,200
There's a corporate, we've got, 
you know, 10 minutes set. 

1040
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,200
If we do 6 grand, 7 grand. 
And if he says like, yeah, 

1041
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:32,920
that's OK, Go, go. 
Like, let's go. 

1042
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:35,680
You know what? 
I think you're doing me a favour

1043
00:48:35,680 --> 00:48:38,080
here, you know? 
Go up, be like, no, you're just 

1044
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:39,080
being played. 
We can get you. 

1045
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:44,680
More heart attack just. 
I want you to just keep saying I

1046
00:48:44,680 --> 00:48:48,240
can get you more like act like 
whatever you're offering. 

1047
00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:49,520
Something else? 
What accent you're doing? 

1048
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:54,520
Fuck. 
Maybe down South? 

1049
00:48:55,720 --> 00:48:57,720
I'm thinking I know we. 
Could you do a different accent 

1050
00:48:57,720 --> 00:49:01,080
from here? 
No, I wouldn't get away with it.

1051
00:49:01,080 --> 00:49:02,720
I know I'll just, I'll think of 
something. 

1052
00:49:03,640 --> 00:49:06,720
OK. 
Just hold it up to the mic. 

1053
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,280
Hi, Is that Jordan Robinson? 
It is indeed, yes. 

1054
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,640
Hi Jordan, mate, I got your 
number from Andrew O'Neill. 

1055
00:49:18,640 --> 00:49:20,920
You saw we're doing a gig in 
South Shields in a few weeks. 

1056
00:49:20,920 --> 00:49:21,280
Yeah. 
Oh, and. 

1057
00:49:22,760 --> 00:49:24,960
Yeah, yeah. 
That's that's absolutely no 

1058
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:30,440
bother. 
Let's see, I Do you know Mickey 

1059
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:31,680
Barton? 
Fucking. 

1060
00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:40,160
I just, I just have a couple of 
commitments with him, so I just 

1061
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:42,640
need to double check that I'm 
not kicking with him or 

1062
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:44,040
anything. 
Go fuck yourself Jordan, you 

1063
00:49:44,040 --> 00:49:50,520
cunt. 
Right. 

1064
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:51,720
Thanks for being Chinese. 
All the best mate. 

1065
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,840
Fuck, we didn't. 
We didn't work on that money. 

1066
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:56,680
I have a drama degree. 
Like I thought that was fucking.

1067
00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:59,040
We're the worst prank phone 
call, guys. 

1068
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,360
How quickly do you think William
text them being like Be careful 

1069
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:04,320
boys. 
The lads, the lads are at it. 

1070
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:08,920
She and Mickey must be able to 
sleep over in 1999. 

1071
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,240
Oh that's fantastic. 
I really, really enjoyed that. 

1072
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,640
We've got to get better at that.
Like we've got to nail that. 

1073
00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,000
Come on, we're going to do a 
fucking builder. 

1074
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:18,360
Yeah, we'll throw on a bomb 
skirt. 

1075
00:50:21,800 --> 00:50:24,000
Collins doing a tour show. 
Not tonight, he's not. 

1076
00:50:24,280 --> 00:50:27,200
Primarks on fair again. 
Quick, get a bucket of water. 

1077
00:50:28,680 --> 00:50:30,880
Oh, pranks. 
Are you gigging tomorrow again? 

1078
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,120
Then where you? 
Where's your next? 

1079
00:50:32,240 --> 00:50:33,880
No, I'm kind of at the time 
we're doing this. 

1080
00:50:33,880 --> 00:50:35,520
I'm I'm done for a couple of 
weeks. 

1081
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:36,760
Oh. 
It is, yeah. 

1082
00:50:36,800 --> 00:50:39,000
I had that weird thing where 
like I booked a bunch of stuff 

1083
00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:40,480
and then forgot. 
You have to keep booking it. 

1084
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,400
I had these gigs all together 
and I went, I spent a year and a

1085
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:46,040
half complaining about having no
gigs. 

1086
00:50:46,080 --> 00:50:49,520
And then it I started to get a 
little bit moaning about I've 

1087
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,000
been out last 10 nights in a 
row. 

1088
00:50:51,000 --> 00:50:53,960
And then I caught myself on very
quickly and was like, thank God.

1089
00:50:55,760 --> 00:51:00,920
Because like if we were gigging 
6-7 years ago, whatever you, 

1090
00:51:01,000 --> 00:51:04,840
unless you're doing solo shows, 
you're not gigging at the minute

1091
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:07,320
or you're doing support for 
someone that is you're not 

1092
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:09,760
gigging. 
So like, there's dozens, maybe 

1093
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:12,640
hundreds of people that do stand
up in this country who just 

1094
00:51:12,640 --> 00:51:15,560
can't do gigs. 
I know it's so, it's so. 

1095
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:17,840
It's so nice just to be in a 
privileged position now where 

1096
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,720
you can sell a few tickets. 
And the musicians? 

1097
00:51:19,720 --> 00:51:23,560
Bring the arts to the world. 
Yeah, I, one of my teachers, 

1098
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,360
sorry, just we'll talk serious 
in a second, but one of my old 

1099
00:51:26,360 --> 00:51:30,080
teachers who spent a bunch of my
gigs, the gigging Tomb last 

1100
00:51:30,080 --> 00:51:31,880
night, I was chatting there 
after and she was like, do you 

1101
00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,880
remember what you said to me the
last time I was at one of your 

1102
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:36,360
shows? 
And I was like, no, which one? 

1103
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:37,880
You were telling some story, but
you're deck. 

1104
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:41,880
And I was like, that's 
definitely when one of your 

1105
00:51:41,960 --> 00:51:45,960
educators, yeah, says the words.
One of your, one of your men, 

1106
00:51:45,960 --> 00:51:49,360
one one from the collection. 
From the alma mater, Like, you 

1107
00:51:49,360 --> 00:51:50,960
were telling the story about 
your deck. 

1108
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,840
And apparently I was like, I 
went, I'm telling this story, 

1109
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,000
one of my teachers in the front 
row. 

1110
00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:57,240
And then I went, I went to a 
Catholic school. 

1111
00:51:57,240 --> 00:52:00,680
Look, she's already seen it. 
And I bust my whole laughing at 

1112
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:02,200
her telling me that's what 
you're laughing at your own 

1113
00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:03,360
jokes. 
That's hilarious. 

1114
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:05,600
Yeah. 
Weird situation. 

1115
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:10,000
When you're on the road doing 
gigs, do you like hospitality? 

1116
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:13,200
Do you like Because I love it 
when I go to your venue and they

1117
00:52:13,200 --> 00:52:14,920
go listen. 
What can stick you on a bit of 

1118
00:52:14,920 --> 00:52:18,240
food here? 
See, I can't eat before gig, so 

1119
00:52:18,280 --> 00:52:22,920
I have to, I have to eat by like
4 or 5:00 or I'm just like 

1120
00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,320
fucking because I don't chew 
because they're Yeah. 

1121
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:29,160
So I always feel like it's a 
waste when they put food on and 

1122
00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:30,880
then it's even more a waste when
they put drink on because I'm 

1123
00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:33,680
like, I'm driving like. 
Yeah, do you know, do you know 

1124
00:52:33,680 --> 00:52:37,320
what a lovely touch was? 
We did Kelly's last week there 

1125
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:40,760
and the England game was on. 
So what sorted the time so that 

1126
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,480
the gig was over half time in 
the match so everybody could 

1127
00:52:43,480 --> 00:52:45,520
watch it. 
And then we comedians got to 

1128
00:52:45,520 --> 00:52:48,720
watch it too. 
They put on a hotel room in the 

1129
00:52:48,720 --> 00:52:53,240
venue for us and sent up pizzas 
and whatever food and drink you 

1130
00:52:53,240 --> 00:52:55,720
wanted and the boys just sat in 
the hotel room watch a game. 

1131
00:52:56,040 --> 00:52:57,520
It's unbelievable. 
Something. 

1132
00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:58,840
Yeah, it does. 
But I. 

1133
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:01,640
Then you go some places and you 
go here, would I be able to get 

1134
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:03,320
a water? 
And they're like, don't know, 

1135
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:05,200
We'll see. 
I somebody's you go to like do 

1136
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,360
you have your own mic? 
Yeah, yeah, lad, you probably 

1137
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:13,480
have all the gear yourself. 
You're like, yeah, I think it 

1138
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,360
depends on like, because 
obviously because a lot of 

1139
00:53:16,360 --> 00:53:18,280
people, people know I love 
fucking boozing. 

1140
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,320
So I quite often just get 
treated like one of the lads 

1141
00:53:21,320 --> 00:53:24,080
that works there. 
Yes, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1142
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:27,520
And I'm also I don't like it's 
only been this less outdoor to 

1143
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,200
her because Shane have been 
sending someone down to get the 

1144
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:31,040
sound set up. 
You can just turn up and you're 

1145
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:33,160
good to go. 
By the way, if that wasn't 

1146
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:35,640
happening, that was only last 
minute thing, whether we're 

1147
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:37,200
here, do you want you want 
someone to come down with you? 

1148
00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:41,480
And I was like, do we need it? 
You go to you go to places and 

1149
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,920
like they don't know what a lot 
of people think just because you

1150
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:47,280
do stand up. 
All you need is you don't need 

1151
00:53:47,280 --> 00:53:49,520
anything. 
You just need speakers, that's 

1152
00:53:49,520 --> 00:53:51,160
it. 
You need people to be able to 

1153
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:54,080
say, yeah, the sound, yeah, some
sort of light and stuff like 

1154
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:56,120
that, like. 
I did a wedding last weekend. 

1155
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:57,440
The couple were absolutely 
great. 

1156
00:53:57,920 --> 00:53:59,920
The gig went pretty well. 
But the guy who managed the 

1157
00:53:59,920 --> 00:54:03,120
hotel, I was like, can you just 
introduce me? 

1158
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,560
I was just there by myself. 
I was looking and he was like, 

1159
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:07,840
yeah, straight away. 
He's like, brings you on like 

1160
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:08,920
it's the queen walking into the 
room. 

1161
00:54:08,920 --> 00:54:11,280
Ladies and gentlemen, please 
welcome Mickey Bartlett. 

1162
00:54:12,480 --> 00:54:14,480
Yeah, and I went, where should I
stand to do this? 

1163
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:15,680
And he went, oh, go table, the 
table. 

1164
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:17,360
I'm like, are you fucking meant?
I've had this a lot. 

1165
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:19,240
Do you like the move about? 
No. 

1166
00:54:19,440 --> 00:54:21,320
No, I'll stand here when we're 
looking at mine and then I'll, 

1167
00:54:21,400 --> 00:54:24,120
yeah, I'll say I'm doing half an
hour, but I'll cut it short of 

1168
00:54:24,120 --> 00:54:26,760
20 and then I'll fuck. 
Off with the old bar. 

1169
00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,480
I'll do 20. 
We'll see how we go, you know, 

1170
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:30,640
which is, Which means it's going
to be 19 minutes. 

1171
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:34,120
Yeah, weddings. 
Weddings are so much. 

1172
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:37,480
I added on many of them before 
all this, but I think they are 

1173
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,240
brilliant now because people are
treating it like fuck here, 

1174
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:41,520
let's make the most of it right 
here. 

1175
00:54:41,680 --> 00:54:42,960
We're getting to see a 
performance. 

1176
00:54:43,080 --> 00:54:47,200
Whereas if you were a regular 
wedding comedian, I'd say 3234 

1177
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:48,880
years ago, say they were 
brilliant. 

1178
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,720
I think it's like, again, I 
think when you get booked for a 

1179
00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:55,120
wedding here and you're being 
booked because people like the 

1180
00:54:55,120 --> 00:54:58,040
bride and groom know who you 
are, yeah, you can kind of just 

1181
00:54:58,040 --> 00:55:00,640
do stand up. 
Yeah, yeah, I did one right 

1182
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:03,600
before like the circuit breaker 
lockdown, like September last 

1183
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:06,320
year. 
I went into thinking I'll be 

1184
00:55:06,320 --> 00:55:08,400
clean because it's a wedding and
there's family and stuff here 

1185
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:09,880
and they were going for none of 
it. 

1186
00:55:09,880 --> 00:55:12,080
And then I just went fuck this, 
double down and went full filth.

1187
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:13,840
And they were. 
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1188
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:15,720
So boy, we paid for it. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1189
00:55:15,920 --> 00:55:18,480
You know, and then the one that 
the weekend was, I couldn't tell

1190
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:21,000
if I was doing really well or if
the entire wedding party, which 

1191
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:25,560
is laughing at the mother of the
groom's face because she fucking

1192
00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:27,840
hated me, like. 
I know what you mean. 

1193
00:55:27,880 --> 00:55:30,240
Yeah, I know what you mean. 
It's an interesting experience 

1194
00:55:30,240 --> 00:55:32,280
to have like. 
That's always the the the not 

1195
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:33,920
that you got a crack. 
Yeah. 

1196
00:55:33,920 --> 00:55:35,600
Is like the mother of the groom 
or the mother of the. 

1197
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,200
Kind of flirt with her, like, 
yeah, what's up, Shorty? 

1198
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:44,000
Aaron Butler, We had a wedding 
recently and the mother of the 

1199
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,800
bride, you know, the quote was 
thrown back at him by actually 

1200
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:50,560
the venue manager, which don't 
know why they got involved, but 

1201
00:55:50,800 --> 00:55:52,880
the quote was thrown back. 
You ever get someone quote 

1202
00:55:52,880 --> 00:55:55,000
yourself back and out of 
context, you're like quite rude.

1203
00:55:55,320 --> 00:55:57,160
Somebody just went off to and 
went bot plug. 

1204
00:55:57,320 --> 00:55:59,320
Seriously. 
You said bot plug. 

1205
00:55:59,840 --> 00:56:00,960
Maybe she thought that was his 
nickname. 

1206
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:03,320
No, that's his. 
Bit are in the butt plug but. 

1207
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,200
His bit he's like grown up 
people call me butt hair, butt 

1208
00:56:05,200 --> 00:56:07,680
face, butt plug. 
She went up after butt plug. 

1209
00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:10,640
You serious crazy. 
And then he had to like defend 

1210
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:14,000
his art and be like, yes, butt 
plug was part of the. 

1211
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:19,880
Thing invented in 1912 yeah yes 
butt plug has become a staple of

1212
00:56:19,880 --> 00:56:21,480
this I. 
Suppose I did vocalise the term 

1213
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:26,680
butt plug, but it was to set up 
a further bit, yeah? 

1214
00:56:26,720 --> 00:56:29,200
I'll call it an R Stam, can I? 
But then because he. 

1215
00:56:30,640 --> 00:56:33,240
Because the whole blocker. 
Because he got told all for 

1216
00:56:33,240 --> 00:56:35,560
that. 
Then I went on as like an altar 

1217
00:56:35,560 --> 00:56:37,440
boy. 
Yeah, I was like the nicest I 

1218
00:56:37,440 --> 00:56:38,760
was. 
Like Sam, please, at every joke.

1219
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:42,640
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
Yeah, Oh my wedding gigs. 

1220
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:45,240
So for a funeral. 
Never done for a funeral. 

1221
00:56:45,240 --> 00:56:46,160
Yeah. 
Would you do a week? 

1222
00:56:46,240 --> 00:56:47,880
You stand up at a week. 
Fuck that could be weird that. 

1223
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:50,280
Could be unbelievable. 
I honestly think that might be 

1224
00:56:50,280 --> 00:56:54,480
way more cracking a wedding. 
That's what I mean, especially 

1225
00:56:54,480 --> 00:56:56,240
if you knew the person. 
And it's one of those 

1226
00:56:56,240 --> 00:56:59,000
environments where it's like, 
not that it's not taken 

1227
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:00,960
seriously, but you know what at 
the we're like, listen, he'd 

1228
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:02,320
want you to fucking take the 
piss. 

1229
00:57:02,560 --> 00:57:05,320
But sitting in a wake room when 
old stories are flying about, I 

1230
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,000
could be a good I've. 
Been to work several weeks like 

1231
00:57:08,000 --> 00:57:10,440
in my family. 
And remember my uncle when he 

1232
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:12,040
died? 
It was like a fucking roast. 

1233
00:57:12,280 --> 00:57:13,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
Like people were getting up and 

1234
00:57:13,800 --> 00:57:14,640
taking turns. 
Literally. 

1235
00:57:14,640 --> 00:57:15,960
Starting like he got cremated 
now. 

1236
00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:22,640
We're Catholics, but I remember 
like people literally leaning on

1237
00:57:22,640 --> 00:57:24,560
those coffin and being like, you
were here by the time we try to 

1238
00:57:24,560 --> 00:57:25,840
build a fucking go Kart, that 
deck. 

1239
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:27,240
Getting them out in the 
headlock. 

1240
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:31,760
I once heard of a few notes my 
uncle went to and my mum said of

1241
00:57:31,760 --> 00:57:33,920
the family where everybody got 
statement and at one point they 

1242
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:35,760
literally took the fucking body 
out of the coffin and started 

1243
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:41,000
dancing with it like that's. 
Insane. 

1244
00:57:41,000 --> 00:57:42,480
Imagine he started dancing 
himself. 

1245
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:45,600
I know that's, that's, I don't 
care what anybody says. 

1246
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:49,520
I've been like a load of wax and
there's been a few don't stand 

1247
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:51,320
up. 
But the few times where someone 

1248
00:57:51,320 --> 00:57:55,160
has left me in my in a room with
a dead body on my own, yeah, you

1249
00:57:55,160 --> 00:57:57,600
never don't hear. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1250
00:57:57,600 --> 00:58:00,680
It's terrifying. 
Yeah, would you, would you want 

1251
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:01,560
to? 
Are you going to be buried or 

1252
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:03,320
you'd be cremated or you get put
the mushroom soup? 

1253
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:04,160
I have you. 
Get a mushroom. 

1254
00:58:04,160 --> 00:58:06,120
Yeah, I want to. 
I want to do something mental 

1255
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:10,360
like I'd like to be cremated and
then like fired out of a massive

1256
00:58:10,360 --> 00:58:13,520
bra. 
Yeah, off a Cliff. 

1257
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:15,840
Cliff some over. 
Yeah, or you can just. 

1258
00:58:16,280 --> 00:58:18,920
To the soundtrack of Oh Oh 
Mickey. 

1259
00:58:18,920 --> 00:58:21,680
You're the voice. 
Come and understand. 

1260
00:58:21,760 --> 00:58:23,560
Yeah, yeah. 
But I want the doing sound 

1261
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:25,800
effect out of them. 
Would you like it if we did like

1262
00:58:25,800 --> 00:58:27,160
a gig in your honour when you 
die? 

1263
00:58:27,160 --> 00:58:31,960
If I die, if I happen to die 
after you, which would you like 

1264
00:58:31,960 --> 00:58:33,560
it if I the. 
Only way that could happen is 

1265
00:58:33,600 --> 00:58:37,040
I'm a better driver than you. 
Yeah, safer, I mean. 

1266
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:39,480
Would you like it if, you know, 
like hair powder? 

1267
00:58:39,480 --> 00:58:42,440
Would you like it if when you 
died, everybody went out quiffed

1268
00:58:42,440 --> 00:58:44,320
up by you? 
You know what I mean? 

1269
00:58:44,360 --> 00:58:45,400
That'll be good. 
Yeah, that'll be. 

1270
00:58:45,400 --> 00:58:47,280
That'll be fast. 
Or just caught me up in that 

1271
00:58:47,280 --> 00:58:49,720
line of cat. 
You want to be sniffed. 

1272
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:51,320
Yeah, just sniffed. 
Yeah, yeah. 

1273
00:58:52,480 --> 00:58:54,440
Or play a prank. 
I'm gonna put me in a her dryer.

1274
00:58:59,640 --> 00:59:01,200
And be the first time you've 
been all over my face. 

1275
00:59:02,680 --> 00:59:03,920
The first time Mikey Blue, 
right? 

1276
00:59:03,920 --> 00:59:05,600
Here, Yeah. 
Blue face, yeah. 

1277
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:09,080
Yeah, I think a prank, that'll 
be a good way to do it, yeah. 

1278
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:11,240
Just put me in salt and say 
nothing, yeah? 

1279
00:59:16,840 --> 00:59:21,040
We've got some questions from 
from Instagram so far far 

1280
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:24,720
through a few of those. 
Lovely Somebody says what's a 

1281
00:59:24,720 --> 00:59:31,280
podcast to her? 
Willie Palmer, William Palmer. 

1282
00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:33,240
William Palmer ironically says, 
how's the Willy? 

1283
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:39,120
It's weird now that I don't look
down and expect them to see a 

1284
00:59:39,120 --> 00:59:41,160
foreskin. 
I can't tell you how weird that 

1285
00:59:41,160 --> 00:59:44,280
is because I thought for the 
first like year I keep being 

1286
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:45,800
like. 
Oh, remember, I like when 

1287
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:47,280
somebody loses a hand, they can 
still feel it. 

1288
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,200
Yeah, it's. 
Do you know what it's like? 

1289
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:52,680
What's the best way to describe 
it? 

1290
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:58,560
You know when you know, when you
get a haircut and you go like, 

1291
00:59:58,560 --> 01:00:00,000
why haven't I always have my 
hair like this? 

1292
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:03,160
Like you, you don't think you 
need a haircut and you get a 

1293
01:00:03,160 --> 01:00:05,800
haircut and you go, oh, this 
looks way better than it was. 

1294
01:00:05,800 --> 01:00:10,080
And I'm always, this is me. 
You know, I like I, I if I think

1295
01:00:10,080 --> 01:00:12,320
of my own deck. 
Yeah, I think of it as a circle.

1296
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:14,320
I don't think of it back. 
To the old, I would think about 

1297
01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,280
getting it done just for the 
aesthetics themselves. 

1298
01:00:16,800 --> 01:00:18,280
Honestly. 
You lose anything of it. 

1299
01:00:18,680 --> 01:00:21,720
No, you know what, I thought 
I've said this before. 

1300
01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:24,560
I thought I would still have a 
retractable. 

1301
01:00:25,680 --> 01:00:28,760
I thought I would still have a 
retractable foreskin. 

1302
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:30,880
Yeah, but it was just further 
down. 

1303
01:00:30,880 --> 01:00:34,640
But I don't and I didn't even 
know that the foreskin gets cut 

1304
01:00:34,640 --> 01:00:38,520
off and then the skin around get
just gets like stitched into the

1305
01:00:39,360 --> 01:00:40,920
like halfway the shaft. 
The shaft. 

1306
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:42,720
Yeah. 
So it's ways it's like a 

1307
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:44,000
smoother look. 
Yeah. 

1308
01:00:44,320 --> 01:00:46,120
You know, there's none of that. 
Like, you know, I think 

1309
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:48,680
foreskins are a little bit like 
sneaky or they'll say what are 

1310
01:00:48,680 --> 01:00:50,080
you hiding behind there? 
You know what I mean? 

1311
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:54,000
Whereas now it's like you can 
see, you can see me, you know, 

1312
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:55,480
it's, it's like it's out there 
and. 

1313
01:00:55,680 --> 01:00:57,880
Have you done like I don't know 
if this happened, like have you 

1314
01:00:57,880 --> 01:01:01,080
been to the gym and got like gym
Dick without a foreskin? 

1315
01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:02,800
What? 
Do you mean gym? 

1316
01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:05,520
Do you ever like if I do like a 
serious workout when I come 

1317
01:01:05,520 --> 01:01:06,960
home, there's no deck there 
anymore. 

1318
01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:10,680
Oh, it's just. 
Like skin's the only thing I 

1319
01:01:10,680 --> 01:01:11,880
have left. 
Yeah, in that. 

1320
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:17,400
Situation I think. 
Have you been freezing cold 

1321
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:19,040
without a foreskin? 
Not yet, not yet. 

1322
01:01:19,040 --> 01:01:21,560
I think when it comes into the 
winter months, I'll I'll. 

1323
01:01:21,560 --> 01:01:22,720
Go through that's something 
maybe. 

1324
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:24,240
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
That's good. 

1325
01:01:24,680 --> 01:01:25,960
If I, if we were didn't stand 
up, I go. 

1326
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:27,640
That's because you said you're 
spotting the soul boys because 

1327
01:01:27,640 --> 01:01:30,240
the Saarin went past and always 
get to laugh at a comedy club 

1328
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,240
when you're in the middle of the
car. 

1329
01:01:31,240 --> 01:01:32,120
Start a car. 
Yeah. 

1330
01:01:34,720 --> 01:01:36,960
How's Willie? 
Willie's 100% dead. 

1331
01:01:36,960 --> 01:01:38,240
And can I extend that question 
to you? 

1332
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:40,120
Yeah, my would he grant? 
Yep. 

1333
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:42,120
Would you? 
Would you get? 

1334
01:01:42,160 --> 01:01:44,280
Would you genuinely get some you
wouldn't feel aware of getting? 

1335
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:46,080
Certain. 
Looks I had that same thing you 

1336
01:01:46,080 --> 01:01:47,800
had a couple of. 
Years ago, Like tightness, yeah.

1337
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:53,680
It just went away, but it 
probably had for about a year, 

1338
01:01:53,680 --> 01:01:55,320
and it was. 
It's fucking annoying. 

1339
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:56,440
Yeah. 
Like I had to. 

1340
01:01:56,520 --> 01:01:59,480
If I was gagging, I'd sit there 
when I peed because you couldn't

1341
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:01,280
control where I was going. 
To go. 

1342
01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:05,600
Oh mine was like fucking. 
Do you talk a back day to? 

1343
01:02:06,080 --> 01:02:08,800
Day they talk about. 
It in my foreskin. 

1344
01:02:08,920 --> 01:02:10,480
No, your deck. 
Like, do you talk the deck and 

1345
01:02:10,480 --> 01:02:11,880
balls and you know the way 
sometimes you're there for a 

1346
01:02:11,880 --> 01:02:12,440
funny photo. 
Yeah. 

1347
01:02:12,480 --> 01:02:14,600
Yeah. 
Was that just you happen to get 

1348
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:17,040
your photo taken at that time or
you do that for the photo? 

1349
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,440
Oh, I know. 
I took this photo. 

1350
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:20,800
Yeah, right. 
I mean, don't be wrong. 

1351
01:02:20,800 --> 01:02:22,280
Yes, I will walk around like 
that sometimes. 

1352
01:02:22,280 --> 01:02:22,680
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

1353
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:23,840
Just to see how it feels. 
Yeah. 

1354
01:02:23,880 --> 01:02:25,760
Yeah. 
Quite often I will just walk 

1355
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:27,200
around like that. 
Just about my girlfriend feed my

1356
01:02:27,200 --> 01:02:29,400
balls and they're out the back. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1357
01:02:29,920 --> 01:02:32,480
Just because I think it's funny.
Looks like a chickens neck. 

1358
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:35,760
Yeah, from the back. 
It looks like an angry cartoon 

1359
01:02:35,760 --> 01:02:41,280
character. 
Yeah, Patrick Quinn says Conor 

1360
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:43,520
McGregor overtook Mcgoldrick's 
earnings this year ranked as 

1361
01:02:43,520 --> 01:02:45,040
Forbes highest paid athlete in 
the world. 

1362
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:47,920
Do you rate him as a fighter? 
Can you convince Arlene Foster 

1363
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:51,000
to model for the Manscape crew? 
I mean, I don't think I could, 

1364
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,320
but McGregor? 
McGregor's fighting this 

1365
01:02:53,320 --> 01:02:53,960
weekend. 
Yeah. 

1366
01:02:54,360 --> 01:02:56,000
Do you like McGregor? 
Your McGregor guy. 

1367
01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:59,720
He's a weird like I was. 
I love the kind of hype that he 

1368
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:01,720
brought to UFC, and I don't 
really watch UFC enough. 

1369
01:03:01,720 --> 01:03:04,280
So this is one of these things 
where I've like of these are 

1370
01:03:04,280 --> 01:03:06,240
things I've heard people saying,
yeah, doing. 

1371
01:03:06,240 --> 01:03:09,480
I mean, it was good. 
You think, you think, you think.

1372
01:03:09,480 --> 01:03:11,400
Point for Bundy. 
Undertaker is the best UFC 

1373
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:12,760
fighter. 
Yeah, 100% yeah. 

1374
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:19,120
Yeah, a bunch of people have 
just, I think he he's party too 

1375
01:03:19,120 --> 01:03:24,720
hard in between fights. 
Yeah, but also you're not a 

1376
01:03:24,720 --> 01:03:26,000
really bad story about him as 
well. 

1377
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:27,520
Yeah, private life and shit like
that. 

1378
01:03:27,880 --> 01:03:31,520
I think it was all like it was 
all almost like probably all 

1379
01:03:31,520 --> 01:03:34,560
psychology in terms of how well 
he was winning. 

1380
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:37,160
Obviously a great fighter too. 
Yeah, but before people went 

1381
01:03:37,160 --> 01:03:39,680
into the thing when they were 
beat because he was so good in 

1382
01:03:39,680 --> 01:03:42,520
the pre, in the promo stuff that
they probably like second 

1383
01:03:42,560 --> 01:03:44,280
guessed themselves. 
Had them all wound up and stuff 

1384
01:03:44,280 --> 01:03:46,000
like that, yeah. 
But as soon as he like he got 

1385
01:03:46,000 --> 01:03:48,560
beat and that confidence kind of
goes and he starts being a bit 

1386
01:03:48,560 --> 01:03:50,360
more humble. 
If, if you will, I again, I 

1387
01:03:50,360 --> 01:03:53,120
watch much UFC. 
He's probably just like any 

1388
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:55,200
other fighter now in terms of if
you were fighting him, you'd 

1389
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:56,960
just be like, well. 
I think there's definitely like 

1390
01:03:57,000 --> 01:03:58,960
there's something in because 
there was a few times where he 

1391
01:03:58,960 --> 01:04:00,880
had like predicted what around 
he was going to win and all 

1392
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:02,800
that. 
Like that Muhammad Ali kind of 

1393
01:04:02,800 --> 01:04:04,320
vibe. 
Yeah, but there's something in 

1394
01:04:04,320 --> 01:04:05,280
that. 
Because remember, I actually 

1395
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,400
read a book about Muhammad Ali a
few years ago and like he would 

1396
01:04:08,400 --> 01:04:11,080
literally the trance psycho Joe 
Frazier. 

1397
01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:14,240
He was driving his tour boss off
on the Joe Frazier's garden with

1398
01:04:14,240 --> 01:04:18,000
his mates with a megaphone just 
slagging him off like when he 

1399
01:04:18,000 --> 01:04:20,680
was trying to sleep, right? 
That's so sly. 

1400
01:04:20,680 --> 01:04:23,240
So that's why when I when like 
when Ali died, Joe Frazier was 

1401
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:25,560
still like now fuck him. 
Oh, I thought you said he was at

1402
01:04:25,560 --> 01:04:27,480
the gravesite. 
No, he hated them all right 

1403
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:28,200
with. 
Foster. 

1404
01:04:28,360 --> 01:04:30,960
Because the book that I read was
it was, it was in the 90s. 

1405
01:04:30,960 --> 01:04:33,280
So it was before Ali was even 
diagnosed with Parkinson's. 

1406
01:04:34,200 --> 01:04:36,680
And they thought he was just 
like sort of punch drunk and 

1407
01:04:36,680 --> 01:04:38,280
everyone was like, he's still a 
great man. 

1408
01:04:38,280 --> 01:04:39,640
What? 
And Joe Frazier was like, 

1409
01:04:39,800 --> 01:04:43,440
fucking hate that guy. 
And then I think there's I've 

1410
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:45,560
seen like a Tyson documentary. 
He would do the same sort of 

1411
01:04:45,560 --> 01:04:50,200
stuff Tyson used to put like 
tiles on the shoulders of his 

1412
01:04:50,200 --> 01:04:52,600
dressing gun so he looked bigger
when he came out. 

1413
01:04:53,200 --> 01:04:56,680
Oh, just beside the opponent. 
Well, Wilder tried to do that 

1414
01:04:56,680 --> 01:04:59,040
thing with that 25 LB suit or 
whatever it was. 

1415
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:02,400
Remember the last Fury fight? 
Yeah, Wilder wore like the big, 

1416
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:06,240
like would you shrub it like a 
like a chain suit, like a metal 

1417
01:05:06,240 --> 01:05:07,080
suit? 
A what? 

1418
01:05:07,720 --> 01:05:09,440
Like armour? 
Yeah, came out in this big 

1419
01:05:09,440 --> 01:05:12,960
massive thing and Tyson Fury in 
his own was like, that's, that's

1420
01:05:12,960 --> 01:05:14,280
weird, like. 
What are you doing? 

1421
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:17,200
It's not scary. 
It's like, oh, I'm a superhero. 

1422
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:19,920
Weird man who's supposed to be. 
He looked like a Birdman. 

1423
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:22,240
And then Deontay Wilder busy 
that off the fight. 

1424
01:05:22,240 --> 01:05:24,640
He's like, I was pretty tubed 
going into the fight because 

1425
01:05:24,640 --> 01:05:26,960
that suit was so heavy. 
It's like stuff like that. 

1426
01:05:26,960 --> 01:05:28,760
Like if it works, brilliant. 
If you don't, you look. 

1427
01:05:28,760 --> 01:05:32,200
Like you did, Yeah. 
It's a, it's a mad game. 

1428
01:05:32,200 --> 01:05:34,360
You're fighting, not trying to. 
Stay up for fights. 

1429
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:35,600
Yeah, I've never done it in my 
life. 

1430
01:05:36,240 --> 01:05:40,400
Wouldn't. 
I once stayed up for 1 McGregor 

1431
01:05:40,400 --> 01:05:42,120
fight and it didn't even have 
anything. 

1432
01:05:42,120 --> 01:05:45,320
Like I had no decent laptop or 
anything to watch it on, but 

1433
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:48,760
thankfully somebody had left 
their phone up against their TV 

1434
01:05:49,440 --> 01:05:51,760
so I watched it on someone 
else's TV on Facebook. 

1435
01:05:51,840 --> 01:05:54,720
Remember the guy who streamed? 
Remember the guy streamed one of

1436
01:05:54,720 --> 01:05:57,800
the fights in his glasses? 
There was like a guy who went 

1437
01:05:57,800 --> 01:06:02,200
YouTube live and he filmed his 
glasses because he was watching 

1438
01:06:02,200 --> 01:06:04,960
the fight and he just filmed the
reflection of black glasses. 

1439
01:06:04,960 --> 01:06:06,320
Fucking great. 
That's a great idea. 

1440
01:06:07,040 --> 01:06:11,960
Mark says why, Why is poon 
sometimes pleasurable, sometimes

1441
01:06:11,960 --> 01:06:15,280
painful? 
Also why is the food in the I'm 

1442
01:06:15,280 --> 01:06:17,440
just going to say this, he said 
it. 

1443
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:20,200
Why is the food in the room more
so bad yet everyone goes there. 

1444
01:06:20,560 --> 01:06:23,520
I'm a fan, I like it. 
You're more of the North Coast, 

1445
01:06:23,520 --> 01:06:26,440
Yeah, lovely. 
I'm a fan, yeah, he says. 

1446
01:06:26,440 --> 01:06:28,400
Why is poo and sometimes 
pleasurable and sometimes 

1447
01:06:28,400 --> 01:06:30,160
painful? 
I've never had a painful poo in 

1448
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:33,320
my life. 
No, every poo I've had it's been

1449
01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:37,360
enjoyable. 
You take your time in there. 

1450
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:40,800
Oh, I have to. 
Right, I could see. 

1451
01:06:40,800 --> 01:06:42,600
Me. 
I mean, it's mostly wiping, but 

1452
01:06:43,640 --> 01:06:45,240
yeah. 
How many sheets do? 

1453
01:06:45,240 --> 01:06:47,080
There's a big question. 
How many sheets do you wipe 

1454
01:06:47,080 --> 01:06:48,000
with? 
Are you a buncher? 

1455
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:51,560
I'm, no, I'm not a buncher. 
I actually go three, I go three,

1456
01:06:51,560 --> 01:06:53,400
I go 3 and then a fold. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1457
01:06:54,160 --> 01:06:56,120
One thing I have noticed, I've 
been living on my own now for 

1458
01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:58,480
about a fortnight and I went 
through 12 toilet rolls in a 

1459
01:06:58,480 --> 01:07:01,000
week which is a lot for one man 
like. 

1460
01:07:01,200 --> 01:07:03,400
It's a lot for a family. 
Yeah, that's a lot. 

1461
01:07:04,240 --> 01:07:05,760
That's a lot for a restaurant 
thing. 

1462
01:07:05,760 --> 01:07:06,560
Yeah, I know. 
Yeah. 

1463
01:07:06,560 --> 01:07:08,320
Yeah, that's yeah. 
An army wouldn't go through that

1464
01:07:08,320 --> 01:07:09,800
much. 
Is it just because you have your

1465
01:07:09,800 --> 01:07:12,120
own house? 
You're like I could I get you're

1466
01:07:12,120 --> 01:07:13,720
entitled to your. 
I literally forgot, my 

1467
01:07:13,720 --> 01:07:15,920
girlfriend said over last night.
I literally forgot to close the 

1468
01:07:15,920 --> 01:07:17,400
door and was taking a shit 
because I've just been shipping 

1469
01:07:17,400 --> 01:07:19,040
with the door room. 
I completely forgot she was 

1470
01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:21,520
there. 
That's such a wee boy move she 

1471
01:07:21,560 --> 01:07:23,720
wants to pass. 
You're like hello sorry I forgot

1472
01:07:24,240 --> 01:07:27,560
I'm doing poop. 
Sorry when I went no sorry. 

1473
01:07:28,160 --> 01:07:30,280
Like me when the hotel manager 
walked. 

1474
01:07:30,280 --> 01:07:36,000
Past that, you're my friend. 
Sorry, I've just got a skirm she

1475
01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:37,440
named McGuire. 
Are you moonlighting as a 

1476
01:07:37,440 --> 01:07:39,160
doctor? 
Yeah, just another one of my 

1477
01:07:39,160 --> 01:07:41,080
look alikes. 
Doctor Mark Pemberton. 

1478
01:07:41,080 --> 01:07:49,520
Lucky guy. 
Mel Robinson yeah, what's 

1479
01:07:49,520 --> 01:07:52,360
podcast. 
OK, got that, Matthew Kayman 

1480
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:54,400
says what's your sacred behind 
in scoring world leads, 

1481
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:58,000
especially on council pitches? 
Yeah, I mean, look, here's the. 

1482
01:07:58,000 --> 01:07:59,880
Thing you lost me after secrets 
that a football term. 

1483
01:08:00,240 --> 01:08:02,400
Yeah, got you. 
I was sick. 

1484
01:08:02,440 --> 01:08:04,280
No secret isn't a football term.
I know, but. 

1485
01:08:04,640 --> 01:08:06,600
After Yeah yeah, Council 
pictures, Yeah, I scored a world

1486
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:07,240
last. 
Scored. 

1487
01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:10,720
Sort of. 
As a world is that is that like 

1488
01:08:10,720 --> 01:08:13,200
a screamer? 
World class yes, Screamer, sort 

1489
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:15,000
of. 
I don't even want to not move 

1490
01:08:15,000 --> 01:08:16,720
on. 
It was I was playing and 

1491
01:08:17,319 --> 01:08:20,960
Ballywalter last week. 
We grinder just. 

1492
01:08:21,000 --> 01:08:23,240
Scored over local. 
Pitches and I fuck it. 

1493
01:08:23,439 --> 01:08:25,000
I. 
Am I was, But no, it's just 

1494
01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:28,960
saying it's a bit like 2530 
yards out and now I don't know, 

1495
01:08:28,960 --> 01:08:34,120
I just got the ball so I'll keep
it off his line in the far 

1496
01:08:34,120 --> 01:08:38,880
corner. 
And how old was the wee fell he 

1497
01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:39,800
scored against? 
What? 

1498
01:08:40,000 --> 01:08:41,960
It's under 11. 
You know it's he. 

1499
01:08:42,120 --> 01:08:44,000
Needs to learn it's under 11. 
Bitch. 

1500
01:08:44,000 --> 01:08:46,920
But he had. 
Actually he was 11, so I he 

1501
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:48,120
shouldn't plan either. 
Yeah. 

1502
01:08:48,560 --> 01:08:50,040
It's just right. 
He shouldn't plan either. 

1503
01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:55,279
I've actually been watching the 
football and this is I don't 

1504
01:08:55,279 --> 01:08:57,479
know if this is a hack premise 
for a joke, but I laughed at it 

1505
01:08:58,200 --> 01:09:00,479
and Ukraine England much. 
There was a point where the 

1506
01:09:00,479 --> 01:09:02,359
Ukrainian goalie was talking to 
his myth like that. 

1507
01:09:03,359 --> 01:09:06,640
Obviously try and stop people 
like liberating, but I was like,

1508
01:09:06,640 --> 01:09:11,040
but you're from Ukraine and 
you're playing England. 

1509
01:09:11,240 --> 01:09:13,560
Like, I don't think Hurricanes, 
like boys are. 

1510
01:09:13,560 --> 01:09:16,640
The keeper dropped his end and I
think he's going to try and 

1511
01:09:16,640 --> 01:09:21,399
catch the ball. 
And also I'm the Australian. 

1512
01:09:21,399 --> 01:09:22,960
Harry Pine. 
He's cockley. 

1513
01:09:22,960 --> 01:09:24,399
Shut up. 
What's all of a sudden? 

1514
01:09:24,399 --> 01:09:26,479
Your accents are flawless. 
A Mama. 

1515
01:09:26,640 --> 01:09:27,800
A Mama. 
Cerebral palsy. 

1516
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:32,319
Knew it was you. 
So the Scotland manager, you've 

1517
01:09:32,319 --> 01:09:34,040
been out exit for the EUR, how 
do you feel? 

1518
01:09:34,240 --> 01:09:36,439
Yes. 
Well, I wouldn't be for sure 

1519
01:09:36,439 --> 01:09:39,319
about that. 
We have Joseph. 

1520
01:09:39,720 --> 01:09:41,880
Joseph. 
Radio now talking about his next

1521
01:09:41,880 --> 01:09:44,040
his next attempt. 
I think we're going to have a 

1522
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:48,439
good time. 
I thought you were saying why 

1523
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:50,920
was the Ukrainian guy covering 
his face, like, as in with a 

1524
01:09:50,920 --> 01:09:54,040
face mask? 
Because, like, it's Ukraine, 

1525
01:09:54,720 --> 01:09:55,640
Chernobyl. 
You know what I mean? 

1526
01:09:55,640 --> 01:09:57,040
Yeah, of course I wouldn't worry
about it. 

1527
01:09:57,040 --> 01:09:59,920
Yeah, Alan Booth says. 
Have you ever been secret? 

1528
01:09:59,920 --> 01:10:02,960
Have you ever secretly thought a
Heckler was funny but still had 

1529
01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:04,400
to shut them down? 
Yes. 

1530
01:10:04,760 --> 01:10:06,080
I love a funny Heckler. 
Yeah. 

1531
01:10:06,320 --> 01:10:09,600
And I think the mistake people 
make is always having to, like, 

1532
01:10:09,640 --> 01:10:12,000
come back to it. 
Sometimes you have to go. 

1533
01:10:13,120 --> 01:10:15,320
The best one I ever had was in 
the Empire one night. 

1534
01:10:16,080 --> 01:10:19,280
I was, I think, right about that
time, like Northern Ireland have

1535
01:10:19,280 --> 01:10:22,200
been voted the sexiest accent in
Europe or something stupid like 

1536
01:10:22,200 --> 01:10:24,240
that. 
So I was doing all that fucking 

1537
01:10:24,240 --> 01:10:25,880
sexy stupid accent stuff, 
whatever. 

1538
01:10:26,880 --> 01:10:28,800
Because yeah, we've voted the 
sexiest accent in Europe, but 

1539
01:10:28,800 --> 01:10:30,960
also the smallest decks in the 
UK, right? 

1540
01:10:31,520 --> 01:10:34,480
And I had a joke about that was 
the smallest deck thinking from 

1541
01:10:34,480 --> 01:10:36,760
a survey. 
And I'm like, a survey is just 

1542
01:10:36,760 --> 01:10:38,560
answering questions. 
So who the fuck's being honest? 

1543
01:10:39,040 --> 01:10:41,160
Like, do you have a big deck? 
Like not that tall. 

1544
01:10:41,200 --> 01:10:45,560
That's like bubble wrap, right? 
There's a guy in the front row 

1545
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:47,680
of the empire. 
And so I did it like a bed. 

1546
01:10:47,680 --> 01:10:48,880
Knows where I'll start talking 
to the crowd. 

1547
01:10:49,240 --> 01:10:50,320
That was where you from when he 
went. 

1548
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:52,680
I'm from Belgium and I went, oh,
we've got a sex or accent than 

1549
01:10:52,680 --> 01:10:54,320
you and everybody went. 
Yeah. 

1550
01:10:54,360 --> 01:10:56,240
And he just went. 
But they have a bigger Dick. 

1551
01:10:57,720 --> 01:10:59,760
It's tremendous. 
Here it is. 

1552
01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:02,320
Yeah, with. 
Our accents, he's he's Welsh. 

1553
01:11:03,960 --> 01:11:10,000
It is not unusual. 
Stewart Allen says if Buzz 

1554
01:11:10,000 --> 01:11:13,080
Lightyear didn't know he was a 
toy, then why did he freeze when

1555
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:16,200
people came into the room? 
Man, don't even Nah. 

1556
01:11:16,480 --> 01:11:20,320
Fuck off. 
Yeah, I don't know, Chris. 

1557
01:11:20,320 --> 01:11:23,360
That's the way the people drew. 
Yeah, because that's what the 

1558
01:11:23,360 --> 01:11:25,240
Disney ones. 
That's what the pics are dead. 

1559
01:11:25,280 --> 01:11:30,440
You fucking? 
My mate says you just show up on

1560
01:11:30,440 --> 01:11:32,040
invited the weddings to tell 
jokes. 

1561
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:34,800
We think she's a spoofer. 
Set the record straight as she a

1562
01:11:34,800 --> 01:11:36,000
spoofer. 
Yeah. 

1563
01:11:36,000 --> 01:11:39,040
No, she's not. 
Yeah, we just, we just go to 

1564
01:11:39,040 --> 01:11:42,480
weddings and yeah. 
And ask is there any chance I 

1565
01:11:42,480 --> 01:11:43,760
could get just? 
Try some new stuff. 

1566
01:11:43,760 --> 01:11:46,520
Here I think it's a good 
environment to go out. 

1567
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:50,200
I think some new stuff about. 
I think it shows a couple on the

1568
01:11:50,200 --> 01:11:53,240
dead, their nuptials, that it's 
life isn't always as you 

1569
01:11:53,240 --> 01:11:54,440
planned. 
Exactly. 

1570
01:11:54,520 --> 01:11:56,040
You need to learn that, but I 
think that's how you make a 

1571
01:11:56,040 --> 01:11:57,800
marriage strong. 
There's 30 minutes to the decks.

1572
01:11:57,800 --> 01:11:59,560
Be ready for anything. 
Yeah, Yeah. 

1573
01:11:59,840 --> 01:12:02,120
So I'm going to come in here, 
use the N word ironically, and 

1574
01:12:02,120 --> 01:12:06,520
see how far we can get. 
How's your recovery going? 

1575
01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:08,600
Happy with the result. 
I mean, I presume again, that's 

1576
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:10,880
about my foreskin. 
Happy with the result. 

1577
01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:13,000
Yeah, 100%. 
Have you used it? 

1578
01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:15,600
Have you used it yet? 
My finger, Yeah. 

1579
01:12:16,680 --> 01:12:17,440
Have I used it? 
The wank. 

1580
01:12:17,440 --> 01:12:18,400
Different from no. 
Foreskin. 

1581
01:12:18,400 --> 01:12:23,400
Have I used it yet? 
No, I here's the thing, there 

1582
01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:26,440
was a bit of a problem. 
So everything now has just been 

1583
01:12:26,440 --> 01:12:29,800
filtered through my big toe. 
The tubes have been connected 

1584
01:12:29,800 --> 01:12:30,320
there. 
So. 

1585
01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:31,800
So yeah, so that's the way it 
is. 

1586
01:12:31,920 --> 01:12:33,480
But still I'm happy I. 
Noticed your sock was wet 

1587
01:12:33,480 --> 01:12:35,200
actually. 
Yeah, I'm happy with the look of

1588
01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:36,760
it. 
Yeah, but it doesn't work. 

1589
01:12:36,760 --> 01:12:38,280
Yeah, but it looks. 
Good. 

1590
01:12:38,280 --> 01:12:39,600
That's because that that is one 
thing. 

1591
01:12:39,600 --> 01:12:41,280
I think that is a common 
problem, especially with the the

1592
01:12:41,280 --> 01:12:43,480
current cost of the NHS, the 
amount of guys who've gone in 

1593
01:12:43,480 --> 01:12:47,240
for circumcisions and woke up 
with a big toenail on their 

1594
01:12:47,240 --> 01:12:48,360
deck. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1595
01:12:48,360 --> 01:12:49,880
That's the, that's the way 
you've got to accept what the 

1596
01:12:49,880 --> 01:12:52,200
NHS is, yeah. 
It's just, I mean, clapping 

1597
01:12:52,200 --> 01:12:55,680
doesn't make a difference. 
It's the the hardest bit. 

1598
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:57,600
I found out not. 
I don't know myself, but my 

1599
01:12:57,640 --> 01:13:01,120
deck's perfect. 
But is the actual trimming of 

1600
01:13:01,120 --> 01:13:02,840
the nail? 
Yeah, it's the bed that 

1601
01:13:02,840 --> 01:13:04,000
terrifies most. 
People, that's it. 

1602
01:13:04,000 --> 01:13:06,480
That's a tough one now. 
When you're saying no good, when

1603
01:13:06,480 --> 01:13:08,040
I do that, do you do it over 
this, over the toilet? 

1604
01:13:08,040 --> 01:13:10,440
Do you do over the sink? 
Do you do the end of the bed? 

1605
01:13:10,440 --> 01:13:12,080
Do you wait until you get out of
the shower so it's soft? 

1606
01:13:12,080 --> 01:13:13,880
See when I'm. 
The meal of. 

1607
01:13:13,880 --> 01:13:18,960
Course non skipping, I put a 
small bin on the toilet seat and

1608
01:13:18,960 --> 01:13:20,840
stand over it. 
I just stand directly over the 

1609
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:22,400
toilet seat with a lid up and 
then just flush it. 

1610
01:13:23,400 --> 01:13:24,800
Does it all go down? 
Yeah. 

1611
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:27,200
Just a wee. 
Bit of Bleacher or whatever just

1612
01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:29,520
before you clean your toilet 
just. 

1613
01:13:30,120 --> 01:13:32,000
Down you just well in Mickey's 
toilet. 

1614
01:13:32,600 --> 01:13:34,040
Yeah, that's the only reason I 
got a house in. 

1615
01:13:34,120 --> 01:13:37,080
The Congo line of boys just 
buzzing up. 

1616
01:13:37,080 --> 01:13:43,720
Leave a door opener in Mickey's.
You just have those like Wild 

1617
01:13:43,720 --> 01:13:45,280
West saloon doors. 
In your toilet. 

1618
01:13:45,360 --> 01:13:51,840
That's what I call her. 
I've got to ask you about, you 

1619
01:13:51,840 --> 01:13:55,120
know, I know you've said that 
deck chair and yums podcast at 

1620
01:13:55,120 --> 01:13:59,200
the minute is you kind of like 
almost like telling conspiracy 

1621
01:13:59,200 --> 01:14:00,560
theories. 
You're like, no, you know, 

1622
01:14:00,560 --> 01:14:03,120
you've kind of got into this 
thing where like people are 

1623
01:14:03,120 --> 01:14:06,120
coming to you with mad stuff and
you're like going against it. 

1624
01:14:06,320 --> 01:14:07,960
Now you've become maybe more 
sceptical. 

1625
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:11,200
But let me ask you, what's a big
one you've heard recently? 

1626
01:14:11,200 --> 01:14:13,320
Like what's doing the rounds? 
Because we're not hearing about 

1627
01:14:13,920 --> 01:14:17,000
in in like the mainstream stuff 
I look at or whatever. 

1628
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:19,480
No one's really has it died off 
a bit. 

1629
01:14:20,200 --> 01:14:22,000
Conspiracy. 
Theories, I think personally, I 

1630
01:14:22,000 --> 01:14:24,240
think what happened is once 
people start getting let out 

1631
01:14:24,240 --> 01:14:26,240
again, a lockdown starts easing,
people stop giving a fuck, 

1632
01:14:26,600 --> 01:14:29,360
including me. 
Yeah, because even though 

1633
01:14:30,240 --> 01:14:34,240
there's a lot of it's hard to 
it's hard to really you would 

1634
01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:36,800
have you have to spend all day 
every day really research and 

1635
01:14:36,800 --> 01:14:39,920
that stuff. 
And I've the podcast now funnier

1636
01:14:40,240 --> 01:14:42,680
when it's Connor going. 
We do hear this one and me going

1637
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:46,160
fuck off, right right, right. 
What was the last one where you 

1638
01:14:46,160 --> 01:14:47,080
went? 
No. 

1639
01:14:47,080 --> 01:14:48,040
Oh. 
There's been those, but there's 

1640
01:14:48,040 --> 01:14:49,880
been so many. 
Like we got to the point there 

1641
01:14:49,880 --> 01:14:52,920
were so many weird ones. 
We we wouldn't even mention them

1642
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:55,640
all in the podcast because then 
we were like, nobody's want to 

1643
01:14:55,640 --> 01:14:58,520
take any of this seriously. 
There's that many crazy, right? 

1644
01:14:58,760 --> 01:15:01,960
Like I've seen a photo. 
I was definitely photoshopped. 

1645
01:15:02,240 --> 01:15:05,800
That's Barack Obama, his mum and
an old Eva Braun. 

1646
01:15:07,520 --> 01:15:10,920
Like in the Nandos? 
Yeah, there's, there's so many 

1647
01:15:11,120 --> 01:15:13,800
absolute batshit in seeing yeah 
things out there. 

1648
01:15:14,000 --> 01:15:18,000
Like, I saw, like, someone I 
know well posted up a thing and 

1649
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:21,720
it was like, you know, like a 
satanic cult of celebrities. 

1650
01:15:22,080 --> 01:15:24,160
And it was like, they were all 
wearing black cloaks and they 

1651
01:15:24,160 --> 01:15:27,760
were all standing around a dark 
room in front of, like, a bath 

1652
01:15:27,760 --> 01:15:30,400
of blood with a dead goat in it 
or something. 

1653
01:15:30,640 --> 01:15:34,960
And it was like Lady Gaga, 
Hillary Clinton, Obama, all 

1654
01:15:34,960 --> 01:15:37,600
these people. 
And I was like, you know, with 

1655
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:41,480
everything we fucking know in 
general that's not outside the 

1656
01:15:41,480 --> 01:15:43,240
realms of possible. 
I don't know that doesn't 

1657
01:15:43,240 --> 01:15:45,040
happen. 
But what I'm pretty sure doesn't

1658
01:15:45,040 --> 01:15:47,720
happen is when they're all doing
it, someone goes get the get a 

1659
01:15:47,720 --> 01:15:49,960
snap here, get a snap. 
Everybody in. 

1660
01:15:51,600 --> 01:15:53,760
Don't be uploading this one. 
Thing the real conspirator who 

1661
01:15:53,760 --> 01:15:55,040
took the photo. 
Yeah, yeah. 

1662
01:15:56,240 --> 01:15:58,200
Yeah, no, there's loads of 
fucking create. 

1663
01:15:58,560 --> 01:16:01,000
It's it's kind of a shame to the
conspiracy theories got so big 

1664
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:04,120
and then so ridiculed that now 
anything the government does 

1665
01:16:04,120 --> 01:16:06,280
that no one likes gets treated 
like a conspiracy theorist. 

1666
01:16:06,280 --> 01:16:08,120
They're like Nickelback. 
Conspiracy theories are 

1667
01:16:08,200 --> 01:16:10,520
Nickelback in a way. 
They're like doing Massive. 

1668
01:16:10,520 --> 01:16:13,120
Everyone had the album and now 
it's like they're still making 

1669
01:16:13,120 --> 01:16:15,080
music but like. 
And it rhymes, but it all sounds

1670
01:16:15,080 --> 01:16:18,920
the same. 
Yeah, yeah, there's, yeah. 

1671
01:16:18,920 --> 01:16:21,840
It's just, it's, it's I just, I 
find it interesting and like 

1672
01:16:22,440 --> 01:16:24,640
the, even the movement of 
conspiracy theorists like the 

1673
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:28,280
hardcore ones, I find 
interesting because a lot of 

1674
01:16:28,280 --> 01:16:29,760
times I'm like, fuck, he might 
be right. 

1675
01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:31,960
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
And then there's the flip side 

1676
01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:34,280
of that just keeps throwing so 
much shit at the wall that when 

1677
01:16:34,280 --> 01:16:36,160
a coincidence happens they're 
like fuck and told you. 

1678
01:16:36,400 --> 01:16:38,120
Do you know any about Britney 
Spears? 

1679
01:16:38,120 --> 01:16:41,800
Like what's going on there? 
Apparently only head of the one 

1680
01:16:41,800 --> 01:16:44,920
more time. 
That wasn't very funny. 

1681
01:16:45,560 --> 01:16:47,960
No, I don't know really. 
That's that's another weird 

1682
01:16:47,960 --> 01:16:51,280
situation because she has she 
been forced to have a like 

1683
01:16:51,280 --> 01:16:55,080
contraceptive that she's asking 
like I want to have another kid 

1684
01:16:55,080 --> 01:16:56,160
and she's not allowed to. 
Yeah. 

1685
01:16:56,360 --> 01:16:58,800
And then the whole thing is that
she, I don't know anything about

1686
01:16:58,800 --> 01:17:01,360
it, but the whole thing is like 
she's trying to like stop her 

1687
01:17:01,360 --> 01:17:04,400
dad basically being like in 
charge of her life. 

1688
01:17:05,240 --> 01:17:07,800
And then every time they go to 
court and it seems to be big, 

1689
01:17:07,800 --> 01:17:10,160
like open cases and stuff, 
they're like, no, definitely 

1690
01:17:10,160 --> 01:17:12,360
not. 
So it's like maybe there is a 

1691
01:17:12,360 --> 01:17:14,640
reason that. 
It's great. 

1692
01:17:14,640 --> 01:17:16,200
I think. 
I mean, there's a lot of I think

1693
01:17:16,200 --> 01:17:20,320
you can tell Dad it's my money. 
But yeah, there's definitely 

1694
01:17:20,320 --> 01:17:22,360
something like that level of 
fame and show business where 

1695
01:17:22,360 --> 01:17:24,120
shit just gets fucked. 
I'm. 43 now. 

1696
01:17:24,640 --> 01:17:32,080
Fuck shit give my child support.
I feed the fucking fucking this 

1697
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:39,360
is toxic Britney Spears capital 
Brit. 

1698
01:17:41,360 --> 01:17:48,440
I want to go to 11th. 
Get me a bottle of that or more.

1699
01:17:51,840 --> 01:17:53,520
Brittany just wants to go to the
Bony. 

1700
01:17:55,840 --> 01:18:00,360
I'll go back in the 13th. 
I'm staring at my mate's size. 

1701
01:18:01,600 --> 01:18:09,280
No, is that so sorry? 
I mean, heard that or you still 

1702
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:19,800
like Christina? 
I'm here, not with Christina 

1703
01:18:19,800 --> 01:18:21,880
Millian. 
Oh, you know, we're fucking Cuba

1704
01:18:21,880 --> 01:18:23,400
Bunker. 
He works in the holster. 

1705
01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:34,600
I told you I did. 
So sly she's watching this being

1706
01:18:34,600 --> 01:18:36,480
like offer fox. 
Not a Game Boy. 

1707
01:18:36,560 --> 01:18:38,440
Yeah. 
Britney's are like fucking. 

1708
01:18:39,560 --> 01:18:41,760
Free Britney back on the back in
the 13. 

1709
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:42,840
Orbit calls. 
We get much. 

1710
01:18:43,680 --> 01:18:46,520
Yeah, he's coming on to the live
stream in about 20 minutes. 

1711
01:18:47,240 --> 01:18:50,320
Yeah, putting pops. 
My Yesterday, Patty MacDonald 

1712
01:18:50,320 --> 01:18:52,240
and Bill Cosby. 
That would be a good episode. 

1713
01:18:52,240 --> 01:18:53,560
Yeah. 
Yeah, Cosby's out. 

1714
01:18:53,560 --> 01:18:54,880
He's probably doing some of 
these outdoors. 

1715
01:18:54,880 --> 01:18:57,000
You say he's doing Todd sleep in
two weeks. 

1716
01:18:57,680 --> 01:18:59,360
It would be good. 
One black taxi driver and one 

1717
01:18:59,360 --> 01:19:05,280
black. 
I mean, the black man, do you 

1718
01:19:05,280 --> 01:19:07,840
think like he's, I mean, here's 
the thing. 

1719
01:19:07,840 --> 01:19:10,000
It's like, you know, he 
obviously says he didn't, He's 

1720
01:19:10,000 --> 01:19:11,400
adamant he didn't do it, but 
like. 

1721
01:19:11,640 --> 01:19:13,600
You know, I think I think 
there's a bit of a conspiracy 

1722
01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:16,160
theory around that where like 
because he was so high up in 

1723
01:19:16,160 --> 01:19:18,760
show business and so connected 
the fact that he was let out 

1724
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:23,400
just like I we go set on like 
there should have been something

1725
01:19:23,400 --> 01:19:24,800
some sort of talk about that 
case. 

1726
01:19:24,880 --> 01:19:26,440
Yeah, but the thing was, it was 
so many. 

1727
01:19:26,440 --> 01:19:28,240
Victims involved. 
It was like an almost like an 

1728
01:19:28,240 --> 01:19:31,520
admin errors the way he left, 
like there was a problem with 

1729
01:19:31,520 --> 01:19:33,960
something they promised him 
early in the case if he 

1730
01:19:33,960 --> 01:19:37,160
cooperated with something and 
then that was like discovered, I

1731
01:19:37,160 --> 01:19:38,840
think. 
And it's like, OK, you know, he 

1732
01:19:38,960 --> 01:19:42,040
probably did it. 
But what I mean is what's 

1733
01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:45,640
stopping him being like, I want 
to go on tour night because as 

1734
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:49,400
much as everyone knows the crack
dude, like a like a like a 

1735
01:19:49,600 --> 01:19:53,160
technicality or something, he 
could and people would go and 

1736
01:19:53,160 --> 01:19:54,640
see him. 
I don't know, people would still

1737
01:19:54,640 --> 01:19:56,480
go and see. 
Cosby bet you they would see 

1738
01:19:56,480 --> 01:19:58,280
older people like it's like if 
Michael. 

1739
01:19:58,280 --> 01:20:00,480
Jackson Yeah, they're probably. 
The same Michael Jackson didn't 

1740
01:20:00,480 --> 01:20:04,560
die and he put and he did a tour
fucking arm Butler be in front 

1741
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:06,960
row people. 
People would still go and see 

1742
01:20:06,960 --> 01:20:09,720
him because there's that thing 
of like, this is my favourite 

1743
01:20:09,720 --> 01:20:11,840
celebrity and no matter what you
say, it's not true. 

1744
01:20:11,840 --> 01:20:14,160
I don't believe it. 
Yeah, yeah, probably right 

1745
01:20:14,160 --> 01:20:16,160
actually. 
Cosby. 

1746
01:20:16,320 --> 01:20:17,960
Cosby would there's. 
No one like CK. 

1747
01:20:17,960 --> 01:20:20,360
A lot of people went to see 
Louis CK, but just to hear him 

1748
01:20:20,360 --> 01:20:22,560
talk about. 
The audience, yeah, what he was.

1749
01:20:22,560 --> 01:20:24,320
Called he wouldn't be. 
That'll be a shit gigs. 

1750
01:20:24,320 --> 01:20:25,920
He wouldn't mention it. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1751
01:20:26,360 --> 01:20:28,880
That was a business with a take 
a shower, the prison pops. 

1752
01:20:31,160 --> 01:20:33,920
How come we can't do English and
Scottish accents and you can 

1753
01:20:33,920 --> 01:20:38,880
knock Cosby out of the park? 
Cosby. 

1754
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:40,280
What a guy. 
What a guy. 

1755
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:46,200
That's why they officially let 
him out, the report said. 

1756
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:50,560
And away away on. 
Bell away on. 

1757
01:20:50,880 --> 01:20:51,640
You scab? 
Yeah. 

1758
01:20:52,440 --> 01:20:56,080
Look, the outdoor I've sort of I
don't have a couple of gigs left

1759
01:20:56,080 --> 01:20:58,640
in the outdoor tour in August. 
Are you are you done for the 

1760
01:20:58,640 --> 01:21:02,200
time being or you got some more?
Outdoor tours finished up so 

1761
01:21:02,200 --> 01:21:05,640
I've just got the Ulster Halls 
in September, so 10th September.

1762
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:06,720
The outer sold out 10th 
September. 

1763
01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:09,640
Get some tickets and then I'm 
I'm looking at the book another 

1764
01:21:09,640 --> 01:21:10,760
week. 
I don't know how to do an 

1765
01:21:10,760 --> 01:21:12,360
outdoor, I don't know if we're 
allowed to do indoor tours now. 

1766
01:21:12,360 --> 01:21:13,840
So I'm going to try and book 
some some more. 

1767
01:21:13,840 --> 01:21:15,400
Stuff. 
Wrong stuff or I don't? 

1768
01:21:16,280 --> 01:21:18,080
Because I was joined the outdoor
stuff, it was fun. 

1769
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:21,400
I think do another run of it. 
Yeah, you can nearly go back to 

1770
01:21:21,400 --> 01:21:23,120
the same places. 
Oh yeah, 100% like. 

1771
01:21:23,280 --> 01:21:26,600
I mean, if if you know outdoors 
definitely going to be on that 

1772
01:21:26,600 --> 01:21:28,520
changes things. 
But if it's going to be this 

1773
01:21:28,520 --> 01:21:30,200
way, I have no problem with it 
being this way. 

1774
01:21:30,400 --> 01:21:32,040
Just do that sort of thing so 
you stay. 

1775
01:21:33,960 --> 01:21:35,520
Tuned all fucking Let's just 
know. 

1776
01:21:36,040 --> 01:21:37,920
All right. 
Next time will you please come 

1777
01:21:37,920 --> 01:21:39,760
in and also linen treasures. 
I see we can. 

1778
01:21:39,760 --> 01:21:40,760
Do and lemon. 
Juice. 

1779
01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:43,760
Yeah, I was planning the words 
to full ghee. 

1780
01:21:44,160 --> 01:21:46,120
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

1781
01:21:47,000 --> 01:21:48,520
I like joke behind that just. 
Yeah. 

1782
01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:50,480
No, no, I like. 
That just for doing my dishes 

1783
01:21:50,480 --> 01:21:52,080
and stuff. 
Yeah, yeah, I like that. 

1784
01:21:52,080 --> 01:21:53,240
That's. 
One of things that was soon as I

1785
01:21:53,240 --> 01:21:55,440
got my own house as well as like
you know, bought karate bottoms.

1786
01:21:55,440 --> 01:21:59,120
So I'm drinking espresso and the
neighbours go fuck he's not even

1787
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:02,520
wore a top. 
I like, I like to think that you

1788
01:22:02,520 --> 01:22:04,720
have so much like, martial arts 
equipment getting delivered to 

1789
01:22:04,720 --> 01:22:07,560
the House of your neighbours or 
like, if any, if any of us ever 

1790
01:22:07,560 --> 01:22:08,560
get robbed. 
Yeah. 

1791
01:22:08,560 --> 01:22:09,880
Go to Mr Bartlett's door. 
Yeah. 

1792
01:22:10,160 --> 01:22:11,760
Actually, they call me the fire 
alarm. 

1793
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:13,760
Yeah, it's always ready. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1794
01:22:14,520 --> 01:22:15,960
I'd like to have my thumb put 
up. 

1795
01:22:21,200 --> 01:22:24,520
Well, from the from the prank 
Kings, cheers for listening to 

1796
01:22:24,520 --> 01:22:25,960
the episode. 
Watching the episode Mickey 

1797
01:22:25,960 --> 01:22:27,960
Bartlett, thanks. 
For having me on Mickey. 

1798
01:22:27,960 --> 01:22:29,600
Bartlett All right, we'll leave 
it there. 

1799
01:22:29,600 --> 01:22:33,320
Don anything got to say or do? 
No, all right, you look really 

1800
01:22:33,320 --> 01:22:35,960
healthy today. 
Anyway, thanks very much. 

1801
01:22:35,960 --> 01:22:37,720
See you next time. 
Appreciate it.