Now Bridges know me as no one fasting.
No, no. OK, then.
No, then. Then no.
Because bizarre from D12. We're just talking about how he
had the most insanely wild lyrics of all time.
Yes, when you were a kid, you didn't really pause and think.
But I'm here with two very bizarre men here with William
Thompson and Matthew Dinsmore and William Tom IF.
I hope I'm not betraying your confidence here, but you just
told us 2nd for recorded. Are you OK getting that bottle
cap off right? You told the second for you
recorded as you walked in here with a big frozen Fanta slushy
that them that you brought so much food home.
You're trying to kill yourself. You're trying to water board
are. You trying to water board
yourself? What information are you trying
to get out of yourself? Then I appreciate you looking
out for my mental health but watching a man drink water and
go look mate there's other ways. It was the way you were doing.
Are you? Are you one else?
Dude, he was your Abu grid. Sucking, Dying with.
Now, you said you brought home so much food last night that
your nanny thought you'd brought someone back.
My nanny thought I had female company and she came down went
did you bring someone home last night without telling me?
And I was like, no, she's like don't lie.
The amount of food that's in there, you have to have someone
else. I'm like.
Nah, I'm to do his Lube. Just use Carnot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just use your excited to eat
the pizza. Yeah, I just had it was Domino's
too for Tuesdays, So if you're. Not still going in this
recession. Always going yeah, and the price
slice. What's the price like?
Just cheaper pizzas, right? That's it.
But you know. It's all the time as well.
I'm going to pay £30 for one pizza, may as well go to them.
Yeah, now here's a business idea.
You know, the way New York pizza is all but the slice.
Yeah. The dollar slice Why don't
Domino's do a pine slice? Because if it's from Domino's,
have a slice of about £12 for starters.
Right. And also they don't need.
I didn't even say anything anyway.
Pretend they didn't say that last time I come up with an
idea. You always shoot down my dreams.
I'd love to see you in Dragons down with that attitude.
No, it's fine. No fork spatula, it's stupid.
Don't even know. What a Fatula.
Yeah, 10,000 he's made. I don't have load to them about
Peter Jones anyway so. Yeah, no, no count Fatula.
It was a stupid mascot. A.
Big fat vampire, Yeah. With a fork.
Here to suck your cholesterol. Now, you're right to the open
theatres. Yeah.
Shouldn't they shouldn't have got those three trains.
Yeah. Yeah, Deborah mean sorry for
dreaming. Duncan Valentine, what do you
even own? Oh, Valentine's fat guy.
Yeah. You're just naming Dragons now?
The one from Shrek. I generally thought you're going
to name like a Skyrim dragon, and that's a sketch I.
Can't remember any of their names, I just know the one from
Shrek. Terrify.
The Shrek do you want to put on there?
You're Tasker. Get that doggy off the TV.
You watch, you watch. Track all the fears.
Behind the sofa jump skirts every time he's on the TV, I'm.
So hungover that the the idea of someone who just gets PTSD when
Shrek so it's fucking hilarious. It's also.
All during the day, sure, you know what I mean?
Like there's no night time really as well.
Like just walking through Meadow.
Every time you season on you just fuck.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so not well today.
Does Shrek look on that kind of? The Shrek look like what?
But Big John? Yeah, I see where you're going,
you know. What I mean like a real life
version? But I like, they're both
likeable. That's what I mean.
Chance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I see it.
And usual gorillas last night, Yeah, Now you said the gorillas
when you walked in here. And I thought that was like a
pensioner kind of way to say it. Is that what they're called?
No. Well.
When you put the, they're just called gorillas.
Actually say OK. Simple as.
This episode of the Team With Me podcast is sponsored by none
other than that Price Guy. That what Ireland's largest
price competition page. I was just in talk sport last
night, but football and there was ads on for that price guy.
That prize guy has made over 10 millionaires thing it might be
11. That's £11 million to 11 people.
It's insane. There's prizes on there on that
price guy Dog holder UK right now down.
There's prizes like what On the 3rd of May you could win 20,000
points every single month for a year.
So in total 20 grand every month for a year.
Yeah, and total 240 grand. That is correct.
Someone's been swapping up. That's brilliant, isn't it?
Be lovely. I'll be really good, You know,
every month just dropping into your bank account.
How much? 20 grand, 20 grand every month
that price guy.co.uk. There's look, there's
everything, there's everything you can win.
Like there'll be things on there like do you want to go, you
know, shark diving and Kirk Alban, you know, and then
there's other prices which are just like 10 grand instant win
kind of things that price guy.co.uk.
So, but else we'll need to point you in the direction of our
patreonpatreon.com/TV With Me podcast.
Well, is it all going on over there?
You better believe it. Bonus episodes, live stream,
live stream episodes. There's all the specials on
there. There's what else is there done?
Shane learns she the Shane learns series recording episode
of that today. What's what's that on?
Genetics? Genetics, you know, learning all
big genes Levi's patreon.com/T with me podcast No, Willie does
a bit in a set about how popular being Irish is.
But while he's doing this, he's also becoming fashionable Irish
because this might, you know, well, he's got the gluten
intolerance. Yeah, well, the good the way
he's combat not as he started drinking get us a week ago and
I've never seen I've never seen anyone drink more get oh da and.
When does it stop being funny as a grown man?
When someone's on the phone in the background, go.
Did you get Domino's and not ask me?
So anyway, well, he started drinking Guinness a week ago,
right? Yeah.
And he's drank more Guinness in that week than most people have
in a year. He's just started drinking
Guinness all the time. But for his walk on SO, get the
Well, he's forgetting his roots. Guess what Willie wants for his
walk on SO? Come out, you're black and
tonnes. No, well this is what he asks
all the the sign texts at the gigs in the UK.
The Fontaine. DC That's wrong.
Man, I don't know, sorry. I didn't say the Fontains DC,
I'd say the Fontains. Which is worse?
Probably a different bundle. I think there is a band called.
Well, they're giving me fontains.
DC and I'd listen to Fontaine CC and he drinks that.
Yeah, you're going to be fucking moving to London soon enough,
aren't you? Honestly, yes.
So yeah, fancy. Yeah, honestly.
And this is the way he talks tonight.
OK. Let me split the G the G Spring.
Promiscuous banter. He does.
Yeah. I don't even know.
You know you're drinking frozen slushy, so you said, you said
you've always been doing that. Oh yeah, that's the best
hangover cure. Dindy, I could see you just
having slush puppies. I don't think you'd like the
idea of Fanta type spin. Off no cherry slush puppy all
the time. Is that the wee red one?
Yeah, do. They still do the wee dog.
No. Well, actually that's a good
question. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't think so. I think it's just people just
have the machines now. The I think he had a monopoly
over the slush puppy industry. Yes.
So much so that they're now called Slush Puppies because
that's a brand. Do you know the way like George
Foreman's are like grills but you call the George Foreman?
Yes. Say as a good example to.
Let's can we come up with two more?
Like a teacher. Any starters against?
Hoover, Hoover, Hoover. Vacuum cleaner is what they
actually are. Fuck.
Just one more. There is.
I know that there's no. One, you be afraid to get
involved. There's more where you say it's
the brand, but you just say I can't.
Remember what it is now This. Is an iPod.
No any sort of tablet. Everyone calls it an iPod.
Yeah, but like who has any other sort of tablet?
Losers. By the way, can we just take a
minute to bring the iPods and tablets?
You know, his electronic notebook he has, right?
He takes the gigs and walks about like he's invented this
new thing for anybody else. Know, we've talked about in the
pub before. Well, he has an electronic
notebook that has a pen on it, right?
Very, very 1998. But he he mortified me something
shocking on Sunday. He just fucking hates me.
Exactly. We were.
He just hates me. Exactly.
You hate to see me breathing, brother.
Know what he's doing? He's using a notebook and
drinking Guinness. The fucking Rob.
That's what this episode has been so far.
We spent. Too long together recently.
Yeah, he's listening to a bond for the prick.
So he really embarrassed me. Sunday we were in the stand, a
couple of shows in the stand in Newcastle.
Russell Hard also I choose in Newcastle at night.
I'm sorry mate, you dropped that name.
I actually look forward to. So when Russell texts and said
I'll call, I'm going to call down for the early show.
So he calls down. He comes into the green room.
Him will he have never met before?
Not the loveliest guy. Greg cracks just sitting there
chatting away. One minute in he goes, what's up
on the table because it's LED up.
Well, he's notebook 3 words written on it, right?
And he kind of make it easy. What's this?
And I go Willy no. Willy No.
Willie goes, Russell, take a seat.
He was already sitting down. He was already sitting down.
And I, I, I go, is this really happening?
20 seconds later, Willie is advising Russell hard that he
should start writing his stand up with an electronic notebook.
And he's not messing. And I took a photo of it, which
I'll, I'll drop in, but Willie is literally Russell, have a wee
look at this now. Russell, you have ideas?
Do you have ideas? Here's what you want to do.
Write them down. Russell Hard goes, I kinda like
a rule page. Willie goes takes the lines
away. Russell hard genuinely goes that
is actually really good. And Willie look around at me
like this. He showed me the photo
yesterday. You know, he goes how mad is
this? And it was him and Russell hard.
I didn't know though that it was him flaxing his a notebook.
I swear I didn't know that. Can't I I.
I the only the only logic this is the wee bastard has shares in
Lenovo. He must be getting a kickback
because he's convincing everyone to get it and he does this thing
where he leaves it unlocked in green rooms.
In just the middle of the green room, there's Willie said.
If you guys want to, he did it in Hot Water.
Comedy Club just leaves it unlocked sitting in the middle
there. You're saying that as though I'm
deliberately like flexing it. I just forget that it's there
and then go off on. It's this.
It's a giant E notebook. I know, but I just forget about
it. In Glasgow we actually brought
it on stage with him and had the pen behind his ear and held held
it. No, no, no.
Like he was Tim Cook doing like a, you know, like a keynote
conference. Willie, Willie, did you bring
the E notebook on stage with the E pen behind your ear?
Yeah. Can I tell you something?
Beat this, You're an insufferable cunt.
The E notebook on stage. Are you just going to bleep that
you? Know you are you're you're
acting like you're a future man speaking the past civilizations.
Whoa. The laughed at Jesus.
So Denzi laughed. They laughed at Steve Jobs and
they're laughing at me. That's all I can say.
So he had it on. He was doing.
He had it on stage. You know the way you have to
print, he has to use the stylist.
He can't use his finger on it. He had to use the stylist to
change page and it looked like he was like Moses taught reading
from the tablet. I mean really, it looks like I'm
working in Argos. What does he want out there?
Maybe Turtle Beach Head? I got that brought in for you
now. Now I'm a wee man, sort of a
Shrek teddy. We're saying his name too much.
He might appear. It's because it was a whip, so
it didn't. To work oh, he changes work in
progress. The whip guys, I just guys.
He also does. This only because it's a whip.
Only. Bring the technology out for a
whip. Oh man, man, come on, please.
Come on now, let's go back to hangover cures.
Yeah. Bottle.
Look at its port. Yeah, and.
Pour it. Crappies me Crips.
You need to get the blood pumping.
In I'm a juice guy, a wank. You can believe that if you
want. I get the a bit hit recently.
What's that it's I don't know it's like a vitamin water thing,
but orange and Mandarin is the one I got 25 calories.
So it's good for you. Just all sorts of nutrients in
it sorts you right out, gets you up and out.
Right salesman who hasn't really learned what his product is
that's. No, no, he's given advice to
other salesman. Man, you haven't sold me on the.
I should bring it on stage with me, write my write my set on the
back of the label that's. What I want just to become the
ultimate like product placement comic.
Yeah, you're just coming in. Just full sponsored gear.
Kevin Hart with his own tequila. Yeah, behind him.
I'm coming. I'm just like, instead of
walking by the stage of a Segway.
Yeah. What do you do mate?
I'll be great. You asked for that in Glasgow
but the venue couldn't give it. Yeah.
Umm yeah, look at it, sports. Good.
What flavour? Oh, just orange.
No Raspberry I'm. Telling you that in such a
condescending way because you knew I was going to say
argument. What flavour?
I fell into your trap and your Raspberry trap.
What? Flavour do you like?
No, you don't. Yeah.
You haven't had the Raspberry, clearly.
No, I haven't. So have you actually not?
No, get on it right There's I'm actually getting better as a
salesman. Yeah, as this podcast goes.
On kind of get very forceful with it, yeah.
Just drink it. Actually have one with me.
No buy out of me now. It's why we've got you're not
hungover even though you had a few tipples.
Well, that's what yours Rackarell is last night.
Yeah, like, can you? First of all, before we go into
how you're feeling, you tell me, how was it?
I'm happy, I'm not feeling sad. Nice.
It was. Did you see the support act?
No. The Argentinian rapper.
My dad was going. The Argentinian rapper.
I goes. Yeah, he goes.
Do you know he wraps in Spanish? Like who?
Yeah, he's Argentinian. He goes not in fucking
Argentina. Good.
Do you know what? I don't even have anything to
argue with it either. Your dog home food, burning the
boats in the middle of a fucking girl.
Here, if I had it my way and it was my support act that I wanted
to see, they would have had a nightmare.
Oh, your dad not loving? Marshall Lehman and I was trying
to explain to him who Marshall Lehman.
Because you're such a big fan of.
Where do you from, Lemon? Sorry.
Yeah, sorry. Right.
You're such a big fan of him. And then the worst thing they
could have done was the show before this, he supported them
in Manchester. Yeah.
So you're like, why not just get them for a couple?
He's in Belfast 1 you know. What I mean he's you have
changed your tickets to Manchester, if you know.
It would have been difficult to get my dad to go, but I probably
would have went by myself. Oh, you went to gorillas last
night with your dad? Yeah, yeah, right.
But he wasn't just complaining about the Argentinian guy for no
reason. I thought he.
Just caught wind of it. You know, one of the songs there
were subtitles on, on the like the screens in the SSC and I was
going, there you go. Where's the fucking English
lyrics for you? Was and your dad, You and your
dad? Turn that on for you your.
Dad dressed up as gorillas for the show.
Well, he was a gorilla, I was a chimpanzee, right?
The younger person. So how it works?
It's not. And this joke it is, Yeah.
And we were beating our chests and there was there was other
dads there who he had to fight. And they were also beating their
chests. Yeah.
Honestly wouldn't even been top five weirdest things I saw in
that crowd. So you were in the seats, you
were in the on the ground, I was in the pit.
I saw you. So what was going?
On Yeah. What was it doing?
Walking. Ah, fuck you.
I'm always doing shit like that. You were throwing your own shit
about. It up against the glass.
You're spreading your arson, putting it up again.
You we Blue Arson put it against the glass.
Yeah, it was. I thought it would be a really
like hype, bouncy concert. Yeah, wasn't really wasn't for
me. Did they got did they Do you got
the groove shoe shed? Yeah, that's good.
What's that? Nineteen, 2000. 19 two thousand.
Yeah, I know. You know.
Any big ones that didn't do? I was fast.
Why didn't? They did it in Liverpool, so
their setlist I was looking at, the Nottingham one from a couple
of days ago, was completely different than what they did
last night, which I don't like. He does my head in a wee bit.
Remember he was slapping on
Taylor Swift. Yeah, she doesn't write her own
songs. What what she does, Damon what
she does and a lot of other songs for other artists too.
He was doing a lot of like performative male carry on, like
he was on stage, like his hands pressed together like Belfast,
can I perform this one for you? And you're like, yes mate,
you're literally that's your way, insisted.
Yeah, we insist. We bought the tickets on that
agreement. If you're not gonna do, what
else do you have to offer here? Yes, there did you see there was
a we got like guy that brought like we mascot.
Yeah, where the fuck was that? No, he looked like a Muppet, but
he was like big and he like had a big red button actually alive.
Well, it was in a costume. Yeah, in a costume.
But is he? Was he alive?
Yeah. Brought out a corpse.
Dead Muppet corpse. Brought out a beheaded Kermit.
And they they're like a big red button and he.
Sounds like a sex move. Gave me the beheaded Kermit.
Your hands up ours, Sorry. No, that's just the Kermit won
the origin on the mouth for the band of Kermit.
It's because the noise. It sort of sounds like Kermit.
It's also not that they confuse with the Chinese finger trap.
I'm so sorry. So yeah, they brought out a
really family friendly mascot, which they didn't introduce what
that was or say what it was. No reference to whatsoever.
See. See, when you try and be quirky,
you're not being quirky. It was the crowd to be quirky,
and let's say that. What was the demographic?
They're pierced. Neurodivergent Children.
Right. Yeah, DJ Group good.
David Boyle. Yeah, it was a lot of it was
weird, like, it's not. I thought it would be loads of
people like us. Yeah, none.
Very WWE guys, no? No guys at all.
Very WWE adjacent that crowd. We were sitting beside a phone
like. WWE.
No adjacent but you do. You guys love WWE, not me.
I know, but. I'm saying the crowd that was at
that was very adjacent to the crowd that was at WWE.
But you're a guy, you said. I thought the crowd was going to
be like us, but they were actually WWE.
Yeah, but I'm. Currently, you'd never know I'd
like WWE from looking at, man. You look like the biggest WWE
guy in the world. No, I look like I just stand
outside my Lowrider flipping a coin and chain a toothpick.
Yes, true. Hey doll, that's what I look
like. I can't believe they didn't do
dare. Neither could I.
I was furious. Is that an urban myth that the
song was called there? And it was.
Just Shawn writer's accent or do you think they just said that
after? I think it is true you.
Better say that. The video for that was
brilliant, was big hit, yeah. It's.
There, I love it. You ever seen the video of him
doing it at the? Sorry, it's there.
Timmy Mallet on 1st that I might even do.
You know what they're they're, they're trying to be so weird.
They would get Timmy Mallet on. Oh, here's Timmy Mallet ice
skating in the Nip. Oh.
Euro Divergent The gorillas could drop a collab with anyone.
Not the gorillas. Gorillas.
Gorillas County Temple Liz Dennis and it would be about no
R. But if you said gorillas could
do a collaboration with anyone, then just animals.
If you said gorillas could just collaborate with anyone, then it
is just about the animals. So that's.
The rising Sun. Yeah.
I like. It it was good.
I'm so hungry. It's not part of the read.
I just mean on the side note, I'm so hungry sippers.
This episode of TV podcast is sponsored by none other than our
friends daily lights. Daily lights are making
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They're not in the mountains, but it it the best based on one
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You know we're talking about unbeliev throw that read the one
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You know, that's, that's on the star County Down.
It's about daily lights because they are the stars of the
culinary scene of County Down. You go in there, you know, a
filling station, a service station, a police station.
You want food, not a police station, but if you want food,
you go in these places and the some, a lot of these sandwiches
look sad, like what a boot sale as they're, they're in their own
age, egg and watercress funeral food folks.
Daily lights have things like I'm talking about you cut that
chicken open and say marble, you know, you do what their do what
their chicken is slight unbelievable.
They have like a a deli. They've got like a deli plus
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They've like high protein stuff. So it's delicious.
It's nutritious. It's delicious, delicious.
Fucking excellent. It's delicious.
Yeah. How does that not work?
Firstly, delicious. First though you.
I said delicious and freshes and you are delicious because it's
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A better way to sandwich in the heart of County Down the
mountains. I guess someone shouted.
It was a weird crowd. Someone shouted at me for
singing. Because you were singing songs
from the musical Evita on loudspeaker I.
Was singing Melancholy Hill when it came on, Great song.
And some guy literally put his arm around me and went, oh, look
at this guy. Mr knows the words, the songs,
Everyone look at this guy. He knows the word and was
getting like everyone was looking.
I'm like, yeah, we all, we all know the words.
But you know what a tough one is?
But he what a Dick to do that. But also it would make you
unconscious about singing after because then you are aware you
are Mr Know the Word. Because my mates were laughing
at it and I was like, have I done something that's like
really silly so. The guy was.
Fucking the kind of guy who goes to gorillas and shouts of people
for singing along. He was a weird.
I would had a word with them if I was there and I get that.
Do you? I don't like that it.
Was all those like my mates were laughing but I was like, have I
done something that's really funny?
And then after they were like, no, we were laughing because
that's the most mental thing I've ever seen.
Literally going, he knows the words.
No, it didn't make me upset. It just made me go, where the
fuck am I that I went to a concert, sang along and he's
like, look at this guy. Knows the words, the things.
Oh, you're cool. You could have just played it
back on him and been like, look at this guy doesn't know the
words. Yeah.
I mean, it was more. It was more like, let me go.
Melancholy Hill is still on. Yeah.
And I've waited 10 songs to hear one.
I know. And to be honest, yeah, you
don't know all the words because who knows all the words?
Like there was there was songs that would come on and then the
family next to us and then the other family also next to us
were like screaming and yelling. I said to my dad, what is this
1? He would go.
I don't know. But they seem to think it's
good. I.
Probably know 5 gorilla songs. That's generous as well.
I think I could give you 3. Oh, I thought you were a super
fan. No, not even.
See, I thought I would have known more than I did.
Yeah, because I listen to them a lot.
And even then I'm still like, I don't know, fucking half of
these. But like you were saying, see,
when the cartoons came out at the start, like on the screen,
like Damon album, album came out and people were like, all right,
OK. And then the drummer came up on
screen and fuck me, it's like. Yeah, they would.
We know you're the guy behind it.
Yeah, yeah. Be behind it.
They're in the like the comic books and the the yes, the lore
behind it all get you. They're more into that than the
music. That whole part was cool with
the the screens and like them doing all the weird shit to be
honest. Yeah, like the animation was
impacted like literally the most I've ever seen in the Odyssey.
It was bungling. But again, very chill.
There was a girl at the end, right?
And they brought her out and she was a, she was a black girl with
pink hair and like, no, but she, I noticed I was listening to her
and I was like, she sounds like Morrissey.
Right. Do you think it was?
It might be Morris. Oh, and a cost.
You know what? You.
Mean Neil Morrissey Maybe I'm badly mate.
Do you not remember? Maybe I'm badly.
Yeah, no. Cheated with Amanda Holden on
Les Dennis. Can I tell you something?
Well, he knows pop culture. Yeah, it was.
It was the romance of the 90s. Thing is, you know that people
are like, I couldn't make that. No ma'am.
Haven badly was like just two. Shaggers.
What is it? Maybe haven't badly.
Yeah, best theme ever. That sounds like a gorilla song,
genuinely. Probably played it last night.
But Damon see Damon see blur have some phenomenal song, some
phenomenal albums, but I go let that be enough.
Don't be getting on weird. She being all expressive and all
and interviews and all and like wearing all weird gear they're
on. They could he mate.
See why Liam Gallagher hated him?
Yeah. Because is it Noel gets on with
them and Liam can't? Yeah.
No, they did. They did a song, didn't it?
Yeah. Didn't it?
Yeah, it's on the gorillas. Sorry.
I like, it's not great, but I mean The thing is when you're
that weird, you'll have a lot of messes and stuff where you go
this is quite shit. But then when it hits, it
fucking hits like. Yeah.
Now let me ask you, you go to the show, you bearing at the
show. I wasn't meant to and then one
of my friends was driving, so when I never left home, start a
clock. You understand you?
Watch out. Well, he's just out.
Of course. Yeah, Murphy's.
Here he goes. Murphy's great.
No coffee. Well, back in there it was he
goes in Newcastle at the stand. The guy, Leo, he was looking
after us was like, can I get you guys a drink or anything?
I was like, I'm good water while he goes.
Well. The usual, you know, whatever,
like you start drinking last week and you've never been here.
But well, he goes, I, I'll take Guinness and your man goes, we
actually don't do Guinness here, but we'll have another state and
it's some like Scottish state or whatever.
And well, he's like, not only be a Guinness man, but I'll take
it. And your mom brings it in.
Well, he takes the step of it goes it's, it's, it's, it's
quite different together. And I was like, you know, how do
you even know? How do you even know?
And then he goes, that's not bad man.
He goes because normally I'd be a Guinness man, but there since
last Tuesday, I've been a Guinness man.
But this is alright, this is alright.
And then he was on the Scottish Guinness like.
I. Wasn't he knocks in Barkley?
Didn't drink a single Guinness in Glasgow by the way.
No, sorry. Because he haven't started.
I'm a liar. You are a liar because it did
but. Also and Kenny O'Shea as he did,
yeah. But also, you introduced me to a
lovely Pete Jubal. Oh, don't even bring it.
Why you tried to be fun of me? Why bring it up in front of me?
It's just going to annoy. Me right?
He tried to get me on them and he gave me a candidate or
society gave me a candidate when he was just getting the know
meals and I think I should have just texted him and like me that
was lovely thank you. But I just replied and was like
stinking. He didn't even reply.
No he didn't. I had to watch a live podcast
and he was like a slap talking my name into the mud actually
Which? Is where that Peach Jubal should
be. No, I I thought it's a gluten
free vegan beer. I thought Shane might appreciate
it. Yeah, got him.
Now if he'd have found it himself.
Oh yeah, without you telling them it would be the best beer
you've ever. Fucking heard of?
But because you gave it to him. Yeah.
He's do you know what he is done with me?
Can I tell you something? See backstage in hot water, he
told me to fuck off in an in an angry way.
He lost the head. I I've been trying to make him
lose the head for about 10 years and he's never lost a head.
Like me and Willie have a dynamic say anything to each
other, blind each other and he was backstage in hot water and
if he was doing 5 minutes because of the football, we we
had a very short show. He's on the E notebook obviously
backstage and he's stressing out about writing down the material
he's going to do. He's writing 3 words, right?
He's to go and remember 3 jokes. And he's like sitting there
stressed about it. And he goes, he makes the
mistakes. And now there's loads of people
in the green room. So Danny Max Air, Tony Carroll
column. So everyone's catching up and
they're trying to talk to him, but he and he's sort of going,
yeah, he goes on, I'm just doing this.
And I can tell he just wants a bit of peace and quiet.
But he doesn't go anywhere. He just stays in the middle of
the green room. And he made the mistake of
saying to me, just leave me alone for a minute and need to
do this. That's a red ride, dude.
I kept asking him loads of questions and like kept bringing
people over to him and being like, well, he was well, he was
saying, well, what were you saying to him?
And like, there's too many people talking and too many
people there. And he goes, Shane, fuck off.
And I have never been happier in my life.
I burst out laughing And then he knew it was funny and he just
gave me this look and there's we notebook and I guess.
Like kill Shane, obviously I. Was fucking so annoyed.
That's brilliant. It's because when you're trying
to write something down and someone's just in your ear and
you end up writing down what they're saying, I just have to
do not. And then I was like, people kept
talking to me. I'm like, I'm making the effort
to speak, Daddy, stop bringing me and stop including me.
Go away. I'm trying to be we barred in
the corner with my notes. We barred, We barred.
We Willy the barred. Yeah, we were bored.
Yeah, fuck you. It was great we night though, we
had some drinks in Liverpool it. Was brilliant.
I didn't. You did.
It was brilliant. Brilliant, Sally.
No, I did. You did.
On the beers I was on the beard.
I don't remember I. Ordered a Bangladesh Smart off
ice for the room. I had a Smirnoff ice heat.
It was the weirdest great. Like people drink kind of beers
and stuff in the green room and they unbelievable thing about
hot water, one of the many unbelievable things, QR code.
So it's all you know, Yeah, still table service.
And the waitress came in with just a bucket of Smirnoff ice
and someone was like, they're enough for here.
And he goes, they are. And he was dishing them out
like. Someone.
Added algo pop and then 2 beers off my head I think it was
stomach pop. Someone was I was in it a couple
of weeks ago for the new act night and someone ordered no
joke chicken goujon to the green room and I thought is it a new
ACT nightmare? Fucking give your head a wobble
here. Right, completely what I mean.
Yep, Yep. How did you get on over there?
OK, the the podcast was better. I felt like Oh yeah.
Well, I I heard. Good things about that.
I'm glad they said we had been to you over.
Last week doing. The podcast and it was
brilliant. They had a guy on the week
before me. Who The fans didn't love a poker
player. And I was doing my homework.
I was reading the comments and I was like, this is what I'm in
for here. They didn't like the poker
player, but they didn't mind me. But he might have just been
dealt about hand. He was bluffing, I think.
Nice. I don't know anymore.
You follow. Yeah, well, I sort of went.
All in in the podcast, like, yeah, you the nose.
Triggered. Yeah, he just gave up.
Oh yeah, because I know. I know you're sitting on a pun.
There doesn't you want to throw in and I can't really raise the
energy. He's going in blind.
Yeah, check in all my. Hammers, yeah.
Check in Gougeons in the green room.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Why are you doing tonight?
No, you tell me you're doing. No, that wasn't cute.
That was a deaf guy. I'm doing a gig tonight.
What are you doing a gig tonight?
Royal Albert Hall. Oh, the oh right.
Before veer das. Based a name comedian in the
world. Oh, right, yeah.
What so I'm very. Aware it's April Fool's Day
today. Yeah, but yesterday my agent
said would you like to perform at the Royal Albert Hall?
And I said, let's relax. I think over the run of that.
So theatre thing, there was like 900 people.
Yeah. Well, Albert, all is like 5000.
I said not yet. He goes no, no, no, no, no.
Would you like to, would you support a comedian at the Royal
Albert Hall tomorrow night, which is tonight?
I said, yeah, Now in my head, I'm going, has it sold really
badly? And they're just looking to get
a few comedians on and asked us to put it out and then blah,
blah, blah. And that's one of my only nights
off. He goes sold out.
Veer Das, who's an Indian comic, Couple of Netflix specials,
millions of followers online, unbelievable.
Stand up, completely sold out. I'm going after this.
What are you going to do for that?
Crowd. I was literally thinking just.
My set in India. Go ahead.
What's that? Sound like let's give us one of
your jokes. No, I'm doing it in the Indian
language in my own. Accent.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that, yeah.
Don't know. Let's hear that, T.
I'm doing my tea but so I'll just be saying tea translates
the same. No it does.
What about? The build up to.
That what's what dialect. Of a meeting you're using, Huh.
Not doing any of my Doctor Who stuff.
But I I got done by an April Fools.
Sorry, I got done by an April Fools thing today that Iceland
were doing Doric bread and it was a Doric but garlic bread and
I thought fucking hell that's a big box, but it was obviously
April Fools. I'm actually sad now.
It's how buzzing. Were you?
I was like I just. Want to buy at the sea?
Like it wouldn't even fit my air fryer.
I don't know what sort of thing you were cooking in.
There's a thing of April Fools that.
When they're really shite, it kind of annoys me, yes, because
people fall for it. Heartbeat, Like oh guys, we've
just, we're not selling beer anymore, only joking.
We are. And you're like, I'd be better
if you didn't say anything. Some Sunday league team.
Yeah, new signing. Messy outside the ground and his
heads bigger than the running and people underneath.
How did you pull this off and then comment underneath it?
Fuck. Shit, crap who used to annoy me
more than anything in the world. When they pretend that a
friend's movie was coming and they took little snippets of all
their spin off, all their TV shows, put them together, it
made no narrative sense. Yeah.
And they're all from different eras and different things,
different quality of like because in that.
Cougar town thing. Yeah, the Courtney was that
Courtney Jennifer Aniston was in a couple episodes.
Yeah. So they have them in a scene.
Yeah. And they're like new movie
coming out. It makes no sense.
It looks shit. There's everyone under it.
We're so going to this. That's the nicest thing I've
ever. Heard but there's a scene from
that one. Where they literally it's from
Episodes and they literally go Matt LeBlanc, didn't you play
Joey and you're like, well, that's certainly not going to be
in the friends movie. They just.
Call them by their fool. Me.
Yeah, why me up? I've fallen for April Fools
before. Yeah, it's early in the morning
and you have to get me just awake.
Yes, you have to do it before 12:00.
I don't know why that's a rule. I know.
Yeah, because I used to. When I was a kid.
Trying to coming home from school and my mom had this
rhyme. But if you did it, it's like
April, April Fools has been gone and you're the food for carrying
on. I'm not used to get into my
fucking head like fuck you. What's this time limit about?
She swamped about it I. Don't know, she just loves slam.
Dunking that, dropping bars on. My dad used to get me.
Like just for I was going to school April Fools when I was
younger, he'd be like I'm dying, I'm dying, I'm going to die.
And then the adoption 1. He always got me with the
adoption. Yeah, every he'd be like meant
to tell you're adopted and I go very good.
What do you mean? I was like April, April Fools.
He's like, I did not deal. It wasn't then he would show me.
He forged these forms and everything you know, that's
commitment. That's a great.
One and he would do it on Christmas and all I still.
Kept. Sorry, but he still kept.
It up to this day we find you and abandoned the backgrounds
water good one show me photographic evidence do.
You remember the the you weren't.
There for this in Manchester that's just reminded me of
something remember that bar that kept closing really early the
hotel bar Oh yeah because the. Mobiles was on the mobile was
right beside our hotel in Manchester and there was a lot
of like, man then wanted the pints.
Yeah, and they weren't giving them.
And I tell you what, I think of it had been the Brit Awards or
they Ivor Novellos that he kept the bar open.
Yeah, because they were looking at the hotel, was looking at
everyone like there were pieces of shit.
Oh, really? People just wanted a drink.
And then what they did was they closed the snack bar, which you
can see. It's not like a shop you walk
into. Yeah, it's part of reception.
They fucking cordoned it off and self, self, self-service.
And you're not in the fight over a bag of many Cheddar's.
Like you wouldn't. Let me have them.
You went there, racist Manchester hotel.
Well, that's not for me to say. What I will say is I complained
about a member of staff the next day.
You don't even know this because you weren't there.
I don't even know about that. I complained.
About a member of staff I would. Never ever do that.
What would What do they do? That made you so she.
Looked at you like, I literally was like, I have a suitcase in
storage. I was like, would I be able to
get the my suitcase please? And she went like this what she
went, what I said I have a suitcase in storage.
Could I get it? And she said, I'll get it for
you now. And I went no rush.
And then I went, thanks very much for that.
And she just completely ignored me.
And then I went down. I forged my spa voucher so you
always will tell. I booked it because it had a wee
sauna in a gym and they said well catch me if you can't shit.
Turned the seven and then 9. And they're like 26 and the. 28,
you have to buy a spa pass even though you're staying in the
hotel. It's like you ought to pay £15
for it. So what I did was it was valid
for the days you're staying there.
So for me it was 25th to 26th. I got a pen, turned that 6 into
an 8. I go down after she was rude to
me. I get my stuff, I go down, use
the gym and the sauna. I come back up I have to hand
something back in Miss Bob Haslam.
And again I went thanks very much.
And she went and took it. And then as I'm walking away a
woman goes up to the counter to ask something and that woman is
a Dick to her. And I watch it happen and the
woman walks back to work or stuff with a face like this and
looked at me and went and I said I know.
And she went. Do you think she's?
Really rude too and I said. Yes, she said.
I thought some she was. I thought I was imagining that,
how rude she was. And I said I'm going to
complain. And she went yes, what way did
you complain? Did you go?
To like another member of staff or did you do it online?
I was getting a coffee in the bar.
And asked to speak to a manager. Oh, you're a car?
Mate, do you know what she might have been?
Having like a really bad. Day like her dog might have died
or something. She was about 24.
You don't have bad. Days of 24 if you're getting on
like. Out something better have
happened to you, because that can't be your allergy.
You know what? I'll.
Kill your dog if you tell. If you didn't, you wouldn't kill
a dog. You're.
Terrified of them I saw would kill you I saw tracked the first
hand, the other. Night we met up.
In the juice jar on the over road for a smoothie, right?
Yeah. And a woman comes in with her
two. He had a Berry blast out of
Guinness that. I brought with me.
It was a PB and J. Don't even fucking listen to me
this. Woman came in with her.
Two dogs and a nice spaniel and like, I don't know what the
other one was, he was like a month or something, but they
were lovely. That spaniel came up to me.
I was stroking away and talking about the dogs to the woman and
I'm stroking her and the dog. That's where he says stroking.
Away, Alec. You're stroking the dogs.
We no. It was.
It was called Tara, actually. Which makes it weirder that I
was stroking its vagina. I wasn't, I wasn't.
Said you were you. Will you?
Know. What it's Where do you live for
it? I was playing with a dog I.
Could find it. I know where they are roughly.
Roughly. You're not getting better than
that. Yeah.
And. All the yeah out of.
Dogs vagina puns That's that's up early and.
The other dog was getting jealous and all the attention I
was giving Tara and so bear this dog was called.
I found out later went up the Willy to get away stroke and
he's going like he would have thought track was in the room
and I and he does do that. And your woman goes, do you know
like dogs? No, he goes no.
And she goes they're all right, though, they won't do anything.
He goes, I just really don't like them.
And then she was like, no, they'll they'll desensitise you.
And he goes, no, I'm sorry, I really just don't like dogs.
And then because we walked when you don't like.
Dogs it's it's it's so impossible to a dog owners mind
that you don't want to be around.
They're like nobody's friendly. They're like, you're not hearing
me. I just don't want to be.
We were walking off the train in.
Manchester And there was a dog coming up and no, there was a
small wolf and. He he, he got.
Under my wing, he got under daddy's wing.
I would come here to case on. There was a small.
War wolf. It was a big wolf like.
But he freaks out, don't they? You know what I do?
You know what he. Loses all his cockiness, don't
they, when he. Sees with dog yeah he's all
vulnerable Well can we please talk about that Barber don't.
Just don't go into specifics on. Where it is, I'm not going to.
I would be scared. Yeah.
He'll come for us like. We said.
Manchester will get a wee haircut.
We just had a wedding afternoon so I'm going to get a haircut.
He goes perfect, I'll join you. I was a bit annoyed at that the
moment. No, I didn't.
I would I'll be that'll be a cute cutie voice thing that So
we went and got her haircut and it was like a walk-ins play
place. And I said to the guy like, does
it suit? Like can I get a haircut?
And he goes, are you booked? I said no, he goes, well, I'm
going to have to book in here. And I went right.
And he goes over to the online thing and he has to book me in
and then I go, oh, he wants his haircut too.
And he was like, he's regionally, Yeah.
He's like, just the haircut. And I went beard.
He's like, that's a separate box.
I have to click here. Yeah, like they'd say this.
But then I would say it was the most intense haircut I've ever
had because I'd said the Willy just before this.
We'll be getting into too many situations where like people,
people were talking about stand up as in like tell us a joke.
Kind of like anytime we were people, like what do you do?
We all were doing stand up. It just got to an annoying
conversation. So I went I'm just doing some
different. So the guy I sat in the Barber
share, I go, OK, what do you do? I said I'm a journalist because
I study. I study journalism.
I know, but that's. Just as likely to open up a lot
of questions I know read is an. Article Fox.
Bricklayer. Well, they might go lay as a
brick. Now I look at your haircut.
I don't think you say what do you need bricks for this guy?
Don't, don't even don't question because he would.
So he was a former soldier? Right, right.
He goes, what do you do? I said, I'm a journalist.
He goes, did you see that video on tech talk of that journalist?
Then around he was talking, then the bomb went off behind him.
I said, no, I don't really watch stuff like this.
He goes, he goes, would you be doing stuff like that?
I said, no, I'm, I just work in an office.
I'm a, I'm a sports journalist. He goes, oh, so you're a pussy
then? And I went, yeah, because I'll
go looking for bombs to go off near me.
I said yeah. And he, he goes, I said no, it's
just football. I go and get in the conversation
with football with them. He goes, by the way, most
aggressive haircut I've ever got, right?
He goes, I said, are you a football fan yourself?
He goes, makes me fucking sick. I said, what football you use
the amount they get paid you soldiers get 17 grand a year.
I said right, you use well fuck footballers get that.
And he waited for an answer. I said, well, just I said, I
said I know what you mean, but I said, but generate the demand is
there to generate that that revenue.
And he's like, no, makes me fuck, does not make you sick.
And I went, yeah, makes me sick. This man has scissors to my head
now. There was a PlayStation there.
That I was sitting playing, I was playing GTA while this was
happening. So we're like just like a kid in
the front room while mummy and daddy are arguing and he was
watching me play GTA. The Barber.
He went, it's a good thing that exists because like it's, you
know, you take out your frustrations because if I didn't
have GTA, when you just go out the street just fought and
murder people and well, he went and seeing that.
Situation. You go yeah, yeah.
Well, he goes, no, I wouldn't. And your man's like, yeah, I.
Was like. Probably wouldn't like a.
But it got just got. Intense to the point where like
I was like, was there any other barbers in the place?
No, no, just one Barber. In the.
Whole shops in his shop and he goes, he goes.
I I go, I go. Did did you learn barbering in
the army? He goes, We're in wars.
Why do I have time to call people, Sir?
No, that's fairpoint on his, yeah.
No, because they have. Downtown, they have.
Buzz cuts and they cut each other's.
Hair a lot of. Time so a valid valid question
to ask but he goes no I was too busy trying not to die all right
yeah and I'm I'm in the. Background be like, oh, you're
spider man as well on this. Yeah, when he left.
Didn't. Sit.
Wait for my haircut. He just went back to the hotel.
Oh, don't lie, I don't blame you.
He was crying. I walked out.
He also goes. He said where are you from?
And I said Northern Ireland. He goes, He goes, I never got to
go over there with the army. He goes, he goes, I wish I had
though, and I went, OK, He said. He said, yeah, I would, I would
like to make a difference. He goes, because we were, we
were over there to protect all of you.
And I went, yeah. That's grand the way it is.
Exactly. On one side, I like it like I
like it like it was very. I walked back.
To the hotel with the big thing still room.
It was very Mark Wahlberg. Talking about if he was on the
plane, the 9/11, he deceived it. Now when you left, he got even
more mental, if that's possible. Start talking to me about grime
music and he makes his own AI grime music.
I was like, oh, do you like, you know, make the beats or
whatever? He goes, no, I just put it into
AI and then it comes back with this one's called the Wob Wob
Master. And it was just a song go.
And then he yeah, but to my face, we kept really close and
go I am the one master, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.
I am the one Bob master. And I'm like this, I'm dying in
this barbershop. Then he turned around.
I swear to fuck, grown man went and dubs are the best thing that
ever happened to music. Now, if you are 13 in 2009,
that's a bit of a wild take. See, if you're mid 40s and 2026,
that's fucking insane. Do you want me to tell you the
most insane part of that story? On the way to the barbers you
told me how good end ups were on the way to there, not after that
very morning, and Dubs came up a conversation between US and you
were waxing lyrical. But I was.
I was. Because we're talking about the
mobiles I remember setting up to watch and dubs when their first
mobile. I know I'm not saying N dubs are
bad, I'm saying it's insane to say you when N dubs when the
first mobile. I'm just saying it's.
Insane to say they're the best thing that ever have.
Best thing that ever happened. Not Bach, not Beethoven, not The
Beatles. Nana and I is the best thing
that's ever happened to music. I'd rather listen to that than
beat. Home.
Yeah, and we're not second. Beethoven on for the boys like a
guy in my school. Said he shagged to Lisa when we
were like second year and we were like, that's quite clearly
not true. And he was like, no, it is I've
got a number and everything and he would tax this number.
It would tax back to him. And we're like, that's quite
clearly not to Lisa. And we just never, we never
found that like who it was actually.
Imagine if the joke was on you. I could have been, yeah, but I.
Went in which case she has some fucking things to answer for the
Ben Lips got. Unless you went to school with.
Phaser. Yeah, because they were in a.
Relationship, right? OK, when the fuck were phaser?
Until these are together. For most of end UPS.
No, Yep. This must have been.
After end up. Saying that they.
Weren't together it up? Please.
They weren't together while. The group is together.
I know they weren't. I think they were.
Was that be 1/3? Wheel and that be.
Was Talisa's cousin. Oh sorry, that may be weird if
he bought. It's still a. 3rd wheel though.
It's not real. You're not third.
Wheeling, if it's like a family of it, like what's it going for
dinner with your mom and dad? We like, I'm just third
Wheeling. Fucking spurt.
They take the hard. On camera.
I wish she likes me. Bro be honest with me doing she
likes me. I'm going to give it a go
tonight dated from mid 20 tenth to February 20 twelfth fucking I
was in dubs time. I was wearing the end of N dubs.
Yeah, that's. Insane.
That was a time when. Like novelty, kind of like now
we would look like see if someone like 10 she Strider
tried to come like be an act No, you'd be like what do you do?
Yes, Danny, but back then you could just put on a pair of
glasses and sunglasses. You you needed a week catch.
Phrase. They all had catch phrases.
Tension striders. It would say fleet, fleet don't
know why chipmunk we threw up a sea.
Do you know we had a moment? Seize up, Do.
You know, we had a moment. Tayo Cruz, dynamite, He was
never going to follow that up. The world was in his palm.
That's a phenomenal song. Break your heart just before
that as well. Belter fucking great song.
Belter, take me. Back with Tenshi Strider, Tiny
Temple 2. Oh yeah.
He was.
I saw him at. Tennant's vital one year class
before Vici J Shaw, he. Had one song, like 2 songs yeah
he down and do you remember? Oh, him, Yeah.
John, what was the. First concert you.
Went to the Prodigy. That's cool when I was. 11 that.
Was just after invaders must die too young Gear, no.
But my dad might have been. You're in a stroller watching
smack. The bitch up.
Where was it? Where was it, honestly?
Oh, indoor falsity was there. Well, yeah.
What is you mean but 20? Probably the age you should be
for the. Prodigy.
Yeah, Elevens. I mean, mine was Eminem, so I
can't. Are you going next month?
No, they're doing the. Prodigy called.
Cox, he's done a three or vinyl set you go gonna have to give.
Up on a miss, bro. I'm afraid I would be good.
That actually would be good. I just hate when people be like
because I have friends that are all in the DJ's and they're
like, no man, it's fucking they're doing a back-to-back
house groove set. I'm like, I don't, I don't know
what that is. You know what?
The back-to-back house groove set.
Yeah, yeah, no, fuck. Women, they're doing a tech tech
house drop, are they? I don't know anything.
I'm going to that one with without too.
Again, got a setting tickets and I was like, we can't go to the
prodigy and court Cox sitting and he goes, I couldn't stand
up. Matthew, I go, you're not even
50 yet, And he goes, I'd have to jog on the spot or something.
And then I swear to God. Sporting And then last night he
says Sporticus. Yeah, LazyTown.
I don't hear this. You ever seen LazyTown?
What the? Fuck, you know that's.
Banned the TV show ATV Shows. ATV Show.
Phenomenal used to fetch in me. Was it like workouts for?
Kids, basically. Yeah, like Joe, basically.
Joe Wicks before. Joe Wicks, it was a superhero
called Sporticus, and he would give kids sports candy.
Just apples. Yeah, it's like Polish.
Or something in it. Iceland.
Oh yeah, Icelandic. Yeah, yeah.
Polish. Icelandic, but they but then he
said last night as well, when we're sitting there, he goes,
I'd have to take a lie down after work or something if I was
to go standing and I was like 48.
He's not that much older. Than me.
Your dad is not that much older than me.
Do you know what? I would have missed your dad
school by four years. He would have left school four
years before me, my secondary, if I started first year.
Yeah. And he's getting on, I guess.
I mean. He's he's active, like he's not
like a he's you know, he's like who's the gem and plays golf in
the ring like fucking stand up. Can't be at the prodigy.
I imagine your dad sleeps. Opera glasses after after work.
I imagine he gets. On the couch, cross the legs,
hands across the chest. Yeah, oh, why don't sleep on?
The side down and all beside the sofa.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't like the way you said.
Oh, yeah. As if he's like, as if it's a
problem. No, I meant like, Oh yeah.
And then like that way in that way has a wee glass wine.
Fucking does he know? Yeah.
But yeah, but you can't set it up.
No, no, it goes. You'll be starting.
At the seat anyway, So what the fuck is the point of getting
missing? And then he goes.
I like the option of sitting down.
Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this.
Gorillas come after Blur. Obviously I wouldn't call it's
not a spinoff, but it comes off that it's already an existing
thing and then he does something else off the back of it.
Let me ask you what spinoffs we're better than the original
and I can apply to anything. Not just music, any anything.
ABBA No. What was?
ABBA, Spinal, they all had separate success.
In Sweden they all had number ones and then became like a
super. He told me that the other the
other week actually. He's very passionate about it.
I went to the ABBA. Museum.
That's one thing I. Learned argument for Better Call
Saul. Haven't.
Seen it yet? It's good, Joe and I.
Started the other night the. Beast in me Claire Danes and you
think supposed to be good find the first episode just like I'm
waiting but I think I need to watch better calls Fraser
absolutely spin off the tears it.
Wasn't. Yeah.
You know what? Here's a controversial.
One spin off, in a way, I think Curb is so much better than
Seinfeld. And I think Seinfeld is
brilliant. Yeah, I agree.
But I just think Seinfeld's here higher than nearly all shows.
Yeah. And then Curb's there.
Yeah. I really like Curb.
I like Marty Funkhouser. Yeah.
All right, Anton Deck. Is he dead?
Yeah, he that, yeah. Most of them are.
Dead all right. Anton Deck, Sort of.
Eclipse Biker Grove. No, that's not as B you.
Can call Anton deck as a concept of two guys.
It's been off of the Q Biker of Alton deck.
Is a great episode name, no? That's documentary.
They can't say what you call your bandit.
Uni I hate to do this, can I please?
Run to the bathroom. No, mate.
No like like. No, I've needed to.
I need to I know, but it could be a clip fucking.
Water you're trying it could. Be a great clip, please stay.
Please stay piss yourself for the Instagram Guinness.
He's away. He's away to.
Ned for a pint. Seriously, it needs to be
stopped with a Guinness. Not a single to be stopped, not
a. Single Guinness in Glasgow, I
know, but he's. But here's the thing, he goes, I
hate talking about people's backs.
He goes, I'm off the gluten. I, he said I can't have gluten,
right? And now he's switched to
Guinness, right? So and and.
With food. Is good and things gone out the
window so I tell you what he's eating more gluten than ever and
consuming at every possible he's I was snorting bread at
Manchester after the show. He's a problem.
Where's been your favourite place in the Tour?
So. Far.
Places keep the top spot, keeps changing, keeps changing.
Like more recently Leeds had it really lead, leads had it to the
point where I went. Leeds might just have it for the
tour, Leeds might just be it now.
Are we talking like just the how?
Good. The gig is or the whole city
itself? No, we're just basing on the
gig. The audience, how I felt.
But then then the first Manchester show knocked leads
off and I went, well, that's going to stay there for a while.
Then Liverpool took it, then Newcastle, really.
Because it was I. Think because.
Newcastle was 2 shows back-to-back and normally when
you do that one is the weaker show, you go, that was all
right, but then the next one was brilliant or vice versa.
Usually you do the earlier 1, you go I was good and then you
let when you go, oh that, that, that was it.
But when Newcastle they were because they were both so good.
It takes over the one then you can't understand and you have
you done it? No, I've been the Newcastle
before. That place in Manchester look
really cool. It's just a barn, yeah.
It's literally just a barn. It's like a social, but it's
called a social. Club Fairfield Social Club But.
It's literally a barn to put a stage in.
Yeah, looks, streamers behind it and I didn't think it'd be good.
And then people have no mates that have done it.
They would, trust me. You'll love it and it was
brilliant. You have Scotland here soon.
Yeah, don't you? Is it in the theatre this
weekend? Deal 2.
Yeah, it's a Little Theatre, isn't it?
I think we walked past it. It's beside the place.
He was doing his whip. Yeah, it looked cool.
Do you want him to do it? When is it?
Friday night I could. Yeah, you're.
Going to do a short. Saddle if you want.
Yeah, I just want to do it. Well, both time he's flying.
Over. I'll check after that I'll check
because I might I. Might have to get the boat or
something. I'll check as well.
You check first. Tell me I'll do some checking.
I'll ask my mum, obviously. Do you want me to just speak to
your mum directly? Yeah, you have her number,
right? I'll just speak to your mum,
thanks. But yeah, you could jump on
dude, Yeah, that if you want. Then we'll just go after
Glasgow. Edinburgh and then Aberdeen.
Nice thinking about it in a wee SPL game.
Thinking about wee Hibs game. Yeah, wee Hibs game on the
Saturday. Get the Hearts game if you can,
surely? They're not playing.
That was a shite you went for.
I just wasn't hiding but he loves getting.
That much he does 3. Quarters of it and then he did
the last quarter that actually is what happens when you.
Drink. This to be fair.
Sorry, that's right. I've just made, I've just said.
He was asking me about Glasgow, who's like you were doing the O2
and was just saying he can come over everyone's.
I hit him. Do we spot?
No. Do we turn?
We had a lovely time. We're dead.
We. I'm sorry, I looked like I.
Really hurt your feelings. We go back to box bar.
Oh yes, he'd hit it. But Oh yeah, no, would you not
what do? You hit by that, I'm not the
next half. Chicken it's.
Fried or is it a food place? Oh yeah, yeah.
I'll have a beer after Edinburgh.
I have 2 bottles of gluten free beer after the Edinburgh show.
Lovely. And then we've got a cruise down
to Aberdeen the next day. I'm very excited for that.
I. Booked the hire car.
To drive us from Edinburgh to Aberdeen, then back to
Edinburgh, not realising that I'd booked our flight home from
Aberdeen but. But I will write a tell all.
Book of what it's like to travel with you.
It's not. Someone will buy it.
It's not. It's not I.
Just need it to vent like it doesn't need to go on sale but
in your notebook. I she's at you.
I'm a fan of it too. But I booked it on booking.com.
Free cancellation Council Don flying out of Aberdeen.
Can't be Barson flying out of Manchester.
That airport hates to see me live.
See when I had to go. After so after my Manchester
show at a 10:00 PM flight home. So he see this guy see this guy.
I love this guy. I joke with this guy.
See that guy over there Julie is.
He's a gentleman. He's a fashion.
You're hey, stop doing yourself down.
You're not just efficient. You know what?
You know what I'm feeling. Really, I'm a.
I'm a really. Nice guy, stop fucking talking
about well you're a beautiful. Human being.
Thank you mate because this guy will get you sorted right?
I needed to get to the airport straight after the show to fly
home. This man went out of his way.
This man booked me an Uber, had it sitting waiting for me,
walking off stage. As soon as I finished, I
literally said thank you, walked off.
The tech guy from the show wheeled my suitcase into my
path. I took it.
He went back on stage to thank the audience one last time.
I put the bag in the boot of the Uber, straight to the airport
and made it. And it was.
And you know what? It's all thanks to this.
Guy here couldn't have done it with him.
Yeah, three buses deep were. You tight like on getting.
Like to the we had like on timing, I was fine once you got
that it's one. Of those ones, you you want to
ask you rush like a man, you get there and you go.
I could have taken it easier but but the but we got there.
It was a wee slight delay, but that was alright.
I had a wee coffee. I could see if a delay.
Isn't too long, I like it. Why we got?
We got, we got a wonder. Delay.
So did the gaslight. We paid.
I was cheaps. Getting paid for the cheapest
flight was leaving it like fucking half eight in the
morning. Got delayed until 1:00.
Absolute gift and we were going. Early that day.
Like we were going to do, you just got to stay in the hotel or
you just. At the airport not being this
going to Glasgow so we're. In a city airports bar and then
when and then once we landed. Went to cinema and here I'll
tell you one thing as well, Aer. Lingus what what a company if
your flights gets if your flight gets delayed they give you a 7
LB voucher in the bar free. And you know what?
He's bad. He had a harp.
I swear to God he had a harp. Martin McGuinness over here.
Now The thing is also Aer Lingus.
Is that going for Belfast City? Yeah.
Does it get better than that? Yes.
Does it get Aer Lingus or British Airways go to Belfast
City absolutely every every day now.
The only problem with Aer. Lingus at the city airport is
the propellers either plane needs.
Push started like, yeah, no, I'm going today.
I'm going international EasyJet. Do you know what I don't?
Mind it, I'll do it if I have to do it.
Yeah, City. Belfast City Airport.
'S a treat. It is.
It's a treat. Yeah.
Yeah, it's nice to go. It's.
It's a shadow airport to get there early for it, You're like,
let's pint and you're like, there's no, you can have a pint
there, but the atmosphere is no international.
There's people looking at you like this, yeah.
International fucking. Pumping stag these
international. Airport is pumping.
And every time. Do you know what?
You'd book a. Flight to just go in, have a few
pints, yeah, Mickey has done. That I'm fairly certain 100%.
He just, he just stays on the plane to fly.
Yeah, but no, I mean like when you're leaving.
International, I've been going to like for work for places and
just watching side there's been like that looks like a fucking
great attack. Yeah, yeah.
That's a great the lagging bar. Are you going?
To have how many? Pints you're going to have in
Scotland this weekend, I'm not planning to.
Which is way worse than planning to it.
Means I have. One and they go before we go.
I have to. Go go on the roll, Alberto.
It's not. It's Go Go console Scott Mills.
You've never heard of him? I've heard of him like go, go
see Scott Mills. I'm like, you were the dog.
You you have a big I I completely more I mugged you.
How'd you mugged me him? You did.
You did so. When he's going to Australia, I
obviously couldn't go because my tour dates are at that point.
Denzi's on tour with me. What the Shin do gets Denzi to
do warm up for him because then you put me in a position where
Denzi's like, is it OK if I go in these?
I can't go. No mate, you can't do a week in
Australia. I need you in Aberdeen.
Guys, please stop fighting over me.
Please stop fighting over me. Gone.
Yeah, yeah. Well, So what happened was.
You know, me and Willie fucking travelled or whatever and I was
like you good for Australia. He was made.
It's my tour. I know, right?
No worries. It's Willie's time to shine and
the finally the bride. So he goes, he goes, I'm taking
Denzie and like a month later I ask you, I go, who?
Willie can't do it. And I go, do you know what?
I'd like to go on tour with Denzi.
And then you say, yeah, I'm good for those dates.
You just need to check with Willie.
And then I was like, it's fucking weird.
Why do you need to check with Willie?
And then you go, yeah, I can do it.
And I text you. And I went, what's a crack here?
Like, why didn't you have the check for you?
And you went, he know I can't do my tour because he's doing
yours. And I went, this makes total
sense. Yeah, You know, I got someone to
fill in though. Not revealing who it is, but
very good actor. That means he doesn't have
anyone. He does.
I do do, yeah. And if you think he's had
Guinness this last week, yeah, he's going to be having a lot
more. All right, Yeah, Yeah, I've
brought apart I'm. Bringing a party?
Guy all right, you tell me after I will.
Tell you after it's the debauchery.
Tour. It's.
Yeah, things will not get done, put it that way.
There's going to be head to head.
Beer Garden 3:00 AM Conversations actually don't
want to restate. Anymore what are we getting up
to do you know? No, I do.
I do, actually. Please take me take badly.
You only. Denzi.
After the when the cameras are off, yeah, No, we're going to
have a. Great time.
Are we going to do some great white shark?
Cage exploring? No.
Here's what you're going to do. Anything you would.
Do here. That's all you will be in a.
Nando's. And he'll go.
We're having a wild one. And you'll watch him eat Percy
pigs. That's a wild one.
That's. What you'll be doing that's
funny. We're going to.
Get up, we're going to get a load.
Of Sun C and A&E. We're going to eat nice food.
We're going to eat eggs, sourdough and avocado.
He'll walk you. We're going.
To drink black coffee. We're going to work out.
Yeah, you lost me at eggs, to be honest.
We're going to go to the. Beach, we're going to go on
hiking trails we're going to explore.
Yeah. And yeah, that's that's it.
Everyone went hiking with a. Human daddy long legs.
Do you know what? He thinks is.
Peak few human physicality that I can walk and you know, in
airports you've got the escalator and then over the one
side you've got the stairs of people.
Yeah, especially if I've been on a flight.
I just want to take the stairs to stretch my legs, but I go up
two stairs at a time. He looks at me from the
escalator like this. He's like, how is that possible?
I know as a mammal mobility. Issues.
It's unnecessarily bragging to me.
It's also like you've got a suitcase.
And all with, you know, you don't need all that extra.
You know, he's he's on my side with.
This. You're walking enough as it is.
See people that start the don't. Have ability issues that stand
still on those moving because the travel.
Later is the actual, the technical term for them.
It's because you it speeds up your walking to get you to where
you're going faster, correct. If you if you just stand still
on it, you get there slower. Yeah, especially if you walk to
a breast. Blocking everyone else to if I
don't know I'm. Just laughing at breast to be
honest. So I used to don't.
I am. I used to I would have just
waited behind people like that. If they're walking to a breast,
yeah, I'm very or maybe going, excuse me, sorry.
But now I'm very. I'm direct.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you? Slap them or something?
No, just say, excuse me, thank. You.
Yeah. I you know what?
I did you. Ever see in the London
Underground and if you're meant to stand on the right, they let
the wankers on the left overtake you?
Yes, this guy's been to London. 1000 times for me never picks up
on that concept. I have the lanyard.
Rules don't apply to me. That's what I have before.
I told you where that lanyard people just let you do what you
want in place on the. Play I just.
Don't pay for things. I just walk out like, well, he
doesn't know. Bless them.
I'm smoking in the places change rooms also.
But I do like that, like everyone.
Just it's just everyone knows Barwelli to stay to one side.
I like that, that there's a bit of, you know, you know, rules to
society, but I don't like the people who overtake you anyway.
Yes, really, you couldn't. Be in that much of A rush.
Right. OK.
If you are drive, you're in an airport.
What? You're in an airport.
Oh, sorry. Nowhere in this is underground,
sorry. Yeah, OK.
As I. Go to the Royal Albert Hall
here. But James Scott, my best
actually don't know. No, actually don't.
Anything you want to plug and promote?
I am on. Tour at the end of the year in
October and November I'll be in Glasgow, Aberdeen down South
through the places Big show and Limelight.
Come to that Glasgow is nearly sold out.
Belfast sound very well, weirdly Portrush sound very well also.
I'll be doing the amber Fringe. I do have a venue in time SO
website. Yeah, websites are cool, Yeah.
Here. Goes the William Thompson
comedy. Dot com like catch and talk
podcast I'm. Getting I literally have good
equipment on route so it's not going to be check quality
anymore. We're going to have good guests.
Maybe Shane will come down, who knows Well at some point just
but yeah, watch that on Spotify and YouTube please.
We'll do one in Australia. Yeah, we'll do that in the
kitchen. Of what?
Our hotel, OK. In the kitchen of what is.
Somehow so profound. That was a gorilla song from.
Guys, thank you very much for watching and listening.
Peace.