You know guys. You're above that chain.
Calvin came came up with a great line when you when you guys
arrived and then you went to the toilet as a three, which shows
me the dedication you have to the sketch group.
You actually went for a pest together.
Yeah, someone might come up with some gold.
You got to be ready to improv. You saw them.
Probably did some wacky, just run some downtime to myself,
Calvin said. The boys are at the foil arms
and bog. Oh.
Yes. Yeah.
Do you like that? I do like that so.
And that's what he's like. That's what he's like.
That's just off the call. Off the call.
To be fair, we workshopped that earlier and you might do it.
For consultants, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
OK, we'll say that from now on when the three of us go at the
same time. Yeah, the four arms bog.
I like that we're in London together, it makes me feel nice
and settled. No one.
There's people, there's people from home.
Also Agreement. Yes.
Because you get us, don't we? Like you know, it was funny.
I was walking here. This sounds like this is just
stand up opening. I was on the way here today and
that's what happened. I was I was have my phone out
and you know, like you see the videos on whatever Instagram,
all people's phones getting fleece in London.
I don't have them, right. So I have a date.
I'm already I'm growing two hands.
I'm like, yeah, like to see them, Troy, right.
I'm looking at the directions to the place, right?
This guy grabs me from behind, like I hadn't seen him.
I saw somebody in my island behind me.
I was like someone very close to me, you know?
And then he grabs me, double body binds and like, I was like,
whatever, you screwed like this, right?
And even when I knew it was him, I was still swinging around the
punch and I was like still in the fight or flight.
I was like. So you thought instead of your
phone being stolen, you thought you were.
I was being stolen. The old person, they left the
phone, they took me. No, I saw some like a couple 100
metres away. It's like slowly approach,
slowly approach, slowly approach.
This is going to be great. I know everyone is in it on high
alert in London when you're a tourist because I go from when I
went run this. I can feel his right arm, the
bicep went fully clenched. The fist was ready like that,
ready to go. Because I think the great thing
about that is I think physical pranks are dying out.
So you don't expect it as much. You know, you don't get tripped.
When was that time you get tripped up by a friend or a
chair pulled out a. Great point.
A chair pulled out. Some people be classic, some
people lost their minds but it don't be like you could break
someones back doing that. I always saw the chair pulled
out is kind of fun but me too. Another one would be if you
tripped somebody up and their hands were in their pockets.
Everyone would be like made his hand what are you doing?
Hands were in his pockets. I'm sure you could take them
out, but you? Understanding the leaning,
crouching behind their legs to do some.
He. Pushed the over.
The coordinated attack and he pushed him over the first one
that's. On the classic, wasn't sure it
happened everyone. My dad used to burn me with the
car. Lighter in the car, anyone?
And so that's what's up to four of the dog.
For a team meeting, That's oh. Man.
We do a stupid prank. It's not me.
Physical and put like with a glass of water.
Yeah, we call it meniscus in person and nerdy.
Is this right? Meniscus.
You know the top layer of the film on the water?
Yeah. If you feel the water up to the
very top, it'll like, slightly go over but hold its shape.
Yeah. And then you give the person
that one they have to try and drink it back with the.
Yeah. Now what I like about that is
even if they spill it on themselves, there's no stain.
So it is a harmless prank. Harmless you get in the lap, but
if that was coffee or something. And real can you Meniscus
coffee? Hey, Chris, you can.
What is the service? Tension of you have always said
I was eating. New Yorkie halftime gig in
court. I know this.
That sounds there. Yeah.
Dreadful bars actually to be honest.
Bottom of the barrel and it maybe it was half time in cork
and was looking around. That's a cheese bit of sugar.
Grab the orchid 2 by someone just grabs this throws this like
over top of the dressing. Room on top of the vanity unit
or whatever it was. Yeah, gone.
Sit up there mouthing away. I didn't know.
You were such a prankster. Not really.
Just you're. Pretending the mug came earlier.
You're throwing chocolate around.
Trying to mug a bit of a prankster.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.
We, we have a good one going in our office in a in, in Dublin
where there's in the bathroom in the, in the four arms and bog.
There's, there's, there's 22 cubicles side by side, right.
Yeah. And so, right.
I got him with the first time. So he's, he's having a whiz and
it and I just put my shoes underneath into his stall and
it's just, you just look down. It's just a pair of shoes, but
like also running the top, which is quite far away.
So then he has to imagine how, how is he, Why is this person,
who is this person? And how are they still washing
their hands? And their feet happened to be I
don't know why it's funny we. Have to escalate each time to
come up with something different.
So then I I went one shoe in here and then spread eagle and
put another shoe further down and they was like, what is that
person? Doing my next.
The next step, I think is two different shoes.
You know a. Different size of the key.
I think you just got it. Well, you can't do enough, I say
it, I guess. But if you just took off your
shoes and just left them there and then left, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was my. Old hide and seek trick, you
know, you put, you put the, you put the empty shoes underneath
the curtain. Oh, yeah.
And then you know, and then, yes.
Yeah, separate. This episode of the Team With Me
podcast is sponsored by none other than that prize guy.
Let me tell you right now, I was driving home from Derry last
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I would be, I would be delighted with either 1/4 of £1,000,000 or
a big Lamborghini. Personally, I don't think I'd be
comfortable driving Lamborghini. I'd take the money.
But if, if it was just for a Lamborghini and I want it, I
would drive it. I think you'd get comfortable
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I think after a day you'd go, this is all right.
Be tough to go back afterwards. Heated seats and all, probably
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but probably as we button that prize guide.co.uk, you've got
prizes going on there now of all shapes and sizes and even the
prize on that prize guide that are the big prizes are still
things like, you know, do you want 17 grand?
The Easter cash hunt is currently.
The Easter cash hunt. So what's what's the price?
Well, it's £150,000 of worth of instant wins, man prize 25
grand, there is 5000 golden egg to be found and yeah, just.
Are the physical. I'm going to say no, there's not
an actual. He's not just doing it, but I
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Big giant Easter egg. Maybe we.
Get that sorted for next year that.
'D be a lot of fun. I would love to do that WWW dot
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Back to the episode in my in my house we're doing jump scares.
Oh my kids. Oh yes.
We're doing this and my and I was doing it.
I was getting my kids with a quite a bit and like like
obviously they they could terrified and stuff and I'll be
like, Oh my man, come take you away, you know, And I was doing
some jump stuff and then my 5 year old got me and I got really
crossed. Oh, I was like, man, don't do
that. I've been doing it.
I've been doing it doesn't pass. Yeah, how?
How? Did you get doing?
What was this? Just I know it's literally
behind the door. Jump out.
Oh. Just behind the door.
That's that's what the five year old gotcha.
Because I've been getting my dad a lot.
I, I, I used to scare my 76. Oh, it's just.
To get into back for the lighter.
But I would I would always have done when I was living at home,
like filmed it as well and jumped out and scared my dad.
But my dad has like a real bad like heart.
So it got to the point where like and people know that's when
comments people would be like family friends would go.
You know, people like all the laughing emojis, laughing emojis
and someone being like she and your Dennis's heart is very bad.
You should not be doing this. So then I had to check with my
dad and go if you die doing this, can I still post a clip
100% like he would? He would love nothing more than
that. If you if you jump scare him to
death. Yeah, I mean, I would delete the
end of the video. Is it murder?
Do you still get the inheritance?
Imagine that in prison. Like what are you in for?
Behind the cell door, but it's. Bars so you can't really hide
behind it, you can just see behind the bar door.
Yeah, no way. But he signed off on that like
he would love that. He would love that.
Wow, mad guy.
He's in the callisthenics at the minute.
Oh, is he? Yeah.
He's fit, though, and he's. 76 fit like yeah yeah, he.
Is he doing like muscle UPS and stuff?
Yeah. No, but he's doing the Olympic
rings right. I'm going to show you this.
Wow, that's real lazy. 76 so like 2 weeks ago my dad had a
mini stroke right we I took him off the hospital and.
Unrelated to a jump scare. Completely unreal.
And then? Saying great.
It's not good at all. But the doctor went, so I'm not
for you. Just legally speaking, I'm not
scaring him, right? But the doctor was like,
obviously you got to take it easy for a long time.
OK, you can verify this. This was sent.
Yeah, Monday, right? That's a picture.
Oh my God. That's my dad, my 76 year old
dad, hanging upside down at the gym.
After the stroke. After the stroke.
Wow, how? How long after the stroke?
Could like 3 hours. No.
Was he able to do it before the stroke?
Four days, yeah. He was he able to play the
piano. He has a Chinese accent, no?
That's incredible. What do you what do?
You guys get up to during the day, see when you're in London,
like yeah, what do you use? Do activities or anything I can
see voice in? An arcade or a fun run?
Yeah. Yeah, you, you got, you would,
you would do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's about a few hours and you play game.
You you could play game and get. Good, I'll just get 3 at the
moment. Yeah, a little bit that to chill
out before the show, sleep with some of the characters in the in
the game that's happened. You can have sex with people in
the game. It's just it's one of the
options. What game is this?
Staying in your voice. What game is it?
Bowler's Gate 3. It's like.
Can I say I've never owned the console?
Right. So I don't know about the game
in the world. Yeah.
The last thing I wrote sort of know about is Mario Kart.
Yeah. So you're saying this game.
Yeah. Folders.
Gate. Yeah. 3, Three.
Yeah. They were able in one and two.
Were you able to have sexual characters?
I haven't. Played one or two, I don't know.
I've just went straight in with three and it's like next
generation. Obviously you.
Know do you want a headset for? US.
No, no, it's not VR. No, it's still more.
And when you're having sex, you do like the buttons for moves.
There was 11 instance. L2L2L2L. 2 left right BA star
combo combo you. Have to get the the button in
the in the right place and then it and then stay there for a
certain amount. Of time gives it like pay extra
for Lube you know you're doing game.
Purchases Yeah. Mediaeval Lube as well.
Fuck. Right.
Oh, it's mediaeval. Oh, it's like.
Lard. Lard.
Yeah, jar of lard. Oh, I'm on the stretching rock.
Oh no, no, it's good. Good.
You've received one jar of lard. What should be easier with the
Lord? What else are you trying to do
in the game though? And you're trying to kill
monsters and vampires and yeah, like, forget puzzles.
It's like duns and Dragons teamed.
So it rolls dice on the screen for you.
So it'd be more like, do do you make your finish roll the dice
sort of thing. But they don't give you that
option. They just do it for you.
There is an option of like you go, there is you're with this
kind of quite, quite tough character and she offers of her
services. She a busty maiden.
Yeah, no, he's not that busty is quite athletic and kind of, she
said She's she's. On the range on my.
Green skin, Yeah, it's got green skin, right?
And there's an option of like, do you want to take over or let
her take over? So that was the option.
Do you know what I mean? Do you want her to lead or do
you want to lead and it gives you an?
Option and you play this in a shopping centre and like the in
the middle of the. I say your idea, your idea that
you could play with the buttons. I do the moves like you're
playing Street Fighter. But I would want to, if I was
doing that, I would want to be like able to do certain things.
Yeah, yeah. You know.
Each character has special. Moves, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You buy add-ons, you buy like a, like a.
You can add it. You know, I mean from from
Street Fighter, the costumes can remain the same.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, already there's a game
idea, OK. Do you like see on show days?
Do you guys eat together? Sometimes we try and do the big
feed. Do you do this?
Well, you know, the show is that like, you know, it's like a
dinner time. Yeah.
And you're like, oh, so when do you don't?
You can't eat just before the show because then you're like,
oh, sires, but then you can't come in hungry so.
Say the shows at 8:00 PM start. Yeah, yeah.
Big feeder like. Three.
Yeah, Nah, too early for me too. Early for you?
Too early? Maybe just not eating enough for
three. No the big, but I'm the same
sport. I like to eat pretty close
before and a substantial meal. Oh really?
Two hours. Two hours what you're getting?
The value of it that fit the sport is it not 3 hours before
you get? There, I'll be hungry when I
play. I always get the oranges in, you
know what I mean? Yeah, we used to have a manager
playing football. His wife used to make chicken
soup and he used to give us it at halftime.
He never got. He was getting terrible results.
But the boys, like always, made the committee keep them on
because the chicken soup was unbelievable.
Thick chicken soup flask and these plastic cups.
And it was way honest. It was the worst thing.
They did have time for you. It was just way in US time.
I can still taste the chicken and sweet corn in a soup I was
on. Yeah.
Would you come up with halftime in a show now and going, oh, I'd
love a chicken soup? I would take a little flask of
chicken soup if if it was offered to me during.
The show, Yeah, yeah. But see, what would you have at
6:00? What would you meal be?
Would you be like Damien Duff? Big thing, a pasta.
No, I do like a like a Nandos or Wagamama or something nice.
Something like that. Yeah, umm.
Hello, hello, Do. You guys know the first time we
did a gig together? I was trying to think Lurgan.
Yeah, Lurgan laughs. I was thinking this morning, eh,
you were ripping it out of Lurgan.
That was my memory of us. I would.
I would have a good one in Lurgan.
Yeah. You know where else?
That was my like. Yeah, you were having a great.
Game. I was like Barry Manilow in
Vegas called in Logan for a while.
We can. We'll be on with Sean Hackerty
that night as well. Sean was running.
Gigs Sean had the monopoly on Logan.
He he's from Logan. Is he's from Logan?
Yeah, he was like he was operating everywhere.
If if you if the if a place in Logan served alcohol.
Hegarty had a show there. Brilliant.
He would muscle in, you know. Yeah, he would.
He would. He was like a union guy, you
know, he'd be like you have to take my show.
But he had every air. I show in a bowling alley.
Did he did he do you? And I'm just realising in the I
just had a pod to reach James the comedian footballer before
this, and we talked about bowling.
But in my head we talked about bowling and I realised it
didn't. So I went.
We even did a show in a bowling alley.
But the way I presented it was like we've been talking about
bowling. But kind of really.
So that's my that was my enthusiasm for bowling.
Still pretty cool though. Interesting.
I mean, even though I wasn't Privy to an earlier conversation
I'm still into. By the way, he did a show in a
bowling alley because it had a bar, but they didn't stop the
bowling. You could hear all the bowling
goal that. Was my next question which?
Would have been great for a punch line.
Yeah, as soon as you had a punch line or terrible.
In the setup, it's like the ice bucket in the international bar.
Oh yeah, Dublin, yeah. I think bar stuff, if there's
something like that, they they do it louder, yeah.
Cockroaches are like, oh, look, I'm I'm not like I'm continuing
my job the way I've always done this and then and but that extra
ferocity is like and normally get the ice on normally.
Get it like this? Yeah.
Did you play the the bowling
alley? One I did the bowling alley one.
What was it? Was it?
Was it like? I think you only did one.
I think it was. Oh, that's surprising.
But it was Lurgan, so you ripped it.
Yes, yes, yes, I had a good one. But umm, you got a strike.
But yeah, I remember it was in the courthouse place called the
courthouse. Yeah, I didn't remember the name
of it, but I knew it was in Lurgan.
It was a good game I feel like. There was, there was a few of
those. We were probably all together
and there was one where there was karaoke.
This we did a gig somewhere, not in Lurgan.
Was it? It wasn't libraries is.
It no, it might have been over the border.
It was a small gig and me, Mickey and no, we were getting
somewhere else and then we went to see you guys close.
It's probably like 1718 years ago.
Yeah. Right beside the bath, there was
it. No, I think it was somewhere
weird, some weird time in the sort of middle of north, but you
guys would have gigged in the North quite a bit at the start.
Yeah, gigs are great up there. Yeah, yes.
Because not many, not many acts would have done it, really would
have been bothered coming up. We've got anywhere.
We used to sing a song. On the way back.
Back from I should have where this came from, it was actually
because I think one of our first ever big gigs, or rather no, it
was the first gig that we probably actually sold any
merch, right. So Black Box was the black box
in Belfast and this is probably where the song came from.
And then we just sang it for every gig we played.
N We go to the north, we take all the money, we drive back
down to the South. We just got the three of us in
the car at midnight. We'd have.
Cash for the first, that's the other we started that was
another trip back from from Belfast where we started that
other chance, 18 quid. Yeah, it was definitely
something like that, but. You know, like you.
Break the pain. Sterling.
That boxing changed the game and create the chance.
Totally worth it. Yeah.
What was the other chance we had?
The other. Chance to go?
Do you do that Channel everywhere or is that only if
you're gigging the northern? Only for gigging Northern.
Ireland, yeah, and we'd have to be driving back together,
obviously. Yeah, we usually from Belfast
or. From We wouldn't really do it on
the train or something, no. The enterprise, it's not a good
look, you know, especially if people have been at the show and
see you guys waving all the money.
They're wearing the photos like T-shirts, yeah.
It couldn't believe that we brought merchandise and we're
selling it for five, 5 lbs of DVD DVDs at the time.
And we were like, ah, we brought up a few, sold out of them.
We were could not believe us, Yeah.
Couldn't believe people were buying them.
Yeah. I like that, sounds a lot of
fun. It is.
It's great. Crack.
Yeah. How long would you say?
How many? How many renditions of?
What would you get through it? Was it just a quick?
Blast No, no, no. It depends how much cash you
have. The more cash, the more versus.
So like one 1 LB is like 11 chorus.
Yeah, yeah. You know, so the yeah, no ironic
chorus. It was it.
There was always a, there was all those Joyce holds uncle back
then there was always a petrol station because it would always
be past me noise and there would be only one serving hatch.
I don't know, it feels like it. Was.
No, it was. Still in the north.
There was 1 lad left I remember. Do you remember we did this on
the way back? From the game we got the
Twizzlers. Yeah, we kept, we kept asking
your man for chocolate bars that didn't exist.
So it's the middle of the night, we always stop in this one
garage and it's just a hatch that you have to talk through
into. The yeah, we still like edge of
any Twizzlers. I don't have any.
I don't have any Twizzlers. OK.
Do you have any? But it's something Chocolate
cream. Mint chocolate cream.
Like rolomania. I don't have any of them.
No. Hubbubs.
Yeah, hubbubs. Hubbubs don't have them.
And is. You don't have hubbubs is the.
Earnest and he was such a nice. Bloke.
I'm just going to die at hubbub then.
He's going to check for you as well.
Yeah, he was very accommodating. Oh man.
That's yeah. Yeah, yeah, things do.
Can I ask you a question? Did you think, because I'd
reached James on before this, did you think that was the
footballer reached James? I did, he did, I did.
So did I. You're asking about the Chelsea
football questions, even though he still turned over you're.
Excited about the World Cup is as much as the next, personally.
Really. Under play.
That's cool. That's a, that's a demeanour
that's gonna. He's gonna go far, yeah.
Really interested in comedy? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we kept trying to steer the conversation back to comedy.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true fan.
Yeah, yeah, true comedy fan. I'm playing.
Football tomorrow for a team in London.
Yeah, it's 11 a side league. Team.
Oh, it's a lot of a proper league team.
I've got way. Like you're good.
Though to happen. You're good though.
Yeah, I've seen you play football.
I would say mine. I have a lot of enthusiasm.
No, I think that's unfair. I do remember, I do remember
this. I don't know if I always stick
to me. First time I played in the match
at Kilkenny. Yeah, yeah.
Oh yes. I just plan for rest of the
world. Yeah.
Which I thought was a little bit particle.
Yeah, yeah. But I didn't mind that because I
went, I'm going to play my way into the Ireland team for next
year. And I remember people fuck
around and that game, no one takes it seriously.
Yeah, bar me. Yeah.
And I remember the ball was bouncing in the corner and I and
it looked like it was going to go away to play.
Yeah. And it was, it might have been
you 2 and you were in the other team.
And I remember running, spraying into the air, heading the back
into play and then just taking the ball away.
And I remember almost like when I was in the air, the slow
motion look of your face. What the fuck?
Is he doing like? This is not necessary for this
game. Have you been training?
Yeah, I arrived really early. I remember arriving like an hour
before the game and there was nobody there and I was like, why
is no one taking this seriously? Well, we, we were disaster.
We were disaster. We are still abashed.
It was like, so all three of us are playing at one point and oh
God, I think Frank, you were in goals for this particular
moment. You were in goals or I was
central defender. I was led and so there was eh,
eh, eh female pro I think on the other team.
I've been told to mark this girl.
She's fine. I was like.
It's 1, I think. I think I was there.
She was unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't know this. I was.
Actually a footballer. Like I just thought it was a
bunch of people don't play football and I've been given the
girl to mark and I don't play football.
I was like, OK, this is probably better than that other lad in
the other wing. You looks like she made off.
She goes. She play for Ireland.
Well, we're going to say that because it make us feel better,
but she skins you on the outside, right?
OK, she skins him on the outside, right.
Crosses the ball. Rory O'hanlon, who's about a
foot smarter than me, beats me in the air and heads past Flanco
and Goal as itchy foil arms and hog disaster Rory O'hanlon.
He's great in the air, yeah. I've always said.
That sippers. This episode of the Tea With Me
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And you're playing just a random 1:00 tomorrow.
It's a team called Saint Paul Celtic.
I busy was putting out a thing man like a little play 5 aside
when I'm here and some guy was like do you want to play in an
11 aside league game And I went yes, why?
How sad is this right? I brought shin pads in my
suitcase. That's sad, that seems
appropriate. No problem.
A bit to machine part it is. I've seen the videos of league
games. This is pretty vicious.
I know. So I hope, I hope there, it's
not like because there is footage of games over here and
they're like. Yeah, but of course they're not.
They're only putting up the footage that of people whacking
each other, not putting up a footage of like 2 nice passes
connected to a goal. It's on the phone, you're always
watching it, and the guy is coming in so fast that he's not
even on camera and just from out of nowhere, yes.
So fast. Yeah, his legs are already, he's
already airborne by the time he enters into Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What?
Position you playing. I've just, I just said I'd
obviously don't play for the team, don't know the guy.
So I said just give me a free role.
Yeah, Captain, just they said we don't play that formation.
I said put me in between the midfield and upfront.
Just let me express myself. Yeah, I said whatever you want,
but just let me run around the kind of messy role.
Yeah. And let me express myself and do
not give me any instructions. Just what I said, whatever you
want. You'll be on the sideline stern
to think a chicken soup and everyone ready for halftime like
boys this. I'm really important.
Yeah. Good more than the shows.
Wait till tomorrow, yeah? What?
What time time? One o'clock 12:00 or 1:00, but I
also don't know where. Somewhere in London.
Top secret until yeah, an hour before the game.
Let's. OK.
Let us know. Come down and watch.
I think I might, yeah. The rugby kicks off at 2 so.
But are you going? Are you going?
No, no, it's in. A pub yeah, on ATV I wanted.
A football match this weekend. But there isn't.
There's nothing here, there's nothing going on.
There's only going to see like full number Chelsea or
something. OK, but they also playing away,
are they? Yeah, I think so.
Well the kick off time doesn't make sense for the show.
You said ask you about Chelsea Football Club.
Do ask me about Chelsea football.
We have a Chelsea Football Club story and we've been way better
if Reese James was the footballer, but still.
So cast your mind back to the We've never told him with this,
but we've been dying to tell someone so you usually.
All sign for Chelsea. We have signed for that would be
cool. We're a bit past it, maybe in
our pride. Broke a record with the transfer
fees the lowest ever. Even lower than a free Yeah,
yeah. Yeah, 2018, right.
We were doing, eh, our first, the biggest show we'd ever done.
We'd booked a Hammersmith Apollo and we were like.
Still the biggest show we've ever done.
Yeah, actually. 3000 something 500 yeah, something.
So we were like, Oh my God, this is this is huge.
This is we're really excited, really looking forward to it.
And our agent sends us a mail like a couple of months before
it and goes I've had a really weird e-mail just come in about
your publish shop and we're like, yeah, they would somebody
else wants to book us and that someone else is Chelsea Football
Club. They want that Nice.
We'd sold the tickets it was sellers for.
What they can play in there. Well, Reese James could, but no,
it's a it was for their Player of the Year awards.
They wanted the Apollo for the play of the year was.
But we had the night book that was only a few months.
And we were like, we're looking forward to it.
And they were like, we're like, well, no, we're not going to do
that. And he's like, well, this is
Roman Abramovich. He's got some dope, right.
So he's like, we'll give you 25,000 lbs and we're like,
that's more money than me for the gangs.
Yeah, it's quite good. But like, no, because we've been
looking forward to this. We don't cancel shows.
Yeah, you know. Yeah.
These are fans. They've travelled, they've
booked tickets only a few months and we're not doing that.
Yeah. You know.
Terror agent. No, turn the jug on.
Yeah, he's saying yeah, OK, boys will do.
Comes back. They've offered 50 days and
we're like, I mean, we didn't say no as quickly.
We're still going to start it. We're like no, no, no, no, no,
no, we can't do that. We've principals, Yes.
We're not doing it £70,000 right.
Oh, dear God. A very weak no £100,000 to not
do the gig. Actually not to not do the gig,
to do the gig. To just move a.
Couple of weeks later to move the show 100,000 lbs and we said
no and didn't come back at another offer.
And that was it. We weren't fishing for another
offer. We genuinely didn't want to do
it. Yeah, but our.
Reason it went up is proper bargaining when you actually
don't want. Yeah, we didn't care what our
agent was like to you. Idiot.
To me, you're in a lose lose there because you also it would
be crass if you told the audience that night what you've
given up to do the show. Yeah, we've taken we.
Actually did. They didn't believe us, didn't
believe it. You know, they just think that's
part of the ACT. Yeah.
Wherever you are, you pick the local.
Doesn't matter. Yeah, They offered us 100 grand.
The movement, nobody. OK.
Yeah, didn't react at all. Just.
Yeah, didn't believe. It's the punchline, Yeah.
Yeah, there's no punchline. We just lost money.
A. 100. 100,000 lbs Yeah, I'll give you 100 grand not to do
comedy. Yeah, to have a night.
Off to move it. To move it.
Yeah, I probably know Real can be people live in London.
May people. Could people were travelling?
To flown in a book hotel I think it would it.
Was totally, but at that stage it was quite close to the.
I can't remember how close would it have been a month?
I don't know. But like, yeah, I'm glad that we
didn't. Absolutely.
We. Would have been taking Russian
money at that point then. Which was but better for us to
have a stand for them? Yeah, yeah.
And we take all the money and bring it.
Back down to the South. That is wild, isn't it?
It's pretty because I've had the like the one, not .1% version of
that where maybe you're booked to do a corporate and they they
cancel, they we're cancelling the event.
You're still going to get your failure.
Oh, that's the. Dream something like that is a
dream but but 100 grand to just move it.
Walk away. Yeah.
The corporates are a funny one. I always found you just you take
the cheque money and then you hand it straight to your
therapist to recover from. The corporate.
Horrifying. Was like that one we did.
For the Liverpool One. That was me.
Oh God, I was Jesus. Christ.
Yeah, because also I feel like with stand up, I can sort of
feel it out and I can go if I have 20 minutes here and this
kind of stuff isn't working, I can then just do maybe this
material or go with that, whereas you guys?
Are totally fan we're locked in and also like you could I would
imagine what they what they are always what they want is just
talk about the company just do jokes about the company and
we're kind of like so we've sketches.
Yeah, we can make some references is going to be in the
schedule, but we did want to never it's the Darkland long.
Ago we chat. We haven't done a corporate in
so long. We just.
Probably the last corporate we did.
It was so bad. So bad was it 10 years ago?
So we're. In this place, in this like in
this like Liverpool, kind of a big, big venue.
I don't know how many people, maybe 500 and eh, and we'd be go
in and 1st huge red flag. They're all in fancy dress.
OK, So you know, like they're have to dare to have to crack
with each other and look at each other.
They're not there to see the gig.
Second red flag the Merseyside Beatles are on, who are great
lads, really sound. They're putting on their wigs
and they're getting into their gear.
They went on before went on. Before us and they rent a roof
off the place. And then someone gets on.
Yeah, someone gets on. Was like, all right, all right,
Thank you to the Merseyside Beatles.
Merseyside Beatles. Like, oh, shit, we're finished.
Like, and there's comedy is like that.
And then everyone sit down. Sit down, everybody.
People are stopping. People dance and steal.
Sit down, everyone. Sit down.
Thank you. Sit down.
In the tables that don't even face the stage, you know, the
round tables where some people might look at you and some
people are just chatting and then.
Serving the food at the same time noisily.
And then this huge gap between you and the audience, which I
don't know, maybe was 10 feet, but in my head was 100 metres,
Yes. You know, like no one gave it.
Yeah. And then what the?
Bracket, I tell the breakfast. The breakfast is the worst.
The most horrifying part of it was that we were staying in the
hotel. They put U.S.
Open the hotel where everyone was being put up in the same
because it was a conference room in this hotel.
So it like we couldn't look at each other after.
Yeah. It was just so awful, like dying
for I don't know how long, contractually obliged to do.
And then next morning I go down for breakfast and it's those,
you know, kind of boots. There's a little like kind of
bamboo divider, but you can see between the boots.
And so I sit down. I don't have my breakfast and
real miserable. And the booth behind me, they're
kind of back to me. Kind of in their booth was a
bunch of suits who'd been at the gig the previous night, and they
were talking about us. Didn't know I was behind them
and they were talking about us. And like all those poor guys,
that was awful. You know, how was the gig?
It didn't go down well it. Was done and like it was just
them we were talking about quite a few minutes, which is weird
because I didn't even know who we were there and it was so
humiliate. I was sitting there like trying
to swallow porridge and. Sadness at the same.
Time, right? And I'm just like, I just need
to like army crawl out of here so they don't know that I was
sitting behind them the whole time.
Yeah. And then the worst thing
possible, he arrives right over there at the breakfast cart, as
there's no idea what's happening.
And I'm like, oh God, we need to slink away.
No, no, He in his mind is playing his own game.
He puts his arms fully outstretched like this, from
side to side like the full wingspan.
The Angel of the North and comes in, runs at the table like an
aeroplane. The whole restaurant turns
around to look. They turn and see that I was
sitting behind them the whole time.
Is it destroying me? And this idiot is there acting
like an aeroplane? Hello please.
Always see that happen to the next.
What are the odds? I had a similar moment last
night leaving Seoul Theatre. Me and Calvin were walking out
and I there was a girl and guy behind us walking in the same
direction and she went what did you think?
And I said, walk fast like a good or bad.
I was like left and I didn't luckily like I got the way fast
because you you don't want that's a no win.
The old time where I've like gone for a piss after a show in
a bar or somewhere and you've heard Pete.
Well, what do you think of that? And you're just like, oh God,
and you don't you don't want to. It's weirder if you go just let
if you had a gone if you had like creamed over your head at
that table at the start of that and when I'm here.
Still bad like if you can't do anything else.
Oh yeah, No, that's worse. You know what?
Point Are you guys on the tour? At the end.
End of his name, yeah, you could choose the the last property
underneath 10 shells or something 10 shells left here or
something like that and then three in Europe that finishes it
off and then. It's in Europe.
I've just done Europe. Oh we yeah, we took on a piece
meal. Our last three are Para, Zurich
and Warsaw. Zurich.
It might have just become one of my favourite comedy cities.
Oh, really? Yeah.
Good spot.
Have you been? Yes.
Yeah. That was my first time doing it.
Loved it. Yeah.
Grace Room was great, said He was really nice.
I loved it. We, we had a weird one that last
summer in Zurich where and whatever venue were in, we had a
security guard at her at the green room.
That was your outside our door. That's the green door.
Like like proper like security there.
She was ex military. Like, yeah, see her like she's
you just knew like what happened here the last time that they
felt the need to put a security guard inside our door.
And then I was like, I'm actually comfortable with
security guard being here now. Right.
And then I think I let a Ripper of a fart.
It's a real battle. I was just like, oh God, no,
why? Why is she out there?
Move, move. Leave, leave.
Use your training. Get out.
Say for yourself. Stay low.
Yeah, yeah. But it was good fun.
Good girl. Because brilliant Paris, I don't
think I'm going to gig in again. Oh no.
OK, I've just had two bad ones in a row.
Oh dear. Just I don't know what.
I went to the same place here before and I, I just, I didn't
sell great. And then I thought well like
Zurich I was like, well if I've sold hardly any in Paris, I'm
not going to sell any in Zurich. And then Zurich was like 4 times
more people, OK? Weird.
Isn't it so I couldn't work on it?
It's so hard to work. This is so far too many factors.
Weirdy weirdy algorithm does its own thing.
But then we went the Disneyland Room in Paris, which is pretty
on, yeah. Go.
There's the option. We just flew early in the day
and then what are we going to do for a day?
So we just went to Disney. It was brilliant.
You. Did Disneyland before doing your
show? Yeah, Oh.
Cool. He exhausted.
That's probably why I don't feel like I had a great one.
It was exactly. Born of course, you went
adrenaline dump of Disneyland. But there was like nobody there
because it was like a Tuesday al queues, no queues it.
Was you Disneyland to yourself? Of course the gig seemed any
gig, a Ripper gig would see crap compared to Disneyland.
Goes to yourself, adrenaline. Here's the key to Disneyland.
And here's an hour and a half. Shadow was born.
Hello. Have you ever played Helsinki?
No man should I do it. Yeah, because it's weird.
Is that Scandinavia? Yeah, no.
Not really. Finance, really.
Yeah, I don't know. It's all.
It's. All Vikingy.
Well, that's exactly what it is. It is all Vikingy.
Well, we went through with risk, kind of.
So we did like, you know, we did Sweden, we did Norway, and the
gigs were insane. They were off the hook.
Oslo's on the. Yeah, brilliant fun.
The noise is great for. And then our next trip, then we
hit Finland, Helsinki for the first time.
We were like more of the same lads we're going to clean up
over. This is brilliant fun.
Silence. The first half.
No one left here. Asylum suicide?
But is it the sort of place where they go, and this doesn't
help us at all, where they go, they loved it.
They just don't really laugh out loud.
Or sure, yeah. That is exactly what.
It is. They stood up at the end.
Like, not just are they actually stood up to the standing
ovation, like, yeah, like, what the hell?
We were actually kind of annoyed.
And I was afterwards, I was like, what the hell is the story
like? And they're like in Finland, we
laugh on the inside and then you've got us to hold hands.
We didn't like that. We.
Do get a warm up or? Moved.
People. Yeah, they don't.
Like it if you build a house too close to theirs.
They like isolation. Do you remember that there was
a, there was a finished joke going around during COVID, which
I didn't, I didn't guess, but now we do, which was, you know,
a OK, everybody needs to stay 2 metres apart, you know, and then
they're like, the fins were like, you want us to go closer
together? Right, right, right.
So that was the the joke there. But yeah, we, we went, we went.
But the next time, so we went back to Finland because we told
well and we knew that they'd liked it.
Sort of like a screw. Come on, we go back again.
We gave them a. Lecture at the start of the
show. All right, listen up.
This is how it's going to be. If you like it, you laugh.
You don't. You don't have to laugh.
Yeah, and you laugh. Laughing.
Yeah, this is horrified. No, we need.
Feedback. Yeah.
Do we look secure to you? Yeah.
And then they just really, they were the best, bro.
It was up there with the best show of the tour.
Like they really were like, oh, OK.
I mean, they've just been given the permission as a licence to
laugh. Yes.
I started this story and. People have told me that about
Stockholm. I was there last week.
Oh yeah. And they were like, they'll be
really reserved. But still enjoy it.
But whatever way it worked, the venue put a divider up across
the room. So it was like 200 people, but
they had put the divider across room.
So it was like it was only going to hold 100, even those 200.
So they were like, we're going to have to pack everybody in.
We're really sorry. Oh, cool.
And it was 10 times better. Yeah.
Because it it was pumping. Oh, that's not everyone on top
of each other. Yeah.
When you were on stage, you were right in front of you.
So it was it was one of the best shows.
Oh, that's. So it's such a great thing is
that smash people together so you can feel the shoulder, the
person besides you bounced up and down laughing and you're
just on top of you. Oh, it's quite so much better as
modern. Theatres are so shit for comedy.
They're too comfortable. Yeah.
Or like a multi purpose ones. Yeah.
They're just like, well, of
course. I mean, like, I get it for like
fire regulations. They're now like, oh, let's
separate everybody and everyone's got their own exit
and everyone's got their own big chair and huge big aisle,
everything. Everybody's just so spaced out.
Yes. Wonderfully safe and with no
atmosphere. Yeah.
And, you know, you go to these old theatres, like, you know,
1930s, twenties theatres and everyone's just rammed in.
I know people were smaller back then, but they're just, you
know, they're just always stacked on top of each other.
You notice last night everything.
The play, the the the the the aisles are between the seats, so
their knees are up with their chin.
They kind. Of yeah, because Victoria was
more slender. Yeah, he is.
Yeah, the word like. Yeah, that guy we were picking
on, he sets for the whole show with his legs in the oil.
Yes. He couldn't fit them in the
front of himself. Oh.
Yeah, when you guys said about the Chelsea thing, I thought
you're going to be like someone from Chelsea Football Club
emailed and went like, you know, did he a drug but wants to come
to the show. You ever had that?
Like if you ever had anyone come to the show like a tour show?
Food we had, we've had a few people over the years, but no,
no. Like we had Ron Atkinson, Kate
Middleton open. Yeah.
Mr. Bean. Mr. Bean in Edinburgh.
Yeah, when we were a small time in, in open Edinburgh, yeah, he
was like, I'm looking for the three Irish gentlemen.
Yeah. And then someone put him our
way. Yeah, and I saw him come in.
Yeah, I saw him before and I was like, this is so stupid because
obviously I hadn't seen him on screen a long time.
I go, that's hilarious. That guy looks really like Mr.
Bean. I might mention that, you know,
like what I mean. He did look really like Mr B.
Yeah, no one knows. More like Mr B.
Always said I was on, so I was on, I was on the money.
The impressions on point. Was he laughing?
Or is he you? Know it couldn't seem during the
show, only at the start and. He didn't sit like, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, he probably knew what he was.
Doing because I I don't think, I don't think Rowan Atkinson slaps
his knee, laugh and like, I think he'd be a little bit
finished. I think he'd go.
That was unbelievable. Yeah, I think he wouldn't.
Do you do this? We do this.
Well, I certainly do when like when we're writing, but like
when it's really like if we have to get like one of the weekly
videos out or something like you just get into frame mind.
But the time pressure comes a little bit apparent.
Unlike jokes no longer are funny.
It's like that's really funny. Great.
Yeah, I think when I. That's great when I'm watching.
Very funny. Great.
Works. When I'm watching comedy, Oh
yeah, I'm watching it technically, you know, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'll be like, this is
unbelievable. But I'm just watching it,
thinking about how's that worked.
Out there's no laughing, just come from That's a fantastic.
Joke body and brain and kind of appreciate life more than the
rest of you. Way through Balders gate, right?
Of imagination, like I said, I enjoy grateful grateful for all
the. Fruits.
Me. They green fruits, you know.
Rowan would freak me out if he was out of show.
Yeah, feel so much pressure. Oh, I'm glad I didn't know.
Anyone else like that? Like at the friend?
You must have people. You didn't really.
People who wasn't Middleton. Yeah, we Middleton.
Yeah. Middleton, yeah, the.
Show was delayed for her as well.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, yeah, 20 minutes long. You given Pepper Middleton like.
Oh, we didn't give it to her. Yeah, the pair is it be?
15 minutes I think it was and I was like, that's the Max.
But they wouldn't tell us who it was or like we're we're waiting
for one person. I was like for one person.
What was your fault? I was a really.
Star at the show. Like just to have 300 people in
there. Let me run some people by you
and tell me if you would delay the show for them.
Oh, yeah, great. How long would you give this
person Wonderful straight off the bat?
Michael Flatley. Would you delay the show for
Flatley? No way.
Sorry, Mike, no. We met him.
He's not nice, dude. Yeah, but he wouldn't.
He wouldn't delay the show. He wouldn't delay pronounce it.
He. Wouldn't want to delayed.
No, that's a no. Because he's show.
But yeah, no, he's. Just sitting in the crowd.
No, no, no, no, I actually. Think Flatley wouldn't be late?
I think he's, I don't think. I don't think so.
I'm not. He's a guy.
He's, you know, he's too much like fashion.
Like right the black that's right, not the Blackbird is.
That gonna be it. No, no one can I do what he does
right? Umm.
Look, the way he's the first person you thought of.
Steve McFadden plays Phil Mitchell and EastEnders is that?
NFL Oh, I don't know. I don't know because I don't
know. We don't know.
Who he is sorry. What about Roy King you delay a
show for? No, he wouldn't want to.
No, you wouldn't show for. But that's OK.
In this hypothetical, there's been a an accident on the
motorway. OK, so this person isn't saying
delay the show for me. This person was supposed to come
to the show and out of their hands.
Their representatives have called your representatives and
said they're not going to make it in time.
So it's not like they're making a point by coming late.
It's just out of their. Hands no.
If it's Roy Keane, still no. Definitely not with Roy Keane.
He wouldn't respect us if we did.
Would you lay the show for me? Yes.
Yeah. Just go ahead, Shaw says.
Hey, why didn't you start? To do that, yeah, Yeah, sorry.
When you start, it's your. Job you wait one person.
Why is your phone on? You shouldn't be checking if
I'm. Here I've been working on a bit
of a keno recently. Oh yeah, and you go soft with
it. Oh yeah, OK, yeah, it's his.
Job. Yeah.
Oh, that's nice, Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is, yeah. Talking about.
This is his newer work, isn't it?
Yeah, like, you know, old school.
Yeah, you lean in for a little. Phrase.
You're working on that one phrase, Yeah.
It makes it even scarier. It's like De Niro.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't do the voice or anything,
but I can do that. Yeah, yeah, you need it in.
Umm, what about Drake? No Which Drake?
Drake. This is the best.
This is great. Drake.
There no. People not on the.
List. I don't think any.
Rappers, what about Akon? Akon come to a friend show Akon.
Would you delay for 5 minutes for Akon?
No. No.
Because no.
Because. Well, because I can't.
I know. I know some of the songs, but I
can't tell you. I just, I just don't, Yeah, I'm
just out of that loop. Yeah, yeah.
Steady, trying to find the moment, what I do, what I do.
Your boy Roy Kings was. That's his job.
The singing like that, that's. Not gonna be a Conor Roy Kane.
Umm, fucking help me. It's De Niro.
Robert De Niro. Oh, yeah, right.
OK, so whenever we're getting somewhere, yeah.
Legend. And because of his age as well,
you know, like, yes. It's Edinburgh.
All this hypotheticals happened in Edinburgh.
So there's hills and there's. Yeah, you know, he sees he's
he's getting on in years you. Know you hold the show back 10
minutes for Robert De Niro. Yeah.
Yes, and I think as well everyone in the room would be
totally cool with that as well. Yeah, No one's gonna have a
problem home. Nobody.
Watching our show, they just be watching him, yeah, He laughed.
You can even tell them, like, I'm really sorry, you know, he
really wouldn't appreciate that. You could tell.
Yeah. Yeah, Robert.
Yeah, definitely. What about the guy who slept on
the ice at time in Dublin? If we.
Knew who he was. We still don't know the identity
of man. He slipped.
Away, I think that is. Because it's really
embarrassing. Because the camera people, they
knew, we've kind of taken advantage of this a little bit
of like, go, go, you might have died the footage go.
Later that day, you might have. Just died.
Did they even help him? A delayed shock?
Is that great great at Kevin Mcgahren sketch where he did the
the interview? That's right.
Are you did whatever fake documentary of Man who slipped
on the ice? Yes.
That's a great watch if you haven't.
Seen Kevin's eh? It was it the EFTIS where he did
that. Brilliant, yes.
Yeah, he's still. Not two years in a row.
We weren't in it though, so. I was going to say, you wouldn't
delay for Kevin Mcgaher, you know?
No way. No way.
What about we'll do like one or two more here.
What about the Backstreet Boys as a collective?
Yes. Ah, yeah.
Backstreet Boys there. Yeah.
They're huge. Yeah.
Who was it? We couldn't book a night in, in,
in. We wanted to do a running.
Galway. Boys life.
Yeah, were you doing an
Abramovich to boys life? You're like €500.
Come on, muscle the Mace. Didn't what we wanted to do
€500? Duffy says yes, McFadden says
no. Here those.
Lads are huge, are they both 66 or something like that?
I wouldn't be coming up against them.
It's a massive. It was that it was, was it 2
guys or one guy from Westlife? And yeah, yeah.
I went on Russell Hart's podcast recently and was talking about
the boys own song A Different Beat, which is my favourite boys
own song. How's it go again like?
Yeah, yeah. What I saw the rains out in
Africa. I don't remember this at all.
Wait, this is they did this? You're a fool if you haven't
heard this song. This is one of the greatest
songs of all time. OK, that's what I was saying on
podcast. It's just like somehow boys only
taking the spirit of Africa and put it into a song.
Unbelievable. I'm.
Going to have to give a listen because it's hard to believe.
And then boys don't comment on the clip yesterday like the
official boys on account. And we're like, we'll have to,
we'll have to see you singing this at the at our London show
in the crowd. So then I was DM and back and
forth to the official boys on account and I'm going to the
show in London. Oh, you're cool.
Brilliant. Going to delay the show for you.
That's what I'm thinking. Can I get it?
Can I get a? Three minute delay on a boys
don't show at the Emirates Stadium.
Which large you think is running that account?
Prestige are. They all out of Duffy, Duffy,
Duffy. Yeah, Sam, he seems like a sound
man, does he? Yeah.
Selling tyres at the front. Yeah, I love it.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, Legends.
I think Shane Lynch has access, but he doesn't.
He doesn't really can't. Be.
Yeah, fair enough. He says I'll get back to it and
then he said I'll do it then OK, but he doesn't want to be doing
it as she and like she and said he would do it, but he hasn't
done it. I tell you, it's not Mikey.
Mikey's got nothing. No chance he's got no, he
doesn't even know he doesn't have Instagram, that he's not in
the promo for the. Term No.
No way. Yes, this is this is adding so
familiar to us like it's a four times and half like who writes
back? You don't see eh?
Which one like the insta? Yeah, I was messaging you there
only because I saw your like story in the airport.
It's like, oh, he could be in the airport and he's like, no,
London, we're in the air. It's.
Not such a fun thing to be in the airport at the same time as
someone that you didn't know. Yeah, you're like, what on earth
are you doing here? Do you remember getting that?
You get the boss when you're a kid and then you'd see your
granny on it or something? So exciting.
Or you ever see you're like granny's in the same room,
You're like, what is going on here?
See that? Cool.
That's one level above teacher outside of school.
Yeah, 2 Grammys in the same room.
The. Matrix starts glitching a little
bit. Yeah, 2.
Crannies in the same. They've changed something.
You guys don't even you've done your Belfast show, have you?
Yeah, you've done it, yes. John, I love about this.
Not in the plug. This is just four friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we want to take this
opportunity to promote Boys Zone and they're doing 2 shows in
London Emirates Stadium. I'm not sure when, but it's
going to be great. And honestly, you need to listen
to see before the show tonight. Yeah, you've got a show tonight
in the Palladium. Yes, we do.
Yeah, a different beat, boys. It's just going to get yeah
feeling. It's a good tune.
It's a good boy zone have done
an African banger of a song. Yeah.
OK, Yeah. Wow.
And and and and. I know it shouldn't work, but it
more than works. OK, it more than works.
Would you say they should open the show with us?
What would you on close? No, I would open with that.
I would I would probably open with picture of you.
Yeah, I get a bit of down. To start, I get a few, I get a
few lively ones going and then I would bring it down a little
bit. Let's let's have father and son
bring us into more of a strip back kind of thing.
Eh, the country still that's W I've seen, but let's have like
sitting on a step. OK, yeah, White suits.
We think in white suits. What are we thinking?
I. Don't think at this stage the
boys need to gimmick it up. I think they're just wearing Wow
and that you can see. And then and then I want to go
almost like a like a lively bit at the end, like a little bit of
a desk. Love me for a reason.
And a few like yeah, like that. That's still my favourite one.
And then finish with a different beat and come on for come back
on for an encore for eh words. Do they do it?
Yeah, yeah. You're doing the whole gambit of
London. You're going 11 a side league
football to a Boy's Own concert. You just cover everything.
Yeah, all your bases. What else could you want?
Nothing. That game.
Yeah, yeah. Shot the night in a bit of.
Just maybe I could just watch you played, is that weird?
No. In the shopping centre.
Lots, lots of websites dedicated to just that.
Lads, can I say thank you very much for doing this.
I've won the party, you guys, for ages.
Yeah. Likewise, it's great.
So you can do this. So thank you very much.
Thank you so much. I don't.
Know why I'm buying to but I just feel like it's OK.
Just do one of those little song.
Yeah. Thank you lad.
Thanks so much.