I'm Michael Che and I'm Colin Jose, and we've got a little
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Sippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, she and Todd.
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Put out an episode recently with Jamie Lee Insertscher from
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The ad reads are what they are so we can afford.
Look, we have a studio in Hollywood.
This costs 9 grand a month. So we do ad reads for as long as
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I might just start plugging things that don't sponsor the
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We're doing the week all the foreseeable weeks here in
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We do a live stream episode on Friday.
The 1 we did last Friday Shouldn't Can never be relate,
can never be made public or we're all getting
suedpatreon.com/tea with Me podcast.
My guest today we have flown him in.
I say that he was already coming here.
I just picked him up from the airport and like an Uber drive,
like can I just say, Adam, before I introduce you, can I
just say I think I provided a good service picking you up
because. You did.
Told you earlier in the week, I said listen, I'm going to take
the car seat out, take a child's car seat out.
I cleaned the inside of the car last night for you boys to come
pick. You, I just checked before we
start, is this right in the way of my face?
Push it to me, right? And you do the biggest podcast
and planet. Yeah, I know.
But like, what happens is Shane, I turn off in my studio, right?
And I just turn. I just get told to sit the fuck
down and start talking. I've never had to think about.
You're getting me good sides, you know what I mean?
Now. Now they can see me, but I can't
really see. You laughed at them.
I think it's all about. The people at home.
I think the classy touch of me picking you boys up earlier was
was the point I had ready. I don't know if you saw, but to
get out of that we short term car park.
You put a point in. Is it a quiz?
I had to quit ready sitting like like an experienced taxi man.
Do you know what? Like, I respect that so much.
Yeah. The amount of time, I mean,
there isn't a car park in Liverpool that you can get out
of for the pound, I thought. You would say the rest of car
park in Liverpool you've had to pay for?
We just drive straight through the fucking body.
You spend all your Patreon money on replacement.
It's principle. Shame.
It's principle. Yeah, I've got a lot of respect
for the money. Has a pound ready for something
you need a pound for trolleys. Another thing I refuse to buy
but I'm. Still doing those?
No. Yeah, in Liverpool.
Still. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think the rest of the world's moved on.
Most of the places on the planet now it's just the trolleys are
free because kids have moved past stealing them and pushing
them in the lake. We're still there.
That's still a good Saturday afternoon out there at this age.
Yeah. Love that.
Yeah, you've flown in. I we also said that we remarked
that now when you fly like in the UK and Belfast and that kind
of thing, never, never a passport, never ID, no one gives
because I thought you boys would be ages coming through custom
security. I came into Canada last week.
There's a slight bit of security at Liverpool Air Force.
To call Liverpool Air Force an Air Force is slightly generous
to be honest with you. It's a bus station that planes
take off from. That's for the Wetherspoons.
Like the the security at Liverpool airport is a Scouse
lad who's hungover. Who goes?
Yeah, go on, just go. It sounds.
How many of you is 27? Is anyone here a terrorist?
No promise. Pinky promise.
Open the gate, John. Belfast, we arrived.
And it was just and also. Get off the fucking plane.
So that's all. You're in the coffee shop.
That's our International Airport.
It's not our city. It was not a big one.
There was nothing getting on the plane today.
I give the guy me boarding pass and I was stood there holding
out me passports as well. Yeah.
And he looked at me like I was trying to hand them like, like I
poo. I just done.
It was like, what the fuck would I want that now?
That's yours. There's always fucking plane.
That cafe that you went to, it's weird because when you yeah,
when you after security, when you get through, when you land
the Belfast, there's nothing but that.
We Italian coffee shop and there's always just a sad man
there. To him.
Who cleared? Yeah.
He's always there and clearly like he's meant to meet a woman
who hasn't arrived. Yeah.
And he's always sitting. He's like, it's all good.
They're like closing. He goes.
Flowers. It's fine, yeah.
I cleaned it. I probably cleaned the car for
you and the boys last night. Well, thank you very much.
Because you said, I mean with hindsight I wouldn't have
because what happened is I took the car sheet out for the baby,
cleaned underneath that because all this shit he's eaten
drinking in the car. And then you said that before of
use and there was 3 and that killed me.
Because with hindsight, could have just kept the BBC.
There you could. You could have, could have.
So when I was arranging me travel and you got to understand
I'm horrific when it comes to admin, right?
I booked the flights for this gig which has been in my diary
since for a year. Yeah, I booked the flights for
this four days ago, so. Man, after my own heart, can I
just say these boys will tell you like I have not our job.
I haven't booked my hotel for Dublin tomorrow, right And I'm
there for two nights. They'll freak out.
These boys love. Organisation.
You know what I'm waiting for the lads is the thing.
By the time I checked it, the prices for hotels in Dublin for
tomorrow were insane, so I'm now waiting for that last minute.
Yeah, panic from the hotels where they.
Combine the debt like. Yeah, yeah, I'm waiting.
I'm I'm treating hotels like the stock market.
I know it's coming down. I know it is.
I do that with, like, transatlantic flights, Yeah.
And they're an hour before the gate opens being like, don't
worry. Yeah, we're going to.
We got the airport before and Thomas went.
Thomas would be support actors come with me and calls with me,
Me, me mate to me tour manager and Thomas was like is it all in
the one book and and Carl went Thomas he might not have booked
this year. Can I just say?
One time I was in New York and I just finished the gig flag.
The next day was at like 12:30. Do you do Triple H?
Yeah, really, really. Any sad version of it.
Triple H in the retirement zone. I've still got it.
Just a bit of chicken soup. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. I was doing a gig in New York
and say the gig finished at 9:00 PM Yeah, me and a videographer
were there, and we're going to travel home the next day because
the flight was at, like, 12 in the afternoon.
Yeah. But as we were eating our like,
five guys from Shake Shack in New York, I got a text from the
airline to say bookings just about to close.
It was 12:00 PM that night. But you know the way they do the
week in brackets plus one. Yeah.
Yeah, I caught me out. Yeah.
So I'd absolutely been done by the same.
It got me 100%. It got me.
So the reason it was going to be 4 of us is I've got a
videographer with me, I. Don't say he's dead.
He's yeah, he died on the way, but the show goes on.
The barrier you read the colorboard.
And he arranged I was so shit at arranging travel that he got
bored of waiting and booked his own travel right.
So he and this, this is still a bemusement to me.
He booked his flights to Dublin and back.
So we're in Belfast tonight, in Dublin tomorrow and Monday and
he's filming all three nights for me and he's decided he's
going to fly to Dublin and then get the train up and then come
with us tomorrow. I think I'm just going to hide A
car tomorrow and drive to Dublin, I think.
And then he's going to come back with us on the Tuesday, Right.
But he just got bored of waiting for me to actually book the
fucking thing. Yeah.
And he's gone. I've booked my own flights.
Yeah, I'm getting here at this time.
So that's why there was only three.
Of US Is this your first Belfast tour show?
Ever. Yeah, I've done, I've done the
the gig at the Empire twice, Yeah, like a few years ago.
And I've done, I did one with you at Limelights in the smaller
room, which is just like a comedy club nights where a mixed
builder in 20 minutes. Yeah, eh.
But yeah, first time during an hour there.
For us, it's a, it's sort of is a comedy city.
No, but like it wouldn't like like even when we were in the
comedy club, yeah, that was just what that was going to be one of
four or five clubs in Belfast like this.
I've sent you a car on a way down.
Like we don't have a weekend club, which is not because.
It is mad, but maybe it's benefiting you see in a bit.
So not after because outside of Liverpool, like I'm very proud
of Liverpool at the minute. Liverpool's on fire.
There's so many like home grown talents in different areas and
comedy in particular. There's a few podcasts that are
doing really well and there's comedians who can sell the arena
and that can at least sell theatres, like big theatres that
and they go outside of Liverpool and they haven't quite got as
big of. They've still got to follow him,
but not as big a following. I think the only thing that's
similar or maybe the same or even beyond those is what I see
in Belfast. Yeah, maybe I'm seeing it from
afar, but obviously you did two nights at the Arena last year.
Yeah. And you're doing, is it like 4
or 5 or 6 at the fucking grand 9?
Is it nine? Yeah, lots like like I've seen
the other. I don't like to say that because
it scared me, you know what I mean?
Like no, no, don't worry. But that's shouldn't mean like
maybe you don't even do an 8 if there was a weekend club that
would available to go and see that every week so.
It's I wonder is it like is it a working class thing?
Is it because the cities are there are loads similarities
between Belfast and Liverpool? I mean, people from here like me
included, like first time I went to Liverpool I was like this,
like being at home doesn't feel like I'm in England.
I will it You're not really. Yeah.
Like there's a very parochial nature and I think that's what
you're on about really. Is that the whole source of one
of ours? We look after our own thing.
I see it a lot in Newcastle and Glasgow as well.
Yeah, yeah. And to be honest with you, I'm
quite guilty of when people go, oh, what are your favourite
cities in the UK or the country or whatever?
I always talk about Newcastle and Glasgow.
I haven't been to Belfast as much as I'd like to have been
here. But you are right, it's
definitely got a similar vibe and it should be definitely on
that list when I'm talking about it because there's, there's
definitely that here. There's that it's a, it's a
total disregard for the, the authority of establishment.
But it's just like, we don't fucking, we want nothing to do
with any issues. We just want to do our own
thing. Just leave us the fuck alone,
like, and we'll, we'll build it ourselves.
Like, yeah, it's definitely a working class thing, but it's
also there's working class cities that don't have it.
You know what I mean? That that definitely is like
Leeds doesn't have this. Leeds is a working class
Yorkshire town, but Leeds doesn't have this.
He's one of ours and like they're building homegrown
talent and there's not Leeds comedians fill in the Leeds
Arena and then not going to I'm going to Manchester and selling
a few 100 tickets. It's just not.
Happening like no one. I've never overheard anyone go
that fucking lead scenes hot. Yeah, it just does fucking
happen. Have you been to Coventry
lately? Like the?
Way people move to Austin in America, but like we're we're
serving up, we're going to Coventry.
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Imagine if that happened, if just some shit hole in the
middle of England. Yeah, sorry.
Coventry became the the hotbed of UK comedy.
Yeah, everyone just was like fuck London, but time to move
away. Yeah, Manchester, we don't even
like you anymore. We've decided comedians are
going to commandeer Coventry and make it the place to be.
People from moving like Australians moving fucking
right. Kevin Hart, Coventry.
Coventry. I think I did one of the first
because for people that don't know, and I'd say a lot of
people even from here do know hot water Comedy Club.
It's just the Liverpool play. Not fair to say the Liverpool
comedy scene, but it's it's the jewel and the crown.
It's like the main. Club it wasn't it wasn't when it
first started. It was, you know, it was the the
underpriced newer act. Yeah, source of open common
club. I think I was there early doors,
really early doors. I think we met at the Crown.
Pub, I can remember where it was.
How long without that? That's more than 10 years.
That's right next to Lime Street Station, so that will have been
2011. I remember 2012, right?
About 10 years ago. So hot was the comedy club
started in a nightclub called Envy, right?
Create a name for a nightclub. With an I envy.
With an I. Yeah, I envy.
I envy. And then it got to the summer
and I think it must have been the EUR, not the World Cup.
But it got to the the summer of 2012.
And the owners of the the the nightclub said to the comedy
promoters, we're going to play every game from the EUR.
So you need to find another venue just for the summer,
right? And Hot Water found a pub called
The Crown and the gigs were just better there.
So they went after the summer they were well, we're not coming
back and envy with human. But they just stayed at the
Crown for a while. Then they moved to the Holiday
Inn because it turned out one of the managers of The Crown hadn't
told his superiors that he was running the comedy club and
every penny that the upstairs bar was making, he was just
taken home. Which is fair.
He just got, he got to the company.
Yeah. You take the upstairs room.
He was stocking it with his own alcohol.
Moonshine. Whatever, whatever he could get
his hands on and he's filling it up and then at the end of the
night he's just taking that tail and just no car payments
upstairs, right? Just all for him.
You know you wouldn't get that. Coventry that are good people.
I act. Do you know what I'm not even
messing. I think this guy was from
Coventry and I I'm not even joking, I'm like 90% sure his
name was Mick and he was from Coventry.
It sounds. Legit so funny I forgot about
that. That gig was that gig was great.
I just went and didn't open spot.
Yeah, well, they packed. So they used to do hot water
starters and it was a Sunday open mic night.
And then they added Fridays in and their Friday wasn't a
professional. Bill, what do you he called it?
Whose headline is it anyway? Right.
And the concept of the show was they have an opener who did like
15 minutes a break and then in the middle section, they have
three acts to 10 minutes. And then after the break, they'd
get the audience to clap for the winner of those 3, and that
winner had to do another 10. Oh OK.
So it was like whoever wins gets to headline the gig.
But what would often happen is you'd get a quite new act who
only had 10 minutes and they'd fucking storm it, take the roof
off, and then they go do another 10 and they'd be there going.
So what do you do? Like they had nothing else to
say. And then they eventually had a
Saturdays in which were professional bills and then not
always it's sort of the gimmick of the Friday then became sort
of a boring and they ran out of a talent pool to do it.
So they made the full weekend in the Crown.
And then the Holiday Inn, the pub in the hotel function room,
which the fact that they made that way is a medical because it
was a sanitised shit room with generic arts on the walls and
stuff where people have like conferences.
Like it was like, I'm like really underfunded weddings.
That's where we were doing comedy for like 4 years and then
they bit the bullet and went it's going to buy a club, we're
going to be Liverpool's first purpose built comedy club.
And then a couple of us filmed a couple of things and the clips
went vital. So I remember the start of that.
I'm watching. Yeah, it was mental, like it was
sort of the catalyst for the start of me having a career
above the second. And then they, the owner of the
club just seen it and seen it as an opportunity.
I think he spent something like 25 grand on cameras and we at
the time with all the comics, like, why are you doing this?
And he was like, trust me, Yeah, this is the thing to do.
He's like, I'm going to kick the whole fucking venue out and this
is going to be the place people come to film stuff.
We're going to film every show, every bit of compare.
And Paul the compare those we're going to put out and affairs
Paul to compare was like, I don't really want me comparing,
but it's going online, right? Imagine if he'd possibly.
Yeah, yeah, he's a fucking arena comic now.
He sells more tickets than almost anyone else in the UK.
He's doing 3000 seats in Glasgow and doing three night runs.
Like he's massive. And it's all from comparing
clips. And he, he, he compared that gig
I did. Yeah.
And he was, I remember being like, that guy is unbelievable
because it didn't feel like he was doing it.
He was just talking about home. He was just talking about this
like what had happened that day in his house.
Yeah, he's, he's, he's fucking unbelievable, Paul.
It's quite funny really, because there's a thing, as much as
working class cities love their own, there's there's a sort of,
it's like a it's a thing to pick people who are doing well
against each other, right. Do you know what I mean?
Oh, 100%. Yeah, so I'll get people
stopping me on a night out. I mean like, you know what, like
you're fucking well better than that ginger cunt.
He's fucking shite. Like all he does is fucking talk
to the crowd and I'll get tweets along the same line or like DMS
or whatever and he gets the same thing.
We just send them to each other and fucking buzz off.
It Me favourite thing to do though, right in the world is
when I get in a taxi and they sort of recognise me.
Like if I get in a taxi, driver goes what you do.
I just say I work in a bar, I can't be asked for the
conversation. But if they go where's where I
know you from lads, I know they're going to figure it out,
even if that and sometimes they have already.
They just don't want to say it. And I go, oh, I'm a comedian,
amazing. I've seen a couple of clips.
And then because not everyone knows me and Paul are really,
really good mates. Like how the others hit his
second wedding last week and I was the master of the ceremonies
at the first one. I was one of his two best men.
Like we're closest for, do you know what I mean?
You're getting good bookings at his weddings.
Oh 100%. I got barred from making a
couple of jokes because I wanted to stop by saying give us a
cheat if you've been to one of Paul's weddings before.
Any regular thing? I told a few people I was going
to do that, it's funny, but cleared it with Paul.
And Paul was like, look, normally she'd love that, but
today just just don't. So I made a different joke about
how he was punched above his waist.
I was like, it just goes show. It doesn't matter what you look
like, as long as you've got love in your heart, hope in your soul
and a Lamborghini, someone will fuck.
Yeah, there was a. Yeah, which, by the way, is way
harsher than the first joke. Yeah, but it's.
It is. But it's harsh on him and it's
on him. Yeah.
Like the first one is like you're not his first wife.
It's at an expense, isn't it? There was.
I was going to say something else because his face, when his
face managed didn't last very long.
So I was going to say, you just look on Paul, you look at Paul
and Lodi and you just know that it's going to last longer than
his first manage. And if we give it an hour and a
half, we'll know for sure. And I was, I was so close to
doing that one and one of the mates going through, he was
like, lads just don't yeah, like what?
What? What is the benefit to risk
ratio? Yeah, of course.
You're going to get a decent laugh, but you could ruin the
wedding. And I was like, yeah, OK.
Which might have made Dave did to everyone who listened to
podcast knows Dave Elliott did a best minded friend's wedding in
New York, made a vet and it wasn't about the bride or groom.
Someone at the wedding. He made a joke based on
something that was in the press about that person and at the
time. And he said, I said, did it go
down well? He's like I kill.
I definitely killed the vibe and ruined the day.
But it was in New York. So we had to just be in New York
for like that whole day and the day after he's like, there was
no escape. He couldn't just drive away and
not be there. He's like, it just stayed with
us in New York. And when he taught he's like
Jing. It was bad.
I was like, it was specifically about a court case that somebody
was going through. I mean, it was the it's the
worst. My dad speech at my wedding
definitely crossed the line. Like my dad, it didn't really,
but my dad said the phrase decky boots for condoms.
My dad said I've always told Shane.
Like his first line I think was I've always told Shane any
advice I can give my life is make sure you wear a Dickie boot
and never wear socks in bed. And that was people were like I
saw people at tables being like, what is the Dickie boot?
And then the worked aloud. But my dad will say Dickie boot
and I'm like don't just on my wedding don't say Dickie boot.
Say, if I was, if I was to get married tomorrow, right?
Yeah. By the time the speeches come
around, if my dad tried to do a speech, it'll be so fucking
drunk, right? It'll just be belligerent.
He'll just be recognising people he hasn't quite clocked on to
the fact that they're yeah, yeah, he'll just be 15 to 20
minutes. Yeah, I know that Dennis killed
it. Like he was doing the old mic
scene in the run up to I think he might have been.
He was literally like he got up and there was comedians in the
room and he was like he wrote, he like roasted a few comedians
over there, you know, and it was it was a very it was very good
speech. I liked it.
I get I got so nervous doing a speech at my what?
Yeah, so the only time I've ever had to do a speech at a wedding
was Paul's first one because I was one of two best men.
So the older lad that had gone, I've written loads of funny
stuff. So I was like, I'm not as a
Comer going to try and out funny.
Yeah, yeah. So I just made it really sincere
and lovely sorts of shit out. I mean, I was like, yeah, I
could just be really nice. Yeah.
And that's a flip on what people expect.
And then he can be the funny one works.
I also think what's going to be if I ever get married, my best
man will be me. Make Carl.
He's the producer of our podcast.
It's going to be a room full of comedians and he's going to have
to try and do a funny speech to them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not quite looking forward to
watching. No, I I had non famous friends
do a speech at mine and they they did all right, did the
well. Yeah, there's so much love in
the room. I.
Was yeah, yeah, yeah. The reason I brought Paul up
before is what one of my favourite things I with people
trying to piss us against each other is when people don't know
we're that close and I get in a taxi.
Yeah, and then you're comedian. Yeah, yeah.
And then they start slagging Paul off because what I do is I
join in for the length of the journey and then as I leave the
taxi, I tell them that we're best friends, right.
Yeah, just to ruin some taxi drivers fucking day.
So I'll let I'll be like how that change that change that.
Do you know him? Like what do you mean?
Do you mean Paul as a poor fella from the water one like yeah,
yeah. What do you think of him?
So for me really, yeah, I'm not. I just think it's for write a
fucking joke. Like not every fucking.
It doesn't have to be all about the job.
I'm like, I know mate, fucking does.
I'm working on my ass off, you know.
I'm writing an hour after hour to stand up and he's just up
there just trying to fucking make it about and I'll do it for
the full 20 minute taxi ride. I'll pay him.
Right. Nice to meet you mate.
Nice to meet you lad. Nobody's gonna look with the
comedy. Oh, by the way, you know Paul,
it's actually my best mate. Think he's brilliant.
See, Like shut the door. Just sets when I.
Yeah, I think so. Sometimes people don't
understand you can like, more than one comedian.
Like it's all good. Yeah, like there's no.
And there's just this like, and this is, this has been within
the industry more than anything else for a while.
There's always been like this famine mentality with success,
which is like there's a finite amount of it available.
So if Paul's doing well, I can't be, we can both possibly be
doing all right. It's just not the case.
No, that's definitely a thing here.
Yeah, like that's definitely a thing here.
Or like you put a show on sale and someone's like he's not
happy because, you know, he's got a show.
Six months after that, it's all good.
People want to come and see everything.
Yeah, it'll be really, really well.
But yeah, the scene in Liverpool, like it, it genuinely
is my favourite place to tour because it's it's always going
to be good. Yeah, now the last time I was
there, the last time I was at the fire.
You literally bent the place down, didn't you?
I go overdo Hot water Comedy club.
It's a Late Show. Now here's the thing about me.
I like, I like, I like to go to bed early 10:15.
What? That's a coup, by the way.
I mean, I'm sleepy by by it's 10:15.
I like to be in bed. I have a young kid.
You're tired. You're.
Doing stuff, doing a fucking comic change.
Yeah, but early. I like to go on early and get
home early, go sleep. So you're doing a tour show?
Yeah. What time do you start 7?
4:15 No, I I no. I'll do it.
Yeah, but the earlier the better.
Ideally. The show starts today.
I'm on a date 45 wrapped at 9:45.
Half 10. Land of Not ideally, not always
possible, but I like it. I like.
What did you do before you went full time?
A comedy. Just chill.
No job? No.
No, no, I worked in. I worked in a call centre.
Right, so you've done day jobs? Oh yeah, yeah, I've always.
Worked. See, I've always been in a night
owl, right? What you're saying to me?
I only was for like, WrestleMania.
Whatever. Yeah, it's once a year.
It's so alien. So I'm exact opposite.
I'll get up once a year before 10.
I don't get that. Like like I think I go to sleep.
You fall asleep, you're probably watching stuff late at night
after a gig or whatever, and you just.
I when I get in from a show I can't go straight to that.
Oh, I'm the opposite. Like people like all the
adrenaline. No, I get adrenaline.
I get adrenaline before it and my main thing when I'm on tour,
I play the game of if it's Saturday night tour show, if I
get home for even the second game on much of the day
starting, yeah, it's it's a win. Oh, occasionally I'm I'm up for
that. I'm not like a fucking party
animal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was a little bit more when maybe when I was younger.
But will you stay up? Will you stay out regularly like
past men? If you if you're off, you start
past midnight. I can't even tell if you're
joking. I swear what you're what you're
suggesting as a lifestyle is so alien to me.
I feel like you're taking the piss, right?
Right. If I'm in bed before 1:00 at
night, like 1:00 in the morning, right, there's something's
happened. So if I'm in bed before 1:00 AM,
it means like the night before I've had no sleep because I've
been out late or like I've been up to something on a long drive
back or whatever, or I've had a horrific day or I'm sick.
If I'm asleep before 1:00 AM, like if I get in bed at half
two, I'm like. Yeah, that's crazy.
Got a decent cap. That's crazy.
I I see. I'm always trying to avoid the
devil. I think the devil comes out
about 11:00 PM, so if I can get to sleep before he's a boy.
In The Devil of Best Mates. We were in Toronto last weekend
right? Did a tour, shows on shows on
Sunday and Monday night. We got there on Saturday.
I said brilliant I'll go, I'll go to a club.
Got in with yuk yuks like their main club in Toronto.
We've just arrived, it's all good.
Check my e-mail as I arrived. Wonder what time my spots at
show starts at half ten. I can't believe I'm literally
sitting in the wings like fuck this I'm not.
And then third act on. Have you done the clubs in New
York? Yeah, some of those.
But I'm on jet. That's OK.
That's what you. I work jet lag in a way where I
go on. I think it's only like 5 PM,
6:00 PM. I'm OK with that.
I can make an exception. I just like an early sleep.
So this show on hot water in Liverpool was due to start and I
think half nine. It'll be half nine.
Yeah. So I'm doing the miles on that.
Victoria was there to open. He's like, how long do you want
me to do? I'm looking at the clock like 4
minutes. 4. Minutes and it's a 32nd interval
but I think yeah everyone's in the room we're in the grid we
did we did the club before the club night and that was nice and
then the then all of a sudden this manager walks in and she's
like right and everyone started running out and she's like
there's a fire No, I just bought what do you is it Liverpool One
that big shopping area yeah I just bought a really nice coat
in Zara yeah £110 big purchase. I want the like, you know, like
a big long mummy coat. Yeah, one of those big wrap
around one of those. So when she was like, we need to
go. You wanted your coat.
Yeah, So I went back and I think people thought, fuck, he loves
his fans. You know, they thought like I
was like running back through the smoke and like going to come
out with a few students on the shelter.
But it was the IT was the I went back, I got the coat, I got my
rucksack, made Vittorio carry me out.
And he's like, you can walk. And I said, no, just carry me
and supports audio. Exactly.
You literally need to. Support me and up this test.
Also, you knew it was like a crowd from home, like a Belfast
kind of crowd. Yeah, because there was smoke in
the venue and I remember looking through it, just saying, like
five guys with pints. Yeah, just like being like,
wait, we'll be out in one second.
They were like the band. And I'll leave when I'm warm.
Yeah, when it gets too much, I'll leave.
So everyone has to leave and we're up on street level and
it's a, it's a basement venue. Yeah, it's a basement.
Venue best comedy clubs are yeah, it should the original hot
water just a little side note here was in an attic right
right. But they built it This is how
much attention they put into their venues right?
They built it so that so they had a full level floor like this
and they built three steps up so that you had to come down 3 to
get into the gig room from the bar so that it felt like you
were going down. So they had a perfectly flat
entire floor of a building and they built it up.
You literally went up three steps just to come down to go
from the bar area into the gig room.
Because Binti, who like designs the clubs, was like people are
in the best frame of mind if they've gone down into a comedy
club. He's like I'm turning me attic
into a basement one way or another.
It's it's in the basement, there's a fire.
Everyone's out in the street. I'm weird about, I don't know,
you're like with this. I don't really like the audience
to see me before a show. Definitely takes a bit of shine
off. There, it's just something where
like also you'll get into that way like people might be like
and you totally understand. They're like, oh, can I grab a
photo or you're doing the thing that you would do after before.
I just don't like that order. I like to them to just not see.
I'm 100% like it on that. So if I have to, like, walk
through the venue to get to the dressing room and the audience
at the end, yeah. And people ask me photos, I just
say no. I go, we'll do it after the
show. Yeah, do it.
After the show. Yeah.
And never say yes because if you do one, you're going to do 50.
Yeah. And you're right.
And that's. I don't some comics these days
open for that opener. Yeah, yeah.
Go on and compare and then bring that opener up and then the
opener. Then they have a break and then
they go back home. And that definitely makes the
openers night better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I couldn't give a fuck. Yeah.
I'm operating human shape because.
The first time you're all in, see.
Yeah, if they're fans, which one?
You're selling tickets? They are.
That's who you're performing too.
The first time they see you, they're excited.
The second time they're happy, they're not excited.
And that excitement makes the 1st 20 minutes of your show
better. It just does.
And I want that in my bed, not in the fucking openness.
But you're here to make it easier for me.
Like otherwise I don't need you. Like if I'm not going to have
you, I'm actually just fucking open for myself and I'm going to
give you the easier gig. I'll save your fucking hotel,
your flight and your I'm not opening.
I'm not opening for the opener. This is your job.
Would you not just introduce me? No, fuck, go on.
I'm having a kid. I do the off stage mic.
I do most of the. Time in a different voice so
people don't think I pick a different accent every night.
I do that most of the time because I think they like that
and I'll make sure they know what to make sure I'll be like
what's happening. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you
so much for packing this place out.
Please make some noise for my mates and you're open and act
whoever it is. Yeah, for the majority of the
tour. You'll say that word for word.
Whoever this comes is, I'm sure he's good.
Thomas Green has done the majority of this talk.
He's been great. But like sometimes, like last
night, this week has been fucking crazy.
I told you about the schedule before and Middlesbrough
yesterday we had no hotel in Middlesbrough because we were
driving straight back to Liverpool afterwards.
So. I thought you were waiting for
that dip again. I didn't get me after the.
Dip. So hold on, let me get this
straight. You stay.
So you stay up late at night, late at night, you get up late
in the day. You said if you're up before 10,
that's. No, that was, I was just, I was
doing a little ha, ha. So normally I'm up between 9:00
and 10:00, OK? That's normal.
That's normal for me. OK.
But then you'll all judge me. But then you'll all know.
But I will when you say that you'll also nap.
Yeah, I will if I'm not every day. 21 hours sleep a day.
No, don't think about what I'm saying.
Yeah, right. It's common for me to be in bed
around 3, right? Between 2:00 and 3:00.
So let's take the earliest side of that, just to be generous to
you, Right. Thank you.
Right. That's 2:00 AM, right.
And then let's say I get up as late as possible, which is 10.
That means I've only had eight hours and I don't sleep well,
I'm not, I'm not a consistent sleeper.
I'll wake up 3 or 4 times and not sleep, right?
So it's not a solid 8 hours. I think that's God's way of
saying go to bed. Yeah, maybe it is.
Well fuck you and fuck him as well, OK?
I'll go to bed when I once keep disrupting me sleep.
I'm rebellious, OK? That's what it is.
It's rebellion. So let's say, let's, let's say I
only get seven or six to seven hours sleep there.
That's not enough. It's just not.
I need 8. So in the afternoon
occasionally, not every day, but if I've got time, I'll have a
little, you know, if I'm in a hotel, I'll go out throughout
the day. I'll get up, go and have
breakfast. I'll go if the hotel's got a
swimming pool and a steam, I'd love a little bit of that.
Go and do that. I'll go, I'm a bad for retail
therapy, not what makes me happy and I'm buying myself something,
right? So I'll go local shops in
whatever city I'm in, especially if they've got like a decent
training place where they sell like red or like whatever, like
a street wear store. I'll go down those places, buy
myself a couple of things, get back to the hotel and I've got
hours before the show. So often I'll just put a bit of
Netflix on and I'll just have a little 20 minutes.
And I needed that yesterday because the night before
yesterday, so yesterday was Middlesbrough, the night before
was in Newcastle and we went out afterwards.
Now I'm a big Liverpool fan, meet me tour manager Carl and me
best mates is a big, big Everton fan.
And Everton fan had just secured their fighting relegation.
They were staying up so he was made-up, so we were going to
have a few drinks and then he was like, come on, he's he's his
little face. He was dead happy and I don't
hate ever. And I'm not one of those
Liverpool fans. I, I enjoy the Derby and I
wanted them to stay up. I'd quite like evidence to just
in perpetuity be 16th or 17th. Just a constant wave of misery
for that entire. Life.
I want a good run and then no. No, no, you're always just over.
Like I want them to look dead sets for relegation every year
and always just about stay up. That's my idea, because then I
still get to play them twice a year.
Then we also get to beat them twice a year and they they have
no joy apart from the last game of the season where they just
about stay up and that's because I don't hate them.
So we went out in Newcastle. So get up the next day.
You'd a bit ropey, but I've I've had next to no sleep and either
the nap yesterday. So while we support that was on
and half an hour before that in the dressing room.
I just there was a big couch. I just had an hour, was killed.
See, I worry about waking up all the shorts.
No, that's my sleep alarm. I could, you could wake me up,
you could wake me up and go and I'll see it on now and I'll be
fine. I'll be absolutely fine.
In fact, I might be at the top of the game.
I do know comedians that do that.
I do have a little sleep before. I will do it sometime If I, if I
have a real early morning flight, you know, if you want
the the cheap flight, yeah, you'll take it.
If I'm in a, if I'm there at like 7:00 AM in a city to do a
show, I definitely will need them up.
But I'm cranky boy when I wake up.
So I need a little bit of cool off time, need to go for a walk.
I can be cranky in the morning, but after a nap I generally feel
quite refreshed. Do you stay up late for like for
Freeview or something you had like the?
TVX I'm I'm waiting for yeah success.
So you know the way you get like a.
Satellite to 12. You know, the way you get a
satellite delay sometimes in Liverpool, last satellite delay
is 15 years. So you know at the minute you
might seem like if you got any like Liverpool followers or you
follow anyone from Liverpool. A lot of people talk about the
Champions League final, but actually looking forward to
Athens 2007, Really exciting for it's finally being televised.
Did you used to have cable tell? Did you have cable tell?
Yeah. Awesome Channel 6162.
Awesome porn was it? TBX And what was the other one?
Yeah, OK, TBX And yeah, there was another one on the For now
Freeview start at midnight. I just used to put in the sex
line ones on and just I always used to try and lip read the
women, you know, and they just sit there with the phones, like
call me and then they get a phone call and like you can see
them talk and I'd always be like what she's saying.
Oh, in the background do you see a few of them?
No, like, I've never seen like, what they called, like, babe
station. Yeah.
Oh, yeah, Yeah. And she's there with a phone and
you can call her, but it's silence.
It's just like sexy music. But like, the only person who
can hear what she's saying is the poor country who's rang and
actually paid to speak to this woman who quite clearly doesn't
want to speak to anyone. She's just there like there's no
was in it. She's just holding it.
She's talking to the fucking the next girl who's coming on.
She's not even looking at the camera.
She's just there in in it underwear.
She's like fucking out. John, ring me.
What are you saying? Also, none of those girls are
doing what the guys asking because no one's ringing with a
normal request of like just keep dancing to that sexy music like
it's always it's going to be the weirdest stuff.
But like, you can lip read them and sometimes you'll see them
go. What do you want me to do to
you? And it's like, it doesn't
matter, does it? What?
What if he gives you his wildest dream?
What are you then going to do? You like, I want you to do this,
this, this and this and this and this and this.
And she's like, yeah, I'll do that, Kimberly, get that.
Catalan go. Yeah, he's only got 40 seconds
left. He's going to run out of credit.
He's just told me. The best, the best thing for for
Freeview and all that was if you were standing up for wrestling
when you were a kid. Yeah, that's how you could you
be up anyway. I tried to get into wrestling
when I was a kid and I just couldn't.
Professionally. No, no, no.
I tried to get involved. Everyone else was into
wrestling. Yeah.
And I just never, ever. It was me.
Nan, I've told this story on Have a Word, right?
I was watching it because, like, I was like, it's great.
I was trying to convince myself. What do you like 1415?
Now younger, right? Like maybe 8 or 9 or whatever.
So I'm watching it. But even then I could tell it
was fake, you know what I mean? I don't know whether you
remember as a kid there was like a debate amongst children over
whether it was real or not. And there were all those Channel
5 documentaries. It is real, real wrestling.
And but we all thought WWE and WWF, yeah, like what it
originally was. We thought it was real.
Yeah, absolutely. And me Nan would like just
classic Scouse. Now I'm in a ciggy that's a load
of fucking shake fucking nowhere near his head though fucking
swung that chair fucking 2 yards above him look then shows a
replay and it misses him and I'm a nine year old gummy nuns right
I can never ever get into it. This is she's.
The same with like Santa, she's like no mesh and he's at not
many houses. Fucking size of the gun.
How's he getting down there? Use your brain, you stupid.
I bought those I bought. Those I've always said I'm never
doing the sense. I think once my kids are like 7
and they understand that they need to be grateful for, like,
stuff they're getting told Who's buying the presents, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, my son's 1 1/2 and he's been told.
From me I might do the whole Santa tells me whether you've
been good enough. That's good.
I like that. So Santa is still real, but then
I get your presence. Yeah, I like that.
So I, I need my kids to know that I'm, it's me, you you need
to respect. Yeah.
Not this fucking baited fellow who's flying around with fucking
yeah dogs with sticks in the nuts, yeah.
I, I, I did that. Oh yeah, that Liverpool show.
Fire in the vest. Fucking hell of a tangent, that
one. Fire in the venue shows for
supposed to start at half 9 fire Brigadier on the it's a full
blown fire. I look at my watch half nine.
It's like 9:45 at this point and I'm thinking how long?
I mean, there's a the venues I've closed.
Hot water, hot water comedy club here is done.
It's fire damage. It's done.
Probably be open. Maybe the next time I'm touring,
maybe in a year or so I'll get back to it.
Venue manager comes up, she's like, right, there's a fire
there. I said OK, presumably you can do
refunds for everyone and I'll get my manager to be in touch.
She's like, relax, so we'll do the show, just be 10 minutes.
I was like, but there's a fire, there's a fire in the vent, so.
I know it's almost. It's Becky.
Right. I was like.
Becky, Becky. She's like Shane.
We've got fucking water mate, don't worry.
Becky said. Here's what Becky said to
reassure me she was Don't worry, this happened before.
Well, at least it's in the basement.
Becky. That's good.
And she goes to fire is I said, is the fire on a different
level? She's like, no, the fires in the
kitchen on that level, but don't worry about it.
We'll do show. I think then in my head, I'm
like everyone here has and by the way, the whole audience are
standing in the pavement and I'm just standing there in my big
mommies, our coat, like like all.
I remember being with you there, right?
Yeah. And I seen a difference in our
personalities that night because stuff like that excites me and
on the night fire, but also like problems, right?
I like a problem, right, right. Especially with what we do
because what I did, didn't I I ran into the restaurants and was
like, there's a restaurants over the road and I ran in and was
like, can we bring 200 people into your restaurants?
By the way? Do we stand in the corner and
tell Dick jokes for? 20 minutes.
There was nobody in this restaurant.
No, there was. There was one guy and about two
punters and you walked in. I've never seen a man try and
hijack a par. You went in and said to the guy,
what about? And it was all quiet.
And he was like, thankfully someone's here to order a beer.
Like we'll make a bit of money tonight.
You were like, what if 200 Irish people walk in here right now?
And. We just.
Do a comedy show and the guy was like, you pussy, like then he's
like, I'll phone my manager and like imagine for a place that's
doing no business. Yeah.
And phoning and going, Do you want 200 people to come and buy
a lot of alcohol? Yeah, No.
So you are. You were like, I'll come and do
it. I'll do a spot, I'll open.
And then in that time, after like more than an hour, and it
got the point where I was like, this is wild.
And I think, and by the way, everybody at the show went and
bought carriers and they were standing, drinking carriers
watching the venue. I was still going to have to
perform it on fire. And I got the point where I was
like, I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.
I think it's wrong. And then I came full circle and
was like, actually this is mad. You've got to do it.
This is mad. I couldn't understand why you
didn't want to do it on the night I now do because you were
like fucking. It's bedtime and it's caused
past bedtime. I had those, if you noticed, I
don't wear glasses, but eyeglasses on, you know, those
painted on ice machine. What do you want to do about
this? I was just against the lamp.
I was gone. I was out for the count, but I
didn't want to do it. And then I was like, yes, you
know what, This is going to be fun to talk about why I'm in
Liverpool now. Let's just do it.
And it's one of those ones where it's like, I'm up now, I'm up
now. We're not going to get to sleep
early. Yeah, I've, I've worked that
out. Let's do it.
And it was. So we also like people have
places to go after whatever. So we thought, right, let's
let's not do an interval. Victorio did literally 5 minutes
at the start. And I went on and it was the
best show of the year of for me it was.
But it's always, always going to be.
Because I here was my fear. The only thing we can talk about
at this show is the fire. And I've got an R and I've
worked on this tour show and I want to give you and I, I love
going away from the material. So I'm going to do that a bit.
But I was like everyone just going to.
And I did maybe 5-7 minutes at the start about the fire,
talking to the audience, telling the story from my point of view,
and then just did the gig. And it was unbelievable.
It was so good. And the next morning, yes, I was
a cranky bear, but I was like that.
I'm so glad I did that. Yeah, you've got like the.
Photos of sound outside Fire Brigades standing with the
audience. Story in it I saw to try and
live by what will make it a better story in five years.
That's how I try making decisions now.
That means I often lose money gambling.
I think it's quite an interesting ways to live your
life rather than playing it safe all the time.
Certain times where you go, what's better here if you don't
have to bed that night, you've been gutted that you didn't try
and do it. I think you should always try
and do it. I also for me stand up in
particular is supposed to be rough and it's supposed to be
problems and there's supposed to be you're supposed to like
comedy works better than shit holes rather than really like
given like a theatre gig in like a it's a really sanitised venues
where they have like conferences.
Council venue. Yeah, yeah.
Like it just feels a bit too nice to do what we do.
Like a fucking dark basement. Yeah, that like there's a
fucking air con dripping at the back on a season.
There's big. Smouldering as well.
There's there's Ambers. Like these candles?
That's our annual fire. Yeah, we do this once a year.
Yeah, I think, I think stand ups should be about those weird
shows where matches happens. What's the, what's the worst
tour situation you've got yourself into?
Like if you got yourself into like a show, we've got a massive
problem with the venue. You're I won last year.
No, I I haven't got a story along those lines.
What happens? I won last year where we were
doing an outdoor tour and it was brilliant.
It was like you're able to do things again and every night the
weather was unreal. So if it was shit the night
before, overcast or raining, whatever way it worked, I think
it's because I go to bed early, God help me out and just made
the wet. Like if you were doing to be
storm, it'll be. But anyway, the the weather was
always good and it was it was. There were proper outdoor gigs
and we did a big one, but 400 people, council theatre, council
venue. And at the mall I was bringing 2
openers doing 15 minutes each. I was doing roughly an hour
after a break and we got to this one and someone from the council
that ran the venue was like, yeah, So what time do you want
to start at? I said you want to start at 8.
She said you got to start at half eight.
I said yeah, it's fine. And you talk about like a job's
worth. Then she was like, yeah, and
your performance, this has to be 3/2 and 1/2 or three hours.
I was like, no, that's not, that's not what this is.
Like. No one would want that.
So I was like, we'll do 220 minute sets break.
I'll do an R. She was like, Nah, your contract
stipulates you have to do this amount of time.
And it was just before I went on stage and we had like management
involved tears, not mine arguments, all sorts got to the
point where I had to just ring medians and go you bite me.
Fancy coming on pod the show a bit.
We had I was then told this there's been you do have to do.
We compromise like 2 1/2 hours and shout out to Jordan
Robinson, who's a comedian from here.
He's done hot water a few times. I phoned him up.
I was like, where you at? He's like, I'm doing a shop in
Tesco's. The kid just abound the trolley
in Tesco's doing his big shop. He says like some kind of like a
doomsday movie, like people just saw this trolley like.
Slowly moving down. Moving down the tin suit aisle
and he just got in his car. He was there in 7 minutes and we
end up doing it and it was brilliant.
But like, you know, yeah, tours like that Liverpool thing was
the first one for me where it was like a wild thing on tour.
And that, that other story was the only problem of that.
But by and large, tours run. So on on two sides of that
story. First of all, I like how
comedies go when at the minute in like sort of on this side of
the the Atlanta, because I think I met I could have had it so
much better for a long time where they're a lot free over
there. Like over here it's been you
have an opener, you have a break and then you do show and it's
fucking done. Yeah.
And that's just doesn't cut it anymore.
Yeah. Like it should be a bit more fun
and free and like there's been times on this tour, but I've got
me opener. But like, I made some minds
being in town, and some of them are like, way too big to be open
for me. Yeah, Yeah.
But they're like, today I'm like, do you want to just do 10?
Yeah. And I do that for anyone, any of
my mates, if I'm in town and they're like, I'm doing me talk
show 25 or 10 minutes or whatever they want, I'll fucking
do that. Yeah.
Because that's funnier to do and surprise the audience and
whatever. I'm doing a corporate 40 minute
corporate tonight. You fancy doing half an hour?
Absolutely. And that's also where I draw the
line on corporates. I've never done more than half
an hour of corporate. I never will team.
So whenever they get in touch, like everyone used to do an
hour, like I know you think you do, you don't actually.
Do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you don't.
The jobs were thing I've had that before where people are
like, no, we have to do it this way and I've I could never do a
normal job. I was never destined for that
because I've got absolutely zero respect for authority and
especially people like that. No, it has to be done this way.
It doesn't. And I know John, no it doesn't
because we're not and I'm not going to do it.
And I know it's more likely that you get fired than my show gets
cancelled because there's 1000 people who paid £20 a ticket.
They're going to want the show to go ahead and so does your
boss. So compromise and do a fucking
now. Now it has to be done.
It doesn't. It doesn't have to be done like
that. Absolutely he does not.
I know it doesn't because I was in a different venue last night
with the same contract and they were fine.
You'll be fine. So stop it, Janet.
Can you come with me on tour? See, I won't do this.
I'll just hand it off to someone else there figured it out
because it can always be figured out and jobs where to like now,
honestly, we have to do it this way.
Things have to be done this way. It just doesn't.
You can, I'm doing my tour show in Liverpool next week.
So we're doing 2 nights at the film on a call stolen venue.
I'm really happy to be there and the staff have been for the
large part with it. Amazing.
And that's what I said, my admin skills are quite shit, but like
there was one bit. So with our podcast that we do,
we give our patrons early access to our tour tickets.
Yeah, 48 hours, right. So every other venue was like,
yeah, we'll send you the link 48 hours in advance.
It won't go live on the SEO to be found until two days later.
It's great. Let's build, fill them on a
call. I was like, I need a link 48
hours before it goes public. They're like, well, we give our
members 48 hours early access. And I was like, great, just send
me that link and I'll put it on page.
And they were like, can't do that because what if our members
like, sell it out? And I was like, well, it's not
going to happen, is it? Yeah.
And they were like, no, we can't because our members get really
pissed off if they find out the links being shared.
I was like, they'll never know. They will literally never know.
Yeah, I was like, so what's the solution here?
They went, oh, those we'll give you 400 tickets and you can just
sell them through an external site Skittle I use and then
we'll allocate them. Don't worry about it.
So I was like right OK their members access to my toy show
sold 2 tickets, 1700 seats of venue right?
They gave me 400 tickets for my presale which sold out in 11
minutes and we could have done a lot more if they just sent me
the fucking link. But the members would have the
format two members. Imagine in total there is 4
members. So a couple of weeks ago, they
got in touch and they're like, what are we doing about those
400 tickets you've got? And I was like, I don't know.
Yeah. And they're like, right, well,
we need to distribute those tickets.
And I was like, cool, crack on, yeah, yeah.
And they're like, you need to get in touch with Skittle
because they're going to have to send out the tickets for us.
And I was like, right, OK. And then they got Skittle come
back and was like, right, it's too late for that now.
Really. So we're going to, for us to do
that, it's going to charge us. You're going to be charged £3.50
a ticket. And I was like, right, so that's
£1400. And they're like, yeah, well,
I'm not paying that. So speak to the venue because
this was all that idea and figure out between yourselves
the venue, come back. I'm like, no, it's on the artist
to sort this. So we're going to have to, Adam,
you're going to have to cover it.
So I seen those emails and if I ever see this podcast, I'll be
maybe in a bit of trouble. One of the members might I love.
Averages I I was like, right, OK, cool.
I was like, I've read the emails and I thought, you know what I'm
going to do? I'm just going to not reply, I'm
going to ignore this problem and I guarantee it'll go away if I
just pretend it doesn't exist, right?
Because I'm not paying £1400. That isn't happening, so.
Still. Unresolved, right?
They rang me yesterday, fill them on a call and they're like,
what are we doing about these tickets?
I was like, oh, do you know what?
I've had a really busy week. I've been behind on me.
I've been, I haven't actually had a chance to read those
emails. What's the current thing?
And they went, well, if you download the the Skittle data of
everyone who's bought the tickets that'll have that
address, that name and that e-mail address on, if you just
send that to us, we'll just distribute them free of charge.
And I went, yeah, no problem. So your advice to me is just.
Ignore a problem. Ignore.
Go away. Yes, medically, every.
All of it. I don't open mail.
I can't remember the last time I opened the brown envelope, and
it's white. I'll open it because that could
be like, you know, whatever. Yeah.
And if it's blue or pink, I'll open it because that's probably
a birthday card that got lost in the mail and might have £20 in
it. A brown envelope, honestly, is
the most terrifying thing in the world to me.
What? Why?
Why is anyone opening? That, but it would terrify me to
not to just not open it. Yeah, but I don't want to know
what it is. It's not good news.
It's not going to improve my day.
I I live my life on a day-to-day basis.
You could die tonight. Yeah.
I'm unhealthy. I drink a lot.
I don't eat very well. I could be 12 hours away from a
stroke. Do I want to spend those 12
hours knowing that I missed a parking ticket and that it's now
£500? Or do I want to live in ignorant
place? Yeah, I know.
I will not open mail. When I'll open it is when it
comes with a red stamp on it. And I'm like, right now it's a
serious problem. Yeah.
And then I'll open it. Yeah.
Until then, I've just got no
interest in any letters. I don't get why.
And I don't know. I can't get my head around the
mentality of someone getting a brown letter going.
Oh, why? It's self sabotage.
That's what they're doing, not what I'm doing.
It's it's you've got to be insane to get a letter in a
brown envelope and and be any and other than dismissive of it.
Yeah, I just can't do it. Talk to me about the podcast.
So have a word because I follow you.
I know you. I kind of saw that, saw the
formation of it. So like you were doing it.
I'm already saying in in the spare and dance spare room.
That's why it's not our Dan. You're done.
Yeah. And was it, was it over locked
on or is it before you started? No.
So Dan had wanted to start a podcast for years.
He actually had one in the past called In the House, which is
good. And then he started a new one.
He bought the equipment. He bought a couple of cameras.
His cameras at the time were not for the full episodes.
He was just doing them for the odd clip or whatever.
And he started a podcast called the Hack Radio Pod, which was
essentially his marketing of it was as a comedian, you're not
allowed to be a hack. But no one's ever said that's
the rule of podcasting. So we're going to make a shit
hack radio show with sound bites and regular like listeners
calling in and stuff. And he wants to do it that way.
And I, I think I was guest like 5 on his podcast and he knew I
was interested in starting. So I was in the process of
buying the equipment myself. So I was going to start a solo
podcast sort of like this. And when I'm interviewing
comedians and fucking around doing whatever I want.
And I was also going to be using it to sort of formulate new
material. I wanted to just rant and try
and remember the funny stuff and then take it on stage.
That was me plan. And I still might do that.
To be honest. I might do a little separate
thing once we told them I want a new project, but mine and Dan's
episode of the hack radio pod, his friend rang him and was
like, look, you should carry on doing the hack radio, but fine.
But you and Adam should do something because this is just
so much better than the other four you've done.
And I'm not saying it's Adam, I'm saying it's you 2 together
something there. So he got in touch with me and I
said to my girlfriend at the time, Dan wants to her podcast
with me and she went do it. And I went, what you mean do it?
She went, you're not going to do 1, right?
She went, you might eventually, but you won't stick with it.
She's like, you might eventually, but initially you
won't stick with it. It'll be two or three projects
and you'll eventually find something.
But you're a lot better if you're accountable to someone
and you'll be accountable to that.
She was like, if you've got to be somewhere, you'll be there.
As long as it's not you, you're letting down.
So be accountable to Dan and do it.
And I was like, right, OK. And it was her advice really.
That really resonates. I was like, she's absolutely
fucking right, annoyingly. So we started, we we put an idea
together. We call they have a word.
The idea was there was a lot of podcasts at the time that do
like an agony and section. Yeah, yeah.
And we were like, there's a reason that works because it's
easy for people to write in, but how can we flip it a little bit?
So the idea was people can write in and we will have a word with
their friends on their behalf rather than giving them advice.
It's like me mates doing this, will you have a word?
But right. And that became the title
feature. We had a couple of other
features as well. And we started in January of
2020. We launched, we'd don't like 3
pilot episodes that we just put in the can and we eventually
released them on Patreon as like bonuses.
And then the coronavirus come around, COVID.
And at the time, I was still going to dance every week to do
the podcast. And I don't know whether you
remember just before that first lockdown, the idea of going into
a lockdown was hilarious. Yeah.
It was. It was just so far from feasible
that everyone in the country was going to be locked in their
homes. We were all like, yeah, that's
not going to happen. So we, as a joke, said if we go
into a lockdown, we will do have a word every day.
First of all, thinking the lockdown had never happened.
And second of all, thinking if it does, no one will want that.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then it did happen. And then our listeners went.
So every day. Yeah.
So we had six days a week. We had Mondays to Saturday,
every week, Sundays off. There was days where the last
person I wanted to speak to on the planet was Dan Nightingale,
and vice versa. We're just looking at each other
like I've got to have another fucking entertaining
conversation with you, but nothing left to say to you.
Yeah. Six days in a week.
When was the last time you had 6 hour long conversations with the
same person saying no? And that kept us going
throughout that first lockdown. At the end of the first
lockdown, we saw a sort of glare and gap in the UK podcast market
that was already sort of happening in America.
We were like, we should be the first one over there to get our
own studio. Now obviously there's podcast
that recording studios in the UK, yeah, but they went their
own. They were all hiding like a.
Generic comedy club, studio or. Yeah, so we were like, let's get
a fucking room in somewhere, shit, somewhere cheap.
We settle for Runcorn because it was halfway between between
Miles and Duns. Decked it out, made it look.
So the videos have become quite as iconic.
You know, if I, if you, if I have a weird clip comes up on
your phone, you know what you're watching.
Like, it looks like a bright orange couch against a blue
curtain. It's just so mismatched.
No one's really going to copy it or be able to.
And the brick wall backdrop behind us, very, very deliberate
sort of Brandon to it started getting guests in because the
1st 75 episodes, there's no guests and they're all audio
only. They're still available
everywhere, but they're just me and Dan and they're just audio.
Episode 76, our first guest was Paul Smith and that was in the
studio. And then from there we went
because obviously we've been doing it every day.
So when we first launched our Patreon, there was no benefit to
signing up. We were just like we could do
with some money or we're going to have to stop.
So we got like 4 or 500 to sign up and that kept the thing going
and meant me and and didn't have to go deliver them for Iceland
or Tesco or whatever in that first there lockdown.
So when we moved into the studio, we start getting the
guests in. We start the way we did it was
we were like, right now that we're not doing an episode every
day, we'll do one pub look, one exclusively to Patreon every
week. And with the public one, the
first half, there's no guest. So we do it.
We split it into four sections, so it's sort of mirrored really.
So the first, the first section of four is just me and Dan, no
plan at all. We just turn up and start
talking. Second section is just me and
Dan answering and listener correspondence.
Third section is me, Dan and the guest.
No plan at all. Fourth section is me down in the
guest listener correspondence. And the reason we did it that
way, we were like, if people just want me and Dan, they still
get it. If people want just the guest,
they can just have that. And if people want all of it,
then they get that. So you can have the best of
three worlds really, whatever it is for you.
And it's just sort of snowballed.
It's changed my career. I was already sort of touring
and at a very small level, but you know, 100 seaters and that
around the UK. I was out of the tour and it's
bumped me up and Dan wasn't right.
Donna Zero following really. And he's now, you know, he's
about to do a 30 date UK tour, 99% of which the sales come.
From I mean, it's such an unbelief like we did, we start
before COVID, before lockdown, Yeah.
And we did that thing of doing like a daily, a daily one.
And it like obviously when you do stand up, it establishes a
connection input of videos and like, but nothing doesn't more
than a podcast because if it's done well, it is you being you.
You're not doing like a like I've done radio before and I've
done a radio voice and I've not been me.
Yeah, yeah. But like this is just there's
like a conversation we'd be having any.
Yeah. And it doesn't, no matter how
big it gets that the the room doesn't really change.
Yeah, like from when we had 2000 listeners when we first got the
studio, Yeah, to now, I think we're currently doing like 1/4
of a million a week. Right.
What we're doing and where we're doing it has not changed even a
little bit. Yeah.
So 2000 people being behind the camera or 1/4 of a million of
them. The the setting doesn't change.
So you still there's no extra pressure on it.
You don't feel like there's a quarter of a million people
downloading it. Yes.
You just feel like you just sat round in the same way you were
before. Yeah, yeah.
By the way, you use having a set and a fix set.
Yeah, it made me be like we we need to get a fix set.
Well, that is very, very nice. We've had a lot of podcasters go
out. You know, we talk a bit of
inspiration from this and we're fucking made-up with that.
Like I'm very much I'm a bit Ave cake and eat it too, because I
have had some sorts of TV opportunities and I've got some
more coming me way and I'm very grateful for that.
But I am at my heart anti industry.
Yeah, very much. The industry is better than
comedians and rather than. I didn't realise it was until
maybe like a year ago, yeah. I was always like, if I have an
idea for something, it can only go to the BBC.
Yeah. Because with that, the only
broadcaster we have here, yeah, like fixed here.
And it was like, you take an idea, it would get rejected and
I would be like, that's the end of the idea.
There's no, there's no other option.
Whereas doing this. And when this has started doing
well, it's the only time where I've been like, you know, we can
do things and if there's something exciting that maybe is
ATV thing or something you get approach with, you actually
really like that. Like I definitely, I think
there's a attitude of like it's happened for maybe 5-10 years
where it's almost like not cool to say you want to do TV stuff
or whatever. But I think deep down, anyone
saying that if they had a slight opportunity, they take it.
They all want it. Yeah.
And I, I take opportunity. I also turn down some stuff now.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because there's some stuff, like when I start a comedy, I was
like, I want to do everything because I was just like you in
my head when I started being on TV.
Equals good. Yeah, like equals.
I am good at comedy and that's just not.
True. Well, there was a there was a
route you felt they had you had to take.
Yeah, and it's just not there anymore.
Like I, I love how many comedians, whether that's on the
back I have a word or of their own volition or whatever.
They've got a podcast now and they're building their own
audience and they're building this thing where and everyone's
the famine mentality I was talking about before when it was
just TV, we were all competing for the same 20 jobs that we're
not all competing for the same 20 audience members because
someone who loves this podcast can also listen to ours and can
also listen to dead men. And they do and they do.
And there's, there's almost like it's obviously not infinite, but
it feels like there's an infinite amount of fan base out
there for us all to have and share.
Like when we have someone who's doing well with their content,
or even if they're not and we want to give them a boost, we
just get them on and we share their stuff.
And it should be the way it's done.
The industry is much, much, much better than comedians and than
it is in people. Like, you know, there's a lot of
TV producers who are fucking great, but there's some who
should be absolutely have 0 involvement in the actual jokes.
Why don't we put a vampire in it?
Fuck off. Like shut up.
Go away. There's a reason you've hired us
because we're funny. And there's a reason you're
behind the camera. It's because you know how to
fucking edit. So edit.
Yeah, also being funny. But it's just like, like you
say, going from that, you know, 100 seat tour and kind of thing
and see seeing all the numbers bump up and it's just that
connection with the audience now and being able to almost do show
anywhere. Like to be able to go know there
will hopefully be enough people in this place that like this
where I like media in Toronto, like I couldn't have done that
two years ago, a year ago, but kind of just about enough people
now to do a show. And that not that is not lost on
me to go and do that or even go to Liverpool and like do to a
venue there. And the venues here and the
venues you're doing in Liverpool, that would have been
reserved for in the kind of TV dominated time that would have
been reserved for an elite band of maybe 10 meetings who were
huge on TV. And now people from our cities
will come and see us. Yeah, because it's absolutely
insane. So the last tour I did, I put
very similar size venues on sale for this tour just to say.
And I've like this tour is going to be 80 days by the end of it.
It's too many. Right, it is too many.
It has meant that I've got to do the show a lot and get it tuned
because we are going to film it and try and sell it to a
streaming service and if they don't buy it then we'll just put
it on YouTube. It's it's sort of hard to get
your head around the growth of it and that's why I put similar
size venues on sale to the last tour because I genuinely didn't
know what impact it was going to have.
Yeah, yeah. So we we knew we had new fans,
we just didn't know whether they were live fans.
You don't know whether they're going to come out.
So they just enjoy listening to you in your car.
Yeah, yeah. But we've gone from like, I
think on my last tour I sold 3000 tickets outside of
Liverpool and we did another fair like 1100 in Liverpool, now
13, because we did two dates. The second day was a hot water,
so you're looking at like 4000 tickets, maybe 5.
This tour's going to have done 25,000 by the end of it.
Yeah, it's great. It's five times and there's
places where we probably should add extra dates, but I can't be
Arsenal. Yeah, yeah, there's also places
I haven't managed to get because I booked this tour myself.
The next tour I've gone with a promoter for.
It's already being booked for next year already but like
Aberdeen, I've got to get to Aberdeen.
I didn't go this year. I know I can sell a load of.
Tickets. I love that that's in the back
of your mind every. Day because I get message most
all the time. What the fuck?
Haven't you come to Aberdeen Donde?
Apparently that's where I need to go.
Everywhere on the South Coast. I'm going to Brighton and
Brighton sold out like that because I'm not doing
Southampton, Bournemouth or Portsmouth.
Like London. We've got to do 4 shows at the
Leicester Square Theatre. Probably should have been the
Shepherds, Bush Empire, Manchester.
We broke the record by two. So before I'm doing the Frog and
Bouquet, the record they had at there was someone in the past
had to do 4 tour dates within six class and it should be 7 but
I can't. I don't know.
Space. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And I've the last days of the
tour is the 25th of June in Liverpool.
That's the very, very, very last date.
And I've had venues going to hang out.
Do you want to look at July? No, I do not.
I'm filming it on the 25th of June and I'm starting right in
the next one. I'm going on holiday for a week.
I'm going to sit in the South of France on the own, wear
completely white. White shoes, white socks, white
shorts, white top. I'm going to look like an
absolute twat. White sunglasses, I swear to
God. And I'm just going to sit there
and get drunk by a pool in Monaco and then I'm going to
come home and start right in the next show.
Yeah. All in white, yeah.
Yeah, South of France, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, that feels like the uniform.
Yeah. Yeah, maybe not all, like not
all. And maybe the blacks on you want
you can white some less white. Frames.
Brown lenses. Right.
And why that look you just feel like you want?
You should picture that in your head.
When I think of Monaco, yeah, I think of that, right?
Yeah, Fedora as well. Oh yeah, what?
What colour would that be? What?
Now I think you have to, we have to mix up.
With that right? Light blue.
No, that's an outfit. Yeah, light blue.
What happened? I was looking for the light, I
was looking for a colour around the room that would be like out
like that. But yeah, you haven't got it.
Nice. Well, this team, no, this is
kind of kind of like an awful word, but people know what?
Light blue. They can see it, but it's just
I've got a specific light blue me I've.
Right, like a powder. Powder blue.
Now more. I'll get it up after the show.
I'll show you what I mean, OK? Cheers.
Like Dan's bottle cup that's too dark.
It's. Too dark.
Yeah, fuck's sake. Yeah, Belfast tonight, That'll
be fun. Limelight 1 is a great venue.
It's really good. Everybody can see it's nice and
neat. Like the stage where you going
to have? Dinner.
I want some recommendations. Is there not like a Belfast
institution that I can go to AKA.
Belfast Zone. Is there not like?
What are you? What are you in the mood?
Date. Ali, Sunny and me.
I know, but ideally think about your attitude with the S front.
You're like, I'm doing this, I'm wearing this.
What do you want date tonight? A beggar and fries.
Bunsen, Bunsen. OK, Yeah.
If I didn't have a corporate gig, I would Sherpa you there.
But Bunsen in the Cathedral Quarter, OK, you'll love it.
It's really good. Cheers for coming on.
I feel like I could talk to you for 2-3 hours, but you've got
enough to have and I've got to get to bed for tonight.
I'm coming over to you next week.
You are you comes to have a wet. Yeah, yeah, I'm excited for
that. I was supposed to do a gig that
night, but I'm now not doing that gig.
So I'm just like, I'm just hanging about.
I might I might try and do whole water.
OK, when do you fly back? At the minute it's that night,
but it might change to the next one.
OK. Depends if I can do the gig.
Yeah, I've got no gigs that nice either.
Don't play 5 or 7. Yeah, actually try and get a
game if you want. Class.
I love it. Yeah, that's the night before my
Liverpool's holidays. Let's not because seriously, if
we imagine we do and like somehow we get in the tangle and
you like do your ACL. You know what I've been more
goes to the bows. I've got a ticket for the
Champions League final on the Saturday.
Oh, there's too much. Like there's too much.
There's too many sitting ducks here.
But like you say, you live your life one day at a time.
So fucking yeah I broke my leg about.
I'm not playing with you. 12 weeks ago and then had to do a
lot of shows. I was fine.
You can't. But you don't want to do it for
your big one. Yeah, or your big.
You don't do your big. One and Paris.
I've got to be impact like I've got to be.
I downloaded my ticket. Oh, I think you meant plaster.
Palace, I've got me Palace ticket.
It's on me phone. I downloaded it yesterday.
There was a 1% part of me because I got the tickets.
There's a podcast listener who got them in the UEFA ballot,
right? And he messaged me and was like,
I've won the ballot. Do you want my tickets?
And I was like, yeah. And then he went, right, here's
my login for the UEFA app. You can just go and pay for them
yourself. And I was like, right, great.
And I did that, and I was like, I hope this guy's as sound as he
seems. He is, Yeah.
And then, yes, they sent me an e-mail.
He's like, hey, tickets. What does he want out of this?
Nothing he wants. He wants to meet me for the pint
in Paris because he's going. He's going to tell he needs a
kidney. Yeah, and you'll give him it.
Literally. Cuddle, I give him both of me.
Bollocks. I love that.
So I like Paris is more important than the film on the
Liverpool. Game nice Adam, cheers for
coming on. Appreciate having a good one.
Belfast tonight. I'll see you next week.
See you next week. Very much of them.