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I'm Michael. 
Che and I'm Colin Jose, and 

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we've got a little secret. 
Actually, it's a pretty big 

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00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:06,480
secret. 
Well, now you got to give the 

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00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:08,360
people something. 
I'm not saying a word. 

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Oh, then people will know to 
tune in. 

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Come on, tell them a little. 
Like our hosting of comedy 

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00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:14,640
events streaming only on 
Peacock, exactly how it's called

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00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,200
New York After Dark and it's a 
comedy show that only features 

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00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:18,960
drop in comic. 
Boom, you nail. 

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Into Michael Che's phone. 
Nervous. 

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00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:21,960
Whoa, whoa, whoa. 
Hey, hey, hey. 

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New York After Dark. 
It's some kind of comedy thing, 

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and it's streaming now only on 
Peacock. 

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You love it. 
Zippers, welcome to this episode

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00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:38,400
of the Tea With Me Podcast with 
me. 

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What is it? 
She and Todd. 

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She and Todd. 
Before we get stuck into this 

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episode, let me plug 
patreon.com/tea With Me podcast.

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Big things happen over there, 
including some big news coming 

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this week. 
Can't say too much, but I think 

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I've been pretty tight lipped on
it so far. 

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Big news coming if but what 
Hypothetically if it was a live 

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podcast, we're announcing the 
pre sale will be on Patreon and 

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it'll be announced first over on
Patreon. 

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Patreon, the com slash team 
podcast, all the usual stuff 

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we'll do over there. 
Also dumb bring the screen up 

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with a thing. 
I can't say it. 

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Thank you. 
I always get really nervous when

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you do that when I go to do the 
ad and then the screen is on 

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it's online, we're sponsored. 
I didn't need the screen anyway 

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by Nord VPN, which maybe What 
does VPN stand for? 

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Virtual Private Network ship. 
Correct. 

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And service that protects your 
Internet connection and privacy 

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online. 
It protects your online identity

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by hiding your IP address and 
allows you to use public Wi-Fi 

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hotspots safely. 
And you know what it's like. 

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I know what it's like, 5200 plus
servers in 59 countries. 

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Find a server near you for 
better speed or connect to a 

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fairway location or for far away
location to freely explore the 

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Internet. 
And make it work. 

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Can you access it from? 
Access from everywhere Share. 

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Everywhere now what? 
This means is you know you're a 

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man who travels, right? 
I travel like fucking like a 

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gypsy. 
You were in Australia. 

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Yeah, a lot of times. 
And whenever you're there. 

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There's nothing worse than not 
having than having loads of 

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VPN's. 
I prefer having NOR VP French 

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for no VPN right? 
No, no. 

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Sorry, I got confused. 
So what that means is you can 

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next time you're in Australia. 
You can access it from 

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everywhere. 
Don't miss your favourite 

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content from home when 
travelling abroad. 

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Exactly. 
Thank God because I have no VPN 

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and I was able to watch the 
Paddy Raff show. 

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You were able to watch. 
You were able to watch. 

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Bara best Bara best fucking. 
My view when the weather wasn't 

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on Drum. 
Yeah, thank God. 

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Because you that's what you can 
do with this. 

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You protect your online 
identity. 

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Takes just a click. 
You open the map, click on 

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location and you can be 
connected in seconds. 

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It's not easy. 
It's not easy. 

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I make what do people do to go 
to nvpn.com site T with me and 

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the sign up do a huge huge. 
Huge discount of your Nord VPN 

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plan plus four months for free. 
It's completely. 

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Risk are the risks. 
It's respiration risk free. 

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And is there a 29 day money back
guarantee? 

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I'll give you 1 better now. 
It's a 30 day money back 

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guarantee. 
Ship Nord VPN, protect your 

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laptop. 
We're also sponsored by 

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Manscaped. 
Manscape. 

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What's man in? 
French man, No, that's the 

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rally. 
Manscape.com and Manscape you 

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know by now the number one in 
man's below the belt grooming 

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products. 
Now did you get it? 

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Did you skin? 
I'll be honest with you, I 

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haven't been using the manscape 
at all. 

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I used I used another Clipper. 
I'm sure I've my scrotum looks 

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like a an old hanky full of 
holes and snot. 

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They say a pepper and. 
Passion. 

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I had to put up my ma's sleeve 
just to keep it safe. 

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She took it to Chapel with her. 
I'm free ball literally because 

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I've no scrotum left. 
Oh, you're. 

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Like conquers in there now, if 
you listen, if you hear them, 

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you hear. 
Because I didn't use Manscape. 

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But you should. 
Yeah, launch and tell them more.

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Yeah, you basically they've got 
all the products you need and 

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the snag technology so you don't
snag your bag. 

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You don't. 
It's. 

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Like having your balls drained 
by an infant's hands. 

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You're bleed, I'm bleeding, I'm 
a little bit lost. 

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Because scored of such a you 
have a thick. 

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Very thick to the psoriasis on 
what's starred. 

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So. 
That will know there was but 

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then I got the ball toner from 
from Nord VP manscape and now my

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balls are like fucking bar a 
best head in the clouds. 

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Did it do it right? 
This is what my podcast doesn't 

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have a sponsor. 
For 20% off of free shipping. 

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It's all in the description of 
the episode. 

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Let's just get into this. 
I can't. 

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I can't hold it back for any 
longer. 

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He's like a dog on a leash. 
And hold on. 

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Let me just cut that. 
He does sound effects, though. 

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Mike. 
Yeah. 

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I'm having tea with none other 
than Mickey Bartlett. 

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Great to have you. 
Here, man, that's me. 

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I'm all tired. 
That's all the funny I can be. 

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You're a silly. 
Guy, I'm a goofy, I'm jet lag 

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and I've a food poison the other
day so I'm just about to be out 

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of the house and not not farting
lumps. 

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What did you get food poisoning 
from? 

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See, now this is what I've 
discovered. 

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I had to sort of backtrack like 
a detective and set for clothes.

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Like Memento? 
Yeah, yeah, well, my mental 

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never mind yours. 
By the way, would you be 

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offended if I took his jacket 
off? 

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Depends. 
What's under nothing. 

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Even better. 
Oh, Bapi. 

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Is that a toy? 
Black is it? 

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What? 
What? 

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Oh yeah, do it slower. 
You've been left them, you 

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didn't even a slide box and 
treat them though on the fucking

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in the background. 
Train with Freddie Roach. 

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Oh yes, I know, with Papa did. 
You say got the last. 

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Resort. 
No, I only know one song. 

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Yeah. 
Which one? 

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Yeah, Yeah, I don't. 
Know that's what I mean. 

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I can't do another. 
Oh, OK. 

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Like it's 15 love if I want to 
change the tennis puns. 

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OK, yeah, I'm your Venus. 
Fuck off. 

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Sorry, who's that? 
Not important. 

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OK, Umm, Oh yeah. 
Why do you how do you get food 

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poison? 
She had to do some. 

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You had to trace it back. 
How to trace it back? 

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So essentially I was coming back
from Australia. 

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God got home with Monday 
afternoon did a gig Monday night

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because I'm a trooper slept had 
a lovely time Tuesday How do we 

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chippy tea Tuesday night cute at
about half two and Wednesday 

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what do you what? 
Do you get? 

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If you're having a wee chippy 
tea, what do you get? 

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Depends on the weather to be 
honest with you. 

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It was kind of a blustery night 
and it was getting because it 

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was like, oh, it's a bit cold 
and I'm jet lagged. 

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I got a Curry chip and chicken 
goujons, which could also 

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explain the food poison. 
So at around 2:00 in the morning

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I thought I'll probably have a 
wee poop. 

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And I had a normal poop. 
But the normal poop unleashed 

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what I can only describe is the 
gates of hell. 

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And then I thought, my God I 
was. 

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And then I thought to myself, 
that poop so bad it's made me 

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feel a bit sick, right? 
So I flushed the toilet because 

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I'm a gentleman. 
As opposed to I. 

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Didn't want to poke me on poo, 
didn't want to mix that up. 

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And that's how you, that's how 
you make Protestants. 

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And so I ended up, I don't have 
you ever had food poisoned? 

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But it's like you don't go, you 
go, I'm like your head 

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everywhere but the toilet. 
Do you know what I mean? 

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So I basically was, I was just 
doing, I was just spinning for 

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the next sort of 12 hours. 
And the last, there was a point 

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where the stuff that was coming 
in my mouth and the stuff that 

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was coming in my bum with the 
same colour. 

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And I was like, this is, this is
strange, this is very odd. 

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And it was luminous. 
I looked a bit like a siren. 

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And then at the last, the final 
book, I noticed there was rice 

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in it and I was like fucking 
Doha airport. 

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So what happened was I was 
flying from Sydney, the Doha, 

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Doha to Dublin, got off the 
airport, a 2 hour wait and I 

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thought, I'm not hungry, Qatar. 
Yeah. 

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So yet another reason why I'm 
not going to the World Cup. 

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So I ordered a chicken Curry 
wrap from the airport like a 

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weed cafe in the airport and the
girl heated it up. 

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I was sent to the labs before 
Level 3 food hygiene working 

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subway. 
So when I bet it I went that 

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chicken and that rice aren't 
warm enough. 

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And I know from Level 3 food 
hygiene working subway checking 

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the rice the worst two things to
fuck about with. 

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If you're reheating, how do we 
either scald them or you just 

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throw them out? 
Like can I, can I ask you this? 

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It's something I've always 
thought about. 

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I like rice and I was heating 
rice recently and someone 

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00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,480
pointed I didn't make sure 
that's cooked. 

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00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:26,960
Yep. 
And I said, but it's not meat. 

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00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,600
I'm not going to be wrong with 
if it's not cooked, what's going

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to happen if you don't cook out 
rice? 

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00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,159
I think what happens you'll 
think you have the normal shit 

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then the gates of hell you 
remember what I said 5 minutes 

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00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:40,919
ago fall out of your anus like I
I threw up so much I'm pretty 

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00:08:40,919 --> 00:08:44,240
sure I lost memories like long 
Division I knew. 

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00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,320
You just the toilet and she had 
school I. 

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00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,600
Swear to God when I'm first 
community photo, don't remember 

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eating up. 
So yeah. 

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00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:54,400
So I basically took a bite out 
of it and I was like, that's not

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00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:56,480
heated up properly. 
And then I thought, I can't go 

194
00:08:56,480 --> 00:09:00,040
over to that per slave woman and
be like, excuse me, my rap isn't

195
00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:02,040
ready because she probably lost 
her brother making a stadium. 

196
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:06,400
So then I I just took two or 
three more bites out of it out 

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00:09:06,400 --> 00:09:07,840
of like Catholic guilt 
politeness. 

198
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:10,840
And then I got home and used 3 
total rules before half nine 

199
00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:13,640
Wednesday morning because that's
how my wig's been going. 

200
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,200
Thanks for the green tea. 
It's been all working stomach. 

201
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,280
Now when you when you were in 
Qatar airport for for your 

202
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,880
layover, what's that like? 
Is that is that big business at 

203
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,080
airport? 
It's massive. 

204
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,160
There's fuck all in it apart 
from figs and I did. 

205
00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:35,280
I wasn't in Benali right, 
because I went to the sorry you 

206
00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:36,400
off it. 
Nah, I'm at that. 

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00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,840
Well, I'm going I'm going to 
officially stop because I've 

208
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,360
still got I've still got about 
200 left the time where the 

209
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,960
Dubai. 
So I'm going to take a piss, but

210
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:49,080
also in Doha airport to have we 
smoking rooms that you can 

211
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,120
rather than light a cigarette, 
you can open the door and just 

212
00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:54,600
suck and close it again and your
smoke 20 say I and the federals 

213
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,240
think of pretty much would you 
like suit it? 

214
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,680
So I'm going to go off them, but
I don't horrible. 

215
00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:03,920
It's fucking massive, right, 
like it's very flashy, like 

216
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:04,960
there's Ferraris in the middle 
of it. 

217
00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:06,040
No, that's sort of weird. 
Like. 

218
00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,280
There's a terminal, Do you ever 
fly back from London? 

219
00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,320
It's either Heathrow work at 
work and they put all the like 

220
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:14,600
international flights in this 
terminal and for some reason the

221
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:16,640
Belfast flight and it's got 
like. 

222
00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,920
Hards and yes I spent 7 hours in
there one time right flying back

223
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,520
from I think it was flying back 
Bahrain. 

224
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,360
Right. 
And like with an iPhone 7, 

225
00:10:29,360 --> 00:10:31,640
couldn't find a charger. 
Just miserable. 

226
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,400
Yeah, and. 
There's nowhere to eat for less 

227
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,440
than £20. 
No, no, like, yeah. 

228
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,200
And do you, are you a good 
traveller? 

229
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,560
Like do you enjoy all the 
travel? 

230
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:46,000
I don't do that now I do. 
Have you learned any hacks to 

231
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,480
travel? 
My hack for long haul flights. 

232
00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,920
Yes, yes, I'm all ears. 
Has been the same for a couple 

233
00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,040
of years. 
You might not like this. 

234
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,280
OK, you might have to substitute
it. 4 whiskeys, 2 cokes. 

235
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:59,400
I just Bosch, Bosch, Bosch. 
And then you drink the whiskeys 

236
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:04,400
and the cokes, right? 
That's the pilot's name is 

237
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:09,000
Bosch. 
No, Just like been a load of 

238
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:09,840
drink. 
Right. 

239
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,000
But you're not going to feel 
horrific when you wake up. 

240
00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,240
No, because you're in the sky 
and you're still, you're still 

241
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,440
not really doing anything doing.
It's not like it's not like you 

242
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,360
wake up. 
It's not like you wake up to go.

243
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,560
It's your turn to fly. 
Oh fuck me, I've been drinking 

244
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:31,080
breath so. 4W's too cool, but is
this an urban mint? 

245
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,720
It's double in the air. 
Yet I felt that like it 

246
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,640
definitely if you're fucking 
else, but it's a bit much. 

247
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,280
And when you have that, when 
you, when you neck 4W's two 

248
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:47,560
Cokes, are you blitzed? 
You kind of I kind of go just 

249
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:51,160
out like I'll say this. 
So on the way back from are. 

250
00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:52,560
You in a row? 
Sorry of what? 

251
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:54,120
Do you hear what happened, Jim? 
No. 

252
00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,040
No, it's never happened before. 
Every time I've gone to 

253
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:59,400
Australia, every time I've gone 
to the states where I've gone, 

254
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,840
I've always ended up with a 
window or an aisle, which is 

255
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:02,880
perfect. 
I'm a big unit. 

256
00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:06,800
No, I am I and I've also got 
short arms, so I like my arms. 

257
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:11,200
My arms don't reach the armrests
on a fucking on the plane right 

258
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:16,080
because I built like AT Rex, so 
I have to like it has to be 1-2 

259
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:17,600
useless. 
I can't reach them. 

260
00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:20,000
One's perfect, showing you 
that's window. 

261
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,520
You can't do that I. 
Just can't do the fucking 

262
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,640
anybody else. 
I can't do the Pingu. 

263
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:34,280
So on the way from from Sydney 
to Dohaus was a 15 hour flight. 

264
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:38,240
I was in the middle, so that's 
44 seats in the middle, but I 

265
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:39,360
was in the middle of the four 
seats. 

266
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:47,560
To my left was a Joker, No Joker
to the left, it doesn't matter. 

267
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,040
There was a Joker to the right, 
joker to the right. 

268
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,520
Well, she wasn't a Joker. 
She was not, but a Finnish can't

269
00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:54,880
How? 
Did You Know? 

270
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:56,840
Because she was like, I'm from 
Finland and I was like, you're 

271
00:12:56,840 --> 00:13:05,080
not a can't. 
I'm saying you've overreacted. 

272
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,120
I was fuming, right? 
I was fucking. 

273
00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:08,120
Why? 
Because you want to be in the 

274
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,440
outside. 
I want to be in the outside 

275
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,040
right? 
Will you ask, will you say, 

276
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,400
would you mind if? 
I no, I've never, I've never 

277
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,160
been I'm not, I'm not that rude 
to be honest. 

278
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:18,960
And even I never said she was a 
Can't I just sit at my? 

279
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,440
Head, I'm not that rude. 
I'm finished. 

280
00:13:20,440 --> 00:13:22,560
You can't. 
For 15 hours I was like, I hope 

281
00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,520
this plane crashes and kills us 
both. 

282
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:33,760
So there was a baby at 10:00, a 
baby at several 3:15 and they 

283
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,720
were having a who can scream the
loudest competition for the God 

284
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:39,520
love like feel so sorry for the 
whole for the whole flight. 

285
00:13:39,520 --> 00:13:41,440
Right. 
So there's a fella here who had 

286
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,040
his like a his kid with him and 
she was booting a seat. 

287
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,080
The guy in front of me was one 
of those jewels people on a 

288
00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:49,360
plane that put their seat back 
and think this can't be as far 

289
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,480
back as it goes. 
So they're starting. 

290
00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:52,760
To fall right. 
Some whiskey and Cokes are 

291
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,320
falling everywhere on the we 
finish fucker. 

292
00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:58,240
Well like meet herself comfy and
took up like both armrests. 

293
00:13:58,440 --> 00:14:00,320
No, no. 
So you're in the middle. 

294
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,080
It's. 
Yours, I'm like that right for 

295
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:05,280
for 15 hours, right, right. 
I was getting knots from my 

296
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:06,960
back. 
My neck wasn't working properly.

297
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:09,720
And then at one point she got to
go for a pee and I was like, 

298
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:11,840
great, I'll use this excuse to 
go and have we walk about, 

299
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:14,000
fucking stretch my legs. 
But I'll have a quick piss. 

300
00:14:14,280 --> 00:14:17,360
And when I came back, she got 
herself all tucked in snuggly to

301
00:14:17,360 --> 00:14:19,360
her seat. 
And I'm like, as someone who's 

302
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,600
maintained that I'll see for 
many a year, the etiquette is if

303
00:14:22,600 --> 00:14:25,000
the person sitting beside you 
isn't back yet, Yep, leave the 

304
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,040
belt off Yep, leave. 
Leave the tray up. 

305
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,640
Watch your movie, yes, but don't
get tucked into your blanket in 

306
00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,320
your pillow. 
No way. 

307
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,760
So when I came back, all of a 
sudden she was like, and then 

308
00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:34,800
she starts telling me about her 
job. 

309
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,400
I'm all fuck off. 
Yes, fucking Ukrainian bitch, 

310
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:40,400
wherever the fuck you're from. 
Two more whiskeys, please, 

311
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:45,560
Abdul. 
I was a man when I got the Doe 

312
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:47,200
house off. 
Obviously at this fucking the 

313
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:50,040
tech and time bomb of death. 
And then I got on the flight 

314
00:14:50,040 --> 00:14:52,920
from Doha to Dublin and I had a 
free row and I was too excited 

315
00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:55,920
to sleep. 
I'm not making it up in 35 years

316
00:14:55,920 --> 00:14:57,680
of age. 
I literally built a Fort. 

317
00:14:58,000 --> 00:15:00,360
So I. 
Had three blankies, 3 pillows, 

318
00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:05,760
made a wee fucking animal and 
then I was like 7 1/2 hours 

319
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:07,280
Lewick. 
Why are you Mr. Bean? 

320
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,200
Why am I not? 
I am. 

321
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:14,680
I always. 
I think that's my I I focus so 

322
00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:17,120
much on getting the road and 
myself and thinking where can I 

323
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,200
move? 
When should I move? 

324
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:21,480
All that kind of thing. 
A big hack is if you're going to

325
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,000
if you see a rule free, 
especially in like a longer haul

326
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,600
flight, don't go too soon 
because the air stewardess is 

327
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:29,960
hit and they won't. 
They'll tell you to go back to 

328
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,400
your seat you as soon as you 
hear board and complete. 

329
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:33,920
Absolutely. 
That's that's all I'm waiting 

330
00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:35,680
for. 
I won't put the headphones until

331
00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:36,800
I hear it. 
Yeah, I'll be looking at the 

332
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:39,720
door and all. 
Yep, because I chanced that last

333
00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,160
time I was flying to the states 
straight serves in row 13. 

334
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,760
I went to the back of the plane 
because I saw some rows and I 

335
00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:48,840
waited to go on late. 
And the guy goes, what's your 

336
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,720
ticket number? 
And I showed him he goes, now 

337
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:53,200
you're gonna have to go back. 
But I just went like 10 rows 

338
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:55,200
ahead with a free row and I got 
to keep that. 

339
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,960
But it's AI think there's weird 
things but like do they have to 

340
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,280
legally was taken off in London 
Assure you're in the same seat. 

341
00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:05,680
Oh, maybe. 
Or or that's just them saying 

342
00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,120
like land us. 
Yeah, yeah, everyone time 

343
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,280
getting an EasyJet flight 
because I'm, you know, I'm 

344
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:11,440
Baller. 
That's. 

345
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:16,960
Me, you boys are no and that but
they don't even they only 

346
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,760
brought this new thing out. 
So basically I was in the 2nd 

347
00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,480
row, the front row, it was empty
flight and the front row was 

348
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:24,040
like you get a wee bit of 
fucking leg space. 

349
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:25,920
So the pain's in the air and I 
was like, fuck, I want to sit 

350
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,760
there. 
So went in the front row and the

351
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,640
stewardess was like, sorry, this
is reserved for people who paid 

352
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,040
for extra leg room. 
And I was like, there must have 

353
00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,920
paid a fortune because the 
fucking they weren't even in the

354
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,600
plane. 
Like, surely this is all right. 

355
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:40,360
Just like, no. 
And she literally made me move 

356
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:43,080
back into the row behind and I'm
like, there's nobody. 

357
00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:45,160
It's me and you on this. 
I can send the pilot's knee. 

358
00:16:46,360 --> 00:16:50,560
So there's, yeah, there's times 
like I do get like I'm never 

359
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:55,040
more of a psychopath that when 
I'm in an airport and somebody 

360
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:56,920
doesn't know what to do, right, 
You know? 

361
00:16:56,920 --> 00:16:59,560
What I mean, Yeah, yeah. 
Yeah, no, being in Australia, 

362
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,160
they're domestic flights. 
You don't have to take anything 

363
00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:04,920
out of your bag and it's a joy. 
You can be in the airport. 

364
00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,280
I thought they they because you 
watch all their their border 

365
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:09,480
security. 
To get to get into Australia, 

366
00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,839
they're like, they're 
international stuffs. 

367
00:17:11,839 --> 00:17:13,640
You can only bring toys. 
Asian people. 

368
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:15,400
They're very. 
Amazing you can't bring a lot of

369
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,920
food. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very amazing. 

370
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,520
But also Australia is quite 
racist. 

371
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:22,800
Somebody was telling me up until
like the 1980s they had like 

372
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,560
their legal policy was white as 
right. 

373
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,560
And even though it's not legally
there anymore, there's still a 

374
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:29,800
way. 
But kind of fucking because 

375
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,840
I've, I've twice I've gone 
through, I think it was 

376
00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,520
Melbourne and Perth, the two 
times I've got to Australia, 

377
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:38,440
pick my bag up and I went, 
nobody's talked to me like I've 

378
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,480
just walked through this 
airport. 

379
00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,360
Yeah, yeah. 
But then also you see like a 

380
00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:45,720
bunch of fucking Thai babies up 
against the wall getting kicked 

381
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,040
in the ass. 
But you know, the ties are like.

382
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:57,240
Too tight I I don't know I the 
reason I can't really consider 

383
00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:02,480
it is because I got shoes 
arrived this morning shoes and I

384
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:06,160
put them on those all delighted 
to come down and you said no. 

385
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:12,200
A couple of things are annoying 
me here. 1 is me too, 11 is 

386
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,480
these are. 
Those two of them. 

387
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:18,560
These are what the kids call 
Yeezys. 

388
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,520
No, If there's ever a worse time
for these two, absolutely. 

389
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,040
It took a long time to ship when
I ordered these. 

390
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:30,480
Kanye was, you know, he's, you 
can describe him as a character.

391
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,160
Yeah, they're now called the No 
Jew Shoes. 

392
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:36,640
Yeah, now what's worse about? 
Their anti perspirant, 

393
00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:41,000
anti-Semitic. 
They're anti Sanders shoes 

394
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,280
actually. 
You look like a Star of David, I

395
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:45,440
think. 
No, that's all the. 

396
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:50,600
Puns now you you said these look
like shoes that would be given 

397
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:52,680
to. 
The metal patient, Yeah, they 

398
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,320
look to be given to somebody who
might hurt themselves. 

399
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:56,560
And that's why the laces are 
redundant. 

400
00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:58,720
Better they don't even open or 
close can. 

401
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,600
I say something I'll never wear 
these again. 

402
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,080
Don't. 
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not sent 

403
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,720
to make funny. 
I personally, I think Yeezys 

404
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,960
look fucking stinking. 
Anyway, yeah, that big heel at 

405
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,080
the back. 
What's it for? 

406
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:14,600
I know no one, no one. 
A kangaroo could wear them. 

407
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,640
Yeah, no. 
Should I persevere with Warnies 

408
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:21,720
if I like them or just bow to 
the peer pressure? 

409
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,200
It's it's put it this way, I've 
never before in the time we've 

410
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:27,640
known each other, ever told you 
ever not to wear something. 

411
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,640
You're a beautiful man. 
I agree you can pull up most 

412
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,080
things, but you should pull 
those off. 

413
00:19:31,080 --> 00:19:32,280
I'll throw them in the fucking 
bin. 

414
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:35,240
I'll never wear those again, I 
swear. 

415
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:36,960
I'll never wear how you get 
home. 

416
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:45,560
Shut up, Michael. 
The softer Eastlander fake. 

417
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,800
A big a big, long, weird alien 
fake. 

418
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:52,320
And sure you do. 
How was Australia in general? 

419
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,880
Phenomenal. 
How many times you've been 

420
00:19:54,880 --> 00:19:57,200
you've been a little 10? 
Four nights before time, would 

421
00:19:57,200 --> 00:19:58,920
you? 
Ever see when I see you out 

422
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,360
there, see a bit of, you know, 
Instagram stuff, you're very 

423
00:20:02,360 --> 00:20:03,680
happy out there. 
I don't think you don't look 

424
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,640
happy here, but obviously like 
the weather is unreal out there.

425
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,280
You know the shows look 
brilliant would. 

426
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:10,880
No, we wouldn't. 
One illusion. 

427
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,760
But would would Maggie Bartlett 
ever consider a move? 

428
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:16,000
She and Todd and tell you right 
now, I looked on this camera. 

429
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,800
I'll tell people at home. 
My family are watching this. 

430
00:20:18,120 --> 00:20:20,360
The only reason I came back to 
Ireland because I've got that 

431
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,600
already. 
It's the only reason I came. 

432
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,920
I was that close. 
I was in the airport going fuck 

433
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:30,280
it like because the vase I had 
last until March and I was like,

434
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:33,160
I'm pretty sure could I could 
find some sort of Irish culture 

435
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:35,520
work. 
Yeah, Peyton houses boys, no. 

436
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:39,120
You'd be flat out doing shows 
out there. 

437
00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,720
You would maybe, but just it's 
it's Jordan. 

438
00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:46,800
It's like, ah, baby, but that's 
the kind of thing you can do 

439
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:51,200
material like that on stage and 
people laugh at it feels like 

440
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:53,440
sometimes. 
And like Ireland, if you do 

441
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,880
something that's if you do 
something that to an audience 

442
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,080
member sounds embarrassing, they
go, Oh my God, I can't believe 

443
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,480
he's saying that and they don't 
get your joking. 

444
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,320
Whereas in Australia, it's very 
much fucking go for it. 

445
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,480
Oh, OK. 
You know what I mean? 

446
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,240
Right. 
So like, I've got to work with 

447
00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:06,760
some of the best comedians I've 
ever worked with. 

448
00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,720
Like, obviously, yeah, yeah. 
But like some absolute fucking 

449
00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,040
Wizards and like comedians that 
are so good. 

450
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,040
Like, I'm just have a long time.
I'm pretty good at it. 

451
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,600
But I found myself in the back 
of the room going right. 

452
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:23,240
Right, you're on the. 
Door so that's just my favourite

453
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,160
thing is like. 
Is it people from home come to 

454
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,080
see you out there or there's? 
A lot of people from home, but 

455
00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:28,880
there's a lot of Aussies as 
well, like right, OK, because 

456
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:33,560
it's been building up sort of 
I'll say like the, the, the 

457
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:37,600
Sydney Comedy Store that's sold 
out and that was the 300 seater.

458
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,800
And I think there was 200 hours 
people out of and they had to 

459
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:42,480
restock the bar 4 times during 
the show. 

460
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:45,520
Righty or? 
Not even righty man, just very 

461
00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:47,520
nice. 
Just hammer and booze. 

462
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,800
They're probably just because 
they're so far away. 

463
00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:52,320
They're even part of like the 
States. 

464
00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,200
They probably just love it. 
Was hilarious, but there was a 

465
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:56,920
couple of fellows, right? 
We only got here last Wednesday 

466
00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,600
show you in libraries and choose
like so that last week, Foxy 

467
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:02,280
they're taking no new material, 
no lab no. 

468
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:04,880
Digging in No culture. 
Absolutely. 

469
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:10,000
I won't put We did a show in 
Darwin and it was just like a 

470
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,400
compilation thing. 
And I went to an Aerospark as my

471
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,400
stereotype and I was stop 
starting the bar, having a drink

472
00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:19,920
and this guy just grabbed me. 
You're from London. 

473
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,040
I went, I went to the enjoy the 
show. 

474
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:24,040
He went what show? 
And then he just walked away and

475
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:30,760
I was like. 
A look class like I love the go.

476
00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:34,720
I've never been, but do you you 
kind of know your way around the

477
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,120
cities and stuff now that you go
to? 

478
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:38,160
Not really. 
I mean, I kind of know roughly 

479
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,440
where I'm going in Sydney, but 
then those tours that I do, 

480
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,120
you're gagging. 
I've had two days off entire 

481
00:22:43,120 --> 00:22:45,400
month. 
They're both involved travelling

482
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:47,920
so. 
You couldn't go and do much, not

483
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,040
really. 
Like I'd love to go out and do 

484
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,440
like you'll do shows at the 
weekends and then fucking have 

485
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,160
the week to go, right? 
What's over here and what's over

486
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,080
here? 
You want would you like to go 

487
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,320
into the Bush? 
Shame you're married. 

488
00:23:01,840 --> 00:23:04,800
Well, I've been in like I've 
been a couple of buses. 

489
00:23:05,880 --> 00:23:13,000
Bosch, Kid Bosch. 
Of school bus on Busta Rhymes. 

490
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:16,120
I'd like. 
I would. 

491
00:23:16,120 --> 00:23:20,120
I would, I would like you to be 
like the biggest Australian 

492
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:24,360
star, like like Jamone. 
I I don't really care about 

493
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:25,840
being, I don't really care about
being huge much. 

494
00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:29,360
I just love the art. 
I know you love it, don't you? 

495
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:34,120
I don't know, that's great. 
It's it's so good like because I

496
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,120
was supposed to do that to her 
in 2020. 

497
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,840
So it's been three years 
essentially before like cover 

498
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,480
watch it. 
So when they went off, when the 

499
00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:43,120
book that they went right. 
You've got the day off here, day

500
00:23:43,120 --> 00:23:44,920
off here, day off here. 
And I would put shows in those. 

501
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:48,240
Yeah, yeah, like fuck this. 
We've had time off and then on 

502
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,680
the way home I was like, why the
fuck? 

503
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:56,000
I'm so fucking tired. 
But I it's just like it's, it's 

504
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,120
just a real different way of 
life. 

505
00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:00,560
And there's a weird vibe that I 
like as well in that because I 

506
00:24:00,560 --> 00:24:03,400
think as far as all the 
Australian government are quite 

507
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,480
conservative and it's a lot of 
fucking it is pretty strict. 

508
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:11,520
So the comedy scene feels really
fucking on the Fringe and a bit 

509
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:12,520
rebellious. 
OK. 

510
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:14,360
And I'm like, I fucking like 
this because. 

511
00:24:14,400 --> 00:24:15,840
I wouldn't have thought. 
I thought Australia would be way

512
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:17,920
more like Liberal and the. 
People are, but the government 

513
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:19,160
isn't right, You know what I 
mean? 

514
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:22,880
It's kind of like here you just 
got fucking politicians do what 

515
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:24,320
they want and everyone just like
we just. 

516
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:25,080
Get on with it, right? 
Right. 

517
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:28,840
Right, so I it's just like I 
haven't met an arsehole. 

518
00:24:30,240 --> 00:24:32,520
Will you stay in Australia? 
You stand in a nice hotel. 

519
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,320
No, not this. 
I know. 

520
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,720
So, Oh my God, shame, right? 
So I stayed in this place in 

521
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:39,400
Perth called the Rendezvous 
Hotel. 

522
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,080
Would I have just before you 
tell me about what I've just 

523
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,680
flown home? 
Put it this way, I the 

524
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,000
difference between me and you, I
just sleep anywhere right in 

525
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,800
this hotel, I put the Cherb 
against the door and still look 

526
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:54,720
out for 10 minutes before I went
in the room. 

527
00:24:55,240 --> 00:24:58,000
Now do you think anyone could 
break in would be deterred? 

528
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:01,120
But it's yeah, because I was 
fully naked and erect. 

529
00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:06,280
I was holding a wrap in Doha. 
Just you fucking wait. 

530
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,320
I'll blame you. 
Like I think at a Jurassic Park.

531
00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:14,680
So 1. 
More we bitches weren't the we 

532
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:18,920
fucking? 
Yeah, you can't take them 

533
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,600
seriously. 
Oh, your. 

534
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,200
Heart don't move. 
You can't see if you don't move 

535
00:25:31,200 --> 00:25:37,800
a fucking camera. 
I can hear you, but you stupid 

536
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:48,640
fuck don't respect my story. 
All the rest of the big fucking 

537
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:57,400
Jurassic Park. 
They just go. 

538
00:25:58,080 --> 00:26:00,960
They just got roasted every day 
by the rest. 

539
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,400
Of the dinosaurs. 
Yeah, it's. 

540
00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:11,760
Got my peek it again Sir. 
Of course you did what? 

541
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,280
What's it like, You know, 
sometimes you see an animal, you

542
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:16,960
go, I get why they have that 
there with evolution. 

543
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:21,360
Like I get what the function of 
that is, but what what what's 

544
00:26:21,360 --> 00:26:23,240
that doing for? 
This because they're from South 

545
00:26:23,240 --> 00:26:25,520
Carolina and sometimes we get 
very humid and they go I do 

546
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:31,560
declare so that's. 
That's fine. 

547
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:32,160
That's. 
Fine. 

548
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,720
I thought it so recently, but it
was. 

549
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:40,520
Just I could also take them off 
and be mysteriously. 

550
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:45,520
I thought so recently it was 
just a dog coming out of a vet. 

551
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:55,200
They're also really happy for 
Shakespearean players, like to 

552
00:26:55,200 --> 00:27:04,840
be or not to be. 
Jurassic Park was good when the.

553
00:27:05,040 --> 00:27:06,480
First one was good, I pretty 
good. 

554
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:10,280
It's all the first new one. 
Thought it was all right the 

555
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:11,320
first. 
One was all right, second one 

556
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:12,960
was shared, third one's a 
business really. 

557
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,640
That's my official review for 
anybody who wants to so. 

558
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,760
Tell me about this hotel. 
So it was called the Rendezvous.

559
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:20,320
The Rendezvous Hotel, right? 
Does not sound good. 

560
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,280
So I got there on the Thursday 
night using. 

561
00:27:23,280 --> 00:27:26,680
My plan for beating jet lag is 
get to the whole get the hotel, 

562
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:29,920
drop the bags off, quick wash. 
For whiskey. 

563
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:32,840
As much whiskey and coke and 
beer and wine as you can drink. 

564
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,520
Like drink until about midnight 
and then pass out and then you 

565
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,920
sleep because jet lag is real 
hard to fuck when it's that much

566
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:41,080
of A time difference. 
And because you lose a day of 

567
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,200
travelling, you're just like, 
your body has no idea what's 

568
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,760
going on. 
So I just drink myself into a 

569
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:49,040
stupor and then sleep for 9 
hours and go back. 

570
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:50,680
I'm just hungover now, you know 
what I mean? 

571
00:27:51,120 --> 00:27:53,000
So we've got to Perth at 8:00 on
Thursday. 

572
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:55,600
It works, I swear to God. 
Trust me if we did this last. 

573
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,040
So you you you're dealing with a
hangover instead of jet lag. 

574
00:27:58,120 --> 00:27:59,320
Jet lag. 
Jet lag's way worse. 

575
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:02,480
Jet lag's like fucking you. 
Just you. 

576
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:04,840
The first time I ever had jet 
lag was in Melbourne, and I was 

577
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,000
walking along the ground, along 
the street, and it felt like the

578
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:10,120
ground was moving under me 
instead of me walking, right? 

579
00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:14,720
Like it's fucking weird. 
So yeah, got to Perth at half 

580
00:28:14,720 --> 00:28:17,120
eight or something. 
Quick shark got changed, went 

581
00:28:17,120 --> 00:28:20,640
out, everything was shot. 
Had no Australian phone, like no

582
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,720
SIM so I couldn't even use maps 
to find fucking anything that 

583
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,120
was working. 
Went back to the hotel, the bar 

584
00:28:26,120 --> 00:28:28,360
closed at 5 past 9:00, so at 1 
pint. 

585
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:31,320
Why is it all closing early? 
Perth just, it's one of those 

586
00:28:31,320 --> 00:28:32,720
towns. 
Well, again, where we were 

587
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:34,880
staying was like in the fucking.
I think it was taken in the 

588
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:37,040
business district. 
Right, right, right. 

589
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:41,680
But that hotel was like a shed 
hole surrounded by glorious 

590
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,200
hotels. 
So even when I was checking in, 

591
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,400
they made me pay for a night, 
even though it was all paid for.

592
00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,600
And then there was a. 
At that point, we just like, 

593
00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,040
yeah, whatever. 
Just let me in. 

594
00:28:51,520 --> 00:28:55,000
And the receptionist was like, 
you could tell she was she'd had

595
00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:57,920
plastic surgery to look hot, but
she ended up looking actually 

596
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,560
from a sci-fi film, the 80s. 
And she was like, is your first 

597
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,080
time in birth and I. 
You're not the same in the 

598
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,480
plane. 
You can. 

599
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,920
You're the crown, baby. 
You're the Finnish woman. 

600
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:14,160
I'm very tired. 
It's me, Bosh. 

601
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:16,840
Oh fuck off. 
Of course. 

602
00:29:18,800 --> 00:29:22,000
So I there was just so anyway, 
there was a night we end up we 

603
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,640
stayed there on the Thursday 
night, Friday we're like on the 

604
00:29:24,640 --> 00:29:27,240
road. 
We did 4 gigs over that weekend.

605
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:28,640
Go back there on the Monday 
back. 

606
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,200
To the rendezvous back. 
There on the hotel and there was

607
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,560
me and another comedian stand 
there at the same time. 

608
00:29:33,960 --> 00:29:35,680
The fire alarm went off on the 
Monday morning. 

609
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:40,040
Without roughly. 
About maybe 8:00 but we've been 

610
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:44,240
like the weekend tour was like 6
hour drives between different 

611
00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:45,720
shows. 
So even though we weren't 

612
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:47,440
driving, we're still fucking. 
Yeah, yeah. 

613
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:49,920
So we're booking downstairs 
wearing the clothes. 

614
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:53,280
It went like got to the hotel in
and we're standing there like 

615
00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:55,440
fucking. 
And everybody had brought their 

616
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,840
own stuff, like their own stuff,
like they're important things 

617
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,400
like the passport and fucking 
wallet, handbag, stuff like 

618
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:01,840
that. 
And there was a woman standing 

619
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,880
and her important stuff was a 
creative about 48 Jack and 

620
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,200
Cokes. 
And she could tell she was a 

621
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,280
meth addict because she had 
she's like scabs everywhere. 

622
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:11,640
I'm like, fucking yeah, baby, 
right. 

623
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,440
And she's God, you want a little
fucking cane, Mike? 

624
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,400
You want a fucking cane? 
And we were like, not it's 8:00 

625
00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:21,160
Monday morning. 
And then I heard her going, this

626
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,680
is the worst fucking hotel I've 
ever stayed in. 

627
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:25,600
And I was like, this is the 
worst case. 

628
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:30,360
You said fuck me. 
And it turned out the fire was 

629
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:34,200
set off by the toaster in the 
kitchen, so that the hotel's 

630
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,840
that bad the the toaster in the 
kitchen caught fire and the 

631
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,920
staff went. 
Right, right. 

632
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:43,720
Yeah. 
Come from and everybody had to 

633
00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:47,920
leave, so I was just but then in
furnace when I stay in hotels 

634
00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:51,320
for more than two nights, every 
room to take the round every 

635
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:52,560
hotel. 
Right, right, I get. 

636
00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,440
You I wouldn't let the staff in 
the clinic because it was just. 

637
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,560
Would you see any like Steve 
Irwin still big there? 

638
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:02,560
No money's dead. 
I know, I know, but would you is

639
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:05,400
does his legacy live on like we 
see any murals of them or 

640
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:07,720
there's? 
No, there's no murals. 

641
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,640
It's not. 
It's not Sandy. 

642
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:16,800
The king lives on, Stingrays 
out. 

643
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:24,240
All rays are targets. 
Ray Charles, do you remember? 

644
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:26,080
We saw? 
No, we saw. 

645
00:31:26,080 --> 00:31:27,600
I remember We were doing 
sketches. 

646
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:28,920
Yeah. 
I mean, 15 years ago. 

647
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,360
And you had a character who was 
called Steve Purvin. 

648
00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:35,720
Urban Pest. 
Was this you? 

649
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,760
I don't know. 
Remind me of us, We. 

650
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,600
Were walking around Botanic 
Gardens and you were, you were. 

651
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,760
It was just you go Oh yeah, 
mate. 

652
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,200
And like you were just like it. 
Was not a sketch or just 

653
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:48,160
something me and you did the 
keeper. 

654
00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,480
I think that might have been the
day we got locked in Botanic 

655
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:54,400
Gardens. 
I just just tried to make 

656
00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,920
ourselves laugh because we're 
both afraid of the claim 

657
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:00,600
offence. 
They fucking were my name, shoes

658
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:04,920
and still sucker fuck. 
Those shoes, you ever order 

659
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:09,240
something online constantly that
you go, this is not what I like.

660
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:15,440
I there was a website called EMP
that I got a couple like band 

661
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:16,760
T-shirts from us, right? 
What? 

662
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:21,000
Do you mean like Nazis? 
We talked about Nazis wearing 

663
00:32:21,000 --> 00:32:22,360
Yeezys. 
Oh yeah, true. 

664
00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:27,040
But like, oh, like, like, do you
like fucking busted? 

665
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:29,720
I Well, that's what happened 
when they arrived. 

666
00:32:32,120 --> 00:32:33,880
But yeah, there's. 
So I bought a couple of decent 

667
00:32:33,880 --> 00:32:35,440
T-shirts from it and then I 
would start, I was like, I'm 

668
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,960
making that my jacket looks nice
and it would arrive and you go. 

669
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,200
That is absolutely not what I 
paid for. 

670
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,520
I remember buying that I was 
going to New York and I bought a

671
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:46,120
pair of like basically like 
black boots like that, but they 

672
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:49,640
arrived and they were like that 
height with like a fur in line 

673
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,320
and a size 5 or something. 
And I'm not lazy. 

674
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:55,680
I didn't even send them back. 
I just fucked them with the bin 

675
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:59,200
like fucking. 
So yeah, I constantly, I'm kind 

676
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,440
of a weird shape as well. 
I'm a fat we've shit big Daddy's

677
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,560
on. 
So when I buy stuff I have to 

678
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:05,760
try. 
I had to try it on. 

679
00:33:05,840 --> 00:33:07,760
So buying online, you're the. 
Only guy still using the 

680
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:10,200
changing rooms because I feel 
like changing rooms people just 

681
00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:11,560
pass don't really do it anymore 
do they? 

682
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,760
I had this dream that I walk 
into the River Island head 

683
00:33:14,760 --> 00:33:18,360
office with a pistol and go. 
I've got one bullet in here, and

684
00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:20,240
that's for the man who invented 
muscle fit. 

685
00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:24,840
I don't do anything. 
I don't do any. 

686
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,160
I wake up before a pull the 
trigger. 

687
00:33:26,160 --> 00:33:28,320
Yeah, but he's weeping. 
Muscle fit. 

688
00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:31,120
I've met him hold the picture of
his family and I go. 

689
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:34,200
You look at them because fucking
look at them. 

690
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:39,320
You fucking tell me anybody has 
muscles there? 

691
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:44,360
Now the thing about muscle that 
is even even if you have 

692
00:33:44,360 --> 00:33:46,120
muscles, it don't look good. 
It doesn't look good. 

693
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,680
It doesn't look good. 
I've got I've got a muscle fit 

694
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:51,880
denim jacket that for some 
reason has pointy shoulders, and

695
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,160
I'm one who's who has right 
angle your muscles. 

696
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:58,760
Unless it's for fucking actual 
Johnny Bravo, Yeah, it's a 

697
00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,440
fucking disgrace. 
And. 

698
00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:01,760
Sorry, I could really wind up 
her. 

699
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:04,640
Yeah. 
So a month out there, yeah. 

700
00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:07,200
What was the low like? 
The lowest point? 

701
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:13,000
Yeah, probably. 
I'm fucking rapping Doha. 

702
00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:16,360
Yeah. 
Umm, not what we do. 

703
00:34:16,360 --> 00:34:17,960
I don't do. 
During the day What do you do 

704
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:19,880
during the day when you're? 
Travelling so I was the thing 

705
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:21,639
the whole time. 
We just I don't like the one 

706
00:34:21,639 --> 00:34:24,080
thing that it kind of this time 
around was like, so I was in 

707
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:27,040
Sydney for the last week. 
I know I had plans. 

708
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:30,040
I was like, fuck it, what city 
business you said he loved? 

709
00:34:31,520 --> 00:34:35,880
He says like do that again. 
Yeah, so I that week it was 

710
00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:39,159
like, so the place was staying. 
How do we catch net and all did 

711
00:34:39,159 --> 00:34:41,560
that week was cook my own meals 
and go to the gym, right, 

712
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,120
Because it was I can eat 
vegetables again. 

713
00:34:43,320 --> 00:34:46,960
Yeah, because you're eating crap
like McDonald's. 

714
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,880
Isn't you tell yourself every 
time when I'm this tour. 

715
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,760
I sort out to me. 
And my dad starts on the road. 

716
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,280
Dad starts on Monday. 
But the weird thing is 

717
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:58,800
Australia's on the road like 
they're fucking fast food is 

718
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:02,320
actually pretty good, right? 
So it's it doesn't feel like 

719
00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,720
it's killing you. 
It's a healthy place and. 

720
00:35:04,720 --> 00:35:06,160
It's yeah, it's definitely 
healthier, like. 

721
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,440
No, see with the audiences 
because I was talking about 

722
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,680
doing Australia shows next year.
Is it that if you put out you're

723
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,320
doing the shows, are the kind of
Irish communities out there 

724
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,840
really welcome? 
Like if you put out on doing 

725
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,440
this, people will tell all their
mates that live there and all 

726
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:24,120
that kind of thing. 
You can say people from home 

727
00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:25,760
want to come and support that 
the. 

728
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:29,560
Guy So I sold out my shows with 
no extra advertising. 

729
00:35:29,720 --> 00:35:33,440
Yeah, In fact, the promotions 
company brought me out, admitted

730
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,200
to me we didn't do anything of 
this. 

731
00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:39,000
And I was like, thanks for being
honest, I appreciate that. 

732
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:43,240
Can I have more money now? 
So yeah, 100%. 

733
00:35:43,240 --> 00:35:45,200
And they're like, because I 
haven't gone out for a couple of

734
00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:46,640
years now. 
So with the solo shows, the 

735
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,000
trend is sort of like they'll 
get a bunch of errors, people 

736
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,960
who've heard about it, they'll 
bring Australians and people 

737
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:55,640
they know and then the next year
you sell more and you go back 

738
00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:57,680
out and keep keep like rolling 
organically. 

739
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,280
Yep, with what you were saying 
before, the way you are at the 

740
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,920
minute, you can go out next year
and just pack it on Sydney 

741
00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,520
price. 
Sydney operas, You know what? 

742
00:36:05,520 --> 00:36:07,440
I couldn't shut up. 
There's rooms in the Sydney 

743
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:10,640
operation like, yeah. 
There's like a Pizza Hut. 

744
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:16,080
There's a toilet there's I think
that the operas has a room that 

745
00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:18,800
holds about because I did ATV 
thing that one year. 

746
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:24,120
Maybe about foods that so you're
very like you're very low key 

747
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:29,320
actually with a lot of what you 
do in terms of like I've never, 

748
00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,320
I didn't know you did that. 
That's massive. 

749
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:36,480
No 2019, No. 
I didn't know you did that, but 

750
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,080
like if you wrote, do you not 
think if you wrote down 

751
00:36:39,600 --> 00:36:43,120
everything you've done and said 
the last two years, couple of 

752
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:45,120
years, even year you've been 
made? 

753
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:50,600
Four to five years in deal. 
But you'd be amazed like. 

754
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:53,800
There's definitely times like I 
sort of like you go, this is 

755
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,120
class, but it's just it's weird.
It's a weird thing for me, I 

756
00:36:57,120 --> 00:37:01,360
think because it's just it's pre
COVID it was just so normal to 

757
00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,000
be just travelling that much. 
Yeah. 

758
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:06,760
And now it's back to like, oh, 
I, where am I going? 

759
00:37:06,760 --> 00:37:08,400
Class I. 
Don't even mean the travel, I 

760
00:37:08,400 --> 00:37:11,920
mean like like doing a 
waterfront like. 

761
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:16,280
You must we all have like I mean
you've been fucking killed in 

762
00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,760
America. 
It's like we met here the day. 

763
00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:19,800
This is going to be a cute 
moment. 

764
00:37:19,800 --> 00:37:22,400
Me and she involved it. 
You pulled up and I was like, 

765
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:25,480
nothing makes me smile more than
the fact that me and you're both

766
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,840
driving fucking fancy cars. 
Yeah, because we talked about. 

767
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,720
But we did a fucking sketch show
on the path where we had to walk

768
00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:33,120
out with the audience on the 
stage. 

769
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:36,160
It was that bad. 
Yeah, and we but when we met 

770
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:41,440
like the the we like the the 
cars we went to gig together. 

771
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:42,920
We both slept in my Renault 
Clio. 

772
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:45,360
Yeah, the night that your Corsa 
got stuck in the hedge and 

773
00:37:45,400 --> 00:37:48,280
Draperstone. 
Started from the bottom. 

774
00:37:48,720 --> 00:37:50,160
A creative beer each and a free 
ticket. 

775
00:37:50,320 --> 00:37:51,760
The fucking Glasgowbury 
foundered. 

776
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,680
That's right. 
What do you want to do with 

777
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:54,760
comedy? 
Fucking go home. 

778
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:59,200
That's what I. 
Want to do for advance doesn't 

779
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:05,120
attack no self general fiasco. 
We're doing an acapella do. 

780
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:10,240
You want to make sure on feel on
Tuesday. 

781
00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:14,640
Oh yes please. 
My bad. 

782
00:38:15,160 --> 00:38:17,200
If you could go back and listen 
to that. 

783
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,680
So I used to do a radio show and
Fail FM W Belfast Community 

784
00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:21,800
Radio. 
We probably heard me talking 

785
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:25,000
about it on here before and the 
plan was there was no who's 

786
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,400
free? 
Come on on and there was no 

787
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:28,880
features. 
There was no. 

788
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:32,000
But it was weirdly like, it was 
like the first podcast, Yeah. 

789
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,320
Because. 
You said I've met the pocket, we

790
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,680
met the pocket. 
I would say, like most things in

791
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,840
Northern Irish comedy other 
people invented, I made it 

792
00:38:39,840 --> 00:38:44,880
better. 
You know, there's like, there 

793
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:46,600
was definitely a point that we. 
Yeah. 

794
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,160
Because we were so 
inexperienced. 

795
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:50,280
And obviously they didn't give a
fuck. 

796
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,200
Because I remember one time we 
were like, we were all just 

797
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:54,240
Harlem and a taxi driver pulled 
up. 

798
00:38:54,240 --> 00:38:56,400
Do you remember this? 
And he was like, was that 

799
00:38:56,400 --> 00:38:57,600
usance? 
And we were like, yeah. 

800
00:38:57,600 --> 00:38:59,240
He was like, at most Falcon 
Brilliant. 

801
00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,720
Yeah. 
And he was the listener. 

802
00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:04,360
He was the listener because it 
only went out that far that you 

803
00:39:04,360 --> 00:39:05,520
had to be outside the building. 
Yeah. 

804
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:08,160
I remember doing a feature the 
only time I had real 

805
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,240
interference from the station. 
They were just like, do whatever

806
00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:13,040
you want. 
The only time was when I did a 

807
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:17,800
feature on what animal do you 
think you could throw over a 

808
00:39:17,800 --> 00:39:20,640
rugby post? 
You know, like the the bar that 

809
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:22,760
goes across rugby post. 
How big of an animal do you 

810
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:23,880
reckon you could throw over 
that? 

811
00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,760
And we did that for about two 
hours and that was the only time

812
00:39:26,760 --> 00:39:29,240
I got an e-mail being like, 
don't do this feature again, 

813
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,800
whoever was in the state in, we 
were just talking about what you

814
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,360
think got people to text an 
e-mail in. 

815
00:39:36,520 --> 00:39:39,400
So there was a guy being like, I
reckon I'd get a big fox over 

816
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,160
that post. 
And I was like, can anyone beat 

817
00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:42,640
that? 
Like it just went off? 

818
00:39:42,720 --> 00:39:47,880
No, no. 
Well, let me ask, you know what,

819
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:51,040
what Dan, could you or Mike, 
could you tell us what height 

820
00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:55,000
and fate, preferably that that 
not not in those easies because 

821
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,240
it'll be it'll be two of them. 
But how big is is the rope? 

822
00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:00,520
Is a rugby post? 
As I'm since 6 foot. 

823
00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,960
No more, more, way more. 
But ten. 

824
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:04,880
Yeah, 10. 
Oh, the rugby. 

825
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:06,120
Sorry, sorry, I was in Gaelic. 
Sorry. 

826
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,800
OK, well, look, we can 3 metres,
no fate. 

827
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:10,440
I don't know. 
Metres. 

828
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,920
That's 18. 
No. 

829
00:40:15,560 --> 00:40:16,160
Nine. 
Sorry. 

830
00:40:16,200 --> 00:40:17,760
You're right. 
What? 

831
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:19,040
Do you laugh? 
At least, I guess. 

832
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:20,400
Yeah. 
I don't know. 

833
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:21,760
I told you I should have 
memories. 

834
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:25,800
A little. 10 foot, what I'm 
saying is 1 and this is 

835
00:40:25,800 --> 00:40:27,000
hypothetical, we're not going to
act. 

836
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,360
So if anyone's like from a 
campaign group, whatever we're 

837
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:32,040
saying if you, if you had to, I 
mean, gone to your head. 

838
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:34,680
On your head fucking through a 
fucking thing over. 

839
00:40:34,680 --> 00:40:38,320
Get that? 
If you don't left that fucking 

840
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,200
badger, get that fertile for it.
Easy. 

841
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:43,480
Right. 
Well, let's let's start. 

842
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,480
So 10 foot you got to throw it 
over. 

843
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,040
Now can you? 
Can you like fucking launch it 

844
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:52,720
behind you or it has to be? 
No, it's freestyle whatever 

845
00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:54,320
through. 
Whatever, whatever you require. 

846
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:57,760
Many goes you get 1 go and done.
One go, one go. 

847
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:02,800
So I'm going to start by saying 
I go, I go, I say a ferret. 

848
00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:06,040
Very easy, yeah, definitely for 
yeah, for 100 you can fling them

849
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,080
up. 
You said you. 

850
00:41:07,320 --> 00:41:09,640
Yeah. 
You can just fling A ferret. 

851
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:10,640
What? 
Was the last time you flown the 

852
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:11,600
ferret? 
What? 

853
00:41:11,840 --> 00:41:13,880
That's a good point. 
Is the animal, are we allowed to

854
00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:16,600
sort of city at the animal? 
I'm sorry to say but the animal 

855
00:41:16,600 --> 00:41:19,040
is deceased. 
That's what makes this OK. 

856
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,120
It was already dead. 
Yeah, Badger 100%. 

857
00:41:21,120 --> 00:41:24,200
Here Badgers are, I reckon, 
deceptively heavy. 

858
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:25,640
Right. 
But if the tail if the tail 

859
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,680
doesn't come off, you can give 
it a good. 

860
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:29,800
I saw, I saw Dave Badger by the 
side of the road recently. 

861
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,600
I swear to God, I thought it was
Dave Elliott Plankin. 

862
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:37,560
I was like this thing. 
You said Plankin. 

863
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,360
You know, the way Dave likes to 
wank face down by the side of 

864
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,080
the end. 
Nothing gets Dave off like 79 

865
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,400
Laura lorries. 
Oh, there he goes again. 

866
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:54,760
Do you ever take that 
roundabout? 

867
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:57,920
The fucking nightmare. 
Like they're trying to get in 

868
00:41:57,920 --> 00:41:59,440
the mood. 
Most people type in Pornhub Is 

869
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:05,640
Eddie stole part the Apple green
service station? 

870
00:42:06,200 --> 00:42:13,520
Who's next? 
I think Badgers are bigger than 

871
00:42:13,520 --> 00:42:16,560
you think I. 
But I'm, I'm just thinking I'm 

872
00:42:16,720 --> 00:42:18,440
if they're, if it's already 
dead, it's limp. 

873
00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:22,320
Yeah, I'm thinking it'll be kind
of a it'll be a top heavy can 

874
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,040
animal. 
So you can get the momentum 

875
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:24,880
going. 
Do what I mean. 

876
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,240
You might have to give it a bit 
of a sort. 

877
00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:28,520
Of OK, OK. 
But yeah, I got a fling. 

878
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,440
But see, I thought we could go 
bigger and even at this point of

879
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:34,200
Badger, I'm saying. 
As a but would you Labrador 

880
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,880
would that be similar without 10
foot? 

881
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,640
Like 10 foot that's bigger than 
you think like. 

882
00:42:42,200 --> 00:42:44,680
But if it's dead and limp, 
though, do you know what I mean?

883
00:42:44,680 --> 00:42:46,280
This is I'm always going to go 
back to that. 

884
00:42:46,280 --> 00:42:48,640
If you, it's going to. 
Be, but that doesn't change your

885
00:42:48,640 --> 00:42:50,080
weight. 
I have rigour mortis sets in, 

886
00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:51,400
different story all together, 
right? 

887
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,920
That's like that's going to 
throw on a sofa or or an IKEA 

888
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,960
unit. 
Yeah, but if it's still, if it's

889
00:42:55,960 --> 00:42:58,600
fresh, still warm. 
But that but that does. 

890
00:42:58,600 --> 00:42:59,880
Again, that doesn't change the 
weight. 

891
00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:02,840
But it changed the momentum, it 
changes the, IT changes the the 

892
00:43:02,920 --> 00:43:06,160
the the velocity and the the 
the. 

893
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:10,880
Velociraptor. 
Bless you the the entire physics

894
00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:13,520
no of the beast. 
These things here fucking I did 

895
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,440
just pick them up by the fan. 
Yeah, no, just blow a fan under 

896
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:19,640
the thing. 
There's two wee hand fans. 

897
00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,520
Fucking things used to give your
kid the dragon. 

898
00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:27,920
You just pull out things, he'll 
just spin the cup. 

899
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,760
What about what about a 
tortoise? 

900
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,120
Like would that you got shells? 
Heaviness. 

901
00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:36,320
That's just that. 
Oh yeah, yeah. 

902
00:43:36,960 --> 00:43:40,120
Yeah, yeah. 
What else could you get? 

903
00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:44,520
No. 
What about CBS creatures? 

904
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:46,960
Yeah, yeah. 
This is any anything. 

905
00:43:46,960 --> 00:43:49,400
We're open to anything here. 
I reckon. 

906
00:43:50,960 --> 00:43:55,560
You fuck a chin over a post. 
Any other week, but back to the 

907
00:43:55,560 --> 00:44:08,040
competition, I think. 
We're so into this feature. 

908
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:13,440
Fucking 35. 
He has kids. 

909
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,000
Why is Daddy? 
Down at Ulster Rugby's grand 

910
00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:25,400
with the patents. 
Why is the aquarium closing? 

911
00:44:25,400 --> 00:44:29,960
Porter Ferry Penguin. 
No more right but thinking. 

912
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:42,240
I'd say I reckon a Penguin will 
be hard to do. 

913
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,160
No, I'd say I think they're 
quite compact. 

914
00:44:45,200 --> 00:44:47,600
But that's the problem, we say. 
So if you go back to my badger 

915
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,960
theory Shim. 
Badger. 

916
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,280
You grab a badger with the legs 
and give it a good fucking 

917
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,000
oomph, right? 
Everything's going to flop to 

918
00:44:54,000 --> 00:44:55,920
the top, so you're going to get 
momentum. 

919
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,080
A Penguin doesn't have a top or 
bottom. 

920
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:00,360
Is this not a great metaphor for
the cost of living crisis? 

921
00:45:00,440 --> 00:45:02,360
I think it exactly is, Yeah. 
Matt Hancock should not be an 

922
00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:05,040
I'm A Celebrity. 
I think and let's let's go on to

923
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:07,480
that later. 
I think with a Penguin, because 

924
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:10,560
it's quite compact, your things 
are going to flop to either 

925
00:45:10,560 --> 00:45:12,480
side. 
I think because it's like quite 

926
00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,640
stoked if you go under the in 
between the legs, under the 

927
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:17,680
arse, right? 
Let me just say the Penguins, 

928
00:45:17,680 --> 00:45:21,840
maybe Genitals, and then you get
enough like a like a shot put. 

929
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:23,000
You shot put it. 
Over. 

930
00:45:23,000 --> 00:45:25,240
No, but I think you're going to 
find through one of Penguins 

931
00:45:25,240 --> 00:45:26,280
more like through one of 
bowling. 

932
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:30,000
Like a bowling pen? 
Do you mean like you'd rather 

933
00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:31,720
put a bowling ball in a bag and 
give it? 

934
00:45:32,240 --> 00:45:34,400
A. 
Yeah, yeah, than just a straight

935
00:45:34,400 --> 00:45:36,080
bowling pin. 
Right, right. 

936
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,440
So with a Penguin, it's going to
be hard to get that bag. 

937
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:41,080
Gravity effect. 
Yeah. 

938
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,200
On like BG on like with like 
with the badger. 

939
00:45:43,320 --> 00:45:45,360
Yeah, yeah. 
Furred again. 

940
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:46,920
Be the same. 
Same idea. 

941
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:50,320
If you fling A ferret, hold it 
by the back, the bottom legs, 

942
00:45:50,440 --> 00:45:53,120
back legs, like fucking like, 
give it a wobble. 

943
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:54,440
All the blood is going to go up 
here. 

944
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:57,280
All of a sudden you've got a big
heavy end you're fucking got. 

945
00:45:58,720 --> 00:46:00,280
I'll be honest with you, I 
actually have done this a few 

946
00:46:00,280 --> 00:46:05,160
times. 
That's how the Lurgan men know 

947
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:06,520
your man. 
Let's go for the call off. 

948
00:46:06,520 --> 00:46:09,320
That's because some people will 
be literally crying at this. 

949
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:12,040
You know, the, the, the thing, 
we're being cruel. 

950
00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:13,880
We're not, as I say, these 
animals are. 

951
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:16,320
Deceased. 
And this is only hypothetical. 

952
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:18,600
We're not going to do this 
unless there's enough support 

953
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:23,440
for it on patreon.com session. 
So let me go for your cut off. 

954
00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:25,480
What's the animal you would just
get to and go? 

955
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:27,640
This is this is one too many. 
I can't do this. 

956
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:32,480
What's bigger than a badger? 
That's the question. 

957
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:39,400
I'm going to say like do. 
You want to say I would say a 

958
00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:43,000
swan would be hard to do. 
Not a mission you could. 

959
00:46:43,280 --> 00:46:45,320
I don't think I think because 
even realise when you think 

960
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,720
about it scientifically, yes, 
then I get what you're saying. 

961
00:46:47,720 --> 00:46:50,320
The neck theory might work, but 
that's a feathered beast. 

962
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,360
So once you let go of that, the 
winds going to catch? 

963
00:46:54,080 --> 00:46:57,160
Yes, Well, depend on what, Where
the wind's going. 

964
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,800
If the wind's in your favour, 
throw away, Sir, if the wind's 

965
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:02,040
against me. 
Yeah. 

966
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:06,160
Forget about us, yeah? 
I'd say yes. 

967
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:11,200
What a swan would be difficult. 
Umm oh you've no mission when? 

968
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:12,320
You're never get in the shape 
you've. 

969
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:13,000
No mission. 
You're right. 

970
00:47:13,000 --> 00:47:16,240
That's that's the thing. 
We had a shorn sheep. 

971
00:47:16,720 --> 00:47:18,840
You could do it. 
Oh, pardon, A shorn sheep. 

972
00:47:19,120 --> 00:47:21,800
Yeah, you think you have more 
chance for the shore and sheep? 

973
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,600
Yeah, than you do with it with 
a, with a full bloomed sheep. 

974
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:29,240
But but if we're talking about 
doing this at a rugby pitch, if 

975
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:32,600
if the sheep is on shore. 
Not like that, of course you. 

976
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,000
Pick it up by the world, you 
know, like a line out through 

977
00:47:36,760 --> 00:47:37,920
you pick it up by the world, 
but. 

978
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:39,920
You're forgetting what I'm 
saying. 

979
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:44,280
The entire the entire. 
The true method to do this is to

980
00:47:44,320 --> 00:47:48,400
get the blood, get the blood to 
the top. 

981
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,640
The only way to do this is grab 
the hind legs. 

982
00:47:50,960 --> 00:47:52,720
Trust me more to check shirt. 
I know animals. 

983
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,800
If you're just if you're just 
wooling that over, no, fair 

984
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:58,640
enough not to think about it. 
It's a bit like Balaam. 

985
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:00,640
Yeah. 
Which I believe is something. 

986
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:02,960
He's battling on. 
It. 

987
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,320
No, it's how you get your uncle 
out of gaol. 

988
00:48:06,840 --> 00:48:08,600
Yeah, I think would. 
I think sheep thinks. 

989
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:10,160
Yeah. 
It's probably the could be 

990
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:11,280
tough. 
Pig. 

991
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:13,040
Even a young pig. 
Couldn't do a pig. 

992
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:16,200
Not under grip, too slippy. 
That's true, ears. 

993
00:48:18,480 --> 00:48:19,600
Yeah, I think years will fall 
off. 

994
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:23,360
I think imagine throwing a peg 
would be like throwing a water 

995
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,640
balloon. 
I've never touched a peg, but I 

996
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,040
imagine they're they're squeaky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

997
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:30,800
Oh, for sure. 
Just sausage skin isn't. 

998
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:32,440
So yeah. 
Peg. 

999
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:33,960
I think I agree. 
We'll start with peg. 

1000
00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:34,600
Yeah. 
OK. 

1001
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:36,600
Plus if the peg lands on the 
tail is going to fucking bounce 

1002
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,520
back in it. 
It's been a pleasure playing 

1003
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:40,560
this. 
Thank you so much. 

1004
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,320
And people want to get involved 
in the comments. 

1005
00:48:42,560 --> 00:48:46,720
If you work in an avatar and you
know a rugby pitch, let us know.

1006
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:48,800
Let us know. 
Umm, yeah. 

1007
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:49,960
But that that's been a lot of 
fun. 

1008
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:51,600
Matt Hancock. 
I'm A Celebrity. 

1009
00:48:52,160 --> 00:48:56,240
I didn't know he he's a sitting 
MP as in like, because I thought

1010
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:59,480
he was in it and all and then he
he he's out of it. 

1011
00:49:00,120 --> 00:49:02,320
I didn't know because he's been 
going on podcast. 

1012
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:06,520
He's been doing all this stuff, 
but that's like that's the 

1013
00:49:06,520 --> 00:49:08,120
point. 
We're at this point where like 

1014
00:49:08,360 --> 00:49:11,000
your MP who you'd be like, I'm 
really struggling with this 

1015
00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:12,240
thing. 
Can I I need And they're like 

1016
00:49:12,480 --> 00:49:15,040
he's fucking, he's wanting back.
I I'm getting half £1,000,000 

1017
00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:17,520
for it. 
Yeah, that's that's a fucking 

1018
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,680
disgrace. 
If he if he left, there's. 

1019
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:21,120
Nothing funny about it. 
I get it. 

1020
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:22,560
Yeah, there's fucking nothing 
funny. 

1021
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:27,120
But the cunt locked people in 
the house for two years, didn't 

1022
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,320
stay in the house and then 
fucked off and things are 

1023
00:49:29,320 --> 00:49:31,560
getting rough and he's getting 
paid half £1,000,000 for it. 

1024
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,920
I hope his birth Tucker trial is
to eat a fucking grenade. 

1025
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:39,480
Right now that would be wild. 
But great would read TV you tune

1026
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:40,920
in for like. 
I'm deck still giggling. 

1027
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,480
Norman. 
He's going to eat a grenade, 

1028
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:49,960
Deck. 
He's fucking not as all over the

1029
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:55,040
place one evening, Prime 
Minister. 

1030
00:49:55,960 --> 00:50:03,320
No, I can't do deck. 
I know whatever I I say, I think

1031
00:50:03,320 --> 00:50:05,400
it's very weird that he's doing 
it. 

1032
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,840
And I think he's trying to do 
that Boris Johnson thing with 

1033
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,320
his image of like, I'm just a 
bit of a buffoon and OK, I've 

1034
00:50:11,320 --> 00:50:13,360
done some bad stuff, but I'm a 
wee bit lovable. 

1035
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:17,480
I'm bit of an idiot. 
It's it completely shows to me 

1036
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:20,960
that the Tory politicians and a 
lot of the politicians we have 

1037
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:24,200
in power now don't give a fuck 
of what people think yeah yeah, 

1038
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:27,280
because if he'd any respect for 
people who vote for him or 

1039
00:50:27,280 --> 00:50:30,760
himself, he wouldn't do that. 
He would fuck off and retire or 

1040
00:50:30,760 --> 00:50:32,720
how you do what other 
politicians do work for a big 

1041
00:50:32,720 --> 00:50:35,200
oil company or some should have 
a better respect, have a better 

1042
00:50:35,200 --> 00:50:37,880
fucking respect and you know, 
like just take money off the per

1043
00:50:37,880 --> 00:50:40,800
the way the rest is to don't try
to get in the like you as well. 

1044
00:50:40,800 --> 00:50:44,040
Yeah, and it it it's it's I 
think it just shows how out of 

1045
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,520
touch they are that he thinks I 
could do all those things that 

1046
00:50:46,520 --> 00:50:49,120
I've done over COVID. 
Fucking pretended to cry when 

1047
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:51,760
the vaccine came out all that 
fucking bullshit. 

1048
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,720
But I'm going to stick my tongue
up a fucking pythons hole and 

1049
00:50:54,720 --> 00:50:56,160
you're all going to go. 
Do you know what he's actually 

1050
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:57,240
signed? 
Yeah, yeah. 

1051
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,960
Now he. 
Fuck him, Absolutely fuck him. 

1052
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:02,160
Oh, 100%. 
I haven't slept a couple of 

1053
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:03,480
days. 
But why are they not like? 

1054
00:51:03,520 --> 00:51:07,320
Well, I'm not correct like. 
It also discussed with the ITV 

1055
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:09,360
and put them on it because 
obviously they're doing it for 

1056
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:10,640
viewing figures. 
People are going to watch 

1057
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:12,320
people. 
People are definitely going to 

1058
00:51:12,320 --> 00:51:13,240
phone in. 
Now. 

1059
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:16,840
The one positive thing is if he 
stays in it, he's going to have 

1060
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:18,800
to do every single discussion. 
Bush took her trial the whole 

1061
00:51:18,800 --> 00:51:22,040
way through and I hope that what
happens is he's kept in it and 

1062
00:51:22,040 --> 00:51:25,160
not voted out and punished. 
And it's like mediaeval stock. 

1063
00:51:25,280 --> 00:51:26,280
Yeah, punished. 
I said it wrong. 

1064
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:28,480
What? 
Sorry, what? 

1065
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,280
We'll talk about here, Shane, 
talk about accents. 

1066
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:31,480
We're talking about fucking 
Hancock. 

1067
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:36,200
I think he should be punished 
and he should be meant to eat 

1068
00:51:36,200 --> 00:51:37,080
nothing. 
Tomatoes. 

1069
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:39,720
Yeah, you think you step up the 
level of. 

1070
00:51:39,880 --> 00:51:41,600
Absolutely. 
I think we'll go full mediaeval,

1071
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:45,280
but just put him in stock aids 
and just fucking kick him. 

1072
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:48,920
You know what? 
This one's Bush took a trail. 

1073
00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:56,480
It's called Boom Man Hancock 
with the animals that we were 

1074
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:57,600
going to throw over a rugby 
thing. 

1075
00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:05,560
Oh no, it's a badger. 
I don't like I've watched it but

1076
00:52:05,560 --> 00:52:07,160
are the other celebrities in 
there? 

1077
00:52:07,760 --> 00:52:09,960
So are they dead on to him or is
anyone being? 

1078
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:13,640
My clips have seen do you know 
the I feel so sorry for him is 

1079
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:16,160
Sean Walsh was on his own when 
Matt Hancock came in. 

1080
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,000
And you're like, if you've seen 
Sean Walsh a special about being

1081
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,760
the most hated comedian in 
fucking Britain because he 2 * a

1082
00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:25,160
girl on Strictly and now he has 
to be face to face with Matt 

1083
00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:29,080
Hancock and you can watch him go
fuck wise at me. 

1084
00:52:30,560 --> 00:52:32,760
Because he's in there. 
He's in there, his image, Yeah. 

1085
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:34,360
And now it's like. 
Who's your best mate there's? 

1086
00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:36,600
Your best mate, the fucking most
hated company country and you'd 

1087
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,720
be like, hello, you know what I 
mean? 

1088
00:52:39,720 --> 00:52:41,200
Like I was running mom and dad 
this morning. 

1089
00:52:41,200 --> 00:52:43,040
I'm just flicking through the 
fucking news because they have 

1090
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:48,360
ATV and I don't but and there 
was some he's a guy from here 

1091
00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:49,520
on. 
I think it's some like right 

1092
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:53,280
wing news station and he was 
talking about how Matt Hancock's

1093
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:56,320
sound. 
But Boy George shouldn't be like

1094
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:58,480
Boy George chained Amanda 
Radiator and you're going. 

1095
00:52:58,480 --> 00:53:00,080
After we all. 
Exactly. 

1096
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:03,120
Yeah, but like, you know, Matt 
Hancock changed, chained a 

1097
00:53:03,120 --> 00:53:07,200
nation to their house. 
So one guy versus 66 million 

1098
00:53:07,200 --> 00:53:08,800
people, you know what I mean? 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

1099
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:11,400
So yeah, I just. 
It's. 

1100
00:53:11,440 --> 00:53:12,880
I don't know. 
I've been trying to write 

1101
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:14,480
material about it and I found 
him too angry to do. 

1102
00:53:14,480 --> 00:53:17,200
It it is nearly two on the note,
it's like. 

1103
00:53:17,520 --> 00:53:20,560
It's like we live in a fucking. 
It's like we live in some sort 

1104
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,760
of weird film. 
Yeah, because that shouldn't 

1105
00:53:22,760 --> 00:53:26,000
happen. 
Like like Saddam Hussein going 

1106
00:53:26,000 --> 00:53:29,280
on fucking the master. 
Yeah, like all the rest of soul.

1107
00:53:29,840 --> 00:53:34,800
Sorry, I'll do what I mean, 
like, yeah, imagine the worst. 

1108
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:37,680
It's like Jimmy Savile still 
being alive and being on The 

1109
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:42,840
Voice fucking spin insurance 
right now, then like he's a cunt

1110
00:53:42,840 --> 00:53:44,000
and he shouldn't be allowed to 
be on it. 

1111
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,280
Yeah. 
I tell you what, he could win 

1112
00:53:46,280 --> 00:53:48,360
it. 
There's people. 

1113
00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:50,680
Is there extra money when I 
don't know like do they get paid

1114
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:53,320
if if they walk off it they 
walk? 

1115
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:54,560
Off. 
I don't think they get paid. 

1116
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:58,240
Well, then that's punish him, 
make him, make him do every 

1117
00:53:58,240 --> 00:54:00,880
single Bush Tucker trial right 
up until the end. 

1118
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,640
And then we have a vote on what 
the Bush Tucker trial is. 

1119
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,640
And the trial is Mr Hancock. 
Either walk off or we're going 

1120
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:09,880
to fucking kill you. 
Yeah, I get walk. 

1121
00:54:09,880 --> 00:54:19,840
Off I got a bit aggressive. 
Like, but you're right in the so

1122
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:22,560
I I take no interest in 
politics. 

1123
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:24,840
No right. 
I put my what do you what do you

1124
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:29,680
Flamingo head in the sand? 
I that's me because it is 

1125
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,920
horrific. 
I go ostrich, my head's up the 

1126
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:32,720
whole. 
Right. 

1127
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:37,320
But I didn't know what was 
happening here and I looked at 

1128
00:54:37,320 --> 00:54:39,880
it recently. 
It's a bit like, say you never 

1129
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:42,400
looked at your bank account and 
then one time you haven't 

1130
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:44,520
checked the fridge and you bring
it up and like fuck. 

1131
00:54:44,520 --> 00:54:45,240
The body. 
Easy. 

1132
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:50,080
That's. 
No, but I'm the same because 

1133
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:52,400
there's been, I don't, I'm not 
entirely sure, but like when I 

1134
00:54:52,400 --> 00:54:54,880
left to go to Australia, Liz 
trusted Prime Minister came back

1135
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:57,560
and now it's Rishi Sunak and my 
Hancocks and I'm A Celebrity and

1136
00:54:57,560 --> 00:55:00,760
I'm like, how tired was I? 
But I didn't know here what. 

1137
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:04,520
Was I yeah, I'm, I hate them and
I'm the same because there's 

1138
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:07,480
been, I think it might be for 
our generation or maybe it's 

1139
00:55:07,480 --> 00:55:09,360
just because of fucking doing 
stand up where people are. 

1140
00:55:10,080 --> 00:55:11,760
People are so disinterested 
because they're being 

1141
00:55:11,760 --> 00:55:14,800
continually fucked over. 
And it's had a point where I 

1142
00:55:14,800 --> 00:55:17,200
think a lot of people, 
especially here, have nobody 

1143
00:55:17,200 --> 00:55:19,960
really to vote for. 
Do you know what I mean? 

1144
00:55:19,960 --> 00:55:21,160
It's always been the Shiners 
DUP. 

1145
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:22,840
Who really gives a fuck? 
What are they doing? 

1146
00:55:22,960 --> 00:55:25,800
They can't even sit in the same 
fucking room together and on the

1147
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:28,800
Big Island, if you want to use a
fucking BBC Northern Ireland 

1148
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:32,200
phrase you've got the 
Conservatives and Labour who are

1149
00:55:32,200 --> 00:55:34,360
the same party. 
Like if you listen to a radio 

1150
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,360
interview Kier Starmer, he 
doesn't sound like anybody. 

1151
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:37,760
He's the most boring cunt in the
world. 

1152
00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,600
And you want a geezer? 
You want Jeremy Corbyn? 

1153
00:55:40,960 --> 00:55:43,040
Jeremy Corbyn was a fucking 
phenomenal politician. 

1154
00:55:43,040 --> 00:55:44,240
So you would say Clarkson for a 
second. 

1155
00:55:44,240 --> 00:55:45,480
Here's what happened with Jeremy
Corbyn. 

1156
00:55:45,600 --> 00:55:47,520
The accused would be an 
anti-Semitic and it fucked him 

1157
00:55:47,520 --> 00:55:48,840
and nobody found out what he 
said. 

1158
00:55:49,240 --> 00:55:50,680
All the all the needle was the 
accusation. 

1159
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:53,880
Yeah. 
Like Google, what did Jeremy 

1160
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:56,760
Corbyn do that was anti-Semitic?
And it's like, oh, Rachel Riley 

1161
00:55:56,760 --> 00:55:58,400
said he was anti-Semitic. 
What did he fucking say? 

1162
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,400
Nothing, because he was the 
first politician that threatened

1163
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:04,080
the establishment in my opinion.
Sorry, I haven't slept and I had

1164
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:07,400
fucking food poison. 
But and so now they've got Keir 

1165
00:56:07,400 --> 00:56:09,920
Starmer, Sir Keir Starmer who 
was the head of public 

1166
00:56:09,920 --> 00:56:13,680
prosecutions when fucking Jimmy 
Savile when those cases were 

1167
00:56:13,680 --> 00:56:15,480
being brought forward. 
Nothing fucking happened. 

1168
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:20,400
If he sounds so fucking boring 
and to have a Sir as the head of

1169
00:56:20,400 --> 00:56:23,120
the working class party in the 
UK means we're fucked. 

1170
00:56:23,200 --> 00:56:25,040
It should be Danny Dyer. 
It should be Danny there. 

1171
00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,040
It absolutely should be. 
A bunch of fucking cockney 

1172
00:56:28,040 --> 00:56:30,560
former gangsters do. 
What do you call that? 

1173
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:32,240
An old cunt that just keeps 
calling them all wankers. 

1174
00:56:32,240 --> 00:56:35,680
What do you call that guy? 
Fucking Dennis Rodman? 

1175
00:56:35,680 --> 00:56:37,880
No, Dennis Rob. 
Maybe another because he's made 

1176
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:39,280
some North Korea. 
Dennis who? 

1177
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:41,120
There's a guy down or something 
who's. 

1178
00:56:41,120 --> 00:56:43,160
The guy from the trade union mix
someone. 

1179
00:56:43,800 --> 00:56:46,920
Yeah, he seems pretty fucking. 
Now, like with all these people,

1180
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:49,360
you go, I think he's brilliant 
and then some story comes out. 

1181
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:51,040
But there's so much of it's all 
spin. 

1182
00:56:51,040 --> 00:56:52,960
Do you know what I mean? 
That's like Jeremy Corbyn, like 

1183
00:56:53,080 --> 00:56:56,040
again, the spin was he's anti 
somatic and that was all, all 

1184
00:56:56,160 --> 00:56:57,400
talking to you. 
What happened right? 

1185
00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:00,000
Skinner. 
Dennis Skinner. 

1186
00:57:00,720 --> 00:57:02,920
He's Skinner. 
He's look at his videos, man, 

1187
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:03,920
he. 
Dennis Skinner. 

1188
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,160
He's a fucking he's about 193 is
even. 

1189
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:07,400
He's even still alive. 
I don't even know. 

1190
00:57:07,800 --> 00:57:08,920
And he's just a bad. 
We can't. 

1191
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:12,240
He's just an angry fucking like,
shut the fuck up. 

1192
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:14,720
Yeah, yeah, he's great. 
He's like Mari Black used to be 

1193
00:57:14,720 --> 00:57:16,160
for the SNP in Scotland. 
Right. 

1194
00:57:16,640 --> 00:57:19,040
There's no, you just see her 
being like, oh shut the fuck 

1195
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:20,440
like. 
There's no characters left. 

1196
00:57:20,680 --> 00:57:23,480
Mate, there's no there's, 
there's nobody's getting forward

1197
00:57:23,560 --> 00:57:25,560
as far as I can and I'm not, 
again, I'm not paying enough 

1198
00:57:25,560 --> 00:57:26,960
attention because elections 
there's. 

1199
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:28,760
Nobody for you elections are 
pick a dickhead. 

1200
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:30,080
Absolutely. 
Pick one. 

1201
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:32,960
I I haven't voted. 
I mean, there hasn't been an 

1202
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:35,880
election, but like, I haven't. 
But I'm the same and that gets 

1203
00:57:35,880 --> 00:57:38,240
so much shit or you can't 
complain. 

1204
00:57:38,440 --> 00:57:41,160
What can I just? 
I don't feel passionately enough

1205
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:42,480
so. 
There's just no, there's just 

1206
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,920
nobody. 
I feel that's speaking for us. 

1207
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:47,960
Yeah, like. 
And that's why, ladies, 

1208
00:57:47,960 --> 00:57:50,720
gentlemen, exclusively Mickey 
Bartlow wants to announce that 

1209
00:57:50,720 --> 00:57:54,800
he will be standing for What's 
Your Area, Craig Alvin Logan 

1210
00:57:55,720 --> 00:57:57,200
Medalster. 
Is it middle Sir? 

1211
00:57:57,200 --> 00:57:58,400
I don't because I changed that 
to. 

1212
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:01,480
Middle lesson. 
Vote me the King of Northern 

1213
00:58:01,480 --> 00:58:03,080
Ireland. 
Yes, and here's what we'll do 

1214
00:58:03,520 --> 00:58:05,080
every year. 
We'll take the top three 

1215
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:07,120
politicians, right? 
We'll see how far they can fuck 

1216
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:10,400
a badge over Rugby post Yes. 
Whoever wins gets to keep a job,

1217
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:11,400
right? 
Whoever loses. 

1218
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:15,600
Yeah, right. 
Going to give you the new Die 

1219
00:58:15,600 --> 00:58:16,760
Hard movie. 
It's a trick. 

1220
00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:21,360
The loser actually wins, right? 
I don't know. 

1221
00:58:21,360 --> 00:58:22,840
I don't know. 
I feel like there's there needs 

1222
00:58:22,840 --> 00:58:24,720
to be some sort of fucking 
change because not that's 

1223
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:28,040
fucked. 
Like we're losing the NHS, it's 

1224
00:58:28,040 --> 00:58:32,040
gone, it's gone. 
That's fucked the like I'm doing

1225
00:58:32,040 --> 00:58:33,200
by the way. 
It's a good time probably but 

1226
00:58:33,200 --> 00:58:35,920
I'm doing a sleep out thing for 
a homeless youth charity in 

1227
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:38,600
Belfast which is a disgrace that
even has to fucking happen 

1228
00:58:39,200 --> 00:58:42,160
considering the richest concert 
in the world are in charge of 

1229
00:58:42,160 --> 00:58:43,760
everything. 
Take it as much as the fucking 

1230
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,880
want and we're all fighting off.
I meant it. 

1231
00:58:46,880 --> 00:58:48,160
Would it be if you were doing 
that sleep out? 

1232
00:58:48,160 --> 00:58:48,680
No. 
You heard. 

1233
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:50,960
Anybody want to check Daniels 
and Coke? 

1234
00:58:51,040 --> 00:58:53,600
And she was back. 
I'd be like fucking family. 

1235
00:58:54,560 --> 00:58:57,080
Bosh. 
Me thought you were finished. 

1236
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:03,480
I've only fucking started. 
Yes. 

1237
00:59:06,240 --> 00:59:06,880
Go ahead. 
Cheers. 

1238
00:59:11,800 --> 00:59:14,080
Mickey Bartlett plays a 
waterfront hall. 

1239
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:29,080
Excuse me, the waterfront. 
Tool and I will be finished. 

1240
00:59:32,040 --> 00:59:36,360
When is this shoe? 
2nd of December, yeah, sold out.

1241
00:59:36,360 --> 00:59:38,680
As far as it's not officially 
sold out, but it fucking is. 

1242
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:39,680
If you look at it, that's sold 
out. 

1243
00:59:39,680 --> 00:59:41,760
Like there's about 11 tickets. 
Could be the odd. 

1244
00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:43,760
Single say if you know people 
that are going, you could just. 

1245
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:45,720
Bring a friend, just wave at 
them from across the thing. 

1246
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:47,560
Yeah. 
So 2nd December doing that and 

1247
00:59:47,560 --> 00:59:51,040
then I'm going to be on tour, 
hopefully February, March to 

1248
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:52,200
tour. 
Tour. 

1249
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:54,560
How do you say tour? 
Yeah. 

1250
00:59:55,640 --> 00:59:57,160
February, March. 
Yeah, hopefully. 

1251
00:59:57,440 --> 01:00:00,400
All right, all right, Mama, 
That's correct, Doctor Nums. 

1252
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:02,560
You want to, Yep, hear the same 
stories with different. 

1253
01:00:03,520 --> 01:00:03,960
Different. 
Yeah. 

1254
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:06,520
All right, brother, It's good to
have you back. 

1255
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:08,320
Thanks for having me. 
Straight in the class. 

1256
01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:11,080
I'm glad you had a good time, it
was fun, but I'm even happier 

1257
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:12,520
that you're back. 
I'm happy to be here. 

1258
01:00:13,240 --> 01:00:14,360
It's been a joy. 
Yeah. 

1259
01:00:15,320 --> 01:00:16,120
Thank you. 
Now must there. 

1260
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:16,920
Yeah. 
Thank you. 

1261
01:00:17,120 --> 01:00:19,080
Cheers, everybody, for watching,
for listening, keeping out for a

1262
01:00:19,080 --> 01:00:20,240
big announcement coming next 
week. 

1263
01:00:20,720 --> 01:00:23,960
Can't say what it is. 
I know that's what I was telling

1264
01:00:24,000 --> 01:00:24,360
you. 
Cheers. 

1265
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:25,280
Thanks. 
Thanks so much, guys. 

1266
01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:27,080
Let's go and buy some animals.