Prime big deal days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can
lead to involuntary deal squeals like the infamous deal on a new
massager squeal. Stay big on prime big deal days,
October 8th and 9th. Hello, everybody, and welcome to
this episode of the TV's ME Podcast with me, she and Todd.
First things first, I've either done my back end or put my back
out, depending on what you, which of those you prefer.
I think I've done my back end on this occasion.
Yeah, I hurt myself today as Jesus Christ, I was left.
There'll be a lot of these noises in the podcast today like
that, you know? Yeah, I've done my back end is
picking up the baby. I did it at a weird angle and
I've hurt myself. And can I be honest?
I resent the child for it. You know, I looked at him and
said, why are you so heavy? You know, I'm yeah, I've done my
back end. I've hurt myself.
A lot of guys probably wouldn't have come down to do the podcast
today, but we soldered. We shouldered on.
I say soldier on. 35 seconds ago, I demanded that Mike plug
my charger in for me because I couldn't bend down.
But we're here. I'm hot because I've got a hot
water bottle on the back. It's doing a good job, but also
it's making me very warm in the face as well.
I'm uncomfortable, but we're going to do the episode and
we're going to have a nice time. It's a bit like, you know,
whenever your family took you on local holidays when the weather
was so bad during the summer, you know, everything's going
against me, but I'm going to force us to have a good time.
Mike had his vaccine today. I was going to say, can I say
that? But why would you?
Why would you need that to be a secret?
Yeah, I mean, they're pretty. Sketchy about like filming and
photography at the SSC? It's like respects people's
privacy but. It's assume that everywhere.
But just out of me. Yeah, but do you think that's
weird because you're thinking, well, who would need to hide
that they were having it done? No, no, I'll tell the word like,
yeah, you. What did you get?
Fight. Ostrozen.
Astra Pfizer. Astrazen, Oxford.
Oxford. AstraZeneca.
What do you mean you got two different ones?
The AstraZeneca is the full title is Oxford.
AstraZeneca. Oh, I thought Oxford was a
separate one. So did I.
This is awkward. I think that I've finally Dan's
got a dodgy one. Oh no, Dan won't be here next
week. I'll be in a full corset from a
bag and Dan will just no longer be with us.
I'm only joking. Like, you know, Joe Rogan got in
so much trouble on his podcast because he told people the
probably young people probably shouldn't take up the option for
the vaccine. And I don't want to get any in
trouble myself because we both have large listenerships.
You know, me and Joe Rogan, you know, similar type
listenerships. I don't want to lose sponsors.
But yeah, I'm double jobbed. Have you had your second?
No. Not yet.
You haven't had your second. The guy who did dance is just a
friend of his dad's. It's just his dad's mate.
He's also a butcher. It hurts me to laugh.
Look, we'll get cracking into this episode.
It's a solo episode, but we've got some sponsors, including a
new sponsor. Oh, Praxis Care now.
I like Praxis because Praxis sounds like, you know, somebody
that would be in like, remember the film XXX Vin Diesel?
Praxis sounds like would be his enemy, you know, Praxis or he
sounds like somebody who could be in The Avengers, but Praxis
Care couldn't be different. Praxis Care has quietly become
the largest charity in Northern Ireland.
And I like the way they're going about that as well.
You know, they're not going around being like we're becoming
the big. They're quietly going about it
with a bit of respect to provide health and social care services.
Been doing it for 40 years, man and boy.
You know, they didn't just wake up and decide that we're going
to do this. And guys, make no mistake when I
tell you they're actively recruiting in the Arg area.
And that is the difference between me and Joe Rogan, you
know, because Joe Rogan does worldwide, nationwide marketing
appeals. We're talking specifically in
the Arg area. You don't have to be from Arg,
but they're actively recruiting in the Arg area.
Actively. You know what I mean?
They're not being lazy about it. They're not, you know, maybe a
welder. They're saying, listen, we're
recruiting people in Arg, they're growing on the island of
Ireland, England and the Isle of Man, supporting individuals with
mental ill health, learning disabilities, dementia, autism,
and they need staff to support their expanding services.
Many of the roles don't require any experience in this field.
A lot of their staff reform or hospitality, building, retail,
security employees looking for a change, like we all like a
change. My back was fine and my life was
good, and then I hurt my back and now I despise my life.
You know, I could, I could make a lot of rash decisions in the
form that I'm feeling right now. But one decision I would make is
anyone who is looking for a job in the arts area, I'd say go to
Praxis Care. They have got compensation and
benefits. There are part time, full time
rules available. And if you're a caring person
looking for a fulfilling and stable career, you should check
them out at praxiscare.org. praxiscare.org.
Thanks very much to Praxis who are coming on board as a new
sponsor. We love that, but we can't
neglect our other sponsor, which is manscapemanscape.com.
Listen, me, Don and Mike may have had three very different
vaccines. You know, I've got the one that
you know will be good. Mike's one, you know.
OK. And Dan is at more risk now than
he was. Only joking.
I'm saying not like I'm going to
get in trouble for it. Like as if the Belfast Telegraph
were going to be like Todd's, you know, he's, he's, he's not
sure about the Oxford vaccine. I don't know what any of them
are. I just know that I got to get it
there to go and get it. But manscape.com, although we,
although we have different vaccines, we have one thing in
common. Me and these two guys, I'm
looking out right now and they're showing me what we have
in common and that is their pubic area.
We have three well maintained landscaped pubic regions and
that's because we use Manscape products. manscape.com you can
see it behind me. I normally get it and show you,
but I've heard my back. I don't know if I mentioned it,
but they do everything that your balls need.
If you're not thinking about your balls, we are, you know,
and we want you to look good, especially coming into the good
weather this summer. You know, during the winter,
some people do like to keep an extra layer on.
I can't hear on that. But manscape, by the way, my dad
said to me a couple of days ago, he goes, do you actually do the
ball shaving? And I said, yes.
Do you want to say? And he's like, no, but yeah, he
couldn't believe it. I said, yeah, it's it's more of
a modern thing. And I said, what do you I
shouldn't say? I said, what do you use?
Like you said, there's something in my dad was like, no.
So if you if you want your dad to be a little bit more trim in
that area, go to manscape.com. Use our code T with me for 20%
off and free shipping. What I recommend is you get
yourself a bundle with the lawnmower 3.0, which is
obviously better than 2.0, The 1.0 and the zero you get that
it's got a light on it. You can use it in the shower.
You can do whatever you want with it.
You can just drive around, show people it.
But they've got ball deodorant, ball wipes, ball toner.
I mean, just sort your dad out, sort yourself out. manscape.com.
You just go tea with me for 20% off and free shipping.
There we go. Let's get into the podcast,
guys. There is nothing worse than
hurting your back. There's not.
Well, your neck is worse, but putting your back out is one of
the most frustrating things. Like, I was so worried that my
son wouldn't respect me as much because I first of all, I made
like a noise when I did it. I went, Daddy's hurt, you know,
I started crying. I said Daddy's hurt himself.
And yeah, he just, he saw me in that vulnerable, weak moment of
sort of sitting in a position on the sofa where I was trying to
trying to get my posture good. But there's really nothing you
can do. But I've got a hot water bottle
on my back to making me sweat. You can't see it.
This is my hot water bottle. And it says everything's better
in pyjamas. Everything's better in pyjamas.
And that statement may not be true.
I need to take a hot water bottle and get more and
flustered and like, confused about a lot of things,
sexuality, age, all that kind of thing.
But look, everything's opened up.
We're back out again and I did something, I nearly did
something a couple of days ago. In fact it was yesterday.
I was in Victoria Square in Belfast because you can, you
know what I mean? I was out with the baby and I
thought what would we like to do?
Let's go and do a bit of shopping.
He's never really been around like a shopping centre in
Belfast or anything like that. So me and the baby went out,
and, guys, there's no way really around saying this.
I nearly bought a leather backpack.
For how much money? Let me ask Don and Mike.
I was on my way to the tail with it, and then had a real moment.
The clarity where I went. I should not do this.
Any takers? Just a back, Just a regular
rucksack. I don't even know if it was
leather. It may well have been full
leather. The entire thing was leather.
Yeah. What shop?
It was used to be House of Fraser.
What's it called now? Flannels or something, which
sounds like what it wouldn't be called, but it actually is that
I think flannels. 150. Mike.
I was thinking lower, but now I don't put the heebie jeebies up
me. I'll go 155, yeah. £140 to a
right ballpark. And then I was on my way to the
till and then I was, I caught myself in a reflection when I
was passing like, I don't know, you know, the Maybelline
counter. And I thought, who, who am I?
Who is this guy that would do that?
Like I'm not a, I'm not a baller, you know.
And all of a sudden I then thought, how odd.
Also would I look beaten about with a leather backpack on?
Like I don't live in Milan. I'm not a social media
influencer from LA. I'm just a guy from Hollywood.
And then I remembered you can just get like, you know, a Puma
backpack for like £20, you know, And it's better than having a
leather backpack because I think a leather backpack, like, looks
cool. But then again, think of the
practicalities of beating about with that during the summer.
You know, you set it down for a second, you get yourself a
souffle, you go to move on somewhere else and all of a
sudden you've got to put that warm black leather backpack
against your skin. You're going to have a moment
where you also go £140. Have you spent something like
that amount of money on an item? You use it all the time, so like
would it never be off your? Back.
I've never spent £140 on an item before.
Well, not like not like a clothing type thing.
OK, but what was it? Not a lot of Barber jacket,
probably the closest to that. Did you buy that in the end?
Yeah, we talked about I didn't buy that one.
I just bought a jacket off a Barber.
I just bought a park off Gary the Barber in Hollywood.
I bought a cagoon off the Turkish barbers industry.
Do you? Know what brand it was?
The one I was going to buy, yeah, it might have been Tommy
Hilfiger. I've seen it Tommy on there.
Beyond Flannel's website on. Flannels.com You're.
Going to buy me it new patrons. I just thought, I just thought
about the other things you could buy with that and then I thought
why? Like that's not a sensible
purchase and I think you should definitely do like treat
yourself purchases, but a rucksack like a bag it's.
On offer now £85. Bargain.
Put it in my basket. I've hurt my back.
I deserve this. That's what I said when I that's
what I said when I hurt my back to my son.
This one. Oh, that I started to backpack.
Yeah. No, seriously, buy me that as a
gift for friendship. It'll make me feel better.
I don't know, I think being back out and like going around shops
and stuff, I'd be way more liable to buy silly things and
do things. But that's stupid logic because
you've obviously all saved so much money in the last year, you
know, from not going out and having meals or whatever, that
almost the excitement of doing it again nearly cancels out the
year of saving. Like I nearly blew out a year of
not buying lunches by just having like a leather backpack
on. Then definitely if I had a
leather backpack in Northern Ireland, you'd be known as the
guy with the leather backpack. You know, like it's not a common
like if you travel, you can definitely have that.
But then that would just be it would just be a very odd look.
Then if I like leather backpacks, who's to say I don't
buy myself, you know, a pair of leather socks And then next
thing I'm I'm head to toe zipped up PVC.
But Mike buy me a PVC backpack. That's like a time in London.
I was on the tube and saw a guy in a PVC see through jacket and
he was wearing AT shirt underneath and it was like you
could just see the T-shirt and it was a PVC jacket.
I mean genuinely, if I pass one of the flannels, I'd have bought
it. I just feel like in the mood to
buy weird purchases. And I think a lot of it is
because my circumcisions coming up.
I mean, hopefully it won't, that it's just a side effect.
But yeah, I mean, people heard me talking about this on the
podcast a while ago that I was getting a circumcision and I
really built it up and I talked a lot about it.
And then I start getting genuine messages from people being like,
good luck, mate and stuff and hope your recovery is going
well. I don't know if I told this
story, but basically there's an isolation period before the
circumcision and I didn't really know that.
So I get to the place where I'm getting the circumcision and
they take me. You're wearing a mask and
obviously, like, obviously mine's PVC.
I wear a full face mask. And, you know, get in to the,
you know, it's private hospital, right?
And you go in. Otherwise, by the way, I'd be
waiting just to justify that I'd be waiting apparently like 3-4
years if I didn't. And there is no operation that
you could, you can really wait three or four years for, you
know what I mean? Like waiting lists are so bad.
But like, why are they doing that?
They're like, listen, you need a hernia done.
You need a hernia operation. Come back in 2037 and we'll sort
you out. So I just basically said like, I
need this taken care of. So yeah, I go to my
circumcision, got a COVID test the day before.
Fine, get there, robe up. They gave me a robe and they
were like, will you put this on? I said yes, I'm in my robe.
Then a nice lady came round and said we're doing dinner in about
half an hour so we could bring your food when you're up getting
your procedure, then you can eat it after.
She said, do you have any dietary requirements?
And I said, sit down for 45 minutes while I explain to you
what my dietary requirements are.
And she said OK, And then eventually she's like, I'll do
your vegetable soup, some gluten free bread and a tea.
And I said brilliant. And then the nurse came in and
went, can I just clarify how many days she's been isolating
for it? And I said, well, I haven't, I
haven't. And she went right, just
supposed to isolate for seven days.
I said, I didn't know that and it's not on any of my forms or
sheets that I was given. And she said, OK, I'm so sorry
about that. And then she left the room to
get the consultant. Then I realised that it, you
know, people go, it's there in black and white, it was there in
black and white and red, you know, to make it stand out more.
But I just didn't realise. So they were like, you know,
you're going to have to come, go home and come back another time.
In the meantime, my vegetable soup and tea arrived and I was
still in the robe. So I just sat down in my robe
and had like, you know, my vegetable soup and tea.
And I really took my time with it because I was like, well,
I've taken the evening off. I've got nowhere else to be.
And after about 20 minutes, I should have got changed out of
the robe, right? I'm putting the normal clothes
on. But I was like, well, I don't
think they'll be needing this room for another couple of
hours. So I just stayed in the robe.
I'm texting people about the procedure and I was just having
my vegetable soup. And then a different nurse came
in and went, oh, are you back from theatre already?
And I said, I'm not getting anything done.
I just continued to eat my soup. And she went, what?
And I said, yeah, what I should have said was I didn't know
about the isolation thing. So I am going to go home, but
I'm just out of plainness. I'm going to finish my soup.
But I just stayed the steadfast and kept my gluten free bread
and going. I'm not getting anything done
today. So to the untrained eye, people
are like, how much of a baller is local comedian Shane Todd
that he's booking himself in for very expensive surgeries just
for the soup. I was robed up to just eat the
vegetable soup. Are you getting you're getting
circumcised, is that right? Nope, not today, not today.
So so then I just had to go home after like half an hour.
So basically what I'm saying is next week I'm going to get I'm
getting circumcised. And it's become a big thing when
people come up and ask me about it all the time.
People I've got circumcised me, it's not too bad.
I've got a friend called Steve who's been circumcised because
there's religion. And he sent me a text and said I
heard you're getting circumcised.
And we were chatting about it and I said, you know, will you
guys welcome me into the club after this?
And he goes, yeah, you can be an honorary member.
So mazel tov. I mean, actually, I actually
didn't not know that you're not Jewish after you get
circumcised, you know, by default.
I thought that was that would just be a thing, but apparently
it's not. So I'm getting it done.
I'm getting it done. And I kind of feel bad for my
foreskin because I think in a way it had psyched itself up to
be removed and now I take a stay of execution.
But I can't be comfortable because it must know that the
circumcision is coming up. And we are definitely open for,
you know, things to do with the the foreskin once it has been
removed. So if you have like a local
youth group or charity or whatever and you guys want to
maybe auction that off for a minibus or whatever you're
trying to do. I shouldn't have said youth
charity, OK. And yes, I'm trying to give
pieces of my penis away and should not say youth charity.
If you have an elderly, if you look after elderly people.
And you think that we could raffle this off and make you
know? 1012 grand.
I will buy a rucksack with that and then we give the remainder
of the money to your group who and you can buy fucking you
know, blankets or or yeah minibus or whatever you need or
alternatively, if you're just a collector, you know, and you
just want to add 1 to your collection.
I'm fine with that. And there will be people who go
oh your force. It won't take long because you
know, that's the problem. It is, is.
And then at the minute it is an enlarged Fort and not too weird.
Like genuinely, if I was in a sauna nude, right?
Like a Turkish sauna naked and you came in, you would not
think. And you had a glance, which
you're going to, you know what I mean?
You're going to do, you wouldn't think that you wouldn't think.
To the untrained eye, there's no problem.
But to me, there's an issue and we're taking care of it.
So all I'm saying is if they, if there's a problem this time, as
long as there's vegetable soup, I'm all right.
And I might genuinely just keep going to the private hospital
every week, let on I'm having surgeries and just get the soup.
Isn't that always the best food when you're getting something
done and they bring you like, I don't know if you have ever had
operations, but they bring you tea in toast after.
It's always like the nicest tea in toast or tea, you know, just
a cup of tea. It's always nice.
Have you have either of you ever had surgery?
Yeah, Yep, dislocated my shoulder so had that.
How'd you just get your shoulder?
Playing football. What you typically play with
your feet, OK and you so you've got your shoulder pop back into
place. Yeah, pop back into place at the
time, but then I had to go and get the rotator cuff.
Did they pre Yonder for that? Yeah.
Nerd, Mike. Got my tonsils out.
So the TN toast wasn't really that pleasant.
Yeah, yeah. I mean your tonsils.
Little shards of crusty bread. Jelly and ice cream isn't.
It on my throat, yeah. Oh yeah, no, that was fine.
They do actually encourage you to eat like normal stuff.
Yeah, normal stuff. Here's one I got my adenoids
taken out whenever I was about 14 and it made no difference to
my life. Were they?
They're in your nose. And I was having problems
breathing through my nose. And then they took my adenoids
out and I felt no different after it.
So I don't know. That's like my appendix.
Like I got my appendix taken out because they thought that's what
my Crohn's was, The my appendix was going to burst.
And then they removed them. And then a couple of weeks ago
they were like, yeah, you have Crohn's.
We didn't need to remove your appendix.
I was like, oh, why'd you do that though?
You know, annoying to get your appendix taken out when you
don't need them. But yeah, we're going to bundle
up my appendix on my foreskin and we're going to send it to
the most worthwhile cause whatever people need will do it.
Or even if, I mean, I'm trying to think what other uses you
could have for it. If you want to wear it as a, you
know, a bracelet or, or a necklace, we could probably
facilitate that could genuinely, right.
Serious question. If I'm allowed to take it with
me, if I'm allowed to take my foreskin with me, right?
If the doctor's like, you can just have it.
Should we put it up? A little display case.
Not a little display case inside the O of Hollywood.
Yes, yeah, we stretch it out. Nail it on.
Genuinely a serious question, if I'm allowed to keep my foreskin,
do we put it in some sort of display case behind me or down
from a management point of view without put sponsors off?
Yeah, I'd prefer not to be associated with that.
Fair. What will it look?
Will it look like pickled? I think so.
You know, like a shrunken head. Yeah, I think it would look like
a Monster Munch, but without the jaggery bits.
I think it would look like, you know, the onion ring crisps.
I think it would look like an onion ring.
I mean, not. That's definitely me flattering
myself. I think in real.
I think in reality. You did say there's a lot of it.
Yeah. But I don't know.
Here's also that's one of those ones where, you know, when you
have, like, that nervous adrenaline, as in, as in, like,
especially before gigs. There's a phenomenon known as
Comedians Willy, which you know is like before you go on stage,
essentially your penis gets a little bit smaller because
you're all nervous and all right.
It is a genuine, like it's a genuine thing.
Maybe it's just me and Mickey Bartlett to do it, but we
definitely both do it. So because I get nervous when I
go to see the consultant, you want to be looking your best.
So what I'm saying is it might not be best for display case at
that time, you know what I mean? At that time, unless I can, I
don't know. We'll see Line of Duty.
So Line of Duty finale, people giving off saying it was the
worst TV ending of all time, It was the worst way to end the
series. And it's either two things.
It's either we as viewers are totally spoiled and just demand
things our own way. And when it doesn't play the way
we want to, we just give off. It's either that or it genuinely
was shit. It's one of those things.
My opinion on the end of Line of Duty has changed over time.
Weirdly, we're at the time, Here's the thing.
All season finales of TV shows now are like trailers for the
next series. They just, all, they're all
they're there to do is set up the next series.
And I don't know if that's because nowadays you sign up to
like a six series deal. So of course you've got to tease
out the next series. Was it back in the day, you
weren't sure about getting a new series, even the big shows.
So they did something that would like give you like a oh, yes,
where it feels like all these are like, it's like going for a
circumcision but not being able to get it.
You know, you're there, you've got the robe on, you're chugging
your vegetable soup and they're like, sorry, you're going to
have to come back another time. It is literally a cock tease.
I hated the ending at the time because I thought you're going
to find out who the 4th man is, who age is.
But then of course that wasn't going to happen.
So then I thought I was disappointed.
And then about 3-4 days later I thought about the ending.
And by the way, Adrian Donbart acting at the end of that was 10
out of 10. But that scene where he walks
back and like reports himself for for misconduct, it was only
a couple of days later where I went, Oh, that is the best
ending because that is someone who did the right thing.
You know, it was like a real personal can't like emotional
conflict for him. And he just he stood over what
he's all about and that like that got me a couple of days
later. So I actually think the ending
was good. And also things can't just end
the way you want them. TV series, TV shows, it's not
like that like sorry, but like the ending for the IT was a
cruel ending because they basically say at the end of it,
you know, like police wrongdoing and stuff.
Is that corruption is that its worst ever.
Sometimes that's the way, like did people genuinely think it
was going to, they were going to go, look, Jimmy Nesbitt is the
4th man, and then Jimmy Nesbitt was going to pop up and go,
yeah, card from on the Jackal, you know, like he did at the
boxing match at Manchester. It was never going to happen
like that. So the more I thought about it,
the more I went. I like the ending because it's
about people standing over their convictions and doing the right
thing. And I've got theories on it.
I don't because they said it to the guy.
That guy buckles, right? And it isn't that it isn't him.
There's no way it can be him. So I, with hindsight, enjoyed
the ending. Now, is it a little bit
bittersweet for me, because I love Line of Duty and did an
audition for Line of Duty? Yes.
And then they phone up in age. Do you not know this?
Which part? Kate.
Kate Fleming No, I about two. I love Line of Duty, Right?
About two years ago I got a phone call from my agent who
said do you want to audition for Line of Duty?
I said yes, 100% I would love to.
I got sent my slides so like my script and you fill them
yourself and then you send it off to them.
And I got my friend who I think is like the best actor in
Ireland, Martin McCann to sit down with me and almost coach me
through it. Because it was a Birmingham
accent, right? It wasn't, it wasn't like a big
role, it was like a one off role.
It was playing a police woman's husband.
Do you remember? There was a character and she
fuck, I can't even remember her name, but she like got in to
bother and was injured and the organised crime gang were trying
to kill her and she had police outside her door.
I think it was like 2 series ago.
Anyway, I was playing her husband, so Marty coaches me
through the script. I get the accent like bang on,
like the Birmingham accent and we film it, send it off and for
the first time I feel good about an audition.
I go, I have a good chance of getting this.
Like that was bang on, get a phone call. 3 days later I'm
walking through Hollywood High Street, I'm outside Cafe Nero.
I'm about to do the Boy Town podcast with Dave.
My agent phone me and goes Line of duty, you've got it.
I said, Oh my God, he goes, Yep, you're in the show.
I said thanks so much. I hang up.
Dave was in Caffeiner at the time ordering.
I walked in. I said, mate, I've got the part,
I'm going to be in line of duty. Dave goes, that's brilliant
news, give me a hug. I landed like the first audition
that I go for. We have a nice embrace.
I go to phone like my wife and then my parents to tell them
about it. I get a phone call from my agent
again. I answer by going, yeah, yeah,
you're going to tell me now they've got, they've not given
me the part. He goes, yeah, slight issues.
I'm so sorry. And like, I've never heard
anyone be more apologetic. But in no way it was his fault.
He said the casting director phoned the agent of the wrong
Shane. They gave it to another guy
called Shane who's an actor. But they phoned my agent by
mistake because they just went phone Shane's agent.
So I had the role in my head for like 4 minutes and in that time
I changed, you know what I mean? I was like Dave, we can't be
friends anymore. I'm in line to duty.
I started to like hold myself in a higher regard and I just
started laughing. I started laughing and saying
this is just funny to me because you can go two ways where you
could be upset about it or you could.
It wasn't law. If it was like 2 days of me
thinking not then it would have been so much worse.
But it was just such a quick thing.
I was like, I've got to look at the funny side of that.
And they gave it to an actor called Shane.
I can't think of a surname off the top of my head.
He's from Armagh and I thought it was funny.
And since then I've just planned his demise.
I've just planned it. Dan, are you looking him up?
Yeah, having a quick search. Line of Duty actor Shane.
Or maybe be like Belfast actor Shane.
She and Morgan. She and Morgan, Yep, she and
Morgan, he got the role and when I looked at it, I was like, to
be fair, he looks like the husband of the policewoman and
she was a little bit older than me.
So I think if I had played the role, there would have been too
many questions like why is she going over this 17 year old guy
doing a Burma, doing a Birmingham accent like this?
All right, all right. Are you looking for my wife?
Me looking at the camera, The hold.
All right. The Lord of Jyoti.
Yeah. But, you know, I didn't get the
role. He got it.
He can go fuck himself and the producers.
Everybody is not much more enemy.
No, I didn't care at all. But I cared.
So I've just been Vicky McClure stunt double for the last two
series, which has been good. Now I'm only joking.
I am. I am in liner Judy.
I just I do the noise for the tapes, you know, and hit record
at the start. That's me, babe.
Mike, you did you film that Judy?
You work on that. That camera trainee for a week
this season. This did you see stuff that
would have been spoiler? Yeah, yeah.
Do you know? What I'll say about you as a,
about your character, as a person, you didn't divulge any
of that. No.
To me, no. And for that reason, get out.
Get out right now. But that seriously, I mean, that
is good about the film industry and the TV industry and people
like you. Because let's not, let's not lie
here. If I was an extra on any show
for a day, for one scene like Dan's Naughton, you know,
everybody would know. Like if I was in the background
in Game of Thrones and I saw how it ended, I would immediately do
an Instagram Live of like, can't say too much guys, but let's
just let's just say Jon Snow. And then I would just go, I
would start reading from the script.
But did you have to on my back? Oh Jesus, mommy's mommy's hurt.
Did you have to sign anything to say?
Yeah, yeah. It's sort of part of your
contract, all Ndas and all that, but.
Yeah, that's so good. A lot of spoilers like what
would happen if you had of told people I.
Don't know, I guess. Your reputation.
It could. Probably come come back to in
some way. I'm sure it has happened.
I think it happened. Imagine they just.
A big deal on like season 1 of Game of Thrones.
They had a real problem with all the extras because it was so
new. Yeah.
And people were just like, fuck, no happen.
Yeah. And like, they had a real
problem with people like just taking photos, extras, just
taking photos and videos and stuff.
And oh, fuck. Then they had the really clamp
down on it. Just some guy.
Look at this fucking shit. This programme not gonna lost.
He dies. She's bulk on him.
That's his bra. Well, then these two dirty
bastard. They're bulk on HR, all right.
Just fucking a guy. Your dad plays five to side
with. Here we are on set.
They're shooting here. Don't tell me to shoot.
Fuck you up. I think this is going to be a
head to a game of thought. It's all fucking Skyfy.
This is a Skyface tour, dude. She's a queen.
She's bucked on her bra. There's a fucking dragon your
mom nerves called Jon Snow that it's not going to last.
But there is a lot of teddies. I've seen a lot of teddies on
set. So you never know.
You never know. Yeah.
Extras I was an extra on, I was an extra on an Irish speaking,
an Irish language soap on BBC called Shakt.
And it was just me. And like a lot of guys I went to
tech with just got asked to do it.
And let's just say I'm not built to be an extra because you're
supposed to blend into the background.
I was walking past camera every shot like always, just like, you
know, someone talking to me just off camera.
Like, I'm not like I'm not good at just blending into the
background. Yeah.
Did you see anything that was a spoiler?
So like, what did you say? Basically Because it's been all
night. So your man, Pilkington, driving
the car off into the ravine, into the yeah, it was like a
reservoir, right? And I saw the woman, Scottish
woman, getting locked up. How do they stop people that are
just in the area? You know what I mean?
Like because didn't they fill them that thing, Carrick.
Yeah, it was like reservoirs up in Carrick.
There's probably some fella. Yeah, that was.
Closed on snorting A prick stick in the woods.
So how do they stop? Yeah, no, there were.
There were just people like it's public, public area.
So there were people just walking by, but not many like it
was the middle of the night. Folks, here we are.
The deadline and Judy here. It's him.
He dies. This is Barney the extra.
See you later. Yeah, I couldn't home Abyss,
although I know some like some people are brilliant at like
hiding and not saying anything. And then some people will tell
you. And we have a friend who worked
on it who was on a very, very big show for a very long time.
And he would have told me more if I had to let him.
But I was always like, please don't tell me Becau he said
you're not going to say to anyone you're in the industry.
I was like, hey, I'm not really in the industry.
And also, I will tell everybody I know, but he would have told
me stuff I just couldn't. I couldn't walk around with
that. If I have a plan.
No, I can't. Yeah.
Look, I can't say too much, but let's just say when we're
leaving this studio, hold that door.
I think we talked about it actually on the episode with
him. There's Christian Aaron who
played or, or Game of Thrones. We would meet for regular
lunches. And I hope we can again in Union
Street in Belfast. And he would go, do you want to
hear something? And I would say please don't
because I will just phone the National Enquirer, but I can't.
Like if I've organised a surprise for someone, I'll tell
them what it is before it gets to the time for the surprise,
just because I want to see the reaction to it.
But yeah, I was an extra on an Irish language thing called
Shocked and I was just so bad at being in the background because
they say have a conversation but don't speak out loud.
You know, look like you're say you're in a back or you're in a
bar, you know, and there's like there's always like 6 tables of
two people, but you're talking but you're not making any noise.
You're like, and if I was doing that, I would like to have like
a laugh with it, you know, I'd be saying like horrific, you
know, I'd be like, so have you read mine confident?
What do you think? You know, do you think, do you
think he was a fucking bad guy? You know, I would do that to a
stranger just to fucking fuck with them and put them off.
But you get people that do actual work that are so good at
it that they don't care. They can just sit and go.
And I can't hack up. I'm like, stop being weird.
And they're going and they're going, yeah.
So I don't know. What do they do with this
circumcised penis? Like, what do they do with the
top? Like do you think I'll get to
keep it or what do you think they do?
Do you think they burn them or do you think they just put them
on the end of a long string? Do you think they put them?
Do you think the doctor puts them on a long string and then
he can just flick through them like a filing cabinet?
Or how do you think that works? Shocked.
I've been an extra on a couple of things.
I was. An extra on the development
piece it's called with Aidan Gillan.
I was that person in the background.
I had a file. It was just standing like
corridor having to do that fake chat like on Three takes.
Why were you film? Were you shooting on it?
And then they said jump in. No, I just applied to be an
extra just to get on set at the time.
Did you? And then you try and like get
into the camera department. You just want to see a lot of
people. That were working on it as well
so to have a chat with them like but I was just in for the crack.
Yeah, I probably couldn't be an extra anymore.
My profile you generally couldn't because like, not that
not that many people would know you, but the one or two that did
it would spoil it if you're watching Line of Duty, like why
is my Goldrick? Why does my Goldrick do Typing
in the in the courtroom, you know, just me.
They're looking at the camera the whole time.
You do yourself getting in my Goldrick stuff.
I love it. Yeah, but it wasn't meant to be.
It wasn't meant to be me being Line of duty.
But let's just say keep your eyes peeled on the next series.
You might recognise someone who might be, might or might not be
age not you know, if I was so many people will be annoyed.
Look going to do a couple of things here now.
But I just want to say we got a really nice e-mail from through
patron or just through e-mail? Through e-mail.
Just through e-mail from a young man called Tim.
And Tim, that's a really nice message you sent.
Feeling the love. I'm giving it back.
There's an environment of love and the Patreon's taking off
loads of new Patreons, which we love.
If you don't know what Patreon is, it's just a way to get more
stuff from the podcast. So we do this on a Wednesday and
then on a Monday and Friday we do bonus episodes.
So we do a full length on a Monday video version as well.
And then on Friday we do a live stream episode.
You can ask questions, you can do all that, but then you can
watch it back at any time from the same link.
And Dan is poised to say that because I said I'll probably not
remember that. So you said so he's not got to
say it because I've remembered. So the live episodes are always
grateful. And this week coming on, we've
got Cormac Macdermade and another and another TBC to be
confirmed guest. But those are great fun.
The live episodes there are a lot of fun.
There are about 45 minutes an hour and they're silly, really
silly. With William and Jordan on last
week, one of the best. It was one of the best.
Really, really fun. Just three guys with, you know,
severe health problems just having a laugh, you know,
because what else are we going to do?
You know, we're having a laugh. A bit like the guys with over
the vaccines. Who knows how long we're going
to be around for. So we have to just laughter is
the best medicine. But unfortunately it isn't.
As the three of us, me, William and Jordan know only too well,
medicine is the best person and we need more of it.
Is it laughter the best medicine?
No, it's not. The thing I get through a drip
every month is a better medicine than having a laugh.
By the way, someone asked me in a DM, do you really have Crohn's
or do you is it for the banter? I I should be sent down for war
crimes if I was just pretending to have a horrendous disease.
But yeah, I don't know. No, of course I haven't.
We were going to do, we might roll that on to next week.
The Turkish kebab thing we did next week because that is very
funny. And that got sent to us through
the Patreon. Oh yeah, the Patreon.
Is this right? And I know this has been a weird
rambly episode, but my back was too warm and then my back was
sore and then I got too warm and I thought I was going to pass
out. And, you know, Dan's had a real
cheap vaccine. So we're going to have to
replace the producer from next week.
And look, but don't be listening and going.
I've had the Oxford one, mate. And all you're trying to say,
look, all I will say is think about your legacy, think about
what you want to leave by. And I'm only joking.
I'm only joking. But seriously, take care of
yourself and just write a list of 10 things you want to do and
do them this week. I'm joking, right?
So I've got to do questions. But the Patreon is
patreon.com/tea with me podcast. There's loads of new people over
there. It's a bit of a community and
it's a good time to be alive on the patreonpatreon.com/teeth
With Me podcast. I've got questions, so let's
rifle through some of them on now.
I've got a voice message from William Thompson.
Right mate, I'm heading my way up to the office now.
Does anyone need anything brought in?
Any coffee or anything? Right.
William's coming to fill him a sketch downstairs.
Name one thing that's a bit weird that we could get him to
bring, right? And we've got to see if he'll do
it. This is not obviously set up
beforehand. What's something like, I don't
want to really go out of his way, but what's something like a
Brillo pod or Sellotape cling film film?
Hi mate, happy days. We're just wrapping up the
podcast here. Is there any way you could grab
us cling film? Like kind of we're having a bit
of an emergency. You know what, I back him to
come through. He's a solid guy.
I back him to come through and then what are we going to do
with the cling film while he's online here?
Do you? Well, then you can have it.
OK, we've got questions. Matthew Merlin, who is a long
time patron. He says I've rearranged my
parole officer visit to allow me to see the Friday zoom.
But if you could issue 1 pardon to any prisoner in the world,
who would it be? Yeah.
I mean, the obvious thing would be to someone that's like, you
know, in prison in Malaysia or my Myanmar.
Is that the country? So what it's called?
Yeah. You know, like someone who's
just, like, an activist and they're just there for their
beliefs. That would be the right thing to
do. But I would probably like, I
would release a prisoner who had done something like a wee bit
funny, you know, I mean, like one of those things like,
remember Ronnie Biggs, the train robber, You know, Train Robbery.
Not funny if anyone gets hurt doing it.
But. I think they might have killed a
couple of people, but. But funny thing to say, my
grand, there was a train, you know, I would, I would somebody
like somebody that had done a heist.
Hold on. When the Yeah.
Yeah, she'd be able to grab that.
I'll be up in 5 to 10 minutes. So we have no one.
Cheers mate. If there's no cling film, you
know, like kitchen foil like tinfoil would be.
Would be brilliant mate. It's Mikey's.
He just needs it. Expresses a bit of a stroke.
Also, by the time he comes, the podcast will be finished.
So no, no, I'm not telling. Anyway, yeah, I probably
released someone that had done a very ambitious crime, but no one
had got hurt. Someone who, you know, some 60
year old fucking lollipop man who tried to steal a diamond,
you know, from a museum, something like that.
Those old boys who tried to break into the London Bank, what
was that 100% a couple of years back?
Yeah, and people go, you know, pensioner, once you retire and
all, you know, you just settle down and you shouldn't be
working and all there's about 12 pensioners just robbed diamonds.
Covent Garden was it? Yeah, I think so.
There's a film made about that and Larry Lam's in it and I
think it would be worth a watch. Hat and garden.
Hat and Garden. That's right.
I think that'd be worth a watch because I think it'd be a
terrible film. But yeah, I saw a documentary
about how they got into the vault and stuff.
Unreal. I think it's great for all the
people that have like goals in life, so why not?
Exactly, like what else would they be doing playing balls?
Jerry, do you fancy a game of balls on Saturday?
I can't meet me and a load of boys are cutting our way through
20 foot safes to steal diamonds. OK, fair.
You shouldn't go to gaol for that.
Matthew Collins, Have you ever been to Paws for Tea and
Dundrum? Should we facilitate your canine
following by hosting an episode there?
Paul's for Tea is a Cafe. I think that you where you can
bring your dog. Have I ever been there?
No, because I do not have a dog. It'd be weird.
It's like you're like encouraged to bring your dog.
So I think it'd be weird to go there without a dog, if that
makes sense. I only think it would make sense
to go there with a dog, even though that's not a rule that
you have to bring a dog. But I think if I could choose to
be in a cafe with or without dogs, I'd be in a cafe without
dogs. As much as I don't mind dogs,
does that make sense? Like, I don't think they
shouldn't be there, but you give me the option, I'll say no dogs.
Is it weird to turn up to a dog calf without a dog?
Then yeah. It's like going to kids school
sports day and they go oh what race is your child run?
Then you're none of them. I'm not sure it's quite as weird
as that. It is as weird as that.
It is where you've got the video camera.
Hey, where's your son or daughter?
At home? Where's your son or daughter
working? They're 37.
No move. I want to get a shot here.
Should we facilitate my canine following by hosting an episode
there? No as well.
That's going to be a night down. And Michael hit that for sound
and stuff. You know, you have dogs running
a boat and that sort of thing. You're not, you're not a dog guy
or your mama's like dogs. Danny, a dog guy.
Some of them are OK. What do you like?
I can see this guy likes big dogs.
You'd be even like wee dogs. No, I don't mind small dogs, I
just don't like ones that bark all the time.
Have you have did you have family dogs?
My parents have one now, but they didn't when I was growing
up. We didn't have any.
Did they sort of get rid of you and then bring the dog in?
Yeah, they couldn't have both of us in the house at the same
time. Who do you think that?
Yeah, pissing over everything, eating out of only metal ball on
the floor? Hump Another dog?
No, sorry, that's so bad. But what's a dog called now?
And do your parents love it more?
She's called Luna. Luna Yeah, Who do your parents
love more? Definitely the dog.
Luna, Mike, you do have a dog growing up.
No, same thing happened with me though I moved out, my mom got a
dog and that's not her child. Yeah.
What's your mom's dog called? Macy Lacy.
Macy. Macy Lacy.
I kiss. We'll call Lacy whenever I was
about 13. Kiss the dog.
Nope. Nope.
No. William Palmer.
It was in an abandoned warehouse.
True story. An abandoned bathroom.
Showroom in east Belfast. Romantic.
Berry candles lit. It was beautiful, William Palmer
says. What's the one cheeky comment on
a video or post that's hurt you the most?
They all hurt. They all make genuinely.
I will break down into tears at all of them.
What's one that hurt? Probably at the start when I
started putting videos out. You don't understand why people
would leave a negative comment. You know, it's a bit like the
end the line of duty. You're like, why didn't it end?
It should all. It should all end the nice way.
Someone just get stabbed. Someone just go out really loud.
Yeah, yeah. Look, basically, I don't know.
Oh, yeah. You kept the word.
Listen to fairy tale. If you put funny stuff, I've
said it before, I said again, if you put stuff out that you're
like, I think this is funny. Here's comedy content.
Of course some people will not find it funny, but I do think it
is weird if they leave a comment that isn't funny in itself.
And like, so I had a guy, right? And by the way, the thing I get,
I don't get too much hate at all, but the thing that I get
most on is when I put up look alike pictures of myself.
Like for some reason people like will write under the comment
like that they oh, right, OK, so I put one up and it was a
football hooligan at Old Trafford and the guy looks like
me. And to be fair, he's got a riot
and he's got a bottle of rose. So kindred spirits.
And I put that up. I said it's hard to argue that
it isn't me. I support Man United and would
absolutely bring a bottle of rose to a riot.
Now there's nothing in there that I've put that is me.
Sort of like trying to be very funny, you know what I mean?
And someone wrote ha ha ha, outstanding.
And then this guy under it writes, by the way, they always
like very much support one of two football teams.
These guys. He wrote, No, it's not that's
fucking shit actually. But like it's not shit of me to
put up a picture of somebody who looks like me and just that's
it. I mean, it is shit when I frame
it like that, but I just find it so weird because this, Oh no,
I've seen a photo of this guy. I'm going to send it to Don and
Mike. We're obviously not going to put
it up, but just bear in mind that sometimes when I go and
look at pictures of these people, I get ready to like clap
back and then I go, I know, but look at this person.
So look at this guy, know what I mean?
OK. Yeah.
So when you look at these people, then you go, OK, there's
more going on there. There's issues here, but I kind
of like I used to not not I probably never took a thick
because I've always done stand up and like started doing stand
up when I was 18. So when you have like a live
experience of a Heckler, it's obviously a million times worse
than a written comment on social media.
So it's never affected me. But what I have started doing
more than I'm like a bit older and a dad is just blocking
people because I just don't need it, you know, I just like
there's a, there's people who clearly like want you see the
same people sometimes always commenting and you know that
they just want the reaction so they can send it to their
WhatsApp group or anything. Like there was a guy, Oh my God,
he's like 60. They're all like really old as
well. They're like grandfathers.
And there's like a guy and I put something back to him and it was
so good. The reply, the reply got more
likes than the thing I'd originally put up.
And then the next time I put something up, he tried to be
funny again and I just blocked him because I was like, you've
tried it, I've mugged you off and you can't just keep doing
it. But it's always like it's always
grandfathers. But the one that I found was
just a guy who wrote not funny, NTNT funny, not funny.
He didn't he was so annoying. He didn't have time for the OI
find stuff like that very, very weird.
It's just like that. Like imagine these guys are like
55 and imagine that's like your granda.
Do you call around to the house? Where's granda?
He'll be down to seconds. He's upstairs replying to a
video that a guy's put up saying not funny.
I just I find it very, very weird.
Paul's taxis wrath for island, which is his real name says will
Ulster always say no? There's probably more to that
that I don't have the time or the knowledge to get into.
The Burpees and Banter podcast says.
What's the maddest thing you've seen in beer gardens this
weekend? I have not been in beer gardens
this weekend. I will not be in beer gardens
next weekend or maybe ever again.
I've retired from socialising. I will go to a beer garden.
If you could guarantee me a lot of stuff, there'll be so many
caveats. Will I have a seat?
Will it be dry? Will the music be like decent
but like not too loud? Will this even be comfortable?
Will they have this specific ciders that I like?
And by the time we've answered all those questions, it's not
worth it. So I don't really go out, but I
do like watching videos, viral videos of like mad things that
happened in beer gardens, but I'm watching from my own sofa
with a water bottle on my back. Pierce Toner says would you love
to get your would love to get your views on which version of
Uptown Girl is better, Billy Joel or Westlife?
Cheers man, love the podcast. Love that question.
I think the Westlife version is better because I hadn't heard
the Billy Joel version until I heard the Westlife version.
Usually if I'm aware of the cover first, I'll always think
the cover is better. But then you hear the new
version and go that's class. And when you hear the cover it
just sounds old. So I think the probably West
Side's better, but I don't hate the Billy Joel version.
Josh sends me a video and says I don't know if you've seen this
one Second Matthew, Cafe Fish or Bujum.
I find my Friday Take Our Choice the toughest decision of the
week. Cafe Fish is just so greasy and
good, but Bujum can't really hit the spot.
Any input welcome. Cafe Fish is really good.
I've only been there like once or twice.
You've been. They've got to sit in on one
side of the road, Lisburn Rd take away on the other.
I think Mike, you've been really good.
Like fish shoppers or class or bujumbus good too.
I don't know. I'll go.
It depends what mood. I mean, if it's a Friday night
Cafe, fish lunch, pujum. Pujum's a lunch thing for me.
Josh sends a video. Oh God, what is it?
I don't know. Oh, it's Nolan being sick.
Yeah, yeah. It was an old clip from Nolan
Live when Nolan is like cleaning out.
Will not spend too long on this because I can't watch it because
he's sick. Nolan's clearing out cow shit.
And he, he, he. I can't watch it, but he books
you see? You've ever heard of it?
No, never seen it. It's.
Like people use it in clips all the time, but yeah, he was
clearing out car shit and he's like, oh, do I like it?
And then eventually does he Nolan Boke?
But yeah, what's my opinion on? I think that's fantastic and I
enjoy it, but I can't watch people be sick or I myself feel
sick. Folks, we got the Friday bonus,
Friday live episode, live stream episode with Cormac AKA
Notorious Barrack Boys. We'll have another guest on, or
maybe it'll just be Cormac. You can ask questions, you can
do all that. Head over to patreon.com/tea
with Me podcast. I'm going to fix my back and
come back with so much more energy next week.
Oh my God, so much less of a foreskin, but more energy.
You know what I lose in foreskin I will make up for in
personality. Send prayers.
One heart is 1 prayer. Thanks very much.
Any other business I need to mention.
OK, we're out of here. See you next week.