Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this episode of the Team with Me
podcast with my guest, Andrew Ryan.
Hello. Good morning.
Hello. Now you just told me your pores
are open when you're bloody well closed.
Now I've been using this blackhead scrubber on me face,
you know, trying to get me skin ready for the summer, like, and
it's made me skin worse because the pores are open, the dirt's
coming out. So I've got bad skin at the
moment. But I think if you if you do a
face scrub and then cold water I think closes your pores.
Well, whatever it is anyway, the pores are open.
I need to find a system. Now can I tell you them?
See, when I use any moisturiser bar the one I have, I get a rash
in my face. Yeah, my skin doesn't like it,
but for a couple of days it likes it.
Yeah, I. Look great.
Can I tell you we went to a wedding which we'll talk about?
See that two days before I did a collagen face mask, my wife left
this College of face mask on my side of the bed for months.
And I've never put it on. And then I put it on.
No, it's like the material of it feels like, it feels like you're
wearing a big wet pancake, right?
Yeah. But she'd just gone to sleep and
I put it on. And then I didn't know it looked
like that. Then I looked myself in the
bathroom mirror and I went, if she wakes up because I haven't
told her I'm putting this on. If she wakes up at any point,
looks over at me because you have to like, lie on your back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's going to get really
scared. So I was imagining what that
would look like. And then I start like, giggling,
laughing, but it's just like dark.
Yeah, in my house. And then that woke her up and I
went. I could see her like because.
They know you're having fun, so they.
Don't look, don't look. You know what I mean?
If you see me like this, you'll scream.
And then she admitted if she had to see me like that without me
warning her, she would have. She would have screamed.
There you go. But can I say them see after my
face was looking unbelievable. Yeah, I need to get a collagen
or something. College and face mask.
I speak to Julie about it. She'd have to start something
that she's good at. All that stuff.
Like they all are women. Yeah, but you.
But I like if I use any other moisturiser bar mine's awful.
Yeah, it looks good for a couple of days and then it gets all.
I don't have a routine. I'm trying to get a skin
routine. Yeah, because I've, I've, you
know, my life is really good at the moment and I'm keeping it up
so well in routine and. Stuff.
May I ask a personal question? Yeah.
Last time we were chatting on the Paul, you were talking about
coming off anti. I'm off them but could they do
anything to your skin? No, it's just the poorest man.
I dirty skin. I'm just cleaning it, right.
No, no, I'm completely off the antidepressants now, free from
the little white pill and I'm on the blue one.
No, what? The white pill.
Just the white pill. All right, you're making a joke.
See right there OK comedy podcast.
You're the only guy I can see you snorting Viagra.
Oh, I just think you do. It's made in Cork, isn't it?
Yes, that's. It's made near my own big
family, it's made in a big farmer than cork like.
Did you ever work for like a big pharma come like do well
experience or anything? No, I never, never worked in no,
When I was growing up in Cork I worked in a maternity hospital.
When you were a kid. When I was like 19.
Doing what? Admin all right in the off in
the hospital like all right, so maternity hospital, Earnville
maternity hospital and then it merged it's closed now, but it's
a hospital like it's not it's not looking for a.
You messed up. No, yeah, it merged, but another
hospital, said Finbars. And it became the Cork
University Maternity Hospital to became one like I knew that.
Great song. Which favourite Spice Girls
song? What's that one where they're
all? What's that one where they all
go wannabe My lover wanna gotta get in the bin?
What? You gotta be my lover?
You gotta get with the skin. Skin is what is it?
What is it? Wannabe, wannabe.
There you go. Great song.
Who did you fancier?
The space group. Victoria.
Really. Yeah, Yeah.
Big Victoria fan. You like?
Not you know got a gun offer a bit now he's married like so not
much I can do there it's. Not definitely.
I'm not into fashion. Can I say something?
And not just because you're wardrobe, but even if you were
single, I don't think there's a lot you could do there.
To be honest, which I gave when I was younger.
Like you think the only thing holding you back from end up
with Doria Beckham is that she's now married to.
David Beckham. But is she happy?
No, not a chance. You know even her own anymore
didn't the son doesn't talk to. Him.
No, he does not ever. Do is whatever's going.
On scrambled eggs on tech. Talk, but no, no, like spice
curves. Now, I wouldn't say I wouldn't
go watch them. Like no, they did really well
for for what it was. You know, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you know, but they all, they've all done, done all
right, like. Sippers, this episode of the Tea
With Me podcast is sponsored by none other than That Prize Guy.
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podcast. I've got a lot to talk to you
about. We've a lot to dig through.
Let's go. I've I've seen Andrew Ryan loses
loses temper and short bursts. I once I don't lose my.
Not lose your did. Not angry, not aggressive, But I
lose the head. I've seen you lose.
I lose the head, yeah. Right.
I've seen big head losses. I witnessed A generational
Andrew Ryan head loss. So we were a Tony and
Christina's wedding. It's great day.
We had it. Everyone had a bite.
What a day big. Shout out to Tony Christina,
they put on a phenomenal day. The weather was great,
everything was great. The food comes out, it was
great, everyone's delighted, everything was going great and I
actually said I go rare. You sort of go to your wedding
and everything goes great. It was.
A bad form.
It was a smooth as a smooth. Until the potatoes start to get
dished out. Yeah, I know.
This is where I had an issue. We're at long tables.
The the brilliant catering staff come out and they're giving out
a few bowls of potatoes. They're going down a long line.
Production gets held up a little bit.
The production line gets held up a little bit.
I'm sitting beside an English guy.
Shout out to Curtis. Yeah, he gets what I would
describe as one of the last bowls of potatoes for a while.
Well, the last shop, right? A cycle.
Well, you see, again, this is where I think you only saw some
of the story. So I was sitting across from
Shane's wife and I was on the receipt of the potatoes that
were coming from the left. And you were actually on the
receipt of potatoes coming from your right.
So we were on two different potato journeys, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
So I've had my steak, and a steak was unbelievable.
You look at it, you didn't even have to put.
You just lift up the knife and the steak cut itself.
It was that in. Tune.
It was a self harming steak, right?
It was the IT was a gorgeous steak, right?
But I'm I get served and I'm seeing the potato 8-9 people
down and there was English people down there.
Now this is where I think your head loss started because
Curtis, who was sitting beside me, only had a couple of
potatoes left to be fair in the bowl.
By the time he got it, he took them.
You wanted it and he went, oh, it's a bit.
He goes, maybe it's a bit bad taste that I'm taking these off
you and looked at you. Now I thought that was 10 out of
10 famine banter and you did not appreciate.
It I didn't appreciate it, you did not So So what happened was
so I wait, I'm wait. I was waiting for my potato,
right? My steaks getting cold here like
yeah, I have to have all the things ready to go to enjoy the
dinner, right? So eventually it comes up and
there's a guy next to me. He's a big unit, right?
And I didn't want to interrupt him by saying, and I thought he
took a scoop too much. So I called too much.
I thought I called them out. Yeah, I said.
Listen, you, you're overindulgent there.
Doesn't know by the way I. Don't know the guy, but actually
said it to his head. I know you did.
Nice to meet you, but you've taken a bit too much there and I
don't appreciate it. Send it up.
Yeah, so I got it anyway. I got a scoop and a half.
Normally at a wedding you get 2 1/2 scoops.
Anyway. Waiter comes over and I said
listen, any chance you can fix me up with some potatoes And he
goes I leave, will leave with me.
He went away and Judy's tapping me going will you just will you
relax? I said.
I said I just don't have enough. Potatoes.
At this point, you're gone. I was gone, right.
He comes back, the waiter, lovely fella and he says I'm
very sorry Andrew, we've no potatoes left.
I went right. You know what, I play the cards
and dealt. It is what it is.
Yeah, we're handed right. A fucking bowl of potato
appeared on my right, which was your left, about three people up
when I spotted it and I said I'm having a bit of that now.
I checked every other plate in the area to see how they had
their potato and two people didn't.
But one of the guys knew I was looking for more potato so he
sent it to me. And then I looked over and I
realised it was an English woman that didn't have any potato.
And I said, well, I'm going to have to give her some potato
because I don't want to be. So I handed the ball over and
the Englishwoman was like a reverse famine.
Yep, right. I handed the potato to the
Englishwoman and I never got that fucking ball back.
That ball went like. So you're missing a crucial
detail here. What?
The waiter didn't come over to you and be like, leave it with
me, you went to them. But he was there like, no, we
don't need that. Andrew, we don't need to know
that Andrew tried to recruit a gang to go and confront the
cater. I did ask another guy to ask a
waiter for more potatoes. The guy said it.
Wasn't just all on me like. Big man went to the kitchen, He
came back. You went to the kitchen?
No, you went. I know what I went.
I didn't go to the kitchen, I went towards.
I went to have a look, obviously what was coming out of the
kitchen. Was there any more potato going
to other area? It was such a long walk.
It was such a long walk and he stomped his way there.
I just want the potato And then out of nowhere a bowl of chips
arrive to his table. No one else.
He starts eating chips and then starts flicking the Visa me.
He's like, he's like eating the chips.
It's gone. So then I got the other way to
back it. But if there's no potato, can
you get me chips? So his head, his hair was so far
gone, right. I couldn't eat the potatoes
because there was there was buttering.
But I said, listen, because you know what I'm like, I'm like
this guy. I go, guys, no problem.
You're up against it today. Don't worry, you're having a
great day. I'm happy with my steak and some
veg. Not a problem.
I knew I was going to McDonald's later, more on that to come.
But then the catering staff came back out to me and they said,
Shane, we've just brought you an extra steak.
And I went, oh, unbelievable. Right.
So I get given an extra steak. I go, look, that's far too much.
Then they go, we back in a minute and they bring me a big
bowl of chips. Yeah.
But then other people started going, is there chips?
And I had to go. No.
Yeah. Not for you, there's not.
That I saw that and then I for. Daddy, but there's Daddy chips.
I know, but I started asking for that.
I started asking for chips because if he's getting chips,
I'm getting chips. And then, but they never brought
them. I know, but I like it was such a
good day, but the the way the potatoes were spread out was it
was there needs to be something needs to be looked in an.
Inquiry. Yeah, because the English got
more potatoes than us. Watching you.
To I mean, but it was great. They were good crack and my
favourite part of the wedding was shame was the MC right?
And after he did the MC Rocky sat down and I said well done
Shane, congratulations on doing that.
You did a great job and then didn't somebody turn around you
and go, or was that your first time public speaking or
something? You have a strange memory of
this, isn't that right? I sat down.
Here's the thing Tony said to me.
Will you bring on people to do the speeches right?
I said not a problem on the day. It was more of a case of there's
a bit more involved. I said not a problem.
I'd, as I'm bringing them into the room, Tony and Christina, I
said to them, do I do a bit of stuff here?
Like you've got the pig, do you want the grunt?
I said, do you look, do you want a bit of something here?
And he went, that's why I've got you.
So I said, all right, so I had to improvise a bit of a set.
Yeah, what you did great. Unbelievable.
Yeah, really great stuff. Great Jack, great jokes.
And I killed it. But a riffing bit of improv.
Good stuff. Christina's friend that does a
bit was just doing something about in France tells the whole
story. I say gracias at the end of it.
Everyone shoot, shoot, shoot. Right.
Overshadowed the wedding, somebody said.
Anyway, I set down after it to a claim from the table.
Great job, Shane. You know, some people well done.
Brilliant. You know, voice of a generation.
Whatever. Andrew goes, Yeah, good set,
mate. And I went, oh, thanks, Andrew.
And he goes, you'll get the hang of it.
He goes, you'll get the hang of doing stuff like that.
You were the 1. Was that me that said it to you?
Yes. Oh, I can't remember.
And do you know why you did it? And it was actually a tough
watch because you had new friends around you, people you
didn't know before. Yeah.
No, but I was making your. English friends.
I didn't speak to the English much.
I love the English, yes, but you know, but what it says, I, I, I
was trying to make a point was like, oh, well done, Shane, You
didn't, you did great, You know, for like your first time kind of
thing, like, yeah. And then I think someone looked
over. So it was the first time I
really. Yeah, yeah.
Or something like that. Like.
Well then I think about an hour later they realised, you know
what? I.
Mean who they're dealing with, who they're.
Dealing with like, yeah, I mean. Well, couple things I I
mentioned about the steak. I had already decided I was
taking a ragtag Bunch of Misfits the McDonald's at some point.
Oh, you were. There I was.
There we have to talk.
About Aaron Butler. So did it make the news?
Did you not see the article afterwards?
It made the news, yeah. So how we how?
Right. So on the day of the wedding,
there was a parade. Yes, an orange parade.
I've never been to an orange prayer before.
I still haven't been to 1. But it was on next door.
It was on outside and like. Literally outside like we.
Were having food and you could you could hear this you could
hear us, which is, you know, whatever and I got a knot not
from. Todd, I got, not from.
Todd going You got a Todd knot. I got a Todd knot and.
I just went, we're off, I said to Julie.
Hold the point the back of them. I said there would.
Half a dozen guys. McDonald's.
Cross the road so close. And it's cheeky to do that on
the Newton. Road.
Yep. People were going, but there's
this pretty I said. Guys, stick with me.
We'll be all right. We go over to McDonald's, New
Nard roads lively. Yeah, I said.
Keep your head up, young ones. Keep your head and swivel
Follow. Me, we go in, there's a bunch of
boys outside, can't get teenagers, can't get in.
They've got the hoods up to go, we can't get in.
So security have closed the doors, right?
One security guy for the whole building it's kicking off.
In between this we got brought in like The Beatles.
Right where? Where it's called suits Tie.
I'm there. A bowl of Mashed potato.
Yeah. Stolen the mash.
We. We have brought in bottles
overhead. I got it all but the tops.
But here's the. Thing I'm chatting to the use
outside too and the start I'm I'm I'm mates with security
mates where I go folks we need it.
We need all calm down here anyway.
We get in, get our food when we're about to leave.
Yeah. There's no security, the door
is. Closed, right?
But we need to get out and there's no security for us to
go. Can you open the door for us and
let us out? So someone pulls the door open
and we go to get out and I go. Someone is like, make sure we're
close up behind us. Stop this kicking off.
Aaron Butler leaves the door open as the last one out and
goes. Go on ahead, boys.
I go, what are you doing? And it's too late.
They're in like. And then the security comes out
and I was like oh for fuck's sake.
Anyway, we get back to win. As we're walking back to the
venue, my mate John is walking the other way because he's heard
people on the road. Yeah, yeah, right.
So he's on his way up and I go, we've already been.
He sends a video from McDonald's 5 minutes later.
Full scale riot caused by Aaron Butler.
Yeah, he was entirely responsible for that.
And then? The following day, it said fast
food restaurants in Newton Rd had to close down because of the
amount of young people within the.
No, I don't know, but they were all there was open when we were
in there. Yeah.
So it's obviously closed after we left.
Yeah. So, yeah.
So, unbelievably, he liberated them.
Yeah, he liberated. Him to get their their their
cheeseburgers and chips yeah, but.
That way. I thought that was wild.
Always crazy. Like, but it was a, it was a
really good day and we left like, I don't know, I left
before you would think you're a taxi booked.
Yeah. Did you go?
In that taxi, did you go over that?
Yeah, we left before you. Such a good day like.
Thing about the taxi is we got a recommendation for a taxi
driver. Go.
This is the guy, my kind of taxi driver. 0 chat the entire way.
Drove a 300 mile lower OH. Unbelievable we were.
Home in 7 minutes. He's on real Yeah.
Night was good. So then the night was great.
Great day, I couldn't have had a worse night from the second we
got home to the next morning. Why get ready for this?
What we get home one in the morning?
I was fairly rightly at the wedding you had.
You were all up dancing. It shades on.
You had a few ciders. Yeah.
Your wife was having a great time.
My wife was having a great time. I was drunk.
Not badly, not badly drunk. No, right?
I go up, I don't have a sore head the next day, get home at
1:00 AM in bed here, the smoke alarm go and they're like like
the carbon monoxide here. All the alarms go in my house
basically at 1:00 AM that we've had trouble with the alarms
recently going off every now and again.
Some sort of fault with the alarm, right?
And for fuck sake, are your kids.
In the house, yeah. But I know, I know, it's just a
problem with the alarm. But Even so, the alarms are
going off loud everywhere. Super.
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The. Alarm.
There's one. Point of our living room that's
really high up and I mean like 20 feet right.
The only way to press the button, all you need to do is
press 1 button to stop this but the only way to do it is we have
this extendable pool for skylights and there's a wee bit
on the end of it yeah, if that. Oh, we've all done.
It yeah, if you do. That, but I mean, it's real.
I mean it's really high upright, so it takes ages to like you've
to line it up and then you you press it and you're fucking
getting the wrong thing. So I go downstairs, 3 in the
morning, all this orientated, I've been drinking.
I go down and hit the thing. Right, sort of.
Kids didn't wake up, we're fine. Get back in the bed. 15 minutes
later, beep. Beep beep to put the alarm on
snooze or something straight down.
But twice in one night, what are the chances 15 minutes later?
The only thing I could do was I've got to write off the night
right? This is this is my night is
fucked, but I I accept that they actually hit that thing.
I need all the lights on so I can see it properly.
So I had to, from 3:00 AM sit downstairs in my house in my
pants because I couldn't go up and then get my clothes in case
it went off while it was up there.
I don't want the kids to wake up so I had to sit quite cold in my
pants already hungover. Like already hungover at 3:00 in
the morning with all the lights on and just sit and wait for
every. 15 minutes, but then. At about 4:00 AM, it became
every 5 minutes. See, by the end of it, do you
know what it was? See that thing?
I became unreal at that because see, using that big giant pole
to hit that thing, it's like, it's like trying to hit a
snooker ball from up the top of the street to the bottom of the
street. Yeah, I know what you.
Mean pinpoint. Like but I became so good, I get
that off but it became every 5 minutes.
So your wife's? In bed, asleep.
Yep. My ladder does not reach the
thing, they hit it. I can't turn it off.
It's a battery powered thing so I can't turn it off at the
mains. So until so you.
So you don't have a ladder high enough for you to go to take it
out and play it out the back, correct.
She, you know, so you all you can do is just keep, just keep
pushing the button. It's Japanese.
Torture. Yeah.
From 3:00 AM until 7:30 I I sat there because the first while I
tried in between us I going to sleep, but you wouldn't even see
by the second you just about got to sleep.
You know how? Did you solve it at 7:30?
Father-in-law brought a lottery and I had that.
I should not have woken. Up before and all half three
tomorrow. So can we just do this now?
Why did you wait till half seven?
I'd have gone over and said listen, I need to get back to
bed. I know I'm waking you up but I'd
rather just do it now. I'll buy you lunch tomorrow or
something as an apology. No, I'm not.
Like I was prepared but I think on the pool but.
The solution is next door. But how would you wake him up?
Knock on the. Door set, set off his fucking
hell arms or something like, I don't know, like I don't know,
knock on the door like. But then I couldn't leave.
Here's the thing as well. What do you need to get?
Your wife involved here? I couldn't.
Leave my house in case because I knew it would go off straight
away. Maybe looking back, I could have
banged at the pole and then and then back.
Right. And what did your father-in-law
said? Half seven when you told me you
were sitting there to treat out, Did he turn to a well, you just
call me. Yeah, but.
It but I was like, Oh no, it's OK.
But then I had, by the way, I've to then go, I don't know, 1520
feet up this ladder, but it's not one of those ladders like
it's against the thing and then I have to lean out.
I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah, screwdriver.
To push the wee thing in and then twist.
So see if like if I was doing that normally I'd be all I'm
scared. But see, just at that time, I
wouldn't care if I'd have fallen off a ladder if you had an.
Engineer, come out and look at this.
Have you have had a result? All sorted?
Now what? Was the.
Problem. Some of the one of the that
smoke alarm just to be a bit defective.
So we replaced all the smoke alarms, all the carbon monoxide
alarms in the house and then I brought in a separate we carbon
monoxide alarm while all this was happening that didn't go
off. We're all good now, you're safe.
Now, yeah, but I keep. See if I hear we beat below.
So, so your day on Saturday, your day on Sunday, we just
wrecked all day. Then I had you'd go up to.
Hollywood, then no sleep. And hungover all day.
And then we went to The Dirty dock with my dad and I, I
ordered honey chilli chicken chips.
And I was just going to make or break me.
And it made me. I was, I was pretty after that.
But it was the wedding was unbelievable.
And then I had the worst night ever.
Oh, of course. Yeah.
But I became so good. What's deck like?
But what has? That taught, you know, because
it's taught me something. What has that taught you because
based on your experience, has taught me something?
Smoke alarms. Overrated.
No, if I have a. High ceiling.
I need a high ladder. Yeah.
So if I have a high ceiling, I need a ladder that can get me up
to that ceiling to turn off an alarm.
There's no point in having an alarm that high if I can't get
up but the horse had. Bolted.
I know but but how are you going to change the battery in that
you have to rely on some your next door neighbour which is
your father-in-law to fix that alarm.
You see, what if he was on holiday now what you done bank
on the? Fact that he wouldn't take his
ladder on holiday. What if he was?
On a lot of holiday, people bring their ladders.
They just do climbing things, don't they?
What? If he was on.
Holiday, it was locked up. Oh, we see my point.
Like, yeah. Yeah, people.
Who have who drive a car with no roadside assistance?
He said to him. While you're going to the car
breaks down, I'll just ring my dad.
What's what's he doing? What's in fucking Spain?
Like, yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're not.
Prepared, high ceiling, high ladder, that's the game.
High risk, high reward, that's the game we're in.
But. Yeah, it was.
It was absolutely awful. Yeah.
Good. It was up.
What? No.
No, it's good that it's all it's
sorted. Like it is awful.
And it and it. No, that that was the wrong
choice of word. That yeah, that was the wrong.
That's good that it's it's it's over now.
I mean, it's good that it's over.
And does your wife know that your wife knows you stayed up
all night? Yeah.
To protect the kids. You would have got a bit of
brownie points for that. Like do you know?
What? I don't even expect that,
because you know what? What do you expect from a pig
butter girl? Fucking weird on that.
I have other things I want to chat about, but I want to play a
game. Yeah, don't play a game.
All right, I just devised this this morning.
Right. Is this are these real NFL
players or what? I don't know their.
Name. I don't know.
Yeah, but I know nothing about the NFL.
Well, that person called National Football League.
See if you. Knew about the NFL.
This game wouldn't work. Are these real NFL players or
have I just made this name up? What do I get for winning
respect? OK, Gefavius Jabbar Junior.
Is that a real NFL guy or have I got up?
Yeah, No, is it not? Sounds like I made it up.
That's the whole point. You made it up.
Brilliant. To Fabius Jabbar, junior.
To Fabius. I just made that.
Up is. There anything on this phone?
Are you just looking at a phone? All right, OK.
Right. Are these real guys from like
years ago, right right up to now?
Barkhavius Mingo. It's so.
Mental. I'm saying yes, yeah, yes.
Alright. Jack, so mental.
I'm saying yes, OK. Wonderful, terrific moms the
second. Come on.
False. Now he's a real NF.
What? Yeah, yeah.
Shout out the wonderful, terrific moms.
The second sounds like an. Ice cream, I know.
Vesuvius Hermann Hovima. False.
Yeah, false. I just made that up.
Yeah. Stayed in the hotel called
Hovima La Pinto when I was in Tenerife, Earthwind, Moreland.
True. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's America and it's football.
It's fucking idiots Deck. Buttkiss.
Well, if Willie Thompson was here now, he'd be all over that
one. He no.
Space, actually. Yeah, yeah.
No, not real Deck Buttkiss. Real guy, real guy.
And I've seen him and he looks like a deck Buttkiss, Does he?
Pinkett, Deadington. False.
Yeah, I made. Them Captain Monerlin.
False. True.
Oh, de Brickshaw, Ferguson, de. Brickshaw.
You ever admitted de Brickshaw? False.
No, de Brickshaw Ferguson. Real guy.
Real guy.
Remington catastrophe. False.
Yeah. Do trail biscuits the 4th
biscuits. Biscuits do trail.
Biscuits the 4th. Oh yeah.
Fuck this is so annoying, a sport I know nothing about and
nor do I want to know anything about it haha.
Clinton Dicks. True.
Yeah, he's true. OK, last one.
Andrew loves it in the butt. Is he a real NFL player?
Andrew loves. Andrew loves it in the.
Butt we false love it in the front.
Yeah, false. False.
Don't do but. What do you think of the game?
What came? Back a bit.
A bit of work to do. Yeah, a bit of work to do, but
I'll call. You quite a few, so can you call
me? Oh yeah, but what you but what,
you know, like there's no jeopardy for me in it, you know
what I mean? Because like, you know, I don't,
I have no interest in American sports.
I don't find it interesting. Like really.
I Youtubed the rules of American football, yes and I watched a 10
minute video but they all have to go 10 yards or something. 10
metres and have certain plays. Marginal gains. 7.
Plays, is it or something like whatever it's and I just went,
you know what? It's too busy.
Yeah, I take defence. Too much stoppage, too too many
adverts. So boring.
Say what? We're hopefully going to New
York, yeah. I'm, I'm going, I'm going to
support sport. Do you?
Do you say we got invited to baseball, American football or
basketball? What one would you want to go
to? Or ice hockey?
I go. To American football, Well, ice
hockey, you can do it here. There's no point in seeing that.
I'll go to basketball because it's a bit more closer, isn't
it? Yeah, baseball.
I lost to be courtside of the Knicks.
I'm not. Hearing great things about
baseball. Who from people like.
Yeah. I've been a couple of times.
Any good, You know? Yeah, it's good.
You know, if you put a couple of hurdlers, get a football, Jordan
is. Reinders.
Yes. Reinders, and they're not.
Exactly in the peak physical conditioner, but you can't think
yourself really. Basketball is good.
Me and my dad went to a Brooklyn Nets game at the Barclays
Centre. Yeah, but it was like a Monday
afternoon at like lunchtime and we, it was like Austin a cup,
like some friends and family of the players.
Nobody had it. But why was?
That is it like a just a training game or something?
It was. Yeah, it was like preseason or
something. It was brutal.
I get. Savannah Bananas might be the
team for Andrew Savannah. Bananas are fun guys.
They. Put on a basketball?
No, they're minor. League Baseball.
No, no, it's. Like ex exhibition baseball
games. I don't think there's a price
not they don't play it properly. Oh, they're.
Basically like wild characters, big entrances, it's all like,
were they based? They go all around there, they
sell out stadiums everywhere. So is it like?
A Harlem Globetrotters, but for baseball sort of thing, yeah,
but they. Do play against other teams.
I think they've now set up a league where there's other sort
of teams like them, so they're all trying out to each other
with sort of the entertainment around the game more.
Entertainment rather than Yeah I.
Think, see if we could go to the next game or in New York.
I love that. Yeah, it's a Madison Square
Garden. Yeah, I.
Think next time I go to New York, I need to calm down a
little bit. I got very excited the last time
I was there, you know what I mean?
They're just buzzing to be there.
Like, yeah, I mean, but you know, I'm in good health now, so
it's good. You need to get.
It come to the ice pass for me. No, I got it set up yesterday
and two mornings in a row in my garden.
Even ice. Pot in your garden?
Yeah. Full machine.
Yeah. Full box, Yeah.
And. And how do you.
Where do you get the ice? You don't.
It regulates itself plugged in plugged.
In and how do you have to change the water?
It says every two to four weeks and you're going.
To do this every day. Let's see how.
Long you go in for. I didn't.
I tried to go in for 2 so I mindset to 4° which I thought
was the sea temperature and then looked it up at the sea
temperatures like 10°. But I've gotten an even colder
I'm going to stick. With it, I tried to do 2 minutes
yesterday I did one minute and then I did one minute ago.
Do you know I also not that I'm cheating a bit, but I need to
put a wee bit more water into it because mine, mine goes up to
just above my nipples, but it needs to go up to your neck I
think. So I'll put a bit more water in
it. Nolan.
And have you heard about my potential, as you mentioned
nipples there, but my surgery, I won't ask you.
About that, but would you do an ice bath though?
Yeah, I would. Yeah, I've, I feel good after
I've swam in the sea. Like, yeah, I swam in the sea.
Have so I. Know, but it's about that.
It's like that, isn't it? Once you get over the initial
shock of it like I'd say. This is I find it easier than
being in the sea because you're sort of contained.
I like that. Do you know what I mean?
It's cleaner as well, isn't? It I don't mind seawater, but I
mean, I just mean like I'm sitting on a seat and you're not
having to go all the way to a beach and all that kind of
stuff. The sand.
I hate sand. Sandman What's the what?
What's the benefit of the Cold War?
What's what's what's doing? Just fucking charge up.
I think it gives you a dopamine hit does that.
Yeah, yeah. You see a lot of X addicts do
that, don't they? Drug addicts?
Because they need a hit, don't they?
A lot of X drug addicts will go see.
So I'm in recovery. From Football Manager, as you
know, yeah, yeah, this has helped me.
I know, but yeah. But I just think it's like I
didn't feel like of we buzz going in the morning, I'm fairly
woken up. And you do this what before the
school run or after school run first thing?
As soon as I wake up straight into the.
Wow. 1:00 AM. Is it a bit?
Extreme, is it? No, I don't think so.
No, I would. I wouldn't buy one.
No. Like, you know, if it was I I'm
not great in water, right? I can shower, but like, I don't
swim. You.
You'd. Be a you'd be a paddler.
Yeah, like I don't really go up to the knees.
You like, I don't really go. Into pools, you know?
Yes. You don't need to swim in a nice
bath I. Know, but it's kind of like, you
know, No, you don't. My point is that like shit, I
don't have bats, right? I have a bat in me house, but I
don't have a bat. You get them in your roof.
Space quite a bit. Yeah, but I have a bat.
I have a bat in the house. Bats like I have a bath in the
house, but I don't I don't I don't have a bath like what I
mean Well, I. Would bath 6 * a year?
I don't sure there's no need for it.
There's no need for a bath. There is.
There isn't some Sunday night you need a bath, the old Sunday
night you need a bath. There is you do you need a wee
bath? Like I have a cup of tea in the
bath. Is that weird?
Yeah. Do you like candles and stuff
and you put like music on I? I don't light candles to have a
bath, but if they're do, do you? Run a bat for your wife.
If someone else in my house lights candles, I won't blow
them out, OK? Do you run a bat for your wife?
No, because I'm. Not going to run a bath.
I'm not good temperature guy. Right.
OK. Well, I think, I think bats are
overrated. They're they're too busy.
It takes too long for what you're getting out of it.
I agree. Agree on that.
You know what? I.
Mean, I actually agree. I actually agree with you.
I like a. Warm bath, though, but I like, I
like a lot of bathwater. I don't like, get a few things
out of the bath. You know what I mean?
Yeah, I don't like that. You don't like.
I don't. I don't.
I like, I like to be under the water.
You know what I mean? I don't like a shallow bath like
a deep. Bath.
I like a deep fall bath. Yes, OK, fair.
I like everything to be. Submerged.
For what particular reason? Comfort.
OK. Cool.
I don't know. I.
Just like, you know, sometimes if you're penis, if you know
what I mean. Oh, it's too big.
No. Oh, for what?
The bath. All right.
No, I mean, sometimes if it's if it's like I don't like a ball
and a boat. I like it in there.
Too old sometimes. You see it looks, it looks at
you like it's sad. Oh yeah.
Yeah, yeah, mine doesn't. But it depends on what bath.
What do you have? Depends on which bath water you
have. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't have bats.
I just do just do the standard shower washing that I've I've
learned through the years. Would you think it was weird if
I told you that one of the WhatsApp groups I'm in,
sometimes if any boys are getting a bath, sometimes you
tend to be bath selfie. Yeah, just your feet in the
bath. But the bottom corner you have
to just set. You see your balls.
Yeah, it's really. Fucking weird that yeah, I
wouldn't. I would, I would.
Leave the group. Yeah, I.
Wouldn't I don't I don't like? I'm in a couple of WhatsApp
groups and I'll be honest with you, just for that some No, no,
no, no. Some of them are beginning to
piss me off. Like what?
What? What do you not like going off
topic? Or what the group is about.
So I got invite. I'm invited on a stag, right?
My cousin stag. You're a big stag man.
Oh yeah. Stag, Andrew and like.
That's my. Name you're good with puns.
Aren't you? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Stag Andrew folks. Stag Andrews come.
But I'm a groomsman for Next Dagger.
I was. I'm a groomsman for his wedding
in Italy in October. But I can't go on the stag now
because they were going to kill Kenny.
Cat Laughs for the stag Comedy Festival.
No, they've moved. They're going to Waterford.
What? Waterford.
I know. What are you going?
There for apart from crystal dog racing.
I don't know what's going on. So basically.
People will know what are you going to do?
Wear like a collar and no force, you know, You know.
Yeah, you're greyhound racing. Yeah, they're going to go and do
that Graham track. I'm not intending.
They're not even. Dogs.
I don't. Even into that man.
So they're just going to. Spectate.
They're going to watch. It like right, so a part of one
of the activities, right. So I said to them that's well, I
can't obviously go on the stag now because obviously I was
going to join us in Kilkenny after me gigs.
Can't go but enjoy Waterford. Oh no.
But see the tone you said that in?
Was there a little bit of needle there?
Were you like obviously I'll not be going because you're going
back on the plan we'd already agreed on?
No, there wasn't. A bit of needle.
I was just saying all I'd have a great time Walford, but
obviously I'm working that weekend and I'll see us all at
the wedding, right? But I'm still in the group.
Now I don't know whether do I leave the group.
Get out all right. Or do I asked to be kicked out
of the group? But now the stag is now gone,
completely off fucking pitched, and they're now talking about
interior design for a guy's new kitchen who's gone on the stack.
And I'm like, so I've just said to my cousin, I'm just going to
come out of this group. But you wouldn't.
Mind being in an interior design group, as long as that's what
the group's for and then we don't have that the.
Group has to be Pacific to the group.
If people start going off I'll be off pierced.
Huh? Has to be.
Pacific to the What's best to be Pacific?
To the group, if it starts going off off piece I'm not having it
right. What I would do is you've two
options. You either mute the group.
I'm going to leave the group today.
Just leave. I'm gonna have to just leave.
Don't ask to be kicked out. That's kind of like cock
behaviour, is it? But how do you leave
respectfully? How do you leave a WhatsApp
group respectfully? Is there an Irish goodbye in a
WhatsApp group? You.
Drop a you drop a nice GIF and then you're out of there you go,
you go boys. I'm going to buy out of the
group. Can't wait to see y'all at the
wedding. Have a great one.
And then do you know the guy with the beard in the forest?
And it slowly zooms in on him and he goes like this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah do.
That I'll do that later. On yeah, I did that tie at the
right time when they're all in the camera mood yeah and stuff
like that, you know or just. Be like this group's got out of
hand. It's weird now, yeah.
Somewhat top groups that I like I'd be honest, which I'm kind of
getting fed up of being people out of me without my permission
as well. I don't like that because once
you're. In the group you look rude if
you leave, Yeah. Or you know what I mean.
So stuff like that, like it's quite it's quite I might follow
Gary Neville's advice. You know, he just deleted
WhatsApp. He's just does text message.
He just deleted WhatsApp. But then he has an assistant
that people go to, you know what I mean?
I don't I don't fucking assistant.
He probably. Didn't give some her phone.
Yeah, like. You know what I mean?
Or he's, you know, like, so I'm not, I don't have an assistant
like Gary Neville. I love him.
Yeah, I like him. I met him a few.
Times have you? Yeah, I'm working with Paul's
goals soon. Dinner with him.
You. 2 are going for dinner. Yeah, like I'm.
Doing an event with him like I'm the comedian, Like, oh, I.
Know he's he's. Doing the Q&A and I'm the
comedian. Yeah, yeah.
Be weird if it was the other way, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like Andrew, talk to me with the Champions League final, Yeah.
Which anyway, but that'll be. Great.
Yeah, I've done it. I've done with Jamie Carriger.
You call him schools. He what a calm.
School. See and Oh my.
God, you will. I was joking, but I've seen it.
I know. Yeah.
Yeah, I got to go. No, I'll go.
Hello, Paul. Yeah, I call him Paul.
And then what if he had you in? The WhatsApp group classmate
totally focused in that you stayed totally staying.
At me, I'll say whatever they want, but like yes, I'm with
schoolsi sorry with Paul schools as if I know I've done I I'm
like I know him. So me Paul schools doing an
event soon. I did one with Lee Sharp.
Sharpie. Gary Neville, Neville.
Eh. No, eh, what to the column?
What's Gary Neville's nickname when he was father?
No, he's another one. He's another one, but it was
quite quirky for because he was boring.
Never something or boring. Anyway, I did a Gary Pallister
Polly and I've done them who was for Jimmy Carriger.
I interviewed Jimmy Carriger for an hour.
He was great. Was a yeah Cara is great and top
lad. Actually, Cara didn't ever
message me back, but all did you?
Shut this line with DM after well working with you Paul well
it. Was kind of like it was kind of
like need, you know? If you need anyone for anything,
just let me know. Sounds like you want.
To do jobs and I. Mean he was really good and he
bats. In your eyes, really good, but.
I do, you know what my ambition, my, my ambition.
I would, I really want to do one with Keen, Roy Keane, of course.
How, how am I going to get that? How am I going to get the
universe to put me next to Roy King?
It's one of my lifetime ambitions.
You have a mutual friend? Yeah.
We have, Yeah. We have mutual friends, yeah.
Is that the? One If you saw me hanging out,
let me tell you that'd. Be the worst.
One to take. No, let me.
Tell you if I found out that you were going to England to do
something football related and part of it is going to be on a
panel with Roy Keane or you're doing a gig with Roy Keane, I'm
not lying to you. I will be with you.
You would carry your bag, I will.
But you'd you'd. Creep, keen, white.
I wouldn't. Creep him out?
No, no, I'd let him know I'm from Cork.
Right, Hold on hold. On Let's role play it, I'm keen.
All right, All right. Do I win on a panel?
I wouldn't freak about. What I would do is I would be
very quick to reassure him I'm one of I'm on his side.
That would. Freak him out more than
anything. Just to reassure you.
I'm on your You're in the green. Room.
Yeah, we're in the. Green room, right?
And I come. In and you're Keno, Yeah.
Right. And I'm talking a bit.
So now give me a, give me a bit of room to do keno.
Say you're talking. About the traffic on the way
here. Traffic on the way here, people
not letting you merge and the way to the last minute as well.
Do I? When do?
I come in, it's. Up to you.
Yeah, It's up to me. I wouldn't.
Want to interrupt, Right, Right.
So you can talk, Yeah. I I.
Just said to him, like, where do you?
I said just. Interrupting him, I oh, I'm
Andrew. I'm.
Working with you today. How are you getting on?
Your eyes don't see on. The call, she's on the call.
She's clear. What Rd.
Did you come in? What Rd did you come in?
Because I come in the M62 eastbound.
Where? Where did you come from?
Were you trying to? Track, did you come from?
Come from. Hill in Cheshire, you stalking?
Me. Are you?
No, you. Wouldn't be like that.
He wouldn't be like that. He's nicer.
Not nice, no he. Wouldn't do that again.
I'm not dealing. With the real guy this is
absolute bullshit role play, don't swear.
That is. Bullshit, man, this is fucking
bullshit. He will like me.
He will like. Me Do you know my?
Mother sat next to him at a wedding right back in when he
was assistant manager to Martin O'Neill at the Republic of
Ireland. Open with that.
They went. Yes.
Open with. That my mother sat next.
I don't know your mother. How do I know?
Your mother sat next. She had a.
Fucking wedding man. Are you trying to say I was at
the table as well? Why?
Why do you think I'm your dad? You think I'm your dad?
Take some. You're a big baby.
Oh God, you're not my big baby. You're.
So fucking my big. Baby with a perm.
I don't have a perm and I would get on my son's on.
Kid. Radio really.
Well, what I'm like, I just don't prefer Connor Brennan.
To show it be better if it was Connor, Connor, Amy and
obsessive, why they're not getting obsessive instead of you
just drive? Time.
I think it's time you drove home that.
You know what? That impression is really shit.
It's not. It's not.
It's actually. Not you know what.
For somebody from Cork, and he's from Cork, I can't do his voice.
Yeah, I can't. He's a cork because he's a cork.
Fucking below the bed come. On I make sure for that we
comment your Englishmates at the wedding, huh?
Yeah. That would you know that you not
to say I know I. Know.
I know, I know. Yeah.
That's not good. But he like it.
Kino would like he. Would love me, man.
Yeah. It was just I just need to be
close to him, like to get him like, like.
Careful with what you're saying, because he watches.
I sat next. To Dennis Irwin on a flight, I
didn't speak to him for the whole flight until we landed.
And I just asked from you. I didn't didn't speak to him for
the whole flight until we landed and I went well, Dennis, how are
things? And he went very goodbye, very
good. And when you're home for a day
or two and he went just for today, I've got to do a charity
event. I went all Superman.
Enjoy it. Good to see it.
Take care. Boom.
That's how you speak to him. Yep.
That is how you speak now. Did you get chatting the
company? Did you do the event with
company? No.
I, I got in trouble. I didn't get in trouble.
I got told off at the Canton event because I went to meet him
and he wasn't shaking hands. He was only doing fist bumps but
I would in hand open and he put his first up and I just well
then. Well then new one.
Well. I.
Well, yeah, I was like rocks, paper, scissors, but I kind of
like kept my hand open. And then the guy went, it's fist
bump and I went, oh, there you go after fist bumped him.
And then I got a photograph and then I kind of put my arm around
him a bit too much. Well, he stepped no, we just
kind of stepped away. And then I, I started to, I
said, oh, Eric. And then as soon as this guy
went moving on please, I was trying to chat to him about
something like. So my fear would be if he
reacted badly to that. What do you think Keeno will do
when you put him in a fine man? He knows, I think, I think, I
think he knows. He knows what he's about, and I
think he knows what he's like off, off, off.
Because when I met Jamie Carriger, like, the first thing
I said to him was, hi, Jamie. Nice to meet you.
Would you see Roy Kean a lot now, Would you?
Yeah, Yeah. Where does he live?
His number? It's like a.
Guy I know remember he's got to the Cliff training ground right.
I remember once he called over like Nikki bought when it was
Nikki Nikki Nikki ran all the way over and when you couldn't
go over there and get gigs, he for us.
Could you like when they're all like 1213 years a.
Great joke I had around the playground.
Strong time. Primary school shark 1997 a
great joke I had was so listen to this boys right.
I get all the boys around like and I'd be like Man United,
we're playing at the weekend gigs.
Got got sent off in the first half but scored in the
second-half. How?
Do you work at it? Is it a girl?
This is way. Before all that.
Gigs got sent off in the. 1st but scored in the second-half.
Don't know Nikki bot. Scored in the second-half.
Bot scored in the second-half. That's annoying and everyone be.
Like what I? Couldn't believe it.
Yeah, fuck. That's so annoying.
Were you a primary? School Joker no.
No, no, I didn't really know. I didn't do anything in school.
Yeah, my one of my teachers kicked me in the head once.
Yeah, because it was an I am. I'll never forget it, actually.
Well. You.
You wouldn't. Why?
Also, were you being taught by Bruce Lee?
Yeah, I got kicked. In the head, yeah, I'm still
actually at the time I didn't think much of it.
It wasn't until a few years later on it says a lot about.
Your childhood. Yeah, I.
Didn't think what you taught me through it.
So I was, I moved primary school from when I was, I moved primary
school when I was 10, OK to a school in Carrick Lane and the
teacher taught me and then in 5th class and I don't know, I
was probably talking a bit too much in class or some of that.
I was doing something whatever. Long story short anyway, Sergey
and. All Roy Kane, Yeah.
So Long story short, anyway, I did some, I dropped a pen and I
said I remember him kneeing me in the back and then I kind of
fell down. I went down to get my pen, he
kneed me in the back and I fell down and he just put his foot in
this on my ear like that stamped in my head.
And then he then he lifted me up like I was the fucking like
there's like sit back down and never forgot it.
And then many, many years ago, I saw him at a in the Golf Club.
He came into the Golf Club and I was working my in the bar when I
was like 181718. I just deliberately wouldn't
serve him, so I was taking ages to get wrong at you guys.
Even that was no. Wasn't us even but like I let
him wait for his Beamish he beat.
The fuck out of you and you made someone else serve him?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but a couple of did you
tell? Anyone.
Or was this a different time? Is it like different time when
you were kid in the 70s? Was it like 90s right at least?
Jesus Christ, 70s right, but I had a couple of teachers in
secondary school that were absolute arsenals and pricks and
I honestly got if I saw one of them today, like I'd actually
call them out to their face like I.
Found with the teachers that were like that, maybe not as
extreme as that, but looking back, because when you're a kid
you think teachers are really old.
But I'm looking back on it being like, I went to an all boys
school. So a few of these teachers I
think went overboard to have this scary image because they
wanted the same bulletproof. But actually, you didn't then
connect with your students at all.
Yeah, you know. What?
I mean, because I've met some of these teachers years later and
gone, he's actually really sound.
But he played it wrong. Yeah, but.
I remember, I'll never forget this when I was in school and
corked was a school teacher. We were doing, you know, do you
ever do the bleep test? You run up and down, writing
faster and faster and faster. So I was running next to a guy
in the bleep test and one of the teachers had a whistle and you
know the string on the whistle and he's doing all that with the
whistle, right? Everyone's run up and people are
dropping out and all this kind of stuff.
The guy next we got the whistle and he whipped them on the back
of his knee and he just whipped him.
And the following day the guy that got whipped, I was in
school, but he showed me the back of his knee.
I am telling you the following day once the redness went down,
it was black and blue, right? And he was limping and I said,
you got to do something about that man.
And he was like no, no, whatever, whatever.
This is 199819991999 Actually. Now, Can you imagine your son in
school and a teacher whipping him with a whistle, right?
That would be in the news 100%. That is in the news, right?
And I saw that teacher in Cork airport maybe 2014 fifteen and I
was made. I was, I mean that close to
going up to him like and I actually, I actually put the
line in my head as well. I said still abusing kids in the
school and he's still in the school.
He still teaches in that school today.
Like he's still still abusing kids because why don't you
fucking do it now? Because I heard a star because
another comedian told me that there was a couple of teachers,
I think they were in from Mayo or Galway, that when the kids
grew up and they got out of the school, the teacher was so bad.
The teachers obviously, you know, in their 60s or 70s, they
were all banned from the pubs. Yeah.
They were like, hey, House. Yeah.
Yeah, you were, you were, you were a bad teacher in school or
whatever, like in the 80s or the 90s, whatever.
And they would like they wouldn't be allowed into the
pubs and say no, we're not serving you get out anyone.
Anyone in the room get hit by a teacher?
I got pushed badly by you. Got pushed.
Yeah, like like 2 hands or shove.
Like big, what were you doing? I so it was history class and I
I forgot my folder right, but I had a separate folder.
He went get on with whatever. I don't Care now.
I had a separate South Park ring binder.
It had WWE wrestler BIOS in it. So I'm just reading that like,
and then he took that off me, threw it into a storeroom, which
is beside the door to get in and out of the classroom.
And he goes get that at the end of class.
So I'm just sitting there and then at the end of class I go
in, I don't interrupt the lesson learning.
I go into the storeroom to get it.
And he meant, I'll give you at the end of class, but I thought
he meant go and get it. I actually wasn't like being
tricky like so I went to just go in and lift it and I felt like a
hand grabbed me by the scruff and like pull me back and fling
me back. But I thought it was one of my
mates like just messing about. So I'm sort of like laughing or
whatever and then I see it's him so he pulls me back.
My back hits like the wall. Not bad.
I don't buy my head or anything but like back hits wall.
I'm like oh fuck it's him and my teacher and he just gives me
like either A1 or A2 handed big shove against the wall.
Now I stood my ground like I didn't get and I was maybe only
second year. I would have been 1412 no like
13, but I was young for my year too and like one of the smallest
in my year, but I I didn't he wasn't a scary dude like and it
obviously freaked me out a bit, but then I went to like my form
teacher and went this isn't good.
What happened? He got put on gardening leaf and
then he started teaching less and less.
And you've never seen or heard from him since?
I would have. Seen him about the school,
little bits off that but he never made eye contact with me.
But I'd have made eye contact with him and had this facial
expression. Yeah, you would have been had
that like you when you got the chips at the wedding, You're
like, yeah, yeah. But you know what?
I know we're, we've told two negative stories about teachers,
right. So I want to balance it up.
I'm going to tell you a great story about a teacher, right.
Probably the best teacher I ever said told me two or three
sentences and I've still sentences have stayed at me
forever. I was doing maths, ordinary
level maths in my leaving Cert. I was always getting 34 percent,
36 percent, 35 percent, 37 percent, 29%.
I was a 30% on average. Students say, right?
And I'll never forget Donald Amani, my maths teacher who
became a selector for the car curling team.
He still teaches in the school. I don't think he liked me
originally because I was young, I was a master, I was doing
normally level. I wasn't the most academic guy,
right? He pulled me up about 6 months
before my leaving. Certainly when he just said it
to me very casually, he just went, look, six months before
you're leaving, Sir, all we want to do is get you AD.
So we need to get you 40%. All I want to do is get you 40%.
Forget AC, forget AB, forget an A, forget about it.
We just want you to pass it. We just want AD.
So he said you're getting 3330 four, 35% at the moment.
Can you give me like 6% extra? So when you go home tonight, you
do your homework. I want 6% more time on it.
Can you give me 6% more attention in class?
Can you give me 6% more, you know, understanding of
something? Can you just give me 6%?
I don't want 10%. I want don't want 20%.
You hear all these bullshitters going to give me 110%.
They were begging for 6% of me and I went and once he broke it
down, he went. All you got to do is a tiny
little bit more and you'll get there.
And then guess what? Started to study a little bit
more 6%. Like.
And I got my 40, I got my D I got my D and I was so bad.
But I've always used that like phrase.
Yeah, just six, 7% more marginal gains, marginal gains.
And, and, and then he was a. That's, that's the power of a
good teacher. I think I once had a.
Football coach who asked us for 110% and I went not possible and
he fucking lost his mind. Yeah, 110% loud.
That's all I'm asking. I'm like, it's way too much,
yeah. I know.
Come here. I want to ask you your opinion
on something. I'm talking about getting
plastic surgery. Yeah, do it.
Yeah. New face.
Yeah. So what do you think about like
a BBL? No, I'm thinking about.
Getting breasts, you're getting a big.
Bunda I'm getting. You're getting a big.
Begars no not got a big. Ass Funny thing, it has to be
reduced. Get a big fat.
Booty. Let's be with a Brazilian butt
lift. Unbelievable walk around.
Just confused guys. Like just you bend over the
chiller section and spar and all Yeah, guy.
And then you turn around. And then my wife.
Next to me, you're looking at my.
Bunda boy, Yeah. And I'm thinking, I know this.
So Julie has been like talking me off Cliff here, right?
It's your nose. Right.
No, it's not my nose. What you think it is Ears, ears,
ears. No, it's not my eyes.
It's. Not my nose.
Chin. Not my chin.
So you're getting a jawline put. In are you saying there's?
Lots of things wrong with me, no?
You're going to get a jawline put in.
No, watch it like a man's jawline.
What you think? And lips lips lips definitely
get lips. Not getting lips done.
Hairline, not hairline. Hey, you can talk.
You can talk you're. About.
Two years. Behind me, but you're on the
way. You're on the way.
You're not on the way to Turkey. You're on the way to.
You'll be on the way to Turkey by the time I'm finished.
Richard, done. I'll book the flight.
It sounds like you're treating him the holiday to Turkey, so I
think right? I think oh hands no, but I've.
Got webbed fingers but like you know my fingers are webbed, no?
Sues everyone. I've got I've got way more
excess skin. Hold your hand up.
Oh, you do? Yeah.
Good at swimming? You're like a.
Duck. Bill Platypus Yeah, see the
excess Skinner. Yeah, loads.
What are you doing breast? Reduction.
Yeah, true breast augmentation reduction.
So let me explain my left chest. Great.
Film Daniel de Lewis. My left foot.
Yeah. Comedy podcast Comedy.
Podcast What all? We're what all.
We're what all? What all?
Can I tell you some? This is the favourite part of
mine we've ever done together, right?
Genuine, genuine, right? It's great part.
So you think it's going well? Yes, fine, great.
Enjoy myself, right? Listen, so I've 222.
Two chests to my chest with two. Sections 2 packs right, my left
pack I there's there's a bit of excess, what you call it not
fat, not fluid, tissue, tissue. I have excess tissue on my left.
You've always. Had or always had.
So when I was like 2324, I was like 11 stone and I used to run
all the time, like to the point where my mom would say I was too
skinny, but I still had this here.
I still had a bit of access here, but the right hand side is
perfect. The right hand side is great.
So I tall, I saw myself in a picture and I could see like a
bit of a lump pyramid after. Now Julie thinks I'm absolutely
deluded. She's like absolutely nothing
wrong with you. She likes it.
Yeah. No, but she's like, you know,
Yeah, but like, she's like, why? Why do you need to get this
done? You look absolutely fine.
But I said I but I can but I can see what what I feel like.
Great. Would be better.
Great. Like you know what I mean?
I know you mean. And So what I did was I started
this journey right, of looking into it.
So I went to a clinic and I went and I got all my bloods done and
I got my results for I got my health results.
You would have been up. The High Door, about that.
Do you want me to read them? On your way.
Yes please. Right, so I'm going to tell you
this stuff, but I want your opinion right?
So I went and got load. All big things done, right?
Right. Here we go.
Overall the results. This is my results.
I've got everything done. Your results are good.
Most markers are comfortable within normal ranges.
So here we go. The good news, Blood count
normal. Unbelievable.
No obvious signs of anaemia, infection, blood disorder.
Unbelievable. Right?
Kidney function very good. I've always.
Said that about you creatine. E 84 EGFR don't know what that
means but it says 90. I presume that's good liver
function. All liver enzymes are within
range. No obvious signs of liver
inflammation or heavy alcohol radius strains.
That means have few points and that's the point.
Man, like that's the point. My stag, Andrew.
Yeah, Andrew. Blood sugar level excellent.
Glucose 4.8. Cholesterol pretty good overall.
Total cholesterol. Mine's not great.
Is it not? No, What's yours?
I'm 4.7. Bad cholesterol is 2.7.
All right. Anyway, overall these are all
within acceptable limits. One thing to improve is my good
cholesterol anyway. Testosterone.
Solid, solid level I believe. Iron.
Unbelievable. The one abnormal result is low
phosphate. Oh, phosphate He's got here
today, Pete, what is low phosphate pH?
Oh. Mate, don't be here.
Don't don't hear see when you don't tell them what it says
down what is low. Phosphate.
Don't worry about it. Mate you'll be alright if you
got life insurance I got. These results, while I haven't
probably looked into them, what's your number?
For what is low? Low phosphate?
What is the number? It's 0. .66 Oh shit, oh don't.
Do that. No, I'm.
Fine, my grandma had. That.
What is phosphate anyway? It needs to get up to 87 anyway.
Basically overall assessment good Metallica had good liver
for kidney function, good testosterone, no diabetes,
cholesterol acceptable none of. Those were words you just did.
Could liver for? No, no.
The summary I'll give you the summary right good metabolic
health good kidney liver function good testosterone no
diabetes markers cholesterol acceptable HDL could improve mid
low phosphate workmen monitoring your results fit someone who
would benefit most from improving body composition more
aerobic fitness slight diet cleanup rather than needing made
or medical intervention. So I went to Julie when I'm fit
for this plastic surgery. Now let me.
Ask you a question. Did it give you your metabolic
age? Yeah.
What's your metabolic age, 20? No, it's.
Not 24. No, it's not 28.
No, it's not 37. Yeah, 3737.
Is it actually? Yeah, it's OK.
For someone who shut up. No, he was telling is good.
Sorry. Sorry.
Yeah, you're going to die.
Tomorrow. What is faster?
Fate. It's an essential electrolyte
required for energy production, muscle function and bone health.
Don't know. I'll get it in chemist, I'll buy
a tablet. Ask me why.
Metabolic Ages. 26 what 19212425 Really really.
Wow. Is that the cold bath?
The cold shower, cold water? Yep.
Really. I'm getting younger, you're
getting. Younger you take NMN, Huh?
Do you take NMN? What is it?
Tablet. Like for reducing age, you don't
really. You can't reduce your age, but
your body reduces no? Like what do you get like?
Your yeah. Yeah, no, basically I'm fist
right. I'm fit for the surgery, right?
Yep, can tell them. What See, if you want to get it
done, then you should get it done so.
Basically it's 6 grand. Per Boob, Yeah.
I know for the two, but I only need one.
So you're sure it is? Three.
Well, I don't. Know, I don't know.
Oh, it has to be. So anyway, 6.
Round for a per local. Anaesthetic one for four.
Yeah, 4. One for four.
Fair, Yeah. Local anaesthetic.
You go in two hours, suck all of the tissue, stitch your back up
that you. Know the surgeon does that was
might through a straw yeah so I'm.
Thinking about going in but I have to go to get measured.
How does it take them? Two hours I don't I.
Don't know I'm looking at like but one.
More time, Yeah. Yeah, but my.
Thing is, is that I was going to get it done right and I said it
to Julie. I presented the argument to
Julie to say, listen, I want to do this right.
And she says you're absolutely, absolutely crazy.
She said babe, I. Love you the way you are, but if
you want to get it done. She was just like, you're crazy,
you don't need to get anything, just go and lift some more
weights, I said. She said to me, right?
And I you know what? I was playing golf with me,
Conan the boxer. And I said, why is Julie?
Rockies trainer. Yeah, you. 4:00 AM in the
morning, Julie, just driving beside you.
Yeah. Come on, Andrew.
Yeah. She's my biggest supporter and
but I was playing golf at McConnell boxer and I said to
make make watching the left hit here and he says I said he said
the right. King, I know he.
Says I said. I'm thinking about getting the
tissue taken out, getting it tightened up a bit because I saw
myself in AT shirt. I looked really big compared to
the other side. I have excess tissue.
And he said, mate, just go and lift some weights, go and work
on your your chest and do push ups and loosen, loosen body fat.
And I was like, right, well, the Medicare, well, the tests are
telling me, I mean, I'm good within all the markers.
So I'm now at this point now of thinking about getting it done.
Can I? Offer a mate.
Do you want my solution? Yeah.
Solution. Yeah, that's more a.
Problem I know about I think. You should not rule out the
surgery because if it's going to make you happy, you should
probably do it. And I think you noticing it is
enough to do something about it. But I would say other people
don't notice it. But that shouldn't take away
from the fact that it bothers you.
Yeah, but I would take their advice, right?
And I would lift the weights, work on chest muscles and stuff.
And if that doesn't sort it for you, maybe you do that for like
4 months, six months. And if you're still feeling like
that, like this doesn't look right to me, go get it done.
But but the. Problem I've got is my my right
leg is longer than my left leg. Yeah.
OK. So I've got a difference of
imbalance here, right By how much?
1/2 an inch, right. So my feet, when my feet are
like that, my right leg is always on that right.
So my right shoulders higher than my left shoulder when I'm
standing up right, because it's the right hand side pushes up a
bit more. Yeah.
So this to my right hand side of my chest.
Unbelievable. It's great.
It's a great pack. The left hand side, it's just
got extra tissue hanging out, but the right hand side doesn't.
So there's an imbalance there. So I just want to realign.
Yeah, why don't? You just slightly bend your
right knee so you're even. No, no.
No, it's it's, I don't know what it's.
Whatever way my posture is, it kind of leans left a bit.
So but by going to the specialist, they will measure
the amount of tissue I have versus fat and they'll say,
right, we've only got this amount of tissue, but it may not
be worth doing the surgery. Might you might have to just
better off reducing fat, you know what I mean?
Would you get away half? Engine so.
An insole. I've already have insults, get
one. Half an inch, No, they're.
They're both different, right? Already have already.
Haven't done. Yeah.
So I mean, so, yeah, I'm at this point now where should I spend
the money? Because I notice it.
No one else notices it. Like you say.
You're correct. But then winner has a level, you
know? Yeah.
But then again, you know, talk about like a fucking a daft
thing to be stressed about. Like, it's not like.
Nope. Do you know?
What I mean like, that's it. On the whole, yes, there's worse
things happen in the world, but in my head, like is constantly
in my head, it is. I would change, I would wear
certain clothes. So wouldn't you couldn't see it.
Well then, yeah. Would you do something like that
if you had that issue do you think?
If you're telling me it's. Annoying you to the point that
is, then yeah, yeah, I would. Strange one.
Isn't it? Yeah.
So. But it's good to be healthy
anyway. I'm going to get.
I'm getting a bit of work done. Pays reduction I'm getting.
My I'm getting my eyes just move further right like the here.
And here to be more Protestant or less Protestant, whatever, I
don't know what you are, so no, just in.
My temples, Yeah. Cool.
Why is that? Why is that now just to be?
Able to more perfectly, Bob, do you?
Want to see you want to see behind you See what's coming?
Like, yeah, you want to see what's coming?
No, I don't know if I would. Yeah, I would get some.
Like if it was bothering me, I would get it done.
Which, yeah. Yeah.
Has anyone had it done? I wonder, has anyone ever had it
done? Now I've done my research.
I've looked at the pictures, I've looked at the before and
afters. I've read the testimony.
Very common, very common, Right. I'll go and get breast
reduction. I say anything else needs to be
reduced. And he said, let me have a look
and he'll say no, no, Yeah. You'll be fine.
You'll be fine with that one. Well, yeah, I'm thinking about
getting it done. I potentially meeting a surgeon
in a mode of months time. Yep.
And I'm going to get a bit of feedback off that.
Would you let? Me do the procedure as a
Patreon, I'd let you watch us. You could.
Watch it, you can't do it Patreon.
Special oh hey nom you pay nothing or do it then yeah class
I love that Yeah, but you know. There are certain things that
you can do yourself, like for example, and you know, like so I
have a Chrome tooth here, right? Do you know?
You didn't like Chrome? OK, My dentist said to me, yeah,
do you know, do you want to buy? It's like your Chrome is stuck
in with cement, right? It's like cement to your gum,
right? But I haven't eaten an apple for
nine years. The saddest story when
everything is going on in the world I have.
Under this. Man is approaching A decade
without a Granny Smith. I've not bitten.
Into an apple for for nine years right, I don't chop it up.
I eat I chop up apples and I eat them but I don't bite into
apples can't bite into them because the the fake tooth right
because when I got a fake tooth back in 2014, no, no, no, no
different is different actually 15 I was still eating apples
incorrectly and in a lot a bit in the new tooth that cost me
about £1500 fellow had to go back in pay again and I said to
me why'd you just said I was eating it?
I didn't eat red apples fine, green apples don't even look at
them they're too hard right and they said don't be eating
apples. So I gave up eating apples then
right and she said to me if it ever falls out again, you can
buy a pack of cement here and you can put it back in yourself.
You know, you can actually do it yourself.
You actually put teeth back in. You can actually does the self
putting your teeth back in kits. You guys, they kind of train you
up on how to do it. Like, no, yeah, but yeah.
Nine years since I've had an apple now I think it's yeah,
2017 I stopped eating apples. Like, man, yeah.
It's been a journey, you know? Do you ever?
Like to think about falling off the wall like you ever know
would. You believe that I, I, you know
what? Because you know the guy that
was on here, the Grindstone Ranger, what's his name?
The Grindstone guy, Glenn. Glenn from Grindstone
Foundation. I love the way that you asked
me. Do I know him?
Yeah. Yeah, you.
Know the name? What's the name of the grind?
The grinder? Grindstone.
Foundation just let's call him
Glenn. Glenn.
Yeah, so I started because of him.
I've started eating fudge, right?
FA, like a whisper, right? Julie's delighted.
But you know what I do? Because it's high protein.
Is it? It's high protein, right?
I started chopping up green apples.
I'm putting the green apples in US and now I'm back on I'm back
on apples much. Fuzzy have about a.
Bowl a day like but he got me into it because I watched him.
So he. Was talking about it here and I
went you almost look at that because he's listen, that man
doesn't need surgery like by the way.
You know he's supposed to be 56. He.
Is 24, What is metabolic age 24, But he's not.
But he's still having apples. Oh, Glenn.
Be having apples. Yeah, yeah.
So yeah. I'm off the apples.
You want to plug your two Yeah, so I'm on tour all it been
extended lads. I'm up to 9055 dates now.
That's not that's even that's even without doing a Europe or
Australia. Yeah, blown away by the ticket
sales really. Adding loads of tickets here in
the North, adding a second and a skill in Dairymanium forum.
Just a top bit to go waterfront solo.
Another Mac is sold out, another Mac is selling really well.
So three Macs potentially, plus a waterfront down South. 4
Dublin shows, Cork, London. Leicester Square 50 Tickets left
for that flying man start in September.
Best show I've ever written and I've done it 6 times.
Leicester's best show. In London is just the spot
because I've been there. And then my agent went, do we do
a run to theatre? I loved it.
And then I went, I missed Leicester Square Theatre and
then this morning they gave me a list of dates for the next tour.
And then what about the like Shepherd Bush Empire, Hackney
Empire, all this. And I said, you know what, it's
not Leicester Square Theatre. Get me a Leicester Square
Theatre. Stick to what?
You know. Keep what you got by giving it
all. So have you got your next?
Tour dates. They're starting to There's oil
in the pond, but the pond isn't even switched on.
So you're looking at, you're going to be like, I'm, I'm
wanting to go to Sweden, Oslo, Berlin.
I want to do both 1012 in Europe, currently in the middle
of dinner now. And yeah, I want to start doing.
I really want to go to like do odd places, you know, like
Chernobyl, Athens, Atlantis. Yeah.
Oh, North. Central Island, would you go to?
Moscow. You know there's comedy in
Moscow. Don't.
Know about the minute, brother? Moscow would be good to go into
comedy there. I think you have.
To be careful, you know there's a.
Really really good comedy. English speaking comedy club in
Japan? Yeah.
Yeah, Tokyo, Tokyo. Yeah, yeah, I'd love to do that.
Loads of comics. Have I've done it, you can go
out there and toured her and the Japanese love to go to it if you
set. It up me, I'll do it.
Me and you in Japan. Me and you in Japan, right?
And the Japanese love to go because they go to practise
their English. I think they might struggle with
you. I need to plug my Australia
sushi and ogami.com Australia October.
It's looking good. We're going to add, we're adding
a couple. Bit more, yeah, to know a bit
of. Stuff but thank you for coming
on. I'm actually excited really
excited to see your show was going to come down to the
American bar this week. It's.
No, I'm not. I'm off 3 weeks now.
I've done 6. Sorry.
I'll be honest with you, I think it's the best thing I've ever
written. Good.
I'm working really hard on it. Hey.
That's a given because this man works hard.
I do work. Hard.
One of the things I. Appreciate about you.
Do you want three more things I appreciate about you?
Umm, you're very selfless. You, eh, You are open to fun
ideas and you love your wife and your family a lot.
Just a cat. Just have a cat.
Cheers for. Coming in.