Prime big Deal days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can
lead to involuntary deal squeals like the infamous deal on a new
massager squeal. Save big on prime big deal days
October 8th and 9th. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the TS Me Podcast with me, the solo money told himself she
and Todd. I think I've worked out how to
look in the webcam and not backup myself through the
laptop, which is a very old guy thing to do to be looking at
yourself through the wrong viewfinder.
I think I've figured that out. It's a good time.
I'm wearing shorts. You know, it's mid-october in
November. Am I still going to be wearing
shorts? More than likely.
And I'll tell you what. See, the closer it gets to
Christmas, my shorts are only getting shorter to to the point
where I will be walking down Royal Ave in just a pair of
white fronts and AT shirt, but the T-shirt will be hanging down
over the white front. So a lot of people will be like
that man, something wrong with him because he's not wearing any
pants, but I am. It's just a very small pants.
So how's everyone's week going? How's your week going mate?
Do people even say that anymore? Do people ask people how they
are anymore? Do people say like oh, what are
you at this weekend? Or do we all just take it that
everyone's like, yeah, still still the same thing, mate?
Yeah, still doing all the same things?
Yep. You know, is the weekend thing
anymore? Will the weekend ever be a thing
anymore? Or whenever all the pubs open up
again because now they've closed for a while, you know, are they,
is it just going to die out? Is the hospitality industry just
going to die out? I don't know.
And will only Witherspoon survive, you know, some sort of
big massive chain? Don't know.
I tell you what, I was drinking one for one day and a stag do in
a Cardiff Witherspoons and and it was unreal.
It was really good because one of the guys we were away with
made the mistake of saying he had the Wetherspoons up so he
could buy drinks and they bring it up like table service.
And then because he was already a little bit tipsy, everybody
was going here, made sure how it works again and he kept just
ordering rounds on it to prove that it worked.
And then no one else paid for drinks and it was a lot of fun.
It was a lot of fun. I was supposed to have a show.
I, I think I said last week I was maybe going to be announcing
some more shows soon and I thought I was, but obviously now
I'm not going to be able to. We're supposed to do a show on
the 23rd of October, but that is that's obviously not happening.
I don't know, man. I don't know about the fact
that, you know, bars and and nightclubs that will not my
clothes, but like bars where I do my shows are closing because
they're they're doing this like what is it called?
Circuit breaker. Now circuit breaker sounds like
a round on gladiators back in the day.
Gladiators ready circuit breaker, but it's not.
It's basically where they're like, listen, no one is really
getting COVID and pubs, so let's close all those.
I don't know. I'm not saying they're not
getting it there. I just think then why are we
still able to do all these other things?
If you're going to do it, do it. If you're not, then don't, but
you are crippling the hospitality industry, you know,
because it when this is all over, you know, COVID, whenever
COVID is like done and everyone say, I can't wait to wait for a
big party, a big drink. Hey, where are you going to do
that? Because you're going to have to
do it in your in your front garden because there's going to
be no bars. I don't know.
You see, I've never really been
like, I'm not really a drinker. I'm not really someone who goes
out that often. But now that I can't, I'm like,
I really want to do that so bad. It's like kicking someone on
the, you know, train tracks. You know, I know I'm not allowed
to do it, but that doesn't mean there haven't been times where
I'm walking along a railway track and someone's quite close
to the yellow line and I would love to drop kick them onto the
tracks. And that's not even like, even
if I don't know the person, especially if I don't know the,
what I'm saying is sometime before I die, I would like to
kick someone in front of a train.
I think, I think we all have thought that and there's a lot
of things that we all think but we don't say.
I think we should start sending them and the podcast is a place
to do it because you know, the more I've I've thought about
podcasts and stuff and I went and did Colin Gettis's podcast
today. We recorded the episode today,
the general banter podcast. The more, the more I've thought
about podcasts, the more I'm like, and I know this is not a
revolutionary thought, but podcasts are, are up there with
the best mediums. Whenever you're a comedian, you
know, you just, you just ramble. You just, I mean, you sometimes
you do a ramble and pocket, I mean a ramble and comedy podcast
where you go at hill walking, but banter.
But I don't know, it's like, I think podcasts are one of the
last places where you can just be yourself, you know, and on
the TV podcast, we just drink tea and we just say what we want
to say, you know, and we, it's, it's great to have freedom, you
know, on, on a podcast and be able to talk about whatever you
want to talk about, express your way in whatever way you want to
express yourself. So the POG we chatted on the by
the way, I'll get into some things in a minute, but I'm just
doing general chat at the start. I don't know why I said that.
Like user assessing me doing this podcast whenever I whenever
I was doing my driving test. I was 20 with them my 21st
birthday. The guy who was the assessor was
going to Egypt on holiday later that day.
You were getting like a later, later afternoon flight out of
Belfast and he was definitely in holiday mode because I've I did
lose it. I wrote the car off and he's
like, don't worry about it, don't worry about it.
Cairo, here we come. I don't really know what I was
saying there. But I do know this on last
week's episode, a lot of people have been messaging me with
Victorian slang because we obviously talked about, you
know, weird Victorian words that people, you know, butter upon
bacon. Someone said to me, I can't
remember what it was, but this week someone said to me, that's
butter upon bacon and used a perfect example of what I said
in the podcast multiple times. And then when they said it in
real life, I didn't know what they were talking about.
And I just laughed, like, I don't know what you're saying.
And then they picked up on that because they were like, oh, it's
just you said it in your podcast.
And I had to go, yeah, that's right.
And the joke was totally lost. But but yeah, I don't know
what's happening with gigs. And I I hope that this circuit
breaker thing is effective. I hope it does what it needs to.
And then after this four weeks, we can responsibly open open
bars and performance basis again and just get back to get back to
doing stand up. Because that period where I was
able to gig again was honestly like the best time of my stand
up career because stand up and gone away for so long.
And then it was just the, the, the feeling of being back was
just the best ever. You know, when you had, you have
something taken away, you're so keen to, you're so keen to get
it back. Hang on, let me take a sip of
tea, delicious tea before we move on with the podcast.
I'm really kind of get into it because it's been a really long
open and preamble. Let me plug the Patreon this
Sunday night. We are doing the the second ever
live episode of Tea with Me. It's done over Zoom.
If you're a Patreon supporter, you get a link.
You get a link and like a private thing that only you can
see, you click into it. You get to see like an hour
long, however long it is live Tea with Me where I've guests on
my guests are drum roll please, Kieran Bartlett and Dave
Elliott. So I, I had three guests last
time. I've got 2 guests this time.
Because what I'm going to do at the end is just get some of the
zippers on that are watching and, and interview them and not
even not interview them. It's not going to be that
formal, but I'm just going to shoot the breeze with them.
Ideally, everybody watching has a cup of tea and we just we
hopefully escape the madness for a little bit of time on Sunday
night. So yeah, producer Dan Magic
still linked to people. I don't know how it works, but
Patreon is a way where where you sort of support the podcast,
where you get more content. You don't just support the
podcast, you hopefully get your money's worth as well because
you get every Monday a bonus podcast.
You get the live episodes on my stand up special from last
year's on there as well. So it's a it's an it's an NTAAR.
It's a nice time all round, a nice time all round.
I've loads of questions this week.
So what I'm going to do is ever so slightly shorter podcast, but
I'm going to focus a little bit more on listeners questions and
topics from from you guys. I should point out last week,
you know, sometimes things can be taken very seriously on a
podcast and kind of need addressed.
You know, to people who last week were like the when you were
talking about the Tory government and, you know, you
were just saying about how great a job they were doing and and,
you know, really, really backing them up.
Was that serious, guys? Yes, it was.
I just want to say from, from Bojo down.
Killing it, 100% killing it. You know, I think their, I think
their advice is straightforward. I think that if I got to vote in
England, like English elections, it would be it'd be Tory.
I was trying to think of a rhyme there and I couldn't.
But yeah. Busy.
Yeah, But what? No, of course I wasn't serious.
Right. Well, that's.
That's not a real question, so I'm not going to, I'm not going
to answer. Jamie Mckevitt says What's your
McDonald's order? If your hunger rating is 8 out
of 1010, being famished, is McDonald's the spot to go to for
like, being absolutely starving? Or is McDonald's like a really
good snack? I don't know, it's hard.
It's hard to define. Like if I'm really hungry, I'll
eat in the house or I don't know, like you don't really come
out of McDonald's stuffed And that's not a day got Ronald and
the boys. That's more me just saying I
don't know. McDonald's is kind of food on
the go. Fast food doesn't really here's
here's what I would get. I would get a Big Mac meal plane
right, which is which is annoying to the staff because
they hate that because they pretty make all the Big Macs and
then when you said playing, they've got to go make you like
a fresh one, like a new one. And what you could do that's
very, very money told is you go in, you say, listen, playing Big
Mac, please. The guy rolls his eyes.
You go. I have allergies.
And then when he makes it and he brings you around the warm brand
new Big Mac with nothing on it, then you go here, mate, can I
get a side of salad, please? That's experience.
That's what that is. I've never done that, but I get
a Big Mac needle. I get, I was going to say I get
Diet Coke, Coke 0 or water. I don't, I go to McDonald's a
couple of times a year. If I go, it's full of fat Coke.
It's full of fat Coke. And then I'll also get 6 Nuggets
as well. We call it, we call it the the
King's feast. Well, no, Burger King is the
king. It's it's it's the it's the
money tow banquet is essentially what it is, but I'm not really
AI don't know there's something, you know, if I get fast food
like that, I like to eat it in my car in private with my shirt
off. So you won't often see the money
to going to a big fast food chain.
You'll see me go to chippies. You know, I certainly I
certainly am a guy that is partial to chippy and noses
chippies, you know what I mean? So that would be my McDonald's
order. But I don't know.
I mean, as a kid, McDonald's was the ultimate.
McDonald's was the ultimate. Dave Elliott, I sent you a 10
out of 10 What'sapp message. Any chance of replying?
Cheers. So let's go in and see what he
said and see if it really is 10 out of 10.
Where the fuck is he? He saved in my phone, obviously,
as Judas. OK, He said, do I want to see
something? 10 out of 10?
I've said yes. OK.
Yeah, so this is a tweet that said every music video in the
90s and yeah, yeah, that that is incredibly enjoyable.
And Michael Dapper. Yeah, that guy, that guy is
really funny. Yeah.
Dave, OK, that is 10 out of 10. Fantastic.
I'll reply to him and he'll love that.
That'll make his day. Yeah.
Another 90s thing. I I haven't watched that full
video, so I don't know if he does.
It was rappers would not even rappers like white guys that
were doing more of an R&B vibe. If you're watching the video
podcast, but do this and what I'm doing is they would overlap
their hands so that their thumbs were coming up to their face and
they would they would do that. They would get behind their two
hands and kind of make a like a double fist.
And that was a real 90s guy move.
Phil Nesbitt. Not the Belfast guy in China,
just the other Belfast guy in China.
Big fan of the podcast Jingle. Where's it from?
I'd like to add some Tea With Me tunes to the playlist.
So the Jingle at the start. I think the Jingle at the start
was sourced by Big Mike. I think he went away to the
studio. I think he locked himself in,
booked himself a backing band and recorded that off of his own
fair hands. No, I don't know.
I honestly don't know and you think I would because it is my
podcast, but I don't know. You'd like to add some tea with
me tunes to the playlist. I mean, what are we listening to
when we were able to have our first our first tea party, by
the way, that was my back rubbing against the sofa.
That wasn't an apple tart. And whenever we're and I say
apple tart, I told columnist story on this podcast earlier.
In fact, not even on the podcast before we recorded, someone said
the word fart. And that reminded me that
whenever I was about 10, my dad took me to Elliot's joke shop in
Belfast. And because I because I was
hilarious back then, I wanted a fart machine.
You know, like the wee boxes with the remote and you hit it
and it makes a farts on you put it behind someone's back and a
hilarity ensues. Yeah, one of those, but my dad
goes, listen, don't be saying fart.
Make sure you say apple tart, which was like rhyming slang,
obviously, but I hadn't said apple tart since I was about 5.
So. So I was like, Oh no, I have to
say this to this guy. So I had to go to the counter
and there was a fellow working in Elliot's and I had to go.
Hi, could I have an apple tart? Machine and the guy's like wrong
shot mate. This is not a bacon goods
supply. And I had to say no, I mean like
an apple tart and he's like, we don't have an apple tart
machine. And then my dad had to intervene
and get involved and it was very embarrassing.
But what will we be listening to at the Tea Party?
I mean, I was going to say the likes of it, but you know, it's
it's like nice lounge music. So I could see us listening to I
could see us listening to a little bit of James Blunt, but
not like you're beautiful. Goodbye, my lover.
Something a little bit off paced by Blunt.
You know, let's go a little bit off piece with Blunt.
Like what else they got? The one with the wise man with
the boners by the sea. Those three wise men, they've
got a semi by the sea. You got to ask yourself the
question, why are they in the song and why are they erect by
the sea? Who are the men?
So I think that would be so I could say it's listen to the
Eagles. What about a little bit of Dire
Straight? If I know Dire Straits is maybe
like kicking a little bit Simon and Garfunkel, that would be
very enjoyable. Cabs says talk about the lack of
Shane Todd and Ray of Elliot on Fridays.
Yeah, our our run on BBC Radio Ulster is over.
It's over our reign of terror, as a lot of people would call
it. It's done.
There's been a radio ceasefire and and we're taking a break
again. It's a, it's just the way we've
we've been doing it. They're like, we love Radio
Ulster, Dave and I, we love being on air and doing that
show. I think this is maybe the, the
fifth series of the Shane Todd show.
And then and it's it's brilliant.
Like we would do it pretty much every day if we could.
But I guess you know, there's, there's a lot of broadcasters,
there's a lot of what would you say there's a lot of like
different shows that they have to get the air and they only
have a certain amount of time to do that, you know, in, in the,
in the schedule. So they know that we want to be
in there more hopefully down the line, like maybe next year, like
early next year, we we get back in.
I mean, I'm pretty sure we are going we are going back in and
then we do another run and maybe that's a point where we can you
know, be permanent, like try and get that slot or or another
slot. But I think it's great.
I think it's it's great that radio Ulster like let us play
the kind of music that we play, because you know, that's that's
the we started doing that start of ray of lockdown.
And I thought at the start of the lockdown, we did the the
rate one off ray of show and then it just stopped.
And I thought they would kind of say to us, which are probably
well within the race to do like, listen, can you make the music a
bit more eclectic and that kind of thing?
But they didn't. They're like, just keep doing
the music that you want to do. So I think we've got to show
there the balances. I'm very biassed, obviously,
because it's literally called the Shane Todd Show.
And but we're balancing like fun music to listen to, especially
at the start of the weekend. And, and I think there's some,
some great. Chat, I think there's some.
Pretty good shot in there as well from Dave and myself, you
know, and just chatting, having a little bit of a titter, not a
tether up between us. Some people say, yeah, but the
the, the there's a lot of love for the show, which which is
class because the first few series we did, we're still very
much feeling our way into it and we still aren't I in in the
radio. But then, you know, the first
few series, the interaction maybe wasn't there as much as it
would have been with other shows in terms of like people getting
in touch with the show and we were just figuring out what we
wanted to do on radio. But now I think we know what we
want to do. I think we have a really strong
show that I would listen to if I wasn't doing it.
But it'd be weird if it was the Shane Todd show and somebody
else was hosting it, But you know what I mean?
I think it makes the show. I don't want to sound like a
colossal deck, but I think the show makes people feel good.
It makes us feel good going to do it.
And I think a lot of people were like Mark in the start of their
weekend by it, you know, being like Friday night, finish work
if you're working, stick that show on and and then like have a
couple of drinks with your mates or in your house, whatever.
So I don't know. Yeah, they've been away.
It's away from Friday nights now, but hopefully we're we're
back sooner rather than later, Jamie Blobby says.
Did you reply to the heart and soul of the Northern Ireland of
Northern Ireland comedy or just comedy in general?
Dave Elliot And what was the 10 out of 10 message?
So I've revealed what the message was and is Dave the
heart and soul of the Northern Ireland comedy scene?
I mean, he's. Part of it, he's part of it, he
would tell you. He is like he calls himself the
the power behind the throne. You know, when people say like
Dave, you're the best thing on Shane's radio show, Dave says,
yes, I'm the power behind the throne, which I don't like.
But then again, it does look a lot like the mountain from Game
of Thrones. So that is in a way fair.
And he was he was grown in a lab.
So it makes it makes a lot of sense.
I can't wait for the Northern comedy comedy seem to be back
regularly. You know, just seeing people
they haven't seen since started a lockdown.
And it will be and it will be bigger, stronger and let's make
let's make local comedy great again.
Let's make great again. Yeah, I did Collins podcast
today, which was brilliant. Always great.
Crack going to do general bander podcast.
I think that will come out next week.
I'm not too sure. Could you see him?
We went. For lunch and that, that's just
nice. And that's just what friends do.
That's just what. Friends do, they go for a nice
lunch and they feed each other their dinner.
And no, we didn't because obviously socially distance from
account, but but yeah, you know, there's, there's probably about,
there's, there's probably about 48 people I think in the world
that I love like I I have loved for.
And Colin Collins, one of those people, Dave Elliott is
obviously one of those people too.
But you know, there are people within comedy that I miss as
comedians and then there's people that I miss as comedians
and then as just friends to. So I can't wait until we're
backstage talking absolute shit again, talking absolute drivel
because that's what that's what it's all about.
David Durkin says, can you give Arlene Foster one compliment to
set her up for a lovely weekend? And I can give her more than
one. I think in my I think I speak
for all of us. I think I speak for everyone in
whether you call it Northern Ireland, the north of Ireland,
whatever. I think we are united in our
opinion that and yeah, well I will speak for everyone.
We're united in our opinion that government are doing a fantastic
local government, are doing a fantastic job, They're doing as
good a job as the Tories are across the water.
I think Arlene Foster and Michelle O'Neill have acted
really well during the pandemic. You know, I think they, what you
can rely on them for is 2 things.
Top leadership and a little bit of fun as well.
You know, they, they, I just watched those two guys together
and I'm like, they're having fun.
Those guys are having fun, you know, and I think Arne Foster
should come on the TV with Me podcast.
I think, I think you can't accuse Arlene's reign of not
being fun. That's the bottom line.
The DUP like to have fun. You, you know, Sinn Fein are the
same. They like to have fun.
You know, like when Michelle O'Neill was like, you know,
everyone has to wear a mask and then she went to a funeral and
then she didn't wear a mask. Fun When Arlene Foster was like,
listen, would and this was just to her friends and family, she
was like, listen, would you like this boiler that you don't need
to use and you're going to make sweet dough out of it?
Fun when MPSE junior, you know, goes to Zante with a lot of DUP
boys and he's like, listen, trade mission.
We're trying to get Zante to export poppers to Northern
Ireland. Fun.
It's all fun. So I, I would give Arnie Foster
calling on and say she's doing a fantastic job and she's like
great crack and she's come on TV with me podcast.
And she said this week that she doesn't do Twitter, but she has
Twitter, but she doesn't look at it.
And that's 100% not true. Because as I said on Twitter,
Arne Foster 100% watches my videos and giggles along and she
she says after every video shows what's he like Michael White
says. And by the way, Michael, that's
racist. He says slippers for shippers.
I can't have them near me. It must be genetic as my son who
is 7 has never worn them either. Michael, you lunatic.
Are you saying Michael, you just saying that he's also done like
the book face as well. So Michael, are you saying you
can't have slippers near you? Are you saying that there is
something about slippers, the crochet and what is it?
Do you not like things slipping? Like, are you, do you do when
things slip, do you picture like a squelching noise or what is it
you don't like about slippers? What I don't like about slippers
is I'm not allowed to leave my slippers lying about the house,
which is sly because you don't know when you'll need your
slippers. You know a flipper gotta take
the bins out of short notice, put my slippers on.
But then if your slippers are all the way upstairs, what's the
point? You may as well just go out in
your socks. Even at the bottom of your socks
will get dirty. I'm wet.
Michael, I if I were you, I would speak to someone because
if you feel physically sick at the thought of slippers, then
there's something else going on there.
I wouldn't be a big slippers guy, but definitely when it's
when it's when it's middle of winter, I will come down from a
breakfast with pyjamas, A robe and slippers on.
But then again, I'm 87 years old.
But yeah, I'm all for slippers. In fact, we should get Tea with
Me slippers that say these are my zippers or separate slippers.
I don't know. What we should do is sell the
merch we already have on shopify.com.
If you search for Shane Todd comedy, I'll send the link out
again, all the podcast merch. Is there money to T-shirts, Tea
with Me mugs? We sold out of the Keith Cruz
T-shirts. They're steppers T-shirts as
well and they're all there and they look sweet as well.
So so do check that out. But Michael, don't worry,
there's no slippers on there. Glenn Lindsay, the big the big
issue, when will fans be allowed back in the Irish League
grounds? I don't know my man, because I
thought that was just about to happen.
I think everybody did. And then it was like, Nah, we're
not. I mean, even my foot, my
football, my level of football, which is, you know, certainly
couldn't be described as elite, was all back on.
Everything was happening. League was supposed to start
next week or week after next. And now that's all been shot the
shit for a while. So when can fans come in Irish
League grounds? I don't know.
I think the way they were doing it where people were allowed
back in, in small groups, I don't think that was doing any
harm at all. And I think that was good.
The people, you know, any sort of crowd were allowed in.
But but I, I don't know, I hope it's soon because clubs will go
out of business and it costs a lot to operate even small Irish
League clubs. So hopefully soon.
Daniel Houston, how much milk is too much milk for tea where it's
more of a light brown? You know, if you're watching the
video podcast, can you see, can you see the colour of my tea?
You know, it's kind of AI like I like to put in an amount where
cheeky people would look at it and go, is the cow dead?
And you go, what are you talking about?
They're like there's none of milk.
Big big Robert or big Robert, It's spelled Robert, but when I
say it, it sounds like I'm trying to say Robert smacked
out. And big Robert says which local
comedian steals the most material bar you, of course.
And you see what I like about that is that's quintessentially
Northern Irish banter of like asking a question, but to get in
a joke and I've got to applaud that.
I've got to take my hat off to you for it and them and.
For you, of course. Robert, you're cheeky, I would
say. Do you know what's mad?
Right. Back in the day, and I mean like
probably the 70's, the 80s, maybe even the 90s, maybe even
the early naughties before I was doing stand up, naughty,
naughty, very naughty, The idea of doing stand up of like
playing working man's pubs, working man's clubs, doing
functions and things like that. Jokes weren't really there
wasn't there wasn't much of an ownership thing on jokes back
then. Like it's obviously well
different now, but you could have back then, I'm not saying
everyone did, but back then you could have done pre-existing
like well known dad jokes or whatever as part of your set
because people weren't, do you know, there were certainly
storytellers back then, obviously like Billy Conley and
loads more people like that. But one like there was a lot of
one liner comedians who were like very much like, I just do
like well known jokes. And I've seen it like from, you
know, years ago when I went to see stand up and, you know, saw
some acts who would have been gigging a lot in the likes of
the 70s and the 80s. And it wasn't like a taboo
thing. You know, it was like, it wasn't
bad etiquette to do it. It was just the way kind of
stand up was. And then you had storytellers
who were way more storytellers. But I think now stand up has
become more mainstream. Stand up has become more of a
hybrid between the two. So it's storytelling, but with
one liners within the story, if that makes sense.
But you, you, you, you can't obviously steal stuff now You
you have to do your own stuff. Now it's a thing like people
will still say like when you say you do stand up, or if someone's
just curious about stand up, they'll say, Oh, do you write
your own stuff? And you're like, that's my other
people think that stand up is what it was like, if you know
what I mean. So of course.
And there's people who there's people who have writers, there's
like very well known comedians who and they like don't hide it
or anything, but they have writers or, or they do writers
rooms where they get a little, they say, like, I've got this
material far out some lines for it.
I've done that before very informally with stand up mates,
you know, to start a lockdown that if you over zoom with with
comedian friends and it was like you'd have a bit of material
each. So I would go here, I've got
this, but what do you think of this?
And you say it out loud and the person will go, what could you
do this instead? And you go, ah, yeah, maybe
you're honest and you do the same for them.
So I think I might, I might start doing that maybe once a
month and use a different comedian friend.
And if they have material, do it back and forth.
I I find that really good. But you can't, you can't steal
material. You can't steal material.
Jamie Harrison says, what would you be doing if you didn't do
the comedy? If you do the you doing the
comedy? If I wasn't doing comedy, I
think we talked, I think we devoted like an episode to the
effect last week was me looking at alternative jobs.
But the real answer would be the real answer would probably be
something in media, you know, whether it was like, Mark, I
don't have a marketing background, but I I enjoyed
doing that in, in college. I like doing media law.
I did media law for a while as well as part of my course, which
I enjoyed. And it's handy to know like the
insurance and outs of, you know, some of the laws around all this
kind of stuff. So probably something like that.
But honestly, it's not some something I've given more
thought to recently, but hopefully I won't need to think
about it in too much detail. But yeah, probably something
within within media, Rory Arkin says, have you any dirt about
other comedians that isn't known to the public that you can
share? And David Durkin under writes
naughty. Yeah, I'm just going to throw
this out there. Dave Elliott's back is hairier
than than any any what would you say any other thing that exists
in the IT People go? Mexico City is one of the most
densely populated cities in the world.
It's not nowhere near as densely populated as Dave Elliott's
back. There's more hair on Dave's back
than people in Mexico City. And a lot of people won't know
that. I mean, they probably will know
that, but he has a very hairy back.
But but that that would be one of them.
That would be one of them. And then, yeah, nothing else.
I mean nothing else really springs the mind at the minute,
Sharon says. What's your favourite tray bake?
I mean absolutely no stirring apart from Sharon who just wants
to talk bacon. My favourite tray bake.
If I could have any tray break if I didn't have dairy
allergies. I mean I'd be like Thor if I
didn't have dairy allergies. My favourite.
Hard to beat a car. What about those?
What about those wee Thorntons caramel squares?
What about the wee mini Thorntons, Caramel squares,
millionaires, shortbread, like that kind of thing?
I like that. I like Malteser squares.
Mint Arrow whereby we mint arrow square.
I love Tree I. Used to love it whenever I could
eat nice. Food.
Thanks for that child. Katie's McComb says.
What is your precise tea making procedure?
OK, here we go. Boil the tea.
Boil. Sorry.
No, fuck, I fucked it. Fucked it.
Boil the water, get the cup out that I want.
Might be a different cup for a different time of day, different
occasion. Take a standard cup, bang, put
my tea bag in it while the water boils.
Go get the milk out when the water boils.
I'm leaving at 10 seconds roughly before a pour, but I'm
not counting it out. I'll pour, I'll leave the tea
there. I might go and put my phone on
charge. I might go and do something
that's going to take like 15 seconds.
Then I dip the bag 15 times. I dip the tea bag 15 times
roughly, maybe 5 either side. Allow for five.
Then I squeeze the bag inside of the cup.
Then I put the tea bag in the bin.
Then I pour my milk in and stir as I pour, allowing for the
perfect consistency. Because if you don't, sometimes
you stir it and you go. That's not the amount of milk I
want. And anyone who does it a
different way should be trialled as a Nazi war criminal.
One Flying Irishman. Does relying on comedy as a
living take the fun out of foot a bit, or does the pressure to
keep the money toads Lily pad moist force you to keep your
game sharp? Yeah, the second one, I think it
puts way more fun into it when you're like, Oh my God, I do
this full time. I do this as a job.
It means you kind of have to be on it all the time.
And you do have to, like you say, make your writing sharp and
you have to be focused and and kind of work hard at it.
So I think it's it's a better thing for me that I do do it
full time. Matthew Merlin, do usually carve
a pumpkin. What have you got in mind this
year? Here's my effort, Matthew.
I'd love to slag you for that because we obviously have a
little bit of a back and forth, but we love each other really.
But that is fantastic. I like what you've done with the
golf ball on the side of it as if the pumpkin has been hit by a
golf ball and it's stuck in a Ted, which actually in a way is
horrendously sinister. But I like what you've done
there. I like that you took a picture
of it and sent me it. I would rate your effort for
that. 10 out of 10. So smashing job, smashing job,
smashing pumpkins. I don't carve pumpkins though,
no offence because you know, I'm an I'm an adult so I enjoy it
when children do it. Ali Campbell, What was your
favourite young American comedian?
Be at the minute under 40 favourite.
Sam Morrill is really good. MO double RIL or MORILL, one of
those two, he's really good. Mark Normand is very, very good.
Chris Destefano, very, very good.
I'll go, I'll go. Sam Morill, I'm probably saying
a surname wrong, which is disrespectful.
He has a special comedy centric Comedy Central special online at
the minute free. So Sam Morill, I can't remember
what it's called, but it's good. So go check that out.
Patrick Quinbelt, the original Belfast guy in China.
Some say double up on what you're good at.
I think we should double up on what we're not good at,
stretching our comfort zone to face fears.
No one on the other side of fears.
Greatness. What are you very uncomfortable
at that you would love to be great at and what would make you
proud to say you've achieved? Well, I'm good at two things.
Number one is being humble and #2 is I'm good at everything.
So there's what would I love to be good at that I'm not good at
at the minute. Probably like doing stuff on a
BMX, you know what I mean? Like I can, what can I do in a
BMXI could go down some pretty small stairs or steps.
Not stairs, get call from a dinner.
I'll be down in a second. But I would like to be able to
do, for example, a backflip on a BMX because they think at any
age that will impress anyone that you would get honestly,
like I would get a Netflix special.
If I phone Netflix and said, can I have a special, They would go,
probably not made. And I go, listen, I'm calling
you on FaceTime And they would answer it.
And then I'd be on a BMX and I'd go, what about now?
And then I would do it, but I wouldn't, in fact, I wouldn't
say what about now? I'd do the backflip, my BMX and
then I go, what about now? So something like that would be
pretty cool. Like, I saw this absolute blue
bag cycling out of Belfast one day with no hands.
Not that he didn't have hands, but he he had his hat, literally
had his hands down his bags, like in his in his pants.
And he was just cycling with no hands and he wasn't really
looking at the road. And I thought if that guy could
stop sniffing glue, he'd be president of the world.
Ricky Long. If it's raining, do you walk
faster, run or just continue at the same speed?
I walk a wee bit faster but not enough that I look like a bitch.
You know I don't want, I don't want to be Reigns bitch.
So I just walk a little bit faster Ricky.
But it depends. If I'm wearing something great
and my hair sitting well, I'll use same bolt at home from
wherever I am. Johnny Bow with Stephen Nolan
taking up running. Who would you have in your BBC
Relax team? It'd be me, Nolan, Dave, who
else bar best because like Barra would know the weather.
So we'd know like what direction the winds coming, what angle to
be running at, that kind of thing.
And and Hugo Duncan, you know, I could see Hugo being a long
distance running guy. I don't think over 5 yards you
would have much pace in his locker.
But I could see Hugo like the and 1/2 marathon on five weeks
notice. But I don't know how much
interest it would be if I sent a round Robin e-mail around BBC
staff saying does anyone want to join my running relay team?
Matthew Hyland, not much of a separate question, but can you
put the podcast back on SoundCloud again?
I'll ask producer Dan. I don't know why it's not on
SoundCloud anymore, but if producer Dan isn't making that
SoundCloud anymore, I'm sure he has a good reason for it.
Maybe he has maybe has a mortal nemesis at SoundCloud, I don't
know. But then yeah, I'm sure there's
a good reason for it, Ewan says. Can you convince BBC to remake
Pulling Moves? Pulling Moves was absolutely
brilliant. It was a comedy series from here
about been about 15 years ago, 1520 years ago.
And it was about a, a big group, like a group of like 5 dodgy
characters trying to pull moves. Which means if you're not from
here, it means like trying to make money basically through not
strictly legal ways. Pull the Moves was absolutely
brilliant and the film Man About Dog was really good too.
And that is the kind of comedy that I I want to make when this
is over. I want to make stuff that I want
to make. Stuff that people here are
talking about in 10/15/20 years and going wasn't that class for
just the sake of being class. You know, think a lot of comedy
nowadays is is is trying to be the same kind of thing.
It's trying to be so many different things.
But pulling moves was just fun. It was good.
People still share video clips of it now and I definitely look
back to that with a lot of nostalgia.
BBC, maybe they could do some sort of like reunion one off
episode. I think that'd be so popular.
I mean, I, they don't really repeat old things, but I think,
I think if you repeat a pull of moves, people would really,
really enjoy it. Let me say, Ben, have you heard
any of young Spencer's absolute bangers yet?
I don't know what that is. I, I really don't know what that
is. Rory Brawley, can you talk about
Michelle O'Neill's eyebrows or Arlene Foster's mop?
Rory I can't do that because I'm not a better middle-aged woman
drinking gin on on the stairs, you know what I mean?
I'm not that judgmental. Plus I think they look great.
I think the politics are great and I think Stormont are doing a
great job. And maybe, Rory, instead of
criticising superficial things in our politicians, you should
do what I'm going to do, which is start a petition to get a
statue outside Belfast City Hall of every single politician that
served during this pandemic, because they've all done an
equally good job. And was like.
Bring the statues down. I'm like, put fifty of them up.
Andrew Kelly, Why have they removed truffle from
celebrations when it was the most popular choice?
That was a really straightforward question.
I don't know why. I looked at it like you'd asked
me to quantify the theory of relativity, which I actually
could do, which will surprise a lot of people.
Truffle. Do people like Truffle?
I don't know. I don't know.
They do. I think they do things.
They've got a lot of time to get people talking like us.
Now we've just advertised celebrations, Ryan, a Belfast
bop is a blasphemous to toast it.
Yes, 100 percent, 100%. It's a crusty roll.
Like crusty is so good, like a big crusty roll and toasting is
still nice, but no, you eat a crusty roll just with butter on
it. Sean McLaughlin, have you
watched Prison Break? I'm addicted.
Yeah. What's like the first three
series? And then I think prison breaks
should only be one series long and that's their own prison.
And then they're no longer in prison and now it's like 8
series in and after four series you're like at the start of
series you go, let me guess, let me make a production here.
These guys might find themselves behind bars and they're not
behind bars. And then I was going to do,
spoiler alert, everybody got told off that recently.
Should look under all the Belfast Live or Kill FM post and
react to all the messages slagging off Arlene and the
politicians. No, we don't.
We don't do that on here. We get we actually want
politicians on this podcast. I would love Arlene Foster or
Michelle O'Neill to do this podcast and I wouldn't even be
like immature or whatever, but I would just like have a proper
chat over a cup of tea. I would love to do that.
And so no, we're not slagging anybody off.
Sure. Hanlon, would you rather have
arms the length of fingers or fingers the length of arms?
I do have fingers the length of arms, so ideally I would just
stay with that. Francis Starrett, who's Northern
Ireland's top weatherman, Frank Mitchell or Barrow best.
Only one way to find it out guys.
Get the tops off and wrestle. Beverly, No topic, just hello
from Arizona. Enjoy your day.
Hey Beverly, right back at you. Enjoy your day in Arizona.
And maybe one day we'll do a live tea with me episode from
from Zona. Do people say zona?
I don't know, but now we do. And hello to all the zeppers in
Arizona. Katie Rice.
Not a question. A senior said you're lactose
intolerant. Drink black tea.
I don't, Katie, I drink almond milk in my tea.
Did you know you can get lactose free milk taste like normal
milk? You can get cheese and butter
and all from the same brand. It literally feels like I've
saved my life with born in black tea.
Katie, do you work for that company?
To be honest, I'm only joking. I like that.
I like Zeppers just being like, listen, I want you to enjoy your
tea experience even more. I do unsweetened almond milk and
I I drink 17 cartoons a week. So ideally, if they could
sponsor the podcast, that would be great.
B says just seeing you and Colin were at Nando's, why haven't you
got your Nando's black card yet? It's a good question.
It's a really good question. We should put it to Nando's.
I deserve it. I did a Nando's sketch at the
start of lockdown that did really well, went all over the
place. They sent me some sauce, which
was nice. But at the same time, like I
just wear as the black card. And I know people that have had
a black card before and I know who has the power to give me the
black card. And I'm like, why you're not
giving me the black card? Zach Fitzgerald, Colin Gettis
versus Dave Elliott, one-on-one fight to the death.
Who comes up on top? I think that would be, I think
that would be a little bit like, do you remember in do you
remember in the Lane Neeson film, if you saw it, the one
where he fights wolves in the snow at the end of it, him and
the wolf are just like a lion on the snow, on the backs, cut and
bloodied. It would be like that.
It would be like 22 big guys too strong, too literally strong men
going at it. So I don't know.
I don't know what I wouldn't want to call it.
And also. Yeah, no, I'm not going to do
that. Colin versus Dave, I wouldn't
let that happen. I'd get in the middle of it and
if I had the knock both of them out, I would do it.
If I had to go, guys don't fight and they're like, no, we're
going to fight. I'd say, well, listen both,
you're going to get knocked out. And then what I would do is
punch Dave in the face with a right hook and right my right,
the matters on the left hand, my left hand, listening to my
strongest hand. Take my strong hand.
I clock Dave with the left, obviously knock him out, put him
in a coma and then I would go back with the elbow clock on on
the temple. He's done too.
I would pick both them up, put them on my shoulders and then I
would just I would just walk them back to the naughty step,
put them on it. And when they regain
consciousness, I'd say right you to covert over.
You've been a coma that long snog.
I don't know what that would solve, but it would be nice And
zippers. We've done a little bit of a
quicker episode this week. I apologise.
We'll be back with longer episodes on Wednesday and
Friday. But let me once again reiterate
the live podcast, which is on Sunday, Sunday night, Sunday
evening, sit down with a cup of tea, maybe even a pod of tea
because it's going to be long. Me, Dave Elliott, Kieran
Bartlett are going to be doing the podcast they'll be jumping
on get them like it's it's like a late night chat show, but it's
over zoom. And then we're going to chat to
some of the zippers as well. So enjoy that.
Thank you very much for listening, watching the merch is
on Shopify. I did an episode of general
banter this week that'll be out soon.
And like Colin is the the OG guy with the Ogg of of podcast here.
So that's always a fun one. Check that out.
Thank you very much, zippers. Keep drinking tea.
Keep living free.