Prime big deal days is coming October 8th and 9th, which can
lead to involuntary deal squeals like the infamous deal on a new
massager squeal. Stay big on prime big deal days,
October 8th and 9th. Separate welcome to this episode
of the TV's Meat Podcast with me, she and Todd.
It's a guest episode. Before we get into it, let me
plug two things. Number one, this podcast is
sponsored by support local ni.com.
You know, coming up to Christmas, everybody's just
buying gifts on Amazon. You know, maybe you're venturing
out and going to the Spar to buy people stuff, you know, your
local convenience store. What you want to do is go to
supportlocalni.com. It's essentially an Amazon for
local businesses. We've got to support local
businesses at this time. That's a great idea.
It's a great concept. It's essentially a website that
shows you all these local businesses.
It gives you ideas for gifts. Like I'm on it right now.
I'm seeing, you know, stationary.
I'm seeing framed prints, I'm seeing fudge, you know, and
fudge is great because it's very fun to say and it's nice to eat.
I'm seeing makeup studios, I'm seeing art, NI coffee company
designs, dance school. I mean, what I'm saying is
they've got it all. So head over there, support
local ni.com, great for Christmas gifts.
Have a look, see what's happening.
We'll link to it in the description of this episode.
I've also got a public Patreon, which is patreon.com/tea With Me
podcast get a bonus episode every week.
Me and producer Don, there's my stand up special from last year
at the waterfront on there and a lot more stuff coming up to
Christmas. We're going to have some more
episodes. We do 2A week at the minute, but
we'll maybe add some more coming up to Christmas and not in
between New year period where everybody just, you know, lies
on their side and face fat. So we at the minute, we've
banked quite a few episodes and and I've got to say they've been
a hell of a lot of fun. The Patty McDonald episode went
out last week. It was great.
This episode is no different. I'm getting a comedian friend
in, my friend is Connor Keys. Connor does the Deck chair and
Yums podcast with Mickey Bartlett, which is absolutely
amazing. Definitely check that out.
And Connor and I have been gigging together for well, you
know what? We've already actually recorded
the episode and Connor is just, he's off camera here, but 10
years from each other. 10 years. He's just, he's over there.
But I'm acting like this is done before he arrives.
But actually we've already done the episode.
Spoiler alert. It was a hell a lot of fun and
we got into a lot of stuff, you know, so I'm expecting the
comments section to be pretty busy after this one.
So, yeah, we've been getting together for for about 10 years.
You know, Connor's a great guy. He's there.
You know, I mean, out of the corner, my I can see his
trainers. But yeah, we talk about daily
Comedy Club, we talk about old experiences of gagging and the
Deck. John Young podcast, if you
haven't listened, and I implore you to do it.
They talk a lot about conspiracy theories.
So we get into a lot of that. And it's difficult for me to get
into that kind of thing for two reasons.
Number one, I'm not that intelligent.
I'm #2 I'm in the Illuminati, so it's hard for me to really let
go on this kind of thing. But yeah, we have a hell of a
lot of fun. You'll enjoy this episode.
It's with Connor Keys. Let's enjoy this episode of the
team's new podcast. You like my plant?
I love your plant. Actually, I don't know if that
was a plant as a plant. What do you mean?
Did you plant it there on Vadnais?
There's not a vadnais as pure decoration for the visual
element. I thought you were trying to
tease me with or something. Of the podcast, what do you
mean? Just, you know, because I like,
love. Plants you love gardening never
met a mom more into his agriculture.
Hydroponics only, but. Once once I was calling at my
cousin's flat. This is when I was about 10 or
11 in the estate of the road. Wrapped the door.
Didn't know what number it was but as I think it's this one but
it was on the wrong flight in the block flats.
Wrapped the door. All heard was one second, one
second. I was like, not like him.
One second, one second guy came to the door and there was just
like an ultraviolet green light coming from the side of him.
And he luckily shipped himself and about 10 years later, one
day I was like. That guy was growing just
walking in the street. Yeah, no, God forgive you.
That's terrible thing. That's funny when people get so
funny when like when people get busted and like, you know, when
in America and all, you know, it's like all the fine, like a
drug saw worth $200 million here.
It's always some guy in the country.
Drugs were £68. Three plants, 17 roads shut
down. You see the video, there's a guy
recently I was in England I think, and was a news reporter
outside of what seemed to be had been a drug bust earlier in the
day. And there's one guy just caught
the background common with a plant.
It must have been his, his ration and he had to get it out
and just caught on camera. Yeah.
So no, your plant is hopefully it's going to get bigger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it works well in audio
podcast as supposed to. We've got the visual element of
a 2. Not a lot of people watching
video. More people watch, more people
watch the audio. And I haven't seen you since
February. Yeah.
January. It's been, it's been a long
lockdown, those two weeks of last a long time.
Yeah, I mean, listen, we're going to get into a lot of.
Things. It's the longest two weeks of my
life. It feels like another.
Way so I'll mention in the intro, but you do a podcast from
Mickey Bartlett and called Deck chair and yums.
In my opinion, one of the one of the best about one of the few
podcasts that of friends that I would listen to because there's
something weird about listen like not weird, but you know,
you try to chat to your friends. You don't need to listen to
their podcast, but that's one that I that I will regularly
listen to. And so a lot of it, what you
deal with is conspiracies and too much other stuff.
But there's a. Yeah, there's a 2 underlying
theme runs through the. Board.
There's a vein of theories. And I text them, I text Mickey a
couple of weeks ago and said, say this vaccine.
No, I'm not that I'm on the wind up, but I want to.
I know he'll give me a good bit of chat about this.
I said, would you take the but I just sent them one sentence.
I said, would you take the vaccine and make it reflect A
vaccine for something that doesn't exist?
Question mark. Bartlett's been warned about
that. Yeah.
So fun. And that's the weird thing.
If something gives you a new symptom, well he's like what I'm
worried about catching some of my new symptoms doesn't exist.
He did. There's something what I say
99.94 recovery rates. So why would you take?
But the weird thing is people think that I'm the one on when
it comes to the vaccine thing and I have no way she was at
all. I'll, I'll take it now.
You take it. Oh.
Yeah, not a problem. Yeah, I don't know what she was.
At all. I didn't think we'd get into
this this early, but even I'm because I'm AI don't know
whether I't genuinely in the at risk category, but with Crohn's
and a compromised immune system, I think I maybe I should check
out 100%. I should check that out but but
I never get the flu vaccine. I've never had the flu vaccine,
no. But my I've had the what he
called the booster when you were in secondary school.
BCG. Yeah, I've had that.
You know, we had my kids are immunised, so I don't, I don't
have an issue. What about the BCG you got in
primary school where someone in another class you'd already got
it because they give you a class by class and come in to do a
message to your classroom and go?
Why? And there was No Fear.
Begger we called the booster. Booster No No.
No, yeah, No Fear than the poster or worse was the guys who
were a year older than you had it last year punching your not
armed the whole day, just constantly punching your.
They're getting on like Vietnam. Just, you know, don't pay.
Yeah, I mean, I've never got the flu vaccine just because I'm
like, I'd never get the flu. So I don't think and actually
once I've had the flu and it was in November.
Oh, just there. Yeah, I've never, ever had.
Actually one of the one was over because there was no coronavirus
talked about that stage. When it was over, I said to my
wife I'll never say again. I had a dose of flu last week
which I've said all my life. Right, right, right.
What I had previously was a cold.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had an actual flu in November
and it fucking floored me for just over 3 days.
Couldn't actually. I had to cancel gigs of I
couldn't could not move. But they say don't.
Are people saying like, oh, well, flu doesn't exist anymore?
But what does that mean? Does that mean that anyone who
gets anyone who thinks they have COVID and it's really the flu,
they're just saying COVID? I think that's what they're
trying to say. I I didn't see the memo that
told us we had cured flu. Right.
But a 95% drop in a year is, is technically cured by anybody's
book. So I thought there should be at
least St parties, but then you can't because lockdown.
So yeah, yeah, we could have a virtual party for the flu being
killed. I mean, I think whoever start,
you know, people are like obviously blaming the Chinese,
which is pretty sly for COVID, but I mean, whoever owns him
needs to be investigated because they've made a few Pines.
Follow the money. That is one of the biggest
things I suppose and all this. The crazy thing is that the
massive transfer of wealth. So they said there was a pork,
you might said 243 billion has went to the likes of Google,
Apple, Amazon things again and 200 billion has been lost by
small businesses and stuff. So that's a massive change and
money across the world, which is not a good thing.
Oh yeah, because it well, Amazon, it is definitely
reemphasize to me without thinking that like you buy
things on Amazon, Yeah, you don't go to the your natural
thing would be I need something, I have to go to the shops.
Yeah, and that's, and what has happened is it's kind of the
same thing as Google becoming a verb.
To what do you mean Google something?
Yeah, to Google something online.
Yeah, I'll Google it. I feel.
Bad, which is terrible because it's a corporation.
You wouldn't say I'm going to go on Amazon it, you know what I
mean? Yeah, You don't go say to your
mates we're going to, we're going to go out tonight.
We're going to get fucking Wetherspooned.
So it's a weird one that I. Don't I feel bad for the likes
of Lycos? Yeah.
You know, no one's on it. Yeah, no one.
No one's AOL on it. Go by asking Jeeves everything.
Oh fuck Jeeves, definitely. He's in the basement,
quarantined. I mean, whenever I was in
secretary school, Jesus, very old.
Yes, Yeah, because Jeeves launched asked Jeeves when he
was an, you know, an old guy. So now it got.
I think you got a shield in there a few a few years back and
he just doesn't. Like how long does it?
Take during the swine flu like it was back.
That long does it take change to find the answer to what you
need. DuckDuckGo is the way to go
forward now for your search. What's DuckDuckGo?
It's so it's a search engine that doesn't track your your
searches or doesn't look at and it doesn't know like Google or
prioritise things to regarding the money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'll give you a more
realistic. What about Bing Bing Bing?
Try Doctor. Bing, they keep sneaking in with
their toolbars every so often, you'll see it.
Yeah, where the fuck did bank Might get that?
Even tries the whole time on the phone.
Banks like get out, things like that.
On that destined uncle which was up at a family party, you're
like, for fuck's sake. You were cool in the 90s Fuck
off. You were.
Couldn't used to buy me toys. No, you're not.
I mean, yeah, the whole, well, the money thing, you know,
people like follow the money and looking at all that kind of
thing. Like I, and we've probably
talked about this a little bit before a good while ago.
I'm very ignorant in a way where I if I know something like
that's going on, I just don't look at it.
If I'm. So when I get, hopefully when I
get the vaccine, I won't look at them putting it in because I
know it's, I know I don't want to say that.
OK, so is it a fear or is it just you don't want to say just
I just. Don't want to say it because
like, I don't mind getting an injection to get them all the
time for the Chrome thing. So but I still prefer not to
look at it, OK, Otherwise it would make me more
uncomfortable. And I'm the same with like, you
know, when you when you read about, you know, the rich
getting richer, all that kind of thing.
I just don't, I just don't. I don't want.
I mean, that's why I don't watch news.
Right. It's just stay away from all
that. Yeah, just don't look at it.
Say brag the thing. What about masturbation?
What do you mean just don't look at it?
No, just don't. Just don't look at it.
Just keep cool.
Don't look at the needle, but I don't know, it's just I, I've,
you know, you know, on the probably where I hear most of.
Yeah, but what about this is actually your podcast?
OK. I mean, I don't know if that's a
scary thought for you, that that's where people are coming
to get like an alternative take on things, but.
Yeah, because we the sort of thing that we take on it is
we're trying to what the fuck is going on?
And you were doing that way before it was cool.
Like you use actually you like I'd never met like can as
conspiracy theorist, a negative term.
You call yourself conspiracy theorist.
You say you're just so many questions, things.
Yeah, I wouldn't. I would all.
I think I've always done, not even from school, but I've
always questioned authority. So then when somebody tells you
something, I'm like, well, I'd like to know myself.
Yeah, Fuck, there's so much shit out there.
So much, but you so much, much information, so much
unintentional, unintentional. You've got every angle coming
out, so it's very hard to to even try and understand what is
real, what's not that's. Do you see the appeal of my
attitude of like, I just don't look at anything, or do you
think that's irresponsible? I'd be envious of people like
that. My wife's the guy.
No, but. My wife my my wife genuinely
doesn't. If I was to ask my wife, are you
a nationalist or unionist, she couldn't tell you.
I don't know. She doesn't know which.
One the true definition of what they both.
Are, but you would know which side as which.
Oh yeah, yeah. She had no clue.
Yeah. So I, I sometimes go I'd love to
be the guy. I'd love to just not think of
those things or not have those things in my in my sight at all.
But. Yeah.
But then I think of that like then I think of other things in
that way. And I, you know, yesterday,
January, yesterday it got to about 2:00 and I was like, I
don't know if I've had lunch. I couldn't work out if I had had
lunch or not. And it really started to upset
and worry me because I was like, if I, if I eat again, maybe I
only had, maybe I only had an hour ago.
So I'm going to overfill. And that's.
Quite worrying at your age to have.
Yeah, no, I have a low IQ, man. I have a very low IQ.
There's no IQ and then there's early onset dementia.
You can't remember if you had a lot other IQ.
Oh yeah. I wish I could forget a few
fucking launches. I want to talk loads about
standard, but while while we're on this and let me ask you
about, you know, the question things, what conspiracies, all
that kind of thing. It has become not like a
mainstream thing, but like it's something that so many more
people have been turned on to since COVID. 2 things I need to
ask you a pattern. I noticed you don't you don't do
this. But like a lot of people I see
on social media who are like getting into conspiracy stuff
and that kind of thing. They do two things or, and I
want to ask you, do you think they're, are they told to do?
Are they advised this is the best way to post things?
Because the two things are the laughing emojis, right?
And the popcorn emoji. And are they, is it just they're
saying that elsewhere or are they're like not like mentor,
but are there like advice sites for like listen, there's?
There's no real. I know what you're trying to
say. There's no real central
location, the key. It looks like they're all typed
by the same person, essentially. Yes, I thankfully I'm not on
social media since maybe March time and I know class social
media the same as our class normal media as in it's it's it
can be controlled. Your narrative can be spawned
here. Very, very cautious of echo
chambers where you're only hearing one side that suits your
narrative. So I constantly look at all
sides to try and see. And even if something isn't
popular, you want to call that as long as there's reason behind
it and logic. Because let's be honest, if you
look at what's happened this last section, 9 months, there's
no reason or logic behind any of it.
Most of it doesn't make sense, which makes you think, well,
something else must be going on. So that's what we try and do.
We're trying to constantly find out what the fuck is going on.
Queue is a thing that comes out and queue is.
I don't heard of a doubt from you.
So queue, it's a, it's a. Belfast Space radio station
Yeah. So ultimately, you'll hear a lot
of. You think they got loads of
people tuning in being like fuck these boys are really committed
to are you doing? Trying to fight out the hidden
code coded meanings in between songs.
It's a weird phenomenon because it's sort of.
All I can think of it now is the fucking competition time.
How many millions have been put yet to remember the figure?
How many millions has been trafficked?
3 Ellen DeGeneres. Is Ellen DeGeneres one an uncle
tag? Find out after the break.
This is Ricky Martin. Yeah.
Well, that's, I mean, we think of Ellen and I know obviously,
because you look a lot like Ellen.
I'm thinking that just in case you get confused, but there does
be like it's a lot of that stuff.
A lot of Hollywood stuff was really weird, like the Tom Hanks
things and stuff. And and me and Mikey have always
said there's a fail of that, that that's been purposely
almost put out there to try and spoil something or to try and
ruin some matter what what it's trying to ruin.
But we wouldn't be of the opinion that that is true.
But Hanks and Ellen Generous. Do you think there's more like
sensational stuff that? See my my problem is I first
started looking into this years ago roundabout roundabout 2010
once we we had bought a house and then woke up 1 morning and
the house had lost 70 grand of value.
I'm like what the fuck just happened?
So I went to go for the first time in my life.
I should have figured it out before I went get a mortgage,
but I thought I'll go and figure out how money works or how does
it like something you're never taught at school?
Yeah. Like you're, you could do
economics, but you're not really doing nothing.
You get the university, you know, So you're not really
taught anything. You're in Pythagoras this thing.
Yeah, which is great, you know, because whenever you know you
need to get a mortgage, it was the first thing the mortgage
advisor asked me, Do you know Pythagoras theorem?
I was like, yeah. And he was like, sorry, we can
give you a mortgage. So I went to learn about money
and where it comes from and and how it operates globally.
And when I did, I was like, oh holy fuck this is.
But that's what I'm saying, if I imagine if I looked into that
and find horrifying answers, I'd just be sadder or like.
It is scary. And then and then after more
years, I was about 2010 onwards up to about 2015, I started
realise, you know, I don't know anything.
You know everything I've been taught, but I there's been
wrong. There's a lot of things I don't.
Know anything? There's a lot of things I don't
want to know. Like I, I think I accept like
corruption everywhere. Yeah, and every organisation I
think that's the key to all this is nobody nobody has any beliefs
that corruption can be stopped. It's just part and parcel of
what we do and it's just like the brown envelopes has become a
cliche. No to the point is joking.
You know politicians will take a brave and and it's not done as.
As Blatant does that like nobody's walking up to a
politician going here. As we duffel bag there's park.
Bench, So it's all and that's the thing about Q's.
What Q did was. To explain Q for.
So Q is an anonymous posts that appeared.
Now there's a lot of theories out there.
If you go on to the the media, for instance, they'll they'll
call AQ Anon. There's not as English Q Anon.
So there's Q and then there's anonymous people who follow it,
which are anonymous in that sense, but so Q and almost put
on as a name given to them by the mainstream media where they
go and attack it and then they start firing out the weirdest
stuff up a queue. Now, they shouldn't say Qi
should say the Anon's. Q keeps it very simple and and
talks an awful lot about global corruption and the power
struggle and how the money works and where the money goes to.
And then the sort of the level of nepotism you'll get between
like a politician getting their son a job and that's how the
money's laundered. It's not like a brave and you
know, so they broke that all down for the last four years or
so. And the problem is when the
mainstream media reporting it, all they talk with is the crazy
stuff. Yeah, that's some of the
announce of. That's all.
That's all I see. Yeah, all you see is the crazy
mad stuff instead of looking at money.
Yeah, Yeah. Where does the money come from?
Who controls it? The Federal Reserve is probably
controls all our all our money. I was very stupid.
I just thought. In America.
Yeah, know what? The world.
So I I because the whole world is based on the US dollar.
Right, right. Right.
All the currencies are sort of backed by that and, and based
around that. Now, obviously you'll get people
going on that's wrong. We get that all the time.
But don't worry about that. There's you've got the, the, I
always thought the federal or the American government when
they needed more money, they just printed more money.
Yeah. I didn't, didn't understand how
it worked. And that's not how it works.
So when the American. No, because then then inflation
will go way up. Exactly but.
Yes. But what happens is the American
government get a land of the money from the Federal Reserve.
Yeah. At a high interest rate and then
in order to pay the money back and to pay the interest, they
get a land of the Federal Reserve.
So it's a cycle of debt. That's also you remember Tommy
Kiernan used to do a bit about you know, we all buy insurance
to this. Who do we ought to?
Yes, yes, yes, yes the. Federal Reserve, Federal Reserve
and the World Bank and IMF, they're all the one sort of
control, I suppose. So the whole argument the moment
is about Trump. Is Trump another one of those
billionaires coming in to just completely erode any fucking any
freedoms we had or as he actually the saviour as some
people are calling him, is he somebody coming in to take down
the corruption from we're very in between when it comes to the
podcast. We don't know.
From the outside in or. If you were to follow up the
major media, but Trump, yeah, he's a, he's a racist buffoon
who doesn't know what he's talking about.
No, but. But him personally, it just
seemed to me like he he became like a symbol something.
And it was like he didn't, it looked to me like he didn't
know. You know, like you say people
call them saviour and people are like, you know, he's liberating
this and he's doing this and he's he's waging the secret war.
And and from his face, it just looked like he was going.
I'm not. But if everyone is telling me
I'm they're not as unbelievable. Yeah, absolutely.
And the more and the more he was like ignorant about it and like,
I don't know who those guys are. People are like, oh, don't you
fucking sneaky bastard. He's.
Doing your air cues and all, even though it's just a
movement. They were like IEEE, eh?
Phone tweeted. You know, like a series of like
letters. Yeah, people, like, figure all
this out. He's like 87.
He's like your dad. Of course he's going to send the
old fucking pocket. Well, some of the keys.
The weird thing is about it is that this is This is why I've
always said Q is probably one of the most sophisticated things
I've ever seen. And not the madness of it, but
the actual posts and and the time stamps, the misspelling of
things are all linked into a code which is crazy.
I still haven't figured it all out.
But there are. There are crazy coincidences.
And that's the problem, you know.
But you don't think you can find the.
Phrases I don't know. I mean, what one of the phrases
going about is how many coincidences until it's
mathematically impossible and it's getting to that point
sometimes you go high, is that that can't be a coincidence.
The way some of the things are timing up and teaming up
together, for instance, the the election, the moment.
So the mail in voting. Q broke it down back in April.
I said this is what's going to happen.
This is how they're going to do it.
So sometimes I think, you know, when you see like there was a
video going around of a car pulling up, someone happened to
be filming mailbox or whatever, and these guys came and took all
the votes away and they were being asked questions.
And the Trump sort of look at these guys.
Sometimes I look at that and I think, is there like a double,
double, double bluff going on here?
Because I looked at that and I was like, there's no way that's,
you know, that. They'd never be that blatant.
Exactly. So then I'm going are the other
ones, then putting that out. So you go and like then I think
now. You know how much of A mind fuck
this all? Sometimes I like even just
thinking about that. I've killed about 20 brain cells
there. Like I'm a thick guy, but I'm
cute. So I have that thing of like, I
can't think about this too much or I think I would just, I think
I would just pull joints and break bones.
Like my brain would free, you know, I just get brain freeze a
lot. It does be for you should see
Mikey's face some weeks and and Maggie with his.
You think if he just stopped thinking about this straight?
The the the cartoon eyebrows that he has when every they go
Realp usually get the fuck. That's the usual phrase you hear
from a game in a little bit. But again, back to the
coincidence thing. Sometimes you just can't and
sometimes they are coincidental maybe, but when there's so many
happen and so many things. So that's why I kind of not
really worried about a vaccine. I would have been there but last
year. But I genuinely believe that the
good guys are in charge. And I don't know how to describe
that any other way than good guys.
But I knew about the corruption before Trump came along, and
that's why I have the advantage of most people.
I had seen Obama and Clinton and Bosch and all the rest for what
they were before Trump came along.
So people are for some, it's very, very as fascinating to
watch. Presidents, they, they will all
have some sort of big flaws and it's just like, whose flaws can
you make peace with? Yeah, well.
Like Joe Biden smelling people's hair, which can I be totally
honest, I kind of like to smell people's hair too, but like not
in as creepy a way as him. But sometimes if I were to hug
you and like your hair is sitting, honestly, if this lock
don't gun is anything, your hair or your quiff always looks good,
right? But right now that is sitting
perfectly. So if you and I were, if you and
I would hug, which we, which we can hopefully do next year or
right after the box, we had a vaccine.
I'm going to drive them all right now.
I'm going to hug you. Now if I were to hug you and be
close enough, I would smell your hair.
And I know what it will smell of, but but anyway.
And uh. Yeah.
Are you sorry? Get it?
We fair in here. You wash your hair with calm,
all right? Why?
Where, Where's come? What's?
Why you mean plants? I thought that was so weird.
What's the link? We can't afford her gaol and we
do have. We don't.
We've moved away from come. The detective would that be?
This is grey hair, by the way. That's not it's not been
anything but until that's just. Oh look, there's a.
Broken I love them the doors are not the way those peptos went to
there and you got. The doors are locked, but
there's a broken window. How did the killer get in me?
I know the sailing. What that search for calm?
I'm always just searching for calm.
I don't know. What?
It would have brought this song, But he said let me know.
And you haven't asked me about tea either.
Yes, there's something here on tea with me.
And then you're right. Ask me about tea.
You're right. Do you know what?
Sometimes I worry on this podcast, we're moving away from
them. We've lost the essence of what
brought us in. So let me let me ask you, are
you a tea drinker? And what is the level of your
tea drinking? No, I don't drink tea.
I do drink tea, but coffee first, right?
But if I'm having a tea, it's got to be tar like.
It's got to be strong, strong tea.
As in with a certain type of bag or just a lot of dips?
I believe in bagging. In a mug.
That's weird. That's really.
Yeah, a couple of guest takeaway cup like this.
We got these from the pantry next door support local and.
But in a mug. See my You're running a gauntlet
there. What's that?
Swallowing the tea bag. No, no, no.
I've had many bag in my mouth and I never swallow.
I know what you're talking about.
Wait. Every day and you're a fucking
podcast where I'm joking. Just me.
You want to do so No one's mostly.
Oh. Fucking hell yeah.
I think, I think we drank tea together, probably backstage the
show I was making. You've actually got me on to the
You were the first one to make me try almond.
Milk. Almond milk.
Yeah, it's good. And then tea Patty.
No difference. So I drink almond milk because
basically I'm lactose intolerant because of my health.
Patty McDonald sent me a WhatsApp in the middle of like
the first lockdown. And it was a graph about real
milk and, and milk substitutes like almond and the downsides of
almond milk. So it was like, you know, there
can be a lot of sugars in these and you know, in the way it's
kind of processed. And he's like something to think
about me. And I had to reply and be like,
yes, but if I drink the normal 1, the main downside would be I
would ship myself. So I'm OK with a little bit
more. Sugar.
You could do a bit more sugar, let's be honest.
Yeah, because I'm going to die at the moment and it's fucking
killing me. What do you?
What do you do? What are you doing on it?
I'm my wife joins lemon words so then I just caught her.
You're like somebody who would follow a walking tour around the
city. I just.
Just hanging back. A metre behind your eyes and.
I read you with the tour guide and you're asking questions.
Megaphone for 100 metres away. So what are you doing just
watching just a general like watching the?
Yeah, trying to cut down the fucking shit and walking, doing
a little walking and stuff but a 2 stone on overlap them so I
have to everybody like yeah but I have to lose 2 stone to go
back to being a fat fucker. Yeah.
Everybody's most people have the ability to put on a way, but
extra it could maybe do. You eat at night, like right,
That's your. Yeah, that's your thing?
Yeah, Vampire just. Do you think, can you get that?
Can you get that one? I just go to bed.
All right, it. Was a bad half settlement.
Did you never know going to bed was an option?
I don't know. I don't know You can do that.
You can switch off the switch. That's fucking genius. 40 next
year and took me to them if. You want to know how out of
control my life is and how much of a party boy I am?
Last night not only did I had 9:20 very dramatically say I
need to go to bed, I was watching The Crown when it
happened. I was like, I need to go to, do
you want to talk with that? No, it was.
My wife watches it. Yeah, You seen any of it?
No. Fucking good show.
So she's telling me she's trying to get me in there but.
It's a good show like. Like I know of anything else.
I know the cast is a very good show.
Yeah. Yeah.
Olivia Coleman's. And not in the series I'm I'm
going from the start with Claire Foy and Matt Smith.
Right. And John, Let's Go appears later
on. He.
No, he's in. The whole thing in Churchill
Bencher, Yeah. 10 minutes, he's brilliant.
He is. He's class actor.
Yeah, but no, I haven't got on it yet.
I'm trying. I was rewatching The West Wing I
was in the middle of. I've never seen the W 1.
Worth it. Worth getting into?
Yeah, very, very good. One of the best, probably some
of the best rating because it's Sarkin, Sarkin.
So yeah, yeah, yeah. The first Four Seasons are
unreal. Yeah.
So I don't know how many times of rewatch sort of just you like
it. You can't hope for a President
Bartlett, not Mickey, but. No, Mickey and Karen, the
Bartlett boys president. Vice President.
Yeah. So with the with the with the
diet thing, the way thing, here's the thing I always think
about. Do you ever worry that like if
you drastically changed and like for better or worse it would
affect your stand up? Yeah, I'd be worried that being
too skinny would make you not farming for somebody who's known
for me, who I kind of always. I don't joke about weight on
stage, but I make sure I get the reference in first.
You've one or two lines. Yeah, and I'll get it in.
But I do have that fear going because I think I get away or
more. I don't know what that is.
I think I get away away. Or more risky material, I
suppose that way for being the jolly jolly fat guy.
But I don't you. Don't do that kind of material.
It's not. It's not.
Yeah, on the way you look, your materials.
Yeah, I tried not to, but I would sort of would make a
reference to it just. I suppose it's a nervous thing
to get there before the audience does.
Yeah. And and that they'd never do it.
But it's just my head. That's what she.
When I lost for medical reasons, when I lost the weight with the
chromes, I felt really, really weird on stage, Like I was
thinking of anyone see me do stand up before and they saw me
when I went down to like it and a half stone.
I was just a skeleton. I was thinking, yeah, I was
thinking they were looking at me being like, you know, you
couldn't concentrate in the stand up.
Yeah, well, I would have the fear that if I, if I'd touch
wood, if I lost a load of width, that people go, oh, it looks so
different. You know, if he's seen me
before, they haven't seen before.
That's just the first time you'll see me.
But that's all they could think of it.
Yeah, they wouldn't think of it. That's a dream.
I mean, that's what we're hoping for.
I think people think you just roll out and do stand up.
Literally just roll me out. You roll out, then roll out and
go to stand up. But like small things like I
will change outfit four times for a go to do a gig sometimes
And it's not like I want, it's not me going.
I want to look good here. I'm thinking about like, are
they going to think my trainers are weird here?
Yeah, I know what I think. Because you have to, Yeah.
If you're genuinely taken comedy serious, you have to know that
you are judged from the moment you step out on stage.
I think, and I think it's taken me a little years to figure out
what my on stage outfit is. I remember Dance lost and to me
about that he changed every year.
So he'll change something. He'll change his outfit, he'll
see his hairstyle, he'll change so that each one goes with a
different phase of him. It's still him, but he'll take a
different attempt to it and it might be small changes, but he
said for each tour, each special, he would have something
different. He gave me I supported him.
So Daniel Sauce, a Scottish comedian who it's weird because
it's like of everything he's done like fuck, like HBO special
Netflix, but like you would still locally have to explain.
Absolutely. Yeah.
So he's a. Scottish A weird.
Scottish comedian Bet So intelligent, brilliant stand up
and I remember supporting it. I think he's young like he's
like a year younger than me at the same age and I supported him
black box and we're most like very early 20s, just out of our
teens and I went on first. He introduced me and I used to
just try and get to the mic as quick as possible and start like
a machine gun and he after the gig he was like less than opiate
things disrespectful for me to offer you a bit of advice as
please do. He said take your time.
He's like, grab the mic and get your bearings and then start and
I help me massively. That I think I'm not going to
quote because he probably says wrong, but I think he got that
from Tom Steed right, who also said the same thing to myself.
It was like when you get on stage.
Make the enemies. Grab the mic, take the mic
stand, take it with you to the back of stage, out of your way,
and then come and do your thing because that is the time to know
this is your stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'd be too afraid. Everything in half a cross.
Hello. How You did say something, but
that's confidence. I suppose it comes with time.
I. Think I peaked too soon with
with like more of a mature look whenever we did waterfront last
time and I wore a black shirt tucked in actually these jeans
and some very nice black smart shoes.
I think I looked like, you know, out of weird man, I look.
You sort of have, I don't know, there's something about the
waterfront especially, I mean, it's 2000 people, so you sort of
have to look like. But then But then.
I don't know. But then like with hindsight and
I, that's one of my favourite gigs ever.
With hindsight I was like, I probably would have felt more
comfortable wearing the stuff I'd normally wear.
But you can slightly, I mean, say I go into a spot at pugs,
like I'm wear trainers, jeans and a hoodie.
Yeah. And it's not me being
disrespectful to crowds. That's me, especially when I'm
trying new material. Physically being as comfortable
and like. That's about it's fair because
you need to, you need to try and get away as get rid of as many
distractions away from the material.
Yeah, because if you're trying new stuff, you don't need
anything else. So you just want to focus on
that. So yeah, yeah, your clothes
don't become important to you at all, but what do you?
Wear for your first gig, remember?
I wore AT shirt, just AT shirt. It was like.
AT Shirt Jeans. T-shirt, jeans.
It was like a Jim Morris vision. No reason I know.
That's because the photographs are there, because it was a
right first time, was in the least, and the least had a
photographer at all times there. Can't remember what I were from
First gig. Jumper, jumper, shirt, jeans and
trainers. Nice.
You wouldn't do it again. No jumpers, too warm in it, you
know, No under lights. Yeah, you would not, Jumper.
But idea comes to experience, yeah, time and then spent time.
And you had talked about Daniel Saul, she had him over and every
comedian who was good at the time to to deal.
He's comedy club. Yeah, in OMA, which when you
remember you said which. People which we couldn't sell
it. When he played, yeah.
So that's my that that is, I think, a testament to local
audiences where they always want to support their own.
Yeah, very, very support. I think our I'm going to say our
generation you want to call that, but that group of
ourselves that the support from local people is unbelievable.
And like we just said, Sloss has got Netflix.
He's done con. No, he had done con no brain
already behind me. Come to the least.
But no, I mean they wanted Chantal, Paddy O'Donnell, you
know what I mean? The other locals that were guys
in you but I. Remember when you when you would
say to people I'm going up to OMA this weekend to do stand up,
that almost like not feel bad for you, but I'm sure you
fucked. You have to do.
I'm sure you have to do those kind of ones.
And you'd be like you'd spend 10 minutes passionately being like,
you should drive up to see this place.
Yeah. It it got yeah, that's that's
our, that was our comedy club and almost so it kind of got a.
In the ground about like an old ground, the.
Bar yeah, no bar upstairs and it just kind of Terry Keys and
Chris Bose started it and Terry was the, you know, obviously
Terry. So Terry was AMC and it kind of
was. It's the same problem everybody
had back at that time in a small town was trying to.
Introduced comedy to a town that didn't have comedy.
Yeah, yeah. So trying to introduce people to
come along to a pub and not talk was completely alien to them.
They've never done before. The the challenge was changing
their expectations of what a comedy night was.
Yeah, because they they would have thought it was one person.
Absolutely. Yeah.
So they didn't know, They didn't understand.
So Terry was MC and Terry was a great MC.
Yeah, he was. Yeah, it's entirely like
something was off the cuff. Stuff was amazing and that's I I
remember watching one comedian. I want them to watch because
they weren't doing well. They they were struggling to
start and I remember going to end the August of 2010 and
saying to 10 years this year sent to me and my brother went
to watch it and there was a comedian on local comedian and I
forget. I watched.
You're too good to guess who is. This part enough glasses.
So this person doesn't do it anymore.
So that's a good, that's a good, that's a good.
Thankful. He he was on stage and he was
telling jokes that were properly 20 years old, like jokes that I
would have remembered in primary school in the playground.
No, I'm not telling you. And I remember forget.
I remember turning to my brother and going, I may not be the
best, but I know what could do better than that.
But the idea must have been in your head.
I've been in my head. For a while I was going to go
for a show me the funny or find me the funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I must the deadline of
closing it by a day. Didn't know Terry Keys was going
on at all. I had no idea.
I just seen the poster in my and place I worked and the poster
was very it was like, do your friends think you're funny?
Are you good at telling stories? And that's all I had been doing
for a while. I would have done that just
messing about. And so yeah, I must that and I'm
glad I missed that because then it would have been too to keys
and to you know, it would have been yeah, because he's my
cousin and stuff. So so this this was a better one
to go down to Daly's. And I said to Chris, you know,
can you, can you give me a slot? And he said, yeah, I'll give you
7 minutes. So what I did because of the
worker, I work in community work.
So I fucking got everybody I know to come along to support
where most people try not to maybe perform.
I was like, no fellow place just for like a comfort blanket.
And it was a competition and I'm trying.
I didn't think who MC did. I think it was Darren Matthews,
or else Darren Matthews was in the competition maybe right and.
Who else was it? Who else was in?
Leave Martin was on. In the conversation.
In the competition yet, and I can't remember who else was on
there was line over with six or seven.
I think maybe Darren Matthews was one thing.
So I wanted yeah, but it was an audience fault.
So I had fucking filled the place for what I did do.
Well, yeah. And the sad went well but leave
Martin fucking tore the roof of the place and to the point even
for you my mates come backwards because there was there was
prize money. There was.
I never forget it was £80 prize money.
Right, right. And then we missed going.
You need the fucking half that were her.
I was like, no, no, sorry Neve. I kept the fucking 80 LB.
But yeah, she definitely. Well, then she came back next
the following month and headlined and she stormed it
like, but that was my first gig, so.
And the problem with that is your first gig, it's a
competition. You win.
It's in dailies in a room full of people, you know, And you
think, oh, fuck, I am. I am on it.
Yeah. And then you get them off and
Candy. Don't go for a gig.
I. Was going to say like.
You're just like a common energy and then you do a gig where
you're it's pure death and you're going, oh, OK, this is
harder than that's. What it is this?
Is this is harder than I thought it was going to be?
So yeah, a death and muff will definitely worse.
Places to die. There are there are worse places
today, but Mary Denis off by the way, everybody married Denis.
No Umm. So yeah, it was a funeral party
that we didn't, didn't. Use upstairs.
They were upstairs. They were, yeah.
Sean Haggerty was on Terry Keys myself.
Terry McHugh. Umm, the Creme de la Creme and
two guys who had never don't stand up before.
That was brilliant. People would always say always
in stand up nights back then somebody the the organiser would
go and they never organised anything before they would go
listen there's a fellow and hasn't done a gigs and instead
of going he's doing 5 minutes, he'll go, we'll throw him on for
30. This guy did 27 minutes.
And 18 of it was from Eddie Murphy Raw.
To the point he got it. Maybe 7-8 minutes in, he decided
to bring up guests to interview. I mean, it's very, very
confident for your first time at the Internet or have you run out
of stuff? Run out of stuff.
And so it was AI had actually my fucking forget.
I swear to God till the day I die I'll never forget that gig
because it was the most weirdest gig in general.
My uncle, my 2 younger brothers came along and they were in the
audience and like at one point my uncle called me over and
went, is this a fucking hidden camera show?
Right. Like, is this a prank?
And I was like, I don't know, but I'm going to look for
cameras here because something's not fucking right over this
place. Yeah.
And then we found out. Then the party, I think I've
told this before, but the party up above that was we were told
we didn't was a Valentine's 2 for one thing.
So they're eaten Terry Keys per per guy the.
Open. Could they see?
Open. Yeah, there was something.
They were talking and you know yourself a distraction.
So Terry Keys. But MC did a great job from
fair, played them. He corralled them down.
Come on down. After they've finished eating
right, Come on, come on down. And down you young lovers.
Get used down here all these Valentine's couples and they.
They scattered themselves among the audience and at that stage,
I I wasn't aware of the mechanics of of that and how
important it was. I was happy enough to go up and
then be up there didn't matter. But when they come down to the
show, I thought, OK, we have a show now.
Yeah. And Terry, just before just
before he was going to announce me, all was going around thing
and. And I'm not joking.
You said the following sentence to the woman and Jesus, love,
what's wrong? Me who died.
She said my father and every comedian collect what it was and
looked at the bar man who had told us it was a Valentine's
night. I went what the fuck anyone.
Oh, I didn't want to tell you what it was because I scared
you. It's a funeral party.
Just put a stand up king with a football party and then per
Terry, corrals them down to join the rest of the group.
And yeah, so that was that was. More deaths at night basically
there. Was a lot more dead people.
So we that that was a big calm down after the sort of the
collation of one of the competitions.
Then that became then became a long slog, as you'll know, like
we all, I mean, when I started in 2010, used for a couple of
years until already. So you really had the empire.
I've even that you know it. Was the only thing regularly
going about. Yeah, so I've been going weekly
with no dailies. There was no, you know, dairy
had something maybe but nothing said medicines.
And so started to go over there. We ended up doing I had a gigs
in Ards and Bangor and and like really terrible gigs.
Well, and everyone every every time and village tried to start
a club. Yeah, and failed miserably.
But the problem and the problem was what they would do is and
probably why dailies worked. One of the reasons what they
would do is say new Norwich with somebody go, I'm going to start
a comedy club and the bar love the idea of it because every bar
owner wants to have a comedy night in their bars.
It's cool like you know, so, So what they would do is how much
do you need for the first one? I need £250, boom, there's £250
and they would promo it. Then they would get every, the
barn manager would get his mates down and the first one was
always packed and it was usually good.
And then the second month, what they would do is they'd go well,
the company and it works now. So we don't need to promote what
is hard, we don't need to tell people because it's always full.
And then the second one wouldn't really have anyone and the you
never wanted to do the third one because nobody was at it on the
bar would stop it at that point instead of going only to build
this. Yeah.
And the deal he's actually built and.
Yeah. Well, actually what happened was
the people that I brought with me to that competition late,
about 50 to 60% of them became regulars.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And came every month because
again, that's something that that small towns have to deal
with is that people don't know what it is.
Curiosity, they come. So they have, you have to get
them in and once you get them in for the first time and it sort
of breaks the ice, they go, oh OK.
And then we were afraid night to which in Oma, like most small
towns, afraid night was usually like the underage drinkers,
right? There was nobody really, you
know, there's nothing on the Friday night.
So this was a weird thing where people realised I could come and
have like 2 beers, feel like I've had a night out but you
know, not waking up on Saturday. Absolutely.
Some of the names like who did you have?
Yeah. Well that that was a problem
too. It became a problem for us
locally. So we had it started off with
our Lohan. So whenever he came along, and
obviously it sold out and, and like minutes.
And then the following months we call Murphy, you know, so he had
that level, you know, and then two things happened #1 the
regular thought that was going to be a level all the time.
Yeah. And in fairness, we did keep a
decent off level at that stage. But the other part was because
those two gigs, I can't remember who the third gig was.
It was a big name as well. But because the three of them
sold out in a row, the whole town was like, you can never get
a ticket. For the comedy club, yeah.
So then by the 4th month nobody was there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even the bar owners like had met
me on a Monday after a Friday night.
It was like me and the wife were driving past but thought, fuck
sure, we have no tickets. You get in.
I was like, but you own the bar. That was the level.
So I thought if you're thinking that you own the place, well,
what's, you know, what's so thinking?
So that was A to be a victim of your own success in that sense.
But we, yeah, we could write that.
And then, as I say, then the things with what you were doing
and what Colin was doing started to really kick off.
Yeah. And it just was a perfect storm
really, to be honest. It just all sort of kicked in,
and then we could stay at over and Sloths and Tony Law and you
know something really. And it's one that, like, if I
was ever gagging in London or Scotland or wherever, that's the
when people heard your accent, knew you're from Northern
Ireland, what about that on my place that the Elites club, or
they would say, what's that comedy club?
And I would know what they were talking about.
Yeah. It's a weird thing that happened
because the other thing that happened was when Ariel Hamlin
came. But sorry, but this days Terry
had decided to move to Belfast and I had done dailies maybe 4
times on stage and then Chris and Terry came to me said
listen, would you mind taking over as residents MC because
that's a fucking happy days. Had them write new material
every month was it was a killer but it was kept me prolific.
And yeah. But when Arlo Hanlan announced,
my granny, being such a fan, had heard about him come along and
she's like all make sausage rolls.
So she made sausage rolls and her such rolls were fucking
famous. And and I jokingly said to her
as like, if you do it for our little, I mean, we'll call
Murphy next month, you're going to have to make them.
So it became a monthly thing. And then the sausage rolls
became as famous as the club. That's, I mean that's it was
always a big incentive as to why you'd go down.
You'd be like, can I get £100 you boys back?
We'll have 20 because it's the last minute spot.
I'll take it because I knew I was coming down.
Get us as he was caught many times with pockets full of
leaving the place. Yeah, so that became a big thing
as well, which is very strange. But it was also sort of a
because I had done two years on the road, if you want to call it
that, a shitty gigs. Yeah, yeah.
Turning up to a pub, not even been offered a water or a cup of
tea or some because you know you've driven all the way and
like this idea that stand ups this rock'n'roll Matt.
All people, all you want. I mean, we're drinking tea.
Well, the milk you've. Done all my big shows and what's
what's the writer is can we get a few waters, some almond milk
and then maybe if it's a big show, I'll be like, can you get
some beers for some of the guys if they want to?
But then and then they're not drank because we're all right,
you know? Exactly.
It's one most. Scenario so I got excommunicated
from dailies for about a year in the early days, right because I
did and I did a charity show in in OMA.
But like for outward coaching, is there like a night I was?
Scared about that. I've never, I was not, wasn't
that gig, but I heard about that gig.
It was. It was some.
It was for Teenage Concert Frost, maybe, I want to say.
Was there not something like loads of activities happening
around the gig as well? I've heard.
I've heard a few stories. Me and Sean Haggerty with the
stand ups book. Right OK so we drove down no
money for like you know, they were billing it as a comedy
night but it was a fundraiser thing and after us there was a
guy getting his either his legs or his back waxed and he was the
next act on the bill. Me and Sean went and killed Sean
did we're supposed to do 15 minutes or so or maybe even
more. We both did about 3 minutes.
There's like a two floor nightclub.
So nobody, nobody was listening. It was like a fair people were
looking at different stuff and I think me or Sean was like,
listen, just just want the guy getting the walks.
So we just commentated on the guy getting that walks and
interviewed him during it and me and Sean after.
We're like, we could be the Ant and deck of wax in here, but.
Then a nation to market. But then next time I went to do
delis, the response was like, no, not this month.
And then I figured it out because I guess in a small town,
of course you're paranoid about and there have been loads of
instances about, and I've sometimes been asked, do you
come and do my barn, Omar? You know, we've talked about
that. I think they were paranoid about
it. And and then it took a long time
for me to figure out why. Yeah.
And The thing is to, I think as we know now in, in 2020 space,
well, maybe not 2020, but 2019 comedy was the new thing where
everybody wanted to be doing 1. And so we were getting
approached by other venues in the same time.
And it's just, it's, it's difficult.
It's not. Or they would go to Acts and go.
Or go to the direct. Yeah, go directly acts and say
can you come and and bypass the comedy club?
And you're thinking there is a comedy club and you know what's
there. But the one thing that dailies
has that nobody else has is the square room, low singing and you
cannot as a performer on stage, you cannot put a price on that
low ceiling square room where everybody's facing the wonder.
You know, bogans is a great bar and low Mandy's owner and stuff,
but an l-shaped audience. It's just difficult for comedian
bands are no problem, but comedian needing to do 2 facial
expressions or two, you know what I mean?
It's not working. But so that's what they had was
was was magical. But you know from doing it when
it was at its peak, like it was electric in there.
There was times where it was just, I know how hard it was to
get me to talk Kevin Mclear and to come along for the first
time. I'd met him on the street and I
talked to him. I said about the comedy club.
You know, Kevin, I was like, oh, he's boys about too young for my
stuff. And I think what he was thinking
of, it was going to be like that gig you were talking about.
Yeah, the back whacks and things.
So, yeah, yeah. Strobes.
I had to ready sort of played with them and go, no, I promise
you. It's like it's a, it's an actual
comedy audience. They want to be there for it.
Please come along. And he came and did 20 minutes
and just, I think absolutely destroyed the place and then
came to me afterwards and just said he goes use of something
really special there. He said I haven't felt that in a
long time. Yeah.
So I was so glad because I was nervous, you know, because just
there is a younger crowd and it's because it's, you know,
it's Kevin. But that was pretty Derekers.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, obviously after Derekers. It's it's it's actually weird.
I met him not that long ago in in a hotel locally and for a
massage. Yeah.
We went in to us in the spa and just down the cup of tea in the
folly and people walking past and you can see like people
looking at them and sort of staring at them and like one
year was sneakily taking a photograph of them as past and
Kevin, do you notice much of that these days?
There's been a bit of an increase now.
I just, you know what that's about.
Like, you know that obviously Derek is a yes, I know I haven't
watched it, but I know as right as but you'd know about like
uncle columns, clubs are going around Facebook by themselves.
The son said something to me about that.
Yeah, yeah. He just has no relationship with
the modern world and it's brilliant if.
You want to meet him for a cover, you have to send a
pigeon, you know. Yeah.
Like I saw him walking around like he's a comedy.
Roman Walls for with them from a long time before Kevin Mcaleer
if anyone does know from OMA. Just in this case, yeah, he's a
couple of minutes, yeah. And I mean, in the early 90s
would have been, especially on Irish TV, like doing stuff the
night I was doing something RTE. Nighthawks.
Yeah, Nighthawks.
And then he had, he just had this sort of.
His videos, he had videos. Yeah, but he was also like, seen
as the alternative. Yeah, Yeah, he was.
He was. He was genuine alternative
comedy where where there's a lot of people who say alternative
comedy and it's just because it's just not funny.
Yeah, but he was sheer alternative comedy and it was
hilarious. And then I saw him walking
around normal one day and I remember like clocked him.
I was like, is that him? And then I had nowhere to be or
I was killing time. So I was like, I don't know
where he's going. And I was like, hold on.
I walked down the street and see what he's up to.
And then I said I was like, I've been following him for about 10
minutes. And I met him maybe at the Elise
or at something. And I I was like, Kevin, I got
to make confession. I was like, I followed you
before around the street. And then he was on Radio Ulster
about three years later, not on my show, on somebody else's
show. And he was, they were asking
him, but modern comedy and stuff.
And he said, yes, there's the fella Todd.
He said he follows me about and it's just the way he said it.
I guarantee if people listen and we're like, he's so droll.
But but we did the Galway comedy, Mike, what do we like
for 10, 4 minutes, 54, we did the Galway Comedy Festival and
there was like a Nordy invasion night, which for some reason say
the term Nordy. I hate it.
Yeah. No, I don't think anyone really
uses it. Do.
Down southward, yeah. About Northern Irish people.
But yeah, it's just, it's not a word I enjoy the sound of.
Not like, obviously it'd be mental if I was offended by it
because it is, you know? But I just mean, yeah, as a
Nordy, I don't like it, Yeah. And I think it's because of the
Southern accent too, is the Nordy, you know?
The part of it is, yeah, it's not, it's not a nice word, but
there was like a Nordy night and it was me, Mickey, Colin and
Kevin Mcaleer on Paul Curry, Young crowd.
It was a Sunday night. I I didn't have a good festival.
I feel like I didn't do well at any of the shows, really.
And then that was the best night because everybody kind of did
well. I had my best set of the thing.
And it was just before Kevin Mcaleer went on.
And there was like 200 people in the tent.
And the only person I was watching to see if he was
laughing was Kevin Mcaleer. And I mean, he's not going to be
like Def Comedy Jam audience member, like, falling in the
aisles. But like, if you notice the old,
like, you know, the side of his mouth, like slightly moving at
one point, just 20 minutes, You're like, that's all I need.
Moves with three millimetres, that's all I need.
That's when you know it's good. Yeah, he sort of.
He sent me an e-mail after the first time he'd watched me
actually, and said, so I use it as a quote, my poster going very
personable. You could take that the whole
way sort of thing. I was like, fuck yeah, you know,
because to me, when I like, I obviously I'm, I'm a bit older
than you, but I've grown up. It was always American comedy
for us. Yeah.
British comedy wasn't really a thing.
Lenny Henry maybe, certainly, But the rest was all Eddie
Murphy and maybe Bill Hicks and Pryor and stuff.
So then, for the very first time, I never forget I stole the
tip off my uncle of hearing like an audience absolutely creasing
themselves. To somebody with my accent.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think this is this is because
I wasn't listening to killed him maybe a little bit, but that's a
bit ahead of it. I was like, but that's a Tyrone
accent. I was like, that is fucking
unreal. So never knew what it looked
like. Yeah, just knew the voice right,
right, right. Because I saw the old time was
on tape. So I never got to see him until
way, way later. I'm going to.
I just, you know, when you meet somebody like that is exactly
what I thought you looked like. Yeah, always the hands behind
the back, two hands behind the. Back, sort of fleece.
Forward and back, yeah. Fleece on and like, totally
happy to like be in silence. Yes.
Oh, absolutely, yeah. Because who was that I saw
backstage at the at the festival was like him and a couple of
like comedians of of like his his age and I, you know, before
you've got a bit of nervous energy, you want to like chat
the people a bit. And however your other shows
been going all this and they were just kind of all like happy
to just enjoy the, you know, little nod at each other every
now and. Again column Murphy told me I
was with him last year said about being stuck in the green
room with Kevin Michael here Michael Redmond All right
onwards that was it But yeah, Kevin's he's fantastic and is
such a brilliant yeah and his his word play the last show I
watched him I was like there's not a sellable.
What's so well written? Oh yeah, absolutely.
And then he then that humility comes with him as well, where he
just doesn't. He doesn't give a fuck, he
doesn't care. I've seen him go on at the I saw
him going at the Empire. It's one of the first times I
saw him live and they just weren't listening.
And he, you know, it's like a row, a very rowdy, like a bear
pit night. Like they wanted more, more on
subtle comedy. Let's just say he goes up,
starts talking. You know, he's got white hair,
He's fairly small, man. He's up on stage, hands behind
the back, taking 30 seconds between sentences.
And they were chatting away. And after about a minute or two,
the chatting kind of went away a wee bit and he just kept
talking. You know, if we went on, we'd be
shouting a bit. Yeah.
He went even quiet, even more into Shell.
And he, you know, he would go. He'd just go.
They're watching me now, They're watching me.
They're always watching me. And he would just look around
that, you know, and eventually, after about 10 minutes, they
were in. They were loving us, Yeah.
He killed and he gets and I've I've watched him and deal he's
1. He came in that a couple times
out the first night and is the only act I've ever seen that
could the only word you can use. Footer.
Footer with a microphone stand. Yeah, for almost a minute.
Yes, yes, yes, yeah. Not say a word, yeah, And have
them in stitches. Yeah, just from a wee touch.
Yeah. We lock and all day Bros and I
mean everything about it is just.
Tamed I must get him on the podcast.
I could be off. For it, yeah.
Because yeah. So let me to finish up so hard
to predict be like what shoes you want to do know what's
happening. But but like has has this period
of inactivity for everyone giving you like any sort of
specific ambition to like do a certain thing or are you like,
you know what I thought would actually want to do this or
that? The good thing about it all is
I've got an iron show on Q Excellent.
Just the whole entire journey and all the madness and all the
crazy shit. Like I have read some crazy shit
this last nine months. So to put that into a show you.
Should do that in like a dark basement venue a small.
Crowd and then just kill them all then in in the comedy.
This is a part you said. I think the for the biggest
shock for me has been the podcast, Yeah, because I, I've
been doing a podcast best, the best podcast to our 200
listeners. We've been to me and my mate
Ronnie. I've been doing that and it's
basically, you know, best your favourite TV show or film or
whatever. And we sort of do a review.
So it's not a comedy one. Yeah.
And then somewhere along the line, I think it was January
time, Bartlett was just chatting one day and he was like, here
you've launched in the podcast. I was like the equipment's Noma.
If you're willing to travel Dome all the time, fucking sure, no
problem. Yeah.
And he does. He was down every time.
And and then it just went from there.
So I know me personally, I've increased like people that know
me because of the but you know, because of the podcast.
So hopefully now you'll be able to do like a show of my own sort
of thing. But I was more than happy aware
things were going because it just on waterfront halls, you
know, sang at the waterfront hall.
Yes, we did. Did the waterfront hall with you
and then had went out with with Murphy after that.
And do you know when you just you obviously at some point must
have had that feeling where it's like you're thinking right,
things are moving the way they should be moving.
You can feel a bit of momentum and then bang, it just stops.
The last two shows of history wasn't done locked down.
And so the podcast then became a sort of filler with our quizzes
and. It's been a great way to be
productive in some way and I feel like you are having that
connection with. Audience and fucking therapy.
Yeah, 100. Percent, like when you're
something, especially when you're a Bartlett, I mean, he
he's you know what it's like, you mean just pull the string
and go, you know, and you just, you just watch and absorb.
And so what's been class as well, because then you end up
feeling like an audience member times you're coming out sore
from that, you know. So it has turned out to be
pretty good, actually, yeah. So, Dexter and Young, what day
of the week? Come on.
Normally goes out to Tuesday. Yeah.
Tuesday, Yeah, it's class. I really enjoy it.
And Mickey was supposed to get a camera from me and then we've
talked about it. I should have brought it today.
The shed of truth is getting converted right into the studio
of truth. I should.
Have brought that camera you can.
Tell that we can. We'll get that.
Yeah. But I think it's not.
If there was ever a podcast, it shouldn't be on video.
Yeah, I've said this for a long time.
I keep putting it off. We're not very photogenic, you
know, sorry for yourself. You know what I mean?
You know, you obviously you look like you do, but.
Sounds like there's an insult in there somewhere.
But us two small monkeys coming out of fucking.
I look like a haunted Victorian child.
But a sweet 1. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I sweeten the outside. But like, that was a question I
was asked in a recent podcast would be like, if I was a
character in The Crown, who would I be?
And I was like, I'd be a carrot. I'd be like a distant relative
who's in with, like he's royal kind of by blood.
But I think you would have gone by the name of Julian.
And I'd be like a very evil big child, you know, and.
Are you not officially part of the royal family now?
That's why when you like when I mentioned the crown and you look
like you had something to say, I was going to be This episode's
never getting released. The family won't let.
You know what I remember? Yeah.
Because. Yeah.
So the first thing I did two things.
One was when Harry and Meghan came over and they were coming
to the crime bar and they wanted to meet people from the arts.
Love I love your better but that about.
Oh, about how you react to, certainly.
No. About the crime bar, about being
there and. Oh, but the way I was
introduced. They just assumed that you were
just a drinker. It was the one who was the the
official, like Lee is the Irish liaison between the royal family
and the people or whatever was had.
And she's old, right? And she was supposed to like,
introduce like, you know, she asked everyone, what's your
name? What do you think?
She and Todd stamp comedian Bubba.
And then when it came to it, she just fucking like got.
Lost she and a joy. Of it all and no, she didn't use
that she was the these are some locals of this bar and then then
my joke was that we just looked like we were always there and I
was like, these people just take that I'm a young alcoholic.
But yes, we did not. We had a chat and I purely went
to that because two of my mates were doing it and I was like oh
there's this material there's 100% material.
And then the next time they asked there was like no, William
and Kate are coming over. Would you do and I was like, oh,
I don't want to do the same thing again.
They're like, would you do stand up at this event?
And I was like yes, 100% did it. And then a friend of ours said
to me not that long ago he knows he goes there.
You know, some people in the West aren't too happy with you.
And I was like who, what, how I? Think I was there in that
conversation. Yeah, I was like, there isn't,
there must have nothing to do. There's maybe one guy in West
Belfast who's like, what are you decade?
But like it's not actively being discussed yet in in different
circles. Not a committee meeting.
No old they're not like she and talk keep showing up at these
fucking events, but like I'd have done it for like, you know,
the opposite, Yeah, you know. Who's that?
Was it? Stand up Jerry Adams birthday.
I do set. I do set 100% like in the
fucking roast. You get Kevin, I'd love.
To Jerry, good to see you here, although you might not be here,
you know, fucking really good. Like really good.
That could be, yeah. You may not get a.
Little Jerry, Jerry, check under your car.
He looks like it's a cake. You know what I mean?
Like it's a cake, but I mean, I just have a better material that
like I was too young to really make it work and it wasn't that
funny, but it was about like the IRA and going on like a charm
campaign. So that like ring people and be
like, you know, government buildings and all and be like,
listen, he's a 15 minutes to get out and get the ball and ice
ball of late on some ball and some ball and food for you, you
know. And yeah, the way the fucking
robot bond diffuser thing just pull on out a.
It's a cake, Johnny 5. It wasn't as funny as I'm
describing it now. I remember I was doing a
gangster bomb and I said I must have done the material then.
And then some guy in the audience went Johnny 5.
And I was like, who the fuck is Johnny 5?
And he goes, are we robot? And I was like, that's bullshit,
that's not true. Well, Johnny 5, you know Johnny
5. Is yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I then thought the. Or that they actually called
Johnny Five. OK, now I just show my age by
quoting on. The and I was like, then that
undermines it when the police are like, listen, we need to go
to like an active bomb scene. Someone get Johnny five.
I was like, they didn't need to call him that Johnny.
Five The News reporter Army bomb disposal experts have brought
out Johnny 5. Johnny 5 is live at the scene.
Yeah, fuck I I mean, at the minute I would do a gig for
anyone. Dictators.
Yeah, it's getting, it's getting desperate levels and at this
stage. If Trump had to got back in,
I've done 5 at. The that yeah, that's still to
come to we've got all that, the combined as well.
That's all this is funny. Shot before the 20th of January.
Final question, how does our play?
There's no way he's getting back in.
Absolutely getting back in. No, you you think the next year.
On the 20th of January, I believe Donald Trump will be
inaugurated. Now that's a big statement on a
lot of. Time.
When's the squad? 21st January.
A lot of time with those statements, sometimes I think
it's like. I can't.
It's. A girl showing up to a house
party when you're at secondary school, it's sometimes it feels
a guy being like, they'll be here and you're like.
I I can't see how they don't unless, sorry, I should say a
caveat to that. If it's not, it's a new
election, I don't see it going the way that is with the with
the court cases. The media keeps talking about
the court cases are keeping them thrown out, but they're not has
cases. There are other cases been done
that are as they aren't prepared and stuff.
They as in Giuliani and Janet Ellis, they have three cases
live and they're ultimately going to end up in the Supreme
Court. So the Supreme Court's going to
decide and once they see the, the evidence, I can't see how
they won't overturn the, the, the election or call a new one,
because this is the way that we talk in our podcast.
They don't have You don't have to produce your vote voter ID at
the when you go to vote What? Do you mean you can just?
Walk on and just vote. You don't need to have any ID to
preview or the person that says on your electoral.
Card feels like a bad system. Bad system.
Don't forget, these are the people who went to Iraq.
Maybe you have to. Promise people how to do open
and fairs. But maybe you like Promise or
whatever. Maybe you you go in or she and
Todd. Yeah, I promise.
I swear to go. Do you swear?
Yeah. But then some people might have
their fingers crossed secretly in their pocket.
See, that's what the Bible's for.
Yeah, true. Keep one hand the Bible and
other hand obviously, then it keeps no fingers crossed.
Next time you come on, let's talk about the Bible.
Yeah. Cheers for coming on.
Thank you very much. Thanks for the tea.
Yeah, and I bring some of that hair product next time.
I can give you something here you want.
Such an essence and can you rate?
Look where I shot me.