Zippers, I am on tour of my brand new stand up show She and
Talk comedy.com but what do I have said is not the name of the
show. I've done the regional Ireland
dates, I've done the Europe dates but I still have some big
Ireland shows, Belfast, Dublin and Cork.
Belfast and Dublin are sold like Cork has tickets left and I'm
going to America and Australia and Canada.
She and talk comedy.com. I am in America and Canada May
and I'm hitting Australia in October.
She and Talk Comedy. Welcome to this episode of TSB
Podcast. My guests are Tim McGarry and
Mickey Bartlett, birthday boy. That's me.
Birthday Birthday to you very much birthday with.
Yesterday it was. Remarkably.
Have well have a sip alcohol. You're looking at a new man.
Really. I got up in the morning, went
boxing and then I went lifted weights and then I took my
nephew Bolton Rock and. Roll get the fake you.
Know mean, I said. You fucking beat me in Bolton to
bridge. But that's your first super?
Was that a conscious decision? That was sober birthday.
No, no, that's all. I just you make just a new meme.
Was it not the intervention you told?
Yes, we have a podcast. Yesterday there were so many
cars in the car but I thought fuck, I was like.
A. Long time coming you're.
Getting a call on the Caterpillar cake and rehab.
By the way, you're adopted wrong intervention don't have the one
time I was a kid my my mind. My sister started so burn when I
was 6 and my sister was about 3 and she found out that my mom
and dad didn't plan to have me. They were just like, well,
that's what she said. She was like, you were a
mistake, my sister, three years of age, you're a mistake.
Right, we're doing anal. Yeah, take that out.
Sorry, Actually do take that out.
Doesn't make sense though for but anyway, but the sister was
like your mistake and then when I went on and you're adopted and
then my dad went now we just found you and they all teamed up
and I just started crying. Ran upstairs No Essex 25. 3939
Tim, your birthday gay. What do you mean?
Well, I have one every year. Like why you being hold on,
first of all, why you've been so defensive?
I mean, when it's Tim McGarry birthday, do you like a bit of a
song with? That I do 23rd of June.
You know what? Fucking really?
No, because of obviously you don't do politics or shot.
No, we just do. Brexit. 20 June.
Well, if. Nigel Farage says it's no
independence. It was actually my birthday, 20.
20 speaking 10th of March. My birth has been ruined as well
because that was the day of Prince Andrew was in the Pizza
Express, was it? Yeah, I also share her birthday
with Chuck Norris, Osama bin Laden, so.
What a dinner party that would be a Pizza Express.
Just three ass kickers. No, you get to my age.
You see that guy? I'm 61.
Knife. What do you like to do in your
birthday? I like.
To have a little glass of wine and the days have been Mickey
Bartlett are long gone. You see what I'm coming.
You're telling me? I got sorry.
For Mickey Bartlett, I'm. Trying to say I didn't know
you're 39. In a bad way or good way?
Because I'm looking at myself now going, you actually look
your age now, because I've looked like this since you.
Look great. 26. You look great today.
I don't know whether it's blood pressure or a time, but you look
good today. Thanks, Julie Jaundice.
Have you thought about your pensions yet?
Because you need to worry about. I'm.
I am you're. Nearly 40, my friend.
I'm to be. Worried about I'm to be dead way
before I have. I'm acting accordingly.
You're investing your pension. Funds.
Absolutely. Fags and Guinness.
Yeah. What did you?
Call them anymore. What did you do the day of your
birthday yesterday? Literally went bowling if you.
Oh, that was yesterday. Yeah, got up with, worked out,
had some eggs, and then are you OK?
We're doing wrong. I was poor whiskey, my fruit.
You know I'm not right, Joe. My fault.
No, I took him because I owe him money for weed.
So I just thought I might as well treat the jet.
I like a wee. I like a wee birthday lunch.
That's what I like. A lunch.
Going out for a wee birthday lunch?
Yeah, or like a lit breakfast or something.
I don't like a big faucet. Just like a meal.
It's just about me. I love a song and a dance before
I love a big. Fast party.
Yeah, I love a good. Party.
I get that at surprise parties forever and ever and ever.
Have you organised me on 50th? Oh, that's sad.
That was a good party like, but I had to buck and do it myself.
Where? Did you have a Tim Thompson's?
Yeah, Thompson's Tea Shop. There was a tea dance.
Yeah, I'd love that. Did you ever go to the ballroom
at the Belfast Zoo? Fuck off.
That was close to the second, close to the.
What was it like to be on the penny Farthing did you weave
when the Titanic left Belfast? Decimalization I haven't got
used. It was with CRO Magnum.
Sippers, this episode of the TSB podcast is sponsored by none
other than that prize guy. Not this prize guy.
Not they prize guy, that prize guy.
I'm talking about Ireland's largest prize competition page.
I'm talking about prizes like sometimes you'll just go
£1,000,000 Don give me an example of on that priceguide.co
dot uka price that's on there right now.
Give me a small fish price. OK, small 100 grand cash on the
31st of March. 100 grand cash in it.
What a way to walk in the April with 100,000 lbs.
How much is it taking for that? Currently 5P but maybe you don't
want on the ground, Maybe you prefer 500 grand.
I would I mean if you're offering me the choice between
the two, I just I know mods gay, but I dig the 500,000 points so
take it for that's got to be. 19.
Pi was going to say 20 but he's knocked off the pence.
Why 20? Because a competition for or 25.
Then I was thinking you tried to catch me out.
I would prefer 5 Underground please.
It's yours. Thank you.
That prize guy Loads going on over there.
That prize guy.co.uk. The link for that is in the
description. I also need to point away in the
direction of our patreonpatreon.com/tea With Me
podcast. You get Tuesday episodes instead
of Wednesday. You get on on Tuesday, Add free
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Podcast CRO Magnum. Magnum man, Yeah.
What's up? She was a kid, man.
Prehistoric man. Yeah.
Oh, that's a type of man. It was.
That was a man. You.
Don't do history and all student or.
Certain elements of it. He was.
He was a prehistoric metrosexual.
Right. Prehistoric fuck boy.
Right. Do you know that in the United
Kingdom, and I know this because of my 61 and I think about these
things, in the United Kingdom you get your pension at age 67,
step pension, whereas in the Republic of Ireland you get your
state pension age 66, so. 10 We know what you're pushing for.
We know what. You're all I'm saying is up the
rock. Can I see as well, Speaking of
just speaking with this, another great thing that happened the
10th of March was I can't remember what year it was, but
for one day the Irish government accidentally legalised class
hair drugs do. You remember this, It was like
2000 and. 7 So there was, there were reclassifying drugs and
whatever it was an admin error. So somebody basically went, this
law will end on the 9th March and this one will start in the
11th. Yeah.
And they left the 10th open. And I've a friend of ours, Ryan
Cullen was living in the all the time.
Yeah, he told me that he was one of told me about it.
And he was like, there were people just openly taking
cocaine and ecstasy. In the dog.
Guards like literally in front of it all like we're just
everywhere, just like taking keys a cocaine and the guards
can do anything but that's. Changed.
But he said he goes, it sounds like a great day.
Like a fucking absolute amazing. Yeah.
And you went by 11:00 the whole time.
Just fuck yeah. Everybody just throwing up.
But what a day that would have been.
What do you like for Butterfly? That.
What a day. Your 40s coming up next, you
said you organise your 50th. What did you do?
What did you do for your 50th? I had a big party in the Willy
Park and invaded group people had seen in years and that's
very another good 60th as well that I think were you invaded
to. I, Mr. Where was it?
That was in the Dark Horse. I.
Would have been nice. Very nice and lovely.
Gorgeous sunny day. I'll go to your 70s.
Because I think I ended up I end up doing a gig that kind of had
the scope past the dark horse like fuck.
And I could hear it. You could have.
Called it. Because it was driving on your
order just get stuck in there was one of those ones where was
like I'll. I'll get pissed.
Didn't get the present day there.
I didn't. Give you a present?
Watch a Butler Red breast whiskey.
Ah, now Tim. In your face give it the lavish
and he cried and then you said you can go the next time to get
my headpiece and that's scaring me fucker end up doing so.
Don't you bring your? All the life on.
Is this a good time to tell you I don't drink whiskey?
I know you. That's why you give me it back.
I was I. Was lovely, she.
Don't change your life. You don't.
What do you drink? Wine and wine and paint.
Paints. Yeah.
Don't really drink spirits. You're are you mainly just a lot
of Guinness? Yeah, no, me skinny guys by a
man when I was 15 of what did you say?
What? Do you call me skinny for?
Just compared to me. In comparison, you repped Jack.
Comparison. Yeah, fuck you.
It's OK. You're the skinny Bartlett.
Sounds like a prohibition character.
Skinny Bartlett. Sounds like a five day diet
plan. Hey, we tried the skinny
Bartlett. You can go from this, it's
exactly the same. Yeah, no, I was advised when I
was at school. I was advised by a man whose
father drank too much. He said two things, Never get
drunk in your own and never drink spirits.
You've ruined his night. I love drinking sprouts on my
own, that's my favourite to be honest.
If you said he, what's your ideal birthday?
Everybody fucks off and I said I'm a good old friend.
Jim Beam. I've watched Shame of Gardens
for an older people. What a good mate.
He does do this. He watches Shame of you.
Ever seen shame of grounds for you?
Know Oh, that was a mega gang. Class what?
I used to do that. I talked about this in Stand up
because my mother, God wrestler, died in 2008 and she died
genuinely the most Catholic woman in Ireland.
She died on the 10th of July. We buried my mother in the 12th
of July. Catholic woman but I made a wee
speech at the at the that was going to say the wedding, the
funeral the priest was reaching because they were calling it
because they're they're sometimes the the church goes
on. You can't be making speeches and
we would have had enough of these eulogies and people make
speeches and tell jokes. We don't want any of that, but
basically bargained them down to make a small sort of thank you,
thank you, thank you speech. And I thought I told a few
jokes. Told my mother's most Catholic
woman in Ireland. Last act on earth was to stop
150 people getting a March on the 12th of July.
Right. Few good laughs.
Oh, great gig. You know, no hacking.
Yeah. Bit of crowd work at the start
the. Preschool annoyed, right?
And then you see Sheen Mcgahn's fucking few nights.
Yeah, Catholic Church. That was fucking good.
It was. 3 stages in Buckingham. Chill.
That's. My my my atheist was a gig.
My atheism was at the time when I watched it.
I'll fucking show the bastard. Now his wife didn't have a good
set. Judge.
He didn't have a good. Set.
But Glen Hampton smashed. He had a good one, he had a good
one. Because it's the one time with
the same fairy tale New York and somebody shouts faggot in the
Catholic Church party is like fucking sticking up.
Jerry Adams a pallbearer as well.
Jerry Adams was at it. He won't mentally was there.
Enough. Yeah.
Jerry Adams was at the funeral. Yeah, Jerry Adams, give me.
Fuck, imagine that conversation. Come to me and the day of the
front man and. Come to me and my dad.
My own funeral. You did in the 70s, and I don't
know what you did, no. Jerry Adams sister tried to go
my dad. Yeah, true story.
Tried to go my dad, he said no. She had a beard and glasses. 39
feeling fine so. I can tell you've never played
basketball before by the way you mime shot a basketball.
I've never been sitting down because that'll be rude and
disrespectful for the people special.
That's what I'm saying. It would be rude for me to do,
right? And it's Paralympics, by the
way. They played at the Special
Olympics, too. Yeah, and a lot of them are in
wheelchairs. I don't watch sport, you know
me. You call them that.
You've done this on sport. Oh, I'm saying I don't watch
sport. Right, right, right.
Yeah. Right.
You're trying to trip me up. Skinny, skinny boy.
I'm. Guessing it's Mickey Bartlett
and the government cancelled by now.
Well. That would be the two other ends
of the spectrum because it would be the skinny guys coming after
you and after the Giants fans went that.
Yeah, it's true. What you do to the Giants?
I did. No, no, it's.
OK, I was doing a pretend rant on a podcast once I would be
going on. About himself.
About going yeah, perfect for common fact.
I was playing the character Mickey Borner and I have.
Tax regions. Yes, exactly.
I I mentioned that there was the Belfast Giants fans, a lot of
them are quite big people. All right, OK.
And then somebody took. The big church.
Exactly, and this is the thing. So any Belfast Giants fan I
asked about That's why we like the tops.
And then someone took a clip of it.
Shoot the new shoot subways out of a mortar.
See, that wasn't a problem, Tim, because I had said at one point,
you're in the rant, it's very hard to feel the plight for the
Western world whenever they're shooting sandwiches, fat people.
And then somebody took a clip of it and to be honest, the clip
makes me, it's worse than I was even.
I was going fuck it. And then I started getting
really violent threats from Belfast Giant fans.
And then because the violence started, I had to lean back into
it, so one man said. But sorry, you can always run.
Them well, that was just like one man, one man said you'll
never know when the Belfast Giants fans are coming for you.
And I replied I'm pretty sure the birds flying in one
directional give it away. Yeah, I also said, I think I
said on the season I didn't realise there was a problem
online. Just a glass of water sort of
chicken. And I thought, fuck.
Tim, you've been enjoying, What do you think?
A Harry Styles new album? Sorry, what do you think?
A Harry Styles new album? Music ended when The Smiths
broke up right about. You Smith's guy.
Yeah, look at him. He's worth a blazer.
And that, I'm sure, of course is Smith's Guy.
That's the Smith's Guy costume. No, bought that fuck.
Styles he's one of those he was he in one of those direction
Yeah. And I didn't I.
Don't and you go similar. I think music stopped in 2005.
Yeah, you see. Yeah.
No, I like some modern mean like Fontaine DC.
Went to see them, they were good.
Good. Saw them a couple of times and
put me into them. Would you go and see Morrissey
now because I've seen some recent gigs He thought he always
cancels, don't they? Morrissey is problematic.
The last time I saw Morrissey in the SCSE a you couldn't get a
burger because the. Giants have been played the
week. This week's episode passed the
buck. Did you pass it?
He also entertains the crowd by singing some of his hits and
then interrupting them with films of Alamos been slaughtered
in abattoirs. Just to tell you fuck.
It genuinely does that, you know, go, here's a couple of
songs I'll call I recognise this and then.
I'll push it. I'll push.
In the mood for a burger? Too, But.
We had Stephen Watson, the he's. A big.
Sports golfing friend of Rory McIlroy, obsessed with
Morrissey, goes to see him 6 or 7 * a year, has every single
recording Morrissey has ever made and slightly obsessed with
Yeah. But but he cancels every gig he
does at the minute. Doesn't.
Yeah, apparently puts on the show always cancels last minute.
But then I saw recent footage. You didn't.
He's not. Don't look like a good night
out. Really.
It doesn't look like a good night out.
Yeah, well, I saw them in the Ulster hallway back in the 80s
when he's Gladiolay in his back pocket stuff and was waving the
Marine. It's not sure it's up.
It's good. I think Barcelona in the 90s.
Floors, young man. Oh.
Floors. They brought that back on BBC
Wolf Cobra. Young people not know your flora
and fauna. No, no, have it on the toast the
old time. Absolutely.
You've just finished your tour. You're on tour.
I'm always been going. Not bad.
Yeah, No, Give me Headpiece is flying at the minute with we're
all over the province. We're ending up in the upper
house at the end of the month, which is good fun, and we've
sold out with it. Standing ovations in Limavady.
You've made it. Now that is.
In the Roe Valley, in Limavady, because.
They don't stand for anything. Exactly.
And then have a wee solo tour coming up called The Height of
Nonsense, which is doing well and.
Do you haven't seen some of the new stuff?
May say fantastic. Thank you very much.
Ever very kind. See.
I mean, the fact that you work in a lot of topical stuff, like
even stuff is happening on the week or on the day.
I mean, you've got good subject matter at the minute.
Is a good subject matter, I think.
There's a lot happening in the world, Andrew Button Windsor,
for you to satirise even in the normal sense.
But yeah, yeah. Well, what's he doing at the
minute? Does he in gaol?
He's not in gaol, though He is going to appear in the new
series of 24 hours in police custody, which I'm no he's that
will be. Good.
He's also the new series of Grange Health.
I've wrong of Andrew up. You can give him some advice
because the Royals always have that, you know the they do, you
know their lawyers are called Mishko Deraya.
The fanciest is that the word that's a Mishkonderaya is there
is an actual actual name of her. It's a firm firm.
And Andy doesn't need that. He needs, He needs one of them.
Absolutely. He needs a Fenian lawyer, Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you've got a bad back. I'm like.
Say football. Yeah, they all.
Say no, I get there all right. Say you've got whiplash I.
Don't know. I get a lawyer from get him off
and get him fine. I saw him in the back of that
car. Have them we involved in human
trafficking and it wasn't your fault.
Have the Royals always had that law firm?
Is that, like, historic? Yeah.
That thing Mishkonderaya, Yeah. Yeah.
Is that the only people that represent?
Normally, yeah, they they do all the divorces and stuff you.
Still get that? Genuine question, now that he's
not technically a royal, will this will they still represent
them? I would have thought so.
You ready Lost. The money if the lane to the
throne, they're trying to get rid of him.
You go, there's not really any need in there.
I mean that would be a fuck of a bus cry.
I would get rid of him. Speaking of bus crashes, a per
girl accuse him. Was she a man?
So she died? No, Virginia.
But he so he's, does he have a court case coming up?
No, he's been currently being investigated.
So it's just investigation right now.
If this was if you had a current series, you get my hair base
like coming up now, would you be allowed to joke about that?
Yes, both. There can be quite sensitive
about things like that and they might send it up to the
editorial policy unit who will send it by the lawyers.
But you can get it. You can get away with stuff
because we're done A couple of jokes in this DHU about sort of
the removal of Irish language St scenes, which poster begman.
Certain lawyers aren't happy about the bilingual St scenes,
but they're more than happy to have Prince Andrew way removed.
And yeah, so jokes, you can make things you can.
So I move further away in case we shoot me.
Separate This episode of the Team With Me podcast is also
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A better way to sandwich. What was the highlight of your
tour? Have you finished your?
Yeah, I just finished last week. I didn't make it.
And you've seen it all before. It's just different ways.
It's just different way. It's just different way
sometimes do it like that. What's the highlight of the
whole thing? Was great doing the like doing a
gig in the Europa was great crack.
Because it was somewhere different.
Yeah, because it was just somewhere different.
Yeah. I love going to like a new
place. I always said before, you're
doing the Lyric big room in the Yeah, I want to play there so
bad. The lyrics gorgeous.
It's a bit 400 seater but it's a lovely feel.
They're right up close to you and stuff like that.
That's perfect. There's nothing better.
Yeah, you can smell the opposite of the front.
Row, yeah. I almost take the cook with
them, which is. Not, not, not nothing.
Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no
middle. Class S Belfast.
Absolutely not. The last time I was in the lyric
was there was a player, I can't remember who wrote it, and it
was called The Death of a Comedian.
And it's basically it's a one man player, but a guy who sort
of goes through, you know, starting out in an open mic club
and the various costume teams. He goes through with the time he
gets to like live with the Apollo.
And it's all about the things that one joke just gets watered
down and watered down to the point where it doesn't make
sense anyway. But we we were invited to it.
I don't know if you. Went yeah, I was invited yet?
You might have went to it. They invited a lot of local
comedians. We didn't watch it and I, I got
there. I thought it felt like a trap.
I got there and the director was like, at one point he was like,
how does it feel that an actor can do stand up comedy?
And I went, can we Heckle him with any fuck?
But when we got there, one of the bar men had recognised me
from like doing podcasts and stuff.
And he gave, I was like, I just get a red wine, of course.
And he gave me a pint glass full of red wine, right?
So I watched the first half, put back in the second-half of it
with another pint of red wine and I left.
But I was the best fucker thing I've ever seen.
I've no idea it was any good. All purple teeth.
He's a comedian, you know, He's telling me, do you want to get
you on the path? I was the last time I was at the
theatre. I really want to do the lyric I
was actually going. To do a good word for you.
I wanted to do a big run. Victorious doing it this year,
The lyric that's that had been my plan.
Then I did SSC but I think next year I might do like a
residency. Oh yeah.
I've never done alert, but like you say, rope would be fun.
Because like, because there's something like the SSC class,
but you do lose something in the kind of like there's nothing.
I think 120 seats in a sweaty room is the best place to do
stand up because it's like a wee secret.
I did the Spaniard recently. Class, yeah.
Pretty good 30 fans class. I did a wee sort of new material
thing and that was like, it's one of the best case for yeah,
it's really good. I love like even some like I was
in Europe there and some of the venues were tiny and people will
be like, so I'm doing London this week.
And then I did do an interview, someone's coming to review it
and they sent a couple of questions over beforehand.
And 1 was like, are you annoyed that you're not bigger outside
of Ireland? You know that for the likes of
London or whatever. And I was like, well, I wouldn't
be going to do you know, a 60 seater in Berlin or A50 seater
in Paris and all that sort of thing.
But there were not good no matter where it is and how many
people it's as good as. Oh, it's better. 20,000 people
doesn't matter. Absolutely.
It's the sometimes those tight ones are unbelievable.
One of the one of the best kids I ever did in my life was in a
like at a pub in Belgrade in Serbia.
Yeah, well, like absolute screamer, like I walked off
stage going I might be the funniest person in the world do.
You have a big fall on a Belgrade.
No. Was that me?
And that Cody did an Eastern European tour, Like a two week
tour. And it reminds me of Colin
Murphy because at one point a guy from Northern Ireland came
over. Well, Mike, fucking good to see
you. And I'm like, what is he here?
He's like, I fell in love and he pointed this beautiful woman.
I was like how that? Was always the case, That is
always. Because I can barely understand
and there's no issue, it's always different alphabet and
everything. In any city we went, Mr There
was always a guy from home being like, sure, I've got her, she's
the ball and chain and we look over 10 out of 10.
Yeah, these people were like Will Ferrell and the other guys,
that fucking slapper, that former model.
But that was they were all. I'm doing foreigners well.
I'm doing the watch tour Andrada, though they I don't
have you in the watch time. I haven't some seems for some
reason the people of drama seem to be boycotting it.
I don't know what the situation is.
Yeah, I don't know what they've done the watch time.
The boy now are you putting a G in drop?
Are you saying Draka? Draka, they draw.
Her draw? Her I'm putting the G in and I
got a lot of backlash. At the G.
In I put the GI. Thought it was I was called the
London Draw. The worst crimes in Cromwell
with her drawer. Speaking like Belgrade and I was
in London yesterday. Yeah.
What cities do you love? Because I think I love London
and I didn't think it did. And then a couple of times it
goes over and I went out for, I was on like, you know, they'll
be lying bikes. You can just rent and cycle
around like the bar, like the Bojo bikes, remember them?
And I just went around London. It was like a Sunday morning.
Everywhere was closed, it was empty.
And I loved it. I was like, this city actually
is brilliant. I, I love it, but you know how I
do London? I like to have a day before a
show where I just sit in a pub and watch people.
I love that there's nothing more relaxing.
Just be like I'm not going to work.
I don't like London, my sister lives in London like she's
lovely, but I love Berlin. Berlin I'd thoroughly recommend.
Burkind to. Mert Wood.
Burkind, the sex club in Berlin. You see, I didn't register at
all. You see that?
I thought he was offering. Me talking, acting, I don't know
what he was talking about. I went, yeah.
So there's a big. Like, no, I was thinking of the
history, you know? Oh.
Right, right. One time open in 1994, Well at
the height of the real culture. The time we went over before,
like me and Andrew went last year and then I went a few weeks
ago and you can see what used to be communist brilliant.
Like the buildings. Yeah, like haven't really
changed. And then you see modern parts of
it and you go, oh, you can almost like even though the wall
is gone, a lot of parts you can. I might you go.
It would have been there if I look at that building, convert
it up. Have you been to Berlin?
Well, maybe actually we're we're, we're the city to Belson
concentration camp. That's a good question.
Because I was there when it was about 3, right?
We wouldn't hold. It you've just been really bad,
boy. Man, that yeah, concentration
can when I won't eat your crust, but I know it was there because
because my dad always tells the story whenever we were in the
concentration. I'm just saying on the wall it
says like, respect this place. You know what's obsolete?
Horrible things happened and like, have to sort of stay
silent. But I had a wee plastic guitar
with him and he was like, everyone's barring their heads
and crying. I'm like blink.
Just smoke in the water. Crazy trim that's mad that your
family took you 3 three years. Obviously Dan laughed at a
fucking Holocaust joke. Where's the nearest one to
Belson? You know, near Munich.
Why his heads lost? Because he contains this on lazy
Boys and it's only lazy Boys. And now it's crept in.
There's more. Crept into Poland.
Yeah, Berlin's brilliant. I don't.
Know why you're Rome's family? Holiday at 3:00 to concert to
see concentration camp. I think we were just there and
then it was like, should we go to this?
Yeah, Rome. Brilliant.
Rome is brilliant. It was there enough year to see
Nick Cave? I can't wait to see.
Well, that'll be great. When in an OPI theatre.
Oh, which was rather class. Rome is brilliant.
I mean, you've got your Roman history, you've got the Pope
there, you've got your, you know, combinations history.
That's class. Vatican.
Churches like ah good church. You need a good Catholic Church.
Vatican's mad. Vatican is mad, yeah.
Did you go? Have you been to the Sistine
Chapel? I didn't go into anything, went
to the first. 50 didn't go into anything.
Sorry, we just walk. We just walked around the
Vatican streets really. The queues and all were too big.
You did. A lot of Asian people queuing
up. Asian people, yeah.
What? You've got something against
them. No, it's just a general
observation. There's just a lot of cues of
made predominantly Asian people looking to get in to see all
this stuff. So we, I think the Vatican is
mad enough to just look around, never mind being in, you know.
Do you know they make nuns pay in?
You think they're getting free? You talk about they're big,
they. Went at the Vatican or a bunch
of nuns, Filipino nuns in front. They all had to pay in.
You, but then I've. Dedicated my life to Jesus.
Give it a give it a free pass. But I haven't seen me own her in
12 years. That's a Catholic Church for
money, money, money. But if nuns if nuns got in free
then everyone would just show up and put a good nuns out.
Fiddle. That's good party.
I'd be hen parties from Newcastle.
Where's the? Poor man.
Beer Bike. Pretty green eye.
I love woman beer bikes. I've done.
I jumped on. One first.
So I was walking back to a pub one time and somebody shouted
back and I jumped on it and had a great time to.
Give me a beer bike. You have to give me the front of
the train station, but I've always wanted to have a go on.
Nah, I want my 40th. That's what I want to do next.
Year Tim. I've seen Tim on them quite a
bit, just by himself, having a quiet glass of wine.
Just a bit of Morrissey, little bit of Morrissey.
Look at the pictures of Rome. Birthday.
It's like being well. Friends forget to turn up.
That's for your 40th. That's what we'll do, yeah.
We'll get the but. Not in Belfast.
Too many people will know you and see you.
That's the whole point. You want that one of the.
What do? Feast your eyes, peasants.
Berlin. Berlin, Berlin.
Berlin city. Derry.
Genuinely, genuinely loved Derry Small.
The atmosphere is great, larger great.
Something was at 2:00. I was in something was one night
and about half two in the morning and they were closing
and that the Bowser drove me and my partner to our hotel in the
oven. Get that bug there.
Used to. Be a bar in Derry where they
would have. In the Everglades.
Better money about you. Not that City Hotel.
Put your own lights back in. I used to be a pub and I lived
in Derry. There was a bar, I forget the
name of it. I don't want to give too much
away as well because it might give people in trouble, but it's
near the Playhouse Theatre and they would have sort of, you
know, members ours, right? And depending on who was working
on the bar, it would close earlier.
In a liberal interpretation, basically.
What happens is they would just throw ashtrays out and the
shutters would come down and you'd be there until you wanted
to leave. But I was set up one night with
the bar. Mum was that fucking sick of
people. He closed it at 9:00.
Like I've I've not had a NATO ever I've been in Derry dozens
and dozens of times gagging, but that we strip a bars where
Sunday news and stuff is looks like a great wheel bar craft.
Yeah, about up at Hill that. Had a Donald's and all.
Every every one of those bars looks unbelievable.
Yeah, looks brilliant. You lived there for.
I lived there, yeah. Well, went to uni and then moved
back. Was there for about 3 or 4 years
after that. You ever lived in a different
city, Tim? No never never no.
Moved from north Belfast to South Belfast at least.
I thought it was in South Belfast and it turns out I'm in
East Belfast. Oh fuck.
Yeah, was the. Warian very well, it was right
on the river. Now you see in the normal
embankment and the other thought I'm in South Belfast, I've made
it and it turns out my bucking MP is Gavin Robinson and we
found out it because he was on our podcast.
Politically aware. Me do.
You get my letter, Gavin. Do you live in a different city?
Where would you live? Fucked.
No. Liverpool, maybe?
You see in Liverpool. But the Liverpool Manchester
was. What would make the most sense
for, say, if you want the gig everywhere in England?
Glasgow. Glasgow.
I like Glasgow. Good crack.
Scary, but signed. Yeah, you know what I mean.
Yes, they're like a. Bit more violent.
But it's nice. A bit worse, yeah.
Do you know where? Bristol.
Bristol, Bristol.
Yeah, we canal and I got. I'd like to live in one of them.
We old Yorkshire mining towns like Catterick.
Do you know what? What?
Would you like about it? I just, I feel like I could have
a flat cap and walk into the pub and go.
Had it better? What do you have to ask for?
Northern I'll be warm better than southern English people.
Would you like to? Would you have an Emmerdale?
Yeah. That'd be good.
Yeah, that'd be good. If if there was a soap to live
in as emerald. You want to wear netted jumpers
flat. Oh, there, Itchy.
I would go and shoot dog. I want to.
I want to shoot dog. Yes.
What does that happen? Yeah, I wanna.
I wanna we not a walking stick that I don't need.
Yes, but I'll just point to people see her.
I used to ride her. You want a stick?
Absolutely. I'm 61.
I want that. I want a motorised scooter that
I don't need, you know, whatever scooter.
I wanted for a walk today I saw a guy take his dog for a walk in
a motorised scooter, the dog on his knee and the dog was like
fuck. The dog looked at me like me
what the fuck There's a guy there's a mobility scooter sits
at a pub in Lurgan and it was on the street that I lived in for a
couple of years. No matter what time of the day
this mobility scooter was parked at this pub and I never I used
to sit up one night going this fucker has to leave the pub at
some point. I need to know who this is and I
caught him recently and he drives in the middle of the
road. Mobility scooter drunk.
Just give a. Fuck.
Yeah, yeah, you're not allowed to say, but they are rude
bastard. Oh yeah, there's that.
In Sydney, Australia I once saw Hell's Angel on mobility
scooter. Right.
Or die like. There's that bar down at the
bottom of the Donegal Rd. Any time I do laveries, called
the bar and there's a mobility. Every single time I do laveries,
there's a mobility scooter outside it.
You have to respect that. Like you really do have to
respect that. Absolutely.
Rome's brilliant. If I had to live in a different
city, I will go see. I wouldn't want to live in
central London, but I could go somewhere like outside it.
Is Bath close to London? Bath very nice.
Is it awfully nice? But it's very nice.
Nice in middle class. You need to be better.
Something in Austin? I went to York once and I like
this. Yeah.
I did the new. York French.
Good Roman walls in New York. Yeah, good Roman walls.
Very good room. Do you like a Walton?
I like a wall. This is when I like Derry.
You know, the oldest walls in 1613, You know, that's that's
why it's the maiden. A lot of people don't know.
It's 20 to 5. Yeah, that's why they call the
Maiden City. The walls of Derry have never
been breached like a true maiden.
Is that I thought it was just loads of women, No the.
Walls of Derry have never been breached like a true.
Were they? Were they?
Were they nearly breached? They were, well, Siege of Derry
1689, obviously, you know. Close.
Yeah, they came close. You're looking at me like there
was a siege. That's.
What they're called Berlin, the her city, you know that they
were breached by David Hasselhoff.
Didn't they try and starve? They did.
Yes they had. They had a CGF for several
months and dairy and the poor people dairy had to eat rats and
stuff. Like that, I remember that the
was shot like they would show you menus, Yeah, of like how
much a rat would cost and how much.
No, Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the time they had that, yeah.
No, not like, oh, can I have like ferret?
Yeah, it was only about 3 months or so, but yeah, there were,
there were people were starving. Jesus and what's what's the of
the day? They broke rocks.
Donald Trump No, they they they broke the boom.
They put a boom across the river, foil the procedures, King
James, and they broke the boom and the big siege was lifted
around about August. That's the way they have.
That's why they have big marches in August.
That must have been a nice moment to break the boom.
It was a very yeah, breaking the boom.
Yeah. Derry.
Very important moment in Irish history and European history.
European history could have been changed if Ireland had fallen to
King of James. He was confident.
When was he confident? He was very confident.
Yeah. And.
I always forget which ones which have.
You ever been to the? Surrender from the siege of
Derry. Yeah.
Oh fuck, I thought it was World War One.
Did you really? Yeah.
I thought. It was no surrender comes from
the siege of Derry. I didn't know that, yeah.
Someone. Famously, well who was Lumby was
the governor of Derry who was a Scottish man Robert Lundy was
the the governor who actually saved Derry because he
reinforced the wall. He knew the seats was coming and
reinforced the walls and did a lot of very good defensive work.
But the people of Derry lost faith in them and said he was he
was a traitor and he was talking to the other side but he
probably wasn't. But it was a bit of a defeatist
and they got rid of them effectively and that's why they
burn him every 8th of December or every.
So he's still alive? No, he's well on the truly
deceased. So what I would have done if I
knew the? 3rd of 30 foot.
I knew with that, No, I would have done if I knew the siege
was coming. Yeah, moved up.
Yeah, yeah, or invested in a lot of rats and frozen.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
I don't shave on hamsters. Nothing.
Well, the opposite happened because all the prods went to
Derrick because they knew they. You're doing a thing, Tim.
Will you assume we're going to know stuff?
So you say half of it and you're like this.
But we we don't. Know I know some of it and some
of it's reminded me a little bit of it and then I go, who's
lonely? I know a little bit of see the
one before Tuesday. I know a little bit of a.
No, no Irish history. You're not taught any Irish
history at school. Yeah, we bit of.
A See, we because my age group, I think we were the first, one
of the first generations that we're taught Irish history in
the North because in schools, well, there was trouble.
But then it was even sort of the older stuff.
Because I think now I don't know if I don't know if I just have a
very Catholic history, had a very Catholic history teacher
don't still go to school, obviously finish that loads
times because I could never tell if he was telling the truth.
He was just trying to get us to vote Sinn Fein.
Mission accomplished, Sir. No, I think we did.
Where did you go to school and. Yeah, I went to school.
Yeah. The word did you go to?
School, I went to Greenwood primary school, Strand Time
primary school and then Campbell.
Campbell and then Belfast met. But yeah, farm and stuff and
then a wee bit of Irish history before that, but I just don't
remember a lot of right about. We learned about how Ireland
came to be, how, how, how Northern Ireland was born, that
sort of thing, right? But I forget it.
I forget it all. I know a bit of it.
But no interest, it doesn't inform.
You, I do have an interest, but I feel like I take a wee bit
from too many topics to the point where I don't know your
brain is enough. About 1 taken.
Yes. There's also an issue here where
like especially when you're talking with the trouble,
there's so many people here go that's not what really happened.
Yeah, people take it too seriously.
Yeah. Some people are well into it
like. Yeah, I do love it to you when
it's not. A fruitful well, there's a very
good series come out. Well, it's on, it's on the BBC I
player the long and the short of it's me and we, David June, the
Orange Order, which you could learn stuff and it's
entertaining as well. Well, the orange man, it's good.
We've talked about on the Pub before, but your series Pop goes
Northern. Ireland, yes, but it's one.
Of the best ever, yeah. I'm proud of that series.
It was seriously for a second. But it's such see for someone
like me with the short attention spot, such a good way.
No, but just the fact that it's like the music keeps a
fast-paced. It's a little bit of this, a
little bit of that, but it is like, it's such a good way of
realising that that wasn't that. Long.
Yeah, no, not that long. And there's a lot of, there's a
lot of tragedy in it as well. Murphy's quite funny about
Israeli, the music, you know, you have to tailor the music to
certain events and you go, you're bouncing along, but it's
quite a good episode. And then the music went, ah,
fuck, something. Oh, jeez.
Oh no. The most?
Here comes the summer, but watch someone.
The most troubles used song has to be D ream.
Things can only get better that is so used for any any footage
of like when it comes to Good Friday Agreement.
This is a horrible thing to say, but the early days of The
Troubles, when things were at their absolute worst, the music
was 100 times better. Good, good tunes.
Yeah, late, late 80s, early 90s, You've got, you know, the.
High right now, if you get into some of the yeah, you're getting
into some of the cake. Yeah.
When was Harry Styles? What was 9?
Is he 9? He's 9.
Very nice. He big.
Yeah, 57. Tickets to his concert or
something like 5 or like £300. Seriously, concert prices are
insane. It's insane.
It's like they just come up with a number that they're laughing
at going. They won't let's.
Just say what happens here. Yeah, exactly.
The first first music festival I went to and this is again
sounded old, so £120 for the weekend.
For oxygen and by the way. And the lineup?
Was the lineup would have been. Lineup was.
Insanely good, whereas now you get a couple of good headliners
and then you don't know anyone, although that's maybe an ageing
for us, but oxygen, back then anyone could have headlined in
two. 1005 one of the best weekends of music you've ever
seen. The Saw Doctors opened.
Right. Heard of them, right.
That's good. They didn't do it, though.
I was kind of. Hoping.
I didn't do. They didn't.
Do they didn't? Do they get my head PC?
I know as you were like then. Was that created for the show?
Yeah, that's all. Yeah, it was specially
commissioned for the show. Yeah, Yeah.
That's a great shot. But yeah, saw Doctors and then I
think it was Snoop Dogg, really. Yeah, the way he was later on, I
think it was, Saw Doctors, Queens of the Stone Age, and
then it was Razorlight, which again is a shift.
And then it was I can't, it was Snoop Dogg and then Green Day
headline. Oh well, it was, and we stood.
That was quite good it. Was brilliant.
I got sunstroke and alcohol poison same day.
Can you took a drug I. Didn't take any drugs.
Is that not that festival? No, no, no, the I was
Glastonbury. I was.
I was about 30 by that. Time I was in 1983, there was a
lot of drugs. I didn't take any, obviously,
yeah, but there was a lot of drugs and hot knife stones and
stuff. Yeah, I, I.
Selling selling cocaine, which in 83 was quite rare, but.
I was good cocaine back in them. Don't told them.
Don't told. Would it have been pure back
then? I don't actually know.
I would say I would have just more of a novelty back then as
opposed to now when it's like, do you want cocaine on your
chips? Right.
Yes, yeah. That story I've told on the
podcast before, that couple actually came to my gig and
Dario and I mentioned that they were in the audience.
I was like. What couple?
That gave me the. Oh, that's the festival.
They came and then brought it up that.
Was us. They put cocaine on their chips.
No, I've told it before, I'll tell you.
So basically I was at Glastonbury and I was performing
on it and my partner at the time was also performing on so we
were back. Mickey's in the saw, Doctor I'm.
Snoop Dogg But we're just walking along Glastonbury and I
bumped into this couple talking to them and they were, they
worked at a standard help people if they'd taken too many things.
They just sort of talk them around, yes, sort of thing.
And one of them said, yeah, we used to be quite heavily into
drugs and my husband was quite a bad addict.
And I I was like, they were a bit older.
I was like, is your husband still with us?
And she went, Oh yeah, that's him there.
And I looked around and this guy was like that.
And I went when you say usage was all but dabble at festival
and my partner that I had gone to the bathroom and I was like
you have anything And she gave me MDMA for the first time and I
had the best day of my fucking life.
So they're just. Send do it.
Their job is to comfort you if you get too high, but they're
also. But imagine, imagine that you're
not selling. Just give me, but imagine it was
a nice way to take it because you're comforted beforehand.
So she was. If this goes wrong, don't you
panic. I had a lovely time.
One point I felt the wind blowing through one of my
tattoos. Right.
We we live opposite the normal park.
They have Bell Sonic. There was I think I spoke about
this before the SOS very good work.
There were a couple of gigs where people were you can
change, you can test the different stages of music by the
drugs people are taking. There's one that they were off
their head on cat. I ended up in the SOS tent
because somebody around where I was trying to throw themselves
in the river and we kind of got this person rescued and you're
looking at bread. World War One.
It was really it was like a field hospital in World War One.
Yeah, what? Was the game.
What some DJ thing I think of BLTT GB T?
Come out to sandwich and somewhat.
LTL GB TI don't know, people call her and then I was doing
there and I was going. You're in the time.
Who's the blame? Probably.
Well, that's a well, honestly, it is scary how many, how many
people are taking now. Yes, I read something a lot of
youngsters, a lot of youngsters. And I read a thing of the day
that the alcohol industry has lost something like £480 billion
in the last well, that's. At the 5 or 6.
Years because nobody's drinking, they're all taking drugs.
At festivals and big gigs I got they.
Just sell me water people today. A pint just have a lot of pints.
But they buy a bottle of water. That's how they make they're.
Probably more hydrated than made like.
No, but like, yeah, they're not buying pints, they're buying
water. There'll be some amounts of
water. It's the only thing to sell like
like but I'm sure the festivals like that Boo seals or.
There's something about there's something about a sunny there
and an expensive painted of a plastic cup that makes me go
This is fucking will be. Sitting on the grass, Yeah.
Wow. Glass and we can drink pimps for
her pimps, yeah. Oh, why?
Pimps and. Big jug of pimps yourself.
That, I tell you, I like. Joggers and a wee lane.
You put the belt around your arm.
Did you listen to Morris? I did once to smoke a load of
weed and went in a Glastonbury and went and watched a guy play.
He played Smells Like Teen Spirit on Tibetan singing bowl
are. You sure?
It was. Just a guy cleaning a bowl.
He wasn't even Tibetan. Good times.
I tried to think of a betting. I was like Adrian Logan.
That's. All I've got.
All he does bet McLean that's right.
When you said Adrian Logan, my head went to Kenny Loggins for
some reason. Who I'll take Danger Zone again.
80s music. It'll be really bad for The
Troubles. What are you writing at the
minute, Tim? The solo show that I'm doing?
Height of nonsense which starts the middle of April, so.
You ever written a book to? No haven't.
Funny, that surprises me. I launched a.
Book there for an historian made of mine and the just fought in
the river. Hard back in.
It's an excellent book by Cormac Moore about the Boundary
Committee. You should ask Dan about the
Boundary Commission of 1920. He.
Mad about those boundaries. It doesn't happen, but he loves
them. Boundary Commission 1925 and the
the guy who did the Marion Press guy said you should read a book
but do a dash sort of thing, something.
That would be good. You have you?
Have you written the book yet? No, you've not written your
autobiography. There's.
No point there, one started drinking.
I just read Steve Martin's autobiography.
It's not even autobiography, it's just a memoir about his
stand up. Yeah, I've seen, I've read that.
It's unbelievable. Yeah.
I've told you I listened to Al Pacino's autobiography, but it's
him and I'm writing this right. Felt like it was his mate by the
end of it. Just driving a lot.
Very good. Yeah, Richard Pryor's books are
very good as well, Richard. Biography and an autobiography
sort of thing. Yeah.
Oh, check out Colourful Life. Very, Yeah.
I'm trying to read more. I'm reading a book about borders
at the minute and. Borders, boundary, Commission
one, that's what you want. This is all about historical how
borders came to be. Hello.
Where? Where did borders start?
Yeah, like internationally recognised border Egypt.
Seriously. Yep, the Lower Nile and the
other. Like I'd go out where, Yeah.
Straight lines and. About contested borders and sea
borders and everything. Well.
And about and about that. You learn a bit the cream of
partition. I read about.
Southerners can't fight same
treaties, Yeah. I read about our border.
Yep. Yeah.
And then in India that my baton gay.
Yeah, he. Came in great guy.
No, he came in the like be in charge of a border between India
and Pakistan and gave them sex. What he's like in six weeks it's
going to happen. And they went it's not enough
time and he went go and then he just left.
But he was in an open relationship with his wife and
she was sleeping with the Pakistan guy Jenna, the whole
way through all the negotiations and it all got very mental.
Jenna, OH. I'm going to pass on my button
on this one. There's a very good book about
it, My Button and. Yes.
You should definitely. That's yeah, that's a bit know
about a million people died like was kind of partitions don't
tend to. 3 million people. 33 million talking in the first
phase yeah, because. Also, when they made the two
countries, then they basically then so many people from
Pakistan had to go to India and vice versa.
And on the way people were just slaughtered.
Like if you wrote a book, here's let me pitch this to you.
It's called Jackie Splashy thoughts, right?
So Mickey likes that we better Jack Daniels me.
But is it Ginger? No, we we cook Coca-Cola, we
cook Coke and. He calls him Jackie Splashies.
So you just you just do you do Jackie splashy thoughts and it's
just a series of little little paragraphs, little stories it'd.
Basically be Yeah, my version of fear and loading.
Yeah, because I reckon I could do that with Jackie splashes and
then do it with edibles. Well, that's the second.
Book. Yeah, the edible dairies.
But they're not. It's a book.
And then the book is edible. You can, yeah.
It'd be better. It's.
All about your. Experiences in dairy.
I couldn't, yeah. I couldn't write a book.
You want to write a book? What would I write a book about?
Your exciting life in Hollywood. Yeah, no, you're writing
autobiography when you're winding down your career, so I
should write it now. You should go to five years ago.
I always find it weird, like when comedians write books and I
go wherever you find the fucking time to do that.
Yeah, well, Julie's writing a book in a minute.
It's kind of cobbler seeing that today.
That'll be great. I think when like, because what
she's writing, but like that'll, you know, it's not an
autobiography, whatever. It's a book about feeling a
certain way and that sort of thing.
I think if you have a reason to write a book, it'll be good.
But then you see people where it's like you've just decided
you want to write a book and then find someone to write
about. Whereas she's people when you
need to write about this thing. One of the biggest jokes I was
ever played was Norm MacDonald wrote an autobiography that
wasn't. They put.
It out like it was not a biography.
He was just talking shit though. I think it's because who else I
read there was another comedian had something similar.
Fuck I can't remember who it was but you get about 5 page and you
go he's taking the piss. I like to read more.
I have. I probably read the last year
I've been having the last five years I'm reading, I'm reading a
bit more. And what do you read?
You read fiction. You read autobiography.
I don't like fiction anymore. I used to, but I like I like
history books or no, I am going to write more, read more like
comedians books and memoirs, but not all biographies.
I went through a wide world reading like wrestlers
autobiographies. The Rock is all about the Rock.
Yeah, but this was years ago. It was awful.
Wrestlers autobiography. I might do the Bible at some
point. Don't spoil.
I don't. Not a great, I'm only joking.
There's too many of them, isn't it?
What books? Yeah, but how big are Bibles?
What I see, the Bible is the way to go.
There's different books in the Bible, but it's a Bible, just
one book. It's a collection.
Of how many, how many, How long will it take you to read the
whole Bible, the Christian Bible?
The pocket one wouldn't take that long.
The Pocket Bible wouldn't take too long.
But how many books is it? How many pages?
Say Harry Potter. Yeah, it's over 100.
So you actually could read it. There's an Old Testament and a
New Testament. Do you have to?
Have the Christian bed could. You just read the New Testament.
You have to have. I reckon you need the back
story. The Donald Trump being
interviewed about pretending he's a Christian, the Bible.
And what's your favourite bit of the Bible?
He goes. I don't like to pick any
particular New Testament guy or Old Testament I don't like.
I like the bed with the wine. He only had two fish.
Lot of fish. And is it?
Is it? Does the I have a question.
Does the Bible end when Jesus dies?
No. I don't haven't read it yet.
Actually, the apostles Revelation ends with Revelation.
Guys, do not spoil it for me. You tell me the main character's
dead. No, no.
No, he's like John Snow. He comes.
Back plot twist. He's like a Marvel character.
They're not really dead like you'd be here any minute.
Yeah, I need to read. I need to read more.
They give you it on Desert Island Dish whether you want
that or not. You mean when you go to Desert
Island Discs and then you pick your records and then they say
we're giving you 2 books, we're giving you the complete works of
Shakespeare in the Bible and you go it's a bit rude to Muslim
people? And you have to read it.
Well, you don't have to read it, but they give you.
I say you will after a couple of days.
You fucking hell see if this Shakespeare stuff right away.
Desert island desks. That's where you pick your
favourite songs. Yeah.
How many do you pick yet? I would pick.
Let's just pick a couple each, right?
It's also it's meant to be like important parts of your life.
It's. Not yeah, you're meant to be
illicitable. Not just a couple of bangers
like. Oh right, you're not just
checking wall the wall tunes like it's not past the ox.
It's not the rear block. Don't.
I go, I go rock the Casbah by the Clash, right?
Because we just used to listen to that album, Combat Rock in
the car all the time when we're driving in the Dallas car.
So I pick that. Dolly Parton 9 to 5 right?
Because if you if Morrissey sang that's a protest song, you
actually read the lyrics. She's very.
Political, Yeah. I would go with Half Man Half
Biscuit. All I want for Christmas is a
Duke of Prague Awakened, which I would thoroughly recommend.
Half Man, Half Biscuit. No, you're looking at me like
you've never heard of Half Man Half Biscuit is the band right.
Look up Joy Division oven gloves.
I have. You're half man, half biscuit.
Half man. Oh, there's cracker.
Half man. Happy birthday.
You haven't lost it, son. You haven't lost it.
You're almost half not even. In your 40th year?
I've never heard of half man. You've never heard of Half My
Half Man? Half Biscuit tried to sue us
once really, because we had a sketch on Radio 2 called Half
Sketch Half Biscuit, which they claimed we stole from them,
which was completely true, but. You still love half man half.
Biscuit, they came after. Yeah, yeah, they they they were
desperate for money, I think. No.
Late 90s got a quirky band. Never heard of them but no do
Joy Division oven gloves National shake day.
There's another band This is No, This is their songs.
National Shake Day. I feel like these are ideas that
you've written down from Hang. On a minute.
As a comic, you. Look at this in your notes.
You're looking at your notes folder and go what's Joy
Division of and go. What was that bit about?
What was? That I felt like half a cup of
tea. The call, Murphy said.
He was looking at his notes one day and he said, you know, but
not in a good way. That was always that random joke
was that if you had written your set list in the back of your
hand, you're like, I hope I'm not an accident.
No, I used to do that. Fucking like we all.
We've all done it right? You're set in your hand.
But it would the danger come off a sweat.
The amount of times that I've written a set in the back of my
hand when I drink an after gig and woke up with a set list on
my face. It's.
Important to write animals. Hilarious, very satirical.
I think you told me once when I just started to in fact, first
advice you ever gave me, Tim. What?
The first advice you ever gave me, we were doing I give you
advice. We were doing feeler and I'm.
Responsible for. This in the he's going to look
money now we did feeler in the back member Kelly Sellers.
Oh yes, yes. It was about 10 people there.
Yeah, yeah. Feel it definitely went like
this. And then there was a couple of
years where the comedy 10 went like this and now it's back to
being really good. But me, you and PJ Gallagher.
Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, did it and there was like
80 people and attempted the back.
Kelly Sellers is about 19 years ago.
And then I speed through my so if I had what I thought was a 10
minutes at some nights, I would do it in 3 minutes if it wasn't
going well. And you said I said I just speak
so fast when I'm nervous and it's not going well.
And I but I was right now to set list and keeping it beside me.
And you said just write slow at the top of it.
And I did worked. I.
Remember that set though? What's the deal with Apple
Greens? That would come later.
Was that 20 years ago? Yeah, 1818 years.
Ago I died 20 years ago. I still don't know, and neither
do you really, how long we've been doing stand up for.
Because I started twice, so I started 2005 and died in my
whole 2 battles. Like that's not for me.
And then when I was leaving uni and the process of actually
getting the job on the horizon, I thought, I'll give another
week crack. So I'm 18 years officially in
April. Well, it was my first Empire
gig. That's when I said I.
Started I should have died 20 years ago, could have gone.
That's your man who wrote the bill.
What happened to me? I was in, I was in a pub the
other day. Young people didn't know who it
was. Older people.
This older couple came over and said I've got photograph taken.
Young person then pointed at me and went, ah, I know you.
I got that. Thanks very much.
Even on Shane Todd's podcast. And it's all about legacy.
Game but I can remember being like we did the blame game on
that we're standard said have a cigarette.
What a guy who went and you were like all right and then you went
and he was young and you went that's Mickey Barty goes who and
then the fella goes what are you doing tonight?
We're shooting the blame game and the guy went what's the
blame game? You scored night time.
This is my fuck. I know I.
Think I got Christmas time. I was in a public Christmas and
a bloke went there. Hey, you developed those MI
pods, You fucking are. Your party.
You. Get that all the time and people
going I don't know you mate. You know, I come up to tell you
they don't know you and you're like, but if you didn't know me,
why would you just be coming off this one he's and telling me you
don't know? I had a guy stop me in a shop
the day before Valentine's Day. Was a panic man a present.
And this guy went you comedian? I went Yeah.
And he goes. Suppose you think you're dead
famous now me talking to you? What do you want me to do with
hot potato? Hot potato?
Fuck off. Are you famous?
Well, if you have to ask. Yeah, you have to stop.
Yeah. I don't know, Like, I was like,
what an existential crisis this is.
You're famous. You're like, I'm in Rushmere.
Yeah, I'm in Clinton cards and Rushmere because I couldn't even
pick the back card online. Happy anniversary.
I don't know why you did the eyes, she said.
Clinton. Our cameraman forget my
headpiece was setting up one time we weren't there were
cameras were setting up and this guy walked down the street.
What are you doing? And he said get my headpiece.
The guy said fuck sake, only asked.
I was doing top secret comedy club in London last week.
I was getting off the plane. This girl goes.
You getting tonight now? Yeah, she was.
Where you getting on my top secret?
You can tell me, folks. Your tourist just over you numb
the plug. I don't know, I might do a wee
snakey mini tour later in the. Year tour extension.
Yeah, because I'm half an hour new stuff and I'm like BFLR by
Oh yeah, that's the big sides of last year.
It'll turn into something. Gold.
Yeah, I'm a greedy wee bastard. To get my hairpiece, what's all
right? We have a few ticks left for
that. We're doing 7 in the Opera
House, the end of month 24th to 29th and yeah, I know it's going
seven. We all round round the concrete,
right? The province wide.
You're soluter. We're soluter.
Height of nonsense is doing right.
We're all over the place doing dailies and all.
When's that there? It starts the middle of April,
17th of April. So you got support?
What you got a support? I have a few support, actually.
I've got Yeah, I have stock. I have.
Nothing to do. I couldn't afford the legs.
You, you know I'd. Do it for the whiskey.
Give him back the whiskey he gave you.
A mouthful of that. Are you going to thank you?
Now that's that's the name of the next.
Would you do support for me? I'll be an honour.
Fucking give me a fool. People like council, I mean.
Good luck following it. We'll link all that in the
description, but Tim Max, thank you very much.
Thank you very. Much.