I'm Michael Che. And I'm Colin Jose, and we've
got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Black Hour hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock.
Exactly. How it's called New York After
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Boom, you nail. Into Michael Che's phone.
Nervous. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this
Wednesday episode of the Tea with Me podcast.
With me The money told AKA Shiny Boy, QQ AKA And the first time I
don't think I said AKA, I think I just said A a, A and that's
all good. That's really all good.
I've got a guest this week. Before I bring him in and start
the podcast, let me plug the Patreon, which is
patreon.com/tea with Me podcast where you get the bonus episode
of this podcast every week with me and producer Dan.
There's exclusive merchandise tickets.
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Tell you a little bit about that halfway through the podcast, but
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get 20% off and free shipping. Without further ado.
Speaking of Speaking of, you know, testicle, what would you
say? Like Testicle hairstyles?
I don't know what that means, but, I mean, I'm essentially
trying to figure out a way to bring on my guest, Mark
McCartney. And then I thought it was maybe
disrespectful to talk about, you know, shaving pubes before I
bring them on. But either way, here he is.
This should work. Hang on.
Hold on. Now.
He's coming out of the waiting room.
Oh, he's straight out of the waiting room.
And in the thought, ladies and gentlemen, it's Mark McCartney.
Mark, my first question I ask all guests is do you drink tea?
How much tea do you drink? And just talk to me a little bit
about your relationship with the sweet stuff.
Yeah, like Adapted would be like, there's tea there I got
for this podcast and it's done. No, we drink a serious amount
the tea here in the Mccarney household.
Now let's talk about what constitutes a serious amount,
because there's days where I think I would drink 9 or 10 cups
and that's not often, but I'd say it happens.
Are you telling me there's a level above or does that sound?
About them's amateur levels, that's amateur numbers, that
there's all I'd say the kettle's always boiled.
Here in a in a full size cup. Not a mug.
Smaller cup. Well, because here's what I'm
saying. What you're drinking with it,
like look at this, the size of this.
Well, that's that. Well, that that's a starter.
That's just to get me prepped. And a pair of teeth.
Excellent for the name, of course you know.
Right, Yeah. You see, I actually, whenever I
was getting ready to record this episode, I was like, let's ask
Mark a few things. I actually don't know a lot
about Mark McCartney. Not as a stand up, if you know
what I mean. Like as a guy, like, there's a
lot of stuff I would presume about you.
Like, I would presume, and this is based on nothing, that you're
a man who really enjoys a bath. Like I could definitely see you
having like a late afternoon bath and really, really no
bubble bath. See, I'd like the people don't
know a lot about me. I owe a lot of people money so I
like to keep it like the low. But if people are wondering
about baths, that's all they're worried about.
We actually ripped the bath out last year and I have said I do
miss it. I sometimes sit in bed at night
thinking I'd love a wee bath. Could I am not?
See you in a bath. Yeah, I could see you in a bath
with like a a board across it. You know what I mean?
Like, I don't I don't think you're just in and out of the
bath. I could see you with like I
think I'm. Like a geriatric bath, you need
a board. You get myself up.
A cup of tea and you know those old portable TV's and we colour
TV with a wee kickstand behind it.
I could see, I could see you in there having the time of it for
sure. I did.
Yeah. Well, I used to be.
Secretly the doll would have like candles sometimes if I was
in the mood, I would like them. But as far as a board and ATV,
no, no, I just would have sat in my own Stew, talk it all in a
good day's work, you know. So there's nothing more, there's
nothing more psychopathic than the idea of somebody just being
in a bath. Like you have to have, you have
to have something to accompany, you got to have music on, you've
got a you've got to be reading, maybe you got to be doing
something. But just that terrifies me.
The idea that if I could one day stumble upon you, like one day
maybe say we're doing a tour, say we're off on tour together
and some far-flung place like for example, I don't know,
Vienna. And imagine I like I'm looking
for you in the hotel and I open a door and if I honestly, I'm
just letting you know this right now, if I found you just sitting
in a bath looking back at me, that would be the end of the
tour. See I'd be worried what kind of
fan base would have in Vienna more than why it'd be why I'm in
a bath and she and Todd after walking in.
You're very overthinking a lot of most people.
I've never thought of anyone in a bath bar myself.
Yeah, that's the number one thing I think about with you is
is you know, could definitely like if I don't see you at a
comedy club, I. Can tell quarantine stuck its
toll and usually. He'll be in a bath.
Yeah, not just my hair. I don't just have fucking 90s
boy band hair, are you? Trying to say I look smelly or
something that every time you see me you're like, yeah, that
guy's gonna go. I'm saying I'm saying the
opposite. I'm saying you look like a man
who would have a nice imperial lather about him.
Yeah, Imperial that. It used to be the stuff.
Imperial Lather. It was the stuff until whenever
you used it and then the wheel Imperial lather label came off
it. That was always a sad time.
You know what I mean? Like whenever you whenever you
really wore it down, like, I mean, I'll be honest, I haven't
used just a traditional bar of soap.
You could be talking 15 years. It's all the gels now.
It's the gels now. So you're just too rich.
That's for all I know. We're.
Just you know, we have to do with the bar soap, but you and
then why your brush? Sometimes I guess that is the
best way. I think the stand up says do I
think there would be a bath or a short person you know, and, and
yeah, I'd say you're 100% a bath guy.
But I wouldn't. I don't usually you.
I didn't go to bath to bath, it was more to relax.
Right, right, right. If I needed a shower, it was a
quick wash shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But usually the rain just does me if I walk out, you know?
Yeah, like over over breakfast you just put a bit of shower gel
on and just wait for the day to take care of it.
Not even, I just rub up against the low three or something.
Got to be a bit of that muscle. What have you, I mean, we have a
there's we're, we're members of a WhatsApp group that, you know,
there's, there's, there's quite a few other other stand ups in.
And I mean, there is also going to be other stand ups watching
listen to this going on for fuck's sake.
But I mean, there was very good chat in it at the start of
lockdown and everybody was like, you know, we'll chat about gigs
and have you been writing and there was a lot of comedy chat.
And now I would say it, I would describe it as a desolate,
barren landscape, you know, of just guys that have really run
out of things to sort of talk about.
Like there was a quiz for a while, which was good crack.
And then that's kind of that's kind of died off.
And it's weird because when we all don't have stand up to talk
about, you find out that we don't know each other at all.
I believe and I found like even like friends I grew up with, I
kind of hadn't really been talking to them like I talk
quarantine very seriously. I have to stop speaking to
everybody yeah because. And so I.
Expected to see you out and about a lot more and I was like,
you know, I'm expecting to see, you know, you being busy and
doing a lot of stuff. And then then I think, I presume
that you just went the other way.
I was like, McCartney's gone the ground here.
You know, I think you have. I would be surprised if you'd
used the last year to really develop stand up, but then also
build some sort of underground bunker, you know.
And I, I like that idea. I mean, I like the idea of you
in a bath in the underground bunker.
Yeah, yeah, no, Well, I did. I, I had something planned,
something to shoot like video wise, and then lockdown happened
and I kind of I couldn't do any of it.
So then I was kind of like, I really, I was kind of invested
in doing it. And I was kind of like, yes,
until I can do this. Yeah.
And so everyone was like, why are you not going to?
Because like, and then they couldn't really go out.
You know, I kind of felt like if I go because my stuff, I don't
do it like much at home, I'm usually away.
So it's like if I'm doing something stupid and a cop lands
would save me. Define me?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, do you not shoot around
home because people know you like friends, family or whatever
and you get a bit awkward about it or how come?
'Cause that depends whatever depends that at the start, at
the start everyone is like, what the fuck is that guy doing?
But now the no, they're like, you know what I mean?
And they kind of want to be in it half of them.
What do you? What, what do you like with with
filming in public and has that sort of has that sort of
changed? Because I'd say most people
like, if you're in the like stand up here and all that kind
of thing, will 100% know your videos, which, you know, I think
are like the most original thing to come around for a long, long
time. I think the video you did last
week or the week before the, the, the bog thing was, was 10
out of 10. Really, really enjoyed that.
But then with filming around kind of where you live, I've
I've got really, I used to be way worse with that.
I couldn't think about filming in like a 10 mile radius where I
lived. If anyone saw me while I was out
filming, I got really embarrassed.
But I've got better at that as it went along.
But do you not find that? Like do you not find that so
quickly? You can do weird things to have
people watch it and just it just feels totally normal.
No, I'm pretty comfortable with embarrassing myself.
It's quite a skill. It's it is better though at the
start, I think, because like now if you go into like sort of like
the no, whereas before the didn't.
So if you have got like somebody's reaction or
something, it's pretty like what the fuck's going on with where's
the no, you're taking the piss. It's not as like I don't have
many people in it, but no, I don't.
I don't really think about it. I just if it's something that I
want to do, I can't figure it out and go ahead a little like I
don't really, but it's funny like it, it wouldn't bother me
much on camera, but these then when the cameras died and
somebody come up to me and be like, oh Jesus.
What's gonna happen? Yeah.
Yeah.
But now apart from that. Chat to me about and I and I
don't know this about how you like you got into all this
because you like myself sort of do stand up and videos as well.
And I, I mean, I remember hearing about you doing stand
up. I remember some people like I,
I'd maybe missed the laveries. I'd normally be at most
laveries. And I think I missed 1.
And it was Colin or Mickey or someone said to me, like,
there's this new guy. Like I love hearing about new
people that are doing stand up and that are good.
And it was like, you gotta watch this for my Connie kid.
He's, he's got something. And, and I said, right.
And then I think it's in your videos.
It was actually a while before I saw you do stand up.
And I already, I already knew you just from comedy clubs and
your videos. So how did you actually get into
like video making and stand up and that kind of thing?
Well, I always, it's funny because my life was kind of like
whenever I was like 1718, I remember going, I think I seen,
I think there's Tom right here. And then we went to go see and
the main go on. That is incredible.
And I mean, getting his DVD, his first one, and just watching it
over and over and over. And I was attacked at the time
and I remember just being fed up with it.
I was like, I can't really bother with this shit anymore.
I remember engineering. Right.
To an engineer like me, and I remember the guerrillas with
going with the time. I remember we went out for
pizza. I think sender like I'm fed up
with this shit. I think I'm going to quit all
and become a stand up and she's like, I think it's the most
laugh I've ever got to date. Like there's a hearty fucking
laugh like, but the absolute thing like this was a time to
this is like looking back, it was a mental thing to say
because you hadn't started at that time or making There was no
the only scene here at that time was Patty guilty and Jake O
Kane. So the notion of the likes of me
walking up to the empire, who was it was, didn't exist.
So after a while, they kind of like, yeah, those things sort of
stupid. So I kind of just put it to one
side and just went on with life and still went to gigs and loved
it and was doing videos just for the crack in the weekends and
stuff. And then I had a midlife crisis
about 26. And I just said fuck this and
quit everything and just said I'm just going to try this new
and go for it and see what happens.
So like I have no like I have no credibility.
I've never done laveries. I've never done anything.
The pav was the only one I've done and I just quit my whole
job and just went for it. And I have to say I quit in
April and I've done the first parish and no one in the in June
and I just went on from then. It just.
I think one of the best things you can do is have the balls to
take your own safety net away. Because if, if you always have
something to fall back on, you're never really going to
succeed because you don't, you don't have to succeed.
I want to say succeed. I mean, just be in a position
where you know, you're getting paid to do things and and you're
enjoying it, but it's the the time where you will you make
that decision and go like, fuck it, this is it.
You, you do yourself such a big favour in that moment because
you, you, the, the, the, it's so terrifying to just be like, I'm
going to go and do this thing that chances are you don't know
anybody at that stage who's really doing it.
And, and it and on what is being a full time stand up.
It's not like you know engineering for example, you
know you live in County Tyrone, you're never you're never 5 foot
from an engineer. Like you can always speak to an
engineer. Whereas how can you go and speak
to a stand up for advice on career path?
Yeah, 'cause like growing up stand ups to me was, you know,
Tommy's hearing or Billy Connolly and you're just like,
Oh well, I'm gay. Robbers just born stand ups and
they just just went out of school and got on the stage.
It is a funny 'cause it's no, there's no set career path and
stand up. And it changes.
Great. Yeah.
Like, and what I've come to learn is that you kind of make
it yourself in a way. You have to go.
But remember, you remember one thing you said to me.
I think it was in the first charity gig we'd done in
Limelight and all of us, and I mean, Sean Haggerty come over to
me. And it was like the first time
I'd met Sean. He was asked about me and I
said, yeah, I asked me was well, this is it.
That kind of give myself six months to see how we get on.
And I remember you were just sitting in the corner and you
just went, you just lived in there was like, there is no Plan
B. Yeah, I always kept.
I was like. No, that's not what I.
Mean no good at Todd. That's not what I meant.
What you meant. The rapper, he was supposed to
be on the. Completely the wrong way then.
No, he was supposed to be in between Mickey and Connor.
Keys. Come on, she said.
Love you boy. I'm kind of glad now because I
wasn't completely devastated then.
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Use the code tea with me. Back to the pause.
True story. I was backstage at a gig in
Queen's Uni when Queen's Comedy Club was on.
And that's one that I'm sad for you that you never got to play.
And so many people that are relatively new to stand up never
got to play because there was a period for a while, like not
towards the end, but there was a period for a while when it was
the best gig here anyway. But Plan B had played the night
before in Mandela Hall and he'd left.
This was. This was when he was bringing
out that album, The defamation of Strickland Banks.
So he was well known, but he wasn't like that was an album
everybody had. So he was wearing the suit on
stage and it was the time of the ash cloud.
So there was some problem where they couldn't bring all his
costumes back to England. So they left a suitcase of his
clothes and it was backstage at Mandel Hall when we were doing
Queens Comedy Club and someone stupidly told us they were like
that's Plan B's like stage costume.
And before they finished the sentence I was fully dressed as
Plan B just backstage. And I went out and did my set
dressed up in Plan B's three piece suit and just didn't
address it at any box. He said nothing.
And stole. I stole one of his ties.
It was. I wish I'd kept it.
It was a reversible Fen Church tie.
Was not hanging off you. No, at this stage he dropped the
weight. You see him.
You see him recently. As you put it back on.
Funny I whatever notion I talk a while ago.
Is it? Whatever happened to Plan B?
That's such lockdown. That's such lockdown.
Thoughts. And it is true actually.
It's actually Fortnite. Go on a Google and he's like, he
puts tipics on his face now. He's like he paints his chin
white. Why?
Whatever the just he's born lockdown.
He's the semen. I don't know.
He's just kind of, I don't know what it is, but I haven't seen
him and look. If I looked at his Instagram
would I see this? Not Instagram, but just Google
Plan B. Plan B Tip X face.
White face, which sounds. Plan B.
I'll tell you what I'll do Plan B 2020, and what what this
episode is definitely going to be called No Plan B because it
makes sense on a lot of levels. Remember, he was even acting.
He was a cute acting like Mark. Folks, he did.
To be honest, he he looks like me if I started doing coke.
Oh well, I don't know what he's doing.
Should Plan B man, you fucking lost around yourself.
Come back, come back and just start doing.
Here's the thing. Plan B was always like this
grime rapper and he is very good rapper.
And then he brings out this soul album where he's singing like
high pitched and it's fucking brilliant.
The whole album is amazing and everyone's like, are you just
going to do another album like this?
And he's like, Nah, I'm going back to the rapping and it's
like, but you're killing it right now.
He's like, Nah, going back to the rapping that you can sort of
you can sort of understand in comedy terms where like, you
know, if you if you hit on something that's going well,
people can never understand why you would stop doing it.
But then but then doing performing of some sort, I
totally understand why he'd be like, Nah, I just, it's not me
really, you know, I'm just not enjoying it.
Like I've definitely dropped characters before now, don't get
me wrong, I wasn't the level of success of Plan B, but the the
so I, I heard a phrase recently, a a comedian was talking about a
character and he said that he had got advice, I can't remember
who from a friend, but the advice was something like don't
quit the hit. You know, the advice was like,
if something's working for you, don't stop doing it.
But I think absolutely, if you aren't enjoying doing something,
definitely stop doing it and and do something else.
Yeah, but then you can definitely play it out too, to
the point where people is like, I'm just sick of this now.
Yeah, well, I, I, I made the mist like with the Mike
McGoldrick character. I did that and then thought I'd
kind of had enough of it and then stupidly in loads of
interviews said I'm not doing it anymore because they were asking
like, say I would do. I was promoting a tour.
There were like any more of those videos and I was like,
Nah, killing the character off. It's done.
And then about a week later I was like probably do more of
that. So I just.
But at least you know, you've like different characters.
Like there's some guys you see online and they just do the same
character for years and years and years and you they're bound
to get sick of it as well. It's like material, you know,
it's like we all have bits of material that you know, are
guaranteed hits. You know, that bit is going to
get a laugh, but how long do you want to keep doing it for?
Because I get really paranoid that the audience will see that
I'm bored of that bit of material.
Yeah, that's my dad. And I, I think, well, sometimes
I think as as a comedian, you can't overthink a lot that what
the audience actually the audience half the time don't
even notice things, I guess really like.
Or they, I mean, I know guys that are even more powerful than
me about that. And go, if I come back to the
same venue within a year or two years, I don't want to be doing
any of the same jokes. There's loads of times where I
have heard a joke from a comedian before and then I hear
them start to do the bit again and I'm excited.
I'm like, I love this bit. You know, this is a great bit of
stand up. So yeah, I think you can
definitely like overthink. If you're doing the same bit for
10 years, maybe. You're dead behind the eyes.
If you need to look at it, but it it depends like it's a kind
of like the greatest hits. Sometimes you go on and doing
the exact same set everywhere, but sometimes people like to
hear an odd depth or whatever. But it depends where you are and
what you're doing. Like if you're, if you know, if
you get asked to do a gig for some late night American TV
show, you're not going to be like, I'll have a couple of new
bits kicking around here. Let's see how these go.
No, you're going to do the tried and tested stuff.
But if you're regularly performing as we do and so many
comedians do in comedy clubs, yet you have to be doing new
stuff because what? Otherwise, what are you doing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you it's it's a it's a
funny beast like it's stand up something.
I think that's why I like it. You'll you'll never get your
head wrapped around it. You never get your head wrapped
around it. And what I love about it is
you're not really guaranteed anything.
And what I mean that is you could play, I could do libraries
and 90% of the people there could have some previous
knowledge of you, whether they've seen you at a gig or
they've seen a video before, might mean something for the 1st
30 seconds of the set. They might give you like a bit
of a by ball and like, Oh no, well, he'll get us for the next
one. But 30 seconds in, you're judged
the same as someone who's doing stand up for the first time.
That's what I like about stand up.
You know, the, the, the brutal honesty from because sometimes
as well, I enjoy a really bad gig as much as a good one
because you can take something away from it and go, you know
what? I didn't have the foot on the
gas there or, or whatever, but I, I didn't think I would miss
stand up this much. I was thinking there's positive
and there is positives and taking a break from it.
But now it's at the point where like now I need to get back to
it because it really is it real. Like when you do do stand up,
it's part of your personality. It's part of you as a person,
and that sounds like if a musician said that, I'd be like
you. Fuck, you're a wanker.
But. I understand myself.
I'm like, no, I need, I just need to get up and do 5 minutes
anywhere. I don't need it to go good.
I just have some new material and need to try it out.
So what's your, what's your plan?
Because some comedians I speak to say they want to wait until
it's, it's a bit more normal. And some people like me are just
like I do a gig at the bottom of my driveway to three people if I
could. Yeah, like it's got the stage
where I just, and you kind of forget too, that a lot of the
crack too is just beating up with you guys.
Yeah, yeah. That's I'm.
Just. I and so like, even though we
enjoy getting up on stage and and doing a bit like a lot of it
is just the fun with hanging out.
And so I can't wait to get back to normality.
But equally I can't, I can't wait to get to do just anything
at all to get to get things back to normality.
And it's weird too, because you have to consider now you're like
gigs of a book before lockdown. You can't have to wait till you
feel other people are going to be comfortable in the audience,
yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Not because you're actually all right, you're usually metres
away from them and but it's, yeah, just normality.
Just be nice to get back into. We don't have to wonder, you
know, like because you're into the shop now and you're kind of
stuff and you're worried that you're going to bump into
someone. Get the heads still photography.
See for the first, see, for the first year or two, when stand up
comes back, I'm just going to be a hologram, but no one's going
to know about it. It's cost me so much money, but
like, I'm never going to be there.
I'm always. A literally low generator in the
back to keep you going. Yeah.
Like, it's even like, weird. Like I remember the dog got a
cut that day in the first couple of weeks of that thing.
And I went into the vet and she wasn't wearing a mask or
anything, but she was all very standoffish.
And I was like, what a fucking weird vet.
What is her problem? And she told me to go out to the
car. Like such an arrogant content of
that. I'm taking my business
elsewhere. Fuck is locked down.
I forgot all of it happened, but it's such a strange, but it's
not too bad. We're lucky enough on the
countryside. I'm the same.
It's not too bad, but like if you're in the city or a town
founded in. See, when I drive, even driving
through Belfast couple of times for, for work and, and you see
the queues outside the likes of a spa or whatever, because
people live on top of each other and they can, you know, it makes
you take, you know, you don't take for granted.
I live sort of in the countryside as well, not as far
as you, but in the countryside. And it's great because, yeah, 2
minutes away, you're in a forest.
You can go for a walk, you can do whatever.
But you, you had the you like me, had to cancel a tour.
But this is going to be this going to be your first, first
like solo stand up tour. And do you feel so you basically
like people like myself and Mickey and a couple others, we
were doing stand up before we did videos because there was no
like no YouTube really when we started doing stand up and there
was no, we didn't even really know you could do that.
You know what I mean? It's like, it's like you talk
about going to see Tommy Tiernan and you're like, that'd be
class. But we don't get to do that.
You know, that's like, I, I went to the empire too and I watched
and I was like, oh, if only you could do that.
And then I saw Paddy Migaki do it whenever I was like 16.
I saw this guy from Ballymena on stage and I was like, he looks
like me. Maybe I could do it.
But do you feel it? Because you kinda you, you know,
we loads of us were doing stand up for years before we, you
know, thought about like a tour or whatever.
And you know, you've been able to combine taking the stand up
really naturally. And the video is just like
almost exploding from the start. Do you feel like a wee bit more
pressure like because it's your first one and and because it's
happening quick, or do you feel that you know, you've you've
been able just to do a lot of gigs because that's a great
thing about stand. Up nowadays is.
There's so many gigs. It is like, I do know, like
there's been comedians who have been going for years before they
even thought of doing tour. But to me, like I've seen, I've
seen before, like, you know, you could do a gig and you could
have 1/2 hour set and you could do it on the Thursday night and
pill and you could do it on the Friday night and day.
So it's kind of like what what odds in many years if you have
your hour set or whatever. And like, I'm not the you guys
have been at it for years, whereas I haven't.
So I feel like I've time to make up for it here.
And it's kind of to me, the stand ups, like it's a sport,
the more you keep at it and the more you keep at it.
So if I have an hour to do, that's the that's the worst
thing about me. If I have the pressure on, I do
it. I went, I'm not going for a tour
for 10 years. It'll be 20 years all the time.
I get around it. That that's like we're talking
about with the Plan B taken away being like, I've booked a tour.
You've you've got to go and you've got to go do it, you
know, And one thing that pisses me off is hearing comedians that
have been doing it for a while, people longer than me and not as
long as me talking about this idea of like, you know, Oh no,
you have to be you have to be at it six years before this and
that. And that is like the worst thing
people say. It's like there is there is no
magic formula to this is when you should go and do an R.
This is when you should do a tour.
When you say to yourself like, OK, I'm, I feel like I'm this is
going to be a good show. That's.
What a tour? A tour is you do in your R, just
in different places. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? So it's not really, you know, I
don't there is a lot of not well, there's a lot of pressure
and I'm not only make sure that people have a good time and a
good show, but equally I feel I can do it.
Yeah. I feel that, you know, if I have
something to work towards, I always seem to kind of pull out
of the bag somewhere. So it was more, it is more like
there's like lockdown, you know, you'd think we've had months off
here that we should have 4 hours of material and you don't.
But whereas if you've something to work towards, I think for me,
I'll always have something, you know, but no, I'm looking
forward to it because I because like as I say, I left the job.
This is what I want to do so. If you can't enjoy this, like,
yeah, exactly, exactly. And you know, the, the best
thing about doing a tour is, is being in different places and
people come into your show to, to see you.
And it's not a pressure thing. It's, it's a thing to enjoy that
like these people are already wanting to have a good time.
It's even better than in a way, comedy clubs because people go
to comedy clubs, they're dragged along or they're like, oh, we'll
see what it's like. Or they're maybe there to see
someone else. But on a tour, they're there to
see you. And you can look at that like,
Oh my God, this is mine. You know, I, their night depends
on me, but they're, they're already wanting you to have a
good time. That's whenever you walk out
doing a tour, you can feel like all these are just like this,
like a big room of friends. All right, yeah, like I'm I
would rather like, I'd rather do it that way.
Like I love, don't get me wrong, I love them, you know, going to
like laveries and stuff. But the fact of having your own,
we thing with your own group, people just come to see you.
And it's kind of like, I remember when I first started
thinking like I was going to die in my ass in Belfast because
they're either not going to understand what I'm saying or
they're just not going to get the references.
But I've always felt and enjoyed Belfast.
And then the tour when they were booking me, they were probably
down for London and Liverpool and Glasgow.
And I was like, this is such a far cry for me, thinking that
I'm never going to get much in Belfast, never mind London.
But it's so. It's a thing of like, you're
right, there's times I've seen you do stand up and probably
vice versa. And with every other comedian, I
don't get every reference. I'm not going to get every
reference that you're going to mention.
But that's not going to stop me finding it funny.
I might, I might miss hear a word, but it's like I watched
the The Wire is one of my favourite TV shows ever.
There's loads of words that I totally miss.
And I'm like, what the fuck that person say?
But it doesn't, Yeah, it doesn't take away from my enjoyment of
it. It the funny feeling is just it,
it, it doesn't matter really. What I mean, it's different.
Like, you can't obviously go to New York and do a show that only
relies on Northern Irish references because people just
aren't going to get it. But if it's the.
All the reference. What do you think?
This guy's fucking crazy. You see whatever whenever I was
in the States at the end, I think at the end the last year,
you're the you're the first person people ask me about the
first person like in like, you know, because you're meeting
people in New York that are from here that love comedy.
So they're, they see everything they they keep across at all.
And and they're like, what about you?
What about the boy McCartney? What about the boy McCartney?
And I mean it, it'd be, it'd be a good opportunity for me to
spread a lot of rumours just for no reason, because they're like,
what about that fellow McCartney and I, Magabry, you know, that
would be a good opportunity for me to or he loves a bath.
Leave it at that believable. He loves the bath.
The Gabriel. We all know what that means.
The only guy to bring his own butt, smuggle his own bath.
He had a loofer up his hole. What about fellas that do
smuggle stuff into prison? Do you think genuinely that they
practise it? Because, you know, you never
hear of a fellow who just smuggled in a joint.
It's always a guy who took six iPhones and a book.
A broom. I practise it.
Yeah. Well, what would you practise
with? Yeah, life.
And then try and get it in. Yeah, I don't know.
I just. Think like a sticker.
Bother. You have to work your way up
because there's no way a fella goes fucking.
We'll see if there's, oh, actually that fits, you know
what I mean? Like, there's no way.
There's 42 inch widescreen TV. I didn't think I had it in
there. Will the remote go in?
I don't know. I'd love to do a gig in Mcgavry.
I thought you were about to say I'd love to give it a go.
Oh. No, I've done that.
I've noted it do a gig in Mcgavry with a fail a contraband
up your ass. It's.
The only guy just doing over the experience, just just taking in
three mobiles and coming out with them. 332 tens.
I I I have three Samsung flip phones up the hall.
Here are those four. No one.
I'll fuck the flash fund off. It's in behind the MacBook.
Just put your finger in. It's amazing what people can do.
You'd never think who was the first person thought I'm going
to fill this up my prison wallet.
I mean, I think that the first guy that that was probably doing
it for his own enjoyment and then it fell out and he
pretended it was for someone in gaol.
He's like, this is for you. And they're like, what would I
want with the fucking bottle? HP sauce, you know?
But it's a it's a it's a good time.
Shout out to anyone who's who who does that as a job.
I mean, the worst thing is whenever people go on fights and
then and then and then they, they take like, you know, bags
of heroin and then they break open in their stomach and then
they die. You know, I've heard that happen
maybe once. Thanks Taylor.
I don't just have a little noodle.
Yeah, I mean, you probably like, what would you pay, do you
reckon, to get a mobile in the gaol?
Like do you reckon locally it's like £20 or do you think it's
like 500? Careful.
What? I'll probably just use the pay
phone that's there. I mean, I don't think much of my
ass, but I don't think it's just go here last there.
No, you didn't have to smuggle a landline up your ass to call
your Mama. Battery still.
I'll be back next week with the charger.
I know fella and it's funny because he was always so so
quiet, but he's been in gaol now for years but he seems to love
it. He goes back because.
Every time they let him out, he goes and does something stupid.
They put him back in so he obviously most like it.
What do you think he did? What did he do the first time?
Do you know? I can't remember.
I mean, I think he attempted to stab somebody once, but again,
it was an attempt just to get back in.
Yeah. I don't know.
He just. Loves it.
I can't remember, he just loves it.
Well, I mean think about it like this.
You get like you get your bed sorted out, you get ATVI think
in your room, you get your meals made for you and you get the
fucking pump a bit iron. Yeah, I'd say they probably have
Xbox Scary Sports. Yeah, 100 mana motors.
Carvery, it does sound idealistic.
I mean, it's hard to know like, because you, you obviously watch
like films about prison and it's all American prisons and all
that can maximum security and all that.
But I reckon like I reckon it's a wee bit more relaxed here.
Like even our top gaols, I reckon like you can fuck, you
know you. I reckon if you promise you'll
be back within the hour, you can take off, but you have to swear
in your mom's life. I swear, Tony, I'm just going
down for BPM. Some fell across the border like
you swore in your mum's life. He's like, ah, I said.
I squirm. My mum's life.
There is, there is, there is prisons though, where open
prison, you know you can, you can go out.
What's open prison doesn't make sense.
No defeats. A purpose only that doesn't it.
And they they're apparently class.
That's where they're saying like millionaires and who who are in
gaol for like tax fraud. They just you get the anger.
You get to play tennis and stuff.
I know what they all murdered about.
This is true. Well, I didn't know her well,
but I know of her and they said you're sentenced to life for
murder, but you can go down to the shopping centre during the
day, which she's in Mayo or somewhere.
Doesn't take take the rough with the smooth.
Saturday. Sunday and bank holidays four
years. What you have to be in who?
Did she? Who did she murder?
Was Jacqueline, in fairness, she got another board to murder or
all of them smart. So I suppose tactically she
didn't do it. She repainted the house after
the that's what she really done. I'm reading off those.
What's this whole? What's the whole?
I was. Going to say what is the social
etiquette on say you like made a new friend or whatever, or we're
doing stand up with some guy and he's fucking really nice and
good at stand up and lovely fella.
And then he turns around and he's like, lads, let's put let
me put all my cards in the table here.
I did murder someone, but I've served my time and I'm
rehabilitated. Do you give someone like that a
second chance or do you do you judge them like?
I think I'd like to know the details of why you murdered him.
He doesn't defence your family. What if he's land?
What if he's like, Oh, he he said, he said, he said my dad
was disabled. You know, you could understand.
But if he but if he's like, if he's like, oh, this fella just,
you know, looked at me, This fella asked me what time it was
and I took a nice pic to his loaf.
You know, you would at that point probably go, no, we can't
be friends. Then if he's going to do that
over the time, he'll probably cut your fucking head off for
doing that. Would he keep would he keep
making references to it as banter as it went on, like
people? He'd probably be friends quite a
bit. Been calm because they kill you.
I reckon he'd make shit banter about it as well.
But you would have to laugh because he's murdered.
He'd come off stage and you'd be like, man, you did well tonight,
you killed it and then go. Wouldn't be the first time, you
know? And you always laugh at that,
even though you didn't enjoy it. Yeah, the stage where it just
goes on that long, he's the next thing.
He's your best manager, wedding and stuff.
It goes on that. Still haven't got rid of him.
Yeah, I don't know when you drop that bomb, usually I suppose was
best. Well, you said, you said you
said you wanted this start. We started talking about this
because you said you wanted to do a gig in Magalbury.
Why? I just think it'd be funny.
Look, out of all crowds, they would just be like, that's not
funny. And so I think I actually know
what it is. I've watched too much Johnny
Cash. Sam Quentin.
Yes, yeah, like, I mean, he's he
definitely sings a song that very much plays to the crowd and
he starts slagging off all the wardens and and the the staff
and stuff like that. I reckon if you did a gig in
Magalbury, though, I think there'd be a slightly rowdy
crowd. Let me just say that.
And I think they would start heckling you and what they were
saying wouldn't be that funny, but if you like, they'd all be
laughing all they'd be like you're shaking on.
You'd hit back and you go. I know.
But at least I'm going home tonight.
I reckon they would then turn and go.
We're going to fucking make you stay here, you know?
I actually think they'd be quite late because they'd be like this
guy, no one ever comes to see us.
I mean us a bunch of murderers and rapists.
Why would they not come see us? Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I don't know if I like, I don't know if I like the idea
of that, but it would be a pretty class video for the
gramme like I'll be in. That'll be a fun video to make.
But I don't, I don't know, I think I would get.
The one latty. I wouldn't say that Latty.
Here's the thing. See, whenever I'm like a wee bit
nervous, I, I, I slobber of people.
Like I really my default setting is to like, I like to be
deprecating. And if, if I think like I love,
like what I think I love about playing football is like, you
know, changing rooms is football training because everybody just
basically slags each other off. And if you show up with a,
sounds stupid, but like you show up with a new haircut, you'll
get abuse for it or whatever. I love that environment.
So like that's my environment with like mates.
Whenever you can like tear each other out and it's good crack.
But I would worry that I will go in there and I would just think
they were mates. I would get carried away and
really just go in hard on some fella and then you know, he
would go in hard on me and take an ice pick to my head.
And we're talking about smuggling things up the ass
again or what? I brought you that iceberg you
asked for. I'm so dummy.
Bever We'll try it. No, Give it a go.
You give it a go and see what it's like and then let me know
but. I'll give it a go.
I don't know I'm I'll be with. Joe and let's see if I'm getting
through. I mean, Joe's the sort of guy.
Nothing's off the table, nothing's a bad idea.
If you rang Joe and you were like, listen, Joe Chernobyl, is
there a comedy club there? He'd be.
Like no, radiation can't tackle you.
Yeah, I mean, you could definitely like if you were
doing a gig in Chernobyl, there's there's material there.
Like definitely there's easy material to sort of play off.
You know, whenever, whenever you get there, you know, you've you
show up in the mask and all and you, you do all that kind of
stuff. You say you guys have been
wearing these for years. You know, you guys are the
originators of the masks. And I know it'd be a good time
that, you know, menu heading over to the Chernobyl Fringe.
Yeah. Do you need anything for your
backstage rider? Yes, a bath.
From a bath, Yeah, the Bruce Willis can go to Chernobyl.
Why can't we? What was he doing there?
Die Hard 5. Did he?
Actually? It's a lie, no?
You ever see it jet lag, but it's.
Hold on, I don't know whether you're taking advantage of the
fact that I don't really watch action films.
Did they really film Die Hard 5 there?
Are you making this up? Well, there's based in
Chernobyl, but I don't know if the film there.
Right, because this is a bit like whenever I was in Strabane
once doing Rui would just have a comedy club there and a guy.
What? Do you guys say it's Chernobyl,
Bruce? Well this wasn't Chernobyl, but
he wasn't insta ban. Die die heard sex instrban.
No, I I was doing a gig instraban and I was talking
about, you know, the army have that way robot that blows up
bombs. Someone told me he was called
Joey 90 and I went, Is he? Yeah.
And then moved on and discussed that.
And then after the gig, guys like me, I don't think it's
actually called that. I thought it was called Joey 90,
but I still don't know if it is. And I still don't know if Bruce
Willis has been in Chernobyl. But the take away nervous thing
called Joe 90's The food is explosive.
Is it good? I've happened it once actually
named the burger after me. I was going to ask, is that the
place and the burger that's named after you?
Is it still on the menu and do you feel the pressure to go
there and get acquit a lot? No, the the place that
originally done it, Joe 90s stole it.
This is true. The the like I like never
dropped an industry done the Mickey Harney burger.
I don't think it's that over failed right.
But about two weeks later Joe 90s put up on their Facebook.
They were doing the same burger. I think there's a pound there.
Was it also called the burger? Mocky Mckarney never got
clearance from me or anyone, So what fair play don't there.
Right, here's the thing. You fucking know you were right
to leave that job because there's unofficial burgers of
you. You mean like there's there's
the official McCartney burger but you know you've made it
whenever there's unofficial unlicensed burgers?
Whenever there's counterfeiting burgers, that's when you know
you've you've made. It that's very.
Very I can't even wait. I can't even enjoy like there's
like even going to the like getting there's something lovely
to eat now is impossible. You know, I've got I got take
away from Nando's like before last.
I don't know if you know this about me, but I kind of like a
Nando. I mean what's weird is I'm
thought of as like a Nando's guy on the stand up scene before a
stand up. You're the first guy I've ever
seen with a Nando's black yard. I don't have the black card.
Yeah, you have a Nando's card. Aye, but just like a loyalty
loyalty type card. And I won't be even having that.
And what's weird is we're using it in Central.
I have a centre deli cards. You're right, it's not the same
actually sitting in somewhere because they have a nice medium
need to be relaxed. It's about the atmosphere.
And when you have been in only one or two places that serve
food and it's just weird, you, you keep saying to yourself
like, this is all this. This is not right.
Even have you got the haircut yet?
Why does everybody ask me this? The nice.
The number one question people ask me when they see me is when
you booked in to get the haircut I like.
I like my hair the way it is. I'm growing up like this, but
you. You're always like a haircut
connoisseur. You always talk great pray in
your hair. And I'm just wondering like it's
quite, it's quite short in the size I kind of thought.
Has he got it done? Right.
We have been cutting the hair in the house.
Just do it. Sometimes I do my own, sometimes
my wife cuts it. I've been doing my own back
insides, But what? My own sides, not my own, not
the back. But what I'll say is this, I'm
now getting to the stage where it's fight or flight.
The these bits are starting to come over the top of my ears,
which I hate, right? So do I just ride it out and
grow my hair long and go past that?
Or do. I that's nothing.
See. No, but that's great because
you've gone past that point and now you're at that point where I
it's all one. I'm growing for a video right?
I need a look in Tom Hanks on the island.
A well fed Tom Hanks on the island.
Right. What do you call that?
What do you call that fellow? Forrest Gump No, I know the 1
castaway castaway. Castaway So I need to look like
a fat Tom Hanks fastaway. Fastaway.
Yeah, the so Ken. Well, I always wanted to try and
grow a beard and I thought now is the time to try it.
I can't. But I'm quite disappointed.
I can't. I mean, there isn't many local
comedians, when you think about it, that can grow a good beard.
They want to say not. Beards.
But there's not good beards. McKechnie.
McKechnie has a good beard. McKechnie definitely has a good
beard. That's he's probably the only.
Yeah, because a lot of guys try it.
Like, like what? Dave has a good beard.
You'd be really. Annoying, I do.
Say that he does this. Is nicely groomed.
This is like a nice wee Bush. His is like Plan B but black.
His is like Plan B's but black. You know Dave's done.
They've done sharpie instead of tip X, but his is good.
I don't know. Here's the thing.
Should I just shave the back inside and keep it long on top?
I don't know what to do. What do you think?
Yeah, I usually. Get half back inside, half all
over and then trim it on top. But like look how long it is on
top at the minute so. I usually get the same but I'm
kind of I'm fed up. Last barbers I went to before
you're. You're waiting for ages now.
But you're supposed to book in now, no appointment.
No, Well, like before. Oh, yeah, Yeah.
But, but I think all barbers are going to go, well, most barbers
are going to go appointments now because it makes so much sense.
But I don't know. I kind of, I like having
something to do with it. And my wife hates this whenever
I do this and I flop it. You know, I just love that.
You love doing that, didn't you? Yeah, absolutely love it and I
only I only wash my hair now once a week, so it's all but
discovery at the end of the day. And what conditioner do you use?
Shame Pantene. Pantene, Yeah, I mean, you're
expecting a response or just straight in?
No, Pantene. Yeah, no, I usually just find
whatever's sitting around the fem fresh or something, whatever
soapy just does the job. Fem Fresh.
Yeah, I'm going. To read the back of Fem Fresh.
No, I mean it'd be quite is fem for does fem first remove your
hair? Is it like feet?
I'll leave you with that. All right, I appreciate it.
I'll have a wee bit of research to do on that and and Die Hard 5
because I need to get to the bottom of this.
Yeah, Die Hard 5. Because I'm supposed to have
Bruce on the podcast next week, not over Zoom, actually in the
studio. And if I find out he actually
did film it in Chernobyl, it's not happening.
Brucey baby, it's not happening. They said there was.
Chernobyl was actually Strabane. He filmed it in Strabane and and
they're going to do another one there.
And he's like, trust me, this time let's go to Chernobyl
because I don't feel safe here. And actually, as you can see,
Woodsy and Asda. All right, Bruce, Sir, Die hard,
Sir. All right, brother.
Well, I'm going to let you go. I'm going to just put this
blanket over me and just sit for a while sitting, sitting mellow
out. But but yeah, hopefully we're
doing gigs of some sort in the next in the next month or so.
It's been good. It's been good to see you.
And then for anyone who hasn't, although a lot of held, a lot of
people have, the video you did for boys sports about the BOG
championships is 10 out of 10. Funny, very, very good.
So go check that out. I would ask you if you dates the
plug or anything like that, but ain't no dates, ain't no dates.
But if you do have a relative inside and you need anything
taken in, speak to my man here because he's got you covered.
Mark, cheers. Chat to you soon.
Good seeing you man. See you again.
Bye.