This episode is brought to you by O Pill, the first over the
counter daily birth control pill available in the US O Pill is
FDA approved, full prescription strength and oestrogen free,
Plus there's no prescription needed.
Finally, the days of needing a prescription for birth control
are over. O Pill is available online and
at most major retailers. Take control of your health and
reproductive journey with O Pill birth control in your control.
Use code BIRTH CONTROL for 25% off your first month of O Pill
at opill.com. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, Shane Tall Before we get
into this episode, you're so childish.
Before we get into the get into this episode, I need to tell you
that patreon.com silly boys like just silly don't have don't
because I need to go. This is Islington Town Hall all
over again. This is Kieran's revenge, and
Willie T is here, who's not even.
He doesn't. Make it to this episode.
We're ahead of time, but back in time.
He actually never made it to this episode.
Oh, yeah. Is it on camera?
Please tell me it's on camera. Willie T, not for the first
time, finishing all over his own chest. patreon.com/tea with me
podcast. Bonus episode every Monday, live
stream every Friday. You can go back in time and
watch a load of old stuff that's on there too.
Everything's happening. Mock blames on there by now.
Millionaire stars in their eyes. What?
Who wants to be a millionaire? Who?
Wants to be a millionaire and stars in your eyes, eh?
Where some people rightfully won and some people shouldn't have
been one of the top three. I have just announced today if
you're watching this on Wednesday but if it was on
Tuesday don't say I said this because tomorrow I'm announcing
another SSA arena show Full house second night at the SSA
Arena Friday the 15th of November.
Thank you for all the support so far and people who bought so
many tickets for the first show. I am oddly doing another night
in the full arena at the SSA in Belfast.
Tickets will go and Ticketmaster this Friday at 10 AMI think
unless I change it closer to time which gets ignore it.
We are sponsored by none other than Manscaped.
Manscaped are the number one in men's below the belt, men's
below the belt, men's below the belt grooming products.
They've got everything you need if you're travelling, like on
Monday I'm going to Copenhagen and Oslo with Willie T.
You'll probably not make that though.
And we're definitely taking all of our Manscape products with us
and shaving each other up in the hotel room.
Like 2, like 2 little sheep. Manscape have everything.
You can use a cold tea with me for 20% off and free shipping.
The link is in the description. This episode was a.
Little bit more about Manscape. Oh, Manscape.
Oh, these guys love it. Your balls, your deck, all of
it. You can shave yourself around.
The handyman in the hedger. The handyman on the hedger,
they've got it all. The brilliant manscape.com Team
with me podcast check the link in the description Team with me
for 20% off and free shipping. That's that's exact.
My guest this week was supposed to be William Thompson.
Kieran Bartlett. William gets locked in his house
by his grandda, which is weird because William's 27.
But my guest was Kieran Bartlett.
Who needs 2 guests when you've got Kieran Bartlett?
Kieran would have carried this episode any stop.
Just stop doing that. William Kieran was a brilliant
guest. We had a great old time we
talked about. What do we talk about, Kieran?
We talked about our shows and we talked.
About That's unsent. We talked about all different
things, then we're done. What?
Do we talk about a real recently given a week?
Oh, Kieran had to go to hospital to give a sperm sample.
Yep, I missed this. Yeah, you made it was a great.
Time We're also running a competition at the end of this
podcast to win that sample but please enjoy this episode of tea
with me podcast with my good Fred because there's not you
find out sometimes people comedy think your friends aren't
because they let you down but my real true friend Karen Bartlett
was able to make it and be part of the podcast I.
Did too for the practise. Oh, here I was so like he's.
Turn sounds like a place in Amsterdam you want to go to Some
like he's Turn mate. Unbelievable.
I was. I was some goal.
But I guess we started the episode.
But you look like you were like, yeah, you look like we were
reminiscing in Vietnam there. Oh, no.
I was some goal from Dominic Solanke.
What was? I don't know what started.
That's a fun name to say. Is Solanke.
Is there any like words you really like or?
Yan vinegar of hassling, I used to enjoy saying.
No, but it doesn't even need to be a footballer.
Like I like, you know, the Sinn Fein, like I think it's the
annual party conference. It's called the R-I really like
the word R dash. Pleasing to say.
I like sand, silica silica. Or the we thing that comes in
the shoes. What here?
Here's a big question, right? And the lock.
On I know the answer. What does that do?
It stops the shit that absorbs moisture.
So that's why you get, when you get new shoes, they're always
that, you know, that feeling of like straight out of the factory
dry. Straight out of the factory dry.
Yeah, they're dry because you put the silicon that absorbs any
moisture that's in the arts. Why you eat it?
That's a problem for you. Having had experience.
With that, so it says all over it, they not eat.
You've definitely had a silica overdose before.
But that's what those it stops things from getting like moist
in the box as it were, so. That's immature and that's
great, Kieran. Well, sorry, what about that
Luton macho mental would you like?
Here's just last football thing for now, would you?
I want Luton to stay up because. See see the the Blackpool of
this the. Relegation zone of Nottingham
Forest, Burnley, Sheffield United suits me down to the
ground. I.
Like Forest, I don't. I like, I like them better last
year when I had a couple of players but the sole one of them
more ones. I like to Tottenham, right?
It's good to see you. And can I just say, I think we
talked about this at Mysteries Live, which by the way, what a
night. What a night.
Those two two episodes will be coming out from that the moon
land and episode the gladiators episode.
I can't wait till we put that video clip by Oh Man of
Gladiators Oh Fausty on the AI. Fix fire.
This guy is going to end up working for like war lead, like
blackmail and war leaders. He's like.
Yeah, they fake and just Donald Trump being signed.
Oh, you satirist. Very.
Drool here, very drool. Need to get some Celica there
because I was so dry. You you're at my house a couple
weeks ago with this on an actual pot and.
Lovely place, thanks for having us.
Oh, well, listen, can I just say you're a big hit with my oldest
son? Yeah, I'm not joking.
Think you're the coolest guy on earth?
I am. Most of that is based around the
fact that you have a truck. I do have a truck, you know, I
enjoyed our way. Time was good.
The crack was good. Because I, I don't really know
how to get on. Generally we've said this to me.
Before, right? You'd said this to me before,
but I thought. You're you're I've been accused
real natural. My my my own niece and nephew
used to call me Uncle Education and they used to call Kev Uncle.
Fun time. True story.
I know, doesn't sound great. But you know what I mean, Uncle
Hands. I know.
Yeah, yeah. He's German, by the way.
Yeah, so like. Uncle Education?
Yeah, because I had his nickname for all.
That no, it was the IT was, it was Kev.
Kev gave me the nickname, right? Because I would be, I would have
bought them like educational toys from the early learning
centre and things like that. He was going out and getting
like water balloons and I'm being like, no guys, sort the
blocks into colours and sizes, you know what I mean?
So yeah, develop geometric shape knowledge, you know what I mean?
So like they were, They're smarter because of me.
What even is that that you said? Well.
Geometrics. Yeah, geometry, shapes and Maths
sizes I. Don't know any of that shapes.
Spatial stuff. I have bad spatial awareness.
So like trying to, you know, or like here, see if you want, see
if you want not go who's going to, you know, buy a load of
chocolate, whatever. That's not me.
I like your chocolate. See if you want says.
The man who brought you brought more chocolate.
Well, he wouldn't brought that much chocolate to my you brought
so much chocolate to my house. You.
Won't believe the nightmare we
had trying to find something for you and Marx's.
By the way, Marx's doesn't cater for dietary requirements for
you. Not very well free from section.
We went right. We rat the biggest free from
section, but there's loads of it's free from gluten, not a lot
of it's free from Derry. Yeah, so.
No, you, you, you and Chloe very much catered for us.
Good. You gave us a good tip about
Newcastle, by the way. We went that chippy.
What do you call it? Docs it's good Kieran was Kieran
employee brought this blow up football for my son and then you
can draw on a. Scribble.
Make your own design A scribble and and Karen kind of had a
problem with the way my 3 year old was drawn didn't you did you
did right in your head. He was gonna, he was gonna do
like, you know, perfect drawn. He mentioned the phrase about
being outside of the lines very quickly.
I did, yeah. Yeah.
I said, I said you're no, I said you want to.
I said you want to because when we started, we were doing it all
in and I went. You want to stay in or do you
want to go outside? High passive aggressive to your
child. Child, do you want to say, do
you want to do this right or do you want to do you want to fuck
it up? And then no.
So I did a Scrabble and then let's say Child A.
You're not quite stabbed. He was, he was stabbing the ball
then. And I was worried that it was
going to bust the marker over your, your, your counter, right,
which no one wants. But then I was just saying go a
bit easier. Go a bit easier on the stab.
Yeah, you know, but stop. It don't stop it.
It was funny whenever whenever we asked whose names we put on
it. Yeah.
And he was happy for his name. My brother?
Your name wouldn't have his brother's name.
Yeah, because he didn't call it in.
Yeah, he's not banter. He was having Kieran time.
Yeah, it was great here. See in your truck?
Like how cool do a child? It's.
Currently the truck. It's cool to me.
Look, you know. I bought a truck.
Yeah, I enjoyed. He had the wee, wee baby.
He had the like the the toy truck.
Yes, the same truck. Would you, would you hate it if
just to like impress my son if I just bought a truck than yours
but it was slightly bigger? You ever deny me if it was
better than mine? Yeah.
I wanted to be the same or less,
you know? So talk to me about truck life,
right? Because we know you got the
truck. Are you like?
I'm taking a piss off people for the truck by the way.
Why? Because of the green footprint.
I don't know here. Well, we're offset not now
because Chloe has an electric car now.
So we're offset in a car. They're worse for the
environment. Well, we're making.
How do you charge it? How do you charge a Karen?
Electric. There you go.
But here electric you can make it's all renewable now we'll
have solar panels, but. You guys have a wind farm at
the. House, I'm looking, I'm looking
into solar panels, but I think I think it, I think it's shit.
I think it's a shit deal for you now, right?
It's not like the RHI does where you know, the government was
giving you fucking money. Hand over fish.
I got in really early. I know 3 warehouses.
I was the only comedian not doing material but.
I. The guys give them a chance to
do their best. It's not perfect.
I am I wonder I I don't know is there.
A truck guy etiquette. Like if you're out, you're
driving down Botanic on the way to Cafe O, you see another guy
coming up the street in the truck.
Is there a nod or is there? A I've done a few nods.
I've definitely nodded. Do you know what I've started
doing? Nodding the guys in white vans
because we're all in commercial vehicles, so there's like a
commerce in the car. And then I've started saying,
I've started picking up we phrases about alpha phrases
about the amount of petrol that it uses diesel.
I've started, I've started packing up we phrases.
So like, you know, somebody go, how should treat me and I'll go,
she's thirsty, you know, or, you know, putting a putting a pet,
putting filling it up costs, you know, a bit of money.
Like somebody goes, how much should be, how much should it be
to fill her up? And you go, ah, it'll shorten
her afternoon, you know. So I've learned.
I've learned those. My dad has about 50 of them.
We could teach you. Yeah, I I like, I like learning
things like that off real man. Yeah, because I don't have them.
Is that is that fast? Is it like shit off a shovel?
You don't understand them all, but the work.
It's the way you say. Them you know I I do enjoy
thirsty. And are you are you good at
parking it? No, did you hear out?
Did you hear the did you hear? We're we're going to therapy
twice a week. The the stay together.
So no, there's, there's, there's you get a partner here in the
backgrounds. Karen, you love Chloe that much
that if you've got divorced and you got another wife, you would
still be with Chloe all the time.
That's William. You said imagine you were
imagine Chloe left you. You're single again.
And by the way, you only, you don't even like the premise of
this because you're thinking. About leaving centre on why he
sent us on podcast. Right, imagine, imagine, right.
Chloe leaves you, you're on a date, you get set up on a blind
date. And you're like, listen, you
know, she goes, I really like you and you, I like you too.
But listen, I've got 2. And she's like, listen, I've got
kids too. You're like, not Chloe and
William. They will be part of our lives.
Ever, anywhere we live has to have a place for Kev the Age
anyway, so. You like you and her having a
dinner and then there's like a soft play and it's her three
children and just Chloe. Kevin Williams.
So what was the question? What was the there was a oh, am
I good apartment? Not really, right.
Do you know, I'll say yes, I'm going to park in other places.
I'm not going to park in our drive.
The drive. I'm just not good at it.
It takes me a couple of goals. I could I could bet here, but I
won't. It's it's to do, it's to do with
you have to pull in a certain angle, which I always think I've
got right but probably don't. And then it takes me two goals.
Do you ever get like? If it's raining for.
Do men ever guide you in? No, Chloe has said the phrase Do
you want me to do it about 8 times?
Ah, no, I'm like, I can't let you do it.
Yeah, I have to get this from myself no matter how many goes.
Yeah, you know, do you get road rage?
Yes, really, yes, but not it's not as bad as it used to be.
It was worse whenever I was in my we 1.0 hand.
I guess being like, yeah, people would do things that that would
annoy me because. You weren't getting respect in
that. It's hard to get respect and it
gets but it's one thing it doesn't get as respect.
Oh, sorry. I know.
I like that we car. Do you know my my rage is
usually to do well, I did. I did a spring course
celebration. I don't mind telling you.
So crack or no, No, I was probably I was pulled over.
I've talked with this. I know I got pulled over
sometimes new car. I didn't realise.
I've done two things. There's always someone in the
course. I've done one of these courses
and everyone just wants I didn't.
Realise the speed I was doing and quiet there's.
Always there was a fella on the course I did and he went, I was
just test driving it and they were like, yeah, but were you
speeding in it? He goes, yeah.
And I'm like, this isn't the inquiry you've been called.
We need to just. Hear through this, I admit it.
I was just. I got called the guy, put him
over, was totally dead on. Where were you Spin?
Were yeah, down there in Newry. How I don't believe me.
How I was about. Time I'm over.
Right. I was dealing by the NSA,
haven't they? Oh, speed kills.
So the guy. Listen, I'm not proud of it, but
here I'm prepared to talk about it.
The guy. Pulls you over.
Put me over and give me. What does he say?
Does he recognise you? Yes, but he didn't, he was very
professional, right, because this is nor hang.
I can't talk about this because I'm actually going to end up
doing stand level with this thing.
But I had a hospital appointment yesterday.
I'm getting recognised in places where you sort of wish somebody
would just go ask Karen Warland. Leave in your head, right?
Don't fucking don't. Don't talk.
I've had a colonoscopy while talking to the staff about like
gigs. Yeah, like me.
It's it's, it's, it's rare luck and all the thing.
Also see getting circumcised when everyone's like oh go to
your shows. Oh, you're looking at the cock.
You're about to cut some of my penis off, mate, right.
How do you call your material? What?
Just whatever if you're. Prepared to say that if you're
prepared to say that I was away getting and this is a word that
nobody wants to use in this place.
What? What?
Are you going to tell me you're joining me?
No, no, no, Although I might at some point, but not, not yet.
This was I was away getting Foreskin Bros.
I was away getting what they call it A and this is what it
should be called. By the way.
Hey, this is Ellis or a jazz analysis though, right?
A jazz analysis, right? Semen Analysis.
He played for Burton that jazz analysis.
Yeah, what do you say? Same analysis.
People go on great shots, Albert, Terrible on lobs, You
know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean?
So it's like. Jazz analysis I think he had a
great World Cup. He was left back for Algeria and
then he said I think Wigan send them and he never really went
and go back home. When MiTo was there.
I So you had a you had a semen. Analysis I did a jazz analysis.
So where do you go for this? The in shops though, they are
down to the royal, down to the fertility clinic.
Right. You go in there and then.
Do you have to provide a sample there and then?
This is the basis of a new bit of stand up shit.
Doesn't matter so. Great.
Let me know. So no, no, I'm saying it's so
Graham. Surely you could take it home?
No, I, I see. I wondered about that.
My I I think presumably the reason why they don't do that do
that is because they don't do that.
No, but presumably the reason why you don't do that is because
must have a bit stuck is because, you know, I'm not
saying I would do this, but other men.
Whatever it is but to say he would do it.
No, but like you could get someone else to do it, Yes and
go see my I'm fine, right, So I think they'll want you to go
Plus they also want to meet like.
Having someone else set set your theory driving test.
Yeah, yeah. So this way is like what way?
Creepier. Yeah, why saltier?
So it was just like it was. Put me through it so.
It was, it was grim like. Do you get given a sample like a
bottle? They give, they give you, they
give you a cup that is, in my opinion, too big for what it's
used for. You give me a 2 litre coat.
But I know, right? So so they give you a couple.
So they send you a letter and tell you abstain from explosives
for a couple of days beforehand, but not for as much as a week.
Right. So you need to thump one out a
week before and then wait five days.
So you Doctor, right, that's the says in the letter and then and
then so you go in mate. It's just so bleak, right?
So so do you. So on my way to the room I'm
getting a lot of So on my way in.
On my way in. You're about to go bust.
So I go in, I go into the place, they tell me to go to right the
the maternity, I say to the lady.
So is it the fertility clinic's part of the maternity hospital?
Thank God, I was like, I'll take this.
And you just went to the maternity ward?
No, no, no, because. They're doing records.
Everybody push at the same time right?
Like this is you should. Never push right until the
burial. Top knowledge.
I went on this. So the point that so, so sorry.
I go in and I say I have a wee appointment in the fertility
clinic and she goes, oh, you need to go outside and go in
this other door, right? And I'm like, great, it's
raining. So I walk out and I go through
there. Granted part of the walk is
covered anyway overhead. So I walk in and the lady there
goes, oh, you just go in the front door and I'm like, this is
star of Chocolate Brothers thing.
I'm not going back around there. I went, I went, listen, she sent
me around here and she goes right, I'll show you.
And she brought me round to the left, right.
And she goes, you go up here. It's on this floor.
It's called andrology, which is not as much fun as it sounds.
And I, I get get, I go in there. By the way, she was, she was
very helpful on my way up in the left.
Couple of porters are in there and they're coming out of the
left angle. And that's a bit about Mr
Bartlett, good to see you down here.
And I it's not, it's not. So I go in, a couple of people
are in the left and I can hear them going Ashramano, those tech
talk and all I'm like, don't look at where I'm walking to.
So I walk out, I go into there, lady in there every listen,
everyone's very professional, but also they're they're
clinical about it in a way where they say phrases that turns me
right. So like they'll say stuff like.
Drain your nuts in there. No, no, I I almost wish it was
more like that. I wish it was like go in here
and have a quick wank, right. You know, neither, neither,
that's what we all say neither wring it out of yourself in 10
seconds nor are you on holiday. So don't edge it right, but
like, you know, quick wank. Does she just say that instead
of going? So you'll go in here and produce
your way Sample. You're like, I'm not Timbaland.
Sound like. You come out with a beat.
You are the sort of fucking nightmare guy that would come
out. He would come out on a beat.
I thought you meant I. Don't.
God, no, anyway, so fucking mental.
So she she talked me through that way, but I mean talked me
through it told me I was going to go and have a wank.
And then the word, the words that no one wants to use in this
place are words that they should use like wank and jizz.
They don't see. And then you just pop the wee
sample in here. Do let us know if there's any
spillages now, because we need to know if we're looking at a
proper full sample, right. I'm just sitting there going
this is fucking this is this is all my sins coming to visit me
at once, right? So we I go into this room right
now, there's so many levels of things that are funny to me
about this room. Talk to me about the What is it?
So the room, the room is an anti room.
The toilet is that. These in there?
Yeah, Happy 8 dancers. Get that here.
Give us give us 20 regulate your we Dick right so regal philtre
and we salty so you have a 20 cell cut.
I'll go out that like I'm nicking A bookies pen.
Like so it's like a week, it's like a week, a week pre room.
The toilet, there's a little like the door to the toilet is
open, right? So you walk in, there's a bog.
Now this is what's hard to this is this is the bit that's hard
to explain. See in rooms where there's like
a nook like this, right? Imagine the chair.
Imagine this comes out further. And then imagine the wank chair.
There's a screen up there that you can't there's nothing on it,
right, Just the TV. Imagine this comes out further
than the chair is like in there. Yep, but like against the wall.
So you have to sit on the corner of the chair so that you're like
out of the nook, if you know what I mean, right.
And then they have like a big ball roll thing.
It comes down like a big ball roll, like a, like a man's
width, a normal man's width to go across the, across the chair.
So you're sitting on a big bit of ball roll, right?
Oh, that goes down 1st. And that's all that's on you
said on the ball roll and then you have to sit.
You don't you could stand. I'm I'm I wouldn't ever stand
for like if anything, I lie down on my side like Caesar.
No, I don't. I'm aside, but I'm I was
annoyed. You know what?
I was annoyed. I was in because when we were
talking, this is the thing about stand up, but I was.
It's Chloe with your Chloe and Kev.
No one's in with me, but Chloe's out in the car and Kev's
downstairs and we shop now. We, we're, we're in, by the way.
Is there things like is there like Dirty Magazine?
No, this is where you're talking about there's nothing.
There's no. There's no, There's no.
Materials. No materials.
No, no supporting materials. It would have been easy.
It would have been easier to get a route in a refugee camp.
Like it was fucking like it was not conducive to having a wank,
right? It was just, it'll be easier to
get a route in the park centre. There you go.
And your similar area, right? That's not the worst thing.
It was so grim, right? And on the wall there's like a
landscape. There's like a picture of like a
wee, like a wee, wee lake. And we like a wee cabin on the
edge of lake. And I'm going out of rural
property, right? Like so grim, it's the grimmest
thing, right? So I knocked one out, right?
How does it take longer than normal?
Well, well, it took longer, normal, shall we say, to get
started because I was, I couldn't get comfy.
I ended up. I thought you were.
Showing like you do this week Dance.
No, I ended up only when Chloe's there, I ended up having to do.
I ended up having to completely D bag, I won't lie, trousers
off, trousers hung up on the. Wall.
Which which is only weird, is only weird now that these are
laughing. You're a pervert.
No, no, I had there was no there is a lock.
There is a lock on the door and there's signs being like, make
sure it sucks. So I give it a good right.
What about the check a lot right.
And there's also a big red cable that's like pool in case of
emergencies. I'm like, what happens if you
reach for something in the throes?
You know what I mean? Anyway, so it was, it was a
made, it was a fucking. Nightmare.
So imagine though. By the way, socks on or off.
On, socks on, I look like a big chicken, right?
Socks on, socks on, begs off. Phone on or off?
I have my phone so I will say right.
You were looking at ticket sales, your ticket sales.
I saw another one. No, I was.
I was. There could be another
marketplace or man this. Could have to text you and get a
little ticket warning for Newcastle.
Right? So it was.
It was fucking man. Put on the last few tickets for
Portico there. It was fucking grim, right?
Like it was. So long you chat. 10 minutes.
In the in the room to finish 10 minutes, but this was what was
going through my mind beforehand.
Doesn't go on What's a respectable because because
there's a respectable clock out time and then there's there's an
on. There's a not respectable one if
you're in there and then there's a 2 long clock out time.
If you're in and out in one minute, you're a pervert.
Yeah, you're a deviant. You know, like you're like
you're. Just turned on like a special
button. Yeah, it's just like thumb it
out. If you're an R.
Well, I would think if you're any more than about 10, yeah, I
think if you're hitting 15 minutes, yeah, you're you're
edge, you know, like so I was going right, older people, it
was very weird. And then when it came up.
Did you think in your head the receptionist, someone's like
Karen Bartlett's a way to do it? Oh, sperm.
There was a bit of that. So they're all kind of standing
around, you know? I well see when I got there, so
when I got there, there was like 2 semen analysts and they're
called, I know, right? They, they were, they were, they
were literally they were, they were sitting with microscopes
and all. So they're looking at stuff in
microscopes and then they just come over and go, right, we'll
be with you in a minute. And they were all, they were
both like there was two people that were nice.
And then when we went in, I, I was going, she, she, she didn't
say anything. That was like, you're that guy.
She was very professional, but there I doubt that she'll always
go at everyone that yeah, maybe she knows.
I don't know. It felt like she sort of knew
who was about. Yeah, you get the, you get the
look and you know. Right.
So I felt that that was a thing. But also this is the thing about
like having stuff in the room, though you probably wouldn't
want it. I mean unless they're seeing
less, it's like a fresh mag. Out of the shop, turn me off.
Nothing would turn me off more than a porn mag.
I know plus plus. The guy that's been grubbly
looking through I, I. Think the way people get on now.
See, since like the invention of like online comments, people
feel that they're entitled to comment on everything.
So like, imagine going in there and then like people are going
to complain that it's not the category that they want.
There wasn't a lot of diversity. Is there any way to get more
Grammys? You know, like, you know, so
anyway, yeah, granny porn. Granny porn.
So we it was just for. It was very weird.
Put a better WD40 in that love. I've never.
I've never, I've never just, I've never just done a plastic
cup and gone afterwards holding it in my hand.
Gone. And you've never done it in a
plastic cup before? I'm not drank it.
No. Well, that's it.
We'll see.
I would prefer to use a wine glass.
So anyway, I was going like I was going.
I don't know what I was going. I don't know.
It was very weird. And then?
So you hand it back. Well, well in furnace they get
they give you so you tighten it and then they give you a wee
bag. We biohazard bag.
Yep. Why are all of these things
transparent though? That would be my SO that as
you're walking through the hospital with it, Like grant
that it's not far, but I did pass one person, so I'm going.
Yeah, I would have said case we're on out of.
Milk and I know. Salmon milk.
She's like why is it green? Is yours too.
Yeah, it's just that that's a, that's like a false Rd thing.
So it was just weird. And then I like that and so
obviously before I went back out with it, ID check in and fucking
put my bags back on re bagged. So go out.
I it'd be so weird if you were just getting on like you were in
your house, wouldn't it have me wash my hands yet?
There you go right so did all that and then she so this.
So I ring the wee bell at this wee weird window.
Like wee half window that they come to.
So I do to signify you've. To say you signify that I have
my bag of. Things.
It was, it was because they weren't they, they were busy
looking at microscopes, right? So you have to press the wee
button. So she comes over.
She could have been more cheaper, by the way, but she
was. She just went well.
You look like a brush shaft of the purpose although.
I'm I'm going you we're we're both well aware that I've just
wanked in that room and possibly it shook the shit out of me.
I don't know, right. And she go and I hand it over.
She goes and I'm like, don't look at it in front of me.
Yeah, she goes right. And was there any we spillages?
Oh no, that's everything, including my dignity.
Goodbye, like and she goes, OK, well, you get the results, go to
your GPA in two weeks and I'm like, cracker, can't wait.
I can't fucking wait. Speaking of two weeks, where's
William? Tell the story where you just
finish. Yeah.
And your natural reaction is Willy.
So Willy T was supposed to be on
this episode with us. But in true Willy T, Willy, he's
like a 92nd character. His grandda has locked him in
the house. We don't know if it's a Fritzl
style move, but like, is Grande though.
Willy's grand though. He talks about it and stand up.
Which rounder has dementia he's trying to track down?
Well, he's locked in the house. I said, is there not a back door
or could you climb at the window down?
Makes a valid point. Mobility issues, right?
Here's here's another valid point that was made.
Why does William not have his own key to get out of the house?
Yeah, that's one. He's playing in a live escape
room in his own house, right? Now he's E, he's like P7 but I'm
locked in the house. Oh.
My God has locked me in. Yeah.
Give you back International. Yeah.
Call back Thompson I. Can't give you back mortal
combat today. My granddad's locked me in.
Let me see, maybe she's. Been, by the way.
What? I'm starving.
Oh, I'll talk. Willy, what's happening,
brother? You're on the pod.
What's? Happening.
Did you get the? Tag No.
What's up? What's it?
What's the latest? I'm still locked in my house
with my granddad coming back. Like there's a couple of
questions from the team here. What 1 valid one being why do
you not have your own key for your house?
I do, but I have lost. It so you don't.
Where did you last have it? Oh fuck no, it's been lost for
like a week, I need to get a new one.
Right. And is there a back door at the
property? It is, but my granddad also has
the key for that. What about like windows or
anything like that? Alleged 3 guesses why I can't
get out of a window. Because you're double booked.
Because they're double glazed and they're very small.
Right. Maybe a time before my stomach
hungover my knees I'd be able to get out of window.
Right, but he just described himself as double glazed and
very small. Would would you consider like is
the back door glass or anything? Like could you smash it and then
reach through? Smash the back door, Smash your
ground is backdoor Emily. Or would like would you be open
that's. A ridiculous notion.
What if your ground is smashed? Your backdoor.
It'd probably go to gaol. Right.
Well, look, just keep us posted, OK?
Hopefully you can. Even if you can make lunch, I'll
be good. Right, no worries, I'll let you
know. I'm literally waiting for him to
fucking song. I don't even know where he is.
Right. What about you?
Where's your Grammy? She's away to church.
She always goes in the weekends. Right.
Where's your sister? She's out of guard, friends.
Right. All right.
Speak to you later. Bye.
He's lying. He's raging.
I think he's done giving a same example somewhere.
That's why I was talking yesterday to everybody, no.
That was only yesterday. I was grim.
Two weeks. Yeah.
I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock?
Exactly. How it's called New York After
Dark and it's a comedy show that only features drop in comic.
Boom, you nail. Into Michael Che's phone.
Nervous. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. It's been rare.
I don't. I would.
I would struggle with the awkwardness of that.
Obviously made that the actual room.
See the seat mate. Well, this was one thing about
the seat. I'd bring a candle for the room.
I this was one thing about the seat though.
Put right on the balls. Chloe was like Chloe said, Chloe
goes, she Chloe literally goes. Will there be like a Bev with a
wee blanket and I went a jazz catcher?
No, I don't think so. A bed, right?
A wee blanket. That's what she said, and I do.
You know what as well do as well see some people will be like, I
could even put some music on, you know, people will put on
like the weekend or something. Yeah.
And I know the guy who put on Babylon by David Grey.
Oh. Babylon by David Grey knitted
blanket. I'm getting.
Up to your nose. We always put army at normal.
We're going to do something mental now.
I am I I think. What are you being?
Serious. Well fuck off, I'm not.
No what? Even though I don't know that
music is a big part of that for us.
Maybe it is Sting anyway, right? Umm.
No way, Brian Kennedy put the message in the box.
That's a great song. We was.
A great song. Everybody had that album.
Yeah, great. In the cover of that you
remember. It was.
It was great. Majestic kind of guy.
Yeah. Great.
Stole the show. George Best Funeral.
He does. He does he Remember he stole the
show on Van Morrison a couple times in the 90s.
Yeah. Remember when he when he'd have
been. Doing, that's all.
God shined his light. Yeah.
What was there was there's normally he did with him days
like this days like this. So I.
Yeah, when you don't meet a chancer.
It's great. We so.
Yeah, sorry. So so there was there was the.
Yeah. Chloe said to me, will there be
a wee bed and all? And I went.
I wouldn't have thought so, but in my head I did.
You know what I thought there would be?
You know, when a doctor says pop up on the couch, yeah, And
there's a thing to lie on. I thought that was going to be
there. Right.
So that if you're a setup white guy, you have an option.
If you're a lie down white guy, yeah, you have an option.
If you're a standard, you've always options, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
So I was going, you know what I mean?
Basically the only thing that we don't have an option for is a
silk curtain hang upside down white guy.
Yeah. You know what I mean?
And here there was no I. Just bring one from home there.
Was no, yeah, there was no plastic bags around either, so
no auto asphyxiation going on. But I imagine, yeah, I started
the last minute. I'm sorry.
I don't mean to be rude. I've just never done this
before. Is there a noose or anything
that I do? I don't mean that it Would you
be able, is it? Could I?
Would you walk on my back? I thought, I thought it would
be. Can you come in and shout abuse
at me? Yeah.
Tell me I'm dirty. Right there was I I said to
Chloe it'd be funny to go down and to go full name and you just
unzip and go care board. You know what I mean?
Just thought it was it was fucking mental.
The seat, the seat was very uncomfortable because it because
it was jammed in the corner, but you couldn't move it right.
You know what I mean? So and then you become aware
that if you start trying to fucking re functuate the place
yes that you're adding time onto your clock at time.
So yes, it's a fucking nightmare.
Do you know what see 10 minutes, not not 10 minutes after I
fucking handed that bag over you went hands were shine by the
way, Cafe, right Cafe straight on for a croissant.
Forget about the whole thing. It's it's fucking room.
It room. I mean, how quick would you not
in cafe Oh. Depends.
Depends how much pastry is left. Because they'll all Do you know
what started happening recently? When we go down on Sundays,
pastry is gone. Sells it early.
People have started. People have started like it's
getting earlier. Used to be that if you were
there by 12 you'd get something. Then it was like elevens the
time. Now it's like on Sunday you need
to be there like between half 9 and 10 if you want salts.
Like people are getting up earlier.
I've started. Someone has to say people are
getting up earlier. You're honestly you're right,
because you might remember doing anything on a Sunday if you're
going to arrange anything with a friend, the Sunday 11.
Early 11 or 12. Nowadays, people, it is.
That's nine shit. Well, you I like, I like the
earliest I'm an. Early I'm getting better on it,
but it melts at you know what I hate?
I hate it being every day for five days.
What do you think of this? I'm going to.
No, like I need, you know I can save it's moment you had.
To get up early. Save it, Save.
It's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. Or at least that's OK If
Thursday and Friday I'm in the house, right?
Yeah, but that. But Saturday, Sunday,
everybody's off. No, not everyone.
Most people. Tell you one guy who isn't God.
Yeah. Always working.
Umm, what was I going to say to you there?
Oh no. Sorry about people like me not
been early and doing anything. We were in Amsterdam there late
night. I don't mind saying this half
one 1:45 we were going back to the hotel but our flight the
next day was 1250 so me and Tony got up very early.
Me, him and Sean Hegarty were for a nice walk around Amsterdam
and breakfast. Late night 8:00 AM.
We made a point of 8:00 AM wake up we'll be down the lobby for
half eight. Go for this walk.
Would you have joined us? No, yeah, it would have been
9:00. I could have considered it
because I would get up at it. I wouldn't say to meet people,
idiot. I would have to be getting up at
7:00 and I don't wake up. Right, you need to put a chair
into your corner. I'll have to.
I'll have to quickly thumb out in the room temperature bag.
And then I was so sad. I was.
Just like a really disrespectful term for a woman.
She's a room temperature bag at all Room temperature bag.
I That's great. It's the sad, the saddest wank
I've ever had. Use that as a really like a
dramatic trailer for this episode.
Here's a stinker. I'm going on Monday to
Copenhagen and Oslo, in which order I don't know.
With Willy on Monday, the only flight we can get is from
Dublin. 6:25 AM Monday from Dublin.
Stinker. Just two and a quarter, like 2
1/4 hour flight. So it's going to be fine.
But you're hanging on Copenhagen all day.
But we couldn't go. I don't mind.
Staying in Copenhagen that night, Yeah, yeah, that means
you can check in, maybe get away already checking we 11 AM or
something. We can see the city, but if we
went from Belfast we couldn't go direct, wouldn't get there to
425 and with my luck of chosen we I know I should start today.
We get there at 7:58. You'll be there when
Copenhagen's actually call something new.
Yeah. Just change the name of the
city. Like what?
I'm reading I brought you a book.
I ordered a book on Amazon but the pyramids in order 2 so I'm
going to give you 1. Amazing.
Thank you. No problem.
How? How sick we're talking.
I've started to enjoy we thin books, but that I've I've
started. That's very thin.
I've used a book I've started to enjoy.
We we, it's long, we thins. You enjoy them?
What? I've I enjoy we thins.
Yeah, yeah. It's like doing.
It's like doing a documentary. What do you think?
Thick ones? You're devour those.
People who can't read at all. I I think that's harsh.
That's so latest anyway. Seriously, you'll learn.
But anyway, no. The what do you call it?
The the I've started to enjoy like we short documentaries.
I've stopped. I've stopped enjoying these
needless 6 porters. Yeah.
Give me, give me, give me an hour and a half.
Do you watch your day? It was good.
Grant Mitchell on On the Hat and Garden Heist.
I mean, if any if I-40. 5 minutes.
If I want anyone to fill me in on that, it's Grant Mitchell,
Do. You know that he was, his dad
was in the the Flying Squad in Scotland Yard.
I didn't know it right. And they, they were the ones
that went after the Hutton Garden Raiders.
It was all old bastards. They had opinion themselves,
never kept their feet in the. Ground.
Oh, flat score for you. And so, yeah, I have no interest
in Hutton Garden robbery. Why?
Don't care. I like Rob.
I like robberies. No, I'm I'm fine.
We still play that in court. I'm, I'm, I'm fascinated by the
concept of of like bargain robbery.
What? Too much planning.
I could never be part of it unless we're going today to do
it. Here's your.
Question right, because this came up in this documentary,
which and this was something I didn't know about it.
See if say say me you so hypothetical say me you, Welly
and Dave were all doing a robbery, right?
No one would suspect you. He'll tell you why.
I've got I've got them doing my alibi.
We'll book 2 family rooms in a Holiday Inn.
I had to be there. I said my name.
I had to be there to check in. So me.
You, Willie and Dave. Me, you, Willie and Dave were
doing a robbery, right? Yes, we're in and say Willie
Willie's double booked himself with something else that he's
meant to be doing and in the middle of actually committing
the robbery, actually committing the robbery leaves right and
goes. What's his role?
Is he the getaway driver? Is.
He so he's a guy, let's say Willie is a guy who's literally
drilling through part of the wall, right?
And in the middle of it, the drill or whatever it is breaks
and. You do that night, get out of
his house. And he goes and he goes.
I'm out and he. Leaves.
Do we know he's left? Yeah, you know he's gone, right?
And you have to come back the next day to finish the robbery
because you're doing this over a weekend, right?
You're coming back the next day. This is what they did.
And then back. And then you get away with the
stuff. Then afterwards, when you're in
the fucking hiding out and laying low period, that guy says
he wants a cut. I'm going.
You go and get. Fucked.
That's like you drop out of a charity gig and then I.
Replaced. Yeah, that's like you drop out
of a corporate and I have to replace you and don't know what
I'm getting paid. Yeah, it's crazy that I've been
admitted to hospital that day. You are not.
You are feeling well. This is all hypothetical shame.
Yeah, it's. Hypothetical but hypothetically,
I'd been in hospital in Dublin with an asthma attack on a
family holiday and you weren't feeling the best.
Hypothetically. But hypothetically have a broker
and do it now. Hypothetically.
Here, here's a question for you as a comedian, right?
See if you've been booked to do 10 minutes and when you get
there, I fuck before you even there.
Somebody says, yeah, I'm not going to 20.
Is that a big problem for you? It's not a big problem for me.
If it was hypothetically a snooker event, I'd be going.
I'd prefer someone else was here to do a set to, but that's
hypothetical. If the person organising that
whole event hadn't even told you what you were meant to be doing
yet, and you also hypothetically, and you felt
sick, yeah, wouldn't you think I'm better getting well here
instead of going out to something I don't know what I'm
doing and I'm not well and I don't want to infect other
people with whatever it is I've infected?
General malaise. Is that where I thought it was a
new number? Yeah.
Anyway, hypothetically, hypothetically though in the
robbery situation and that person says to you I want the
cut, do you go I no worries or do you go fuck yourself?
I say fuck. Yourself, I would say fuck
yourself, but part of me is thinking maybe I need to keep
him sweet, you know what I mean? Like OK, he's done a shit thing
but. But he but he can't incriminate
you because if he did eat, he would also go down because he.
Then no, I don't get. He did take part in the robbery,
by the way, but he didn't finish taking part in Robber.
Did they catch the guys? Oh, why?
Did they all go to gaol? No.
Yes. Are they out?
Some of them are out, one of them is dead, and one of them is
still in. The the ones did they lose all
the month like right, right, right.
Did they get some money off them?
I think well, I think they they caught them red handed with a
little stuff I think was part of it mad like yeah, mad story.
I do you know what I remember but that one that happened I
remember that all the experts on Sky News were going this is ex
Russian military. These are people from Serbia.
All this now it turns out actually Michael Caine and the
lads from fucking. It was Dad's Army.
Yeah, it was a little old. Dad.
Who? Who's broken through this wall?
Jim Broadband. Yeah, you know what I mean?
Like fucking mental. It was old boys.
Yeah, it was just our old. But old boys know how to get it
done. I know, but there were there
were one of them's on talk. This documentary is 45 minutes.
I'll watch it very. I've started watching Kin and I
wasn't sure about it at the start, but now I like it because
I was comparing it to Love Hate and I loved Love Hate Love Hate
was good, but Ken is. Ken is good, Ian Gillan's good
and anything he does, Karen Hines isn't.
He's brilliant. He is brilliant.
I like him. I like him in in Harry Potter.
Would you like Dumbledore's brother?
Would you like it if we did a gritty Belfast drum?
Yes, Shen. I've, I've had one written
hypothetically, it's been with a large studio that I've worked
with before. Yeah, you know, connected with
BBC and they haven't pitched it as we're waiting on the icon of
a show like at knockback recently.
Hypothetical. Hypothetical.
You rage it about that. Hypothetically, I'm no longer
wanting to speak to half the people in that place.
Hypothetically, right? Gritty Belfast Drum.
Gritty Belfast what? Would it be called hypothetical?
I can't tell you what it's called.
Hypothetically no. But hypothetically, what's it
called? I can't tell you.
I actually can't tell you that because some controls, they
look, it's good. That's a good name.
Do you know what's called? It's called.
Fuck's sake.
Call it's. It should.
It should be called Fox Sake. Yeah, you have to say it like a
so the continuity and there's a BBC, you have to go and next on
BBC. Fox sake, What do you call them
that? A good fox.
The ultimate fox? Yeah.
So Karen wrote a thing for Channel 4 BLOB to online on
Channel 4 and I was in it and Ian Beatty from Game of Thrones
and many other group productions plays like the lead in it
through a bad guy and he has to say the line in it reacting to
something fuck sake. And we would all deliver it like
this. Fuck sake.
Ian Beatty's fuck's sake should have won him an Oscar.
Yeah, yeah. And it wasn't even a film.
But the way he says, the fuck's sake.
It is sake. It is the greatest Fuck's sake,
there's. So many levels to it.
Yeah, it was great. It's actually that I loved it.
Film. I loved that.
I would fully have loved to have
made that like. You, we filmed it and you just
sat outside the shop when we're filming it.
And fingerless gloves on a little, a little still.
You and Kevin Soup. This is what to do.
See, when you're the writer, they want you around, but you're
doing. Yeah, yeah.
I love that. You know what was better though,
on the last thing that we shot that doesn't get made.
Cheers lads. Was the hypothetically,
hypothetically. Thank you very much.
The last thing is I had a char and all thought I didn't have to
sit on the ground right so. You're moving on up.
I still had circulation after that, but it was good.
Can I say looking back, I. I still lots of char as well,
hypothetically. I don't think costumes were
right. Pardon.
I don't think costumes right. I don't think costumes.
No, I hear I wasn't happy. You know what, There's things I
wasn't happy with, and a lot of it was to do with that.
Quite, quite true. Because with stuff like that,
especially if it's shot in our anywhere in Ireland, we have to
like believe. It yeah, that's my that this is
my this is my name. And with that stuff, I that's a
lot of that stuff got taken over by other people and I'm sitting.
On here and by is it fair to say, Brett?
Hypothetically, and also by some people from down South, the most
aggressive drinking over water I've ever seen in my life.
Fuck sake, fuck's sake. I was good too on it.
I was very, I was very good. You know who loves that, by the
way? Dave.
My favourite scene I've ever
acted in is where in beating is being like really intense, the
Chloe and Tara and Chloe's man it and I pop out and I ask if
anybody I'm supposed to be this medicine side king and I ask if
anybody wants Custer cream cream tea.
That was my. Fee I loved all I'd say you know
some people I I think some people didn't get so so just in
comments. People don't get stuff all the
time when I'm sitting on all my like people people didn't get
that the point is in Beatty is like sort of he's actually hard
on it, but even then has like a couple of charisma yeah, but he
has like mitigating things that don't make him as hard as he
seems like he's like hypoglycemic and stuff like that
and then your character is meant to be like learning from him,
but you're also like you're like a weak Dick.
Yeah, you know, and it's sort of like and character and you're
trying, you're trying to be but you.
But the whole point of your character isn't that you're
hard. The whole point of your
character is your standard and no one buys you as a hard man.
That's the whole point. And like people are like don't
don't really pay. She and Todd being and I'm
going, yeah, fuck you, He's playing.
That's exactly the way. It is very well.
You refer, you were, you were excellent.
Sure spin off. Hypothetically, Sure, spin off.
Shit, we can do a spin off. You know, I've written a similar
thing, like in the same sort of world with a similar boss and
sidekick vibe and it's. Almost like the same show, but
you've renamed it. It's not.
It's very what? Do you say to people who say
that? It's very different.
I say you're incorrect, right? But no, it's very different and
it's a feature. OK, but like it has the two of
the characters are similar to that, but not the same.
More, more Father Sonny, but fun.
That sounds like you describe some really negative father,
Sonny, a little bit like a like a older couple.
No, no. No, father Sonny.
He's 30. He's 32.
He's 58. Father Sonny, he sounds like the
coolest priest in New York. Yeah, it's Father Sonny.
Father Sonny, Father Sonny's only preached to play ball.
He's the only, he's the only priest that the mob say no to.
He's talking on the devil, this guy.
Sorry, he's the only priest that says no to the mall.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I love it. Yeah, he's the real godfather.
Yeah, I love it. He's up there in Jordans.
Oh my God, what a time. Father Sonny, what's his strike?
And he loves it like Father Sonny loves it.
And then the Does somebody find out that Father Sonny might have
killed somebody? Yep, back in the day.
Yep. You know, pre pre pre seminary.
He get at the end so. Busy their analysis.
They're trying to cut, they're trying to close his church down.
That's the film that's good. And the mob are basically saying
we'll give you the money to keep it afloat.
He won't take that money, take it.
But what he is going to do is play a pick up game of
basketball and gamble it all. Oh, I love it, Father Sonny.
And it's him and a load of these kids basically versus these like
non white guys. Father jump shot.
We love it. Now, Father Sonny.
Father Sonny. Yeah, no, I'm just saying that's
what he calls it when he. Right, right, right.
No, he said. No.
No 3 pointer, he says. Amen.
Ah yeah, that's enjoyable. Yeah, I'll take.
Out who would play Father Sonny? I'm seeing like I'm seeing Will
Willem Dafoe. That's old.
He's old to be basketball, no? OK.
He's he can be, he can be the Bishop that won't give Father
Sonny the money that he needs to.
Get Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, what about, eh?
What about like umm, Tobey Maguire or somebody like?
That Ed Norton, he's he played a basketball and priest and keep
keeping the 5th with him and Smelly, What do you call her
own? Smelly someone.
Oh sorry, I must have said that wrong.
Your one that was in Dharma and Greg.
Dharma. Remember Dharma and Greg from
the 90s? No, the second.
He's an uptight office guy. She's a free spirit.
World's collide commonly. What's the number one?
What's her name? Why did I say smelly?
What's the number one sitcom? What?
Jenna Elfman. Why is my brain?
I've tried to say Elfman and my brain has said smelly.
Did you just? Short circuit.
I think it did. I think we.
Do you need to go into we? Operator moving the fucking
leads around in my brain just went no, it's that one that's
weird pull Dharma Greg out him at that cold foot isn't that
what that movie's called keeping the fifth hey Ed Ed Norton plays
a priest who's friends with Ben Stellar who plays a rabbi
they're all friends with Dharma right with Elfman and they.
Smelly. They they smell her, and they
decide Stellar's gonna, Stellar's gonna go out with her.
But Edward Norton also fancies her.
But he can't go out because he's a priest.
Not so. It's a web.
It's common, right? Keep the faith.
Unbelievable Knowledge, 1999. It annoys me when you say you're
like that. It annoys me when you say the
year like that. Oh. 99. 99 two guys man, I'm
trying to get Gerald Butler on the podcast at the minute.
Pardon I'm trying to get Gerald Butler on the Gerald Butler I
put up on Instagram. The other.
Name and well, he's not even here.
Why fucking get me? And when Butler's in we can
compare him 6 packs. I know who Leonidas is.
And he, I wrote up on Instagram the other night, still trying to
get Gerald Butler. I wrote Gerald instead of Gerald
and everyone. He's not coming all night, man.
You're calling Gerald? Gerald, I don't think that's.
Going to be the difference in I'm coming on.
Gerald is a way less currently in the Gerald is he?
Yes, he's here shooting a movie for a few months.
Fox it. I'm not, but I know his Barber.
I found out so I'm on the him. Nope, not Coco.
He should. He should.
Jared, if you're watching No Blasters fancy we game of FIFA
man pizza, I'd feed you. I'd be so cross.
I'd be so happy. I know you would.
I'm I I would be very happy what I call them.
Do you know I I don't, I have no way of making this happen, but I
would absolutely be up a route. I know he's coming here to do
music. Russell Crowe.
Oh, mate, you're a wee Dick. I bet you you have a way of
contact. I know you have.
I know you do. I know you do.
Here, I'll let you have your Butler.
I'll tell you what contact. OK, I'll tell you what I'll ask
him to do. No blaster.
Could you imagine? I'll be great.
I deserve the Mate crew. I've seen all of those films.
He'd like jokes or too. I've seen Romper, Stomper, Few,
a few, Senator Alamar. That's a great.
Film. So probably the best boxing
film. Yeah, probably Raging Balls.
Great as well region ball. Sorry, Raging Bull.
I think in between what we both say is right.
Raging Raging Bull. Raging Bull.
That's that's now bail. Yeah.
The Jake tomato. Jake tomato.
Yeah, it's great tomato sauce. Umm, what are you getting this
weekend mate? I am doing 2 shows in Bangor,
Friday, Saturday. When's the score You just as it
is. Two weeks I'm on tour, I'm in,
I'm in general. I'm in Glasgow number already
sold out. I'm in.
I'm in Newcastle upon Tyne on the 2nd of April, then
Manchester 3rd of April, London 4th of April, Liverpool 5th of
April, say London 4th of April but don't know about shows
happening now because the venue keep an eye out on socials.
The venue isn't ridiculous gigs anymore.
It's there's been a whole scandal and I thought what we
may be moving it or we might be doing it, in which case there is
no scandal hypothetically. Hutton Garden in the vault.
Oh, I would never have gone through that whole.
Thing just move it to do another venue.
They're talking about that. We're trying it's to try to get
one on that day at short notice. It's difficult, you know,
because it's a think it's a Thursday or Friday.
Buckingham Palace. I would do Buckingham Palace,
although it don't be wild, I'll be scared to go in there in case
they just start photoshopping me and getting on like it's not
weird. Did you see George Galloway's
and like, you know, the MP? Yeah.
I know him. I know him because of this.
Would you like me to be the cat? Yeah, Oh, he loves being a cat.
I know I get that done. Listen to this close your eyes
and just as nursery headphones. I'm doing that too.
Ready when I at the start of this listen because it's my
sweet bit dry and he does this noise at the start of it, right?
Would you like me to be the cat? It's pretty.
Good. That's good, isn't it?
It's pretty good. That's good.
All the perfumes of Arabia. That's something that he said
before as well. It was I could not cover up the
stench of your corruption or something like that anyway,
right, So it. Sounds like he's opened up a
discount. That aftershave shop?
Come on down. Oh, the perfumes of Arabia.
And for Saji, blue jeans. Harbour colour to John Leslie
anyway, so they so the What were we all about?
Why George Galloway said that weirdly.
I'm asking you to promote your tour and this is where you're
at. Tour is going to be class.
Come sit, George Galloway was saying.
He was accusing. Her of being dead, he said.
She's been missing for 80 days. Is she alive?
Is she dead? And I go on, George.
That's quite the. Let me right on there, Matt.
They're gonna have to do like Weekend the Bernie's.
Well, that's what he said they're doing with the Photoshop
photos. And it is that the week,
weekend, the Charlie's? Yeah, if you will.
Yeah, we'll put the link for the tour in the description.
What? And Belfast shows.
Belfast. Promote your show, Opera.
House, Opera House and I'm going Belfast.
Smelly. What am I doing smelly?
I've been smelly. My show's called Smelly of the
smelly house I'm doing. I'm doing Phantom of the Opera
House. It's a stand up comedy show.
Well. More singing.
I'm doing I'm doing stand up comedy, Fathom of the Opera
House in the Opera House 23rd. Are you doing additional?
Stand up comedy. Show 23rd September the 20th yes
who shows on 27th He's. Singing the music from the
Phantom of the Opera from start to finish.
Singingthegeohstockquote@ukyep.com. You and Brian Kennedy singing
the. Put the message in the box.
Smelly message? I don't know.
Drive the car around the world is that is that we uplift them.
Black lives matter. So that was quite a moment in
history that wasn't it. If it happened any other time by
the middle of COVID it would have been wild.
It was just any other day in COVID.
A lot of weird. Do you remember the do you
remember the my hair? Remember when they all?
Do you remember when they all? Weirder than that, do.
You remember when all the celebrities sang something?
Well, Jamie Dornan was part of that.
And then did he with me? Like when you're.
COVID and was talking about it, yeah.
What was the what was the crack? What was that they were saying
they were. Trying to heal the world just it
was imagined by John Lennon. What do you call the Israeli
actress? Really good looking one, Gil
Gander. Woman, yeah, she said.
I think she said the whole thing up.
And thank you. After the reaction he was like
cheers go appreciable. That it that badly, didn't it?
What was it? Just because it felt tone deaf.
Yeah, just all these rich people singing about let's.
Heal the We Shoot atomic comedians Black and white maniac
2000 during. I can I can play imagine on the
piano we, but not as well as John.
Yeah, well. OK.
Do you play one key at a time with your whole hand?
I know the wee bit I can do. Patreon.com/team with Me
podcast. We're about to.
We're going to go have lunch and then record a live stream
episode when hopefully Willie T is escaped the Crystal Maze.
That is his ground and ground. Is I almost don't want them to
meet us for lunch because he hasn't earned it.
He's like the hot and garden Rover again.
He said he would be there as part of the team.
He hasn't and now he wants a chicken waffles cup.
But we got to cut him in otherwise, you know, we.
Should order a meal that's for William, but before he gets
there, we all take bits of it, yes.
You know what I mean? Yes.
You said you want I just I. Want to launch so we're.
Going to do the live stream, so we did every Friday, Patreon,
the conference team, we podcast, Kieran's on tour, go see the
show. He's going all around the UK and
then he's coming back to do the big Opera House shows.
I told him he should do stand up for it, but he's insisting he
wants to sing the Phantom of the Opera soundtrack.
Put the link in the description and thank you for coming on the
pause as always. And can I say something?
Can you look? Can you look at me when I said?
This I love you. I love you.
Thanks, I was joking.