I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like our hosting of comedy
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Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea With Me podcast with me, Shane Todd.
I'm feeling it's going to be a very cheeky episode this week.
Before we get into it, let me plug our patreonpatreon.com/tea
with Me podcast. Join the zippers.
Join the revolution to tea, that's what we're doing.
You pay a couple of quid, you get on there.
Look. It's a community bonus episodes,
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It's patreon.com/tea with me podcast.
We have a live podcast on the 9th of September.
There is about 200 tickets left. It's in the waterfront, so
there's going to be 2000 people there watching a live podcast.
You can get tickets in the description of this episode.
We're sponsored by Dannas Manscape first.
It's sure he's not. He's not sure we're sponsored by
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Yeah, more lately, to be honest. Those ones were your first year
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Mickey mentioned that. Oh, give me a minute, Mickey.
Mickey was saying that busy, I told.
You lately? Have I told you lately that I
love you? Mickey was saying that his balls
are like the back of a wooden spoon.
Splinters, cuts. If you're on your hand along
that, you get a cut. But like a wet wooden spoon.
Perfect. You know what I mean?
Perfect the wet wooden it. Feels weird to touch, especially
when there's food on it. Yeah, and you're in a library.
And you're in a library. Yeah.
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With manscaped, you will not cut yourself.
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Seems like he's been fully. Educated.
I also got one like, oh so, so many things I didn't know I
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You're an international man. You're a man who recently has
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Now when you when you travel, you bring a laptop.
Sometimes, when sometimes bring a laptop, something, I'll just,
I'll just cast off my phone, you know?
Now you can do that, yeah. Although casting off my phone is
a psoriasis joke, I. Don't get it, but listen
brother, it's good to have you with us.
Welcome, We'll start. This is the episode.
This is the Tea With Me podcast featuring crowd favourite Mickey
Bartlett. Have you finished your ads?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking because there were
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What? They were trying to pick that
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We're we could be selling boys now.
OK, cool. Because we've got to do.
Speaking of keeping your search history private, you see Prince
Andrew is not going to the Jubilee.
Man, he has cool but OK I. Think.
That's. What the under 15?
That's a team I used to play for.
He Yeah, man, don't be. I know what you're at.
Listen, he caught COVID, could happen to anyone at any time.
Unfortunately, it's happened for him just before the Jubilee
celebration, so he's not going to, otherwise he would have been
there. He would.
Have been there were bells on yeah yeah, bells.
His man served. What am I doing?
Sorry. I don't know.
I don't know, but it's good to have you here, brother.
Thanks so much bro. How you doing I'm?
Pretty good one, yeah. On scale one to 10 Oh.
But but a good 91, a good nine. Yeah, yeah.
Is that something to do with maybe the weather as well?
There's been a lot of gigs, I think.
There's better coming to the summertime, a lot of gigs
happening, fucking, you know, I mean driving a class car back in
the gym. You've got.
You're in the TT, not. TT now.
Have you changed personality wise since you are not ATT?
Yeah, because I feel like we as listeners on the podcast have
have got the sippers have gone with you on a journey because
you first started talking here about wanting to get naughty and
the guy basically said you'd get a pen or whatever.
You could have afforded naughty pen, but you did it.
I did it. And it's the it's the underdog
story. You now drive an ALDI.
Yeah, I feel like this is my sort of Rocky 2 moment.
Now you're do you're doing Uber in it.
Yeah, yeah. It's only for one person because
it's not big enough to have more people.
It's not the audio I wanted, right?
It's the one I could afford. And that's their slogan.
Yeah, Yeah. Don't get the audio.
You don't. Get the one you want.
Fuck, get the one, get the one, Get the one you can afford.
Yeah, but I break a bank. Do you, have you been like
cruising them? You do.
I haven't got out of it like I'm pretty sure I've got sciatica
from driving it because it's, it's just, it's a way car and
I'm a bag unit, right? So I didn't realise how stupid I
looked at it until my girlfriend took a video me driving and I
went. I looked like I'm in a bubble
car. Yeah.
And you were you were driving gloves.
Fingers that's getting things like.
Oh yeah, I feel like a complete decade.
No, no, don't worry about it. So here's what happened.
So I bought the driving gloves because it was like I don't want
to fucking because like I was I'm not too bad.
I was going to like a real bad stage in my hands and I thought,
right, I'll wear these gloves. So it means first one hurt
driving, secondly I'm not going to be fucking dropping skin over
my new car. And then within about 5 minutes
of putting them on I was like, oh I feel very powerful.
Were these things? Dropping skin sounds like a
phrase to be used in like Fast and Furious.
Yeah, dropping skin sounds like a phrase Prince Andrew said
right before he called COVID. Dropping foreskin.
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Mommy, do you listen to Team with me?
She probably does for sake. Fucking love.
Probably. Does you do anything special for
the Jubilee? I'm doing a gig.
I love that we're doing. I mean, it will already have
happened by the time this is out.
Who knows how it went, but we're doing an outdoor gig in Newton.
I'll be. Yeah, well, I'm an Antrim.
You doubling up. No, I think I'm not.
I think we're different gigs. Oh, Andrew Jordan, son.
Yeah, I'm doing Antrim Castle Garden, but between you and me,
does it have to be family friendly?
I don't know, I need to ask you to be sure about things, but I'm
pretty sure it does. Curl curl curl curl curl, curl,
curl curl. How long you did?
48 minutes. How long before you like deal
guys? Any TT fight you start to do
like just doing the features. In your car like Protestant
talk. So what about the rugby phenoms?
Hate them? You know that would kill God
saver. But don't take my opener anyway.
Again, something else. For example you said.
I don't know if I get it, but I know it's not.
Good. Oh yeah.
I know it's not good. And are you?
What are you? Are you?
You're about to turn. Yes, I'm going on tour in August
just to keep something. I feel like you're always on
tour, but are you not? Yes mate, I'm a one man snag
party. That's a tragic thing.
It's of. AT shirt I'm with stupid, but
it's pointing directly up shagger.
The nickname on the back, Yeah, yeah, Megadic.
Did you? Hit the.
Lagging bar at the airport. Where are the rest of?
Us get here drinking a fizzy water.
Don't want to go too hard too early, boys on set.
I saw a tech talk recently where they were like, oh, stag do
prank, and it was a guy getting handcuffed to a little person.
And I was like, I didn't know I was still a thing.
Oh yeah, yeah. How long do they do it for?
A week like? Frezel did it for a couple of
years. Was that on a stack?
Yeah, just good. Where to ham?
I just went fucking insane, man.
We still weren't seeing the column.
We still the teacher on Joey 69, which is how long he got in
prison. Magaluf 82.
I, I didn't know that like the, I seen one recently where it was
the, the stag. So the stag party on the stag
got to the airport and the stag party we're getting on the
flight to go to Ibiza. And the dress, the guy was a
woman, but his ticket was for like a later flight.
So he just had to stay in an airport by himself, just dress.
And I was like, that's too far in it.
Yeah, I've never had a stag, but I'd be fucked.
But. Even like no matter what they've
done, being on a separate flight, like you're missing all
the funnels going out there in the 1st place.
That's a bit like I saw this happen with more eyes recently.
A couple that are getting married.
People like, oh, I can't remember what the term is, but
it's like when they like tie them up and like throw floor
getting a. Doom No.
Work of a name, a doom. Did you see that up here?
Was it in a in a culture setting?
In a culture set, that's a very. Culture.
Here, it's fucking weird. Like, very strange.
And it's people like getting to a grip.
Like get them out there's like, I've heard of that being done
with like we throw beans and flour and like.
They're in a straight for Anybody else know?
Usually they're in a trailer. Yeah, and they're like cable
tied to a seat. Yeah, it's essentially an
emotional punishment. Beaten.
Yeah, but I've I've heard of that going to the point where
like they were throwing fucking animal blood and stuff like
getting insane. Yeah, that it's.
Such what the fuck he's doing exactly.
I would immediately be like, you're not coming, you're not
coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, like.
But it's like I I drove past again in the back of the
trailer, him and his wife and like the people doing it weren't
like I just drove past animal no facial expression.
I. Throwing I would still if I was
ever get married. I would still rather have raw
animal parts and shit I got thrown at me than have to dance
in when everybody's clapping. I would much rather I would
rather be shot in the head. Been there, done that.
I've done it for like 1 best man for weddings and stuff and don't
tell until the morning of it. Like are we clapping in here?
Like, yeah, you go, Fox. Do you know what the worst thing
is? I think it's it's.
It's the bit when you get to the table and you're standing.
I think it's not. I think it's not.
And all you're thinking is I need a pish, I'm starving.
I don't want to drink that pint of sitting there and everyone's
just and then you look at the guests of the wedding and
they're all just like. It's now from People.
Choreograph and learn a full dance.
Right. I don't, I disagree.
No, I think that's phenomenal. What I'm saying is what I'm
saying is that's less embarrassing than being told,
listen, walk into the room and just that just freestyle of
dance and you can't come up with anything other than.
The one thing I saw recently, Joe the flower dude.
So that's the thing that the, I think it started, obviously it
started in America where they would just get like one of the
groomsmen to walk up the aisle with like a fucking bum bag and
a beer and just throw flower petals on the floor instead of
having a wee flower girl. Very funny.
I would have. I think the first guy you've
done. To the humour at my wedding,
the. First time is done funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like.
Oh, ripped off obviously gets beyond a joke, but the the at
least there we had with the good intent of being like let's have
a better crack here. Something a bit shit that it
fucking winds me up. I mean, you were there, but you
probably don't remember. I, me and my groomsmen had to
walk out the DJ Sammy Boys this summer, which is like, you know,
it was. And here's the thing, it was
longer of a walk than we thought it was going to be.
It's because it gets it's, it's never timed.
Yeah, yeah, You know what I mean?
You know yourself like walking on the, if the microphone is too
far away, you're like, it's fucking weird.
I can hear my own feet and their heads.
A point where that you need to rehearse that and it's never
rehearsed properly. When I was doing shows recently,
I can't remember doing a run of shows and I was like put me on
the House of pee and jump around and you want that dude?
Dude just that mean. But that was Jaws.
I was staffing the start of the bill, the.
Bill. 'S a banger, yeah.
Jaws, that's that's great walk on music.
Jaws. Anyway, I'm a host.
Pee and jump around. Yeah.
And instead of like starting me at the bit, obviously the, you
know, the walk was so short that I just walked on the the the the
hello. I I love walking on with no walk
on music. Yeah, I genuinely think it's
fucking. But that's what comedy kind of I
do walk on with walk on music. And we were just talking about
it on a Pedro bonus episode for a second there.
But you shouldn't really walk on the music.
It, I think it just depends on the like, like, obviously you
get that bigger show. Yeah, you hope the audience are
going to clap long enough for you to get to the microphone so
you don't really need it. But I've done it where I did a
gig in London one time where I was like, I'm just walking out.
I'm not even introduce myself, I'm just going to fucking walk
out and start. Yeah.
Because I thought for some reason I was like, this feels
cooler just to start. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it was so awkward. It was so awful.
You do just need. People are still taking their
jackets off and stuff and drink a coffee.
You're like. And you're like a substitute
teacher. You're like, oh, very.
Substitute teacher is the best way.
To put it, excuse me, like. Fingers on lips.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And talk about my deck here.
Yeah, Art, I bet you walk on music is definitely something
you need. But like we were just talking
about earlier, I've tried before to have really cool walk on
music and I think that just doesn't look when you do stand
up, that doesn't look right. Yeah, I I used to do a thing
where I would try and after the show was written I would try and
find songs that would relate to bits in the show and that's pre
show. Same.
Yeah. But no one ever, no one ever
comes up the after. I love that subtle Easter egg
you put in there. Yeah.
The only the only one I had me and my meetings to have this
rolling joke where I think I started a music festival and.
You started a music festival. No, yeah, it's called Mech Fest
and it was just me and all the lads from the Stag.
But do the white stripe song doorbell.
I'm thinking about my dog when you go red.
So he says there I go. I'm thinking about the door.
Well, when you go to ring it and point you go where you go ring
it, right. It's just we're very silly.
Classic, yeah. But I played that the pre show
with the Ulster Hall of a mate was like, did you play a
doorbell? I was like, yeah, because knew
you were there, it was for you like fucking.
And he was like. Nice.
That's nice. What did you want to be when you
were in school when you got older?
If people had. Asked you tall and thin.
Your career station like I don't.
Know yeah, anything other than this Jean-Claude Van It was all
I was all stand up like to be honest.
No, but I mean like. School, yeah.
Stand up. Yeah.
I just didn't know. Like I knew what it didn't want
to do. Yeah, you know what I mean?
I knew it didn't want to. What?
They knew anything. Didn't want to work.
Yeah, exactly. What, instead of the house talk
talk shit normally? Then you what I remember time we
were both on the door, but when you on the door and then you
were like going in for obviously being like, I'm interested in
stand up or I want to be an actor or do something like that.
And we're like, do you want to just work in the door?
Well, what happened was I was on the dole, I don't ATV thing and
I remember something the BBC told us we'd be getting 500
quite a gig as soon as this show went out.
So I was then signing on. But I was like, listen, I
probably don't need this money because I'm going to be rich.
About a week and a half, 7 minutes of material.
I was like, I've made it. And I remember the girl on the
dole was like, I told her this, someone told us we're going to
be getting loads of money and she went would you be getting
head like paid cash for these gigs?
And I went yeah. And she went fuck up.
Yeah, yeah. And then I applied for a job in
the civil service thinking I thought it was applying for like
a decent job in the civil service, but I filled in the
wrong application form and I ended up doing the lowest job in
the civil service. And I remember like you go for
an altitude test and I finished it in about four minutes.
What's that? It's I don't know how would you
describe it? It's to see how thick you are.
Oh, I hope I never have taken. Aptitude test this won't let,
but this was like entry level up.
It was like, can you write your name?
You're in. And I ended up then working in a
dole office where my my job was to hand the tech it out for the
dole, right And like. Who would?
Yeah, for anyone doesn't know. You walk it like you're you're
4th in. The place where you were, the
building was sold. They didn't have a machine where
you pressed a button and got a ticket.
There was just seven of us taking.
You were the machine. I was the machine.
There were seven of us taking turns.
It was the best job I've ever had in life.
Like. You still gave them a ticket.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they were called the desk
will take it. But you had like two different
types of tickets. So I'd be going, do you want job
seekers or income support? And they'd go fault on take it.
Like you're like, I understand, but I'm trying to use my degree.
You know, Sir, we've all had a rough day.
There are two separate types of tickets, one for job seekers,
one for income support and they will go I because they're all
selling jobs anyway. Not all of them, but quite a
few. Most of them all I like it was
just, it was such a weird place to work because I was always
really, I think I've had the claim benefits.
I was always very conscientious about it.
I'm like, didn't like claiming benefits whenever had gigs come
in. So once you get a couple gigs,
we'll just sign off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I've seen people just pull up in poke vans, go in and sign
on and then sell pokes to the staff.
It'll be standard. Anyone.
Anybody want to report him? Nice sign.
It would there be anything demoralising being a pokeman
who's in between jobs but not having another car?
Yeah. Just go in the Tesco's, do the
shop. Do an Uber.
Daughter once dropped off for a night out.
Can I make kebab in here? Can you fuck?
Give us a lift down to the boss here.
Have the phone and hello is your Domino's here?
We should buy a poker. I would love I do you know one
of the things I've always thought would be amazing do the
van haven't bore up yeah those post office vans in the States
yeah and one of those are bad in the back.
I just go get them just yeah, just on my own, just hit the.
Road, yeah, but like, that seems like a very 1960s thing to do,
yeah. Yeah, yeah, I definitely died
within a week and a half. Yeah.
And obviously the price of diesel you couldn't get over.
Yeah, because. Back in the day, that was
probably, like, real cool. Like, yeah, man, he just shows
up in a van, throws a mattress in the back, and he's just on
the road now. Be like Mickey's Lip.
Mickey's living in a yeah. Nowadays he just shows up in a
valley, put throws a mattress in the back and then his Mars the
queen for 70 years. He doesn't make a big deal out
of it. Come around.
That was a very good character joke.
Was that? Oh, was that?
No, what's what character song that's.
Smoking. You didn't smoke in the water?
No, I'm doing history. Is that what's called
Rock'n'roll Party? Yeah, that's good.
That's. Good, that's good.
I reckon we'd get happy birthday wrong.
Being a poke man would be, well, I was going to say it would be a
nice life, but you're if you're if you're working a lot in the
summer, you're always in like you're in the poke fan.
You're not getting to enjoy. It I I was saying you do you
have the old poke though. Yeah, yourself.
Oh. You're bounder.
Yeah, but here's the thing. Would you, would you be bothered
getting a cone out, do you think?
Or would you just get under? Oh.
Yeah, I got it. Yeah.
I would love that as. A tub guy anyway though.
You like a tub? I like a tub.
Over a cone? Over a cone, yeah.
It depends. There's a certain ratio of ice
cream. It should be on a cone.
If you get like a big large one, it's running down a cone, all
that sort of thing. I like if you get a cone where
it's a good thick base and you can kind of you go, I can work
away at this for a while. Yeah.
And do you bite the bottom? Suck it out.
Yeah. What about the ice cream?
Oh, yeah, Make you right. I bite guys Dicks off and then
suck. Suck that.
I knew that. I do.
I don't know. I think whenever I was a kid, I
wanted to be. I want to be an astronaut for a
while, yeah. I wanted to be a pilot, I want
to be. I've seen, I've seen
independence that as I won't be a pilot.
I honestly think that's also what made me want to.
Be a new top one. No, I don't do anything like
that, but we so good, we wouldn't be good pilots.
I think we'd be good. I think we'd not.
We'd be good. We'd be brilliant air Hostess.
Yeah, yeah, we'd be very good. At that, me and you working
like, yeah, yeah, I like Belfast Alicante.
We'd be so good. Every day.
Every day I go. My colleague Mickey is with
this. It's his birthday if you want to
wish him. And it's always every day, every
day. The one that is your birthday.
You don't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, we would be so. Good as you talk about Bruce.
Bruce. What you joking motherfucker?
Stick them on your pocket. Holy.
Fuck holy fuck, look at this deal we have on Savage after she
have anyone interested. We'd be.
We'd be so good. Oh.
Absolutely. Be glad to be real bitchy to
people, yeah. But then quite fun as well,
yeah. I'd be love to get down the back
and like Slabber but I'll just think fucking 24 day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jesus. Yeah.
And we do like. Extension that fat.
Bastard in the safety thing we do the what we do like you know
it we'd work out a way to make it like YMCA and stuff as well
yeah we should do fuck comedy. We do it because we.
I don't know. I think we're doing all right
with comedy at the minute. I don't think, I don't think
it's time, but you get a really give this up.
Nope. You get a few days off.
We could be doing a few days in Malaga a month, You get over
there, it'd be fun. On yourself, I don't think it's
as glamorous as it used to be. I don't like.
I think you and me would both like the idea of being 1950s
stewardesses. Do I mean behind the pilot
smoking? Yeah, You know what I mean, Like
if there's a failure on the engine, just don't worry about
it is 1954 and. Where are you from?
All around, yeah, yeah, Travel travels so much of all these
different accents. Yeah.
Because she's been in a little different places.
I'd have to be a pilot now though, just that, all that
pressure, you know. I think it's better being a
pilot now than said 1944. Yeah.
You mean have a shoot down those Luftwaffles?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Having the no, I like because if
you're a pilot then yeah, I'd say it'd be like it'd be more
different. It'd be more like like nowadays
probably like an automatic car, yeah.
Whereas back in, you know you're probably.
Back then, if something went wrong with the plane, used to
climb out and fix it yourself. You're screwed over in your
mouth on a torch, you know. Like that, Jenny.
Like. Jerry Adams.
That's how you can start on. Do you think you'd be good in a
war situation? No, absolutely not.
I used to think it was like, I remember, like I think I think
most men think like you've watched enough movies to be
like, I can feel like, fuck yeah, there's no war.
I'd be all. All I would make sure to do is
if like you're running over trenches and they're shooting
that, yeah, I just keep moving, keep moving direction.
I think I would. If they're like blew a whistle
or I go over these chances, I'd just be going.
No, yeah, Nah, I go go. Usual I'd.
Hold the coats, yeah. I keep deck keeping deck for
like the whole army. Fucking bad.
And Davey, OH. Fuck.
Fuck you Miss Davey. Davey got a bad tank.
I did not say that. I don't even know how you didn't
say it's a tank I still serve. I would like are.
We bored now. Because I was thinking even if
you were like you worked in, if you were a chef in a war, but
then you have to be, you have to be a trained soldier, I think to
do that too. I don't think they're
outsourcing. Yeah, they're not.
Yeah, they're not getting in posh Nosh.
No, no. Like, yeah, is it for a wedding?
No, it's a war that is a bit more expensive, that is a wee
bit more expensive for the war. French village or catering in.
Fact War cater would be cheaper than wedding cater.
Priceless goes 50th birthday award wedding.
Are you will will make you baby taking like a summer holiday or
anything? I'm going to tell a reef we went
to a refund. Refund.
Technical to refund. That's right.
Last time you're in the pool. Yeah.
So that's that's do what I don't like about that.
It's a long time. I like we quick hold where
you're like let's we're going two weeks.
I, you know, I was like we've got a great day long so we
booked it back in December whenever but then haven't said
that think we're flying with TUI and they seem to be not very
reliable right now. So we might not be going if
things are getting cancelled if written centre.
Right. Why?
Why is the?
Why is airport queues not that a big thing?
Because they don't have trusted pilots like me and you one.
Is it because the pilots right? Now, no I think it was.
Didn't a lot of the airports made Stafford Dundle or
something during COVID? And then now everyone,
everyone's doing fast track, so there's no.
Yeah, except there's no, there's gonna have to be ultra fast
track or something. Do you think right.
I'm seeing a lot of odds now for like private planes, you know,
where it's like you in sex. Someone sent them to know what's
up. Yeah, you in sex Me.
It's it was £1200 Stansted Belfast to stand setters from
next week. Do you think it's going to be
like healthcare a bit and that's going to be the way it goes in
like a few years where it's like.
If you. Have to go to the airport you
do? Or do you think they'll just
get? No, I think they'll just figure
it out because I. Bought I've just bought a plane
an. Actual full plane?
Yeah, just the one. Yeah.
You need to invest in a fleet of aircraft.
You need to use yes. What I think it's to be
honestly, I didn't actually put any money down.
I just drove up in an Audi and I went.
This guy seems legit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, you had the gloves on so that I.
Wore a white scarf as well. Yeah.
Really bamboozled them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I smoked a pipe and started talking about World War 2.
World War Two, yeah. You say things like ah boys are
fighting the Hun like that not. The Yeah, not the Huns.
It means the German. I was written about Antilla the
Hun. I was like, God, that's Antilla.
Yeah, it's a teller. No.
Aunt Antilla? Yeah, his sister.
Fair enough. Yeah.
Aunt Hilda, the Hun. Fucking bastard.
Just start. Starts garden.
The fucking bond. The Bony doji.
Come near me. We bath.
I know you're dead. I was very Bony energy there
like I. Tell of the Honda Mongoloid.
I mean Mongolian. Oh wow.
You're reading about a telephone.
Tell me more about. No, no, I wasn't.
I wasn't. I just heard that name, you
know. Because he's the guy.
Isn't there a thing we're like, there's a certain amount of the
population of the planet have Genghis Khan, Genghis Khan,
Genghis Khan. He's like he.
Did a wild pile of riding. So we're all, a lot of us
probably have his DNA. Yeah, Genghis Khan's Mongolian
woman. But he was a bad boy.
Genghis Khan was a bad boy. A bit of a Rascal, I bit of a
Skitter, yeah. Do we know?
Like was he was he was head of the Empire among.
Mongolian. Mongolian.
Emperor. Yeah.
Who was the tale of the hunt then?
He wasn't Mongolian, was he? He he was German.
No, I don't know. Dan, can you let us know?
Because the term Hans got something to do with like being
like not nomadic. I always thought it was
something to do with like, like just spreading across the place,
right? So whenever I could be totally
wrong in this whenever Republicans call.
You might be. Whatever it is you're going to
say, I feel you might be. But I feel like there's
something to do with whenever whenever people refer to like
Protestant as Hans, it's because they're an occupying oh,
something. But welcome to the comedy
podcast with the most of all time.
I tell her the Han was ruler of the Hans from 4:34 until.
That was King Billy. Empire consisted of Austria,
Goths, islands, bungardles. The Goths who?
Austria Goths. Austria.
They occupied the benches at City Hall.
I said. I said awesome.
City Hall. Mine is so sad.
Yeah. I wish my father would
understand me. You guys fancy dandling over to
fresh garbage? I might have so many scarves.
Do you want to listen to my computer romance again?
I like the way down gives 19 factor and we don't know
anything more about it, but that's wild.
Germanic fought against the Romans.
Fought against Romans, yeah. Fucking right.
History is mad like. There's a lot of.
There's a. Lot of it more.
Tonnes of it. In there, what do you like?
You like anything of it? I I actually quite like history,
but yeah, it's only, it's only been in the last couple years
I've dragged my brains out, so I can't remember all that stuff.
You've what? Like I think I'm pretty sure
I've caused long lasting damage my brain.
Oh, so you would forget stuff you've.
Learned over the years like it goes 1066 with you.
I know we've been a World War 2 and then I watched the Vietnam
War documentary. Last week.
Yes, Kate, the Cam Burns one. Fucking class so good.
Couldn't tell you anything about it.
What's every episode? Yeah, they're so they're, so
he's got a World War 21 as well that I watched and it's right
like beautifully narrated and put together and I'm just like,
Hitler was a bad one. The the, the Vietnam one I, I
don't know anything about. I watched every episode and at
the time it could have a full blown discussion with you.
Yeah, gone. I had no idea the Vietnam War
lasted that long. Yeah, like, because like World
War One, World War 2, the Korean War always five years, whereas
the Vietnam War was a good 10 to 15.
Some sets not over yet. Met fucking still.
Our boys are still over. There, did I tell you the?
Real heroes are buried in there. Did I tell you?
Pyongyang and fucking the other place.
In Hanoi. Hanoi, Ho Chi Minh City.
Yep, Ho Chi Minh Trail. Ho Chi Minh Trail NVA North
Vietnamese Army. I thought that paranoid used to
be. Right.
And the thing? About Orange Arden Foster,
Sorry, DM Agent Orange. She was some respect.
Sorry, you're right. I we I sent her DM to come in
the podcast. She didn't play.
Really probably too busy one being a DM doing DM stuff.
Yeah, like what does the DM do behind?
You she busy? She hasn't.
Oh my God. Would you do panto if money was
right? Fucking yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I do anything.
You'd enjoy it. No, yeah, To be honest, I think
of what I think panto must be one of those situations where
after you get the awkwardness out of the way, you do better
rehearsing. It then becomes like.
Say corporate cakes. Yeah, but at least you've got
people with you. Yes, it's not a big man show.
Yeah, you could be a bit of crack where you're, yes.
But there are that's a thing about place like or made Aaron
Butler just a West Side Story and he showed me some footage
from it that Mike shot. I was like, I'm blown away.
You learned all that and they rehearsed for months and
everyone knows where to be on the state.
I would hate to have other people counting like if we fuck
it up on stage we can quickly correct it.
Because it's just us. That's how I felt whenever.
Like when I do like acting and uni and stuff like that, it was
always I need to get this right so he knows what to do next.
Yeah. What?
Plays were you in uni? I was in Streetcar Named Desire.
Right. Oh, played fucking fat.
Marlon Brando was supposed to be fat but that's just the way it
went. I just felt the character should
have put a bit of weight on. Right, your met and your method
your method. Yeah, method as fuck.
Also, I actually fucked it up because I did the whole thing as
Marlon Brando from The Godfather.
I was just like Stella. I was at the after show party.
You come in my house, damn my daughter's wedding, and bring me
this fucking pork chop. I'm wearing a vest.
You know what? I don't know if the voice is
that good, but the face is unbelievable.
Yeah, the voice needs work, but what else was I am?
I was in one weird one where like I had to act out.
I had to act out a rape, but I had to bugger a man with a
crucifix. That's true story wasn't my
idea. Hold on.
And you just said you're a method actor.
Yeah, method as fuck. Yeah, 134, Christopher.
Yeah, yeah, sorry. And you're what this is like
inside the Actor's Studio making you're saying you'd debugger a
man with a crucifix. What was the play?
I can't remember the name of the player.
Yeah, Will in the third, Richard the Third, Fuck sake, fuck that
up. But.
It was the bomb stuff. Some play about it was supposed
to be about like Indigenous people of Canada, right?
And it was my do one of those ones were like the whoever was
it was some girl and you're going.
Where was this on? What was the play on it?
Was just at university, but it was.
University of Ulster. Yeah, but I don't know if you've
ever done any arts degrees, right?
There's always a bunch of fucking mad concert, those
things that couldn't get into anything else, but because
they're paying to be there, the course is like, come on.
And you could be an actor, of course, right.
Like I I know so many people who were writers and just.
But tell me more about this play.
So this play the crack was there's a scene in the play
where it's it was it was about Christianity wiping out the
indigenous people of Canada, right?
And there's a bit in it where somebody stabs the ground with a
crucifix, right? And this girl read it went, what
if we get someone to play the ground, right?
So my mate John was playing like the fucking.
John as the ground. Yeah, he was playing John as
himself, but he he was like, suppose I don't know what the
fuck. I didn't seem to be honest.
I didn't even read the whole play.
I just like because we were doing excerpts from it, so I was
in it and I was like, OK, fair enough.
And yeah, there was a whole bit where like the idea was I had
the busy row crucifix of SARS and the lecturers hated it.
And it was such, it was a. Nightmare.
How did you act that out? But we actually like it.
He acted like I was genuinely going to do it.
As you know, acting is reacting. So I fucking did it.
But it was like we we kicked lumps out of each other like
and. Did you do it at a certain angle
where it looked? Yeah.
So it was like he was kind of facing and I was behind.
You're behind him like Ronnie so often.
I might have chimp chimp chimp John Good, put this crucifix up.
You're fucking wrong on sorry. So he's got Paddy Ruff.
Yeah, he was. He was.
Hold on. But is this to an audience?
Yeah. Live audience?
Yeah, an audience of people who were like this do.
You remember like did you? So you're doing X so it's a
short same. That's a main better.
Yeah, So it was like it was a short scene, but she had the
girl who was directing it had taken all these three different
bits out of it and tried to make one short player of this
massive, like it was a giant, really, really long player.
So none of it made sense. I don't know a lot about
theatre, but I'd say if a scene like that would require a lot of
setting up and a lot of context. No, because used to have the
time for this. This is the thing we're like is
the thing about fucking drama degrees is that they'll they'll
set you like just black as the canvas anything.
So you get you get these wankers that are going or we don't need
a set. I don't need props.
We can just be the same. Yeah, yeah.
So it's actually that wasn't a very started smoking because
that was a nightmare, right. And I ended up cutting my hand
on the crucifix as well. Right.
I didn't use enough Lube, obviously, but that was that was
that was that. Yeah, that's one of those ones
where I wake up the middle night going.
I can't believe that fucking happened.
Yeah, I haven't attacked it seriously was the worst, but.
Yeah. And would you consider like
bringing that playback? Yeah, all the time.
Yeah, I'd love that. Every time I see you do your
hair, I think phoney. I had a crucifix.
That was so weird, that time with the Limelight where we're
about to do a show and I just threw a bit of hair product on
before and you were just sitting like in a corner.
That's not even telling people the truth.
It was in Laveries and I went, can I just say I watching you do
your hairs class? And then when we were in the
limelight, you went here. Mike, I know you like watching
me do my hair. Do you want to watch it now?
And I was like, yes, please. And I stood just behind you at
the mirror and just watched you. Yeah.
It was weird style it. I was just like, his fingers
look so powerful. Yeah, yet your hair looks so
rooted in your head, like it's not going to fall out of mine
is. Ruled in the my head.
Rooted. All right.
Yeah, yeah. Thanks man, appreciate this is
your good header I. Appreciate.
Appreciate your body as well. Thank you.
Thank you, tater smashing. Thank you like I'm shoes.
Excellent socks. Nice.
Yeah, yeah, thank you. I bought more, more so I bought
a lot of pairs of socks recently because I was losing so many.
And also I, I remember saying you're in lockdown.
I looked at my sock drawer and I was like, I've acquired these
over the years. Christmas gifts I've never
really like. I've never got a pair of socks I
want and gone there. Would you?
I imagine you'd be the odd novelty sock.
What appear in your as a gift? Sure.
Yeah, candy cane ones. But but I had so many and I was
missing ones, odd ones. And we talked about this time on
the couple years ago at the start of COVID, I was like,
here's what I'm going to do from my bounce, my mental health.
I bend every sock. I owned shit and I ordered.
Full Marie Kwando. Tae Kwando, I ordered about 10
pairs of new socks more and they were lovely socks, good
material, good quality and I had about 30 per and I'm not flexing
or bright. I had about 30% socks before
this and I bought a small amount of great socks and I just looked
in my sock drawer and I was like that's brilliant.
That's the re reset I needed. Yeah, yeah.
Would you have a lot of socks? Yeah, we talked about this
before. We talked about pants before.
I have a lot of pants. No, I have too many pants.
People know we've had the pants. Conversation.
No, we're on the socks. No, I'll be honest, on the way
up here Kieran was showing me some of the Manscape boxers and
I was. Like hold on, hold on in your
car. No, no, no.
I was in Kieran's podcast last week.
Oh, when I was driving, I remembered I use my memory
right. And I thought they were like
good pants because I were a specific brand and type of
underpants. Yes.
You have no bottom on your pants.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or a net.
Yeah. Basically it's a waste bundle
that says CK. Yeah, after Louis.
Official merch, yeah. And then just free ball.
Yeah, no, but I wore next next to a like, I think it's an air
trunk. It's like a boxer brief.
Keeping you. It's like it's like a bra for
your bollocks. Great support but I like.
I bought a pants on HM last week just because it was in a rush
because it was gigging. Not the same too tight around
the male. When?
The. He's a boy from Rd of the Rings,
no? No, he's goalkeeper for United.
Well played I was a good rally of tennis are like that comedy
tennis. But socks is AI like.
I like a cotton sock. Obviously sensitive skin.
I go full. So a lot of my socks are white.
Yeah, not today. I'm wearing black ones.
Yeah, I also I like an ankle sock.
I did and I feel like that ship sealed.
Thing what it is, an ankle suck very hard to get a reliable one
because quite often I find as they'll roll in down under your
foot and you're spending the whole day you can back up.
Looks like you had no socks. Not drives me fucking insane.
I like, I like to be able to like, I like people to know
here. Don't worry, I am wearing a
sock. You can see it here.
There's not too much, just takes it a bit.
Yeah, yeah. See, I like you to the cotton.
I like if I'm sitting in this position, you're you see my
sock, Yeah, you don't know where that ends.
And I like having. That I can tell where it ends
because I am a sock man and I can tell that ends right about
without. We sort of crease.
Your jeans is puffing out. There you go.
No, I've rolled that down a bit. I.
There, there we Ralph Lauren. 'S mate Ralph Lauren sucks.
Yep, that's what I'm talking about.
I got rid of all the ones I had before, get rid of all the multi
pack and fuck that. Fuck it.
Yeah, let me invest in myself on my.
Feet Ralph Lauren sucks. Yeah, if.
You were going to set up a business.
What business would you set up? It wouldn't be.
Ralph Lauren sucks because you said to me as if you've had an
idea for a Ponzi scheme when you want me involved in it, and I'm
not ready. For the Ponzi scheme, it's me
and you, charter and flights where the whole air crew, pilots
and all, we do it all. And the life jackets are just
made out of socks. Yes.
Blow into your sock. You want to book as we suck for
you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Things in the trouble. Put the sock over your face.
Yeah. Would you think?
You'd be do. You think you'd be a good Rep in
like a? No, I can't.
Like I, I. Thought you'd be brilliant.
That no sure. I can't even fuck it.
I should be the most famous comedian in this country and I'm
not because I'm a lazy. You're going to say you can't
sell yourself. Yeah, absolutely not.
You think I'd be fucking gigging in lambag on Wednesday?
I'd never sell myself. I fucking drove to Newcastle
upon Tyne across water to save money.
They could be fucking doing that.
If I was good at selling the stuff, they could be talking to
you. You wouldn't be here, I'd be in
the house and Ralph Lauren socks pull the wire of myself.
Holy fuck. Literally.
Holy shit, as we take it out, see what the weirdest thing
about the crucifix thing wasn't about?
You know where there's a wee Jesus on it?
He genuinely looked disappointed.
Fuck's sake. Jesus was like, Holy me Oh my
God. Yeah.
Me, mommy and stepdaddy, Jesus, me and Joseph, anybody holy me
and the wee donkey thank me. I rap stuff.
Like I told you, by the time I was nearly a fucking they were
trying to get me to sell. Remember love film before?
Like Netflix used to post DVD's out?
People won't know, but that's what was it.
You pay like a few quote a month and you get sent films.
Yeah, did. You pick them.
I can't remember. Did they pick them?
You pick them, yeah, they post them.
It was like a library. It was a video shop that didn't
have to go into like, right, Right.
Yeah, but I went for a job at one point and it was one of
these fucking companies were like, I thought it was a call
centre and went for an interview and they were like, oh, listen,
we think of your management material.
And I went home like I'm management material.
Still had no idea where the job was.
And then I got there and they were doing this team building
actually like throwing a ball about and charting.
And I was like, where's all the phones?
This call centre is weird as fuck.
And the boss was like, so you're on your this today, you're going
to go out and have, you're going to go to one of our other sites
and you're going to shadow one of the other managers and find
out what the job's all about. And as we were driving to the
place. At this point, sorry, you have
no idea what I'm. Talking through as you're
driving to the place I was admit what's the what are we actually
doing here? Like what is this job?
And he went, I'm not telling you because you won't do it if I
tell you. And then we got it was basically
him going door to door trying to sell Lovefilm and I hadn't, I
immediately went where Joe, I think it was Jordan's time
direction. But I immediately was like not
doing this, like I'm 100% fucking not doing this.
But I'd left my wallet, my own car, I had no money on me.
So I had to just walk around for 8 hours following this console
there. And then he recognised me from,
I didn't stand up. She'd recognised me from like TV
stuff. And then when people would open
the door, he'd go. Do you recognise this fella?
Oh, like you're being hard. To I Like Celebrity appears the
worst competition of all time. Yeah, you want me to fucking cut
a ribbon for you, pet? Monumental.
No. So that was it.
And you never. That was the last time I think
I've ever even entertained that they have a real job.
I had a guy selling electric call to the house at the.
Just before I just open a bag of lightning made time.
They wanted shotgun, isn't it? I mean, I wired up.
Our prices are shotgun. Speaking of shotgun, just threw
a bolt and just Thor. This.
You won't be Thor carrying lightning.
About wait, he wrapped my front door and he came.
I came out and he said. How you feeling?
I'm for I flatten the crucifix. You wrote my door, you were for
like electric company and I said sorry mate, just putting the
child to bed here like doing dinner or something.
And he went you can I get photo? I was like, yeah, no worries.
Walked out the front of the house, closed the doors.
Like, yeah, I mean, no worries. He took it.
He goes, yeah, cheers. He goes, I'll not do the seals
pitching off like, cheers. He goes, who are you?
Oh, where do you got that? He goes now.
I recognise your face. Just don't know who you are.
So where do you go? From and I, this sounds like a
complaint and it shouldn't be right?
It's I hope anybody that like follows me or listen to our
patron doesn't take this thick, right?
Take out this whole setup that he's done and just go straight
into whatever he's going. To say I was doing a gig in Yuri
last weekend. Again, another reason why I
can't wrap myself right. And there was two or three
people that were like, so you got the new car and all and I'm
like, yeah, fucking whatever. And then I went outside and a
bloke was just looking in my car, like just full culture and
like. From he'd been at the.
Show was just like look like. So as I came out, he saw me and
was like as if he wasn't. Right.
And was he, I ended up you saying from like he's a car man
point of view. I think it was.
It was just. Like, see what's in Mickey
Bartlett's car. Do it felt more like he was kind
of going, do you know if you get a new car, new driver under your
uncle and he's going good motor, good motor.
Yeah, it felt like he was doing that right, but I didn't know
who the fuck he was, right? And then I got two or three
different messages of people getting photos beside it and
stuff. And I was like, it's not the
Batmobile. Like, yeah.
And then and now I'm like, I'm never telling anybody anything
ever again. Yeah.
Yeah, like when you were telling that story, I'm going it would
weird me Art that that man now knows where you live.
Well, I've moved out since, not for that reason.
That would be a ball removed. But but yeah, I, I mean, anger
is a line. Like you obviously want to show
people you and who you are and what you do.
Yeah. But like, I don't like all the
like. No one needs to see my car.
Yeah, it gets it gets that was a mistake.
I mean, like I was dead part of myself for like having the
achievement of of buying away already and then put it up on
Instagram immediately just went well, why did I do that?
Yeah, yeah. But no.
Well, no, You know what? Because you just said it.
You're proud of yourself. You got it.
You'd worked hard for it. So you put it up because at the
time you wanted to. Yeah.
And you might have to take a bit of weird stuff that comes with
it, but at the time you want to. Stay yeah, but it's I'm all it's
for someone freaks me out but. There definitely is the thing of
like people thinking like we're really good.
Yeah, 99% of people get it, but you definitely yes.
Well, like and then again, he if we're doing the things that
aren't a complaint and you hope people don't go, why the fuck
you getting off about that? I was in the airport last week
on the phone to to Joe right in the middle of like a full
conversation sat in the Starbucks guy comes over.
All right, me, what's a crack and all?
And I was like, I normally would have hung up whoever I was
talking to him and like, you know, because I don't want to
like don't let anybody down. But it was an important call and
it was just with the board and I was like clearly on the phone
and the guy's like, what were you flying to?
And I was like, man, I'm so sorry.
I was like, I'm I'm on a call here.
I was like, I should be done in a couple and I didn't even need,
I was like, I'll be done in a couple of minutes.
Tell me where you're sitting and I'll come over.
To you, if you want. I'll sit your name.
Yeah, yeah. I know.
And, and he gave me this look of like, he's like, don't worry
about it, man, no worries. But he definitely looked at me
as if like you're a Dick. And I was like, yeah, I'm, I'm.
I'm not. There's I think it's a weird
thing when people come to you like there's a certain amount of
their nerves, but approaching you like do you know if somebody
comes up the end they try to be funny and you're like just
fucking. How did two nights go in a spar
after after a gig? Literally like half 11 at night.
I'm knackered. I'm just like grabbing a few
things. I've done a working progression
in the laveries and it was like the best laveries I've ever
done. Brilliant.
And I was buzzing but it was knackered on the way home and
this guy came out and you know when someone has something
rehearsed. Yeah, yeah, right.
I can. You can see him approaching yet,
like from from hanging out with get us when he first got like
was really famous. I remember like I used to spot
people from 500 yards away. Yeah, like.
This guy comes over and I can't remember the word no, but like
he'd he'd clearly like thought about it and he goes, are you?
He goes, are you shame told and I said I was like literally
looking at something in the aisle and I was like, yes, me
and I was like, how you doing? He goes, he goes I have to I
think he goes have to tell you come get us is funnier.
And then he and I was like, I I like I was like, yeah, what?
I can't. I went to like just be like,
yeah, man, what's a crack? Are they funny?
But he then like basically ran off and he went into the back.
So I would then went up to the tail right and he was serving at
the tells when I walked in and he I could see he stayed in like
the security room till I left and then I saw him telling
someone about it. I was like, that's.
Fashion, but I've had I don't know what it is about my sort of
placement in the anti comedy scene right, But people walk up
to me and say like genuinely horrible things as if I'm going
to go think for a good one. Like I want to do a gagging
dairy and a guy shared it. Oh, making you scabby Can't
which I wouldn't have minded had he been at the gig where I was
talking about it. He was in a bar, clearly sought
and went I feel like screaming this across a room full of
strangers, right? Worst thing that ever happened
to him and this making cut out right?
I'm not making it up I. Don't know what it is, but I
tell you what. I swear I am not making this up.
A man walked up to me and told me I had a Down syndrome torso.
I'd explain to me it's because I don't have a neck.
So man said that to me, like just walk up to me.
He thought you needed to know that.
Yeah. And no problem is, you know,
Down syndrome torso like what do you have a neck?
No him. And he's thought about that,
yeah. And that's what that's.
Approached me like it was a new bit.
That's what I found weird about that thing the other night.
I was after he said it. I was getting ready.
Just have a normal conversation with him and be like, Oh yeah,
yeah. And what's correct?
But he was like delivered it away and it's just it's way.
It's like, I don't know what you get out of that because I just
think it like, it obviously wouldn't annoy me, but I would
walk away thinking that was bizarre.
I I did a thing I corporate there, I'll change when it
happened, just so people don't know, it was like last Friday.
It was last Friday and as I was approaching the place of the
corporate was happening, there was two guys from the work party
were standing. I could tell even as I was
walking up there, it was like there at this fucking work do
one of one of my mirror and backing me over and I was like
you don't get to do other people.
Yeah, you don't fucking get to. Then his mate went are you we
fucking fruit and like tried to ruffle my hair.
Yeah, and I was like being there.
I'm going up here to do my actual job in front of universe.
I remember standing the toilet to the hotel being like I maybe
don't need the money. You're like that.
I know the exact thing. But then the good thing is when
you get handed a microphone, you take the safety off and you just
crucify cons, Yeah. Hopefully not like.
That you got away. Look, it was just my words meant
to win this thing on this thing is.
I've stopped doing like the So I Deport Rush last week or
whenever this comes out. It was a couple of weeks ago.
Kiwis 10 out of 10. Phenomenal place, brilliant gig.
It was parked, it was the right level of roadie.
Loved it and after I haven't done like want to say meet and
greet, not like an official thing you'll come out after
anyone wants a photo say hello no problem.
I hadn't done that for a couple of years because of you're
worried if you return you're worried about catching COVID or
it just felt weird and people didn't want to do it as much.
But that was the first time when I was like, you know what?
It's not that big a gig, let's do it.
And I, for the first time ever, started getting weird about can
I get a photo? Let me.
And then like the. And.
Grab you and all that kind of thing.
So I know I kind of, I was almost like physically being
like also like hands in my pocket, Yeah.
Letting, you know, like just that stand beside each other.
And that is another one that feels like I'm wrong to complain
about that. And I'm not even complaining
about them just being like, it's just odd.
That's what I'm. I'm not comfortable with that.
Yeah. With anyone really.
Yeah. You know, it's like the Jerry
Seinfeld thing where? Who was a Ke$ha goes up and give
him a hug on the red carpet. She's like, oh, my God.
And he didn't know. And he was like, no, no, he's
like, I don't know. Don't help me.
I mean, he's right to do that. You know what looks so harsh?
And I would never be that, like, cold about it, right?
But it's like, yeah, it's a familiarity that we haven't
established. Yeah, and it's a weird thing of
like, like I've been with my girlfriend and the people be
like such a bird or Falcon, right.
And you're like, I don't, I don't know what you want me to
do here. Yes, because I should.
If it was any other situation, if I wasn't a comedian and you
said that a random fellow, I think he's duty bound to punch
in the fucking throat. Yeah, yeah, Yeah.
But because I know that you think you're allowed to do this.
Yeah. I'm now being like.
You have to. You 100% have to set your
boundaries. It's, but it's so, so hard to
like execute. Yeah, some of these people can
be as conscious as they want to you, and if you react like a
human being, they go. He's a bit of a fucking David.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that story then gets
exaggerated when they're telling it.
I, I, I've definitely put my foot down with the, with the
baby. Yeah, if he wants photo me, I'm
like, no, no, fuck you. And yeah, if I'm signed.
Up to the patron, we Dick. People that come up, I is people
that come up and go, you know, can I get a photo or whatever.
If I'm out with him, it's like it's I'm so sorry, but no.
Like. I don't know why you'd ask when
I've got. I it's not happened to you, the
kid. 1000% And it's the loveliest people.
Yeah. They're like, and they don't.
And I don't know. I wouldn't do it if it was the
other way around. Yeah.
But now that I have a kid, when I'm out with them, I'm like, I
remember once there were these kids, youngsters, like, can I go
photo? And I had my boy out and I was
like, do it close enough. So I like, sat him down.
It was like, so it's just me and you end up, but make sure you
don't. And I was like, why am I doing
like, I'm uncomfortable with this.
Yeah. You know, I have a situation
where, like, people I've been with have been personal of the
road for someone to get a photo. Yeah.
And you're like, you're going to get caught up in it.
Yeah. That's only afterwards.
But they tell you I literally was shoved one side so you can
get that selfie. And you go, I wish I hadn't.
Yeah, I wish I hadn't taken a photo of that person.
Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
And then you kind of get to the point where you go sometimes
you're like, and this is psychologically clearly bad for
us. But when someone takes a photo
of you and then they don't put it online, I feel like going why
did you get it? We're Jack going.
Doing We're Jack, I don't even get the fucking share of the
photo. Like I love.
That sounds like a real cycle thing to be.
I love that we're having this conversation and complaining and
if our manager got in touch and was like, listen, do.
You want to gig the Jubilee and Saturday, but Oh yeah.
For an extra quit at these gigs, will you kiss people on the
forehead and let them get you in the headlock?
Oh yeah, 100%. Can you let this man fart in
your mouth? A. 100% we're like, yeah, yeah,
100. Percent I'll feed in the beans.
I said, I said you had to set your boundaries.
I would be this week as a tour shot.
I'll be send the first. There's no boundaries, no
boundaries, anything goes. You want nodes.
I got nodes. What do you need, sweetheart?
Like, but there's the flip side as well as when I've been in
situations where like I've, I've gone, they want to, it's because
of this thing, right? I don't have ever told I was, I
was living in Derry and my dad came up like around Christmas
time. We're in this pub and this
woman, like she was behind us. We were at the bar just down
behind us and she went, excuse me, can we get a photo?
And I was like, sorry, 2 seconds here.
Judy calls and I turned around to get a selfie and the handed
me the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was.
Like or people will do it to make a decority and be like here
man. Oh no, no, they absolutely just
wanted somebody to hold take. A photo, yeah, but what
sometimes people be like made photo and then you're like yeah,
no worries. And I'll be like of me and my
mate. I always just straight away, but
like no problem, I'll take yeah, of course.
I love that though. And I know for a fact now that
we've said this, we're going to get when we do these Jubilee
gigs, we're going to get weird interactions with Jags that
night. Yeah, well, I'm going to be.
The top of the Queen get one of you who I will e-mail.
Are they fucking? He's a lot of fun.
And thanks very much for doing the part, as always.
When does dirt kick off? Turkish August, So every weekend
in August and I'll be in Antrim, Palomina, Arma, Coleraine, that
might be it. There's more.
Somebody turned that into a down tree mix for sure.
Dan, is there anything? Shine.net or just follow me on
Instagram. That's a good thing about the
shine.net website. In the when you go into the
comedy section, there's all of our dates.
Yeah, so. You can see what's on.
They can get through everybody else's tickets before you get to
mine and then have spent all your money.
So yeah, you're going everywhere.
What? What does it lead up to?
It leads to Waterfront in December.
Yeah. Well, this is going to be sort
of a different show than the Waterfront.
So I'm going to try and I'm just trying to be, I'm just trying to
be prolific, right? So, and I don't know a lot about
you're keeping the waterfront show very secretive and all
you've said is that the Canadian government, the believer funding
quite a lot of it, but it's a. Mystery, we've got a few
donations. Canada, we've got, we've got all
the guns off Joe Biden and the Ukrainian dance team are coming
out, but we haven't told that they also got the Russian
dancing right. We're we're trying to fix the
whole thing with a dance battle, right.
I just like to see if we're to do it right.
I have put various things 40 like just one game of FIFA.
Right. Yep.
During. But they're not off that.
Yeah. The reason I'm keeping the
waterfront show secret is because I haven't.
I don't know I'm going to. Yeah, fair enough.
All right, and Maggie's actually coming on as always Live podcast
9th of September tickets in the description there's still
operates tickets. The link might be in this as
well. But if not, just go on the
operation website. Any venue you're a plan if you
make it, make his plan this venue.
Where do I get tickets? Go on the venue website or
whatever you'll find. You'll find.
Yeah, Meg, thanks for coming on. Appreciate.
It stay cross.