Zippers, welcome to this episode of the Team with Me podcast with
me, your host, Shane Todd. Before we get into this episode,
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No, I thought he's going bald is long hair now Turkey?
No, he always had a good hairline.
He just chose to shave it. And I think with long hair
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in the description. Ladies and gentlemen, my guests,
my esteemed guests this week are a return of favourite and a
first time guest. 2 comedians from here, from this part of the
world that have that sell their wares in London.
Is that fair to say? Yeah, they sell their wares
right there. Yeah, they, they live it.
They live in London 11 work and that's where they gig.
But luckily for me they're on tour at the minute so they're
able to come in. My guests are Vittorio Angeloni,
who's been on the pod many times, and John mirror.
Now here's the thing. I spoke to Victoria before the
start of this episode and I said I've known John for years and
I've heard twenty different impressions of a surname.
I've heard a pronunciations, I've heard meagre, I've heard
Mar, I've heard mirror. I hear all different
pronunciations. So here's what I'm going to say.
Please do this week's episode of the Two With Me podcast with
Victorio Angeloni and John. We're just talking, I suppose,
we're talking about the influence of Italian, the
influence of Italian families in West Belfast.
It's ice cream shops and foods. Scapa Teaching.
Morelli. No, but like Raffles.
Oh, Raffles is fish and chips, isn't it?
Yeah, because Vector's Cafe, which is like my family's, my
great granddad Vittorio and Victor's Cafe, was like ice
cream and fish and chips, but I think it was ice cream.
Was like the one plate. All your needs planned it.
It's the next chick in A. Muffles all over again.
Where? Where was it?
Castle Street and then Devis St It moved and then got part time.
I think that's that's the story I've been told.
It could have been an insurance thing.
But you said but like they, it seemed like they came over here
and were like like the food, the food isn't great, food scene
isn't great. Or ice cream must have been
substandard because all I feel like it took was like 3 Italian
families to come in and go. There's a gap in the market
here. Do you reckon we had ice cream?
That sounds like a really stupid question as I'm saying it, but
like when did ice cream I? Feel like we'd have been late to
come in. Ice cream.
Yeah, definitely. Like, if it wasn't for, like,
your family and two other families coming over, I don't
know if we'd have ice cream yet. Wow.
Yeah. Maybe it would have been like
Ben and Jerry would have been The Pioneers of it.
They they had it shown up for a while, didn't.
Yeah, but they. And us.
You know they're black in town ice cream.
Do you hear that? That's one of my favourite
things ever. Ben and Jerry's on one Saint
Patrick's Day a few years ago released a commemorative Irish
ice cream and it was black in town.
Someone did not read past the headline on what is Irish?
What can we do? Irish coffee and chocolate or
something? Low hanging fruit, but Ben and
Jerry Adams, am I right? It was right there for them.
Yeah. I love that.
I live. Very done Intro, by the way.
It seems weird. We've just we've just gone into
the pub. But guys, great to have you Sean
Ballamina tonight. Yeah, not that the breed.
Yeah, never done by Almena before.
Brilliant. The Brave Theatre is excellent,
run by good people. What's it like when it's like
half full? I don't know.
No, I've done, I'm joking, I've done that theatre as the comedy
club back in the day when there was.
So what would it like? They have won the big theatre
room, which is where you're going to be and it's brilliant.
But see if there would be like we sold 30 tickets and they have
other rooms that are per like they have other like 30 capacity
rooms. And you go, oh sweet, that'll
feel great in that room that it's built for.
And they're like, Nah, Nah, Nah. It's in the theatre.
I'm like, why is it in the theatre?
Because the other rooms are brilliant.
But they just what they'll do like cabaret.
Yeah, they'll be like 2 tables in a 400 cup room with eight
people or I've done that kind of thing before.
So I've I've played there when it's great and play there was
terrible. But it's it's great now like the
way they do the tier seating and there's brilliant.
OK. And there's a myth around Gig
and Ballymena. That it's shite.
The gig, the the myth is it's Bible Belt.
Like if you mention anything, if you swear or mention anything
other than local politics and you've got to be on one side
local politics, they'll hate it. Bullshit.
I have a great gig, Sir. Yeah, I would assume those
people aren't going to stand up comedy gigs.
Yeah, well, tonight is where I think I kind of fucked it.
It's Ireland versus the All Blacks.
So I. Feel like we're the All Blacks
intense. Do you what like?
Joe Biden said that, didn't he? He said that the Irish rugby
team beat the Black and Town. Yeah, he did, yeah.
And. You know what he was.
In a way he was right, but I think he was getting his dates
wrong. And you saw the when the England
football team had like they're all swanky suits, right?
And they were did you not see it was like the EUR, I think, and
all they had like their team photo and they're like, yeah,
you fucking sponsored by next yes, suits.
And they were all in black and tan.
Like those are the two options. And everyone was like,
deliberate. I feel like I'm a guy who's just
been on fro. What do you call when you're on
frozen thought like I've been cryogenically thought and
usually like, have you not seen them?
And it's any reference from the last 20 years as two guys based
in London, where's the place around London where people, if
people here, we're talking about Ballymena and going, you don't
want to gig there, it's actually great.
But where's the place near you guys where people go?
Oh, if you've got a tourist show, not.
Near but like Hull is the like in England where people go,
that's just where everything goes to die.
It is one of the grimmest places I've ever been in my.
Whole life, whole people say like, is it, It was, I know
Milton Keynes like this, but people say it's like a
manufactured people. They just, they just built it.
Is that wrong? Yeah, it was Big Dock Hall.
Is like a dock, like it's a shipping town.
So I don't think it is that kind of like it's like Bournville.
We also just had a very strange night and Hull.
Yeah, so. It was the point in the tour we
were all just a bit fucking knackered.
I thought you would say like Daddy Party and Hull.
No, but it did feel like that was happening.
Yeah, it felt like that was probably happening, but we
weren't invited to it, right? There was nightclubs that had
that were in the building that's in the shape of what a shop
would be. Does that make any fucking
sense? Where it's like a commercial,
that building big, the whole front of it is a window, like a
glass front. Yeah, but instead of it being
like a Co-op, it's a nightclub. Right.
OK. Yeah, Yeah, those.
Are just steamed up and you just see these mad like lights.
Yeah happening. And then we went to the pub
after because hall was just so weird.
We kind of needed to go to the pub and you know one of those
where you're in the small room and then in the big room of the
venue. What was this, the Jersey Boys?
No, no, it was. Sorry, the official no.
No. Maybe to get a folk to you it
was. A tribute act and because the
guys, because after the thing, the guys, Van had a different
band that he was also the tribute act.
I was like, these guys are raking it in because they had
filled a giant. Space it was.
Big it was. Big I am.
I mean, to be fair now you probably could.
Frankie Valli. Like, he's still good.
Do Hell, have you seen my impression of Frankie Valley?
Please, please, Frankie Valley, Joe Biden.
Zippers, let me interrupt you for a quick 2nd to tell you that
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See, with Nord VPN and not much of A believer.
I'm not passionate in the product that Dan, you can turn
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reference it at some point. I'm about to do the
international leg of the tour. I'm going all around Europe.
I'm going to the Middle East and the new year.
At some point they'll be going to America and when I'm away
I'll be missing my Irish League football highlights.
I'll be wanting to watch things on BBC iPlayer on ITV Player
from here because I'm passionate about local television.
And to do that, like I'll go to do that and I'll go to log into
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you're not in the right area for this.
That's where Nord VPN comes in. It's an app that you put on your
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that. But if you want to say actually
I am in Belfast, your phone couple of clicks think you're in
Belfast, you access the content from there and that works for
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Go check them out. They're absolutely amazing.
I, I've told the story in the pub before, but I took my dad
maybe six years ago to see the real Frankie Valley was doing,
Eh, me in, in Manchester and then big fan Frankie Valley, me
and my dad big yeah. I'm like, I love Frankie Valley
in The Four Seasons and my dad like always played that music
for me. And Frankie was probably like
early 80s or even mid 80s when we went to see him and that face
physically, you just go now and he gets up on stage and he is
like young Four Seasons behind them and these guys are doing
all the heavy lifting. Like, they're great dancers, but
they're all like, in. There they were in a season.
These Frankie was a Weaver pasta cell, but he.
Is very winter. This guy gets up and he's like,
no, And he's not dancing, obviously, but he's standing up
there and he's no perfect on everything, no falter, no
perfect on everything. And everyone has this look where
they're going. He's lip syncing.
But fair play, he's there. It's still great.
And we're still seeing him. There's one guy in the whole
arena who has no idea Frankie Valley's lip sync syncing.
And he's beside me. My dad goes, what about that
voice? And I'm, I'm being like, yeah, I
know, like lip sync. My dad goes still got it.
I don't think he has it. I don't think he has it, but it
was a great night. I remember seeing that James
Brown. I see.
I seen James Brown twice before he died, just before he was the
support act for the Foo Fighters.
What? No.
Amazing. So the Foo Fighters and they
hate it when oxygen was happened, they headlined oxygen.
Yeah. So Dave Grohl heard that James
Brown was broke and was like that's James Brown is not
allowed to be broke so. I thought you were to say he
took a montage and was like. So early quarter, his entire
back. Yeah, no, she took him on tour.
And so the first time he seen him was oxygen.
He was there when they were there and he had, I mean, I'm
exaggerating, but not by a lot. 400 people on stage playing
different. No wonder.
It was all his sons. They were all his.
It was all his kids. So one of them, one of them came
up and he introduces the whole band and they're doing an intro
the whole time. But bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,
bam, bam. But it just keeps going.
James Brown, at my vantage point, I can see him in a
wheelchair at the side of the stage in blankets, just like
this. And then and again after, after,
after this guy, his name checked everyone in the band and he's
like, OK, let's tell me. Ready for the Godfather soul?
Everything. Yeah.
James Brown gets out of his wheelchair and then you can
literally see him like like pray for some power and then he gets
to the microphone. Hi, what does as we moves and
then he just goes straight back to the wheelchair 6 times and
the guy introduces the band again and and that happened no
joke, easily three times. And then about a year later I
seen him support the Foo Fighters.
It might have been it might have been a Belfast exact same thing.
And the only other time I've seen that a person like a lead
singer in a wheelchair like that was I seen Guns and Roses a
couple of years ago and they were doing the West Ham Stadium.
And Axel Rose was the same. He was like Slash was doing it
some like 20 minute long solo, yes.
And Axel was a side of the stage just getting oxygen in the
chair. But.
What's his issue? Is it Is his a health issue?
I know he, then he came on and now I'm going to sound like
you're die here. Still got the voice?
No, perfect. You're not mad?
Yeah, no, perfect. He's brilliant, unbelievable.
And then but he would hit the high notes to a song and you
could see him ready to be like I'm going to die, back to I.
Think he's climbing Everest? The stage cartoon.
He's black and. Fair play.
Cheers, Brian. You can't.
You can't just say he's blacking out because he's up there doing
so. Wait, I was still talking about
actually, I know, I know. So in a way.
Did. You just drive.
Me in the backseat, Mike Michael Jackson when he was doing those
those comeback eggs that the O2. They were like this one of my
favourite things in the documentary.
They're like you see him like doing rehearsals and his back in
dancers or meetings are the kids like and they're it was in his
writer. They were incredible.
And he's up there like and he's trying to sing and he can't move
like and probably like the wheelchair situation.
And then the the promoter goes, if we have to cancel these
shows, like if you can't do this tomorrow rehearsals, we're
cancelling these shows. You're liable for all this.
They're like, here's Michael the next day and I swear to God the
guys like Foot like fully like doing everything, like he's
doing everything and he's out dancing these like 1920 year
olds and like moving around and they're like, Michael must have
just the message really got through.
It was like, did the message get through or did the needle get
through? Also, then he died, yeah.
Killed him to do that, yeah. They did them away room in the
O2. There's like a special secret
Michael Jackson room in the O2. That feels like a trap, like.
I think that's true. You go through a dressing room
and then there's like a secret door that's like a bookshelf.
What was in the room? You don't want to know.
Was all those kids? Nightmares collected nightmares.
Yeah. So he's got because he did like
a month. Yeah.
But then so because Peter Kay
recently broke that record of like most nights at the O2, like
his residency thing, you think Peter Kay has a room at the O2?
Do you just get A room? Just full of garlic bread.
Moment. Silence.
You'll have a room at the Opera House events.
I would love that I'm too behind the record, the overall records.
The record. I've got the record for solo
performer but I'm too off the overall record which is 26
performances and that's hardly I'm working on wise.
Which is what I'm working on wise.
Lauren Hardy I'm working on Wise so I feel like I'll just do like
and I don't care if it doesn't sell 1 ticket, I'll just put on
three shows, not take it and then just have the.
Right. Yeah, I was going to say, is
that, yeah, no new material. I'll just be there, building
more than everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Class. Yeah, but I would love like, but
I don't like, like. I don't take advantage of
dressing rooms or anything. I just like everyone to be in
the one space. Yeah.
I don't whether like you can go separately.
Like we've been on tour since like January and I don't like
unless it's a real fucking pokey place where it's like one chair
at a table. It's like, can we all just like
sit in a place because it's a lonely enough yeah thing.
What's been the low point of tour?
What's been high pointed to? Oh my.
Oh my God. Low.
Boy.
Why here? I will say this as much as that
is a room. So where did you play?
Did you play Dilly's room? Very close to my heart.
Love it when it's pumping. One of the best clubs.
Everybody says it's the best room in the world and not me.
Here's an issue. Here's an issue getting food
around it. Oh, no, the food was great.
We went for it. We had a great yeah.
There's your main wise, one of the best.
Here I'd go back to the restaurant show wise and as long
as I don't have to go into daily again.
It was so bad Chain. A friend of mine from OMA who
wasn't at the show messaged me and was like, I heard that was
really bad. Because I go on before the
support act, so I have. You played it before?
No, right. It is brilliant, right?
It's just I've been doing but I think.
Love might be good. But this just makes it worse.
Yeah, this just makes it worse. OK, so I go on for like 5 or 10
minutes before bringing on the Sport Act, you know, say hello.
Also, the context of this is the night before was vector
straight. Yeah.
OK, first like the biggest show of the tour vector straight the
night before unbelievable buzz like never felt anything like it
and then Oh my, you're like this will be a good formal back in
the clubs, you know, like having a good time.
I go on and like I've basically got like a little 5 minute thing
that I've written before. I bring on the sport act and.
Just like doesn't really land and I'm like, OK, maybe I'm
like, you know, performing a too big because I was at a bigger
place yesterday. And then I'm like, Oh well,
maybe chat to them a bit, like maybe like they've seen the
crowd work videos or whatever. I'll do a bit of that.
Not nothing, nothing, nothing gets anything.
And small town thing of like you go, what's your name and
somebody else. I was like.
Oh, that's fucking Brandon. Yeah.
Yeah, you know, I know Brandon. And I go, no, I'm not from here.
He's some crack. He's not.
He's just staring at me. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So I nothing and then I'm just
like OK and I just kind of do the little bits.
I go kind of brilliant sport act good friend, please on stage.
I'm like I've gotten when I would like some people say like
0 laughs. I mean, actually, yeah. 0
laughs. Yeah.
I go bring John on and I'm just like, I'm sorry.
Like I was just thinking. I was like.
I was like, I'll turn this around, don't worry.
No, the cavalry's here. Yeah, it's fine.
I'll get this. No, I was like 5 minutes and I
was like, well, that's all the material.
And I just never got cool. And then break and I come on for
the second-half and. And it's all the worse because I
I've got these fucking giant inflatable bowling pins.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, you put effort into
it's. Just feel insane.
I'm there and like going on with sunglasses on.
I've got like a boat. Like it's a whole custom bowling
shirt thing. There's a point to show where I
lie down. I don't know, it's just like I'm
just. And then the end of the show is
a fucking nightmare. I basically like Scream for like
the last five minutes of the show.
Big glows. It's insane.
And just silence. Yeah, I'm just there, like.
You're just in a room and. I'm like, there's March at the
end, but don't talk to me like fuck you, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. And I just like just drive back
from Oma, it's just so long drive and then Ulster Halls the
next night, right? Is that good?
I mean, isn't like best whatever, but it was just with
the highs and lows in three days, yeah.
Now let me Give your opinion on this.
We'll talk about turn as well. I go for a quick piss before we
record. When I'm downstairs, there's a
book in the bathroom. What is that?
We get some mail on a regular basis from a fan, OK.
Of books about gold, right? What?
And it's affection. Fun fact about God, Yeah.
Sorry that the Bible. No, there's.
No Bible. There's God.
God in the title of I didn't get a proper not church.
Yeah, the God do not. Really, it's not really your
type of no, it's it's a sort of self published.
That's not really my kind of book because it's a book.
Does it pop up then? No, but I wonder what your
opinion on that is. Are you guys a a book in the
bathroom guy? Because I find that the weirdest
thing. People are like.
I was for bed, I was trying to not bring my phone in for a shit
and I was trying to be a book person.
But how long you there for like? Less time than when I'm on my
phone. I drank a lot of coffee, so not
long. Yeah, but it but exactly.
But I can't understand these novel, the idea of sitting
there. No, but it's not for people who
don't like their lives. Like they're not.
They're, yeah. They're just please, please,
God. I can, I can just be.
You hear Dad say that all the time where it's like, that's the
only time I'm by myself, Yeah. Jerry Staunton to the Jerry's
brother every place. So he went to see his brother
and I think his brother has a Reiki kids.
They're all all girls and that's who he's the only man in the
house. And Jerry called to the door and
his brother's wife, he goes, Oh yeah, he's up at his looking
window. And he was like, what?
He goes upstairs and James brother just does like a window
that he goes to look at like like that's his place.
I mean. That's very open us being.
That's very. Dependent on what it overlooks.
Just fails. Not no, thank God, Yeah, yeah,
no, no, yeah, yeah. In the middle of the country.
But he's like, that's where he goes to.
I like that though, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
What? Would you want to look at I once
stayed in a flat in New York that overlooked the football
stadium. That was very.
Cool. Oh, that'll be great.
I like, I like, just like people watching.
I'd feel weird from a window. I like sit at a cafe, especially
if you're on holiday or something, Watch people go by.
What is, what do you think they do for a job?
All that kind of stuff. Reacher Settler?
Do you ever play the Reacher settler game?
No. Couples.
Yeah, who's reaching? Who's settling?
Oh yeah, that's a good, but that is fun.
Umm, John, I don't. I stayed at your house in London
years ago for a gig. Do you remember this?
Yeah, this was. Well, also because.
This wasn't our sordid history of I give you the worst gig
ever. No.
No, no, no was before that. No.
OK, but that was in return because I don't know if you
remember but the first. Time in my house because in
Edinburgh I don't know that that happened.
So I I went to I went to Edinburgh, this is years ago and
there this was a classic. I turned up in the Airbnb didn't
exist so I booked an Airbnb for like the.
Concept. I booked what I thought was a
building and then I got there and it wasn't.
That's pretty. Classic.
Yeah. And I was like, what?
I didn't know this would happen. It was at the really early
Airbnb days, like. And I was like, oh, what do I do
now? And put a thing on Facebook And
we didn't even know each other. And you messaged me and was
like, here, I heard you're stuck.
There's a spare room of mine. Do you remember this?
And we so I was like, that is very kind and someone, while you
were there, I think Jamone came to look at the flat to see if he
was going to buy it. That's right, I think it was.
So I'm in a flat for the month. Yeah, this is.
It was nice. Yeah.
It was so long ago that it was a nice flat that you could afford
then like. My mate let me stay in it.
He played rugby over in Edinburgh and I bought that
while he was playing and he just gave me it for free and he went
the. The only thing is he's like two
things. Number one, I need you to sound
the worked up for me. I went great, I'll get someone
to do that, got my dad at it. And then secondly, he goes,
people will come and view it. So I might need you to like nip
out at certain times. And I was like, yeah, of course,
no problem. And then the estate agent would
get in touch me and be like, someone's coming at 4:00,
whatever. And then one time they were
doing like a last minute viewing on the stage when you don't need
to like, leave. Like, we'll just bring the
person in. And I was just like sitting in
the kitchen doing some work. And then Jim Wong Crane, like
just can't his comedy face just like Crane around the door.
And I met him before. So it was like, it was great.
But yeah, I remember. I remember that, but I don't
remember. Yeah.
Being being so nice. So that really last thing I told
you then we guy was like, if you're ever in London, you need
somewhere to stay. The next night I'm like, I'm
here, yeah, but I can't remember what gig I did, but I remember
your, your, your hospitality was very nice.
Yeah, it's not when. Did you move over?
11 years ago. But you didn't get here
beforehand, did. You.
I did. No.
So I went over to visit a friend of mine and he lived with a
comedian. I was like, didn't even know how
you do comedy. Classic thing.
And that guy signed me up for an open mic while I was there
visiting. Did that, came back, did the
pavilion, did White's Tavern. Oh, yeah.
And there was nothing else, right?
And I was like, I'm just going to move to London, right?
And did that. And then you guys built a
empire. I was like, I'm watching, I'm
not gonna do it. Good.
There's nothing Start. Yeah, there's nothing happening
here. I'm leaving.
That's like, I think we've got the knowledge and get to energy.
Yeah. I see you later.
I'm doing open mics in the fucking basement for the next
century. Bringers for six.
Years. Yeah, Yeah.
I'm doing a Barry Manlos that residency in Hull here.
Yeah, dirty Dicks on the Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.
Actually went that a lot of people will know that's a real
place I went. I went there once because people
were like they'll just put you on.
This is like 12 years ago to me more and I went and the guy I
was like, I'm a comedian. Could I get and the guys not
fully booked and I didn't have the confidence to just leave
then. So I stayed and watched the
show. Oh my God.
That's so bad. And I can't stress how bad that
would have been. Yeah, like it was our comedy.
Or bad. Gigs in London worse than gigs
here, if that makes sense. Yeah, because my general feeling
is you'll have audience here and the audience over there,
especially when you're starting out, is a room of open like
comedians. But there'll be guys doing
comedy who are open mikers that have been doing it for 20 years,
not exaggerate, like who are mental to not stop.
So you don't like stop, stop. You may have not.
And there's people who do it as like, oh, it's a social thing,
not them. That's I mean guys who are like,
I am going to make it. I am that guy and I live through
my. Motivation Coach.
Yeah. Oh, I was doing this the other
day to someone. Whenever anyone says to me, I'm
thinking to stop and I'm like, you should.
Why would you? If you're not happy, why would
you keep going? Yeah, stop.
Especially if you're 20 years in and you're still doing dirty
Dicks and you're not even headline.
Yeah, you're doing 7 at the end. But then they have the the
bringer thing, which people here won't get at all.
Comedians here don't even get where you have to first stage
time. You have to bring audience
members with you. Yeah, 1, generally 1.
And in New York, I know those places you have to bring like 3
or 4 people. Yeah, but London generally, it's
like you have to bring one person along to the and what
ends up happening as comedians just like like Exchange Bringer
Ring. So you just like go and watch
some shit open mic so that somebody else would come to
yours like the next week. But my girlfriend did it for
fucking like ages for me and that was a real Empress.
I was doing a gig and Camden called Funny Factors.
I remember once they're all, they're all so weird.
I'll tell you how hard I dislike that.
The only thing worse was at a festival down South once.
I can't remember who was on but they they called our show the
the Nordy invasion or something. I know the term Nordy obviously
doesn't offend me in any way, but it's just Nordy and Thacker
are two of the worst. Nordy feels very.
The Nordy factor three of us. Oh God, yeah, we we all just
hate it. People are still coming up like
I can't with these guys, but everyone's embittered.
Because of the title. Yeah, sorry.
So. And they're also weird, like
they have these little, like they have their open mic night
that they're on and they're buzzing about and it's like a
bringer. And the pretence is always like,
it's a bringer until we can build up like a like a local
audience. And then once it's down, we'll
do like a pro night and start paying everybody.
This had been a bringer for eight years.
Yeah, it's never happened that that's happened.
Almost. Almost always full, like it was
always ram to the girls for the people and they would like turn
audience members away like actual punters.
They were like, oh sorry, there's too many comedians mates
in there. But they don't want to be there.
They made the plus one does the broad.
Nobody wants to be there. The comedians don't want to be
there, the people don't want to be there.
The bar doesn't want you there. But they're.
Also precious about their way thing.
I remember Mickey was overdoing the store.
He was like closing the Comedy Store and I was like, he was
staying with me. That was the first time I
properly met Mickey. I was like, he's over to stay.
He's just doing like a torture or whatever.
And then it came to stay with me and my girlfriend.
One like the funniest thing ever of my like little English
girlfriend. Meeting Mickey hungover for the
first time, just like in his pants in our corridor.
Just I'm sorry. For the lightsaber he's brought
with the only thing he's packed a lightsaber and fear head
shuttle. Sorry, daughter.
But I said to the guy running this like, Oh my, everybody's
doing 5 minutes. And I was like, oh, I've got a
meet over. He's doing the story.
He's coming to like watch just because Mickey was like, like,
oh, come watch for sure. Whatever.
And I was like, is it? Is it like a spot for him?
And the guy was like, yeah, but he can only do 5.
I was like right? But why?
Yeah. What?
All these people are shit. I'm shit.
But they treat it like it's a prehistoric.
It's a true like this is set and still do 5 can't be changed, you
do. Five, yeah, Anyway, same gig, a
different time because you just go back for more once you once
you've got the bug. And I was upstairs.
My girlfriend was my bringer at the time.
We stood there. It's us 2 and then two comedians
or like very open mic shit comedians and they're have an
argument about who had the worst relationship with their dad and
who was on more mental health medication.
And my girlfriend grabbed me by the arm and went.
You need to get a lot better at this very quickly.
Yeah, well, she can go and see you had a choice.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she chooses not to
know, but at least she has the choice.
The Nord, the Nordy thing was anytime we were going to get
done, so I thought was always, I think Galway and then we did.
There was a Dublin one. I was like, when people get like
a little, I like when they come up here and say stuff wrong, you
know what I mean? Like I remember there's a
comedian from Galway was on it like Laveries, and he was like,
I'm from the West and I was like, you're not.
Yeah. That's not what that means.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from the West.
Is I feel I used to go over and do like I used to at the very
start I would get the cheap those like 12 LB flights to
London and do like do you remember monkey business?
Is it still? Oh my God.
Yeah, yeah. The guy in the in the purple for
a fedora or like the top is. His name?
I will go. I remember going over those and
I was like this is like this is the epitome of gig in there.
So I booked like 12 LB flights. Aussie could only afford the
like 7:00 AM flight over there and the show was at 10:00 PM at
night. And you spend all the money you
saved on the flight on food during the day just.
In cost or or. Whatever.
You spent £30 on coffee. And then I would ask to go on
like people on the one early at that, but I'd be like, put me on
as late as possible because I'd be getting the like midnight or
1:00 AM bus to the airport, sleep in the airport.
And I remember the week I thought those gigs were like.
This is so like this is you practising for Diary of Aceo,
yeah. Yeah, man.
I of course I wouldn't do that because of fuel, because I'm
fueled by fuel. The I remember doing that and we
there was nobody in the room except the comedians.
We don't need to do this. Let's just say we've done, yeah.
Which is the dream for me, Yeah. You know, the dream is you book
a gig now, classic, a book for a gig especially.
And then the dream when you got there is like, we're pulling the
gig and I'm like, I've got you're.
Still getting paid, but you're still getting.
Oh yeah, no, no, no. There was no getting paid at
Monkey Business. But so we're up there and I'm
like, right, Well, there's no one here.
So. And he goes, no, no, no, I'm
going to go round downstairs and ask.
It's, it's in Camden, right? So like, quite touristy.
And he brings up five people, Nobody speaks English.
And he's like, the gig is going ahead.
And at that point, I'm like, I'm now in, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, I now want to see how everyone does, not just me.
I'll actually probably stay longer than that.
And after the first guy, three of them got up and left.
So now just two French people. I remember one of them at a
twirly moustache character and, and it was, I was like watching
breakdowns, you know, my own as well.
And that is the London comedy scene.
Do you love but you like? Do you love it as a city?
Yeah, I do, yeah. Yeah, it's a brilliant place
because once you like. I mean, not just comedy.
Yeah, I think it took me like two or three years to be like,
oh, like I was. And then when I left uni,
because my uni was like in the middle, like kind of the financy
bit and I was like, like, once you don't have to go to the mad
bits, like the really busy touristy bits.
Like I hate Oxford Street, I hate Lesters Grant, I hate all
those, like it's just too fucking much.
But I love where I live where there's like parks and like
lovely, like leafy bits and like all chill like, and I know where
the good kebab shop is. And like, although the owner of
the my favourite kebab shop, I've just joined the gym and he
goes to the gym and that fucks my head up every time I'm in
there, right. It's like, what are you doing
here? Yeah, but I but to be fair, like
that's a lot of like when he when they're shaving that meat,
like that's that's upper body, like that's that's core, that's.
Why they like how? You do it like it's a sword.
Yeah, it's like Mickey with the lightsaber.
Conan, Yeah. Well, what?
Why? That is what they do.
Yeah, they know. They.
Yeah, but not like that. It was just particularly
graceful. Maybe that's my true call.
Strictly come back and of course the calls.
Can do. You can get you on there.
You know what, I I love London, but I, I started going, maybe I
should appreciate it more because when you see how other
people appreciate and love being in London, I started watching
the Paddington movies from my kids.
Oh yeah. And what Aunt Lucy would give
for an afternoon in London. Like that's her dream, that's
her live stream and the way she looks at London and the way
Paddington looks at London. You go.
I should appreciate being here because it is such a historic.
It's amazing city. Whenever I moved there, my
friend said like you get out of it what you put in, which is
basically the same everywhere but London is you can find
yourself going there, working, only staying in your flat
because everyone's so expensive you can't do it.
But if you make the effort to go out and go to see stuff, gigs,
all that, it's amazing. Did you do a Paddington that at
the start when you moved over? Make sandwiches.
No, just put getaway kill the thing your neck.
We kill the queen sign Ranger. Pardon Paddington, the scion of
Death. Paddington Bear.
Yes, he takes people. He's like the.
Paddington Bear is he's the fairy man.
He's the fairy man. Takes people on the river
sticks. Man, this is mad.
If you've missed this, do you all know all the stuff of
Paddington and the? Let's play a new game.
Assume I don't know things. Though this is, I mean, yeah,
like being. About the beloved we're talking
about. And the beloved Red Hat, some
would say. Yeah, Bear cool.
Marmalade sandwiches. Marmalade sandwiches.
Very gentle for a bear. Well, well, what about when
Knuckles McGinty says, eh starts calling off Lucy?
And I didn't. Above them.
Paddington has the stair. If you know, you know.
The bears there like the Care Bears there.
If if you piss Paddington off enough, he'll just give you a
stare to remind you that yeah, but.
Yes, I forget that we forget that he's a bit.
Well, that's it'll. Remind you like I'll never
forget. Yeah, you'll remind, but sorry,
tell me about the ferryman. Yeah, so Paddington.
So when the Queen died, everyone was like, you know, completely
lost the run of themselves over there.
And the the icon that people latched onto for some reason was
Paddington Bear. Because he was mates with her
only. Yeah, good pals so Paddock so.
Was that sorry? Was that for the Olympics?
What was before she was holding Paddington Henderson.
Yeah, she made sandwiches and all or something.
Remember, she's got she had a Marmadade sandwich in her bag.
Yeah. But then.
There was all these pictures of him leading her to like heaven.
Yeah, so people like, and people started leaving marmalade
sandwiches out there. And the police were like,
please, please stop leaving marmalade sandwiches outside
Bucket Palace. We created away all the homeless
people. So they're not 90 photographs.
So we have no use for this anymore.
Yeah, but I'm Paddington. Since every time somebody dies
now, there will inevitably be Paddington Bear is the one
shepherding into the afterlife. Captain Tom, Who else has died
recently? Liam Payne.
Now what's sad about that is it
looks like Paddington's dead too.
Because he's going. He's he's.
There's a point where he's. He exists on the set.
He's a. Bringer to a point.
He does that thing in movies, you know, It's like I can take
you no further, yes. Yeah, awful Paddington.
I can take you no further. I can take you no further.
Ben Wishaw. He's in one of my favourite.
The original cast of one of my favourite plays called Mercury
Fur. His character would have said a
lot of slurs in that. Oh yeah, yeah.
So it's a thing in the play where they say they don't just
call people like the slur that applies to them.
They call the other people in the play, like every slur in a
row. Right.
And it's mad. That's how they get away with
it. I say all of them.
It's OK. I'm.
Doing that. I'm doing that.
I'm just. Saying there's too many of.
Doing mercury fires. And he's Peruvian.
We only want the good ones. There's nothing like from the
different companies like them, ones who voted Brexit after they
get in. I just think they should learn
the language. He has a passport now,
Paddington A. Pass No, he didn't.
They came out and clarified that.
So someone from the Home Office was like, we're giving patents
to the passport and a journalist asked #10 And they were like, we
don't know anything about this. No, but no.
But they had done it. So I I heard that like so, the
makers of the new Paddington film Paddington in Peru and the
next one's going to be called Paddington in Rwanda.
But. But they like the.
By the way, that'd be a great movie because you could bet he
would make the most out of that experience.
Is this what you're saying the refugee should do?
No, I think, no, I think, But I think that the detention centre
would be a brighter place if Paddington was around, just
keeping everyone's spirits up, because that's what he does in
prison. In the second Paddington movie.
He's in there in gaol and he now, he fucks.
He fucks it at the end. What he's doing in prison, a
bear in prison, he makes him having some fun.
No, he OK Brendan Gleeson's in it.
He's Knuckles McGinty in the film.
Yes, Brendan Gleeson is a scary chef in the prison.
Paddington being sent to gaol for a crime he obviously didn't
commit. Pankton wouldn't do that.
It's not in his nature. Paddington's in the Guildford. 4
that's. What he would say that he didn't
do it. Meanwhile, he's planning the
Queen's assassination. Paddington, like in Fire Sticks,
you know, So Paddington is having a great that panic.
Brandon Gleason is the chef. He's serving up this.
Way Who's this real Brandon Gleason I.
Thought it was Jeremy Allen White in the Bear.
No, right. Just just let me say this.
Would you make sense? Right.
Yeah. In the Paddington movie, Brandon
Gleeson plays the chef. He's serving up this grill for
them morning, noon and night. The prisoners don't like it.
There's a terrible attitude around the place.
Paddington basically is like, oh, why does everyone not like
the food? And they go, we can't say to the
chef that we want to change. Paddington goes, I'll say it to
him, and everybody's hard, man. Oh shit.
Everyone's like panic, but pounding goes up.
And of course, in comical style, Paddington doesn't just say we
get nicer food panic, there's a bit of slapstick.
Anyway, Brandon Gleason, playing the chef, pecks Paddington up by
the scruff and he's able to attack him when all of a sudden
Paddington's sandwich that's under his hat falls in the the
chef's mouth by mistake and he tastes that marmalade.
I said what the hell is? This How long has he been in
prison at this stage? Paddington.
Yeah, days. But Paddington's got a better
heat on them because Paddington in Georgia, you know, Padding
doesn't need toasted sandwiches. Padding on laundry duty, That's
his job. In prison, by accident, he puts
a red sock in with a stripy black and white prison uniforms.
So he turns all the prisoners uniforms pink.
So all the prisoners are going to murder Paddington.
This thing happens with a chef. They go if you can get the menu
changed, will not beat you up. It turns out the chef loves
Padding. Padding starts making marmalade
sandwiches for all the prisoners.
Then they're doing cakes, all different types of stuff and the
prison becomes a better. Every Thursday.
So what I'm saying is, if Paddington was in the Rwanda
detention centre, I'd say he would just.
He would just you put a few strings and all of a sudden
patent would do a padding doors. What, you just make you feel a
little bit better. Affect her.
He's like Wolf from Pulp Fiction.
Yeah. I like that they turn the
uniforms pink because that is what your man in Texas did.
You know, it's the the like, oh the.
Shame the prisoner. Yeah, the shame the prisoner.
So the makers of Paddington were like, yeah.
We need. Another idea.
Hugh Grant in the paddock, the movie and he's he's incredible,
brilliant movie. Everyone's.
Yeah, I mean, it's Matt.
Brandon Gleason is one of the best actors of his generation.
It's so funny that he's got a fucking teddy bear but.
What I'm saying is, panicking Brendan Gleason then starts to
be a wee bit slight upon it, and then panning gives him the stare
equally. I swear to God it's not
dissimilar to that. Paddington's Autistic News Flash
breaking news. That's why he only eats one
thing. He.
Goes in the trains, yeah. He loves trains.
He loves a weird way he. Eats one thing.
And he only eats 1,000,000. Dollars, yeah.
Guys, I love Paddington. But so the, the props department
contacted the Home Office, they were like, is it all right if we
make like a spoof passport, like could you send us like what
materials you use and any of that stuff?
And the Home Office were just like for a bit of crack, we'll
just give Paddington a passport. That's a bit of fun.
Notoriously good crack. The British Home Office, Yeah.
Yeah, it. Was good guys and yeah, they
just they like sent them out one and like did a little like just
a good bit of PR. I thought it was quite nice and
the like everyone hit the fan. They were like what?
This is a fucking waste of government.
Like we can't. Get Yeah, yeah, about these
bloody Peruvian bears coming over here and they get passports
and I can't even get a dentist appointment.
We're trying to go to Turkey in two weeks.
I'm sweating on my son's past. And someone said he's trans as
well. And that's I don't think that's
OK. And we have been the things that
we spend our money. Jane Paddington know, like he
knows what's called. So Paddington is like checking
for Irish ancestry. He's like, I may as well get the
Irish one too. So he's like making sure he's
got that. Then it opens a floodgates for
fictional characters having passports, real passports.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wreck it Ralph.
He could do something. I got told I look for Vance's
daughter, told me I look like the mechanic and wreck it Ralph.
Yeah, such a nice reference. That's.
Pretty spot on. Have you seen the picture?
Yeah, I looked them up. When you look like somebody from
a movie, I've jet. I swear to God, I was about to
go ragosing and drive. I looked up the guy in Wreck It
Ralph and then I was like. He's just like a nice mechanic
toy. I understand that.
I actually got spots on my eyes. I was like, what happened there?
He has big ears. I didn't like it.
Do you not like Big Ears? Have I said this in this podcast
before? I really like Big Ears.
I'm such a big fan of Big Ears. I think they're the coolest
thing ever. That's why he's got me in
support. You have very.
You're very you have very long ears, if you don't mind.
Me saying but not like I love the people.
Just listen to this. So 2 guys without touching.
Yeah, you. Both just stop talking and
started moving your ears and to anyone listen just this is.
I don't know if I'm doing it. You are, you are.
Can you do your nostrils? I can do nostrils big time.
Bottom lip just. Oh, that's, that's great.
That's great. Never met anyone else who can do
that, no. You do this.
Man, that's what made Steve Coogan famous.
No Rob Brad, Rob Brydon, but. To be fair, that helps Steve
Coogan because when Rob Brydon did it on their show.
Yeah. More people saw it.
You excited for side pan? No, because that's important.
Didn't get. It I this is for FA useless FAI
coach. No official FF.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're reading through the and
Roy King goes, Where's the fucking boss?
And you go. I don't know.
Think that's bad? I auditioned for Jean
Mcconville's son and say nothing.
Did you get close? No.
They weren't, no. I.
The kind of like famished. Skinny.
Yeah. We're like, we need someone who
looks like, you know, things haven't gone very well.
And I was like, all right, let's get this fat guy who looks like
he's never missed a meal. And very jolly, actually.
I not FA so that. I was so buzzing about.
I was like this more. I I work because I have the
shirt right? Like that year's Ireland shirt I
wore that you? Didn't get it.
So I said. I wore the shirts.
I said. That saves money on costume.
I was on holiday when that audition came in and I went,
this is like, this is what I've been searching for because this
is perfect. Being such a big football fan,
being such a big Roy Keane fan and a Steve Coogan fan, it's all
come together and this is perfect.
It's nice to comedic like light relief in a dramatic.
Thing the parts already well. Here, here's what someone said
to me. They're excited for your tape.
Now, with hindsight, not getting that.
They're probably like excited to just watch it in the office and
be like, Nah. So I did the audition in
Majorca, right? And I was like, this will be
great. That's very near where they
filmed it. Oh, yeah.
They filmed in Tenerife, I think.
Tenerife was, yeah. So I am I was like this, this
will be this will be great and I was so excited for it.
I had a real buzz. I was like, I've this is
perfect. I thought I really nailed it
because. The scripts great like that,
those two scenes that you read for.
Great bit of fun. Great, and you feel the
character. But my mates playing Roy Keane.
OK, I thought you were going to say, but we need to find out
who's going to play our role. Oh, this is what I need to find
out. It better not be Michael Frye.
If it's that same if you're, what if you take this another
role from me? I was from yesterday, they're
doing an RTS catch show. I did a little cameo.
Hello little stupid role. Don't work with my girlfriend,
fucking lovely and talented as Michael Frye is.
We don't work with Michael Frye. And you're just.
Not my role for dairy girls. Oh, no, I know the audition.
Don't worry, I know. That a better performance.
It's the framework. But I took that personally.
Have you ever seen the other Michael Jordan on the other side
of the I think I'm seeing people's tapes.
No SO. My wife wrote a thing and she
got all the tapes through force. For her auditioned.
For her auditioned and like, firstly, I was like, tell you
what, some actors are incredibly talented.
Like secondly, I was like, some are terrible and also is like
some of them I knew because it was like a comedic.
So yeah, and but there was that's where I was like, Oh
yeah, they're very good, but like they're actually too short.
That's very good. Oh no, but they're too tall,
like. It's the tiniest thing.
Yeah, and it is like, oh, no, didn't like, oh, gone done.
Oh, you don't like gone, done. I was like, Oh my God, this is
terrible. I did 1A pretty big one couple
days ago in here and and for the first time I took my time with
it. So it's way better than anything
I've done. I don't get it, but I, I Dave
Elliot's done like a load of stuff recently like blue lights
and some dramas type stuff that are coming out and he's killed
he's. Very good and blue.
Lights, but I got him to sit with me and we were like, I know
I'm like I so many times. We finished the podcast and it's
3:15 and I'm like, I've got to pick kids up at half three.
Let's shoot this audition and I'll do the lines once, like say
I'll fuck up the lines, fuck up the lines, say it once done.
And then I'm like, perfect. And I never watch a car print.
But and it's not a thing of I'm like, that was great.
I, I, I don't like the idea of watching myself back.
Yeah, I feel weird. Acting from the anyone?
So, yeah, but this was the first time I, like, watched it, slowed
it down, took on a bit of advice and all that kind of thing.
So what I'm saying is, Michael Frye, you're acting days.
You're not. No more rules for you, my
friend, because I've cracked. I know how to audition though.
You better start a pension. Michael Frank.
Yep. The best, The best one I ever.
Did sorry, even in his own biopic.
I'm playing Michael. I'm not he's not getting that
role. If they're like we're playing,
it's a biopic of Michael Frye set in present time.
That's I'm going to Michael Frye.
Michael Frye. The problem will be if you're
ever doing the biopic and Michael Frey gets the job then.
How do you feel about that? Would you put him in it?
But I would you, would you? Really like what you did.
He couldn't buy you. He could play himself and
because that would be great for that 20 minute section of the
movie dedicated to our beef, me and Michael Frey.
OK, I think. I could see me and Michael.
Frey IPAN type thing. He's my he's Mick McCarthy.
Let me so, Steve. Coogan plays Michael Frey.
Steve Coogan plays Michael Frey and I'm Michael.
What takes me this film? Is amazing.
Paul Maskell's in Paul Maskell, please your dad.
I'm going to see like I've taken my son to see a couple of
movies, so in the cinemas with Dawson Coin, I'm going to go and
see Gladiator and that will be my first time me going to see a
film since Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
I'm going back to the cinema for Gladiator 2.
I'm back in the cinema all. Yeah, that's my you're on the
road. What do you do?
Just during the day. Me and Willie T when we're on
the road. Yeah, Jim Son and Nando's Percy
Pigs at M&S. That's our day, every day.
I'm a little bit Paddington. We have the same day every.
Day, a little bit of rock and. Roll and well, he does look like
Paddington, yeah. So we have this scene.
Yeah, yeah, Willie wore a blue Anarch and a Red Hat.
Forget about it. He's.
Close. He's very.
Close. That would be no socks and
shoes, just down around the limelight.
Here's our day on tour and we're gonna we're gonna have hotel
breakfast at about half 8-9. We're gonna have breakfast.
Why do you what are you doing at the hotel?
Breakfast. Premier Inn type thing.
Finds a hotel. I'll go, I'll go like a motel
one. OK, yeah, I mean if.
Premier Inn's handy or whatever, then yeah, Premier Inn just
depends where we are. You have to cook breakfast.
This is what this was. The question was, are you doing
like full? Cook, I have a pops.
Really you want to know? My system of course.
I'm bringing in my own plastic bag.
First of all, shut the fuck. Up what are you talking about?
And they probably let you in. Yeah, of a plastic bag.
We still so I just did cork there.
I'll show up to the hotel breakfast with a carrier bag.
Best cards, Best cards ever. Also important to note, amazing
food everywhere. Right.
So, but you're bringing a plastic bag he.
Doesn't go to food places either, he goes to Nando's.
There's no I get. I know, I understand.
That, but at the hotel, transcends food.
What are you bringing that? They open up, opening soon, a
forest side as well. What's in the bag?
That's what That's what I hear you ask.
So in Cork, I'll tell you what. Was in that bag.
I had some element purchase, potassium, magnesium, sodium.
So what I'll do as soon as I walk out?
And by element you meant I like as in like the elements.
The company LMNT. OK, OK.
I don't know what that is. Yeah.
Sodium Electroly. Those are just elements on the
periodic table. Is.
That look at it sport, right? No.
So I go in and. It's boarding a bag I.
Stay a break from comedy. I go in iti go in.
You work there, right? I do.
Hypothetically. We've got to go back to comedy.
What's happened there? You work, You work in the Motel
One, are we? This podcast is.
Real you work in the Motel One. I work in the motel one.
And I want you to play. I want you to be Michael Frye
playing someone working in a Motel One.
So you work in the Motel One now?
No, I'm just coming down from. I'm playing, you playing.
I'll walk in, right. You.
You say. I'm sorry.
What's your name? No, just.
No, if we're doing that, we're doing a chain if this is an
intent. Motel.
Why you're not getting that? One Motel 1 might be.
Watching, Yes, but but why? No, No, yes.
OK, OK, OK. OK.
Sorry, what's your what's your room number?
04/01. 04/01. I apologise.
He's one of these guys. No, it's fine.
I find you. I find you.
I find you Great. Sir, if you just want to take a
seat on your Jack would like some tear coffee.
Could I just get a cup of boiling water first, please?
Yes, yes, you can. So I'm sensing an attitude here.
I don't think that's a that's a big deviation from tear coffee.
Just if I can get a couple. Yeah, no problem.
We can do that. Yeah, for one, what's that?
You don't need the. Well, you're in, you're, you're
technically in my hotel. So what is my business?
Yeah, but I can. Yeah, but.
So I don't like your attitude. First of all, I'm going to get
my manager. This is my manager.
This is when I go when I'm going to get my bear to give you a
stare. OK, so yeah, no problem.
Here's here's your hot water. Thank you.
Take my hot water electrolyte pouch in what I had in cork in
my bag as well. We skip a creatine, stir that
up, get my vitamin D tablet. Imagine you're SAP beside that.
Well, that's why I asked you put in a corner because I don't want
anyone to see. Me.
Nobody puts baby in the corner. Then I have this.
Is serial killer. Behaviour in there I have oh.
Michael Fassbender, yeah, that is.
Thank God you didn't say Fry. And I have a little, you know,
like a Chinese spice plastic, little plastic container, right,
that you might have in a restaurant.
They would have all their different spices there.
Or like a house. Yeah, yeah.
Or in a house. I have that with almond butter
in it. What I put almond?
Butter in it because I know they're not going to have almond
butter. Yeah, fair enough.
That's fair, so I'll order. Can I get the porridge with just
water or almond milk please? Yeah, which, which would you
like? Almond milk?
Sure, please. Perfect, I get that scoop in my
almond butter. To the porridge.
To the porridge and then I'm going to go up to the fruit and
I'm going to get myself, umm. Is that one of the members of
staff? Then I'll say, excuse me, can
you tell me where the. Can I get out of frame?
With the with the bananas and I'll get banana not apples, I'll
get banana not. Apples.
Not apples, not apples. I'll get.
So deadly serious, banana. Strawberries, raspberries, stuff
like that that goes into the porridge.
Mix that up. I've got my porridge, then I
will have a wee fruit ball on the side that I'll I'll be
selective about because they put apple in with like fruit melon,
pineapple, it doesn't need to be there but so fish that and then
I've got a bowl of that. Fish out the apple.
You're on the apple. Fish that.
Android guy. Then I eat my porridge and my
fruit. Then I go back and have a cooked
breakfast. Right.
So you have this like fucking concoction.
I've got a carton of almond milk as well in the back.
Have you ever asked them can you make the porridge with this?
Oh. Oh God, I think you've just
given people a job then. I should do that, but then I've
got my cooked break, then I have my cooked breakfast.
What do you have in the cooked breakfast?
Eggs. Bacon.
What type of eggs? Beans gluten free Toast, either
fried or Michael fried or poached, but like, not running.
Do you have to bring gluten free bread or is that just assumed?
I will assume hotels have it. They will have.
It 9 out of 10, especially hotels, they'll have it, but
that's one where they're like. See when you said 9 out of 10,
especially hotels and as opposed to like we're talking about.
Hotels I mean 9 out of 10 hotel but I fuse 2 sentences. 9 out of
10 hotels will have them and I go especially when you go out
places, especially hotels. You're also you're not always in
a hotel, for instance, and I don't know if you know this when
we do Killarney next week, we're not hunting lodge.
So good, we're going to go hunting.
No. Well, for what?
Yeah, this is what happens when you put me in charge.
Because I asked the venue, because it's at the INEC, which
like has a hotel like as part of the thing.
And I was like sad the shine or whatever.
Like do they have like a discount for performers in the
hotel? And I think probably what
happened on there on the hotel's end of the phone is, yeah, if
they sell tickets, but this can't getting fuck.
All right. They just came back and were
like, this is how much it cost. And we were like, oh, that's
shit loads. So we're going to go.
Stay in a hunting law. I know you're like, we're just
renting out. Yeah, it's a 55 beds hunting
lodge that's. Where you want to speak to
George Staunton's brother and get a get?
A these guys have look at Windows, don't you heard of
that? Yeah.
Shooting window What? Do you hunt?
Game vibes. I don't know what game.
I don't know what game, Yeah. I don't know what they do.
Yeah, must be something like that.
Either way, he does not have gluten free bread.
And yeah. He's not.
Gonna he's not gonna have. Stuff, Yeah, Killarney, there's.
Almost no chance. How long does that going to keep
going then? Keep me going.
Well, that breakfast you've just you skipped?
Live. What That is a kingly face.
That's big. I don't skip meals if I'm having
that what that 9 I'm good for You tell me like half 12.
Lunch half 12 and then what's is it?
Are you double Nandos and every day?
No. What's the lunch spot?
We'll go Wagamama lunch and on those dinner.
What is it category? Possibly.
Doctor Berry. Crohn's is Easter, it's a trade
off. Yeah.
Eat like a king. Come on.
Internal Pauper. Yeah, shit, like I said.
Yeah, so that's why I can eat. Look.
Yeah. That's so good, but we're on the
Nandos train on the play because it's just so safe, so easy.
It just works and you can get something a bit healthy.
I've. Started with this fucking online
coach and you're like, you know, you're like, you're like, I'm
making good decision for the first week of like, yeah,
they're like sending pictures of everything you eat.
And I sent them like like my healthy Nandos order.
I was like 6 guys broccoli coleslaw.
I was like, I fucking nailed this.
And he was like, coleslaw is a bit behind calories.
I was like. Tell me, Tell me your first day.
Oh, the first day, yeah, first day I had to start sending
pictures to this online coach guy.
I had the, I was fucking, I was doing this like interview from
my mate's wee brother who's making like a YouTube show
called Supper and a Can in Glasgow.
And he's just like a mad wee guy who like wants to be a YouTube
and interview people. And I was like, yeah, come on
and do it. And today one of like sending
pictures of everything I ate to the personal trainer.
He was like, right, what was for breakfast?
I sent him a deep fried slice of pizza and then like a fish
supper and I was like, yeah, that's day one. 11:00 in the
morning. And the rest of the day, I was
like, why am I so grumpy, right? And John was like, you've eaten.
Yeah. Yeah, he's like walking.
Heart attack, yeah. And John knows.
Elvis, you had heart attack. Yeah, yeah, Grandma, don't
worry. About it not ideal to have one.
To have one, yeah. Four days before you went to the
hospital. I would love that to be true.
Six weeks. Did you know you've had one?
No. No, no, I didn't know, which is
why I didn't like no. What the fuck?
But I thought if you have a heart attack and then it's done,
it's. Not like the movies.
It's not like the movies. You don't.
I didn't get that. Where were you when happened?
I was having breakfast. I was eating a bowl of like,
Muesli, trying to be healthy. Yeah, ironic and like a talk
about instead. But like it's just felt this and
I this is mad. I've been at the gym the day
before. It's like chest day.
And and then I got this weird feeling of like it was like
almost like like just kind of a weird pressure in my chest.
It was like a bit of a pain, but I was like, oh, like, that's
probably from the workout. Neat.
Muesli looked And then so you know, because you get, you know,
like it kicked. In you know when you get
thermogenic. Yeah, thermogenic.
I was like, I'm losing weight already.
And I just got a bit nauseous. And then I was like, oh, that's
weird. And I, I like, I did have the
thought, am I having a heart attack right now?
And then I was like, no, yeah, like I was only like, what, 34
something? I was like, Nah.
And then. And I remembered going, I'll
tell you what's never happened. When someone's having a heart
attack, they've never continued eating breakfast.
Yeah. So I forced down another couple
of singing moves, and then it went away after a few minutes.
All the feedings just went away. And I was like, Oh, Grant, I
just went to work and I listened like a few weeks later, I was
listening to Kevin Smith know that the Jane silent Bob and he
had had he had had his big heart attack and he was on this
podcast and he was saying that when he went in to get treated,
they were like, this is your like 5th.
And he was like, I've not had a heart attack.
And they were like, did you ever feel like a bit nauseous, like
sort of WAVY over here prep And he was like, and they're like,
that's a heart attack. I was like, Oh, maybe that's why
I'm tired all the time and I can't walk really anymore.
And I, I should go and see a doctor.
And I did. And they were like, hey, heart
attack. Wow.
Grand now. But you have to like do you
have? AI go for check.
No, I go for cheques all the time, but I'm no, no, I'm fine.
I didn't have to get the thing I've got like AI have a like a
problem that is basically stress relate.
Like stress is what caused that. But like as long as it's
monitored, it's more this is so boring, but there's more chance
of it going wrong if they went in to try and fix the problem
than it being sort of serious issue.
Remember we were having crack 5 minutes ago.
That's his fault I never want to talk about.
That no, but no, that's that's interesting that because IA 100%
if I thought I'd had one, which is like, but it's OK now.
What was funny was like. We.
My wife and I went to, we went to New York not long after and
we're sort of walking around and my wife was complaining because
she had blisters in her, in her thing.
And I was like, do you know what else is not?
What else is so hard to be walking around New York?
My broken heart. Yeah, yeah, I think I'm gonna
die if you make me climb one more flight of stairs.
So. Well, I think we should.
We should put your heart to the test and let's go have chicken
waffles. Oh, Truffles.
Truffles, truffles truffles but get an appointment for after I
think. I just let it go.
Tutorial. John, thank you very much for
coming on the pod. Thanks man.
Thanks Bush and the rest of the tour.
Rest the tour around like the UK and Ireland.
There's like maybe 10 or 12. When's this come out?
We'll put the link in. 20th of November, there's some dead
slab, maybe their stuff. There's stuff happening and
John's, John's going on tour, Johnston stuff.
Tour next March I have a show in Belfast on the 25th of November.
Go to my Instagram John M Comedy.
Nice words, you. The show is currently I can't
I've I'm having a problem with the venue, it's in Belfast.
Belfast. Yeah, I don't want to say you.
Don't want to confirm it because it's fallen through twice.
Here break news three times, Yeah.
In Belfast, though. In Belfast.
Is terrible for your heart. Let's get him a venue.
Bye John, a venue.
Yeah. Thank you very much.
Great. Thanks.