Silver, welcome to this episode of the Tea with Me podcast with
me, Shane thought. Before we get into this episode,
let me tell you that our Patreon, it's blowing up right
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You're not William Thompson. Me.
William. Jason, you forgot to pronounce
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But you don't actually have to listen to the stuff, do you?
Down but you see it. Yeah, you make a little audio
preview. Well done, you're big pervert.
Just a tease. Is that all the commas?
Dude, be glad over there and pretend you're in a coma.
I don't know whether that looks like the Undertaker or a guy
getting sucked. Off I have, not long, but that
long I wish. Hey, Mom.
Actually I have seen it. You haven't seen mine.
I've seen it. If you have it in the summer
months, you wouldn't see it right now.
Why do you keep it at? Home I was like a wee moles
nose. It's just freezing.
Do you take it off like a wee silencer?
Actually bring with me in a case I can pull it you.
There would be a queue. Oh.
The favourite lesson we'll put we're doing Stars in your eyes
on the 18th of December 17th, 18th of December here.
Happy days. My Oslo shows going to get
cancelled. So I will be home a day early.
So I'll not be home on the day. The show will be home the day
before it. Also Milan cancelled.
For you want to do a gig in Milan?
Who the fuck? No, I'm not.
That's a point exactly. I know.
Why did I think I could do it? But they got in touch in the I
went, I'll still do it and they went the venue.
Oh, really? Yes, slightest off like.
How many? How many seats was it?
Capacity 1. 140. How many you sell?
3. Man, I don't know why I'm
laughing. I've so well, as you said well.
In Milan, you tell in. Milan I'm actually a massive
head, but the. 3rd of the Sun series.
The thing of an opera singer. So yeah, Patreon head over
there, the tickets by now, maybe the public, but there were
Patreon exclusive. That's what we do.
A lot of exclusives over there. I'm gonna do Lazy boys Every
every every every everyone. Whatever I feel like it,
whatever something is. It's whatever you want to be,
whatever you what is this one time we're gonna have to set
down, have a conversation with you and Malingo.
What is this? Yeah, what are we?
We can. See a podcast or we just.
I feel that we should be tickets the next stage.
You said we lose both, Pedro. Umm, what else do you have to
say that? Waterfront.
Waterfront Hall T was me 29th 30th of November tickets flying
for those Link is in the description.
Before we go on this podcast, let me tell you we're sponsored
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My guest this week is, can I say this, a cheeky guy?
Yeah, the packs are dancing there.
Take the packs yet, Or the packs yet.
There's still teddies. No, they're packs tell you how
you how you identify. Do you if you see the packs, the
packs milkers? Yeah, yeah, they're mad milkers.
Have you ever? Like neither white can.
Ask you a quick, serious question.
Just be, but just give the answer.
Maybe serious. OK, let me get ready.
Have you ever don't just stop? Have you ever had because I'll
get secondhand popcorn, though. Have you ever my I would.
I'm the sort of guy would die. Passive aggressive.
I'm the sort of guy I would die my immune system, that local
Crohn's, I would die of secondhand vaping.
Could be sad. So hopefully it would be.
No, if it happened. All right, so have you ever had
a lady? The smaller bruiser me.
No, no. Oh.
Kiss your nipples or do anything my.
Time it's not good like it's because I'm hurry too and it's
fat. But can I remember one time I
remember one time a lady was was working away downstairs into the
kitchen my dinner. I was trying to be and I could
tell she was like I was a mistake.
No, but I'm I don't look hurry. But no play.
No, no. So she was getting like and then
there was a point of like there was just a note of chest, pubes
and belly her. Why was that the start of bad
romance? But Lady Gaga I don't like.
I also don't like my balls being touched.
No, but I'm not interested. I'm interested in nipple play.
Right. I think you're asking me because
you want to tell me a story. No, No, I'm not.
No, you've been fucking. I even tuned in.
I can't have my nipples touched. Yeah, like 252 and these things
I. I zodiacs nightclub Lurgan.
I've said this before, I'll say it again.
I don't have my nipples don't protrude at all.
So I don't know if it's a, if they're sensitive, whatever.
I can't have these touch. Yeah, so I think if no one's
ever like, like went near my nipples, but if they did, it
would be essentially grabbing a hit, right?
You know what I mean? Like they are.
I do have. But would you be against that
affiliate? Yes.
Right. Yeah, yeah.
There's one thing I want you to touch in the bedroom, a
butthole. Don't don't put yourself
through. I would let a doctor.
Freak out it Willy stuff. You're like, no, no, no.
No, no, no. Let's get back.
I'm already backed up. That's why I wouldn't let
anywhere near it. Yeah, I wouldn't have a
document. Have you had anything up your?
Bum, I've had two colonoscopies. Have you today?
I keep volunteering for medical research again.
A loyalty. Card.
I've had two colonoscopies. Tell you what's the exam isn't.
It doesn't get better. Yeah.
You want to see the revision was done at home, putting the ball
right up. Umm.
Where's that GoPro? I'm sorry.
At that, yeah, it doesn't. Like you think you've done it
once, the next time won't be as bad.
It's still always the worst thing you've ever done.
I had a doctor like top my butt hole one time.
What, like trying to pay for something?
It was a wee bit like, you know, when you're going through the
toll, it's not working as all barriers up where you go, you
just. Stand in Dundalk.
You're you're are trying. To no shall pass path wind umm I
was discussing but. So what?
Why? What medical?
Reasons at the time I'd had remember I had that Abscess with
tailbone. So I had like surgeon with
tailbone. I don't want yeah, discussing.
And I went to the doctor being I think I need to get like another
surgery on this because it's like it's quite painful.
So usually they would sit you down in your belly and just kind
of go look in your bum crack and go, all right, yeah, whatever.
This one doctor was like land your side and then lift your
legs up. The worst?
And then and. Then he just kind of like was
tapping the best we thought might be sore and then give it
away like pop like just real quick.
Well, like he was using like first generation iPod.
Yeah, like, yeah, like it like a, like a grandparent using
money. He's like.
Yes, yes, with a big tax. Yeah, and then he just locked
the phone real quick, like. Sorry I'm of you letting
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The link is in the description. Back to the episode The Call.
Last way. I wouldn't.
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Yeah. Does it go?
How far up does it go? It goes right in your stomach
goes. In all your.
Your boil your colon, which is the large intestine.
Through every bit of it and you see it, you're watching it as if
you want you're watching as it happen and you're half not
you're. Can you be knocked out for that?
I think you can be yeah. Or I would.
Take I would request. You're woozy, you're woozy.
You don't know what's going on. What's you doing?
All right, I, I was, I might have said this before, but I was
like, you're like, you're really woozy, right?
So you're, you're conscious, but you, you're a bit do lolly and
they're just listening to like the radio right in the operating
room. And also they're trying to make
it as like comfortable normal as possible.
And the, the doctors talking to the nurse, they're all just
talking as normal and you're kind of aware of it.
And they had the Radio One and this was like 2 years ago.
Ignition remix comes on and I thought, show them how relaxed
you are and convince yourself you're relaxed.
And it went, can I get it? I joined in the but the doctor
told me after Ignition remix ended 15 minutes ago.
Oh shit. I did the probably like an ad
for like carpet, right? And I just chimed in with the
way they're like, it's OK mate. And there was a song to get a
good chat with the guy at the very start and he was chatting
away and I said, oh, you're from he said Palomina.
And then there was a song on and it was JC Stewart who's been on
the Paul before, same strong letter from here and he's from
microfelt think and I said during the like toward the end
of colonoscopy, I went and the JC shirts on and they just go.
I went he's from microfelt, like you and the guy was from
Ballymena know all right, right, right.
And I was like that. And then I stopped talking.
But like, you just sit after it for a while and you just have
like a bit of time. Did you start to feel normal
again? Yeah.
And then I went for a big fry after, but I still felt all
like. Unveiled.
Yeah. It's when you're lying on your
side and then you watch the camera if you want come out.
I couldn't do that. It's like a reverse roller
coaster, like you see, you see, you've done.
The real adventures the night before.
The prep you have to like empty. You have to drink what is it
like 6 pints instead of? Yeah, this.
It tastes like metal and it flushes you out, but then you've
just got to like go to bed. I think he's he had one done
recently. He was like, yeah, he was you.
You go to sleepy and like surely this I can't be going to sleep
yet. This isn't so you just you're
just awake all night. Put it this way, see, if I was
doing it again, I'd sleep in the bath.
Sorry I it doesn't sound I were one time did.
You think you're flushed out? But it's just there's memories
off on it. Yeah.
You forget the song lyrics. Creek episodes are not coming
out Pogs. Fucking miss her birthday.
I remember 1 of the times I had I had like sex surgeries done on
that tailbone thing. Yeah, because it's really hard
to get at the heel up so. So what is it?
Like a spot? Like a bat.
Essentially an ingrown her what happens is there.
It's really disgusting, right? But the the herd like grows in
so long that it ends up getting infected.
But it creates like a like a track yeah, inside you.
And then that can turn septic. So you can you can die from it
like and I had. To die.
There's other ways to go, like, but I remember one time like
waking up from the surgery and there was a very attractive
nurse was pulling the breathing tube out of my throat, right And
I was going. To get a breathing tube in.
Because they knock you out. So you're like, have you?
Have you fucking. Well, just pull something in my
throat. I don't know what I was like,
yeah. But I remember.
I remember like, distinctly Dry Haven in this woman's face.
And then being like he and then like falling asleep with you and
waking up. And because like, obviously it
was on my bum. I was wearing those those net
like mesh pants. Yeah.
And I was like, she'd have these all my decking balls.
Oh yeah, I'm looking at I'm a decking balls.
They're going to roll a post office in the 80s.
Well, the worst getting circumcised.
You know we talk about like getting comedians Willy, but
just before you go on to your decking balls like shrink, you
think about that the nerves compared to doing like a 7
minute gig for to getting sort like they've now it's never be.
It's just not a true. Representation of who I am.
Yeah, yeah. And I remember being like,
couldn't feel anything and I knew they were just out and
stuff and I was like, I just want to apologise.
This is not like this. I'd be like, if it wasn't weird,
I would just send pictures to the whole medical stuff that
were there that day. Yeah.
And go just let you know this is.
That's a fight. Yeah, yeah, I remember having
that the time I went. I've done a bit of time about
it, but I, I thought I had like something wrong with my Willy
and it wasn't sexual because there hadn't been any.
But it was like, there's something wrong here.
And I. Was wrong.
I'll tell you the second I've been at myself too much.
Sister and Goldman. So basically, yeah.
So I basically chafed. Now you say then add yourself
like can you? Give us some bottle down.
It was like when you get a new PlayStation more than.
Twice a day. I was going for yeah and a lot
of free time like. Yeah, but sure it's not.
Was it fun or were you just feel like clocking in the work that I
feel like you could've gone for a walk.
You couldn't. That's right, after that, our
long walk. And it was, yeah, the doctor
just I was like, what is that? And he went was do you have a
wank like yesterday? I went, it was when do you
notice this? I went Wednesday morning.
What was the problem with it was at the airtime.
It was Mickey. You know that I said, look,
let's just come clean. There was a bit of technical
difficulties. You can't stop, you'll break it
again. There was technical difficulties
there. And Dan said the Michael or it
must be the a Tim. You know, the way they talk
about all the technical stuff, must be the A Tim.
Yeah. And then I said the Mickey.
Well, they say Mickey. Said that was my favourite TV
show in the 80's, the air team. Did it?
And. Then we said we've never seen.
It I've never. Seen it.
You said the movie is good. Movie I'd like Neeson's in it.
Neeson's in it, and Bradley Cooper's in it, and he's just
very, very good looking. Yeah, he is.
He's in very good shape. But and look people and glad
like you shouldn't judge other people.
He's had a lot of work done these days at the minute thing.
Is it a legit thing? Was just one?
Was it just one photo? A little bit dodgy?
I. Don't know, I don't know, but
you sort of like you're a good looking.
Man. Yeah.
I was watching an episode of Always On in Philadelphia this
morning, right? And Brian Cranston was on us
with a handlebar moustache and Ken along her and I was like, oh
daddy, he looks fantastic for a man who's probably in the 60s
and. Then you probably knock one out
like. You'd knock and I was just back
with Jimmy Armstrong, but he he looks great for a man because I
think there's there's something I think quite cool about people
that go, yes, I look like this because I'm fucking 60.
Can you give me? Another great example, Larry
David. Larry David, perfect example.
He owns his look. Yeah, there's something very
like Kim Cattrall's another one. Hasn't had an awful lot of stuff
done. And you go, you look, you look
60 odd. It's good.
Yeah. Have you seen Pamela Anderson?
She's got all the stuff taken out.
Stolen. Beautiful.
Stolen beautiful. I mean, don't get me wrong, I
still love in big junkies. So.
It does genuinely look like fantastic.
So I don't know when we lost footage there, but you went to
the doctor, you had to get multiple surgeries.
You said six surgeries on that. Over the course, about 10 years,
yeah. And I'm totally fine now.
Joe was weird about it. So basically what because they
have the this is very disgusting.
So if you're eating dinner, I'm sorry with this, but they have
to leave that open. So it has the heel from autumn
like so they have the like it has the heel from the inside
out. So the packet to stop healing
over. So at one point, several times
there was, it would, it's supposed to heal like this and
my heal like that. And I had to cut this bed off
and I thought they'd knock me out for this dinner when I was
wide awake, like just took a scalpel and like just shaved
flesh off my back. And I remember the the nurse, I
was about 15. The nurse was like, I've seen
grown men come in here, rugby players and soldiers and be
crying. And you didn't make a fucking
peep. And I spat the top of the bed
out and you handed it to like a chewed through a hospital bed.
It was a fucking sword. But yeah.
And then it was, I eventually got to a point where I just, it
was almost healed and I just stopped going back to the doctor
and started, started actually working out and it fucking
sorted stuff out. Why were you get?
Why do you get it? It just happens.
I was just a hurry arse and I think at the time I was probably
14 or 15 was it? So I was, I was actually doing a
lot of Taekwondo. So I think I'd have been
sweating quite a bit and don't. And then yeah.
And then doing like setups on a wooden floor in a fucking church
hall. You do, Rocket, and I was.
Blue belt. I have, I have a horrible bit of
body hair because it's like 1 little strip.
I've like more body hair than people would think, but I had
this like horrible strip at the bottom of my back and it's just
like this. It's just like a rectangle of it
and it's gross. I'd like to not have.
I have a thing I had never noticed it before but I have not
loads but I'm starting to get like old man like long black
puby looking hairs or like around my back.
Right. And I'm like, get them out.
But how are you seeing them? Just posing the Myrtle, I think
it was John was I was I was taking a photo of the tattoo I
have on my back to send the tattoo artist because I want to
cover it up and then zoomed in and was like what the fuck?
Oh yeah, we like blue one. We.
Dragon thing, yeah. Why you Why would you want to
cover up the WE Dragon? Normally show I just that's
cool. It's it's just sense of got a.
Bigger dragon. It's fucking but it's massive
now because I'm fat as fuck and I'm like I may as well just get
something around this to cover up the fact that it was a 20 LB
tattoo when I was drunk. Oh, what is you got that tattoo
now? 19 I think.
Yeah, I remember you were like the comedian had tattoos.
Then I was like for this game, making Bartlett 2.
Years 2 tattoos that. Is a waste.
Cost £100. Yeah, it's not good, is it?
I want to get more tattoos again.
Me too. Two more than I'm done.
Yeah, I want to get something between my Joker Cardinal Karate
Kid 137 to say that out loud. Would you?
Where would you go? Would you go arms or would you
go? I think it might get one in the
inside of my wrist there. Or is that kind of like, is that
like Mumsy I? Don't think so.
I just always feel like that. That freaks me out because you
can see the veins. Do you know?
I'm also I want to get some more tattoo.
It'll be one of the media areas. Right, right, right.
Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
It's a name of your rap group, isn't?
Media area, Yeah, yeah. I think I'd like to get one
there and then I want to get one and it's like a light toast
thing, right? But I don't know where because
what I can like about mine is they're not dead obvious.
Yeah. So like, I don't want to get it
on my arm. I don't think I don't want to
get him a torso so I might just get on my other.
Your arms were it's like above T-shirt level.
It's never really a problem. Should I mean?
But then I I, I'll probably start when I get 40.
I'm just going to wear vests. Just wear stringers like.
Well, that's why you'll get more tattoos.
Yeah, yeah. Would you like it if I just came
a real tough, like real night? These tough guy?
You are pretty tough. Donna's man.
Yeah, I'd very much, I'd very much enjoy.
If I've recently bought a Cobra K tank top, then I'm going to
wear my holidays ward box one day as well.
You don't just tell me. The boys in the gym, really.
I go there for three weeks. That's hilarious that that's
like I'm I'm wearing my holidays to a strict where you on
Tenerife, Australia when you when you go. 3rd of November so
the death material finishes. Oh, that's nice.
Straight, straight away. Isn't it three weeks of sun just
to top it up? And what?
Talk me through the flight out. Are we going to?
Are you flying from Dublin? Yeah.
And is it going to be? I'm disgusted, Jim.
Why No. Don't tell me you're flying.
No, Mick. Mick, you can't do.
I will not let you do. This one waterfront this year,
it didn't sell out, so. Dan I.
Have to be a normal. You'd gofundme.com start a
campaign. We are back business, don't get
wrong. Oh yeah.
But yeah, flat out economy. But it's fine because I've done
I've, I've, I've nailed it. I've picked leg room.
There's no pram near it, so there's no babies and there's a
window and I have been picked. So I'm gambling with That's a
couple. You could have a 2 seater.
Yeah, I'll get the window. You won't window.
And realistically, when there's free booze on a flight like
that, you can. How long is it?
Perth? Yeah.
So that's a shorter one. 20 hours I think in total.
So actually double dough has seven.
Yeah. And then dough had a Perth 11.
Oh here. So it's not that bad.
That's fine. It's it's the other side.
We do the. New Zealand, Yeah, the New
Zealand one. What's New Zealand?
Did you fly from here to New Zealand?
Did you? Go when?
The one hours just to the Middle East and then a seven.
Fuck yeah. Oh yeah, no, that'll be as
business all the way. That was awful.
Umm So what I'm saying is when you get to Dublin, what is
Mickey Bartlett that we know your system on the flight, but I
want to know your airport plan because I have weird airport.
By Dublin airport I tend to just walk around us until it gets
cold because it's always that busy.
Right. Umm.
You won't buy snackies for the plane or anything.
Sometimes yelled by we think of Wang.
Flight to Australia. Yeah, that's all you need.
But are you happy with whatever food they serve up?
Are you please like you'll be like, yeah, no problem, you can
eat. That most of the time, yeah, but
a lot of time we'll be fucking hammered anyways.
Now what I'm saying is when you get like and when you get to the
Middle East airport, are you are you just going straight to the
gate or are you having a meeting?
Noel, book the flights usually book it where you've only got
about two and a half, three hours of a layover.
Right, Because it just adds into the the time you're going to be
uncomfortable and stinky. Yeah.
So I'll tell the just. Yeah, I'll, I'll.
I'll go look at watches. I left them approached by one of
the men in Doha. I'll probably buy one out of
you. Buy a like this.
Yeah, I've done a couple. Like I'll just buy a Ouija
shock. Just like.
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
You don't have to. Sorry about the War on Terror.
But this makes it but there's 70.
Times. I am.
I'm weird with that. Like very weird with airport
trouble. If I'm if I'm taking your
flight, I'm bringing a packed lunch for the flight.
Right. But both legs of it.
Right, so I can't perceive. Fun.
I mean, that's not a media, that's maybe a cheese sandwich
or something. You're not having meat.
My meat will only be for the first leg of the flight.
Yeah right. Not mental I but I will have
other stuff like a load of pancakes and we better we talk
about almond butter meat. But I know in Dublin airport I
get my I get a wee thing here and then this bit of it I get
there. So I know, just let me cook.
You know what I mean? Explain the making that you
won't. If you were going to the airport
together, Shane won't stay with you.
Oh, see, if you're like just going to sit here, I'll meet you
at the gate. Perfectly fine.
I've we things. I get I am very like, I don't
like to be talking to anybody right.
If I've if I've been on holidays with a partner or family,
whatever, I'm like I can happily walk around here, listen to my
headphones. Yep, I just I'll go look at a
window or something. The idea of sitting here feeling
all excited fucking drives me nuts.
Right. No, I'm working like I I might
even in Dublin Airport. You know, the way you can walk
between Terminal 1 Terminal. Two a couple times.
But I'm, I might need, I go, there's only a Starbucks in this
one. So I've got to go get my almond
milk for tea on the plane over here.
So I'm working like until I get on that plane and then I'll get
all my food out and I'm, I'm delighted.
Like, I also spend a lot of time just judging people in airports.
Ah yeah, yeah, I'll do an awful lot of like.
Yeah. Have you ever flown before?
Like people who don't know? Yeah.
Or do I have to get these not? Even that, sometimes I'll judge
what they're wearing on the plane.
I'm like, I know that looks comfy, but it feels comfy but it
doesn't look great. I've started getting an
addiction. You're tagged into that, Sandra.
I started getting an addiction on her and Willie Tease, the
only one who knows about it and he's I feel like he should be
doing more to stop me doing it. Percy pigs.
Percy pigs full packet of Perses in the gob as soon as we land
anyway, because there's always in the airport, there's a wee
M&S guy packet of Perses. And even if it's a big, I want
the wee packet. And see, now I'm even talking
about we Perses. You turn into we Perses.
Maybe we might sit here getting all juicy.
I love these Perses. Do you know why I eat Persies?
My musket, no juice. How do you eat Persies?
I'm not a fan. There's I said I'm not a fan.
I always look at them and think I don't like them and I have one
go fuck, they are nice. Should you know what the one
people go to do? You want I do right?
I think it's weird when people just like either eat at all,
like just put it in as is or bite bits off.
What I do is I grab the Persy, push in between the ears, down
the middle of the face, right? So I fold it and then fold it
again. So it's like a weak calzone,
Percy. And I like that and I love them.
I do you know what I think I. Get all like.
Do you ever see somebody eat a Malteser in two bites?
No, I didn't have. Weird.
I'm like stop that. Yeah.
You take the bag and you pour until you can't break and then
you just start trying. I remember.
Yeah, and obviously I can't beat Maltesers as you know, but for.
Real Maltesers. I can't have milk, Mickey, you
know this. But even Maltesers like.
What do you think makes Maltesers fine?
People in Malta. I I've heard about people
getting a big bag of Maltesers or minstrels more than the
popcorn. It's divine.
That not like. Giant chocolate buttons and
popcorn. Oh, and I don't normally like
salt and popcorn, but if you throw a bit of chocolate into
it, that's a that's a good combination.
But do you not buy airport snacks and then like you have
them on the plane or? Like I'll maybe get a wee wee so
much we have a cheese, but I find because I because I do
drink on the planes to try and sleep, I honestly feel like I
bloat so much that I'm like I can't even put any food in here
and then spend a day and a half fart when I get off right.
You get gassy after a long flights.
No, I don't notice. Not that I notice.
I definitely get very, very, very gassy.
What house tour life? She's so tired.
I have got this. So I mean Porter Ferry tonight
from tomorrow, then I think it's Ballymena and somewhere else
next week, and then it's like Galway somewhere else and then
Finns, Galway, Cookson and Yuri. Is Alan Irwin doing all your
support? Yeah, apart from Galway because
it's part of the festival, so I'm just down.
And what's our like is a as a tour buddy phenomenal.
Yeah, he's so he's so good because it's like, because he's
been doing some quite a long time as well.
We we do a lot of driving of like, fuck, do you remember him?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking about guys that like
sort of yes. The exact same thing backstage
at libraries night last night. Someone mentioned a guy and I
was like, do you remember? Yeah, So that's, that's fun.
Yeah. It's he's good.
He's good. Crack on tour.
Does he bring like does he bring snacks or anything?
And I'm hungry. That's when I'm.
Talking snacks and water, boys. Yeah, water.
Maybe we cook or something, but I'll I'll make sure I'm like
I'll look after on the tour. So I'm like you said there.
If you want to go to shop, I'll go get it.
You'll do a shop. Run, I'll do a we shop run be
already after that's fucking. Because I'm taking Willy T up to
Derry tonight and I'm ferry in the wee bastard because he was
driving me when my car was getting fixed.
Right. He was picking me up a lot like
a wee and I would make him more like a wee.
We you said in the. Battle and white gloves sit in
the back. Umm, so I'm going to drive him
tonight class. I get his, get him his dinner
and everything. We have dinner.
Nando Dairy never too busy. Never too busy.
Staff are good right by the venue.
Yeah, where you are you form class.
I love it. It is a great venue, It's
brilliant. Yeah, and I take Carey.
They appreciate you coming up. Really don't dare, you know,
because you live there. They don't like to leave to go
to Belfast for stuff. I, they, they go, hey, give it,
give it to us. There's I, I actually drove
around there yesterday because I had a bit of time to kill.
So I was getting there in Wednesday night.
I was in the podcast yesterday. Normal.
So I just drove around Derry and I had a weird experience where I
was driving past places I used to live going.
Was it that one or that one? Like I'm like, fuck, I'm getting
old. Yeah.
Do I love you to call the people you know?
Yeah, I used to live. Do you mind if I take a wee walk
around? She and talks about.
What? What year was it you lived here?
19 Seventy, 2017. 2000 and I worked there.
Oh. It hasn't changed a bit, sorry.
Give me a minute. Bruce still covered my way.
Do you? Remember then we go to, we were
doing a gig and dairy one night and then you were like, we're
going to a house party and then they wouldn't let us in.
Do you remember this? And then we just slept in your
car or we're in. It was more of a gathering.
The amount of time I stepped my car in there he's fucking.
I remember going up for Halloween one night and then
losing my mates. I just being like fuck it.
Kept in the car, kept in the car.
I'll be Hyundai accident to see more grown men sleeping with
then I knew there was not. I knew there was not the more
than a. Beds.
Sleeping bag DFS. Yeah.
And after the tour, will you make any extravagant purchases?
I love when you finish a tour that that you get to go.
You have you're not doing the custom shoes as much.
No. That was a real problem.
For you, yeah, well, it's the slave labour that really upset.
It's when they arrive and you go, fuck, they're not that nice
and you go, I was a toddler, made that.
I can't really complain. So we'll just stick with
Converse. That's what I call my fans, by
the way. Toddlers.
Oh. Converse here.
That is good. It is.
That's pretty good. Yeah, I should start to end that
should it do toddlers. So it's converse now.
Yeah, yeah, I have a lot of converse actually.
Yeah, yeah, you're always big converse.
Yeah, as always said that about you, it's.
Because I've got like skinny leg, I can't wear shoes like
that. What?
Would you describe these As for the audio listeners?
Just big, massive. Your feet are fucking huge.
Actually, the more you look at them, you're like, Jesus Christ,
big chunky. Trainers.
Big chunky, Yeah. Because because I'm already a
chunky boy of skinny legs. So like, I do like a high top,
Yeah, but I've also got 10 and two feet.
So when I wear high tops, people go.
You look like you're like a Penguin walk.
Yeah. Kind of thing going on, Yeah.
Speaking of you watch, Dave told me to start watching the
Penguin. I haven't yet.
I also I haven't had a fucking minute this tour.
I. Haven't had a minute.
Really. But I haven't like, like I've,
I've, I'm down to watch that. I was trying to watch that Lord
of the Rings prequel thing. Yeah.
And I just can't get into it. Jordan, it looks like for me
it's too much. It's an awful lot.
It's too too many characters, yes, and they're all called
Flamble. Can I tell you what I'm
watching? The.
I'm watching one of the best TV shows I've seen in a long time.
At the minute the offer, it's on Amazon Prime.
Phenomenal, Mickey. Why on a basic Prime
subscription, we've got Miles Teller?
It's all good, it's on basic prime now, but I actually paid
for the paramount thing when it first came out.
It's. About the me, it's about how
they got the Godfather made. Yeah, and and the the events of
the Megan of the Godfather sort of twin with the Godfather you.
And I'm going to watch it. After godfather, the godfather I
was. I watched all three of them the
other week ago. I have no time when.
You watch the third. I don't let me watch a.
Trilogy. No, the trilogy of the longest
movies of all time. They keep it on Amazon.
There's still an intermission in the second one.
Now do you do a Brando? I do a great Brando can we see
it now? You have a degree, right?
So I don't want to like, I want to respect this.
And this is acting. So I'm trying to think what we
he's like, they come to my house.
The damn my daughter's wedding and you asked me to do murder.
I asked for justice. Well, that is not justice.
Your daughter's still alive. That's really, really good.
Like it's actually like, I want to like have a laugh, but that's
really good. I.
Can even do the job here. That's what I'm saying.
That's a Jim Carrey like sometimes when he changes his
face to do. Yeah, becomes a whole different
thing. You become Brandon.
Yeah, that's really good. I would love to be.
What I can do, I can do. Everyone can do.
Robert Deniro's face. Yeah.
And I can do the quote. Who are you talking to?
Was that meant for me? I'm sorry, I didn't hear what
you said. You were talking to someone.
Are you conversion with more? I'm a fucking Raging Bull.
Who did you say that to? That's very good.
Have you ever seen Alec Baldwin doing impressions of Al Pacino?
But he does all the versions of them.
No. So he does put like young Pacino
where he kind of sounds like he's.
Yeah. He's like, I'll put one in your
back. Yeah.
And then it like it becomes like Texan, then right up to like Hoo
ha, like Hoo ha, he got a great ass.
The guy who plays Pacino in the offer is phenomenal.
Phenomenal. Oh my God.
Yeah, the guy. I love the dude.
I always forget his name and he's one of those actors that
nobody can remember his name. He plays the Paramount boss,
yeah. A booby like he's always going
to run your nose and taking coke.
He is absolutely bold. He is phenomenal.
He's English, is he? Yeah.
He's brilliant. He's absolutely great.
I. Love that movie.
You know what it makes you want to do?
Make something. Yeah, it also makes me want to
just wear flowers. Yeah, and a flowery shirt and a
cowboy belt. You.
You could. I'm too much a belly.
If I could lose me a wee bit of. We had a dress like a vintage.
But it's like we're talking about Larry David and people
like that. Yeah.
You pick a look and you go, this is the way I dress, is the way I
look. People do you.
Used to. Do you think will you ever
change your look again as we get older?
Or do you think we dress like this forever to the mean?
Great question. I often thought that whenever,
like when baggy jeans were a thing like FUBU jeans.
You said you'll never. Like I'll be wearing these.
I'm 50 like. Yeah, well, here's the thing.
We're wearing jeans. People don't wear jeans as much
anymore at all. It's.
Because they don't make jeans as good as they used to.
You're right, I've always said. I'm I'm Brian, loyal to Levi's.
Levi's. I'm a Levi's guy.
I'm a hard, but I'm Levi's. I have one person but I want to
but. Part of me thinks, am I dressing
too young? I say that I'm wearing a jumper
from the famine at the minute as we run.
Hitler's haircut. Pardon what haircut I?
Didn't say anything. My fear.
You look like the famine fear. You look like if Hitler was
blended into The Dubliners. In Jublin's first city,
physicals are so pretty. Won't come out You black in
town. Wouldn't you want to fight me
like some man? I'll tell them out when I go
home. Won't Chris just hold me?
Yeah. No, no, that's that's it's like
how much? Cars don't tank them to come.
Do you know? What's the weird things happen
to me as as very strange every time I go over the border?
I'm not a political person, right?
I wouldn't consider myself a Catholic at all, and I wouldn't
even consider myself Irish. But there is something that
happens to me if I hear any kind of like boron starting, I'm
like, where are they? Oh, oh, an English bastard.
It's very odd. That the, So a lot of
traditional Irish music was very, a lot of loyalist guys
were very, very ended up. I've heard about that being
spoken before. And it's, it's it like you, you
would have had like, I remember there was like a documentary or
something and I saw it on YouTube and there was like AX
loyalist prisoner guy. And he's like, we loved that.
Like that's what we were listening.
They were listening to the doublers they were listening to
because they identified with the music.
Yeah. Like the rebellious.
Culture. I was meeting, like, a couple of
former British soldiers at a wedding one time.
So it was an Irish girl was marrying an English guy.
And they played a couple of, like, sitcom.
Yeah. But yeah, they played a couple
of, like, mad trad songs. And one of the guys had been
here during the dark days and he was.
I fuck you. Love this one.
Yeah. But the mute but I'd.
Love to see an orange band and I fucking like a fly band do a
mash up. How fucking great would it be
like? Yeah, great boys.
Umm, but I think. Up the rabbit with the bouncy
bouncy. I think it's it's the
storytelling of it. Yeah.
Is it like Ryan Mcmullen's version of St to New York?
It's fucking beautiful. And here I'll say this to see
the sash. A banger.
Fucking banger. It's almost beautiful.
You said that like a commercial radio DJ.
This one's a banger. Hear me now.
Shaggy comes in the middle of it.
It wasn't me, Shaggy. Doesn't speak with that voice,
do you know that? Really.
Shaggy just speaks like any American guy.
Sean DePaul speaks like that, though.
Oh, why? He's full blown Tom Hanks the
song Shaggy. Was in the military and that
that that was him doing an impression of.
Somebody in the Mars drill? Sergeant did.
You try to talk to the Mars Bar. There was a drill Sergeant
taught like Shaggy. That's no.
That'll be a very, very interesting army.
That was just the way the drill Sergeant spoke, and Shaggy was
doing an impression to him. And then I think she's making
music. And then he just did like a
verse like that. They're like, make people laugh
or make himself laugh. And then people were like, that
sounds class most all over, all over.
Drop and give me tear. What am I doing?
That's something that Lord of the Rings I.
Was definitely a muppet that no one's heard.
Of Angel was such a great song. Angel was a great song.
And then you hear the old version and you go, I didn't
know that was a. Cover is it?
I didn't know it was. Angel in The Morning, Call me
Angel. You know it was a banger back in
the day. Remember Sean DePaul in Blue
Cantrell? Breathe, Let it breathe video
and then that's a sample of The Watcher by Doctor Dre.
So it is. Or yeah, Watcher, Yeah.
Watch. That wasn't a good album.
I don't think there's been no. I haven't listened to much since
that, but 2001. Right, you're walking into a
club and we're having a nostalgia night and I want 3
songs from back in the day that are going to make you feel a
certain way. I'll tell you this right now and
I've forgot about it. Take me back for a long time.
Anything that Timberland was on, So what?
About like the way I'm are. Yeah, we're like the Justin
Timberlake stuff. Nelly Furtado, do you remember?
He did Crimea river like. No, but I mean like, I want you
to walk into the club and just get that feeling of like, oh.
Be the sash. Fuck, I don't know.
Do you know what you want for me is a nice corners push to
feeling. Or some no tomorrow.
Never that one, yeah. That's a great song.
Bright idea. That was another one.
There something. Yeah.
Is my brother. I get them in the Go team.
Is it the Go team? Who?
OK Go? The ones that had the mod
videos. Yeah.
The songs were never as good as your videos.
And Mr Brightside, every time it's become, it's become a party
of itself now, yes. But every fucking time I hear
that when I'm out I'm like. Trying to think of another
Usher, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. R Kelly don't like his music,
but his person. I believe I can fly.
You walk into the club, it's popping off.
I use the Robert. I love loads of songs.
I yeah, even some of the not even well known.
Even tell there was only that in the ignition.
The only two I can think of. I believe I can fly turn back
time. Don't know.
If I could turn. Cher.
Turn back the hands of time. Oh yeah, I bet you wish you
could know. Oh, why?
Yeah, but you? Wouldn't piss on you.
I think he's not much of A serious child.
He's not much of A serious pervert.
If you went back in time, he just enjoyed doing it all.
Yeah. Yeah, I wish.
I wish you could turn back the hands of times where you'd be
younger. I'll start.
Yeah, move your body like a snake or same girl with Usher.
Please tell me you know this song.
It's like such a fun song. It's our Kelly and Usher, right?
And it's a duet and there are Kelly's telling Usher, but this
girl he's met. And then I'm sure it's like,
hold on a second, we've been seeing the same girl.
Shit. It's such a fun song.
I. Haven't heard it but it's really
good. Nelly remember whatever he was
fucking. Yeah, Hot in here would always
go off. Yeah, my favourite Nelly song.
Country Grammar. Country grammar is fucking
sublime. And ride with me.
Yeah, ride with me. That's another one if it's in
the club. I'm fucking put it in.
Yeah, put it in. And then I read immediately
remix into rolling my limp biscuit and that's me taking the
top off. See anything about a different
clot? I think about Sky.
Did you ever go to Sky? I was in Belfast, R&B type club
Fossy. What was Sky Wednesday night?
Yeah, I think it was a. Where was Sky located?
Welling where the Wellington was from.
What is it? Rusty Saddle.
Is it all right? I was great.
It was great. I was always in rain, but I
don't remember anything music because it was that was just
where you went when you're already statement.
That for some reason reminds me of push the feeling on night
crawlers but. It also reminds me of the Lol
wrap party. Yes, we give a speech that
nobody asked for. Remember, No, you don't
remember. I started giving a speech and
then me and you just started and everyone was loving it.
Remember another party one time in Derry, we were during break,
stood up in the seat and tried to make a speech and everyone
was like. I think that's a party we got.
Yeah, I think that's why we got. Yeah, it's probably why I slept.
In the car, 10 minutes later, we're sleeping in the in the
car. I remember, yeah, I remember
that wrap party and you carry in me through the streets of
Cathedral Quarter. That was fun.
It was good grub at that. There was put on a bit of a
spread there. Was a bit of a spread where we
go to, what do you call it, Muriel's first time ever had a
Dark and Stormy. Remember, that was the first
time there was money for nice drinks.
She was on the trump got in trouble with no what that.
Knows Paul Daniels. Trump.
Paul Daniels. Oh my God, in half.
Do what I've been watching This is my wife Debbie McGee while.
He's standing in the Poland they made himself disappear.
Couldn't imagine himself back to life anyway, he's fully dead.
The coffins in two bits. But he was small, so it's
probably just like. Imagine being that fucking
pulling mass cards. From normal people, no.
There will be loads of magicians I imagine.
I try I went for a poem it. Wasn't.
Great. It wasn't great, was it?
Was my fault I was talking over though?
Yeah, yeah. No, but that's fine.
But you, you were in the middle. But you did well, don't you?
Beat yourself some minute. Yeah, there's some.
There's legs. Something Yeah.
Umm, I want to talk to you about lunch.
Yes. Are you are you doing this
today? Let's do lunch.
Do. You want?
I'm really in the mood for steak and eggs.
I fancy I want to be eggs Benny, but I need to be eggs Benny
anywhere. But that feels like a mob guy
thing that you know, that's because I've been watching the
offer steak and eggs in the morning sort of thing.
You know what else you watching at the minute?
Give us, give us another. Make your butter.
Honestly, you know what, like when I get back from gigs, the
minute I'm playing, I'm playing a game the PlayStation called
There's Gone. Yeah, no time the minute though.
Yeah, no, but it's like. Godfather Trilogy.
But you don't get back at night. You're just like, I can't go to
sleep it. Yeah, I'd be too wired up to go
to sleep, right. And that's a zombie game with
your your guy on a motorbike driver and kill zombies.
It helps you sleep, but then you lie in bed like.
Fuck I I have not been sleeping great recently.
Which is I normally hit the pillow when I go to sleep.
My wife goes listen to the audio book or something.
Got Matthew Mcconaughey's one. I don't know whether it's
brilliant or shit. But it's because he because he's
reading it. Because he's reading that.
It's great, but nothing in it could have happened the way he
says it did. Yeah.
No, I reckon I. Listen to it though.
No, I've heard him talk about it.
I've also heard about him and Woody Harrelson being.
Brother, I think if Matthew McConaughey was reading me a
book, I'd sleep all night, all night, all night.
But but here's the thing. Yeah, but he's not captivating
that you don't want to go to sleep.
Yeah, because you want to hear the next thing he's going to
say. I could.
Read you the phone book and you'd be like fucking this class
but. Every story in it about, and I'm
only like an hour into it. I think it's 7 hours all thing.
The great green lights. And that's what it's called.
And every story couldn't possibly have happened the way
he said it because it has a perfect, it's a perfect story
with an amazing ending. And that's every story.
And he's talking about his dad challenging his brothers.
You know, if you want to be the man of the house and fighting
each other with 2 by 4, you know, everything's a bit like
it's all movie. But they are Texans, aren't
they? Yeah, you know, but I don't, I,
I don't know whether it's a waste of my time.
I don't know. I don't know whether it's
brilliant or terrible. I'll decide at the end.
Sometimes I'll might go with movies.
I go, a movie was brilliant, and then I think of it and go that
was awful. Yeah.
I think everything is brilliant at the time.
Yeah, I've I've heard the flip side where I've thought movies
are shit and then of I think maybe what happens is other
people like it, I go, Oh no, you're right, I was wrong.
Here, watch man. I watch the watch man.
And I went. I was the biggest pile of shit
and people go but see it as a dark comedy and I don't know
what that means and I go. That's a bit fucking.
It's like next Friday. It's dark comedy, Bad boys.
We are. And I love watching and I but I
was to see the first time I watched that, I was like, I
fucking hit the. American cycle.
I was like, I don't know. And then I watched someone goes
watch it again and I didn't. When it's one of the best, yeah.
There are there are Disney times, some movies, just you're
just not in the mood for it. Yeah.
Do you watch it back and go? This is actually fucking
sublime. Like like if one of your parents
had died, you wouldn't want to put on like good burger.
What? Like, I just mean there's
certain moods. You wouldn't be certain films
that wouldn't match the mood. Yeah, one of my parents I would
immediately put on walk hard because that would cheer you up
no matter what. Happens, right?
But then do you want to be giggling?
You just I think. Burger may be the most
disrespectful movie to watch an hour after apparent days.
An hour, I mean, it would take a day or two before it.
There's a lot to do, I imagine, for an undertaker.
Tell people. That.
Was that I know sorry, when I was fucking started watching
Fast Furious. That'll be a disrespectful.
That will be disrespectful. We're family.
I like the tuna here. You ever seen like your funeral
and like ever hear a song and you go, this is like, this
wasn't thought through. I know of a guy who went if you
know one time and the the lowered the grave or the coffin
into the. Grind.
No, I was in the fucking it was a crematorium.
So to do that like the the curtain goes across and the
played the Hovis like the breads song which I can't remember.
I don't know. It was from the advert.
Yeah, it's a classical piece of music.
Yeah, brass bands. No, it's probably one of the
situations where they go, oh, this is a classical piece of
music, but everybody there was like, it's funny that he's been
lowered down into a toaster. Yeah.
Yeah, I want the Brennan's Brit today.
Today, just as you know, today's bread today, Mr Bread said to
me. I want Fred.
There's no bread I want. They say it's over, It's not all
over. Yeah, I want Gillette.
The best a man can get. He was the best mom.
I went wow, bought a phone home. Maybe she's born with it.
Maybe it's me believe. I'm loving it.
Just all. Just a fucking yeah, Yeah.
I don't want you. To do to do to.
Work all day. All the drink driving ones.
There was a time what was the what was the what was the
fucking? Do you remember the really
famous ad in The Troubles with a guy shoots at the bar?
And the cat's in the bridle, in the silver spoon.
Battle of the song too. For not, you talk about a story
in a song. Oh my God, yeah.
He doesn't want to turn out to be his dad and then all the
sudden. That was a good three to four
minute long Albert as well. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That that the Caroin. There was a one to me and Katie,
the pub quiz during COVID for the podcast.
And one of the questions was what was the song over that
advert? And then jokingly, he said
Papa's got a brand new bag, right?
And I fucking lost my mind because there's a better than it
were. The sun picks up the same sort
of sports bag. So then I it's probably
disrespectful, but I cut Papa's got a brand new bag over the top
of the ad, but I did it in time that whatever goes like.
I was AI was a Wilder. Was.
Because I think it probably worked and put some people off
paramilitary for some people probably looked at it went.
You get a free goal. That's cool.
Yeah, you know, so probably the wrong effect.
I think, yeah, anyone that couldn't grow a moustache was
like, I wouldn't, wouldn't take me.
Yeah, I have any moustache time down, Yeah.
I don't know. I give up my moustache too
early. I only give a three months.
Three months? No, it's like 1 one month, so
maybe I look back at it and they go some there.
It didn't look bad, it just wasn't a full moustache.
That's all I need, but do you think it ever would have got
like I also? Think it doesn't.
Do you? I think I mean this with the
most like the the most. You told me that.
If you're the fam, I was the famine if you're a minute ago.
So what do you mean respectfully?
You have beautiful skin. The reason I have a beard is
because I have a lot of chins going on and some acne scars,
right? You.
Why would you cover that up? I also don't understand why you
wear top or pants because I've seen you really like.
I want you to know that if I look like you had be here in the
fucking Burbuff, I only have shoes on because your feet are
gorgeous too. No, All of this is hide, no.
Right. The fate The fate your.
Feet are great, you've nice fate.
I have a horrible baby, my baby told Carl in Everyone's Baby.
It gets cute though. They're just like.
Mine Carl out like what's where we're going?
Do you have your tours coming in?
But when will this quite done? And like 2.
Weeks towards 2020. Third, probably.
Oh yeah, it'll be everything sold out.
Hey for it'll be all for gas, you know there'll be a sign up
making but office and gone fishing.
Yeah, yeah, way on. Default.
This is like in the movie where you go, I'm going to go to
Hawaii, get get me a beach shack and everything and then they
want. To like, yeah, I think, yeah,
yeah, I think that could be it. Yeah, you're like, I'm going to
go to Australia and set up a set up.
Just my hand walking through a wheat field.
And the cat's in the cradle in the.
Today's bread today. Says hey.
Lawrence got a pain of heart. A favourite, all the other
fresh. Why don't you slow down?
Post it. Just a meal once.
That way, he's all alone. Nicole, Papa.
I was the wee boy and not us. You were the wee boy in the
butter of it. Sure, we were 24.
Lucky but. Sure the V is cool no, but cool
is not always your the VIF. Oh yeah.
Henry Yeah, another couple ads to see a couple.
Ads we get out of the. Road this is the end of the pub
but we're doing like an actual we bet at the end yeah, so these
don't count, but. Which?
I love Doctor Pepper, what's the worst to get help?
That was a fucking screamer. Or not, and I don't know right
now, I might be getting things mixed up.
It might be just it might be just the timing of the releases.
But for some reason, Umbop by Hanson and Sunny Delight go hand
and hand me. How does Sunny to let go?
Had some say I don't know if it's if Umbop was in the ad or
if I was drinking Sunny Delight the first time I saw Hanson.
Well, can I tell you there's nothing more of a drink that
would accompany a song and a big butt chug of a bottle of Sunny
Day when you're listening? To him, it was also a very
confusing time because I was like, I fancy those three girls
and I don't know if this is Juice, yeah, or Diesel.
Right there still sell something like?
I think you sell by it and some was there a rumour that somebody
turned orange from drinking that much of it and that's what they
had to stop selling? It don't know.
You just marry, a protest, 1984 jokes.
Maggie, we're going to go for lunch and then we'll do do an
episode Lazy boost. Yeah, sounds good.
It's great to see you. Thanks for having me.
Can I tell you some? That tops Lovely.
Do you like it? It's.
Really nice Amazon. It's Amazon essential, yeah,
Which I shouldn't be worn because of the war in Israel,
but. It's really nice.
Thanks. Appreciate it.
Love you man, love you more.