Prime big deal days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can
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October 8th and 9th. Sippers, welcome to this episode
of the Team With Me podcast with me, Shane Todd.
In the words of DJ Khaled, it's another one going to plug two
things very quickly. Actually a couple things really
quickly before I do this podcast.
It's a guest podcast. First of all, I've got to say I
am doing the SSE Arena in November of this year.
I'm doing the Waterfront in September.
It was supposed to be last year. It's sold out and then SSE in
November and tickets are genuinely nearly gone for which
is mental. You can get them in the SSE on
the SSE website or Ticketmaster. It's in November.
The news about this vaccine thing that that it looks like
things can hopefully be going back to normal during the summer
has done so much for me in in the last eight or two.
So I, I really think those shows are going to happen.
And then it gets me so excited, overly excited.
I mean, we're legally excited to think about that.
So I'm doing the SSE Arena. I'm going to have some tour
shows, but SSE will be the biggest show I've ever done.
So if you fancy coming to like go to SSE website or
Ticketmaster, tickets are near away.
Also, we're over on patreon.com/tea With Me podcast
doing the breakfast Brew. If you join that, then including
this, you get episodes of the podcast Monday to Friday.
We do the breakfast brew bonus. We do the breakfast brew
Tuesday, Thursday, and live on Friday and they're short
podcasts. You listen to your breakfast.
We do a full length bonus episode on a Monday and of
course this comes out on a Wednesday.
So that's patreon.com/tea with Me podcast and you're getting, I
mean, too many podcasts. You know, if you're a gritty
Gobbins, then you can sort yourself out.
Also, we're sponsored by manscaped.com.
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Although if there's like some, maybe there's some sort of like
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Manscaped aren't a cult. They're not a terrible
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pedron.com Session with me podcast and my SSE Arena show is
in November. Is one of my teeth really shiny?
I don't know. I'm going to go to Turkey with
the paramilitaries and get them, get them sorted out.
My guest on the pod, Let me just let me just make sure I've got
this right. Let me make sure I've got this
right. My guest on the podcast is Diona
Doherty. I'm sure you will know Diona if
you don't, if you don't, Diona is an actress.
I'm just say sent you the link. We'd be live when you come on,
just for a heads up in case somebody's really racist just
off the bat. We'll be live when you come on
and there's a bit of admin you guys don't need to see when you
come on. OK.
So yeah, Diona is an actress and stand up comedian.
A writer as well. Diona is in Give my Hairpiece.
Oh, no, I spilled a bit of tea over the sofa there.
Yeah. Diona is a writer and actress, a
stand up comedian. She's great.
She has been on the stand up scene for about I think a year
and a half before COVID and was absolutely killing it.
I'm just admitting her into the pod right now.
I don't know. She got my message about the
fact that we're going to be live.
But listen, it's one of those things folks, do you know, we're
live on the podcast just before you say something racist.
She had service is the right table.
I know you will start all podcasts in fluid German, just
putting some political opinions out there.
Yeah, I'm, I'm very, very homophobic and sexist too, so
it's great that you told me about.
It. Yeah, but only in German.
So it's only it doesn't count. Things are good.
Have you got a ring light on?
I forgot to put my ring light on.
But I look yellow. I look like a Simpson, like a
something from The Simpsons. Yeah, but that's good.
You think it's a faulty ring light or is that a health?
Kitchen probably shit makeup. Right, right.
I'm. Fucking Avatar now.
Yeah, the blue looks better. You think it is?
Yeah. Then you need to take it down a
notch. So it's like, I don't really
have, I don't really have a ring light on it.
Just kind of wonder. I mean, here's the my ring light
doesn't have that long. I think when we did, you did the
Patreon podcast. You just got my.
Debut in the ring light. Here's the thing, the lead on
the ring light isn't that long, so I can't be bothered setting
it up because I'd have to get an extension lead and all that kind
of thing. So I'm just sort of saying the
people, this is me and if you if you like it, great.
If you don't, don't listen. Don't watch.
You just don't mind the judgement at all.
No, I don't think so. See, since and we're definitely
going to talk about kids and pregnancy because you're, I
think it's fair to say, very pregnant at the minute.
Who's pregnant? Me.
Don't fuck with me like that because honestly, there's always
a party inside that, even though you know, there's always a part
that goes oh fuck. I know, is she or has she
already had it and you're all old?
Fuck, she just still has the pregnant look about her.
No, I'd be OK with that because it would have been a recent
thing. I wouldn't feel bad about that.
But if if you were like, no, you must have got this wrong.
I've never said I was pregnant. I in my head could just go fuck,
I have made that up. But.
Or maybe I was maybe like, do you know, I've just been saying
it just as an excuse to get fat knocked down and like not be
ashamed about it. I'm being like, I'm so I'm so
pregnant and then just now never really comes with it.
Yeah, yeah. And as soon as the pubs reopen,
you're like, oh, turned around. Yeah.
So basically since I've had a kid, I've done this thing where,
OK, I've got the ring light because everyone's getting them,
but I'm just very much like, this is the way I look, you
know, it's like. Old people like so you're,
you're a recent daddy and you're like, oh, I've been getting
right. So you obviously got your ring
light a few weeks ago. Ring lights have been about for
like a decade. I'd never heard of them.
Somebody who makes so much content, I can't believe you
didn't want to be lit well. Here's the thing.
I don't. The only thing I do for that is
say this stuff to the camera and write it.
I don't do anything outside of that.
I don't do any light or camera type thing.
When you watch it back, do not go jeez are we?
But light would do me wonders there.
No, the way I look at it is like, that would be a bit of
light would be a bonus, but apart from I'm like, I look, I'm
OK with the way I look in somebody who's apart from when I
just got out of hospital with Crohn's and a bit of video will
call and get us in the dub, which is off the Lisburn Road.
And honestly, I look like you'd be pained at the way I look.
I lost so much weight and I'm wearing a hat and I don't suit
hats. And that combination was so bad.
And David Made wrote on the. Video population of L Half of
the population of LA would probably think you were fat, so.
Yeah, I mean, it's horrendous if you get to see this video and
David Mead tweeted, tweeted me and said, LOL, it looks like you
have AIDS. And I wrote back, no, David, I
have Crohn's disease. I've just been discharged from
hospital. And I think he thought I would
be in genuine serious, but I mean, it was being serious.
But I like the opportunity to to do that.
And how bad must he have felt after that?
That's really fucking putting your foot in a little bit, yeah.
Because the big show at the minute is it's the same, isn't
it? And that's kind of that deals
with AIDS a lot. So maybe I should just retweet
his comment and say not acceptable?
Get Dave, get David me cancelled.
Yeah, get him cancelled with the tweet and just photoshopped the
year he put it out and just act. Do you ever I do this thing?
Like do you know when you have your Facebook memories that
comes up courses like this and obviously you can get it every
day. I vet myself on a daily basis.
So everything that comes up this day 45678 years ago, I sit there
going fucking delete. Who is she?
What the fuck am I? Why am I tweeting what Kendall
Jenner wore the fucking festival.
What do you give a shit about that for deleting?
I'm embarrassed about who I used to be like so I delete it all.
But I'm I'm hoping someday I'll uncover something really
offensive and I'm like that fuck, I deleted that right
between your goals and have it and you're going to get tweeted
some shit years ago before people got woke.
Of course, but I would say if anybody is, because there are
people who like professionally are looking at tweets, you get a
little bit of success or whatever, they're looking at
your tweets. The way I look at it is they
would already have it. Do you know what I mean?
Like. What do you mean?
Well, they've already found it by now.
Yeah, 100%. So like I don't.
Think I've had enough success that somebody's been appointed a
day's work to go look at my Twitter yet?
I think the fact that you've been in a lot of BBC stuff, I
would be very surprised, I swear, if at least one person
hadn't gone through really old tweets. 1000% I think.
Before been through my tweets, not even in house, but just
there are just people who would have the time do it and would do
it. The way I look at it is if I
delete an old tweet that looks worse, I would just be like,
well, I said that when I was 22. I mean, that's still quite an
old. Age, yeah, but you should you
should know better by. 14100% why have you written out a fool
Hitler speech? Well, listen, I was 27 when that
happened. Why are you shitting on Martin
Luther King? I mean.
I go that was at least three weeks ago, so can we just give
me a little bit of a by ball? Yeah, you still look 22, so you
could probably get away with treating shit like that.
Yeah, and Becky's just a boy. Yeah, if I did an apology video,
everyone feel really sorry for me and being like, God help that
we fell. So I think I think I'd be OK.
Maybe I should record my apology video now and be really vague
about what it's about. Oh, and then you can just put
anything, you can reuse the same one for each tweet.
And then you could just dub over your mouth for the problem, you
know, so your mouth will be saying that homophobic comment,
but the voice of where we're going, that racist slur.
Yeah, but a few years ago, somebody wrote this full
article. They, like, made a website and
wrote an article, like, just to publish this article almost
anonymously. Might not have even been
anonymous, But I'm not very good with technology.
Like, they might have signed their name off at the end.
And I was like, I don't know. I don't know what that means.
But it was about, do you remember Naughty Shore?
Yeah. And it was like BBC's Diona
Doherty makes fun of autism. So.
In the it's Sammy the Aaron Butler's character must have had
autism and we were all laughing at him and like, that's not even
like, no, we didn't know that character doesn't have autism
and nobody ever said that that's mental.
I was like you, you saying that is, is what's offensive.
You, you suggest and that character has autism is what's
offensive. So and with this whole article,
all the local politicians, the length of the article.
But that's someone who that is someone who has a personal thing
against you. That's not someone by mistake.
And that exact thing in a way happened to me.
Not like it. Well, I guess it was published
things was on social media. I had another comedian who we
know I wouldn't say is like on the scene as much anymore, but
you would definitely know who I'm talking about.
And so in South Border Patrol, I play the character Lawrence Lyle
and the motivation for that character is very, very camp,
very camp character as camp as you can go.
But my back story for that character, which which actually
never made it in, was that, you know, he's married low with a
load of kids. I think the original joke was he
had 11 children and that's why he was always under pressure.
And I said, because the good thing about software control is,
as you know, it's like there's so much freedom for your own
character. You can be like.
You can do what you want. You'd say this where this so I
got to like create the character and I was like, well, I'm going
to play a very, very camp guy who is straight, but you don't
really need to know that and he's just camp and works in PR.
And then it's based. I mean the thing as well as it
is based on a real real life combination of a couple of
people who are camp guys that are married and like.
Straight, yeah, we all know loads of that's just because you
camp doesn't mean you're gay there, you know what I mean?
Well, that that is the whole crux of the thing.
So this was, I think, you know, the start of lockdown and this
guy was like, start off. You put a tweet out saying I'm
going to do a something like a gay voice character, a real calm
voice character, like a gay character is what do people
think of that? And everybody was like, what the
fuck? Like no, you shouldn't do that.
And then the next day, have I never talked to you about this?
No, The next day he put a Facebook post out and said
that's great. Did a bit of research.
I knew that that was wrong. I never wanted to do that.
But there's a character on BBC sitcom at the minute that is
doing like an old gay stereotype and it's offensive and it's
homophobic. And honestly, in the comments
everybody jumped on it and was like, you're 100% right.
I've been thinking this, this kind of thing, and it took so
much for me not to get involved. First of all, the phone, the
person would be like, do you want to just talk about this?
Like. You know me and you have a phone
number, but oh. I forgot that this is somebody
you know. Yeah, 100.
That makes it worse. This is somebody that has my
phone number. I'm friends with them on
Facebook and. I think this is also somebody
who auditioned to be on the show and doesn't get apart.
I don't know what the motivation is, but I do know that I was so
close to it was my wife who was like, don't even get involved.
But I was going to go on the thing and say exactly what you
said there of like this character.
There's been no like stereotypes, no innuendo.
That was my thing when I said them.
But the character I was like, I want them to be camp, but
there's no we're not going to play on that.
You know, he just happens to become but his whole thing of
being like, you know, it's like a homophobic character.
It's like, well, I haven't said he's gay or inferred.
So if you draw that because he is calm, then you have you have
the problem that. You're making the stereotype
then. Didn't see the irony of it and I
just, I, I was totally OK with it.
And if it was like a published article, that's fine, but it's
just the fact that, you know, the person you're like, if it
offended you that much, you've probably seen me a lot of time
since, yeah, why not have the conversation?
Because I very quickly probably could have put your mind at ease
on it. But that like that whole thing
of, you know, doing that, that that's doing it for the likes.
Otherwise you would go to the person and have the
conversation. But you want to be seen as a a
crusader, you know, like. Yeah, a fucking hero I know.
Yeah. I just I found out mind blown
because it was a comedian, someone you know from gigs, you
know, and then and then like, listen, we've all said if you've
done stand up, if you've done sketches, you've said something
that in different contexts could be taken so bad.
So I like I as an example to myself, I was like, let me
YouTube that comedian and see if they've done anything that could
be taken wrong. First video, the word retard.
I'm like, don't ever which which by the way, doesn't in any way
like a family. And I don't think that you
should be like in trouble for that.
But it's just an example of like, yeah, none of us can let
you can't lecture another comedian on what they do or say.
Don't preach that something is like offensive or or not PC and
then you you're you're doing something considerably worse to
be to be honest. Yeah, or like if you, if you put
up something that like, I mean, I, I don't think there's
anything that can really offend me, but if you put up something
that I thought was like really offensive and I cared about it,
I text you, you know, I'd ring you or be like, can I, can I
help that? Can I understand this?
Let me just try and get where you're coming from on it.
But I mean, social media is is so great for so many reasons and
then terrible for so many other reasons.
I know, like I wouldn't even want to go into like the amount
of I mean, you've probably had it too, but the amount of shit
that you get online as soon as something 'cause I like you, you
put out so much content that you probably get things all the time
with, you know, with the shit you're putting out, probably get
stuff up. But like I always get people
like I just wrapping everything apart and do, especially when
it's a girl and something people like, what the fuck's from her?
A very size of her forehead. That's not a relaxing, you know,
Jesus Christ, some fucking pickling.
Here's a break. It's wild.
It's absolutely wild. And I'm not offended easily.
So there's not like I'm not I don't think you can offend me.
There's nothing. There's no joke you can make
that. I don't think it's worth making
most you know, that's funny. But I was offended today because
a friend of mine has has went on a fucking rampage on his
Instagram saying that people should met their cats outside
because they're killing birds and they're like, the fucking
cats are like killing all the wildlife.
And I have two cats. I'm like, Mark, keep my cats on
site all day following along. They need to go outside and
play. My cats need to get outside and
kill some pigeons. I when the home schooling is
done, I'm like, go ahead guys, go ahead and play.
Yeah, I mean go ahead and call for your mates.
But I go and kill some pigeons and I do try and save the old
bird that's hanging out of their mouth.
But most of the time you're like, that's the fucking circle
of life. This guy is going on a follow
rampage on his Instagram being like the fucking birds are being
killed by the cats and you need to keep your cat.
Selfish bastards or cat owners. You're like what the fuck is
going on? You feel like going, guy, like
in June we're going to be out of the lockdown.
Just get through until you know what I mean.
Par through, yeah. You spend too much time with
birds. Apparently that's a lockdown
thing you would get and what you would start to really get into,
you know what I mean? Like get into that kind of
cause. But yeah, I mean the the kind
like definitely guys obviously don't get like no one's ever
it's ever jumped on a thing. I've been in and gone.
What the fuck is up with eyebrows?
Because here's the thing. See my genuinely my eyebrows,
right. You can't tell them this light.
They're like a strong colour until you get halfway and then
they just turn blonde and they can look.
That's actually, yeah. Yeah, they can look weird at
times. At the same time, if somebody
put out a tweet after I'd been in some of the TV and picked up
on that, I just stopped doing TV.
Where would you not just get that eyebrow effects?
I'd probably get some sort of surgery.
I wouldn't be able to cope with that.
So I think like actresses get some amount of shit that like
obviously guys don't get, and I don't think we'd take it well.
No. Also, I don't think you need to
go as far as surgery for an eyebrow.
Already booked it, yeah. You've been and.
No, I'm pretty sure it's a jet paid upfront and he's going to,
he says like I'm going to wake up with like perfectly dark
eyebrows. I mean he is using a Sharpie but
it's a ground well spent in and it's.
A Yeah, we're going to take off this half of your face and
replace it with whoever. Whoever you want, yeah.
First off, here's the thing. I was thinking about
international travel. If it didn't open it up, I was
like, could you go to Turkey for a medical procedure?
If you're like you listen to have to go to get a procedure
And then would I just go to get a hair transplant even though I
have a full head of hair? Could I just justify going away
on a trip by just coming back with a new head?
Do you, do you think you'd be sending me your paperwork that
says I'm going for a hair transplant and that they're
going to go, no, you have enough hair already.
You're not allowed, but you could be like, but I want, it's
not for my head. Yeah.
And then I think that would end the conversation.
Yeah, that would end the conversation.
And that is the next thing that that guy who's getting worried
about the cats is going to go for.
Don't worry about it and getting a pubic transplant.
It's fine. I'm on to the next thing.
Imagine if I like, just passionately wanted to be
ginger. If I was like, honestly, it's
just something I've really thought about.
Then that's just what I want to do.
And I came back, Yeah, but that's just bright.
That's just you don't need to go to Turkey to dye your hair thing
like you can do that. I did it my own about two weeks
ago. Do you know?
What I mean, but I'd like to go to Turkey.
You just want to go to Turkey, but the people are going to
Turkey and all the minute for like dentist visits and then
they just have a holiday out of it.
Like that's what you're drinking the Wi-Fi cup.
You're drinking the out of the wrong cup.
Well, first of all, that's hilarious that I'm doing that
because that's a gender role reversal.
Although this cup I bought when we got married and the first
side says with right, there's no E because the ES come off in the
dishwasher and then the second, the second side just says I
fake. But yes, it is.
It is wifey. Wifey.
I yeah, which is German for wife.
Yeah, I I would just like, I would just like to go to Turkey.
But then I've seen what they do with the teeth, which is they
like, have you seen what they do when they give people veneers?
My my mom had veneers so they saw them all fucking down.
So they're like small fangs? Like tiny fangs?
Where did you get it? Your mom get it done in Turkey
or just that or just like local. Airy just in dairy but this is
like what happened is whenever my brother was about like a
toddler he was on her knee bouncing and I head butted her
and knocked out knocked out her teeth.
So she's no, she's no choice but to get the rest themselves down
and just go do the full hog. But I bet you fucking wishes she
went to Turkey. Yeah.
Because like, OK, it's not, I don't know if it's as good or
they might be a lot better, but then you, you know, you're just
getting the two weeks in bottom half board out of it.
So to get those things. Although have you ever been to
Turkey for a holiday? Yeah, twice.
I love. It there's an awful lot of cats,
your man would be raging. Oh fuck yeah.
I mean, yeah, he goes over for his pube transplant, things like
that. Fucking rattles like cats.
I can't. Not a bird in the sky.
A. Lot of birds, yeah.
Hey, did you see the news about, I mean for England's that like
the thing comedy is going to be back by like outdoor comedy
could be April, May say May. We leave that early.
Well, yeah, because as soon, I think as soon as they open beer
gardens like outdoor drinking, you will be allowed to do stand
up in like a marquee or in a beer garden.
That's the one thing I'm most afraid of doing again because
since since the first lockdown last April, I got about 5 gigs
all year. Like you did a lot more
obviously, but I would, I, that's what I'm shit scared
about because I was only really getting the swing of it.
And then it was like, oh, press pause.
So and then in that time to you, I've obviously been really
pregnant and I've just not written anything and I'm next
shift. I don't know, like I got booked
the other day for a Zoom gig on I think 16th, the 16th of March.
And when are you due? 20 Bethel March.
Oh my God. I mean, that'd be a great
closer, wouldn't it, to go Like, guys, listen, my waters are
broken. They all laugh.
They're like, oh, I would love it.
And then you're like, genuinely. Someone do you like a wee bit
them between contractions and then make them collectively time
the contractions together on zoom?
That will be fun. Would you do you think like when
you have like, because I didn't think of any like pregnancy or
baby material until the 2nd We had the baby and then I was
like, there's material in this. So because you know, because you
and Sean are married and Sean's obviously a stand up too.
What's the etiquette there on if you say something really funny
happens in the delivery room, everything goes well in the
delivery room, something funny happens.
And then would would you do you almost both say to each other
like do shotgun at first or do you or genuinely, is this the
thing? Yeah, we have shock on things
before, like something that's happened, and then we've both
sort of been like laughing about it.
And then I went, that's mine. That wouldn't suit you anyway.
Yeah, that's mine. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I. Mean and only only recently.
I keep thinking of material like whilst I'm being pregnant but
I'm too looking tired and sick to sit down and write it out.
So like just have like a collection of notes.
I'm like someday I'll write them but I'll probably go back to it
and be like what does shitty knickers mean?
What was that like what happened there?
I'm not, I'm not remember what the notes mean.
Do you know what I mean? I mean, I think that one might
be self-explanatory, but. But how shitty knickers?
I don't know if it would have been me.
Yeah. I mean, let's not rule it out,
but I just think when it's back and when it's outdoor for some
reason, I think this is going to be a great summer weather wise.
I've just built this up romantically in my head.
Yeah, there's going to be class. There's going to be loads of
outdoor outdoor shows and it's going to be incredible.
But like it has. All of July and August is going
to be like a non-stop Calvin Harris music video the whole
summer. Just gorgeous people, nice
light, and everyone's got like a cocktail, but no one's too
drunk. Everyone's just like having a
good time. Yeah, Everyone likes a drunk.
I keep, I keep forgetting, which is sly about my son.
And I'm like, we can go to like, you know, we could go to
Portrush for the day and have a loaded meal and a little bit of
drinks and we can stay over and we can go to this person's house
and have a house party and we can do this.
And then I'm like, oh, that guy though.
He's there now because he because he hasn't interrupted
your social life. Probably it because he's been
his entire life's been in. Like well, in in.
It, you know what I mean? He's just like a guy who lives
in the house, so he hasn't really interrupted anything.
He's just like, you know, a mate who's like, always knocking
about. As soon as you're like back out,
he's going to be a massive cock block.
Oh, I mean, also you say massive clockwork, just massive in
general. We put him in the in the baby
part of the trolley in Asda and I'll send you a picture of it
after this podcast. It just looks like, oh, because
like my wife is pushing trolley because I don't push trolleys
and and it just looks like her husband has got a bit knackered
doing the shopping and just decided to chill out in the in
the massive trolleys. Huge guy.
But yeah, I mean. You know, when I'm pushing a
trolley, I'm always worried that my steps won't count if I've got
both hands. And I'm concerned about this
too, when the pram, when I'm pushing a pram, because I feel
like your arm needs to have, needs to be doing The Walking
movement to count your steps. So I'm like, if I'm doing my
groceries, I'll just do it with one hand and I'll just let that
troll go wherever the fuck it's going to go.
And I'll just have to. People need to get out of my way
because I want my steps counted. I don't want to miss my steps
because what's the point? You know, life's probably going
OK when that's a major worry, Like, everything's all right,
really, isn't it? Like, because that is not a
concern of, like, people in the third world.
That is not a concern for anyone who's under real pressure.
But yeah. They had the watch, they would
be concerned they'd want them, like if they're walking really
long distances for water and stuff, want their steps
collected. Yeah.
I mean, is that a thing where say you're signed up with like a
health insurance thing or with your pension if you have to like
send them your steps and all that kind of thing like some
people do? Yeah.
I don't want to miss out because.
You send your groceries, do you send your smart watch over to a
third world country and just direct debit someone every month
and say listen stander about keep this on and then you will
get the steps. You know what?
I. Mean, I know, but yeah, so it
looks like I'm doing way more than I am.
Yeah, they're like, Oh my God, you walk 47, an average of 47
miles a day. Yeah, Yeah, I did.
How does she do it? You're frozen.
We've been there. Yeah, I'm, I don't, I don't
mind. I, I wouldn't want somebody else
to cheat the steps for me, but I also don't want to walk the
length of my stuff, like without it on.
Like I'll take it off to get in the shower, but like, as soon as
my foot steps out of the shower, I'll stick it back on.
I'm not going to lose the five steps to my bedroom.
Yeah, yeah, I know you may like, I I've only got like I had a
smart watch for 2 1/2 years, never wore it, like never wore
it out-of-the-box. And I've started now and you do
get into like all the numbers, like my rest and heart rate.
I'm obsessed with it being a certain number so but to the
point where like I get worried about it so that puts it up.
So I need to just not think about it.
What are you? What are you aiming for like?
4545 beats a minute, 45 heartbeats a minute.
Is that is that a good one or what?
When I got like a health checked on this, always 45 beats a
minute and they're like, you either have a huge cardiac
problem and you're in a lot of trouble or because you exercise
regularly, you're kind of all right.
And then I went, well, which one is it?
And they were like, we don't know, phone your GP, maybe get
an ECG. And then I had to phone him and
he's like, no, you're all right, just work away.
But they keep saying hopefully it's all right.
So I don't know, either it's class or it's terrible.
What? Well, I mean, you'll find out
soon enough, won't you? Yeah, I mean, I can't really see
you out of one eye and they can't use this arm, but I think
it's going OK. Yeah, You know what I mean?
Like, I think it's all right. On that chair for a few weeks.
Yeah. And when you when you come on
the Patreon podcast, we've got a real good reaction to that.
Like people really enjoy John. And we were talking about
writing like a little bit like what you're doing in lockdown.
Obviously you can't do stand up, but I didn't really get that.
You're doing get my headpiece at the minute where you just
finished it. There's.
The murderer there. Keep that where it is.
Keep that fucking OJ Simpson of the feline world where it is.
I get into the Moses basket we put up for the baby.
Now he's a full he's got three legs get knocked down.
Are you worried about if the baby's in that and the cat jumps
in? Well, I think we intend to keep
an eye on the baby. Yeah, always good.
If I can give any advice, keep an eye on the baby.
We'll do that and then we'll see how we get on.
So what were you saying? So you've you just did a series
of get my Headpiece as usual on that, though I don't even know
if I was just was that all filmed in lockdown?
Like all socially distance. Yeah, there was a 2 metre stick
onset because there's two ways of filming in the at the minute
1 is you do a COVID test and then you bubble with your cast
members so you can all touch and do like if you have good people
have to kiss or hug or whatever. And then the other one is just
be two metres apart. So they give my headpiece set
isn't the normal set that we use.
It was specially built 2 times larger so that we could all
stand. You still look like you were in
the right places, but it but it's just a bigger set.
Something to do with science and maths?
Yeah, I mean, I think I prefer the idea of the COVID test
because I like the idea. I would love to just touch
somebody's forehead like Tim Mcgannon.
COVID test yet? I like done a test.
Yeah, they're fucking. Brutal, aren't they?
So bad, but I would love to do it to be able to just have a bit
of that normality like I do the radio D of every week.
We have to like socially distance, obviously, like we're
more than two metres, yeah, but if I like just.
Because you'd rather be more than two metres from Dave.
I'd, I'd, I'd like to be less than two centimetres.
I missed the contact, I missed contact with him.
So it's difficult. So I would love it if we just
got COVID tests and we could kiss him off.
But I've had a job, John. Oh, did she?
Yeah, Sean got it too. Yeah.
When's your second one? April.
I so, so it says. See, it's fucking great.
Everyone's getting stabbed up. It's good because, well, it's
good because do you know what? See the way people are Like,
it's been rushed and all that kind of thing.
It's like, listen, if, if, if I suddenly, like, if my eyes turn
bright pink and all of a sudden, like, I don't know, like my nose
gets really, really small. Like weirdly small.
So it's OK because we'll be in the beer gardens, you know what
I mean? You've had a good one of it.
Yeah. And also sometimes I think like
when I go fuck sake is the shite and then I go but maybe I could
write something about it and make money out of it.
Yeah, what about at the start of this, when everybody was like
writing exactly the same things? Yeah, all pandemic related
stuff. Yeah.
And there was little see filament in like people that
were like, I'm going to shoot an entire drama in my house.
Like loads of like famous actors and actresses did it.
They weren't good. Ever, but people were ripping as
well because they were like uses.
Fuck off. Uses have a uses are user fine.
Fuck off and let somebody else have the job.
Who who's now? You know, remember to start
whenever there was no self-employment scheme and
nobody there was no and everyone was like, oh shit, we've
literally lost everything. And then they were given like
David Tennant's like an all year long monologue to do on BBC One
year old. I think he's all right.
Yeah, I think David has a few quid knocking about his TARDIS.
I think he owns like an off licence or something but there's
he's got a wee bit of cash flow and Bill's licence were open the
whole time. I would love that if he was
really frugal and just dead, have a way off licence and like
Glenn Gormley, he's like, listen, yeah, put a few quiz.
This is where I like to keep it real.
But it's like obviously like people like Keanu Reeves.
Keanu Reeves never spent any of his money.
He still wears shit clothes and goes in the train.
I think some of that, though, is like Internet articles, you
know, where they're like, this guy's never taken anything out
of his bank account since he's 21.
It's like, I think we'd like to think that, but I think at the
same time he probably is treating himself do a few nice
things. You think so?
Yeah. Like he maybe has a smart watch.
Yeah, I think he has like an old garment, like not the new model,
but people do that with with like celebrities, like they,
they get this narrative that really suits the person.
So like Keanu Reeves is 1. There's people like it's always
to do with money. It's always like they give all
their money away. Like they.
Yeah. Like someone like him, they'd be
like he. Every day he will see if cats,
yeah. Yeah, yeah.
From rivers. Shows the orphanages and sings
them songs every day and pays for everyone's colouring in.
Books for what man and what they might do in an orphanage besides
colouring in. And I say he's dead on, but he
probably does have days where he like drops a few thousand and
top man and he's like, listen, I just want to ball out and enjoy
myself. But at least he went High
Street. Yeah, yeah, he's saving the High
Street. Oh fuck.
He is a hero. Yeah, he is a.
Hero if he and Pac-Man went bust.
So he was doing his bet, wasn't he?
Yeah, he's still giving the money though, which is weird.
You know, he's still like, listen here a few grand or
whatever. If you get back, send me a few
denim jackets. Yeah, open up one shop.
Yeah, everybody seemed to be writing the same thing.
And I think now that there is like almost a date for stand up
or like an idea of a date, everyone's going to start
writing stand up again because loads of people operate by being
like I need to have the date to work towards or like.
I do, I need to have AI need to have a date like I'm not good at
like consistently like I need to have a deadline, then I'll I'll
I'll get it done and you won't know I rushed it, but I rushed
it, yeah. I probably do need it.
I can take over, but then I'll get more serious when the finish
line's inside. But yeah, before doing a big
show, every once a year, about 3 or 4 months before the show, I
have a nightmare. I've had this for the last three
or four years. I don't like get nightmares
often. But one I have every year is me
being on stage and not being prepared.
And it's the same venue every time.
It's like a hybrid of a couple of venues in my mind and I'm on
stage with loads of people there and a red curtain, even though I
don't really do stand up with the red curtain.
And what? Do you mean like you request
there to be no red curtain? Or do you mean for your own
shows? I mean, for my own shows I've
never had a red curtain, but in my dream there's a red curtain
and I'm wearing a suit and people leave as I'm on and
there's nothing I can do about it.
And that's always this kick up the air for me to be like, make
sure you have that sort of. There's going to be like a final
destination sort of moment where like, you've been sponsored by
like Ramos, you know, what do you call them?
Raiment fucking some Ramos so you have to wear a suit that
night and you turn up the venue and someone's last minute going
the black curtain it wrapped and we had a slopper red 1 and you
walk on stage and like holy fuck, this is it, it's
happening. Well, the only thing about that
is if Ramos did make the offer, probably turn them down.
I did a video for the months with Ulster Rugby.
They gave me loads of like fitted, really nice suits and
clothes. And then at the end, they were
like the guy who's working for them was really sound and he's
like, they're not going to let you keep this stuff.
And I didn't know that was an option.
So I didn't think it was keeping them.
But once he said that, I got really upset as I well, I didn't
even know I might, I might have been able to keep them.
So I was really not. So you didn't get one set out of
it. Well, I got paid a full fee, but
I mean that's, this is very me. I got paid the agreed amount,
but then I realised I could have got a lot more out of it and I
started to get annoyed that I wasn't getting that.
And it's a bit like stuff, TV stuff I've done where I've worn
really nice clothes and then I'm like, it's not, it's going to
sit and get someone's garage. So just.
Give me but you know, I'm like, I could get paid whatever, well
amount for something or anything, but if there's a
fucking freebie involved, like I'll do something for free shit.
I'm like oh I love free shit. Even if it's.
Everybody does, everybody does. But I recently for this thing,
wore a couple of outfits that I really, really liked.
And then the person doing it was like, yeah, hopefully you get to
keep these. And then they basically said
like, no, but you can't buy them at a discounted price.
And I was so annoyed that I should have bought them at the
discounted price because I wanted to wear it for stand up,
but I just refused to do it. And then I was like, I'm going
to get the name of the designer. I'm going to go online and I'm
going to buy direct, even if it's more expensive.
But I really shot myself in the food because I went I went to
search online and then the company was based in Holland.
It was like a real bespoke place and they didn't have, they
didn't have my size, they couldn't ship it, so I ended up
without it. Sean did it.
One did that one time like I think they said he'd been paid
and they said it was a set places where they're like you
can buy this at a discounted price.
And he was like Joanna love that.
So I will buy it And it was like £700 discounted and he fucking
had to buy it because he was like we'll have to buy it now.
And I was like, well, you don't need enough.
Hold on, you said it was £700 discounted.
It was £700. Do they knock 700 off?
No, that's what he paid 650 or something like that.
It was like stupid money and I was like suit.
It was like crazy money. How there was a suit.
It's gorgeous, but there's like fucking 10 pieces date.
There was just loads of stuff. You know, there was a couple of
different handkerchiefs as well and maybe an alternative for
shirts, but I think they were I I just, I couldn't fucking
believe it. It was a crazy money.
I like to, if, if I've done like a job that I think has gone well
or whatever and there's nice money in it, I will buy myself
something. But it's got to be like a good
price. And I get real guilt over like
because like, like growing up I never had like the best of stuff
ever. So if I'm getting something now,
I still can't be like I can't let myself buy the best thing
for some reason. It's just.
I can't either like I was the same like growing up.
I remember like the I had two items of sports clothing growing
up, right, and they were hand me down to my brother and 1 the
Deodora T-shirt that was his for a couple of years.
I got up at the time that's like the felt of the Deodora was
coming off of the name and then you the added as button poles.
I had them so at least it was like cool for a while, but they
were definitely a boys. People were over it by the time
I was wearing them. Nobody cared about ripping them
off. The worst case to that was I
have I have three cousins who are girls, three sisters and
they the oldest cousin. What?
In total, you only have three, no.
No loads more, but like one set of cousins who are like there's
three of them, three girls, couple of years in between them
each. And my oldest cousin had this
like regal blue Michael Jackson jumper that she got in the very
early 90s. So Michael was just like black
on it when Michael Jackson was black.
And it said Michael Jackson thriller thing.
And then it reflected the wear of the jumper reflected
Michael's racial journey because the next cousin who got it, like
her sister, he had sort of faded a wee bit.
But he was like, you could still tell that he was like probably
originally black. And genuinely, when my youngest
cousin got it, it was so faded that it looked just how Michael
Jackson looks. Maybe Michael Jackson, which is
always followed by a ring light. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That could be it. Brighter and brighter.
Yeah, I, I think I wouldn't rule out if I had like Michael
Jackson money out of prime, I wouldn't rule out myself doing
something like that in reverse. I you would make yourself
blacker. It's an option, yeah.
I just think. Even even if.
Even if you could make it just make your skin darker, but you
don't have to go for like, you know?
Augmentation. If if a job's worth doing it,
it's worth doing well. I think you know.
But you know, for most jobs I do as well, I always I pure klepto
something like I take something with me.
So I have a box of like something from every job.
The yes, yes. And that is quite common, isn't
it, with actors and actresses who will take something from the
set like Mommy and Christian Aaron, part of Game of Thrones
for a load of seasons, took like a little bit of the door, the
famous door, because his character was always holding the
door. He took like a little bit of
that and like loads of character.
Like I think that was the thing Game of Thrones had to set all
the actors down and be like stop taking shit.
Off. The only thing I've I've never
taken anything from a set, but the only thing I've taken is
backstage of Queens Comedy Club years and years ago.
Plan B haven't played there the night before and there was the
ash cloud. So he had problems like getting
back so his luggage was still is like show luggage for the
costume was still in the dressing room on Mandela Hall
and I was really drunk after a set I did there is back in these
ways. I thought class because I drank
after that sandal and Colin Murphy or somebody was like put
on Plan BS three piece suit. So I was like, I was like, no,
I'm not going to do it. And I did.
And I'd already performed, but I came back out to watch the
second-half head to toe in Plan B's actual like stage 13P suit.
And then people were like, are you just going to keep that?
And I was like, yeah, probably will because I like I really
like Plan B at the time. And then I got guilty about
doing it. I was like, I can't stay in the
guys entire suit. So guess it was a lucky suit or
something. So it took it off, but it kept
the tie. On where was he?
Where was he when you were standing wearing his suit?
Plan B. He'd left.
He played the night before, but there was a problem with him.
Oh, his. Luggage was behind, but he was
gone. Yeah.
Did you think? I thought he was in the dressing
room and I was like, I think. Then he'd like going to the
toilet and you were like, I'll put a suit on.
He came back and you like This is my set too.
Yeah, no, I, I returned the stuff, but then I took his tie.
It was a reversible tie and I just had that for a load of
years. I don't know where it is now,
but it was Plan B's tie do. You wear it again.
Yeah. Just like you wore like it was
your own tie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
And it was always a good, good conversation starter.
That you that you've stolen Plan B say, see, I don't think I
have. I haven't.
I haven't stolen from an individual because I'm not a
scumbag, but I've stolen. Should have.
Gone to Magalbury. You mean you've voted yourself
now everyone like but I would take like things that are to do
with my character, like a bit earrings the characters to wear
or like the the makeup department sometimes give you
your fucking mascara or like and soft Border Patrol.
Would you know the little books? Yeah, I think this is escalating
every time. So I think you're like, get my
hairpiece. Kim's car, you know, it's like
it's gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's Erica's. Tommy Tiernan's under my bed in
the box. I took him.
I let him out every Friday to do his mean chat show and then he
comes back under the box. His chat show is the best thing
on television. Greatest.
Best thing on television. So good.
But I love how relaxed it is and how.
But you know what was mad too? Because he was.
Did you watch the one there at the weekend?
The strong the guy from the Strong Man was on.
Yeah, I know him, Yeah. Yeah, Sean knows him too.
And he was, he had said about, Oh no, it wasn't exactly talking
to the actress. It was on before Helen and he
was saying to her, Oh, my wife says the one rule is if I take
Alan acting jobs, I'm not going to kiss anybody.
No, I didn't say that. That's what he said on the
thing. He was actually, we were this
agreement that I'll, I don't, I don't kiss anybody or anything.
His wife loved that. I know, right, But I was like,
that's a mad. I mean, I understand if you're
the like, if you're the partner of an actor who has to like be
raiding and kissing people on TV, it's pretty shit.
Like, I mean, it's hard to watch.
Just, yeah. But it's like I've had to do
want and it's very much like. You did a Christmas thing.
Yeah, it's the most sterile thing.
It's the most like. Oh yeah.
Awkward. And yeah, I do.
I had to do it in. It was for a short film, a Colin
Bateman film that we shot in Belfast, and it was the scene
Strand Millis and I had to get out of a car and just give a
girl a kiss. But it was like, it wasn't like
a snog, It was just a Peck. I And then you realise that you
do it 40 or 50 times as well. You start to think as well, do I
kiss weird. So you're really worried about
what if I like do it a certain way and the whole production are
like, what the fuck's that? Yeah, everyone's like we're
going to take a break. Do we discuss machine tactics?
We're going to take a break and this is an application form for
the sex offenders register because nobody kisses like that.
Yeah. Kisses like that.
Like they do, they do a sound, they do a soundtrack as well.
So if you're doing like if you usually are doing kissing or sex
scenes when they come in, then they they stand in front of the
actors with the mic, like I've had to do it myself.
And they're like, so if you could just kiss and we're just
going to record the smacking. And then everyone every quite on
set and there's like 40 people and everyone's like off you go.
And there's no camera on you. So it's even harder if there's
no camera. If the camera's on you, you know
you're doing it for the camera, but there's no camera and.
You're all yeah. We just go.
Our hands, we're just. Yeah.
It's brutal. I want to ask yeah, about about
like about writing and stand up and that kind of thing.
Is your plan to, are you going to take, are you going to, I
mean, I shouldn't presume you're going to take time off stand up
or are you going to try and just get back at it as quick as you
can? No, well, no, I'm not going to
time. I'm on the blame game like 2
weeks after I'm due. So I I need her not to be
overdue. Yeah, I think, I think I have
the freedom there. I'm doing the last couple of
episodes and I think I have the freedom where if I don't, if I
can't do it, it's OK. But I'm booked for it.
So I'm sort of hoping that. So I don't really plan on taken
maternity leave because it's not like I need like I could work
one day. I don't have to mail me, have to
be somewhere out of the house one day a week.
Do you know what I mean? We can figure it out, but no,
definitely stand up because as much as I'm shipping myself to
start it again, I'm definitely looking forward to doing it and
trying out new things as well. We're not worried that every
comedian is going to be doing all new material.
Like everyone goes out and it's just like a native new material
every single gig and it goes like shit.
I think you'd be surprised because like even I have written
a load of stuff over lockdown, but that doesn't mean that the
first few gigs back I'm going to do it like we did those stream
gigs in Hollywood. My plan was to do all new and I
got totally like because I was organising it, I left it to the
last minute. I didn't prepare enough and I
ended up doing old stuff and then also I was doing some new,
but it was, I was so like running about like a headless
chicken that day that I didn't have time to like go through it
in my head. So I think you'll see people for
the first few gigs do old stuff to get comfortable on stage and
then do the new. But I reckon you should be doing
40% old, 60 new minimum. I think everyone will be doing
material. I think if you're doing COVID
stuff, a lot of people's is going to be the same.
Well, see, this is the thing like before.
So we went into locking in March and I had written loads of new
stuff in the January and started doing it then about doing IVF,
all the IVF stuff, and that was new.
And I probably only performed that about 10 times.
Yeah. And then I felt like, well, no,
the fucking no, that's all past. Do you know what I mean?
So it's like we could still do it, you know, and rework it.
Yeah, of course. Yeah, you shouldn't, especially
if you're if you're going to be doing stuff which anyone who has
a baby is going to be doing it. That material then links in
perfectly with that. Yeah, yeah, I know.
So it's just a case of actually writing stuff.
Do you know what I mean? If I actually just putting pen
to paper, But I don't think I'm going to like I hopefully the
fucking theatres are all open to because I have loads of plays
plans to go on and I just, I just want them all to fucking
happen. Do you know, you're probably
getting like loads of advice at the minute from anybody and
everybody And, and I'm going to hit you with a bit of advice and
that is don't take everybody's advice, Don't listen to
everyone's advice. You will get told the same thing
25 different ways you need to do this and the next person's like,
actually you need to do this. And like I, people really, with
the best of intentions, overload you.
I think, and I think too, even the amount of people that have
the audacity to talk about your your bump.
Like I remember earlier on when I was pregnant and like one day
one bright person of like, Jeez, you're massive.
And then the next day somebody like, oh, you're very neat,
don't you? And you'll go much fucking one.
Is it? I'm a massive verminate.
You know, it's funny when people go, you're having a girl.
I can tell by your temple you're like, what?
You know, like you have a Belgian temple.
Like, what are you talking about?
People. I think you're having a boy.
Why do you think I'm having a boy?
Look at your shoes. Yeah.
It doesn't make sense.
Your lace. Is heartburn thing too?
Everyone keeps saying oh because I have had really bad heartburn.
All your babies going to have a big head of hair and you're old.
No, I've just a full of horns. I've got heartburn.
I suck, suck suck hair. No, that's I don't think that's
the case. Yeah, I mean, listen, just just
looking at your eyes, your daughter's going to be a
postman, you know what I mean? That's one thing I can tell,
though. That's what.
Well, that's only because we're going to force her.
Yeah, yeah, like like forget, like forget being a doctor or a
lawyer or whatever. It's like, listen, we really
hope you go into the post game. I mean, if there's another
pandemic, you won't lose your job.
Posties seem to absolutely love it.
They're the most like everybody loves them.
People sociable. You're bringing people like an
essential thing you're out and about like my mate used to do it
and walk like 20 miles a day. I think their pay is good.
Being opposed to. Bizarre that they wear shorts so
often though wasn't it? Like I don't understand why they
have. Surely you'd want a full length
trouser? They don't have to, but I think
a lot of it is like, you know, sort of showing off and being
like, I don't work in an office all day.
They're they're almost golden people.
They're like, I might be putting the fresh air getting up vitamin
D. What's that?
Oh, my ankles. We bumped into, we were like a
Hank like pitting petrol in our car.
One thing like maybe about six months ago and and some a man
knocked on our door like our car window and was like,
congratulations on the pregnancy.
I'm your postman, by the way. And I was like, all right,
cheers for that. Oh well, thanks very much.
I know because they read your mail and.
Yeah, they open it if it's if there's money into this isn't
stereotype, but if there's money inside, they open it and take
it, which is just something they they do in all cases.
I'm joking. Wages.
I have a great relationship with my postman.
Really, really great guy. What do you mean?
Like you get up? Do you have a chat with him?
When he comes, do you run down and talk to him?
100% of the time. Like don't get me wrong, I'm not
like if it's just a ladder or whatever, I'm not opening the
door for a chat, but if there's a package, if I see him when I'm
out of my car or whatever, we can have sometimes up to a 10
minute conversation. Well, I had the postman come
into my house actually a few months ago.
Really horny home alone. And.
My cat had fucking back to the cat.
My cat had wrapped a bird apart and all the feathers were all
over the hallway, but the bird was still pulsating.
So there was still a way better life left on it.
And I the kindest thing to do here is to end this.
We buggers life, but I can't do it.
So the postman came to the door and I was open the door just
like frantically like I'm a house coaches feathers
everywhere, all the all over the hallway being like can you come
in and kill this bird because I can't and it needs to die.
And the post he asked for a dustpan and brush and a plastic
bag. He said it's.
A fucking assassin. Give me a bag of lime and a bit
of rope and at £400. Turn around, you're not going to
want to watch this. I got you.
And then he set up his phone and filmed it for his private.
You need to get in touch with his bosses because that's not
the right way to operate, but. Yeah, wasn't even the postman,
he was just walking by. It's just sound like leaflets.
No, but hey, the postman was like, you'd be fucking
surprised. The things that I've been asked
to come into people's houses and do do you know, like people that
are home alone and they open the door and they're like, you need
to help me. There's something happening, you
know? And then he just comes in and
he's like, they're like Saints. Yeah, yeah, because they, here's
the thing, they they watch, they get to see the neighbourhood,
they see things probably like ahead of time and, and I think
they like, if you're in with your postman, yeah, it's a good
idea. Like you know what I mean?
Even if you don't like him, he's bound to have information about
other people in the street. You can bring, you can bring
them down. But yeah, our postman is great.
I would love to nominate him for some sort of postman award if
they exist, but I don't know if they exist and I don't know if I
really would seek one out to fill in the application form.
But if he wanted, I would think it was fully justified.
So I think what's happened here is you just want him to know
that you you would like to be not be as lazy as you are.
In theory, you would fill in this application form to get him
an award and he be asked, but you wanted him to know your
That's your train of thought. Yeah, yeah.
Like I want him to have success as a postman and and accolades
but I'm not willing to contribute too much other than
mine this physical this verbal. This is it.
There's all I can do.
Clip it. If you're a postman, I wonder
can you get promoted? Like where do you go?
What do you mean? If you're a postman then you get
a higher job. Yeah, it's also like Brain,
you've been doing really well. You helped that girl kill that
bird last week. Everyone's really proud of you.
There's a promotion on it for you, but what do you get moved
to parcels or? You can be genuine.
You can be a postmaster. That's true.
You mean the kind of thing that
happens when you send an e-mail and it doesn't deliver?
Yeah, you've got to break the news.
You're that person that has to sit there and e-mail every time
somebody's e-mail bounces back. Yeah, a postmaster is like the
main man. He's sending people out to do
different jobs. He's like less than this one was
late. What's happening?
He's bottling people. The postmaster pulls all the
strings and he has the power, so you can move up the ladder that
way I think. And you don't have to leave the
office. No, Oh, Postmaster.
You're not getting the steps up then.
Yeah, but if you look at most postmen, there weren't 2
garments and one's from the postmaster.
They're all collecting the steps for him.
Yeah, the new if you see a fresh based new postman, look at his
arms because you can't see skin even if he's wearing a short
sleeve shirt. Just garments up and down.
He's been, he's been like, it's like, you know, like the thing
if you go to gaol and you want to join a gang, you have to do
like an initiation thing that you have to do something.
Maybe you might have to Shank somebody, but if you're the new
postman you have to wear everyone's garments and get
everyone's steps up to 10,000 a day.
Yeah, that's, that's cool. Should we call this episode Bird
in a Box? Does that work?
Is that like good point? A bird box?
Oh no, that's. Going to sound like that's going
to sound like I'm being sexist. As in, you're calling me a bird.
Yeah, yeah. Or my uterus a box and I've got
a bird in my box. I might say bird in the box.
Bird in the box works. Yeah.
Word in the box works All right. Well, look, we we didn't talk
really in any way about stand up.
We didn't talk about comedy. But I think people now have a
better understanding how the Postal Service works.
Yes and also people are can be able to kinder towards cats and
they're they're murder in nature.
Yeah, yeah. People just need to be a little
bit more understanding. All the best, All the best, I
think. I think this is an exciting time
and it's great. Having a couple of weeks ago, I
actually meant to say to the yoga ball in front of me here
that like, you know, we get on yoga ball and sort of hop about
not knowing of you in the last few weeks.
Yeah, it secretly adds loads of steps to my watch and I don't
tell anybody. Oh, I mean, I'm going to be I'm
going to be, but I was going to say I'm going to be bouncing on
the Uber bolt and I was going to make a joke saying not the first
time I'm punching both. But yes, I like I like that my
steps are shit. Do you want to know my steps are
for today? This would be so bad.
I imagine a bad show. You're going ahead. 1009 OH.
Yeah. Did you just go to the toilet
and go back and that was it? I know, yeah.
Yeah, Because you know how big my house is.
So like it take that's I literally have a move bar about
500 steps or five from the back. That's bad.
Maybe I'll go for a walk in. Yeah, just even if you just walk
away the house, mine's on 85,000, but that is brutal for
me. I normally do over 10 like.
Yeah, 85. I'll get on that yoga ball and
get it up to 10. Yeah, you said 85,000, so credit
to you because that is a serious amount of steps.
Yeah, 85,000 When did I say that?
3 seconds ago you said 85,000. No mine.
That's 5000. Oh, I thought you said 85.
Thousand. I was like, no.
He just relaxed and bring it down a bit.
Yeah, fucking running the marathon nine months pregnant.
Yeah, all right, we'll look enjoy it.
It's going to be a magical, marvellous time.
And the best thing about it is you're going to have great
material. I hope so, yeah.
Hopefully, hopefully the baby's not so much of a gap that I
don't have time to write the material.
Like I only sort of had a baby to like, write stuff about her.
Yeah, it's by the way. Commodity.
That's what the dummies invented for.
Yeah, that's a job, Shane. No worries, cheers deona chat to
you soon. Talk to you later, bye.
Bye.