1 00:00:00,320 --> 00:00:04,280 Prime big deal days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:08,680 lead to involuntary deal squeals like the infamous deal on a new 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,880 massager squeal. Save big on prime big deal days 4 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:25,880 October 8th and 9th. Sippers, welcome to this episode 5 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,200 of the Team With Me podcast with me, Shane Todd. 6 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:34,400 In the words of DJ Khaled, it's another one going to plug two 7 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,200 things very quickly. Actually a couple things really 8 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,880 quickly before I do this podcast. 9 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,920 It's a guest podcast. First of all, I've got to say I 10 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,720 am doing the SSE Arena in November of this year. 11 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,800 I'm doing the Waterfront in September. 12 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,640 It was supposed to be last year. It's sold out and then SSE in 13 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:57,000 November and tickets are genuinely nearly gone for which 14 00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,600 is mental. You can get them in the SSE on 15 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,520 the SSE website or Ticketmaster. It's in November. 16 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:07,280 The news about this vaccine thing that that it looks like 17 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:11,800 things can hopefully be going back to normal during the summer 18 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:17,160 has done so much for me in in the last eight or two. 19 00:01:17,320 --> 00:01:20,840 So I, I really think those shows are going to happen. 20 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:26,480 And then it gets me so excited, overly excited. 21 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:30,480 I mean, we're legally excited to think about that. 22 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,760 So I'm doing the SSE Arena. I'm going to have some tour 23 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,440 shows, but SSE will be the biggest show I've ever done. 24 00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:37,880 So if you fancy coming to like go to SSE website or 25 00:01:37,880 --> 00:01:40,120 Ticketmaster, tickets are near away. 26 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,240 Also, we're over on patreon.com/tea With Me podcast 27 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:48,040 doing the breakfast Brew. If you join that, then including 28 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:50,560 this, you get episodes of the podcast Monday to Friday. 29 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,840 We do the breakfast brew bonus. We do the breakfast brew 30 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:57,960 Tuesday, Thursday, and live on Friday and they're short 31 00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,520 podcasts. You listen to your breakfast. 32 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,280 We do a full length bonus episode on a Monday and of 33 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:03,800 course this comes out on a Wednesday. 34 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:09,000 So that's patreon.com/tea with Me podcast and you're getting, I 35 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:11,400 mean, too many podcasts. You know, if you're a gritty 36 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:13,240 Gobbins, then you can sort yourself out. 37 00:02:13,960 --> 00:02:17,480 Also, we're sponsored by manscaped.com. 38 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:21,360 Manscaped is essential here. Here thinks if 2 million people 39 00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,160 are doing something, something's being done right. 40 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,280 Although if there's like some, maybe there's some sort of like 41 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:30,000 terrible organisation or cult with 2 million people, in which 42 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,200 case they don't mean anything about that. 43 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,880 Manscaped aren't a cult. They're not a terrible 44 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:35,840 organisation. What they are, it's just a group 45 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:39,960 of people that decided that man's below the belt. 46 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:42,960 Grooming was an issue. People were cutting themselves 47 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,400 left, right and centre. You know, some guys had an Afro 48 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,480 going on, some people had patchy pubes and landscape were like, 49 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:53,120 no, we need to sort this out. What they've done is going to 50 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:58,000 put a lawnmower 3.0, which is a razor for your down below. 51 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,480 It's an incredible product. I use it, Producer Dan uses it. 52 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,400 Mikey Films, the podcast uses it. 53 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,720 Your dad should use it. He should use it because I saw 54 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,360 him in some public toilets walking about the shower area 55 00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:13,920 and it's weird because it's weird because he hadn't been 56 00:03:13,920 --> 00:03:15,880 swimming. He needs to sort himself out. 57 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,160 You might need to sort yourself out. 58 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,480 It could be hereditary. So you go to manscape.com. 59 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:24,320 We're giving our list of 20% off and free shipping with the code 60 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:27,400 tea with me 20% off and free shipping. 61 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:30,800 Essentially, they've got the Lawnmower 3.0, which is for 62 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:35,480 shaving your balls and then also about 10 incredible products 63 00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,200 that I can think of, top of my head moisturiser, wipes, 64 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,960 deodorant for your balls. I mean, tell me that 10 years 65 00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,960 ago and I would have said you were an alien saying no, and 66 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:48,520 I'll say thank you very much. And that's the key to pubic 67 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:52,720 hygiene. So that's manscaped.com, 68 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:56,600 pedron.com Session with me podcast and my SSE Arena show is 69 00:03:56,600 --> 00:03:59,200 in November. Is one of my teeth really shiny? 70 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,240 I don't know. I'm going to go to Turkey with 71 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:04,800 the paramilitaries and get them, get them sorted out. 72 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,640 My guest on the pod, Let me just let me just make sure I've got 73 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:11,840 this right. Let me make sure I've got this 74 00:04:11,880 --> 00:04:14,880 right. My guest on the podcast is Diona 75 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,120 Doherty. I'm sure you will know Diona if 76 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:23,160 you don't, if you don't, Diona is an actress. 77 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:28,480 I'm just say sent you the link. We'd be live when you come on, 78 00:04:29,120 --> 00:04:31,440 just for a heads up in case somebody's really racist just 79 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:35,120 off the bat. We'll be live when you come on 80 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,800 and there's a bit of admin you guys don't need to see when you 81 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:40,920 come on. OK. 82 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:44,600 So yeah, Diona is an actress and stand up comedian. 83 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:49,360 A writer as well. Diona is in Give my Hairpiece. 84 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:53,480 Oh, no, I spilled a bit of tea over the sofa there. 85 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,120 Yeah. Diona is a writer and actress, a 86 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,760 stand up comedian. She's great. 87 00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:04,160 She has been on the stand up scene for about I think a year 88 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,560 and a half before COVID and was absolutely killing it. 89 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,200 I'm just admitting her into the pod right now. 90 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,080 I don't know. She got my message about the 91 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,440 fact that we're going to be live. 92 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:16,120 But listen, it's one of those things folks, do you know, we're 93 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,160 live on the podcast just before you say something racist. 94 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:20,600 She had service is the right table. 95 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:24,120 I know you will start all podcasts in fluid German, just 96 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:26,120 putting some political opinions out there. 97 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:29,520 Yeah, I'm, I'm very, very homophobic and sexist too, so 98 00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,640 it's great that you told me about. 99 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:31,840 It. Yeah, but only in German. 100 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:37,480 So it's only it doesn't count. Things are good. 101 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,480 Things are good. Have you got a ring light on? 102 00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,640 I forgot to put my ring light on. 103 00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,760 But I look yellow. I look like a Simpson, like a 104 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,880 something from The Simpsons. Yeah, but that's good. 105 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,320 You think it's a faulty ring light or is that a health? 106 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,000 Kitchen probably shit makeup. Right, right. 107 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:54,920 I'm. Fucking Avatar now. 108 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,320 Yeah, the blue looks better. You think it is? 109 00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:58,800 Yeah. Then you need to take it down a 110 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:00,480 notch. So it's like, I don't really 111 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,880 have, I don't really have a ring light on it. 112 00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,160 Just kind of wonder. I mean, here's the my ring light 113 00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,920 doesn't have that long. I think when we did, you did the 114 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,000 Patreon podcast. You just got my. 115 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,760 Debut in the ring light. Here's the thing, the lead on 116 00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:15,320 the ring light isn't that long, so I can't be bothered setting 117 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,600 it up because I'd have to get an extension lead and all that kind 118 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,760 of thing. So I'm just sort of saying the 119 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,240 people, this is me and if you if you like it, great. 120 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:24,760 If you don't, don't listen. Don't watch. 121 00:06:24,760 --> 00:06:26,640 You just don't mind the judgement at all. 122 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,800 No, I don't think so. See, since and we're definitely 123 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,560 going to talk about kids and pregnancy because you're, I 124 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:35,800 think it's fair to say, very pregnant at the minute. 125 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,200 Who's pregnant? Me. 126 00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,200 Don't fuck with me like that because honestly, there's always 127 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,920 a party inside that, even though you know, there's always a part 128 00:06:45,920 --> 00:06:49,280 that goes oh fuck. I know, is she or has she 129 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:50,320 already had it and you're all old? 130 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,520 Fuck, she just still has the pregnant look about her. 131 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:54,800 No, I'd be OK with that because it would have been a recent 132 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:56,200 thing. I wouldn't feel bad about that. 133 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,920 But if if you were like, no, you must have got this wrong. 134 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:02,400 I've never said I was pregnant. I in my head could just go fuck, 135 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:03,960 I have made that up. But. 136 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:07,480 Or maybe I was maybe like, do you know, I've just been saying 137 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:10,520 it just as an excuse to get fat knocked down and like not be 138 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:13,280 ashamed about it. I'm being like, I'm so I'm so 139 00:07:13,280 --> 00:07:16,360 pregnant and then just now never really comes with it. 140 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,000 Yeah, yeah. And as soon as the pubs reopen, 141 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,160 you're like, oh, turned around. Yeah. 142 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,440 So basically since I've had a kid, I've done this thing where, 143 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,400 OK, I've got the ring light because everyone's getting them, 144 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,680 but I'm just very much like, this is the way I look, you 145 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,880 know, it's like. Old people like so you're, 146 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,440 you're a recent daddy and you're like, oh, I've been getting 147 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:39,680 right. So you obviously got your ring 148 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,800 light a few weeks ago. Ring lights have been about for 149 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,200 like a decade. I'd never heard of them. 150 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,600 Somebody who makes so much content, I can't believe you 151 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,880 didn't want to be lit well. Here's the thing. 152 00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:56,080 I don't. The only thing I do for that is 153 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:58,240 say this stuff to the camera and write it. 154 00:07:58,600 --> 00:08:00,160 I don't do anything outside of that. 155 00:08:00,160 --> 00:08:02,520 I don't do any light or camera type thing. 156 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,720 When you watch it back, do not go jeez are we? 157 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:07,120 But light would do me wonders there. 158 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,320 No, the way I look at it is like, that would be a bit of 159 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:14,200 light would be a bonus, but apart from I'm like, I look, I'm 160 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:16,720 OK with the way I look in somebody who's apart from when I 161 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:18,680 just got out of hospital with Crohn's and a bit of video will 162 00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:23,360 call and get us in the dub, which is off the Lisburn Road. 163 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:29,120 And honestly, I look like you'd be pained at the way I look. 164 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:32,520 I lost so much weight and I'm wearing a hat and I don't suit 165 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,360 hats. And that combination was so bad. 166 00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:39,640 And David Made wrote on the. Video population of L Half of 167 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,039 the population of LA would probably think you were fat, so. 168 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:46,600 Yeah, I mean, it's horrendous if you get to see this video and 169 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,920 David Mead tweeted, tweeted me and said, LOL, it looks like you 170 00:08:49,920 --> 00:08:51,680 have AIDS. And I wrote back, no, David, I 171 00:08:51,680 --> 00:08:53,320 have Crohn's disease. I've just been discharged from 172 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:55,480 hospital. And I think he thought I would 173 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:58,320 be in genuine serious, but I mean, it was being serious. 174 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,160 But I like the opportunity to to do that. 175 00:09:01,560 --> 00:09:03,800 And how bad must he have felt after that? 176 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,560 That's really fucking putting your foot in a little bit, yeah. 177 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,040 Because the big show at the minute is it's the same, isn't 178 00:09:08,040 --> 00:09:09,440 it? And that's kind of that deals 179 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:11,360 with AIDS a lot. So maybe I should just retweet 180 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,280 his comment and say not acceptable? 181 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:16,040 Get Dave, get David me cancelled. 182 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:19,400 Yeah, get him cancelled with the tweet and just photoshopped the 183 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:24,240 year he put it out and just act. Do you ever I do this thing? 184 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:26,480 Like do you know when you have your Facebook memories that 185 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,480 comes up courses like this and obviously you can get it every 186 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,760 day. I vet myself on a daily basis. 187 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:38,560 So everything that comes up this day 45678 years ago, I sit there 188 00:09:38,560 --> 00:09:40,920 going fucking delete. Who is she? 189 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,360 What the fuck am I? Why am I tweeting what Kendall 190 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,040 Jenner wore the fucking festival. 191 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,520 What do you give a shit about that for deleting? 192 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:51,520 I'm embarrassed about who I used to be like so I delete it all. 193 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,920 But I'm I'm hoping someday I'll uncover something really 194 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:57,960 offensive and I'm like that fuck, I deleted that right 195 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,320 between your goals and have it and you're going to get tweeted 196 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,000 some shit years ago before people got woke. 197 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,600 Of course, but I would say if anybody is, because there are 198 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:11,080 people who like professionally are looking at tweets, you get a 199 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,280 little bit of success or whatever, they're looking at 200 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,320 your tweets. The way I look at it is they 201 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,920 would already have it. Do you know what I mean? 202 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,000 Like. What do you mean? 203 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,400 Well, they've already found it by now. 204 00:10:22,680 --> 00:10:24,560 Yeah, 100%. So like I don't. 205 00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:27,240 Think I've had enough success that somebody's been appointed a 206 00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,360 day's work to go look at my Twitter yet? 207 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,240 I think the fact that you've been in a lot of BBC stuff, I 208 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,080 would be very surprised, I swear, if at least one person 209 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,480 hadn't gone through really old tweets. 1000% I think. 210 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,800 Before been through my tweets, not even in house, but just 211 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,400 there are just people who would have the time do it and would do 212 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,920 it. The way I look at it is if I 213 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:53,400 delete an old tweet that looks worse, I would just be like, 214 00:10:53,640 --> 00:10:58,320 well, I said that when I was 22. I mean, that's still quite an 215 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,800 old. Age, yeah, but you should you 216 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:05,960 should know better by. 14100% why have you written out a fool 217 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:09,000 Hitler speech? Well, listen, I was 27 when that 218 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,440 happened. Why are you shitting on Martin 219 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,880 Luther King? I mean. 220 00:11:14,720 --> 00:11:17,680 I go that was at least three weeks ago, so can we just give 221 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:21,280 me a little bit of a by ball? Yeah, you still look 22, so you 222 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:23,000 could probably get away with treating shit like that. 223 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,680 Yeah, and Becky's just a boy. Yeah, if I did an apology video, 224 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,320 everyone feel really sorry for me and being like, God help that 225 00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:31,480 we fell. So I think I think I'd be OK. 226 00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:34,440 Maybe I should record my apology video now and be really vague 227 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,520 about what it's about. Oh, and then you can just put 228 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,520 anything, you can reuse the same one for each tweet. 229 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,240 And then you could just dub over your mouth for the problem, you 230 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:49,360 know, so your mouth will be saying that homophobic comment, 231 00:11:49,560 --> 00:11:52,840 but the voice of where we're going, that racist slur. 232 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:58,240 Yeah, but a few years ago, somebody wrote this full 233 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:00,400 article. They, like, made a website and 234 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,040 wrote an article, like, just to publish this article almost 235 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:05,760 anonymously. Might not have even been 236 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,240 anonymous, But I'm not very good with technology. 237 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:08,640 Like, they might have signed their name off at the end. 238 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,560 And I was like, I don't know. I don't know what that means. 239 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,240 But it was about, do you remember Naughty Shore? 240 00:12:13,520 --> 00:12:16,280 Yeah. And it was like BBC's Diona 241 00:12:16,280 --> 00:12:20,440 Doherty makes fun of autism. So. 242 00:12:20,760 --> 00:12:27,800 In the it's Sammy the Aaron Butler's character must have had 243 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,760 autism and we were all laughing at him and like, that's not even 244 00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,840 like, no, we didn't know that character doesn't have autism 245 00:12:32,840 --> 00:12:35,480 and nobody ever said that that's mental. 246 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,440 I was like you, you saying that is, is what's offensive. 247 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:41,920 You, you suggest and that character has autism is what's 248 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:43,880 offensive. So and with this whole article, 249 00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:46,560 all the local politicians, the length of the article. 250 00:12:47,360 --> 00:12:51,920 But that's someone who that is someone who has a personal thing 251 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:54,480 against you. That's not someone by mistake. 252 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:58,280 And that exact thing in a way happened to me. 253 00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,840 Not like it. Well, I guess it was published 254 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:04,440 things was on social media. I had another comedian who we 255 00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:07,600 know I wouldn't say is like on the scene as much anymore, but 256 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,280 you would definitely know who I'm talking about. 257 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,480 And so in South Border Patrol, I play the character Lawrence Lyle 258 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:18,800 and the motivation for that character is very, very camp, 259 00:13:19,160 --> 00:13:21,440 very camp character as camp as you can go. 260 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,400 But my back story for that character, which which actually 261 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,040 never made it in, was that, you know, he's married low with a 262 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:30,360 load of kids. I think the original joke was he 263 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:32,800 had 11 children and that's why he was always under pressure. 264 00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:37,080 And I said, because the good thing about software control is, 265 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:39,200 as you know, it's like there's so much freedom for your own 266 00:13:39,200 --> 00:13:40,800 character. You can be like. 267 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,800 You can do what you want. You'd say this where this so I 268 00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,680 got to like create the character and I was like, well, I'm going 269 00:13:45,680 --> 00:13:49,760 to play a very, very camp guy who is straight, but you don't 270 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:53,480 really need to know that and he's just camp and works in PR. 271 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,200 And then it's based. I mean the thing as well as it 272 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,240 is based on a real real life combination of a couple of 273 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,480 people who are camp guys that are married and like. 274 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,920 Straight, yeah, we all know loads of that's just because you 275 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,520 camp doesn't mean you're gay there, you know what I mean? 276 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,360 Well, that that is the whole crux of the thing. 277 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,960 So this was, I think, you know, the start of lockdown and this 278 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:19,360 guy was like, start off. You put a tweet out saying I'm 279 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,840 going to do a something like a gay voice character, a real calm 280 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:26,920 voice character, like a gay character is what do people 281 00:14:26,920 --> 00:14:28,320 think of that? And everybody was like, what the 282 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:29,680 fuck? Like no, you shouldn't do that. 283 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,960 And then the next day, have I never talked to you about this? 284 00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,640 No, The next day he put a Facebook post out and said 285 00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:37,240 that's great. Did a bit of research. 286 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,920 I knew that that was wrong. I never wanted to do that. 287 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:45,080 But there's a character on BBC sitcom at the minute that is 288 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,440 doing like an old gay stereotype and it's offensive and it's 289 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,960 homophobic. And honestly, in the comments 290 00:14:51,880 --> 00:14:55,280 everybody jumped on it and was like, you're 100% right. 291 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:59,080 I've been thinking this, this kind of thing, and it took so 292 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:01,560 much for me not to get involved. First of all, the phone, the 293 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,520 person would be like, do you want to just talk about this? 294 00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:05,640 Like. You know me and you have a phone 295 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:08,160 number, but oh. I forgot that this is somebody 296 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:10,040 you know. Yeah, 100. 297 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,480 That makes it worse. This is somebody that has my 298 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:13,800 phone number. I'm friends with them on 299 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,160 Facebook and. I think this is also somebody 300 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,160 who auditioned to be on the show and doesn't get apart. 301 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:24,360 I don't know what the motivation is, but I do know that I was so 302 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:28,320 close to it was my wife who was like, don't even get involved. 303 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:30,600 But I was going to go on the thing and say exactly what you 304 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,080 said there of like this character. 305 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:36,880 There's been no like stereotypes, no innuendo. 306 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,000 That was my thing when I said them. 307 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,640 But the character I was like, I want them to be camp, but 308 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:42,760 there's no we're not going to play on that. 309 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:47,680 You know, he just happens to become but his whole thing of 310 00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,320 being like, you know, it's like a homophobic character. 311 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:54,040 It's like, well, I haven't said he's gay or inferred. 312 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:59,040 So if you draw that because he is calm, then you have you have 313 00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:01,240 the problem that. You're making the stereotype 314 00:16:01,240 --> 00:16:03,080 then. Didn't see the irony of it and I 315 00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:05,800 just, I, I was totally OK with it. 316 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:08,160 And if it was like a published article, that's fine, but it's 317 00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,480 just the fact that, you know, the person you're like, if it 318 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:13,000 offended you that much, you've probably seen me a lot of time 319 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,600 since, yeah, why not have the conversation? 320 00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,120 Because I very quickly probably could have put your mind at ease 321 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,280 on it. But that like that whole thing 322 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,960 of, you know, doing that, that that's doing it for the likes. 323 00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:26,640 Otherwise you would go to the person and have the 324 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:31,360 conversation. But you want to be seen as a a 325 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:34,200 crusader, you know, like. Yeah, a fucking hero I know. 326 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,560 Yeah. I just I found out mind blown 327 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,000 because it was a comedian, someone you know from gigs, you 328 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:43,560 know, and then and then like, listen, we've all said if you've 329 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,040 done stand up, if you've done sketches, you've said something 330 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:49,400 that in different contexts could be taken so bad. 331 00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:53,400 So I like I as an example to myself, I was like, let me 332 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:57,520 YouTube that comedian and see if they've done anything that could 333 00:16:57,520 --> 00:17:00,320 be taken wrong. First video, the word retard. 334 00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:04,880 I'm like, don't ever which which by the way, doesn't in any way 335 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:07,040 like a family. And I don't think that you 336 00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,720 should be like in trouble for that. 337 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:12,839 But it's just an example of like, yeah, none of us can let 338 00:17:12,839 --> 00:17:15,720 you can't lecture another comedian on what they do or say. 339 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:21,200 Don't preach that something is like offensive or or not PC and 340 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,160 then you you're you're doing something considerably worse to 341 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,760 be to be honest. Yeah, or like if you, if you put 342 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,000 up something that like, I mean, I, I don't think there's 343 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,960 anything that can really offend me, but if you put up something 344 00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:35,720 that I thought was like really offensive and I cared about it, 345 00:17:36,120 --> 00:17:39,320 I text you, you know, I'd ring you or be like, can I, can I 346 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:40,680 help that? Can I understand this? 347 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:42,320 Let me just try and get where you're coming from on it. 348 00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:46,920 But I mean, social media is is so great for so many reasons and 349 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,760 then terrible for so many other reasons. 350 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:53,160 I know, like I wouldn't even want to go into like the amount 351 00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,840 of I mean, you've probably had it too, but the amount of shit 352 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,600 that you get online as soon as something 'cause I like you, you 353 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,000 put out so much content that you probably get things all the time 354 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:08,680 with, you know, with the shit you're putting out, probably get 355 00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,640 stuff up. But like I always get people 356 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:16,280 like I just wrapping everything apart and do, especially when 357 00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:18,920 it's a girl and something people like, what the fuck's from her? 358 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,680 A very size of her forehead. That's not a relaxing, you know, 359 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,560 Jesus Christ, some fucking pickling. 360 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,640 Here's a break. It's wild. 361 00:18:25,760 --> 00:18:28,280 It's absolutely wild. And I'm not offended easily. 362 00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:31,160 So there's not like I'm not I don't think you can offend me. 363 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,720 There's nothing. There's no joke you can make 364 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,040 that. I don't think it's worth making 365 00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:40,040 most you know, that's funny. But I was offended today because 366 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:45,600 a friend of mine has has went on a fucking rampage on his 367 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:49,120 Instagram saying that people should met their cats outside 368 00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:52,320 because they're killing birds and they're like, the fucking 369 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:53,640 cats are like killing all the wildlife. 370 00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:55,480 And I have two cats. I'm like, Mark, keep my cats on 371 00:18:55,480 --> 00:18:57,080 site all day following along. They need to go outside and 372 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:00,800 play. My cats need to get outside and 373 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,280 kill some pigeons. I when the home schooling is 374 00:19:03,280 --> 00:19:04,960 done, I'm like, go ahead guys, go ahead and play. 375 00:19:05,200 --> 00:19:06,800 Yeah, I mean go ahead and call for your mates. 376 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:09,720 But I go and kill some pigeons and I do try and save the old 377 00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:10,840 bird that's hanging out of their mouth. 378 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,000 But most of the time you're like, that's the fucking circle 379 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,120 of life. This guy is going on a follow 380 00:19:15,120 --> 00:19:18,840 rampage on his Instagram being like the fucking birds are being 381 00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:21,120 killed by the cats and you need to keep your cat. 382 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:25,040 Selfish bastards or cat owners. You're like what the fuck is 383 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,400 going on? You feel like going, guy, like 384 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,920 in June we're going to be out of the lockdown. 385 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:31,680 Just get through until you know what I mean. 386 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:35,480 Par through, yeah. You spend too much time with 387 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,200 birds. Apparently that's a lockdown 388 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,440 thing you would get and what you would start to really get into, 389 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,800 you know what I mean? Like get into that kind of 390 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,560 cause. But yeah, I mean the the kind 391 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,960 like definitely guys obviously don't get like no one's ever 392 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,000 it's ever jumped on a thing. I've been in and gone. 393 00:19:53,360 --> 00:19:54,880 What the fuck is up with eyebrows? 394 00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,200 Because here's the thing. See my genuinely my eyebrows, 395 00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,360 right. You can't tell them this light. 396 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:01,640 They're like a strong colour until you get halfway and then 397 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,640 they just turn blonde and they can look. 398 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:06,120 That's actually, yeah. Yeah, they can look weird at 399 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,640 times. At the same time, if somebody 400 00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,480 put out a tweet after I'd been in some of the TV and picked up 401 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,040 on that, I just stopped doing TV. 402 00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,800 Where would you not just get that eyebrow effects? 403 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:17,400 I'd probably get some sort of surgery. 404 00:20:17,400 --> 00:20:18,560 I wouldn't be able to cope with that. 405 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,520 So I think like actresses get some amount of shit that like 406 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,920 obviously guys don't get, and I don't think we'd take it well. 407 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:28,520 No. Also, I don't think you need to 408 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,360 go as far as surgery for an eyebrow. 409 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:34,400 Already booked it, yeah. You've been and. 410 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,760 No, I'm pretty sure it's a jet paid upfront and he's going to, 411 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:42,960 he says like I'm going to wake up with like perfectly dark 412 00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:45,480 eyebrows. I mean he is using a Sharpie but 413 00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,240 it's a ground well spent in and it's. 414 00:20:48,240 --> 00:20:52,440 A Yeah, we're going to take off this half of your face and 415 00:20:52,440 --> 00:20:55,160 replace it with whoever. Whoever you want, yeah. 416 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,480 First off, here's the thing. I was thinking about 417 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,080 international travel. If it didn't open it up, I was 418 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,480 like, could you go to Turkey for a medical procedure? 419 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:04,280 If you're like you listen to have to go to get a procedure 420 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,600 And then would I just go to get a hair transplant even though I 421 00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,440 have a full head of hair? Could I just justify going away 422 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,120 on a trip by just coming back with a new head? 423 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,480 Do you, do you think you'd be sending me your paperwork that 424 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,800 says I'm going for a hair transplant and that they're 425 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:22,960 going to go, no, you have enough hair already. 426 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,480 You're not allowed, but you could be like, but I want, it's 427 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,720 not for my head. Yeah. 428 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,600 And then I think that would end the conversation. 429 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:32,360 Yeah, that would end the conversation. 430 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,680 And that is the next thing that that guy who's getting worried 431 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,040 about the cats is going to go for. 432 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:39,800 Don't worry about it and getting a pubic transplant. 433 00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:43,280 It's fine. I'm on to the next thing. 434 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,280 Imagine if I like, just passionately wanted to be 435 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:47,960 ginger. If I was like, honestly, it's 436 00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:49,360 just something I've really thought about. 437 00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:50,680 Then that's just what I want to do. 438 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:52,560 And I came back, Yeah, but that's just bright. 439 00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,880 That's just you don't need to go to Turkey to dye your hair thing 440 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,400 like you can do that. I did it my own about two weeks 441 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,200 ago. Do you know? 442 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,640 What I mean, but I'd like to go to Turkey. 443 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:03,840 You just want to go to Turkey, but the people are going to 444 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,120 Turkey and all the minute for like dentist visits and then 445 00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:07,240 they just have a holiday out of it. 446 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:10,200 Like that's what you're drinking the Wi-Fi cup. 447 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:11,720 You're drinking the out of the wrong cup. 448 00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,640 Well, first of all, that's hilarious that I'm doing that 449 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:16,240 because that's a gender role reversal. 450 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,480 Although this cup I bought when we got married and the first 451 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:22,720 side says with right, there's no E because the ES come off in the 452 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:25,600 dishwasher and then the second, the second side just says I 453 00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:26,600 fake. But yes, it is. 454 00:22:26,600 --> 00:22:28,760 It is wifey. Wifey. 455 00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,600 I yeah, which is German for wife. 456 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,760 Yeah, I I would just like, I would just like to go to Turkey. 457 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:39,240 But then I've seen what they do with the teeth, which is they 458 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,520 like, have you seen what they do when they give people veneers? 459 00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,800 My my mom had veneers so they saw them all fucking down. 460 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,000 So they're like small fangs? Like tiny fangs? 461 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:52,280 Where did you get it? Your mom get it done in Turkey 462 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:55,840 or just that or just like local. Airy just in dairy but this is 463 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,840 like what happened is whenever my brother was about like a 464 00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,080 toddler he was on her knee bouncing and I head butted her 465 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,760 and knocked out knocked out her teeth. 466 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:06,560 So she's no, she's no choice but to get the rest themselves down 467 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,000 and just go do the full hog. But I bet you fucking wishes she 468 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:12,640 went to Turkey. Yeah. 469 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,200 Because like, OK, it's not, I don't know if it's as good or 470 00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,120 they might be a lot better, but then you, you know, you're just 471 00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:18,960 getting the two weeks in bottom half board out of it. 472 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:21,480 So to get those things. Although have you ever been to 473 00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:23,120 Turkey for a holiday? Yeah, twice. 474 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,880 I love. It there's an awful lot of cats, 475 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,560 your man would be raging. Oh fuck yeah. 476 00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,440 I mean, yeah, he goes over for his pube transplant, things like 477 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:32,160 that. Fucking rattles like cats. 478 00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:34,160 I can't. Not a bird in the sky. 479 00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:35,440 A. Lot of birds, yeah. 480 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,880 Hey, did you see the news about, I mean for England's that like 481 00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,240 the thing comedy is going to be back by like outdoor comedy 482 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:49,440 could be April, May say May. We leave that early. 483 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:53,280 Well, yeah, because as soon, I think as soon as they open beer 484 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:57,320 gardens like outdoor drinking, you will be allowed to do stand 485 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,280 up in like a marquee or in a beer garden. 486 00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:02,840 That's the one thing I'm most afraid of doing again because 487 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:07,240 since since the first lockdown last April, I got about 5 gigs 488 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:10,640 all year. Like you did a lot more 489 00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:13,480 obviously, but I would, I, that's what I'm shit scared 490 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,680 about because I was only really getting the swing of it. 491 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,440 And then it was like, oh, press pause. 492 00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,000 So and then in that time to you, I've obviously been really 493 00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,360 pregnant and I've just not written anything and I'm next 494 00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:25,840 shift. I don't know, like I got booked 495 00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,200 the other day for a Zoom gig on I think 16th, the 16th of March. 496 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:34,560 And when are you due? 20 Bethel March. 497 00:24:35,400 --> 00:24:37,520 Oh my God. I mean, that'd be a great 498 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,880 closer, wouldn't it, to go Like, guys, listen, my waters are 499 00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:41,960 broken. They all laugh. 500 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:43,000 They're like, oh, I would love it. 501 00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:48,960 And then you're like, genuinely. Someone do you like a wee bit 502 00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:52,440 them between contractions and then make them collectively time 503 00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:54,200 the contractions together on zoom? 504 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:57,320 That will be fun. Would you do you think like when 505 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,880 you have like, because I didn't think of any like pregnancy or 506 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,960 baby material until the 2nd We had the baby and then I was 507 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:09,160 like, there's material in this. So because you know, because you 508 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:11,440 and Sean are married and Sean's obviously a stand up too. 509 00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:16,480 What's the etiquette there on if you say something really funny 510 00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:19,640 happens in the delivery room, everything goes well in the 511 00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:21,520 delivery room, something funny happens. 512 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:26,360 And then would would you do you almost both say to each other 513 00:25:26,360 --> 00:25:29,600 like do shotgun at first or do you or genuinely, is this the 514 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:31,840 thing? Yeah, we have shock on things 515 00:25:31,840 --> 00:25:35,280 before, like something that's happened, and then we've both 516 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,520 sort of been like laughing about it. 517 00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:42,120 And then I went, that's mine. That wouldn't suit you anyway. 518 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:44,760 Yeah, that's mine. Yeah, exactly. 519 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:47,080 Yeah, I. Mean and only only recently. 520 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,280 I keep thinking of material like whilst I'm being pregnant but 521 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:54,080 I'm too looking tired and sick to sit down and write it out. 522 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,680 So like just have like a collection of notes. 523 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:59,480 I'm like someday I'll write them but I'll probably go back to it 524 00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:02,400 and be like what does shitty knickers mean? 525 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:03,880 What was that like what happened there? 526 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:05,760 I'm not, I'm not remember what the notes mean. 527 00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:08,080 Do you know what I mean? I mean, I think that one might 528 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,560 be self-explanatory, but. But how shitty knickers? 529 00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,000 I don't know if it would have been me. 530 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,480 Yeah. I mean, let's not rule it out, 531 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:20,360 but I just think when it's back and when it's outdoor for some 532 00:26:20,360 --> 00:26:22,800 reason, I think this is going to be a great summer weather wise. 533 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,880 I've just built this up romantically in my head. 534 00:26:25,160 --> 00:26:27,880 Yeah, there's going to be class. There's going to be loads of 535 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,080 outdoor outdoor shows and it's going to be incredible. 536 00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:33,720 But like it has. All of July and August is going 537 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:37,680 to be like a non-stop Calvin Harris music video the whole 538 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,400 summer. Just gorgeous people, nice 539 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,920 light, and everyone's got like a cocktail, but no one's too 540 00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:44,160 drunk. Everyone's just like having a 541 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:46,880 good time. Yeah, Everyone likes a drunk. 542 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:50,600 I keep, I keep forgetting, which is sly about my son. 543 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,720 And I'm like, we can go to like, you know, we could go to 544 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,240 Portrush for the day and have a loaded meal and a little bit of 545 00:26:56,240 --> 00:26:58,680 drinks and we can stay over and we can go to this person's house 546 00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:00,080 and have a house party and we can do this. 547 00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:01,960 And then I'm like, oh, that guy though. 548 00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,240 He's there now because he because he hasn't interrupted 549 00:27:05,240 --> 00:27:07,560 your social life. Probably it because he's been 550 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:10,000 his entire life's been in. Like well, in in. 551 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:13,080 It, you know what I mean? He's just like a guy who lives 552 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:15,600 in the house, so he hasn't really interrupted anything. 553 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,600 He's just like, you know, a mate who's like, always knocking 554 00:27:18,600 --> 00:27:20,640 about. As soon as you're like back out, 555 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,400 he's going to be a massive cock block. 556 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:28,000 Oh, I mean, also you say massive clockwork, just massive in 557 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,080 general. We put him in the in the baby 558 00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,280 part of the trolley in Asda and I'll send you a picture of it 559 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:37,560 after this podcast. It just looks like, oh, because 560 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,760 like my wife is pushing trolley because I don't push trolleys 561 00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:45,520 and and it just looks like her husband has got a bit knackered 562 00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,000 doing the shopping and just decided to chill out in the in 563 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:51,160 the massive trolleys. Huge guy. 564 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,600 But yeah, I mean. You know, when I'm pushing a 565 00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:59,800 trolley, I'm always worried that my steps won't count if I've got 566 00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,640 both hands. And I'm concerned about this 567 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,360 too, when the pram, when I'm pushing a pram, because I feel 568 00:28:04,360 --> 00:28:06,640 like your arm needs to have, needs to be doing The Walking 569 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:10,880 movement to count your steps. So I'm like, if I'm doing my 570 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:13,880 groceries, I'll just do it with one hand and I'll just let that 571 00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:15,440 troll go wherever the fuck it's going to go. 572 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:17,480 And I'll just have to. People need to get out of my way 573 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,960 because I want my steps counted. I don't want to miss my steps 574 00:28:19,960 --> 00:28:22,440 because what's the point? You know, life's probably going 575 00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:26,520 OK when that's a major worry, Like, everything's all right, 576 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:28,200 really, isn't it? Like, because that is not a 577 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:31,040 concern of, like, people in the third world. 578 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:33,720 That is not a concern for anyone who's under real pressure. 579 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:36,080 But yeah. They had the watch, they would 580 00:28:36,080 --> 00:28:39,920 be concerned they'd want them, like if they're walking really 581 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,960 long distances for water and stuff, want their steps 582 00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:45,480 collected. Yeah. 583 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,240 I mean, is that a thing where say you're signed up with like a 584 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,560 health insurance thing or with your pension if you have to like 585 00:28:52,560 --> 00:28:54,480 send them your steps and all that kind of thing like some 586 00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:56,000 people do? Yeah. 587 00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:57,520 I don't want to miss out because. 588 00:28:57,600 --> 00:29:01,320 You send your groceries, do you send your smart watch over to a 589 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,120 third world country and just direct debit someone every month 590 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:08,760 and say listen stander about keep this on and then you will 591 00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:10,120 get the steps. You know what? 592 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,000 I. Mean, I know, but yeah, so it 593 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:13,720 looks like I'm doing way more than I am. 594 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,760 Yeah, they're like, Oh my God, you walk 47, an average of 47 595 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:21,280 miles a day. Yeah, Yeah, I did. 596 00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,600 How does she do it? You're frozen. 597 00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,920 We've been there. Yeah, I'm, I don't, I don't 598 00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:32,320 mind. I, I wouldn't want somebody else 599 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:35,000 to cheat the steps for me, but I also don't want to walk the 600 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,800 length of my stuff, like without it on. 601 00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:39,400 Like I'll take it off to get in the shower, but like, as soon as 602 00:29:39,400 --> 00:29:41,680 my foot steps out of the shower, I'll stick it back on. 603 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,880 I'm not going to lose the five steps to my bedroom. 604 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:47,120 Yeah, yeah, I know you may like, I I've only got like I had a 605 00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,280 smart watch for 2 1/2 years, never wore it, like never wore 606 00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:52,960 it out-of-the-box. And I've started now and you do 607 00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,240 get into like all the numbers, like my rest and heart rate. 608 00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:59,160 I'm obsessed with it being a certain number so but to the 609 00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:01,560 point where like I get worried about it so that puts it up. 610 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:03,560 So I need to just not think about it. 611 00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,440 What are you? What are you aiming for like? 612 00:30:07,480 --> 00:30:12,080 4545 beats a minute, 45 heartbeats a minute. 613 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:14,920 Is that is that a good one or what? 614 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:20,200 When I got like a health checked on this, always 45 beats a 615 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,160 minute and they're like, you either have a huge cardiac 616 00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,960 problem and you're in a lot of trouble or because you exercise 617 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:26,200 regularly, you're kind of all right. 618 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:28,160 And then I went, well, which one is it? 619 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,560 And they were like, we don't know, phone your GP, maybe get 620 00:30:31,560 --> 00:30:33,560 an ECG. And then I had to phone him and 621 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,560 he's like, no, you're all right, just work away. 622 00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,440 But they keep saying hopefully it's all right. 623 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,080 So I don't know, either it's class or it's terrible. 624 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:44,800 What? Well, I mean, you'll find out 625 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,040 soon enough, won't you? Yeah, I mean, I can't really see 626 00:30:47,040 --> 00:30:49,720 you out of one eye and they can't use this arm, but I think 627 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,960 it's going OK. Yeah, You know what I mean? 628 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:54,120 Like, I think it's all right. On that chair for a few weeks. 629 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,520 Yeah. And when you when you come on 630 00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:58,880 the Patreon podcast, we've got a real good reaction to that. 631 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,360 Like people really enjoy John. And we were talking about 632 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,880 writing like a little bit like what you're doing in lockdown. 633 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,240 Obviously you can't do stand up, but I didn't really get that. 634 00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:09,760 You're doing get my headpiece at the minute where you just 635 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,000 finished it. There's. 636 00:31:11,840 --> 00:31:14,080 The murderer there. Keep that where it is. 637 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,800 Keep that fucking OJ Simpson of the feline world where it is. 638 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,040 I get into the Moses basket we put up for the baby. 639 00:31:21,040 --> 00:31:23,720 Now he's a full he's got three legs get knocked down. 640 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,560 Are you worried about if the baby's in that and the cat jumps 641 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,800 in? Well, I think we intend to keep 642 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,440 an eye on the baby. Yeah, always good. 643 00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,320 If I can give any advice, keep an eye on the baby. 644 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,320 We'll do that and then we'll see how we get on. 645 00:31:37,680 --> 00:31:41,280 So what were you saying? So you've you just did a series 646 00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:47,720 of get my Headpiece as usual on that, though I don't even know 647 00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,080 if I was just was that all filmed in lockdown? 648 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:53,000 Like all socially distance. Yeah, there was a 2 metre stick 649 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:57,400 onset because there's two ways of filming in the at the minute 650 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:00,800 1 is you do a COVID test and then you bubble with your cast 651 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:05,160 members so you can all touch and do like if you have good people 652 00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,680 have to kiss or hug or whatever. And then the other one is just 653 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,800 be two metres apart. So they give my headpiece set 654 00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,480 isn't the normal set that we use. 655 00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:18,920 It was specially built 2 times larger so that we could all 656 00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:22,680 stand. You still look like you were in 657 00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:25,400 the right places, but it but it's just a bigger set. 658 00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:27,320 Something to do with science and maths? 659 00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,560 Yeah, I mean, I think I prefer the idea of the COVID test 660 00:32:31,560 --> 00:32:33,600 because I like the idea. I would love to just touch 661 00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:35,200 somebody's forehead like Tim Mcgannon. 662 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,240 COVID test yet? I like done a test. 663 00:32:37,240 --> 00:32:39,920 Yeah, they're fucking. Brutal, aren't they? 664 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:44,640 So bad, but I would love to do it to be able to just have a bit 665 00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,440 of that normality like I do the radio D of every week. 666 00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,360 We have to like socially distance, obviously, like we're 667 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:54,040 more than two metres, yeah, but if I like just. 668 00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,400 Because you'd rather be more than two metres from Dave. 669 00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:59,320 I'd, I'd, I'd like to be less than two centimetres. 670 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:02,000 I missed the contact, I missed contact with him. 671 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,200 So it's difficult. So I would love it if we just 672 00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,480 got COVID tests and we could kiss him off. 673 00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,840 But I've had a job, John. Oh, did she? 674 00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,440 Yeah, Sean got it too. Yeah. 675 00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,640 When's your second one? April. 676 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,880 I so, so it says. See, it's fucking great. 677 00:33:18,880 --> 00:33:23,640 Everyone's getting stabbed up. It's good because, well, it's 678 00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:27,400 good because do you know what? See the way people are Like, 679 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,200 it's been rushed and all that kind of thing. 680 00:33:29,600 --> 00:33:34,200 It's like, listen, if, if, if I suddenly, like, if my eyes turn 681 00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:39,240 bright pink and all of a sudden, like, I don't know, like my nose 682 00:33:39,240 --> 00:33:41,560 gets really, really small. Like weirdly small. 683 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,920 So it's OK because we'll be in the beer gardens, you know what 684 00:33:44,920 --> 00:33:46,360 I mean? You've had a good one of it. 685 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,800 Yeah. And also sometimes I think like 686 00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,920 when I go fuck sake is the shite and then I go but maybe I could 687 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:54,680 write something about it and make money out of it. 688 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,600 Yeah, what about at the start of this, when everybody was like 689 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:03,720 writing exactly the same things? Yeah, all pandemic related 690 00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:04,840 stuff. Yeah. 691 00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:09,239 And there was little see filament in like people that 692 00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:13,440 were like, I'm going to shoot an entire drama in my house. 693 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:15,520 Like loads of like famous actors and actresses did it. 694 00:34:16,639 --> 00:34:19,600 They weren't good. Ever, but people were ripping as 695 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,320 well because they were like uses. 696 00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:23,920 Fuck off. Uses have a uses are user fine. 697 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:25,600 Fuck off and let somebody else have the job. 698 00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:27,920 Who who's now? You know, remember to start 699 00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:30,120 whenever there was no self-employment scheme and 700 00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,000 nobody there was no and everyone was like, oh shit, we've 701 00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:35,360 literally lost everything. And then they were given like 702 00:34:35,639 --> 00:34:39,520 David Tennant's like an all year long monologue to do on BBC One 703 00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,120 year old. I think he's all right. 704 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,360 Yeah, I think David has a few quid knocking about his TARDIS. 705 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:47,920 I think he owns like an off licence or something but there's 706 00:34:47,960 --> 00:34:50,679 he's got a wee bit of cash flow and Bill's licence were open the 707 00:34:50,679 --> 00:34:52,520 whole time. I would love that if he was 708 00:34:52,520 --> 00:34:55,440 really frugal and just dead, have a way off licence and like 709 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:59,640 Glenn Gormley, he's like, listen, yeah, put a few quiz. 710 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:00,800 This is where I like to keep it real. 711 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,000 But it's like obviously like people like Keanu Reeves. 712 00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:05,600 Keanu Reeves never spent any of his money. 713 00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:07,640 He still wears shit clothes and goes in the train. 714 00:35:08,240 --> 00:35:10,960 I think some of that, though, is like Internet articles, you 715 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:14,160 know, where they're like, this guy's never taken anything out 716 00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,960 of his bank account since he's 21. 717 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,040 It's like, I think we'd like to think that, but I think at the 718 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:22,040 same time he probably is treating himself do a few nice 719 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:23,640 things. You think so? 720 00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:26,680 Yeah. Like he maybe has a smart watch. 721 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:30,600 Yeah, I think he has like an old garment, like not the new model, 722 00:35:30,760 --> 00:35:34,080 but people do that with with like celebrities, like they, 723 00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:38,080 they get this narrative that really suits the person. 724 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:43,120 So like Keanu Reeves is 1. There's people like it's always 725 00:35:43,120 --> 00:35:45,080 to do with money. It's always like they give all 726 00:35:45,080 --> 00:35:46,680 their money away. Like they. 727 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:48,760 Yeah. Like someone like him, they'd be 728 00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:55,040 like he. Every day he will see if cats, 729 00:35:55,480 --> 00:35:56,640 yeah. Yeah, yeah. 730 00:35:56,720 --> 00:35:59,400 From rivers. Shows the orphanages and sings 731 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:02,840 them songs every day and pays for everyone's colouring in. 732 00:36:02,840 --> 00:36:06,080 Books for what man and what they might do in an orphanage besides 733 00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:07,920 colouring in. And I say he's dead on, but he 734 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,800 probably does have days where he like drops a few thousand and 735 00:36:10,800 --> 00:36:13,400 top man and he's like, listen, I just want to ball out and enjoy 736 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,880 myself. But at least he went High 737 00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,160 Street. Yeah, yeah, he's saving the High 738 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:18,760 Street. Oh fuck. 739 00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:19,920 He is a hero. Yeah, he is a. 740 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,880 Hero if he and Pac-Man went bust. 741 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:23,680 So he was doing his bet, wasn't he? 742 00:36:23,840 --> 00:36:25,720 Yeah, he's still giving the money though, which is weird. 743 00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:27,560 You know, he's still like, listen here a few grand or 744 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:29,280 whatever. If you get back, send me a few 745 00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:31,680 denim jackets. Yeah, open up one shop. 746 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,640 Yeah, everybody seemed to be writing the same thing. 747 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:39,160 And I think now that there is like almost a date for stand up 748 00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:42,560 or like an idea of a date, everyone's going to start 749 00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:46,280 writing stand up again because loads of people operate by being 750 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,200 like I need to have the date to work towards or like. 751 00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:54,280 I do, I need to have AI need to have a date like I'm not good at 752 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:57,920 like consistently like I need to have a deadline, then I'll I'll 753 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:00,760 I'll get it done and you won't know I rushed it, but I rushed 754 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:05,000 it, yeah. I probably do need it. 755 00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:09,240 I can take over, but then I'll get more serious when the finish 756 00:37:09,240 --> 00:37:11,600 line's inside. But yeah, before doing a big 757 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:16,600 show, every once a year, about 3 or 4 months before the show, I 758 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:18,480 have a nightmare. I've had this for the last three 759 00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,880 or four years. I don't like get nightmares 760 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,320 often. But one I have every year is me 761 00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:26,240 being on stage and not being prepared. 762 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:28,440 And it's the same venue every time. 763 00:37:28,440 --> 00:37:34,360 It's like a hybrid of a couple of venues in my mind and I'm on 764 00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:37,360 stage with loads of people there and a red curtain, even though I 765 00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:38,720 don't really do stand up with the red curtain. 766 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:42,000 And what? Do you mean like you request 767 00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:43,880 there to be no red curtain? Or do you mean for your own 768 00:37:43,880 --> 00:37:45,760 shows? I mean, for my own shows I've 769 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:48,360 never had a red curtain, but in my dream there's a red curtain 770 00:37:48,360 --> 00:37:51,520 and I'm wearing a suit and people leave as I'm on and 771 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:52,760 there's nothing I can do about it. 772 00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,680 And that's always this kick up the air for me to be like, make 773 00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,480 sure you have that sort of. There's going to be like a final 774 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:01,600 destination sort of moment where like, you've been sponsored by 775 00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:03,560 like Ramos, you know, what do you call them? 776 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:07,240 Raiment fucking some Ramos so you have to wear a suit that 777 00:38:07,240 --> 00:38:09,600 night and you turn up the venue and someone's last minute going 778 00:38:09,880 --> 00:38:13,640 the black curtain it wrapped and we had a slopper red 1 and you 779 00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:16,480 walk on stage and like holy fuck, this is it, it's 780 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:18,560 happening. Well, the only thing about that 781 00:38:18,560 --> 00:38:21,080 is if Ramos did make the offer, probably turn them down. 782 00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,160 I did a video for the months with Ulster Rugby. 783 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,600 They gave me loads of like fitted, really nice suits and 784 00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:26,920 clothes. And then at the end, they were 785 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,480 like the guy who's working for them was really sound and he's 786 00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:32,400 like, they're not going to let you keep this stuff. 787 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,000 And I didn't know that was an option. 788 00:38:34,000 --> 00:38:35,080 So I didn't think it was keeping them. 789 00:38:35,080 --> 00:38:38,280 But once he said that, I got really upset as I well, I didn't 790 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:39,920 even know I might, I might have been able to keep them. 791 00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:43,560 So I was really not. So you didn't get one set out of 792 00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:46,320 it. Well, I got paid a full fee, but 793 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,600 I mean that's, this is very me. I got paid the agreed amount, 794 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,440 but then I realised I could have got a lot more out of it and I 795 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:54,480 started to get annoyed that I wasn't getting that. 796 00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:58,440 And it's a bit like stuff, TV stuff I've done where I've worn 797 00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:02,240 really nice clothes and then I'm like, it's not, it's going to 798 00:39:02,240 --> 00:39:04,200 sit and get someone's garage. So just. 799 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:09,120 Give me but you know, I'm like, I could get paid whatever, well 800 00:39:09,120 --> 00:39:11,800 amount for something or anything, but if there's a 801 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,800 fucking freebie involved, like I'll do something for free shit. 802 00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,760 I'm like oh I love free shit. Even if it's. 803 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:22,120 Everybody does, everybody does. But I recently for this thing, 804 00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,560 wore a couple of outfits that I really, really liked. 805 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:29,760 And then the person doing it was like, yeah, hopefully you get to 806 00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,160 keep these. And then they basically said 807 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:35,880 like, no, but you can't buy them at a discounted price. 808 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,360 And I was so annoyed that I should have bought them at the 809 00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:41,280 discounted price because I wanted to wear it for stand up, 810 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:45,000 but I just refused to do it. And then I was like, I'm going 811 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:47,840 to get the name of the designer. I'm going to go online and I'm 812 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:49,720 going to buy direct, even if it's more expensive. 813 00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,440 But I really shot myself in the food because I went I went to 814 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,600 search online and then the company was based in Holland. 815 00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,360 It was like a real bespoke place and they didn't have, they 816 00:39:59,360 --> 00:40:01,560 didn't have my size, they couldn't ship it, so I ended up 817 00:40:01,560 --> 00:40:03,080 without it. Sean did it. 818 00:40:03,080 --> 00:40:07,480 One did that one time like I think they said he'd been paid 819 00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,400 and they said it was a set places where they're like you 820 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:10,840 can buy this at a discounted price. 821 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:11,760 And he was like Joanna love that. 822 00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:16,080 So I will buy it And it was like £700 discounted and he fucking 823 00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,360 had to buy it because he was like we'll have to buy it now. 824 00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:19,920 And I was like, well, you don't need enough. 825 00:40:20,720 --> 00:40:22,480 Hold on, you said it was £700 discounted. 826 00:40:22,560 --> 00:40:24,600 It was £700. Do they knock 700 off? 827 00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:27,640 No, that's what he paid 650 or something like that. 828 00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:29,960 It was like stupid money and I was like suit. 829 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,040 It was like crazy money. How there was a suit. 830 00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:35,480 It's gorgeous, but there's like fucking 10 pieces date. 831 00:40:35,480 --> 00:40:38,000 There was just loads of stuff. You know, there was a couple of 832 00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:41,040 different handkerchiefs as well and maybe an alternative for 833 00:40:41,040 --> 00:40:45,280 shirts, but I think they were I I just, I couldn't fucking 834 00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:46,920 believe it. It was a crazy money. 835 00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:52,400 I like to, if, if I've done like a job that I think has gone well 836 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,920 or whatever and there's nice money in it, I will buy myself 837 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:59,520 something. But it's got to be like a good 838 00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,800 price. And I get real guilt over like 839 00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:07,120 because like, like growing up I never had like the best of stuff 840 00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,880 ever. So if I'm getting something now, 841 00:41:09,960 --> 00:41:14,320 I still can't be like I can't let myself buy the best thing 842 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:15,600 for some reason. It's just. 843 00:41:15,640 --> 00:41:18,200 I can't either like I was the same like growing up. 844 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:22,840 I remember like the I had two items of sports clothing growing 845 00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:25,960 up, right, and they were hand me down to my brother and 1 the 846 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:29,000 Deodora T-shirt that was his for a couple of years. 847 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,760 I got up at the time that's like the felt of the Deodora was 848 00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:38,320 coming off of the name and then you the added as button poles. 849 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,600 I had them so at least it was like cool for a while, but they 850 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:44,040 were definitely a boys. People were over it by the time 851 00:41:44,040 --> 00:41:46,280 I was wearing them. Nobody cared about ripping them 852 00:41:46,280 --> 00:41:49,880 off. The worst case to that was I 853 00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,760 have I have three cousins who are girls, three sisters and 854 00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:55,920 they the oldest cousin. What? 855 00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:57,760 In total, you only have three, no. 856 00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:00,960 No loads more, but like one set of cousins who are like there's 857 00:42:00,960 --> 00:42:03,360 three of them, three girls, couple of years in between them 858 00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,520 each. And my oldest cousin had this 859 00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,800 like regal blue Michael Jackson jumper that she got in the very 860 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:13,040 early 90s. So Michael was just like black 861 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:14,640 on it when Michael Jackson was black. 862 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,600 And it said Michael Jackson thriller thing. 863 00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,960 And then it reflected the wear of the jumper reflected 864 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,960 Michael's racial journey because the next cousin who got it, like 865 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,160 her sister, he had sort of faded a wee bit. 866 00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,600 But he was like, you could still tell that he was like probably 867 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,080 originally black. And genuinely, when my youngest 868 00:42:34,080 --> 00:42:37,840 cousin got it, it was so faded that it looked just how Michael 869 00:42:37,840 --> 00:42:41,960 Jackson looks. Maybe Michael Jackson, which is 870 00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:46,480 always followed by a ring light. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 871 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:49,000 That could be it. Brighter and brighter. 872 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,720 Yeah, I, I think I wouldn't rule out if I had like Michael 873 00:42:52,720 --> 00:42:55,000 Jackson money out of prime, I wouldn't rule out myself doing 874 00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:58,600 something like that in reverse. I you would make yourself 875 00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:01,560 blacker. It's an option, yeah. 876 00:43:02,000 --> 00:43:05,160 I just think. Even even if. 877 00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:09,080 Even if you could make it just make your skin darker, but you 878 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:10,560 don't have to go for like, you know? 879 00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:13,120 Augmentation. If if a job's worth doing it, 880 00:43:13,360 --> 00:43:15,360 it's worth doing well. I think you know. 881 00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:19,800 But you know, for most jobs I do as well, I always I pure klepto 882 00:43:19,800 --> 00:43:21,400 something like I take something with me. 883 00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:25,320 So I have a box of like something from every job. 884 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:30,000 The yes, yes. And that is quite common, isn't 885 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,040 it, with actors and actresses who will take something from the 886 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:35,920 set like Mommy and Christian Aaron, part of Game of Thrones 887 00:43:35,920 --> 00:43:39,960 for a load of seasons, took like a little bit of the door, the 888 00:43:39,960 --> 00:43:42,000 famous door, because his character was always holding the 889 00:43:42,000 --> 00:43:43,640 door. He took like a little bit of 890 00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:45,960 that and like loads of character. 891 00:43:45,960 --> 00:43:48,000 Like I think that was the thing Game of Thrones had to set all 892 00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:50,240 the actors down and be like stop taking shit. 893 00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:52,560 Off. The only thing I've I've never 894 00:43:52,560 --> 00:43:55,760 taken anything from a set, but the only thing I've taken is 895 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,600 backstage of Queens Comedy Club years and years ago. 896 00:43:59,040 --> 00:44:03,160 Plan B haven't played there the night before and there was the 897 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:05,360 ash cloud. So he had problems like getting 898 00:44:05,360 --> 00:44:10,600 back so his luggage was still is like show luggage for the 899 00:44:10,680 --> 00:44:13,600 costume was still in the dressing room on Mandela Hall 900 00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:17,080 and I was really drunk after a set I did there is back in these 901 00:44:17,080 --> 00:44:18,680 ways. I thought class because I drank 902 00:44:18,680 --> 00:44:23,000 after that sandal and Colin Murphy or somebody was like put 903 00:44:23,000 --> 00:44:26,680 on Plan BS three piece suit. So I was like, I was like, no, 904 00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:27,960 I'm not going to do it. And I did. 905 00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,520 And I'd already performed, but I came back out to watch the 906 00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:35,080 second-half head to toe in Plan B's actual like stage 13P suit. 907 00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:38,120 And then people were like, are you just going to keep that? 908 00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:40,720 And I was like, yeah, probably will because I like I really 909 00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:43,840 like Plan B at the time. And then I got guilty about 910 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,200 doing it. I was like, I can't stay in the 911 00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,960 guys entire suit. So guess it was a lucky suit or 912 00:44:47,960 --> 00:44:49,840 something. So it took it off, but it kept 913 00:44:49,840 --> 00:44:51,440 the tie. On where was he? 914 00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,720 Where was he when you were standing wearing his suit? 915 00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:54,800 Plan B. He'd left. 916 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:58,000 He played the night before, but there was a problem with him. 917 00:44:58,000 --> 00:44:59,800 Oh, his. Luggage was behind, but he was 918 00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:00,800 gone. Yeah. 919 00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:03,000 Did you think? I thought he was in the dressing 920 00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:05,880 room and I was like, I think. Then he'd like going to the 921 00:45:05,880 --> 00:45:08,640 toilet and you were like, I'll put a suit on. 922 00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:11,240 He came back and you like This is my set too. 923 00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:16,880 Yeah, no, I, I returned the stuff, but then I took his tie. 924 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:20,040 It was a reversible tie and I just had that for a load of 925 00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:20,880 years. I don't know where it is now, 926 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,040 but it was Plan B's tie do. You wear it again. 927 00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:27,040 Yeah. Just like you wore like it was 928 00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:29,320 your own tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%. 929 00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,760 And it was always a good, good conversation starter. 930 00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:36,200 That you that you've stolen Plan B say, see, I don't think I 931 00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:36,840 have. I haven't. 932 00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:38,800 I haven't stolen from an individual because I'm not a 933 00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,680 scumbag, but I've stolen. Should have. 934 00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,200 Gone to Magalbury. You mean you've voted yourself 935 00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:49,080 now everyone like but I would take like things that are to do 936 00:45:49,080 --> 00:45:51,680 with my character, like a bit earrings the characters to wear 937 00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:55,120 or like the the makeup department sometimes give you 938 00:45:55,120 --> 00:45:59,640 your fucking mascara or like and soft Border Patrol. 939 00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:03,280 Would you know the little books? Yeah, I think this is escalating 940 00:46:03,280 --> 00:46:05,280 every time. So I think you're like, get my 941 00:46:05,280 --> 00:46:07,640 hairpiece. Kim's car, you know, it's like 942 00:46:07,640 --> 00:46:08,760 it's gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 943 00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,880 It's Erica's. Tommy Tiernan's under my bed in 944 00:46:10,880 --> 00:46:14,280 the box. I took him. 945 00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:17,600 I let him out every Friday to do his mean chat show and then he 946 00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:20,520 comes back under the box. His chat show is the best thing 947 00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,000 on television. Greatest. 948 00:46:22,880 --> 00:46:25,160 Best thing on television. So good. 949 00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,480 But I love how relaxed it is and how. 950 00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:31,480 But you know what was mad too? Because he was. 951 00:46:32,120 --> 00:46:33,640 Did you watch the one there at the weekend? 952 00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:35,920 The strong the guy from the Strong Man was on. 953 00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:38,560 Yeah, I know him, Yeah. Yeah, Sean knows him too. 954 00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:44,120 And he was, he had said about, Oh no, it wasn't exactly talking 955 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:45,720 to the actress. It was on before Helen and he 956 00:46:45,720 --> 00:46:48,360 was saying to her, Oh, my wife says the one rule is if I take 957 00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:50,160 Alan acting jobs, I'm not going to kiss anybody. 958 00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:53,800 No, I didn't say that. That's what he said on the 959 00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:55,120 thing. He was actually, we were this 960 00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,880 agreement that I'll, I don't, I don't kiss anybody or anything. 961 00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:01,480 His wife loved that. I know, right, But I was like, 962 00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:03,360 that's a mad. I mean, I understand if you're 963 00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:08,200 the like, if you're the partner of an actor who has to like be 964 00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,520 raiding and kissing people on TV, it's pretty shit. 965 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:11,760 Like, I mean, it's hard to watch. 966 00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:13,800 Just, yeah. But it's like I've had to do 967 00:47:13,800 --> 00:47:17,320 want and it's very much like. You did a Christmas thing. 968 00:47:17,720 --> 00:47:20,000 Yeah, it's the most sterile thing. 969 00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:22,000 It's the most like. Oh yeah. 970 00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,320 Awkward. And yeah, I do. 971 00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:27,600 I had to do it in. It was for a short film, a Colin 972 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:31,400 Bateman film that we shot in Belfast, and it was the scene 973 00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:36,720 Strand Millis and I had to get out of a car and just give a 974 00:47:36,720 --> 00:47:38,240 girl a kiss. But it was like, it wasn't like 975 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:42,760 a snog, It was just a Peck. I And then you realise that you 976 00:47:42,760 --> 00:47:47,160 do it 40 or 50 times as well. You start to think as well, do I 977 00:47:47,160 --> 00:47:49,640 kiss weird. So you're really worried about 978 00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:52,680 what if I like do it a certain way and the whole production are 979 00:47:52,680 --> 00:47:56,400 like, what the fuck's that? Yeah, everyone's like we're 980 00:47:56,400 --> 00:48:01,840 going to take a break. Do we discuss machine tactics? 981 00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:04,520 We're going to take a break and this is an application form for 982 00:48:04,520 --> 00:48:07,080 the sex offenders register because nobody kisses like that. 983 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:08,720 Yeah. Kisses like that. 984 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:13,240 Like they do, they do a sound, they do a soundtrack as well. 985 00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:16,200 So if you're doing like if you usually are doing kissing or sex 986 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,560 scenes when they come in, then they they stand in front of the 987 00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:20,240 actors with the mic, like I've had to do it myself. 988 00:48:20,240 --> 00:48:23,600 And they're like, so if you could just kiss and we're just 989 00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:29,160 going to record the smacking. And then everyone every quite on 990 00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:31,800 set and there's like 40 people and everyone's like off you go. 991 00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,000 And there's no camera on you. So it's even harder if there's 992 00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,520 no camera. If the camera's on you, you know 993 00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:37,360 you're doing it for the camera, but there's no camera and. 994 00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:40,000 You're all yeah. We just go. 995 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:41,800 Our hands, we're just. Yeah. 996 00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:48,640 It's brutal. I want to ask yeah, about about 997 00:48:48,640 --> 00:48:51,120 like about writing and stand up and that kind of thing. 998 00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:54,040 Is your plan to, are you going to take, are you going to, I 999 00:48:54,040 --> 00:48:56,440 mean, I shouldn't presume you're going to take time off stand up 1000 00:48:56,440 --> 00:48:58,600 or are you going to try and just get back at it as quick as you 1001 00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:01,760 can? No, well, no, I'm not going to 1002 00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:03,120 time. I'm on the blame game like 2 1003 00:49:03,120 --> 00:49:08,000 weeks after I'm due. So I I need her not to be 1004 00:49:08,000 --> 00:49:10,880 overdue. Yeah, I think, I think I have 1005 00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:12,880 the freedom there. I'm doing the last couple of 1006 00:49:12,880 --> 00:49:16,560 episodes and I think I have the freedom where if I don't, if I 1007 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:19,040 can't do it, it's OK. But I'm booked for it. 1008 00:49:19,200 --> 00:49:23,840 So I'm sort of hoping that. So I don't really plan on taken 1009 00:49:23,920 --> 00:49:26,760 maternity leave because it's not like I need like I could work 1010 00:49:26,760 --> 00:49:28,440 one day. I don't have to mail me, have to 1011 00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:30,120 be somewhere out of the house one day a week. 1012 00:49:30,120 --> 00:49:33,720 Do you know what I mean? We can figure it out, but no, 1013 00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:36,160 definitely stand up because as much as I'm shipping myself to 1014 00:49:36,160 --> 00:49:38,840 start it again, I'm definitely looking forward to doing it and 1015 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:41,280 trying out new things as well. We're not worried that every 1016 00:49:41,280 --> 00:49:43,120 comedian is going to be doing all new material. 1017 00:49:43,280 --> 00:49:45,760 Like everyone goes out and it's just like a native new material 1018 00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:47,680 every single gig and it goes like shit. 1019 00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:52,880 I think you'd be surprised because like even I have written 1020 00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:56,720 a load of stuff over lockdown, but that doesn't mean that the 1021 00:49:56,720 --> 00:49:59,880 first few gigs back I'm going to do it like we did those stream 1022 00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:04,520 gigs in Hollywood. My plan was to do all new and I 1023 00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:08,040 got totally like because I was organising it, I left it to the 1024 00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:09,720 last minute. I didn't prepare enough and I 1025 00:50:09,720 --> 00:50:15,960 ended up doing old stuff and then also I was doing some new, 1026 00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:18,360 but it was, I was so like running about like a headless 1027 00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,240 chicken that day that I didn't have time to like go through it 1028 00:50:21,240 --> 00:50:25,000 in my head. So I think you'll see people for 1029 00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:28,800 the first few gigs do old stuff to get comfortable on stage and 1030 00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,640 then do the new. But I reckon you should be doing 1031 00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:36,160 40% old, 60 new minimum. I think everyone will be doing 1032 00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:37,800 material. I think if you're doing COVID 1033 00:50:37,800 --> 00:50:39,600 stuff, a lot of people's is going to be the same. 1034 00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,000 Well, see, this is the thing like before. 1035 00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:46,560 So we went into locking in March and I had written loads of new 1036 00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:50,440 stuff in the January and started doing it then about doing IVF, 1037 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:52,360 all the IVF stuff, and that was new. 1038 00:50:52,440 --> 00:50:54,760 And I probably only performed that about 10 times. 1039 00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,080 Yeah. And then I felt like, well, no, 1040 00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:59,400 the fucking no, that's all past. Do you know what I mean? 1041 00:50:59,400 --> 00:51:02,360 So it's like we could still do it, you know, and rework it. 1042 00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,800 Yeah, of course. Yeah, you shouldn't, especially 1043 00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:08,560 if you're if you're going to be doing stuff which anyone who has 1044 00:51:08,560 --> 00:51:11,480 a baby is going to be doing it. That material then links in 1045 00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:14,680 perfectly with that. Yeah, yeah, I know. 1046 00:51:15,080 --> 00:51:18,080 So it's just a case of actually writing stuff. 1047 00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,680 Do you know what I mean? If I actually just putting pen 1048 00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:24,600 to paper, But I don't think I'm going to like I hopefully the 1049 00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,000 fucking theatres are all open to because I have loads of plays 1050 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:29,800 plans to go on and I just, I just want them all to fucking 1051 00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:32,240 happen. Do you know, you're probably 1052 00:51:32,240 --> 00:51:36,040 getting like loads of advice at the minute from anybody and 1053 00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:39,360 everybody And, and I'm going to hit you with a bit of advice and 1054 00:51:39,360 --> 00:51:44,440 that is don't take everybody's advice, Don't listen to 1055 00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:48,120 everyone's advice. You will get told the same thing 1056 00:51:48,600 --> 00:51:51,880 25 different ways you need to do this and the next person's like, 1057 00:51:51,880 --> 00:51:56,200 actually you need to do this. And like I, people really, with 1058 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:58,000 the best of intentions, overload you. 1059 00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:02,200 I think, and I think too, even the amount of people that have 1060 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:04,760 the audacity to talk about your your bump. 1061 00:52:04,760 --> 00:52:08,080 Like I remember earlier on when I was pregnant and like one day 1062 00:52:08,080 --> 00:52:10,680 one bright person of like, Jeez, you're massive. 1063 00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:12,760 And then the next day somebody like, oh, you're very neat, 1064 00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,320 don't you? And you'll go much fucking one. 1065 00:52:14,320 --> 00:52:16,280 Is it? I'm a massive verminate. 1066 00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:19,880 You know, it's funny when people go, you're having a girl. 1067 00:52:20,680 --> 00:52:22,560 I can tell by your temple you're like, what? 1068 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:25,320 You know, like you have a Belgian temple. 1069 00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:26,360 Like, what are you talking about? 1070 00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:28,440 People. I think you're having a boy. 1071 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:29,920 Why do you think I'm having a boy? 1072 00:52:30,640 --> 00:52:32,200 Look at your shoes. Yeah. 1073 00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:33,760 Yeah. It doesn't make sense. 1074 00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:35,600 Your lace. Is heartburn thing too? 1075 00:52:35,680 --> 00:52:37,880 Everyone keeps saying oh because I have had really bad heartburn. 1076 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:39,720 All your babies going to have a big head of hair and you're old. 1077 00:52:39,720 --> 00:52:42,240 No, I've just a full of horns. I've got heartburn. 1078 00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:46,800 I suck, suck suck hair. No, that's I don't think that's 1079 00:52:46,800 --> 00:52:50,080 the case. Yeah, I mean, listen, just just 1080 00:52:50,080 --> 00:52:53,320 looking at your eyes, your daughter's going to be a 1081 00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,120 postman, you know what I mean? That's one thing I can tell, 1082 00:52:56,120 --> 00:52:57,640 though. That's what. 1083 00:52:57,640 --> 00:52:59,080 Well, that's only because we're going to force her. 1084 00:52:59,560 --> 00:53:03,120 Yeah, yeah, like like forget, like forget being a doctor or a 1085 00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:05,640 lawyer or whatever. It's like, listen, we really 1086 00:53:05,640 --> 00:53:08,200 hope you go into the post game. I mean, if there's another 1087 00:53:08,200 --> 00:53:10,400 pandemic, you won't lose your job. 1088 00:53:10,840 --> 00:53:14,200 Posties seem to absolutely love it. 1089 00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,280 They're the most like everybody loves them. 1090 00:53:16,280 --> 00:53:18,920 People sociable. You're bringing people like an 1091 00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:22,200 essential thing you're out and about like my mate used to do it 1092 00:53:22,200 --> 00:53:25,440 and walk like 20 miles a day. I think their pay is good. 1093 00:53:25,960 --> 00:53:28,760 Being opposed to. Bizarre that they wear shorts so 1094 00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:31,520 often though wasn't it? Like I don't understand why they 1095 00:53:31,520 --> 00:53:33,240 have. Surely you'd want a full length 1096 00:53:33,240 --> 00:53:35,360 trouser? They don't have to, but I think 1097 00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:39,200 a lot of it is like, you know, sort of showing off and being 1098 00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:40,880 like, I don't work in an office all day. 1099 00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,480 They're they're almost golden people. 1100 00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:45,080 They're like, I might be putting the fresh air getting up vitamin 1101 00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:45,800 D. What's that? 1102 00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:49,400 Oh, my ankles. We bumped into, we were like a 1103 00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:51,360 Hank like pitting petrol in our car. 1104 00:53:51,360 --> 00:53:56,120 One thing like maybe about six months ago and and some a man 1105 00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:58,920 knocked on our door like our car window and was like, 1106 00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:00,800 congratulations on the pregnancy. 1107 00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:02,560 I'm your postman, by the way. And I was like, all right, 1108 00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:05,600 cheers for that. Oh well, thanks very much. 1109 00:54:05,960 --> 00:54:07,800 I know because they read your mail and. 1110 00:54:07,880 --> 00:54:10,480 Yeah, they open it if it's if there's money into this isn't 1111 00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:12,720 stereotype, but if there's money inside, they open it and take 1112 00:54:12,720 --> 00:54:16,280 it, which is just something they they do in all cases. 1113 00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:17,800 I'm joking. Wages. 1114 00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:20,640 I have a great relationship with my postman. 1115 00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:25,840 Really, really great guy. What do you mean? 1116 00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:27,120 Like you get up? Do you have a chat with him? 1117 00:54:27,120 --> 00:54:28,640 When he comes, do you run down and talk to him? 1118 00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:31,040 100% of the time. Like don't get me wrong, I'm not 1119 00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:34,160 like if it's just a ladder or whatever, I'm not opening the 1120 00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:37,480 door for a chat, but if there's a package, if I see him when I'm 1121 00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,000 out of my car or whatever, we can have sometimes up to a 10 1122 00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,960 minute conversation. Well, I had the postman come 1123 00:54:42,960 --> 00:54:44,960 into my house actually a few months ago. 1124 00:54:46,040 --> 00:54:47,920 Really horny home alone. And. 1125 00:54:51,360 --> 00:54:53,520 My cat had fucking back to the cat. 1126 00:54:53,600 --> 00:54:57,840 My cat had wrapped a bird apart and all the feathers were all 1127 00:54:57,840 --> 00:55:00,920 over the hallway, but the bird was still pulsating. 1128 00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,240 So there was still a way better life left on it. 1129 00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,280 And I the kindest thing to do here is to end this. 1130 00:55:07,280 --> 00:55:09,000 We buggers life, but I can't do it. 1131 00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:12,560 So the postman came to the door and I was open the door just 1132 00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:14,760 like frantically like I'm a house coaches feathers 1133 00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:17,560 everywhere, all the all over the hallway being like can you come 1134 00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,880 in and kill this bird because I can't and it needs to die. 1135 00:55:21,640 --> 00:55:25,560 And the post he asked for a dustpan and brush and a plastic 1136 00:55:25,560 --> 00:55:27,160 bag. He said it's. 1137 00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:30,320 A fucking assassin. Give me a bag of lime and a bit 1138 00:55:30,320 --> 00:55:35,120 of rope and at £400. Turn around, you're not going to 1139 00:55:35,120 --> 00:55:40,040 want to watch this. I got you. 1140 00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:46,200 And then he set up his phone and filmed it for his private. 1141 00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:49,200 You need to get in touch with his bosses because that's not 1142 00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:53,040 the right way to operate, but. Yeah, wasn't even the postman, 1143 00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:56,480 he was just walking by. It's just sound like leaflets. 1144 00:55:56,840 --> 00:55:58,880 No, but hey, the postman was like, you'd be fucking 1145 00:55:58,880 --> 00:56:00,760 surprised. The things that I've been asked 1146 00:56:00,760 --> 00:56:03,600 to come into people's houses and do do you know, like people that 1147 00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:05,360 are home alone and they open the door and they're like, you need 1148 00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:06,760 to help me. There's something happening, you 1149 00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:08,280 know? And then he just comes in and 1150 00:56:08,280 --> 00:56:12,280 he's like, they're like Saints. Yeah, yeah, because they, here's 1151 00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:15,320 the thing, they they watch, they get to see the neighbourhood, 1152 00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,680 they see things probably like ahead of time and, and I think 1153 00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:23,520 they like, if you're in with your postman, yeah, it's a good 1154 00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:24,760 idea. Like you know what I mean? 1155 00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:28,000 Even if you don't like him, he's bound to have information about 1156 00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:30,280 other people in the street. You can bring, you can bring 1157 00:56:30,280 --> 00:56:32,400 them down. But yeah, our postman is great. 1158 00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:34,600 I would love to nominate him for some sort of postman award if 1159 00:56:34,600 --> 00:56:37,240 they exist, but I don't know if they exist and I don't know if I 1160 00:56:37,240 --> 00:56:40,320 really would seek one out to fill in the application form. 1161 00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:43,240 But if he wanted, I would think it was fully justified. 1162 00:56:43,720 --> 00:56:47,200 So I think what's happened here is you just want him to know 1163 00:56:47,240 --> 00:56:52,720 that you you would like to be not be as lazy as you are. 1164 00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:56,200 In theory, you would fill in this application form to get him 1165 00:56:56,520 --> 00:56:58,840 an award and he be asked, but you wanted him to know your 1166 00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,160 That's your train of thought. Yeah, yeah. 1167 00:57:01,200 --> 00:57:05,240 Like I want him to have success as a postman and and accolades 1168 00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:07,520 but I'm not willing to contribute too much other than 1169 00:57:07,520 --> 00:57:10,640 mine this physical this verbal. This is it. 1170 00:57:11,000 --> 00:57:12,040 This is it. There's all I can do. 1171 00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:14,040 Clip it. If you're a postman, I wonder 1172 00:57:14,040 --> 00:57:16,720 can you get promoted? Like where do you go? 1173 00:57:17,680 --> 00:57:19,680 What do you mean? If you're a postman then you get 1174 00:57:19,680 --> 00:57:23,240 a higher job. Yeah, it's also like Brain, 1175 00:57:23,240 --> 00:57:26,080 you've been doing really well. You helped that girl kill that 1176 00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:28,280 bird last week. Everyone's really proud of you. 1177 00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,120 There's a promotion on it for you, but what do you get moved 1178 00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:33,800 to parcels or? You can be genuine. 1179 00:57:33,800 --> 00:57:35,640 You can be a postmaster. That's true. 1180 00:57:35,640 --> 00:57:38,600 That's true. You mean the kind of thing that 1181 00:57:38,600 --> 00:57:40,640 happens when you send an e-mail and it doesn't deliver? 1182 00:57:41,560 --> 00:57:42,920 Yeah, you've got to break the news. 1183 00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:45,840 You're that person that has to sit there and e-mail every time 1184 00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:49,360 somebody's e-mail bounces back. Yeah, a postmaster is like the 1185 00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:51,520 main man. He's sending people out to do 1186 00:57:51,520 --> 00:57:53,600 different jobs. He's like less than this one was 1187 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:54,720 late. What's happening? 1188 00:57:54,720 --> 00:57:57,520 He's bottling people. The postmaster pulls all the 1189 00:57:57,520 --> 00:58:00,400 strings and he has the power, so you can move up the ladder that 1190 00:58:00,400 --> 00:58:02,520 way I think. And you don't have to leave the 1191 00:58:02,600 --> 00:58:05,040 office. No, Oh, Postmaster. 1192 00:58:05,960 --> 00:58:07,440 You're not getting the steps up then. 1193 00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:09,600 Yeah, but if you look at most postmen, there weren't 2 1194 00:58:09,600 --> 00:58:12,080 garments and one's from the postmaster. 1195 00:58:13,400 --> 00:58:14,920 They're all collecting the steps for him. 1196 00:58:15,680 --> 00:58:20,280 Yeah, the new if you see a fresh based new postman, look at his 1197 00:58:20,280 --> 00:58:22,360 arms because you can't see skin even if he's wearing a short 1198 00:58:22,360 --> 00:58:24,760 sleeve shirt. Just garments up and down. 1199 00:58:25,480 --> 00:58:27,920 He's been, he's been like, it's like, you know, like the thing 1200 00:58:27,920 --> 00:58:31,640 if you go to gaol and you want to join a gang, you have to do 1201 00:58:31,640 --> 00:58:33,800 like an initiation thing that you have to do something. 1202 00:58:33,800 --> 00:58:36,400 Maybe you might have to Shank somebody, but if you're the new 1203 00:58:36,400 --> 00:58:38,680 postman you have to wear everyone's garments and get 1204 00:58:38,680 --> 00:58:40,840 everyone's steps up to 10,000 a day. 1205 00:58:41,000 --> 00:58:44,480 Yeah, that's, that's cool. Should we call this episode Bird 1206 00:58:44,480 --> 00:58:45,840 in a Box? Does that work? 1207 00:58:45,840 --> 00:58:47,160 Is that like good point? A bird box? 1208 00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:50,120 Oh no, that's. Going to sound like that's going 1209 00:58:50,120 --> 00:58:54,560 to sound like I'm being sexist. As in, you're calling me a bird. 1210 00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,960 Yeah, yeah. Or my uterus a box and I've got 1211 00:58:57,960 --> 00:59:03,640 a bird in my box. I might say bird in the box. 1212 00:59:03,640 --> 00:59:05,600 Bird in the box works. Yeah. 1213 00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:09,960 Word in the box works All right. Well, look, we we didn't talk 1214 00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:12,040 really in any way about stand up. 1215 00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:15,080 We didn't talk about comedy. But I think people now have a 1216 00:59:15,080 --> 00:59:17,040 better understanding how the Postal Service works. 1217 00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:24,680 Yes and also people are can be able to kinder towards cats and 1218 00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,720 they're they're murder in nature. 1219 00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:28,680 Yeah, yeah. People just need to be a little 1220 00:59:28,680 --> 00:59:34,120 bit more understanding. All the best, All the best, I 1221 00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,960 think. I think this is an exciting time 1222 00:59:37,280 --> 00:59:44,880 and it's great. Having a couple of weeks ago, I 1223 00:59:44,880 --> 00:59:47,680 actually meant to say to the yoga ball in front of me here 1224 00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:49,760 that like, you know, we get on yoga ball and sort of hop about 1225 00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:51,080 not knowing of you in the last few weeks. 1226 00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,440 Yeah, it secretly adds loads of steps to my watch and I don't 1227 00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:59,280 tell anybody. Oh, I mean, I'm going to be I'm 1228 00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,120 going to be, but I was going to say I'm going to be bouncing on 1229 01:00:01,120 --> 01:00:03,000 the Uber bolt and I was going to make a joke saying not the first 1230 01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:06,960 time I'm punching both. But yes, I like I like that my 1231 01:00:06,960 --> 01:00:09,080 steps are shit. Do you want to know my steps are 1232 01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:10,440 for today? This would be so bad. 1233 01:00:11,280 --> 01:00:15,720 I imagine a bad show. You're going ahead. 1009 OH. 1234 01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:17,640 Yeah. Did you just go to the toilet 1235 01:00:17,640 --> 01:00:19,400 and go back and that was it? I know, yeah. 1236 01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:21,120 Yeah, Because you know how big my house is. 1237 01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:24,240 So like it take that's I literally have a move bar about 1238 01:00:24,240 --> 01:00:26,400 500 steps or five from the back. That's bad. 1239 01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:29,560 Maybe I'll go for a walk in. Yeah, just even if you just walk 1240 01:00:29,560 --> 01:00:31,920 away the house, mine's on 85,000, but that is brutal for 1241 01:00:31,920 --> 01:00:33,200 me. I normally do over 10 like. 1242 01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:35,680 Yeah, 85. I'll get on that yoga ball and 1243 01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:38,640 get it up to 10. Yeah, you said 85,000, so credit 1244 01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:40,720 to you because that is a serious amount of steps. 1245 01:00:41,080 --> 01:00:43,200 Yeah, 85,000 When did I say that? 1246 01:00:44,040 --> 01:00:47,560 3 seconds ago you said 85,000. No mine. 1247 01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:51,520 That's 5000. Oh, I thought you said 85. 1248 01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:52,400 Thousand. I was like, no. 1249 01:00:52,480 --> 01:00:54,200 He just relaxed and bring it down a bit. 1250 01:00:54,200 --> 01:00:58,040 Yeah, fucking running the marathon nine months pregnant. 1251 01:00:58,360 --> 01:01:00,240 Yeah, all right, we'll look enjoy it. 1252 01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:02,760 It's going to be a magical, marvellous time. 1253 01:01:02,800 --> 01:01:04,960 And the best thing about it is you're going to have great 1254 01:01:04,960 --> 01:01:07,720 material. I hope so, yeah. 1255 01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:11,560 Hopefully, hopefully the baby's not so much of a gap that I 1256 01:01:11,560 --> 01:01:13,160 don't have time to write the material. 1257 01:01:13,440 --> 01:01:16,240 Like I only sort of had a baby to like, write stuff about her. 1258 01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:18,320 Yeah, it's by the way. Commodity. 1259 01:01:18,600 --> 01:01:20,080 That's what the dummies invented for. 1260 01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:25,040 Yeah, that's a job, Shane. No worries, cheers deona chat to 1261 01:01:25,040 --> 01:01:26,760 you soon. Talk to you later, bye. 1262 01:01:27,040 --> 01:01:27,160 Bye.