I'm Michael Che and I'm Colin Jose, and we've got a little
secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock.
Exactly how it's called New York After dark.
And it's a comedy show that only features drop in comic boom, you
nail into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey, New York After Dark.
It's some kind of comedy thing, and it's streaming now only on
Peacock. You love it.
Zippers, welcome to the Tea with Me podcast with me television.
She and Todd, I mean, I say televisions.
I've not done that much stuff, but I have been on before.
Listen, it's a good time because this is the first full length
episode we've done back in the studio and it feels good.
And listen, the whole crew is back together.
We've got producer Dan, we've got Big Mike who's back and a
lot of people are saying what happened to Big Mike in between?
Where was the big guy in lockdown?
And the answer is here in the studio we cryogenically frozen
with a YouTube tutorial. And it was a little bit like
that scene on Awesome Powers when he's been frozen for many
years and then you unfreeze him and he does a wee wee and then
you keep remember that bed because that was the funniest
scene of all time. Whenever I was a child going to
the cinema and they kept saying freezing complete.
And then Austin Paris just kept pissing.
Essentially we did that big micro cryogenically frozen.
I mean, we didn't do it that well.
We had an old them, an old deal farm lollipop freezer and there
we just popped them in, put a padlock on it.
And there has been some complications, IE he is dead,
but he's here in studio and God rest him because we've propped
him up in a seat and we're producer dance moving him about
like a puppet. I hope we can bring him back at
some point. We're going to whack.
We're going to walk him on the radiator and hope that when we
come back next week and he's miraculously back to life.
But you don't need to worry about him.
He's fine. He's been in there with six pair
of pack and porkies and a joker. And I'm going to say Joker.
Me, me. I hopped in for a bit.
Looks Eppers here. Here's what we're going to mark
being back in the studio. I should point out I did a
patron episode last week. Despite being very drunk.
I always go the extra mile for this podcast.
And at the minute I've just explained to the guys I have a
little jagged bit on one of my teeth and it's cutting the
bottom of my tongue a little bit when I say certain words,
especially else and them and it's it's caused me a lot of
discomfort. But I'm here.
I'm not just here, though. I've got my Tea with me mug and
listen to this zippers. This is the sound of victory, of
being back in the studio after many months away.
That is the sound of me pouring my tea out of a little flask
that I brought from home in the My Tea with Me mug.
It's a glorious sight. It's a glorious sound and no pun
intended. Let's just drink it in.
That's going to be my first sip out of my tea with me mug.
Here we go. Very nice, very, very nice.
We've got the Barry's Tea in there, Barry's Tea gold because
we've got to bring it to big dogs for an occasion like this
and it's a good time. Now, what would be great is if
everyone in this room had a Teeth Me mug.
We don't, it's just me. So what we're going to do is
we're going to all drink out of a bit in between.
We're going to take it and properly clean it and then we're
all going to pass it around and have sips.
But it's a good time. It's a good time.
I'm glad we're back because I've just been doing all my episodes
in the house, and that is good because I'm in the house, but
also not good because my baby also lives with us and.
And sometimes he cries and then I get really worried.
I mean, I don't stop doing the
episode, but I get a little bit worried.
But it's fun, darling. You happy to be back?
Yeah. It's great.
Yeah. Not seeing you in real life.
Same, same, same in real life. Big Mike now he can't again, he
can't speak. I got to apologise to Big Mike's
family because he said, what about if I just go home and just
during lockdown, I just live here in the house.
And I was like, no, we need you in the studio, despite the fact
that we're not using the studio at all.
One talk about a lot of things, a lot of things there.
Of course we'll do listeners questions.
But what I want to kick off with talking about is the thing that
it would be wrong of us not to mark the comeback with this as a
discussion. What about the time when Johnny
Adair got shot in the head at AUB 40 concert in Belfast?
I put that out in Twitter. I said was it because I was in
the house one day and I thought maybe I'm just, you know, going
mad because I'm not sleeping that much, I'm going to get like
18 hours a night. But that I imagine it.
Or when I was younger, did Johnny Adair get shot in the
head at AUB 40 concert and not die or anything.
And I put that out in Twitter and a lot of people got it
started a debate and people got back to me and they were like,
it happened and it's brilliant. No, I may have to take this
episode down because Johnny there or somebody, one of his
friends might get in touch and go remove this episode now.
And I love this podcast, but in a heartbeat, I'll take it down
100%. Johnny, if you're watching I, I,
I'm not be I'm not like slobbering or anything.
I just, I enjoy the fact that you've got a lot going on.
The fact that it's UB40 concert as well.
Like he literally he was out on parole and I've seen him telling
this story and Johnny there, if you don't know who he is, is a
bald loyalist. And again, I don't want to get
in any trouble here, but I think those two things are fair to
say. I think it's fair to say he does
not have hair, although imagine if he got in touch and he's
like, don't be saying nothing. No, but I mean like he is, he is
ball. I like I'm gonna suit him, but
at the same time he is a ball loyalist.
And I also think it is fair to say that Johnny there is a
loyalist. I think that's fair to say
unless he is rethought things. But anyway, I want to get out of
that and get into this. I, I saw Johnny Deb was on a
podcast that there's not this not tea with me, but he was
telling the story about getting shot at the head in the head of
UB40 concert. And what's mad is that you would
be telling a story about getting shot in the head because that
seems like if you got shot in the head, you might not be able
to tell the story about how you got shot in the head.
I feel like if you get shot in the head 99 out of 100 times,
you're going to absolutely die. But Johnny there was out on bail
and he said his wife Gina bought him tickets to see UB40 in
Belfast. And he's like, I love UB40 had
to go so instantly. I like that he was willing to
risk a hit, which ultimately he did get hit just because he
fucking loved UB40. Like back in those days, he
probably loved being a loyalist and UB40.
And it's it's hard to deny that UB40 are a very good band.
And for some reason, I just get the impression that loyalists
really were into UB40. Like for some reason, I think, I
think the Republican guys might have been more, you know, who
would they have been into around that time?
And like, what other bonds were simply read, simply, simply
read. Yeah, 100 percent, 100%
Republicans were in the simply read like mecha, like their two
favourite people were the Pope and Mech Hucknall.
And, and I like, yes, I like that a lot.
But yeah, Johnny there was like, I was on a beer.
Wife got me tickets to see you before.
He's like, I couldn't not go. So he's there for the music.
And then this guy shot Johnny there in the head.
But he goes, it was a wet round. So I don't know what that means,
but he says he got shot in the head.
The bullet travelled around his forehead.
And then he's like, I just had that.
He said he thought a ball went off.
And then he's like, I just turned around and I was fighting
them all. And here's the thing about you
need all about me. If I ever get shot in the head,
I would definitely take a while to relax after, you know, I
would have some down time for sure.
I don't think I would be up for a fight.
And he tells a story about like, he goes, oh, I didn't want to go
to hospital. So I just bounced in a taxi.
I was like, me, take me up to the Shankle.
What I would say to all listeners is if you ever get
shot in the head at the UB40 concert, seek medical assistance
immediately. But Johnny just went back up to
the Shankle. And I was talking about this on
Twitter and I was like, is it not the most beautiful Northern
Irish story of all time? Like, thing is, I don't even
think he left the concert early, you know, I think he was waiting
for a red red wine and and he took one on the head and he's
like, no, they're going to drop Kingston Tony in a second here.
And and I love it. I absolutely love it.
And I don't know if Johnny Dare listens to watches the podcast,
but I just want you to know that when I said you're a ball
loyalist, it was producer Dan who told gave me that
description, told me to say that.
But a great story. I would love it if the taxi
driver who took him up to the shangle would come on the
podcast, maybe talk about it. I would love to get Ali
Campbell. I think he's called Ali Campbell
from UB40I mean, what were they aware of it?
You know, like, do UB40 know that that happened?
And also, wouldn't it be great if we could get Mike Hucknall on
the podcast and the likes of an Alex Maskey, you know, just to
see Maskey just pay tribute to his favourite singer.
Unbelievable. Big fan of that.
There's plenty I want to talk about.
I want to talk about the fact that on the podcast, before we
departed for COVID, I made a bet, kind of bet that the the
two guys here that if we ever got into the iTunes Top 40, I
would take them to speed the recording episode with Jerry
Flynn. Like Live would go out there and
do it. And at the time it felt like it
was never going to happen. Not that I didn't have faith in
this podcast, but I was willing to spend, I don't know, £400 as
I'm never going to have to fork out for this.
But it turns out we're way better a podcast than I thought.
And to be fair, Jamie Dornan came on an episode and that
might have had something to do with it.
But we're going to Spain. Adios, we're going to Spain.
I don't know when we can go, but we are going.
Do we think this is going to happen this year?
No, you don't think it's gonna happen this year?
Can't see it? I mean is the thing we'll travel
now, like going is OK, but coming back is the problem like
we would have to quarantine if we came back.
Yeah, the government seemed quite happy to see us go, but
when we come back, you'd be stuck in the House for two
weeks. I.
Don't know if that's the worst thing in the world.
Yeah, because you can do all your work from the house.
Yeah, I can't. Yeah, true.
And also how long do we go for? Because like ideally I just pay
for us to one day, but then Jews want to stretch it out, do a
longer trip. We'll need to work out some way
where I'll pay for your flights, but if there's more than one
night's accommodation, that's coming out of your pockets.
At least 10 days. No, we're not on board.
No, we're not. That is full board.
It's not all inclusive. It's very much inclusive.
Like it's very much like meals are not provided like this is
budget. This is budget.
Yeah, I'll pay for I'll pay for a flight.
I mean, I'm I'll go for a day. You guys can stay longer, but
it'll be coming out like definitely coming out of your
own pockets. But I love that we would be in
Spain, do an episode of the pocket.
We should just do an international tour for the
podcast. We go to Spain, we go to
Portugal. We do it like it's always X
Irish League players, even whether they live there or not.
Like we go to Portugal, we do an episode of Glenn Ferguson.
He lives I think in Hollywood, but we'll take him out and do an
episode there. So the TV's me podcast could be
travelling internationally. We could go to Scotland, do an
episode which only there. What about whenever like you get
put out of here and they're like, you have to leave a
country and they're just like they're allowed to just be in
Scotland. I mean, the closest you are to
Scotland is 12 miles at one point in this country.
Like it's not very ambitious to be like you.
You can't be anywhere near here. Like you can.
You can probably see him. You can probably see him in
certain parts. Just walk in a bike with
headphones on. Do you before So yeah, we've got
to arrange that at some point. But what I want to talk about is
is politics. I don't really like getting into
politics, especially don't like getting into local politics like
it just did. They're getting the loyalist
politics. I mean, I probably won't be here
for next week's episode. I'll probably get put out to and
just have to do on podcast from fucking Stranraer but them.
But what I want to talk about is people here weighing into US
politics, conspiracy theories, all that kind of thing.
And I'm not doubting the conspiracy theories.
I'm not saying that's wrong. But I just think it's very weird
that people from here are throwing our opinions behind
politics anywhere else because our politics wouldn't be sorted.
You know, we seem to forget that it's more mental here than
anywhere. And we're like, listen, let me
on Twitter, you know, Chris from macro felt is like, let me get
on Twitter. I'll sort out what's happened in
America here. Wake up people.
You know, I just don't understand why we're weighing in
anywhere else. You know, Trump, like people
from here have an opinion. We don't know.
We don't know what we're talking about.
Nobody really knows what they're talking about.
But I just don't like that. Like people here are like people
keep telling me to wake up, you know, and I had a thing I talked
about it in TV podcast not that long ago with a local commercial
radio DJ who just kept putting up COVID things.
And I was like, why are you doing this?
Why? And people are like, listen,
COVID is not real and listen, to be fair, I don't know anyone
that's had it. And I I don't want someone I
know to get it, but I do want them that not it would be handy
if they we're fine, if I knew they were going to be fine, no
symptoms. They just have it and then it
goes away. It would back up the fact that I
could be like, listen, COVID Israel because listen, my mate,
but at the minute I don't have any mates who've had it.
So what I'm saying is it's not, I don't think it's real.
It's a hoax.
It's just a way to muzzle us because people are pissed off.
They're like all the government, they're making us wear face
masks. It's fun.
I like it because I go into shops, I put on my face masks
and what you can't see is below my face mask.
I'm going, I like, I can never do that in the shop.
I can never do that in the shop, especially me, a massive
Northern Irish celebrity. But listen, I'm walking about
Vivo and I'm passing a guy in the on the serial aisle and he
says nice day, isn't it? And I go, yeah, yeah.
And then as soon as I say yeah, yeah, I go.
People can't hear me do it. They don't know I'm doing it.
You know, I walk past like a little old lady.
I just, you know, like they're annoyed with my eyes.
And she would presume underneath my mask I'm smiling, but I'm not
underneath my mask. I'm going, oh, you're so old,
but you can't. I pay, right?
I pay with my wee chip and pin with this facial expression.
But you don't know I'm doing it. And that's why I'm always going
to wear a mask. I'm always going to wear a mask.
Sometimes I do like big buck teeth under my mask, but no one
knows I'm doing it. And it's a lot of fun.
It's a hell of a lot of fun. I am I my opinion with masks is
I was like, each to their own. If you want to wear one grade.
If not, don't worry about it. Had a child.
So again, spar not wearing a mask.
Was willing to fight him in the car park.
I was like, you have to. He was why do you have to?
I was like, I don't know. Scientifically, I don't know.
Also, I'm pissed off at this. I thought if I wore a mask that
means I'm definitely not going to get COVID.
And then somebody goes, Oh no, it's to protect others.
In fact, those producer Danny told me because he's not a big
massive smug head on and they're going it was, it was actually
me. I think you're fine.
What happened was we were in the left, the BBC going to do the
radio show. I got into a left with him and
Dave Elliott. So I was like, chances are I'm
going to get COVID, if not something a lot worse, you know,
because there would, there'd be a lot of stuff in the air with
those two. And I put my T-shirt over my
nose and mouth and they both were like, why are you doing
that? And I said, oh, COVID.
And then producer Dan got on this high horse.
I couldn't actually see him, but he said he showed it down to me.
He goes, it only protects others from you.
And I did not know what that meant.
But now I've looked into it and realised you can still get it.
Just means if you have it, no one else will get it.
Is that right? Bullshit.
Why then I'm wearing it because I don't have it.
I mean, I don't know, I don't have it, but I just don't like
it. I like I would like to know that
I'm not going to get it. So I don't know why I'm
protecting others. Because then if one person
doesn't wear it, it's it's all undermined.
It's all undermined. And I'm thinking, do I get like
a funny mask? Is that a thing?
People getting like wacky crazy design masks?
I don't know, like I would love to have one that just looks like
my mouth, which is the big cock coming at the side.
I think that would be a lot of fun going into shop or just
like, yeah, like like my face with like a wee like blow up
dolls hole, like a wee black hole and just insert here.
I think that might be also quite fun as well, but I don't know.
I like I I don't have a mask on me right now.
I don't have one in the car, so that means I can't go in the
shop and I think it's very inconvenient.
You are you are a mask happy enough.
Yeah, I don't mind. I sometimes forget when you go
into a shop. Why did you say forget like an
Italian American gangster? I forget, forget about it.
You forget when you go into a shop.
Well, sometimes you forget when you leave the car.
You get to the door of the shop and you see everyone coming out
wearing masks. You still go in.
Now you have to make that long trek back to the car.
Yeah, that's a walkersheet in back, isn't it?
But like a lot of people who it's funny, the people that like
don't think overt is real but will still put on the mask, it's
like, oh, you're mugging yourself there just down by your
principles and don't wear a mask.
No, I'm happy that they're wearing a mask, but.
Yeah. Do you think, but do you think
it's going to become the thing? Do you think we're going to be
wearing these for a year? Or more.
I think some people will wear them forever now like.
See, I always would have thought I nearly said it.
I nearly said the sentence. I always thought Asian people
were weird, but gladly I'm glad I stopped myself.
But then I did just say it. But I mean, the Asian people
that wear masks on public transport, like in London and
stuff, you see Asian people with masks on and you would always
go, well that's so weird. Like why are you doing that?
You're so paranoid, why are you doing that?
Then someone explained to me in, in like China, they will wear
them if they have a cold. So they've, they've been doing
this for years. They live in a communist
country. So it's all about like the
greater good or whatever. So they wear a mask to protect
other people for themselves. So I just want to apologise to
Asia in general. But I thought what we could do,
which would be fun, is look at some of the comments on the
Belfast Telegraph Facebook page, because that is always a lot of
fun. So anytime something COVID
related happens, I'm straight on there and I like to see what
people are saying because people have a lot of time in their
hands and there is a lot of people who shouldn't have access
to the Internet. What's also great is it's I've
talked about this before, the five stages of loyalism where
people will sectarianism, sorry, where people will get sectarian
on any story, the Belfast Telegraph as like if they're
like when, when a free when a month's supply of chalk ices 5
comments down, some guy will be like Brett's out.
What's the link? So let me just find a hold on.
Sorry, a story that's caught my eye here that I think there
might also be great comments on IS.
Same sex couples here permitted to register for religious
wedding ceremony for the first time today.
I mean, I feel like people will get passionate about that.
Eh, let me just say, Sean. Sean writes perfectly, OK, As
long as none of them are forced into it.
Some gay guys just having a brunch and guy breaks into their
house with a gun. You're going to do exactly as I
say. Oh, man, What do you want?
Money? Listen, we've got money.
We've got money we can get No get in your car and follow me
down to the church. You have some admin to do and I
like that people are like the comment section here is going to
take off someone will someone's dial will always weigh in with
this comment about 10. They all couples can be
miserable together. Oh God.
Oh, Brett gets involved. 23 likes on this by the way, keep
this out of God's house. Fuck.
Jesus Christ Rose Day of shame for Ulster Day of shame for
Ulster. 45 likes. People fucking loving it John.
Absolutely appalling. Thankfully the Church of God
stood firm against sodomy in this occasion and won the battle
to keep his house sacred. However, the LGBT lobby will not
be finished yet. The battle is won, the war is
not. If two men or two women want to
get married and call it marriage, they can do what they
want, but not in God's house. God's House sounds like like an
album Snoop Dogg would released in the late 90s.
By the way, everybody here comment and that sort of thing
has had thoughts, big thoughts. What's really funny is someone
will just write a comment like, oh, you know, everyone, everyone
should be respected. And immediately that's jumped on
people like will you fuck off? Delete this comment, right?
Let me find a COVID story here and we'll see what people are
saying. Eh, let me see, let me see great
content, right here we go. So this is a story about
translinks and sorry because there's people on buses, like
not socially distancing and not wearing masks.
Jason has it sorted. He goes more doom and gloom when
the reality is that only 17 people are in hospital.
I mean, he has no regard for 17 people that are in hospital.
There's only 17 people in hospital.
Bend the government muzzles and return the normality.
See, that's what I enjoy. The people are like the
government are muscle on us like dogs.
I mean, that would be way fucking sexier if everyone had
to go to the shops with actual muzzles on and like and like a
man had to walk around with a leash.
I wouldn't. I would pay good money for that.
And oh by the way, the other comment that always gets brought
out, this is only employees so that can install 5G all over the
world to take away the distractions of the serious
effects of 5G. Get real people and think
properly. The governments are corrupt as
hell. Don't be controlled by letting
the governments tell you how to live your life.
You only get one life. Enjoy it Gary, enjoy yours mate
because it doesn't sound like you are.
It sounds like you're online comment on the Belfast Telegraph
comment section. Just go out, mate, Just go out.
Oh, I read this wrong, Caroline says totally disgraceful, put on
more carriages, if not trains. I thought she says totally
disgraceful, put cabbages on trains.
I didn't know what that meant. I was like, I don't know what
this theory is. The cabbages are going to cure
COVID, but I would enjoy it. Coronavirus is continuing to
strip the country. There'll be no way until the
vaccine's found. Jason just writes.
So what? So what?
Very enjoyable. Yeah.
I mean, I, I don't know, like we're back in the studio today.
I'm doing some gigs next week at the Limelight.
Tickets are on sale, by the way. I've posted about it and on my
social media. But then but people are going to
be wearing masks, the performers are going to have different
microphones. I mean, I've always done that
anyway because I'm from Hollywood.
So I've always have a different microphone to everyone else
because you never know, there could be someone from Belfast
on. But it is going to be the new
normal thing. People are going to be spread
out, which is not what you want at a comedy club.
But we're just going to have to adopt and get used to it and
feel free if there's any guys that want to come down with
leather masks on or, or muzzles or chains or leashes or
whatever. And you're more than welcome.
I mean, I'll be honest, I am doing a comedy show.
But the only reason I'm doing it is because, look, we're going to
sell over 1000 tickets. I hope when everyone's at the
show, we're putting a 5G towers in everyone's garden.
Yeah, I'm sorry to say it, but when you're right, there's going
to be a couple of workmen in a van.
Set them a 5G tour at your back and for some reason here we're
here in Hollywood and Hollywood was massive for anti 5G
graffiti. Also make there was some there
was one person who really has something against 5G.
Now it may well have been 3G because he is bound to be
absolutely fuming because no one even talks about 3G was the shit
back in that. I mean I remember just back in
the days of WAP. I mean, WAP now means wet ass
pussy as a Cardi B song. But back in the day, WAP was a
lot less cool. WAP was Internet on your phone.
I mean, it was a lie. People would sell you a phone
like Carphone Warehouse and go. Don't worry mate, there's WAP.
And what WAP stood for is no fucking Internet whatsoever.
Like you couldn't, you couldn't scroll, you couldn't do anything
on WAP. But that I remember the first
thing I ever had on the Internet on my phone was score updates
from Man United. And I thought that was class
that would text you on Man United score.
Sir Oxforderson would text you on Man United score, which was
class. He had a big list of everybody's
number. But WAP was terrible.
Like nobody browsed the Internet With WAP, you know, you'd have
been way quicker just going to your neighbour house to ask the
question. WAP.
I, my phone has WAP. I'm on the Internet here.
You're not, you're not on the Internet.
It would take so long to load a page that your credit run it.
No one ever found the answer to a question on WAP.
And imagine, imagine sending someone back in the day buying a
phone. Listen, see in the future you
can have porn on your phone back in WAP.
There used to be used to be on WAP.
If you wanted to buffer a low resolution picture of breasts,
it would take three weeks. It would take three weeks.
So you would download it, forget about it, and then the next
month you would get a wee thing on your phone and you'd be like,
unreal. And it was just a picture from
about 50 feet away of some boobs.
But no, WAP is no WAP is wet ass pussy.
That's just the way it is. Things change.
WAP used to be a great feature of mobile phones and that's wet
ass pussy. And some people probably
uncomfortable with me saying wet ass pussy, but that's just the
way like when people in Northern Ireland say pussy a lot of the
time with various accents here it sounds like pussy, which is
doubly disgusting when you think about whereas posse.
You know when pus was all the rage when we were getting our
BCG, The word pus was used most in the late 90s when everyone
was getting a BCG because the big question was, are you
getting pus? No, that I might have just
misheard in the playground when the genre kept asking me if I
was getting much pus. Because at the time I was like,
he, I mean, if he was Sam Pus, he must have thought I was a
serious player in P7 because he's like, what about you?
You're getting much pus. And I'd be like every night in
bed, every night in bed, there's pus.
There is pus all over my sheets, plus when I wake up in the
morning, plus when I have my lunch, plus when I go to bed.
I'm having a posse time at the minute.
You get much? Plus he's like fuck all mate
fuck all. The thing is BCG wouldn't be a
thing anymore. Nobody be allowed together
because people would accuse Bill Gates of trying to give you
autism or whatever it is. I'm a big fan of that theory as
well. Anti Bill Gates, anti Bill Gates
demonstration lesson. Bill Gates is 607 years old.
Leave him be. Leave him be, he's not doing any
harm. Bill Gates is the guy that
brought us the paper clip on windows.
Remember that we interactive guy used to pop up spruce up your IT
lesson one of the first time you find out there was the we paper
clip man that used to come over on Microsoft.
You'd be an IT lesson Someone go here.
You seen that we paper clip what we paper clip you can ask
questions unbelievable used to punch onto the screen.
Everyone knows what I'm talking about.
If you're over 30, there was this thing on Microsoft Word you
could bring up and it was we paper clip with the face and he
was great. You could ask him anything here.
How do I do a picture in this Word document?
And he would do he would he was it was very entertaining.
And then there was also this feature on Microsoft, which you
can make your own 3D cartoon. Does anybody remember that?
You can make like a comic very fun when I find out very, very
fun. But there you go.
I mean, I have nothing else to say on that other than other
than it was enjoyable. And then and listen, wet ass
pussy, wet ass pussy, I mean wet ass pussy.
The the number one thing you don't want is a wet ass because
that is the number one thing you can get whenever you go to the
seaside for the day, you wear swimming shorts and you still
have a little bit of a wet bum from the sea.
It will get you will have like an itch, an itchy bum.
Your bum cheeks will be itchy and and that is always an
uncomfortable drive home because a lot of time you'll have sand
in between your feet and stuff. And that's why I just don't go
to the seaside because I don't want to get into wet ass pussy.
Wet Ass Pussy by Daniel O'Donnell listen.
Folks, bit of a cover here for you, bit of a new direction for
me. We're going to slow it down a
bit. This is wet ass pussy.
This is for Magell Magelli. Get the camera.
I'm going to be cover here. Wet Ass posse.
This is Daniel Donnell in the Live Lounge and I'll be covering
Cardi B and Wet Ass Posse. What we should do is get the
lyrics of Wet Ass Pussy up and I will cover it as Daniel
O'Donnell because we're back in the studio.
I don't know why we wouldn't wet ass the first time I've googled
it. Wet ass pussy lyrics So what a
time to be alive is Dan is Daniel Donnell in the Live
Lounge for BBC Radio One with his cover of wet Ass pussy?
Bitches be pressed they knew how I'm coming.
Real bitch in the flesh. Who the fuck she go and check
She be talking that shit talking out of her neck.
Put her blood on her dress. Bitches be mad when they see
Daniel step in the spot said that you bout it.
We know that you not I'm a pull up on bitches as soon as I drop
bought a new foreign and my cop a yacht scared bitches in my
business. They trying to plot whoo hoes
pop and shit like they hot, but they not just flooded the rest
the Patek the watch can't say that word be flexing.
We know that you've got Daniel Dunnan had the game in a knot.
If you're N word. I got him on luck this go Bang
Bang like I'm chopping them chops VVS chain.
I'm in love with the rocks. You said you're going to take it
bitch, you got me chopped. They throw in shade because they
see Daniel on top that bitch to pull up.
Daniel's going to send you the drop.
So there you go, just in case you ever wondered what it would
sound like if Daniel done read the lyrics for wet Ass pussy.
I've got loads of listeners questions before I get to there.
I already have plugged actually manscape, have I?
Yeah, plug landscape and Patreon.
So actually I don't need to do that.
So we can do listeners questions.
All right, let's see what we've got here.
We'll start on Twitter. All right, first question is
from Jamie. How's the fantasy team coming
together? Yeah, I don't do a fantasy
football team because I have a family, you know, and, and, and
things to do. So anyone who does a fun, I love
football, but anyone who does a fantasy football team and edits
their team 10 weeks in is not working hard enough at what they
do in life. Because we all do a fantasy
football team. And then you just don't transfer
anyone on the tails off like you'll you'll have come the end
of the season. I always have a guy who's been
out for 10 months, but I never change him when I'm a team.
So I don't like having a fantasy team.
Ryan Galway, best pub and Lauren.
I've only been to one pub and Lauren, which is the older Fleet
Bar where I do on my tour because I spent a long time
slagging off Lauren as Mike McGoldrick.
And I just want to apologise to absolutely nobody for doing that
and I will continue to do it. I mean, the formula that's very
simple. Just mention something, you
know, extravagant, and then say something about, about Lauren.
It balances out the joke and it always works.
Umm. But people were like, ah, you're
going to come to Lauren on your tour.
This was a couple of years ago. And I said, yeah.
And then we got in touch with the town hall and for some
reason they said no, they were like, no, we're not interested
in booking the show. And I couldn't work out why.
And then I remembered everything I'd said about the time and I
was like, that's absolutely fair.
But the older flip bar stepped up and they were like, yes,
we'll take the show. Now, with hindsight, it could
have been a Johnny There you be 40 type head.
Like I could have gone in there. Someone could have got a whack
on. I don't know what that means and
shot me in the head with it. And I had I would have had to
get a taxi up to the Shankle. But then.
But it was brilliant. It was really good.
It was one of the best shows on the tour.
It was the first show of the tour and and what was brilliant
is the next day after as I was getting ready for the show, some
guys like see tomorrow, we've got you here tonight and
tomorrow it's Lauren Pride class.
I didn't even. I said, I didn't know that was a
thing. And they go, it's the first
year, we're going to see how it goes.
And then a guy telling me was like, listen, some boys from a
church are coming down to protest.
And I had to tell him I was like, listen, they're not coming
down. They're saying they're coming
down to protest, but they're coming down to see what the icon
is like 100 percent, 100%. Those guys are like, oh, it's
wrong and all they're having a wee look.
You know what I mean? They're coming down to see what
what nice bombs are about. But it was a lot of fun.
It was a lot of fun. And I hope Lauren pride is still
a thing. So I would say the older fleet
Owen McMahon says, have you ever made jam?
I've never made jam. My mother-in-law makes jam and
gives me jam quite a lot and I eat jam every day.
I'm a toast with a bit of honey, so I've never felt the need to
make it myself. I don't think I ever will.
But maybe if tea with me become successful enough, maybe we have
a range of our own tea bags of tea range.
And then maybe, maybe we do like biscuits and then maybe we do
spreads and then maybe we just get into the meat game.
Maybe we just sell meat out of a lorry.
That's the ideal thing. Tea with me mate was she and
Todd and we just have various meat in a lorry.
What happens is there's all different meat in there.
You get a blindfold on, you go in, you left as much meat as you
can. You don't know what meat it is.
It could be pheasant, it could be Kai, it could just be a bald
loyalist you come out with. But either way you get your
mate. So, So I've never made John, but
I would like to now Dalton, if you could live anywhere in the
world other than Northern Ireland, where would it be?
I wouldn't live anywhere else in the world, mate, because I love
are we country? I love Northern ire.
I love people who say who still say that Northern ire up nor
Northern ire. That's it.
Are we country? Eh, I don't think we'd live
anywhere else. If we're really hard to I would
probably go, I would probably go to Scotland and just walk about
asking loyalists who'd been kicked out.
What do you do, you know, because I would like that
gossip. Would you kicked out for If not,
I would probably live in, I would live in Dubai because I
went there with my wife on holiday a couple of years ago
and we went to this place called Mr Miagi's, which was a cocktail
bar restaurant. And they come running to there
was a very, very flamboyant Asian gentleman who's in charge
of the entertainment, Mr Maggies.
And he comes around your table and you do karaoke, but you
don't get up to perform. As you're having dinner, he
hands you the microphone and you just sing for the whole
restaurant. And I sang after a couple of
cocktails myself. Ignition remix by R Kelly.
And when my wife was on her way to the toilets, someone we've
never met before, a woman came up to her and went.
Your partner there was really, really brilliant to do enough.
And after that moment, I've thought I could easily make a
living. And I know this is maybe
controversial, but as an R Kelly impersonator in Dubai, without
all this, The Dirty stuff he was doing, you know, just like not a
lifestyle R Kelly, but just the songs.
Because R Kelly's kind of been cancelled.
He's in prison, he's pressing on people in there, he's probably
throwing, he's probably shitting on people, whatever he likes.
But there's no reason why you can be an R Kelly tribute act if
you just did the songs. In fact, that is a niche thing
because like Gary Glitter can't go on to her.
And I'm not saying that like that's that's wrong.
I, I don't think he should be. I think he should be listen, I
think he should be sat down and spoken to.
But you know, there's no reason why somebody else couldn't do
his songs. You know what I mean?
You could donate a lot of money to various things, but you could
literally do a set. And it was just all like Michael
Jackson. You do a bit of Jackson, bit of
R Kelly, a bit of Daniel Donaldson wet ass pussy, you do
R Kelly before you know, you've got yourself an hour and a half
set that will go down an opposite storm, I think in
Dubai. And what about the time when I
was in Dubai? We went to the mosque in Abu
Dhabi, which isn't in Dubai. So I don't know why we say when
I was in Dubai I went to a different place, but it was a
Buster. And there was a weird thing on
the tour where they took us to this carpet shop in the middle
of nowhere and the guy was like, my brother owns this carpet shop
by a carpet. And I was like, I don't need a
car. I have enough, more than enough
carpet in my house. And he put a lot of pressure on
me and I was like, how much are the carpets?
And I don't know why I asked that because I was never going
to buy a carpet. And I got into negotiation.
I had the back out and I felt threatened.
But that's irrelevant. What's relevant is when I was in
the mosque in Dubai, I was wearing shorts and the guy goes,
you can't come in here in those shorts.
And I was about to go, why? Because I'm a sexy bastard.
And he goes no, because disrespectful to like literally
to or to Allah. And I said right.
What do I need to do to get in? And he goes, you have two
options. You can either this 100%
happened. He's like, you can either wear
these we like cotton trousers we have and they're free and you
can borrow them and return them on your way out.
Or you can send someone in your party to go to the gift shop and
they can buy you full traditional robes.
And I said, which of those do you think I'm going to pick?
Because before he finished his sentence, I'd give my wife all
my money. And I said, bring me the best
robes you can find. And I walked around the only
like white guy doing the tour, the only non-muslim guy, just
head the toe like a full shake. And I don't know whether it's
shake or sake, but let's just say I was a shake sake.
And that's what I want this week's episode of the podcast to
be called the shake Sake. And it was a great time.
Now, I was far too warm, and the robes they got, and I had a
panic attack and thought it was going to faint.
But apart from that, a good trip.
But singing our Kelly Ignition remix in the restaurant was a
highlight. And I know that wasn't the
question. James Mccavig says Ed Sheeran
announced his new daughter's name was Lyra Antarctica
Seaborne Sheeran. Do you think she was conceived
at sea, or was that merely A coincidence?
Yeah, there's a lot of Nordic themes there.
Antarctica seaborne Sheeran. Lyra Antarctica seaborne
Sheeran. You can have that name in
England, you know what I mean? Like, he's very middle class.
You can have that name, you go to a Belfast school with that
name. Your first day of primary school
is going to be your last day of primary school.
You're going to get torn to shreds for that. 100%.
Although Lyra Sheeran is normal enough.
It's just the middle names that that make it over the top and
extravagant. My middle name is not a bad
middle name, but for some reason I get a lot of abuse for it,
like amongst my friends and I shouldn't because my middle
name's Stuart. So I'm called so I'm called she
and sure Todd, which is a totally normal name.
I mean, it's spelled Stewart, which I hate.
I prefer to be St Schuart, but I'm Stewart and none of my
friends knew my middle name until my wedding.
And my wife was like, you know, the registrar was like, do you
my wife's name, Tig. She and Stuart told me.
And whenever she said she and Stuart Todd.
And then I had to also say change your toad when I was
talking about myself, everybody laughed.
And I was like, don't do that at a wedding.
This is disrespectful. And I scrubbed the entire front
row. And I was like, why is that
funny? Stewart as a middle name.
But I found out. Was it your middle name?
Yeah. Which is Gregory.
Gregory. Gregory and Big Mike.
Am I alive now? You're alive.
You're brought back to life, Brian.
Hold on, hold on. Why are our three middle names
DUP councillors? Stuart, Gregory and Brian, The
crew have shown up. All these boys are ready to
party. Who you got?
Stuart, Gregory, Brian, the squad ready to turn up.
Oh, Jesus Christ. Oh, we have terrible middle
names. Shoot.
Right. Here's the thing.
You want to down, You want to go all inclusive to Spain, you
said? Yeah, I will take the boys on an
all inclusive trip to Spain. This, this is true.
I'm saying this on the podcast, this legitimate.
So you have the option. You can either go budget, which
is what it's going to be. I'll pay for your flights, one
nights accommodation, a lunch, a reasonably priced lunch in the
airport, or I will pay for us to go away for three nights to
Spain. Everything paid for drinks,
food, souvenirs in the gift shop.
We ashtray for your mom even she doesn't smoke.
If by depot you change your middle name or add another
middle name and you can change it back and then cost £50.
Is anyone off for that? Actually have another middle
name. Hold on let me prepare myself
for this. By the way, no one said yes or
no to my offer. You have so Big Mike has another
middle name as well as Brian, which is Owen.
Owen with an O. Owen with an O?
Yeah. As opposed to what?
Oh, fair. Fair, fair.
Sorry. Disrespectful.
And Owen Brian. Owen.
Brian Owen sounds like a famous poet.
Yeah. But a really terrible thing is
that I didn't realise that my middle initials spell out Bo.
So it's Michael Bo Foster. Michael Bo Foster.
Yeah. It's not good.
Don't you have any other middle names?
You just Gregory? No.
Yeah, I just have Stuart. But like, would you be willing
to instead of Dan Gregory quick, would you be willing to call be
called like Dan Ferry Quick spelt maybe like not VER like
VERRI. So you would say it to people,
but you wouldn't like wait for a laugh.
You'd just be like Dan, very quick.
So I have to introduce myself. Full name, by the way, that's
such a baller move to through your middle name when you're
introducing yourself to. Hi Shinchartel.
Nice to meet you. Michael.
You got to change yours to Michael Loves account of Foster.
I mean, it doesn't work because there's no S on Foster, so it
wouldn't you have to change your surname as well and other names
that you. Yeah.
So would you guys think about it for junior middle name people?
I mean, Spain's good, Spain's good.
Yeah, but don't forget, by the time we're going to go, you
won't have been away anywhere in about a year and a half.
So you'll be dying for a trip, would you?
Think about it. That's by then the next podcast
comes around. You make a decision.
What was the other absurd thing I said?
If we get the 150 Patreons, I'll shoot a proper music video of me
and record myself singing, Walking in Memphis. 100 A
hundred a hundred. So I think another five and
we're there. OK so patreon.com TV me podcast,
if we had 100 patreons I will for no reason upload a video
myself singing Walking in Memphis and shoot a really weird
music video for it. And then what was the other one?
The I would get a small tattoo of a cup of tea mug.
If we if we get. But that's for 1000. 1000, yeah.
And if we had 1000, I'll also change all my names to just shot
in the head at UB40 concert. I'd be willing to do that.
We've got some more questions from Kelly and McKay, who says,
you know what, not going to read it, Not going to read it because
you've been a little bit bold there and and I don't like the
question. I've done 50 minutes, 45 don't
45. OK, cool.
And I mean, I know I said give me a subtle thing, but then,
yeah, I've undermined it by just vocalising it, but OK, Husty
says Dave Elliot and McCallum, Mickey Bartlett, Shag Marie.
Avoid again. This is one of those things,
like the gay marriage thing where no one's forcing me to do
this, you know, I mean, shag marry or avoid.
Like I don't have to pick, but I will.
Umm, shag by the way, down in Houston.
Are you down in Houston or Austin Powers?
Shag. Umm, I would shag probably, umm,
the Dave I would shag Dave because eh, you know it, it
wouldn't be a first time folks. Sick.
Umm no, because I think our friendship could withstand it
100%. Yeah, I mean, Dave and I've been
in a bath, a bubble bath, the other for a video the big Mike
shot and the and the client did not like that bit of the video.
They were a very Christian company and they didn't like
based in Northern Ireland. You know, that is only going to
be exaggerated. So they didn't love the scene
where two gentlemen were in the bath together and they
especially didn't like the director's cup where we were in
full fellatio. Shagdev marry, probably marry
Aaron McCann because. Because he likes to have fun,
because I think he would buy me nice things, treat me well.
I'm going to avoid Mickey purely because I'm going to avoid
Mickey because Mickey is induce martial artists and do is like
some numb Chucks dressing up like a ninja, doing all that
kind of thing. So I would worry that if I got
on the wrong side of him, if we had a tiff or whatever, that he
would throw a shooting star like a ninja star, whatever they're
called into my forehead. So that that would be the only
reason. More questions are from.
Let me see. You know, probably should have
had all this set up beforehand. But this is reality, people.
This is reality. OK.
No. Do you have more?
Oh. Hit myself.
Oh why is that done that? Yep.
One flying Irishman says, Will your Limelight gigs be recorded
for the Patreon? Good question.
The reason that I don't want to record these gigs, probably
apart from my own, from my own records, is because I see if I
record it and put it out even on the Patreon.
And then I imagine if you're on the Patreon, chances are you
might come and see me live at some point.
I don't want you to have seen the material.
So obviously last year's whole special, the Todd Father is up
on there, which is the full thing.
It'll go on YouTube at some point, but for the meantime,
it's just for the Patreons. Eventually this material I'm
doing, when it's a proper show will probably be on Patreon
first. But these gigs, it's still going
to be me trying the material. So I probably wouldn't put that
out there. So come to the come to the gigs
is essentially what I'm saying. If you can fly in Fort James
Wilkinson, our Coleraine going to win the Europa League.
Now this is not a a football podcast, so I can't answer that
other than to say yes, 100% Carl Cunningham, what's your biggest
success in football Manager in what year?
I'm not going to answer that apart from to say 2001 Leeds
United manager won the Champions League.
Mark Viduka scored the winning goal.
I have had a lot of other successes since then.
Oldham took Oldham in about 2006 seven into the Premier League.
But a lot of the time Football Manager, I always have a bad
relationship with the board. So thankfully I've stopped
playing Football Manager since for about 6 months and I don't
think I'll play it again because it takes up too much of your
life and you can't be productive.
And then the baby would be like hey, can I get some attention?
And I'd be like listen, I would love to but I am trying to take
Bradford City to the Championship here, I know, but I
need food and all and I'm like listen, these players need an
arm around them from the gaffer. So I think it's best that I
don't play it. But I'd take combined.
I played Football Manager for a year in my life.
Honestly don't regret it or no. Kane, Shane.
What was your favourite concert growing up and why was it S Club
7 in the Odyssey in 2001? I didn't go to that, but I
definitely would have. Escope 7 Reached for the Stars
reminds me of my last day of P7 where I wasn't emotional at all.
But then it was the last day of P7 and looked around and
realised that I was moving on to a different experience and I
nearly cried a little bit in my classroom in front of primary
school. Escope 7 Reached for the Stars
was on and the and the lyrics that really resonated with me.
And any time I hear that song, no I hysterically cry.
Hysterically cry. So my favourite concert growing
up and weirdly my first ever concert was Elton John at
Stormont, which is weird for a child to go to by himself, but
there. But no, I went with my family to
see Elton John. That was pretty class because
the line I was like, who the fuck is this guy?
I don't know this guy at all. This this old weird guy with
glasses on. Then he did Can you feel the
love tonight? And I was like, he's The Lion
King mom and I hysterically cried when he played Can you
feel the love tonight? So that was good.
Eminem. Oh, my last day of school, 5th
year, my last day, I went to see Eminem, a Punchestone race
course. Big Mike was there too, but we
weren't there together. We didn't even know each other
on Eminem. If you're watching it bro, I
thought you were pretty shit because you mind.
And it was raining. Now the rain wasn't your fault,
but you're my man and D12 were on before you and I thought D12
were better. And Big Mike, did you see D12
set? Cypress Hill?
We're on. I when we were driving in, we
heard Cypress Hill, but we didn't see them.
But we saw D12 and I thought they were better.
And I thought Eminem wasn't great.
And I had a baseball hat that I bought from Top Man to wear down
to it. And it was white.
Of course it was with Chinese writing on it because it was
2005 or whatever. It was 2003.
And then we're driving up and on the motorway in Dublin, I put my
head out the window like a dog that was excited and my baseball
hat blew off and I lost it. So I had the indignity of going
to the concert without the cool baseball hat that I had.
And, and with my hair had sort of meshed to the idea that there
was a cap on my head. So my hair was very flat.
So that's why there was no pus for me at the Eminem Show when I
was 15, Dawson Clown says. Sounds like a legal firm now.
The boy Time's finished. Will you get the Avanti with me
for a few nostalgic quacks? PS Looking forward to the Late
Show next Thursday. Sweet Cheeks X right back at
you, Sweet Cheeks. Also, yeah, I'm looking forward
to the show as well. Really look forward to it
because it's the first time I've done proper stand up in a long
time and hopefully remember how to do it.
If I don't, I'm just going to sing our Cal Ignition remix,
then do Gary Glitter History or Rock'n'roll and then just finish
with with Daniel. But yeah, I'm buzzing forward to
looking forward to. Yeah, I will definitely get the
volunteer with me 100%. He'll do an episode at some
point, I'm sure, and that'll be a nice time.
Obviously Dave and I have fallen out, you know, that's why we're
not doing boy time. I want to stir anything, but
let's just say we said it was time commitments.
It's a lot deeper than. I can't really say any more than
that because lawyers are kind of taking care of it.
And yes, you'll see Dave and I doing the really Wooster show
together still and a lot of photos of us together on my
Instagram and our spare time spend time together.
But really that's just all it's all for show.
I can't say any more about it. Terry Charlton has umm, oh
brilliant. He's put up a picture of a Snow
Patrol mug, a straight out of All My Time mug and a Tea with
me mug. And I'd love to see it.
And he says tough choice today, but which one?
And I would say definitely the tea with me mug.
And I would say if you want to get yourself a tea with Me mug,
you go on Shopify and you type in she and Todd comedy and it's
all up there. And I'll be in the description
of the podcast and I would take a nice big sip out of it.
But that's freezing. No, that's so freezing.
Glenn Lindsay, who do you fancy for the Premier League this
year? Big boy, stop call me big boy.
You know, but keep keep calling me it.
And it's not football podcast, so I'm not going to answer that.
But Man United, glory, glory, Man United.
So yeah, Liverpool, Connor Diver do you find it hard not to swear
on BBC live shows? And if you did, what would
Britney Spears dad do Is punishment?
And do I find it hard? No, because I know that if I do,
I know that if I do, Dan will come around from the other side
of the desk in the radio studio And what he's a big fan of
doing. And he's done this to a lot of
people doing radio shows on BBC. He has this move where he will
elbow me in the tummy and as I bend over, he grabs the back of
my head and smashes at the edge of the desk and he calls it the
the the Oma. Hello.
So he would he would be a big fan of doing that.
No, I don't think we've ever we've said a couple of cheeky
suggestive things, but I think you're always aware of kind of
where you are. So I haven't sworn Dave said
Dave said something about being 17 stone on last week's episode
and I thought he said 17 and stoned.
And even if he had of it probably wouldn't be the end of
the world. But I was like, oh, don't, don't
say that. I didn't say that, mate.
So not really. But Britney Spears died would
definitely make my life a live in hell if I did.
Matthew Merlin says what's the most expensive cup of tea you've
had? I don't know about that.
The most expensive cup of tea probably.
It was probably in London, I would imagine.
But I would say I, I don't know the answer to that, Matthew,
unhelpfully, but the, the answer to that would be the answer.
Not that that would be whenever I was in the Gal Gorn, they have
a gin library. I ordered the wrong gin, I said
the wrong name and they brought me a gin that was £27.00.
And I had to pretend like I wanted that one.
But in the back of my head I was like, I'll never financially
recover from this. But it was delicious, so it was
fine. Shannon Bentley sends me a
screenshot of last week's podcast.
Uploaded the YouTube and the comments section where the same
picture on three different accounts commented.
Good. I wait for love from you and I'm
alone and I like that. Now this is like a probably a
weird Russian bot account. And what we should do is
probably reply in the comments, start a thread and then read
that out in next week's podcast. But yeah, a few people sent me
screenshots of that. Definitely weird.
But I have sent my account number and sort code to that
person so it should be sweet. Colin Hines loved your recent
radio DJ voice clip. You've done lots of characters
over the years. The Saint Patrick's sketch was a
personal favourite. Thank you my friend.
Are there any you've done that you really enjoyed and wanted to
do more but didn't never stop doing the Keith crew stuff?
No no, otherwise I'll probably would have just kept doing it if
that makes sense. The the belt, the American
accents, Belfast actors thing. Would probably like to do more
of that because that's always funny to me at least.
And but no, I don't think there's more.
There's ones I would like to do, but just happened.
I'm not too sure. But yeah, Keith Cruz, I'll never
stop doing. I'll be 80 and walking about
going odds away. Keith likes it.
And people go listen, you're in a home here.
There's no one recording this. And so, yeah, probably that last
question. Chris Morgan, not the former
Glen Torn Linfield striker, says.
Heard you boys talking about the Hollywood Boys stirred a
Blackpool a few years ago which I also happened to be part of
the weird banger Hollywood Boys set up.
This is where we discovered the Pontins TV remotes worked on
other people's TV's and ran around unsuspecting customers
rooms turning on the adult channels.
Do you have any memories or fun stories from that trip?
That exact thing Chris? So Hollywood Boys football team
used to back in the day go to Blackpool for this football
tournament. And yes, I was talking about a
few podcasts ago we that that trek must have been passed on
through the age groups to the next group of boys that went.
And I remember two things. One is run about the TV remotes.
So the remotes in your TV controlled any TV in the whole
Pontins resort. So we didn't turn on The Dirty
channels. What we used to do is just turn
up the volume on ambulance TV to full outside the window.
So that was a lot of fun and the main memory, there's a tragic,
I'll finish the pod with this. The main memory I have of that
trip is being a sub, which I always was from Holly boys team
because everyone else in the team could play football and
didn't that last month. And I remember being on the
sideline, me and this other boy and we weren't going to get
brought on in the match. So we're like just down there
and around like amusing ourselves and we just kept like
walking and chatting. And then we walked so far away
from the pitch that we were in a different place and we didn't
know where we were. And we got really upset and
scared. And that tells you all you need
to know about my junior football career, that I was that surplus
to requirements that I could just be in a whole different
location and I was not missed. But I remember that and I
thought we were going to get kidnapped.
And I think, I think it just shorted.
Shorted. I shorted.
And he was like, that's extreme because the pitch is just over
there. And so yeah, that was a lot of
fun. Shut it everyone, that Blackpool
tournament and shout out to the managers who didn't play me in
any game, which is slag because I paid the money like everyone
else to go. And you should have just brought
me on. First game I played for all the
boys. Didn't know you wore shin pods
inside your socks. Wore them on the outside for a
game at Londonderry Park in Newton Ards.
And people looked at me really weird and someone was like, you
wore them inside your socks. And I'd never played a
competitive game in football before.
And I said not what my mates would don't, but everyone knew I
got it wrong and I never really recovered from that ever.
I mean still to this day I haven't.
So zippers, I've got to thank everyone for checking out the
podcast patreon.com T with me podcast manscape.com T with Me
20% off and free shipping. Don't need to mention anything
else. Radio show on tonight.
The radio show tonight or BBC songs if you're catching up on a
BBC Radio Ulster 6:00 Me and Dave Elliot who I I'm not
friends with anymore but will pretend we are on the show
playing dance music having a fun time.
Big Mike MFTVMFTV Michael Foster TVMFTV sounds like one of the
adult channels but Michael Foster TV.
He can film you doing at the record from him anything you
like, anything you like. You want to You want to wrestle?
You want to do some WWE wrestle moves with your uncle in a
church hall? He'll filament.
You have a bar that only serves Catholics?
He'll filament do do your promo video with Simply Read in the
background as a soundtrack if you want.
What else were you filming? Anything And like anything, like
literally anything. And reading between the lines
there, he means literally anything.
So michaelfoster.tv, thank you very much for listening,
watching. Check out the merch and I'll see
you on Wednesday for the next episode of the podcast.
Bye.