I'm Michael. Che.
And I'm Colin Jose, and we've got a little secret.
Actually, it's a pretty big secret.
Well, now you got to give the people something.
I'm not saying a word. Oh, then people will know to
tune in. Come on, tell them a little.
Like our hosting of comedy events streaming only on
Peacock. Exactly.
How it's called New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that
only features drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Che's phone. Nervous.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, New York after
dark. It's some kind of comedy thing.
And it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, your we mate Shane Todd.
Before we get into this episode, let me plug the
patreonpatreon.com/tea with me podcast.
We have everything on there, possibly the the the last
remaining tickets to our Patreon only events stars in their eyes
or your eyes. Whichever one it is, which is
it? There's yours, some guys, stars
in some of these guys. We're doing that in the
limelight. There's going to be 700 zippers
there. It's a stand and only gig.
It's going to be like a rock show.
It's your favourite comedians. If you've been to see us, do
stand up there before. It's all nice and seeded.
This is standing blood, sweat and tears.
You'll taste it. All their last tickets without
being Patreon. Also, we just have 3000.
We just had 3000 on Patreon. Boom.
What a class milestones. Thank you very much to everyone
for their continued support. When we get to 4000, we're going
to go to Las Vegas to record an episode of the podcast This
Park. Oh yeah.
Also she and talkcomedy.com tickets.
Come see me on tour. I'm but doing a run at the Opera
House again. Someone from the Opera House
told me that I have now done the longest stand up run solo in
Opera House history and the only people that have done it longer
are Lauren Hardy and Morecam Wise.
Yep, and they're due. OK, 22 shoes, base runner.
Congratulations. Thanks also, but we have fact
checked it also. We yeah, Patreon, Shindle,
company.com. I'm going to America, Canada,
Australia, Dubai, and then we've got Liverpool, Glasgow,
Manchester, and there'll be an Aberdeen show on there by the
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These guys are two of the best comedians anywhere on Ireland.
In Ireland also, they are none other than Christopher Kent and
Michael Bartlett AKA Chris Kent and Mickey Bartlett.
Please enjoy this episode of the TS Me Podcast.
It's good to have you back. Thanks.
Shit, it's good to be back. Of course you've been touring.
You've been on your travels. Yeah, not as far as this guy.
Mickey pops to Australia like someone going to an apple green.
Yeah, he's like, I'm just heading, just heading Australia.
Here, Yeah. Yeah, just telling us to.
I've gotten, I've gotten so good at going to Australia, I don't
even wake up on the flight now on the way back on the
nightmare. This is funny, right?
So the way I came back on Wednesday night or got back
Wednesday night. And I have a system for long
haul flights which I've talked about on many podcasts before.
Right can I can I try and remember is it 2 Jack and cokes?
4 whiskeys, 2 cokes, right? 4 whiskeys. 4 whiskeys are you
just batter them as quick in that order, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, as soon as you get to get 2 Cokes please.
As soon. As the cat look over if I'll eat
before we get on the plane and they're like Johnson food and I
go no can have two whisking cokes and they're right no
problem. And I've also, and this might
sound awful. I've done it enough times that I
know what the the category of how good the drink's going to be
based on where the stewards from.
So what's what's good and what's going to be bad?
Black lady, you're not getting a strong drink and you're getting
a wee bit of side eye for all for hitting the bell right.
Japanese lady, you're going to get a good strong drink and even
though she's going to be annoyed about the fact you're hitting
the belt, she's going to do it right.
Filipino dude, my friend, you're getting hammered.
You're getting fucking shit like what you want from a baby.
Like I flew from Perth to Doha, right and did the four whiskeys,
2 Cokes. Got about halfway through the
1st fast and furious movie and went time for we sleep right.
Woke up 10 hours later. Smashed it straight off the time
in the Doha 10 hours just bucket pulled up right.
Got to the Doha and fucking had to hang with her for like an
hour, right? Got on the flight from Doha to
Dublin. I'll just do the game right?
So I've got fast. I've seen fast and furious that
many times. I'm honestly like that and get
the exactly the point where I left off in the last flight
right? I was like missing call please
right smash that. I had a bit of a cold so
couldn't taste it. So what nationality?
It was a fucking. It was a black lady.
She was a wee bit fucking. They are right.
Wasn't much. I'm looking at the Filipino guy
like me or you. I'm freaked out.
Must he? Must be when you walk on a
flight, see a Filipino man, Yes. But then again, I've been on the
flight that way times. I walk on the flight and go well
Mick, right, Sanchez No do but so I couldn't fall asleep,
right? So I'm just fucking hammering
and I've watched 3 Fast and Furious movies back-to-back. 5
is the best one, right? Take your word for it, Get off.
I've. Got also, by the way, in Doha
because I was drunk getting off the first light and we've been
hungover. Spent £250 per Hugo Boss.
Aviators right? Don't even fit.
That's such a like 2002 move, yeah.
Aviators. Sunglasses.
Yeah, I'd lose them. They're all, they're fucking
stinking. And so stand outside the
airport, couple of bags and stuff, I'm getting the bus back
on home and this guy came over and I don't want to do an
accent, but he was Pakistani guy and he was like, hey dude, how's
it going? And I straight away.
Worst Pakistani? Accent straight away I'm like oh
it's good to be home. This fucker probably wants a
photo, right? Me fucking eight years and I I
went, dude, what I know you from anyway, I was sitting beside you
with the whole flight. I had no idea I was there.
I was that drunk. I didn't know.
I just watch some Vin Diesel like fuck yes.
Now, do you have anything? No for the boss.
You're cracking anything for the boss.
Waterman because of the drive when?
I get home. Right, big river rock.
That's your nickname. Used to call me in gaol.
That's you're like Native American, big river rock.
I don't like, I know it feels like Pakistan.
We always talk about Australia, but I don't think I have a
system for flying. But I do.
I need to have a football magazine.
I need to have like things set up.
We stickers no. Not you think about match.
Match. 442 now, eh? More of the Gentleman's Football
magazine, of course. But I I'll I'll work out when
I'm going to sleep. Sorry, just that.
Is that one of those magazines has a good spine or is it a
yeah? Good spine.
Like a sort of an empire. It'll come plastic wrapped.
Oh, so you might have a pull out there as well.
So you're getting the OK? Yeah.
That was wrapped down, yeah. Where's it all sit next here?
Me just blowing the load over Gabriel Battistuda.
I bless you. I have, yeah, I have a wee, I
have a wee system, but you're we'll talk more about Australia.
So what's your football magazine and.
Snacks I'll I bring food from home for the flight.
Do you not get the food on the flight at all?
I. Probably can't eat it, so I'll
break. And I know certain parts of
Dublin Airport where I can get various things.
I'm not just going, you know, I go to this shop from a porridge
and then I go to Holland, the bar to get the sachet almond
butter. So team them up together.
I know where to get different stuff.
Very efficient. I get a wee bit of chocolate
from Boots. Nice.
You know, leave me to it. Basically.
Like I don't, I'm not going to sit in the airport and have a
drink with you. You have your drink.
I need 40 minutes to get round. Get those free waters, you know,
suggest a donation. Euro.
Yeah, right. Do what I recommend for a good
long haul flight. A good face mask on.
I'll flip a wee face mask out at some point as well.
Fucking Hannibal actor. Imagine waking up and then turn
being with Pakistani guy waking up and turn around to mech just.
I was thinking like when you wake up, I've been asleep that
long. Fast and Furious fours plan.
Yeah, it's all dried in. I love a good face mask,
absolutely brilliant, terrible eyelids.
You see shotgun and still see you.
When I was mate, I had a very bad I'm awake, my little asshole
of coming in the door and I'm done for the day.
Like it's very annoying. Annoying.
Is it something when you're younger, you don't, you don't
have the confidence face mask on and then there's a point life
where you realise I just, I'm going to absolutely.
Yeah. Do you know what?
Do you know what's upsetting me? Is the best.
The best face masks are that made for women?
Yeah, but they're too small. Yes.
And the men's ones? Are you mean for your face?
Yeah, yeah, because they're your heads.
Your mouth would be. You know the eyes and mouths are
too. Close.
It'll stop over there on me and I'm fucking Mercedes bits.
Yeah, you. See, The thing is now I got one,
my wife got me one. But you are back from a hand
party, so there's a big cock on this clap.
So that's and I had that for ages and I lost it.
You relax. I really enjoyed it.
It was like you can't sleep on your back or anything because I.
Asked me one from. A But it was really a really, it
was one of the most comfortable ones I've ever had and it was
just the fit, the texture on the fibre of it not just had the
cock obviously the problem. You know, you just have to play
with, yeah. Ball if someone breaks in like
they're not going to like they take a look at you in the bed.
Balls on it. Back out.
Yeah, yeah. But like, it looked like 1 ball,
you know, it wasn't really. The balls on your eyes.
Yeah, the detail wasn't amazing now, but you know, it was a
cock. Yeah, you know for sure.
It's like someone drew this thing, you know?
It was the, IT was the fabric version of a drawing of a cock.
And yeah, yeah. Zippers, let me take literally
one minute of your time to interrupt the Team With Me
podcast. This episode of the Team With Me
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Let's get back into this episode.
How far into your tour this? Would be my 4th week now so yeah
yeah, up and going. To fucking.
I know. 70. 70 yeah, 70 keeps going.
Jesus. Oh, it's great, man.
Because this this time last year, I was shitting myself,
handing my notice and at the job, like, you know, I was like,
I don't know if I can do this stand up fucking shit again,
like full time, you know, So I genuinely blown away.
I'm having a great time. Were surprised you like were
somewhere you put on the turn when this isn't going to sell
and it did. Here, probably.
Oh, here. In a way, yeah.
Because man, yeah, we were talking about last time and it
went and then they put on another one and that's going.
So I was like, that's probably a big surprise.
Waterford as well. Theatre Royal and Waterford.
I went from a little dinky to a big nice beautiful theatre that
cannot different state of life like.
I. Wouldn't know what I'm doing as
well. 80 seats I've said in clubs, well, 80 seats in Dolans
and then I went up to like the kind of cool rock venue 250 and
we're doing a couple of them now so.
I'm. The show you'll know with
Waterfront, the show is the best thing.
I'm sure is brilliant. Yeah, it's brilliant if when
you're because you're refreshing the whole first day, Yeah.
You see a lump go the first day you go.
Yeah, I'll be right. Yeah.
But it's that panic of like, what if no fucker comes?
This one, Yeah. AD in a show is the first time
I've ever had to do it, so I'm adding shows.
Like last year I was subtracting shows, you know what I mean,
from my tour. I was literally gone.
We haven't sold enough tickets. Can we put you in a smaller
venue up in town? Yeah, that happened to me in
Kilkenny. And I was like, yeah,
absolutely. And the gig was brilliant.
But no, it's fucking Gandhi. Opposite way.
And what's class? On.
You deserve a table I cherish. Good to see it.
Do you know anyone in Birmingham?
How do you sex fellas live there for a while because we troubles
joke for you. There's nothing wrong.
I'm not. I'm not selling there, not
doing. What is that, Cardiff?
Two weeks? Birmingham is a small enough
room though, isn't it? It's like 150 years.
Glee. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or is it the main room? You're in there.
It's the main room. Oh, OK, it's a.
Strange thing. Because.
I haven't don't ever word speak but I've never done like I've
never turned around the UK. I'm planned to get later next
year I think, but I was. Mad to me that you haven't done
that. That's crazy.
Well, no, it's just I've never really.
I've done clubs, I've done all the clubs there and stuff, but
I've never spent a lot. You know what, I'm like self
promotion. Terrible, yeah, but I know that
Birmingham's, that's where we get our biggest listenership for
Dexter and yums. 2 fellas, yeah. Yeah.
Take us this by storm. Yeah, that's weird because
everywhere else is gone ground for you.
Most places, like some of the American ones, you look like, I
get that it's people probably buy later because there's so
much on, you know, so much like variety of shows to go to.
There's one that has sold 0 and where's that 60 LA?
When is? That.
It's in November, it's great, it'll be fine.
Like it's only 60, but I don't know if you ever get to a level
where you look at a spreadsheet of what you sold and you're just
totally OK with it. Like you panic.
Because even though shows that are sold out there still might
be 40 or 50 or even depend on the size of the venue, you could
be a couple of 100, It's still kind of sold out.
Yeah, yeah. And you're going fucking green
dots. Yes, yeah, the green dots,
that's all you're trying to do is just get rid of the green
dots. Like we sell disabled ones or
what's correct. Yeah, people.
People in wheelchairs are going to have to fucking just.
Yeah. Just it's tough shit.
They should have been fucking quick.
Already got us? Quicker off the mark parking
outside. You want the good seats.
Listen now. Do you?
Do you always stay at home when you turn around and stuff?
Do you always bounce back to home or do you stay where you're
playing? Triangle home as much as I can.
I'm staying here now and I'm in Dublin tomorrow night.
So I'm staying in Dublin but I'm doing driving most of the time.
Most I've been driving home just.
I like the tour driving. It gives you time to think about
the shows. Yeah, and you see different
garages and all. I've a few times I've like given
the support at the lift and halfway through the left of the
drive home what she went by. Himself.
Yeah, yeah, it. Just can't be our talking of
just. Yeah, you've done like an R&R
talking. About everything, yeah, kind of
under order me, you know we've talked about everything yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's.
It can be good, but that's all right.
We're fine with that. Like if you get that the way
down into. Best.
Die when. You have other people in the
car, Yeah. It's all cool.
About the show and like you say, like on the way back it's like.
Calculate, calculate my time you're going to get into bed and
what time you're going to have to get up.
Yeah. Yeah, you're like, when did I
eat? Can I eat something else?
Yeah. Do you?
So you're but you're going back to Australia in December.
You're always just nipping over. I just.
I love it. They're like, it's just like, I
don't know if I've ever moved because I don't know if you
could really make a living as a stand up.
It's too I always spread. Out, I know, but even like in a
big city you would be working every night.
I but a lot of this fucking stuff, you're not getting paid
for it, You know what I mean? There's a lot of that like
because, like so. Even if you did sorry like their
equivalent, the libraries or something you might not be
getting paid for. No, if you're doing like the
professional clubs, you'll be getting paid for them, but a lot
of them will be doing like their weekends are busy, but during
the week we'll have new material nights where it's just trying
stuff out. Yeah, one in part called again
the Comic Comics lounges. Yeah, that's a nice.
Yeah, it's great, Great week club.
But yeah, I'm going back out. Three shows of the 14th, 15th,
16th or 15th 1617, I can't remember, but it's like
Melbourne, Brisbane, Sydney. Nice.
So, and that's going to be like just three in a row.
That's your tour show and. Then going back, I went to the
Perth Festival in January, so I think I'm just doing a week, but
I'm going to do, I want to do spots the first week, just do
compilation shows and then my show will be the second one.
Nice. Which makes the best way to do
festivals not do the whole role anymore?
It's been the festival. You both seem to really enjoy
the Fringe, which is mental. You never get 2 comedians who
are like, no, I had a great time.
Yeah, you know, one person had a great time, one person hated it.
But nearly everybody this year I spoke to loved.
It it felt like very different. I did half of it.
Did you do half? Yeah, I did half, but and I was
ready to stay on. You know, that's what I was
enjoying. And I was like, this is actually
fucking great. Yeah, I.
Probably glad I left. Do you think it's do you think
part of it is not that you go, I'm going to sell loads of
tickets, but you know, you're at a point where you go there will
be people. At the show, absolutely, you
know. To that that takes.
A huge pressure, massive factor. That's the first time it ever
happened for me. But I made a decision before I
went in and before it was selling or anything.
I said I'm not flying, I don't give a shit, I don't.
I'd rather play it 20 less people and have a better time
every night. The.
Week man I had the same. I usually flyer the same as
you'd be flying 2 hours before you're.
Flattered. Your head is gone then.
Absolutely. And I always thought it was, I
used to think it was a good thing because it got you sort of
prepped. In the show.
But this year my venue was just slightly outside of it was just
past the pleasance. Yeah, always over there by.
Yeah, I know. Yeah, just a tonne of over
there, Yeah, yeah. So there's no footfall.
So it was like there was no point going into the big sort of
hubs, the flyer to go, do you want to?
Walk directions. Yeah, yeah.
So it wasn't. Going to work and I had a
fucking ball yeah, just turning up 10 minutes before the show
and whoever was whatever tickets you sold that morning, that's
what you had that night. Yeah, same and you're.
Grass with it as opposed to and there's no green dots really.
In Edinburgh there's not, no. Green dots at the thing because
he because when you're flying, that's the thing.
You've two hours of just frantically trying to fucking
hand Flyers out. Then you get there and you go,
many of us old, and then you find out your flyer and did
nothing. Yeah, so 222 returns.
Yeah, I swear to God, I got a three star review one night when
I flared a guy. He's like, I've already got
tickets. And then he went.
I mean I just read the review of the show and he fucking took a
ticket. What a ticket.
The last time I was flying was pleasant courtyard doing a show
and I had like my poster was a class that years real stylish
poster and I was sort of like it was a picture of me, but it had
been an effective put over it sort of looked a wee bit
computer. Was that sick, bro?
Yes, Yeah. Remember that red?
And it was like it looked drawn, but it was a real image.
And I flared a girl for the show and she was down there with her
husband, a couple other couples. And she went, oh, she went
Michael to this, this guy's a bit of alright or something.
And I'm laughing being like, Oh yeah, good one.
And she's like, Oh yeah, who's he?
And I'm like, me. And she went no, no, no.
And the whole group started dissecting the image and then me
and being like, Nah, that's not your, your, your cheeks are a
lot more gaunt than that. And I had to listen to them
just. Like the shows about crows
nearly died, Yeah. Trying to get in the character.
Here I had it once. One year we had me and Kay
Humphreys. A sea of money had double sided
members. Yeah, I remember.
I live. With me that year.
That's right. Yeah.
And every day I'd be out, like,
flying for the show. And they're.
Oh, yeah. What's the show about?
Oh, Kylie Humphreys. I love him.
That was a disaster. Yeah, I don't them.
I couldn't see myself do as well as that.
They like, there's like a bit of mystery taken away or something
when they've like met when you're the guy.
Yeah, a little bit, yeah, yeah. I used to think it took her the
crowd work, but then this year coming in and actually doing
crowd work, you go, oh, this is way more fun.
Yes. Everyday is like I had a guy out
of one disaster. Well, not a disaster.
It was just like second or third day and I was a guy in the front
row, right the dead centre. And I was like, what's your
name? When he went Clint?
And I'm like fuck off. And the guy went asking my
second name, but I'm like, no, it isn't.
No, what fucking isn't? He pulled his ID out and his
name was Clint Eastwood. Right.
No. Swear to God, I'm like, who you
I think was my wife, Tina. I'm like, what's her second
name? Turner Fucking.
And immediately it was like, I needed.
I don't have a camera for the show.
I need to. Yes.
Can we do it again? Well, I spent a ground on a
camera right the rest of the month.
What's your name, Paul. Nothing like fucking nothing
else. Just.
Dub it man, just dub it. My name's Dub.
What's your surname? Smith.
Turn the volume down and puts what Clinton.
We're in here called Bruce Wayne Elvis.
Oh, Hamlin.
That's the guy from city centre. That's Jelvis.
Oh, Jelvis. I was going to ask about the
Australian going back over. I am, I love it and I'm going
back next year. It's it's so class.
But what I like is your we because you know, you don't put
a lot up, like you said, but self promotion, you're right
there, you know, put some stuff up.
But I love to just catch a weak glimpse of what you're getting
up to it there. And I like it when you maybe not
like an extravagant purchase, but when there's something you
do and you're I can just picture your face.
Do not like you're a real expensive hotel room.
Yeah. For one.
Of the night I love. I love knowing you're doing me.
Things like that. I picture you with your region
swanning around. How'd you go?
How how'd you go? Like was it a proper?
Six star hotel? I had fucking no idea.
It. Was we was a whole crowd of us
went out for a like just a fucking birthday party and
because the dollars wake at the minute that was about £200 and I
was like I'm buying dinner folks door like but it had it has
electric fucking. Curtains.
So I had so much fun just standing in there drinking.
And then I went down to the pool and looked up and realised that
the windows aren't fucking. You can see him.
So like there's just families were looking up and there's me
more. We taught you, right?
Like, you know, you can't see me fucking good.
See, right in. I was like, fuck, I was doing
some really weird shit that myself.
Badly timely wank there today. Just £250 Hugo Boss class.
Yeah, drinking the mini bar long, Yeah.
Sanchez serving you. You bring Sanchez up again,
please. Anything else out there, like
anything you splashed out on, you just went.
I'm going to retreat to yourself.
I went to like a outlet centre in Perth.
It's all like fucking designer brands.
I went. Fucking apeshit.
See me and you've been there together.
Oh my God, Master shoes. So I went a wee bit sillier, but
again, it was that cheap that it wasn't like.
Yeah. It looked like loads of stuff.
It was about £200. Can I met some news?
I bought a lot of clothes recently from Crows and clothes
from Marks and Spencer's OK, and I wouldn't see myself doing that
a few years ago. Your age, I know.
But I've given into. It the cardigans.
Some network type stuff, some like quilted jackets.
I would describe mass, but I've given him.
I bought AI bought a 14 pole duvet yesterday.
That's thick. That's.
Thick. I don't like a thick duvet.
I wouldn't. I like a thin duvet in the
window I. Don't remember.
I feel like it's king size to so I feel like you want to be a big
breed on the bed. I could see you.
Burrowing in the. Proper.
I could see you getting in like you know when they they look at
like animals, like Internet. I could see you under the whole.
Day We're not like a mole. Yeah, yeah, that's me trying to
find my vape in bed. Prairie dog.
And that's something else. To Mandela's Chris, like, yeah,
that's it's almost like it used to be.
It used to be acts here couldn't really sell tickets and anyone
visiting almost from anywhere outside of Belfast could, and
now it's gone the other. Way it's gone the other way.
So it's almost like a huge testament that you're not, you
come up here all the time, you're not based on the Belfast
scene. Yeah.
But the audiences are coming to the shows and showing the love
and that kind of thing. Yeah, that's all.
That's nice to be coming over to be part of the scene here and
there. Yeah, but just being treated
like a local class as well. You're also, undoubtedly, I've
said it before, undoubtedly the best comedian in Ireland.
Yeah, you know what I mean? There's no fucking question.
But yeah, I'm so for Harvard, for you, it's good to.
See, that's a good boys, man. It's a massive relief, to be
honest. You know, genuinely as and I
haven't gotten paid for any of my shows yet, so I hasn't
really. Thank you.
You know, settlement tickets are gone, but yeah.
It's that thing to do that fucking sure you've had it as
well. We're like, I definitely had the
waterfront last year and that was my biggest, biggest show
we've done. Went fucking great.
I always talk with this as well. I remember walking off stage and
as soon as the lights had faded, my brain went used to do that
again. And you're like, fuck, yeah, do
that. The idea of you at some point
you think the credits are going to roll is going to say at the
end of you black, I was happy for the rest of my life.
Yeah, yeah. It turns out your brains like,
do the game come. You're like, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah. Nothing upper yes I I'm saying
the Chris before this. I hate that my tours spread out
this year. I like back-to-back nights just
go get it done. I like I like I like feeling
really sharp yeah like yeah, I did dairy a few weeks ago, but
it feels like 2 months ago yeah. So now I'm doing Opera House on
Monday this Monday, but it feels like a panic sense of.
Taking you forgot to show, Yeah. So I'm going to watch.
You're you're at the Opera House on Friday.
I was just 13th. Yeah, because I'm the
waterfront. People have been asking.
Me. Oh, there isn't a hotel room.
Belfast. Yeah.
Can't get a hotel. My own fucking gig, are you?
Serious. Well, people have been saying
I'm going to both because I'm doing early and late I and
they're going, I'm going to your early show.
I don't know if I'm going to see Mick and I've been saying you'll
not be on till about 30 or 40. 49 probably perfect So what else
is it perfectly it's good job we've got the same from order in
it yeah yeah so just go she she and then fucking.
No, they were right. Oh yeah, yeah, no.
No, Yeah, yeah, the early one, yeah.
What times you late 1. Nine, they couldn't do both.
I yeah, go to my early and your show.
What could just do it somewhere in?
Between Victoria Square, yeah. Yeah.
Just under your big. Mean you do it over zoom, we go
do now do that. But right, I'll wait.
Where are you looking forward to most, Chris, on your two?
Looking forward to Vicar Street on Saturday.
Fucking. I'm filming it and it's sold out
and I'm like just really buzzing about that one.
Yeah, I want somebody come forward to.
Yeah, I'm looking forward to a few now.
There's a couple of other big ones.
The Dolans have been great and we're doing it again right?
Oh, it's class never gave them a.
Really rock our type of venue, like, you know, and it's just
like proper feeds, like a proper comedy club, but you're doing a
show. They're like, you know.
We were talking before which spirits storms.
And oh, it's unreal. So good.
And that on a Sunday night, which shouldn't make sense.
Yeah, I drove home like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
People come from everywhere to go, to do, people from Newry,
people come from like Dracula, places like that, and you also.
You get people born who haven't seen you before as well, yeah.
There's a crack on the apple green there as well.
Are we apple green? Oh yeah, anyone Burger King and
stuff as oh, that's a great one. It's.
Brilliant, yeah. They don't.
You can walk in and out, they don't make you go to the Hatch
and. Yeah, even late, what time we
can chat? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I was left in there before or after a gig.
Definitely in it. That's I.
I hate the apple green hat. I won't do that.
Yeah, I won't do it. I'll drive.
That, yeah, absolutely. I feel bad for the guy as well.
Yeah, when people go to do their food shopping there and he's
walking about, yeah, I hear. I won't do.
It when you're driving into Apple Greens and if you just
think of yourself, if I can see them up, I'm going to keep
driving. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
See them up in the door like it's closed.
Yeah, yeah, I what's your like? Your say your tour in Belfast
today? What what are you doing for the
hours before the show? Are you eaten?
You walk in a boat. Yeah, I'm going to go check out,
check around, see if I can get a bit of nice food.
I'm staying in Belfast tonight, myself and Connie having an
apartment together. So we're staying over a bit of
crack because we've been driving every night.
Like, you know, I'll go for a bit of breakfast in the morning
down to back down to Dublin then I suppose.
Paint after yes or. No, maybe.
I don't know. I don't want to be sick, man for
tomorrow, especially for Vicar Street.
I can't do it anymore. Please don't.
Swear to God I had a couple of weeks ago after Waterford
Theatre. Theatre Oil Waterford.
I think I had like 4 points again this after after the show
and I'm not messing I was fucking dying for like 3.
Days. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can't like it's so inconsistent with me.
You know, I have to. I'm suicidal like I just.
Want to hear something that might scare both you?
I don't even do not say you're off anymore.
I'm not off, but I couldn't be. Yeah, Yep, I'm the same.
That couldn't be ours. That's why I'm going.
Swear to God. Because I didn't drink for like
6 years and I went back on and it was great.
Yeah. And then it's just slowly
nowadays, yeah, You know, I mean, I'm messing older fellas,
I'm messing around with the averages and I'm going off 4
points. Should be fine.
I mean like properly. But 4 pints is, you need it.
You need to go straight for it. Yeah, you know what I mean?
It's true. Yeah.
Honestly, probably. I'm not even joking.
You're probably a tree or it's probably tree is the cut off.
Yeah, I I don't know. But it wasn't even a violent
hangover. It was a low lying, horrible,
shitty anxiety for four days. I'd rather have been puking me
gots up for until 12 didn't follow morning rather than what
I had. Yeah.
And everything was a massive deal to me.
You know what I mean. Spilled a bit of coffee on my
fleece. There was a smell of coffee on
my face. That was a massive concern for
me for a while. I wasn't properly Anakin about
that. Make if you're the the the booze
industry is not not gonna like here it's.
Not gonna recover at all like. Are you, are you calming down
then or what are you doing? Are you?
Just I'm taking edibles dead. They're great.
In Australia. No, no, I'm just, I've just kind
of like, to be honest, What happened was I lost a load of
weight in Edinburgh because I was walking in between so many
gigs and I was like, I don't want to get fucking fatter,
right? I want to keep trying to lose
weight and I just had a point where I'm like I'm fucking
bored. Yeah.
I know. Yeah.
That's a boring thing, isn't it? Yeah.
I, I, I, I realised I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought of
it. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? I was like, if I stopped doing
this and I wasn't drinking that much.
Like we had paints after shows and that kind of thing, but it
was always like a bit of a novelty.
And then no, I, it's come down for me.
I don't really like the taste of it.
Of any of it, even beer, Guinness, Nothing.
I love Guinness. Yeah, Guinness is.
Good, and that's what I miss the most.
But 00 Guinness are nice, actually.
Gluten. Genuinely all right.
You can't you. Can make gluten daunting.
Obviously I can't. Cannot make that like fucking
vegan or something. A couple of years.
I vegan but not gluten. Oh.
Really, it's different. Is it and?
I'll still stick a slice of bacon in it still.
Yeah, I always did that. I always did that.
Not even cooked. No.
Raw bacon. Yeah, he's gonna give me a real
bad hangover to bacon. You wouldn't believe we doesn't
have crows. Just seems like raw meat.
I think he's Japanese or something.
Yeah, because they've had bacon and they're good.
Yeah. But I'm the same because I have
a gluten thing. So if I drink Guinness, like I
Yeah, Johnny Bo's wedding, we went to fieldies, we're drinking
pints out all day and at about half.
Yet the world fell out of my bottom and I just haven't drank
it since. Just can't do it.
Yeah, that's lovely. I love it too, like it's
fucking. I would nearly suggest driving
in the Bangor and going for a pint of Guinness.
Really. It's the nicest Guinness ever
had in my life. What?
What they have a thing there where it's like we bought
warmer? It's 2 taps.
So what are the taps is room temperature.
So they give you, I think the Guinness is like normal cold
Guinness. And in the second one for the
head is like room temperature, but it's so thick and creamy
when you put your mouth to it. Yeah, the lip mark is still in
it at the bottom of the glass. Nice.
Dave says that just. Shed your brains out.
Dave lives in Bangor and says sometimes when he's walking the
dog on a nice night he'll stop in there for a pint and it's a
back bar, There's a back bar to it.
On the way home he sat outside with the dog.
And I'm a pint of Guinness and not to me, so that's the way I
would like to drink. Yeah, I'm the same as yourself
now. I haven't done a bit of a help
us in Edinburgh, right, because I was eating fucking like a pig.
I'm about to lose a bit, a good bit, about 8 and a half, 9 kilos
or something like that. I thought you're about to say
stone for a second. Yes, please.
Let's see for. A big one, yeah.
I I because I was going and I was in a bad kind.
I was eating fucking every gig. I was eating before and after
and fucking drinking. It's all food trucks.
Shit, man, I was in a bad way, but I went to and this help was
it this limbo thing, which is like a little kind of a it's
what you call it like a blood glucose monitor.
This guy gives me you put in your arm and it transmits to
your phone, right. So it's like all about keeping
your blood levels, glucose levels steady.
So if you have a burger or something, this thing will just
go off the chart up off the chart and go down and crash and
it's like, what the fuck are you doing?
What are you? You have to track everything.
And also basically kind of meant giving up a lot of shit food and
carbs. And I wonder am I more, you
know, I mean, I wonder the Guinness having a bigger effect
on me because I could because I'm not, there's not as much so
kids or anything like that. And I'm just drinking.
Yeah, maybe just not even used to it.
Yeah, not healthy. Yeah.
Because I found that even Jesus Christ, like going off the drink
for about 6 weeks, I just like just didn't drink at all, Yeah.
And lost a bunch of weight, didn't even doing the exercise
and just calories. Full hairline came back.
Yeah, absolutely. It was black again and you were
there. Yeah.
Everything, everything. That might be diabetes, but same
thing like having like having a pint that night and then just
being wrecked for. Yeah, Yeah.
Nice. To love pints, man, I loved
going drinking and after gigs and you know.
The first time I ever drank the first pint I had underage in a
bar was Guinness and me and Michael were a tech class in
Belfast White's Tavern. Did you have a drop of that
current in it for your first one?
No, but it was, I didn't know I liked it, but I was, I wanted,
you know, I was like the big man was like, this is what I would
like to drink and I'm trying to be inconspicuous like 16 having
a pint and the bar made, poured it obviously like 3/4 or
whatever and then just let it sit there.
And I was like took it and was like thank you under a fibre and
started. And she was like she knew she
was like, love, God, give me that back.
You have to wait for it. The first pint of it was
disgusting. Yeah, but quickly I liked it.
But there must be a lot of people, 20% of people who drink
it must not like it. There's a lot of people who it's
for the look. It's for the ceremony.
It's kind of bad. There's a thing to it, the two
power porn, all that. I remember doing Guinness, one
of the first drinks I drank as well.
And he's to drink in a pub with my dad.
And then I made the mistake of trying to drink with my dad.
Yeah. Who is a seasoned Georgie, 2
sops was his nickname points. A Guinness that's gone.
And I tried to stay patient. And.
Yeah. I made that mistake once.
Myself yeah Georgie 2 sops and Christy Brown is what we were
known as I got carried home by him and my uncle.
I got so drunk I remember one time you know, in between their
shoulders couldn't walk like they dragged me home like that.
My 2 feet dragged in the hallway underground and it was probably
about 1819 to fuck me into bed into the bed fell asleep right?
And this is often now, but. Woke up and.
Fucking pissed myself so many many many hours later and my
mobile phone was in my pocket so I'd like pissed my phone to
that. Basically I went down the stairs
and my mother was only just had the Internet in the house.
He had an old laptop and I was Googling fucking wet pissy
phones. How am I going to save this
thing? And I had already set up her
hair dryer against it. And then it was like the first
thing was like, do not use a hair dryer.
It's going. To blow the paper into it.
And I was like use a Hoover. So I don't remember going get in
the Hoover and it was one of those old phones.
So I threw the Hoover up against and it sucked a couple of the
buttons off it. The buttons were just fucking
rattling around inside my mother's Hoover.
And then I was opening up to Hoover and you get a smap piss
out of the Hoover. Like I was like going oh God,
even back then I was like the following day I'm like yeah, I'm
there lads, I'm out. And now I'm 4 points in and I'm
like. I can feel my first time over.
It was after that night, it was horrendous and it was maybe 2-3
days. KFC the next day breakfast.
You crave all actually get the salt into you.
I had a friend who has a hangover cure.
You would drink a pint of orange cordial with salt on.
It Oh yeah, fucking down your like.
Great. Like yeah, I remember like one
time going out and it was the arm I got into the All Ireland
final, right? Right.
I don't know what's confusing because who the fuck?
I don't give a fuck about football or anything but
everybody was going to this pub and Lurgan and I was 1617 of it
and my dad was going with his mates.
He doesn't watch football either.
He just wanted to go for a pint and my mom was like take him
with you. All his friends that go and take
him with you. I don't know if I can go out,
they fucking take him. So got the pub but that handed
me £30 and he just went I don't want to see your fucking face
the rest of this day. I'm like no problem, thank you.
But I was watching him across the bar, so every time he got a
pint, I got a pint. I'm like trying to keep pace
with them. And there was a point where I
was that drunk. I went, I cannot let my ma see
me, right? So I just started walking home.
My ma drove past me to pick my dad up.
And I was like, then they all drove past me on the way home.
However, get to the front door of my house and I couldn't get
the key in the door. And my mom opened the front door
and she just went. Paddy Bartlett's That child
can't even fucking talk. It was a disaster.
I've drank women not drank, but I saw my dad drunk once might
have done drink tea total, but whenever I was about 13 where
there was some like party at the house and he was drink and he
had one pint of beer, one can of beer and yeah and I.
Get drunk off that. But I, yeah, Oh yeah.
But I, he's a wee man as well. But I wanted my, I wanted my dad
to drink. I sort of like didn't like to
my. Dad or?
Something yes. I thought he was a nerd because
he didn't drink. I was like please, I'm like
please. Come on.
And. Then and then he, when he did,
when he was drunk, I was sitting in a different room watching TV
and then he came in, he sort of swaying a bit and I was like,
this is what I want, this is my dad.
Wow, he. Started crying.
He started like he started like giving me a hug.
Oh my God, he was tears in his eyes and I'm like Donnie, please
don't drink again. Please never drink again.
It was the worst. I regretted making not making
him drink, but I regret it being like I'd love him to drink so
bad as the worst thing I've ever seen there's.
Something cool about your parents.
My parents would have been quite heavy drinkers, but like
weekend, all my friends loved coming down from Dublin because
they would. My mom and dad will be up with
them drinking fucking sing until 6:00 in the morning.
Like, you know, don't like your fucking mom and dad are so class
but they would drink. Like I'm gonna have a story
about my dad being the opposite. He drinks so much he ran through
our porch. That was that was when we
started gigging with you. That was an early days. 15 years
ago, early days, yeah, that was, I remember just, yeah, you
always have that bit about someone, one bit of material
about someone where you go. Yeah, please do it, he went
through. The I'd be like, please do it
tonight. And then when you started that
story, it would be like this was.
Hammered, but my mother told told a better version that story
actually my mom my mom knows what actually happened right.
I kind of make it up a little bit and he said whatever about
the and he ripped himself to shreds.
He really has still a scarce his fucking, you know what I mean?
Massive. Wasn't it that he forgot that
you had a Conservatory? Yeah, he forgot that we had a
porch, or I mean, that's that's what the joke was.
But he dropped my cousin home and I live in a council estate
and he ran home then and it was in the middle of the night.
The hall door was open, the fucking porch was closed and it
was like tinted glass and the hall light was on.
So he just ran straight through. Massive crash.
And then my mother was like, you know, the whole joke was like
that. He won't give up the alcohol for
anything. And the paramedics said to him,
oh, you're lucky you're wearing jeans because they saved your
legs. And he's like, I better get a
denim jacket. So and that was that was the
whole joke. But what my mother actually said
happened to me, right? This is a genuine because my
mother heard me do this routine and she taught me her version of
events. I remember I was in bed as a
kid. Remember the smashing of the
porch and my dad in the hall? My, my, my neighbour came in and
was like, go back upstairs. They called an ambulance is
quite gruesome down there, you know.
But my mother said, so my dad was dropping one of my cousin's
home, right? We were having a drink in their
house. One of the cousins came over
with us. And then he was like, I don't
want to stay. So my dad dropped him back again
and he came back and ran through the porch.
But my mother was in the kitchen eating chips, right?
They were all having chips, having a few chips.
And she heard this massive crash, right?
And she was like, what the fuck? But my dad just strolled into
the kitchen was like looking around and she said now the
blood was just fucking pouring out of him.
And he sat, we have a little culture this in the kitchen, sat
down and I swear to God, he went, you're not going to
fucking believe this car and. She was like.
What? Someone's have to break in your
porch. Some fuckers have to break in
your porch and I'm just standing there like losing litres of
blood. And they called the paramedics
and I was like, Oh my God. Like she said it was just how
cool he is. Like for weeks he was picking
bits of glass on because it can't even be, I can't even
actually be all picked up on the X-ray because it's fucking
glass. You can't actually see it all.
He was like fucking a month later he's at his chest that
stitches and he pulled out a big massive lump of glass, put it on
the fucking fire. But she was just like the way
she sells it is even better. She was just casually like
eating the chips looking at him and she was just looking at this
fucking, you know, you're not going to behave this car.
It's a different there's a like you're how old your parents.
And my parents are sick. They're just 6062 and 61.
Kind of, yeah. They're a different breed.
Different breed, man. Fucking opposite because my dad
could even know it's 6655, he could drink to 4:00 in the
morning and you wake up when he's a fried meat for you
singing and I don't know how the fuck you do that.
Having a great time and probably good they keep doing it.
Really. Yeah.
You know. Got that Let me Motörhead thing.
Don't stop drinking, you'll die. Keep.
Them keep them going, keep on. That's why when you said about,
you know, you're like, what's the point anymore?
I'm like Mick. Oh, I'm not going to ever stop
drinking. Like, yeah, I just, I just, I'm
not in the mood. Yeah.
Has never happened before. Opposite of an AAS.
Logan never going to stop drink. I break in the meat.
The way and the way. Do.
You imagine that the flip side of it, it just made-up to
fucking drink next door. Just checking 0% beers with
people's hands have a coke. The coffee out of some of.
The way like I would be on 3rd changes where I'm all but there,
I'm all but the early night. Yeah, not even like 1 after the
show. I would.
I would almost like to do that. I would like to sit with the
support act and that kind of thing and have a drink after the
show. Yeah.
And I love the idea of it, but I can never be bothered when it
comes right. I'll do it after one or two, so
I might do it. I have a few friends coming to
Vicar Street, so I might do it there and my family like that.
My mom and dad and all that. They come to the every man in
Cork, whatever. Every man they go to, I'd nearly
have. I just have a drink with them.
Afterwards, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But not too much. So my problem is after big,
after big shows, my adrenaline's so fucking spike.
If I start drinking, it's like, yeah, go to bed.
Yeah, I'm going to be here to at 11:00 in the morning just like
that. But I I see you as soon as the
show's over. I have no adrenaline.
Don't you? Oh.
Really. 00 percent. We did the live podcast, and it
was unbelievable. It was like, what a night.
And I had a great time. But as soon as I stepped off
stage, I was like, yeah, really. Yeah, yeah.
And it's been like that for a while.
I think my adrenaline so spread out during the day.
Like I'm never like piercing or anything like that.
Yeah. Yeah, but when I'm I feel the
adrenaline do on stage, Yeah. And then as soon as it's over,
it's like there's none left. I'd be quite relaxed all day and
I when I get the opposite, I get a bit of a jump afterwards like
that. And if I do start drinking, it's
when you're drinking, when you're excited or giddy.
This is the problem. That's the mood.
Whatever mood, you're consuming the alcohol and it's going to
come out later on the nice and all of a sudden then you're
being thrown out of a chipper or something.
Yeah. What was the first like?
What was the first gig you did where you were like, let's do
something after? Like it was an occasion or a
certain level of gig? See, I've I've never really been
and I'm never in the like, let's all do something after because
then the whole day as people go on, what time we're doing that,
what time we're doing this, yes, yeah, yeah, I have something
else, but. That is the hardest thing ever,
man. Yeah, I can give away tickets to
people even. What time is your?
Show what time is your show what time you're on at?
Yeah, yeah. What time you be done at?
Sometimes I got to get a boss do.
I have time for foods, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Where should I do you you? Know what I mean?
I've seen that you were at a fucking Foo Fighters concert
last year. We wanted them asking them what
time they're. Wrapping up, you'd be serious.
Just get a later boss. You feel like I don't.
I can't plan your night out. I am your night out.
Yeah, Yeah. But but we also would be the
last People don't know. I know.
I don't know what time I roughly but I I'm going to assume it's
all door 7 showing. On the day you're kind of good,
I kind of rock up on a rough time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, People, I, it is a bit of entitlement and it
is the fact that people can just message you so easily.
Yeah. Because like also at the end of
the day, I always go, I'm not planning any message like that.
And then someone what time we should be over on like working
at like 940 roughly. And then you worry about them
and then during the showroom, like, is he going to make his
bus? Yeah, like I would be got it.
It's not your concern. Like yeah, but.
Yeah. Are you going to do loads of
Australia next year as well? I think so.
I sort of think the minute the plan is do all the fringes, so
do Perth, Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney.
Just because I've always wanted, I've always wanted to just go.
I'm going to have a year worth summer.
See that? I love that so they're also
you're back here. It'll be good.
Well. Yeah.
And then tour here and they'll probably do Edinburgh again and
then get use that and we get a show ready.
Yeah. He's going to ask, yeah, you're
going to be doing a new show on the other Fringe as well, or is
it the. Show, I'll just use that to
start working things up already. Yeah, yeah, because I've got
some new stuff already that I'm like, right, I can, but you only
you've got a show that's sitting there and you cover some new
stuff and you're like, that's better than nice.
But then you go, do you carry it over the next?
Year you're going, I rather not put it in at all and just go off
trying to try and keep it. Yeah, but I think there's a
tends to work out. I think I kind of look at our
long shows now. They're always just evolving.
Yeah. So there's never like I've never
written 1 was like, this is a show about this thing.
It's just like, here's everything that's been going on
the last wee while. I'm terrible for name it and
then have an eye from the correlation, so I'm just going
to keep it really big from now. Yeah, like she and told.
A pun on the name or something. As always, good.
Yeah, I, I do think where if there's a joke that I know is
going to be in it, I just name it out like after the joke.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But sometimes it makes fuck all
sense. Yeah, because when you do radio
interviews, that's what they go. The show's called.
Mommy, can you tell us a bit about, you know what, why that?
And I'm like, I don't know, just.
Yeah, they made me name it in January, so yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Yeah, if you had the move, say
you had the move to Australia, right, For some reason, I know
you've been kicked out the paramilitary, where would you
live? I don't know.
One part of Australia, yeah. Because I, I kind of like the
idea of living somewhere remote. I like the idea of being like
proper remote like like I would love to live in like somewhere
work. And if if, if like you know,
money was no object, it was somewhere nice and all I you.
Have 500,000,000.5. £100 million right?
I would buy a decent house, right?
I'd fucking spruce it up on how dive board from the bed in that
pool, but that's it definitely. And then I'd have just a massive
field and a lot of shotguns and beer cans.
I just read Naked the rest of my life for the five years.
Like a ranch? You're definitely one of them
people that blow all the money, you know, when they were. 100%
yeah 1. 100 you're underneath, you're under.
You I got a tax would be a sizable actually with two months
ago gone. Do you watch y'all still?
Not yet. I keep trying to start it and
then it's because I have a real problem.
There's so many shows that I want to watch and I go, I need
to watch it all. Yeah, me too.
See, I can't watch. I don't.
Do 2 shows. I hate that on something I
can't, I can't start. Yeah, unless something else is
finished. Exactly.
So I've I keep starting it and then going, oh, there's
something else I want to do. But I like a ranch.
I watch out and go. I want a ranch.
Yeah, See, it's different in Australia and the Outback is a
bit different. My wife's dad worked over there
as a doctor and properly in Halls Creek, proper Outback,
Outback. Do you know what I mean?
Like it's an Aboriginal community and it's fun.
It's just kind of a wild enough fucking place.
So you're talking about just a small bit out in the Bush.
I would I I would have it just like near city, yeah, just the
arts right at the like fucking outskirts of the suburbs.
On the outskirts of Time Taxi. To the nightclub.
Yeah, and limousine and. You kind of get like a nice car,
but it's dusty. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you've. Seen Mickey's most and he has
most. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and you just, you can see the city lights from where you
live. Yeah.
Way. In the distance, yeah.
And you sit on the you sit in a rocking chair at the front with
the shotgun like opened up. Yeah, just give.
Just giving backpackers advice, it makes no sense.
Someone comes a VB. Yeah, somewhere we can get
petrol. There hasn't been petrol.
This the 40s talking. I'm like.
And Chris, if you, if you had to live away from here, where would
you live when you live in London for a while?
But I mean like money is no object.
You know what? I'd probably say some. 500
million. Australia, man, only for it's
the biggest hang up with me in Australia.
It's too far away from family here.
Yeah, yeah. But Australia, we love that.
We were set to go back like, you know, we were set to go back
back there when I lived there in 2009.
We were going to go back the following year.
So I love the stuff. I love that, this piece of life.
It's fucking so clean. Even when it's clean, even when
you have a full time job. I was working as a Sparks at the
time. It's just you're finished kind
of relatively early. You start early.
There's so much. You go to the beach, you go to
the parkers, barbecues everywhere.
There's all this stuff. And it's like 4 people, as in,
yeah, it feels like the cities are set up, yeah, for the
residents, for the citizens. You know, like everything down
to the cycle paths, man, to have everything tired of it's done
really well. Like, you know.
It's such a big melting pot of people as well, like you go,
this is. Culturally, it's.
Great. Yeah.
But probably their mind just even though I really, I'm
envious of people that get to raise their kids in Australia
because it's a seriously, it's a cool country.
Like, I mean, it's I was in anywhere.
Yeah. And it's like, you know, I feel
safe. It's good.
The weather is nice, the beaches so much on your doorstep like
you know. I probably, to be honest, when I
think about it, really I'd probably move to Perth because
in Perth I'm not bad looking. Right.
Sydney fucked up. Yeah, yeah.
Sydney's a bit more. Sydney's a bit more definitely
materialistic and. Sydney people in Sydney are so
good looking. I wear my T-shirt in the shower.
Yeah, you. Know what I mean?
It's a bit of a rat races rather than tiny bit.
Sydney's wee bit like LA, yeah yeah, way yeah.
Whereas Melbourne's more like, I wouldn't say new.
European. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I, I, I love that. I can't wait to go back.
I love it. Would you?
Live there, huh? Would you live there?
Would. You live.
Yeah, maybe there I think America's.
America feels cool as well. Just feels you a bit unsure
though, a bit dangerous, you know?
Yeah, yeah. But I guess everywhere there'll
be people listening, watching this school and I live in
Melbourne and it's dangerous, you know?
Oh yeah, I guess. Yeah.
But romanticising this one. I don't know, I, I, I'd struggle
to move away from here, Yeah, if money was no.
If money was an option, to be fair, it would be, you know,
build what I want in Cork. Yeah, I have a bit of that too.
Like there's, yeah, there's definitely times where I look at
places around Logan go. Ranch in Logan I love you have a
ranch in Logan fucking. Right.
Ranch. Yeah, like.
Yeah, yeah. Call myself.
Kevin cost fuck all. So yeah, cost fuck all.
In the dusty, in the dusty car, right?
Yeah, but it's a Berlin go now. Right.
Doing you don't have a 2? Fucking no, no, no.
I've got enough stick for that already.
I can't fucking go. I was in Craig Alman last week.
Let me say this, Craig Alan's not a bad spot.
Something common been to Rush? Not a bad spot.
I've been to rush me with you, but I mean the town.
That was the first time I've been in the town.
There's not bad spot. There's a lot of roundabouts in
a couple of. Well, there was There's a subway
in one of the garages. Is that the one before Rushmere?
Man, I'm talking. I was in the town and then it
was on my way out of the town and there's this bar with it.
You go, you got the time, which feels quite uphill, and I went
I. Don't know of a town in ground
huh? Like a town centre?
Yep, like it was a town. Yep, like Hollywood.
Like a Main Street and a War Memorial on Gavin.
You sure you're? War Memorial.
But it was like, just not for the war.
It was. A RAP Spark he didn't do.
It so there is like a time I was in it and there was a there's
like a pineland, the little and all that.
And then there is there's two spars with subways in it.
Because I was sat in a minute, I didn't go all the way there for
a subway was doing an audition. You sure you're imported on?
You're doing an audition, Craig album.
Yeah, could. Have been imported that.
I think you're reported on. I was imported that Is there a
subway in this bar there? I'm sure there is.
Yeah, there is. Yeah.
It's ported on. To be honest, we had said no
man's land. That's kind of.
You could be forgiven for being confused.
Ported down Lurton. Craig, you said there's a KFC.
I didn't say there was a KFC. That's definitely ported on.
Right. But just up we bet there's a
spyware subway. See, now I'm thinking about it,
it was Portadown. I because you're right and
you're just important on so you're right.
That's not your fault, right? Yeah, because wasn't Craig Alvin
built, I'm sure just placed down South like this?
It was built as a city as. In so yeah, the idea and it was
like it was it was supposed to be it was supposed to be like
Northern Ireland's like fucking future city, right, Because we
had didn't have roundabouts here in the 70s because there was a
whole thing that I remember there was I went to school and
the road still kind of better about it that they built a
Goodyear factory and the idea was it would get workers from
Belfast to come down to the year more grants.
Oh yeah, to move down to and they all moved on and got the
grant. They went fucking back to
Belfast. Back.
Yeah, Sly. Yeah, Sly's funk and big city
folk. Because they said they were
going to bring all the factories there.
I think DeLorean was going to be down there as well or something.
Right, Right, right. But yeah, because that's why
like all the, I think somebody told me one point, it wasn't
quite finished with the roundabouts are all numbered or
letters. And that was part of the fact
that halfway through building it went all this isn't going to
work. So then it all just there's
loads of houses, but you can go from like a really nice housing
state to just fields. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and then another house. Do you know what I mean?
So there was something about. That rush me or some spot big
shots of Nandos. In it all spreading.
Nandos in it. Can't bet Anandos on the road.
Nandos, man of. Course do.
You know what? Australian Nandos is up its game
since the last time was there. Really.
When I was over. That Melbourne was a disgrace.
It was, it was a shit show. Wasn't dark in the door the
place? Really.
Yeah, With this in Australia and how was it bad?
Like no. Just just not a wide variety.
The man. Was all checking.
The menu is similar. I got a burger.
The menu is similar but different, right, But only a wee
bit different. But the point we'll just keep it
the same as it is here. Plus you don't get graded when
you go in. OK, you normally here they go in
table for a minute. Have you been here before?
Yep. I told you the time I knew it
was fat, went to Nando's and the girl didn't ask if it'd been
there before. One look at me when I he's been
here a few times. Yeah, it's, but is it a
coincidence that I was there a few months ago and that's up
this game, that's. Probably what it is.
You probably got your emails. Andrew, Andrew genuinely like
we're Andrew on the pocket of Adam and we're talking about
flights and he likes, I don't know, I know you know Andrew,
but he's always on the lazy. On it, yeah.
We then fucked up our flights to London, not our fault.
And he's like, we're like, oh, we'll send it, Andrew to take
care of it. He's like on it done and I get
done. I had a flight.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on a flight home from
Edinburgh. I had to get one from Newcastle
instead, straight on to him and he loves it.
He loves it, He. Loves it.
I reckon he's cleaned up, he's watching without our traffic
control problems over the. He was, he had a flight changed
four times or something like that, and I was like, he's the
only man inside. Knows he's all right.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, just that's Christmas. Yeah, that's Christmas paid for.
I'm shit with any trouble that I do with the I forget to disrupt
it. I'll never like claim.
I know, yeah, only, only I was in an airport one time, flight
was like 4 hours delayed and a lady in the queue was like, you
can get €500 compensation, make sure you get it and we got it.
Yeah. I mean, only for that.
I wouldn't fucking know one at all.
Yeah. What a So your tour, Your tour
goes into like what? March at the moment.
March, yeah, Hopefully a little bit of April, I think so.
Kill it in May? Definitely, because I won't be
able to get another one out if I don't.
Yeah, it's been added to all the time.
And waterfront is coming up. I feel like your waterfront's
been happening for 10 years. I will put it on seal pretty
early. So the first one sold out the
13th of October and then 17th November is the second one.
Good doing nice are available. I don't know, because after the
first one it's I don't want to celebrate after the first one
because of another one to do Yeah.
And then after the second one, I'm sort of like, I think I feel
like I'm tired. I feel like I'm going to be
stressed the whole month. There's a nice piece in there
with sofas and stuff, you know that like room type it, which is
nice to just help people in. Yeah, you don't have to go
anywhere. I don't think like it's there
because, you know, like when we can that has that party and
libraries. It was great.
Yeah. But I'm I'm, if I was going to
drink and even after a big show I got, I want to have three
people with me. Yeah, yeah.
Do you? Know what I mean?
Just not have to worry about too much you.
Just split in the conversation, Yeah, you can't talk to anyone.
Properly, Waterfront's great. Yeah, it's so great.
That's amazing venue like. That's so 1 October, 1 November.
I hit the gap in between something you do, yeah.
Tickets are available for the second one.
Yeah, put a link. And added, we've added tickets
to the first one as well, but beyond or something left that.
Because they don't sell. Yeah, the side bits is a.
The side bits and right side with you almost profile with
you, but they're on seal now, yeah.
Where did I sell them normally just to?
It's not great for stand up, Yeah, In terms of you're almost
behind the yeah, yeah. I think it's a great reborn.
You see my wee Arsenal, but they're great for music and
stuff like that, but for the stand up.
But it's there's no point, yeah. Where are your tickets are on
Ticketmaster? Yeah, Waterfront shined on that.
Yeah. In the description your first
Mandela sold out when second. One, yeah, the second one is in
February, I can't remember 16th or something like that.
Yeah, that's on sale. My website as well, Chris and
comedy.com, so. I have a website
calledmickeybordercomedy.com and I haven't put anything on it
really, just a really old photo of me.
Send stuff coming soon. You get on that, I'll wex or.
Something OK, boys, Thank you very much for coming on.
I appreciate it as always this. Is a lovely me chat, wasn't it?
Let's. Go for lunch.
Yeah, we'll go for lunch. That was your winner.
OK. All right.
Thank you very much.