Prime Big Deal days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can
lead to involuntary deal squeals like the infamous deal on a new
massager squeal. Save big on prime big deal days
October 8th and 9th. Zippers Welcome to the Tea With
Me podcast with me, your little cheeky mate Shady boy QQ the
Money Toad AKA she and Stuart Todd.
And not a lot of people know that my middle name is Stuart
and I like to keep it that way because as much as Stuart is
like some sort of family name of mine, it's spelt Stewart.
And when that was read out at my wedding, she and Stuart Todd, a
lot of friends of mine, so-called friends of mine,
laughed. And I don't know why, but Sturt
is just such an annoying name. Stuart isn't too bad.
You can sort of get away with it.
But Stew, hang your head in shame.
All the Stewarts out there. This cop's way too big.
The cop's way too big. And it didn't really have
anywhere to set it down. But look, things could be a lot
worse. Things could be a lot worse.
And Speaking of things, you know, I was going to say things
couldn't get worse. Things are actually getting
better because the the beers are open again, The paints are open
on the 3rd of July. The government, huh?
That's what they're calling themselves.
Why is it any time people talk about local politics, some guy
always arrives on the scene who talks He got there.
Ha ha. They're on a bunch of clowns up
there. Like anytime somebody posts a
nice picture of them up at Stormont, like taking the dog
for a walk and just write a lovely day for 12 people
underneath it, right? You'd be better go Janine, you
be Janine. You'd be better go up there and
run on the place. Would Janine be better at doing
it? Because Janine 17, you know, So
I don't know if she would, but then again, maybe she would.
But yeah, Michelle O'Neill and Arlene Foster have basically
said walk away at the beers from the 3rd of July.
And what annoyed me about that was everybody in the Internet.
When you know, the way everyone, the Internet is kind of like a
little bit stupid, probably. I include myself in that.
What about when everybody was like, Oh yeah, uh huh.
Oh, why already? Foster opening on the on the 3rd
of July on the day of her 50th birthday.
Well, also not convenient. And it turns out it's not the
date of her 50th birthday. And people should have looked
into that a bit more. I obviously know when her
birthday is because every year, every every year for Arlene
Foster's birthday, me and Arlene and a load of other just DUP
guys. What what do we do?
We go out bowling. So I know that that's in my
diary for like later next month. But it's just funny how like
everybody sees something said as fact.
You know what I mean? Like get it?
Like I don't want to sign Donald, but fake news.
China, you know, I, I don't know why people just straight away
when yes, somebody said it on the Internet.
So that is your birthday. I don't know.
It is it, I mean, whenever you hear that the bars are going to
be back open because we're going to have a baby.
I'm, I'm probably not going to be in the bars for 17 years, 18
years, but I do, I do like it. I do like the idea that
everyone's going to be back out on the on the drinks because I
like everything that goes with that, you know, pictures of
people in beer gardens. Some guy will, some guy will
post a picture of a can of tenants sitting on a wall in a
beer garden and he'll write, I've had worst Tuesdays, you
know, and I'll look at it and go, I haven't, I've never had a
worst Tuesday than having a can of tenants on a wall.
But I think it'll be good. I mean, I will get out at some
point, I hope. I mean it won't, but I like the
idea that it will. But it just I'll get as good,
you know what I mean? Like I feel like the day that
the bars open again, we should create like a tunnel of applause
for the lads venture and out for the first pints, you know,
because it's going to they're going to taste nicer.
Like I was out for I was out for a big run today because my mate
Tony is mental and he's going to run the whole length of Ireland
in June, which you never need to do.
You know what I mean? Like he's he's not be different
if he was being chased, but he is doing it because he wants to
do it. And I don't understand.
And he has blister on one of his foot and it looks like something
from a Second World War textbook when they go, this is what
happened to the soldiers in the trenches.
Look at their fate. I mean, to be fair, if I was in
the Second World War in the trenches, really bad blisters
would probably be OK. You know what I mean?
If that's the worst thing happening to you, you're quids
in. But them why'd I mention that?
Oh yeah, because we we. So he's running like, I don't
know, over 20 KA day. And today me and him did 16 K of
a really nice sort of run alongside a beach.
And then I, I, we went past the bar and had just just a wee
basic beer garden at the back and I shed a tear.
You know, I was like that. I take me back the one I used to
go out drinking once every three years.
It that it'll be great. Just those first.
I mean, either people are going to be really nice about it and
sort of, you know, ease their way back into it, or people are
just going to go absolutely bucked off.
You know, like people that normally go out for one or two
are going to go out for 10. And I think people will lose a
run on themselves and I'm going to enjoy hopefully like giving a
baby a wee bottle and just seeing pictures and Instagram
videos of like, you know, people going absolutely and seeing in
beer gardens. But it's good.
I'm actually more sorry. Well, I take a little sip of my
tea. As per the title of the podcast,
I'm, I'm actually more looking forward to restaurants being
back open because after our run today, there's a garden centre
near me called Blue Cedar. And they have like, you know,
one person at a time can go in and get a coffee and take it
out. And whenever me and my mate Tony
took the coffee out, we sat on a bench for about a minute and a
half and we're just chatting, having our coffee.
And I was like, oh, I missed this.
You know, I was like some sort of pensioner who gets out of
gaol after a life sentence. I can't believe I'm here, you
know, and it was, it was nice. That's what I'm looking forward
to most, just a big trip to Nandos.
I just want to I just want to go to Nandos with all my friends
and the and you know what the money toads going to pay for?
You know, that's what I want. I want the big table.
In fact, I want to take over the upstairs area of the Nandos in
Dublin Rd. And I just, I just want that.
I want everybody there. I want everyone to be wearing
white for some reason, you know, and I want everybody like one of
P daddy's pool parties to be wearing white.
And we're and also part of me would like us to be wearing hats
made out of chicken, you know, and I know there'll be a lot of
animal rights people listen to me and like, that's a real ways
to check in. But don't worry, we that after
that's a really good cup of tea, a really good cup of tea before
we get into the pod. Thanks to all the the people on
Patreon that joined us for the live episode of Tea With Me on
Sunday night. That was a hell of a lot of fun.
And it actually technically went really smoothly because I was
not in charge of it and producer Dan was.
So we had Mickey Bartlett with Jamie Lee O'Donnell and we had
Ryan McMullen and Ryan McMullen played a song and I absolutely
loved it. But I was pissed off because
Dan, you did my microphone during it.
And Ryan asked basically he's like, what song do you want to
hear? Now that put a lot of pressure
on me because I like a lot of Ryan's songs, but I asked him to
play Oh, Susanna and I, I was like Ryan, I get really like,
see, boy, see boys that play guitars, they just, they just
take me to the fair. And then, like, when we had JC
Stewart on, it was the same, you know, just something about a guy
that can play a song that really gets me feeling vaguely
bisexual, you know? And I really enjoyed Ryan
playing a tune and oh, yeah, he's like, I'll play anything
you want. And I said, can you play, oh,
Susanna? And I said, me and my wife.
Were at his gig and customise square.
I was like, we, we really like listen to this.
And he said, OK, I'll dedicate it to your wife.
And I said, hey man, don't dedicate it to me.
And he did. But producer Dan muted my
microphone during it, which was annoying because I feel like I
could have come in pretty strong in that.
Oh, Susanna, if ever the world drags you down, Call My Name and
I'll come right now. A.
Couple of things to think about there.
Number one is I hadn't rehearsed me singing just that bit.
And secondly, at the start of that, I actually tried to make
it sound kind of bad. And then halfway through it, I
was thinking, this isn't funny as such, but I'm absolutely
nailing this. So do I start to sing badly on
purpose or do I just keep rolling, singing well?
And I feel like I did the right thing by just singing that
beautifully. So that's what could have been
if it wasn't for fucking Producer Dan.
He'll be listening back to this in his editing cave.
Producer Dan likes to edit in the dark, which is just upside
down. I want to start loading weird
rumours about him. Basically, he.
Yeah, he likes to I mean, no, I was going to say something there
that, you know, might have made him reconsider ever, ever, ever
done the podcast again. So but yeah, cheers to everyone
who got involved with that. If you want to join up to the
Patreon, it's patreon.com/T with me podcast.
You get the bonus episode once a week.
I put my Todd father Waterfront Hall show the full video up on
it as well. And then and there's just loads
of special things for special people for for shippers before
we move on as well. Finally got merchandise sorted.
So the designs are done and we're going to roll those out
soon. We've got a zipper T-shirt,
which is really nice. By the way, these are just
really beauty T-shirts. You guys know, I was about to
say I'm begging them a fashion, but I also know that every
podcast I've done on lockdown, I've been wearing sports gear.
But you guys know, like I'm looking at my wardrobe here and
I can see, well, what's annoying me is the main thing I can see
is my cream denim jacket that I wore for the pilot on my TV show
that everyone absolutely roasted me for.
But apart from that, you know, you guys know I'm a well dressed
guy. So these T-shirts, you could
wear them in, you could wear them at the picky pull and
banger to play pitch and putt, or you could wear them to the
catwalks of Milan, Milan. So yeah, we've got a Money Toad
one. We've got a separate T-shirt and
not podcast related, but there is a Keith cruises summer soccer
school for the kids, even the wee girls T-shirt as well.
And we're doing a mug, so like a big T mug and then also get
ready for this like a fine China teen coaster.
That's a tea with me with she and Todd on it.
So we'll post up the link to those really soon.
And one thing we do on Patreon for people that are a certain
tier is like raffle off 1 bit of merch a month.
So we'll, we'll do that once we get those sorted.
There's quite a bit I want to talk about this week with loads
of listeners questions and I want to get through as many as
possible. But before we do, let's get into
it, let's do TripAdvisor. Why don't we do So last week?
I've got a couple options here because last week I felt
underprepared for TripAdvisor and and I want to really bring
you guys, you know, good reviews.
So I think we'll go with a hotel in Belfast.
But let's not go with one of the.
What would you say, more established ones that I would do
gigs in because you guys know the money toad is going to be
looking to. What would you say?
Like eat up all that cash as soon as lockdown's over?
So I can't blacklist myself from any hotels.
But yeah, definitely the Travelodge, Belfast Central, I'm
never going to do it. I'm never going to do a gig in
or stay in. I mean, the RE, I'm not being
sly, but the reason I wouldn't stay in it is because I also
live in Northern Ireland, right? So you never really need to stay
in a hotel anywhere else in Northern Ireland.
But if you do, if you do, if you do, ideally you're not staying
in Belfast Central Travelodge. I'm just saying because, you
know, there's other options essentially.
So I mean, I'll be honest, when I go to London, I'll stay in a
Travelodge, absolutely not a problem.
But on your doorstep, no. Thank you.
So I'd rather pay for the taxi home.
So we have many well over 1000 reviews for this I think, or
nearly 1000 reviews. But we're not interested in the
best reviews. Also really weird when people
give hotels really good reviews and TripAdvisor.
Let's philtre it by terrible. I should point out the stick up
for the Travelodge in Belfast. There is way more excellent and
very good reviews than poor and terrible.
So they are killing it. But look we all get bad reviews.
I've got bad review from my stand up before and yes I had
the person sacked but let's see what people are saying.
Hello everyone. People are so dramatic.
Steve from Chesterfield, right, prison cell.
This has got to be the worst hotel I've ever had the
misfortune to stay in. The room was like a prison cell,
the heat was unbearable with no window open and the air
conditioning kept you awake with its squeaking noises.
The night went by like I was slowly being tortured.
I'm going to presume Steve has never been waterboarded in
Guantanamo Bay, because this just sounds.
Mildly inconvenient. If Tony 10 had not been rumbled,
he surely would have handed himself in had he had to hide
out in this hotel. Who the?
Fuck is Tony 10? Tony 10 Tony 10 sounds like a
futuristic robot. Tony 10 was the online betting
username of Tony O'Reilly, the postman who became front page
news in 2011 after he saw 1.75 million from the Irish Postal
Service. I mean, boys will be boys, you
know what I mean? But yeah, Tony, a very specific,
very specific description there. This person writes never again.
First off, staff on reception very welcome and friendly and
try to help. OK, so I mean it's off.
To a good start. Doors being slammed left right
and centre, especially the corridor doors.
There were arguments at 4:00 AM. Also the walls are really thin
and I could hear next door's TV blast in the news.
I mean. Hopefully that's all they were
blasting also. The car park is very expensive.
I like it when the manager gets back.
To the review. As well, you know, the manager's
like, oh, let me just set, set you straight in all this.
People complaining about the pillow.
The pillow density. Hurting their neck.
Resort 143 right? Don't stay here if you want to
sleep. Well that's weird because who
books a hotel to somewhere where they don't want to sleep?
We had to walk 20 minutes with all our luggage only to find a
room was too hot to sleep in. The thermostat was broken.
We reported the issue but nothing was done.
We had opened the window which would normally which would only
open a couple of inches. The window did not let in much
air but it did let in all the noise in the city centre.
There was no sleep that night for my daughter or me.
I don't recommend this hotel. I mean that is a decent point
because any hotel you stay in like around the world, a city
centre's like it's bustling like it's New York.
You're hearing the taxi cabs, you're hearing people playing
music in Belfast City centre. To be fair, if you have a window
open you are going to hear people shouting things that
you've never heard before. She's kicked me out of the house
for a buck on the fucking poster.
You know you're going to hear your colleagues or scrappers,
you're going to hear Now we're getting till the reason things
that have never been said, the worst Travelodge that could be
out there. I mean, that sounds like a
challenge. It's old.
You don't even get a key card. You just get a key with a giant
key ring on it. I mean, yeah, why do hotels do
that? Because me and Colin get us
stayed in a place in County Mayo.
I mean, I say stayed. I got there and said Colin, I
shall be leaving after the show even though the accommodation
and it was 4 and half hour drive, but we got there and what
put me off was the key with 7 stone.
I was like, why does this need to be this big?
And then he said, because people lose hotel keys, and I thought,
that does make sense. A couple of items went missing
from my room. I never got them back.
Staff were dismissive when I brought it up.
The Wi-Fi kept going off, locked to the door was stuck and
several attempts to get it open. I still couldn't.
The hotel manager's called Gary Gaynor and Gary Gary must be
related to Gloria Gaynor because he can.
He just I Will Survive, is what Gary is preaching here because
he gets back to people straight away and lets him know what time
it is people are so. Bitchy in the in the heads,
right? Per the breakfast.
I mean, everyone's is pretty normal so far.
So let's let's give let's find something really weird.
People keep saying the rooms are too hot.
Guys, it's Belfast. Be enjoyable.
Be, you know, be. Amicable to the fact that it was
over 5°, Kevin Quinn writes. Shocking first night, was told
to turn the TV down. TV doesn't go above 30.
Our volume wasn't reaching anywhere near that.
Not happy to feel like a prisoner in my own room.
Where the slightest noise merits a complain, Kevin's acting like
he sneezed and the PSNI showed up.
We'll be speaking the front, we'll be speaking the front
desk, and certainly won't be returning if we can't relax
without being told to turn stuff down.
Would not recommend. If you actually.
Want to watch something and enjoy it?
Gary Gaynor straight back to him.
Dear Kevin, thanks for taking the time.
Leader of you during the night staff perform regular.
Floor cheques of the feelers, excessive noise.
They contact the room except. My apologies if you feel like
this was unnecessary. What that translates as from
Gary Gaynor is Hey Kev, turn the fucking PV down dickhead.
And I like it. One star review from Paul
Sweetman from Reading. Great location for drinking but
he's given it one star stuffy. Outdated rooms.
Great for great. Victoria Street station, but
everything else suffers. Good stuff, but the hotel is not
nice. Needs refurbishment, very old.
That's there's no way that's a one star review.
No way. Bulb writes double bedroom
supplied instead of a twin bedroom even though it was
booked five months earlier. We would have used another hotel
if we had a known. No apology, not even sorry.
I am slightly disabled and this was very important.
I mean, I'm gonna say this is somebody who, who has a disabled
sister who has disabled people in my family referring to
yourself as slightly disabled. I mean, it's, it's like, it's
like me having, it's like me having croonsies.
Like I, I have Crohn's disease. So I, I therefore have Crohn's
disease. So like, why are you trying to
be cool about being disabled and be like, look, I am like
slightly disabled. It's.
Just just just own it. Just own it, Bob.
Just be like, hey, my name is Bob.
I'm disabled. But you don't need to know that
about me. There's way more to me that you
don't know. Like 5 months in advance.
I will book a hotel room and I will and I will.
Ask for A2 embedded room and. If they give me a double bedroom
I'll leave a one star review. And Gary Gaynor of course, back
in. Boom slams him.
Even though Bob is slightly disabled, Gary Gaynor does not
discriminate if if you if you need to be served, he will do
that. People just say it's really hot,
which is, you know, I like the cold.
You know, like some sort of Game of Thrones character.
Dropping the bits, no heating up.
Fuck. I mean, I feel like what Gary
Gaynor could do. Just a suggestion.
Is maybe like leave the radiators off for a night.
Somebody from Taunton in England writes wouldn't voluntarily stay
here. Again, what's the alternative to
that? Why are you ever going to stay
there in a non voluntary way? Like something's going to come
to your house in the middle of the night and go.
That's and you're coming on me. Where are you taking me?
I failed to shoot me, no. The Belfast Central Travelodge.
No, shoot me. Stay at a Premier Inn instead.
Oh, Gary will not like that. Here's Gary.
Please be assured we always aimed off at the best value in
the city. Our prices are always available
on our website. Nah Gary's not losing another
person. The staff were super unfriendly
and they will question you while you comment them on the low
rating on Expedia. I am shocked that they know who
made the comment. Before I checked out and they
tease me because I don't give the hotel a positive review.
So terrible. Gary's basically like, yeah,
that didn't admit. OK, we'll do one or two more
here. So we ruined the hotel from hell
and then their problem was just the breakfast was over whenever
they went on. This is definitely enough for
kids. OK this comes from Greece from
it just says the UK. Avoid one star review.
I stayed in a few travel lodges and not had any problems.
The staff have been lovely and the facilities have always been
perfect. I feel like there's a bot coming
here. We were woken by a banging
noise. Cheeky.
And when I asked the man on the front desk, he told me this was
due to 4. Building sites being an
operation, I mean, that's not ideal when you're staying in a
hotel here. We've got a building work
happening here. Oh, is that right, mate?
Yeah. 4 building sites too many. I asked him what time they
usually start at. He told me nine.
However, banging started. At half five, look, half five in
the morning, look whenever you are in at Belfast hotel room at
half five in the morning. If they're banging, it might not
be the builders, it might not be.
I think this information should be handed over before booking or
an e-mail sent after booking. If I'd have known this a
wouldn't stay there. Also the room was dirty.
Looked on booking.com and there's better deals elsewhere.
And hotel manager Gary Gainer is straight in.
Thanks for taking the time to leave a review.
He starts with that. You know he's being cheeky when
he says that. I'm surprised it was
construction of five. 30 However, I'll raise this during
my next meeting with the site foreman, Gary Gaynor.
Spoiler Gary has never met the site foreman.
That's Gary's version of banter. He's like, Oh.
Bring this up on my next big meeting with the Foreman, The
daily Gary Gaynor Foreman meeting.
It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen.
Does Gary Gaynor have time to do anything in the hotel or does he
just shot people down on TripAdvisor?
The wall. This comes from Leighton from
Manchester. The walls are paper.
Thin and you can hear all the noise from above.
We were woken up several times in the night until we couldn't
stand it. You could hear people talking as
the walls are so thin. True story.
I I went to the card fronting fight in Manchester.
As part of my honeymoon, because that's what my wife wanted, you
know, she wanted to go to the Emmy and Arena in Manchester to
watch a boxing match. No, she didn't, but this was my
part of the honeymoon. And then we got in the elevator.
We stayed in the Mercure Hotel. Now we'd stayed in one of those
in Dubai Flex and it was really nice.
So I thought I'll book the one in Manchester, be sweet, get
into the left and the left is really far in a distance and a
guy's holding the door for it and I shouldn't let it go or
should we jog to get it And we jogged to get it and it was the
worst mistake ever. 2 fellas like in their 50s inside.
I get in, me and her talking to each other and he goes the
fella, one of the fella, big fellas, like even bigger than me
if you can imagine that. He goes, where are you from?
You know, he's like from Manchester somewhere.
And I said Ireland and he goes, I knew there was some, you could
smell booze off him. I was like, Oh no, I don't want
to have to kick this shit out of two 7 foot guys in front of my
wife, you know. And the guy goes, Oh yeah, what
side? And I said Man United, you know,
I was trying to trick him or whatever.
I knew that's not what he was saying.
He goes, are you, are you orange or green?
And I said no, neither, to be honest with you, mate, my wife
was like, Oh no, we're not, we're not ended up.
And he goes, are you? What did he say?
He said like he said like fucking lion or something.
Anyway, we were getting off at the same floor and it was way
up. So what were the chances?
And we're like walking ahead and they're behind us.
And the guy says something, I can't remember what he said to
me, like about, about like he'd see me later.
And then we get into our room. They end up in the room beside
us. And the walls are so thin, we
heard. Have you ever tried to relax in
a hotel room after a flight? But you can't because on the
other side of the wall, you can hear two guys talking about the
fact that if they see you later, they're going to kick your head
in. It's not relaxing.
I phoned the front desk. I was like, guys, get the money
towed out of here. And his wife preferably, But you
know, and, and the front desk are like, that's fine, what's
happened? And I genuinely said I have had
a threat of my life. You know, I basically said like
I've had a death threat and they and they moved us, but whenever
we walked out of the room, I was like, we need to go out really
quietly because if they see us leaving with their suitcases,
they're going to know. I phoned and said something bad
about them. So in the end I just fuck, I
kicked their door in and there was about 8 of them and there
were big guys like big like Manchester guys and and
basically I just like hey, I bought it all them.
And I said my wife just wants to enjoy her honeymoon.
We're here for the boxing. And then just like couple
uppercuts and knock them out. And then they had some sweets
and I said I'll take these and all.
And just for your information, I'm Jewish.
And then I walked out. I said that's what side I'm on.
I'm half Jewish, half Muslim, just for your information.
I mean not all that's true, but up until the point where we left
the room that is true. And if those guys are listening
or watching you didn't get me, I shouldn't say that.
That's good. And then they will come and get
me at some point. But anyway, we're going to do
listeners questions. I've got to just plug the
Patreon one more time. patreon.com/tea with me podcast
if you want to get involved. Not that we pretty sweet.
We have a big sponsor from a think next week or the week
after. So, so I'm looking forward to
that. If you want to
sponsorteawithmepodcastitsteawithmepodcast@gmail.com if you want to get in touch
about that or anything else. We're still doing charity
appeals by the way. So if you're raising money for
something or doing something cool, some we need to hear
about, send us an e-mail to that address and let us know and
we'll read it out. Let's get stuck in the listeners
questions because the zippers are asking them.
Zippers, welcome back. Loads of listeners questions
here. We're going to get through as
many of them as possible and and just shout out everybody who's
listening, Connor Diver says. When do you think you'll crack
the 20 minute, the sub 20 minute 5K?
Are the new shoes helping? Connor, before we get into that,
you're you're a Patreon, You're a big sipper.
And and you were on the live episode of the Patreon and then
you messaged into the chat. They say just before the end you
were like, sorry, mate, I've got a head on here.
See you later. Take it easy.
Bye. And I've got to say, that's some
of the best manners I've ever seen in my life to virtually
leave a meeting and just give everyone a heads up and be like,
that's me folks. All the best.
I enjoyed that a lot. So thank you and thanks for
being on the Patreon. So yeah, I bought new.
I got new shoes for my birthday, George Mental.
They're here. And I didn't even mean for that
to be a Mizuno. We're not sponsoring this
podcast. So this isn't like a Brandon
thing. But yeah, I got these what the
what are they called? Mizuno weave?
And I got these for my birthday and I think I said on the
podcast was not allowed to put them on until my birthday, which
is so sly, but I think they are helping.
They're nice and bouncy. And this week I went out my
friend Josh and I'm I'm on 20 minutes, but like 20 minutes 40.
And that was actually a bit slower this week.
I think I may be running too much.
I mean, how dickhead is that to say that's like a guy in The
Apprentice and they go, So what weaknesses do you have?
And he goes probably work too hard, you know.
You know, the guy goes on The Apprentice.
And so is there anything weighing you down?
You know, and he's like, yeah, just my big cock, you know, like
they try and make themselves sound really good.
But I probably. Am running too much and I'm not
used to it and I'm not having enough of a break so I really
hope to do that this week or next week.
I'm going I'm going for the sub I'm going for the sub 20 and
I'll be really happy if I do it but I'm enjoying it like I
really, really am enjoying running.
I don't think I've ever been this fit before, which is which
is pretty great. I'm enjoying running, but I
don't know is it a thing that a lot of like people say if you
keep road running, it's very bad for your knees long term.
So my plan is to so I'm 32 now. Despite being, despite looking
like a really sexy Victorian child model.
I not that I'm not saying Victorian child models were
sexy. I'm saying if I was a Victorian
child model, I could be described as sexy.
It's just a rain all of a sudden, which is pretty sweet
because I won't have to host the garden later.
Respect. That's how old I am.
Because at 32 when you see this starts to rain, you go boom.
Don't need to host the garden later.
Yeah, I'm enjoying running. But I think what I'll do is keep
running, do a couple of years of it and then I'm just going to
get in the yoga. So.
So no, it's going well. Just the Nathan Burke's.
Well, I don't think that's a podcast question.
That is a little inquiry and I'll get back to you on Belfast
Guy in China. Big big Belfast guy China.
OK, he says. Would you ever set up your own
weekly comedy night, use the host for up and coming comedians
with some well known guests taking spots each week?
Think it could be a great way to constantly promote yourself as a
brand, get a nice money toad worthy slice of ticket revenue
and inspire the next generation of local talent all at once?
Yeah, what I mainly focus on there is that money toad worthy
slice of ticket revenue because, you know, the money toad likes
to stay in his Lily pot and only come off when whenever serious
money's offered for something. So I wouldn't like this.
I like the idea definitely of setting up my own weekly comedy
club. I think that'll be great.
And I've always kind of had that idea.
But but it's it's kind of the admin of it, to be honest, is a
bit of a melt. Like I think it'll be great if
loads of people are coming, but you're going to have months and
weeks where it's pretty slow and it takes time to build up.
Like I think Colin running laveries, it's taken it took him
like 4 years before that got to a point where it was like, you
know, walking and going is are there going to be people here?
Because some weeks you would do love reason it would be packed
out and then some weeks you'd be like, shit, I don't know if
anyone's coming. But him and Maureen have put so
much work into it that it's like I'd say about two years ago,
maybe it got to the point where it's like, no, you know what's
going to be a good night. So I don't know, I I would like
to maybe I could do a short run of shows and whenever lockdown
is eased and we can do social distance gigs, I probably will
put on like a series of nights most likely in the limelight.
So, so yeah. And to be able to help up and
coming comedians and give them a platform, yeah, that'll be
great. That that's kind of what you
want, that a comedy club night locally.
You want acts that are kind of established and good and maybe
people trying on new material and then you want in and amongst
that, like a new act or somebody trying new stuff.
But it's good to put around them experienced acts, you know,
because it's a better night for them and they'll probably get
more out of it. So so yeah, I would like to do
that, but I wouldn't run my own night.
I'm happy to just show up, hit the fun, split and run.
You know, that's what I'm happy to do.
But thanks for your question, as always.
Belfast guy in China. Jamie says, in fact, Belfast guy
in China. I might just interview you for
the pods some week for a short interview because I'm very keen
to know what it's like to live in China, to be a Belfast guy in
China. I have a lot of questions.
Jeez, Is this from John Joo? No Jamie Jamieson.
Jamie Jamieson. Great name.
Jamie Jamieson. Sounds like a very, very cheeky
boy. Jamie Jamieson.
Jamie says, how do we know it really is tea in your mug?
Maybe this is an elaborate scam to make the unsuspecting public
drink tea. Yeah.
And look, I've held my hands up a couple of times where I have
had coffee before on the podcast, but it was only once or
twice. Genuinely, it is tea this week.
And. And how do you know?
Well, you don't. And you're never going to get
into the money toads, Lilypad. So.
So you've no way of knowing, but you just have to take my word
for it. Stevie says Stevie's my best
mate and used. I said that I was going to cry.
I just miss him, you know. But he says, and I've asked
Stevie to do an episode of the pod like we used to and I think
you will at some point. But he says, what are you most
looking forward to? I'm most afraid of when the baby
is born. I'm most looking forward to do
what I do. You know what I'm, I'm really
looking forward to blowing raspberries on the baby, you
know, just blowing raspberries on the baby.
I think that is a lot of fun. You know, just whenever like,
you know, because I, I like the thought that babies have, we
fought arms. I like going babies are a wee
tiny bit chubby and then, you know, they're just a wee bit
fat. And then like, I remember when
brother and sister were babies and you just blow wee
raspberries on their skin like this and they like that and they
laugh and then you laugh as well.
I like that. I think that's cute.
I'm looking forward to outfits, you know, to put the baby in
like in different way outfits, matching outfits with me.
I like that. And I don't know, I'm, I'm, I'm
pretty much looking forward to all of it.
And even the things that I'm scared about, I am looking
forward to because I'm like, I'll learn, you know what I
mean? And sometimes it is nice to be
out of your comfort zone. And I think the feeling of
achievement is, is probably class.
Like I'm sure Stevie won't mind me saying this, but but he, he
had a baby. And and you can tell that it
doesn't take that like there's always going to be stuff
probably that you're unsure of or cross that bridge when you
come to anything. But you can just tell that very
quickly. People are like, oh, yeah, you
just do this like this. Whereas if you said that to him
before, I'm sure he'd been like, oh, I wouldn't know how to do
that. Whereas when you see him with
the baby, he's like, Oh yeah, you just do this, but and that's
it. Like putting this, putting their
carrier on. I mean, to me, that seems to me
it feels easier to just get like a big hoodie with a big pocket
and just put the baby in that. So I don't know.
What am I most terrified of? I'm most terrified probably of
the baby getting big when it's older and beating me up.
You know, I would hate that. I would really hate that.
Like if it's if it's a boy and he gets the about 16 and he says
like, shut up, dad, you know, he says, shut up dad, you look like
a young girl. I would, I would, you know, and
he says, come on into the garden.
And I would hate it if I got into the garden.
And then he just like completely slammed me down on the on the
paving and started kicking my head.
And I would hate that. And also being honest.
And I'm not being sexist. It'd be tougher to take if it
was a girl and that happened. You know, if your girl's like I
hit you dad and then drag me outside and just gave me a stone
cold stunner in front of the neighbours, I would hate that.
So a lot to look forward to and quite a lot to be scared of as
well. Ben McGoldrick says what are the
what are the greatest movies of all time?
I'm going to be a real twat and point you to the Patreon because
if you really want to hear my opinion on that, we did 2
episodes of that on Patreon. So for the Sep, the Patreon
seppers, I'm not going through it again because they'll be
like, listen, This is why we pay a fiver a month because we get
the bonus podcast and we know the answers to this.
And also probably my favourite film ever would be the usual
suspects. I think it's class and anyone
who hasn't seen it, it was Kevin Spacey.
So there you go, there you go. Jordan Hutchinson says I'll be
seriously disappointed if you don't talk about the girl on
Tech Talk from Londonderry. OK Jordan, not sitting on the
fence there who currently has 37,927 tadpoles growing in her
back garden. This is the link to your
profile. You're welcome in advance.
So I don't know what this means. Oh so it's a profile and I know
Jesus. It appears to be a girl who is
genuinely growing. She's growing actual tadpoles.
The freakiest thing I've ever seen in the history of my life.
In a paddling pool, in a garden. Derry.
Yeah, frogs freak me out. Mainly because.
I am the I am a toad, you know, so toads and frogs don't really
get on. And that, by the way, isn't a
metaphor for Protestants and Catholics before people start
kicking off and throwing things over walls.
So. So I automatically get like
recoil a wee bit because I am a toad.
But what is the situation here? How did this start?
Can we interview tadpole lady? OK, she has a puddle and pool in
her garden, which I assume is in Derry, and there's thousands and
thousands of tadpoles. I mean, number one question is
like, why? Why are you doing it?
Maybe she does have a good reason.
Let's have a look at some of the comments in this video.
Oh, no, I liked it by mistake. Oh, Jesus Christ.
And then I unliked it, which is even worse.
So yeah, people are absolutely loving it.
People are like, don't breed Willow.
Oh, is that a rabbit? Someone says, do you have a
video where you explain how you got all these tadpoles in the
1st place? If yes, can you tag me in it or
post a link? Just go back and don't be lazy.
Yeah, I, I, I don't know. That's nearly too much for me to
take in. All I know is that whenever I
cut my own grass, and yeah, I cut my own grass, despite being
a massive celebrity, I get really scared whenever we frogs
jump out of the sides of the grass and then I just leave the
lawnmower where it is and return seven days later and hope that
the frog has gone away. Dervla says.
Thoughts. And Cafe Oh, having no handles
on their mugs. Weird flex, but OK, Derval, a
fantastic question because you're talking about tea related
drinks and, and I'm a big fan of that and a lot of people are
going man, I thought you would never talk about this
controversial subject of Cafe Oh, not having handles on their
cups. I'll say this, I'm a big fan of
Cafe Oh, if you might have seen me in there on occasion.
I like the cut of their jib, and by that I mean the taste of
their tea and coffee and I think their food's pretty good too.
So I like Cafe Oh, apart from, to be fair, I was in the Omer
Road one once and the one of the guys serving me was kind of
trying to be funny and it came off as a little bit cheeky and I
didn't like it. And I was actually very pipe and
sort of just laughed it off. And I was like, that's cool.
But he has to know that I could have made him cry, you know?
So. So yeah, I'm a big, I'm a big,
big fan. I think, oh shit, no, I need to
plug this laptop in because the battery's going to die.
Yeah, I'm a big fan of. Oh Jesus.
Oh. No, sorry, Mommy's got herself
into a. Pickle.
Oh no. Oh, because if this battery
dies, then I'll lose all the audio and.
And there it is. We're back.
We're plugged in. Guys.
Don't work. Don't even worry about it.
Yeah. I'm a big fan of Cafe O They
don't have handles in there. Oh, yeah.
Do you know what it was? I'm going to be honest, because
Honesty's best policy, I put. I think I put.
Here's the thing. Me and Karen Bartlett like the
Meat and Cafe O, and we normally go to the Botanic one, but we
were in the Ormo Avenue 1 and Ormo and there's like a young
guy serving me. I say young.
I don't know what age people are when they're younger than me.
No, he was either 18 or 3031. And then that also sounded like
I lie about my age because I said younger than me and I went
30 and it sounded like I was going to say something else and
then it changed it to one. But 32 is my genuine age.
And then I think I stuck a point in the tip thing because I'm a
great guy and obviously extremely rich that I can afford
to do that. And Nah, what would it have
been? I mean, post lockdown, nobody's
getting tipped a pond. No, definitely not a spot in my
lip there. And yeah, post lockdown, no,
people are getting a pond, but it's on a string.
Like I'll put it in and then when they're not looking, I'll
pull it back out because the money don't need to keep his
pond for his tadpoles. And so I put here, I've spent
too long talking with this. I think I put a pond in the tip
cup at the counter and the guy made a joke about it not being a
lot, but he he wasn't like nice at the same time, like he wasn't
nice about it or he made some sort of awkward comment and it
was in front the loads of people.
So I just went oh, Nah, took the pound back, went and took my
seat. So that's just what happened.
And I and I didn't like it and I didn't like it.
And I hope he doesn't work there anymore.
And if he still does, I hope they suck him.
No, I wouldn't wish out on anyone during lockdown, but
maybe whenever things financially recover, get rid of
him. So Reece Cox says, do you plan
on cutting your hair anytime soon?
Now, Reece, that comes across as very spiteful and a little bit
sassy. And I don't know what you're
trying to imply. I think last week on the
podcast, my hair didn't look great.
I mean, I do want it to get a bit longer because even though
it is like really long for me, it's at the, it's at the young
Hitler stage. I'm not believe it or not,
that's not a look that I want to go for.
So I just wanted to grow out a bit past them.
But whenever I was running today, my hair was in curtains
and it looked classed just by chance it was in curtains and it
looked brilliant. And so no, I don't.
I've been basically in the house here.
We've been cutting running my ears.
Sometimes I do it, sometimes my wife does it and the back and
the IT actually looks all right to the point where I'm like,
maybe I just always do this. Now I'm not, I'm not too sure,
but I don't, I'm going to keep the length.
I'm going to keep the length kind of where it is.
I think some of the wee bit different for me, you know, it's
a rebirth and I think the zippers are enjoying it, you
know, my fuller, my fuller sort of long hair.
And I like that it can do a little bit of a flick, like a
hair flick, which is kind of sexy for the boys.
So by the way, Reece, if you said it like this, do you do you
plan on cutting your hair anytime soon?
That's fine. If you said it like this, do you
plan on cutting your hair anytime soon?
Then F you write back Mr I don't know what way you meant it, but
just watch yourself. DJ Parker says episode 9 was on
conspiracy theory. So could you do a little bit
about model and McCann and that German geezer?
Hey, man, also no. Could you do a wee bit about
something horrific seeing your podcast, mate?
Would you talk about the child that was abducted?
You know, also no. And I don't, I don't watch stuff
like that, you know, like the apps, the Jeffrey Epstein thing,
a huge news story. But I've said this before in a
podcast. I feel like everything on
Netflix that I saw for about a six month period was about that
kind of thing, Making a Murderer, all that kind of
stuff. And I just had to take a break.
And I'll be honest now I'm watching Selling Sunset, which
is about really bitchy people that sell houses in LA and
they're fabulous and they're funny and I absolutely love it.
And it's like a Made in Chelsea type show and I enjoy it.
And I want to try and get some of the cast on this.
So so I can't do a bit about modelling McCann, but if you
want me to talk about the Oppenheimer brothers from
Selling Sunset, I'm all yours, baby.
Matthew Merlin says no, Gaelic shorts are the height of
fashion. What other common sights of
Belfast do the world need to see?
Yeah, so that comes that's basically the guy from normal
people who Paul Meskel. I mean, I don't even know his
name running. It's not like a fancy him come
on the podcast and then kiss me. But then but yeah, he he
basically walks about London where in and he gets popped
wearing a wee tiny Gaelic shorts.
We white Gaelic shorts, and that's funny because no, Gucci
are apparently selling like 400 LB Gaelic shorts.
I mean, they're not like, you know, they're copies of what
he's wearing. And I'm going to say this.
I don't want people to start calling me the originator, but I
have a pair of we done Gaelic shorts and I've been wearing
those for about 7 years. So fashion world.
You're welcome Paul Meskel. You're welcome.
Now here's the thing. I realised I'm getting too old
to follow trends because he wore that chain on normal people and
I thought I actually might suit a wee chain.
I got my look pretty sweet and I was going to go on Amazon to
look for a little chain. And then I thought I can't do
that because that's creepy because I'm 32.
So you can't start wearing what like young guys are wearing
because you're not a young guy, you're old.
So so I couldn't do that even though I would love to look, I
would love to wear a chain and I would look very sexy in the
chain. So, so I can't.
But what other trends would I like to see?
I'd like to see what are the things to what is
quintessentially Belfast. I would like to see like
celebrities in American people calling each are Bror, you know,
no, that's obviously a shortened version of brother, which is
very popular in Belfast. Bror, BROR.
All right, Brar. What do you mean?
No, you know, I I would like that to be used as a slang.
I would like like who? Like, I would like to see Harry
Styles perform at Glastonbury and come out and be like, all
right, Glastonbury. What's happening?
Brar Big fan of that. I would like Morgan Freeman to
do another nature documentary and be like, you know, here we
are back with much of the Penguins.
What's happening, Brar I'd like that, but I don't know if that
will catch on, but I'm a big fan of it.
Jenny says. What would your karaoke song be?
1000% Walking in Memphis by Marc Cohn and let me just say this
and this is a big, big claim. This is a big claim and I'm
saying it on the podcast. I don't edit the podcast really.
I put it out as is. We don't retake stuff.
I'll say this right now, if we get before the end of August, if
we get 100 Patreons, I, I will film a music video of me doing a
cover of Walking in Memphis. Now that will be funny because
that's so weird to do. And secondly, I'm going to let
you guys know I'm going to sing it well.
And that's going to make it even weirder because there's a guy
actually trying to sing. And it's weird when people that
aren't singers actually try and sing.
And we'll put it on, we'll put it on the Patreon for the
Patreons. If we get 100 Patreons by let's
say the what date is it? Now I'm going to give this two
months. It's the 16th of June.
By the 16th of August, if we get 100 followers on Patreon, you
will get a music video of me walking around and saying
walking in Memphis. There you go.
It's done, it's out there, it's happening.
I sing that well and I sing Daniel Merryweather Red really
well, which is kind of niche because that song has been
popular for a long time, Beverly says.
When do you think life will go back to normal in 2021 or 2022?
And are you nervous bringing a baby into the world right now?
I like it. Will it'll be a doc, like a
doctor or midwife doing it for sure.
You know, I did say like, you know, I could take care of that,
but I've just been told no, that's very weird.
I might no, because like any time ever would would be like a
weird, like there's always something weird going on and
there is like obviously craziness going on at the
minute. There is a lot of terrifying
things happening. But no, no, you just have to
kind of make it work, you know? So, oh, sorry, I have a couple
on of a couple on Twitter. Let me just get to those.
Let me just do that for you. I tried to get Daniel Donnell on
the podcast, but his manager said no.
So I just want you guys to know that that we tried for Daniel.
OK? I couldn't have done any more.
I sent an e-mail. No volcano, Jenkins says.
Is this the answer to all the world's problems or just one for
the fence setters? Introducing cascara, the coffee
and tea hybrid. You can take the cascara, the
coffee and tea hybrid, and you can get the fuck out of my face.
Well, Keno Jenkins, if that is your real name, thanks for
bringing this to my attention. But we need that hashtag cancel.
Cascara, have tea or coffee. Do what I do in the mornings.
Have one of each at the same time with a hot, you know, like
the hot with two beer cans on. I have a hot with a mug of tea
and a mug of coffee and I sip it up and I call it toffee, even
though there is something that exists called toffee.
So that makes it way more confusing.
Noah Ballard. Says.
Seen as you've already got one tattoo that that you say means a
lot to you, you're saying that like you don't blame me.
When will you be getting one dedicated to the seppers and
what will it be? 250 no more?
When we get to 1000 Patreons I will get some sort of tattoo.
Fuck, I can't say this. My wife doesn't listen to my
podcast right? So I will get in trouble for
this but my family like mom and dad and everyone will be really
annoyed. But I will get some.
If we get to 1000 Patreons, I will get some sort of seppers
tea with me podcast or money to tattoo.
So we've set up by Olga by the 16th of August.
If we get 100 Patreons, I will shoot, fund, cut a music video
and probably record me to walking to Memphis on the
Patreon. And if we get to 1000, I will
get tea with me inspired tattoo. There you go.
That seems like a good point to end it on.
I mean it, there's no taken aback and I'm sorry to everyone
that's going to be upset with that.
But sometimes in life you just have to, you just have to make
the separate happy. You just have to put yourself
out there and that's what we've done.
I want to thank everybody who's watched and listened to the pod
this week, thanks everyone that watched the live show during the
week and everyone who's checked out my stand up show.
Final thing, the plug is my stand up tour is now fully
rescheduled and we're announcing all the dates this week.
But the only date that's out there first is the Waterfront
Hall in Belfast on the 6th of February for my brand new tour
show, somebody told me. And then we're releasing all the
tour dates. I'm going to be honest, I don't
think I'm going to add any extra nights on because I feel good
about not just this standard show but another R after this.
I'm working on that as well as this still like fine tuning this
R. So what I'm saying is we're
going to do the Somebody Told Me tour.
And then there may be, I've heard rumours there may be
another tour at the end of next year, but I can't say any more
about that. So all I'll say is the dates
that go up will be the only dates this year will not be
putting on extra shows. So I'm looking forward to
getting all those dates out there and coming to pretty much
all the same places as last year and a few new ones as well.
And I cannot begin to tell you how much I'm buzzing to get back
in the stand up. Oh my God, Even in the live
podcast, just because there was people watching, zippers
watching, I felt really nervous doing it, but in a good way.
So I don't know how it's going to feel getting back into stand
up. But I can't wait.
I've got some really good guests coming up again.
I put out a we call for guests, people got back.
We tried to get everyone that he asked for.
And some will be possible and some won't.
Daniel O'Donnell So check those out and thanks very much for
watching. Listen and check out the boy
Town podcast that it was Dave Elliott that is on Apple
podcast, SoundCloud, all that kind of thing.
Zippers keep stepping. See you later.