How'd the big shows go? Unreal.
Two of the best nights in my career.
Crowd were amazing, venue perfect.
We Nando's unreal. What's your plan for next year
Going bigger and better? Next year I'm just going to
relax with a big cup of tea. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with myself, she, and Todd.
Before we get into this episode, I said slightly differently than
normal. Myself.
I said with myself, she thought I said it with me.
She thought, hey, we'll try a new things 2025.
Well, on this episode of the podcast with my as you Mapel,
she and Todd all on this episode of Got grew Farley.
Before we get into this episode, I need to tell you a couple of
things, but a couple of things first.
One, SSE Arena 23rd of May. It's going to be a great time.
Watch the old podcast, see what it's going to be all about, but
this one's going to be bigger and better.
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Oh my God, in the this guy there's there are getting in
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pound and you're in with a chance to win and you're
probably going OK, it's Ireland's largest price.
What you know, what's he giving away?
A tent. What's he giving away?
A four man tent and some folding chairs.
He's giving away millions, some of the price.
Here's the thing with the prizes.
You can you can spend a bit of money trying to win the big
prizes or there's we prizes as well.
You know, you could wear you could win things like I know
we'll do like a Transit van. He'll do like, you know, per
straighteners. He'll do you.
Back in the day, I think this was, but there was prizes for
per straighteners. Well the one I've just seen is a
Lamborghini errors or 120 grand in cash and it costs 85 P to
enter right now it. See, that's angered as an error.
Still 85 P to enter and you either win a Lamborghini or us,
or you win 125 grand cash. What would you take?
I can take the Lamborghini. Would you?
Yeah, no. I've had car trouble recently
and I'd hope it would I changed my luck.
I'd take the cash, firstly, cash, but that's the beauty of
these competitions. You can either go the cash or
the price. That prize guys made 7
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Everyday people, people you probably know through some link
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next millionaire that prize guy is going to make is on the 23rd
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If you want to get involved in that and all the competitions,
it's that prize. guy.co.uk thank you for your support.
This episode of TV Podcast is with Giroud Farley who is a
fantastic Dublin comic. I've known Giroud for many years
but never sat down and had a chat like this.
We've just met at gigs or festivals and talked and knew
he's such a a great guy and great comic, but we never sat
down like this. Umm Gorod is currently on
Ireland's RTS Dancing with the Stars, he's halfway through
that. He's on his own tour of Ireland
at the minute. He's about to tour with Joan
McNally, which he does a lot as well and then he's going to do
UK tour. So this is one of the busiest
guys in Ireland and he absolutely loves it and I
absolutely love the chat that we had, it was brilliant.
He definitely come back on again.
I hope. Ladies and gentlemen, please
enjoy this episode of the tea with me podcast with my guest,
Gorod Farley. Sometimes I always think about
the first question. That's the only part of a
podcast I prepare and it's on the drive down I go will be a
good way to kick us off. But then we were talking about
we're talking about the fact that the guy should get my hair
piece record a podcast in this building.
You said you met him. How do you meet him?
You said you've done the blame game and then you said actually
I met him. Neil Dellum here stocking fuck
the rest of the podcast. Tell me about Neil Delamare Stag
with them because I'm pitching on the Hangover here.
Oh my God, Neil Telamare Stag was brilliant.
Where was it first? Of all it was in Barcelona.
Yeah, we went to see a football match.
Now, not my strong savers. You lay on the trade, Yeah.
Is that right? You know?
Against Barcelona, truly it was grew.
I don't mean to be rude, but truly in Barcelona, you went to
see Barcelona. Maybe it was.
More like there's more likelihood that it was
Barcelona. I'm gonna be honest, right?
I fell asleep at the football match.
It's. Only the world's biggest thing
in the world's most iconic stadium.
I was sitting beside Chris Kent and we were sitting directly in
the sun and I fell fast asleep. And there was a part of me that
thought, eh, oh, this is the game on.
And me, yeah, that I'm falling asleep in a football match.
But I will say in my defence that the very same week I fell
asleep at a Beyoncé concert in Dublin.
So I don't think, I think it might do with that.
Yeah, it was just. No.
Was that part of the priest tag? Were you, Tim and Neil were up
Beyoncé or? No, no, no, no.
I just went separately. Sounds like it's the greatest
style. Yeah, exactly.
Beyoncé was not Neil Delamarestag.
When Neil, when Neil is out, he's out.
Well, I love, I mean, first of all, I love that he's had it
abroad because I think that's that's a nice thing for a stag
to do because it gets the boys a trip.
Exactly. Especially once we're had a
certain age, we don't get many excuses to go away.
Yeah. You know, holidays where your
friends are gone. So I love it when a friend see,
when a friend does a domestic stag.
No, you're trying to be happy for them in their marriage.
But like, I'll never like that guy's wife.
Yeah, exactly. And then you end up like
snorkelling in the canal or something.
You're like, this is just not what I want.
Or paintball. Yeah.
Your name, your name, paintball in an industrial statement and
doc, how can I be excited for your nuptials?
I actually organised my brother's tag and we did
axtrone. Have you ever done Actually?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I threw an accident.
Said girls used to work with. I threw a stat, I threw an axe
at a wall, but it went over the wall.
So it's like, oh, I better go around and get the axe because I
thought we're going to get charged for these axes.
So I went around the other side of this wall to get the axe and
you know, it was the other side of the extra 1 wall, a
playground. It's just like this feels very
irresponsible. I love that.
I love that the stags in Barcelona.
How many, how many people are we talking?
Because there's a sweet spot of people I.
Think it's maybe they're 10. That's a good, I think that's a
good number. Yeah, and I shared, I shared a
room and a bed with Chris Kent. Chris, Chris basically said on a
podcast recently. He was like the only man I've
ever slept in a bed. It was but.
I Chris is a good pick for that because I can see Chris like not
moving at all. I can see Chris get himself
comfortable. Yeah.
He's not going to toss and turn. He's.
No, he's a very calm sleeper. That's exactly.
He's a very calm man. You're at the speedy speed.
Is he a sleeper dead? I can see Chris just being very
like his heart rate really slows the vampire and Chris is a.
Yeah, I tried to defib him in the morning.
Yeah, I can. I can see Chris be.
I think he'd be great bet for that for some.
Yeah, yes, Chris is. I've shared houses with Chris,
Chris in Edinburgh loads of times and umm, yeah, he's a very
handyman to have around because he also has skills.
Yeah. You know, like when we break the
bath rail or, you know, something like that.
Chris Chris just steps in with a screwdriver.
Powers out. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Comes in on a Cape.
Yeah, exactly. He's like Superman.
Umm so yeah. Any other comics on this?
You, you've got you. Chris can with me, eh?
Chris Kent? Tim McGarry?
I think that they were the only comics.
Yeah, what time of year? Is this was it?
I think it was Eh, probably April.
OK, so good talking, nice weather.
Yeah, it was nice weather. And what else?
Very nice. Time.
And is this a stag of like, you know, we're doing everything
together, there's lots of activities or is it more like
common goes you please? Yeah, it was common.
Goes you please. It was very casual.
Yeah. It was like, Neil likes his
food. Yeah, So it was great food.
Was Tim wearing shorts at any porters?
Wearing shorts, I think he may have been love that.
I think he may have been at one point.
Yet the Bermudas on like the legs, right.
And then and then we all we were all very dressed up.
Then in the evening, we went to a we went to a nice restaurant
and then we went and got absolutely trashed.
Hi. I was going to say out of 10,
what was the booze level on that it?
Was respectable like there was no you know, Neil's a very
respectable man. I'd say it was 7 or 8, right?
But we. Had and I think that's a nice
level to keep it up. Like even my stag was in Michael
Luth, but I would say it still was about 7, yeah.
Wow. But I think we did like a
there's a different, like once you go over 30, it's a different
kind of trip. Yeah, it's one of those where
you, like, you have a few drinks, you get drunk, and then
you pretend your hangover is way worse.
Yeah. Than it is we have, you have the
idea of like what it's going to be in your talk about what
you're going to do. You're going to be a top four.
We're going to do this and that. Yeah, and then the next we're
like, oh man, I'm hanging. Oh, I'm in bed.
But you're like. We were in PCM like the main
club. This is actually on another
friend Stag, like not that long ago and where you are.
Let's go. We're going to go big night last
night and on the Saturday, whatever went to BCM and it
opened at like 10. And The thing is you don't need
the first guys there. We arrived at half ten.
There was nobody there and it was like a game of who can sneak
off to go back to the hotel first.
I know. Yeah, I was completely.
I love the Irish. Goodbye.
Oh, but it's like, yeah, just nipple.
Sippers, let me take a quick minute to tell you that this
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Back to the pod. I've got real at a wedding,
right? Whenever I go to my part, like a
wedding with my partner, my rule is always I'll stay for the
dinner. But once at least you can,
that's me. Bare minimum, I'll stay for the
dinner, but once the dinner's done, I'm out.
No. Yeah, when the dinner's done,
I'm like, we paid for a nice hotel room.
I got up, I'm having a bath, logging into Netflix.
You're you're done at the end. Don't.
Don't want the dinner's done? I actually last wedding I was
out that maybe, maybe midnight. I had midnight and that was a
shift because I was best man. So I was like.
Oh wow. There's a time I'd be very
jealous of the of this, the after dinner slip off.
But I think it should be less stigmatised, you know, It should
be more of a case of like if you want to go, go, you know, and.
I don't think we should have 12 hour weddings.
No, no, I just that I don't think it's fair.
I was talking to one of my friends in America racing and
they're they're saying like a wedding, like a wedding can be 4
hours. It's like what?
Also, who are these maniacs in the Residence Bar and.
I know. Or the I've gone to the BBQ the
next day. Yeah.
Or the you know, we're all going to see swims.
Yeah. No, we're not.
Umm, you must be absolutely knackered because at the minute
you're doing down some of the stars.
Ireland. Yeah, that's what's called
you're doing eh, a tour stand up there.
Yeah, and then you podcasting with them as well.
Yeah, podcasting as well. And yeah, it's I'm a bit tired,
but like I was saying to you earlier, once, once you say
you're doing something and I'm not available, things just
happen. And you kindly get into a
routine as well. Yeah, you're like, you get to be
obnoxious, right? Yeah, yeah.
You ever do? Oh yeah, I was going to say
boys, because that's one thing I heard about X Factor
contestants. They do voice rest so they were
they were used, I don't know if this still happens but they
would wear a sign around their neck that was like I'm on voice
rest so someone tried to talk to them.
They just. I just think for 90 seconds on
Sunday. I yeah, I don't know.
It feels like just any show like that, the commitment level.
Yeah, the commitment is mad, but.
You dance before for this. I did.
I would say yes, right, right. You were a casual club dancer.
Yeah, right. Right.
But my parents would say no. Like I thought it would be
really funny because you find out ages before you do it that
you're actually doing right. So I found out like September.
You said you find out you're doing it like it's their
decision. It's a conscription like RT
like. Kind of because I'd said no to
it a few times, right. And then like my agent was like
just going to have a chat with them this year.
Yeah. I was like, no, because I don't
want to do it because I'm not. I'm not a show man.
Like I'm not. Yeah, there's a different, I
mean, people think stand ups would do anything like that or
any kind of perform, but but that's a, it's a totally
different thing. It's like it is really
different. It could be more different to
being stand up. I think.
I actually think if you're a stand up, you're less prepared
from her for it than a normal person because I think with
stand up you're, you're very, you know, we're used.
To being on stage in a certain way.
Yeah, yeah, a really non performing sort of way.
And so I went in and they I was trying to be like, no, it's not
for me now, Browns, thank you very much.
And and I was like in anyway, like, I mean, if I was doing I'd
obviously want to dance with a man.
So like, and they're like, Oh yeah, we can do that.
So you were hoping, yes, sometimes you go in, it's like
when you get booked for a gig and you're like, I'll give them
a price to put them off Exactly. And they go that's that's well
within our budget. You're like, for fuck's sake, I
gotta do. Yeah, now I've gotta do it.
Now I'm, you know, I'm a cruise. I'm on a cruise ship.
Here, I wanna get with you. Thought they'd be like.
Disgusting. Yeah.
They're like, oh, we'd love to do that.
And I was like, oh, right. How is it?
Was that genuine? Was that like, would that be a
deal breaker for you? Like.
It wasn't a deal breaker, but I think, eh, I'm an outlet and,
you know, I think it's a good message for a young, yeah, gay
kids just. Because it that that's happened
in the UK, strictly come down to.
Before, Yeah, they've done it on that.
And I just. I just think it's nice that, you
know, a father can be at home and say, see that and make a
comment. Yeah, that makes the kid they
think might be gay feel a little bit more supported, you know?
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. The only thing you should be
ashamed of this is dancing or something like that.
Umm, So yeah. Has there been a UMM?
How many weeks has the show been on air for?
It's this is we're gone into Week 6 now.
As we've recorded this for Week 6, so have you and when that got
announced you and have a same sex dance partner and since the
shows gonna hasn't been any backlash to that or has there
been? Not even a single message,
really. I genuinely thought I was like,
this is going to be an answer. I was like, I'm going to be
besieged. You know, someone else is going
to have to look after my social media to say there was not the
slightest bit of interest. There was like maybe 20 messages
that were like, fair play. Yeah, I mean.
You want one or two like you want a bit of drama.
Oh, I was just like, Oh my God, I'm such a martyr for the
community. Like literally no, nobody, no
interest. Yeah.
But it but it like I think that's a nice mess.
Well, you know, yeah, yeah. And like I did find out as well
that my partner, when I, you know, because somebody let it
slip who my partner was because they keep that all really
secret. Yeah.
And I was like, But he strikes. Yeah.
Can I, can I be? I don't know how badly this
reflects on me. You were talking about your
dance partner, and we were walking up to get a coffee
there, and you said his wife and I automatically just assumed,
like you just said. I was like, what?
Yeah, yeah. I was like the rules of the
rules. He like he's got a, he's got to
be very confusing. Yeah, I, that was my reaction
because I I'm really good friends with the comic Josh
Jones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was telling him he because he was doing Dancing on Ice at the
same time that I was getting ready for this, right.
And I I found out that my partner was straight.
So I write, I was talking to him.
I was like, this feels a bit weird.
Like he's like, Oh yeah, you need to start that out because
he's going to be dancing. You go and but it turns out they
that they dance with each other all the time.
They're choreographing stuff. And when they're like, when the
production team said it to him, he's like, oh, I'd love to do
that. Yeah, I've never done that
before. Yeah.
And And it's it's funny because it's.
You think it's because he wants to dance with a man.
Does he? OK, fine.
Oh, yeah. But I actually think it's the
opposite. It's that they're so secure in
their sexuality that they're like, oh, this is great.
Because even we were two weeks ago, I had to twirl him and lift
him and he was like, oh, I've never done this before.
I'm really. And every time I get it wrong,
he's like, do not mess this up for me.
It's the only time I'll ever twirl on live television.
Well, that's, that's the pressure.
The pressure of stand up is I can only mess this up for me.
Yes. You have the pressure of you can
fuck this up for somebody else. That and you know what?
That has taken a really long time to get used to.
And also the fact that there's a track, like there's a rhythm and
it's like, yeah, on the age you have to go.
Like I've never had that on the show.
Everything's on our terms. We can change the order of jokes
or with the piece of it, anything, but you've got to
stick to this, to this. Yeah.
And there's like even recently that we we had to get the the
speed of a track change. They wants to reduce it by 3%
and we couldn't do it because the lights have been time
coaches. I was like, nobody seems to
understand I'm the most important person.
Yeah. Yeah.
So that was really, it's really weird to have somebody else
relying on you. And I think that was why I hate.
I did a lot of plays and stuff and I really didn't enjoy us
because other people are relying on it and I mean.
Do you have to reliable you and your dance put on like I've
never watched an episode of strictly come down to my life.
But the the newspaper articles and everything you read from
that is that that like that person becomes like your world
for the time of the show. Yeah, like you live in each
other's pockets and you got to get to know each other fast.
Or did you guys have that instant like?
Yeah, She stayed in his house last night.
Yeah, like, yeah, more or less instantly.
Like I was very nervous at the start.
And when we went in, he just pulled me aside and was like,
OK, this is the way this is going to be.
We're going to be each other's best friends.
This. Forget about the dance and
forget about mistakes. Just so could this all because
this would be the best experience of your life if you
if you do it right. And he's even said it to me a
few times where he's been like, you know, you're getting in your
hands now, just forget about this.
Just enjoy this. Yeah.
And so, yeah, like now we're best friends.
And that's that kind of feels like a show like that.
You put you but cut like when you watch shows like that, you
you sort of it's it's a bit like when you're a kid, you make a
friend on holiday and you go, we're going to be best friends
forever. And then the reality kicks in
when you're like, how can I be best friends with skates 1996
and he lives in Glasgow, You know, like, how are we supposed
to mentee in this? Then you have that thing where
like, you know, because you told me earlier you were like, and
something I didn't even think about is it can be over for you
any week once you're voted out. Yeah, you're right.
And then you get to still watch it happening.
Yeah, it just goes on against your glass.
Yeah, it's literally like that. You didn't get back on the bus.
Yeah, at the rest of it just goes on without you.
It's it's weird because you have that feeling all through.
The way the week sort of goes is that by Friday you're like,
we're ready for this, this is going to be great.
And then you go in on Saturday morning, you do your camera runs
and the whole thing falls apart. Right.
You like your Saturday night is
stress. You go in, your camera runs are
better on Sunday, dress rehearsals better.
And then you nail on the Sunday night.
That's my experience of it so far.
Yeah. And then as soon as you
finished, you're like, oh, God, it could be out, It could be
out, it could be out. And then you survive.
But I don't know what it's going to be like when.
Do they do that thing whether like is there a bottom 2?
So with the business saying like it could be, have you been
enough? I've been in the the way it
works is the lowest person goes forward into the last three and
then they just pick two people rounded me.
So you don't know if you're the lowest or what.
But two weeks ago, I think we were in that we had to step
forward and it was like, it'll be one of these.
And there was a part to me going, oh God, what am I going
to do tomorrow? Yeah, I'm going to dance with it
for six hours. Umm.
But yeah, it's, it's a strange thing, but it's by far the best
thing I've ever done. Yeah.
I mean, I've never enjoyed doing telly, particularly you.
Probably get incredibly fit as well.
Yeah, suppose it does. Six hours a day, you're buying
the like. Yeah, I eat a lot of chocolate
though. As you dancing.
Some people would use this opportunity to go, I'm going to
eat really clean now and. You want you want to cancel?
Like the dancing? I'm just like, no, let's just
just maintain this like we've worked hard for this punch.
I just let it go. I eat like when I'm tour and I
eat like a pig, I know, but I go.
I go. I'll eat really well when I'm on
tour. Yeah, I do not have a real
addiction to Percy pigs. That's why I said pig.
I'm a wee pig eating Percy pigs. I love Percy Pigs and I love
chopsticks. You know chopsticks.
They have it in some. Oh yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Oh my God, the chicken. I find that to be some of the
like that is proper Chinese cuisine, chopsticks and apple
green. Hey, the way it should be.
Right, the same one of my friends went to China recently,
right? They couldn't get over.
Where is the apple? Green chopsticks?
Like where's chopsticks? I am the the reason it's
becoming a problem for me is M&S are now in certain Apple greens.
That's classy, though. But they're saying that, but
that means I'm passing the pigs all the all the time.
Oh, when I'm doing this hours tour leg there are two pigs all
over all over the motorway like I can't and I.
How bad are the pigs? Pigs are amazing.
What do you. No, no.
But I mean, how bad are they food wise?
Because I my my character used to be Cabri's fingers.
You know those Cabri fingers? Yeah.
They're 100 calories a finger. You're joking.
I. Swear to God.
So a fest is 500 calories? Whoa, no, not 100 calories each.
I swear to God or 96 or something I nearly died because
I would like. To sleep because you need a
whole sleeve to them. Like, yeah, I thought I was
like, you should have just tiny little biscuits.
Yeah, yeah, no, So I think look at the pigs.
Like if the pigs. No, they're not.
They're not good. Like you look at the
ingredients, it's like Jelly and it they're not vegan because
then they they brought like vegan Percy pigs and I'm like,
fuck, you talk about what meat was I And then you try the vegan
ones and then they're thinking. Are the bars are.
The vegan ones, yeah, come. On I have a theory about vegan
foods. I I did theory that vegan food
is way worse for you than. You're going to start a beef
with these happy Paragus. They're going to show.
They're going to show up. I mean, that's fine.
You think they're too weak? Yeah, come on, come on. 02/2
boys twirling each other and down ham sounds.
Give me a break. But.
You're twirling. You guys are going to have to
have a twirl off. Oh yeah, I just realised I'm
twirling. Yeah, whenever the happy part,
you know, you see them down on the beach, like come down, we're
swimming. I'm like only with the mass
drown like I'm sorry I do not give me a break like 10 million.
For the happy, I don't. Know why that is?
I think it's whatever somebody says.
We're such happy people. I'm like, oh, I want, I'm going
to bring out the dark side. Right, right, right.
You think there's a darkness problem?
Oh, completely. Yeah, it's hamsters nailed to
the wall in that kitchen. Yeah.
No, it's a hamster substitute. It's not a, It's not a hamster.
It looks like a, but it's mainly.
So yeah, I am. Yeah, I need I need a well, I
also am in the eh Dairy Milk. And then yesterday I was going
to just go and buy one and eat it in the car park and Asda and
I didn't have been doing this to talk about the podcast, but I
didn't yesterday. Drew On didn't, didn't get.
It now what size Dairy Milk do you guys?
It's a, it's a so I'm lactose intolerant.
So it's a, it's a, it's a vegan one, but I don't, I don't taste
the difference. I think it's great.
So it's like what I would describe.
It's about this size here. OK, how bad?
Like what? Lactose intolerance?
How bad does the gas? No, it just genuinely just makes
me tired because out of board Cheerios I can't come on there.
Shame. I can think of nothing more
fabulous than having a Dairy Milk and falling asleep.
You have another wheel I'm trying.
To drive, OK, yeah, OK, that's a different deal.
But I like, I have to say, I love a Dairy Milk.
I there, it's my favourite. And Kaylee Trap, who's also
doing the show, former guest of the pod.
Former guest on the pod, obviously.
And she told me there's the difference between North and
South Dairy Milks. Explain because she wouldn't,
and because we're highly she. Wouldn't or she?
Couldn't look. Oh, excellent points.
I think it's umm, it's probably like a like obviously it's
everyone was T it was different, but Dairy Milk looks the same.
But then permission to say you guys and I don't even know in
the political one. Totally fine.
And I mean that as like from the South.
The gay is the gay. Dairy Milk.
The Dairy Milk I'm not a cock fucking has changed their taste.
That's the difference in the past.
That's what it is. Umm, you guys have a have a lot
of different Dairy Milk products such as back in the day there
was like you would have had the golden crisp.
You guys had this milk chocolate, Dairy Milk, but the
wee square bits on top were white chocolate, a toxic right?
We didn't I'd I never saw that up here.
So I think there's like I think. Literally the worst thing that
has ever happened in Northern Ireland is not having.
The collection of jobs we didn't have top deck.
If we did, things would be very different.
It would have been very different.
No, there would have been no extension.
So I think, do you know, what do you know, you know, it's all
under the Cadbury umbrella. Yeah.
But I wouldn't be surprised if like if you look closely like
down South, it's like there's 2D's in Cadbury and it's just a
totally separate company, you know, something like that.
But I don't know. I I don't notice the difference,
but I feel like, you know, that would be great social media
content for down some of the stars.
You can Kelly do like a blind taste test on the Dairy Milk or
something? That's a great.
Idea that up. Oh my gods, that's good.
The other thing I had yesterday on the way up here was I had.
Chopsticks. No, I had a cut a Carbury's
cream egg bar. See that's that's like.
Eyes were opened. See, to me, that's like AI or or
cloning. Don't leave it, You know what I
mean? Like, yeah, there's there's no
need for that. Like we've got cream eggs, we've
got Dairy Milk. Cadbury's cream egg is one most
delicious pieces of chocolate. You're right.
And at the bar yesterday I was like, are they actually?
Disgusting. It's not right.
I don't think it is disgusting. I think just your brain can't
compute that. Yeah, you know, you can't.
You can't relax enough to enjoy. It, I know it's a pull in like
what's going on here? It's like, yeah.
No, I I can't do cream eggs. Back cream eggs were I remember
having three cream eggs one lunchtime whenever I was like
1415. I thought it was going to die,
but I'd have been happy. And I as a kid, always wanted an
Easter egg full of cream egg. Imagine you got that.
That would be incredible. I can't believe you're talking
about like oh the head Mystic days of 14.
I think I 3 cream eggs on Saturday.
You get as you dance, you get them you must.
The last time we met was was called Kenny.
Yeah, Cat laughs. Can tell you embarrass something
but that I I was we were in the comedians boxing around that
time and I didn't know I arrived on like very early morning and I
didn't think like that many people because it was we were in
the Pembroke Hotel and that's. Right.
Yeah, yeah. Probably not that many other
comedians here. Plus I got down for breakfast
really early and I thought they'll not be anyone around
because I was going boxing training and I didn't have a
packed on the stuff but I didn't have like a like a zip up.
Oh yeah, sports. Show so I just was wearing you
remember I was just I just had a vest I just.
Had AI remember in the vest What was shining the vest?
Let me explain. I was like a.
Blue vest. I remember a blue vest, yeah.
Yeah, I was like the weather is going to be, the weather is
great, I'm going boxing, have a quick athletes breakfast and
then I'll go. But then I started to feel weird
about I'm a breakfast in a vest and shorts.
So I was like, but it's early, there'll be no comedians around,
and then the signal must have been sent up.
Yeah, Shane is in the bag. Joanne arrived, everybody from
Lisa Richards Agency arrived and all came and sat at the same
table. And I've never felt like, I'll
tell you the time I felt like this before.
Remember when you were a kid in the holiday, you could run
around naked, bollock naked. There's certain age as a child
where you could do that back in the day.
I'm talking early 90s. Yeah.
Spain, no issue.
You could run about the beach naked.
You could back then. It's great time, but I remember
being in Majorca and I remember running around the pool naked
and go on. I've just I remember turning the
age in my head where I went. This is weird.
I. Felt weird about it.
And I had to go and get changed. I remember a distinct feeling of
like I shouldn't, I shouldn't be doing this.
Like my wife and kids are sitting there.
No, but I must have been. I don't know if I was eat
something like that. And I was like, this is this is
weird. I went and put a pair of shorts
on, sitting in the breakfast place of the hotel.
I remember going, it's weird, I'm wearing a vest and there's
so many people here and I felt really embarrassed.
Ah, shame. I felt embarrassed.
I remember that morning. I'll tell you why.
I really, I was like, that's an impressive man.
I'll tell you why. Because you had a curtain of
almond milk with you. I was like, Shane's in a vest.
He's brought some almond milk. I was like, that man is in the
throes of a mental health crisis and nobody's helping.
Do you know it's even worse than that?
I had a because I had the same breakfast every morning.
I had a little a little tiny tub of almond butter.
So I I big almond butter tub at home and I spooned it into a
little looks like a scientist. It was in a bag, you know, a bag
which had a. Bag full of and I had my vitamin
D and A. Crazy man on the ball.
Stop. And that, that was everyone's
first impression of me. I think people sat with me.
They were like, thought maybe they needed to wait until.
Yeah, until people got there to get me.
But also is impressed because I do think that, you know,
sometimes in hotels you kind of go, is that almond milk?
Yeah. And they go, ah, yeah.
Oh yeah. That's exactly, exactly exactly,
and you're looking at the colour of it.
You're like. Hmm, I'm done, Almond.
Milk I do. Oh yeah, yeah, I'm gonna.
Give you some? Yeah, plenty to go around.
No, I'm not proper manshine. I'm just like, give me whatever
milk I have. Yeah, I can't.
I do. I travel with a little plastic
bag like hotel buffets and stuff.
I also, that was the morning I got very impressed by, like, the
Northern Ireland Comedy Circus because you told me about the
box and that was going on. Yeah, Yeah.
And I thought, you know what? That is the way to handle
rivalry, that they all just kick the shit out of each other.
Yeah. And they'll take it to us.
Well, it's probably good in most ways.
It shows you can do that. But then the the scene here is,
is that good? You can, you can do it and then
I'll go for a drink after. Yeah, I'm very impressed by
that. It was great.
In Dublin, we all just hate each other.
Yeah. So it would be like, you need to
be like bare knuckle, you know? Exactly.
Yeah, bring weapon. And that actor on Playground
that you had, yeah, they would be well open to that.
That was one of the best things. But that festival was was great.
It's a great festival. I've done that for festival for
I don't know how many years now, but it's just I always describe
as the comedian's Christmas party because it doesn't feel
like. The games were all.
Because I think all the comedians are there, everyone's
having a really good time. But the festival itself, and I
don't mean this disrespect, it's really haphazard.
Yeah, you know. What I mean like it's very does.
Like for something so organised, it also feels really ramshackle,
which is kind of like the charm of the whole thing, yes.
You know, So like you are, eh? We did a big gala thing in a in
a cattle Mart. Yeah, exactly, exactly and.
Chris Kent went over to EH. There was like a top tool.
It is a full operational cattle Mart and then they put a stage
up and stuff and there was just a top on one wall and Chris Kent
walked out. Everyone's been like dead quiet
because the actor on Chris came up and went that taps on and I
went what do you mean? And he just turned it and we bit
of water came when you turned it off again, he's like just let
you know, tops. I was like showbiz.
That is, that's Chris can call Kenny.
It's very crisp to go and check tops.
Exactly how did you put a holiday?
But that was that gala thing was, was brilliant.
Yeah, it was. Really.
Full. They opened the member.
They opened the bar by mistake, just before you went on.
Oh yeah. Yeah, it was a wrong signal
given. To that sort of shit that goes
on in comedy scene down there. It's like open the Pirates
ground. Maybe another comedian said
that. Yeah, I was in.
You need to fight him. Whoever it was trying to think
here I can make up but Neil Delamare.
Yeah, it won't be, but it won't be a fight.
It'll be a dance off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I I love that was the first time I'd I've met a lot of comedians
before, but it was like I felt like the first time I got chat
and do a lot of comics. Yeah, you know, and, and because
there wasn't, it felt like there wasn't that many comedians at
the festival. It wasn't like, no, you got a
chance to. 12 or yeah. To actually talk to everyone,
you saw each other at a couple of gigs and and I thought
everybody was very nice to me. So it was, it was great.
I really liked. His boy shame.
Thanks, but I did just well. I kept going home during.
Yeah, you. Remember that I was commuting
the Kilkenny commute. I was going home like twice a
day and people were like, is this the same guy?
This is the almond. The almond.
Bad guy. He's just nipping home.
Yeah, we're like, where do you live?
What part of the town do you live?
3 1/2 hours away. Yeah, but that's why I could get
the Percy's up at the Apple grid.
Shane, I worry about you coming to light here.
You shouldn't worry about me. But it was, it was great, that
festival was great because we've met quite a few, maybe an
Edinburgh and stuff, and I think it took about 8 years for me to
get confident to say your name and be sure that it was growed.
There are family members that are just, I'm sure, not
confident. But what do you?
What do you? Because like, even people like
Mickey Bartlett, people get his name wrong all the time.
How? Did you get Mickey Bartlett
wrong? He gets Bart, he gets Nikki
Bartlett Barrett. He gets quite a bit like on
posters for about 10 years of me kicking, gigging with Mick.
It was always wrong, his name was always wrong.
But you must have had like some terrible introductions from.
MC's. I remember actually when I was
in America, I did. I did this gig.
It was Flappers, actually, Yeah, yeah.
And the MC there, I can't remember what her name was.
I think it was like Shante. It was almost like a drag queen
name. OK, Like it was.
Shante Dubois. Like that, that was the level of
name and I told her my name and she was like.
Like it was rude that you were doing.
My name is weird. Like she and she was just really
hostile about my name was like, this is very unnecessary.
And then when she went on stage, she kind of died, right?
And she started crying. And I was like, you know this?
Set the. Tone.
Yeah, some attitude for somebody that's now crying on stage.
But I would that would be my nightmare as an MC if we had
just met. I'm at What's your name on the
prey? You're good.
I'd be like, no, it's going to be a good friend of mine coming
on stage. Yeah, exactly.
Here it is. I've done that a few times.
I'm a terrible MC. Like, I love, I love the crowd
work, but the introductions, I, I, I always have like a little
pain in my head. I'm gonna forget the name.
I'm gonna, I always write the name on my hand.
Yeah. And I have forgotten the name.
Well, in America they they do this weird thing.
You probably experience it out there where they just list all
the credits of the ACT who goes on.
Yeah. So they'll go where you guys
might know him from HBO, from NBC, he's been on the David
Letterman show. He was a podcast with blah blah.
It's a long thing. It feels very weird to me.
Yeah, it's weird. And it's also, you might know
him from France. It was like, OK, this needs to
be one of six people unnecessary.
David Schwimmer dropping a tight.
Actually, yeah, dropping into like just work out some stuff.
Who do you think out of the Friends cast would be the best
at stand up? Oh.
I think Lisa Kudrow. Yeah, be quirky wouldn't be
mainstream. Yeah, be quirky.
But the thing that Lisa Kudrow is, I think of Lisa Kudrow is in
something that's good. I think I've said this recently
on the pub before. Lisa Goodrow is the most
beautiful lady from the French cast.
I agree. Because she just she'll, she
doesn't look her age. She looks younger than she is,
but she looks natural. She looks, she looks.
Good. Yeah.
I think she looks good. She's brilliant.
And all of the stuff she's done, I've ever seen.
Nothing she did to come back. No.
Is one of the greatest TV series I've ever seen.
And the fascinating story about it is she made it after France,
but it was made really early. It was kind of like the start of
reality TV. And the holiday is it's a sitcom
actress who's trying to make a comeback.
So she gets a small part in this sitcom, but she also has to make
a reality series at the same time.
So the actual show is the raw footage of this reality series
that she's making, and it is hilarious.
Was that on Apple? No, and she did a more recent
thing on Apple. What she did was it was made
like just after Friends and this guy, the guy that took over, I
think it's either HBO or Showtime.
One of them, he loved it when he was a kid.
And the first thing he did when he took over Showtime was he
recommissioned a second series. Oh, great.
So they did this updated version.
But it is genius. Like it's the funniest thing
I've ever seen. I am.
I love it when like every five years people on Facebook will
someone will create a clip of all the shows those guys have
done since Friends and they'll stitch it together and go
trailer for the friends movie. Guys, here it is.
And every fucker fall for everybody's like, this is going
to be great. I'm like, they're ten different
ages in it and the theme does not make sense at any point
because then they were in some of each other's shows.
Oh, that's right, yeah. They were, eh, Jennifer Allison
and Quintucks were not to get like an episode of that
together. Yeah, they stitch it and you're
MASH sharing it like. People are so thick.
That's my favourite thing, people.
That is my favourite thing about how every so often something
happens and you realise how thick, yeah, the average person
is. Yeah.
And I include myself in that. Yeah, you see, like on X or
something, you know, it'll be like a verified account and
it'll look like you came from the person, but you're like,
look at the username. It's not the person, it's not
the and you don't want to break people's hearts as.
Well, and I'm so gullible, I thought like I am the person
that follows this all the time. Yeah, I had a friend who, eh,
what his family were dairy farmers and he convinced me that
low fat milk came from low fat cows that.
It was. It's got to do with their BMI.
And I just, I just just hear something, just swallow it.
Like I'm saying, yeah, that sounds that sounds reasonable.
I'd be, I'd be pretty global to like some stuff.
I like social media stuff. But like, yeah, you're right.
If I hear a thing, yeah, from anyone, I just take that.
I take that as gospel. It's like, it's like that thing
that happened in France, the noble generally, like the third
nipple. You hear a word, you see.
So we're like, yeah, that sounds reasonable.
Yeah. At the minute you're you're
doing dance with starting in, you're on tour at the same time.
So is it literally a case of like dance all day, drive to a
gig, do the show, just repeat? Yeah, you don't get a day off
with Dance with the Stars because you're in studio
Saturday, Sunday and Friday. You're Harrison.
You turn into a pair of it. I know.
Yeah, I love twirling. It's my everything.
Yeah, it's my favourite thing in the world.
I just twirl me like a Princess. See, I I can, I can look at my
tennis. I can dance.
Oh wow, I can dance.
OK. But I don't like the idea of
someone like, I don't like, I can't learn stuff full stop.
I can't have someone be like, OK, it's going to be a 124 and
then we'll turn it into an 8 and we'll do this and not and then
repeat it again but do the end but slightly differently gone.
See, when you were telling me about Lisa Kudrow show gone, I
was gone within the 1st. When you're like, it's this
within. I should have been more
animated. I can't.
Yeah, I can do visual cues, but I couldn't learn.
Down steps, that's what you. Need to let me go.
Let me let him, Kirkland. You don't learn the down steps.
It's so strange. He hasn't taught me steps the
way you would imagine people would teach steps, right, Like
particularly for waltzes and stuff.
It's what you get used to is actually been really, really
close. So you're you're literally
crotch to crotch. Yeah.
And you feel what way they're going to go.
All right, Yeah. You do.
I mean, that's obviously the other thing about two men
dancing together is like does the the the two elephants in the
room like the. Elephant's Drunk.
Yeah, it's like the elephant, you know, the elephant needs to
hang to the left and then nobody feels anything.
Yeah, and I would because if if you tell me not that, you know,
it wouldn't be in my mind. If you're like dancing with this
guy, like don't get a hard on. Now you've said it, I don't have
to, and there might be a cure. For male impotence there might
like do not get hard on. The last thing I want is that to
get hard. I I'd struggle with, I'd
struggle with the gig at night after all that.
I think you know what? I'll tell you why you spend all
day being so bad. Like, I don't know if you've
ever done something where you just are bringing nothing to the
table. That's what it feels like all
day, every day. You're just like, I'm so bad at
this, how we're going to get it. And then when you do a gig,
you're like, oh. This is my yeah right ready.
The gigs just feel absolutely incredible, like they're just so
much fun and and. Already.
Do you feel like people are coming to see you because
they've seen you on that show? No, I don't think makes
difference. You don't think?
Like, even my agent said to be interested like this does not
make one iota difference to take itself.
So don't get your hopes up. Yeah, I think it just has its
own dedicated massive audience. Yeah.
And so I mean, I don't know if it affects tickets out at all or
you know, profile or whatever. Yeah, yeah.
But. I'm just having a ball doing
this like it's. So much fun with the comedians
boxing like backstage you chose everyone with shadow boxing and
you know just before they go on are you are you using your?
Face. Yeah, yeah, completely like.
That wasn't a good impression. That wasn't me down someone.
I went like this like. I know said I'm a good dancer,
but don't be. Yeah, yeah, I'm in the dressing
room, Yeah. Because usually what happens is
the gig is on a Saturday night and you've just basically shit
the bed three times and the camera runs.
So you're like, I need to get this right.
So they're like, OK, 5 minutes. You're like, I'm just going to
get this, I will get this. And it's only a minute and 1/2
every week, you know, so it's should.
Be doable, yeah. Yeah.
Like, so you're really, you know, when they say you've got
like 10 minutes before the show starts?
Like, I can do this. Yeah, six times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah.
But you must be, you must be turned stand up like constantly
all year because you're doing your own turn Ireland at the
minute. Then you're going on tour with
John McNally. You're just.
Yeah, I'm on to answer. After and then you're in your
new cater. So where's where's the bridge?
Is there a brick? No.
I don't you like it? Like it?
Yeah, I like it like that. I spent so long getting nowhere
stand up, not nowhere, but like, you know, it was applaud.
Yeah. Now then things are good, you
know, for the past maybe 3 or 4 years.
And so I just love it Like I mean, I like, I never want to
not be doing this. And that's why even with telly
and stuff, like no interest, like I couldn't be less
interested in doing anything else other than, yeah, live
shows in my part. Like, I absolutely love us.
Yeah, because you it's crazy how long you spend chasing TVI know
I don't know about you, but I I definitely even as an actor
starting to become what I thought a broadcaster would like
or what they were looking for and and talking me wrong.
I still am attracted to it, but only in so much as like if there
was something I was passionate about, Yeah, I go, oh, I'd love
to do this because I'm passionate about it as opposed
to I'll do whatever. You yeah, whatever to do that.
No way. Like I've done that like the
bits Italia do. I don't enjoy it.
Like even even experiences where like I mean I did show a while
ago I went to Africa to like look at fast fashion.
Thing that you go no where in Africa do you?
And Nairobi, Kenya. And you just had a face on you
the whole time I. Hate it every second of it.
Well now, I mean like it was we it was miserable like because
like we're basically the the western subject was Africa and
you feel like I'm the worst human being in the world.
Like I went to and also you go over there, we're like we're so
on fans to where we live. And I went into I was within a
supermarket and I I said, OK, I just got a plastic bag and your
one just looked at me went plastic bag.
I was like, yeah, it's like they're destroying the planet.
And I was like, oh, yeah, like we're absolute pricks on the
side of the world. Like, umm.
But no, I just, I don't like, I just don't enjoy it.
I yeah, I don't want to be a television.
Like I think that's what happens with comedians.
Everyone thinks, oh, you just want to be a television
presenter and. Then yeah, yeah.
You'll give up the grind. Whereas like, yeah, this isn't
grind. No, this is joy.
But. TV like, like stuff like that is
like you're there all day, you've got to do all multiple
takes. Stand up is just it instant.
Yeah, it can't be better than that.
Yeah, and also you can you can literally think of a joke in the
car on the way to a gig. Yes, do it.
And there's like a room full of people laughter.
You're like like that's Yeah. I mean, that is a brilliant.
Job I I love when you, when you tour with someone that you're
really good friends with and you just, you just get a system
going. You know how how a day pounds
out. You know what you like and what
they like. Yeah.
So I tour a lot with William Thompson.
I don't know if you met William. No, but William, it's not just
brilliant stand up, but like great company as well.
So we know we'll go do this together and then you like an
hour of your own time. I like, yeah.
Time. So did you enjoy?
What were you guys friends before you start?
Yeah. We were we were friends.
We knew each other from the comedy scene.
It was more John COVID. We became friends because, eh,
we both had tourists cancelled, right.
So we were just kind of talking a lot and.
And yeah, but I was given up stand up like I was done.
I I, I've been touring with Neil Delamare for years.
I've been doing my own tour. And I thought I'm gonna just get
a normal job and just do my own little tour each year.
And that will kind of scratch the itch.
Yeah. Because I felt I'd given us a
good whack now, but it's time to move on.
And it was, she kind of just talked me into coming on her
tour with her. And for a while it was like,
this would be my last her, I'll do whatever day she has.
But then that tour just blew up and got longer.
I remember that because that was, was it like 1 Vicar St
theatre at the start and then that became.
Yeah, it, I think it was three, right?
And I remember she asked me to the tour and I was like, no, I'm
done, I'm out. And then she put a London
Palladium on and I thought, I've got him.
I've always wanted to do the Palladium.
She was a do the Palladium and then that's it.
And then the next zoom was like, would you do the Vicar streets?
Yeah. And the Palladium was like
Grant. And then it was like, you're not
going to leave me, go around all the country on my own.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then just take the bakers
reasons, like, OK, fine. Yeah.
But then I it was so weird because I used to be really
nervous going on stage before the pandemic, but with that
tour, I didn't, it wasn't even a second on earth.
I think it's because when you think something's gone.
Yes and yeah, Doctor. You're like, oh, yeah, the best.
Yeah, yeah. So yeah, I don't take around.
I love it like I love every second.
I really want to do Vicar Street at some point.
I've been doing Olympia for a couple of years and I love it.
But I love it. I love even in Belfast, like I
try not to do the same place couple of years in a row.
OK, I like to just move around venues, play different stages,
but at some point I really want to do I'll.
Do Victor St. I've done it.
I did warm up once but I wanted I want to do a show in Victor
Street. I love it as.
A Yeah 2 Victor St. Yeah, I like to had a weird
thing we're. Like, shame.
OK, we need to have a conversation because you're
talking about this like it's a lifelong.
Like one day I'll do Vegas. It was like, Shane, you could
you fix it on Saturday? Like just book a Vegas tree.
Stop being so wasteful about something that's so ordinary
like. One day, girl, one day.
Yeah, I'm going to do like parachute jump like it's, you
know, this is really ring your right, text your agent right now
and put a Vegas tree. It could be on sale by the end
of this interview. Have you a dairy meal?
Because that's why you're selling Parajic.
One day. One day when the stars aligned.
That's really like one day I will close the international
bar. Yeah, well.
I've never done, I don't do as many clubs anywhere as I should.
I only really do clubs here in the North.
But I should do, I should be going to Dublin more, maybe some
UK stuff. Are you saying that to me?
I booked you for a club? I was the Seamus Anna Centre.
Yeah, I used to book a club in the Seamus Anna Centre.
In in in Dublin, but. It was just outside of Dublin.
It was kind of, umm, I can't walk down Bragan or a dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember.
Yeah. Or they hold the show sometimes
because it's like, no, the audience are still in the pub
and you're like, yeah, I love pulling the strings here.
Years. Ago yeah because I remember I
texted you yeah about it was like you want to do this globe
and you got you were so grateful I was like what is wrong with
this man like. You show up on my almond milk.
Let's party. Yeah.
I love that. That that was maybe that was
over 10 years ago, I would say. Was it?
Yeah, I would say. And it was to do like 20 minutes
or something. And I I loved it.
And then a dog, it was either a dog or a cat.
Yeah, yeah. Wandered in mid set and then
just like, but people didn't even react weird and neither did
the dog, you know. So I was like this dog just like
something to the comedy because it's sort of poked watch a
minute of me or so. And then it was like, yes.
And just down the back out, you know?
At the accent I don't get. It but I do I I exactly what I
did with Vickers. I look at a lot of things like
they're do that's crazy talk. Like the idea that I once a
month could get in my car and drive down to Dublin, do a few
of the clubs. I'm like, come on now, come on
now, who do I think I am? I can't do it.
I can't text a promoter and be like, could I like jump on and
do a spot? I'm like, no, no, no, no, no,
you know, like shame. I don't want to come across
like, what do you like? Like the wee boy in Oliver
Twist. Please.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I feel like I've had my porridge.
I've got my almond butter. I can't have anymore.
You can't have you've got almond
butter. I've got, I've got my that's.
The classic example of someone that's fancier than they think
they are. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I have almond milk and almond butter.
That's a lot of almond I've. Never had almond butter.
It will change your life. It will change your life.
I have it every every day in my life.
Almond butter, I love it. Beautiful.
Does it taste? Oh, almond butter actually looks
like peanut butter. Yep.
OK, Yeah, crucially, it's not. Because I I don't like peanut
butter at all people. And if they don't have almond
butter, people you take peanut butter and like that don't even
that's not a normal. Tree.
Now that I don't, I don't buy that for a second.
I hate that it's a tree that tastes the same.
Well, I'm not in the like, I don't know what you've heard,
but I'm not a big nuts guy right at all.
I'm not, I'm not like you'll never see me just eat nuts.
But I don't think almond milk paste like.
I don't think it's not at all, but.
That's the same of the almond butter.
It's just got this like rich nice taste.
Smoky taste. No.
OK. Unsmoked taste, but I, uh, I
love it. Maybe I'll do Victor St, that'd
be great. I went to UMM.
I'll open for you. I went.
That'd be great. Yes, I went to see UMM Hamilton
in the board. Gosh theatre my son.
Oh, I. Live right beside that.
What a place that is. Yeah, And what a show.
I've never seen Hamilton. I love a musical, but I've never
seen Hamilton. Incredible.
I think it's, I don't think it's the rapping.
Yeah, it's better rapping in it, but it's it's, it's brilliant.
Really, really good. What like, OK, tell me, is there
like what's the the tune that you come away from at home?
And because when a musical, there's always the song.
Yeah. I just don't know what it is in
Hamilton. It's it's called the my I'm not
throwing away my shot. The like the weird thing is in
that I don't know if case all musicals.
I'll say the weird thing about this musicals and then people
go, this happens in all musicals.
Some of the songs come back in throughout the whole thing, you
know? That's what a musical is.
So homophone. No, but.
I'm sorry, I just these are more diversity in this podcast
because it's just very clumsy towards my people.
There'll be a song and then we'll do another song, but then
they might come back to the song from the start.
Yeah. All right, is that all musical?
That's all musicals. That's.
They do that now, so if you like that, you'll like Hamilton.
Brilliant. We, yeah, we got like, we got a
little bit of a hookup of Hamilton and we got to go.
We got to do a thing called the circle or something.
Circle seats. Oh yeah.
Change your life. I can.
I can go to theatre like us. For what?
For Doctor Strangelove, what's that?
It's this Steve Coogan and is playing the other way.
Dr Strangelove is a Peter Sellers.
It's a film I love. He plays a few parts and Steve
Coogan is now doing this on stage.
Where? In Dublin.
It's in Dublin, yeah. It's in the, it's in the
broadcast, I thought. Of Steve Coogan.
I auditioned for a film he's going to be in and I thought I
got the part and they made the mistake of saying they're
excited to see your tape and then they mustn't be not excited
because I didn't get the part. I would love to.
Steve Cook is one of my heroes. That happened to me with ping
recently where you know when you have old head shots and you're
like, it must update that. I see I'm the opposite.
I go I must not update that because I don't look like that.
Here's what can happen. I got I was offered a part in a
series. What kind of seat?
What kind of Without giving away what kind of series?
It was the dry, the one the dry. It was a series in Dublin.
Not that it was offered, but it was just literally like they
want to see you for this and like, I reckon this is going to
go your way. It's going to get you.
And I was like, oh, it's a done. They'll just give them a good.
It was kind. Of yeah, it was.
Just give them a good tape, but my head shots are about nine
years old. As in, you're nine years old in
it, or they're nine years old. It's when you didn't get this
child part. And yeah, then I made the tape
and the tape with dinner literally went off a Cliff.
Like it was like this man looks nothing like his head shots if
they're a complete catfish. I got him lovely head shots
done. Lovely head shots done.
So I'm Alicia Richards know who put on the Kilkenny Festival,
but my agent before that, he was absolutely brilliant.
Umm, her husband does head shots as well.
Took the head shots look beautiful.
I sent them to my wife because I was so happy with them.
I was like, what do you think of this?
And she's like, eh, they've taken away your, your mall.
And I was like, what is it? And then I looked and I had like
a mall there, right. It's not that.
Big Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
No, you're supposed to. Go Is there a mall?
Is there? Is there no I can't see?
That they took that out. So then I've never felt weird
about the mall until they took it out and I was like, what's
the problem with the mall? So there must be an issue.
OK, there must be. OK.
Yeah, it's well, you know. They also like, to be fair, the
guys fucking the Photoshop because he defined my stubble a
bit more and I had a bit of stubble in it and it looked like
a real boy. I look like a like a man.
I look like a man in it, so I'm getting put forward from mom
roles at the minute. And then when?
I saw the gremlins with a big mole, yeah.
I was going to say as opposed to young man, but yeah, I didn't
load the stuff. I never.
Get I made the mistake recently of looking for my head shots
because you know, the way I have my head shots in a drop box,
right exam was anyone when they need them.
But I was out and somebody asked for one was like, oh, they're in
my e-mail. And I made the horrific mistake
of finding the on photoshopped versions of my head shots.
So you know, you're so used to looking at the head shots,
you're like, yeah, look at me. I'm a really beautiful man.
And then I got the on. Oh, God, yeah.
Are you like I had sit down. I was like this can't.
Be yeah, because you're like, you have so much respect for
yourself. You're like, guys, I preferred
if you didn't edit these photos, just put me out like I am.
If the you know, if they if they don't like me like this, they
don't like me. I don't want your photo.
And you look at it and you go see what you can do with this.
Yeah, exactly. The magic on that?
Exactly. Like I was wearing like a white
T-shirt and I was like what happened to that fitted white
T-shirt? And then I was, oh, that wasn't
a fitted white T-shirt. No, no, no, no.
That did not fit me. Some that I like playing
football is eh is if someone's wearing a top because everyone,
usually the tops for a football team are all the same size and
there might be a big guy on the team.
And I have a friend who will show to people and be like some
player fit. And that means like is that a
specific skin tight top? And he knows it's not, but it
makes me laugh every time. Every time.
Yeah, my, my most recent headshots are great, but I'm
just, it's not me, I know, but. They're great.
They're so aspirational. I'd love, yes, I would love.
I would. Love to be the guy in the
headshot. I know I would love somebody to
look at my headshot and go, oh, that's garage.
Yeah, that's going like, I think it's like, that's me, it's me.
Yeah. There's a man that actually sits
in the local park and I haven't seen him since COVID, so maybe,
but he there was this old man who's a little bit senile where
I live that sits on a park bench and he just shouts at the people
who are jogging. Sure.
It's obviously anybody's like, go on your phone, bastard.
Every time. It's just.
It's one of the most joyous things.
And he laughs and laughs like he just entertains.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So much so like, when you see
people in those jerseys like that, like they're looking
really good. And he's just.
Rolling back on Earth. Yeah, yeah.
I I was going to ask you like gigging in Dublin but then
travelling all over, have you gigged in belt like in your
early days done especially did you come up here and get in
Belfast? Yeah, I did.
I did. And Laughter Lounge the Empire.
After lunch here didn't last long.
I remember that was when I was just starting and I saw that as
like the ultimate. I was like, I need to get in
there because it was like always packed and it was new and I knew
there was one in Dublin. So I was like, if I do out the
Belfast one, maybe I'll get on Dublin.
And I think I just about was to get booked for it and then they
closed. It didn't last that long.
It was. It was fine.
It wasn't a great gig. It was.
Stagging hands. I love the idea of coming up
here, though, because it felt so different and it always felt
like gigging up here was like a bit of a different level because
I'd never really been up the North.
Yeah. You know, So I remember, you
know, like when you start stand up and you're when you're
getting good, you're like, I am a proper tough guy.
So it felt like that coming up to Northern Ireland just like
this is how tough I am. Yeah.
Play up the North. Yeah.
You know, because my mom would like here come to Northern.
I down there over the border. Yeah, yeah, exactly.
It's like yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you feel really good
about, I don't know, I always used to be nervous about it, but
it always felt that you got much fit when you were gigging up
here a bit. And I remember the first time I
played the Ulster Hall with Neil.
Oh my God, I was so nervous. I loved us and it was.
Do you remember the time there was the problem with the flags
on the? There's always a problem with
the flags. There's never not a problem it.
Was it was just a week? It was a specific week, yeah.
I think they were flying the City Hall.
Yeah, that's what it was. And for some reason that was the
week we did that gig when that was all kicking off.
And I remember Neil was like a hard right material about it.
And it was like it was a big thing.
And I just had in my head don't mention flags.
Yeah, just don't mention it's like me dancing.
Yeah, get a boner. Yeah, you're talking to the
wrong guy. This flag is coming up a full
mask. I and I remember walking out and
says don't mention flag, don't mention flag, don't.
And when I took the mic off the stand as well.
I just have flag. That was my.
That was my introduction to. Do you audition for a lot of
stuff? Like I could, I could see you
and Ken. I could see you playing like a
bar boy in. I would.
You know what? That was a final compliment.
You started laughing. I.
Like a shitty underworld guy and Ken.
My problem with Ken is this is my problem.
I I'm does a woman from Ken Dancing with the Stars.
Which? Which one would I know her from
Ken. Yasmin Saki, I don't know who
she played. My problem is I can't watch Ken
because of snakes. There is Emmett Scanlon's
character keeps snakes and tanks.
Yeah, you don't like snakes. I'm terrified of snakes, yeah,
but I have a like paralysing, morbid fear of snakes.
And when I was in Africa. So I couldn't dance to you?
The irony. I mean, I hate snakes.
Turning the Steve Irwin all of a sudden.
But when I was in Africa, there was a snake in my room.
No. Yeah, I almost lost my mind,
like I was just. I don't wonder you.
Didn't have a good time when you were there.
Yeah. What did you do?
You got it. I I went to.
Mine came and got it. No, I, I just ran out of the oh,
I made a show on myself. Like I I mean.
That's fair and under the circumstance.
Salute. I'm terrified them.
Like, I mean, I can't watch them on television any of that.
But I went into the we were saying these little cabins and
there's kind of little bathroom off the cabin.
I went into the bathroom and I came out and they were like
those little lizards, like running around.
And I was like, this is not great.
Now I just. Even that would lizard don't
want the lizard. Not a found but it'll be grand.
I would get on doing mosquito net and, you know, curl up the
ball and then I know it's a tail and I thought it was a lizard.
Yeah, in your room. In my room onto the mash and
then I realised that the tail went out and went on to the door
and I was like oh good God. And it was.
What size we talk? It wasn't big, but it was long
and it was grey and I somebody told me that that's the they're
quite poisonous ones, but I was taken off my jeans.
When you saw it when I. Saw it, yeah.
And I opened the door and I ran out and, like, battered on the
producer's door and she opened the door and I was down there
with my trousers crying. It was a, it was a, it was a
rough week, Yeah. I would have did betting a
turtle of. Course you would.
Not a freaked out I wouldn't. Go on.
Oh yeah, I did a freaked out. Yeah, I'm not.
Poor tiny woman. The next morning had to go
through my luggage because I realised that when I left, I
left the door open. Oh shit.
So she went through. I couldn't humble that stuff at
all. Like at all.
I can't. Yeah, when I see like the
celebrity in the jungle and all. That.
I could look. No, no, no, no.
There isn't enough money in the world.
What there? What gig you doing in Belfast?
What you doing Belfast? Mandela Hall.
Brilliant. Everyone is raving about Mandela
Hall, Dominic, because it was closed for a long time as a
venue when they really. Yeah, it only opened a couple
years ago again, but there was a long time where it was being
redeveloped only. We've played stuff in there and
we love it. And it was 5 when I did 12.
Yeah. So I'm looking forward to that.
Yeah. I'm doing Mandela Hall that I'm
doing. And.
What what time of year are you doing?
Next week. Oh yeah.
Saturday the 15th. Yeah.
Yeah, umm, what are you doing, Derry?
Derry Playhouse I love the Playhouse and.
Derry players just great. Yeah, it's so it's last year
actually. I went to eh, I did players
Derry on Glamour Hammer Tour and like it was the best crack.
Oh my God, like one of my favourite gigs of the whole
tour. And then Sally on Hayward UK
comics. She was over doing gigs in
Dublin and she was gone up to Derry.
But she I was like I'll try the open, I'll do, I'll open.
And I went up. I was like this is the best
room. I swear to God.
This is going to be great to say I died on my whole 20 minutes of
new stuff that have never seen the light of day since.
I was like, well that is a really harsh lesson to all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's Nandos and dairy as
well. There's a great Nandos.
The Richmond Centre. Yes, we went in there and we
had, I had the halloumian mushroom peda.
Have you ever had this? No, not my thing.
No, I got a sad order. I don't what TV tell me it's
that order. Butterfly chicken?
Yes. Chips, broccoli, slice of
pineapple, almond butter, half an avocado, no almond butter,
half an avocado, 2 thighs, medium glass, a bottle, glass
bottle of water and maybe a soft drink.
It's a lot of stuff. That's a lot of stuff.
You get brought too many balls and plates so once you like do a
bit of admin get along the one plate.
You can just get rid of the balls and plates and it doesn't
look as bad, but it's like it's a big order.
Nice. I love it.
Yeah. Yeah, I I tried the halloumi
mushroom the first time it was doing that and tell Teresa show.
Yeah, yeah, Teresa Livingston's like a real.
BBC Sound show and they were doing Nando's orders and I was
doing the. Taxpayers Money Month.
Yeah, exactly, exactly. I was like.
Fernando's, yeah. Just try, try whatever you can
try whatever you want. You can go on the bin.
This is just a licence fee and I was doing the January, you know,
the vegan do. For a second I was like, what?
I thought that was wild. I thought you were like
switching over, switching codes, you know, go from her in the
football. Imagine you just did that, just
January. You're like, I'm just going to
hetero junior. That's a great idea.
It'd be fun. I don't know if it before I from
what I know about that, it's a lot to learn I feel like.
Hey, I'm not the guy to teachers.
There's a lot. There's a lot of odd man.
There's a lot of yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we're like exchange students.
You know, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said.
Everything you need to know is that it's a lot simpler.
The male males were a lot simpler.
Our needs, yeah, we're very simple people.
From what I from what I hear, the heterosexual man has.
A But I think I struggle with like put it this way, I used to
play a rally driving game right and my cousin's PlayStation and
I, he played it on the view where you can see the whole car
driving on the road. But I could only play it if I
was POV. OK, so I think I might struggle
to please some guys because the angles I think I think I could I
could service you but it might take me a while like I need you
to. Come around to the face.
I need you to come to the side and look that way.
Do you know what I mean? Like I could, if you're facing
me, I can't do anything for you, you know?
I just think it would take a while to get the angles right
for me. Yeah, I guess there's a bit of
that. Yeah, I can read.
POV case stuff. It would have to repeal, but
yeah, look, that's, yeah, that's something.
She's a small price to pay. I can't see anyone being
unreasonable about that. But I do think you would have to
say it upfront. Do you know what I mean?
I think it would have to be like this.
Might be weird but you only do this.
People just a couple of it has to be POV and it's going to be
almond butter involved. Consent is important.
It's important that you. Consent on almond.
Yeah, exactly. See my neuter.
Oh dear. Derry's great, Terry's
brilliant. And that Nandos is good.
Good. Yeah, it is good, Nanda, the
good. People.
Good people. Yeah, it is.
I like the Nandos, absolutely. I was impressed.
It's one of the better because Nandos can be very hit and miss.
Personal opinion that's you like some Nandos and Nandos miss is a
hit anywhere else. It's like when Bruno Mars brings
out a single that doesn't people.
That's not great still Bruno Mars, you know what I mean?
He still brings a. Certain energy to really hostile
turn and I I don't know where I went wrong.
No, I just disagree. I don't.
Think there's an answer to this. I think the food is always a
hit, right? But I do think the place can
sometimes be a bit of a, you know, there are good ones and
there are bad ones. A couple of one I was in
recently, I think it was in the UK, where there was a corner and
if you were around that corner you weren't getting any service.
Right, I get you. Know that sort of thing.
They can be sprawling. I do.
I do a cheeky Dublin and those, sometimes I'm driving down, I'll
turn off it. It's not swords, There's another
one and there's an omniplex at it and eh, M&S and it's near the
airport. Oh, Omni, it's called Omni I
think. The whole place is called Omni
the Nando, Sir. Yeah.
And a Starbucks and all that kind of Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sometimes I turn off the motorway for that.
You're talking 12 minutes drive time, 6 minutes get there off
the motorway, 6 minutes back roughly.
But then you're not going into the city centre or anything.
So yeah, I'll, I'll do that. Yeah, cheeky little just a
little secret. Yeah, yes, Like naughty.
And you whisper your order, you know, you know, you don't say
it. I love that one.
What's this tour called? This tour is called Garage.
Great creator names. I love a good tournament.
Yeah, I do like a good tournament.
I wish there's something like this one.
That's bogamy, though, in that there's two things about this
tour. This bogamy, right?
One is the name because it's your name is twice on the poster
and just feels a bit weird. It's just been off.
The second thing is the poster because.
You're like tied up on. Yeah, yeah, lying down.
And the problem is that in the middle distance, and this is
work known for tour posters. My crotch is in the middle
distance, So what I've found is on the mobile version of most
apps that it's just. Yeah.
And you would be surprised that most theatres find it very
difficult to change that. So I do think, I do think it's
having an effect some sometimes positive.
Could be a good. That's what I'm saying, yeah.
A good effect. Sometimes, but like in
Edinburgh, it was, yeah. I just think some people came
expecting a different show. Yeah.
That's all I'm going to say. Yeah.
We'll put the link to that to the tickets for those shows in
the description of this episode. Oh, cool.
And your podcast, the podcast called Agony Rants that I do
Whitney of Cabinet, who won the Eurovision in 1993.
And we solve people's problems. And yeah, it's, it's, it's go
crack. Help me when I personally pay
attention. We place.
I'm kidding. Don't help me.
I want to keep going. I know.
Yeah, I know they. I know the risks.
Yeah. I'm just.
I can't be stopped. I I'm going to be honest, I'm
going to Google the nutritional information on the person.
Pagan. I don't think this is as bad a
situation. Yeah, I know.
I realised this is a doctor going.
Sure, it's only a bit of heroin. Yeah, yeah.
I think no, it'll be the end of me, but that's why I want to go.
Girl, thanks so much for coming on the part.
I really appreciate it. Good luck with all the dancing.
Oh, thanks very much and it's your pleasure.
And we'll play go to those shows, Belfast and Derry.
Yeah, thank you very much. It's been, it's been a ball.
I've had a ball. It has been great, Yeah, I've
really enjoyed it. I think it's still.
You blame me on those things. I'll tell about that.
Yeah. Yeah.
We're not putting the episode, but.