I'm Michael Che. And I'm Colin Jose, and we've
got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Black Hour hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock.
Exactly how it's called New York After Dark, and it's a comedy
show that only features drop in comics.
Boom, you nail. Into Michael Che's phone.
Nervous. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast With me, she and Todd.
If you're watching the video version of this podcast, you're
going to notice a couple of things.
Number one, I'm sitting in front of a green screen that I got out
from the roof space so that I could do virtual backgrounds on
Zoom. And if you're watching the video
version of the podcast, I still haven't.
I wouldn't say I've cracked the virtual background, but check
this out. So yeah, that's one thing.
The other thing is you may also know we're going to notice a
couple other things. One is you're going to notice
still very, very cute. I'm still cute.
The hairs looking good. It's looking healthy, radiant.
I've got like one giant curtain and that's fine.
And the reason everything's fine is because I've had a baby.
I have had a little baby. I mean, I say I have.
I think it's fair to say my wife played as big a part, if not a
bigger part than me, You know, for the baby being born.
A lot of what I did is just say, is everything OK?
Is everything OK? And yeah, this is going to be a
shorter podcast, if that's OK. Because, you know, the money.
Told he was thinking about hiring like a team of nannies,
but he decided that the best thing to do would be just do the
podcast. OK, so we're taking.
Yeah, I mean, people won't expect this.
And me, we're taking care of baby ourselves.
And I'm actually doing stuff. But I'm talking with like, a
whispered voice. So it's going to be a shorter
podcast. You might have to turn the
volume up because I've been speaking like this for the past
week because I don't want to wake the baby.
And then a lot of people have pointed out to me, which is
totally fair. Hey, man, if you keep
whispering, then anytime you take him somewhere when he's
older and people talk at, I don't know, normal volume, he's
going to have a fucking heart attack.
So I'm going to try and talk at normal, normal speed.
But also I've got the phone on standby as well just in case,
because I'll tell you a little bit about my baby, just a little
bit. But one thing I'm going to tell
you is he's a big boy. He is a big boy and he was a big
boy when he was born to the point where he was more than £9.
In fact, he's more than 9.5. Let's just leave it at that.
He, he, he is that big that and when I talk about the, the baby
and all that kind of stuff, and that's kind of what this episode
is going to be. I'll just share with you a
little bit about my, my last week, Not my last week as in
like after this week, I'm just done.
I mean, the, the week that has just passed, we had a water
birth, which was beautiful, like really, really good.
There was a nice tranquil environment.
I was playing also from now on the podcast, I do laugh at my
own jokes and I'm going to be doing it even more because I'm a
lame dad guy and I just laugh at things.
That's that's just the way it is.
I just laugh at things that aren't that funny because that's
what dads do. And a lot of time I wear a
fleece and just stand with my hands on my hips and go boys a
deer. So that's something we're going
to have to deal with. But yeah, it was a nice
atmosphere for the water births. I was playing palm pipes,
creating a really nice environment, and I'm speaking
low at the minute. As I say, I'm and I'm very aware
I'm trying not to do that, but I'm aware it sounds like an ASMR
podcast where people speak like this and ASMR is not to be
confused with BDSM, which is what I told someone that I don't
know that well. Once that I had been looking at
ASMR videos to find out what it was.
And I said to them, I've just been watching a lot of BDSM
videos. And then the person was like,
OK, and I thought I know ASMR is weird and I find it weird and
that's why I was watching the videos to see if it was weird.
And I thought it was weird, but then they thought I was watching
BDSM, and that's very aggressive.
PDSM is aggressive, and it's aggressive for me to have said
that. But here's the point.
It was a tranquil environment. It was nice.
The baby was born in water. I did not know up until really
that it happened that that really was the thing the whole
time. I was like, is what our water
bursts real? Like, what are we doing here?
What are we? How does it work, you know?
But it was lovely and it was really, really good.
And I got to be there for it because your boy was like, you
know, that, you know, that the money tool was going to be put
in some strings somehow. He was talking about, you know,
doing a medical degree to try and get in the hospital for
longer. But luckily I was of course able
to be there for the birth, which was great.
Because of coronavirus, the dads are basically being told like,
hey, go and live in your car, which is very, very sly.
But the I'll get on the hospital staff and stuff in a second
because, you know, everyone has caught up in this whole
rightfully so, this whole like how amazing are the NHS?
The the idea I never really thought about, like the idea of
someone being, by the way, there's all going to be rambling
this podcast, the idea of someone being a midwife before,
like it might like you literally like give people their babies
every single day, probably sometimes more than once a day,
2 times a day. I don't know how much just the
best people, the best people ever, but I want to try and stay
on point. We so we had a water birth.
There were two midwives with us who were absolutely brilliant
and the environment was was nice.
I had a little flask of tea genuinely, and I was like, you
know, is your boy still able to drink tea during because I'm
focused, but I'm also like I've got a little bit of a thirst on.
So I was able to have quite a lot of my tea, which really made
me happy. Also, for some reason I brought
442 football magazine like in the journal Labour.
There would be a good point just to, you know, read a little
about about Brazil's 1980 World Cup squad, which is
quintessential me, you know, quintessential meme.
Wife's having contractions. You know, she's just like, she's
really trying to focus and stuff.
And just like, where are you? I need your help.
And I'm like, listen, they are doing an exclusive interview
with Fistino Esprit. So I didn't get the Raymond
magazine, but I'm not upset about that because we just had
the best time. But it was a big baby and he
came out of the water and I never thought about that before.
The idea that the baby actually comes out of the what, you know,
gets helped out of the water. Let me just say this and you
know, I'm not going to go into details.
And from from now on, even in this podcast, when I talk about
the baby and stuff, just give a wee bit of chat here and there.
But I think, and there's a real wanky thing to say, but
everything is like social media. Everything lives on social
media. You know, I totally get when
people have pictures of babies up and videos everyday, all that
kind of stuff. I love it and I love to see it.
But there's just something where I'm like, he he hasn't, you
know, he hasn't said to us, listen, give me a real Instagram
present. So until he says and what?
And it's going to happen someday.
He's going to go, Papa, I'm ready to be a star.
And I go, yes, my boy, and I'll smoke a big cigar and then me
and him will tour. I don't know what we'll do.
Maybe stand up. I don't know what will happen.
But fuck. This is rambly.
Listen, what I'm saying is he was that big when he came out of
the water out of the bath because it is a big giant bath
where the woman gives birth. And when he was brought out of
the water, I thought there was a chance that a Porter that worked
in the hospital had been doing a few lengths before we got into
the pool and then they'd just forgotten to take him out
because it it was a baby that came out.
But also at the same time, I thought it might have been a 24
year old guy because when he came out of the water, I'm not
saying he's big, but when he came out of the water, his first
words straight away were just what's happening.
He was the biggest guy. He literally, he came out, got
me in a headlong and went what's happening?
He's a big boy and I like to see it.
I like to see it. And then it was, it was just so
surreal. The whole thing was just so
surreal. Probably the madest thing about
it is the idea of like, and by the way, if at any point I cry
in this podcast, this podcast is a safe space.
So you never get to make fun of me because of it, because it's
comedy podcast and you go up to me and you'll be like, oh, there
he is the Garner or something. I don't know what you'll call
me, but just don't be sly. I'm going to try and make this
point and then I'm going to wrap up the baby talk and we're going
to get into the podcast because I've got until I don't know when
you usually listen to this, but I've really given myself to 1:00
before I've gotta go back downstairs and I'm a man on age
for absolutely no reason because he's the best baby boy in the
world. Anyway, what I'll say is this
the idea of love at first sight. I I love the idea of it, but I
don't believe in it. Like between partners, you know,
like you see like an attractive girl or guy when you're an adult
then and you and you, you're like, Oh, I just fell in love
with him straight away. I don't believe that.
I think you can have obviously an instant attraction and a real
strong attraction straight away. But like the be in love straight
away. I don't really think that's
true. But it's different with a baby
because whenever you see the baby for the first time, you,
the, it's just that it's that moment where straight away
you're like, I would do anything for you.
You know, it's, it's, it's such a surreal moment.
And I, I am a crier, right? Just in general.
Well, if something's like emotional, especially involved
in like family or, or my wife or anything like like sentiment, I
love like things like, like nice moments and stuff like that,
like finding out we were pregnant, all that kind of
thing. My I streamed going to scans big
crier. So I thought like whenever I'm
handed this baby, even though he's just out of the bath, he's
going to be in another bath of my tears.
I'm bath of my tears. By the way, was the theme of the
emo band I was in at university. We supported My Chemical Romance
and fucking Kitty dillies. I don't know.
I'm trying to move on from the point because I don't want to
cry. But listen, that moment was just
mad and I didn't really cry at the start because I was in like
protector mode. I just he was great.
Like he came out, he was loving it.
You know, he's big boy. So he basically stood up, had a
stretch and he took my 442 magazine started looking boots
at the back of it. He's like they're nice boots,
they predators and that that moment was just nothing will
ever put it into words and that's why I don't want to spend
too long talking about it in the podcast.
But hopefully everyone you know, when you listen to this podcast,
it's silly nonsense is all that kind of thing.
Wanted to share a little bit of what I've been at then the, the
birth and stuff like that. But a lot of it will, will just
be between the family, you know, because I think it's just lovely
to have that ourselves. You know, it's a, it's a private
thing. It's a very, very personal
thing. I think having a baby for, for
us anyway. So, so I'm really happy to be
back doing the podcast 'cause I, I miss doing this.
And no, that's a there you go. That's a lie.
I didn't miss doing this at all. And I really had to psych myself
up to come, to come up and record this because I don't want
to be away from the baby. But but he's a weak, he's a week
old today that I recorded this and I'm just having the best
time. I'm having the best time.
But at the same time, as much as I'd love to just live in this
world 24/7 where I just kind of wear pants around the house,
which is what I do really all day.
And then one day the health visitor called and I answered
the door and the baby moms and I was like, hello, I'm not wearing
any really clothes. And she went, is your wife?
And I said, Yep. And then she came in and she's
like, all right, it's good that you weren't boxers because I
thought you meant you weren't wearing any clothes.
And I was like, I don't know why I would have answered the door
in that case. Like, how desperate would have
been to get an Amazon package? I don't know.
But But yeah, you know, your boy is, is sort.
He's working from home. He's doing the podcast up here.
He is going to be back in the studio pretty soon, I would say,
you know, we'll just we'll do like a soft open and that's what
we'll call it. We'll just we'll go back a day
here and there and then we'll try and get back to some sort of
new normality. We take a sip of tea, by the
way, because all I've been drinking is tea, but it's it's
it's a great time. Also, what's difficult for me
is, is I love sleep. Is I love sleep and oh fuck, I
forgot to tell you guys this. Wait, now I do not want to be
called a hero. Let me make that clear before I
say this. The day our baby came, I started
to get a toothache, really bad toothache.
And in the delivery suite and taking him home, it was the best
time in my life. But also I had a real bad
toothache and it was really sore, really sensitive.
I'm a sensitive guy and I had a sensitive tooth and at one point
the midwife came in about an hour after the baby was born
just to check everything was OK. And she said is he all right?
And I thought she was talking about me and I went to say yeah,
it's still a wee bit sore. And then I realised chances are
she's talking with the newborn baby.
So I soldiered on. But then your boy got himself
sorted tooth wise. Two days after the baby was
home. I went down to Lurgan just for
the crack. No, I didn't.
I went down to Lurgan because my mom Michael, my mom my I
basically I sent out the bat signal and I said, listen, my
tooth is knackered. It's had a, it's had a bad time
here. I need help.
And I shone the bat symbol into
the sky and Mama Michael answered it.
Church police, dental. Church Police Dental, if you and
listen, they're not even a sponsor, but it's been part of,
it's a major part of my week. Michael at Church Place Dental
is my hero because he sorted your boy's tooth and sent them
on his way. And they are, listen, if you
have teeth, speak to Church Place Dental and Oregon.
And that's our new slogan. Couldn't have been happier.
I was in Lurgan, so I was edgy, you know, I was a little bit on
edge. I was like, are people going to
try and steal my shoes or whatever?
No, stop thinking like that because Lorgan actually is a
great place. I mean, I would say a great
place. It's a fine place, but it's
better because it has Church Place Dental in it and they took
care of me and that's where you've got to go.
And I don't know if I can say Michael surname, but then again
I'm thinking I don't know why you couldn't.
And he's called Michael O'Neill and I enjoy that because that is
the name of the former Northern Ireland manager, but he is not
the former Northern Ireland manager.
So it's been a good time apart from my root canal, but I'm just
saying I got, I got through it guys with a bad tooth and the
tooth's really good now. So there you go.
Before we move on, I want to thank not I want to thank.
I don't know why I'm doing acceptance speech from baby
here. I just want to thank everyone.
I want to thank the director. I want to thank.
No, I was talking about midwives and hospital stuff.
By the way, that was my arm. That wasn't my bottom hospital
staff and then nurses and doctors and everybody like that
at the at the Ulster. And I'm sure it's the same
everywhere. Just all, all heroes just made
it the best time for us. And the it's the fact that those
people like I'm, I'm same midwives here, but all like
healthcare professionals and all that kind of thing.
I'm saying about like, I genuinely want a pat in the back
because I had to get a root canal with a newborn baby.
They give you babies, you know what I mean?
Like they deliver babies. They make that happen and are
just the loveliest people at the same time.
And then it's just like a bit of a sleep again, back tomorrow,
always having the, you know, genuinely fight for pay raises
and all that kind of thing. Why?
Why are they having to do that? They are genuine heroes.
And yeah, I could go on and talk about them for a long time, but
I'm going to finish talking about my baby by saying this.
I'm going to finish by saying this.
It's been a great week. It's been a great week.
And I want to thank all the zippers for, you know, we, we
banked a couple of podcasts. We recorded a couple beforehand
without Rory Woods and Mark McCartney and sort of dripped
those out. So thanks a million.
And everyone who's still been listening to the podcast and you
know, I've still been checking the social media, but not doing
10% as much as I was doing for, for, for this week.
But you know, I put a little I was 5050 by putting a picture on
Instagram, just put like a kind of hidden and off pitch, you
know what I mean? It wasn't like, here's my baby's
face, You know, it's just a nice wee moment.
I thought I'll put this up because I do like sharing some
stuff from my life, you know, personal life.
But you know, it's just little bits.
I think that's what we all like to do, just little bits.
And this basically, I put a picture up on on Instagram and
pissed off because I've been putting Keith Cruz videos up the
whole week up to that. And you know, this got like 10
times more likes than any of the Keith Cruz videos picture of me
on my baby. So that's disrespectful, but at
the same, but I'm not. But at the same time, just all
the lovely comments and messages that I got from a lot of zippers
as well. Just saying congratulations,
hope everything's well. That means a lot.
And I had a real good time reading through those and and
thanks again. Appreciate it.
So we are going to just have a bit of fun on the pod because
that's what I, that's what I've been wanting to do.
But before we move on, let me plug the patreonpatreon.com/tea
With me podcast. And thanks very much to everyone
on the Patreon because we haven't done the bonus episode
in the last week or two, but we are getting back to that this
week. Me and producer Dan doing those
episodes. And so thanks to all the new
patreons and thanks to everyone who's who's bare with us.
We have put out the I'll get to that in a second, but
patreon.com/TV podcast to get the bonus.
Episode and so much more stuff my special from the waterfront
hall is on there from last year the whole concert, which you can
watch exclusively on Patreon and down the line it'll be on
YouTube and all that but for a good while it's just for the
zippers on Patreon. So I have to give a quick shout
out to everyone on the Patreon, which is and I'll just run
through these people really fast because they are the zippers
that support the podcast and make it all happen and and it's
always appreciated. Thank you very much to Drum.
Please. Ryan.
Paddy be awesome. OK.
Thomas, GG William, Harry. Henai, Aaron, Lauren, Kevin
Ryan, Declan, Andrew Jordan, Tasha James Jordan Oliver, John
Reese, Lauren. Haley.
Phelim, Joanna. Rory.
Phelim. Yes, I can.
Ryan. Patrick.
Vincey. That's such a dad joke.
Martin, Nicky. James, Daniel.
Owen, Gary. Connor, Emma.
Patrick, Andrew, Christina, Connor, Katrina, Ruth or my
Apples. Tommy is real name, which is mad
Chloe, Dave, Carol, Kieran, Sarah, Lisa.
We'll have one more page of these guys and I'm But I'm
running out of breath. But it's been good so far.
And if I don't make it through all this because I faint and
then I I forget to cut that bit out of the video podcast, send
me a message and let me know and say, man, there's a bit where
you fainted during this. I think it'd be better if you
got it out. Jillian, Donna, Peggy, Ashley,
Paul, Noel, Brian Sheehan, Joan, Johnny, Reese, Adam, Emma,
Aaron, Terry, Matthew, Andy Karras, Orla, Matthew, Peter,
Julie, Rebus, Rebus, Aaron, Nile and worm ball.
So to everyone, and that's on the Patreon.
I appreciate yous all and just appreciate everyone who listens
to this podcast. We have merch, we have
merchandise. And I want to let me see.
Oh, yeah. So producer Dan basically has
been holding the Fort. I say holding the Fort.
If anyone's seen the free Britney campaign, free Shane.
Because, listen, this guy has not let me take any time really
for myself and my baby and my wife.
Dan was in the delivery suite with us and they said, Shane,
would you like to cut the cord? And he said, no, he's got to do
a read from Manscaped. You know, he he is a slave
driver and he controls me and my money.
And this is my appeal that we need to get me my freedom back.
OK, OK, Donald Trump. So we have merch.
We have merch and and I will post it all up, but we have
separate T-shirts. We've got money to T-shirts,
we've got mugs and all that kind of thing.
I think all the Keith Cruz stuff is genuinely sold out, which is
which is really brilliant. So cheers to everyone who bought
bought a Keith Cruz summer soccer T-shirt.
They should be getting shipped in the next week, I think.
So, yeah, cheers. We saw way more of those than I
thought we were going to and that was great too, to sort of
get that text. Whenever had the little baby and
Morms, I was like, Oh yeah, people showing love for the
cruising. I'm looking at Dan's e-mail who
says yeah, tell him about the merch.
Yes, I've done that down for God's sake.
Also, for certain tier patreons, we're doing the first raffle for
one bit of free merch on this week's Patreon podcast.
So that's another reason to join the Patreon.
You get a chance to be in. You get a chance to be in with a
chance. Fuck off, Shane.
There is a chance to get some free merch as well.
So they go the only read. The only other read that I have
to do is our sponsor, but I'm not going to do that yet because
I want to get into the listeners questions.
But what I probably will do and look guys, a lot of us are going
man. Yes, it is a bit rambly.
We we're going to give you a little bit of grace because you
just had a baby, you know, but at the same time, why have you
not brought the proper camera out to do this?
I could have, but at the same time I've just decided to film
on Zoom and that is a little bit lazy.
But hey, that's just me at the minute.
I'm just a lazy dad guy for a little while, but I'll be back
to it in no time. So in fact, fuck it, we'll just
do Manscape really quickly. Guys, forgive me.
I know I am being a rambler. I know I'm being a rambler.
I'm a rambler. I'm a midnight gambler.
I'm I don't know what else, but we have a big sponsor and we're
really grateful to have a sponsor.
It's class that we do. It's the lawnmower 3.0 from
Manscape. Now they have some stuff here.
They're like, listen, tell the listeners about this.
First and foremost. I'm just going to get to it
because I'm a dad who just gets to the point.
What's happening with your pubes?
What's happening? Let's not be afraid to use this
taboo word. What's happening with your pubic
hair? Could your pubic hair look
better? Yes.
This isn't in what I have to, you know, mention for the read
through the British Dan sends me, but 97% the guys in Northern
Ireland have crazy pubes, big bushes.
I don't want to see that. I don't want to see anyone's
views apart from my I don't even really want to see my own.
Well, do now because I use manscape.
But what I'm saying is Manscape have this razor.
It's an electric trimmer and it's called the lawnmower 3.0.
It is the best in below the belt men's grooming.
They offer precision engineer tools for your family jewels.
Essentially, they've just developed the perfect ball
trimmer. That's the way it is.
Main producer Dan have used this.
We have seen first hand the benefits of it on the other
person and I can't recommend it enough.
And you basically can go to manscape.com, use the code T
with me. You get 20% off and free
shipping. We genuinely use this.
They sent us all the gear out. It's incredible.
And I've never used like a trimmer before.
I always just use scissors, you know, like Edward Scissorhands.
I always use scissors, give myself like the David Beckham
Mohawk, all different looks. Listen, this thing takes one
minute to give you a real smooth look.
And also you can use it in the shower.
And also there's a wee torch on it.
There's a way, let me repeat that.
There's a weak torch on it if you're a Chilean miner who's
still below ground but still wants to look good below the
belt. So that's manscape.com and use
the code T with me if you want your pubes looking really sweet.
So back to the pod and it's time for listeners questions, time to
get back in touch with the sippers.
I haven't had a text from downstairs yet to say like,
listen, need you here. So I'm going to enjoy a couple
of minutes time wherever I'm when I'm not like all over the
place, even though I'm 100% all over the place.
So let's see what the sippers are asking here.
Emma says, when's a baby due? And what are you most looking
forward to about becoming a dad? And basically, no, it's not.
No, I don't think we should impose religion really.
So Jewish is an option to, to, to for the baby to be a Jew.
If it would like to be a Jew, if one day it says, mom, dad,
really psyched about Judaism here.
Judaism. Easy for you to say.
Look, I've tried to make a joke out of that.
Essentially, the baby has been born.
He has already been born. What am I most looking forward
to about becoming a dad? I was just looking forward to, I
don't know, cuddles, you know, just doing some cuddles and that
is the thing that I've enjoyed the most.
Jim McGuire says although a true all rounder, what would you say
is Big Decky Donnelly's best position?
Hashtag Twin Brook Tarantulas legend.
Hashtag big Deck. He's up.
Yes, a Keith Cruz creation. Big Decky Donnelly.
Decky Donnelly sounds like a guy who played right back, but
everyone tells him to go and play sender back because he's
too fat and slow. But he's like, Nah, I'll play
right back because he likes to get up and down, but he only
does that for 4 minutes of a game.
And then he gets subbed off because he says hamstrings gone,
but he's actually just knackered.
The Fantasia, which is an absolute phenomenal, phenomenal
name and the, and these guys are a band, which is sweet to be a
band. What's your plans post lockdown?
Hey, vague, very vague question. Post lockdown, my plans are get
back to stand up, start making money again, which would be
fucking ideal really start making money.
Tony's to keep making that cash. Just getting back to work would
be good. Everything everyone being good
in the house and getting a we routine going and yeah, just
getting like back to the studio to do podcasts and I'm missing
stand up so bad. I've seen a little bits and
pieces of people like slowly getting back into it and Jesus,
like you can see this room is like a little bit of a mess.
It's my fault. But there's my microphone lead
and stand that I borrowed to practise doing stand up.
So that's the level of willingness I have to get back
at at stand up. Gary Fletcher, Papa Shane,
Congrats on the baby boy and a man of your wealth has no
worries about this. But you're gifted 100 grand.
What are you doing with a bra? Thanks very much.
Gary Taylor. And Gary Taylor leaves out
Fletcher. His real name is Gary Taylor
Fletcher. He used to play for Blackpool.
That's very nice. But six people will get it and
I'm three of them. If I was gifted 100 grand, I
don't know what brand would just be like, hey, listen, we're keen
to send you some product. And I go, what company is it?
And they go Ulster Bank it. What do you send me?
Just some of our money. That'd be really cool.
And I've done video work for them before, so technically that
has happened, but he's kind of cold.
And what would I do if someone just sent me 100 grand?
And I would probably buy, see, I don't know, because that's how
much I would spend on like luxury travel to local gigs.
Like if I'm going in publicly or libraries, you guys know I'll
get a fleet of Phantoms to take me down.
So I'll probably just need to earn that money back. 100 grand,
I genuinely don't know. Like before I had a baby, I
probably would have spent it on like bouncy castles, hair
product, what else, You know, like a lot of novelty stuff.
And now they've had it. I'm a dad.
I'll probably put it in some sort of savings account because
that's what I'm all about. ISIS.
I don't understand money. But listen, ISIS, building
societies, mutual benefits, That's what I would do with a
man. I hope that was helpful.
Dempster, very Northern Irish name.
Just call someone Dempster he says thanks, he says
congratulations. Money told in the birth of your
child. Hope.
Hope he is well. He is thank you very much.
My question is when will the Young Money total be introduced
to the tea or sipping it already?
I would imagine it would be cruel to give the child boiling
hot tea but surely sneaking a tea bag into the warm milk you'd
be the best to win them on to. Much love for the pod.
Dempster back at your brother. Love you, man.
There's a dog barking outside. Yeah.
I mean, it would be very me to do that, to be like, listen,
let's just fucking APG tip. Once a day is going to be fine.
No, not yet. But listen, at the nearest
opportunity, it's going to happen.
There's going to be a tea party. No, he's seen his daddy drinking
a lot of tea as well. That will be his earliest
memories of daddy. Remember, he used to drink 98
cups of tea and just look at me and go like, is everything
alright? Yeah, I would.
I would love this. I would love to sneak in some
tea, but probably not. I feel like I feel like it might
not be the right thing to do, but I would like to.
He will be a tea drinker. I don't, you know, he can be
anything he wants. As long as he's happy, he can.
I will support him in his own decisions no matter what.
But if he does not drink tea, we got a problem.
We got a major problem. Although, as I mentioned, he's a
big baby. He's already bigger than me.
So at that point he probably would just be able to straight
up knock me out. So he can't literally do
whatever he wants. I'm sorry, son, if you're
watching this, I'm sorry. Matt Law says now that you're a
pop of money toad. If Dave Elliott is bestowed his
godfather, will he be forced to get a tattoo in his leg?
Hope your partner and the baby, you're doing well.
They are, Matt. Thanks.
Yeah. Yeah, 'cause I got the tattoo
for Dave's daughter, Holly being born of the Todd father.
He wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it.
And that's not me saying it to him.
Like I'm trying to psych him out and he'll go.
I will do it. I would prefer instead if he
just, like, shaved his eyebrows off as a market respect.
You know, I think that would be nice.
But I don't even know, dude, are we doing godfathers?
I don't know why I'm asking the zippers.
I mean to be I shouldn't ask the zippers that kind of thing.
Like reply to me and let me know.
Do we do God parents? I don't know what the crack is.
I I literally I don't know what the crack is.
Just worried about this guy's next feed.
That's it. We just we just burp them and
then we'll move on to the next thing.
Patrick Quinn, big friend of the pod, big zipper says
congratulations and birth your little zipper.
The money spawn. Big fan, disrespectful.
Big fan of that. Are you able to solve the
emotions you had when you held him for the first time?
Do you look younger than your baby?
Really delighted to see the post.
A very lucky and blessed childhood father with a bank
balance and McGoldrick and the skills of cruisy Patrick.
Unfortunately it's the other way about.
It's the other way abide. But man I appreciate the
question. I appreciate you holding for the
first time Was great until he left the present all over my lab
minutes after being born. So it was good up until then.
And then I was offended. And then at that point I just
went home. But it was it was great.
I look younger than the baby. Yes, because he is massive.
And whenever I went in, whenever another midwife came on shift,
she like scooped me up and tried to put me on his lap and said,
do you want skin the skin? And he was like, he was like,
no, he goes, no, I'm, you know, I'm the wee baby.
And she went, all right. And she had the switches.
That's not funny. Siobhan McAdam says, how's it
going, Jamal? It's fucking great.
I'm sweating because I'm warm. And I don't know how long I've
been up here for. So I'm going to kind of wrap
this up and hope everyone's OK with a slightly shorter pod this
week. And if they're not, I don't
really care. Matthew Merlin says Congrats on
the arrival. What 90's pop songs will you be
repurposing as lullabies for the next few years?
And that's a great show. Yeah.
I think I am going to have to like change it up.
I think he knows his dad is one of the best DJ's in Europe
because the rate of lockdown, stuff like that.
But I don't know, I think the Vengabus is coming is fun
because like the wheels on the bus go round and round but way
better. So maybe something like that.
Look, Atkinson says, would you take this deal?
You had £1,000,000 right now but for the rest of your life this
slug is slowly following you wherever you go.
If it touches you, you die. No, no, wouldn't, I wouldn't
like to do that because I don't like slugs and I've already got
enough money. Colin Hines says apart from T,
do you have any other favourite non alcoholic drinks and parcel?
Do a wee glass of OJ. Congrats on becoming a dad a bit
OJ Simpson like it. Thank you on the dad thing.
And yeah, I like water. I like a little bit of coffee
and I like, is it what you call innocent drinks?
Is that what it is? Apple and mango, I think a
passion fruit or something. I like one of them and he used
to drink Doctor Pepper a lot whenever was a teenager and then
I stopped because I thought I was going to die if I drown more
of it. Dawson Cleland could you
apologise to my mate Johnny Demister?
Your pure sly to him on last week's listeners questions.
Well I've been nice to him this week and now that I've seen that
I didn't realise it was sliding him last week so I feel like
I've been dead on this week so I don't need to apologise and I'm
a father and I will not. I will be apologising to whoever
I want and I'll be speaking to you like a father.
I'll be coming around your door to speak to your mother and
father. So how about that?
Sorry, guys, got carried away there.
Dawson, thanks for the question. I love your Creek.
That sounds weird, but I'm talking about Dawson's Creek.
Guys. We had a couple of emails from
Patreons that I want to read out and Scott says, will it be
possible that we shout out for Davy Mcclure's Turning 21 on
Wednesday and next week's podcast?
Then he go. Then he gets in one of his own
questions. He goes, did you ever go go to
or play at the Milk Cup? I went to the Milk Cup.
I certainly did not play at it because I was, I still am
absolutely brutal football in reality, but I've been to it to
watch and it's pretty cool. Would it possible to have a wee
shout out for Davy McClure turning 21?
Yeah, absolutely. But Davy McClure does not sound
like a 21 year old guy. Sounds like a 57 year old guy
being called Davy McClure. Davy McClure sounds like a guy
who already gets has his own taxi like Davy McClure #1 taxi
driver name. But shout out to your brother.
Hope you have a really good time and and enjoy yourself.
Nathan Hernberg says really enjoy the podcast.
We listen to them with headphones at sea on our fishing
boat based out of Cloquet. Really good fun.
Sweet man, give me some fish. I love fish.
I'm a big seafood guy. Hook me up with some fish man.
But don't like don't have all the guts.
Clean it, get catch it, catch it, got it out and give me it,
will you? I actually do like fish and I
like that you listen to it out at sea.
Do you have any advice for someone who's considering
starting their own podcast but doesn't have any equipment,
merely an iPhone and the required app can be done?
Thank you Nathan. Fucking right.
It can be done for sure and it would be.
I mean you can like go on Amazon, get yourself Ausb mic
and if you e-mail me or I won't, I won't, I won't.
I don't have the strength to e-mail you back but hopefully
you hear and see this. Go on Amazon, get a decent USB
mic. Do a bit of research, you'll be
able to get one for like £20. Get the USB mic, plug it into
the laptop and you're good to go. 1000% you can do it.
YouTube tutorials, how to start a podcast, basic equipment,
something like that. Of course you can do it and let
me know how you get on and I'll give it a plug on this.
How about that? Good luck.
Keep catching those fish. Join para, says Shane, want to
say a huge thank you for the podcast.
They're excellent, very funny. Appreciate it.
They're definitely breaking up lockdown.
Huge fan of the TripAdvisor feature and now my ambition is
to find Troy the bus driver. Shout out to Troy the bus driver
on the rave bus 3 questions. I mean it's a lot to ask for but
OK with the money to ever appear on a comedy show like Live at
the Apollo. Some local comedians seem to
turn their noses up towards the likes of Peter Kay and Michael
McIntyre and push the likes of Bill Burr.
Why is this? Is there snobbering comedy?
Would I appear at Live at the Apollo?
Yes, can't say like a regularly watch it.
I definitely used to, but I've just sort of fallen out of the
way with it. And I think UK comedy and
American comedy are two very different styles.
I prefer American comedy like Bill Burr and other comedians,
but I can love Peter Kay and I think Michael McIntyre is funny,
but I wouldn't be going to see him if you know what I mean.
Regular like well, I've never been the same, but I can
appreciate he's funny. Yes, there is snobbery and
comedy. I'm guilty of it.
We're all guilty of it in some way, but funny, it's funny.
So anyone like Michael McIntyre, Mrs Brown's Boys, whatever else,
if if people are loving it, then it's it's really funny.
It just might not be to my taste or another comedian's taste.
And look, comedians turn their nose up to like Speaker Ken
Michael McIntyre. They do.
But they would literally do anything to like support them on
a big tour date. You know, I would love to go
support Peter K or Michael McIntyre on a big tour date.
We all would. But people act like they
wouldn't. But then if they were offered
it, they would jump on it. And that's kind of cringe, but
we all do snobbery in some way. What is a sexier podcast?
Boy Town or Tea with me? Is it sly?
Papa Bear won't come on. Tea with me He will.
He has been asked, but he's playing hard to get the big
cheeky scamp and he's been giving me some good parenting
advice, so I can't really be too sly to him.
And Boy Town is sexier, but Tea with me is cuter.
That's what I would say. But listen to both #3 why can't
Aaron Butler say the words vulnerable or now correctly?
Because. You get so paranoid about it.
Listen, we are going to do a thing like The King's Speech and
I'm going to correct all the words you can't say and he's
going to go from now to now and it's going to be a lovely
moment. No, I love that guy.
And get off his back, please, because he has nice jackets.
Folks. I'm going to wrap up the podcast
right here. I'm going to plug once more
patreon.com/tea with me podcast. It's worth, I think it's a real
good deal. Check it out, have a look, see
what you think. Also, if you want to rate and
review the podcast on the likes of Apple Podcasts and that'll be
great. We'd really appreciate that.
Tell your friends, get it up on Instagram, whatever.
I'll share that out. That goes a long way.
So thank you very much. Once again gonna love yous and
leave yous. Going back to the baby for some
cuddles. I feel like it's been a nice
episode. I hope you enjoyed it and the
episodes will be back to more normality pretty soon.
Sip sip. Thanks a lot for all the love.