I'm Michael Che. And I'm Colin Jose, and we've
got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like our hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock.
Exactly. It's called New York After Dark
and it's a comedy show that only features drop in comic.
Boom, you nail. Into Michael Che's phone.
Nervous. Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, Welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast. With me, She and Todd.
Hey, we're out fresco. If you're watching the video
version of this podcast, by the end of it, I think we'll all be
surprised if I'm wearing a shirt because it's 20 odd degrees.
The sky is blue, the sun is orange, the clouds are white.
And I don't know if my man Jesus Christ really did do all this.
But if you did, cheers, bro. You did a cracking job.
Cracking job. This is great.
I mean, I forget outside is still really a thing because
that's very overdramatic. But you know, my, my little baby
is 8 1/2 weeks old and he's still looking like attention and
care and you know, bottles and all that kind of thing.
So I forgot outside is so great. Maybe I'll become Christian.
Maybe I will because this is this is really I'm looking at
some palm trees. I'm having a great time.
Oh, my tea's slightly too cold to drink.
Producer Dan will be absolutely hitting this.
He'll be absolutely hitting it because I'm outside.
And a bit a little like that is why he gets nicknamed Britney
Spears dad, because you know that if if Britney went to go
outside just to like get a bit of vitamin D heard I'll be like
here, Brittany, get back in there and dance the toxic or
whatever. Producer Dan is the same.
He doesn't like me getting out, getting vitamin D, being poached
by other producers, you know, that kind of thing.
But we're out and we're loving it.
And is this kind of is September that by the way, such that
banter to do like a weather chat.
But is is September going to be nice?
Does anybody does anybody how my class is that when someone just
goes up to in a shop and go September shows to me nice and
you're like I didn't even know there's a cat.
Go away, cat go away cat. Bit of pussy in the video there.
But but no, it's a good time. Hold on this tractor going past
disrespectful and rude, very disrespectful and rude zippers.
We've got a lot to talk about. Let me kick off by talking about
this. The so stand up is kind of back.
I did the limelight shows. I've been bleeding on about it
for a couple of weeks. By the way, that's mine.
If you're watching video version of this podcast, which why
wouldn't you be my knees moving on, by the way, but that there's
not a bald, there's not a bald man down at my groyne.
But Limelight stand up was back. I did 2 shows on Thursday to
Friday to Saturday, sold out little run of shows with with
guests. And honestly, it was it was so
good. It was so good.
And the weird thing is, whenever I started doing those shows, it
felt like stand up hadn't been away at all.
It just felt like, it just felt like stand up and taking maybe a
very small break, but that was about it.
But once you get on stage and get that first laugh and the
audiences, Oh my God, audiences were just, it was almost like
I'd gone away. Felt like I got better at stand
up and audiences and, you know, never had a real, real problem
with audience locally, but it just felt like everyone in the
audience was like, right, we're going to we're going to go,
we're going to laugh, we're going to be well behaved.
Saturday night shows a wee bit rowdy the late one, but what do
you expect? You know, people been inside for
six months. The show starts at 10:00.
By the time the money told on people, people have had drinks,
people have had drinks and I get it.
And I had the light as funny like the so I'll maybe swear
like two or three times in the show.
Sometimes not at all. Sometimes you don't at all.
And then and all the rest, there's all the five shows and
then the Saturday Late Show. I must have said fuck 97 times
just because you kind of reflect the atmosphere of what's going
on. But Thursday show was Tim, Tim
McGarry and Dave Elliott, which was great because if you
remember Tim on this podcast just for absolutely no reason
said that Dave Elliott had like a gear problem.
Like he was really into his coke and his drugs.
Which is made even more funnier because on an old boy time RIP
boy time podcast, RIPBTP. But on an old boy time video,
people kept writing or just one guy kept writing.
Dave had this addiction. Dave Elliott has an addiction to
like Ben's a fire drainer, some weird drug, but that was very
specific and real and Dave's like people going to think
that's real because it's so specific.
Then on linked Tim just comes on like Dave has a coke problem.
So very funny because they were talking about that.
The backstage Dave's like Tim, have kicked the habit and clean.
It's just I I I've mentioned before in this podcast and
anytime I have a stand up guest and we talk about stand up, we
always say what you miss nearly more than the gigs is the
backstage is the like hanging out with other comedians.
You're nervous for going on stage, so you're giddy and
you're trying to make each other laugh and, and they're your
friends, which is the most important thing.
But just missing that was so big.
And so Tim's Dave says the Tim like I'm cleaning stuff on the
gear and just before we go on stage, Tim's like, I'm just
going to the bathroom here and he makes a joke that he's going
to do coke and then we we just forget about it.
But 4 minutes later he walks out in the dressing room and rubs
his nose and he goes, let's do stand up just us in the dressing
room. And it was sort of character.
And I don't think I've laughed that much since lockdown
started. It was just very, very funny and
got the shows films. So I'm I'm I'm let me plug the
patronpatreon.com/T with me podcast and I'm not too sure
what to do with the footage because I've got a couple of the
shows filmed. I'm going to edit that into
something. But also the waterfront show.
My next tour, somebody told me will be a lot of the material
that I did in the limelight shows.
You know, I'm just what you would say workshop in the
material. So I don't know.
I might do something like exclusive on Patreon.
That seems to be a big thing now that people are doing, but I
don't know We'll we'll we'll figure that out.
But but it was it was class. So with all the sippers you came
out to the shows. Thank you very much.
The shift thing is you kind of just have to do the show, go
straight back to the dressing room and by the time you leave,
everybody's left the venue because nobody's able to hang
about and mingle mix. And and you might think I'm and
not being sincere, but I love chatting to people after the
show. Obviously, you know, you can't
speak to every single person for 10 minutes that came to a show,
but but if people do hang about and chat the after, I want to
get a photo, whatever. You know, people will mention
niche things to do with the podcast.
That's all great, but that will maybe not be a thing for a
while, which is real time footage.
You mean you're getting murdered by what?
Just was a family that that really terrified me there.
But in the wild, you can't be too careful.
Yeah. So the whole, like, mingling of
people after shoot after shows isn't really going to be a
thing. But I wonder if that's thing.
I don't know. Flies can sting.
So great. So great to get back into the
Friday we'll have Martin McCartney and Aaron Butler.
The Saturday we had dealing with Docherty and Mickey Bartlett,
then just getting hang out with all those guys again was, was
was really great, really great on the on the Thursday show.
So in between the shows, come get us.
Who did that run? The same runs me the week before
said in between the shows you get really tired because it's
like, I don't know, two hours of time in between and you've come
off stage. So you're so you're a little
bit, what would you say knackered after?
And then you go do another show. He said the thing to do is like
go for a walk, whatever. So I just went for a run in
between the first two shows and Dave Elliott, Tim McGarry
thought I was mad but it was class.
I wouldn't run through city centre at night with Joe the
promoter of the shows. And and it was a good time and I
definitely ran past someone who had been at the shows.
But the shows only ended like 5 minutes before that.
And I was just out running with a friend and a guy looked at me
like is there 2 of you? You know, he thought maybe I'd
like grown another me in a lab, which would be pretty sweet and
I'd be all four, but but I I don't know what the next move
for stand up is. I don't know because lockdown
are not locked down, but like COVID rules are changing and I
had the time. No2 flies have landed on me.
So if anything bigger lands on me, be prepared for me to just
fuck this laptop across this lawn.
Go away, fly. No, no, yeah.
So I don't know what the crack with stand up is.
I'm doing a gig in Pug Uglies this Wednesday for Dave, for
charity things, for a where and I really hope we've got that
right and it's not for a different charity but yeah, it's
for a where and I, which is a a brilliant, brilliant charity.
The gigs sold out. Maybe they'll release more
tickets or people will do returns.
I don't know if they do. Contact Dave if you want to get
back. I'm not an outdoor one as well,
but but see the way it was, the way Limelight went, like if
that's a way stand up is, I as a punter would absolutely love it.
I want to go and see something because I know Ram Mcmullen's
doing shows in that venue so that he was at my show.
I'll definitely go see his show. Because you get taken to your
table, you're not to worry about getting a seat.
You have a seat, you have a pre assigned seat.
It's table service foods brought to your table.
No queue at the bar, guys. That's what we're living.
We're 11. There's some stuff for cover.
We're just, we're just going to always do like that, like the
elbow. I'm just always, I'm just always
going to do the elbow. You know, not like they're not
like a people's off flies, fuck off.
And so I don't know, but stand up, stand up is back.
There's one thing I want to talk about, which is, well, there's a
couple of things I want to talk about.
I'm recording this on Zoom, which just feels like the most
practical way for me to do this. And that balls it up.
Yeah. So a video got put out, a couple
of videos actually, I think over the weekend of like a toddler
driving a lorry on the M1 motorway.
So there's like a child at the wheel.
And it says police have arrested a 49 year old man on suspicion
of a number of offences. They said these included Aiden
and Abettin driving while disqualified by reason of age
and cruelty to children. So he's been released on bail.
Now, I haven't seen the video and I wonder, well, let me see
it. I mean, is that I need to see
more of this is that sometimes people prepare things on
podcast. I think that is unprofessional.
What I like to do is, is find it for myself.
By the way, my elbow keeps moving on this chair, in case
you think it's anything rude. So what would I look for this
like? M1 lorry?
I already think I know what it's going to be.
M1 lorry, right? Got it.
Ah, no, right, So what I well, I was, I was just about to start
defending that guy and be like he's let the child lean over and
use a steering wheel. You shouldn't do it in the M1.
You should do it in a car park. Boys will be boys.
Led him away with it. Then I realised it is just that
it is essentially just a child driving a lorry on the M1.
Now I'm laughing because I was getting ready to defend this guy
and then saw the video. I'm not laughing because I think
the idea of children driving lorries in the M1 is funny.
I mean, maybe like a van, but not.
I'm joking. Jesus Christ, guys, I'm joking.
And so I remember going to a car park with my with my dad
whenever I was in P7P6P7 and I was allowed to drive in a
deserted car park. I was allowed to drive very,
very slowly. Now in fairness, that did me
absolutely no good because I didn't pass my driving test till
I was 21. Let me say this, I passed first
time. I don't know why I'm saying that
like I'm a child, but I actually passed my driving test first
time. Yet 4 minors, whatever, deal
with it at 4 Chile miners in the back of the car just for just
for moral support. That is a great joke.
So yeah, my dad just let me
drive around a bit, but then I wasn't like a Wiz kid driver or
anything. Enough video.
A man, I presume a man is just letting the sun drive but
actively on the M1 motorway at normal speed during the day.
Now I would potentially describe that as out of order, as maybe
out of order. And what I think we should do is
I think we should go on like the Belfast Telegraph, Belfast Live
website and stuff and just see what people are, what people are
saying about it because people will have great comments.
Whatever I like. Is someone writing innocent
until proven guilty? I mean, in the video, a child is
driving the lorry. You know, it would be, I mean,
if maybe this person suggesting it was like CGI, you know, but
then, but it's would it be weird if your dad spent like 10s of
thousands of pound like over in Hollywood, in America getting
like, you know, CGI footage, you driving a lorry?
Like what would he be getting out of that?
I assume he was the cameraman as well as Co pilot.
All right, someone's pointing out like the Dai was letting his
son drive and also filming it. I don't think the fact he had
his mobile phone held up is is one of the main offences here.
I think the main offence might be the child driving on the M1.
You know, some, you know, as if the dad's going to go to gaol
for five years and this guy's going to be, well, listen, we
should send him in for another two weeks because he had us
knock it out. Someone wrote shocking.
I mean, yes, yes, throw away the key.
I mean, I mean, if you went to gaol without possibility of
parole for that, it might be mental gaol time required from
someone. Yeah.
People are just liking the fact that that guy's been arrested.
I mean that that is that is absolutely insane because that
kid probably went into school and told people about that and
sounded like the biggest bullshitter of all time.
Like it's a kid. I feel sorry for going into
school and people go what you do at the weekend?
Someone's like my mummy and daddy took me to funky monkeys.
What did you do? We went there.
We we went ice skating. What about you?
I just I just took an 18 Wheeler from booking Bom from Bombridge
the bangerment. Are you sure?
Yeah, definitely did liar. But he actually did do that
right. I really want to find the the
article that goes with this because I think the crime is
pretty obvious. I think we all know what the
like what's wrong with it. But I just like that like the
Belfast tagger off in Belfast live.
Just throw it open for people to get involved with.
Yeah, child driving lorry investigated by PSNI.
All right, Why do people let their kids do this and then post
it all over social media? Hilary, I don't think that's the
main issue that he's posted us. I mean, same freight.
I'm not really sticking for the kid, but in fairness, right, he
looked like a good driver. I'll just say that I don't think
I'll have a problem passing this test when the time comes.
No thought for other people. What is wrong with people?
Oh, it says here maybe a 10 year custodial sentence in a lifetime
ban. I thought it said maybe a maybe
a 10 year old having a custodial sentence.
I was like don't send the women on the weibre and then someone
writes this is irresponsible. Irresponsible parenting is it?
Oh right right right right right get you.
Oh Leslie doesn't hold back. He needs gaoled and be at 1 iron
bars. Not only putting other lives at
risk but his kids as well. Pat McGuigan writes need more
parents like this. Good to see young children out
learning the way money should be made.
Gaol time and sack from work. Man, the world, the world is
crazy. Because yeah, I think one of the
weird things about that is the fact that it's on social media.
Because don't get me wrong, back in my heyday, back in my young
days in the mid 90s, early 90s, you would have driven past a
child driving an 18 Wheeler and just like giving him a nod that
would that it was, it was normal.
There was a lot of there was a lot of stuff done back then the,
the felt socially acceptable that nowadays just just wouldn't
be allowed like back in the day. What I mean, what are some of
the things you could do back in the day?
Shoplift. I mean, as far as no shoplift
and wasn't illegal until about 10 years ago.
Everybody was involved in shoplift.
And you could, you could, you could, you could borrow stuff
back in the day more, you know, if you saw BMX, the lion in the
garden, as long as you left the back, people were OK.
Was he taking it? People would leave their keys in
front doors, you know, the front door of their house.
That's not a thing anymore. And people, it was better back
in the day. But I guess it wasn't because it
is good than an 8 year old driving a full lorry.
Is, is news now? Because when I was younger it
just wouldn't, you know, it would only have been used if
he'd like done it, done a backflip in it and landed it
perfectly on its wheels. So I don't, I don't know Bruce,
I don't know what, what the crack is.
But I just think it's a, it's one that the dad probably went
back to the mom and didn't really tell her the full story.
And then she's seen it in Belfast live and I would
imagine. The guy's got got himself in a
little bit of bother with that, you know what I mean?
Like the does like, no, he came with me and all.
No, don't worry about it. He's like, have you seen the
Internet? Oh, bollocks about that.
About 1000% on bollocks moment, 1000%.
I mean, yeah, if he had to just let the kid drive and didn't
film it. I'm only joking.
I'm only joking and whoa, I just saw a massive Hornet and there
you go. This podcast is is like the the
shittest version of David Attenborough's Blue Planet I've
ever seen. Two flies have landed on me and
it's all Hornet. But to be honest I have no idea
what it is. Could be a bit of pigeon
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I waited to sort myself out there while this was arriving
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Genuinely, I can tell you this product's pretty good.
Back to the pod. I don't really know my.
Animals. But what I do know is that a lot
of sippers have a lot of questions, and we're going to
get to them. Oh, that's cool.
I didn't put a couple questions out on Twitter.
Sweet, so we'll get 50% less, but let's just hope the people
who have Astro good. Oh my God, there's 9000
questions. That's cool.
Connor Mcavrey Not a question, but sends in he.
I've I've. Taken a screenshot of that to
post but Connor sent in a picture of and I'll hold it up
for the video podcast people of let's just say 33 gentlemen that
look to be good friends hanging out by the pool fucking you
can't say that I'll put it up on my Instagram and he says you
Dave and Butler looking well Connor you why I oughta yeah but
you're banging on that does look like us and as us.
Callum Robinson. Locked down Lauren just because
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, look, I've decided
that when post post COVID, what I'm going to do is redevelop
Lauren. I don't want Lauren to be a
punchline anymore. I'm going to stop doing it for
the mountain Goldrick videos. I happen to know Lauren is a
fine place and have I been? Have I been intimidated by
people in Lauren and told to say this?
Yes, I'm only joking. I went up the Lauren.
I said this recently on the podcast.
The day after my show, which was brilliant, that Lauren Pride was
on for the first time. So I'm willing to give Lauren by
ball because there are gentlemen and ladies there.
They're not afraid to put on a little Pride festival.
And I would say, and it takes certain level of, of, of bravery
and confidence to go fuck it. We are putting on a pride
festival because they were getting packeted by the local
church and you're going to get, you're going to get some
clampets given a bit of resistance to that.
But but, and Lauren, they were like, no, we're going for it.
So Lauren as a town are friends of mine.
Now if Lauren would, if the organiser of Lauren Pride would
like me to come up and do a rendition or an impersonation of
the Pet Shop Boys, West End girls, me and Dave Elliott.
Sometimes you're better off dead.
There's a gun in your hand that's pointed at your head.
You think you're mad, too unstable, kicking in chairs and
knocking down tables in a restaurant in a West End town,
calling the police. There's a madman around, you
know, if you, if you guys want that.
Here's the deal, Lauren Pride. Real talk, here's the deal, if
you guys want us that the next pride, me and Dave to come up
sing West End girls in full Pet Shop Boys outfits like the top
hat, Neil, whatever he's called tenant.
Maybe all the gear. We will wear all the gear.
Not gear we won't, but I'm not that made it sound like we'll
bring it. I want the organised Lauren
pride. No, I'm not saying we're going
to bring up gear. Dave will bring it because Dave
has a problem. In fact, I'll make sure he
leaves it at home. Lauren Pride if you want me and
Dave to come and do a set as the Pet Shop Boys.
And we will. Do that.
But what you've got to do is provide us with a meal of our
choosing, like an unlimited bill, but just for me and Dave.
In fact, our Butler will come to three of us unlimited bill at.
There's a restaurant that we went to in Lauren, which is like
in a way industrial estate, maybe over the cinemas or
something. And it's one of those like
American restaurants, like American BBQ restaurant, but
it's not. So it's probably called like
Michigan Bay or something or Detroit Ribs, you know, one of
those places. So that's all we would require
to do that. So have a think about it and get
back to me. Lauren Pride.
If you're watching, you know what to do Hold on.
I've got to do my Face ID all right, Matthew Merlin says.
How long before your son is driving?
Lorries. Topical.
Enjoyable.
Well written, very good. I can't see my son.
Being a lorry driver, I'll be honest because like me, I just
don't think you'd have the confidence for that.
Like I look at lorry drivers and I'm like, I couldn't, I couldn't
do that. I couldn't operate a machine
that big. You know, I have a little SUV
and I like that because I'm up high on the road, but it's still
nippy. So I like to drive we nippy
cars, dinky cars as I call them. And I think my son will be the
same but. If he turns around to me and.
Says you know I want to drive lorries.
I'll make sure he's at least over 8 years old before he gets
out on the open Rd. So there you go.
But yeah, I don't, I mean, to be fair, you know, he's a big boy
for 8 1/2 weeks old. I think if he if he was driving
a lorry and there was a video posted, all people will be like,
well that fella clearly has a licence.
James Wilkinson. Would you rather be able to lie
about anything, or be able to tell anytime someone else is
lying? Well, you can.
You can lie about anything James, you literally can't even
even if you're a fella who posted a video of social media
of him letting the son drive a lorry and you can clearly see
the son is driving the lorry and someone goes.
You let your son drive a lorry and then one he can still go not
in and the judge will go no, but you there, there is this video
we are all looking now on video link at this video of your son
driving the lorry. Is that your son?
Yep. Is that your lorry?
Yep. Is that your son driving your
lorry? Nope.
You posted this video and. Said my son driving my lorry.
No, no, you did. I can, no, you know, you can't
lie about anything. And I feel like I'm, I'm a good
barometer of when people are lying as well.
So always remember that. Always remember that.
Like I'm going to say this, I watched the documentary about OJ
Simpson, a couple of things, and I'm going to throw this out
there. I don't know if he was telling
the truth when he said he didn't kill his wife.
So there you go. I'm not a lot of people.
Would pick up on that, Joseph McVeigh says.
Give us a day in the life of someone that's shoe N down.
So soon N down for. Maybe our international
listeners or anybody doesn't know, N Down is a state of mind
and also a place in on the Gold Coast in Northern Ireland.
N Down is typically considered an affluent area of Northern
Ireland. But of course it's a big area.
So you've got affluent parts and you've got what I will refer to
on where of where I'm from as normal parts.
But if someone was so north down.
Then the life. You're going to want to have a
late breakfast. Yeah, like a like, I hate Sam
brunch to the point where I will not say brunch.
If someone asks me for brunch, I'll go.
But if then the person's like, what are we doing again today?
I will say, oh, we're having a late breakfast or an early
lunch. I won't say brunch.
I hate it. I hate it.
I think you're trying to be aspirational when you say brunch
and it shouldn't annoy me as much as it does, but I hate it.
I really, really hate it. Brunch.
I also hate it too, because you're missing out on me if you
have brunch because most people have brunch and then just have
dinner. And I'm like, what are you
doing? You got to get your breakfast
kind of your porridge. And what was the question?
Oh, yeah, so north down. So you're going to have like a
late brunch and. Where would you have that?
In OK, it has to be N down. In Home Bird Cafe, you're going
to have a brunch. You know, little square plates.
You know what I'm talking about. It's north down.
Something went, something went into my ear.
OK, here's what free me out there.
Something flew in my ear and buzzed and then I touched my ear
and felt my headphone and thought it was something that
was in my ear, a massive, but it was my headphone.
So they go to Humbird. They take the dog for a walk
that's. Like a real N down thing, they
take the dog but they have real fat dogs so that they can be
bothered, they can be bothered walking them.
So they just have like very small fat dogs with breathing
problems and there and then after that, you're probably
going to want to you're probably only going to get the yacht.
I mean weather like that, you're definitely going to want to get
the yacht out, you know, see how it goes.
Thank you, thank you. Look, how did that happen?
How did that happen? I've magic the coffee.
So yeah, you, you're going to want to you, you tend to your
fat dog, you get the yacht out for a couple of hours, you go
for like 7 pints, drive back to the house.
Because a lot of them do a lot of rich people do do that, but
they think that it's, if it's within their local area, it's
probably not illegal. But like that guy, you thought
his son, his son could do some deliveries for Tesco's.
Yeah, Yeah. You go and you have 7 pints and
you drive home and if you're pulled over, you say, I didn't
know I did. I mean, come on.
Is this a is this a rule? You know, there were bottles,
not pints, Your Honour. And so you do that, then you.
Yeah, you go home for like 4:00 at 4:00.
O'clock you? Log on to like work like these
people are consultants. They do.
They write a couple of emails, log off at half four.
They they have a wine in the bath, like a red wine in the
bath. They head into Belfast, go for a
cocktail and Birch jazz bar, couple of pints and where's like
an upmarket place, The Fitzwilliam.
See, I don't really know places that well anyway.
Is the Fitzwilliam really upmarket up in the Conservatory
bar at the top? Is that really good?
People go up and do that, then come back to Neds in Hollywood
for 4 pints to cap the night off, head home at about half 10
Chinese. But if they're still N down, you
know, very, very affluent, they don't know nothing.
They, they, they don't call it getting the Chinese.
They use a term that people stop using about five years ago, but
they still think it's OK because all their friends use it and no
one's told them that you can't do that yet.
And the first person to hear this is like, bugger me, I I I
would have used it if I don't know.
Why people still? Think it's OK to do that.
Like, you know, maybe this is one of those things where maybe
this one. Of those things where?
If you don't say it, people go. You're putting in my head by not
saying it. The phrase is, and I'm gonna
give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt and say it's not
used much anymore. The people definitely still do
use it. Like it's socially fine and I'm
very much a freedom of speech guy.
But when people say they're going to have a chinky, I'm
going to have a chinkers or a chinky, there's a little bit of
me that dies inside. There's a little bit of me that
like wants to like a dot, like slap them in the nose like
supposed to with a puppy and go, no, no, you don't say that.
I I think even. Whenever I was very young and,
and by the way, there's probably definitely terms I was using
that I thought were fine that weren't, but I think that
particular one is one that never really sat right with me.
It felt too like I, I, I, I don't know, I don't know what
the question was, but I know that there's 12 people still
using that phrase in Northern Ireland and they, they
absolutely need to stop. I hear face I.
Hate the Face ID doesn't recognise me with sunglasses on,
Kelly McDonald says. Opinions on the weekend driving
lorry? Down the M1 cool dad or mental
dad? I mean he could be described as
a lot of things, but I don't know if you would say cool dad.
I don't think anyone that drove past in disbelief and looked up
to see, you know, what can we be described as a miniature child
driving lorry? I don't think anybody looked up.
Give a thumbs up to the dad. Daddy, daddy, cool daddy, very
cool. That's a cool dad.
I don't think the dad, I don't think the dad was was getting
high fives on his on his way out of the lorry from people that
have pulled up to see the Victorian freak show that is the
young child lorry driver. And yeah, my thoughts on that
are probably more you've said mental dad or cool dad, probably
swaying more towards mental dad if I'm honest.
But hey, that's just me. That's a funny question.
Thanks for that, Dawson, Cleland says.
Any chance you could sort a few boys out with a weekly shop?
Consider we're stuck inside isolating and missed the show
last week. Alternatively, a stand up gig in
your front garden from a come guy like yourself would also be
pretty nice. Yeah, I mean if it's a stand up
gig in my front garden, nobody else is going to be doing it, so
of course it's going to be me. But that isn't going to be
happening. I mean to.
Be fair in my front garden. You could get about 1000.
Seriously. Distance.
Obviously people in. No.
Yeah, that shit that you weren't able to make the show.
But you're a young guy. I sound like Louis Walsh.
You're a young guy. You look like a pop star.
You sound like a pop star. You're a pop star, Dawson.
According to your profile, you are 20.
You're 20 years old. And also in your profile, it
says Romans 5/8. So I assume that Dawson's 8A
side football team or looking another three boys to play
against. If anybody can help get in touch
and sort his his team the Romans out with a game.
Dawson, I'm joking that was that was substandard banter from me
there. But you very much did the right
thing as a 20 year old guy if I had.
Tickets to something I wanted. To go to and I had to isolate
because of COVID but I didn't have COVID.
I got to say that would. Have been 12 years ago and there
is a 3% chance that I probably would have just went and gone.
It'll be sweet. So you have done a genuinely
very mature thing there that will be respected by the
zippers. And it's definitely respected by
me because that is kind of a a big risk with those shows is is
that if one person on the first night had a said they were
feeling symptoms, you probably have to stop doing all the
shows. And that feels like overkill.
But you know, if you if you if you are responsible and fair to
the people that come and see you, you kind of just have to
make that call. As much as it would have
absolutely killed me, I would have had to because, you know,
you got to treat you got to treat the people right.
But you did a very mature thing by not coming to the show.
I threw the offer to you out on Instagram when you told me out
at the time that the next show I'm doing.
Do you see that you want to go to give me a shout?
I don't know how long your isolation is lasting for, but
then the maybe the gig in in pugs on Wednesday.
It's sold out, but Mike Noga could get you in and let's just
say it's the ability and let's just say you might be able to
bribe them and let's just say with gear and Dawson.
Hope you guys get enough enough people for that kick about that
AV 8. But a gig in my front garden.
It would it would be nice definitely.
I nearly left your voice. No point mistake there.
Sweet. And then and then I would have
deleted it and you you would be so freaked out being like that.
Why the other deleted voicemail from the money tote?
Oh yeah. No, actually, I'll get to that
in a second, one, Flying Irishman says.
Not a question, more of a statement.
I speak for all of us when I say you're extremely talented and
gifted comedian. We all love your work.
This is a thoroughly entertaining podcast.
Keep up the great work. Now, I might not have read that
if I hadn't known it would have been so nice.
And I might have just sent you a private reply back and said
here, cheers. Really appreciate it because as
much as I come across like a like a snivelling little Madam,
I do I am, I am. One of the great things about me
is I'm very modest. One one of my.
Many great qualities is that all the time when I get praised, I'm
pretty good about just not mentioning it, but it happens a
lot. I'm only joking, but but I
really, I really, really do appreciate that because not.
Times I can understand if I have.
A guest in this podcast, but a lot of the time it's just a guy
just sort of talking shit. There's no, I mean, the good
thing about me doing podcasts is you probably watch this and be
like, I could do that. I'm inspiring people because
you're watching it when I could do that and you definitely
could. Like I'm thinking back to the
first 15 minutes of podcast and I was like, you know what I was
talking about. So, so the fact that anybody
enjoys this, I appreciate and and thanks very much for sending
the, the the kind message. And probably some people will be
like, you don't speak for me because I I don't enjoy it, but
one flying Irishman. Thanks a lot and also one flying
Irishman's picture is just a lot of of like cockpits and I don't
mean nothing like a underground penis Fight Club way.
So that's pretty cool. 1 Flying. Irishman, can you send?
Can you take me and all the zippers somewhere?
That'll be pretty sweet because everywhere is locked down, you
can't fly places. So we could just do like a
sneaky flight over to where do the sippers want to go, Dubai or
something. It'd be sweet to live tea with
me from Abu Dhabi for the boys, Kira.
Says wow. Do Protestants?
Really keep their. Toasters in a cupboard I think
that was. Was that mentioned on dairy
girls or? Or is it just a general myth
type thing? People don't know but I don't
know. I am also not a good person to
ask because I'm not Protestant and a lot of people are going,
oh, you're Catholic. I'm not Catholic.
I am very much flamboyant. I like to identify religion wise
flamboyant. But you know, I've never, I've
never been to church. I'm not an anything.
I've never been brought. Up to be an anything in my
family you've got you've got a little you've got a it's a
little bit of a pod. You know, you've got different
ingredients in there, but I would far rather you, you define
me as cute. So I, I don't know.
And I also don't know anybody who keeps their toaster in a
cupboard. I don't know anybody who keeps
their toaster in a cupboard. I keep my toaster out and I
couldn't imagine going to a cupboard of time and getting it
out. That said, I'd be an absolute
melting. You get crumbs places.
Some leisures have asked people not to bring belongings in with
them due to COVID and I've asked people to be pool ready.
Does this mean you have to queue up to get in your speedos?
What's the current? Best nightclubs?
And bars in Belfast here, 78 questions there.
We will maybe do one. Let's focus on.
Let's focus on the leisure centre thing.
People being pool ready. Yeah.
How do you do that? How do you do that?
My son's over there. Hello.
My son. My son getting ready to hop into
his 18 Wheeler. No, he's not.
He's not getting ready to hop into his 18 Wheeler.
He is. He's asleep, but he loves it.
He's just over there distracting me.
I don't know what that. Means and.
I'm in your swimming pool in a long time and I'm keen to get
back in because I'm genuine, not just a social butterfly and a
pool butterfly too, Stevie. Henning says how much do.
You enjoy free clothes, Stevie? An unrelated subject, Stevie.
It'd be great to see you again. And if you happen to have you.
Know any? Anything with you?
I mean, look. Let's cut to the chase.
A lovely young man once contacted me and we, we were, we
were sort of Facebook friends before we, we knew each other.
And this young gentleman said money told Todd father, you
know, he paid his respects and he said, I have a load of
clothes from a from a very prominent sports brand.
And let's just say I would. Give it a big tick.
OK, if you want to work it out, I'm sure you could just do it.
And this young man, young mom said love to give you all this
gear. Listen, I've loads of it.
You'd probably like it. Give me a shout.
And we kept missing each other. We're like ships in the night.
Eventually I met up with this young guy outside Lisburn.
And part of me did think could be a plot for murder, but it
didn't murder me. Almost as ominous.
He just gave me a big black sports bag that was zipped up
and I met him outside. His house.
And he goes, there you go. We had a lovely discussion about
fatherhood, and we've talked a little bit about fatherhood
since. And then I drove home with this
big massive black duffel bag and I opened up when I got home and
there was more Nike stuff than there is in the Nike Outlet
store at Junction 1. And it was all great gear.
And there was football gear and there was shorts and T-shirts
and hoodies and tracksuit bottoms and everything.
And genuinely, it's. One of the coolest things that's
ever. Happened to me and that might
well be Liam, but it was unbelievably cool and I laid
them all out and I took photos of it all and I sent them to my
friends and I said look at all the gear I got and.
There was 2 pairs of shorts. That were the same and I gave
them to one of my friends and I gave one another one of my
friends AT shirt because I had the T-shirt and that is because
I'm a nice man and the person who gave me all that stuff is a
nice man. I only hope that if he's
listened to this he sends me a message and he says filling up
another bag and if that person so if David Elliot ever received
that message it would mean something a lot different.
But how much do I love free clothes?
I love free clothes like you wouldn't believe you know why
stop paying for them. Oh, you're not paying for them.
That's the best thing about free clothes.
Best thing about free clothes is your wallet stays closed closed
and you get free clothes. That is the best thing about
free clothes. And also what I've just
realised, Stevie, if you're watching the video version of
this podcast, not that it was you that gave me the gear, just
in case you're not legislative for work reasons.
Look what I'm wearing. I'm wearing AT shirt.
Do you give me an up on those stuff?
And that's how life works. I'm genuinely wearing AT shirt
and lesson. If you're watching this and you
want to speak to your bosses, out the clothing company you
work for. Look at what my socks were.
Look at what my trainers are. It'd be awkward to show you my
shorts, but trust me, my shorts are that brand too.
But I love getting free clothes and I want to give a shout out
to A. Local clothing company.
Called. Angel and Anchor didn't want to
get. That wrong Angel and anchor who
who sent me a lovely T-shirt and jumper and I think the guys
called Ben Ben. I really hope we got that right
because you give me a lovely handwritten note, but it's in my
house and I'm not in my house. I'm outdoors didn't deal with me
podcast because I'm on what you don't need to know this.
I'm on way to football training had Dick with Dick the little
man in the hospital for just a regular checkup and on my way
past. I basically said I will come to
the garden and I will do a podcast while keeping my social
distance. So I'm in the middle of a garden
doing podcast. But Angel and Anchor, I'm going
to deduce, and I could get this wrong.
And Ben, if this isn't the case, Angel and got this isn't the
gear the case strike me down, come and pick up the clothes and
never send me anything again. But I think it's maybe some
young people trying to get a brand, people trying to get a
brand off the ground. And I like it and the gear is
nice and I'll put it, put a really, I'll send a really cute
photo of me in it. I'll send you it and you can
distribute that however you wish.
I was about to write back to the.
To you and say I'll send you a nice pic, but that sounds a
little bit pervy so I'll go I'll.
Send a funny pic. And hopefully that doesn't
autocorrect the U2 and A OK, we got some more questions and then
we're going to wrap this baby up.
Did Elliot message me? Probably looking gear.
Yeah. OK, more messages.
Dar Dar Patton, who's your favourite football team?
Not a football podcast at all, but let's just say yesterday I
spent a little bit of money on for vintage Man United tops.
So sexy. And whenever I get them, I'll
put an Instagram post up of them and I'll just be like, what do
you think he's? And then all people like you
there will go on real, bro. And people will love it.
And it will be for the football fans and not for the other
teams, me fans who don't like football, of which there seems
to be none, by the way, which is class.
But yeah, I support a man. I support Man United, but there.
I wouldn't be. I wouldn't.
Describe myself as like a die hard, but I really like Man
United. Lewis Morrison thoughts on there
being about 10 Friday night old school classic radio shows now.
Can of worms open? Yes, I have noticed that I by
the way, I don't think that me and Dave Elliott on Radio Ulster
were the first guys to play dance music on on local radio on
a Friday night, but the whole idea of like old school dance.
Send us videos of you, Raven, you know, all bangers that
weren't of it. Yes, I have noticed that crop up
elsewhere. My first attitude towards it was
being annoyed. And then as it was pointed out
to me by someone else who isn't Dave Elliott but works on the
show, you know, it's a case of you're doing something right.
And I wouldn't worry about it. And, and yeah, I think we're
doing it well. I think we're doing it well.
I'm loving the show at the minute and that's all that
matters. And I can't, I can't claim to be
the first person to play dance music on a Friday night because
it wasn't played on Sunday mornings before, you know what I
mean? It wasn't like every Sunday
morning they just played local dance.
They're on local radio stations. They just play dance.
And then I came along, well, what if we did that on a Friday
night? Just people were going for the
weekend. It's not revolutionary, but.
I think some people have. Seen what we're doing and.
Are doing something very. Similar, and here's the thing,
if you're copying someone's homework and not do your I'm not
saying you're copying your homework, but you have to change
a lot of the words otherwise people will see that it's so my.
Comment on that. Is no comment, despite the long
comment I just made on. It Lewis, put your wooden spin
away my. Friend, because you're stirring
the pub. Joel Atkinson, my mate Phil
thinks it's OK to piss the bed. We've tried telling him it's
childish but there's no talking to him.
Huge fan of the podcast, so I was hoping you could give him
some motivation to quit pissing the bed.
Cheers and thanks. Phil's 20 by the way.
And yeah, I I wet the bed until I was maybe 7-7 or eight.
I don't want to say but but I just remember being like feeling
like I was slightly too old for I remember getting off for work
and going I shouldn't have pissed a bed but no.
I remember being a child but being like I shouldn't be doing
this and and I haven't. I've never pissed a bed as an
adult that that. That's good like that.
Is good because you hear a lot of people are like a lot.
I was rinsed last night and all pissed a bed and all shit the
bed. Now you're like what?
What about whenever when you were younger people be like, Oh
my mate comes up from Tyrone and all the drink at the weekends he
just drank A10 glass of algo and all sat in the kitchen for like
what? What do you do?
I never went to really do a real holy lands house party when I
was a student because you'd walk in and the dishes that all be
piled up in their in their kitchen and everyone be
partying. I'm like looking at dishes
going. I don't really like doing
dishes, but what are you doing with your life because that's
kicked. They're super noodles.
You need to get them early. Come here, give me some
marigolds and I would just always end up doing dishes.
Adam Crothers. What happened in Donaga day?
Also love the podcast the title of the week.
I don't know what happened Donaga Day you'd have.
To provide me with more. Context there because I don't
know, although it sounds it sounds like HBO series.
What happened? Donaga Day and.
Thanks to you. Like the podcast?
Michael Faye just says kids driving HGVs Yeah, it's all the
rage now and I think we've covered it in far too long of a
time, but cheers, James care. Worst part time job experience
you've ever had? I never did work experience.
Because I did. I left school in fifth year, so
maybe did it in 6th year. But I do remember going to
Planet Fun at the King's Hall whenever it was about 13 and
asking a lady on a stall if I could have a job And it was one
of those ones where like you threw baseballs, It's tough to
knock them down. And I went my mate like put me
up to it and I went up to and I was like could have we job here
and all. And she's like you can do an arm
Fridays and Saturdays for a fiver.
And she was so nice and I felt so bad and just ran away and was
like she was lovely, you know what I mean?
Like she's just taking the job off sweet though, but shit
myself. But it didn't ship myself in the
bed and that's a main important. So yeah, I miss talking, doing
work experience really, in fact. This is very NBC.
There's very. Money to but I did do paid work
experience in a magazine for a summer and I bought the sure how
long it was. I bought the first generation
iPod out of it. In fact, it didn't must have
been the next generation when it was the one that U2's album was
preloaded onto. I think that was the one.
Why they breathe that Tony Soprano there.
Where'd that guy died? You, Annie.
Lennox said. What would your dream Festival
lineup be? Me, me, me, me and me.
And I get paid for all the acts. My dream Festival lineup would
be well. Let's just say an.
Evening of of entertainment in my garden.
I would have great question I would have.
I'm going to go. For three acts.
I'm going to go for one comedy, 2 music.
I'm going to have Dave Chappelle.
I'm going to have music at the. Start, so I'm going to open
with. It's my garden, right?
So I get to decide I'm. Going to I'm going to open with
Two Door Cinema Club and not because my good friend Sam is in
the band and and and and not for that reason.
I'm going to go with two Door because I probably listened to 2
door in my car more than any band.
Definitely at the minute. Their album False alarm Hope
it's called false alarm is it did really well on the charge
for them, but it's almost like I think it's almost underrated.
Some brilliant songs and videos of it, like single releases, but
as an album I think it's great. And we listen to that pretty
much our whole honeymoon when we're driving around California
and and in weather like this, because that's what the weather
is like on honeymoon. I would have two door open it.
Then I would have The Rolling Stones and then I would have.
Dave Chappelle I. Think that'd be a pretty sweet
line up for me and I would MC it Ethan.
'S and I could be the. Most Ethan would say how did you
know you wanted to do stand up, etcetera.
And Ethan, I didn't until I did it, if that makes sense.
I knew I was curious about doing it, but I wanted to know what to
do. I don't know.
I don't. Remember having that moment?
It must have always been a little bit of a thing.
I love comedy and. But I don't know, probably just
got. Curious about how that would go,
what that would be like. So I I I don't, honestly.
I know it's not a helpful answer, but I can't remember the
moment I knew I wanted to do it. I do remember the.
Moment where I booked the. Gig where I had to send an
e-mail. Remember e-mail?
I'd send a Hotmail e-mail to the promoter.
I wonder with I wonder with that e-mail.
I know you find this in any way interesting.
Probably not. I wonder would that e-mail still
be in my because I have the? Same e-mail address I had.
Since I was, I don't know, 14 genuinely and and although back
in the day you used to delete your emails, after like a year
you do. I'm going to delete my emails
here to start again. But you only probably had about
50 emails. Nowadays there are how many
emails in my inbox? In my inbox there are. 1000. 742
emails so Paul Curry was the first person that booked me for
a gig and I remember his e-mail address at time but I deleted
it. I wish I had had that e-mail
where I was like, you know, mate, can I come and do a gig
and all I'm, I'm 10, just pissed.
The bed and then need to get it. I need to get out of the house,
so I can't remember. But the last question, Damn you
Face ID B, Morris says. Would you ever have someone from
the Patreon on your podcast as a guest?
I don't mean this. In a.
In a.
Cruel way, but probably not. But then because I I get guests
that people kind of already know, you know, doing it wrong.
If anyone has a fucking great story, then yeah.
But yeah, I mean, I've never seen, I'll never be like no, but
what me and. Producer Dan have been talking.
About which might be more interesting is on Patreon doing
like a like a Patreon chat roulette type thing, which we
release where like I go live on a zoom.
So I set a time and a day and all the Patreons get a link and
they jump on the zoom and I just like interview people and chat
to you. And we do like an hour long
thing with everyone. I dip in and other people might
not get chatting to everyone. I might pick someone at random
and then and then we release that other thing.
So I'd like to do something like that.
But but listen, if you're like, listen.
The only reason I say is because I used to work at NASA and
there's an alien that lives in my loft.
I will 100% get you on the podcast, 100%, 100%.
That's all for the for the questions this week.
Thanks to everyone who submitted a question.
I was going to say I forgot to put it on Twitter, but there was
so many on Instagram there that I didn't need to.
We have a guest for this week's podcast that may end up
happening next week based on their diary, because a mine's
very clear. Oh, the sun's gone.
Nice. Wait, it lasted.
That's us coldest winter that that's a bit that genuine real
time what people do here. The sun's out, then the clouds
are for a second ago. Ah, well into the house for me
for a year. Winter is coming, There's a sun
back out. It's sweet, it's all good again.
And what was I saying? I was saying.
I might not know at all. What?
Oh yeah. There is a guest that I've been.
Chatting to for a long time about doing the podcast and this
guy naturally would be incredibly busy.
I mean, I don't I don't even know him, but I know I know who
he is and I think all the sippers will probably too.
And I think for so many reasons, he would be a brilliant guest.
And so he's really been trying to make it work and he's been
filming major like TV productions.
And in the meantime, still like having the time to message me
and be like, listen, we'll sort this out and sorry, I'm like,
listen, anytime you can do it, just let me know.
There's no pressure like so I think I think might be able to
do the episode on Friday with them, release it on Friday.
Fingers crossed. But if not, we've got some
episodes in the bank. We'll roll those out and we roll
on patreon.com/tea with Me podcast.
You can see the bonus episode or listen to the bonus episode we
do every Monday with producer Dan, which is a real like behind
the scenes look at the podcast and and you know, gets a little
while A couple of weeks ago I had a couple of pints before we
did 1 and it was a little bit off the wall.
So you can check that out if you would like to.
Obviously, we're sponsored by Manscaped a tea with me.
You can use the code Tea with me for 20% off and free shipping.
manscaped.com the precision tools for your family jewels.
I said that in a very radio way because I broke in between what
I was saying. Now I've got to go because I'm
on the football training. But Zippers, it's been an
honour, it's been a privilege, it's been a pleasure, it's been
all of those things. And I also want to say I did.
I'll talk about it in Friday episode.
I did a very cool BBC project last week and you're going to
be. Able to see it really.
Really. Soon it's.
I don't think it's anything we've talked about before.
So they go leave you on like an EastEnders style cliffhanger.
But I'll, I'll hopefully be able to tell you all about this thing
that's going to be on TV in the next couple of weeks that I'm
really proud of and was really happy with.
And I'm not always like that with TV type stuff that I do,
you know, sometimes I'm like, ah, I think I think it was shit
on that. But this I think I did a good
job and I think there was some zippers there, some low key
secret zippers, which made it all the better.
So thank you very much. Cheers for listening, watching
to the podcast, subscribe rate and review it.
If you have time on Apple podcast, that'd be really sweet.
You want to tell your friends about it, That'd be even better.
And the best thing ever is if you're listening to the episode
and you fired up on like your Instagram story and I share,
right? And we just make people aware,
Hey, this is happening. That's always appreciated.
Thank you very much. Check out Dave Elliott's Slag
Head Podcast 2, which now comes out on Thursday, the day boy
time. Boy time isn't even cold on the
ground and he's muscled in and he says, well, maybe take a
break from Boy town. But he's put his podcast on the
Boy Town day, which is the nail in the coffin.
But as we've established, it is a bit of a drug problem, so it's
fine. Sippers, see you next time.
Sip, sip. Enjoy the weather.