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October 8th and 9th. Zippers, Welcome to this
episode. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with me podcast with me, she and Todd.
If you're watching this in the video version on YouTube, which
should be unless you're old, you'll notice that I have this
new. I've had it for a couple of
weeks. I've talked about it HD webcam.
The more look at it, the more I don't know what the HD about it.
In fact, I think the built in webcam on my laptop is maybe
better, but maybe I just need to get some sort of lightning rig,
you know, not too sure. I want to say light and rig.
I mean some very small basic light.
I I do not mean a rig. I don't even know what a light
and rig is, but I'm sure I couldn't afford one.
I mean, I might be able to, but here we go zippers.
It's a Wednesday episode of the tea with me podcast again, we're
we're what we're a week into this second.
We're not even a week into the second lockdown and I don't I
don't know, I don't know what's going on.
I know that I know one thing. I know I probably know 450
things. Like in general, like that would
be in the amount of things. No, in fact, I would know more
than 450 things because I would know more, more than 450
celebrities. So and I probably know 450
footballers. I would, I would honestly, I
would say I know 8000 things and one of the things I know is that
your big mate is on TV this Friday, This Friday, BBC One
Northern Ireland 1045 either 10:45 or 10:15.
Either way, stay up. Either way, definitely stay up
because a lot of people go to bed slightly before that, me
being one. But this Friday I'll be staying
up to watch myself. You know what yet, which I do
anyway in the Mirror, but but this will be me watching me on
TV, which is like Inception, but previously with she and Todd is
on BBC One this Friday. I'll find out the time I think.
I think it's 10:45. I mean, that's late.
Let me just check BBC One previously with she and Todd.
There we go. And I'd already looked it up.
There we go. I'd already looked up 1045 Jesus
Christ. So 1045 BBC Northern Ireland
this Friday night, it'll be on network BBC in whether you,
whether you're in London, Barnsley, Glasgow or Cardiff and
many other places, it'll be on a different time, but I'm sure you
can, you can find out when that is.
It's it's one of three episodes. So it's my first, it's my first
TV series and I'm excited for people to see it and I'm excited
to see it myself because I've not seen it.
I haven't seen it because I didn't want to.
I like watching it when it's going out live, you know,
because you get excited, not physically excited, but you
well, I don't know how good it's going to be, but excited because
TV to me is still cool. You know, doing online stuff is,
is kinda what I what I do now. That's kind of The thing is
doing online stuff me, me and pretty much.
Everybody else that does. Stand up that does comedy, but
let me tell that down a bit. I look very vulnerable the way I
was sitting there. But them.
But TV was the thing that whenever I grew up, it was like
do your dream once you go into comedy and and that kind of
thing. Most people's dream is to have
ATV show, especially on like BBC and that that hasn't changed for
me. You know, that's, that's kind of
always been one of the big things that I would I wanted to
do. So with this show, you know, you
might have seen the pilot that I did over there.
The pilot, which is basically a pilot episode, is kind of a
let's see how it goes trial. And then they put one of those
on and then they save people if people like it.
And if they do, they give you a series or in my case, they put
it on the first time. And then I think it was like on
like a Wednesday, Wednesday night of 1045, like way over a
year ago. And not too many people saw it.
And then I, I, you know, let's just say now I'd say a Brian
envelope. You can't nowadays, you can't
say things like that because people might not know you're
joking. But yeah, I basically asked BBC,
they might have been doing it anyway, but I asked them here,
is there any chance you could repeat previously with she and
Todd? And they said, yes, let's put it
on again because, you know, the start of lockdown, they were
looking for content to put out. So they showed it again, you
know, gave it a big push here. People watched it, people liked
it and and then we've got a series off the back of that.
So almost if it wasn't for if it wasn't for lockdown, I don't
think there would have been new episodes of it and definitely
not a series. So, so, you know, this whole
lockdown thing, this whole pandemic, you know, people
looking for a silver lining. It's called previously with
Shane Taunton. It's on this Friday night.
It's a yeah. I don't like watching stuff.
I I don't like watching myself do something unless I am
watching it with I would never watch my so I got sent the link
of the show, but I didn't want to watch it.
I started to watch it and then I went, no, I can't do this
because I I prefer to watch someone else watching me, you
know, which is, you know, psychologist probably sit me
down and tell me there's something mad behind that.
But yeah, it's going out. I I.
I think at the time when we. Did it, it felt really good.
It's me going through the archive, looking at old footage
and the the for the pilot that we did it and the way we always
thought we would do it is I'm having.
Talk about first world problems. Do you ever get it when you're
wearing ankle socks and it goes over your the ball of your foot?
And then it's not on, right? Sorry, I had to sort that out.
Anyway, when we did the pilot, we did it in front of BC like a
comedy club audience, in front of a live audience.
It was like doing stand up. I was standing up in front of an
audience, you know, commenting on the video that I was seeing.
But because we did this in the midst of COVID and, and lockdown
the first time around, it was just, it was in the main BBC
studio in Belfast, which is pretty big.
And it's where they do Nolan, That's where they do all the
shiny floor shows, which is what someone called it once.
And I, I really like that term. I am, but it was just me, a guy
called Seamus who is like top cameraman there, but he was also
doing sound. So he's doing camera and sound
and like to show you on the pilot we had three or 4 camera
operators and like 3 people doing sound.
So this was just all being done by one guy who luckily was very
good at it and then Mark, the producer.
So it was the three of us, Mark kinda off to my side and, you
know, making sure I'm doing my lines right, giving me pointers,
watching the time as well. And then you have Sheamus, who's
doing sound and camera. And it's just the three of us in
this massive open space, no audience.
So we have to do it in a different way to the first show.
But I still think I still think it'll it'll come out the way we
felt it did at the time. I'm looking forward to seeing
it. And yeah, I'm a massive TV star
now. And yes, I didn't have.
The. Barbers were closed up during
this. When we did this you couldn't
legally go to a barbers so I had to have my.
Hair, which yes it is going from my first.
TV series, it is going to look on top like I just have one
curtain and I kind of do have that right now.
And I'm sorry, but I don't feel like starting every day by
putting a little bit of powder in my hair, by blow drying it,
by combing it up. You know, sometimes, sometimes
life gets in the way and then. And you just have to have your
hair the way you have your hair. And I didn't realise it was
going to look that way on screen, but those look like,
like that way on screen. And people are going to be
saying that whenever I should be getting feedback of people being
like she and you're brilliant, you're so funny, you look good,
the show's brilliant. You know, it's probably going to
win a BAFTA. Instead, what you'll have is
people being like. Eh, where's your product on your
hair? And then anyone who makes
comments like that will be directly reported to the PSNI.
And I've been assured that that's going to go to the top
level. And I've been assured that
you're going to go to macabre for life, so I would trade very,
very carefully. So the show's on Friday, every
Friday. You can watch it on iPlayer if
you miss it. But if you do, you will be Judas
turncoat. So I would just, I would just
watch it at the time if I were you previously with.
Shane Todd. I like that that my name is in
the title of it and I like that I insisted on that.
Previously with Shane Todd. So it should be fun.
And look, there will be negativity, there will be
positivity, but that is life. You know, I, I did a, did some
press interviews for it and you know, you, you do press
interviews with Belfast live with the Telegraph and
newsletter Irish news and papers and stuff here are really good
about, you know, getting in but doing an interview and kind of
promote your show. And there was 1 I did, can't
remember which one, but I was just about to go and do come and
get a podcast and say I had to like leave the house at 11.
I'd left just enough time with the baby and stuff, and I'd left
just enough time to have a shower, get dressed and run out
the door. But as soon as I walked
upstairs, I got a phone call from BBC press office going OK,
this interview's about to start and I had to do a half hour
interview. While I didn't want to run, I
didn't want to make it sound like the top was running.
So I washed myself with the top just dripping a wee bit and I
was collecting water in my hand. I had the phone on speaker.
I was collecting the phone. I was collecting the water in my
hand. I was pumping a little bit of
hand soap into my hand. I'm cleaning my entire body.
And I was naked in my bathroom and I cleaned my entire self.
And what I should have done was said, I am so sorry.
Listen, we're, you know, we're playing with the baby.
We're a bit distracted with time.
I got my days mixed up. Is there any way we could move
this interview? But I said, oh, I've been
looking forward to this. I've cleared time on the
schedule. I got my days mixed up.
So I had to clean my it took me half an hour and at one point I
had wet, wet myself every. There's a lovely mental image.
I wet myself every. I didn't wet.
I didn't wet myself. For the water, I had put
moisture on myself that wasn't urine and then I got Carex, the
hand soap stuff, and then did that all over my body and then I
had to run my hand under. The, and by the way, the whole
way during this, I'm like, yeah, it was great to make the show,
you know, we, you know, we, we hope it's good and we put a lot
of passion into it and oh, what's it like doing a show
during lockdown? Oh, well, it's not ideal, you
know. But what wasn't ideal With the
fact that I was giving myself a hillbilly bath and.
And then then I had to had to carefully.
Dry myself. And then as it went on, I was
like, it's gonna sound like I'm in a bathroom because when
you're in a bathroom, you always sound like you're in a bathroom.
So I then said on the phone at the end of it, I'm in the
bathroom. By the way, I hope you don't
think I'm doing a pager in this. And they were like, no, it's
fine. Then I was like, Oh, no, they're
gonna say I'm doing a shit turning interview, which is the
most disrespectful thing you can do.
And then they're also going to be like, why you in there for
half an hour? Because in reality, I'm usually
in there for about, I don't know, a minute and a half.
I don't understand people. See if you, see if you.
Go to the toilet for and we don't.
We don't really talk about toilet.
Stuff on this podcast because we we're zippers.
We've got a bit of decorum. We like to have a cup of tea.
A lot of us don't even. A lot of us don't even defecate.
A lot of us will instead insert a fine China tube that gets rid
of excrement into a waste disposal unit that's buried
under all of our houses. But yeah, that that would be
disrespectful. I don't understand.
People who, who are like in there for what?
When someone's like 45 minutes later, well, give out a minute.
I'd be like, give the Doctor a ring because you shouldn't be in
the what? Who?
Who's reading the paper? Going to the toilet and getting
and getting through it. If I was reading the paper on
the toilet, barely have time to read the headlines on the front
page and look at a little. Bit of the.
Sport on the back. In fact I was reading the sport
in the back. I wouldn't get past the
football. If you're getting to the, if
you're reading the sport on the back of the paper, when you
start going to the toilet and you get to the horse racing,
there's something massively wrong.
Go to any. I shouldn't say that at the
minute. But remember not.
Everything the podcast area, so don't actually don't actually go
to any but there, but do do zoom the GP if you're going to the if
you're going. To the bathroom for that long
unless. Some people just go get it done
with and then just sit there for a long time, but then that's
weird because you're just sitting in like a shit bathroom.
I just feel that that needs talked about and people almost
take pride in going for a long going into the bathroom for a
long time. I sent her for about half an
hour there. You're going to die.
You're going to die really soon. I take I take my breakfast done
with me in the mornings. What just fellas said.
There there's. Definitely someone listen to
this podcast that's gone for a shit with a plate of full Irish
breakfast on their knee. Like that's happened.
That's definitely happened. And to be fair, is not the worst
idea. I want to talk about loads.
I want to talk about the live episode that we did two nights
ago, but you'll not public listeners will not be able to
hear for a while because you're not on that page.
Why you're not on the patreonpatreon.com/tea with Me
podcast, patreon.com Tea with Me podcast.
You get a bonus episode every Monday, Huh.
You get my live stand up special from last year from the
Waterfront. What?
And you get every every month or two, we do a live episode on
Zoom. You're on Zoom, you're watching
along. You can write in the chat bar.
We had Dave Elliott, Kieran Bartlett on.
Because we put it out there and people were like, hey, when can
you get Kieran back? Kieran's on the podcast couple
of times and. Always hilarious.
He had some fantastic stories about when when he's worked on
ABBC sketch show before. I'm not going to ruin the story,
but basically, let's just say he was asked to play a certain role
and he was pretty miffed that they assumed that that's a role
that he would read for. So yeah, that that was very
funny, Dave. Well, honestly, for one of the
first. Times I found Dave Elliott
really funny. Dave had If you were watching
the episode, you remember the the ring of truth, like a red, a
red light of truth, which was very interesting.
He got a lot off his chest. We will release that episode in
a couple of weeks time. We might have to edit some of it
out, but we'll definitely release that episode.
And then at the end of the episode, we just threw it open
the zippers and Dan was able to, I don't know how he does this
like David Blaine or something, but he was able to make zippers
be on screen live and ask ask us questions and give us topics to
talk about. It was really fun.
And here's how you know, it was fun.
Dave said before we were doing the episode.
He's like, listen, mate, my, my paternity leave ends tomorrow.
So this was a Sunday night. We're doing it.
He's like, so I can only really be on for about 20 minutes
because I want to get an early night on our 20 minutes later.
He's like, I'll just stay on. You know, he loved it.
He absolutely loved it. There was a lot of chat about
Cisco Stong song. So that's patreon.com/T with me
podcast. What you're doing there is
you're kind of like getting additional content.
You're paying a couple of quid a month for additional content
that hopefully is, is right up your pot, which is a new phrase
I'm going to start saying. And thanks to everyone who
shared the video last week about the Victorian slang, bang up to
the elephant, putter upon bacon, etcetera, etcetera.
But I think the Patreon is good value.
You can go on essentially pay whatever you want and, and you
get that bonus content. And there will be way more stuff
as as we go on added to the Patreon.
Let me take a little swig of tea.
Oh yeah, before we before we move on, we've got we've got a
big sponsor. Manscaped is our big
sponsormanscaped.com. What is Manscaped?
Manscaped essentially have developed a product called the
Lawn Mower 3.0. A lot of zippers are on board.
A lot of zippers are, let's just say, a lot more.
Streamlined around the. Pubis region and I presume a lot
of male listeners but I'm not counting out the fact that some
female listeners have maybe got involved in this too.
Manscaped have the lawnmower 3.0 which is an electric.
Razor for your pubes. And that doesn't rhyme alright,
but I said it like it was going to rhyme, but it didn't.
It's a it's an electric razor. You can take it with you in a
travel key, a small travel case. It weighs nothing.
It's precision engineering. You you get, I will.
Be I use the product, so does Dan.
I use the product and I will be using the product later today.
OK, I need I need to hook myself up with the with the lawnmower
3.0 go and check it out. There's loads of amazing stuff.
I mean, if you ever walk about thinking I really need toner,
you know, like you might, you might use toner on your face and
and moisturiser. If you ever feel like you need
those things for your balls, then Manscape to have it and
that's 100% true. Go to manscape.com.
Check out what they have, use our code Tea with me for 20% off
and free shipping. That's tea with me.
For 20% off and free shipping. Now let's get back to the pod.
I have a load of guest episodes to record over the next couple
of weeks. We're we're.
Chasing a few people up, not literally.
But as always, if if you have any suggestions for people you'd
like us to interview or try and get on the podcast, we will
always try. Like the time I like the time I
messaged Jamie Foxx and Snoop Dogg and Instagram like within
the same 5 minute period. And I'll be honest, I copied and
pasted the same message and I didn't change it for Snoop Dogg.
So Snoop Dogg will not do tea with me because I sent him a
message that started Hey Jamie. And I don't know if Snoop Dogg's
first name is Jamie. Or if he was probably reading, I
mean, he never read it, but he might have read that and been
like, what is this like slang? He might have looked up the fact
that I was from Hollywood and counted down thought, is that a
word those players are saying over there?
Why? What does a Jamie mean?
Does it mean like, mate, like what's up?
Hey, Jamie can can, can we all just start saying hey, Jamie now
to people? Can we just start all
conversations with whatever the person's called, Hey, Jamie, and
then just move on. I'm 100% going to do that and I
want zippers to do that. What I want zippers to do is
anytime they ask questions from now on, I just when I say guys,
any podcast questions, I just want you to start saying, hey,
Jamie and just move on. So then Snoop Dogg will see
that, know that we all do that. And he'll probably come on the
podcast and I can ask him things like, Snoop, do you drink tea?
And he'll say stuff like, mate, I'm absolutely baked.
I don't drink tea. I'll say this as well.
Snoop Dogg's ad. For.
Just eat. You know, when he does a rap and
everyone's like, Oh my God, it's so cringe that Snoop Dogg's
doing this. By the way, he probably got half
a million for that. That's not a joke.
Did somebody say just eat? No, no, no delivery.
OK, that's not a good impression at all.
But his like freestyle romance or freestyle his rap.
On that is genuinely better than 99% of modern rap music.
Also shout out to my man Kanye West.
Love to have you on the podcast mate but you put a new song this
morning. I listen to it and it's shit so
I apologise for that. And to be fair only listen to
the 1st 30 seconds of it. But after 30 seconds, I was
like, I don't have time for this, but I love, I know you're,
I know you're doing Joe Rogan. 'S podcast the next couple of
weeks so. Ideally, when you get that done,
come on tea with me. You know, if you what, if you
have a new album coming out, you want to give it a bit of a boost
or whatever easy boost do do Joe Rogan's podcast and then it will
come on tea with me. I'd love I'd love to just get a
guest totally out of nowhere that just completely surprises
everyone. Like who's that guy from making
a murder? Steve Avery, you know, live from
prison, but of a Zoom hookup. He'd be a good episode.
I was about to say Nelson Mandela, who?
That's very disrespectful. It's been.
There for a number of years but would have been a great podcast.
Guest and who else I don't but see the thing podcast guest is
you'd be surprised at the amount of people who are like, yeah,
I'm up for that. Like so few people have said
like no to the podcast. The ones that haven't got back
to me about doing the podcast or Snoop Dogg, AKA Jamie, Jamie
Foxx. And well, we're supposed to, I
suppose, to have Chris Destefano on the podcast, who I think
there was a question last week, who are my favourite American
comedians? And he was one of the people.
I said he does the History Hyenas podcast.
Which is one of the only podcast I listen to myself.
And by the way, massive cup today, I, I asked him to the
podcast, he said, yeah. Then we're about to go and he
sent me, we're about to go. He sent me a message saying,
man, I'm so. Sorry, but the the the Wi-Fi.
Or like the Internet in my block?
Is done. Now here's the thing, Chris
Stefano. Chris Stefano lives I think in
Central New York or in like Manhattan, definitely like
within New York, Brooklyn or whatever.
So I'm going to guess, you know, if the Internet goes down in
Central New York, chants are they get it up and running again
pretty quick because it is probably the capital city of the
world. So I think he was telling a fib.
But I think we are willing to forgive and forget.
So I would like to welcome you back on the podcast.
And if the. Listeners want to send Chris
Stefano a message saying, hey Jamie, you line do the Team With
Me podcast. That'll be great.
He did a Dave got him to do a birthday message for me.
That was on the Birthday edition episode of this podcast.
You can go back and listen to it in June and I think you'd be a
great guest. That's delicious.
I'm going to. Float this idea to the listeners
to the viewers. Is this a really bad idea for an
online web series that we actually could shoot like in the
next couple of weeks? Or is a bad idea?
Or is it a quite good idea? Would you watch it my?
Idea is I do a comedy fitness series.
Now hear me out on this. You're going we man, you're not
a you're not a fitness expert, you're not a PT.
We see too many people like this on Instagram who just have the
shirt off for no reason who are like telling you about nutrition
stuff and you're like, you're not BT what are you doing?
But I I wouldn't be. Approaching it from the fact
that hey, I'm this top fitness expert.
I would be approaching it from I'm very much a novice when it
comes to fitness working out. I I enjoy it.
You know, it's a big part of my life.
You know, listen, I'm no expert in working out or whatever I
don't look like. Cristiano Ronaldo's young
brother. Or more like a son, but but I'd
be approaching from the fact that like I love health and
fitness, I love working out, but I don't always know what I'm
doing. So the idea like a lot of people
who do it for fun, whether it's, you know, working out or martial
art, martial arts, whatever that box and whatever it is you do.
I want to do a seat like an online web series where I would
team up with. A.
Trainer from a very different discipline every week and we
video it. We make like a vlog type thing
of it and it's like a series that comes out once a week.
I don't know if it's a really bad idea or a good idea.
And I did scratch. I did scratch by my neck and
that wasn't a way for me to flex because as much as like I will
put up the all time silly photos where.
Like. I'm shirtless in the garden and
I'll say, what do you think? I'm a new fence, but I'm not
showing you my fence. And as much as that, you know, a
lot of people, some people are always amazed when they hear
this, that that I have Crohn's disease.
I get messages all the time. The old time I mention it and
people will message me and be like my I didn't know as if I'm
like, you know, keeping it secret or, or I don't talk about
it. I just, I think I've done
episodes, an episode where I talked about it like really at
length near the start of tea with me and I don't know why I
said that like another. Question mark after it because I
know I did talk about it at length, but but that is that is
why I'm I'm so fascinated by like health and.
Fitness working out and stuff because I think it really helps
my condition. So I would be approaching this
web series from I feel that working out helps me stay not
I'll like not sick. I think if I didn't work out.
I I think it's good for like my immune system, I think, and it
could be that's the whole idea is I could be wrong on all this,
but. My the disease I have Crohn's
disease, the disease, the disease, Aziz and Sari the
disease and Sari I have is disrespectful.
It's an autoimmune disease, so it essentially means my immune
system should be pretty bad. But my immune system touch wood
for me, if you're into that sort of thing, but don't touch my
wood. My immune system is, I think,
good. You know, it has been really
good recently and I put that. Down to working out and running
and all that kind of stuff. So I'm just interested in it as
a subject and also whenever I was really sick.
So this is maybe 6. Years ago I lost about 2 1/2
three stone and I got that. Well, I, I just show this to the
camera if I can find it. And I lost so much weight that
it kind of, I would say give probably did give me like body
issues in terms of like, you know, being like very, very,
very, very self-conscious because hey, I was, I was a
skinny slim guy anyway. And then I lost all this weight.
And this picture is taken from this day where I said I'm gonna
do like a press up here. Oh no, I'm going to do.
Press UPS. This was the day when I've been
out of hospital for a couple of weeks or maybe a couple of
months when I got diagnosed with Crohn's disease and I decided I
was going to do a workout in the house and I went down to do a
press up and I couldn't push myself up to do a second one or
to do to do a first one. And this is by the way, this
isn't actually. That night, this is after I'd
been working out for a good few weeks or maybe months, so
imagine what I was like before this.
So video podcast people can see this.
Like the photo maybe doesn't look at or maybe it does look
bad, but like it was real bad. Like you can see like all my
ribs and when like after that I didn't even realise how bad that
was at the time. And then we bit down the line
when I was not putting on that much more weight.
I just got really conscious of my body.
I'm really like disliked my body and got very conscious about it.
So so that's what this series would be.
It would be me being like, I'm so interested in in fitness and.
Doing all different kinds of workouts.
So I would team up with like maybe do like 1 episode to be
boxing training. So I'd work out, do real intense
like boxing, workout, maybe I'd be sick, I'd find out.
Bit bit more. Behind it, like why?
It's good for you to work out that way.
I don't know, I think I'd want to.
I'd work out with like. Funny, like interesting people.
Maybe I'd maybe it's me and a comedian.
Every time me and a different comedian.
Do like a proper workout set by like a real professional.
I don't know. It's just something that I don't
know if people would be that interested.
If you wouldn't be interested in that, you know, don't let me
know because I hope you are. And also I remember I was going
to talk about this earlier, which is Akoma HD webcam is a
great. It just looked like everything
was fuzzy there. Oh, yeah.
When I was saying about doing those press interviews earlier,
I belt. Here's here's here's what I find
very funny. When you do those.
Press interviews for like Belfast Telegraph, Belfast Live.
Irish News Sometimes they'll put up a Facebook post about the
interview. So say they have 50 stories a
day, they'll take 20. Put a Facebook post up of it and
people will comment underneath, tag, whatever.
A lot of times you do an interview for those kind of
things, you know? You get a few.
Likes on it then and that's that's really it.
But you do always get because that you know those
publications, the comment sections are so toxic.
You get people who like who will just be so hot, like will be so
horrible about any subject. And it's it's so when I if I
put. Something out on my page or this
podcast or whatever, it's usually going to the people who
are into your stuff, the people who are like.
Yeah, I know what he does. I like to check it out.
You know, maybe you've been to see me do stand up, that kind of
thing. But whenever you something is
put out on like The Telegraph or Belfast Live or whatever, it's,
it's almost like people think you're going say like in the
head I'm rambling. But in the headline they'll say
something like funny man or comedian Shane Todd or whatever,
obviously. Right, because that is literally
my job. And I will not lookout straight
away, but then I'll wait until the comments build, even if it's
a couple of them. And then I'll enjoy a nice read
with a cup of tea. And it will never not be funny
to me when you when people comment with generic put downs.
Because you're like if it was. Something out of the ordinary,
something original. I would I would enjoy it and I
would salute it. But.
There are. Who are these?
People when you put something up like that and an interview with
me some some guy and his. Picture will it will be like an
avatar of something either very loyalist or something very
Republican. Like all, like no, no in between
and the person will write as funny as piles.
And you're like, what? What is?
What is your? Benefit in right, like I am
convinced people will write stuff like that and go away
being like fucking belter, you know, and or like or the one of
the best ones as well is comedian question mark and
another good one is. Who question mark?
I'm saying, you know, you know all the information, it's
contained within the headline, but you, it's just like, it's
like signing up for a roast battle that you weren't at the
recording of. And I I.
Used to back in the day, I will, you know, come back to people
like a lot more, but I don't really do it as much now because
you don't know who you're getting into it with.
You know, I'm gonna say if if you're commenting negatively on
stuff like that or anything on social media, like if Belfast
Telegraph. Put up a thing being like all
the cores are doing a gig in Ross Trevor and someone's like
bunch of bastard like there's something wrong, there's
something wrong with you if you're an adult being like lol
you know, lol this guy is as funny as a hole in the head, you
know, you're like. You have issues that you need to
speak to somebody about and also I guarantee you you wrote that
when you were going to the toilet because you had three
hours to kill. Oh, OK, OK, OK.
I'm just I'm part of an e-mail that where we're.
Talking about the podcast, and Dan has sent over stats from the
podcast and I misread a number of the amount the listens we
get. And I was like, Oh no, that's
right, bad. And then I realised that that
was not the number that I should have been looking at.
But here we go folks. We've got zippers questions,
zippers questions. We'll go to Twitter first, OK?
By the way, Dom sent me a tweet there.
By the way, Fungi has been found.
No. Oh, oh, no, he hasn't been
found. So, you know, Fungi is the
dolphin down in Dingle, County Kerry.
He's always smiling. I mean, all the dolphins are,
but he's like the local attraction.
You go down, you go on a wee boat tour, you see Fungi, He
swims alongside the boat, jumps in and out of the water.
Unbelievable. I went down there about 3 years
ago, saw Fungi, had a great time.
He smiled, he was jumping near the boat.
Everyone's enjoying it. A lot of fat people on the boat.
They were all sitting on one side because they're part of big
family and I thought they should have split up.
But apart from that, I think it was a good time.
But Fungi's been missing. Fucking hell, Fungi's been
missing for seven days. I mean, you know, people will
post that, I'm sure in some cases, like almost like a wee
novelty story. But if he, if he really really
has been, if he really is missing, I'd be so sad.
Oh, papers. And he's dead.
Yeah, Fungi's this dolphin who's I think he's been around there
for like 20 years, maybe even more.
You see, could Oh my God, he could.
I think this part of fatherhood of just maybe being a bit more
emotional but but I'm honestly like getting sad about fungi,
the dolphin being missing and. Here's the thing, you know, we
could have just gone somewhere else.
He could have just gone elsewhere.
Like you could have got a deal. You know, with Portrush or
something, he's just taking his time, taking a long trip up
this, you know, be an attraction there because I think he gets a
cup, you know, of, of money made on those tours.
I know, man. Oh, Funky isn't dead.
I'd be so sad. I love him.
He's really cute and he makes a
lot of people happy. Funky, I love you, brother.
Right. We've got a lot of questions
here, Noah Ballard says. How long does Northern Ireland's
Lockdown 2.0 have to last before you take a gig like this?
Looks pretty sweet to me. So there's a.
Screenshot of like an LA comedy forum where someone has said
this is the advertisement to get a stand up.
Need a male comic to do time in between fights at a Fight Club.
11:00 PM Tonight you must sign a non disclosure and perform
shirtless. No shirt allowed at meeting.
You get $50 on a free appetiser from the restaurant upstairs.
Must put shirt on to go back to get your food.
The restaurant will not be not be responsible for your shirt.
It is suggested you keep it in your vehicle.
Could be a. Regular gig if we like you.
Last guy was with us for a year until the shirt thing became an
issue. e-mail if interested. No no you're saying they're not
being like how? How terrible is that?
Like how how crazy is that? Is that gig listing?
I would walk. I would walk to LA to do that
gig. I mean it wouldn't literally
Jesus Christ, but but I would walk to.
Ballymena I I do a 12 hour walk. To do a gig 100% any gig and
like you don't understand in between these two lockdowns and
I've talked about recently in podcasts, I think I was.
Probably doing my best stand up now.
Hopefully it's just because the materials good because it's all
new material. And but I I sort of switch my
style up like a like just a tiny bit.
I was able to like look back at what I've been doing last couple
of years and stand up and go, I'm actually going to do that
and maybe I'd be better than this than that and maybe I
should get more punch lines in. And it was definitely.
Working and now we're going to. Stop again for four weeks, but
that's OK. But any gig list, and I say no,
I'm like, yeah, I would definitely do that.
You know, at a Fight Club signing on disclosure agreement,
perform shirtless. I mean, I'm OK with that.
I mean Jesus, if they had a book.
Me back when there was that shirtless photo of me about six
years ago, I think it's first time I've ever posted them that
are showed anyone in public that picture.
But I mean, here's the thing, $50.00 in a free appetiser.
Would be sweet, you know, especially.
If it's like wings and it's a decent sized bowl, must put
shirt. On to go get your food.
I mean, I might have. I think I'd have a.
Problem with that, you know if I have my shirt off to perform and
it goes. Well, I like the idea.
I would just keep my shirt off. I don't like the idea of like
going out to put the shirt on. But yeah, I mean, I'd be
interested for sure, £50 and you get to do your top.
Off. I mean I would give them. £50
from the top off. More seriously, got any good
stories of bad gigs you had before hitting the big time?
I mean, I don't know, I don't think I have hit a big time but
but got any good stories of bad gigs?
Yeah, I'm trying to think of one that I haven't told on this
podcast because I have a couple of go to ones.
But I'm trying to think are there any?
Real, real bad ones Well, one that look fuck it, I don't mind
saying I got to perform at the comedy cellar in Las Vegas.
Comedy Cellars, one of the most famous comedy clubs in the
world. Their their New York club, but
they have an exact replica in Vegas, run by the same people,
run by a legendary and. Legendary female Booker who?
Yeah, basically, like if she sees you, she, like she said,
you become a regular. It's a huge.
Deal My favourite comedians in the world play the Comedy
Cellar, so I was on honeymoon. I'm being a real selfish
bastard, I. Did a gig.
I was like I'll do 1 gig and I do, but I was like I'll do
effectively 3, three, but is every three weeks, so it's fine.
I was like I'm going to do it. Not in Vegas, but anyway, I was
in Vegas for a couple of days. I was like, I'm going to do a
gig. We had friends out with us for a
couple of days, so that was fine.
When did it? I'd performed San Diego a couple
of nights before, so felt like that that had been a good time.
I was doing 5 minutes in the Comedy Cellar as I I'm going to
really attack this. I'm going to do my best bit of
material. It'll be fine, see, because I've
been like lying by the pool all day in a pair of shorts enjoying
the sun. Maybe had it like a single drink
during the day. I was too relaxed get backstage
to the green room. No, like I'm not advertised as
being on the show, so I just show.
Up and say to all the other comedians, I was like, hey, I'm
Shane. And they were like, OK, I hadn't
said like, I'm also on tonight. So I just walked into the green
room and they're like who the fuck is this guy?
So nobody talked to me backstage.
At all before going on so I was and they were just having their
own conversations. I was like, I hate this.
That's a good thing about the local companies in here is a
backstage, everyone can chat to everyone.
So even if you're with people you've been friends with for a
decade, if there's someone new, whatever, you make a point to
going over San Lo. How long have you been doing a?
Four, what gigs? You learn all that kind of
thing. But anyway, I went out, did a
set, fucking did so badly. And it wasn't even.
I've said this before you, you'd almost prefer a bad reaction
than no reaction. But it was no reaction.
There was the very odd laugh, but it was just not happening.
And I went up to the book or after to say like thanks for
having me. And I was.
Booked for the early show, but they had a Late Show as well and
I was doing it like obviously for free and stuff.
They don't know me at all obviously.
So I basically went up to say could I jump on the Late Show as
well? And then.
You know, I, I, I was like, I want to change my set a little
bit, but I want to have, I want to show you like, you know, a
good, a good version of my ACT. And I went up and was like, Hey,
thanks. But another community was on
stage. I was whispering.
So I was like, hey, thanks very much for the I was just
wondering if I and she was like, no.
And I went OK. And then I just.
Left. Why didn't you just leave the
person that spoke to me that was really.
Dead on was this guy called. Tony Woods, who later found out,
was basically like Dave. Chappelle's mentor and then is
this like legend himself amongst comedians and and he nobody
really did well to gig at all apart from him who absolutely
rocked it. He was so good.
And he was so nice to me as well because I had a real bad gig and
he was like, man, that was really good.
And I was like, you're the nicest guy in the world.
Because that was shit, Rebus. Rebus says.
If you were given the powers of King Midas, what would you
choose to turn Everything that you touch.
Into T you wouldn't be bad on the but then everything be
watery. And everything.
But do I have can I turn this off and on?
So could I do like some stuff and then I can just touch things
and they don't turn into anything?
In which case I would probably turn things into oh, darling,
I'm really into this gluten free, dairy free carrot cake at
the minute. Oh my God.
It's made by a company called Kirsty's.
I don't know who Kirsty is, but babe, you're smashing it when it
comes to desserts. OMGI, get it.
I get it. Nasda.
I eat it on Saturday when I'm watching much of the day.
It's two slices to share. I share with fucking nobody.
I love it, Kirsty. Girl, keep doing what you're
doing. I love it.
I would turn everything into Kirsty's carrot cake, KCC Shane
McMullen says. How do you rate your
achievements this year, radio show, TV series, podcast,
etcetera, compared to a year when you've been able to tour
and put on big comedy shows? Much love.
Good question good question. I would rate it.
I would rate it high because I. Think.
For the shit. Show of a year that it's been
with COVID and all that, I think I've been able to still do a lot
of really good stuff. And then, yeah, I've missed out
on doing a tour, which is kind of my, you know, it's a big
chunk of my yearly income. But I've been extremely, Oh my
God, extremely lucky to have radio, to have done the TV show
and been able to do live shows as well.
You know, definitely didn't take that for granted.
There's people who haven't been able to do a gig since all this
started. But I'm very, very lucky to
have, you know, an audience that if I put something on, they'll
they'll, they'll come and say, you know, like a solo show,
whatever. So getting to do those was.
Fun for so many reasons. The fact that I knew that not
everyone was getting to do this, so I can't complain.
I've been working here and there.
Bit more hustle than the year before.
I don't mean that in a twatish way of, you know, saying like.
I had to go and look for work. I don't mean that like that I
you're always looking for work, but I think last year there was
a lot of stuff that was just falling on my lap kind of.
There was a lot of chances to do this and that would be up for
this and you know, it's a brilliant position to be in.
But this year, you know, I was, I was having to, she has some
stuff I was having to, you know, think outside the box.
Because you know, a kinda up until this year, it was kind of
a case of, OK, I know this part of the year, I'm going to turn,
I've got the radio show here and then for a wee run here and I
can do something in between. Whereas this time it's very much
let's just see what's out there and do slightly different
things, you know, corporate zooms and, and stuff like that.
And I'm just lucky to be doing all of it because, you know,
when we did that episode talking about the fact that the arts is
getting no funding, basically, it really did hit home that
there are people with families, you know, not just me, like a
newborn. I mean, there's people with 3-4
or five kids and partner at home that have not worked since
March. Half an album and a penny.
So I've definitely not earned as much as I would have earned last
year, the year before. But not for a second am I, am I
going to complain about that? You know, we can we can
definitely get by and people are great about coming the shows and
you know, you've got the. Patreon there as well.
And so I would rate it, I would nearly rate a 10 out of 10 in in
the in the sense that I have been able to do some.
Form of work and I felt honoured to, honestly, I'm not
bullshitting to be able to to have done gigs that I think were
fun and people came to and they were ran responsibly.
So delighted to be able to do that.
So it's been a shit year for so many reasons and for so many
people and I haven't done the stuff I would normally do and I
definitely miss. Doing a tour because I love
doing a tour, you know, and go to America and go to England for
shows in Scotland and maybe go to Australia.
Didn't get to do any of that, but but my family are well, you
know what I mean? Like everybody's, everybody safe
and well and, and we have we have a we have a roof over our
heads. You know, we've we've.
Food in the fridge, people. Who, who?
Who? Don't people who are just
struggling so bad and you know, I'll definitely bitch about.
I haven't been able to gig in four weeks, but I do understand
that the situation could be so much worse.
So I in a weird. Way I can I consider it a work
wise, a Goodyear, Obviously not in so many other aspects.
Jonathan Kirkpat, Thanks for the question.
Jonathan Kirkpatrick as a Belfast boy living in England,
that sounds like a pet shop boy. So as a Belfast boy living in
England I make it a point of getting a buddum every time I'm
back visiting family. If you lived elsewhere, what
would you miss about Northern Ireland or Belfast?
The people, it's the people that make it Boo, you might say,
would be popular for a lot of people for that kind of thing.
You know, going back. Let's stop there.
What would I miss? I mean, yeah, if we take.
Friends and family out of it because I'll be the easy answer
if you want to talk like food and stuff like that.
I think I would miss. I don't.
I don't know if there's. One specific place that I well
put it this way, what I'll answer this.
What would be the first thing I would do when I came back, like
to going somewhere to eat or drink?
I would go to drink in Muriel's. Muriel's probably my favourite
bar in Belfast. Definitely up there for me from
my favourite bars. I really like the vibe.
Oh, I just said the vibe, cool 32 year old white guy likes the
vibe. And if I was going to eat
somewhere it would be Nando's. But if it was a specific place
that's just here, I, I I'll go with more on seafood in Dundrum.
That's why my favourite place to eat so good, so good.
Oh my God, great guys, Gillian McKay says.
What conspiracy would you like to start?
Definitely interesting. What conspiracy would I like to
start? Maybe like people who.
Can't say that that might be illegal.
I don't know. I don't know.
I like the back in the day in the playground, people would
just start like not conspiracy, but we lies that would just
catch on. Like I remember people in my
secondary school said that the librarian, this new librarian
guy had a tattoo on his back of dogs playing poker.
And it was. Based on nothing because he he
got asked every day and then one day just cracked apparently and
just shouted in the library, which is very rude.
He of all people should know you should whisper that he
apparently just went I do not have a tattoo on my back of dogs
playing poker. So that was a fun.
Maybe my favourite thing would be to bring that lie back.
David Barrett no Morgan Schatz thoughts on having a newborn in
a global pandemic again, like the Gagan.
You know, there's there's so many things.
We are like, oh, no, you know, you miss out on this or that,
you know, like not being able to get him for appointments and
stuff. Me, I just had to sit in the car
was kind of shit and the fact that we we can't go and see
family, you know, like aunties and uncles and stuff.
Haven't seen him. None of those aunties and uncles
really. I've seen him, which is terrible
because you just want to you just want to pray the baby to
everyone and be like, you know, have a hold of this guy, but you
can't. But again, like the gigs, you
just can't really complain about it because you know, baby's
doing well and and it's just so good to have a baby that that
stuff kind of just doesn't matter.
Burnsie says. Where is the back of the back of
your hand? Probably the front of your hand.
No. Lewis Pearson, Three people
you'd have dinner with, dead or alive.
That was actually a question the press interview did.
So check out the Belfast Telegraph for the answer to that
Paul boy. You play a full.
Premier League season at striker for a mid table side.
How many goals you getting? So let's take as a mid Premier
League side, mid table, someone that's finishing around 10th.
We'll go. With I think that's roughly
where who's going to finish with 10th?
Villa. I think Villa this season we're
going to finish with 10th. So another it nearly got
relegated last year, but if I was playing upfront for Aston
Villa. I would score seven goals.
Now that's a big show because. Like the strikers in the Premier
League who don't score seven goals.
But I think I would just gamble on the goalkeeper spilling shots
and crosses and all that kind of thing.
Fuck it. I'd score seven goals in Premier
League level, playing 38 games in the season.
I would get you a goal every. How much is that?
Every every five games, 100% I'd get you a goal.
I mean the answer also to that might be 0 and the answer also
might be I don't think Asenville would play me.
Matthew or do you and your wife ever argue over who the baby
refers to as mommy? So rude and yes, spook my ghost
says what's the worst board game to be trapped in?
Jumanji style cludo. Because people always get
murdered in it, don't they Zach? Are you a member of the North
Down UVF? Prefer not to say prefer not to
say see Diddy. What about ball sack bras?
The combat sagging testicles. Discuss and more like put AT on
the end of that because it's more discussed but also that
might actually be a sweet business venture.
And if you're on Dragons Den, I would definitely give you 20
grand for 5% to your company. Oh, can't answer that because
that would offend about 100,000 people.
Katie, what is the best tea drinking biscuit?
Minimal crummage or residue and you know what I go for a Fox's
Vanessa biscuit 2 buttery. I don't eat these Aussie, but
two buttery biscuit layers with a little bit of chocolate
inside. If you are someone like me who
doesn't eat like dairy or anything like that, I go with a
dark chocolate digestive 00 Joe. What I like to do with dark talk
talk talk talk talk talk digestive is make a sandwich so
the biscuits in the middle 2 digestives from the fridge.
Put chocolate digestives in, dark chocolate digestives in the
fridge, open them out, take two, put them up, chocolate in the
chocolate in and eat them like a wee sandwich.
Yum Yum Yum. Brilliant stuff.
Patrick Quinn TOBIC the original Belfast ganja dummy.
How did you propose? Was it purely romantic or did
you throw in a wee joke and a cruisy tongue and wink?
Keith Cruz that would have been that would have totally ruined
the moment. By the way, for answer
Alexandra, do another one with Jamie Dornan.
Yeah, maybe I'll. I will ask him, I will
definitely ask him. But that was a command.
There was no question mark after that.
So don't do that again. So funny that I said any any
topics or or questions and then put it down football club from
their official account. Put it down football club.
Just try to talk about put it down football club and then put
a kiss after it and I'll send you one back and we're to Kiss
football club. But I'll say this quickly, I'll
watch the this is so nice. I'll just talk with this real
quickly. I watch Portadon V Glen Alvin.
I thought the coverage of the game was brilliant.
It was on the red button on BBC. Thought the commentary was good.
I thought the footage look good. I thought the match was good and
I liked it. And every week I want to watch
an Irish League match at half five when I come back from
playing football, I have a cup of tea and I watch an Irish
League match and I would love that.
So Portadown FCI enjoyed that and send me a load of free
training gear and a size medium. DM me, I'll give you my address.
Oh, how do I propose? Oh no, I send a voice message.
How do I propose? I proposed in Amsterdam.
I proposed in Amsterdam and I did it in a very beautiful way.
And the original Belfast guy in China, Patrick Quinn TOBGICPQ.
I'm not going to, you know, it's.
A personal story, but let's just say it will bring a tear to your
eye. And next year, whenever I'm
gigging at the Wuhan Fringe, I'm going to get you free tickets
for that. Two free tickets for that.
In fact, one free ticket, you pay for the other one.
And then and I'll tell you the story, but it was great.
Daryl Conlon says well, money told long time listener, first
time questioner. I've been recently listening to
few of the old boy time podcast and stumbled upon the
paramilitary pharmacist. Ah, a classic.
Coincidentally, on the same day a workmate of mine was
constipated and being a legend. I recommended him seeing the
paramilitary pharmacist for ease and poppers.
But it's been 2 weeks. He hasn't paid his paramilitary
debt. Now he's about to lose his
kneecaps. Any advice on how to avoid this
situation in the future? Rabbit with that rabbit back at
you man. And then, yeah, that was a
really good. Oh, nice.
That was that was a really good episode.
If I, if I do say to myself, the paramilitary pharmacist and I'm
talking about it like, you know, I'm Roy Orbison looking back on
like the song. Only the lonely.
Which is one of the best songs of all time.
But my advice would be honestly just start going to boots
because the paramilitary pharmacists are not licenced and
the only thing they ever prescribe is easing.
Poppers, which is going to help some problems.
More often than not, it's just going to give you a problem.
That's not a podcast question. It's just somebody giving me
praise, which I like. Oh, we're an advertising agency.
We'd like to advertise on your page.
Could we agree that no, I don't do that because I don't sell
out. But also reply, how much?
Naomi Mitchell, did you know South Korea had a sex park?
Well, if I didn't, I do know. Let me see.
I can click into the link, Naomi, and you'll understand.
I don't, by the way, thank you for asking a question on the
live Patreon Sunday. There I am.
I'm I can't click on that link because it physically won't let
me and I'm not going to Google South Korea sex park.
It's as simple as that. But I can imagine what it is.
I imagine it's like Alton Towers.
And the Big Dipper really is as it sounds.
Jude, talk about your fantasy footballer.
Emery Chan Graziano Pella, Olivia Asia Rude.
Hello, Dreamboat FC. Oh, fantasy football.
You've corrected yourself. I don't do fantasy football.
I always set them up with the best of intentions and then
never update my team. But I've done the Irish League
One in the past. Matthew Merlin, who's your mole
in the executive that let you know you should bring your
holiday forward a week, and I can't give that away, but all I
will say is she has a little bit of a quiff and we'll leave it
there. Jonathan Clark, what are your
lockdown hobbies? Working out, brother, Just shift
and 10 and shift and play. Dave Elliott, what is it about
my personality that makes me such a good podcast guest?
Yes, Dave, you were funny when you're not humble anyway.
But you were funny. In the live episode, Owen says
you remember the Reebok Fives or playing them?
I don't remember the Reebok Fives Were there, were they
football boots or was it A5 side tournament?
I don't know, but either way I probably would be interested.
Paul Doherty, what's your favourite and worst Northern
Irish accent? I think it's amazing.
We can drive a few miles here and the people speak completely
different. Favourite.
Well, any accent that's spoken like.
All right. You mean like some people
slobber about the Ballymena accent sometimes.
Ballymena accents. Nice.
My favourite is probably my favourite Belfast.
I'm not my favourite Belfast from the Northern Irish accent
is not the Belfast accent. It's probably it's probably
collie back. Collie back.
Yeah, accent, you know, something like that.
I don't even know if that's it, but like even though you say
even accents that are more Ballymena than Ballymena, and
that's also the worst accent too.
So the best and worst shall strut.
What's your idea line up for a fry Turkey be I don't do red
meat anymore. I don't do so many things.
Turkey bacon, Turkey sausages, gluten free toast beans, little
bit of brown sauce. Also known as the weak man's
fry. Mark McBride.
Have you seen Nordy shore? What's your opinion?
Yes, we've talked about that with the before Nordy Shore was
the parody of Geordie Shore. That by the way.
Oh fuck, Don just sent me a WhatsApp.
Did you record today? Hey Don, you're live on the Team
With Me podcast. People on the video version will
see the fact that I am sending you a message right now.
Yes, I'm recording right now. I'm so sorry.
It is 4:15. You'll have the podcast before
5. I can only apologise, Please
don't beat me. Up.
So there you go. We'll send that to him.
Nordy Shore? Yes.
It was Party Dave and a sketch group dead of Geordie Shore.
Did I see it? Yeah, that I did.
I see it, yes. My opinions on it?
I think it was very smart what they did at the.
Time because so many people saw and people like it was really
well branded and shot exactly the same as Geordie Shore.
So, so many people thought it was real and I loved that.
And I think it was very smartly executed zippers that may well
be all the questions for this week's episode.
I will have a guest episode on Friday.
That guest is TBC, but it may well be somebody pretty great
It's. Going to be somebody great
anyway because that's what we do.
But yeah, the guest episode will be up on a Friday.
Manscape.com Tease me podcast is sorry, Tea with me is the
discount called not Tease me podcast. manscape.com you get
20% of free shipping with the code Tea with me.
Check out the Patreon as well, which is patreon.com/tea with me
podcast. And the last thing I want to
plug is the Shopify. So that's our online merch
store. Shopify.
Just Google Shopify, Shopify, she and tall comedy and you'll
find the tea with me mugs on there.
You'll find the T-shirts, all that kind of stuff.
So check that out. Thank you very much shippers
appreciate it. Thanks everyone for the live
episode that will be up publicly in a couple of weeks time.
Overnight what I want you.