Zippers, I'm delighted to be joined on this episode of the TV
With Me podcast with Alex Lowe, the guy behind the unbelievable
Clinton Baptiste, who you might have first seen on Phoenix
nights, who you might have seen on his hilarious Talk sport
appearances all over the place on sell out tours at the minute.
He's doing Mandela Hall in Belfast tonight and we got him
on the day of the show, which sometimes, most of the time that
never works out, but it's worked out today.
What a treat this was. We talk about how his character
started, what it's become now, the background to it.
He does a great character. Barry from Watford as well, who
you might have heard on Radio 2 before.
This was someone I've never met before, but someone who I'm
going for a burger with tomorrow night.
These gentlemen please do this episode that seems me podcast
with my guest Alex. Alex.
Alex has form. The form is really.
So I only found it's crazy to find out that this is not a
universal phrase. And that gets me when I say,
how's the form? You're perplexed.
I wasn't perplexed. I mean, I have heard of.
I'm in good form. Yes, you heard of, you've heard
of form. I've heard of the word form.
Yeah. So, but would you say like, you
know, I, I, I assume that was a natural, but I realised I've
been saying that across the world for years.
I mean to tell you, nobody says that.
But it's good. Do you think there's potential
in it to to travel? I am going to start using that
phrase. How's the form?
Yes. I suppose you said it to a
teacher or something. That might mean something else,
Yes. Or like a swimming coach.
Yeah. Yeah.
But how's the form? I mean, I've just got off a
flight from London to here and yeah, staggered, got my case
from the carousel, but the form is all right.
But I'm not feeling. But that's a quick flight.
But from London, is it you fight from?
London I'm just making the points.
I'm just making the point that the form would be better had I
not flown at 5:00 in the morning, got up and got to.
Yeah, but without flight, like by the time you're up, you're
down. It's not right.
The form, Yeah, but what I'm saying is the form.
Oh, Jesus. And also there is a thing in
Northern Ireland when we ask you kind of how the form is, we
don't, we don't ever want the answer to be not great.
Has anyone used that expression ever before?
How's your form? Yeah, I said everyday to people.
I know you do, but is anyone in this world?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. OK.
Yeah, but I would say if I'm in America, to someone from
America. But now I'm realised you're the
person who finally sat me down and told me.
What you're saying that when you don't want them to say the forms
good or you do? When you do that here, you'll
how's your forum? The answer is grand.
You know you never what you don't want to someone to say the
forms not great. It is quite tedious if you are
someone in general how they're doing.
And I'm a real one for my my tour manager is here and he met
me at Heathrow and we just had the whole of Easter off and he
just, it was a perfunctory question.
How? What?
Perfunctory? Now in the same way how's the
form has never left Northern Ireland, Perfunctory has never
got in here. It was a polite.
Question I will be using.
Perfunctory. Well, to be honest, I'm not sure
I pronounced it properly, so let's not dwell on that.
Is it? Would you say instead of plate?
So I could say yeah. Polite.
So I could say that it means it means work a day.
It's like it means sort of. It's just, it's just a bland
statement, perfunctory. It just gets us from A to B.
So I could say to the venue manager tonight, I hope you find
me perfunctory when I arrive. Oh, I don't think it doesn't
quote like you tell me. Say, how's the form?
Yeah, I hope you find me perfunctory.
And then he'd go. Why speaking in that?
Yeah. Where's that problem?
No, I mean it was it was applied just to get to the, the how's
the form thing again? Yes, my my tour manager, Alex,
just to confuse things. He asked me how Easter went and
I gave him, you know, chapter and verse.
Do you have that expression, chapter and verse we do know
about what I did over Easter. Now he may not have wanted to
know quite as much detail of that, but it was a chance for me
to get a few things off my chest about my family life where the
form is dipping slightly. Yes, I think it would if he and
if he didn't want that honesty from you as a friend, I think
that would have been bad perfunctory from him.
His funk, funk functory would have been off form.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you travel.
Someone like this, I mean, is anyone you've?
Is anyone listening to? Oh yeah, absolutely.
Oh, they love all this. Dozens of people.
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The link is in the description. Yeah, you've got, you've got
your tour show tonight. If I were you, I'd be going at
an early flight for a nighttime show.
Yeah, you've got a lot of time in Belfast, but how long does it
take you to wake up and become Clinton Baptiste?
Well, it's going to take me. I've got lots to do today.
We filmed the show at the London Palladium the other month and
there's people asking me all sorts of questions about edits
and stuff. I'm not that fussed now.
I'm a bit bored with that, but I've got to force myself to sit
in the dressing room and go through it.
They want, you know, actual time codes.
So I'm going to be doing that for a couple of hours maybe of
bits we want to use for social media, how we what we want the
credits to be, what the font, all this sort of boring stuff.
So I'll do a bit of that. It does take me, I mean the, the
I support myself on this tour. So when I get before the the
show starts, I play my other character Barry from Watford
that I used to do on Steve Wright's Radio 2 show, which the
young people out there won't know anything about.
I remember. OK, so I played.
This old man, it's very ultimate clean man.
So I do him first which I used to use full prosthetics and now
I'm getting so old I I just have a prosthetic nose and some funny
teeth. So I'm going to put all that
gear on 1st and then in the interval there's it's a quick
change into Clinton. Well, that's a quick change,
Jonathan. Yeah, it's well, we only have,
you know, what is it 1520 minutes.
But during that time I got to get all my make up off from
Barry, put the wig on, make sure it looks quite good, got a lot
of sequins. And we also take suggestions
from the audience for for questions for Clinton's spirit
guide. So I.
Want to ask about how how it works right, because that I
remember loving that character on screen and then when I years
ago when, when you started when when did you start doing it
live? Well, the truth is in 2001, when
you know this is me going back and it going giving you the long
form which you didn't actually also but.
No, I would. I would.
OK, so all that time ago when we did Phoenix Nights, I was only
in for one episode and I was up in Bolton for like.
That's it. Do you know what that is Mandela
Effect is? I don't know because I, I've
always wanted to use. I always I always wanted no, I
always thought that you have if you had asked me, I'd be like,
are you? That character was in most of
the. Episodes in about 3 minutes, the
whole thing. But that's that's.
Yeah, I know. It's unbelief.
Wasn't it talking about flogging, Ringing the last few
pence out? Yeah. 25 years later, No, I do.
What happened? So I I met Peter Kay at the
Edinburgh Festival in 1998. I was doing a show about British
wrestling. Great year, by the way.
Great year. 1998 was a from about 95 to 98.
Excellent. Great.
Well, I was very busy at that time and, and I just turned 30
and I kind of thought, you know, when you're an actor sitting
around all your career waiting for the phone to ring, I think I
got to about 30 and thought I'm, I just, this is a waste of a
life. And I think it's easier now.
There's there's, you know, digital media and there's social
media and you can just go and stand on a crate and film it,
you know. But in my day, what would you
do? You'd have a proposal for a
comedy show and you'd send it to Radio 4 and nothing would
happen, mainly because I'm not an Oxbridgey type.
But you know, it's really, there weren't really these outlets.
So Edinburgh Professor was kind of the only thing to kind of
jump start your career. And I went out and did a show
about British wrestling where I played Big Daddy in giant
haystacks and, you know, Kendo Nagasaki and these people from
the 70's, the world of sport, which you won't remember, but
Peter Kay and Bomber Pat Roach from Alfie Dessain Pet, who was
a wrestler, came to review it for Edinburgh Knights.
And so I met Peter that way. And then he got me in that Peter
Kay thing, which was sort of the forerunner, where I played this
character Sparky in one of the episodes in the bingo hall.
And then Peter phoned me up one day and said have.
I got a part for you. And it was Clint and Baptiste,
thankfully, thank God. But I went up there and filmed
it in Bolton and it seems to be really, really funny, you know,
really, really, really funny. So.
You knew that even even on. I did.
I mean, at about the same time I auditioned for Mackenzie
Crooke's part in the office round about the same time and
failed to get that, sadly. But he did a good job.
And so I went and did the Phoenix Knights thing and I
remember at the time saying to Peter Kay, look, I would I would
really love to do this as it on the cabaret circuit as a
character comedy. So can I ask was that was it
almost like bittersweet when it like when you when it you became
that character and it and it just worked Sweden that you were
like, this is great, but but then you were thinking, I'm only
going to get to do this this day on this set.
Yeah, it was. And and also Peter didn't really
want me to do it as it on the circuit.
So that was he just said you're not doing that.
So that was kind of the end of that.
And then, I mean, there's a a long story where I'm told he was
approached about a sitcom, which he didn't want to do, as with
Clinton, which I've only found out quite recently, which is
great. Shame.
And then when we did Phoenix Knights Live in 2015, I asked
him again. And to my amazement, he said,
yeah, that's all right. I don't have any.
You hadn't. In between those years, you
hadn't. I, I didn't do it.
I only did it once on Remember, that's Britain's got a Jesus
Christ Superstar thing that Peter did.
I, I made a little cameo and that's Clinton, where Peter said
you put on weight, which is charming, which I had.
But anyway, well, you know, it was many years afterwards, not a
crime. I was not in such good form
then. But he, so then I asked Peter
again in 2015 after we did Phoenix Nights Live at
Manchester Arena and he said that that's fine, that's great.
You can go and do it. And honestly, I mean, this is
not, this is not, you know, being humble or anything.
I did it. Someone invited me to go and do
it at Stockport Masonic Society, this little comedy night.
And I went all the way up there from Watford where I live, and
there was massive audience there and I were thinking, this is
extraordinary. Who else is on?
It's like, and they come to see Clinton.
And this is, this is not false modesty.
I could not believe that. I mean, it's nothing to do with
me. They people love Beat and they
love Phoenix nights. But it suddenly occurred to me
then, oh, I see, I really must try and do this.
And thankfully, Peter has always let me do it.
He's been great to me. And he could have said, no,
you're not doing it. And so for the last 10 years,
well, you know, 11 coming to 12 years, I've been, you know,
touring his Clinton and going doing, you know, stand up nights
and character nights and. And how from the first time you
put the the the outfit on, you did that episode of Phoenix
Nights to know how much have you evolve the character or change
the. Character, it's not really
anything like it was. I, you know, Clinton's got a
history now he's got, you know, he lives in a flat.
I did, I did a podcast where I populated it with other people
who lived in, in, you know, flats, in his block of flats.
He's got a sort of mad neighbour called Ruth.
Clinton's got a name, you know, full, full name Clinton Solomon
monitoring Baptiste, you know, and you know, he's got an agent
and all this kind of stuff. So it it kind of, you know, I
sort of fleshed it out a little bit.
It it, it just like nothing makes me laugh more than like
those talk sport clips. Like when you're on the
breakfast. Show.
Oh God. With Alan Brazil and Ally McCoy,
it's just I think because of how giddy they are.
Yeah, well, that's lovely. I mean, I don't think Brazil
always gets what I'm doing. I know.
I sorry. I think that makes it funnier.
I think that makes it fun. Well, because Ali is just Ali
buzzing. Yeah, Brazil is a bit does yeah,
doesn't quite know what, but I think that makes it funny.
This. Is very uncharming of me.
But what happens is, you know, it's, you get up very, very
early. You know, you're doing sort of
radio. And I used to do it, I used to
do lots on Christian O'connell's Absolute Radio show.
So it means that all night long you're thinking, oh God, I've
got to get up in a minute and be funny.
When you've got it, when you're going on holidays, early flight,
exactly like you can't rest. Exactly.
And so going in there to talk sports, which is, you know, it's
all a bit unforgiving. It's all very alpha male and
it's all a bit. You're a comedian.
Are you getting back in there? You want somebody, You want
somebody to change. It's all, there's nothing kind
of nice. Yeah.
And then you go, there's a love you on now, Alex, you know, you
do a gig about Man United, blah, blah, blah.
And I've written tonnes of stuff the night before.
And you can see this a couple of times because the cameras are.
On on the notes. And I've got all these bloody
notes in front of me and Alan, you know, I mean, I did one at
Halloween and I sat down ready to do my 5 minutes off.
I've I've written the jokes. It takes some writing.
You don't just turn up. And anyway, John Glanton, why is
it? Why is Halloween and where did
it come from? I'm like, Alan, I've written.
What do you have absolutely no idea?
Alan, what do you think this is? And you think, I mean, when I
used to work like for Steve Wright on Radio 2, the likes of
him and Ali Mccoist, they for some reason, they get it, you
know, And it's not Alan's fault. He's he, he is a presenter, but
he's a footballer first and foremost.
But you want someone, all you want is to someone to sit there
and laugh and that's it. And you feel confident you can
do it. But don't start asking me the
history of Halloween or Druid festivals.
You. Know, it's like, do you remember
that guy who went to Guy, somebody who was called, he went
to BBC to for a job interview about being a cleaner and then
they had him on. Yeah, he's like the head of
Apple in the UK or something. You just have to like fill a bit
of that Guy. Was great to see him as much
anymore. No, no.
But as you say, Ali is a great supporter and he often, you
know, sends me a little note. And the other one is Jim White,
who turns up to see me and things.
So I'm completely delighted by all that stuff.
And it's a really, this is once again, this is not false
modesty. I'm I'm 58 now.
No, I am. I am.
And but, you know, all these years, as I say, being an actor
and you know, I tapped up in all sorts of people's shows and
stuff over the years, But suddenly at my age to be filling
these theatres that we're we're doing, we filled the London
Palladium and all this kind of stuff.
First of all, hats off to Peter K Thank God for letting me doing
it to, to do it. But also, you know, people come
out the woodwork and they talk about, they ask me about other
stuff I've done over the years. And I think where's everyone
been all this time? I suddenly, you know that.
So, so that's, it's a really lovely, lovely position to be in
suddenly. I mean, the fact that, you know,
the character Clinton, but he's obviously a clairvoyant.
Do do you, have you done any like training in that, you know,
just to sort of help the act along?
I, I've seen an awful lot of it on YouTube and I just, you know,
all those tropes and all that cold reading stuff.
Yeah, I the honest truth is I'm not.
I couldn't give two hoots about the paranormal.
Yes, it is purely to serve a lot of pathetic double entendres,
right. Third eye this open your third
eye that, you know, all all this kind of stuff.
So I was thinking if Clinton wasn't a clairvoyant medium
psychic, he'd be a second hand car salesman.
No disrespect for any of our second hand car, but do you know
what I mean? He would be sort of pulling a
fast 1. And I, I always think without
being too wanky about, can I say wanky up, OK, without being too
pretentious about it. The I was going to say I forgot
what I was going to say. Now.
Yeah, it's, it's always funny, I think in comedy, character
comedy or drama or whatever, where you have a low status
character trying to play high status because the audience love
the idea that you can see the cogs working and there's nothing
funnier than someone who thinks they're a little bit something.
And we all know he's not. I mean, I mentioned it in my
friend Angelos epithemia, Dan Skinner, we do a double act,
Angelos and Barry, and he will do this great thing where
Angelos is. Yeah, he's trying to be sort of
one of the guys and he said guys, guys, guys, you know, like
he's trying to elevate him stuff here.
And all you can see is this rather useless.
Yeah, Guy that's for me is really fun.
And the audience like to feel superior, don't they?
They like to think we're better than this guy.
So Precious episode of the Tea With Me podcast is sponsored by
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I don't do anywhere near as in fact, I just don't do it anymore
because I guess with this in stand up, they're my focuses,
but I've done character comedy before and I love it.
I absolutely love it. And I did a little bit of live
stuff. So I I I always started as a
stand up and then I had a couple of characters and I did it live
a couple of times and I was, I was actually like a bit work
because it was so much fun and I thought I want to keep stand up
and this kind of separate, but the, you know, I wasn't my
character didn't require me to really.
It required me to put on a blazer.
That was kind of it. The thing is, first of all,
you'll know in character. You can say stuff that's
outraged. It's not really you saying it,
but this is genuine. I am always insanely jealous of
straight stand up. Before I get too old, I really
want to just do stand up as me and to do material about what
interests me as a 58 year old man, not an old man like Barry,
not a paranormalist like Clinton.
And one day I'm going to do it. But I, I think it's a really
strange thing because I meet a lot of stand ups who say the
same. They'd love to be doing this
sort of character stuff. And I feel the complete
opposite, that this is really a thing to hide behind because I
mean it. It, it terrifies me that any
students in tonight, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh, you've seen my ACT. Please don't start saying that.
But. What was the character?
What was the? Character so it was a so this
time we're in Hollywood which is 5 minutes from Belfast yeah has
a reputation as being very very middle class right in Northern
Ireland and then. And I used to work in a, there's
a Yacht Club restaurant thing down by the shore, right?
And I used to work there was like a dishwasher.
And then you would encounter these.
I was like 15-16. Yeah.
And you'd encounter these just very middle class, very loud,
good people. But like, no self-awareness
characters. Very, very posh.
So I did a character who was like, he played a little bit of
rugby, you know, in and out of the Academy sort of thing when
he was younger. And he was just a socialite kind
of guy, but like very loud voice and just very brat, no awareness
of the world. And and I I did some video
videos with that. So that would have really helped
my stand up back in the day because the very locally the
videos did did very well. But it was it was a very here
thing, you know, and and that then got people to come see my
stand up. But I just I also then I did a
football, by the way, as that character, like we, I got the
interview Rory McIlroy. So because he's, he's from this
time, OK, right. So, so I would have the
character always talked about my, I would only referred.
It was McElroy. You know, McElroy is a friend of
Rory and, and used to tell these tales about, you know, it was
out last night with McElroy. And then he, he retweeted couple
of things which which really helped.
And and then he had like this is going back maybe 12 years.
He had like one day off. He was back in the country and
he was like, I'll come do a video and I interviewed him in
in character fantastic. And and so, but but I, what
happened was I would, the main thing I did is that character
was I would go around freshers or in student days in Belfast
and interview student like Vox pops on the street.
But I kind of got to the point where and, and it was a very
local thing, but too many people within Belfast, probably
especially younger people knew of it.
So what kind of it took away that like when I was
interviewing people, they were, they were maybe too aware of it.
Yeah, sure. For it to really work.
And they were maybe. What's he going to say here?
Yeah. But I always mean to do it
again. And I just, I, I will do it
again. I just.
Well, that's the great thing. As you get older, you can't
really grow out of that. Maybe you'll grow into.
You're not going to get any worse as an actor, are you?
You're going to get better as an.
Actor you. Couldn't get any worse, that's
what I mean. But what do you in terms of
writing, you know, as you now? I mean, that is my terror, being
I'm considerably older than you, but my terror of sitting down
and going right here we go. The one thing no one wants to
hear is, oh, my back's playing up.
Isn't that funny, ladies and gentlemen?
Again, how have you seen my ACT? Because that's what I mean.
But, you know, I mean, I've got a friend, Dan, Dan Evans, who's
on the circuit. And he was saying to me he's,
he's, in fact, he's slightly older than me.
And he started to say, I just don't know.
There are not the cultural touchstones they used to be.
You know, like so my kids don't know what I thought were
absolute general knowledge. You know where you want to, for
example, if you wanted to go to who is known as a sort of D list
celebrity, This is this is this is going to be shut down flames
for this who's of rather loose morals.
You would. You might if you needed these
touched. Male or female?
Say is it Casey Price is what I was going to say right.
You know, if you and I'm sorry, that's I hope that's not
scurrilous libellous, but she's sometimes perceived like not by
me, not by most people, but have her.
And you're about she's a less to you to.
Me, she's great. Katie, if you're watching.
But you know, when you, you know, sort of you used to have
these things at your fingertips or you would just have all these
people lined up and it would be a shorthand for something people
would know. Well, even like time moves so
quick that, yeah, a friend of mine who's my age had a had a
joke about like, like his like a dream thing.
And he's like, oh, if it was Rihanna and The Pussycat Dolls
and it wasn't getting a huge laugh.
And I had to say like that art. Younger people at gigs won't
know who The Pussycat Dolls are. I remembered I did the Peter
Serafina which show on BBC Two years ago.
It was great and that I remember he did a great sketch with Benny
Wong where Peter was playing John Lennon and Benny was
playing Yoko and they were at the big white grand piano.
And it was clearly imagine, you know, the video with the the the
curtains blowing in. And I was just stood off set and
I heard the make up woman, young woman saying what was it?
John Lennon, John Lennon. Right, OK.
And so I said to her, please tell me you know who John Lennon
is. And she went, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's, I said, used to write with Paul McCartney.
I said, do you know Paul McCartney?
Is this Stella McCartney's dad? Now I part of me thinks, all
right, she's considerably younger than me, but it's kind
of your duty to know this stuff, isn't it?
I mean, there's, there's people today who probably know David
Beckham as a Brooklyn's dad. That's right.
Brooklyn the chef, the, the technical chef, his dad.
You play football, you know. Yeah.
People, though, like we, there's even some cultural reference to
the Major, like we talked about Ravi Shankar on another podcast.
I do recently. Yeah.
I didn't know who Ravi Shankar was.
I've never had more heat in my life.
Really. Yeah, people lost their mind.
Was anyone calling you that? I mean, it's Courtney Riving
where I come from. Is it Ravi Shankar For what
ticket? But people were like, well, do
have you not heard of George Harrison?
I mean, I have. And then, well, then Ravi
Shankar, I was like, yeah, no, that's not how that works.
I like. I guess.
I suppose the things you know, my kids know stuff I don't know
about. It doesn't make it any.
Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah, I've heard of.
I've heard of her, Yeah. You're doing what that person
did about Paul McCartney and John Lennon.
You're like, yeah, I don't. I mean, I guess in our game you
do have to have one foot in popular culture.
You kind of know who people are. But and then I think after a
while you kind of go, look, I'm going to play to a certain age
of crowd. That's fine.
Except I will say that Clinton, although it's mostly a
middle-aged crowd, does attract all sorts of.
People. It's unbelievable.
And I think, I guess what I love about it, it's got universal
appeal in that those people who remember Phoenix Knights,
there's sort of a young crowd who get the sort of, you know,
magical world of alternative stuff that Clinton's a little
bit like. There's people who get the end
of the pier, old Cobra Tan, not the opposite of called
Britannia, the old Britannia, working men's clubs and all
that. And then there's people who just
listen to my podcasts who who want to come see it.
So I'm always delighted. What I do get is a lot of people
shouting out and getting pissed and having fights.
Yeah, it is inexplicable to me. I don't know what I do attract a
lot of that and it's very often trouble.
Really. Oh God, yeah.
Now, one thing I've done, and this is not really to stop that
kind of thing, but shows always start at 8:00.
Yeah, I do have 7. This tour.
I started in a half seven. Can I tell you it is delightful
at 7:30? Yeah.
With support. You're out there at half nine.
Yeah. I do don't have much time on the
source. People have, I think they have
one less drink, right? And it's just great.
I I'm going to tell you a very quick story.
Don't feel the need to make quick.
OK, I feel like a weird thing. No, I'll tell you why it's going
to be, it's going to be, it's going to be quick only because I
feel like I've told this on other podcasts.
We will go not this again, but I must tell you I did a gig in in
Winchester in It's quite a posh part of southern England and
Hampshire and I went there my age.
I never, I just was introduced to my agent and it was APTA, you
know, parent teachers thing, association, association and
it's. Very rare.
I know things and I was just excited that I use that.
Very good. And I went to do this thing and
they were like, there must have been 300 people there on tables.
And it was it was not a private school, but it was quite a well
to do. It's quite a well to do area.
And I took one look at it. I thought there's teachers here,
there's parents. And it's all a bit kind of
straight laced. And I said to my agent who would
for the first time was seeing me on stage.
I was headlining ridiculously. I said, I'm not going to do the
effing and Jeffing tonight. There's been no swearing from
me. It's not the time.
And him and the combo went, I promise you it's fine.
Play your normal game. Play your normal game.
Someone's already already dropped the F bomb.
It's fine. Said all right.
So I went out there headlining and you see where this is going
and I do a thing where I come on and you know, I'm going to
contact the dead. And a guy shouted Jacko, like
can you contact Michael Jackson? So I it was quite loud.
So I went, I'll come to you in a minute.
So I did a bit of stuff and I went and said, now who said
that? Go into the audience and the
tables kind of parted and there was a bloke there and there's a
bit I've done a number of times. It's not very pleasant.
You might have to bleep this out.
OK, So I went to and what's, what's your name, my friend?
And he said Pascal, he was French.
I went, yeah, someone called Dave says you're a cunt, right?
And it normally does well. And as I turned away, I thought
he's not taking that very well. And I thought I ignored it, did
a bit of other stuff. And then I, and then I got and
the thing that tipped this bloke over the edge was I do think so,
you know, it's, it's. True that in any group of
people, 83% will have extraordinary brain skills.
Looking at you lot and Pascal. I might have to revise it down a
little bit. Which is just a sort of nothing
vanilla joke. And it was that that sent him
over the edge and he got up and it was French.
All this stuff was going on. And I thought, oh fucking hell.
So I and I'm, as we've established, much more of an
actor than I am a stand up. So I'm not great at the crowd
control. I can do a little bit of it, but
if it goes on too long, I've I've had it so and, and no one
can get him to sit down, sit down, shut up, sit down to all
this was going on. And I tried to carry on still
shouting his wife's trying to get to sit down.
I think he's a bit pissed. He was probably post 8:00 by
now. And in the end, I just had to
go. Look, I've apologised, Pascal
and I, I, what occurred to me is, you know, in the British
Isles, dropping the sea bomb is not, it's common currency.
This it's perfunctory, right? But it's which is French.
Which is actually French for good form.
Yeah, perfunctois. Anyway, he he was having so I
kind of said to him, look Pascal, this was a really
terrible attempt. You, it's a different culture.
You've got some culture, I clearly haven't.
Please can you stop shouting? It went on and on.
In the end I'd say, do you know ladies and gentlemen Pascal,
I've tried to apologise 3 Times Now.
We're not getting reluctantly. I can't compete with this.
I'm going to say goodnight. It's only done about 10 minutes.
And as I got off the stage he stood up and I thought, you're
not going to try and beat me up. Surely I thought this is
ridiculous. I'm wearing this blonde wig.
I had a sort of bejewelled handbag.
Surely, surely you know, this is a comedy show.
What do you think? It's I'm not, I'm not this
bloke, you know. And then I thought, you know
what? All his contemporaries have
spent 10 minutes trying to get him to stop.
I'm not going to be able to stop this bloke.
I'm going to run. So it's sprinted out.
As he came after my blonde locks flowed behind me, cut this bag,
James Gill, who was comparing, came out the toilet and went
fucking. Who's on, who's on the stage,
who's on the stage, ran away. And as is the way now I with a
lot of places, you can't get in. You can't just open a door.
It's a sort of code. I was really shaking myself.
This guy was going to kill me. He's about 20 years younger than
me, massive French bloke. And my agent said no.
I heard him go, no, no, you're not going down there, you're not
going down there. Rugby tackled him and I was sort
of laughing at the time. I, I, I couldn't get anywhere.
I, I was up behind a sort of filing cabinet and I was sort of
laughing. This is so ridiculous.
Took off my wig and all that. And a woman came out and said,
anyway, the whole thing ended and a woman came up to me who
was the head of security and said with a very dry mouth, I
remember thinking, she's more frightened than I am and said,
do you want, do you want to, do you want everyone to go before
you leave? And I said, no, I'm not going to
go out to the car park on my own.
Yeah, so they gave me like a box of Quality St, like I'd won it
in the raffle. Well, I thought you meant to
defend yourself. Yeah, he hates the strawberry.
So I had this like I won it in the raffle, got in my car and it
was one of those, he's over there, keep walking.
He's just over there in the car, but keep walking, keep walking.
I thought, God, this reminds me from about the age of from about
14 to 22. It could kick off if you go out
on a Friday, Saturday night, it reminded.
Me of those days, yeah. You know, I used to go out and
but Casey, someone would go, don't look.
Now there's someone. Yeah, there's someone screwing
us out of the bar and they'll be thinking, oh, God, please.
It was like that. And it was like, don't look, now
he's just over there. Keep going, keep going.
I was like, I was like 52 or something.
And so I thought, I don't need this.
I've not had this since school. And is this all because you
wouldn't contact Michael Jackson?
I think it's because some people and the vast, vast majority of
people come to see me sort of get that I'm never really going
to be that insulting. Yeah, dropping the sea bomb is
probably. Plus if if he's if he's being
disruptive as well, you got to do something to put him down.
Yeah, I mean there was that, but I just don't think he, there is
a vast difference between some bloke coming from France over to
Hampshire and sitting in a school hall to Clinton who is a
character from the British Working Men's Club.
It you know, in Lancashire. It's just the 2 worlds collided
and he was not having it. But I'm just saying that to
illustrate that that sort of thing does occasionally.
I mean it nearly kicked off in the London Palladium.
People told me, my tour manager can tell me there was, there was
a bit of aggro there. I don't know, I don't know what
it is. I think people think that
Clinton is, you know, he, he, he takes a piss out of everyone or
something. Right.
Do people ever come to the show genuinely thinking you can
contact people? Yeah, they do, yeah.
Right. And they don't really maybe
realise it's 100% comedy. So they think, OK, there's a bit
of a laugh, but also what's my, what's my way?
Nanny said. Right there, there there is.
We did a gig at Canterbury and a whole row of people very nicely
dressed. Can't be really posh.
It is quite posh, yeah, but I mean, I think it's a mistake
anyone could have made if you don't look at the poster
carefully enough and. How do you think the Red Hot
Chilli papers feel? Yeah, exactly.
So I think it's a cookery show. Yeah, they.
So they all turned up. They're all very well dressed
and all that. And I had a support comedian on
and they were all pissed off. It's a funny thing, evidence
people doing just being appropriate, you know.
Then I came and they saw about 10 minutes of me, but of course
I just saw an entire row get up and go.
You're thinking, was I that bad? You know, it really, really
throws you. But there, there are times
people, you know, I did a kick in Twickenham in London and
there's a woman who turned up and I could hear her saying is
he, is he through here? I thought, oh God, she came
through and said it's very funny what you're doing.
It's very, I get it, I get it, all the tropes of that.
But I'm a member of the British Parapsychological Society.
I just want you to know that your family are on stage with
you tonight on that stage. There's a tiny stage.
So how they all go on? But I went oh, right, right.
OK yeah, I think it must, must go.
And she said no, no. And she said your your old grand
was here. I said, oh, right, All right,
OK. I'm just having.
What did she look like? She looked a lot like you.
I said blood relatives. There's a chance.
I said OK, right, OK, I've got to go.
And she went yeah, but your little dog was there.
And I said, sorry, your little dog was was there that you lost.
Now we did lose a little dog, my little Rolo.
And it was a strange it was a comfort.
By the time I got in the car, I was convinced that actually she
had picked up on something. And did you say, is that
something you'd talked about before in like a podcast or
anything? Could she have known that?
I think there's a chant in the show where I I mentioned a dog,
but once again, she's confusing reality with, you know, fantasy.
Because, because I think like I'm so sceptical about all that
kind of stuff. People who would really say
they're like a clairvoyant, but I think all it would take is 3
seconds of speaking the 1 and I go, this is all really.
That is my terror that I am going to be on stage dicking
around. Oh oh.
Henry the Eighth is just 10. Or whatever it is and I'm going
to see something We were in the last gig we did was in
Bournemouth. My, my wonderful tour manager
here took a photo. In fact he took three photos in
a row and the third one there was a ghost.
There is a ghost. And if you, you could go to my.
A Twitter, you can go to my website, all this stuff and
there is clearly a face there. And I spoke to Yvette Fielding
from Most Haunted who thinks it is an actual ghost now.
It could be a light refracting off.
It could be the French guy and the bat over your.
Shoulder, yeah, so there is that.
But I thought like genuinely like before I met you, I was
like, I wonder, do you have like a bit of parsh like your flight
got delayed by about half an hour today and I was like, I bet
you just you were just smug in bed for an extra half hour going
like you already knew it was going to get the.
I tell you what this there is someone I know called Rachel
McDonald and she came on my podcast to tell a ghost story.
Now this is kind of thing that I, this is what I believe now,
because I hear so many ghost stories.
People write in to me for my podcast.
I meet people at gigs and they say, Oh, I saw it, you know, and
I one day I was thinking, do you know what?
I don't even know what I believe anymore.
I sort of listen to stuff go oh, wow, thinking I don't know
whether I believe that or not. But Rachel McDonald told me, and
I've no reason to disbelieve her, that she sometimes helps
out on those most haunted. They go and they go to
Chillingham Castle, whatever, and people can pay to really sit
around for hours going. Did you hear that or whatever?
I felt that, you know, But she told me and I've no reason to
disbelieve her. There's nothing in it for her.
But she said she was there the other week and they were sat
around and I think it's her and this, there's another volunteer.
She doesn't even get paid, just she's interested in the
supernatural. And she said me and this other
woman were sat there bored out of her tits waiting for the the
the day to finish. And everyone you know, gathers
around and gets there, whatever they get, spooky pendant or
whatever. And they sort of sat in this
hall and she said she was chatting this woman and she said
a man came in in old fashioned garb.
Of course. And they both looked at him and
he disappeared. And I said, what do you mean?
I said, whoa, whoa, whoa. What do you mean disappeared?
She went literally sort of like you imagined, like scooby-doo in
a in a puff of smoke, disappeared, disintegrated.
And she said, I sat there with this woman and I went and she
went, I did you just tell me what you just saw?
And she said this woman said exactly what we saw.
We described identically. Identically.
Is that a word? Yes, I'm spoiling the magic now.
And she said I exactly what she saw.
And she said this person disappeared in front of their
eyes. They didn't look away.
And he hid behind a grand piano or something.
He disintegrated into the air and said, I'm telling you,
that's what happened. Now, what I think is not that
it's necessarily the undead forever stuck in limbo between
the real world and, you know, heaven.
I think it's possibly, and I, I didn't do very well in school
with science, but you know, these things like astrophysics,
quantum physics, where time is not linear, where it might be
like a stain on time. It might be someone who was
around about that time and you're seeing different layers
of time. Well, I know what you're talking
about, yes. First of all, let's not rule out
you ever see people vape nowadays.
They vape so big. Someone does a big vape, yeah.
And then you you sometimes you lose the minute you.
But then why was he? Wearing a little Metal Gear,
say. Yeah.
But then also see, we're saying about time.
Yeah. Do you know that if somebody is
at a star, like if someone was at a star, Yeah, right.
And they look down at Earth. Now go on, They would see the
Roman Empire. I did know that, yeah.
That's crazy, isn't? It doesn't quite help us with
this thing though, does it? Well, you say that, but that
might have been, you know, something like that.
Was interesting what I said though, wasn't it?
Yeah. Right.
But I also think like in my I can't like if someone told me
that I I like the idea, but I just I couldn't let that I in my
head, I couldn't have that be I'd be like, there must be so
because these people, they're always wearing old clothes too.
Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah.
That's because they're from the past, isn't it?
But they're very often Victorian people, and that was just
because that was a very popular. Club never nude.
No, they never nude and they never caveman, are they?
Exactly, you know. And they're never smiling.
I'd be excited to see people if I've been stuck in time.
I don't think they always know that they're there, do they?
I mean, there was a guy who who wrote into my podcast, we had a
long chat and he's a, he works some council grave digging
thing. And he said, there's a guy who
would turn up and in quite smart shoes and he looked like he was
in his kind of 60s garb. And he turned around and saw
this guy. And the bloke would, it was
almost like a monologue about, oh, yes, I'll come see a friend
of mine. And he said, when I think about
it now, I asked him questions that he didn't really answer.
And he just had his set spiel about what he was doing there.
And he said, I went knelt down to, you know, dig out some
earth, whatever, and turn around.
He'd gone. And he said he spoke to other
gravediggers in that cemetery. He said, oh, you see him all the
time. This guy turns up and curiously,
the shoes are not muddy. And it's like, where did you
come from? There's no main road and he sort
of tends to disappear now, whether he's a stain on time,
whether he is maybe a ghost. A Roman soldier.
Maybe he's a Roman soldier in Did you want to say the 60s?
Right 60s close. Right.
Not 60. AD, OH. 1960.
Because that's sometimes, like, sometimes that freaks me out,
the idea that like, because last night at the show I had a lady
in the front row in the middle. Right.
And she started, she was chatting a bit and then I ended
up getting into a back and forth with her.
Yeah. And she was saying some pretty
mad things, right. And then and I was like, is this
your daughter, by the way? Younger girl sitting beside her.
And she went, no, the girl went, no, I'm not with her.
And I went to the people on the other side and went, oh, is this
your mom? And they went, Nope.
And I went imagine after the show, I was like, what about
that Lady? And they went, What lady?
Yeah, that freaks me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That just hearing that. What lady you?
Know that gives me the willies. Yeah.
But I mean, I would like, as you say, I would quite like that
spooky experience. You ever met Derek Akora?
No, I mean, I think it's safe to say that Clinton is sort of
based on Derek Akora. Did you ever get Is Derek still
with us? I don't mean I'm.
Afraid he's no longer with us, OK.
But did he ever like? Because he seems like a guy that
would take himself very seriously.
Did he ever get wind of it? Did he?
Did you ever hear? Did.
You know what happened with him. No.
Does anyone here know what happened to Derek?
What happened? Was they?
This is true. This is well known.
Well known that Yvette Fielding and the like on Most Haunted
started to suspect he was a fraud.
They did a what's the word? A what's a jumbled up word
called conundrum, a jumping up word.
A what conundrum of of of a different of of some name or
other Which was it was it's spelt as something like Derek is
a fraud or something like that. Bell on the note.
Yeah, something like that. I can't remember, but he then
used that name in A Most Haunted He he sort of somehow had picked
up on this, this name, this jumbled up name.
What is the name of what is not called a jumbled?
It's called an anagram anagram. It's an anagram anagram.
He picked, he picked up on this anagram that they'd fed him and
then repeated it in the show and claimed to have, you know,
contacted this anagram and they at that moment knew, knew was a
fraud. And it sort of finished him and
he was dropped by if that feeling and the like.
I was, I was, yeah, it's true. I always liked Derek Gore and I
always thought there was something.
I thought it's so ridiculous. Yeah, it's entertaining.
All that sort of and. I've got she's she's a Princess.
She's a Princess from ancient Egypt and she's saying, I don't
laugh, alright. It's like why are?
They all scouts from ancient Egypt, but he that any magic of
Derek was slightly dispelled by me because I saw him going out
for a Lamb and Butler outside Houston station once and I
thought. Yeah, did.
So would would he? Would he have ever heard about
your character? Did you ever hear he was like OK
with it or he didn't like it or? I, I don't know whether he knew.
He must a lot. You know, I don't think it's the
most original thing in the world, a kind of mad clairvoyant
psychic. But I what the, the thing that
was really interesting. You know, we played Liverpool,
played the Epstein Theatre, though why you'd name a theatre
after a convicted paedophile I don't know, but.
Was actually named. Brian Epstein, Brian Epstein, we
and I remember doing his gig there.
And you know, you know what? In Liverpool, they're very,
very, very loyal to their own. Absolutely.
And I remember being there and as Clinton was in one of my
tours, there's a bit about Derek and not not disparaging at all,
where Clinton was a massive fan of Derek.
And I just started this thing about Derek.
This bloke went to come on Clinton, you're better than
that. Long lived tariff.
And I thought, what?
Derek Ikora. Long lived, Janice.
But maybe that was Derek. Baby, it was.
It sounded like Derek. It also sounded like the
Egyptian Princess as well, curiously.
God. I am I would I would love that.
You mentioned, you know, back in the day there was maybe talk
about doing a sitcom that didn't happen.
But that's I would I would love that because I I love watching
the talk sports stuff to see clips.
But I would I would I would love to see like you're talking about
Derek Acora having a cigarette at the back of yeah, I'd like
this. I'd like to see your character.
Yeah, and so would I. On a boss or like, you know,
just like, because the look is so absurd.
And it's just like when you're talking about, like, fleeing
that gig, being chased by that French guy with, like, your
Diamondback. Yeah.
It was like that. Like that?
To me, one thing that I have to add to that, which I forgot, is
that this French guy coming after me so misunderstood what I
was doing. He he he was heard to say, where
is Faza Christmas? Where is FAZA Christmas?
It's like nothing like Father Christmas.
I've got whitish hair. That's about it.
Yeah. I would like to do that as well.
You know, if it's one day, maybe we'll do ATV show.
I would love to do that somehow. Yeah.
No, Sally Phillips's utter name. Yeah, she once had the council a
show with the Waterfront Hall in Belfast about 10 years ago,
right? And there was big signs up on
the day saying due to unforeseen circumstances and every comment
online was like, well, how can that happen?
Sally. Sally Phillips had the
Counsellor show. From Smack the Pony.
All right, no, Sally, who's the? Sally Morgan.
Psychic Sally Morgan.
Psychic Sally Morgan at the. Sally Phillips I worked with for
years on Claire and the Community on Radio 40.
So, well, not her, but Sally Morgan.
Psychic Sally Morgan. Had to cancel her show due to
unforeseen circumstances and it was such a big kick.
Off you know, I psychic Sally, who sort of her name features in
our show thing that makes me I just I don't know whether she's
real or not. That's not it's not my business,
but what I think is she does she goes really X-rated with the I
don't mean X-rated, but really, really graphic with she.
You must have seen she does that awful thing where she's like.
I got someone coming through, but I think there is on a car.
Her Reds come off it. Is that reading anything?
Yeah, she was. Yeah.
Your daughter was in an accent. Her Reds all mashed up.
You go. Does anyone want to hear?
That Yeah, that's right, Sally. I'll call someone drugs.
It's all come in there and he's lying.
Purgatory forever all his. Arms come off, it's all.
Bleeding is that. You go, this is supposed to be a
comfort for people. It's true.
You look it up, it's all that really graphic.
I no, I've never I've never been to that kind of thing.
But you're, I'd say you're homage to it is is not
dissimilar to those shows in terms of like the theatrics
involved and like you're not dialling it up too much compared
to probably what it is, No. I really like that the bit I
love is the kind of fast pace, as if it's all coming through.
Yeah. And all that.
Please work with me. Please work with me.
You man, I've got, I've got a lady coming through.
I mean, really I But then I don't know.
Is it exploitative of people? If it gives people comfort, So
what? I think it's both.
I think it can be both. But but, but yeah, people just
want to hear comforting stuff and and I don't really see the
harm in in that. There isn't necessarily a harm
in it, I suppose. I don't.
I'm not doing it for any reasons
to show people up. Isn't it outrageous?
I don't. I'm not really on a crusade for
that. Now what?
When you're doing the live show, what's something that if you're
chatting to someone, what's a really good sign for you?
What like if you're setting up a back and forth with someone,
what are you looking for them to give you?
Are you looking for them to be really into it or is it better
if they're just they're a little bit shy, a little bit?
To be honest, to be honest, they are just a stooge in my sketch.
Don't join in too much. You know, we have a woman who
comes up on stage who we choose for every gig, and the idea is
that. She had a relationship with a
Spanish waiter, got Jose and he died running with the bulls in
Pamplona. And just tonight, Hothe would
like to dance with you, do the beach ball dance with you on
stage tonight one final time. And and the big joke is, oh God,
we I'm going to have to dart. They're already horrified about
being on stage and then we're going to have to do this
complicated dance and all I require and if I get a chance to
speak to that person, if there's applause all after I was just
give them a bit of you're doing very well.
It's right, nearly done. I don't want anyone Don't do,
please don't do too much. Yes, please don't join in too
much. Please stay seated.
And there's always the risk that someone sees it as their big
chance. They're on the stage and they're
going to do something, you know? So I love it when people don't
join. That little element of
reluctance. Yeah, that's always funny, you
know, And nine times out 10, thank God.
Hats off to people. They get, that's what it is.
Has anyone like, you know, you mentioned like Jim White being a
fan of it and has anyone ever come to see you at a live show
that's that's freaked you out a bit because you like that?
I can't believe that for example, Jeremy Beetle but not
Jeremy Beetle. He came to me one day.
Gave me a big hand. And what?
It's so obvious that I wish I hadn't said that, but I tell you
who came to the Palladium, which is a massive, massive thrill,
was Sue Pollard. No, it was.
It was kind of his bloody name. He's such a thrill.
Harry Hill, my friend Rob Brydon.
Yeah. Who then phoned him and said
now, Alex, I can't do the voice very well now.
I just give you a few notes now when you come on at the start
and you I was like, OK, so it's fine, he's my mate.
He gave me some notes and then what else did I have?
His clearly rifling through. He says.
OK, so now when at 2, when you place the chair, why have you
got the chair? Why is the chair not in the
census? Well, that's what the director
said. OK, but I think really you want
that to be centre stage and all this stuff, which is fine, but
the next day you phone me back to see whether I'd implement it.
It's. Like.
Rob OK, You know, I took some of it on board, but he's a great
mate. I don't mind it from him.
Have you ever seen Harry Hill in just a T-shirt?
No, I haven't. And he was in the full suit and
everything. Big collar.
Yeah, no, he was in a nice suit. But still a collar.
I don't think he had a collar on that night.
He was off duty, he was off duty but I, Jason Byrne is coming to
see me tomorrow night in Dublin. Jason's great.
You've Dublin tomorrow night. Yeah, Yeah, so am I.
Now what do you meet up? Would you like to go for a
burger? I'd love that.
There's a great place called Bunsen in Dublin.
Fantastic. Now, what time is your show?
Well, 7:30 kickoff, but we could meet.
What this? Is I might be meeting Jason.
Do you mean Jason? Meet.
I know, Jason. Well, you're joking.
Now here's you. You float the idea of the burger
to Jason. But if you have non, if you want
non burger Jason time, I get it. I want you, me and Jason to go
out on a big comedy circle jerk at the burger place, Yes.
Yes, and I. We can toss around names like
Rob Brydon. Harry Hill The use of the word
Jeremy came a bit too quickly. I I could, could you see us
eating it? Like, are you someone who
doesn't like the two? Can I see us eating?
Yeah, I can anytime. I could see like AI could see
like a 5:30 PM. But The thing is, what time's
the football on tomorrow is it, isn't it?
Do you want to? Tottenham playing.
Do you want to watch football? No, I could probably look.
Listen, let's go out. Let's go.
I'd love that. I would love.
That that would be great. Let's do that.
Where I wish I could actually see your shoe, I wish my.
What time's yours end? 950.
Oh yeah, I think I'll be done by then.
I like see when see when things like this sync up other
comedians in other cities. I like that.
I hate it when I find out a comedian's just been in the city
and I was over the same night. Well, Peter Kay is in.
Is he here tonight or tomorrow or something?
I know Peter. Is he?
Might be doing SSE. I think he might be here tonight
or tomorrow or something, but. What about look, this could be a
table for four Dublin. Dublin tomorrow night.
Let's get Peter along. This will be unbelievable.
Who else can we get? My friend Doctor Lorraine Mancy
is doing a Ted talk tomorrow. I was going to meet, yeah, I was
going to meet her. I was going to meet her
afterwards, our hotel. She can be drafted in.
No, I'm going on a stag do on Sunday morning so I cannot do
anything post show. OK, let's have the bird.
Do you know Andrew Ryan? Do you know the comedian Andrew?
Ryan, I'd like to. That's awkward because he says
he knows you. He's he's also in this office.
He's gigged with you before. And he says he'll definitely
know me. He said you would definitely
know him. Andrew Ryan.
Yeah. You don't know him because I was
going to. I do know him.
Who? What?
He supported you. Oh, where?
Andy Ryan. Andy, you know, Miss Andy.
So, so I was going to say, I was going to say he's in town, he's
opening for me. He could have been, he could
have been part of this Bunsen thing.
But you know what, fuck him. That's what you're saying.
Look, when we finish here, I'm sure to be reminded I'm an old
man. I can't remember anything.
Just it's just us. Jason, Peter.
Let's get Andrew Ryan as well. Andy.
Andy Ryan. Let's get Andy Ryan.
You know what? I get the table for four.
Is he in the building, did you say?
Oh. Fuck yeah and show me a picture.
Do you know what he said? You guys had gig together a long
time ago and he said he won't remember.
He did say that, so don't worry. Is he from round here?
He's from Cork. But we let them chronic, yeah,
OK. We let them come up OK.
I'm sure I know. But look, we meet so many
comments. We meet so many people in this
business. Even tomorrow night I show up
upon you might not even Remember Me.
I will definitely remember you. Will you?
I would really love that. That'll be great.
We get Jason along. He's a nice guy.
The only thing they do is burger and fries.
They don't mess around, they don't do anything else.
That's fine by me. Well, they do drinks.
Yeah, like soft. Drinks and fries sounds great.
What drink will you have? Well, I will just have to say
off any booze because I've got to keep this.
I don't drink, pretty sure. Right.
Me neither ever. I do like tea.
My dad was a tea taster, so for a living.
My dad was a tea taster for a living.
Like first of all, they even know that job exists and I don't
do if I know the. Lens of tea, he was very keen on
Assam tea, which is for strong. He'd like to Canyon, which is
very multi. Did he did he work for?
No. You freelance?
No, he didn't work for one of the big ones.
He worked for people who would import the tea.
And So what? What was his set?
Would he sit? He would he work from home and
do this with. No, no, no.
You go into town, into London. And his job?
He his job would be to try different blends of tea.
So you might have a blend of Assam and a salon darjeanings
champagne of teas. And there's people around him a
clipboard and he's that's correct.
And then there's that wait where they go.
Oh, and he he wrote. By the way, that is on because
I, this is this podcast is called Tea with Me because
people just come, we have a cup of tea and we chat.
Well, tea is the tea is my thing.
It's, you know, growing up it was a big thing in the house
where my dad would make the team like a ritual.
Of course he's going to make the tea he made.
The tea and he'd bring it in and it was all beautifully done,
just just the right. Was that a boss man's holiday
for him? Yeah, it probably was.
And he used to get my brother to do it.
It was useless at it. And what, you know, and he would
be sort of my brother be watching the telly next to the
radiator. My dad would go.
Can you, Michael, can you go make the tea now?
Yeah. All right.
In a minute. Can you go make the tea?
And it was never as good, but it was the crowning glory.
Of course, nowadays, me and the wife, we're on the, you know,
glass of wine. It's not quite the same thing,
but yeah. So tea.
I will. I'll drink a lot of tea.
I drink a lot of water. Stillwater have.
You ever had a cup of berries, Barry?
You ever been on the Barry's Gold?
What's that? It's it's a bland.
It's a. Barry Tea.
Barry's. I don't.
We don't. I don't have tea bags in the
house. Do you understand?
Loose leaf only. I won't have that.
Kicking off a little bit here, what do you mean you won't have
tea? Oh, you.
Loose leaf. Loose leaf, definitely, yeah.
Do you know what? I bow down because I I respect
that so much. It's so much, tastes so much
nicer. Honestly, you can't taste the
you can taste the paper with a Barry's tea.
Have you tried tea with me? His own Hollywood.
We have our own look. I'd love to try it.
There's one I'd. Love to try, is it an orthodox
tea I mean or has have the leaves been chopped?
Orthodox is the larger leaf. Well, it's, you know, you have
to find out. Look at that fair trade we made.
We made our own tea to sell it live show.
That's in the tea bag though, isn't it?
Yeah, so you can RIP it open. Can I take my?
Yeah, please. Sure.
Yeah, absolutely. Just a second.
I'm just gonna. Oh no.
Yeah, I got you. Yeah, I know.
I know what you're doing there. Right.
Let's have a. What are you?
What are you getting there? Cheeky, very cheeky.
Yeah. It's oh God, it's an attempt,
you know, whether it's whether it will hold muster, I don't
know. It's perfunctory as we.
What we we said Who's doing perfunctory tea?
Nobody. No one is.
And we decided if you fill the market, but look, yeah.
It's it's not it's it's not. The champagne of teas.
It's it's a pomain of teas, isn't it?
It's the leave frown milch of teas.
This isn't it? Leave frown milch.
Never heard of. See, that is a.
That's another 80s reference that none of you people would
get. Was he a actor?
It's a type of wine. It's a cheap wine from Germany.
Leave. From Milch.
Leave frown MILF. I like that I, you know what I'm
saying, big shooter I I got in the red wine for a bit and then
I just. I The problem is I I bloody love
drinking. I love it would.
You do. You want to come on a stag doing
something? Oh, bitters.
The burger goes well and the show goes well.
Meet me at Dublin Airport at 7:00 AM.
Well. I do, I The thing is no like a
glass of wine and all that. So I bet you know, Rounder at
your Yacht Club and all that, they go for all that, sort of.
Well, I'm in that like they don't let me back there.
I just. Want to because you RIP the piss
out of. Themselves.
No, no, no really. But I just, I only worked there
like I, you know, so I'm not like in that in that scenario or
anything. OK, I just drink tea in the
house do. You know Rory o'hanlon?
Yes. Now he does, and this is not
pissing on your chips, but he does.
A better tea, no? He does that character.
I just want to jump on guys. Have you seen that?
Guy, That's right. And he supported me, Rory and I
really, really love. He's a fantastic.
Comedian. He's a joke machine.
He's brilliant.
But that reminds me of that, that character he does, which is
now really taken off. Yeah, he does an Irish TV show,
doesn't he? Doesn't he's need like a sort
of, I've seen footage of him on RTE or something.
Yeah, doing a little bit of mistake about it and and I've
seen his views have gone up and his followers and all that
stuff. But I just love.
Him. Why do you have a burger with
him tomorrow night there? Maybe he's around too.
Why don't we ask him to come? I don't think there's room for
two guys who do Posh character, OK.
That's what I mean. I didn't mean to say that.
Very strong, Very, very strong material.
Look, I think I think this could be beautiful tomorrow and almost
if it doesn't, if you if it doesn't work, I the even the
idea of it is enough for me. It is going to work.
I'm going to make it work. Yeah.
And if not, if you're ever it's. Going to work while we're saying
if not. If you back out, we'll meet up
in in London or something. I would love that.
Great. This is this has been great.
I wish I could see the show, I will say.
You will see the show. I would love to see the show
because I'm a huge fan. Thank you I.
Can see your show? Where can I see yours?
What if instead of doing our own shows tonight, you go see my
show? I will see yours.
I'd love that. My tour, My tour's kind of over.
Oh, but did you ever come over and do the circuit over?
Not, not as much. I tend to tour quite a lot of
the year and then I'll do the clubs here.
Here's a thing, I am doing my show that I book at the 100
Club. In London, I've never played
there. The 100 Club in in Oxford St,
100 Oxford St every buggers, you know, like the Stones played
there, the Sex Pistols, all that sort of stuff.
Very nice, low, sweaty, nice low ceiling untouched since 1947.
I mean, you know, filthy, but a lovely, lovely place for a gig.
I. Was actually sorry, that was
actually my granny's date and bio for a while.
Low ceiling. Would you like?
Would you like to appear in it? And I'm not talking about your
granny. Would need that grave though.
Oh, sorry. I am I, I would love to.
It's a date. We can have a date tomorrow but
also please come and do my. I would not have.
September 100 Club, Oxford St. I would love to do that.
Yeah, great. OK, that's put me in.
Great, great. Porn.
OK. Is this you winding up now?
Yeah, I can tell. Yeah.
Winding up now.
Thank you very much for for coming on, especially on David
Shore. I really appreciate.
That it's great to be here. Thank.
You. Thank you.
I don't know, I'm buying at you, but.
Namaste, please namaste. Thank you.