I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like our hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock, exactly how it's called
New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that only features
drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Che's phone. Nervous.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, hey. New York After Dark.
It's some kind of comedy thing and it's streaming now.
Only on Peacock. You love it.
Zippers, welcome to this episode of the Tea with Me podcast with
myself, she and Todd. We are in London this week.
If you're listening to this week, it comes out on Friday.
Me, my 2 guest today, Kieran Bartlett and William Thompson.
We will be William Watts, a venue.
Come on. I think I know go.
I might be wrong. Is it Leicester Square Theatre?
No, I'm wrong. Is Islington something?
We will be in Islington Town Hall, Islington Assembly Rooms
and Town Hall simultaneously due to shows.
Islington Assembly Hall, It's all right.
Thank God we did this chat because I was going to Leicester
Square. On Friday, yeah, still take it
to build. We'll put them in the
description. This can only be described as
not selling as well as we thought, but we'll have fun in
London anyway. The two boys, obviously, I have
a hotel room, Karen has a hotel room, William has a hotel room.
But Karen has specifically said don't worry about William's
room. You said weirdly, we can just
store all our stuff in there because you have other plans for
William. Yeah, he's calling in my room to
sleep on my bedside cabinet. Which Karen calls his bomb
anyway, we need to plug Patreon really quick.
Patreon the comments I TV podcast not I'm not pushing a
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We shove we shove of it. Not a big push.
We're sponsored by Nord VPN William, what does VPN stand
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Know a virtual? No, don't put your hand up.
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Whoa. We're sponsored by Manscaped
also Manscape as well, not a new a new side company that we've
set up called Manscape, also manscaped.com, the number one in
men's below the belt grooming. One of my guests has just been
away on an anniversary trip down South and I'm keen to speak to
him and find out that he manscaped himself up before he
went. Well, I like to please my wife
want to go away. OK, so.
We have, we have 20% too much information.
We have a 20% off. I just let it get briny for a
few days before we went, you know?
Brian Harvey. That's what she likes.
Brian Kennedy. Briny, happy people.
Should have stayed another day then.
You man's get this brilliant to do all this stuff for your balls
and all, all down there, all this stuff you never thought was
possible. No whisperer.
Imagine you're the guy who owns Manscaped and then you're
running this one from school who doesn't know what you do and go,
oh, what are you up to now? You go, I see your deck and
balls. That's me, that's me.
Look at all this stuff here. Do you think the guy or Garland
owns Manscaped hits pews? He he doesn't take a wage.
The Manscape CEO does not take a wage.
He's voluntary because he just has declared a war on pubes and
he just war like if you tell him you have.
To be the name of their next like special pack.
If you have if you have pubes, he'll come and find you like a
like a vigilante. And he has a holster with all
the all he's got the lawnmower 4.0, he's got the bulk cleanser,
bald deodorant. He'll do your ears, he'll do
your nose, he'll do it all and he don't know about stuff on me.
Do it with teeth. I have a very particular set of
creams. Taking your.
Puberty my hurry bags and they're going.
Good luck. Good luck.
Yeah, yeah, you. Get a huge amounts gift
discount. 20% off you just go tea with me to get 20% off and
free shipping let's get into this episode my guests are
William Thompson and Kieran Bartlett lads and I mean this
how are you I'm. Grim, can you see my face behind
the mic? Yeah, we're OK.
I'm great, I'm great. I'm feeling good.
Are you me? Because a lot of people say that
when they're not. We went over this on Friday.
See if you're not feeling good, you're feeling a wee bit done.
Keep it to yourself. That's.
Right. We're in my day.
That's right, we did have. The tell me something William,
do you carry a sadness that's that's Tommy there and ask
somebody out twice this interview on the show.
I never was. Just you.
I just picture you pushing sadness in it for some reason.
You transport it in a wee wheelbarrow.
Karen's wheelbarrow of sadness. Are you carrying a sadness?
No, no, I'm a wee happy boy all the time.
All the time. Sadness isn't a thing to me.
Just. Like I told you, I'm fine.
You're just back from an anniversary trip.
Will you please your wife? Yeah.
Where did you? Where did you use your
anniversary? Where do you go?
Vegas. Can can't be carrying it.
Camera can't be carry. This is we favourite of yours.
It is I, I, I believe I will live there.
So impractical you. Won't no, no eventually when
when I'm you were. Thinking of moving the Hollywood
and. You know.
Half a mile from where you. Are no, no, but this is.
This is real. Israel.
Yeah, I support Israel. Come on, come on.
So brave. Tell me about camera, Would it?
Would me and Willie like it? I think his word because yes,
you definitely. Definitely those like what's the
Nando's like? It's it's actually more like a
French cafe there. And it's not called Nandos, it's
called Mason Gourmet. But anyway, I'm being serious.
Mason Gourmet seem not the fell not play football.
Is it love it though down there? That's good.
It's very enjoyable. There's loads of nice wee cafes
and shops and it's just a nice vibe, nicer pace of life.
Now is there any sexy bitches there for me?
Here. Whoa.
I wouldn't be looking around for those one.
Put that away. What Stop?
Beeping. Thank you.
I thought my well, he was. Like that's so presumed.
I I would literally rather it was your Dick because CM you
can't breathe. I hate them.
That's very rude. I do this every episode now.
It's a problem, yeah. Who's been having words?
Who's Who's this, really? Some do you know what?
This guy's a couple SSE shows coming up.
I can't watch that smoky breed round him because I could end
him my. Wee throat, sorry.
We're only six months away, but I.
Know, but I'm like, I'm like, I'm like a wee I'm going to need
a wee bath turn all after us, you know.
Hey, hey, be honest, you already have them.
Do you know, do you know what the bath chair is?
You know the one that's like a it's like a Wicker.
It looks like a Wicker basket that you just go around the
household. What, you go around the house in
the bath? I know user both thinking.
Stone Weights. User both thinking User both
thinking. A bath chair is a chair that you
put into your bath. Yeah, and it isn't.
That can I be honest? It's a chair.
I take you to the bath. Out of that is what it is I
thought Chloe takes you to. Bath in my bath.
Chair. Out of all the wank sentences
you've said, you would think a bath chair is a chair to sit on
to have a bath, but actually it is not.
It consists of Wicker. See this by the way, see when I
did that earlier and you select me, do you know what I was trans
genuinely transported back to? So I, I went to three primary
schools, right? I mean I attended 3 primary
schools. Over his wedding anniversary.
I know. Just such a way I could really
see myself here. I'm touring the primary schools
of Kenmare. Just just she was up and says
would you guys like any knowledge?
Do you carry a deep sadness? Educations here.
I know right? I attended 3 different primary
schools. 1 was because we moved house so I changed from 1:00 to
the other when we moved house. Then I was physically abused in
that one and I changed and moved into another school.
Right, that's killed the crook. No, no, right.
No. Anyway, anyway, I carry a
sadness, all right. And we see Anne's primary school
satchel right now. Anyway I.
Who was the abuse from? But.
From a teacher said that anyway whenever I was in what I'm not
getting in this right, but anyway, whenever whenever I left
Saint Anne's, whenever I left with Anne's, I went to.
Your primary school teacher? Give me a titty twister.
Purple Nerval, other knuckles. You know, I don't know.
It's good. It's good.
Laugh at my my sadness. No.
Wait, what? This is the link.
See when I moved. Got nugget in the primary
school? So teacher, happy slapping you.
Know what I mean? Well, we fucking sorry, I'm
sorry, strawberry skin go busted.
Anyway, we we went we went. So whenever I went from Saint
Al. 'S they went more.
Fuck off whenever I changed from Saint AL's to Saint Coleman as
this happened in the first day or two.
Oh, by the way, who's that lead actor in Different Strokes?
Gary Coleman. Yeah, yeah, it's good.
Yeah. Who's former fellow manager?
Seamus Coleman, anyway? No.
What? Sorry, sorry.
Not Seamus Coleman. Chris Coleman.
Very good. Fucked it.
Anyway, I went.
I went to Saint Coleman's right. And sorry this happened where?
Did you apologise yourself halfway?
Yes, in the first, in the first couple of of days, I was doing
things that I had learned in Saint Ann's.
So in Saint Ann's at this time, if you wanted to answer a
question, if you wanted that you touch your consumption there,
right? As long as when you don't let
me. Whatever.
Whatever you're choking on, good.
Health, my lung. At this point it's like a
Resident Evil boss I don't fear but comes out of my throat.
Yeah, yeah, it's. Really the opposite.
So so I, you would and you would put your hand up right, right
and then of the teacher, chef Karen, you would stand up and
and speak an answer and then sit back down.
Obviously that doesn't I I thought every school did that
obviously right. And when I get in the
sinkholements, she asks a question and I'm trying to,
like, assert myself as king of knowledge in this new class.
And I put my hand up and she was just Karen.
And I go to answer and I stand up and everybody's just like,
what's this guy, I think. God, this guy's confident.
And then I gave the answer. It was correct.
I sat down and then and then and then I did it again later.
And the second time I did it, somebody literally goes.
Why is he standing? Up for her and everybody just
laughed and made a complete contact of me.
That's that's where I was transported to and.
That's why I moved to 1/3 primary school that.
Wasn't. No, it wasn't.
The third. Was that the last one?
Single month, yeah. Is your lungs OK?
Yeah, we're all good. Onto a deal Deal on FRESH AIR.
I went to I think 3 nursery schools if that's any.
That's way worse. That's all violence related.
In that I got expelled from two, yeah.
Imagine getting expelled. At what age?
Like two or two and three. Three and three and four, yeah.
For doing what? Punching people, throwing chairs
and teachers. I was a Bob Boy.
Did you think you were in the Royal Rumble?
No, people, I've spoke about this with you before.
People would not be my friend. Like I'd be like, you want to
play with me? They say no and then I just beat
the fuck out of them because I'd like why won't you be my mate?
Why don't you like me? Yeah, yeah.
Can I tell you something sad and
adorable, But me in primary school, couple things.
Number one, I still remember my first day of primary school,
which is mental. I went to primary school on this
very St top of Hollywood High Street.
Is it called something really boring like Hollywood primary
school? No, it's nursery show.
All right, OK. But I can't remember what it's
not there anymore. All right, it's called like the
magic roundabout. It wasn't that the categorically
wasn't that or had it didn't have any link to the magic
roundabout. So anyway, do you you would?
Have a master was a guy on springs.
We went to see him once. Do you remember what it was
called IS? There.
Something. Called Josie there.
Oh, I don't know anything like that.
Elisa, Elisa is your headmaster. Was a guy just on springs, Mr
Ebony? So my first day there, I was
hiding under a table. So I was just nervous and all
and scared. And they they said, what's your
name to tell everyone in the class?
And I said she and Todd so quietly but quickly they heard
Shento and told everyone this is Shento.
And I'd say for about four weeks I was Shento to everyone.
I was just shadow under the table, just this weird possibly
Romanian guy. Yeah, possibly also Japanese
summer. I'm asking another table that's
fucking unbelievable like. Shento And also at some point my
dad like volunteered there for a while, you know, like they got
parents in the help of breakfast.
And I remember he used to bring out the toast.
And I got so confused in my head because I was like, there is I
remember like saying trying to send him at that.
You don't believe there's this guy at nursery and he looks so
like you. That's crazy.
And my dad's like, that is me. And I started crying because I
got so sad because I couldn't in my head work it out that he was
my daddy at home and also this man giving out the toast.
And then it didn't like that he was giving other people toast.
It's like, stop taking toast off my dad.
I like shadows region. There's Shantos crumbs, yeah.
I by the way, nursery school toast was, I don't know if you
remember Foster, but it was in triangles and it was.
That's the unbelievable shame of toast.
Oh, it was just perfect. Yeah, that toast back there,
because there's probably things and they can't even put in bread
nowadays, but back then they were like, stick some out in.
Yeah, Made it really nice. Rivalled only by primary school,
sponge cake was nursery. School toast.
Here's here's See, nowadays the kids are probably what they're
probably having all, you know, gasp.
Creme brulee, yeah. Silly things.
See, back then, the food spoke for itself.
Yeah, where'd your sponge cake custard?
Did you ever did you ever get pink custard?
That was a good time, no? I don't think so.
Chocolate cake and pink custard. Yeah, I know.
Certain time, certain special days.
Ago was it? Was it the same flavour and they
were just doing that and. It was just, yeah, again, here.
Do you know what's good for kids?
Food day. I won't make them go mental in
the afternoon. Yeah, so.
Well, he's just fucking screaming the theme tune of The
Magic Roundabout. Fucking unbelievable.
Me and dessert favourite school dinner?
Well, me and dessert. Favourite school dinner?
I didn't really do school dinners.
I was a wee packed lunch boy. I was tuna and onion sandwich.
I would have been my. I mean, I know it was snack, but
it was. Unbelievable Mummy didn't pack
my seasoning today. I guarantee you to be seasoning
book. Your mom was just making that
long day. I'm going to ruin everyone's
nostrils today. Yeah, yeah, that was that was
definitely the the stinkiness sandwich.
Yeah, just a. Human stink ball.
Yeah. Or do you know, it was good.
I used to like, I used to like eat peanut butter sandwich.
I just like that. I hate peanut butter.
I hate the smell of it, makes me feel sick and it's intrusive.
If you have peanut butter in public, honestly I think it's.
Think you think that's intrusive?
Yes. More intrusive than a tuna onion
sandwich. I smells it.
Smell you open your skid bag. Smells like somebody's open the
bin. You know, Laughs, you know.
There was a guy called Garth in my primary school and I still to
this day, I'm like, Are you sure it isn't Garth?
Right. Yeah, but it's Garth.
I think Garth was a mistake. And then people just went on.
I should be Garth. Yeah, it's definitely Garth.
And he in P3 was playing with a bin at the back of school, at
the end of school, and something happened.
And whatever happened, a knife came out of the bin.
Oh, shit went through his cheek. That's fucking wild.
With Shento hiding in the bed. Oh, yeah, I, I, I don't know.
I don't know what happened. Taking close from my father.
I don't know what happened, but he was playing with a Ben and he
woke up with three ninja stars in the back.
I was half a mile away. With an S carved into his legs.
Don't know what happened. I liked you and I liked just
straight up sausage beans and chips.
Sausage, beans and chips was a good.
A good Curry, A good chicken Curry was hard to beat.
I, I don't even know that you know what you know to hear it,
though. In my in my in my last primary
school, the the the dinner hall was the same hall as like
assembly. How do you have CTA and you've
never? Fought it's it's well, it used
to be. Maybe cherish.
No, it was, it was. It was the same hall for
assembly, for dinners and for doing PE.
Yes, Sue. And so if you did PE in the
afternoon and they hadn't cleaned that place yet, you
could be in doing PE plan a bit. Well, they have a wee vapour.
Plan a wee bit of 5A side or do you know what the worst primary
school PE was they'd ever do this.
They'd ever put on an audio tape and it was like shit, like now
get down really low on your honkers and then stand up and.
Pretend that you have two schools.
Did he's ever get that crap? No, we had fitness, Freddy.
We come to our school. Here he he must live in
Hollywood. He must, because.
I think I'm the only person in Northern Ireland who's never had
the services of Fitness Freddy. I haven't.
This guy from from birth to pensioners, he's, he's doing it.
He. Was and he was less annoying
about it. You're right.
He runs out here in a pickup truck is a fitness Freddie
pickup truck. You know, because I heard
stories about this guy in the, in the in the early 90s and then
he's still 2023, still running about.
He's still going. It would just.
It would just put on. Fiddler.
Yeah, you get finished Freddie on Oh, I don't know anything but
100%. Is he a character?
I can't remember, I don't remember him since I've seen
him. Primary school right?
But I imagine so. He must have some stories.
He went around so many primary schools trying to make like we
chubby kids fit. Surely seen something funny?
Yeah. Oh yeah.
Yeah. Remember, like, do you ever do
pee though after that? And then our home, there's like,
yes, just like a wet boiled potato on the ground going.
Why did it used to be called apparatus?
We're getting the apparatus, so yes.
Apparatus. Yeah, that was like the those
big ladder things and all. Greenwood Primary School, where
I went, they got the apparatus at once.
The first week went there. The apparatus never came out
again, so someone must have died or something.
Do you know, I remember in in secondary school then apparatus
where they could use sometimes, but it was more like, what do
you know, like, you know, like the gym benches that have them
hooks on them. Yeah.
And like, you'd like attach the bench to the the ladder thing
and then like wrap the bench and stuff like that.
Fun. Joe used to know you've.
Never been to Pulma horse. Yes, not good on it.
Serious. So you tracked me as being like,
shockingly good at gymnastics. Like, surprisingly.
Good. I'm surprised.
I am surprisingly flexible. I'm like a wee lamb room.
I could. See you doing the dressage and
all the Olympics well. That was a great fish you've.
Just been, really. Good, we caught a meat that you
don't expect to be tender. But you know what?
I've never got a cut a meat and went is it good and flexible?
Is it that's? What we?
Spread the legs. You're like Turkey.
That's weird, I cannot do the splits and all.
I Sir, Sir, leave my. Eye like give fitness really a
week with. It people would think that I'm
if you're. Just walking around the bridges,
just fucking straight. People would think if I'm if I
was a cut of meat, I'd be one of the ones that you have to braise
low and slow to get me tender, but I'm actually already tender.
I'm like, I'm like a prime loin or something.
See, I'm like, I'm like a pork joint.
You have to boil me to get all the salt out of me first.
I'm like a rib, it's already been eaten, but a rib it's.
Like a wee bit of chicken. It just needs like in the middle
to say, as a Kirk, I know. Brendan sexually assault me but
through like me. You need like in the middle.
And what's the thing? I asked.
You do you gymnastics? You were like, oh, you'd think I
was good at it, or you're better that you thought you won't get.
Out. No, I'm not.
Get out. What's something recently,
another math thought you've had a wee bit like with Terrell
McKenna? I'd love to take a punch from a
boxer. I could take a punch from a
boxer to McKenna, somehow punch you in the arm and there to give
you full concussion, right? What's a thought you've had
recently? Because I heard from these guys
that you think you'd be quite good at tennis.
I'm good at tennis, but we haven't talked.
We should. We should do this.
I'm off this. Karen thinks he has a.
Natural A. Natural gift for tennis?
Yeah. He's never played tennis.
You look at Karen. What you think?
Tennis you look at? Yeah.
You look at me and you think it's 40 love.
I look at you and I think Marvel midnight release, but also
tennis that's. The best thing you've ever said?
Yes man, oh so good. Marvel midnight release.
Oh, it's fucking me up, man. Victory.
I have to earn my. Oh my SO.
Good. I'm so glad you laughed.
I thought you. Were that's that's absolutely
sensational. Oh Jesus, yes mate, that's
that's so good. You're like, thank God, he
laughed. Obviously he's not going to
attack. You don't have the energy
without 5:00 last night. Yeah, it's only three of them,
but yeah. It's not cooler to know how
many. I go to them.
That's the worst thing, so. So yeah.
So tennis was sort of through, through other parties was sort
of, I made an offer to you. How did it end up?
I was saying. I think was said play 6 sets.
No, no one set six games. The pros don't even play 6 sets.
There you go. You're shipping yourself now.
No, the the pros do the In the men's game, five sets would win
1. Set.
If one set, will play one set. Set, which is first to six with
a gap of two to win. Yeah, right.
Otherwise it has to go, you know, to Tybert or whatever.
If or you can win, you can win. Sure it will.
You can win 75. You're being too confident about
it. I think that's.
I'm a child prodigy. What?
You know you're not a child anymore.
You would just be a prodigy. Sorry.
I like Prodigy. I'm OK at tennis, yeah.
Did you play on a real court? Here's what I'm saying.
I've I've never played on a real court.
I've only played in my street, but I was king in that street
and it was flat. It was flat well.
Karen used to play with the peace well, peace well.
Like what was the? What was the middle of the
describes? The net It was a bike police.
Cordon man on the ground. Oh, it's the same as well.
No, no, it was a police. Cordon Man.
It's not about we. Played it over the head of the
soldiers and they were trying to shoot us at the same time.
What was the net conflict? I was saying SSR you see, but I
meant second serve. The ball, the ball would bounce
off the street and people would just shout Brits out.
It was, it was, I'm serious, I was, I was good and I will be
good again. Here's here's what I would like.
I would like to warm up rallies and then we'll get into it.
Right. OK, so we're going to play one
set, right? And what was the what did we
say? Was it for every?
For every. For every point, you do for
every. Point I take.
Yes, I would. Give a nominal fee. £20 to
charity. Say £20 right, Right and for
every. Example than I said before now.
No, no, it's. Less Less Good £20.
It's less than half, but let's say 20, right?
The confidence is done now because he's.
Yeah. I think you'll be now, yeah.
Didn't know. I didn't know.
You played on the streets, Maggie.
Yeah. Favela I I you're the ghetto.
Yeah. Wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't
play with shoes on and Andy time.
Murray. Andy Time this cold today he
doesn't even give up. He's just drinking coffee.
Oh so good. Andy Town, Murray.
The dumb Murray Djokovic go ahead.
Unbelievable. That's so good.
Anyway, I I yeah, Johnson. I I I think so.
So you have for every point I get you give 20 quiz.
Is it for every game he takes without a without you read that
without a point. I give 20 quiz or yeah.
Should I have to give more? Because no, that's for.
I might have to. No, but.
You could potentially end. Up.
I you won't. You don't think I'm going to?
Get a point I will. If I fault it's that's that's
huge. Confidence Are we playing in the
straight? Or on a court?
On a court assuming on the seaport.
Hold on what? What is the surface in Seaport?
Clay, what do you think? I would hope it's fucking.
Grass is it? It's not.
Go ahead, Big smoke you're thinking of.
Wimbledon, you maniac. Is it not?
Do you want to play in? Centre Court.
No, I just want. To take I take 1st court like
isn't gravel or whatever it is. Normal, normal local tennis
court service. You're saying that?
No way it's you know. What was the normal local tennis
court service for me? Carmack The same as the football
pitch we played on right tarmac. It's.
Tarmac, I wish you plan for all to my mom.
'S house. That's all I'm saying.
No, Mommy, look, I'm winning. She.
Wouldn't look like I. That's so if you need to.
Do a poo in the middle of the game, you can go into your
mommy's house. I would rather.
But yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't want to do a Paul Radcliffe and
just shout in the middle of the court like, you know what I
mean? Dragging her head moves I got
when she's. Taking a shit?
What do you mean why did it? Do that when she's run.
Yeah, did it. How do you?
Yeah, that's top. I don't watch.
I don't watch running if you're in the athletics from. 12 years
ago that's why did she run like Ray Charles when he.
Plays the piano. That's amazing also.
Rest in peace, that movie was great.
Was great. I haven't.
Seen it but Jamie? Foxx also might die soon so well
I hear that's bullshit. I I heard his daughter, his
family will be pleased to know. No, it's not his daughter's man.
Doctor Bartlett's on the kids. No, that's box.
Listen, there's a guy at Belfast.
Here he's done journalism, his daughter put.
Out a post and he's been out of hospital for a few weeks now and
he's getting better. That was saying that that was
like people don't monger and it wasn't real, but I don't know
what's true. He was playing pickleball.
That's that's I play. That like whenever I'm sure for
a couple of days that sounds like something.
My uncle, like that sounds like a game your uncle would make you
play. But you'll be secret.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't tell your mom we're
playing pickleball. Yeah, that's how you learn to
play tennis. We're playing bubbly deck.
That's why I lost. That's why I lost.
Out in nursery. Time for a game.
I don't want to play. Pickleball, leave me alone.
No speak, no speaking. Of games, yes.
We have some of the most. Iconic episodes of Tea With Me
are our game show episodes. They get competitive.
There's been accusations of foul play before, mainly from you.
Every time. Every time I win.
Anything. No, I'm called a cheater.
Well, that's interesting. Every time because.
Our. Tea With Me Mystery event will
be open the time this goes out. It will not be.
It will obviously not be. Did you play by the rules in
that? I did did.
You do by the rules you established.
Absolutely. Major Charles Ingram.
Oh, are we qualifier was I didn't know that everyone.
Thought I didn't. I absolutely did by the rules
you established. Me and Foster have not yet
reviewed. The footage, but we'll have a
look. We'll be review your footage.
Reveal and if you have cheated and if hypothetically it was for
charity, that money will be taken away.
OK from the charity. Here's here's.
It won't. We'll just ask Wally to.
Match it. Oh, that's good, you didn't stop
buying fancy. T-shirts in Belfast Go ahead.
No one. Has comment.
No one has commented on my new T-shirt, which I'm disgusted
about. The access is the juice, the
action is the juice from hate. I'm saying the.
Movie. I've seen it, but I.
Don't remember. Specifically, that's one of the
best lines in the whole. You know, for me the action is
the juice I saw is the juice. And Tom Sizemore RIPI.
Saw is the juice and thought you're.
Wearing an OJ Simpson T-shirt, an OJ.
Simpson T-shirt, who, By the way, he has tech talk now.
Have you seen it? No mental.
Yeah, he's just on. It people are being.
Like oh if you're going to murder this person what would
you do is like I can't possibly comment on murder and people
you're like you're going to go to gaol delete this account
hashtag lol. Literally, yeah.
So like we. Played some.
Grip board games for. It let's keep this above board.
Let's play this with integrity, with honesty integrity and made
the. Best man win.
This is pointless. I haven't really seen Pointless.
I don't really know what you're looking at me like how dare you.
And you're you obviously are a fan of it to describe the show
I'm watching a while before. Because I don't have TV, but
like, oh, you're so cool, man. You don't.
Have ATV, don't have ATVI, don't have.
TV huh? I have ATV but I don't have like
to get out of the licence. Fee he does.
I know I agree, but I don't. Use normal TV.
I use my. TV for you guys?
I don't. Have services TV licence.
Won't be picking up a few. Quid this week from the Voice
right so. So on you team, you told me.
You team Blue light a couple of I went, I went to.
A screening of that that I was invited to.
At this he'll. He'll only watch.
Terrestrial TV, if it's a screen and he's invited to I was
invited to another screen, but. We were are sorry.
We're going to be in London when it's on.
What is it? A documentary series?
It's coming up from here. Why was I not invited to?
I don't. Know they're like me.
When I go to we hangs like that. I get no you.
Get invited that. He hated that so hard.
I get invited to we hangs. I like.
We hangs I like because I love soft launch.
Do you know why have a We hang. For you do.
You know why you're an we reach. Engineer, do you know why you're
they call you the Openreach engineer because you like the
network. Don't know why they call me the
reach around. Engineer.
Well, I just like that. Because I like a reach around.
So the whole the whole thing we're pointless is.
It'll it'll. Sorry what?
What? Do you mean what do?
You how do you reach around it's.
What a moment of finish? What are you reaching?
A. A.
Do you? Know what a reach around is?
Yeah. But but may I ask is?
Are you sorry if I don't use your correct terminology?
Are you reaching a? What?
Are you reaching the penis around there?
No, You're reach around. No, no, no.
No, no. What do you think of reach
around is? Well, do you think you get?
You can like use it like a. Fucking binocular.
Is it like no, like an extension lead when you reach around?
The bottom of the couple or something and then I thought I.
Saw you bring bring what looked like a penis around a band and I
was wondering what's this band you're bringing it around or are
you are you bringing the deck back through the through the
legs? You're now just describing
someone. With a deck, no, you, you don't
bring the deck out. You reach around to the deck.
That's what a reach around is. So you're behind.
You're behind. It's almost.
It's called the rusty trombone for a reason.
I I love somebody over there just like Jesus Christ.
Sorry. Right.
Just go, right? Right, right, right, right.
I should say by the way. Like a I, I have a I I have a
when. I change, sorry.
At the risk of getting certain people excited, I have a hard
out at 10:30 here, so let's get the points.
But he's got a hard on now. That's what a girl calls a
bullet. A hard.
Out a wide on I let's play this the whole the whole thing.
Will point us by. Way is like the questions have
multiple correct answers and they've surveyed people.
So like out of 100 people how many people gave this answer?
But you're trying to find an answer that is correct but has
the lowest number of people. Got it.
So you're trying to get obscure answers.
OK, So for instance, if they said named players out of the
Man United squad in 1999, where's Brian?
And you said where's? Brian.
It'll be lower down. If you said Jonathan Greening,
you're probably. Getting pointless are like.
Right. OK, great.
That's what. You get you.
OK, So Stan, do we have cards and stuff?
But if you said Clint Blackmore. Right.
Incorrect. You're not like that anymore.
Yes. So do you guys want to ask?
Each other questions and then two of you can only play it once
or do you want me to ask questions in all three play?
I think we all all three play all. 3 playoffs Good.
OK, it's a three-way Reacher. Excuse me, why is the bug?
For a three-way Reacher like earmuffs, here's the narrowest
button on. That you say something about
numbers. Quite.
Hungry quite because you have the.
Narrowest butt. You're like chicken and also,
and I'm Speaking of. Eating them butts don't get them
excited, OK? So where the?
Counter. Started and who's there's ABC
Who's I should be C. OK for Karen, Karen.
And I will be A for androgynous and William can be B for.
Belly and. Are they starting on one you?
Can be B for? By and we belly belly.
So that's me. Where are the?
Counters starting on. One can you be?
Can you be a for? Ah, Shinto, where do you want
them to stop at the? Top of the world jewellery.
By the way, OK. Shanto, ah.
Shanto. Is that what you said?
Yeah. Thank you.
Nice. Very nice.
OK, so I'm. Getting.
Argento's where my Grande went after the Second World.
Go ahead, I'm going to. Give you a list.
Of film named after their title characters.
So you need to tell me who played the title character,
right. OK, I'm.
Confused. But who?
Who goes first? You can go first.
So Michael Clinton. Roster Cock Rooster Cockburn,
Mary Poppins, Alice Adams, Happy Gilmore, Annie Hall, Edward
Scissorhands and Shirley Valentine.
But what do you have to? Do with it name the.
Actor who plays the lead. Character in all of them or.
Just pick one, right? OK.
Adam Sandler and Happy Gilmore, Yeah.
Mary Poppins. 35I. Guess 35.
Yeah, but you want to get. As low as possible.
Yeah, no, I. Yeah, slow and steady wins the
race. I want to say Adam Sandler.
Is Mary Poppins the first person to reach the bottom?
Loses. Oh right, I don't want to do
that there. William.
I don't think I'll do well with. This I'm going to.
I'm going. To take a risk and say for Annie
Hall, was it Mia Farrow faulty I.
Don't understand? It was.
Not fuck. So what it was he?
Get he gets immediately get the. Bottom 100.
Started at the much. I took a rescue then then.
Pay off Karen Rooster, Carver and.
John Wayne, 21. Yes, getting.
Twike who did play anyhow. Diane Keaton?
Fuck. So.
What was what? Was the pointless?
Was there a pointless one in there?
Shirley Valentine. It was no Alice Adams, played by
Katharine Hepburn. Ah.
OK, so you stay on the score that?
You're on then. You stay there until you know.
You and she and answer the next one.
Oh, right. Well, he's out while he's.
Out. Oh, straight away I'm out.
We'll play a. Couple of games, right?
Yeah, sure. Let's see how.
We have a shootout. Annie Hall's A Woody Allen Film.
And that's where he met his daughter.
Wife was threw me a pharaoh, so that's where I went for that.
His daughter, his. Daughter, wife, his wife.
Yeah, his. Water.
His dife. OK, so our water.
Yeah. 3 seconds ago this question.
Is authors whose combined works sold more than 2 million copies
in the UK between the year 2000 and 2009.
Oh shit, right. There's no options so.
You have to just come up with them.
Oh shit. An author such.
A. Disadvantage.
Oh, I don't read books over 2 / 2,000,000.
Yeah. Harlan Coburn, do you turn in
the Professor Frank? From the is that your?
Final answer no. OK, Yeah.
No, it's not. Think about the.
Biggest fiction books or films that were going on?
John Gresham. Or no, actually Dan Brown.
Dan Brown is on the. List 14 yes called I don't.
Know the music from. It wasn't bad.
Oh, it'd. Be so shit if you.
Don't get this. You will.
You're in the books and all. You're weird.
George RR Martin. It's.
A good one. But also not on the list.
Fuck off. Yeah.
I know more book things than you.
Yeah, guess what? 6 people you can.
Yeah, I might get another guess. No, that's not how it works.
You're allowed to work. It doesn't work like that.
You're allowed to. Work it out, we're all.
His ones on the list. Maybe I didn't give a final
answer it. Could be this, it could be
neither have I. Absolutely.
Is it George or Martin? We'll call that a practise show.
And practise stuff. Oh sweet, I'm back in then.
I won. Oh yeah, you won.
The practise show. Oh.
That. Was Holland Cobel in there
though? Karen, eat my.
Bags, you can't even concede the practise round.
I want no, because I want to concede them.
On this look, look, that's how I know you're.
Insecure. He's watching.
Give us another. Answer squeal bottles.
Just for fun, give us another answer He.
Doesn't know in a Blighton. Me.
Where's your in a Blighton, Yeah.
What do you call it, Karen? Who's your dream, Dave?
Patricia Corn. I.
Like the wife. Yeah, that was on the list.
I'm what? How many?
Was Patricia Cornwell 3. You should have said it bit was
here. See if you're thinking another
one like a tip who was pointless on.
That list on you here. Here's my advice for the.
See for the next one. See if you think it's right.
Go with that. I all right, Mia Farrow.
All right, I'm not Mia Farrow. I'll.
Be cut my hand. OK.
Yeah, hold on. That's not like a little wife
saying if you ever cut your hand, you don't kiss it.
I know. Suck the blood, Karen, Suck the
blood. No, I don't know why I
immediately. Just want no what I mean if you
went. Suck the blood out of anything.
I'd immediately go no, I reacted.
To that the way. My dad would have reacted to is
there garlic on this? No, no, no, no.
Jim the Vampire. OK, good to go for another
round. And the vampire?
Yes, top my dab unbelievable. OK, so.
I'm looking for actors or actresses who've received an
acting credit in two or more official James Bond films,
starting from Doctor No through The Quantum of Solace.
So not the last few films. Did you say actress?
Actors or. Actresses.
Who's that weirdo guy? That does.
I shouldn't say I've got a good one.
See, I'm not into this. Whole bond thing, right well,
you can go first because I've. Made do you?
Want to go? First.
Nope. OK.
I've tried first for a. Reason there is no order in
which I go first. Can I go first?
Yeah, Samantha Bond, Correct. Three yes of your Dicks.
Is there a limit? To what James Bond films yeah
from? Yeah.
Oh, sorry. So 197 So what if I.
Can. Just.
Describe who this guy is and what he does.
But I don't know. I know what you're going to say.
I know what you're going to say, and I know his name.
Do you want me to predict this? Yeah.
Say what? No, because you're.
Going to give yeah say. What you think I'm going to say?
Gadget guy. Qi know his name, I think it's Q
Desmond Llewellyn. Something Qi know, are you
taking that as your final? Answer Yeah, but my.
Answer Yeah, no, I'm just going to say do.
Not I can't predict what I'm going to say.
I was. I literally predicted that I'm
Darren Brown. Like Desmond is correct.
Oh yeah, you, Darren. Brown or giving away giving away
the answers. You're Darren.
There's a good one. I think a pointless one.
What's that guy's name? Michael.
Somebody Stone. Michael It is pointless.
Arnold. Schwarzenegger.
Wasn't it what's no what's annoying me?
I can't give you the answer of Happy Gilmore's boss.
Here's a good one. But the guy that played Happy
Gilmore's boss, and I can't remember his fucking.
I can't think of him. He played Jaws.
Oh well, yeah, I. Cannot remember the.
Fucker's name? Richard Kale.
Richard Kale is. That your final answer, William?
Yeah. Correct.
Somehow I ended up being like in the middle.
I give all those answers. What's that guy's name?
Michael. I do like subscription.
We're being so devious. Or as you're going, Karen,
what's the answer? You give it, then we answer.
You're like wankers, Karen. How many magic beans?
Have you been sold today? What do you call?
A guy Michael Michael G Wilson Michael Wilson.
OK, done. OK, stand with films.
Feature films that were made for a cinema release for which Hugh
McGregor received an acting credit prior to April 2011,
right? Now I know.
There's the obvious. One yeah.
So I don't want to go with that. I I don't know a lot of Hugh
McGregor films, so I'll just go with, I'll just go with Moulin
Rouge if you play. Correct 23.
Yes. William.
I'll, I'll. Play it safe and I'll go with
The Phantom Menace. 17. I don't know.
I don't. Know you want lower or higher.
You want lower. Number the better shallow grave.
That was Jack Block, no? I'm taking a shallow hall.
Jack Lock and Trainspotting it better be on.
Shallow grave is not on. The list.
I'm addicted to the skag. Don't fuck me down, I can.
Already say what's on the card. Ah, Karen.
Karen, if you tell me it's something.
Like shallow graves, I will kick you to death anywhere.
Look at the card. It's.
Not no. He's definitely.
I'm I. Demand another.
Guess. And that's a disgrace.
Relax, Trump I. Demand a recount.
Hold on, wait. I can pick another one.
Does anyone judo cream for Karen?
Sweet bum. Not how it works.
I'm disgusted.
If you can pick. If you can pick the pointless
one, I'll give it to you. All right, Actually there's.
Two pointless ones. Yeah, I didn't even make.
It out of nursery skin. You're losing to me, Karen.
Your Cocker it is. Hope you're better.
See, we used to play Pointless on the street.
I don't know. Up to 2011, I don't know if this
was out before that, but the island, you've already said
that. Wasn't pointless.
It was. Correct, but not pointless.
I'm 14. Disgusting.
I'll take my medicine. I'm looking up fucking his Andy
because he's in shell. Oh no, get your phone away a
minute. Because you're cheating?
No, but I'm out. I'm out.
Anyway. OK football clubs.
That played in any of the professional football leagues in
England during the 2010 eleven season.
That has Toyne or City in its name.
So you're looking for the most obscure.
Toyne or city? OK.
You want to go first? Yeah.
Fuck, I'm going to take a pump on this.
And it could. Be wrong, go ahead.
Well, no. Because I don't know if they
were in the Football League, I'll go Grimsby, Grimsby time.
He's not started the question, hasn't he?
No. Grimsby is not.
On the list? Manchester City.
Fuck off. That's correct, but. 84 doesn't
matter, it's correct, I went. Thank you all.
The way down near the. Bottom, but yeah.
But you're out? Sure.
Oh, I don't understand. Well, he wins well.
He wins. Always the pointless I.
Was going to go Fleetwood, right, sorry.
Just just check. What's that on you?
McGregor's Andy be screen one and then be in.
Human. You're we Dick Shallow.
Grave if it's not, on, this if it's not.
On the card I can't give it to you.
OK, look, we'll start again, give you another.
Chance you've just been outwitted by two simple.
Guys. Oh, you eat Dicks?
If it's not on the card, you lose another game.
You actually lose. Your PhD.
That's the rules and. And one of us get it.
Yeah, we split it. I just have people I take.
The day. OK.
Feature films made for. Cinema release for which Denzel
Washington has received an acting credit prior to November
2011. Can you go first?
Because you're stupid? Yeah, yeah.
Now do you know who he is? Denzel not.
Only feels your thing that. Denzel only films and horses.
Devil in a blue dress. Don't fucking do this to me.
These are these are fucking big films like.
It fucking is. That's what Karen just to.
Say I'm gonna, I'm gonna. Burn this place to fucking girl.
That's what's gonna happen. This is up there with.
Dave on on episode 2 of Noble it is this is but I am being.
Stupid ripped open. See.
This is see. Instead of burning the place
down, how? About you answer a question,
right? No, that's the fuck because I'm.
Actually giving you. Do you know how pointless my
answers are? They don't even know.
Yeah, yeah. These are we Dicks now.
Yeah. Yeah.
Glory is glory on there, Don. Oh, he's clutching the source.
Yeah. You can only have one.
Dan, OH. Dan, I'm next.
Harm's way can. I go, Oh my God, I, I, I'm going
to answer. I'm going to answer glory.
No, I actually I think I'll go with sorry, I saw Dan saying no.
That was wrong. So you're right.
I saw that. No, I'll go training then.
No. Absolutely not, but I think.
It's not glory. Isn't on training day.
Training day is not on it. What?
Am I going to win in a row? I'll go with the equaliser I
was. I.
Not before 2011. I don't know any dance I.
Was on the car here. Put your phone away.
No, no, because I just I'm. I'm American gangster.
Why are you looking? Up big tits.
How is that going to help you? He's taxing.
Fitness Freddie, I need to burn off his anger tonight.
Get the hello. Oh, because if no one has said.
It Kieran, what does? It get in the list.
I don't know how. Yeah, it should be, yeah.
Because it doesn't. It does get on the list.
Get on the list. I've checked OK, doesn't get on
the list. Let's try one more and see how
we go with this one. UK Top 40 singles released by
the bands Coldplay, Snow Patrol or the Arctic Monkeys singles.
Top Top 20. Singles.
Did you say Top 40? Right I.
Will go 19. 95 fuck. All this with this is sorry.
I'm being. What's the word I'm?
Being gaslit by this game, that's what's happening.
Don't say Morrison being gaslit helping to listen to you, fuck
sake. I'm going to go quite niche.
Don't. OK, I want that.
I'm. Going to go with go your.
Own way? No, I'm.
Going to go with. Teddy Pecker.
By the Arctic Monkeys. Oh, I.
Wasn't single. That is correct one.
Fuck, I didn't even think that's.
Very good. That's very good.
One. So here I got 1.
Is that really good or is that Wick?
Oh, I forgot, is that good? It's really good.
IMDb make sure he's right. Probably.
Don't have an IMDb? What that 40 singles by Coldplay
Snow Patrol. Or the Arctic boss.
I can't. I have.
I have one I bet. It's not on the list.
Well then say one list you got points, don't.
Panic by Coldplay Feel good? Are you serious?
Don't. Panic.
No one's ever heard of the bro. So I got sing a bit of it, no?
All. Right now the.
Phone's back. Phones.
Out, he's texting Chloe. I'll need.
More cuddle time later, I'm texting Chris Martin to ask him
what the fuck is going. On I'm looking it up.
Save us, says I I'm. Being serious.
Save Us says it was a Top 40 single in the UK.
What are you going to do? I'm not plan, I'm literally.
I'm I'm here it. Is single.
It's definitely single in between trouble and in my place,
so it was the last single. My answer is literally going to
be trouble for Foxy. You still can't.
SIT DNA charts. Yeah, it.
Went it. Went.
Straight in number. 100 and. 30 that's top 200 that.
Counts, Karen. There's a humble pie cooking
downstairs your. Name on you idiot.
You completely. Did you get lobotomized and came
there? No, because those films are.
Real. And they're definitely they're
theatrical releases. I am.
Not a dickhead, I'm fucking. Disgusted.
I'm going to go. With Trouble by Coldplay
trouble. Is correct.
Well done. When I also.
Asked right 33. I didn't.
What was it? 33 Yeah.
I didn't want to say because I don't know if I know the.
Name of the song. Set fire to the third bar.
Yeah, that never stops Kieran. I'm glad I didn't.
Go with that because I don't. Know if I if?
I was taking another one. I'd say chocolate by.
Snow Patrol. Is it on there is what, Sir?
Chocolate by Snow Patrol? Probably not.
That's my. That's.
My. Favourite.
Sorry, Karen's gone. Along is it not on there?
Do you know what? He tried to do, sorry.
Do you know what he tried to do? He tried to salvage something by
going I might have said this one too, and it's also I hate this
game. What's?
Chocolate go like again. Fucking Amazon smell like
chocolate Chocolate. This could be that's.
A fucking great song. Yeah, I love it.
And then we really have to. Go away from here.
It's not called Sapphire, the third bar.
No, that's that's absolutely no, that's not the one I.
Said Sapphire, the third. Bar the third bar me down yeah
long. That's great this game.
What have you done to me? But that's with.
Martha Wainwright so it might not be.
Steve Martin Films. Is the next can?
I play anyone. No, you're out.
Nah, sorry. It's me.
It's. Just the guys that got right.
Films which had a cinema release for which Steve Martin.
Had received an acting credits including voice artist up to the
end of 2010. Oh, no.
Oh. Not that, but some somewhere.
So should I be going? For something niche down how
many how many are on your? I think roughly there's like 10
or 12 I think. One that you like a lot, I am
going to go to win this. OK with did you you give him
answer? No, no.
Do you know what doesn't matter. I'll go 3 mingles.
That's good. I was going to say 3 mingles.
That's good. I think you should go for one
you really like recently. I will go with.
Oh yeah. If you're travelling.
Somewhere you may, I will go. With a little shop of horrors.
Oh. Wow, that's.
Very good bastard. 1. Yeah.
Suddenly. See more.
I'm. Going to bastard anyway because
the bed. It's not on there but if I look
it up, he did it. I was literally simple twist of
fit, not even looking. I'll let.
William, answer 1st and then we'll come back.
To that bastard, that was literally my answer.
I'm so annoyed. You should just say the same
words I just said. Little twist of fit.
Yeah, yeah, Little. Twist of fit.
Little twist of fit. For me to win, is it little
twist of fate? Sorry William, that is not on
the card. It was.
A simple twist. Of that was a point, yeah.
So that little shop. Speaking of simple, Karen,
thanks for playing. I hate.
This game John annoyed me. He is yet a game won the panel.
I was like, I can't even. Speak I knowledge is part see
earlier when I was getting coffees.
I was telling people in Joxer we were.
Going to be playing something today I didn't know what it was
and I went I went I hope it's quiz based and they went I'm
sure you'll win and I and I went thank you but I'm not so sure
see when he goes back and it's going to be like when he comes
back in the. Joxer with a shotgun later Be
like how to? Go Kieran, I'm carrying a
sadness. It's like, it's like game of.
Thrones are just throwing sausage at you.
Shame shame Karen naked getting Celtic.
This is the worst TV the board game game.
I've ever played in my life. See, if you'd won, you wouldn't
be saying that. Yeah, I played.
General effects, it's a way worse game.
This guy's been on fire though. Now then.
Down alone we've. Been recording for because I
actually can't see the clock almost an hour. 59 minutes.
Guys, just just just to take us up to a minute.
Yeah, the question everybody wants to know when we go to
London, what will we do for dinner?
No, we've two options. And I'm willing to just say, you
know what I always say nondos? See, instead of that, I think we
should go the five guys in here for a delicious slap up Chinese
meal. Who says no if we go to that
place we went before in Leicester?
Square in Chinatown, right? Shantel can get us a table, see
how much time we have done. Time is a construct.
I'm telling you now. Even if we're.
Late. It's worth it for this time.
What time is the border? I think it's a half seven start.
I mean after a late. Night delicious.
Slap up me. That's what we did last.
I'm excited. Sat down at about 10:30.
I love that clip. Get your hands off my yes.
Yeah, I've done. It's just Chinese.
Is democracy manifest? Ohh.
So good. So good late night delicious.
Stop up me, we'll have the pot over as.
Nine people will have been there.
It'll be a beautiful time. We'll get napkins.
It'll be the whole thing. Oh yes, I see.
You know you're judo. Well.
You ever play board games with that guy?
He's a nightmare. I see you know you're Cluedo.
Well. It's still big.
It's still big here. So shit, this guy, Willie T.
Plug the Oster Hall show. Me.
Yeah. Oster Hall come.
See me live, I'm doing jokes and shit when. 4th of November
Tickets on sale Tickets on sale They're flying.
So come see me. Keenan Bartlett, SSE mate.
SSA. 24th. 24th of November. Come see it.
It's going to be new. It's going to be fresh.
You're going to be, I'll be, I'll be worn clean clothes and
all. What a treat.
I won't wear this T. Shirt because nobody gets it.
I'm on tour in a lot of different.
Places take a tour in the bio of my social media pages.
Operations coming up soon. I thought come along.
Yeah, yeah. Holy shit.
Yeah. Come along.
Friends. Enemies, thank you for watching,
thank you for listening. Appreciate it.
Go to patreon.com if you want more stuff from the winner and
his friends. Good day.