1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:03,480 I'm Michael Che and I'm Colin Jose, and we've got a little 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:05,200 secret. Actually, it's a pretty big 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,400 secret. Well, now you got to give the 4 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,320 people something. I'm not saying a word. 5 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:09,840 Oh, then people won't know to tune in. 6 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:12,000 Come on, tell them a little. Like our hosting of comedy 7 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,360 events. Streaming only on Peacock. 8 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:15,440 Exactly how it's called New York After Dark. 9 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,000 And it's a comedy show that only features drop in comic. 10 00:00:18,240 --> 00:00:19,800 Boom. You nail into Michael Che's 11 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,080 phone numbers. Whoa, whoa, whoa. 12 00:00:21,080 --> 00:00:24,240 Hey, hey, hey. New York After Dark. 13 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,480 It's some kind of comedy thing. And it's streaming now only on 14 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:35,000 Peacock. You love it. 12121212 yeah, 15 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,440 yeah. What's up? 16 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:41,960 Yeah, yeah. 1212 yeah, yeah. The last time I did a stand up 17 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:46,200 showing a really big venue, the there was a guy on stage doing a 18 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,840 sound check for me, one of the sound guys, and he was a sound 19 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,160 sound guy, but he just kept going. 20 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:55,000 You want to? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1/2 to 21 00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:58,200 the point where like he did see if you've done that 10 times, 22 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,760 that's where I'm going. Surely everyone's got with the 23 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:03,600 need out of this, but he must have done it genuinely for 6 24 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:07,160 minutes. Yeah yeah. 1-2 yeah, yeah, yeah, 25 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:11,000 yeah. 1-2 yeah, yeah. As it says he's going, mate. 26 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:16,000 No, no, no, no, stop doing this but there you go listen, it's 27 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,120 it's a it's a DIY setup on the podcast this week. 28 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:24,640 That's exactly what it is. I have a laptop on top of a 29 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,080 printer scanner. I've got a printer scanner 30 00:01:27,080 --> 00:01:29,280 because I'm a pretty cool guy in 1997. 31 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,360 And your mate, can I come around your house? 32 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,080 Use printer? Your mate, can I come around 33 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,040 your house and scan some football programmes? 34 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:40,480 What? Speaking of scanners, right? 35 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:44,720 My dad got me one year for Christmas on my birthday. 36 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,280 A scanner, but like a radio scanner. 37 00:01:47,440 --> 00:01:50,040 And it was one of the most bizarre presents that I've ever 38 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,240 like. I told the story a couple weeks 39 00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:57,040 ago about my dad got me a motorbike, motorbike gloves for 40 00:01:57,040 --> 00:01:59,600 like a scrambler for Christmas one year, but didn't get me a 41 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,800 scrambler. And then one time he just got me 42 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,800 this like radio scanner from Cash Converters. 43 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:07,240 And I think he must have been like committing robberies 44 00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:10,520 because as a kid there was nothing interesting for me to 45 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,520 tune into. Because there's a wee book. 46 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,200 And it's like if you listen to this number or whatever, it's 47 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,240 the stewards down at the down at Windsor Park. 48 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,600 Mental. I mean, I, I might have made 49 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:21,960 that up, but I think that was a thing. 50 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:26,400 And you just hear 2 fellows being like, all right, Venti, 51 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,600 listen, someone shake themselves around the back of the South 52 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,000 stand here. Cheers, Tommy. 53 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,360 I'll come around. Sort that out now. 54 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:37,360 Muckler, does anybody all die from Burger Van? 55 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,360 All right, lads, tell me here. Listen, you know, I don't know 56 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:44,240 why I had one, but I just know it was the thing. 57 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:48,320 But it's a DIY setup this week. The reason for that is producer 58 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:51,120 Dan has taken himself on a little bit of a holiday. 59 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,160 He's going to the World Surf Championships. 60 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,640 So I wish him all the best. I think he can do it because he 61 00:02:58,640 --> 00:03:00,480 is probably the best surfer in the world. 62 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:02,760 Surfs up cowabunga. He loves all that chat. 63 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:07,200 He beheaded to him Billabong gear walking about the Ross 64 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,200 neither beach. So that is a thing. 65 00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,080 If you if you're maybe off, you want to do a staycation, head to 66 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:15,040 Ross neither and you might catch a sight of Britney Spears dab 67 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:16,680 producer Dan just hitting the waves. 68 00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:19,680 I mean, he's told me that's what he's doing that he's going 69 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,440 surfing for a week. But in all honesty, he's 70 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:24,280 probably just sitting at home just getting a break from me and 71 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:26,680 that's totally fair. But I'm killing it. 72 00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:30,320 On Sunday, I uploaded the Patreon podcast for the next day 73 00:03:30,320 --> 00:03:34,400 and I I scheduled it. I told the Internet I want it 74 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:36,040 out tomorrow. On the Internet was like, no 75 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:37,400 worries. What time do you want it out at? 76 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:40,440 Successfully did that. I'm doing all my own tech this 77 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,840 week. I'm doing the uploading of it. 78 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:48,920 So whatever errors there are, I can only apologise before we get 79 00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:52,680 stuck into the podcast. Shouted to the tea with me Merc 80 00:03:52,840 --> 00:03:57,040 before we get into anything Shopify Shane Todd comedy Google 81 00:03:57,040 --> 00:04:00,680 Shopify Shane Todd comedy. See the tea with me merchandise 82 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,880 like the sweet mugs that I'm drinking of right now. 83 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,400 They they're on there in the zipper T-shirt and money toe 84 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,560 T-shirt, which I will wear when we're back in studio to the 85 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:13,440 podcast. Let me plug the Patreon, which 86 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:16,760 is patreon.com/tea with me podcast where you get the bonus 87 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,160 episode on a Monday with me and producer Dan. 88 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,320 But bear in mind last Monday it was just me because he has 89 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:25,600 abandoned all of the zippers. And then you get stuff like the 90 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,200 live podcast that only the Patreons get to see. 91 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,400 You get my fingers are deformed. If you're watching the video 92 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,280 podcast, I admit it, my fingers are deformed. 93 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,920 Got a story about that in a second patreon.com/TMA podcast. 94 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:42,760 You can support the podcast every month. 95 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,720 If it's something you're interested in, great. 96 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:47,920 If you're like made or just lost my job and have 17 children, 97 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:50,200 don't even worry about it. I apologise. 98 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,200 Yeah, let me tell you this story. 99 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,000 I was playing football on Saturday. 100 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,720 Could be like 97 nil. Sweet. 101 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:03,520 And then I hurt my hand playing football. 102 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,240 I ran me and this me and this guy ran into each other. 103 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:09,800 I think it was definitely a bad fight for me, I think. 104 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:14,720 But we cluttered into each other and my hand was out straight and 105 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,960 he ran into my hand and my finger was sore at the time. 106 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,360 And then I got home from football at 4:00. 107 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,560 And then about half seven, just me and the baby in the house. 108 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,920 My wife was out for dinner. Then I'd start getting this pain 109 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,720 in my hand, not my finger. And I was like, that's kind of 110 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:34,760 sore. Then half an hour later I text 111 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,280 my wife when she was out, like just literally enjoying one of 112 00:05:37,280 --> 00:05:38,680 her first nights out since a baby. 113 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,040 And I texted her and was like, listen, don't be traumatic here. 114 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:46,680 But I've broken every bone in my hand and wrist and I have to go 115 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,280 to Annie Noi. She wrote back, she's like, 116 00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:52,440 here, I'm on my way home. I was like, no, just enjoy your 117 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,080 night out. She's like, you can't. 118 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,240 She makes fairpoint. She's like, you can't really 119 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:59,600 text me and say, by the way, I described it at 10 out of 10:00 120 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:03,040 PM and she described labourers 8 out of 10 to your friends. 121 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:10,360 So, so it's crazy that it's crazy that my wrist was sorer 122 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,560 than childbirth. But but basically what happened 123 00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:18,720 was my hand just stopped working and I had the this is so this is 124 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:20,400 so me, right? This is so me. 125 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,440 I had to text my neighbour and ask him to come. 126 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,200 I had to text my neighbour and ask him to come in and pour me a 127 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:31,480 hot water bottle so I could put it over my arm. 128 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,200 There you go. I rested my hand on a hot water 129 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,760 bottle and I had to text my neighbour Lawrence and say 130 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:43,240 Lawrence, I'm Pearly. And he, I, I said, listen, I 131 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,120 need you to come in here. I'm having a bit of a situation. 132 00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,400 He thought there was something wrong with the baby. 133 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,120 There wasn't. There was something wrong with 134 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:51,600 the original baby's hand. I said listen, I don't, I'm not 135 00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,880 a medical expert, but my hand is fucked and I need help ASAP. 136 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,880 And then also very, very me. I remember there's like a 137 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:01,840 private hospital in the Lisburn Rd. 138 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:05,960 So I started Googling private hospital, Lisburn Road, 24 hour 139 00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:09,600 X-ray, just to see if they did that because I didn't want to go 140 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,840 to any hospital in Belfast because on Saturday night 141 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,680 there's a lot of headers knocking about them. 142 00:07:15,280 --> 00:07:18,680 And that's a true story. So I was willing to go through 143 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:23,000 10 out of 10 pain to not run into some fellow with a knife 144 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,040 sticking out of his head going all right bro, what are you at 145 00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:30,360 tonight? So I went through probably an 146 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:34,440 hour of agony where I was literally going just sitting on 147 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:37,120 the sofa. I never take tablets, right, 148 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:41,800 unless I'm going like a Daniel O'Donnell concert and I'll, I'll 149 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,280 pop a few ES right? But I never take like 150 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:46,520 painkillers or anything like that. 151 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,640 Because I was about to say I'm a hard bastard. 152 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:50,560 But then I did just tell you how to get my neighbour to come in 153 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,360 to pour me a hot water bottle. But but I never take. 154 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:56,520 But I took two paracetamol to a briefing. 155 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:01,120 Then about an hour later I forgot my hand was sore because 156 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,400 I was changing the TV channel with the bad hand. 157 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,240 And then I text my wife and I was like, listen, I don't even 158 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:09,320 think it's broken at all. And then I googled, and I never 159 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:12,400 do this, but I Googled the symptoms of what had happened to 160 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,000 me. And then Google just said, I 161 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,600 like ask Jeeves or whatever. And Jeeves said it was just a 162 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,400 spasm. If you've injured your wrist, 163 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,160 you can get a little carpal spasm in it. 164 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,280 And that's what it was. And that is definitely in the 165 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,040 name of this week's episode, carpal spasm. 166 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:34,760 So the moral of that is don't always assume that you we'll be 167 00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:37,600 leaving hospital in full body cast if your hands a bit sore 168 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,320 sometimes if you just wait like 10 minutes, it might just work 169 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:44,400 itself out and now my hands fine. 170 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:49,480 But but yes, I, I, what I'm saying is I was asked to 171 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:52,760 describe the pain out of 10 and I probably shouldn't have said 172 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,520 10 because I don't with Heinz said it wasn't 10. 173 00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,720 But a lot of guys wouldn't, you know, if a lot of people went 174 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,640 through that, they wouldn't do the podcast, probably take a 175 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:03,080 couple of months off like producer Dan. 176 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,760 But but I'm back, I'm back. I mean, it didn't go anywhere, 177 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:11,760 but I'm back and it's been a weird, it's been a weird day or 178 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:16,600 two with the whole, you know, COVID thing, the whole lockdown 179 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,960 thing. And I've tried never really to 180 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,000 talk about it on this podcast apart from, to be fair, the one 181 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,600 COVID special episode that we did. 182 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,080 That's my tummy making a week or noise earlier. 183 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:30,160 There you go. But at 10 out of 10 PM, Oh my 184 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:31,960 God, I've got to go to A&E. Actually, no, it's fine. 185 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:38,080 So yeah, with the whole COVID 2 lockdown, that meant as far as 186 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,240 sequels go, I wouldn't like to see it, you know, because the 187 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,320 first one was so shit, Lockdown one. 188 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:49,040 But if lockdown 2 comes in and I start writing poetry or 189 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:56,400 something because it's doing start and by the way, somebody 190 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,840 will be like, you think you've got a hard BLOB. 191 00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:02,960 No, I don't, but I only know my own experience and as a stand up 192 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:07,800 comedian who feels a need to perform and get up and do stand 193 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:11,120 up, like that's me really, really being me. 194 00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:16,000 When I get up and do stand up and it's the best thing ever, it 195 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:21,000 will be difficult because it's like we, I got to go back to it 196 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:24,120 2 weekends ago, you know, stand up. 197 00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:27,480 I got to go back to work and I just happened to love my job and 198 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:30,520 I went back to it and thought this is it all starting again. 199 00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:35,160 It's coming back, it's coming home, it's coming home, it's 200 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:39,520 coming stand ups, coming home. And then the next week Arlene 201 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:41,720 and the boys are like, listen, fuck that. 202 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,760 We're shutting the shit down. I mean, they're not shutting 203 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,080 bars. I mean, that's a whole other 204 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:52,840 argument. I'm just I'm very confused about 205 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:56,880 it all. I felt like normality was going 206 00:10:56,880 --> 00:10:59,760 to slightly come back with stand up and I could see what the next 207 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,600 year for me would look like with work. 208 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:06,320 And now with this all happening, I have no idea what's going to 209 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,840 happen in the next year. So don't know. 210 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:13,200 It's it's one more like, you know, I'll still be able to do 211 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,040 podcast obviously, no matter what. 212 00:11:15,040 --> 00:11:18,840 Hopefully I can still do radio and that kind of thing, although 213 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:23,400 we do 10 week runs on Radio Ulster so not be doing that for 214 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:28,080 a couple of months I think. So we just don't really know 215 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,880 what what the crack is with with stand up. 216 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,400 So for the first time ever since I went full time at doing stand 217 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:40,480 up, which is like 5 or 6 years, I had the thought of and, and we 218 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:42,880 talked about this on a Patreon episode recently of what I would 219 00:11:42,880 --> 00:11:45,680 do if I wasn't doing this job. And it's something that I've 220 00:11:45,680 --> 00:11:47,760 started to think about a little bit more. 221 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:51,080 Like I, I think long term I'll always be able to do stand up, 222 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:57,960 but I don't know, I was thinking about it going what if there 223 00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:01,680 just is podcast and radio maybe. And so I'm only working for a 224 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:05,320 couple hours a week. Should I be going out and doing 225 00:12:05,320 --> 00:12:08,840 something else? And, and I would never, I've 226 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,400 been really lucky in the last couple of years, especially with 227 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:16,480 stand up to, to make a good living at it and be able to do 228 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:20,760 this as, as my job. But I would have 0 qualms about 229 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,560 going out and and doing whatever. 230 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,640 I don't even, I don't even know what I would do. 231 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:28,680 I don't know what I would do, but it's definitely something 232 00:12:28,680 --> 00:12:31,680 I've had to think about. I'm not is why we need to avoid 233 00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:34,600 the second lockdown because she and Todd has had to think about 234 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:40,160 the fact that he might not just do stand up, But it's, it's it's 235 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:43,560 a weird one, like, especially with the baby as well, you know, 236 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:46,840 not not being able to have visitors and run to the house 237 00:12:46,840 --> 00:12:50,280 and take them under, you know, other people's houses, which is 238 00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:52,600 something that we thought we were going to be able to do in 239 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:58,800 the not too distant future. It's it's just a giant melt like 240 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,840 it really is. And I've been, I've talked about 241 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:05,560 it on this podcast that I've been totally fine through 242 00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:10,760 lockdown and all this thing like mood wise, you know, I am very 243 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:14,000 like laid back about it. And you know, as long as like my 244 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,640 family are OK, That's that's the main thing. 245 00:13:17,080 --> 00:13:19,080 But in terms of like my job and stuff, I was like, you know 246 00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:20,640 what, it's going to be OK, we'll have to adopt. 247 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:23,520 It's going to be fine. But this week is the first time 248 00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:27,840 that it's like got to me a bit and I don't, I don't know, it's 249 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:32,000 just, it's just difficult to, it's difficult to deal with 250 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,000 because everything is so stop, start. 251 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,760 You know, when I think back to it, lockdown, luckily for us 252 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:43,200 wasn't too bad because we had enough to to do. 253 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:46,640 We did things around the house, the baby was coming, we had 254 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,040 loads of distractions basically. So I know that if another 255 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:53,000 lockdown came in, we would be totally OK to deal with it. 256 00:13:53,760 --> 00:13:58,440 But don't know, it's weird. Like it really is. 257 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,280 It really is weird. And I wouldn't even go as far as 258 00:14:01,280 --> 00:14:04,520 to says it's got me down, but it's definitely just got me 259 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:09,400 more, more pessimistic about things because I'm an eternal 260 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,400 optimist. Like my motto is like, it'll be 261 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,160 fine. Like everything. 262 00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,720 Like whenever the, whenever I got diagnosed with Crohn's, 263 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:18,080 Crohn's disease, the consultant was like, it's Crohn's and I was 264 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:20,400 like, it'll be fine. He's like, I know, but you might 265 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:22,880 want to like, you know, look it up and stuff and learn more 266 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,240 about the condition because it can be pretty bad. 267 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,800 And I was like, doc, trust me, the best thing we can do here is 268 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:30,640 do nothing. And he said that's not true. 269 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,840 I'm a qualified Dr And I had to just say, do you know what? 270 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:39,160 You're right, but I don't know. There's going to be a way to do 271 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:41,720 stand up. There's going to be a way to do 272 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,240 stand up. I've got some ideas. 273 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:49,240 I'm going to see if they can happen because the government is 274 00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:53,200 obviously unable to have and I'm not in the politics at all. 275 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:54,840 So some people might say, listen, mate, you got this 276 00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,440 totally wrong. I don't care. 277 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,200 Some people, the government, they're basically like, listen, 278 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:01,800 we're not shutting down the economy. 279 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:05,480 We're not shutting down bars and restaurants really will put 280 00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,800 restrictions on them, but we're not shutting them down so that 281 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,520 they can still keep getting their tax and get their money. 282 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:15,600 And and that that thing of like people putting tweets up and 283 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:19,320 stuff saying I feel like I'm on a couch here, pour my feelings 284 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:22,240 out. That whole thing of people 285 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,440 saying I can't go around to my granny's house to visit her, but 286 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,120 I can go to Thompson's with her. I think I saw a tweet like that, 287 00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:34,320 that that is beyond mad. And the thing that the thing I 288 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:38,880 really felt insulted by was Arlene Foster at the briefing 289 00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,880 saying, yeah, the reason that we're not allowing home visits 290 00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:46,440 to happen is because we find that that's when a lot of time 291 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:49,280 COVID is passed around, when people are off guard at home. 292 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,720 So they're basically saying you're more, you're more likely 293 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:57,880 to come into closer contact with someone when you're at home all 294 00:15:57,880 --> 00:16:00,520 chilled out, relaxed, sitting on sofas. 295 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,400 And sofas are usually fairly spread out from each other, 296 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,040 especially when you're from north down. 297 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:08,400 Obviously there can be a good, you know, 50 feet between each 298 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,600 because the houses are massive. But they, they are saying that 299 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:18,320 you have more chance of getting it in a home situation as 300 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:22,600 opposed to down at the pub when you've had 10 pints and your 301 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:26,960 mate has you in a headlock. That that's, that's the 302 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:29,560 insulting that we'd almost prefer them to come out and say, 303 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:32,600 listen, we can't afford to really shut down the economy 304 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,400 again. So we're going to have to keep 305 00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:38,000 this going. And this is an ideal, but This 306 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,360 is why we're doing that. But it's just like it's the 307 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,560 excuse of, you know, the home is where you're going to get the 308 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:48,200 it's, it's going to be the last place you would you would get 309 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,560 it. Because I know that friends of 310 00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:54,760 mine have a load of pints. You know, they will the hogs 311 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:58,160 will be dished out. You know, friends of mine were 312 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:00,960 like all me and all my friends. We like the French, me and my 313 00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,600 mates, like they do friend, like continental kisses, like 314 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:09,680 something like 3. And, and that will still happen 315 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:12,000 obviously when people are right. And then when people go out and 316 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,599 they got, they now go, bars are going to close at 10:00. 317 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,319 Everyone's just going to go here, fuck it, come to my house, 318 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:23,000 you know. So I don't know, I don't know my 319 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,960 concern, like looking at the whole hospitality thing, I'm 320 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,760 thinking about stand up and I'm going, is there a way around 321 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,800 this? Can we do something here? 322 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,120 And you know what? I think we can fuck it. 323 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:34,760 I'm optimistic again. And that was a quick turn 324 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:36,360 around. That was like my wrist. 325 00:17:37,880 --> 00:17:39,840 That was like me and my wrist. One second there I was like, 326 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,000 listen, I'm quitting stand up. I'm going to be a digger driver. 327 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:47,080 And then 3 minutes later, I've now decided, fuck it, it's going 328 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:52,160 to be all right. And the reason it's going to be 329 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:58,000 all right is the reason it's going to be alright is because 330 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:03,120 stand up is great crack and people kind of do need stand up 331 00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:06,200 in a way, I think. And I definitely need to do it 332 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,640 so so see what happens. Hey, this is weird. 333 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:13,360 I've been asked to go on. No Nolan tonight. 334 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:18,400 If this is the night you're getting to see the episode as a 335 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:24,200 as a guest, the TV show, I was totally startled by even being 336 00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,400 asked to do it. And I was like, what they want 337 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:27,720 do? What do they want me to to 338 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,840 debate? You know, is there a debate 339 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,120 about, you know, cute guys? Do I need to be defending cute 340 00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:36,160 guys here as a as a registered cute guy? 341 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:39,240 But they were like, no, it's just like the celebrity 342 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,520 interview. Now this podcast is always a way 343 00:18:42,520 --> 00:18:46,680 for me to just totally like be honest, be upfront about things 344 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:53,480 and like, it's the ramblings of a madman essentially. 345 00:18:53,600 --> 00:19:03,520 And, and I am very uncomfortable with the now this, this sounds 346 00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:05,880 like a dickhead thing to say. If someone else was saying this, 347 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,960 I'd be like, roll my eyes, be like, oh mate, shut up. 348 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:14,080 I am uncomfortable with the tag of celebrity and anyone I know 349 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:18,800 that does the same kind of thing as me would feel exactly the 350 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:21,240 same way. Like I think we would find it 351 00:19:21,240 --> 00:19:24,520 more funny than anything. For example, Colin Guinness, 352 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,440 Colin would probably like myself, like at times jokingly 353 00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:33,280 refer to himself as a celebrity or like myself, say he's an 354 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,560 influencer or that kind of thing because that's something that we 355 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:39,280 are that we would be uncomfortable with and that we 356 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,760 like to take the best out of. And then and honestly, weirdly 357 00:19:42,760 --> 00:19:45,320 there, I thought I was going to hiccup and I felt like I was 358 00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:48,160 going to drown. So, so there's that too. 359 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:55,400 That's correct with that, but I just don't know what I like. 360 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,760 It's always good if you've got something to talk about, like 361 00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:01,240 I've got this gig, you know, because I think a lot of stand 362 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:05,840 ups are actually very modest. You know, like superstar world 363 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:07,760 class style. Looks like myself are very 364 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:10,240 modest. And you know, it's weird. 365 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:15,360 You might see me on the show tomorrow night or you might not. 366 00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:18,400 I don't. I have no idea. 367 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,400 If I would be a good fit for something like that or not? 368 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:26,320 Because if you do that, are you then basically being like, yes, 369 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:29,240 I am a celebrity. Let's just talk about me for a 370 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:33,520 while. I don't know. 371 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,800 It's, it's bizarre. Then I'm also thinking like, 372 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,920 would I have to wear a suit? I don't like to wear a suit. 373 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,400 Can I just go in like, because for the past nine months all 374 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:47,080 I've been wearing is shorts, trainers and crop tops and I'm 375 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,160 thinking can I go on Nolan live, you know, dress like I'm just 376 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,440 about to head the beach in Tenerife because that, that's my 377 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:59,400 vibe. I don't know, don't know. 378 00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:01,040 It's weird. I used to do, I used to warm up 379 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:09,360 for the Nolan show, for the TV show years ago, I did 6 380 00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,880 episodes, either 6 or 8 episodes. 381 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:17,520 I was the warm up guy and I'd never done TV warm up before. 382 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,640 Mickey Bartlett's done loads of TV warmups, so he always told me 383 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,080 about it and told me some horror stories and also sometimes where 384 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:26,680 he's like, no, it's good. But I did it. 385 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,600 The Nolan show warm up on the first week I did it. 386 00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:33,080 It was brilliant. Like it was really good. 387 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,440 Like you're in the BBC Black staff studios, there's a couple 388 00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:38,320 of 100 people there. This is obviously way pretty 389 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,880 COVID. This is 6 years ago or 390 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:44,160 something, maybe more. Yeah, about say 6-7 years ago. 391 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,840 And I did the first week and you go out before the show goes on 392 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:51,000 air, you do 15 minutes to warm up the crowd. 393 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,000 And I just went out and did my usual set and it was brilliant. 394 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:58,000 And I was like, this is really good fun. 395 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,040 And it was really, it was like good money too. 396 00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,560 And then the next week I like breezed it. 397 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:04,840 Oh, by the way, the first week I had a dressing room and I was 398 00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,040 like, fucking hell, this is class. 399 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,120 And it was like grapes on. And I was like, this is Brad 400 00:22:09,120 --> 00:22:11,560 love grapes. And then the next week I went 401 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:16,200 back, there was no dressing room and I died a horrendous death on 402 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:18,040 stage, not because there was no dressing room. 403 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:23,600 I stand in protest like that guy with the tank in Tiananmen 404 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:32,160 Square. He I no choked laughing at my my 405 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,000 own banter there. But the second gig, I didn't do 406 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:39,320 well at all, like, at all. I couldn't work it out. 407 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:40,880 Why? And then I was driving home and 408 00:22:40,880 --> 00:22:44,880 I was like, you know, people are there to talk about a lot of 409 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:47,680 contentious issues on the Nolan show at times. 410 00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,560 This was the time during, like, the flag protest. 411 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:54,440 So let's just say tensions were raised and loyalists were red in 412 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,160 the face. And I was coming out in a room 413 00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,160 full of people who were all there to, like, make points. 414 00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:04,080 By and large, I was coming out and being like, oh, do you ever 415 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:08,320 get it when you're, you're, you're 23 and then this thing 416 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:12,920 happens and I was all I, I, I died. 417 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:15,800 So comedians will say died on stage and it means like you get 418 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,840 nothing. That happened to me for every 419 00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:20,720 single show after that first one. 420 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,280 And it was, it was horrendous. I was really bad at the job of a 421 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:27,600 warm up man. And I think people think if you 422 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,520 do stand up, you would just by default be really good at that. 423 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,520 But I've seen some that warm up men like stand ups who are 424 00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:37,240 really, really good at it. And they're good at it because 425 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:42,680 they can just be like, you know, give us a big cheer and this 426 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,800 section, give me a cheer and Boo that section. 427 00:23:45,800 --> 00:23:49,120 And what's your name? And like, it is an A slightly 428 00:23:49,120 --> 00:23:51,600 different art to stand up, but probably within stand up. 429 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:54,400 And I was just so bad at it. So maybe they want to get me 430 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,320 back. Maybe I've got this wrong. 431 00:23:56,320 --> 00:23:57,920 Maybe I'm not like the celebrity guest. 432 00:23:58,160 --> 00:24:00,280 Maybe they just want to get me back to like look for an 433 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,440 explanation and say like, listen, can you pay some of some 434 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,240 of this money back? Because we thought we were 435 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,360 getting something that we weren't. 436 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,440 Also when I was doing warm up for that show, Spandau Ballet 437 00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:18,640 were playing on the show as in like, no, this much is true. 438 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:27,680 And then and the guy Tony Hadley, who's like the main guy 439 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,840 was chatting away to me backstage for like half an hour. 440 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,040 He started to, he's like, are you the warm up guy? 441 00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,560 He goes, do you know Tim Vine? I said, yeah, he was like, he's 442 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:37,840 a friend of mine. He was chatting me about 443 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,440 standing up for ages. And then Martin Kemp, the guy 444 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,640 that was in EastEnders, who is fairly sexy guy, sexy old old 445 00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:47,040 guy, walked past me in the corridor. 446 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:48,840 It was just me and him, nobody else about. 447 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,640 And we walked past each other and I was clearly working on the 448 00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:54,880 show, like I had a microphone man walking past them. 449 00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:57,080 And I said alright mate, how are you? 450 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:00,480 You know, just like not stopping for conversation, just the 451 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,640 courtesy thing. And he like smirked at me and 452 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:06,960 just kept walking. He was like Ellen DeGeneres to 453 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,400 her staff. And since then I've been 454 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,200 obsessed with taking down Martin Kemp. 455 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:13,800 So if anyone has any information on Martin that might be useful 456 00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,440 for the Sunday papers, get in touch. 457 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:18,640 Yeah, I don't know if I'll do that or not. 458 00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:20,520 Maybe you will see me on it and it'll be fine. 459 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:25,640 But sometimes I'm like, I can't just talk about myself. 460 00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,960 Nobody would find that interest. And if I was like, I have 461 00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:34,280 started standing up in 2006. So who knows, who knows, maybe 462 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:35,440 maybe it'll, you know what I mean. 463 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,360 Some it's something to do, You know, it could be a wee, a wee 464 00:25:38,360 --> 00:25:41,600 night trip to Belfast. I could get a Boo gym on the way 465 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,880 home. It could be a bit of fun. 466 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,280 We'll just, we'll just have to see. 467 00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:50,960 I want to do listeners questions because I've got loads and loads 468 00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:55,480 of them. And before I do that, I got to 469 00:25:55,480 --> 00:26:00,160 do the manscape. Read manscape.com Manscaped or 470 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,840 precision tools for your family jewels. 471 00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:07,440 Now what does that translate as? That translates as Manscaped or 472 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:13,160 this company that they spent a long time looking at pubic hair, 473 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:18,760 not in like a research way. And they decided that like guys, 474 00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:22,600 pubic hair was grow like gross in a lot of cases. 475 00:26:23,120 --> 00:26:25,320 And they were like, we need to do something about this. 476 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,880 It's selfless work really. So they came up with the lawn 477 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:33,040 mower 3.0, which is an electric trimmer. 478 00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:38,320 And what you do is you, you touch that to the area above 479 00:26:38,360 --> 00:26:42,720 your male genitals. And what happens is you do that 480 00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:47,120 for a very short amount of time. And then when you stop doing 481 00:26:47,120 --> 00:26:53,040 that, you're 1000% better as a person. 482 00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:58,880 Like producer Dan and I used this, I used it. 483 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:02,480 I've always been a scissors guy, Edward Scissorhands down in that 484 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,040 department when it comes to that male grooming below the waist. 485 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,520 And I've always, I've always kept it tidy. 486 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,800 I've always kept it fresh and tidy. 487 00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:13,920 But Producer Dan has said he had actually, he'd been growing his 488 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:17,320 since birth. Really. 489 00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:22,440 He's like, I've never trimmed or cut my hair down there, to be 490 00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,400 honest. It was it. 491 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:30,000 What's a bit what's the best way to Rapunzel is the best way to 492 00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:35,440 describe it Like a red Rapunzel who might who might who might 493 00:27:35,440 --> 00:27:37,240 have been actually have had ginger. 494 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:44,120 Anyway, we used it, we loved it. manscape.com you get 20% off and 495 00:27:44,120 --> 00:27:48,120 free shipping with the code Tea with me, all one word tea with 496 00:27:48,120 --> 00:27:53,760 me 20% off and free shipping. The lawnmower 3 point those 497 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,960 class. A lot of mates of mine use it. 498 00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:58,840 Didn't know we were podcast sponsor. 499 00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:00,720 And then I was like, that's disappointing because you could 500 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,560 have saved so much money. So check it out girls, get it 501 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,480 for your guys, guys get it for your guys. 502 00:28:07,480 --> 00:28:09,400 And by your guys, I mean your testicles. 503 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:12,520 So there you go. We're doing public service work 504 00:28:12,520 --> 00:28:16,240 here. We have loads of questions. 505 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:18,000 As I said, I want to get through them here. 506 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:20,920 Twitter. Let's let's kick off on the old 507 00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:24,720 Twitter. What have we got? 508 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,560 We have. Oh, that's not a question. 509 00:28:33,160 --> 00:28:35,320 Oh yeah, here we go. Here we go. 510 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:40,480 We got 6 questions on Twitter. Colin Gribbon says. 511 00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:44,960 What's your Nando's order? My Nando's order is quite 512 00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:48,280 substantial. I get myself butterfly chicken, 513 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:54,240 medium Perry, Berry chips, pineapple and usually an avocado 514 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:58,240 and a wheat Diet Coke or a Coke 0 or last week on the radio show 515 00:28:58,240 --> 00:29:02,680 I had a full fat Coke and jeez, I was up all night just being 516 00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:04,000 hyper. You know, is running about doing 517 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,800 like, aeroplane, like wedding dancing and just being really 518 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,120 giddy. Dave Elliot, if you'd be 519 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,160 interested. Dineau likes to get his chicken 520 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,560 thighs. Dave likes thighs, spicy rice, 521 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,560 peas and halloumi. So there you go. 522 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:22,840 Paul Doherty says. What do you make of Port Stuart 523 00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,000 getting the town getting crowned? 524 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:27,040 Is the town most of its own ours? 525 00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:33,560 Is this a real thing, Port Stuart or Port Rush Port Stuart? 526 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,960 I mean, I feel like this isn't going to be an official. 527 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:43,480 If I Google Port Stuart up its own nurse, we'll we'll hopefully 528 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,200 there's not a guy called Stuart Port who's done some work for 529 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:53,280 Pornhub. Oh, I'm going to guess this is 530 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:59,560 like a, what would you say, like a parody news thing? 531 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:08,480 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 532 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:13,840 So, so it's not a real thing, so I can't really comment on it. 533 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:17,000 But what I can say about Port Stewart is I like it. 534 00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:20,320 I like the port in general. And it's become one of those 535 00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:22,480 things that, you know, it's like bands, man. 536 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:26,200 Once we become so mainstream, you know, Kings Of Leon, the 537 00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,200 North Coast is somewhere that everyone goes and everyone just 538 00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,520 talks about it and it's almost like lazy. 539 00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,600 Anyway, people were like up the port, up the North Coast that we 540 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:38,640 love it. It is good, it is good. 541 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:43,280 I like, I like Port Stewart, I like Harry's Shack, I like that. 542 00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:46,800 I like the Remor. I like some of the wee coffee 543 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:50,480 shops there and I like the vibe. I like walking about Barry's and 544 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:54,200 people watching. I like there's a really good 545 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,800 chippy right beside Barry's too. I like the North Coast. 546 00:30:56,800 --> 00:31:01,560 I like gigging up there. Did a gig in Kiwis Bar just 547 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,520 before lockdown, which was really a lot of fun. 548 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:07,240 So I do like the North Coast. Is Port Stewart up its own ours? 549 00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:08,680 I don't know. I think Port Stewart's one of 550 00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:15,440 those places where every, well, a lot of the houses there are 551 00:31:15,440 --> 00:31:19,400 like holiday homes. So I don't know if there is a 552 00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:22,800 reputation of Port Stewart being up its own ours place. 553 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,040 But if it is, it's like people who don't live there that just 554 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,920 like have a second home and just don't treat it like their town. 555 00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:33,080 So I'd say the actual Port Stewartians are actually fairly 556 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:38,040 signed, M Herody says. What does a comedian do on the 557 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:39,960 daily? More so, how does a comedian 558 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:42,080 actually do his job? Come up with stories or jokes, 559 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:46,320 and how do you tailor it from its first from first inception? 560 00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:52,680 What does a comedian do daily? The answer in most cases is 0 is 561 00:31:52,680 --> 00:31:56,920 get up at 6:00, have a super noodle sandwich and smoke a fag. 562 00:31:57,240 --> 00:32:01,640 But there's everybody. Everybody I know has a different 563 00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,240 routine. Routine in terms of how they 564 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:10,320 work, how they write material, their like daily rituals and 565 00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:12,720 stuff like that. Like personally, whenever I 566 00:32:12,720 --> 00:32:17,960 first started doing stand up as a job, I was kind of still in 567 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,200 that student. So I've been a student then. 568 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:25,120 I had a real job then I did stand up full time, but when I 569 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,120 did stand up full time, I was so glad I didn't have to get up at 570 00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:30,880 a certain time for work in the morning that I kind of went back 571 00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:32,880 to being a student. So I was getting up really late 572 00:32:33,520 --> 00:32:39,240 at like 10, half 10, which for me now is extremely late and 573 00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,200 just not really putting the graph then. 574 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:46,400 But then when I realised like doing this is going to be 575 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,520 tougher than I thought to actually make a full time living 576 00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:50,840 out of this, I started to have a bit of a routine. 577 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:54,480 I started gradually getting up earlier and now my routine would 578 00:32:54,480 --> 00:33:03,400 kind of be get up at about 7, half, 7, have breakfast and 579 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,480 maybe try and do a workout at that time. 580 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,520 It's different now with the baby, like I'm falling into a 581 00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,480 new routine and I'm still trying to figure that out and the 582 00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:12,880 changes with the week and stuff. But that's all part of the fun. 583 00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:20,120 But I will typically work from about 10 until 4:00. 584 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,560 But in that time, if I need to go do something or something 585 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,560 else crops up or it's a beautiful day outside. 586 00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:28,120 So I'm like, fuck it, let's just go on a road trip. 587 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:33,040 North Coast, North Coast, woo. I will just go and do that if if 588 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:37,440 I've got more work done. But it's a lot of thinking about 589 00:33:37,440 --> 00:33:38,880 days. It's a lot of writing. 590 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:42,880 It's a lot of editing, doing things like podcasts, meetings, 591 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,960 No2 no two days are really ever the same. 592 00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:51,120 But I'm going to get back now into more script writing. 593 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,880 So that will involve I write scripts better at night. 594 00:33:55,000 --> 00:34:00,960 So what I'll probably do is more family stuff during the day, my 595 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:04,560 share of the housework and come on, that kind of thing. 596 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:06,920 And then I can try and write like late at night. 597 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:13,159 So I don't know how I also, how much do you tailor jokes from 598 00:34:13,159 --> 00:34:14,920 your first impression? I think you mean like, how much 599 00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:17,600 do do you edit them from the first time you perform them? 600 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:20,840 And the answer is sometimes not at all. 601 00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,000 Sometimes the first time you perform it, you go, that works 602 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,400 like that. So I'll just keep doing that 603 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:26,760 like that. Or sometimes you change the 604 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:29,120 whole thing. Just depends on how the joke 605 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:32,080 goes down. But in most cases you do change 606 00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,760 it and you try and cut the fat off it because when you do it 607 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:38,120 for the first time, you sort of waffle a bit around it and you 608 00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:39,719 take too long to get to the point. 609 00:34:40,199 --> 00:34:43,080 Whereas when you've been doing it, you know how to get to the 610 00:34:43,639 --> 00:34:46,800 meat of the joke quicker. So you kind of just edit that 611 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,360 away a wee bit. Next says who's your favourite, 612 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:52,760 favourite NFL team? I'm from Northern Ireland, a 613 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:58,320 man, so I wouldn't have one I love. 614 00:34:59,000 --> 00:35:03,960 I love NFL, like fashion and stuff and like NBA gear and all 615 00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:10,920 that kind of thing. I like all that kind of stuff. 616 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:14,400 But I'll be honest, I have no idea what I said just before I 617 00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,960 said that. Zero idea what I said. 618 00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:19,560 And I went, I like all that kind of stuff. 619 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:20,880 I have no idea what I'm talking about. 620 00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:22,160 Hopefully it wasn't something terrible. 621 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,400 We have a question from Ben Emerson, who says, what's your 622 00:35:27,400 --> 00:35:29,360 favourite thing about Logan? And don't say the word out of 623 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:34,400 it, you cheeky skump. The best thing about Logan, best 624 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:42,920 thing about Logan is Michael a Church Lane Dental that that's 625 00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:45,280 who I've been going to as my dentist recently. 626 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,600 But best thing about Lurgan is probably the day that me and 627 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:52,000 Dave Elliot played at Morning View Park, Glen Evans ground in 628 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,560 a charity game and we won the game. 629 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:58,080 I think I surprised a few people by just having AI was like Gary 630 00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:01,880 Neville in his peak that game playing right back and Dave 631 00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:03,840 saved the winning penalty in the shootout and they me and him got 632 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:05,560 a big McDonald's. So that's the best thing about 633 00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:11,040 Lurgan, Brona, Mcpeak says. How do you speak so pleasantly? 634 00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:16,440 How do I speak so pleasantly? Well, this isn't my real voice. 635 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:22,400 This is not my I first started saying I want to do stand up TV, 636 00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:26,760 radio, that kind of thing. And then let's just say a few 637 00:36:26,760 --> 00:36:29,040 mentors of mine basically were like, you can't speak like that. 638 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,280 So my actual. My voice was like, they're born 639 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:37,160 also they I so I'd be speaking like that for ages. 640 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:41,080 And I was like, there's no want to do TV and acting on, stand up 641 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,000 and park on. And then everybody like, made 642 00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:47,240 the country like that, you know? So then they're like, no, you 643 00:36:47,240 --> 00:36:51,280 have to change it. So I went through probably about 644 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:55,200 nine months of vocal training, and that was actually the first 645 00:36:55,200 --> 00:36:58,360 time I went back to that voice. But on Sundays when I'm just 646 00:36:58,360 --> 00:36:59,800 running the house, I will speak like that. 647 00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:09,840 Why do I speak so pleasantly? Alright, alright, well, what's 648 00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,400 happening? No. 649 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:15,600 Why is that? Why is that guy always around? 650 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:18,080 Little Little, even if you're just trying to get a pizza after 651 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:20,360 a night out. All right mate, can I? 652 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:22,200 Buy here. See. 653 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:25,120 And is it cheese, you know? What? 654 00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:30,440 And no, do do cheese, you know. Yeah, I think, I think they do. 655 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:33,760 I think they. I think they. 656 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:35,040 Do cheese me? Yeah, I think they do. 657 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:39,840 Cheese eyes causal. Yeah 'cause yeah, 100% causal. 658 00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:41,400 Yeah. I see. 659 00:37:41,400 --> 00:37:43,200 Crazy, mate. They're found on antibiotics, 660 00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:45,240 you know. They're sorry. 661 00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,760 They're fell in the carriage, Ranty by Addie, you know, but in 662 00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:50,680 much better in the fucking show, yeah. 663 00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:59,080 Alright bro, cheers. I speak so pleasantly because I 664 00:37:59,080 --> 00:38:01,640 had voice training. I didn't. 665 00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:05,680 I don't know. I don't know. 666 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,600 I do have AI do have a pleasant voice. 667 00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,760 I do have a pleasant voice and because I am, and I will 668 00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:16,840 describe myself as this well spoken, a lot of people are 669 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,840 like, man, you must be from a very, very rich background. 670 00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:22,240 And I'm not from a very, very rich background. 671 00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,920 But part of me likes to just go with it. 672 00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:29,280 And I'm like, yes, my, my father is the Sultan of Brunei. 673 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:36,240 You know, I don't know. I just, I just, I just speak the 674 00:38:36,240 --> 00:38:39,400 way I speak. And the way I speak like that, 675 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,800 no, no, I just messing about no. And talk different now for 676 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,520 comedy because you're doing stand up, I guess, and all. 677 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,560 And then in Northern Ireland to be alright. 678 00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:50,800 But then what if I was doing games, you know, in New York and 679 00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,360 all, and I was like, alright, New York, what happening now? 680 00:38:55,520 --> 00:38:59,680 I just have a pleasant voice and some people get really obsessed 681 00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:04,000 with that and go, you know, you speak with a very middle class 682 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:08,000 voice and honestly, I don't lose sleep over that. 683 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:15,120 I'm like, OK, I guess I do. I guess I just speak with 684 00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,720 character. But I don't know. 685 00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:22,880 I don't know. I just, I was just born like 686 00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:27,000 this, Matthew Mernan says. Do you wet the toothbrush before 687 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,680 or after the toothpaste? Now, I know Matthew Mernan, this 688 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:33,480 is code for some sort of sexual weird thing that he's into. 689 00:39:34,160 --> 00:39:37,920 But if I'm taking this literally, of course I wet the 690 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,440 toothbrush before I put the toothpaste on, before I brush my 691 00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:48,400 teeth because Oh no, oh fuck. What do I do? 692 00:39:50,320 --> 00:39:55,400 I think, yeah, I think what I do is I put my toothpaste on the 693 00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,480 toothbrush and then I run that under the top a little bit and 694 00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,760 then I just get in there. But. 695 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,080 But it'd be weird with the toothbrush after the toothpaste, 696 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,800 I think known before my. I don't know. 697 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,320 And if that's designed to make my head explode, you just did 698 00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,960 it. Congratulations. 699 00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:15,160 Matthew Collins. Bar Mitzvah. 700 00:40:15,360 --> 00:40:20,440 Yeah, I put up a thing last night about I'm doing stand up 701 00:40:22,120 --> 00:40:25,480 at loads of different events, weddings, funerals, all that 702 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:27,240 kind of stuff. Contact me to book me. 703 00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,760 And Matthew was just keen to know if I was up for doing a a 704 00:40:30,760 --> 00:40:32,960 mitzvah. And the answer is Shalom, 705 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:36,280 brother. I don't know if it's Shalom or 706 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:42,320 Shamon, one of the two Dhama Jewish brothers, but Matthew 707 00:40:42,320 --> 00:40:46,680 Hyland. Is Robert De Niro your favourite 708 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:49,440 actor of all time? And why is Robert De Niro my 709 00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:52,280 favourite actor of all time? No, he's not. 710 00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:56,600 My favourite actor of all time is the guy that plays Uncle 711 00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:57,880 Andy. You can get my headpiece. 712 00:40:59,760 --> 00:41:02,840 And Denzel Washington and Christian Bale, don't know, like 713 00:41:02,840 --> 00:41:05,920 De Niro's obviously good, but he's nearly been in too much 714 00:41:05,920 --> 00:41:07,680 good stuff to the point where you just forget. 715 00:41:07,840 --> 00:41:10,840 Like you expect him to be brilliant and everything, but 716 00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:13,240 what ruined everything was when he was in the Irishman and he 717 00:41:13,240 --> 00:41:16,280 kicked that guy in that fight scene that undermined everything 718 00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:18,080 he'd done up until that point. And I think he should be 719 00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:22,360 stripped of every award he's ever won because he's a 70 year 720 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,480 old guy trying to kick someone as a 20 year old and it just 721 00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,800 didn't happen for him. He's also done fair few, fair 722 00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:30,160 few shit films as well. But he can, you know, I mean, he 723 00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:31,240 deserves it. He's De Niro. 724 00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:36,200 Talking to me? Are you talking to me? 725 00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:42,560 I don't know if people know this, but I, yeah, I don't know 726 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:45,880 if people know this, but basically since lockdown has 727 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:47,880 come around, there aren't as many gigs going on. 728 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,040 I have been getting a lot of work as a Robert De Niro 729 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:55,840 impressionist, so watch out for me on the scene and if you want 730 00:41:55,840 --> 00:42:00,320 to book me for that. E-mail me and you got me talking 731 00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:03,280 to me. Are you talking to me? 732 00:42:04,000 --> 00:42:05,320 Because I don't see anybody else. 733 00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:11,400 How class would it be if I signed up as a Robert De Niro 734 00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:13,440 impressionist? Someone booked me for like a 735 00:42:13,440 --> 00:42:16,360 corporate function to do Robert De Niro and then I just showed 736 00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:18,040 up doing a really bad Robert De Niro. 737 00:42:27,640 --> 00:42:33,120 That'll be £700 please. Yeah, Robert, dinner was good. 738 00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,840 He's not my favourite actor of all time. 739 00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:42,200 I'm sorry, he just isn't Patrick Quinn BGIC, the geek Belfast guy 740 00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,600 in China says. How do you envisage Christmas 741 00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:46,800 2020? This is of course your first. 742 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,120 Is Daddy cool? So it may naturally be a relaxed 743 00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:51,640 one for you, but do you think there'll be any normality in 744 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:54,440 pubs and clubs as well as getting to perform? 745 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:57,640 PS What a great gesture of you to do stand up at weddings. 746 00:42:57,880 --> 00:42:59,480 Not all heroes are called Westwood. 747 00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:04,280 Yo baby. I mean, it was a nice gesture 748 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:07,480 that I was like, I'll do stand up at a wedding for free because 749 00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:10,680 there's not many gigs and we pick the winner. 750 00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:12,760 And I'm doing that very, very soon. 751 00:43:12,760 --> 00:43:16,400 And I'm going to shoot like a wee video about me doing stand 752 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,840 up at a wedding just so people as well are like, oh, he 753 00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,840 actually did do that. He's not just making up the fact 754 00:43:20,840 --> 00:43:23,400 that he said he's going to pick someone around them to do it. 755 00:43:24,280 --> 00:43:26,040 But then since then loads of people got in touch him and 756 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:27,600 like, are you just doing stand up for free at weddings? 757 00:43:27,600 --> 00:43:28,960 Can you just come and do set up my wedding? 758 00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,480 It was just for that competition. 759 00:43:30,480 --> 00:43:32,160 If you want to put me to do stand up your wedding, you've 760 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,600 got to pay for it because my baby needs food. 761 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:38,480 And by my baby needs food I mean I need steroids. 762 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:44,160 Do you see any normality of Christmas in pubs and clubs? 763 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,680 No I don't think so. Although if the bars and all are 764 00:43:49,680 --> 00:43:51,360 open now, any chance they ought to be open then? 765 00:43:51,640 --> 00:43:57,040 So I think the normal now will probably be normal then, if that 766 00:43:57,040 --> 00:43:58,560 makes sense. So I think it will feel like a 767 00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:01,080 normal Christmas in a way. So if you want to go out for a 768 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:04,360 meal or drinks for your friends, you still can do it. 769 00:44:06,040 --> 00:44:09,560 But for someone like me, doesn't go drinking very often, not 770 00:44:09,560 --> 00:44:13,160 really into that. It still will be a novelty 771 00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:15,960 probably for me. I think I've seen recently the 772 00:44:15,960 --> 00:44:19,320 podcast every three months for Drinking Suits me, Suits me down 773 00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,840 to the ground. But at Christmas I do enjoy 774 00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:26,320 drinks in Hollywood with my mates, you know, Christmas Eve 775 00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:31,640 that did last year and the year before and yeah, that's a lot of 776 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:33,080 fun. So hopefully I get to do that. 777 00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,720 That would be great. One flying Irishman with you and 778 00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:39,120 Dave's bitter divorce and the inevitable loss of your 779 00:44:39,120 --> 00:44:41,800 godfather title. What are your plans to cover up 780 00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,960 your godfather tattoo? Perhaps a collab with the East 781 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:48,960 Belfast chippy? The called Father I don't think. 782 00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:51,240 Is the called father still there or was that? 783 00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:53,760 Was that for Called an Ulster? Remember that? 784 00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:57,480 Or did they like both stop being chippies? 785 00:44:57,480 --> 00:45:03,800 I have no idea. No, essentially Dave and I have 786 00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:07,440 fallen out, but he has allowed me to continue my role of his 787 00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:10,400 daughter Holly's godfather. But maybe I do need to cover 788 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:11,960 this tattoo up. I, I, I don't know. 789 00:45:11,960 --> 00:45:14,600 I, by the way, I have a massive tattoo in the back of my leg as 790 00:45:14,600 --> 00:45:16,680 a tall father. Not a lot of people know that or 791 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:18,880 think I'm being serious, but I am being serious about that. 792 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:22,640 And then so I've got to get a tattoo from, from my boy because 793 00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:24,880 I can't, he can't grow up. And GoDaddy, what's up? 794 00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:27,960 And I go, that's a tattoo I've I've got for another, another 795 00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:29,960 little baby. He'd be like, why can't you get 796 00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:30,880 one for me? I'm a little baby. 797 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:32,000 So then I'll have to get one for him. 798 00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:36,080 So essentially, depending on how many kids I have, I could end up 799 00:45:36,080 --> 00:45:37,640 like Michael Schofield at a prison break. 800 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,400 Glenn Lindsey, how do you deal with Dave Elliott looking better 801 00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:48,800 than you in a football top? Glenn, shut up. 802 00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:53,400 What are you talking about? Because he doesn't. 803 00:45:53,400 --> 00:45:56,680 He wears weird crusader shirt 20 dozen support crusaders. 804 00:45:57,000 --> 00:46:00,560 It's like a real life troll project with it's just weird 805 00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,040 banter. He doesn't like Irish league 806 00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:03,520 football. He doesn't like crusaders. 807 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:07,080 And I actually look really see see, to be honest, Glenn, if 808 00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:08,720 you're watching the video version of the podcast, you look 809 00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,400 creep look at and this wasn't planned by the way. 810 00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:13,560 I just have some I should put these clothes away. 811 00:46:14,200 --> 00:46:17,800 I have an inter Miami top. This is David Beckham's team, 812 00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,600 and it's white with pink trim. And when I wear this, my eyes 813 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,760 sparkle and on the football pitch, I look F and fabulous. 814 00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:29,800 So F you Trump, Johnny Bo. Is it annoying when you have 815 00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,680 visitors? The baby gets all the attention. 816 00:46:36,240 --> 00:46:38,800 You know what? You learn to accept that very, 817 00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:42,840 very quickly. You learn to just be like, OK, 818 00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,200 you know, you just don't get a lot of attention anymore. 819 00:46:45,240 --> 00:46:48,080 When people used to come into my house and say, how's the wee 820 00:46:48,080 --> 00:46:49,560 man? They would look at me and I'd 821 00:46:49,560 --> 00:46:53,640 go, OK, thank you. But now it's about him. 822 00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:58,160 And begrudgingly I've just had the accepted. 823 00:46:58,640 --> 00:47:02,720 So yeah, the only thing is people kind of treat me like 824 00:47:02,720 --> 00:47:05,360 another child in terms of like when they get him a present, 825 00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:08,040 sometimes they get me a little something too just so I don't 826 00:47:08,040 --> 00:47:10,520 get that. I don't get jealous and steal 827 00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:12,400 his presence, which you do quite a lot of the time. 828 00:47:12,760 --> 00:47:14,760 And it's weird when they're closed because they are very, 829 00:47:14,760 --> 00:47:17,440 very small on me because he's a newborn baby and I'm a massive 830 00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:24,720 guy. Gordon Rourke played a few 831 00:47:24,720 --> 00:47:27,880 friendlies against Belfast football teams recently and in 832 00:47:27,880 --> 00:47:31,360 one there was a bald fellow who got told he looked like someone 833 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,760 ordered Jason Statham of Wish. What is the best slabber or 834 00:47:34,760 --> 00:47:36,320 thing you've heard playing a football game? 835 00:47:36,840 --> 00:47:39,240 And my mate Stevie actually asked this as a podcast question 836 00:47:39,240 --> 00:47:40,800 recently too and I forgot the answer. 837 00:47:42,800 --> 00:47:46,080 Right. The thing with that is that 838 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:49,160 feels like it might have been pre prepared which is not good 839 00:47:49,760 --> 00:47:52,560 local football banter really. You know it's it's niche. 840 00:47:52,840 --> 00:47:56,640 It sounds like someone is trying to land the big punchline there, 841 00:47:57,240 --> 00:47:59,880 but it's wordy, right? So if you're out of breath and 842 00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:03,600 you're using that one, you know, on a hot day or whatever you 843 00:48:03,600 --> 00:48:06,200 might, you could get that wrong. You look like someone or Jason 844 00:48:06,200 --> 00:48:11,840 Stathamov wish Stathamov wish. You know, the pronunciation is 845 00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:16,520 relatively difficult there, so I wouldn't recommend that one, but 846 00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:18,760 I might need to see the fellow to get the context. 847 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:23,880 Some of the best ones I've heard are, and someones I like to get 848 00:48:23,880 --> 00:48:28,560 involved with is as soon as the ref kicks off the game and I 849 00:48:28,560 --> 00:48:30,840 want to see people doing this by the way in the next couple of 850 00:48:30,840 --> 00:48:32,960 weeks. As soon as the ref kicks, blows 851 00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:37,560 the whistle to kick off the game, just shoot ref alongs left 852 00:48:38,200 --> 00:48:41,080 straight away. That's my mate Ryan. 853 00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,040 That's one of my mate. Ryan's a good one. 854 00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,600 Is somebody cracking up on the pitch, like going nuts like 855 00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:49,640 putting in big tackles and all or slobbering at the sideline? 856 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,200 Just everything alright at home, mate? 857 00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:56,800 That's good. What else? 858 00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:00,440 What, what, what I, because I'm 32, what I kind of like is just 859 00:49:00,440 --> 00:49:04,920 like laughing at things. Like when I was playing football 860 00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,440 recently, I was being marked by like a way younger guy. 861 00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:09,640 Like a guy's probably like 19 or 20. 862 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,800 And in the first minute or two, like we're not even running for 863 00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:14,800 a cross. We're just like just like 864 00:49:14,800 --> 00:49:17,760 running down the pitch and he like gets really tight and 865 00:49:17,760 --> 00:49:20,760 starts trying to like throw a couple of elbows into the side 866 00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:24,240 and stuff and pull the shirt. And I like, I just burst out 867 00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:26,760 laughing. I was like, what are we doing? 868 00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:30,160 What are we doing? There's no fans here. 869 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,360 If you do this, you're not going to get a move to Real Madrid. 870 00:49:34,280 --> 00:49:37,160 So why not just like, let's just play football. 871 00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:38,680 That's all I'm interested in doing. 872 00:49:39,400 --> 00:49:41,640 I spent a couple of weeks ago, there was like a full fight on 873 00:49:41,640 --> 00:49:46,080 the pitch basically. And then this fella came on so 874 00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:50,440 the match was pretty dirty and he was a big, big guy, like a 875 00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:52,840 big bald guy with a beard and tattoos. 876 00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,760 And he came on and he lurked like dead serious and intense at 877 00:49:56,760 --> 00:49:59,280 me. And I said, mate, see if there's 878 00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:01,720 another fight here. And he looked like his head 879 00:50:01,720 --> 00:50:03,400 turned 180°. He's like, what? 880 00:50:03,480 --> 00:50:05,920 And I went, you and me aren't getting involved. 881 00:50:06,120 --> 00:50:09,320 And then he burst out laughing and I was like, thank fuck he he 882 00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,560 thinks something funny. Then I just kept trying to be as 883 00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,560 me at the whole game so he wouldn't start me in a fight. 884 00:50:14,760 --> 00:50:17,520 I think he just transferred to that team from MC Alberry FC, 885 00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:22,600 but that's cool. Amy Dixon, best and worst thing 886 00:50:22,600 --> 00:50:24,840 your best man said about you in a speech you wouldn't. 887 00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:27,120 So I had two best men, Stevie and John. 888 00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,000 The best and worst thing they said to me. 889 00:50:32,240 --> 00:50:35,080 My mate Stevie pointed out that I used to cycle a bike 890 00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:38,320 everywhere until I was 21 and that's kind of like quite lame. 891 00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:44,640 So that stung John. What did John get at me for? 892 00:50:44,640 --> 00:50:47,200 They both got at me for being lactose intolerant, which is 893 00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:49,080 kind of rude because that's a disability. 894 00:50:50,720 --> 00:50:53,840 But overall it was nice. It was a nice speech because 895 00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:56,120 they're my friends and they're nice. 896 00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:58,840 I'm only friends with nice people. 897 00:50:59,520 --> 00:51:02,000 Kevin Davey says. How do you feel about nightclubs 898 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,320 in NI closing at half one in comparison the coppers in Dublin 899 00:51:05,320 --> 00:51:07,600 closing at six? I don't think nightclubs here 900 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:10,840 close at half one, do they? Well, they certainly don't know 901 00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:14,680 anyway. Coppers in Dublin closing at 902 00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:16,480 six. Is that true? 903 00:51:17,240 --> 00:51:18,680 Yeah, If that's true, that's mad. 904 00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:21,560 I mean, I think the thing about all this is none of it makes 905 00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:25,640 sense. So the fact that we are no 906 00:51:25,640 --> 00:51:29,280 fucking politics included in this statement, we are on an 907 00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:31,560 island. Like the fact that there would 908 00:51:31,560 --> 00:51:35,280 be some different rules there, different rules here on this is 909 00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:36,960 mad. You may as well be like, let's 910 00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:38,440 just work together on this Porsche. 911 00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:42,600 Sean McLaughlin, would you spend much time on social media? 912 00:51:42,600 --> 00:51:45,360 Yeah, yeah. Mainly Myspace. 913 00:51:45,360 --> 00:51:46,920 Just messaging my man Tom. That's him. 914 00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:47,560 What? He's up to. 915 00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,800 Charlotte. Laurie, what's your favourite 916 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:53,160 shape of sausage? Straight. 917 00:51:53,160 --> 00:51:56,920 Cumberland Square heart. Wow. 918 00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:02,680 Jesus Christ. Just just. 919 00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:03,480 Yeah. Straight. 920 00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:06,960 Just like, straight. Like, I'm not in any other, I'm 921 00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,120 not in any other sausage stuff. I just like my sausages straight 922 00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,760 and black and sure. Oh, sure. 923 00:52:13,760 --> 00:52:16,720 Last question above. Living in Copenhagen, Denmark, 924 00:52:16,720 --> 00:52:19,280 and the tea situation is dire in Copenhagen. 925 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,600 Oh no. If we can do something about 926 00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:25,240 that, we will. Honestly, they sell more skates 927 00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:28,120 licorice crap here than bags salty licorice crap. 928 00:52:28,760 --> 00:52:30,840 It is, or I mean it kind of a tea. 929 00:52:30,880 --> 00:52:32,160 Yeah. What sort of tea you want? 930 00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:35,840 Salty licorice. I've managed to find some loose 931 00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:39,160 leaf but have no strainer and also Amazon doesn't exist here. 932 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:41,440 What? Which is another nightmare. 933 00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:45,280 I could probably go scavenge the tea. 934 00:52:45,280 --> 00:52:48,960 However, what daily household object could I use as a tea 935 00:52:48,960 --> 00:52:50,640 strainer? My first thought is a clean 936 00:52:50,640 --> 00:52:53,760 sock, but that's also gross. Much love Charlotte love right 937 00:52:53,760 --> 00:52:55,560 back at you. A lovely representing the 938 00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:58,800 podcast in Copenhagen in Denmark. 939 00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:00,760 And I'm sorry that you can't get your tea. 940 00:53:01,160 --> 00:53:03,960 And do any other sippers live in Denmark? 941 00:53:03,960 --> 00:53:07,360 Can you advise in terms of using a sock as a strainer? 942 00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,720 We're a little bit more upper class on this podcast. 943 00:53:10,720 --> 00:53:12,480 So I would say it's got to be a really nice. 944 00:53:12,480 --> 00:53:15,400 It's like an Egyptian cotton or a bamboo sock. 945 00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,000 So let's say if you've got like you've seen Laurel or as you 946 00:53:18,000 --> 00:53:20,640 want she socks, use those. But I don't want to see like 947 00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:24,880 using a pair of multi pack slasengers tights. 948 00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:28,240 Would tights work? But then is there anything in 949 00:53:28,240 --> 00:53:31,080 that, that if you drank it in the water, like the tight, could 950 00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,480 something from the tights get into the water and give you 951 00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:36,360 mercury poison? I'm not too sure on mercury 952 00:53:36,360 --> 00:53:38,080 poisons. Obviously when you get it now on 953 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:42,120 all day, you're just going. So I don't know. 954 00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:45,320 But I want you to keep us up to date with this journey. 955 00:53:46,440 --> 00:53:48,040 Are there any other sippers in Copen? 956 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:51,400 Does any, do any sippers have contacts in Copenhagen that can 957 00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:55,240 get Charlotte a strainer? OK, because that's all we want 958 00:53:55,240 --> 00:53:58,600 to do, Charlotte. We we'll figure this out 959 00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,280 somehow. We'll figure this out. 960 00:54:00,680 --> 00:54:04,960 Maybe our friends at Horny Teas can can help the Danish tea 961 00:54:04,960 --> 00:54:06,760 situation somehow. Jesus Christ. 962 00:54:13,320 --> 00:54:15,760 Wow. OK, this is from Jared Brawley. 963 00:54:16,840 --> 00:54:22,600 He says. Ah, right. 964 00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:25,600 I don't know if this podcast question, I don't have this 965 00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:30,160 podcast question. So I can't I can't read. 966 00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:34,640 I'm going to say, can I read this on the pod? 967 00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:43,760 I mean, he sent a very like very nice, kind, beautiful message 968 00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:45,560 that I will chat to him either way about. 969 00:54:45,720 --> 00:54:48,320 And my first reaction is. Can I talk about this on my 970 00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:51,120 podcast? But I just want to know, I don't 971 00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:52,280 know if it's for the podcast or not. 972 00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:56,120 So I'll check out with you. Daz, are you going to stay for 973 00:54:56,120 --> 00:54:58,240 the full podcast today? I think Dave should just fly 974 00:54:58,240 --> 00:55:00,760 solo now. Hey, Daz, shut up. 975 00:55:00,760 --> 00:55:05,080 You you detergent. Carl Blanigan. 976 00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:06,640 What was the score in your game at the weekend? 977 00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:11,440 I think we got Big 12 one. So there's there's no comedy 978 00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:15,640 there or whatever or there's no at the end of the day analysis. 979 00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:20,440 It was just a bad day at the office and then and I think it 980 00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:22,200 was 12/1. But these things happen. 981 00:55:22,880 --> 00:55:25,760 And as I've said about football, you just have to be like, 982 00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:29,360 listen, let's just enjoy this. You got to take the you got to 983 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:34,160 take the rough with a smooth and getting B12121 is definitely 984 00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:37,120 rough Zippers. Thanks very much for the 985 00:55:37,120 --> 00:55:38,640 questions. Let me just make sure we don't 986 00:55:38,640 --> 00:55:44,720 have any of them on Twitter and and we'll maybe maybe chat to 987 00:55:44,720 --> 00:55:49,160 Jared about what he said next when we chat about that during 988 00:55:49,160 --> 00:55:52,000 the week. Yeah, we will, because Jared, 989 00:55:52,280 --> 00:55:54,880 you sent me a message under the post where I was asking for 990 00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,200 questions, but you're talking about quite a personal thing, so 991 00:55:58,200 --> 00:56:01,520 we'll wait and see. Producer Dan will hopefully be 992 00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:04,960 back next week. I'm flying so low again in terms 993 00:56:04,960 --> 00:56:05,720 of the product. Does it? 994 00:56:05,880 --> 00:56:08,240 This guy does it all. He sings, he dances, he acts. 995 00:56:08,440 --> 00:56:12,440 He's the full package. And so producer Dan will 996 00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:16,440 hopefully be back next week. I'll be back on Friday with the 997 00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:18,320 interview podcast. Who's my guest going to be? 998 00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:20,920 I don't know. I do not know, but we'll figure 999 00:56:20,920 --> 00:56:22,520 it out. Cheers for listening. 1000 00:56:22,920 --> 00:56:25,000 Thanks for being zipperspatreon.com says Tea with 1001 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:29,200 me podcast, manscape.com. Tea with me as the code 20% off, 1002 00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:31,080 free shipping. Cheers, shippers. 1003 00:56:31,640 --> 00:56:32,360 Todd, Father.