I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like our hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock, exactly how it's called
New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that only features
drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Che's phone. Nervous.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, she and Todd.
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Get on there. The tattoo vlogs on there as
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Well, either William Mickey episode from Limelight is on
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OK, Mr Boo Boo, my guest is none other than the red shirt wearing
the backside, staring. Bass Hunter blaring.
Disabled comedian William. Thompson.
Would you, could you get one of those, the stair lifts if you
wanted it? Could you be like I'm
struggling? With it, yeah, I turn into
Arnold Schwarz and I get a star lift.
I need help up the stairs. No, I think I could, but I
wouldn't, Right? Right.
I'm happy to follow up them for the time being.
Right I am. Remember a guy I went to tech
with who said that he never runs.
I did. Let me explain.
Guy went back with slightly older than us and we were, umm,
late for a class or something. Everyone's like here, we're
going to leave this. And everyone kind of ran a wee
bit. And he was like, I don't run.
And what do you mean he goes, I never, it's a policy of mine.
I don't run. And later that afternoon we were
crossing the road. I said Millfield campus, Belfast
met and a car was coming. And he like unknowingly, he
hated it. He had the runaway, but I went
thought you never run. And he went, yeah.
And then two minutes later he failed going upstairs and hit
his forehead on a step and Belfast met.
That sounds like my origin story.
Also, it's a policy of mine to never.
I know, I know. And then he had to like.
He was at the swimmers, saw no running and when I'm going to
live by that life, that's brilliant.
That's a nice big shirt, man. Thank you, thank you.
It's nice and rare. There's nothing matches my
shoes. It's like a like an Eastern
European pop star would wear that.
Feeling a wee Butlins red coat in it.
Would you like to do that? Well, be a Butlins.
It's not my dream, but I mean, if I needed money, I'd do it.
We'll say she had another record watching.
No, no right. Let me let me run a few
scenarios by OK Career doesn't panic.
OK. OK.
And just doesn't go where you want that.
You're sort of doing a little bit of stand up.
You're not making a lot of money from it.
And you don't know what you don't want to get a real job,
obviously, OK, Butlins, you're going to make, you're going to
make a decent, a decent wage, but you've got to be a red coat.
And every day you've got to do like musical performances, Eh,
you're in Skegness, by the way. That's the that's the Butlins
that you're at. And and then you some of the
perks are you get in free to the concert.
So if you want to see like E 17 or yeah, who else would be doing
this? Mistake or going to be
headlining? I'm front row.
Two of so solid crew. Yeah, I'm not Harvey or Romeo
Dunn. The guys that sang Baby Cakes in
2000 and two or three of a kind. Three of a kind that's I would.
Work, but if someone told me I'd get him free to see three of a
baby case. You just don't know.
I'd be there with two Donuts. Love it.
That was a. It still holds on.
That holds up. That's still we didn't.
Think that at the time that it would hold up, but it has.
And they they drop that and well, we have said what we need
to say. We have said baby cakes.
We just don't know and we will go away.
The record level, what else have you gotten?
They said. And they just left.
Yeah, just faded in the bottlins.
Three of a kind. Don, could you figure out, can
you tell us what three of a kind are up to at the minute, please?
And it's not thre it's three of a kind, Yeah.
This is the content people need. We know.
We could get them all. I, I that's what I love about
this podcast. You can get people like out on
it be Zoom, you know what I mean?
But you get them all. What?
What Would you only do it if you got all three of them?
Or would you take one-of-a-kind? I think it's sad if it's two,
one or two of a kind. If it's a couple of a kind, it's
sad. Your book, your book in Botland,
you worked there for a while, right?
And then they go, we want to have like a big pop night.
Money's no object, but you can't get like, like, you know, you
know the acts that are unachievable to get for Butlins?
Yeah, you they want the classics, they want the cheesy
stuff. You're allowed to book 4 acts
for just a big night of pop fun. So we're talking pop nostalgia.
Yeah. And I'll, I'll tell you whether
you can get them or not because there might be some.
Don't, don't. You're not getting W like the
Butlins. No, that's not.
That's not realistically happening, no.
Oh, that's a great question. Yeah, I think he might be busy,
but Maker, if I could get Maker. You can get maker.
I'd have a great time. No, I don't know.
Do There's Megan. Daddy, Daddy Doom, Big girl.
You are beautiful. Ahead of his time.
He was so good. Yeah, try to be.
Lac was killing. Yeah, he's sexy.
His album stuff was fucking banging too.
What like beat you when you listen to your button?
Album is album. Dude I I was making.
A cartoon colour. Like life in cartoon motion.
Oh. Fucking what an album.
Didn't know you're a big makeup. Double bread award-winning album
that was. I saw up the Watchers Bread
awards because makeup was on. I've never seen you look more
alive. I fucking love me.
Shut up to watch it because makeup was on.
Yeah, when you go to bed. Makers coming on.
He did a madly at the start and then he did a duet with and it's
another 1A duet. What?
He did a. Duet, how do you set Duet?
That's very somatic. You can't say that he didn't do
that with them. I can't remember what the band
was, but how that song was like standing in the way of control,
The Gossip. The Gossip.
Beth from the Gossip. Yeah, a big fat Beth.
She was known in my house. As she was why did she live with
you when in big fat bears trying to go to sleep make your.
Big bop, should we baseball bat? She carried on like Inglorious.
Where's my fry motherfucker? But no I would have them.
I love the gossip. I'd have the Ting tings doing
some warm up screaming that's not my name and shit that have
that. Who would the 4th 1 be?
So you've got Mika, the gossip, the Ting tings.
Yeah, Bass Hunter. I'll take Bass Hunter for the
4th. That will be based on the
closing it. I think he'd have to close it.
I'm going to go with them. I'm going to kick off a blazing
squad, OK, right. Because because I was, you know,
the way you're a big make ahead. Yeah.
I was a big, blazing squad. Blazer Squad.
But it was like, because they were like roughly the same age
as me, it was weird to really be into them.
But I thought they were. I was telling people because
Crossroads was their big hit. And people went, oh, OK, they're
flashing the palm. They did that when they were
doing GCSE. But yeah, but I gave them too
much respect because I thought it was an original.
I didn't know Bond folks in Harmony had done it right.
So I in my head, they're up here.
Then they come up with love on the line and I go, that's even
better than Crossroads. And then they have Flip Reverse
and a few others and they had a summer one.
We dream and we just be dreaming.
I love I'll be. Close my eyes and I'm there
again. We got girls with smoke.
I feel bad. I don't know any blazing squad.
Yeah, it's a it's a little blank knowledge for me.
Right, so I, I, I go blazing squad plus here here's why I
have a business said if you get blazing squad, you can get
Friday Hill. That was three members of
Blazing Squad that went on to form the side.
Project Friday Hill. Eh, baby goodbye.
I wanted you to go your way. I wanted me to go mine.
I'm sitting there thinking baby, goodbye.
Never mind. So you get Friday Hill as well,
but that that counts as one act. Because they're not.
Because. It's the Blazing Squad side
project, yeah. So I'm going blazing squad.
I'm going to go with what we're my lady Big Brothers.
Big Brothers. Big Brothers.
You're introducing me. People I've never heard of.
You were Big Brothers. Big Brothers?
Is that Big Brothers with his head?
Big Brothers, Brothers. Big Brothers, Brothers.
Yeah. You're trying more and more
indicated no? No spell.
Big Brothers, Big Brothers, Big Brothers.
I love Big Brothers. Is that with his head and an A
and the brothers? I assume yes.
I say genuinely, I'm going to knee shorter.
See, I'm not gonna lie if I don't.
Know it, I'm stuck. I'm stuck on pleasing squad, Big
Brothers who got the call they're out right and so I'm
going to blazing squad. I'm going to go with the oh.
Sugar babes. Oh, you couldn't get sugar babes
for Butlins? There's.
Definitely you've you've 27 options of girls to get for
sugar babes. You can get three of them
available. My mom was in the sugar babes.
You know what I mean? Like you can get sugar.
Tony was in the sugar babes you can get you can get them.
So I'm going to do groups Blazing Squad, sugar babes and
blue. I want blue, the headline blue.
Ryan's just got a red. I don't know, maybe he wouldn't
be able to make it. He's just got arrested.
Did. You see what he got arrested
for. Are we allowed?
I don't know why we wouldn't be allowed.
We didn't do it. We didn't do it, but he touched
him with stewardess on her bum and said that's why I grabbed my
hands don't work. That's how I grab and are some
like a claw machine. I look like I'm about to lift a
teddy with a Tanner tight tape. I won one of those in York at
once and I didn't think that happened.
Stewardesses Bum. That's the name of the bat.
Like we can't get a band for and we have to get a local band from
Skegness and they're called the Stewardesses Bum.
Hello guys with the Stewardesses Bum.
You know this shittest line of all time It's in that song is
so. But I like Busted.
So they I. There, I'm getting right.
I'm getting busted in blue for the second-half of the show.
But air Hostess, Air Hostess, I like the way you dress and I'll
see you soon. From holiday to Mets.
Who's going to Mets in France? Who's specific?
It's not like a popular holiday place.
That fucked me off. I messed my pants when we flew
over France. How were these guys getting away
with it? Do what?
The worst thing is those songs are clearly written by like 40
year old man for like teenage audiences.
Made a mess of my pants for a flower.
Sing that Charlie, you big eyebrow bastard.
You know what I oh, he was great.
You know who I what song and there's I loved sleeping with
the light on. That was that was my teenage you
ask a girl at the school dance. She said no.
And you're walking home just slipping through, man, that's a
fucking banger. Why are you wanking?
Again, it's hard playing weirder.
If I want I've got a like I'm playing a washboard.
What the fuck is that? What was your did you ever have
a song? Because I told you the story
before when I asked the girl like she said no and they found
me two streets away singing I don't want to know by Mario
Waiters. I told you that story before.
Did you have a song that you're we heartbreak song and you look
back at it and you're like, I'm a dickhead.
See, I this is all fun and games, but I worry.
I don't think I do, but I worry about delving it this like me
with a lot of things. I worry about really thinking
about this, remembering something and then just being
sad all the time. I said before, do you know about
my astronaut have policy? It's my attitude to mental
health. La La la.
Oh no, not eating my fingers can't go me.
I've done astronaut helmet all and it's actually big.
Well, that's probably bigger than I.
Mean from that distance your fingers could go in your ears.
Will you be? I would nearly, nearly threaten
something that I probably can't. I can make up.
No some more, but yeah, I just so I trying to think, oh, I do
remember the dos almost on a sad song, the Dawson's Creek song,
yeah, being having like a lot of childhood angst attached to it
with girls and that kind that's around the stage.
We were like asking girls out and that kind of thing.
I proposed to a girl in P4 is not intense.
I think a lot. I've seen that happen a lot.
We weren't already going out. Oh well, that's all you open
with a proposal. Went in with a proposal 00.
Yeah. Yeah.
And here's the thing, you know, like back in those days, you did
everything through your mates. Will you go and say, oh, not
even it was fourth party, will you go and say to her, me to say
to her and Jordan, lovely when you did that, when the two in
between two friends in between like started to like each other,
you know what I mean? But yeah, it was I just got in
my class called Jordan, right? And I I I remember that she
wouldn't P4 Stantown Primary School.
She's sitting on a wall. I see her and go.
I should ask her to marry me. This is a deal we Albert, I'm
sure, but go on. Shall I tell you about I?
Walk you home. So I so I I went up myself to do
it. Isn't this met?
I was a shy child in P4I. Yeah, P4.
I walked up Miss Mcgimpsey's class, Strongton Primary School,
and I walked over and was like, here, do you want it?
Because two people in my class pretended to get my ideas like a
fun thing, but I wasn't doing as a fun thing.
I was like, this is let's start a life.
So I went over and was. Like, I'll fly you to the Mets.
We can be together, yeah. So I said you want to because
like the people in our class that have got married, it was OK
because the guy was gay, right? And it was it.
Was having gay marriage way before.
No, no, no. Is marrying a girl just as like
a fucking about? Or is he trying to hide from his
dad? No, no, he this guy was.
This guy was not. I'm not gay, not I've got a
horrible ring and all. This, this guy was not hiding
from anything, right? OK, There was no hide.
There was no sake. As gay as the day, as long?
Kind of. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But he was marrying his friend and class as a as a joke, but
too much time and passed in between that happened and me
asking her if it if it was happening their marriage and I
literally we should get married. Four or five days probably had
passed and I went we should we should get married and she went
no, I'm OK. All right.
That's heartbreaking. I don't want to wait for my.
Left skipping the rocks on the way home.
Yeah, odd cars. So I remember that, but like
trying to think of like, do you mean like, is there a song I
would put on if I was sad? Oh, definitely there would have
been. No, let me try and remember.
I I, I never, I remember the first time I asked the girl
like, like face to face, Not I was like, fuck this, you know,
second party stuff until I want to do it direct.
So I used to go, what do you do? About 10 or 11.
So I was in youth club, right? Like I used to.
Yeah, I used to go to youth club all the time.
Me too. I was such a wee fucking dork as
a kid. You ever getting youth, kid?
Oh, yeah, because you're a quarterback, Yeah.
I'm so cool now, the jock compared to how I was.
I get you. I'm.
Do you know the guys? Like, do you ever go to a youth
club and there's someone, not recently, they're like older
though, when you're there and you're like this guy, so cool
and now you're older, like why are you 23?
He was, he was a 17 year old guy.
He always had curtains. Yeah.
And he was unbelievable. Football.
Yeah. Always at a youth club.
Yeah, so we were in the talk shop.
There's a wee top that where you go and buy all your swings.
What was this Elam Church in Dandonald?
I remember exactly what I was wearing.
It was the Barcelona full away kit because there's football
being played so big orange one, right?
And I remember telling my friends and like, they just go
to my class, I'm going to go ask her.
And I went over and I was talking to her and I was killing
it, you know what I mean? Having some banter with this.
Yeah, I couldn't even have done that.
Give her some, give her some fizzy cola bottles or having a
great time. And then I was about to ask her.
I was like, yo, do you want to go with me?
And my me? I came over and like meant to
put my shorts down, but because it's the like a big baggy away
kit full deck just out in the middle of do you know what I
mean? I was 10 so I wasn't packing and
she I just saw her go and run away.
Well, like she hoped you had a big massive Dick.
I'm taking that, Yeah. It's like, oh, you've dropped
the fizzy worm. Oh fuck.
That's 17 year old guys. Like, I get it.
See, I couldn't even have done the chat.
I remember in P7 having a girlfriend for like a long time.
Yeah. And I remember finding myself in
conversation with her and being like, we've never done that.
Like it was always you being a group.
Yeah. And you put you chat through
other people. Yeah.
My. So I went on a date with this
girl, P7 Strand to primary school.
And it was in the Strat. It was agreed we would go to the
Strand Cinema and wouldn't see parent Trump.
Right with Lindsay. Lindsay Lohan.
Yeah, film. Which is mentally she was in it.
No, she was. She started and any.
Myself indulgent over. Let's go see my film.
It's like my Lindsay. My dad goes, you're going to
need a shirt for this. I didn't.
I was a child. You were gonna go shirtless.
You think of the all of a sudden it was just prep because I was
like, yeah, it'll be fine. My dad, we need to go to Collins
Water now and get your shirt. So I'm I'm more nervous about
it. It's a bigger deal so I couldn't
pick between two check shirts, so I got both.
It was done stores in Collins water and I remember the shirts
and they're the same version, but one was green, one was
orange. Sounds like a starting episode
of Get My Headpiece and I think I went with the orange one.
I'm pretty sure and it was let me get this right.
It was 2 point in for a ticket on Saturday afternoons, the
Strand Cinema. This is going back.
What do you enjoy in P7? Like 11. 11.
So this is going back. That's when I get debugged 11.
23 years ago right? Oh jeez I failed old so.
So my dad drives me to sees her outside so I'm there on time but
she's wee bit early. She had brought her mate but did
not tell me that she I thought it was the two of us and there's
her with her mate and genuinely my dad goes.
I I said I'm like, oh, she's brought her friend and my dad
went, I'll come here. Dennis let me rain check on
that. He might have said the phrase I
don't like the one you're getting as a joke.
So let's read fully mean up. He gives me a fiver and he goes
go and enjoy yourself. Lovely touch.
We 5 point no because that agent, you know, not used to
five point No, but we hadn't done the mouth.
I was going to pay me in her in that's £4 point for a bag of
sweets. But the meats are.
Yeah. So I had to walk up and go.
I can't pay for you to meet. I didn't know you were coming.
You pay yourself. And then I think I bought too
much sweet because she bought her and her mates tickets and I
thought I bought too much sweets and I was too hyper and I it
was, it was terrible. It was real bad like.
They did not go well. Nah because I was too like
because the mate was there. I want like you're almost
talking to me more than you know.
If we just me and her, we might actually had a conversation.
But but I remember just being like unbelievably like palm
sweaty, nervous. I've not to pay for you.
That's amazing. I I remember also that morning
going to the chemist to get gaol from her like like wet look, tub
of gel. Was it the VO5?
No, this is Camus's own brand 3 litre tub for about 45 P.
And the day didn't go well. You just went, I guess, with it,
spiky as you tell the Barber. What would you work?
Do you? Ever have that face where you
had like the shaved sides so you get like a wee pattern in the
back of your head because you see fucking CC playing for
Liverpool? You're like, I want that.
The Barber can just give you a train.
Truck. I have a weird shaved head at
the box what would have extenuated at the back.
On the front, on the sides. Your head looks like a potato.
Genuinely looks like a potato do.
You know what's that would star? That's really annoying.
You know I hate them. Yeah, I'm.
Going to make you eat your own head and then you'll be sick.
And I'd be dead. Not necessarily Patty.
Patty said that you can eat your own head.
He said he's seen that. He would, yeah.
He'd see a guy who lived in the Blocks Rd who did that once.
But no, if you eat your head, I think I would die.
But I remember a load of me it's getting a night tech done.
Yeah, I had. That thing and that was.
Sweet, you had that. I had that.
I'd love it if someone went like, like someone just went a
little bit off reservation, got like the Lecox Sportage logo,
like it was always Nike, you know what I mean?
Maybe Adi does, but no one's getting seen that after in the
back of the head. But Sherman?
Flames on it and some denim jeans.
I am the king of this disco. One time I went out and then it
was like, you know, I was, I was allowed to get like an outfit.
Yeah, right. And I was maybe I'm going to say
I was 11 this point 11-12. And it's like we went, I went to
top man and got a shirt and it was, do you remember there was
that it was almost like a silk material might well been silk
and it was baby blue and white and it faded into each other in
like a pattern. Do you understand what?
I mean like I'm following. You right and the sleeves were
quite short and had barbed wire on the sleeves both sides.
So I got that and it was cheaper than what I was allowed to
spend. So I went would I be able to get
other things and we fought. We were in some shop and
remember. Fucked.
Do you remember the brand FCUK? I do, yeah.
Because everyone got them. Because it's like you think it
says fuck if you look real quick.
I was in the start of that and it was like, this is if you had
any certified male bastard collect your certificate, you
know, And I got umm, jeans of that and a denim jacket.
So I wore the jeans, the silk shirt with a barbed wire, the
match in denim jacket, and Oh my God, nonsense dream.
It's also another band that plays Butler 's dream.
Well, yeah, this is also let's welcome you headline action.
The nonsense dream be my baby. Fashion you remember your.
Chance do you? Remember your first date?
I was actual date going out. I do, but again, it was one of
those. It wasn't a one-on-one.
You'd go with a group. It.
Was me and the whole youth stuff?
No, it was like you'd go out with the rest of like your
mates. Yes, but I'm talking do you
remember your first one-on-one date?
Oh, I don't think I really had one of those until I was about
1516. When, when I was in like
secondary school, I was going out with a girl and she lived in
Cumber, right? So, but I live like walking
distances school. But I remember we kind of
arranged it through war on SMS, right?
And she said, you know, why don't you come to my house after
school? My mom and dad are away.
No, I'm about 12:13. What am I going to do, right?
But she's like, come on over. I have a free house and I'm
like, I have no puberty, you know?
And she. You come over the Wee barbed
Wire shirt. So I was still like, and the
whole day I made the mistake of telling people in my class where
I was going after school house, free house, and I was like, oh,
fuck. So again, like my dad with the
shirt, the pressure is not here. And at about, I don't know,
3:00, when it was time to go and get the buses, I said the guy
who was on the Cumber bus, I was like.
Christopher, I can't do it. Tell her I didn't bring jeans
and I just went home because I said I brought a change of
clothes, but I didn't bring jeans.
And I was like, I can't. And I remember fully lapping
that. Like fully lapping that.
Why were you really just like a really shy awkward?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was similar, but I wasn't
like, I'm awkward. Not in the quiet way.
I'm too loud when I'm awkward, right?
I told you I'm shy and you didn't believe me.
Yeah, I am. But it's not in a shy way of
like, don't talk to me. It's like I'll just keep
talking. Then eventually this will be
fine. Always like that.
So I always, even if a girl like me ended up just insulting her
so they'd stop liking me in the end, right, because the big come
over and be like, oh, I like your shoes.
I'm like, you would you ugly bitch.
And then they're like, I don't, I don't like you.
Sabotage I. Can't help it.
Yeah. Yeah.
I just, when I get awkward, I just insult people.
Yeah. So I'm terrible on this.
Yeah. Because I'm really fucking bad
at it, yeah. We we should definitely like
Butlins. Oh, OK, yeah, go to.
Butlins, I would not like to work with you at all.
Why? I treat you good, I treat you
nice. I mean, it'd be such a bombshell
for my wife. So you know why?
Well, in more ways than one, I'm going out with them.
I Yeah. With me.
Yeah, I don't know. I just, I just, I just couldn't
imagine a happening. What mean you didn't know me
neither? No, I think you can a bit, but I
just. Know I can't.
You would love. You love to date me.
No, I would. You're such an egotistical.
Love to date? No.
Do you know why? Casting cards.
Do you think you have me on? We're great friends.
We do good shows together. I don't want to bang you.
I'm just, I guess. Who's bucking the gold Drink
this guy. You know yourself.
I think if it. Doesn't work out my marriage.
I see me and you pair of red coats.
We were front row watching McFly tear it up.
Like why would you want married? This is way better dude.
We're going to meet Tenchi Strider tonight.
Why would you want Oh fam? Phaser from M Dubs is coming
down tonight. Dan, could you do something for
us? I'd love to know how much see
some of the acts we're talking about.
Is there any way you could find some sort of website that has
like a rate card for certain acts, like pop acts, and then
you call them out and we'll try and guess the price?
That's a phenomenal I. Tell you right, tension Strider
is fuck all because I he did a nightclub in Newcastle and I met
him where Quinn's wasn't even a proper nightclub.
That's in Newcastle. Yeah, that's why I said a
nightclub in Newcastle. Yeah, but it's in, it's in
Newcastle. Yeah, but you said, you said
Newcastle. Newcastle.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Quinn's is in Newcastle.
Newcastle. Yeah, I'm not doing this again.
I know, but just saying Newcastle and so say.
Shredder do do at Newcastle. No, but I think he caused a
couple of ground that looks like.
I think for he's giving you an hour, an hour of his time, maybe
an hour doing the greatest hits. No, no.
He did 2 songs but they ended up making greet with everyone. 4
grand I I'd be surprised if you. Got remember back in the day
where everybody just went to meet the cast of Geordie Shore
and nightclubs remember people will go nuts guys from Geordie
shores up and sense. That's why the fuck are we doing
stand up? Can we just go standing there?
Is it mean? Great.
Yeah. Do you, Did you ever go to like
a meet and greet like that on a night out?
The tension Strider 1 was one. I went to a Chris Jericho one.
See the tent you tried to 1. Did you get a photo with him
like you chat to him? Yeah, yeah, I'll find the photo.
Did you? Send it to.
I'll send it to Dan. Yeah.
Did you do you only send it right now?
Send that? Did you get to chat to him or
was he just? Going I came up to him and I did
really like that you strider time.
I was like mom, big fans are good to me and he just like
looked at me and like took the photo and fucked off.
Just was not. Is he like your height?
Smaller like I'm like this on tent you strider.
You were like, you didn't chat to him, but you got the armour.
Yeah, yeah, I got the armour and he's not up for it.
Like he's got the sunglasses. Who'd up?
He had his, who'd up like a hot over the hood.
It was really weird. But no, he's he's, he's
literally Tenchy. They're not going to have it
online. We'll just run type in naughties
UK pop acts and just call us out some and let we'll decide what
we think the price would be. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, let's while while they look up some of these acts,
what's our club right. So let's have we have a space in
mind where we book these guys for Yeah.
So is it are we in Belfast or we?
There's a lot of empty space in the Odyssey right now, right
throughout all the throughout the beach club, throughout the I
just take over boxes old place. Right, we rebrand or we keep it
as. We rebrand box.
We we brown box. I can't speak.
This is this is me and Mickey Bartlett. 7 pints maybe we'll re
brown box. Right.
We'll be all the big ox. We'll re brown box.
What do we call the new nightclub?
Something to do with like the Titanic or the docks.
The Iceberg Lounge. The Iceberg Lounge.
I think I'm stroked up from Batman, but.
No, no, no, no. Yeah.
No, I have. Let us take the Iceberg Lounge.
Yeah, let us in. I thought you were going to
argue and go, no, we call it the lattice.
I was like, no. No, it's the iceberg line, the
VIP, but it's called the lattice.
Yeah, right. So can you guys through some?
Smoking areas just that we load the lifeboats, The garden.
Weather, Tencent. Why is all people die?
I know. Good, Titanic, good.
Atomic Kitten. No, here's where we get in
there, like a wee bit of a grey area.
If it's not that old. Are we talking to original?
Are we talking to original lineup or are we talking
whatever the latest incarnation of this?
There's a latest. Incarnation of atomic.
They've changed a little bit as well.
Is it carried on left? Right, this is what I was
thinking. Is big KK in it because you know
she's making money other ways now?
Right. Do you?
Know what I mean? So you're going to have to.
She'll be a bit spammy. Is she only found?
She has on only fence. OK.
Right. So you're going to have to coax
her out of that. Right.
I think let's take all these as original lineups.
I said Tom Mckitton, because as well, there's three of them,
they haven't been together in a long time.
It's going to cost a wee bit more for them to.
They probably have big disagreements.
Yeah. And like a bit of beef.
So we gotta, we gotta like get them to squash out to come
together. And this is all for one A1 hour
set. Just a one off.
A1 off, one hour set. I'm going to say, I'm going to
say 9 grand, 3 grand. I was thinking about 10 so that
seems you know. Maybe they say 10 and they
settle for 9 they're happy with. That yeah, that's a will offer
Atomic Kitten. Sorry, did you say we say 10 and
they settle for 9:00? Yeah, there's so.
Bad. There's anyone there.
They're not. They're so bad at business.
Ten nine final offer. All right, Carrie.
All Stars. Who's that?
Scored four Top 40 hits between 2001, 2002 including Ashley
Taylor AKA Darren from Hollyoaks.
He was in it, yeah. I'm I'm gonna sit like me and
you're quite knowledgeable. Music guys, pop wise, never
heard of them. No.
I'm not. Two round. £40.
Don't remember them two round no.
I'll give them free slushies. You got to remember we've got to
pay their flights to come. Let's do, let's do flights and
accommodation or so that's covered.
OK, that's covered, right. So we get them like cheap
flights and we put them in the top.
Yeah, right. So the two grand.
I'm not even you're being I. I take 1 grand.
A grand, Yeah, Yeah. I have to pay for their own
drinks. Samantha Mamba.
See, she Here's the thing right? She has a different level in
Belfast because she was in a deal we advert so people know
that bad it, too bad it. Everyone the dance were ducking
there's. Just one guy diving in
handbutting everyone. The most that's a realistic.
Samantha Mumba. I'd say about 12.
Too high. But I'm going to say this.
I think I don't know anything about it, but I think she would
think she's worth a little bit more than actually what the real
value is. OK.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, but I would. I think 12 is overshooting it a
bit. I think Mumba's going to take it
it, but I don't know where she's based.
If she's based down South, get her off for it is.
She from down South, Yeah, I thought.
I don't know why. I thought she was like from
London. I don't, I don't know why.
I don't know. I don't even know what she looks
like. I don't, I don't know who this
is. Like, I know the bad air too.
Bad air. That's the reason I know who
Samantha is. No, she was beauty luck.
Right, right. I I'd say 12.
I think that's what she want. Done.
Oh, oh, lovely lady. Very good.
Oh, hello lovely lady. I feel bad now.
I was like, oh, that's why you give me that look when I said I
didn't. Think no, no, no.
I just. You assumed I'm a racist.
I didn't know what you looked like.
I'm OK with racism, multiculturalism.
You know Liberty X. Oh, OK, OK, now, now you're
because liberty acts were a big deal.
I remember totally photo booths you'd have in like Asda, yeah,
just go in the front and if you paid like 4 LB you can get a
photo. But like the group of Liberty
acts and then just like my fat face in it, celebrity acts were
they were the shit. Again, lot of moving parts there
and I think to bring them together, yeah, that's all for a
little bit more, just a little bit more.
Oh, just a little bit. I think because I think some of
them have gone on to do like stuff way outside of music and I
think they wouldn't be interested unless we had them
with a big offer. I think we're bringing out 16
grand for Liberty. X16.
Grand. I know, I know.
I don't think it's, I don't think we should do it from
business point of view, but I think that's what it's going to
take. What have they got other than
just a little bit more? What else are they bringing to
the table? Because I was going to go sexy.
That's the same. I know I really did that as.
Well, yeah, it's the exact. Same time I have one of the
albums I can't remember. I think I just isn't sexy.
And then I go back to the start of it.
Sexy Go back to the start of it and song for lovers.
There's a song for lovers that you hear all the time, but
you're like no other to me. I don't know.
I don't know why I'm down. So I'm just sitting here like,
sing away, we man. Down here else we got.
One true voice. I'll pay for this myself, OK?
I loved one true voice. If you don't know, you don't
know who one true voice are. Let me tell you on Pop Stars,
the Rivals, it was girls allowed and one true voice right now.
There was a fucking travesty in that one true voice were never
backed because they had something.
Let me tell you that right now. So they're, they're, they're
single was umm, uh, what was it called?
Shakespeare's way with words. No, Don, let me get on to that.
It was secret trust as and it was a double single after you're
gone double double single, right.
You got both on the one because you bought single.
Oh yeah, I know what double means.
Don, you mentioned Shakespeare's way with words potentially it's
not good, but the most underrated pop song of all time.
Let me run you through these lyrics.
No one true voice yet They won the show I think over girls
Allowed and everyone thought they're going to be massive
Shakespeare rewards with their second single that only I bought
out of anyone ever. If I had Shakespeare's way with
words, I would write a song it. If you put your name upon it,
how can I be heard in my heart I am a poet, don't know how to
show it. If only I had Shakespeare's way
with words. I don't think it got into the
top 300 in the charts. They they've topped the poll for
Britain's worst group. There you go.
Shakespeare's worst peaked #10. #10 on the charts.
Holy shit. I bought multiple copies of it.
I think we could get one true voice in for seven grand, but I
don't think we're doing business that night.
I feel that would be 1. Like, you keep pushing for it
and I keep telling you, no, This is Money that could be better
spent on carry Katona. Yeah.
And then you're like, now we've got them.
Yeah. OK, one more.
I don't even send them an offer. You don't want to.
This is a cause of fraction on our business.
Mystique. OK, we're talking some Myling
class up in this bitch, aren't we?
She was in. Oh no, she was in hearsay.
Oh yeah, she was here. Mistake was.
So so so. Skinny Alicia Dixon.
Yes, was scandalous by mistake. Yep, Alicia Dixon was in.
Do you remember the video for any or D Rockstar?
Yes. Oh no, lap dance.
Lap dance. No, I only know the rocks.
I was just, I don't remember in the Rockstar.
She's dancing in the video for any or D lap dance.
YouTube it but use your Nord VPN.
And your manscaped. Get into your encrypted tunnel.
And. Check that one out.
The encrypted tunnel on Earth. It's wild.
Yeah, it was one of those ones. Back then I didn't even know if
it was on. I didn't know how, I couldn't.
Just you have to make sure your parents weren't there in the
room. Yeah, I would get all that weird
and sweaty. I remember the video looked up
for me dirty by Christina Aguilera.
I was felt as an older man Now that's that's dirt to be on a
turn the. Option Never like a big
Christina Aguilera guy. Neither was I I watched it but
the sound off but the video the. Maker Grace Kelly.
Who did you? Out of that like era of pop, who
did you really fancy? Girls wise.
Now that you've said that, No Boys Wife, No Boys Wife sound
like the new incarnation of One true voice.
Boys wife sounds like a fucking West or boys and tribute boys
right? Who did I?
That is a great question and I need to think about this.
I'm thinking because Alicia Dixon was one from like I
thought she was gorgeous and still is.
My little class was up there for me.
Yeah, she was quite where? Where is she?
She was like. She was everywhere.
Followed everything, Yeah. Oh.
God, who else? This sounds weird for like audio
listeners because I've just went mailing class.
Oh God, who? Who would you have fancied?
Nothing. I was never, I've said as more
guys before, I didn't really fancy like celebrities.
I found them so like alien. Does that make sense?
Like they weren't even real. Right.
You know what I mean? It's realistic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's different.
You know, it's not like, like I have a teenage sister who loves
Harry Styles and like, and her should go like, I know I'll
never be with him. But in her eyes you can see
there's a little bit of hope. I don't think dudes do that.
I don't think guys are like, I'll, I'll be with Rihanna
eventually. There's like Rihanna?
Yeah, Rihanna's sister Chantelle is it?
Was it Chantelle? T-shirt.
Is that Rihanna's sister?
Yes, yeah. That's you're something new
every day. I I I'm pretty sure it is.
Maybe a cousin is it. Please look that up so I don't
potty fact myself here. I'm certain it's her sister.
Potty definitely has a potty factoid.
Someone called Chantelle her her boy at his own head in the Glen
Rd. Fine, nothing but his T-shirt at
all. That was.
Great, fuck you. While we find out their
relationship, the comedians, boxing is taking over
everything. Oh yeah?
Well, by the time this episode comes out, it's going to be a
week away. Would that be right down?
Roughly a week away. Yeah, let's go with that.
What as like a guy who you're going to do some commentary for
us on the night, you're going to be important, you're going to be
you're 1 of you're the ringer. Yeah, yeah.
Do you? What's your like take on the
whole thing? Like what are you observing?
Because it's all consuming for everybody in it.
And I would. I'm jealous because you get the
like. I'm watching everyone on
Instagram lose their collective fucking minds, which is really
enjoyable. Yeah, just watching you slobber,
date everyone slobber each other on Instagram.
I think because it's so light, so quick that it's good because
you can just focus on the training side.
No one's really posting the training, so I'm not seeing what
you're doing. I'm just seeing loads of people
in weird clothes in a gym every now and then.
Yeah. So I'm not seeing what's getting
into it. So I went to, it'll be a few
weeks ago, but it was a couple of nights ago when we're
recording this. I went.
So we've we've been doing a little bit of sparring with Sean
McComb in missile fitness. Yeah, in the West, just just a
bit, but it was more like. So how you talk about boxing
without doing this at any point, just doing away?
A lot of it is him just training me just do that noise and but
imagine I'm on Realty or not but just getting knocked out in 3
seconds. Dumb.
So yeah, we would do, we would do sparring, but it's only body
or we do sparring, but your toes have to be like touching from 1
shoe. So you're not, you know, so it's
very much like static. Does that make sense?
What do you mean you're so you have to have your?
I literally can't do the. Most so my my right toe would
touch your left toe. And you would.
Lean back so you're not really like you're close enough where
you're not going to hurt each other.
So we're doing sparring, but it's it, there's caveats to it.
OK, I see. Hello.
You've been reading as well as boxing I'm.
Sorry, my phone right? That's never happened in the.
Book I have one true voice. No, no.
Is Eddie Hearn and please don't do this.
But we went on Monday there to Holy Trinity Boxing Club and
West Belfast that has produced like all the Champions and I
thought we were going to be sparring each other.
So in my group it's Pete Geffen, Shawn Mcalevey, Ronan Boyle,
Rachel Mcpeak, Heather Anderson, right.
Hope I haven't left anybody. So we so I thought we were going
to be boxing each other as like a bit of a mix.
Get there. There's all these like kids
training and I mean you go into this club and by the way, like
you don't just feel the history of a place.
Yeah, you walk in, you go holy for like.
This place is prestigious, yeah. Pictures on the walls.
Trophies, I'll get that with they were playing.
I get that way. There's like comedy clubs FMN
like the Comedy Store, like oh. Fuck yeah, yeah, exactly the
same thing. OK, walk in.
There's 8910 year olds training and I'm like oh it's kind of
cool, cute that they're doing that.
Assassins just like the part, just with the pods.
Quick, strong as a Gen. You're learning how to go and
they're not going to go. That's what I need.
To do difference in technique, yeah, like they're.
Unbelievable. And I'm a thank God January.
I'm like, thank God I'm not fighting these children because
they knock us all out. I thought we were just barring
each other. We were doing full sparring for
the first time with the hair gear on with like 1819 year
olds. Thank God I'm not fighting these
children. Yeah, yeah.
Why? And here's the thing about it.
They're so like, disciplined. Like they're not just fucking
about. Yeah, they're looking at the
pods and I'm watching them throw a punch.
And then by the time I can, I've blinked through 4:00.
So I say to Sean McComb, like, oh, what's who am I mixed with
tonight? He was.
We're going to keep rotating it. So I'm like, oh, I'll be boxed.
Sean Mclavy and Pete Giffen. No, no, we're fighting like a
late juniors. So these are 1819 year olds and
they Christmas has come early for them.
Imagine being like training, being that age.
And then they go. There's some comedians that
think they can box. Do you want to get in the ring
with them? Fucking right.
Did they? Because they want to beat us up.
Yeah, but they were from when we walked in like the nicest kid.
You like everyone coming up, having a chat, making you feel
welcome. And I was shitting myself
because I was first in and you've got the hair gear on,
you've got the gum shield in. But now we're moving.
Like it's not just body shots. This is open sparring.
Straight to the head. I, I, I assume I'm not going to
be stupid. I'm, I'm assuming they were told
to take a little bit off like they're maybe going 70%.
I'm told you just go 100 because.
Was anyone proper fucked up by these kids?
Sean and EI Sean I'm pretty sure got it nose broken.
Sean Michael Levy. But.
They're that they're that quick. It's like it's unreal.
It's not what we're going to be fighting.
So if we can do this and get through it, we can fight each
other. Oh.
If I can make it through these children, then they.
I can't. Describe like.
I can't describe the speed, the power, the technique.
You can tell that, like anyone who goes to this place is
obsessed with boxing. Yeah, because I thought as well,
I was like being a bit paranoid. I go, they're all going to want
to knock me out to tell their mates they did it and we had
Calvin down film. And so I'm thinking they're
going to kick the fuck out of me here.
But they because they have that discipline and like, respect for
their coaches and the gym, OK, Nobody was like that.
Here's what I've noticed when you're saying like what have you
sitting notice from the boxing, from the outside?
These are all very paranoid. Every single 1 he is.
I feel like you've all watched a videotape a week ago and you're
going to die. To this day, you're all freaking
out. I know and I'm I'm the only.
You're one of the most common ones, and even then you're
shifting. I sent Potty, I was talking to
Potty last night on what's up about the boxing, just general
child. I was like, how's it going and
all mate and we're trying to work out a few things for the
night and I sent him a short clip of me doing sparring, but I
sent that his only view once because I didn't want him to be
able to send that on Johnny Bo. Apparently if Patty's telling
the truth, Johnny won't post anything in that group or any
later because he thinks Paddy's telling me, which he isn't.
So Johnny's doing this like secret training and it's but I
love all this because it's going to be over in a few weeks.
But it's fun. It's like it's pretend.
You know this like the boxing because I can't do it.
I'm on the outside. If we do stars in your eyes,
that 100% be my approach. I will not send you my
rehearsal. I will not tell you what I'm
doing. Train with children and then
you'll just see. Me, I'm a bit amazing.
Well, that's what that's what we are going to do is the next
thing. Yeah, because you know, there's
been there's been like criticism of this of like all to deck
measure and contest. It's a person competition.
Yeah, it it is. It is definitely like a we want.
You said I haven't seen anyone say that.
They will, Dave said it on the pot on.
Well, Dave's not doing it. I know, but but I do.
It's not like I don't get his point.
It is like there's like a what do you call like a mask in an
element to There's like somewhere like yeah, exactly.
But it's like, but I know how shit it, you know what I mean?
Like, I don't think I'm a boxer. I don't think.
I'm You're not out here being Jake Paul.
Yes, I'm going out of a comfort zone.
I'm doing this once. Yeah, I I love the fun of it and
the fact that I don't, for all I know Johnny's going to knock me
out, but it's just so much fun. Yeah, it's brilliant.
And the fact and you know, yeah, it's all for charity and we want
to raise a fuck a lot of money for Peps.
But. There is a, there is a selfish
element to it where it's like, Oh yeah, but we get to do have
this night. Yeah, I can't break anyone about
it. Like I'd love the shed talk
people but I'm also I'm aware I'm not doing it.
But you definitely can't. I don't know.
I can't sit and believe you'd be Do you remember when we played
the football right? Why did I turn 92?
Remember when we played the? Football, I remember.
You had the mystique all in the changing.
Remember when we were playing the football, we were getting
tanked 11/1 and Mickey Bartlett was on the side smoking figs and
eating something. He's like user shite.
And I was like, you don't get to say that because you didn't
play. Using that, that's why we're
going to be 11 but. It was like you, I was like, I
was so annoyed. I was like, you didn't even
fucking play I. Can't remember that.
Yes you can. Oh, was that when I scored the
50 yard half volley? Yes, I remember that now.
Yes, yes. Also, it was one of the best
goals I've ever seen in my life. Remember Me frantically trying
to see if anyone filmed it because it was a guy playing.
He went, I, my daughter caught that video and I was like, bring
me to her. I was like, she's like, I don't
know what she's going through her phone number.
Just just get it. I don't know if that I was like,
get it, get me the clip. She didn't have it.
I left. That's how I feel with the box
and I I even if someone gets brutally knocked out, I will not
shit talk them because I can't. I didn't do it.
Nobody should want anybody they nobody doing it should want.
Obviously you don't want to get knocked out yourself.
It was 10. You shouldn't really want to
knock somebody else out because ideally.
You're going to lose you. Put on a good spectacle, it's
good. But nobody, I don't I, I do not
want anybody to get hurt, least of all me.
But I don't want to. I don't want Johnny to hurt me
and I don't want to hurt him. I want at the end of it to be
like, that was great fun. I promise you I don't want to
hurt him. I promise you don't because he's
he's my mate. Yeah, if it can't be helped, if
it if it gets hurt, he gets hurt.
Oh, yeah. But that's part I'm seeing with
me. But if it was somebody I didn't
know as well, I'd maybe want to knock them out, right.
But I don't think me or Johnny would want to knock each other.
I think we both want to win. I don't think one knock each
other, OK, because I don't think we won't.
We're not. It's not in our like, psyche.
They want to. I think, I think people are
expecting knockouts, but it's it's white collar box you're not
going to get. No.
Knockouts, I don't think. I don't want to see anyone
really badly hurt me. We met her.
Yeah. Bergen knows we're showing.
That's funny. That is funny.
Yeah Sean. So I left the spot.
So we went to Holy Trinity, did a few rounds.
I my cardio I thought was like very good, been like running
loads, doing a lot of cardio stuff and I did 3 rounds.
Now the me and Johnny aren't going to be as frantic as like
the 18 year olds who boxed a couple times a week, but I
thought I was going to be sick on the way home.
Then I woke up the day after and thought I got a hangover purely
because I'd just been hit local times.
My head was vibrating. Yeah, welcome to my fucking
morning. Maybe you need to go to do that,
and if someone there hit you hard enough it might just.
Not sell a policy generally. Someone said this to me when I
said it wasn't in the box and they're like, sure, what's more
brain damage? And I was like.
I think it was me. No, I think it was Michael Levy,
actually. In for a penny.
Then it broke his fucking no, it was, it was Mike Levy was like,
sure, what's more brain damage? And I was like, yeah.
But I see the point not. I'm not ATV mate, you can't hit
me in the back and I start working.
I know, but if you do the track in a wee bit you might get
sorted out. Claim on my nipples.
Some work either, believe me, I'm trying.
Just in the hospital, sure. What so we're going to do stars
in your eyes night. I think limelight See, I was
going to say I ain't limelight want to be perfect for that.
Yeah. But then is this a thing where
people because obviously local comedy has such a following and
people are so supportive of the scene and a lot of the same
people will go to like, go to see me, go to see you, call them
Mickey, whatever. They just love local comedy.
So would it be we put on a big stars and rise and again these
all the only way we do these is if we're all for charity.
Yeah, all for. Charity who I don't who want to
make money out of this. One man here in Bartlett, the
man who's currently in Rome, given a lecture about coins.
I put up. Did you see?
You see the post I put up last night?
You see this? You didn't see this?
Kieran put up an Instagram story of him at the Trevi Fountain and
you know you're throwing a coin for good luck and make a wish.
He put up a story, got Chloe the filament and he flicks a coin
over his shoulder and I put up a post and said when you pretend
to throw a coin in the Trevi Fountain, no one fine rightly,
you're going to put a snorkel and go back in and get it.
I have no doubt that Kieran gave a lecture in Roman boy coins and
made Chloe spend the whole time fishing coins out of the Trevi
Fountain. Yeah.
Karen. He loves he'll.
Do the stars in your eyes now, but in your in his eyes, you
won't enjoy it because no, please let me do the honestly,
the guys run by the Vatican City at the minute doing a raffle.
Who would you say who you would like to be if we did?
Stars in your eyes? Or would you keep that secret?
I would like I've said before, I'd like to do The Darkness.
Justin Hawkins from The Darkness.
Yeah, I changed my mind on who I would like to be every.
Day, I probably would change it, but at the minute I think like
the last time we're probably going to do it, but we did the
box instead. But what I'm saying is, I think
limelight one for that, yeah, but I totally misunderestimated
the demand for the boxing. Now obviously the boxing so.
You what the misunderestimated. Misunderestimated.
Just underestimated. It's not a word.
Yes, but I'm. Calling.
I've been taking Blues to the head yard.
But I'm calling but I'm calling head hard.
I'm calling you miss. It's underestimate.
Would you come and spend too much?
Sorry, go. I under miss estimated the
demand for the boxing to the point where I thought we would
have to work really hard to sell it out.
But like you said, sold out in 2 minutes.
And then when we did that, everyone move it to the
waterfront. Yeah.
But any boxer I spoke to who normally come on the podcast
said whatever you do, don't have in the waterfront because it's a
brilliant venue for comedy and music.
But for boxing, the Ulster Hall is the venue.
Yeah. And but I think if we did a
stars in your eyes, I'd say limelight one, but.
I don't know if the demand is there for stars in your eyes
that it is for boxing. I think people would still go.
I don't think it would be the you.
Don't think it's Ulster Hall. I don't think.
It's a limelight 1. I think it's a limelight.
One, I mean Limelight. One's a rock.
Faint like it's maybe? Perfectly better, yeah.
Standing as well. Or if it were going to go bigger
Telegraph. But like, I don't think because
no way. You're like, oh, I don't think
I'm a boxer. If we do stars in your eyes, I
am the Beastie Boys in my mind. I will take it so seriously.
All three. I'll be all of them.
No, but one's dead. I'm him too.
Yeah, well. I will be all of.
Them What do you want with your body when you die?
Your buried guy, Your cremation guy?
Mushroom suit guy? What are you thinking?
What the fuck is a mushroom Mushroom suit?
You get buried in a biodegradable mushroom suit and
you you turn into the earth. You turn into mushrooms.
Is that a hang? No, it's a thing.
Yeah, yeah, it's a it's a thing. Some some celebrities, some
famous actor. We've done an episode on it.
Before I don't I would give all my organs away.
I don't care. I really don't care about what
happened. You could like just use me like
we even like marionette and scar people.
I don't you can weekend and burnings me.
I don't care. Yeah, give all my organs away.
I don't give a shit what happens after that right.
Do you know what I mean? What about you?
What would you?
I like the idea of we call burnt cremation.
Yeah, I like the idea. Burnt but leave you in a sunbed
for 12 minutes when you die. Disrespectful open casket.
They're like Easter. I can look.
I looks like a lobster. Going to be Google marks all
right I. Have to go to the afterlife.
Me walking about hell like a reverse panda.
That would be the worst thing. It might be a healthy and
scondered. The whole time the goggling
marks never fit. That's the torture of my head.
Hell, Hell's actually sweet, but I'm like, I look like a Dick.
That is so usually Hell's meant to be the worst peeing
imaginable, and you're like, I look terrible, right?
Now, Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I like the idea of cremation.
Yeah. But and if you're family you
want to get bury, you're like should formal fuck.
Foam, Foam. Well, I get formal in the tomb.
We're going to be in hell. Look at the stories their
funerals like Class I I would do with Tupac's.
Like Tupac got cremated and then his friends smoked his ashes and
then joint. I don't want to.
No one wants to smoke you. I want smoked Connor Keys would
smoke you smoke? Yeah.
I can't get Casey would smoke me and I respect him for it.
What if he smokes you? Oh, what if he smokes you on
stage at Lavery's in the comedy club?
And then you're, you're always in the club.
Do you know what I mean? Your vapours always in the club.
Some people breathe in and they're in laveries.
They're breathing in your organs.
Yeah, that'd be a bit mentally. I don't want that actually.
Yeah, Put me, I put my ashes somewhere in a comedy club
somewhere, just on a stage. That's where I'm on just in a
week last. Case, I think you have a
inflated opinion of what you think your legacy in standard.
What I'm saying is a separate stage what I want.
A separate stage for your Ashes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not always on this just, you know.
Just. Tiny take us from a small man.
So we matchbox. Yeah, it's gonna be cup and just
have me just somewhere in a comedy club.
I don't know, I said the potty McDonald he like a mural, not
when he dies, but he like a mural W Belfast.
Do you know what I what would if there is an afterlife?
I don't I personally don't think there is.
But if you got to see what was happening on earth after you
died, the worst thing imaginable for me would be to die, get a
mural done of me to mark my death in Hollywood.
And it's like wonky slightly. That would fucking kill.
Tell me if I'm like one of my eyes is lower than the other,
you know what I mean? Or like, there was just some
slightly off that would fuck my head so bad.
Would you like a mural, Donald? No polycarnate or something?
No. No no, because all the murals
are just fucking acts paramilitary so I don't want one
I. This might be a way to bring it
bring in like a. New thing the only part the the
only murals relevant Belfast are power military ones.
I'm terribly painted footballers.
Yeah. All she'd get.
I don't specifically mention one because.
Is it the one towards time past Collins water and it's Quasimodo
scoring a screamer? I think, I think in 2016, I
think it was good, but it's 2023 it.
Was it was never good. It was never good like it.
Was Danny DeVito play from Norman?
Who can forget when Slaw from The Goonies scored against
Ukraine? That was an amazing time.
Even the Healy one. Healy looks good in it, but no
one else, Yeah, in the photo looks good.
Ashley calls eyes. Or like on either side.
That's right. That's right.
It looks. Mental.
Yeah. I don't know.
I think, yeah, I'd like to be involved in the design process
myself. You ever see that sketch that
they did on James Corden Show where they did the fake statue
of David Beckham? No, no.
They Brit, you know that like LA Galaxy Stadium, you know way
back I'm. Like.
The first like guy to go there of this year and they put and
he's obviously for being as fuck.
They present them with a statue and it's massive but they've
done like a stupid one and he's not in on this.
And he has, like, a big, long chin and, like, his eyes are all
sunk in, like, to be pistols in the snow.
And like, his ball is ours is massive enough.
And they show him it and they get the reaction.
And he can't fake it. He's not like, most of us will
go. That's brilliant.
Yeah. Cheers.
And then after you go, can you sort this out and not have this?
Beckham's like, ah, what? He loses his mind.
Phenomenal. But that's that would be you,
yeah. Where's any art where I look
ugly? And I'm like, I just assumed
that's what I look like it. Doesn't any art where you look
at what art are you getting done?
Just anything, anytime I get someone.
Like, are you Emperor Claudius? Just no, I'm not.
We cartoon Jermaine. I look like a wee fucking
hillbilly. I just expect that's what I look
like. It doesn't bother me.
Yeah, I think we're opposites in that, yeah, you're a very VMR. I
don't really give a shit. I've said this before, might be
a weak defence. Do I like to try and look as
best I can? Yes, but with AVIII will look
and reflect the services. But it's only to make sure I
think I look all right and so it don't look bad.
I'm not like I don't look at myself and go.
I look at myself and I'm like, am I her OK?
Am I like doing effects anything on myself?
Yeah. But you know, at the same time,
I'm a good looking kid. I'm a good looking kid.
You're not a kid, you're 34, but.
But what I mean is, in the grand scheme of the Earth, since
Earth's been around, I'm a kid. I'm all right.
OK. I thought you were gonna say in
the ground scheme of the earth being around, you're one of the
best looking ones and I honestly believe you believe.
That No, I don't. I don't.
I don't.
For a Northern Irish person, yeah, you're you're very good
looking. Take you to Sweden, dog ship
Northern Ireland killing. It I know, that's why I refuse
to put Scandinavia on the tour. If you see me on tour coming to
your city, it's because I think I'm better looking to most
people there. People in Birmingham on the new
tour like a fuck you fuck you mice.
Yes, I have probably your bottom, sorry.
So I'm going to. Promote my bottom Oh you said
plug it in here that. I've 10 tickets left from a
Glasgow show and Van Winkle, I have the Monkey Barrel in
Edinburgh on the 18th of February and then me and
Victoria Angelina are doing a joint work in progress on the
13th of March in London and Bill Murray and Bill Murray and Bill
Murray. That'll be wild, how you getting
it? Holding down.
South So yeah, I'm doing a lot more UK shows, so get on them UK
people. And then I'm announcing a big
show here, but it's not announced yet so I can when will
be announced? Because by the time this comes
out you might be able to. I'll fucking say yeah, I'm
doing. Austria.
Exclusive. Exclusive.
I'll just say I'm doing the Ulster Hall.
I don't have a definitive. Date but will be in September
during the Ulster Hall. I love that attitude as well.
Not putting the data for just September.
So people buy a ticket.
Yeah, you'll be on sometime in September.
They got to get, they got to guess what?
I mean, I'll have to wake you up before September ends because
I'll be in the Ulster. Hall, go see it.
Hopefully you don't have a Green Day.
Thank you guys. Thank you very much for.
Watching for listening Patreon. Dot com set TV.
Podcast Doshi and todd.com for my tour which is later in the
year you might you might not see what they tell you on the tour
you will because I've asked you to do yes thankfully you're
going to do it, which will be great you always do a great job
and you're phenomenal stand up thanks for coming on Thank you
you're a nice you're a nice young man thank you for having
me No, no worries. Am IA nice young man?
Yeah, you're a nice young man. Absolutely.
I just. Need to remember that I was just
saying people. Think I'm a dickhead?
Yeah, but you're also a nice young.
Man, Yeah, yeah, no, but like. You're a nice young dickhead.
I don't get that second. Part of it, I think people just.
Say you're a nice young man. Thank you and.
And we live in a time where? We all promote ourselves a lot.
And sometimes you we all get, you know, you remember, you're a
nice young man. Thank you.
OK. Thank you.