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Prime big Deal days is coming 
October 8th and 9th, which can 

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lead to involuntary deal squeals
like the infamous deal on a new 

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massager squeal. 
Save big on prime big deal days 

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October 8th and 9th. 
Zippers, welcome to this episode

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of the Tea With Me podcast. 
With me, she and Todd Delicious 

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tea. 
I've got a guest today. 

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My guest is Chris MacArthur 
Boyd, who's a Glasgow based 

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comedian. 
I'm going to ask him about how 

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he got in the stand up and we're
going to chat about some gigs 

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we've done and just have a bit 
of crack. 

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He's one of the most likeable, 
friendly guys you'll ever meet, 

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so I'm really excited to have 
him on for this episode. 

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Before he comes on, I just want 
to plug the Patreon, which is 

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patreon.com/tea With Me podcast.
If you want to head over there, 

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you get the bonus Monday 
episode. 

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And yeah, it's, it's in my, in 
my humble opinion, it's well 

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worth it. 
I'm not isn't humble because I'm

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guessing saying you should spend
money. 

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Listen to something that I've 
done. 

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But to cut a Long story short, 
Chris MacArthur Boyd is here. 

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I'm going to admit him in I've 
hit admit he should be joining 

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us and he's there and, and I 
haven't explained to him we're 

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already in the podcast and he's 
connecting the audio. 

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So I don't know how much of that
he heard. 

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But it's all just connected. 
And then he didn't hear. 

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That oh hold on, I've done the 
wrong thing. 

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Shit. 
Oh. 

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Can you hear me? 
Yeah. 

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Oh, that's good man. 
For a SEC. 

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It was just once I connected the
audio, yeah. 

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Yeah, Yeah. 
Well, hey, anyway, we've got 

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here. 
I've already sort of like 

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brought you on, if that makes 
sense, if that's OK. 

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All right, what's happening, 
man? 

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But was there anything like you 
want to chat about beforehand? 

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Like unless you had anything, 
unless you were like, listen, 

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I've got some disease. 
Like trust me, I don't have long

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left because if. 
You did you want me to bring 

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that up before it so as it 
wouldn't be awkward if it came 

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up naturally during the 
conversation? 

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See if you've contracted 
anything, message me and chat 

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just in the chat bar down here. 
Oh, there's a chat bar. 

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Can I just, can I text you? 
Do you want me to use the chat 

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bar? 
Yeah, text. 

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OK, I'll just text. 
I don't understand the the 

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etiquette of the. 
The. 

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Zoom chat bar. 
Well, I think the one of the 

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worst Zoom etiquette things that
I'm definitely guilty of is at 

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the end of a Zoom of a podcast 
whenever you wrap it up and you 

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both go, cheers, Thanks a 
million man. 

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See you later. 
And do you end the meeting and 

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actually kick the person out or 
do you pretend that you've ended

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it and then go here? 
Cheers for that. 

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That's us out. 
Because so many times I've ended

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the meeting and then one of my 
mates have been going. 

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So man up at that point I've 
already kicked them out and then

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I have to die them again on Zoom
and go, sorry, I didn't mean to 

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cut you off there. 
And then we don't have any, we 

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don't have a follow up 
conversation planned. 

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So it's just a win. 
Then there's the perf, there's 

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the performative end of it, 
which is the end of it for the 

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people who are observing. 
And then there's the actual. 

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That's what I'm saying, the 
line, the line between those is 

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blurred. 
So would you prefer at the end 

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of this I just actually kick you
straight out or do you want me 

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to go? 
I'd say cheers to Chris 

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MacArthur, Boyd sees next week. 
And then you and I have a chat 

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after it. 
Do you know I like the zoom to 

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end and then a wee text? 
That's a nice touch. 

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That's a nice touch. 
I don't know if you remember 

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your birthday podcast, but oh, 
you kicked me out, which is 

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fine. 
Obviously I was talking about 

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stuff I was going to be talking 
about and then. 

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You were talking about 
paranolitaries. 

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You were talking about 
paranolitaries. 

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I don't know how well informed 
you were about it. 

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I decided to just parachute you 
out of there. 

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I was like, you know, I'm I'm 
sure in the near future, 

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whenever things get back to 
normal gig and wise, at some 

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point, Chris will come back over
here to do a show. 

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And I just didn't want that to 
be a problem for you, you know? 

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There's roads where there's no 
issues though, isn't there? 

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There's like neutral areas that 
can go. 

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Yeah, but my big worry was you 
would arrive down the venue and 

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be like, oh God, yeah, it's 
class with load of people 

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outside waiting to get into the 
show and then you find out that 

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those people are not waiting to 
get into the show. 

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OK. 
But cheers for coming on. 

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Yeah, the birthday Zoom, if 
people saw that was a couple of 

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weeks ago. 
And Dave and Dan arranged for me

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and we just had a load of 
mystery guests and you very 

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kindly came on. 
And then I realised after, you 

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know, a lot of people that that 
were involved are from here. 

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So there's probably so much that
went over your head and wasn't 

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explained. 
Like whenever the the the other 

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Jerry Kelly came on, basically 
he just started mugging me off. 

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But I was really nervous for the
birthday podcast because I had 

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no idea who was coming on. 
It was a it was a good time. 

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Let's let's get into a couple of
things. 

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One is your username. 
Here is OVAC, the wolf splitter.

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Oh yeah, I forgot to change 
that. 

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If there isn't a story behind 
that, I'm disappointed. 

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I have a Dungeons and Dragons 
show that I do on Tuesdays with 

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Roscoe McClelland, Gareth Wall, 
Liam Whitney and Daniel Sloss 

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and we're all like mad fantasy 
characters in it. 

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So I'm a female half orc 
barbarian Princess called Ovec 

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the wolf splitter. 
Can I be honest? 

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That's given me a bit of a 
boner. 

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Would you say that? 
Yeah. 

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No, it's pray whole name and 
she's like a Princess. 

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And the thing about Barbarians 
is they don't wear armour, so I 

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wear like a Princess dress 
instead of armour. 

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So the world of Dungeons and 
Dragons and computer games and, 

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you know, people doing a twitch,
I'll be honest, I don't know 

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what it is, but is it that is it
that people are watching you 

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playing along or are they also 
playing the? 

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Fact that you called it the fact
that you called it computer 

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games makes you sound like an 
ancient. 

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Yeah, but you're on your 
Macintosh. 

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You've got your joystick on your
Macintosh, and you're, you know,

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on the World Wide Web, 
presumably, you know, playing 

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games with some of your pals. 
I don't know how it works, but I

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just know that it seems like a 
Twitch and stuff. 

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It's a whole. 
It's a world that I don't know 

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anything about. 
And then, yeah, because I don't 

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know if you ever chatted about 
this before. 

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I've never owned a console. 
Ever. 

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I've never owned a console. 
No. 

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You're a Game Boy. 
Nope. 

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Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. 
True story. 

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My dad bought me a Game Boy 
whenever we were in Tenerife and

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it had stopped working. 
By the time we got to the end of

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the street, it was off like a 
dodgy kind of guy. 

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Oh, right. 
Yeah, Like, I don't even, I 

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don't even think it was Game 
Boy. 

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I think it was like Game Guy, 
you know? 

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It's like Game Kid. 
It was like Nintendo. 

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It was also like 6 times bigger 
than a Game Boy. 

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I'll be on it. 
I think it was it was the first 

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touch screen TV. 
But yeah, I remember buying that

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and getting it was like a 25 
games in one cartridge for. 

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It. 
And then I think I realised 

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pretty quick I'm not cut out for
gaming. 

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Like I've played FIFA maybe 20 
times in my life and, and I'm so

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bad at it and. 
That's in other people's houses.

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Oh, yeah, yeah. 
I'll go around to like my 

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cousin's house or somebody like 
that. 

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And then the only game I ever 
actually played a little bit of 

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was Goldeneye. 
But seeing games at Goldeneye, 

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by the time if I see someone 
that I need to kill, I like get 

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the scope, I get my gun. 
By the time I get my gun out, 

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I've been shot. 
You know, I always, I always get

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ready to shoot someone. 
So it's not for me. 

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But do you feel that as a as a 
stand up who isn't like always 

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isn't doing any gigs at the 
minute? 

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Do you find do you find you 
almost get like nervous doing 

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like a live stream of something 
because it almost feels like a 

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performance? 
The first one I did, I have this

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thing, I don't know how Blue, 
Yeah. 

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Oh, we go for Lee Ryan, which by
the way, is a phenomenal 

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reference. 
That's such a good reference. 

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We go the full Anthony Costa and
I could name all the members of 

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Blue, but we'll leave it there. 
You want to, if you want to 

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listen, if you want to drop a 
Duncan James, Yeah. 

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OK, man. 
Simon. 

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Webber I can't. 
This is I can't. 

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It's kind of changed because my 
body's went back to normal 

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because we've been a lockdown 
for months. 

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But I can't do a shit unless I'm
about to go on stage. 

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So that's problematic unless 
you're gigging hopefully twice a

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day. 
Like I before, well, there's 

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probably gigging like 5-6 times 
a week, which is fine I think. 

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Yeah, yeah. 
But now gigs are illegal, so let

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me take their shit's illegal. 
That's a huge thing that stand 

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up friends of mine like to do is
shit before a show. 

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I've never like I've never done 
that. 

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I'm, I'm not saying I've never, 
I've never done that like, but 

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yeah, you know, like I shit once
a week in a, in a, in a like a 

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forested area and it's lovely 
just. 

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Clearing. 
Into a stream, yeah, it's like a

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clearing and and there's there's
woodland creatures that take it 

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away. 
There's like a serum basically, 

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like we know right? 
There are a couple of Badgers 

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will take it. 
Like Bambi? 

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Yeah, Bambi, But there's so many
guys that like have to go and do

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that before. 
Have you have you ever met? 

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What's not that? 
Yeah, I met Sean. 

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Yeah. 
Sean is the the king of it. 

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He goes. 
He goes 10 times. 

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Before. 
Yeah. 

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No, I it's not that I like to do
it for the gig, it's the gig 

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makes me do it. 
Right, right, right. 

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No, I just get, I just get like,
I'll be on let's go Full 

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disclosure here. 
And my Willy just gets a lot 

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smaller. 
And that's the thing. 

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No, that's the thing. 
Me and Mickey Bartlett have 

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chatted a bit before and we, but
we call comedians Willy and it's

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definitely a thing. 
And I, and I would, I mean, 

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look, I'll be honest, you're the
first other comedian I've talked

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to about it. 
And now I've decided I'm not 

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going to talk to any other 
comedians about it because I 

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hope that I would say it. 
And you will go, man, 100 

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percent, 100%. 
But now that you've dispelled 

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that myth, forget that I said 
that it was a thing because I 

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was just joking. 
But no. 

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Seriousness, maybe there's two 
tapes. 

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You got people who need to take 
a shit and you got people whose 

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decks get really small. 
No, no, no, I said smaller than.

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I can't say really. 
Small takes takes me down to 12 

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inches, you know. 
Yeah, it's easier getting on 

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stage anyway. 
Why would it be hard on stage? 

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I just imagine if you had, if 
you had a bigger than 12 inches,

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it would just be difficult to 
carry out the carry up there, 

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you know, to get it up. 
No pun intended. 

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But yeah, I did. 
I did a Zoom. 

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00:10:49,240 --> 00:10:50,080
Yeah. 
I don't know how much you've 

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done over Zoom. 
I did a corporate gig over Zoom 

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yesterday. 
Oh. 

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Yeah, we're going to record this
and then you. 

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Yeah, I did that. 
Yeah. 

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Oh yeah. 
And and it was all I was doing 

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was interviewing the boss of a 
company, but I got a little. 

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Character. 
In character, I got a bit 

224
00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:13,040
nervous beforehand, but see, 
after I'd done it, my wife was 

225
00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,560
like in the kitchen. 
I came in from the living room 

226
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:18,640
and I was buzzing like I'd just 
done a gig, you know what I 

227
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:19,880
mean? 
I was like properly like 

228
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,360
couldn't sit down. 
And I never get like that after 

229
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,520
a gig. 
I'm always like, as soon as I 

230
00:11:23,520 --> 00:11:26,640
come off stage, I'm like, I'm 
going to go to bed and watch 

231
00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:29,920
Match of the Day here, but but I
just felt like absolutely 

232
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:33,200
buzzing after. 
So any, any slight thing I'm 

233
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,440
doing, like I'd say if I was 
doing something like Twitch, I 

234
00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:38,600
think after I'd be like, Oh 
yeah, it's any kind of 

235
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:43,960
performance. 
I record twitch from half 10 to 

236
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:48,520
12:30 right so. 
Oh half 10 at night for dual for

237
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,000
like 2 hours OK. 
Yeah. 

238
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:54,120
So it's two hours at night and 
then I cannot be going to sleep 

239
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:57,000
at like 5:00 in the morning 
because I've still got that kind

240
00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,240
of adrenaline come down thing to
go through. 

241
00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:03,240
You don't get that. 
I I definitely don't get that 

242
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,480
and sorry that I freezer. 
I definitely don't get that. 

243
00:12:06,520 --> 00:12:09,600
And you saying that makes me 
really worried about you because

244
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,800
I like all my friends that good 
sleeping patterns. 

245
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:14,000
I'm genuinely I. 
Have a sleeping pattern. 

246
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:15,800
It's just this. 
I go to sleep at 5:00. 

247
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:17,960
I wake up at 1:00. 
No, I don't like it. 

248
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:19,560
I'm genuinely going. 
I don't know if the standard 

249
00:12:19,560 --> 00:12:21,680
line's still running, but I'm 
coming over because we need we 

250
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:23,800
need a sleep intervention. 
And I'm going to speak to all 

251
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:25,920
the rest of those boys. 
Gareth, Waldaniel, Slauson, 

252
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,800
whoever, Roscoe, whoever else is
involved. 

253
00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,920
And I'm going to say, boys, why 
don't we move the time? 

254
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,320
Because I want to see you guys. 
I want to see you guys finishing

255
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,320
at half seven and then let's 
wind it down, boys, let's wind 

256
00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:36,920
it down. 
I want everybody. 

257
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:39,400
I want everybody to have a nose 
bag AM. 

258
00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,760
I nocturnal gay. 
No, I can't. 

259
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:47,200
I mean the yeah, yeah, because 
the first time I ever met you, I

260
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:51,360
just on a show, I think it was 
the Glasgow Comedy Festival was 

261
00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:55,600
over at like 11 and I was dumb. 
I was like, I'm going back to 

262
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,080
hotel to go to sleep. 
And then you were standing 

263
00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,520
outside in a long coat, and I 
looked. 

264
00:13:00,680 --> 00:13:03,280
At you. 
I looked at you and I thought 

265
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:07,120
this guy is still in full 
operator mode at this time of 

266
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,240
night. 
Like you were just chatting to 

267
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,880
people normally and I was like, 
what the fuck is everyone doing?

268
00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,720
It's 11:00, why are we? 
Why are the gigs done? 

269
00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,240
Let's let's all leave. 
Let's all separately go to bed. 

270
00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:21,160
No, I was, I was, I was cutting 
shapes and making making 

271
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:23,640
decisions at that time. 
You know, I think you're the, 

272
00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,760
you're the 1st. 
He's the first comedian that 

273
00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,240
I've had a chat with that I 
hadn't met before that just like

274
00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:33,480
Jet generally just like is like 
relatively not that comedians 

275
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,840
aren't friendly, but there's 
always a thing like when you 

276
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:38,400
meet a stand up that you know, 
and they're like, oh, you just 

277
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,280
do a show. 
There you go. 

278
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,000
Yeah. 
They'll be like, how many people

279
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,920
jump in? 
You know, they get, you know, I 

280
00:13:45,920 --> 00:13:49,960
did, I did a show in in 
Liverpool at hot water. 

281
00:13:50,960 --> 00:13:53,200
There was a guy doing a show on 
the same night, but it got it 

282
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:57,440
got cancelled and he just kept 
coming up the my vein like 

283
00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:03,040
poking his head into the room. 
I was doing mine being like, And

284
00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,960
so you, you and I had a lovely 
conversation and I knew straight

285
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:09,680
after that I was like, I don't 
know what I need to, you know, I

286
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:12,200
sort of thought I need to tie up
all the loose ends I have in 

287
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:13,800
Northern Ireland because I'm 
moving to Glasgow. 

288
00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:17,160
And yes, we're about to have a 
baby. 

289
00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,480
And once, yeah, once that baby's
old enough. 

290
00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:21,200
Guys. 
See you later. 

291
00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:25,400
How old's old enough? 
Seven, I'm coming to Glasgow, 

292
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,520
I'm coming to Glasgow. 
Yeah, yeah, that sounds good. 

293
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,720
But I, I mean, I got so excited 
to see you, I forgot to ask you 

294
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,240
the, the question that I ask 
everybody on the podcast to kick

295
00:14:35,240 --> 00:14:38,200
things off, which is do you 
drink tea or you're a tea 

296
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,160
drinker? 
I think you and I have had a tea

297
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,320
before in a shopping centre if 
I'm not wrong. 

298
00:14:42,320 --> 00:14:49,240
I've never had a tea in my life.
No on purpose. 

299
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:53,320
I've never had it on purpose. 
Tea by accident? 

300
00:14:54,040 --> 00:15:00,680
Have you been spiked tea? 
I was in a hotel and it was a 

301
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:05,320
corporate gig in a hotel. 
And then I had that week up and 

302
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,400
I said where'd you get coffee? 
And someone pointed generally in

303
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,800
a direction and it was too big 
dispensers. 

304
00:15:11,880 --> 00:15:15,000
And. 
They weren't marked and I felt 

305
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,040
that because I didn't really 
know. 

306
00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,560
I've made teas for other people,
but I've never drank 1. 

307
00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:23,480
And I clicked the the the button
and it poured the and then I 

308
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,200
drank it and I went, coffee 
tastes madman. 

309
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,880
And so I went, that's tea. 
I went, right. 

310
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,400
That's actually quite nice. 
So that's a bit like an Austin 

311
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,440
Powers that reminds me of 
whenever he goes to drink the 

312
00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:34,800
coffee and it's shit. 
Do you remember? 

313
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,280
Yeah, it's a lot like that, 
except it was. 

314
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,160
City it was tea but but like is 
there? 

315
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,680
Is there like a deep seated 
thing? 

316
00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:43,560
Like have you had a bad 
experience with tea? 

317
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:44,840
Like, did something happen to 
you? 

318
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,280
I don't know, did like did a tea
lady beat you up or something 

319
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:51,560
back in the day? 
Like why are you? 

320
00:15:51,560 --> 00:15:53,920
Why are you dismissive or even 
of the idea of tea? 

321
00:15:54,560 --> 00:16:00,080
I think when I was growing up, 
my mom and dad and my granny, my

322
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:04,480
granddad drank. 
So I always seen it as like an 

323
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:07,520
adult thing. 
And obviously I'm an adult. 

324
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:14,800
Yeah, for sure a 100%. 
But I'm still like aware. 

325
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,320
I'll drink that when I'm old, 
but then I then I had it and I 

326
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:21,360
was like, this is class. 
This is absolutely I'm. 

327
00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:24,040
The same about red wine. 
I was like, no, no, no people. 

328
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:26,440
You know where people go, you'll
acquire the taste for it. 

329
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,720
I'm like, why would you sit down
to put yourself through 

330
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,080
acquiring the taste or 
something? 

331
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,200
Because that suggests there's 
going to be a point where you 

332
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,240
don't enjoy it and then you get 
through it. 

333
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,040
It's a bit like beer, though, 
when you're younger. 

334
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:38,600
Like you never enjoyed beer as a
kid? 

335
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,080
You need like 40 beers before 
you're like these are great. 

336
00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:43,960
Yeah. 
And how much did you lie about 

337
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,200
back in the day whenever you 
took a sip of beer and you go, 

338
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:50,760
Oh yeah, it's good, It's good. 
My dad used to let me drink beer

339
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:53,680
and restaurants and I'd have 
like a Stella when I was like 12

340
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:57,000
and I was like, this is fucking 
rancid. 

341
00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,160
My dad was always like making me
drink stuff that sounds 

342
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,080
terrible, but like he would 
always go Jordan. 

343
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,640
I would be like, I want a 
Coca-Cola. 

344
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:07,440
And then he'd give me like a 
Jack and Coke and I'm like, he'd

345
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:11,640
laugh at me. 
Like whenever you're baby like, 

346
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:13,119
you need to get some formula for
Chris. 

347
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:15,119
Your dad's like Nah, vodka and 
white. 

348
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:21,520
Bailey's There we go. 
There's a so there's this thing 

349
00:17:21,520 --> 00:17:24,440
called Portavogie teething 
mixture, which is like this 

350
00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:26,280
famous local thing around here I
think. 

351
00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,600
Port of Ogee. 
Portavogie. 

352
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:30,600
It's an area called Portavogie 
now. 

353
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,560
I would imagine historically it 
used to be the Port of Vogue, 

354
00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,720
and honestly I haven't thought 
about that before and that's 

355
00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:39,000
blown my mind. 
Also, while we're on it, how do 

356
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:41,440
mirrors work? 
Mirrors. 

357
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:46,560
Yeah, like how do you make a 
mirror like that Reflective 

358
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:47,520
surface? 
Do you know what I mean? 

359
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,400
I. 
Don't know how you make one. 

360
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,120
Yeah. 
But what I'm saying is how do 

361
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:55,080
you actually produce that the 
the material that that is a 

362
00:17:55,080 --> 00:18:00,120
reflection. 
Do you know what I'm saying? 

363
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,760
It's ace, isn't it? 
What? 

364
00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:06,280
It's ace. 
A mirror is ice. 

365
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:13,640
It's a lot like Ace or Water. 
No, but what I'm what I'm saying

366
00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,840
is right. 
What is? 

367
00:18:15,840 --> 00:18:17,720
What is? 
What is a mirror? 

368
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:24,840
It's like hard, warm ice. 
But by the way, this is 100% a 

369
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,000
conversation people have at 4:00
AM at house parties. 

370
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:31,960
But OK, OK, ignore that purport 
of OET. 

371
00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:34,840
The mixture is this thing. 
I think that you like Rob on 

372
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,920
babies gums if they're having 
trouble like sleeping. 

373
00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,560
How do you think you make a 
mirror? 

374
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:45,600
Like honestly, shut up. 
Honestly, right. 

375
00:18:46,080 --> 00:18:48,760
If you give me £1,000,000, I 
wouldn't be able to start to 

376
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:52,760
think about even an option of 
how you, you know, I couldn't 

377
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:56,360
offer anything of like maybe 
you, maybe it's this, I don't 

378
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:58,720
know. 
I so like, yeah, there are some 

379
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:01,520
surfaces that are, you can see 
yourself back in, but they're 

380
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,880
not mirrors. 
Like, why are you so obsessed 

381
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,400
with that? 
It's reflective. 

382
00:19:10,960 --> 00:19:12,360
It can't. 
Be it, can't. 

383
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,160
I like the idea of you getting 
ready for a night out. 

384
00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:19,560
Are we? 
Cute. 

385
00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:23,760
Yeah. 
Like a pocket makeup mirror. 

386
00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:30,040
Always having a wet pocket. 
Look what I'm saying. 

387
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:36,480
Yeah, but it's not a mirror 
though you're suggesting 

388
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:38,800
alternative message for if you 
didn't have a mirror, you're 

389
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,120
like licking a puddle, which by 
the way, is the most mediaeval 

390
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:46,360
thing I've ever in my life. 
Go down to the puddle. 

391
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,320
I'm I'm going to, I'm going to 
Google this. 

392
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:50,440
Give me two seconds before we 
can move on to anything else. 

393
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:53,320
Should I say what is a mirror or
how do you make a mirror? 

394
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,280
People, you know what a mirror 
is, It's just you don't know 

395
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,200
how. 
How would you make it? 

396
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:58,720
It's glass. 
Something to do with glass? 

397
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:07,680
Oh, OK, it's it's it's glass 
coated with a metal amalgam 

398
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:11,480
which reflects a clear image. 
That's why I said. 

399
00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:16,640
No, no, you definitely said 
crush up some ice and take it 

400
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,760
with you when you're leaving the
house. 

401
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:22,840
So there you go. 
I mean, I think we've explained 

402
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:23,680
it. 
It's basic. 

403
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,480
Amalgam. 
With a metal amalgam, that's 

404
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,480
that's all there is to it. 
So Chris, how'd you get into 

405
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:34,680
stand up? 
What's Portavogie? 

406
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:39,800
Portavogie is a place that's 
about, I don't know, 30 miles, 

407
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:43,800
20 miles from me. 
And they have this like teeth in

408
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,360
mixture when a baby's can't 
sleep at night. 

409
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:49,360
And what I think it is, is 
essentially like whiskey and 

410
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,320
you're rubbing in a baby's gums 
and it sleeps. 

411
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,440
But I don't know why I brought 
that up. 

412
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:58,240
But I've always been like into, 
is it legal, a camera selling 

413
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:02,080
whiskey for children? 
No, I wouldn't even say there 

414
00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,560
was a grey area there. 
I would say it's absolutely 

415
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,320
illegal. 
But I don't know. 

416
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,760
Yeah, I think there is a chemist
that sells it and I hope I'm not

417
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,840
like outing them on this 
podcast. 

418
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:14,440
But then but yeah. 
Oh, yeah. 

419
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,560
Because that came up because I 
was talking about your dad 

420
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:18,640
giving you giving you drinks. 
I like the idea. 

421
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,480
You were like when I was 12 and 
I used to find my Stellas, which

422
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:24,680
is so different to like whenever
you hear about the French having

423
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,520
like a glass of wine and 
children having a glass of wine 

424
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:29,440
with dinner. 
Your dad's like, get get this 

425
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,360
fellow. 
Get this fellow. 

426
00:21:30,360 --> 00:21:32,720
I can you. 
Know it was for a laugh though. 

427
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,120
It wasn't like he wasn't like 
trying to make me cue. 

428
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,760
He was like trying to make me 
look like more of a wee pussy 

429
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,920
who could handle shit. 
It was very antagonistic. 

430
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,120
I thought what? 
Was the first thing you used to 

431
00:21:45,120 --> 00:21:49,000
drink whenever you were say like
going out or having carry outs? 

432
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:52,280
Black Current married down 
cider. 

433
00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,880
That, I mean, that's a pretty 
fashionable early choice because

434
00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,560
I'd say most people were just 
going like beer, like Bud 

435
00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:02,360
bottles of Bud or hooch. 
I remember trying. 

436
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:03,040
I was. 
Trying. 

437
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,040
I was trying. 
I was trying to cultivate a 

438
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:07,320
persona I think. 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

439
00:22:07,360 --> 00:22:09,400
People would just get you normal
cider and you know. 

440
00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:13,760
Maybe black Current golfs drink 
black her and stuff. 

441
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,160
Black her and cider, is it 
darker? 

442
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,600
Yeah. 
And I see I like cider. 

443
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:22,160
I like just straight up cider, 
but I don't I don't like when 

444
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,720
you I feel like it's good 
enough. 

445
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:25,480
You don't need to really mess 
about with it. 

446
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,400
Merry down is it though? 
Merry down. 

447
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,320
Is this is it like upmarket or 
is it like totally cheap stuff? 

448
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:34,760
No. 
This is like, I liked it because

449
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,800
you go to a party, you'd whip 
out me then and people would go 

450
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,200
like that is that is horrific. 
How can you drink that? 

451
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,400
And I'd be like. 
Yeah, and you were six at the 

452
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:45,720
time as well, because it was 
your dad. 

453
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,720
Your dad A major pack lunch. 
Yeah, my dad just like you slap 

454
00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,400
it out, my hands be like what a 
fucking Dick, but. 

455
00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:59,400
Yeah, I mean, like Stella. 
Oh, Stella, Like I don't really 

456
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:01,760
drink beer anymore. 
I have a beer at the old time 

457
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,240
now. 
But like, you realise that 

458
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:06,480
there's far nicer drinks than 
beer. 

459
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,360
But when you're a kid, there's 
so much pressure as a kid to get

460
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:11,760
into beer and be an enthusiast 
about beer. 

461
00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:17,200
Oh yeah, my friends liked it, 
but I I can, I like it now that 

462
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,840
I've had enough. 
I don't like cigarettes and 

463
00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:23,800
stuff like you hate the first 
one and then you get it. 

464
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,240
Are you still on the cigarettes?
I'm still smokes though, yeah. 

465
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:29,680
Right. 
Well, what I want you to do is 

466
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,480
organise a Zoom for you and any 
of your other friends that think

467
00:23:33,480 --> 00:23:36,320
they're cool smoking as well. 
And I'm going to come on and I'm

468
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,560
going to and, and honestly. 
Can he stop trying to change me?

469
00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,000
Man, I sleep when I sleep, I 
smoke when I smoke, and there's 

470
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:47,200
nothing you can do about it. 
That's what you think now, but 

471
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,680
trust me, trust me, I want I 
want to see you getting 10 

472
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:51,840
hours. 
I know you're probably one of 

473
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,360
these guys think it's not cool 
to sleep like. 

474
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:58,160
I'm a 10 hour guy, I just start 
the 10 hours later than normal. 

475
00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:00,520
No, I don't. 
I don't like that. 

476
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:02,440
What about whenever, like 
you're, you know, you do a gig 

477
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,800
and then comedians, you know, 
it's like closing time at the 

478
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,160
barn. 
And some comedians are like, oh,

479
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:08,200
man, we're going to keep 
drinking in this guy's house. 

480
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,800
You know, fuck you, talk to me. 
What? 

481
00:24:13,320 --> 00:24:18,800
Like the idea of like, I'm so 
past that age where like, you'll

482
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:22,400
do a gig and then it's closing 
time in the venue and one of the

483
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,120
comedians is like, oh, come on, 
we'll go back to mine or 

484
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:27,840
whatever. 
No, I would never do that. 

485
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,440
No. 
I'm not hanging out until 5:00 

486
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:32,240
in the morning. 
I'm like, stop hanging out at 

487
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:35,240
like midnight and then I've got 
five hours of me time. 

488
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:37,520
So what do I need to get 
involved with this Twitch? 

489
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,520
Because I want to. 
I'm going to jump on Yeah, yeah,

490
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,040
yeah, you. 
Want to jump on Twitch? 

491
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,800
Yeah. 
Want to play with you guys And 

492
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:48,000
you've got a microphone? 
Yep, you've got a webcam. 

493
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:50,240
Yep. 
You got headphones? 

494
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:53,760
Yep. 
Is it on the capture? 

495
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:58,480
Is it on the I was going to say 
do you play like on the PC or is

496
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:00,960
it on the the Wii or something 
you can play? 

497
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:04,840
You can play on the PC. 
The Wii hasn't been a console 

498
00:25:05,280 --> 00:25:08,000
for about 15 years. 
Do you guys meet up and then do 

499
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:09,960
you all have Dreamcasts or is 
it? 

500
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:15,880
Is it? 
I have a Nintendo Switch. 

501
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:20,880
That's the new thing. 
And what people. 

502
00:25:22,280 --> 00:25:25,640
Yeah, people are. 
Then as you get a capture card, 

503
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:29,120
then that captures what's 
happening on your TV, puts it in

504
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:32,600
your computer. 
Then you put the image for your 

505
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,400
webcam over the footage of what 
you're doing so people can see 

506
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:37,520
you and the game you're playing 
at the same time. 

507
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,640
And then there's a chat room 
where people talk to you while 

508
00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,840
you're playing, like. 
If you thought I found it 

509
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:46,640
difficult to understand what a 
mirror is. 

510
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,280
Capture cards like a mirror. 
It's like crushed ice inside 

511
00:25:54,280 --> 00:25:56,640
your computer and you just 
stayed at it. 

512
00:25:57,200 --> 00:26:00,560
Nah, let me ask you this. 
You live in Glasgow. 

513
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,720
What's a crack with the bars? 
Because the bars opened 

514
00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:10,640
yesterday here yesterday. 
Yeah, like the bars are back, 

515
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:13,000
are back open. 
Why are you guys behind or in 

516
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:18,080
front or? 
We are like, I think Nicholas 

517
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:21,240
Dudgeon's making an attempt to 
like, be like, we don't give a 

518
00:26:21,240 --> 00:26:24,560
fuck what England's doing. 
We are just doing our own thing.

519
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,160
So I don't know if they're open 
early, maybe they are, but I 

520
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,160
doubt it. 
Yeah, I mean it, it's that 

521
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,960
annoying thing of like I think I
thought as soon as bars open 

522
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:37,240
again, stand ups back, but it's 
still be like some time, but. 

523
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:41,920
I'm doing a gig tonight. 
I'm doing a gig at The Stand in 

524
00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,400
Edinburgh. 
Like so it's going to be it's 

525
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,560
streamed for people or what or 
or the. 

526
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,840
Straight, straight to camera. 
Yeah, There's nobody in the room

527
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,040
and it's just me on the stage. 
I don't think I could do that. 

528
00:26:53,840 --> 00:26:56,040
You've done tough gigs before 
though, haven't you? 

529
00:26:56,040 --> 00:26:58,360
Where no one's laughing. 
No offence not to bring up on 

530
00:26:58,360 --> 00:27:00,680
your podcast. 
Not 1000% we did one together 

531
00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:08,480
and go away. 
But yeah, but I I would find 

532
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:11,440
that really difficult because I 
would even take the not laughing

533
00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:13,720
or people being chatty or 
whatever. 

534
00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:17,280
But the idea of having like even
when I did that Zoom, I was 

535
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:20,480
telling you what, I could still 
see two people on screen 

536
00:27:20,720 --> 00:27:23,560
whatever way I have my sentence 
and every once in a while they 

537
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:25,720
would like let it what looked 
like a good laugh. 

538
00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:26,880
I couldn't hear it, but I could 
see it. 

539
00:27:26,880 --> 00:27:29,320
So that was enough for me to be,
oh, this is good. 

540
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,480
But I think doing stream gigs 
like that to no audience would 

541
00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:37,520
probably favour stand ups that 
practise their material out loud

542
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,640
in the house. 
And I and I don't, I, I don't do

543
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,960
that, but I, I definitely now 
see the merit in it, But I don't

544
00:27:44,960 --> 00:27:46,640
know just. 
Kind of like just reciting a 

545
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:47,960
monologue. 
Yeah. 

546
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:49,960
Is there is there other 
comedians in the room when 

547
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,920
you're doing it? 
I think that the camera guys are

548
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:56,560
there and the producers there 
and other comedians are there 

549
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,440
and you can kind of, I've 
watched the other streams of it.

550
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:01,400
This isn't the first week 
they're doing it. 

551
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:04,520
And like you can, you can hear 
them laughing. 

552
00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:06,640
Oh, that's OK. 
Like, as long as you have 

553
00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:09,200
something to bounce off, that 
sounds like it'll be all right. 

554
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,280
An empty room would be 
terrified, but like just a 

555
00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,520
couple of people, I'm just 
excited to stand those days with

556
00:28:14,520 --> 00:28:15,520
a microphone though, you know 
what I mean? 

557
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:19,200
Yeah, I gave. 
I mean, even the idea of some 

558
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,840
sort of gigs being back on and 
just having like reduced 

559
00:28:22,840 --> 00:28:27,120
capacity, it's still going to be
like like all your Christmases 

560
00:28:27,120 --> 00:28:30,200
come at once and you can finally
just get back up and do the 

561
00:28:30,200 --> 00:28:32,320
material you've been working on 
and realise that it's not 

562
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:33,880
actually that good, but it 
doesn't matter because you're 

563
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,440
back to in stand up. 
Yeah, I have some pals in New 

564
00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:44,080
Zealand where it's came back and
they they are saying that the 

565
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:47,960
first gigs back the crowd is 
like fucking insane. 

566
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,360
Like they're just like something
to see. 

567
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:52,760
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
So. 

568
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,320
Even like even that, even the 
outdoor stuff, I mean, it'll, 

569
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,200
it'll just be great to to be 
back at it because. 

570
00:29:00,480 --> 00:29:03,240
Is there any plans for like a 
drive in gig? 

571
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,280
So I was built, I was talking 
about it to a couple of guys and

572
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:13,640
I think the feeling is just wait
it out for the like outdoor 

573
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:17,040
shows, you know, where people 
actually can be like in some 

574
00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:21,480
sort of like courtyard or like 
loads of bars are just turning 

575
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:26,200
their car park into like a beer,
like a little stage area and a 

576
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:28,440
beer garden essentially. 
So I prefer to do beer. 

577
00:29:28,440 --> 00:29:31,680
I prefer to wait to do beer 
garden gigs instead of driving 

578
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:33,240
once. 
Even the stuff I've seen on 

579
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,640
Facebook of comedians we know 
and friends of ours doing 

580
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:40,560
driving gigs, I don't like the 
look of it at all. 

581
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,360
Yeah, I would. 
I would like to try it at least.

582
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:47,000
I would love to go along and and
like you said, you try to do a 

583
00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,400
slot, but I don't know. 
I like to be able to see 

584
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:55,560
people's faces as I'm doing it. 
And I just the driving things 

585
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:58,920
like my big part fear would be, 
you know, there's nothing worse 

586
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,560
than a gig when someone actively
switches off, they're texting on

587
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:06,960
their phone or whatever. 
My idea is like, what would be 

588
00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:09,800
in my head was everyone's in 
their car doing that? 

589
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:11,880
How do I know, Pete? 
Like that's the worst thought 

590
00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:13,680
that people are in their car. 
Just turn around to their 

591
00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:15,280
friends being like, So what are 
we doing after this? 

592
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:18,320
Music starts playing and they're
fucking hats back and you're 

593
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:24,040
like, that's a gyro because. 
There's so one I mean, there's 

594
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,040
nothing I like more than just go
to to go to a beer garden right 

595
00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:33,760
now and see jam self baby. 
I'm not always there when you 

596
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:39,520
call, but I'm always on time. 
And I gave you my baby. 

597
00:30:39,920 --> 00:30:42,480
Baby. 
I mean, that was that was not 

598
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:43,880
his real voice. 
I was. 

599
00:30:43,880 --> 00:30:45,720
Never it was. 
It was nicer, actually. 

600
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,040
He. 
Had like 6 or 7 like real good 

601
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:49,880
bangers. 
Let me ask you this, have you 

602
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:54,200
missed out on anything like gig 
wise or or TV wise because. 

603
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:58,480
Of I Was, I was going to be 
opening for Frankie Boyle. 

604
00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:02,640
No. 
Like 2 months after like the end

605
00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,400
of March I was supposed to be 
opening for him doing some warm 

606
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,920
up shows which was like dream 
come true. 

607
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:13,560
Like open for your hero. 
No, you, you, you haven't opened

608
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:16,640
for me before. 
No, but I mean, I will. 

609
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:19,720
Yeah, sure. 
So is that is that going to be 

610
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,880
like just push back and you'll 
still be able to do that or 

611
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,920
that's. 
He said that after the war he 

612
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:26,680
let me do it. 
Yeah, which is quite cool. 

613
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,760
Although class, it could be 
lying. 

614
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:34,080
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
But I'm sure, I'm sure he's an 

615
00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,920
honest guy. 
That that'll be great. 

616
00:31:36,920 --> 00:31:40,600
And those warm up gigs, a lot of
time when like a big established

617
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:44,080
comedian is doing like a work in
progress or a warm up, I find 

618
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:45,840
that's the best time to watch 
somebody like that. 

619
00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:49,440
So, so you'll get, Oh yeah, 
yeah, you'll get to go on before

620
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,400
and the gig will be great. 
And then you'll get to watch him

621
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:53,160
try stuff which is like the 
best. 

622
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:58,360
So that that'll be class. 
No, it's my, it's my total dream

623
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,800
come true. 
So I'm excited for that. 

624
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:04,880
And then? 
Obviously gotten that it didn't 

625
00:32:04,880 --> 00:32:09,640
happen, but. 
Yeah, it like, I don't know, 

626
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,920
like pushing everything back It 
it's fine because once it all 

627
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:16,800
starts up again, the demand for 
stand up is just going to come 

628
00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,640
flooding back, especially stand 
up. 

629
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,080
I think people will want to go 
see stand up and I don't think 

630
00:32:22,080 --> 00:32:24,280
they'll want to hear about 
coronavirus or lockdown or 

631
00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:25,920
anything. 
Like that, I don't want to do 

632
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:29,800
any coronavirus jokes otherwise.
I just want to talk about Serial

633
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:34,680
and fucking like, yeah, I don't 
know what we're talking about. 

634
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:35,800
Nothing. 
Nothing like that though. 

635
00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:37,640
No, exactly. 
Because everybody will be 

636
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:39,520
talking about it. 
It'll be the new hack 

637
00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,520
straightaway. 
Stand up is Oh yeah. 

638
00:32:42,520 --> 00:32:45,400
How much is someone definitely 
coming on my hand sanitizer? 

639
00:32:46,560 --> 00:32:48,680
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 
I mean, that's going to be my 

640
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,280
new opener, but yeah. 
I mean me too, I actually bought

641
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:58,000
700 balls over just to be like. 
I mean, like, did you see, I 

642
00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:02,200
don't know if you saw some 
comedians in America, Bryan 

643
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,320
Callen and Brian Schaub went 
out. 

644
00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:05,720
Who did the Fighter in the Kid 
podcast? 

645
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,200
They went out like the first 
guys to go back on the road in 

646
00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:11,000
America to like the southern 
states. 

647
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,400
The southern they're like, 
because, you know, every state 

648
00:33:13,400 --> 00:33:15,880
in America is kind of like 
they've got their own guidelines

649
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,160
on coronavirus opened at 
different times. 

650
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,280
And the southern states seem to 
just be like fuck it, Let's just

651
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,120
let's just open again because 
the whole thing is like freedom,

652
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:28,400
you know, their whole thing is 
so they don't want to be told to

653
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,040
close so they'll open early. 
These guys have gone back out 

654
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:35,880
and done reduced capacity shows,
but done like 6 shows on a 

655
00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:42,160
weekend and shocker, they've got
and they had to put out, they 

656
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,560
had to put out videos being like
to everyone who we met at the 

657
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:48,040
show and sure cans with and 
whatever I met, you know, you're

658
00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:49,760
going to have to go and get 
tested and get checked. 

659
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,080
That's fucking like, as 
difficult as it is, you just 

660
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:56,040
have to wait until you're told 
like, OK, it's a good you, you 

661
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,280
know it's safe to go and do it. 
Like not just for the audience, 

662
00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,560
but for you like as well. 
I feel bad for the venues and 

663
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:05,800
stuff that are obviously it's 
expensive to keep a venue going 

664
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:10,320
when you get no money coming in.
That's the only way I can see 

665
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:13,199
justified. 
Like is that the guy in America?

666
00:34:13,199 --> 00:34:15,600
I can't remember his name, but 
he's he's kind of got like an 

667
00:34:15,600 --> 00:34:20,360
Afro, Grey Afro. 
He was like the first comedian 

668
00:34:20,639 --> 00:34:24,880
back and he was literally on 
stage coughing, going, 

669
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:27,520
collapsing on stage going. 
I think I'm fucked. 

670
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:29,960
And you're like, just don't do 
it for a while. 

671
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:32,520
I want to do it. 
Obviously I haven't had a shit 

672
00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:33,960
in three months. 
Just. 

673
00:34:34,199 --> 00:34:37,120
Like yeah, you need the gigs to 
come back. 

674
00:34:38,239 --> 00:34:41,679
Layer your balls. 
Yeah, I've got diarrhoea, like 

675
00:34:41,679 --> 00:34:44,639
seeping out my earholes, man. 
Obviously I want to do stand up 

676
00:34:44,639 --> 00:34:47,639
but I need to wait another 
couple of months, which is fine 

677
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:52,719
like everybody needed that we 
break anyway stand up wise. 

678
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,520
Yeah, yeah, you're, well, I've 
never, I haven't had a break 

679
00:34:56,600 --> 00:34:58,600
even though we're like, we're in
a small stand up scene here, so 

680
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:00,240
you can go a couple of weeks to 
doing a gig. 

681
00:35:00,520 --> 00:35:05,200
But I haven't had like a break 
of stand up in like 1213 years. 

682
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:10,120
So the, the good part of it is 
like you can like look at your 

683
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:13,160
material, you can look at what 
you've got and be like, oh, now 

684
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:14,640
I've got time to make this all 
better. 

685
00:35:15,000 --> 00:35:17,360
Even just like looking at some 
older bits and being like, can I

686
00:35:17,360 --> 00:35:18,880
make this snappy or funnier and 
all. 

687
00:35:19,160 --> 00:35:21,440
Like I've definitely seen the 
benefit of, of doing that. 

688
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:25,600
But when it comes back, it's 
just, it's just so great. 

689
00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:29,040
Like I, I've never really been 
like in and out with stand up. 

690
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:31,320
I've always been in with stand 
up and no. 

691
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,680
I haven't. 
Yeah, I have. 

692
00:35:32,720 --> 00:35:41,480
I haven't had more than two 
weeks off since 2011, so 2012, 

693
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:42,800
whenever started. 
Yeah. 

694
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,640
So it's, it's been, I mean, not 
that it's been nice, obviously 

695
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:52,200
it's been horrific, but I'm 
happy with it in some respects. 

696
00:35:52,360 --> 00:35:55,240
But I think that's, I think I'm 
definitely learning that is that

697
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,920
it's OK to say like the whole 
lockdown thing, there's 

698
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:00,200
definitely been good parts of 
it. 

699
00:36:01,440 --> 00:36:05,000
You know, I think we're all 
like, because we're like fucking

700
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:06,640
conscious people. 
You're, you don't want to be 

701
00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:09,040
going about being like fucking 
next year. 

702
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,560
Fingers crossed. 
COVID 20. 

703
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:13,920
Wave Two. 
Wave Two. 

704
00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:16,640
Wave 2. 
But like. 

705
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:19,760
Wait for that same wave, man, 
wash over me. 

706
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:25,120
But there there definitely is 
like, I mean, even even this 

707
00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:28,240
podcast, I'm just, you know, 
interviewing a lot of people and

708
00:36:28,240 --> 00:36:31,680
and, you know, falling back in 
love with doing podcasts because

709
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:36,600
I'd done the solo podcast before
and this and like doing videos 

710
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:40,600
like why was I not doing this 
level of productivity, like. 

711
00:36:41,280 --> 00:36:45,440
Yeah, I mean, I always said I'm 
just so busy with stand up. 

712
00:36:45,760 --> 00:36:48,920
If I had a wee break I would get
right at it doing podcasts. 

713
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,240
So. 
Obviously I was talking shit 

714
00:36:51,240 --> 00:36:52,600
because I've had three months 
off. 

715
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,320
I think it's criminal that you 
don't do a podcast because I and

716
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:00,200
I don't just think, you know, 
there's an outage of like if you

717
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,840
do stand up, you should do a 
podcast. 

718
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:03,800
That's not true because not all 
stand ups. 

719
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:10,560
Yeah, some of them are fucking. 
Well, I think a lot of and 

720
00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:15,040
that's a clip. 
No, but I think you'll meet a 

721
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,440
lot of people who on stage when 
they've got the prepared 

722
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,720
material, no problem. 
But off stage they just don't 

723
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:24,000
like to not trying to be funny, 
but you know what I mean? 

724
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:25,880
It's like people don't like just
riffing and stuff. 

725
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,680
Like obviously you shit here and
riffing, but but I would I would

726
00:37:30,720 --> 00:37:34,360
definitely listen to your 
podcast and I don't listen to 

727
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,960
that many other comedy podcasts.
I mean, I was, I had an idea 

728
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:43,920
starting a podcast about how you
make matters, but obviously you 

729
00:37:43,920 --> 00:37:46,760
fucking stole that. 
Here I was trying to look at 

730
00:37:46,760 --> 00:37:48,360
teasers. 
Those people are like, this guy 

731
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:50,200
really doesn't know a lot about 
mirrors. 

732
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,360
Maybe I should check out other 
ideas he has about it. 

733
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:55,600
But OK, someone had to fucking 
Google it. 

734
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,880
But oh. 
By the way, the the the podcast 

735
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:00,640
artwork for that would be class.
It would obviously be you and 

736
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:02,080
your reflection looking in the 
mirror. 

737
00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,600
That'll be nice. 
This is no, this is it, right? 

738
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:09,000
It's me starting the podcast 
like this is me not in the 

739
00:38:09,000 --> 00:38:10,560
mirror. 
I'm like, yeah. 

740
00:38:11,240 --> 00:38:14,360
Oh, but in the mirror, I'm like,
yeah. 

741
00:38:17,040 --> 00:38:19,920
And it just shows that duality 
and my personality. 

742
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,280
Like OK, he likes to have a 
laugh, but at the same time he 

743
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:24,640
knows that you shouldn't 
sometimes. 

744
00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:27,840
Let's try and get some Oster 
Scott's broadcast money for a 

745
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,040
pitch where you and I discover 
what you. 

746
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,960
Talk about this. 
Every time I. 

747
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:38,400
Don't think this money exists. 
Every time I meet you, you're 

748
00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:42,640
like, listen, the BBC has a 
secret fund of gold coins that 

749
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:47,320
they never touch because. 
So about five years ago somebody

750
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:51,120
told me. 
And now The thing is I have no 

751
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:53,040
idea who the person was that 
told me. 

752
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:56,520
I don't remember when it was, 
but I remember somebody told me 

753
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:58,880
once. 
There is a broadcast fund called

754
00:38:58,880 --> 00:39:02,720
the Ulster Scots Broadcast Fund.
And yeah, there's, there's, 

755
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:04,520
there's, there's, there's a 
daily be down there. 

756
00:39:04,520 --> 00:39:06,240
There's money to be made 
talking. 

757
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:10,680
We're talking big box now. 
I said this person, I don't 

758
00:39:10,680 --> 00:39:15,000
speak Ulster Scots. 
I mean, we all kind of do 

759
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:16,800
because it's not that different 
at all. 

760
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,200
I don't know how much you know 
about the language. 

761
00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:20,840
I don't know that much about it,
but all I know about it is we 

762
00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:22,080
can all speak it, you know what 
I mean? 

763
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,720
And then I mean, I'll definitely
have one Ulster, one Ulster 

764
00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:29,200
Scots, avid listener being like,
that's me, fucking unsubscribe. 

765
00:39:30,600 --> 00:39:34,920
But but then look, I know that 
this broadcast fund exists. 

766
00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,120
And I said to this person, I 
don't speak Ulster Scots. 

767
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:40,680
And they say it doesn't matter. 
All you need to do is have like 

768
00:39:40,680 --> 00:39:43,120
a link, a link with Ulster, a 
link with Scotland. 

769
00:39:43,680 --> 00:39:46,840
And then when you and I chatted 
about like, you know, what ideas

770
00:39:46,840 --> 00:39:50,120
will have me pitch ATV show or 
something, that's when a light 

771
00:39:50,120 --> 00:39:52,600
bulb went off in my head. 
The secret money. 

772
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:58,760
And I said there's a £7 million 
Oster broadcast fund and even if

773
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:01,600
you just have a good idea, you 
get 7 million transferred into 

774
00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:06,600
your account. 
So I mean, yeah, I mean. 

775
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:10,040
If you want to be dismissive of 
it, you can be, but whenever. 

776
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:12,240
I've not been dismissive. 
Whenever I go to, whenever I go 

777
00:40:12,240 --> 00:40:16,560
to Roscoe with it and say 
Roscoe, it's time for us to do 

778
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:19,080
the Ulster Scots project. 
And I mean, I don't have much 

779
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:20,880
more beyond the fact that we 
should pitch something. 

780
00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:24,280
I don't have an idea but. 
I could definitely. 

781
00:40:24,280 --> 00:40:27,120
We had the ferry thing and we 
had the we go, we go to the 

782
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:28,800
islands. 
That could be funny. 

783
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,840
The ferry, yeah. 
So we talked a little bit about 

784
00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:35,880
this My Birthday podcast, but I 
had this idea that I pitched, I 

785
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,520
think I text you in the middle 
of the night and I was really 

786
00:40:38,520 --> 00:40:42,480
excited about this idea. 
And I said, what about because 

787
00:40:42,480 --> 00:40:45,200
the ferry goes between Northern 
Ireland and Scotland? 

788
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:46,840
I don't know, three times a day,
something like that. 

789
00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:51,040
So I was like, what if two guys 
are travelling from work? 

790
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:53,840
Quirky idea, You're from 
Scotland, I'm from Northern 

791
00:40:53,840 --> 00:40:55,040
Ireland. 
Hello. 

792
00:40:55,480 --> 00:41:00,320
And when we go to work in the 
morning, we chat on the ferry. 

793
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:02,440
We just get to know each other 
on the ferry and always like 

794
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:04,400
have a chat. 
And then that's our lives, 

795
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:06,760
that's our relationship. 
It's two guys chat to each other

796
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:08,080
every day in the ferry and then 
that's it. 

797
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:11,240
And then you pointed out to me 
relatively quickly. 

798
00:41:11,240 --> 00:41:13,560
In fact, it was quite rude how 
quickly you pointed this out. 

799
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:17,840
You said, but they wouldn't be 
if if you're going to, the idea 

800
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,400
was I will go to work in 
Scotland and you will go to work

801
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,080
in Ireland. 
And that's when we would meet. 

802
00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:25,360
And then you very helpfully 
pointed out then we wouldn't be 

803
00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:28,400
on the same ferry. 
Yeah, they would drive past each

804
00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:29,440
other. 
Yeah. 

805
00:41:29,840 --> 00:41:32,760
And I tried to counter by saying
like, what if they just, you 

806
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:36,000
know, showed it over from 
portholes? 

807
00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:37,720
Yeah. 
And that's, that's what it was 

808
00:41:37,720 --> 00:41:43,120
going to be called portholes, 
but but you didn't want to go 

809
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,640
for that. 
And then, you know, the idea is 

810
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:47,160
still there. 
I think it takes some adopting, 

811
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:49,680
but, you know, let's just put it
this way. 

812
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,000
Also Scott's broadcast fund. 
Don't worry about it. 

813
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,400
You could BB CS secret oster 
money. 

814
00:41:57,440 --> 00:42:00,120
Start buying things on finance. 
Trust me, don't worry about it. 

815
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:01,920
Yeah, cause 'cause the. 
House. 

816
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:04,200
We'll get that money, house, 
whatever. 

817
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:05,440
How do you think about this 
place? 

818
00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:06,560
This is. 
This is also. 

819
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:13,960
I like your curtains. 400% APR. 
Thanks. 

820
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:20,960
Thanks very much man. 
I mean the 90s and that's where 

821
00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:23,000
the, that's where the humour of 
the the programme comes from 

822
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:25,640
because just like that we're 
doing gags, we're doing gags, 

823
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,760
we're doing gags just like that.
I mean very disappointed for 

824
00:42:29,760 --> 00:42:32,840
just the audio listeners who 
didn't see me part my hair 

825
00:42:33,640 --> 00:42:35,800
curtains but monitor. 
It was good. 

826
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:39,640
It's usually it's strong. 
Tell me what? 

827
00:42:40,720 --> 00:42:45,200
You seemed so spaced out there 
because you couldn't open your 

828
00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:50,520
eyes for too long. 
You were like trying to get them

829
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,680
open. 
But you, you eventually, you 

830
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:56,360
eventually got there. 
What's one thing outside of 

831
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:57,680
comedy? 
Let me ask you, it's a final 

832
00:42:57,680 --> 00:42:59,040
question. 
What's one thing? 

833
00:43:00,240 --> 00:43:03,640
Oh shit, he's got Chrome. 
What's one thing? 

834
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,800
By the way, I just did the the 
shittest banter of all time. 

835
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,480
When someone calls, you're like,
he's got it, he's got it. 

836
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,240
COVID. 
COVID. 

837
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,320
I was trying to think before for
no reason, before we did this 

838
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:24,960
podcast, I was thinking 
sometimes I think people's names

839
00:43:24,960 --> 00:43:28,160
fit into a song. 
And then I was thinking about 

840
00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:30,520
your name. 
And then I thought of a tune 

841
00:43:30,520 --> 00:43:34,640
that is a good one. 
So I I'll you, you tell me first

842
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:38,800
and I'll tell you what I have. 
Owner of a lonely heart. 

843
00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:41,040
Go for it. 
That's not what I had. 

844
00:43:41,840 --> 00:43:43,680
Christopher Mecca. 
Good. 

845
00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:51,480
I had DJ Otzi. 
Hey baby, I want to know Chris 

846
00:43:51,480 --> 00:43:54,240
MacArthur boy. 
As Chris MacArthur. 

847
00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:59,680
But I'm Christopher MacArthur. 
But fuck yeah, Christopher, I 

848
00:44:01,200 --> 00:44:04,720
want to. 
Know Christopher? 

849
00:44:04,720 --> 00:44:09,240
MacArthur boy, will you be my 
boy? 

850
00:44:09,240 --> 00:44:12,040
I thought you. 
Were going to say my boy and 

851
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,200
that would that would kind of be
cute and that would work, but I 

852
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,400
don't know if my own does. 
Does my own fit in anything? 

853
00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:23,640
Shane Todd, What is it good for?
Absolutely. 

854
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:27,520
Comedy. 
Yeah, yeah, cool man. 

855
00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,320
I'm going to leave it there. 
I'm going to let you get on to 

856
00:44:29,320 --> 00:44:34,880
do your Twitch on your fucking 
play bot or your graphics. 

857
00:44:35,600 --> 00:44:40,320
Get your graphics live your game
lad. 17 games in one. 

858
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:45,400
Super Nest Nintendo. 
Super Nest Tendo, yeah. 

859
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:46,960
Super Nest. 
Tendo GameCube. 

860
00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,280
My Dreambox. 
Dreambox Yeah, yeah. 

861
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:51,840
I mean, you could honestly tell 
me any of those real consoles 

862
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:55,080
and. 
My Commodore 64. 

863
00:44:56,840 --> 00:44:59,640
Again don't rain. 
Oh streets of rage I used to 

864
00:44:59,640 --> 00:45:01,360
play that street to rage in 
golden axe. 

865
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:02,800
I went to someones house once 
in. 

866
00:45:03,040 --> 00:45:04,680
This. 
I was playing one of them last 

867
00:45:04,680 --> 00:45:07,320
night on the Switch. 
You get like old games for free.

868
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:11,440
So yeah, I was playing Bludgeon 
Brothers or something and it was

869
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,800
like it was a. 
Porno. 

870
00:45:13,880 --> 00:45:15,360
It was shape. 
On Pornhub? 

871
00:45:16,040 --> 00:45:17,800
On Pornhub? 
Yeah, Bludgeon Brothers. 

872
00:45:18,000 --> 00:45:19,240
That's definitely what that 
sounds like. 

873
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:20,760
That doesn't sound like computer
game guys. 

874
00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:25,040
It sounds like it sounds like to
like hillbilly twins. 

875
00:45:25,040 --> 00:45:26,200
Who? 
Ray. 

876
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,360
Just go at it like not together,
but just, you know. 

877
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,240
Tag team. 
Yeah, I don't know, something to

878
00:45:32,440 --> 00:45:34,000
chat to the Ulster Scots 
broadcast. 

879
00:45:35,160 --> 00:45:39,800
Listen, we he's for Belfast and 
for Glasgow we are the Bludgeon 

880
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:41,800
Brothers. 
I love that. 

881
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,600
That's our pitch, you know, you 
get the executives there. 

882
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:52,160
Scotland and I chat to me. 
They keep it like, well, loads 

883
00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,520
of people are for Scotland and 
loads of people are for Northern

884
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,680
Ireland. 
So like, why is it about you 2 

885
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:58,200
We're like, no, you don't get 
it. 

886
00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:01,760
He's for Belfast. 
I'm from Glasgow. 

887
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:04,440
Need I say more? 
Yes. 

888
00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:07,960
The first thing is like we get, 
we get each other's like sayings

889
00:46:07,960 --> 00:46:08,760
wrong. 
You know what I mean? 

890
00:46:08,760 --> 00:46:10,280
Like I say to you, what's the 
crack? 

891
00:46:10,280 --> 00:46:14,760
And you go like, like drugs and 
I say you've got a lot to learn.

892
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:20,000
I mean, there's, there's 
definitely worse programmes and 

893
00:46:20,000 --> 00:46:21,680
TV. 
That happened in my real life. 

894
00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:24,680
I love to a Northern Irish guy 
when I was at uni for a wee bit.

895
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,640
Cute. 
And he said, what's the crack? 

896
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,760
And I was like, I'd never heard 
that. 

897
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:31,080
My life, yeah. 
Yeah, yeah. 

898
00:46:31,080 --> 00:46:33,320
I mean, that's the thing. 
Like a lot of people from 

899
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:36,440
different countries will always,
like, give you an introduction 

900
00:46:36,440 --> 00:46:38,920
to the way they talk or say 
like, what's a crack? 

901
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:41,120
And then go, oh, that's weird 
the way we say that, but let me 

902
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,800
explain. 
But there's a thing here of, 

903
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:47,040
like, say nothing, you know, 
like, because people over the 

904
00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,280
years have been told never to 
get information to like, you 

905
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,360
know, the police. 
So a guy will say what's a crack

906
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:55,120
and he's by law not allowed to 
tell you anything else other 

907
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:57,280
than that. 
You know, he was just like, he 

908
00:46:58,120 --> 00:46:59,520
didn't even explain it with his 
words. 

909
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:01,160
He was just waving his hands 
like. 

910
00:47:01,240 --> 00:47:03,160
What's a crack? 
Was he, was he very Northern 

911
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:05,240
Irish? 
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

912
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:10,240
Yeah, paramilitary. 
Potentially. 

913
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,720
But he threatened a room full of
Russians once. 

914
00:47:14,240 --> 00:47:18,480
That's very Northern Irish to do
that, you know, it would all, it

915
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:20,640
would all, it would almost be 
rude if he didn't. 

916
00:47:21,280 --> 00:47:23,960
Yeah. 
You know, but but I like. 

917
00:47:23,960 --> 00:47:25,720
He thought one of them stole his
leather jacket. 

918
00:47:28,000 --> 00:47:31,640
That's that's that's the plot 
that every 80s Northern Irish 

919
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,320
film. 
It's Russian. 

920
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,360
Stole my leather jacket. 
That's what I used to take my 

921
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,320
leather jacket. 
Yeah, you know, he'd be played 

922
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,760
by an American actor. 
Sergei, you seem to have stolen 

923
00:47:43,760 --> 00:47:46,320
my leather jacket. 
I would like it back. 

924
00:47:47,200 --> 00:47:51,040
And then all of a sudden on the 
title Moscow, you know, he's 

925
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:54,200
he's gone over. 
Where is it? 

926
00:47:56,080 --> 00:47:59,160
Vladimir Putin, Listen. 
By the time I leave, I better be

927
00:47:59,160 --> 00:48:00,480
Vladimir Putin. 
My jacket. 

928
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:10,360
Right, This is what we pitch. 
I'll be the Russians. 

929
00:48:10,480 --> 00:48:12,400
I'll be all the Russians. 
Yeah, and it's just called 

930
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:15,480
Where's My Leather Jacket? 
Where's my jacket? 

931
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,520
And it's just. 
Liam Neeson genuinely would be 

932
00:48:18,520 --> 00:48:24,040
interested and they want to 
know. 

933
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:25,840
What have you done with White 
Jacket? 

934
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,760
And then what will be sooner 
than Irish is he realises the 

935
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:30,200
whole time that he's just had it
with him. 

936
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:32,600
That's what happened with this 
guy. 

937
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:40,240
It was behind his door. 
But he'll definitely view some 

938
00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:41,240
political. 
Get out of that. 

939
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:44,120
This has been heard here by the 
British government. 

940
00:48:44,720 --> 00:48:46,760
It hasn't. 
It hasn't. 

941
00:48:46,960 --> 00:48:48,760
You're at your name, Glasgow, 
you know what I mean? 

942
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:53,640
Relax. 
Oh, it was some late. 

943
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:57,160
Where's my leather jacket, 
Netflix 2021? 

944
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,880
What have you done with it? 
Yeah, that's enjoyable. 

945
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:04,160
All right, man. 
Well, look, thanks very much. 

946
00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:07,760
I've got a script to write. 
Send me over and I'll have a 

947
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,200
weekend. 
Have a nice day. 

948
00:49:10,600 --> 00:49:13,920
Yeah, I'm going to. 
No, I'm going to end the meeting

949
00:49:13,920 --> 00:49:16,640
here and then I'm going to send 
you a text and say cheer for it 

950
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:17,720
in the podcast. 
Appreciate. 

951
00:49:17,720 --> 00:49:19,560
It I'll text you back man, the 
way, but no. 

952
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:23,240
Don't feel, don't feel under 
under any pressure to do that. 

953
00:49:23,880 --> 00:49:25,560
It's all good. 
And also when you just give me 

954
00:49:25,560 --> 00:49:29,960
your e-mail address yousaid.com 
insteadof.com so. 

955
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:33,720
Youtypein.com. 
No, I typed in.com. 

956
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:38,440
But what I will say is if you've
been using the same copy and 

957
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,360
paste e-mail for your e-mail, 
like maybe you have it on notes 

958
00:49:41,360 --> 00:49:43,160
typed out and you're just 
copying and pasting it all that 

959
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:46,000
for people, I would change it 
now because you've probably 

960
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:49,320
missed out on a lot of stuff. 
Yeah, people are like, I keep 

961
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,520
emailandthese.com addresses, but
they don't actually exist. 

962
00:49:53,720 --> 00:49:56,040
No, no, no. 
All right, man, we'll look. 

963
00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,160
Thank you very much for coming 
on the pod. 

964
00:49:58,280 --> 00:50:01,680
It's great to see your face as 
always, and I look forward to in

965
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:03,960
real life seeing your face when 
we go in for these pitch 

966
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:05,840
meetings. 
Let's do it, man. 

967
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:06,480
Me. 
You. 

968
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:09,520
Can I Can I ask? 
Some leather jackets. 

969
00:50:09,600 --> 00:50:12,040
Can I ask you this, if we do get
the green light, if we get the 

970
00:50:12,040 --> 00:50:14,880
Commission, will you join me for
a celebratory cup of tea? 

971
00:50:17,160 --> 00:50:18,600
I'll have a coffee, you have a 
tea. 

972
00:50:18,880 --> 00:50:20,560
I may have another accidental 
tea though. 

973
00:50:20,920 --> 00:50:23,240
An accident. 
Oh, name of this week's episode?

974
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,200
Either where's the leather 
jacket or the accidental tea? 

975
00:50:26,200 --> 00:50:28,600
I'm excited. 
Thank you. 

976
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:29,920
Very. 
Much bye. 

977
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,480
See you later, man. 
I'm definitely I'm just to let 

978
00:50:32,480 --> 00:50:33,920
you know why I'm definitely 
ending this, all right? 

979
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:35,320
All right, bye.