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October 8th and 9th. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the team with me podcast. With me, she and Todd.
I'm slightly sick. We'll talk about that later,
before we really get into the cut and thrust.
Oh. Dirty.
Of this episode. There'll be no thrust.
We need to. They'll be cutting the way we'll
be thrusting. William, we'll be here soon.
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My guests are dealing with Doherty because Willie T is not
here. Has anybody heard from William?
Is he safe? Is he OK?
We've not heard from, well, iPhone him.
Put him on loudspeaker. What a crap prank if he just
wasn't going to turn up. Yeah.
And then like next week, he was all Hagachi.
Yeah, what a slow burner it's. Just really inconvenient.
Are you going to phone him? Yeah, what?
Should give me something to say. Say, why not?
Amazing. OK.
Do you say I haven't turned up either and you're really
annoyed? So William said to me recently
on tour, Hey. Hey, made you OK?
Yeah. What's up?
Are you coming to the podcast? Yes. 1125 is it?
Absolutely not. Absolutely not.
I'm just checking my messages to you here to see who's wrong.
It's 10:15. And I definitely said 10:15 no.
Yeah, I also said yeah. No, What's up, mate?
What's up? Yeah, that's.
Completely my. Fault 100%.
Yeah. I'm sorry.
I wrote about 45. All right, all right, Yeah.
Nobody can call me that for missing my podcast here.
Are you, are you able to come over?
I'm literally just like out of the shower now.
I was ready to make good time for 11:45.
That's all right, put some clothes on and come over when he
started. How long?
Does it take to be an hour all right?
Bye. Apologies for that.
No, no, just just put some clothes on and come over.
Don't get dried. Yeah, no worries.
All right, mate. Bye.
That would be the most stinking
thing. To put your clothes on when
you're still wet like that would be disgusting.
That's not this. I don't think.
In the grand scheme of things, it's disgusting.
Do you know what I'll do? Quite a lot of time I'll forget
to dry my back. Probably one in six.
No. Why you?
If I say I forget to do it, why are you saying why?
Why do you? Forget to do it.
Do you know what it is? You're coming out of the shower
and you're wrapping your towel around your midriff, aren't you?
No, you're wrapping it around your whole body from your tank.
Again. We turban.
See, for some reason right, this is mental.
I can't do the like. Yeah, come on, Do.
You know why? I just think it's mental.
I, I, I know this doesn't make sense.
No, it does. I think it's really, it's a
really weird look. Yeah, it's, it's like a big ball
as well. Like it's it's.
Yeah, it's just like. Yeah, I know.
To me. I don't know.
I associate it with like Hawkeyes and 90s films.
I don't know. Yes, and you just don't want to
enter it on that but. Why would I ever need the wrap?
I just get dried in the room I'm in.
So when you get out of the shower, you know you'll get
dried and dressed immediately. Yeah.
You're not do like you just like so you already have your clothes
prepared when you get like I'll hop in the shower and get out.
I'm not know what I'm going to wear or.
I'm an adult, you see, So I would lay my outfit out, yeah.
Yeah, this is really inappropriate.
But is your? Is your children ever seen you
naked? I mean, I think it would only be
inappropriate of other people. No, like my brother has always
said about, like, do you know, like if he's been going to the
toilet and like, his kids walk in, they're like, really like,
toddlers and all, like, coming up to his eggs.
Like, Daddy, you're like, pointing at his bed.
So what is that? Yeah, you know.
Like they've seen me naked. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I know they. They accept the other, except
they're very tolerant and. They just like, what's that?
Someone's like that, it's OK. He's like something.
No, I don't think he's ever Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He doesn't understand the way IP compared to the way he pees.
Yeah, could to see Pete. Does he pee in a potty or see
pee in a nappy? No, I use, my mate was telling
me. He's like.
Daddy, why do not wipe your ball?
My mate told me to that he was party training the sun and to do
it he he went in the potty and he's like but my son took so
long to potty train that a lot of the time I was going to
toilet it was into the potty. I think that's weird.
I'd prefer he's the nappies to 10.
Yeah, well, Jim, Catherine Ryan, the comedian Catherine Ryan, she
potty trained her kids at 10 months.
No, all her. Kids, she says.
Yeah, she goes, And I research. I was like that's crazy but
apparently it's easier to get kids out of like nappies
younger. Yeah, but ten months I can't
talk. Or are they going to?
What's the signal? You do sign language, you sign
language she. Taught shit.
Oh Oh yeah, she had ten months. She taught them and sign
language. Sign language, apparently that's
what says in her book. And she was saying that it's
partly easier to like get them because as soon as I start
knowing that they're shitting themselves, then they'll black
away shit manappy. But if they if you get them
before they even know they're doing shits and then train them
to go into the toilet, it's apparently a smoother
transition. I'm.
Calm bullshit on that. Are you?
Yeah, I mean, I'm. Calling, I'm calling her out.
There's no way that happened. Her her her 11 month old wee
boys wearing boxers so. Fuck William Thompson.
I I see for a second I really thought I had it wrong.
I love whenever you're like, oh, I actually got I got it right
and you got it wrong. Can.
I tell you something that was just, you know, in that vein of
like when you check something in you the relief of like this.
Yeah, doesn't this. So William came with me on tour.
So we did Liverpool, Newcastle, Glasgow, Edinburgh.
Yeah. And let me say not one why I
brought up the best run up shows I've ever done in my life.
Oh good. Then I did one, then that.
Figures been going really, really bad, hasn't it?
Yeah, we needed this, Yeah. You needed that.
We pick you up. The best shows, yeah.
See Newcastle. What is it?
You're being Newcastle, England. No.
Cracking place. Is it?
Friendly, easy to get around, kind of reminds me home we but.
Easy to get around what? What obstacles are they putting
in your way? You know.
What is easy to get around Edinburgh?
Oh no, that's what dairies like. Yeah, yeah.
Cobbly, hilly, up and down. So hold on.
So yeah. See see the way user are up and
dairy that sounds like some usual call a cup of tea cobbly
hilly upside. Cobbly, hilly, upside down.
And So what we said, so you're what happened in your turn that
you're saying that you right. Let me tell you this.
Yeah. So yeah, I just mean, this is
something where you just get that immediate feeling of like,
oh, yes, that's brilliant. So I, I thought this, these,
these sure should be a brilliant chance for me.
You'll know as a fellow mother, right to get to get some sleep.
Yeah, yeah. So.
I'm going away. I'm tight.
My body's aching a bit. Interrupted sleep.
I go hotels as soon as the gig's over.
See you. No drinks after, no anything
away to bed. Yeah.
Plus I'll get up late. I got up a 10 or something like
that. Crazy talk it.
Never worked out, but whenever I was going to Glasgow, I was
like, this would be a good chance to text my friend
Christopher MacArthur boy Joe Christopher.
Yeah. Been on the podcast for one of
the nice guys in common. Guy.
We arrange at dinner, right? So like at 5:30 dinner.
I it's my only day off. Yeah.
So I go for dinner at half five. And it's a good idea.
See, by about four. I just got into the hotel.
The train was delayed. It was raining.
I was tired. I was thinking about a nap.
I don't nap, and the football was on and I just got into my
hotel, turned the TV on. I was like, it'll be good to see
him, but I was going to have to walk 20 minutes, do a train
station, get trained to Partick and go meet him there.
Plus, you can't just have a quick dinner, you know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Catch up and all that, and some
you haven't seen in a while, Yeah.
He text me and I read the top bit, mate, I'm so sorry.
See, when I saw that, I didn't even open it, love.
I was just. I threw it down.
I just clapped on the bed. I was like, this is brilliant.
Yeah, because he did the thing that I wanted to do, but.
Couldn't have. Well, that happens to me all the
time. You.
I make plans in advance. I'm do you know, whilst you're
having a good day? Yes.
And you make sociable plans for other times.
Yeah, forgetting how much you're normally a miserable bastard.
She, she, you're doing nothing. It's always going to be like
this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm having a great fun day today.
I'm happy to talk to other human beings.
So I, I assume that like in three weeks time, I'll be happy
to go out and have drinks with a friend or go out and have dinner
with somebody forgetting that that's shit you hate doing.
Yeah. And then it gets to that, closer
to that. And then there's three weeks of
dread. Like I don't want to go.
I don't remember even liking this person that much.
And it's a constant. And Sean always goes to me just
cancel because I bet you they don't like you to.
Well. They're they're they're they're
if you cancel, they're going to go no worries.
But they're they're loving it. You'd.
Love to give someone that relief that you had.
We were like, oh, thankful. The last minute.
But if I found out if I cancelled on someone because I
didn't want to go out with them and I found out they were
relieved, I'd be like what the fuck?
Yeah, oh, you, you also can't let them know.
I text him back because he was busy saying he's been getting a
lot recently and he was going to have a night in with girlfriend.
He's like, I haven't seen her in a while, so I think it's
probably best thing. And I just text him back.
I said you're a horrible man. Yeah, yeah.
And then they can feel bad. No, because you want them to
feel bad. Because then it feels like they
owe you 1. And also here's great feeling
too. William was always supposed to
be Liverpool and Newcastle. Then he had such a good time at
those. He was supposed to fly home to
Karen's Oster Hall show. And then he goes, see, after
that I'm going to fly myself over to do Edinburgh because I'm
loving these shows so much. They're magic like.
So he goes, I'm going to fly over.
So I said well if you're a cover, if you're flying over,
I'll book your hotel. Got a last minute deal?
We Three star £454. Where you stay in the same
hotel, no. I've been very nice hotels when
it was always in a reasonable place.
You hostel? Yeah.
No, no, he stayed because here's the thing as well.
So I don't know if you heard this or you missed out on it,
but when Kieran took William Montour, sort of a boy who gets
taken on tour by older men, right?
Because he's. Yeah, Because.
He's got less responsibilities. He's like, fuck it, I can get up
and go and he's obviously great. Great act.
Exactly. Yeah, I like.
The added on that I'm also I don't want.
It to sound like he's just available.
I meant like he's also good. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, right.
Phenomenal. Right.
So he but he goes on tour with a lot of people and he's great.
He's great company on tour too. But when he went away with
Kieran, Karen did his first tour, UK dates and that kind of
thing. Yeah, Karen brought William, but
also Karen brought Chloe, Karen's wife, of course.
Yeah. Shared A room.
With. William and Chloe?
Yep. Family room the.
Whole time. No, Karen didn't think they were
the child. William.
Yeah. When he was on the we pull out
under there. He's in the cart.
He's got a fucking hate you. Unlike Catherine Ryan's kid,
Yeah. He's still buddies.
He's. Still a nappies Kieran having to
get wake up in the night department.
Jesus shitty. Ash mate, why have you shut
yourself? It's so dirty.
Why did? Did.
William never like complain with management.
Why does Kieran keep trying to wipe my arch?
Kieran keeps your laughter. Baby baby wipes.
It's so dirty. But Kieran?
Was like how many nights were? There down what do you what?
Do you say like no way for what 5-6 nights I'm.
Not sure was. That always the family room.
Oh no. I think there was one night he's
like, I'll give him his own room or he got his own room and.
It was dinner, but. How I said that's just Karen's
like, what's weird? I was like, it's the most
unnerving thing I've ever heard that you're just in bed with
your wife and your mates just like the you.
A work. Colleague too, as well as me and
here's like well nothing. I was like Oh no, I don't think
anything It's weirder than not. It'll be less weird.
If there was, it was it was a full sex party, yes.
But three? People just asleep night night.
That happened to me. And Sean though we were, we were
gigging in Bunkrana and like some festival, funkrana.
Funkrana. And what do you guys as farmer
Michael Michael yes. So they had booked us and they
did like do support for their show.
We were up there and the other guy doesn't support David.
What do you call? We, Sean and I were booked.
We they booked us their room, not David Elliot, no.
And we were in with the other act and it was me, Sean and him
and there was like a big bed and a wee bit me and Sean but.
No, I wouldn't. I couldn't.
But I was just like there.
Was no. The place was booked out because
there was a festival. There was no other room.
Did you just drive down? Yeah, but we also got blocked.
Doesn't matter. There's no mission.
So. Kier.
Yeah, Kieran was like, what's weird?
But this I was like, it's 10 out of 10 weird.
You're in a family room with your me and your wife, right?
10 out, 10 weird. Plus you bring them on to her,
right? So me and William went away.
I text him and I put no he he gets his own room right so I
have a room. He is we're in the same hotel
apart from in Edinburgh where I really pushed the boat out and
he's dead and walking over. Described as a horrific hotel.
Oh shit. But then it was last minute.
He said he was OK. Plus I did it wrong because I
was only in Edinburgh for a day and I should have booked a
really nice hotel for Glasgow because it was there for two
days. So I didn't get the use of my
Edinburgh hotel. Anyway.
William Azon room. I text someone before we left
for the airport. I was like, mate, I know this
might sound weird, but I'm getting the massage as soon as
we arrive in Liverpool in my hotel room from Tyson Fury's
masseuse. You need to be there.
You need to be in the room so you don't get.
No, it's it's. Just it's just, there's just
that's how rumours start. Why?
You know when I get when I you don't trust yourself.
You needed someone that will hold you back.
I met William. Tie my hands down to the bed so
I was just. Accidentally wanking people,
it's just something. You know.
You know, you know. You know, I I just thought it's
weird to check in and then 3 minutes later a man with a
massage bed walks through reception and says he's going to
Shane Tuldrum. So I'm like, do you know what?
It's not weird, right? And I'm a weird guy.
Just just be there. So it's like we're just chatting
like because I don't know the guy either, really.
So how did this? Massage come about so have you
did you go like on Google to book a massage in Liverpool?
You happen to book this person and is it somebody who comes out
to hotel rooms or is this a resident my sister than the
hotel No. So I I.
Know a guy that lives in Liverpool?
Ryan McLaughlin. He's been the pod.
Just played football for Liverpool, man.
About time I said. Who's like a sports massage guy
and because my back on the neck are killing me, my shoulders.
So I is there someone I can go to?
So that was the plan. I would go to them.
Yeah, somewhere in Liverpool city centre.
More normal. He messaged me back.
To here's this guy he's Tyson Furies personal masseur goes on
camps with that you know Tyson Furies in the states, whatever
this guy goes to and so then you.
Asked him to come to your hotel room, Yes.
No. I said, where are you?
And he goes, I, I come to you. And then you're like, what are?
You wearing? And he goes.
I'll come to you. And I said right, so here's
where it gets weird. I as soon as me and William
checked in, I said to the receptionist, I said, excuse me,
we've got a room keys. And I said I said what I meant
to basically say was weird standard comedians.
So we're, we're, we're performers, right?
So. At the.
Time. I should have said nothing.
I said excuse me, we're comedians and I was basically
getting across to her. I'm doing a live performance
tonight and I need to like loosen my body.
To do a. Good performance.
So there's a guy coming to give me a massage and that's all.
Surplus information, but here's the.
Thing I I backed out of giving her too much information.
I went up. The receptionist said, excuse
me, we're comedians. There's a guy coming.
There's a guy coming on the massage bed up to our room.
Is that OK? She went yeah.
Why she went why, why? Why are you telling me?
And I went, well, no, it's just in case that's not allowed.
But she went, what are you going to be?
And I was like, no, no, I'm just, I'm let, I'm letting you
know. Yeah.
Plus also she's like I don't work.
Here, yeah, there's like. I'm like, if there's a communal
space or like part of the gym, it'd be better to use there.
I don't want her to think there's a weird sex thing going
on, but this is the thing. Is this is somebody?
Why do you care if she what she thinks?
Who's to say she hasn't seen the podcast before?
Well. Right, No.
If you were in a hotel room and you went down and you didn't
like your room, would you ask them to move?
Yeah, but it would need to be something quite drastic like
Tyson. Furies in your room, but.
When? But when me and William walked
away and the reception is like, fuck what William?
I went to William as we're walking up to rooms on why'd she
look at me like that? He's like, because it didn't
mix. You just went up there and went
we're comedians as a guy called. Massage.
Imagine if like the next week like Peter case checking and
she's like and what time will your missus be arriving?
She's just James. That's protocol.
I'm the only guy like. People will be like, oh, you
have a masseuse on tour. I'm the only guy in a Novotel
hotel, personal masseuse. It's a three star hotel.
But anyway, William was was in the room.
So anyway, guys absolutely brilliant working it all out,
telling us about being on tour and all the big boxing matches
he's been at and as William was, so William got a massage too,
because I was like, we've got to go.
We're going to do another podcast.
I said what William like because here's the thing, difference
between me. Weird.
We were like fuck it, jump on do him too.
Different between me and Kieran. I look after people on tour.
He got a massage. I said hey, if I can get one.
You do realise the? Next time, Kieran.
Takes William on tour. He's just going to be there like
it. Would take him so long.
With the same audience. They man to be great, a good
need. In your back I.
Was staying in a hotel once, I think I might have been in
Wicklow or go away. I was filming and the people in
the room next to me did non-stop writing.
I mean non-stop writing for. All yours on you.
Didn't know they weren't part of the production.
They weren't part of the production.
I was like, this is definitely like, they're away.
Like they're both married to someone else.
Like no normal couple rides this much.
It was like 20 minutes. It generally went on.
All fucking night. But it was so funny because I
couldn't sleep, so noisy. And they stopped at one point
and I went oh fuck. And then they just stared the
kettle go on. And then about. 15 minutes later
when the Briggs were done, they fucking started again.
It. Was so stinking.
Just the admin. Of that, yeah.
It's all. It's all passionate and sexy.
Yeah. Oh, milk.
I'm ready to go. I'm like, there's no almond
where is the nearest bar but I. So I when.
William was weird. Times you just tune.
Into this, William was face down on the bed, his head in the
hole. And I took a photo of that,
like, suddenly on my phone. And I sent it to, like, some
comedians we're friends with. Yeah.
And Karen Bartlett wrote back straight away and said, yeah.
And my family room's weird. Yeah, did you?
So whenever you were in the room and you're getting a massage,
what do you have? Like your underwear on on my
head. Yeah, you put like your sheet.
Around your. Yeah, you've got, you've got
your shorts on. Yeah, it's less weird.
Yeah. No, it was.
Open till now, I thought. Everyone was naked.
Now, do you know what's more? Weird.
Yeah, I've got a gig tonight, so I'm not well, you know, I've got
a cold. Everybody here as a cold.
Chocolate Brothers here have a cold.
They pass everything to each other.
These are so fucked. If I leave today with a you,
you, you. Now that's so.
What are you, a doctor? Like fucking biologist?
You won't catch it. You'll be fine now.
What's weirder is I've got a gig tonight.
Yeah right. And normally I would cancel but
my dad's mates running it and I'm going to do it.
You would cancel a gig for. Everyone he knows.
Yeah. Because.
I wouldn't want to watch out and say hold on, I get my hanky.
I wouldn't know. But shouldn't be bringing.
Your teddy bears on stage. But my neck and my.
Shoulders are still really. I've got an injury, so there's a
guy after this podcast coming to give me a massage downstairs.
Get out of fucking. Town.
Sure. Yeah.
Bouts in an office? Just my neck.
No. That's.
I know you're making an.
Inhabit. Out of this.
I know well the thing. Is can you get?
People like to do because never be in my name form.
You got somebody out to do your hair?
Yeah. I mean, I know that's just a
hair. Am I?
Weird. Am I weird guy?
But what other things would you? Ask people to come out and do.
Would you? Have you ever had your nails and
all done? No, but I would.
I would like. To look after.
Them like you can get a colour on them which is OK no?
Or like a nude. I get a nude I so we want.
People to know it, Yeah. Yeah, like this is just the.
Colour of mechanicals, Yeah. Or you can get somebody.
Have you ever had chronic irrigation?
No, I wanted. To do.
That for years. Really.
Would you not want that? Well, you probably don't need
it. Sorry, search, that's a lot,
would you not? Be because I've cleared.
Out if it is. Do you know what chromes?
Is it about? Shouldn't.
That's an element of it. Yeah, I think that's a side.
Effect, isn't it? Yeah.
So I don't feel like you're, I don't feel like you're a bummed
up guy. I mean.
That's compliment. Yeah, things are running
smoothly. Things are running nice.
Do I need a chronic irrigation? No, I don't.
I don't. I don't think I would like the
process of because I don't think you just go and do it and then
leave. I think there's probably like
preparation to it because here see what you're about keeping
your bets. Have you ever had a colonoscopy?
No, I. Don't know why they think about
that. Has anyone here?
Dan's had it. That's right, camera up your
head. I got it, I imagine.
It's very sharp, see. You're really drowsy for your,
like, local anaesthetic or like, you know, vaguely local.
Yeah. In the locale, yeah.
Nearby in the vicinity, yeah. So you're like.
In and out of it. So I remember being
uncomfortable. Not that's what I love them, but
it's the preparation you got to do.
You got to drink a drink that tastes like metal and it clears
you out and you stay in the bathroom and you drink and you
fast and you drink and drink and drink.
Oh, no. And it is one of the worst
things I've ever done. They obviously want you to have
a. Really.
I mean, kick cool arm and they won't have a look at it.
Yeah, yeah, nice and cleaned out.
Yeah, they need to be able. To to, to see things.
So you take. Drink this drink.
And you do clear yourself. It's the worst thing.
What's that same? As you can see the wood through
the trees, you can see the through the shit, yeah.
That's what they say, but I always.
Thought a colonic irrigation. I in my head, I was like, you'd
leave it in like air afterwards. You'd be hopping around on your
toes. You'd feel great because
apparently they take out like you've partly got.
If you're a meat eater, you apparently have like sausages
from when you were 12 and your intestines maybe not that long
back for me, but like apparently there's like a year's worth of
decay and meat all up in your hip and that's maybe the worst
thing I've. Ever heard it's true?
Yeah. Years of decay.
And bits of decay and mate like you partly have like, I mean
like half a stone of like decay and mate all up in your arsh and
your intestines and all. And your economic irrigation
will get rid of that. And I think that sounds fab,
Dan. That's your Christmas present,
right? There, Dan, look into it and
see. Is there a bit, is there someone
who does it in Belfast? I mean, there will be someone
who doesn't. You don't like the idea of
getting it done in Belfast. The thing is all right.
Love, we're going I I just stick as.
Paper here, but do you ever be somewhere?
Really inappropriate and somebody recognises she from
something and you're like, no, no, this isn't the place.
Hospital, Yeah. But like.
Say you're getting like a skin tag cut off your cheek or
something, right? A very our space.
Today, whenever I was. Any with?
With my three month old literally I I walked in like
child on my shoulder clearly like we're in it working out
right we're in any yeah, I've got the kid here and some guy
went all right, man what's and I I looked at him to suggest no,
yeah, no, whatever it. Is.
No, yeah. He was like, no, your handbrake.
'S not on your car, but even Yeah yeah.
Yeah, I'm like, no, you cannot. Get a photo.
He's like, no, mate, your car's killed three people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you?
Just get out and fucking sort. I I was one time in with like
having a meet with my bank manager and he was all like my
wife's a big fan. I was like, yeah, but I know
like you're just we're talking about my money at the moment and
I just rather funny that your first response that is I.
Know, I know. Yeah, I get.
That I get that, but show me the money.
Yeah, I just think it's. Inappropriate.
But Jamie Lee O'Donnell, one time I remember her tweeting on
time, somebody tweeted her and being all like, she was a cheeky
bitch that ass or not, like having hospital and she wouldn't
even like get a photograph with something.
And she was like, I was getting open heart surgery.
Yeah. Yeah, I was just after.
Chronic irrigation. I was telling him I love the.
Podcast and all. And he was, I was in a coma,
mate. I was literally somebody came
over to me at a gig. And dairy.
A few weeks ago I went to ME. I love that chain talk thing and
I was all cool. OK.
And they were like, you know what?
Like the podcast? No, that's all.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm aware.
They were like, I know. See you later.
I was like a connection of people made there down.
Do we figure? Out anything out about Belfast?
Colonoscopies. No clonic irrigation.
Clonic irrigation. Think there might be warm?
In Lisburn, if ever there was a place.
To clear your arsh out, yes, the Northern Ireland clonic.
Irrigation capital. Capital, Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't can you find out like. I'd like to know how much it
costs and how long it takes and what prep do you I would say
there's about it takes. About an hour now you do know
that they they fill they fill your rush full of water like a
litre or two water because under you first because because
obviously it can go in and they go through all your intestines
and your is it is it like if you have a?
You know like a wee toy in the bath that you a duck sucks in
all the water. You you push all the.
Air out of it and then the water goes in and then the water goes
out. Yeah, right.
I think that's it. But when it comes.
Out it's full of shit and old meat, but your Christmas Turkey
from Have they actually got a tube in you?
Aye. It's a fucking tube and you and
they can this The Dirty thing about it is you can see the
tube. Have you never seen videos of
it? Why have I locked this up so
much so they'll. Put a big.
Clear tube, right maybe a couple metres long, whatever up your
arse and they'll wish all this solution and and it'll all come
back out again but what comes back out it's all got bets of
shit and it's all purple shit's purple brown and green and
whatever and they're. All everyone's watching it.
What? Do you mean everyone There's a?
Spectator Gallery. Patreon.
Everybody's on Yeah, put out for your Patreon.
I am. I don't know.
Are. People.
Do you think there's people who are like, it doesn't do anything
for you, no science? Huh.
Can't you say? Science.
But I don't know, I think that everyone.
'S have. Why is not?
Everyone not having it done because it's probably.
Expensive and it's embarrassing. I'd say ballpark.
Figure I'd say for calling irrigations about 300, I would
say about 3-4 hundred. Not a price yet.
But there are people saying that it's not always great for you.
You don't you want. To keep so much shit on.
Get rid of all the good. Bacteria that's in your gut.
Yeah, well. Yeah.
Right, that's it. I'll not get one then.
Right. That's it.
I like the good bacteria. Yeah, I think people's.
Yeah, I think do what people do it for two.
Do you like athletes who need to drop away quickly?
You'll get like a clonic irrigation and sweat it out?
No, that sort of shit. I don't know if they do, but
that. That sounds like something they
should do when William gets here for being.
Late. He's getting a clonic irrigation
in the office. Yeah, bottles tied together,
massage beside me. Whenever your man comes black.
Do you clean out hips? He was so.
Easily talked Willy into getting the massage and no telling him
that I think if we were just like we're doing a cloning
irrigation right now you'd be OK with it yeah, yeah yeah if.
There was going to be some views behind it, yeah.
But the term was terrible, so good.
What about shows you've done recently?
What's what's been a great gig? What's been a bad gig?
Queen's Comedy Club. Didn't enjoy that right
recently, right? I was a.
Why do you think that was? I think I was shit.
Right. No, Mike, you'll tell Mikey
didn't have a great one either. It was a really, I think it was
just not a great night. You know, just one nights
doesn't go well. But then, umm, we did a gig in
that distillery last week. Yeah.
Dave Copeland. Fucking cracker gig.
Yeah, like it was brilliant, Dave said.
Somebody. Lit up a cigarette.
I think Dave made that up. No.
Oh no, no, no. Some.
Guy came. For smoke in the front room.
Like that, I you. It's weird, you know.
People say the longer you've been married, you turn into the
person you and. Sean, have this.
Same mind thing where that was like when so when some Sean was
in the podcast, some guy wrote in and went, what about the time
Sean broke his arm in Derry Trust or somewhere and Sean was
like and. I was like.
Sean is that guy made that up? And he's like, yeah, 100%.
He's like, have you ever broken your arm?
No, no. And there just No 3 seconds
later Sean went fuck. Maybe he's talking about when I
broke my arm and dairy. Trust me, Joey.
'S got that from has da. Because even the other day, so
whenever I was out with Munter, she she started pushing me go,
get away. And I was all where did you
learn that? And she was with Sean style that
day. And I rang him and I was all,
did you teach winter to say get away?
And he was all no, that's mental.
Then he ran me the next morning he goes, oh, it was me.
I taught her yesterday to say get away.
Why was he teaching that? He doesn't.
Like her, you're trying to do away they want.
Her comment? They were playing a game.
She was Natalie special. Yeah.
Get away. And buy six hours later ago.
Yeah. So they.
Yeah, he doesn't like her. But the distillery gig was
brilliant. And what I realised at that gig,
I'm starting to go, who are my audience?
Like who people you enjoy my stand up to me.
You're like, I don't know what my age group of people are who
wouldn't? And everyone in that audience
was Asian. Yeah.
Diona sounds about Asian, doesn't it?
Everyone. I think it was my age and up
right, Which I think. Your.
Demographic is slightly younger than you or actually, it's
probably a quite a right variety of age group, isn't it?
You'd be surprised you. Go there's a 64 year old guy
with this. 14 year old boyfriend who's coming to give me a
massage. No, it's it is very mixed.
Well, I found my. Best gig so far it seems.
We've built here my age 24 and up do.
You know what I mean? It's like maybe.
A best blame game audience sort of age group.
I don't know, right. Anyway, that was that was it.
But yeah, what about what happened when the guy?
Like no cigarette, he got asked to leave.
He was, he had it. I thought he was sleeping, but
he was, I guess with the head on the thing, smoking in the front
row thing was true. I was actually ragingly got
kicked out because he was a great audience member.
He was laughing. He had a great time.
And I was like, leave, then let that guy smoke in the room.
Love a good laugh. Yeah.
We get someone in the room who just their laugh makes everybody
else laugh, Karen. Case in point, yeah.
Big, big. Big Husky laugh and I don't ask
where's the last gig you bombed out like a last gig that you've
done really badly at 20000. Let me see, where's the last one
you went? Jesus, that was.
Shit. No, I've just been.
Lucky to have some very good ones recently, but there
definitely has been. Let me see.
In a skill. It's a weird.
It's a weird one, right? In a skill.
It's a. It's a weird one because.
It was pots bar. Same here, but it went.
Well. I didn't enjoy it purely because
I've done a gig before. We've done podcasts all day,
I've done a gig somewhere and then it was going corporate in
Belfast and they get straight there.
I arrived, had to go on stage and I was.
That is what happens, isn't that?
You haven't. You go on stage.
No, but I mean like. No time to get in and settle.
Yeah, like the couple in the hotel room, you know, some sexy
cup of tea straight in. Yeah.
So I just was on stage going. I'm not firing all cylinders
here. And it was going all right.
It's not like, in terms of, like a bomb with nothing.
Yes. The improv in LA, I mean.
That's that sort of possibly to be expected if it's like if
you're adjusting to like they mostly tourists.
No, it was American. Here's what the problem was.
So I did my tour show there. Yeah, the night after.
Screw it. Yeah, Then another show.
Brilliant. But what happens is in those
clubs, they don't have an MC really.
They just do like you pass the button on to the next act, but
they don't have headliner at the end of the night.
The headliner said the show is on from 9:00 until 1:00 AM.
Headliner building like half 1011.
Yep. And then so it goes.
Like this in terms of profile and then it goes down the other
side. So I went.
So Tim Dylan was a headliner, then there was another guy, then
the guy who was supposed to be last on and I went on after the
guy who was advertised to be last on.
So I'd say most people left 20%. Of the audience were still.
There and I, I went on, yes, like 1:00 AM and I went good to
be here at the 1:10, the sweet spot of the night, thinking
they'll go. Oh yeah.
Well, I really, I see this guy's nothing.
Nothing. I was like that, but it's going
to. Kill.
It's a bit like when I did a gig in Vegas and in the Comedy
Cellar and I was like, I've got a great opening line here.
So I said I got up and I went, guys, I'm here in honeymoon,
which I was. But I think people thought this
is like a joke. I always do.
And I went, my wife thinks I'm at the ice machine.
Nothing. People.
People are like, I don't, I don't believe you're on Lehman.
Or if you are, that's it would have been it's.
Really funny that you actually wear on honeymoon, but because
they think that's a bit then she did think I was at the ice
machine. Did she Umm, the Pats and in a
skill and as well. I did it.
So what you by the way, it's a great.
Everybody else loves it and the room's.
Packed and it's cool, but you were supposed to be on the night
I did it a few months ago, but you pulled out because you were
so close to the birth of your son.
You're like, I don't know, I don't want to be too far away
from the house and kissed. Things get exciting.
And Colin stepped on last minute.
Now I remember going on stage and the first 3 rows were all we
lads here, about 17, all wearing the exact same outfit.
And I was like, these are all, they're all here to see Shane.
They're often TikTok like it's that sort of thing.
And they I was doing lots of stuff about my daughter and
being married and all and doing AVF and they were all.
They just stared at me the whole time like they and I like do we
do like 1/2 hour set in about 20 minutes.
And then I got off and I was like taking a beamer and I went
over to Mark Mccarney and Colin and I was all that was.
Really bad and they. Both just went.
I just took a breath and I. Was all I'm gonna go but I
prefer that though also. Like you've liked to walk off
and then no, it was brilliant. No, because they would have
been. They would have been lying and
we all would have known that. But I think I probably should
have walked off and just walked past them.
Just gone left and I did just leave.
I will do. This thing I've talked about
before where like if someone doesn't do well and they know it
and everyone knows it and I will never go, that was great because
I wouldn't want something to me. So if you've had a bad 1 and I
think you have your notice because you come off and I go,
well, did you enjoy it? Like that's the only thing I
think to say. Yeah, you have said that to.
Me before. Yeah, quite a lot.
Cars being in Galway always, no matter how good of a get,
especially if you have a good gig, you walk off like, oh, that
was amazing. And he'll go.
You'll get them next time. Yeah, yeah.
Is that Willy T or? Every time I gig.
With Carly, you come off and he goes here.
I love that bet he goes what if you added this?
And yeah, he's like a wee mentor is all.
What if it's perfect? Yeah, apart from.
All the suggestions that I'm going to give you and it is
always good who? Who's in the building?
Oh, do you? Appreciate people giving you
advice about like. Bets of stand up or you like
fuck off. It depends who it is.
It depends like. What it is?
What if it was me? Yeah.
Yeah, because you've seen. Get a lot of my gigs.
You kind of know it's different of someone you've never met
before. Goes well here.
My tower recently goes. Came to see the opera show and
he's like picked like 2 bits. He's like really like those
bits. He's see the way the audience
react that no, he goes in your neck show.
Why don't you just do bits like like like that?
I was like, what do you mean? He's like all the rest?
Well, they went. They were like.
Unbelievable those. Bits and say there are two bits,
so why don't you just do more of that?
And I was like, Oh yeah, I've never thought about doing that.
Really funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why? We hold them back, Yeah, I said
to him. I was like, that's like going up
to like a premier. League footballer who scores one
goal 30 games and we'll see when you scored.
Always just do that. That was the good stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just keep doing that.
Yeah. Why we not thinking but it?
Depends. It depends who it.
Is it depends? Yeah, I I like it because I'll
phone Dave if we're on the same gig on the way.
We'll speak the whole way home, the whole way really about the
gig, the material. I'm like, you're this bit.
Maybe you could say this and vice versa.
See, that's great because every now and then.
Sean and I would try and bounce off each other for ideas for,
for, for both have something coming up and so much comes from
it. And like we, it'd be great to
have like a comedian's writer room.
Like everyone just got together. Like do you know your bit about
this? What if we thought and people
just helped you out a bit? Well, sometimes I'll do that
with William or Kieran. Like we'll meet up and it's just
you're not, you're not writing material together, but you're
going, I've got this bit and you sort of explain.
It and they go oh. What if you what if you came out
of from this? I mean that's it's like the
early I'm an island Epson. Island.
What's your favourite island? The one St.
Martin? Where's that?
The Caribbean? You.
Oh, you were there in honeymoon? I'm only saying that because
it's the one where the. Aeroplanes fly really low and
almost wacky in the face. Oh really?
They, they, they come about. I hang about 10 metres above
your head, you see, you go and watch the plane come in and then
after that 30 seconds has passed its shape, there's nothing to do
there. I think I like a Caribbean.
That's wee bit of me. Have you been there?
No see. Like sandals?
You know, say. Though, right?
Loads if it's, loads if it's actually.
British. Oh yeah.
Oh, really? Handy.
You can use your sterling and like.
It's all handy, but as all. I didn't know they got this far.
Yeah. Yeah.
But they did. Yeah.
Jamaica. They speak English.
Yeah, but. This week, patois.
Is that what you call it? Jamaican.
English, yeah, I would love like that as a don't know if we're
allowed to do it. No, we're no we're not.
No, no, no. We're.
Definitely. But but is it not like it's like
a dialect like a? Like a like a language, yeah,
but I just think you still you just you just.
Don't, don't you not, But can you do it without the accent or
is that the whole? That's that's this.
Yeah. Yeah, we're doing.
It without the accent right now. Yeah.
This is it. We speak.
I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it. Like I'm.
I'm now speaking like Mancunian but without the accent.
Can the next time you do like a headline?
Set. Can you just do it and patois?
Yeah. Also, is that what it is called?
Patois, isn't it? That sounds very French.
Patois. Yeah, Patois.
Sounds like something you'd. Like you'd put on your sandwich
bit of patois before you put the middle.
It sounds like the wet bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Maker, that's what. That's a moist bit of meat.
Patois, yes. Is that what it's called?
Yeah. Dan, can you hit us with?
The patois phrase who do? Have you got some patois there?
How did you spell? Patwa, how did you even Google
that? I would be.
A DOIS or something W. PATWAH.
Oh really? That sounds like.
Patois. Yeah, see, OIS would have been
French, right? Do you eat?
Turkey for Christmas dinner. Yeah, Jack, it's really dry.
It depends what way it's made. But you put you, you, you
accessorise it. I only got in the cranberry
about two years ago. Oh yes, love about a cranberry.
So last night, whenever we were in pugs, they served us like
honey mustard sausages. Sean, I make them with our
Christmas dinner. Right.
And I think everybody should. Like, that's a fucking addition,
isn't it? But are you cooking your
Christmas? Do you cook it?
No. Your wife cook it?
No, there's somebody's my cook it.
I don't know. It's just there.
You just arrive and it's there. That is the.
Most I'll never I'll never do Christmas.
Dinner, ever. If there's anything you want me
to get for it, I'll go out and I'll get it.
Whatever you need, I'll get it. But I just, I, I, I can't.
Like when Sean was growing up and he was like a teenager.
His whole family went to the Sleeve Donnard for Christmas
dinner that day and one day and 11 Christmas Day and there was
like a full peg with an app on its mouth on the table.
Well, like eating with them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It was eating the Turkey. I think that's that.
That was annoying. I think that's.
A weird move. To do the Christmas Day thing
but then again no dishes but all trafficking route but also.
Like. He was like, it was like.
Ridiculously expensive back then for like people who didn't think
you didn't money back then, your main.
So obviously that robbed the bank.
Yeah, the Northern Bank. Robbery and like had.
To launder it through the sleeve Donner Christmas dinner.
What's overrated about Christmas?
What do? You.
Mulled wine. Strengthen.
Gross. Absolutely.
Strengthen, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Present, the whole present thing.
Like we know in our family and my friends, we don't buy
presents for anybody anymore. Any adults, right?
Which is a wee bit miserable. But also it's like, what the
fuck is the point? You're going to get shite and
you're going to buy shite. Are you a good present?
Giver the best really, but I also wrap.
Presents like it's an art form. OK, I used to do tinfoil.
Genuinely tinfoil, yeah. I used to do on Boxing Day when
I worked in the Yacht Club as a dishwasher when I was like 1617,
I would get my boat, you got your Christmas bonus and I would
get dropped off by one of the other waiters at the big
Tesco's. And I would do more Christmas
shopping and I would always buy a roll of tinfoil and I would
just take the gift done because you do then kind of unwrap it,
but it takes 2 minutes to do. That is shit.
It's sad, isn't? It Yeah, yeah, I.
Would I properly like do like Brown?
Paper and both. And then I get like from like
outside, like hankins and like acorns and like bets and stuff.
They go on. My favourite thing is they hang
out. Meg Lugon.
Fuck me, Meg Lugon. We have a great time.
So it's a lot more peaceful than the other types of guns.
Yeah, glue. I'll glue shit.
I'll just glue all my acorns and shit under.
Like my packaging is fucking phenom.
It sounds. Yeah, Although it's saying out
there, it was Sean's birthday yesterday and I felt like a fuck
off. Would you not get him anything
I. Did like but it was nothing.
Special. It got like shoes and aftershave
and just shit like that. What shoes?
What aftershave? Just like a pair of brown
leather. Necks, shoes, like they're like
trainers, like smart trainers. There's like, no, they're like
dressy trainers that you would wear with like a pair of
trousers. What colours are so white?
Whites. They're like trainers, but
they're like colour mark. Brown.
They're nice and then they got out of shape.
They're not nice. And then I.
Got like a Christmas jumper and so shit.
So. I got.
I usually buy him Chanel blue, but there was one left so got
him Gucci guilty for men. Now listen, I wear Gucci guilty
as a day perfume and I'm just like, do what happened?
I ran over the shop and said it was 5 to 9 the night before it
was close and I'm done to boots and then a small selection.
I was like, just give me that because I know the name.
I mean, it's baller that John will just.
Be walking about doing gigs guccied up.
Yeah, I'm just walking about spreading Gucci.
Yeah, I love that. What?
Why? What do you wear?
I left my good aftershave. Should I hear right?
I left my good aftershave in Liverpool in the hotel room.
Don't ring Liverpool now, I'll ring the hotel.
To see if they still have it. Well, they won't.
Oh my God, 1103. William.
My car's broken down on back roads here.
Now there's something going on, because what does he mean on
back roads? He doesn't like you anymore.
It was he's feeling weird since the massage thing.
The sad thing is I can see his reflection.
In his dashboard he's crying, right?
Let's see if I can get this aftershave.
Pack. You won't.
I left my full house. Keys, like when I was a student
and I live in the whole lands, Do we have a front door key?
And then the same front door key will lead to your bedroom.
Yeah, like magic. But somebody else's front door
key will lead to their bedroom like magic.
Do you mind? It's very complicated setup, you
know, like that's one of those things who understands it, but
just you. Got to go with it.
Yeah, Yeah. Do you mean you don't
understand? This How do they all?
Open the I have no fucking. Idea.
How do they all open the front door?
Yeah. But then not individual
bedrooms, right? Science, yeah, but I.
Left my keys in my holiday in like in my holidays, right?
I've left my keys in my. Holidays and.
Then. And then I came from each case.
That's their holidays. Mommy, my daddy go is.
Not a left. Member holidays but I came back
and I had to ring a locksmith going fuck sake I don't have my
keys but I had to pay for every fuckers there was.
I'm sharing with six people because the front door lock was
being changed. Right right, right.
Every fuckers bedroom. Cost me 400.
Pounds as a student, I was like 18.
I had to pay that. But that's what I mean.
When I rang the hotel, they were like, no, we don't have your
keys. You weren't even here, but
that's, I mean, you're going to make them.
And they will. Not have that pay aftershave.
Also what aftershave is it Tom Ford?
It's nice how. Much was left of it.
Oh good. But the.
Guy who who sold? It to me in Vic.
Square put, I'd say 20 squirts on me.
I said, how do you actually spray aftershave?
Some people will put it on their clothes, some people put it
there. Whatever, I said, what's the
right way to do it? I swear to God this guy just
grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, put me into him and was
like all over and went just like that.
Weird. I'll tell you something.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
Really. All them people.
I work there. Wait, we're all talk shit.
You're supposed to spray the back of your legs?
No, you're not. What do?
You mean? Behind.
Your kneecap. Who smell, man?
Well, you're. Meant to put it in places.
That that exuded the rest of the day Well for short people have
you want. Them to smell you.
Back of your knees, back of your neck.
Warwick Davis is like, oh you. Smell good, I think.
I've. Mentioned them.
That's why. Oh, really?
Mind you, the nicest smelling knees.
I've ever seen, ever snuffed Hello.
You should drag and go listen. I'm a.
Comedian and I've left aftershave there.
Oh, what room is it? I'll have to get someone I
think. You're supposed to spread there
as well, at the back of your. Your arm, because your
heartbeats are you're supposed. To do, Yeah, yeah.
Like where were? Your.
Pulses, all right, I think, well, that would be there to you
in the back of. Your knees, like that's where
veins come out. Yeah.
And then I gave up on this.
But it was. It was.
I don't. I'm not like I'm not tight with
money at all. No at all, but.
It's very. Rare I go, I'm going to get
something really nice, like the hotel in Edinburgh.
Yeah. I was like, I'm going to be
travelling, want to get a good sleep?
No. I used to work on the perfume.
Counters in Debenhams and but it's not for years and the
makeup counters and the shit you tell people that is not true.
Oh like yeah, my God. And you're like.
You don't have. Any expert information
whatsoever, but you're like, well, this is clattered in
vitamins, AC and A and actually as soon as you use this you'll
you look at the foetus and you're just making shit up Who
who's walking into Devon is going just.
Make me look like you're foetus. I just want to be a foetus.
But do you know the? Amount of white women that come
in and have me pictures of Beyoncé and go can I I get my
makeup I got and I'm like there's I don't think so there's
that's not going to happen. I'm saying about this recently,
right? I see when I was younger.
I don't think I had. As many mates as I thought.
Uh, no. Yeah, you can say.
That well, I was, you know, I was and I'm only.
Seeing this recently, I was an overbearing friend.
Oh, but then you're an only child.
Yeah, true. So that's that's.
Bound to be. You're about to see other people
and just go. I I was calling for.
People I can't remember being called for.
Oh, there was a wee. Boy in my street, he was like.
Much younger than me. He was only about 3, maybe 5.
And then I said about 9:00 and they used to call to the house
and he always had a runny nose and I was always going.
So you knew it was his body was fighting the infection.
He used to always go. As me, you want to come a night.
And he would call me Nuna, and I was always turned.
Go on. No, get the fuck off my doors.
What's happened dude? You know?
He's like a counsellor. And I don't know where you ever
look people in school up. Yeah, sure.
Umm, a guy that he. Was 11/2 doors down for me, was
placed for Derry City and was one of the guy they will make.
They won the cup. Shane Mcaleny Oh why he he
follows me on an Instagram. He's come on the podcast.
Oh really? He's.
Really good player, Yeah, he played across.
Water, didn't he? Him and his brother, him and
Patrick Mcaleny. They like they were mine.
Extra neighbours for like 10 years.
Played for Dundal as a child. Well, they were always playing
football. Umm, probably, yeah, but I'm.
Between putting Mondays on right, but but my ma used to do
their ma's hair. Patricia Oh really?
But I always have vivid memories of my ma doing their ma's hair
and I'd be in their house because they had three sisters
as well and I'd be playing with their sisters.
I might be all I'd go under the love, the kitchen and build my
mom. My mommy can come down to our
house and play and my mom. I remember always with my mommy
behind their Ma so their Ma couldn't see her and she would
just be like, she obviously didn't want people to come to
her house to play. Oh, OK, because that's where we
got beat. She was just like no, don't
House of heart and she in. Her face and.
Always just dropping out of my. Fucking blood would turn cold
and I'd be all actually, but I I think I've got a good age.
Dancing. You can't come anymore.
I love looking people from school.
Yeah. Do you see the people used to
fancy? Primary school are really
stinking to the juice. Don't I mean you?
Just you're like, ah, just you just don't look the same
anymore. Would you rather weird?
You're like, oh, you're so. Hot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Once you fancied sexual, do you
know what I mean? Once if you couldn't wait to go
away a sexual Yeah, but you know when.
I always find it weird when. You say because you remember
them as a child. You know, they have like a
child's face, but on an adult body.
Yeah. Yeah, Some people just don't
look. It's not that they don't look
good, they just don't look right.
You're like, I didn't see your face going like this.
Yes, I didn't see the transition.
No. And if I hadn't just met, you
know, you'd look like an absolutely normal person.
But because I know that face used to be 6.
Yeah, like sometimes I think I'm in the Truman.
Show and when I look someone up yeah, they didn't expect.
They. They didn't expect, Oh no, it's
on the Kanye West. They didn't expect me to look
them up. That's why you buy tinfoil for
me helmet so they have to. Make the pitch with them really
quick. Oh.
Yeah, like, actually like a. Jigsaw puzzle of five different
people's. Faces being stuck together.
They're just making up a name. Bob.
This guy was in my class for one week in.
P3 and I searched him and they're like fuck, put something
together. They're like he was only an
extra fuck. Sake, but he's loving it.
Because he's getting. The money again, after years of
nothing, it popped back up. And would you rather have been
an ugly child that morphed into a better looking adult or the
other way around? That's exactly I was the first
thing. That's what happened.
Yeah, yeah. Because but, but, but it's
damaging when you're a wee ugly child and you're in school and
like no one. So like do you maybe you're
going to hold that damage so you're always thinking child and
nobody fancies you. Yeah, that's a hard time, I
think. Yeah, I think people, I think
you could see potential me when I was ugly, but other kids are
going to go here, see when. We look him up when we're 33.
Yeah, he's going to still look weird, but better.
They're going to rush to make me.
Yeah. Is there anybody who you went to
school with who's like? Who's like really successful at
something that you're like, wow, that person don't well
themselves or do you think is it just is it is it you?
No, I think only because what I do is like a.
Public thing, if that makes sense.
Probably some of the business world or killing it.
Yeah. You're like doing proper shit,
yeah. Yeah, although when I see.
People by school. Share with her like.
Bald of like they just look old not if they don't need to be
bald, but like they just they just look old.
They had a more stressful life than you look like you.
Yeah, because you're getting. Missus miss massages by fucking
Tyson Furies Missus and Liverpool.
These guys are working all day. Yeah, I don't know.
I It's just where I. Don't think I look at people
might and I'm like they grew up at the on the right scale.
That makes sense. Yeah.
But Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. They're.
Not they do look like they're in their 30s and you don't.
It's not that I don't think I look my age and it's just.
Like I. Don't need to.
I don't go to like. An off I don't need to, I don't.
Need to be serious. Serious or anything?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I kind of pull.
Once you start doing. Stand up.
I think you kind of pause there for a while in terms of like the
way you dress all that. Yeah, wee bit as I was saying
about like when I. The street that I grew up in
that your guy who plays for dairy left next door or two
doors down. Hey, so that street there was an
absolute shit all still as like it's like a really rough area
And I lived there till I was 10/9 or 10.
And I remember being in Debenhams and Dairy 1 Christmas
doing Christmas shopping and a girl that worked there was all
to me. Did you used to live in Gallia?
And I was all yeah, but not till she probably did that thing
which looked at my face when I know that child's face.
But it's not in a 30 year old woman.
Yeah. Oh, this was recently.
Oh, like. The past couple years she's
like, did you? Still haven't get in as well.
And she was, oh, I just remembered your face from then
and I saw she was like, you don't look like someone who used
to live there. And I was like, is that a
compliment? I think, yeah, I think it is.
But it's like. What are the rest of them look
like? Yeah, all, all haunted.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just like rocking back and.
Forth screaming and crying Who's been the best?
Last question, Who's been the best?
Podcast guest you've had on recently.
Who surprised you? Who's coming?
You've gone. Wow, that's great.
Hey. I don't know.
I love when Sean's on. I've really good fun with Sean
when Sean's on it. If Sean, Hank, Sean's only done
it once or twice. Fuck, I can't even remember who.
Maybe some guests are. Do you know?
Pardon. Mark Mccarney is fucking great.
Yeah. He's because he's so different.
Yeah. He's very funny.
And also, who's a great guest?
Bruno Diamond? Yeah, she's a great guest.
She's very funny. She's.
Very quick. She's very.
Intelligent. I actually don't think I've seen
Bruno do stand up. She's she's good.
I know she was good, yeah, but. She is actually very
intelligent. You don't and then that's like
you don't think she would be. But she is very well read.
She's got a fucking great vocabulary.
I heard she was really good doing.
My Blood live at Ulster Hall. Yeah, yeah.
And that would be a perfect. Audience for her to Haliens.
Yeah. How's your favourite podcast
guest before we move recently? Sony surprised?
Me. Ever.
Oh, best ever. Jeez, probably.
Just probably. OK, Kieran.
Yeah, I thought you were going to say don't in.
There just. But that was that was Zoom.
That was my favourite thing, that.
Said here Nope. I've.
Been rubbing my eyes over. This.
And who are you? Dying to get on.
Still there, McKenna, but yes. But yeah, it's going to happen
though, isn't it? Nope.
He's falling out, maybe. I just don't know it just like
no, he just it's got noise. What are we?
Scatter.
I'll get him. Eventually your.
Podcast Plug it, Remember When with Dana Doherty.
Out every Thursday. Oh, why?
There's basically so. I mean, there are a couple
tickets. There's a handful of tickets
left for Home Alone GOH actually.
Don't worry. About it if you want to.
Go do that you're. Like do I fuck?
There's only there's a handful of tickets left.
For Boxing Day and New Year's Eve, the other 31 shows have
like 2-3 tickets left, but they're all single seats.
But it's a great seat to buy if you don't like your boyfriend
and you're like, let's go see a Christmas show.
But you sit over there, Joe, it's funny.
You were like when you work. At the perfume, kind of.
Do you get good at just being like, hey, selling people
things? What are single seats left?
But they're the best ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why would you want to sit with your friends and family and let
out? Yeah, Sean and I are going to it
one night and we're sitting. Separately because there's no
seats left. Oh really?
Yeah, but it's your show. Yeah, but you still.
Need a seat? Pulse rings.
Or you could sit in the. Box Why do you?
Want to sit in the box? I know, I know, I'd hear that.
Anyway, yeah, thank you for coming on.
Thanks for having me. Dear authority William Thompson,
how many nipples matches my jumper?
You what? That's not what I thought.
You. Said.
Not what I thought you said. Oh really?
What do you think my nipples match?
My jumper and he thought that. Too.
Well, I hope they don't guys, because.
That is a serious condition matching nipples.
The name of this week's episode? Cheers for.
William Thompson, who's brilliant, I thought it was so
good. William is probably the best
guest who's been on. Recently in this.
Episode Yeah, I love his name work.
He sort. He sort of.
You can't say he says too much. No, you know it's right.
A lot was saying very little. There's a lot in silence.
SSA Arena. 20 3rd of September next year eh Go take it in the
description by the time this podcast go out the sequel to.
Bridesmaids will be on sale for the Opera House next year.
Kidding me? The Hindu, which sounds like
him, so is that not controversial?
Why bring religion into it? No.
What's a good to be religion. Oh, then I was like, no, I don't
get that. They're handy and it's on.
Say it's on. It'll be on sale.
No, I'm in it, though. I don't want to because, yeah, I
didn't want. I thought I'm in it again.
I had written the show with different characters that we
none of us would be on it. But the producers wanted me to
put my character on it. So I've rewritten my characters
back on it. You're the producer, though.
No, I'm not. Anyway.
The Handy Opera House and elsewhere.
Guys, thank you very much for watching, for listening.
Patreon.com/TV Podcast I need to blow my nose.