I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like how we're hosting of comedy
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New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that only features
drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, little old she and Todd.
Before we get stuck in to another episode, another one,
let me just give a big shout out to our sponsors.
But before all, before I did that, let me plug
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The line UPS have been sent from heaven with our brilliant guests
and we're going to continue to do that.
My guest today and I are doing a show in London next weekend at
Leicester Square Theatre. Some tickets are still
available. I'm warning you, it's going to
sell out. My guest is Colin Gettis, the
man behind Lavery's comedy club I Am Fighter.
A lot of phenomenal comedy throughout the years and a good
mate of mine. I did his podcast last week he's
doing mine this week and that's just what we love to see.
We're going to have a lot of fun on this enjoy this episode of
the TV podcast with my friend Colin get us also pitch on the
com such TV me podcast if you if you let God do you.
My guest is Colin get us Colin. We've got to kick off talking
about the big story. If you're on, we've got to talk
about Messi leaving Barcelona I. Mean when he when he got on that
podium and cried, I was so erect.
It was like, you know when you leave a summer scheme you need
to do a summer scheme and you make new friends and you go,
we'll always stay mates and then you just never see them again.
I just, you just care. I just prowled around summer
schemes just like a lone wolf because I would just, you know,
you pick three sessions. They're like, do you want to go
swimming, play football, whatever.
And I would just go play football every time and smash
people, run through them and leave.
At the end of the day, we're about fucking 34 goals.
In the back in your early 20s. I've essentially looked the same
for about 21 years now. Yeah, I feel like who are you
here to pick up kids? It's one of your taxis.
That said summer schemes. I mean, if you thought I'd know
you're probably paying 250 a day, unlimited activities and
refreshments. Like that's unbelievable that
now I. Wonder how much a summer scheme
is now? It's probably 40 grand.
Yeah, like when our kids eventually go on Summer Games
plus with health and safety. Oh yeah, They'll not be allowed
to do anything, you know what I mean?
It'll be like arts and crafts and.
Oh yeah, they'll be doing like we're doing.
Yeah, sign language, just like what's like virtual football.
Yeah, everyone's got the goggles on.
What other bullshit do you do? Not touch gaming, just gaming.
I I always made friends the summer scheme and then vowed
that we would always stay in touch and then just never, just
never did. I'll see you next summer.
Yeah, I remember there was a guy called Stuart McGee I became
mates with and he wrote, he wrote his number down, which is
kind of, you know, forward, but he wrote Smart McGee so I never
phoned him. Instead of Stewart Mcgay instead
of Stewart Mcgay. Ironically, not so smart.
No, no, no, not at all. Thick Mcgay.
Summer schemes were so good so. Good.
Yeah. And there was always, you know,
there would, there would just be, there would have these like
leaders that were like probably 17.
Yeah. And you were always like fuck.
Look at her. Because she's remotely older.
Oh my God. And she fancies me.
That actually happened to me one time.
There was some summer scheme thing and they were like should
you join our table, whatever. I remember sitting down with us
a bit of food and like pulling up the edge of the table.
There's all other kids and like 2 leaders and like my knee
touched her knee and I was like well someone's pregnant now, you
know what I mean? And it's not her.
I just remember like fucking freezing on the spot.
I was like, well, what happens now?
How's summer scheme? I remember doing a football
summer scheme and the guy who ran it, my dad picked me up and
then we saw the guy who was running it and the guy goes,
this your son and my diagnose, I was watching him today goes he
didn't play too well. He goes I get my Dick and he
gets back to the house and the guy got deadly serious.
I was like, don't be hitting the kids to my dad was like very
much made a point of life. We hit them here.
Yeah, yeah. Or it's safe, that's what I'll
hit him a Dick. Yeah, the guy was like, no,
don't you know what I mean? As if like.
This your dad fucking no shut down.
Yeah, you missed. Do you think when your son gets
older place maybe play sports and things like that, what sort
of die will you be? You'd be like, just stand back
or you reckon you'd you know. Well, I saw a clip of it was
like college wrestling in America and one guy left the
other guy and sort of unnecessarily drop them a bit on
his head, nearly that aggressive and the die comes out from the
sideline and just spear tackles under the floor.
That'll probably be me. Yeah, just fucking empty some
teenager. If someone did the my son, I
would just be I bet you do his mom over e-mail after you know.
Over e-mail? Not even in person.
No what's? Your home life like horrible
state as comp but I said he like, you know, Eddie got a wasp
on his arm and I near kicked his arm off.
Yeah, yeah. You know, he's trying to be
protective. Nearly killed him.
Yeah. I mean, the difference there is
if that was the case, I just make sure I'm OK first.
Yeah. And then I'd be like, OK, are
you all right? You know, it's because it's like
that's, that's what you're supposed to do on a plane.
Wasp lands on your wife, you throw the baby at her.
Yeah. I don't know if you've seen
pictures of them, but I. Wouldn't be able to throw a
weights belt I. Wouldn't be able to throw them,
yeah. Trying to get them off the
floor. We're doing a gig in London.
We're going to in in like a week and a half, two weeks.
Do we have anywhere to stay yet? Just.
Drop in my head. Just drop this guy's name in my
bed. I think the closer you get to go
in and then you book it, don't worry that'll but that's they're
trying to get you by making this book early.
Well, I've thought a lot about that.
That's how I was thinking recently.
And then I tried to book like a stag day for someone, right?
Nightmare Is this a new freelance service you're
offering? Who, you going on the stag or
you? Just don't go on the stag.
Yeah, my contribution so far was we just got a lot of shed
shirts. Yeah, yeah.
Where where you having it? The North Coast don't give too
much away. OK, what was the rush?
Or is it government state? What's that sketch?
Yeah, the North Coast. Can't really say where, but
like, you know, it's going to be one of a couple of places.
Balamani, I love stags. I don't think I've ever been on
one. Yeah.
Yeah, they're just, I think when you, I think if you went to one
when you were younger, it'd be like carnage.
But I think once you get to about 30 and you go on a stag,
it's a right amount of fun. It's a right amount because if
you wrapping it up by 10:00 PM. Yeah, if you said something like
I'm having a nap before we go out here, it wouldn't be like
fucking. Well, Dave went became on my
stag and was I think the only one with a baby at that point.
And we arrived and he was like, you know, he had what he calls
his party shades on it'd. Be awkward at the stag just
carrying a baby. Around he had the Hawaiian shirt
and he bought bought himself a bottle of Bok fast as soon as we
arrived. All these grand plans.
And then he reaches up an hour later, he's like here, I'm going
to have a nap for a while. And then he seemed to nap for
the three days and nobody can understand it.
And I was like, what are you doing?
And I think Holly's daughter was only maybe like 6 months at this
point. I was like, come on, you're in
New Yorker, like, let's go out. He's like, I physically can't
and he got so much abuse for it and then as soon as that a kid I
was like, I absolutely understand.
Like he. Didn't have the energy.
To go out, he just didn't have the energy.
He saw a bed, realised it was his for three days and went
well, I could go on a pedal with 19 guys or I could just sleep
here. So he just slept.
That was like the time my dad got an operation on fire whose
veins on his legs and they literally were like, we really
struggle to wake you up there, Paul.
And he was like, I was just fucking knackered, you know what
I mean? Hospital bed themselves.
He's like shaking them and all you dead, Mr Cattles, these if
you've locked off, I'm slapped in for 22 years, you're.
Just asking for more shit to be done.
Take a look at my bollocks right over here.
Take that leg off. I don't really.
Take it, go back in and check. I don't know what's going on.
I The last time we went away was probably Raffle.
Probably raffle all those years ago or no, maybe Galway.
Yeah, what? I like that.
Was weird too. Like, I feel like we need to go
somewhere where you can actually enjoy yourself.
Yeah, the Galway thing was like, morning was about to have a baby
and I was like, right fucking. I remember you, she like just
like literally about to have a baby.
You were in Galway and I remember you were maybe
organising her to like come down like at the train down and
you're like, look, if she has a baby, I could just drive back
sick 4 hours. I have palpitations for that.
And I knew I was like, it's going to happen as soon as you
hit stage. I don't want to, you know, bring
up the word hormones, but women be crazy, you know what I mean?
Around that sort of time, it's like, do you want to?
I was like, do you want to go to this?
You know, we can stay in a nice hotel.
It'll be lovely. And she's like, no, no, it's a
bit late, whatever. And then as soon as I was down
there it was like, I think we might come up on the train and I
was like mental behaviour. And it was on the last day.
I was like, I'm basically coming home tonight and you're going to
come up. Today we went for so many nice
walks and that you know, it's funny out after gigs.
Like, obviously at festivals, you meet up with other
comedians. You see each other for the first
time in a couple of years. You have drinks.
I remember every night going back to the hotel and you'd see
comedians going out for the night.
Yeah. And then nothing made me
happier. And I was like, you'll be paying
for this tomorrow. Oh, yeah.
You know, just getting them for that half 10 sleep.
I know it's you're very like I I struggle to contain it right.
You know the what you know. Like of course I would love to
fucking rager every. Single night and I struggle to
make it look like I want to do that Oh yeah You know, I give
the impression I'm like Oh yeah, we'll go she.
Does a lot of that, yeah. That was like the.
Blowing out cocaine. Sorry, goes everywhere I chew
Crohn's. You know what?
I mean. Fucking I'm always, I'm always
putting poppers into a plant pot.
Oh yeah, no, lovely. That's why I'm going back early
just now. Poppers in a bath.
Here, tell you what I don't know.
I think it's banned. I remember having the flu one
time having couple of night nurse.
Oh, I think you're going to say and someone recommended pop.
No, I'm just talking about, you know, safe drugs you can take in
the home, please. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And a couple of night nurse and got a bath.
Nearly couldn't get out of the fucking bath.
Yeah, it's fucked. Just thing we're like the same
thing with your dad. Just real, just real drowsy.
Good to get the head. Shot in it.
London's going to be. London's going to be a lot of
fun because when I go do gigs, I know how you travel.
When you travel, you go to your school, you bring an opener
sometimes, well, which makes it easier.
I like my own company. What do you mean definitely not
easier? What do you think?
Let me bring a fucking 6 foot two child with me.
Do you need the toilet? Strapping in an old plane and.
Can we? Can we an extender please?
Does he sit on his knee in the plane with his own his own belt?
He sits on everyone else's knee. Everyone's knee on the fucking
row. But it's that thing of like, I
like my own company, but there's such a lead up to gigs, you
know, there's like 3-4 hours beforehand to go back to hotel.
Do you sleep for an hour or what do you do?
So it would be nice to just be together.
Just chill out, Yeah, I mean you.
Want to do a ghoster or something?
No. Ghost.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Haunted.
London, the height of it will be like go out the front of the
hotel and go, do you want to go such?
And that's not be like, yeah, but we could also just go to
this Starbucks. Do you Remember Me?
You and Mickey went to Glasgow for a gig and went to see a
movie at half 10 in the morning. Brilliant.
And the movie was 10 out of 10. It was differ from American.
Pie the goon. Yeah.
And it was like an ice hockey movie.
Massively underrated movie it was.
Class yeah, I was like, this is the best.
And then we came out of that being like, let's, let's go to
this gig. And then we're like, it's half
11 in the morning. I tried that again a few years
later. Right.
I want to see Venom, right? And I just, I just remember
getting about 8 phone calls during it in the morning.
Like I had to go out and be like hello, yeah, I just missed the
whole movie really. Yeah, I don't think I missed
much, but. Me and Dave were at the Fringe
and went to see anything that was on real early in the
morning, and we couldn't check in yet.
And it was a movie. It was like about twisters, but
hurricanes. And there was just a real
emotional storyline. And me and him both nearly cried
during it, and I just weren't right for the rest of the day.
So yeah, I think we should do like a dot like Nilescomb.
We should do a dungeon tour. He'll probably want to go to
Harley Street and get fillers or something.
You know, like get a little bit of rearrangement done on the
face. But.
Get a bit of tox. Yeah, a bit of Botox.
But I don't know, like what's your, what's your vibe like?
What do you see? Do you see us like?
I mean, my vibe is like, you know, let's do exciting things,
but then the reality of London is you get on 2 tubes and you're
just like, I wouldn't need cocaine now.
Yeah, that's why everyone in this city is on.
Gear Alton Towers like. A knock?
Where's that in London? Don't know, that's a challenge.
You're like, let's go. Where do you want to go,
Butlins? It's where's in London, but it's
like it's England, you know what I mean?
Like it's like Belfast. We could get to it, We could get
to it. I'm sure there's something like
Brighton. Yeah, yeah.
That's. Just a trip somewhere.
OK. What we'll do, I don't know.
I'll tell you right now, we'll just go for like 2 pints
somewhere. Yeah, yeah.
They'll be like get a carvery and then not not do the gig.
Carvery Yeah, Where are you, fucking Tyrone?
I bring my own plate. They're like Partridge 12 inch
plate. Bring your own fucking bread,
probably. Last Oh yeah 100% be bringing my
own bread. Will you break?
Will you bring any supplements with you know, will you bring
anything with you to on this trip like fucking sachets of.
I'll bring a sachet of almond butter from a.
Almond. Butter.
Yep, from a porridge in the morning.
Need to get oats? You put the butter.
In the porridge, No. I get something to do for me,
but I have it. Yeah.
Almond butter and porridge. Porridge, berries, banana,
almond butter. Straight in.
Mix it all together. Oh, right.
Sorry. I was getting very confused
there. What were you thinking?
I'm like peanut, like a nut butter.
All right, I thought. I thought it was like some sort
of butter replacement. Just me with a big pound of
Curry made walking through London.
Got to get the cows in somehow, you know what I mean?
And yeah, I know it's going to be fun.
Leicester Square Theatre, which is like any event, any times
we've done London before, like separately or?
Together. So did you say your agent was
going to come and then he had to leave by 10?
Something like that. Something like that, Yeah.
Have you met this guy before? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's his name? His name is well, I don't know.
He's just he hang. He's from Soho.
Just a guy that's come to see me and says he's got big plans.
No, yeah, no. I'm.
Going to get you some good work. Yeah, no, no, no.
Yeah, He's going to abroad. He's going to come see the set
because I did that thing of thinking, well, anyone who lives
in England can just come to the show and it'll be handy.
And then he's like, I live 100 miles away or whatever.
So, yeah, see my set go because she'll start half nine.
Yeah, that's late. Does he want to hang around and
get in our client? I'd get the photo like if you
could maybe lose like fucking 50 lbs and get hair transplant,
come back looking like fucking Harvey Price because I, you
know, I would get an offer. What a die.
Last week in the studio, I see of Jordan Robinson's head did.
You wash it first. That was my concern.
Luscious, Luscious. Luscious.
Yeah, real nice. And I'll tell you what I'm going
to say this very clean ears. Really, very clean ears.
Yeah. You probably know if you're
going to get your head shaved on a podcast, you will do a bit of
work beforehand. But like, Oh yeah, real nice.
I've got very clean ears. It's all right.
No hair? There's no.
Is that what? You're going to say to my agent.
One of my main pleasures in life is putting one of those cotton
blood things down my pesser and then.
I couldn't do that in a million years.
Put it in yourself. No, no, I'd be a fear, like
hitting something like a wee bit of my brain or you know.
There's plenty. There's a bit more to travel
before it hit your brain, you know what I mean?
Fuck sake. No, it's a nice feeling but I've
I've never had any do. Your eyes go back up in your
head like the undertaker when you do it.
Yeah, because you're like, oh, at the same time, that's the
thing. If you had a cotton button, your
ear, you'd get like sucked off and figured in the ass.
You would just die of pleasure. That's where you want to go?
Yeah, like. On the top like Elvis and I'm
not eating. I'm just like 2 of them coming
over here. You go for a COVID test.
Every day I arrive on my own. Like in my ears already.
Go ahead. I haven't had a COVID test yet.
That's all right. You want to get one.
Yeah, you shaved his head. What was he?
What was he donating? The two fucking?
Princesses trust, I think, which is like they they make wigs,
kid, they make wigs, which is very nice.
He said to me. He said to me it has to be at
least nine inches. Right.
And I went What about the hair? I am so.
Comedy, you know. I did my own COVID test for a
while a couple of times and then had to get it done and the
difference in the amount of application you put into your
own and then when someone does it the railway is night and day.
So I was like this is fine why are people complaining?
Got it done somewhere before like travelling and the cotton
but had my tonsils and nearly vomited and a lot of people.
What were you done before? Just like put it in.
You're also like. Oh, yeah, touch.
I don't have, like, touching it just a bit.
And they're like right up there. Yeah, they're Stephen, Stephen
Davis, you know, fully, like fully.
Go for the wee bit of chalk, yeah, but no, the the when.
When it's done properly, it's absolutely brutal.
Do we have to do anything ahead of London?
Do you have to like register in something or something?
No, no, no, no, no. We just got to show up and look
good. OK, That's all we've got to do.
Have you had any weird airport sort of things in your?
There's nothing, There's nothing.
You just travel as normal. I think it's if you're going
somewhere far, you know, if you're going, if you're going
Turkey. In the far away.
If you're going far away, but if you're going closely close, you
don't have to do anything. It's just normal.
Class never tell you about the time I was coming through
Belfast International which if they knew I'd be happy with the
guy. You know there's like the ex cop
on the fucking podium. Pretend that he's a policeman.
All right with that podium. Well this dude was like.
You mean as you as you walk? There's like a fake cop who
probably like was drinking on the job and they're like, we
can't sack you, but you fucking you can work in the airport for
your sins. He's like, could you stop this
way, please, Sir? And I was.
Like that's how they all. Talk.
Oh yeah. And I literally had a bit of
camera gear with me and all and I had to take everything out and
they were all fucking hoping through it and then stuffed it
all back in. The guy goes, do you start with
her place, Sir? And I was like fucking here we
go and I walked over and he goes here there's a rumour that to
buy the blenders loose in the airport.
I was like, I hope 9 ISIS walk behind me and fucking bomb this
shit hole and it's your fault Derek.
And I was literally like short rude to him.
Like I was like rude to him. I was just like, OK.
How does he think? How does he want you to respond
to that? I don't know, but it's probably
one of the scenarios if you're just like fuck off with like if
you're perfectly within your rights, just like get the fuck
out of my face. He'd be like, here, let's let's
not attitude. Stop resisting.
I'd like it if he went like through.
So he kept you for an hour and a half before he said that, you
know what I mean? Like full cheques, how many
searches and then said it? I've had that a few times, You
know, like someone's, you know, fucking finger in your asshole
in that tube. And then they're just like, love
the videos, by the way. Oh, right, yeah, like.
What do you think of? What do you think I'm smuggling?
Through here. Yeah, Panther.
To Glasgow, yeah. Excuse me Sir, I seem to have
found a lot of punch lines in your pockets.
I'll be like, that's joints. Anything to declare ponds you
know How many do you want? And they're like, I used to do
material about it, but everybody, I mean, in that
airport, I mean, you wouldn't get a job anywhere else, like,
right, You wouldn't be qualified.
I go city. I just go to city.
Yeah, it's less hassle. Shutter planes, less hassle.
But like cuter places, there's never anything good in airports.
You know, you might get the odd JD Sports or something like
that, but that's why. Dixons are like a Dixons.
Are we Dixons? Is good you get yourself a Jack
or something. Now I bought the What do you
call them? It's gonna say waterproof.
What do you call them? The sound cancel headphones the
wrong place. I got sound cancel and
headphones in there one day and it was like it was the best
purchase of. International Airport, Yeah, I
did the exact same thing. Fucking the guy switched them on
that just. I heard nothing.
I was like, what was him doing? Unbelievable.
And then just like it changed air travel for me forever.
Yeah. Because you were on a plane like
it, it makes you a bit more stressed because it's like
everyone's talking about and he just, it goes away and you're
like, I'm just sitting on a seat here.
Yeah, I'm ground. Yeah, not even not listening to
anything, just. Sometimes not, no.
Yeah, I I'm just exactly and I got my in both international
report too. Nice.
Which is that free baby shout outs?
Fucking great. Although let's not wear
headphones on the way over because let's talk, let's chat,
I'll be. They're not shitty flights
either. They're isn't like middle of the
day kind of. And then, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
If it was like I used to do that.
The seven in the morning, you're like, don't.
Fucking anytime I was going to London, I'd do the like 5:50 AM
flight because it was 7 quite cheaper.
Oh yeah. And then get there and go.
I don't know anyone in this city and nothing's open.
Yeah. So I was just down there for a
long time. So now I.
Hate that later flights I gotta be ditching the bags.
Ditch in the luggage and then I'll walk about.
Yeah, ditch in the bags name you're on.
Yeah, ditch in the bags, bro. Yeah, I can't be Arsh for that.
You. Definitely learn how to travel
better as you get a bit older as well.
Yeah, I don't like, I don't like this.
You know, we'll go out and see what we find.
Yeah. Look on the end.
You can look my just and you know, like you can select
certain places and that's fine for that trip.
Yeah. You're not going to see all of
London in fucking an afternoon. No, we are.
We're going to see Alton Tarsh going to drive 7 hours.
I'm going to. Google.
I'm going to see what that is right now.
What keys Keynes? Milton Keynes?
What's Milton Keynes I? Think it's Milton Keynes.
Milton Keynes sounds like maybe a guy who would facilitate the
trip. All right, mate, Milton Keynes,
OH. Milton Keynes, jump in.
I'll tell you everywhere mate, what are you looking for on
towers now, mate? You want to.
Meet my mate Charlie on Milton Keynes.
He's got the keys, he's got the. Signal the kings Keys are kings.
It's Kings Kings Reggae Festival that word what our town.
Towers, Alton Towers that. Sounds like another guy.
Even if we get Milton, Keyes and Alton.
Towers, yeah, it's fucking miles away, man.
Yeah, we can do it. Yeah, 3.
Fucking. That's good.
We get there at 1, the gigs at 9:00, we could just get there.
Walter Straight back on strip, back on the Milton Keys, Vespa,
the three of us on the back. Me just crushing the suspension
into the floor. I'll just walk beside this for
fuck sake. You boys want to do the ghost
tour? Oh yes, please, Milton.
Milton Keynes. Go to beers, mate, Go to fucking
beers. Just fucking usually the clip
your man in the EUR was like in a big bag of coke and he's like,
you take a big fucking giant bump on the key and he'd be
like, oh, and the whole crowds are doing that and just fucking
hoof the whole load of it. Do you know?
How did he not die? Because he took like fucking
just massive, massive bumps. He's like yeah, good.
Cracking it my. When my O'Donnell was managing
A-Team like 2 years ago in Argentina, he clearly had such a
Co connection that he needed to do it on the sideline during
this like game. Did you ever see the footage of
like 8 of his assistant coaches which he would like give a nod
and they would form like a ring around them and I'll pretend
they were like watching the match?
So he was not there. Standing and then he would do
the and then go back to the go back to managing.
Fucking hell. I mean, that's the word.
I mean, you know, you know them South Americans are like for
their Coke, love it. And then also.
That goes for bonds. Filled sodas.
But he, you know, like he obviously has the worst thing
you can have is money probably right Yeah.
So he's just like. And yes man, all around you.
Know stocking it up he'd be like this is my coke garage yeah just
full of. Coke.
And like anyone who has it, when they see him, oh, you have to,
you know, have some of mine. It's probably like Paul,
Hollywood is walking, you know, walk past the bakery.
Oh, Paul, try this. Yeah, you know, we'd be a veto
or something. He's like, I'm fucking.
Barn brat Bloated. Yeah, you're like, eat that.
Yeah. Do you see that documentary
Cocaine Cowboy? Well, it's a series now on
Netflix. There was an old documentary
about Miami and all the cops and all.
And now there was there's a series on Netflix about the
actual dealers and stuff. And there's just they're really
into like speedboat racing and had one guy and he literally
like couldn't look more like he's from the 80s Miami, like
sweaty hair. It's stuck to his head and big
passion off. And he's there like interviewing
people and he's literally, oh, yeah, how do you get on His jaw
is like all over the place. Got our winner here today.
Just fucking sweat passion off him.
Like, just didn't hide it at all.
Yeah, just everybody's wiped out.
But like, like you say, having so much money that you just, Oh,
yeah, it's like Pablo Escobar having a zoo.
Yeah, you should watch that documentary.
Everyone's like, I don't know, man.
I was like 21 years old and I was lifting about 21 million a
week. And then he's like, I didn't
even think I was a criminal. I was just, I was just driving a
boat full of drugs to another place and you're like, yeah,
drug trafficking, you fucking idiot.
They put me in gaol for 24 years.
I was like, what's what? Why?
I basically just drive a boat. I don't understand this.
And you're like, it had a street value of 200 fucking million or
something. When you watch programmes like
that and you hear the street value, it makes you realise it
here, OK, there's a problem, but it isn't really when you
consider the street values when they're like PS and I have, I
have a seizure of £77. Yeah, but they'll put up a photo
of like, you know, like a fucking wee 5 bag of weight,
like lesson we're taking down the fucking the kingpins around
here and it's basically just a fella that was smoking a joint
on the corner. Yeah, I've got a question.
I thought you were going to go. It's funny you mentioned that
we're going to mention drugs. We're going to do a little
tasting. Yeah, I've got questions here.
You're a big man for the wait. Oh, big big for.
I enjoyed a bit like but then you have a baby and you're like,
this can't be. Yeah, I prioritise sleep over
everything. Over everything.
That's your album. Sleep over everything.
Wait, Josh says. Which Northern Irish celebrity
or public figure would be best suited for first minister?
I mean, I don't. Joe Rogan It would be someone
being dragged into it reluctantly sensible.
Here they're like, I don't want anything to do with that.
And you're like, do it for the people.
It'd be somebody that isn't the celebrity.
It'd need to be someone who just wants to go on.
Notice those sort of people, you know, that are like Liam Neeson
not looking? I don't know.
I think if Lemon is the first minister, I think it would work
out quite well for us. But if you were, if you were a
different colour, I think. He was he a racialist?
No, but remember he gave an interview and he said the term
in a in a context, he said the term black bastard, didn't he?
He said he was, he said he was his friend got attacked by a
black person. And then he said I was looking
to go out and I think the phrase you used was and kill a black
bastard. And then I think he's that old
that he probably forgot to give a bit more detail of what he was
saying. I.
Know people are like, you know, it's not, it's not worrying that
he was going to kill a person. It's that he said block bastard.
I was gonna get this block bastard and kill their whole
family. Yeah.
And then they were looking I'm like.
Did you say Black Bastard? And finished the story.
And then he just, he's that old. He just moved on talking about
other stuff, you know? Yeah.
I'm passing in my pants. But I don't know.
Can you do Liam makes an impression.
I don't know. I don't think so.
Negative. Maybe I can something like that?
Oh, that bet that everyone does. Amory says What are the bromance
plans for London? I can't stop coughing that Miss
Mike is cool. I think we I'd like to do
something. The bromance plans.
Yeah. But we're going to make a sex
tape and fill cinematic 4K. Yeah, let's do that.
Three cameras, yeah. Milton Keynes in the middle of
it. I love it lad.
Good. Here it comes.
Yes. More white lines.
Milton Keyes does PR for Faces nightclub in Essex.
But yeah, I think the plan. I'm going to take you for like
some food that you do not want. I was just about to say, just
fucking look at your face all the time.
I was going to say, I think I would like to have some nice
food. Yeah, yeah.
No. So I'll you do you put on some
sort of cuisine tour around London and I'll just follow
behind and watch. You, I want to think we should
go some Asian places and see what you can, you can.
Half and half, yeah. No nice stuff.
Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah.
Jeep mate. Yeah.
Any types of mate? Any types of mate?
Red mates all good now. All good in moderation, but a
welfare in London. Well, yeah, the, the meal, you
know, there's, you know, a restaurant meal will be in
moderation. Yeah, they don't go like here's
a few chips and a bit of thing and then like 4 1/2 kilos of
brisket. Yeah.
No, I like that. I like.
They control it on a plate. Do you like BBQ food?
You know. American style.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you can get it, I'll give it
a go. Yeah, I like.
That it's hard to come across. I like that.
Well see that that is a lot of meat.
I know a few BBQ. There you go, he's live in
London. Ohio.
Yeah. I like that.
I also think it's handy. That's handy to have someone who
knows the city because you spend so much time, like, fucking
about and going from here to here when you could have just
walked it. You know, you take public
transport, you do that. You know, you go down the
underground station, you come up after 45 minutes and go, all
right, I can see where I was. Yeah.
And that kind of thing, sweating and stinking.
Yeah, I want to pack. I want to pack in fun, but not
too much fun so that we're tired.
Do you know much of A rat race London is?
I got off a tube once and this guy was kind of running and he
just swerved and collapsed and I went like real hard, not real
hard tile floor. Down there.
And I ran over and I was like, you alright, mate?
And I lifted him up and he was like, he was like, sorry, I need
a briefcase that he was going up like rushing to work and he was
sorry. It's just I have this brain
tumour and it makes me a bit dizzy.
And he just had chairs and he ran on and I was like, that's
London for you. Like the guy doesn't even
fucking stop for a minute because he has a fucking brain
tumour. He's like, I don't get in
because it's important to me that in life that I get there
for 9:00. I have a brain tumour, can I get
next Wednesday off to get this left up?
Just. Coming out, it'll be all right.
Yeah, it's got to say, mate, it's a bit of an eyesore.
Yeah, my eye is sore. In fact, I'm blind.
The pace of life there wouldn't. Wouldn't.
And people just stepping over him.
Yeah, no, that that doesn't suit me out there.
Nah, fuck that. You know, and especially on the
tube as well. I would get like a fucking, you
know, blocked nose and I'd be like, there's more to life than
work. You got to live your life, man.
Matthew says. Who's your favourite up and
coming comedian from Northern Ireland?
You, I'd say. Me and Roy Walker.
I mean, there's no, there is no like up and coming now because
it's like someone will just do you something out of nowhere and
they'll be like, oh, there they go.
Fucking fucking 200,000 followers on tech talk.
Or something, you know, it's like it's mad how quick you can
just get into it. There's no like people must look
at stand up here and think, you know, do you spend year?
And that was probably the case a decade ago, you know, would and
there wasn't social media as it is, it would take you a lot
longer to get gigs. But now, like you look at
someone like Johnny Bowie did lotteries last week, like Johnny
was doing it years ago and then stopped for about 7 years and
he's doing it again. So it's almost like he's
starting again. But he's really good and he has
a defined act. He's got one liners that are
excellent. He wears a suit like he he knows
his sort of character for stand up and he's getting gigs left,
right and centre. But and it's almost like he's
just started. That's just because he's good.
Yeah, I think for me he's probably the best up and coming
comedian because I, I mean, you spend a long time figuring out
how you look on stage and just getting comfortable and that
sort of thing. And especially him doing like 1
liners. It's easy to get to think.
I've got to start to do stories and they have to do this Did.
He start like that though. Was he doing like bits and stuff
at the start? I might be wrong, I think he was
doing bits and stories and stuff.
Well, it's good that you've sort of you figure it out like
because you could easily, you know, look around you and be
like, well, there's Mickey and potty and forget you whatever
and be like, oh, they do like material and bits.
Yeah, I think you have to do that.
And then you're like, but I have like fucking 200 jokes line here
that I just write when I'm at work and no, it's good.
I mean, you know, there's people like, I mean obviously like
Jordy and there's all the obvious go to ones that like we
would have support because, you know, they're just good.
Jordy's had some gigs like even at the limenight where like
Mickey Open, then Jordan Robinson was on and murders like
just hit whatever the sweet spot of time was.
Yeah, fucking murdered. And then they get too drunk and
then I go on and I'm like, oh, there's fucking just nothing
left for me. Like and he got that sweet
window. But the best thing is they want
a gig so much like that. Yeah, they're just there all the
time. More than anything like.
William and Jordan and all them ones, like they were just.
Which is sort of the way to do it.
Like, you know, in the comedy world, it's like, if you, like,
make yourself useful, Yeah. Which is like the oldest fucking
thing in the book. Like, But if you're just around
and you've done a few gigs and you're always there and it
happened to wait him a few times, I was just like, do you
want AMC Lavery's? And he literally like high 5
James McKechnie, like fucking sweet.
But you know, like class. And I'm just like, no, it's just
because I want to do a set and can't be ours doing it.
But yeah, but that sort of thing.
But even things like. If you were to send it home
going, Carl never asked me to do every.
You'll never get asked. It's like, yeah, be into it.
Be there, like. Because there's that thing of
like even just announcing someone on an off stage, Mike,
who would you bring? Would you just announce Mike
being able to just be there and you want them to do that and
sort of weed? Like I remember going to fucking
countless stand up nights. I was saying that Damon, Damon
Clark, like he was, but the first ever like local gay guy
went their second movie was in the black box and he was on.
And I remember just like, you know, you don't you don't even
know that you could do this in Belfast.
And I'm just like, who where the fuck?
He was unbelievable at the time, like the crash test dummy.
And I was like, this is nuts. But you got to go and just be
around these places. And there is a lot of comedy
people who do comedy who are like, you know, they, they shit
on like laveries or something that God, it's all the same
people and blah, blah. And you're like, yeah, I don't
know anyone else. Yeah, yeah, I've never seen you
do stand up. I've never, you're never around.
You're just at home complaining that you're not getting gigs.
And all these other guys are actually into it.
Yeah, there's no point where you should stop asking for gigs like
I'll. I'll still say to you here,
could I do a library soon? Or it's both like I'll ask you.
You know, because I'll take a look at the lineup somebody like
right, we're we're cycling these round.
I'll give XI in a shout, but yeah, you'll fucking you'll ask
for a 10 minute spot. Or you'll say something like
here, I'm doing this, if I come around, could I also get 5
minutes? It's that wanting to perform.
And that's why I think the crowd of people that you would call
relatively new like Jordan and William and all of us you've
done for years, but you would still just because they're
younger, like we'll probably. There are people like, you know,
like fucking McCartney where you like, you can kind of do
everything and he does it really well.
And you're like, fucking. Yes, yeah, yeah.
Because you spend years getting to that.
Point then you feel like that might be an age thing, you know,
like he wasn't, he wasn't super young when he started.
So you kind of already have yourself sorted out of it, you
know. Yourself better supposed to
remember your your first gig. Your first gig was LOL in
Newcastle and you just said like you're saying about someone just
go on here, will you MC this? Will you send that to somebody
who's already done stand up a lot?
So of course it's easy. But we were at a comedy night,
me and Mickey, I just went to watch and you thought about
doing stand up. You're starting to work on bits
and then everybody was just like, just do a set and you did
it short. Said no, no, it was Ryan Hand.
I was just like, we got fucking by the blade on the building
play and it just got me up on stage and I was like hammered.
I was like, what are you doing? Yeah, so I hate him for life.
Do you know what I mean? But.
And I literally said like is I think I said on stage, like is
there another gig in like 2 weeks or something?
I was like, I'll come back and do that one.
Yeah, yeah, when I'm not hammered and actually have
thought about it for 2 minutes. But you did a few minutes.
I remember you did a few minutes and I was like, fuck me, they're
not a mission. I would be able to joke.
But I mean, I suppose you'd started thinking about bits, you
know? It's like your first time you
encountered as a gig, but your first time on stage.
That was bad. Nice shows your first gig.
Pav. Yeah, yeah.
How long did you do 5? 10 minutes.
No, that was good. Yeah, that was the worst thing.
It was actually fucking good. Do you?
Remember who else was on? I think Woodsy maybe right?
I think man Woodsy started like the same day or something.
Oh, right. OK.
And then maybe like the second time it was because we were
doing that Audio Picnic podcast. So like fucking everybody was
on. That's right.
Everybody that was in the building tried it.
And then I've done 2 gigs then. So I was like both of them went
pretty well. So stand ups in the bag.
And then the third gig was like at a remember there was like a
gig in an art gallery around besides John Hewitt.
Marcus Keeley ran it or something?
That's right upstairs. And I was like, I is my third
gig. Just bring your own booze.
I brought about fucking 48 Stella and I was like, I'm only
new. They're going to put me on 1st
and they're like, Oh yeah, you can go on like second last for
like Rory Ward and I. No, I would still eat shed of
the gig like that because they're all just smoking
licorice rollies and fucking wearing their vegan shoes gone.
Did you just say she? Did you actually, in this day
and age, say the word she? The last time I did that gig, I
think I only did it once or twice.
Me and Paddy Migaki have been out of gig somewhere and he's
like on the way home, I'll call in there.
So I said I'll do it too. This is like 10 years ago and I
did a spot and it wasn't going well.
So I pretended my phone was on stage.
I pretended my phone was ringing and I said I said I'll answer
this for the crack here. And I said yeah, I said hello.
And I said still doing what? Who?
I said no, no, no, you're joking.
You're joking. And then there was like laughs.
And then they stopped and I said, Oh my God, Oh my God.
And I just walked. And by the way, there's no like,
MC coming up on stage to take over just yet.
People thought maybe it's a bit. And I like, still half on the
phone. I walked out of the front door,
down the stairs. Where was this guy?
It was in safe house just on beside John Hewitt.
That is it. Yeah, I know.
Yeah. So that's what I'm talking
about. So I just walk out, go down the
stairs, no one has started talking again yet upstairs.
And as I got into my car, I looked up at the window and
there's just like 2 comedians and a couple audience members
just like real worried looking out.
And I just went sorry, got my car and just drove from that's.
The sort of gig where I'm surprised it didn't just go.
Yeah, yeah. You know, like, like you're
doing some sort of Andy Kaufman. Fuck yeah.
Fantastic Revolutionary just walked out.
Patty text me after. He's like me.
What happened? I was like, no, I just wasn't
enjoying this. Everything's fine.
There should be a lot more of that.
Yeah. You know, there's this sort of
like the show must go on type. Me and Mickey headline pavilion
ones doing sketches that we wrote that day and we got
everybody on stage as part of this, like we're like get a clap
going. We and I got everybody on stage,
like the whole audience, 30 people on stage.
Me and Mickey slowly walked to the back of the room, Clap,
clap. We just walked down the
downstairs and left. And as we walked out, we looked
back and there's just like 30 people go and we just left and
never heard anything about it. In the path, Yeah, man, the, the
amount of times I've walked up the stairs, like I always had
this bit of nostalgia, like, it'd be class to go back there.
Yeah. And just like, you know, drop
in. Yeah, drop in and twice we've
went up the stairs and there's been absolutely no one there and
we're just like, right, we're leaving.
Yeah, because why would there be anyone there?
Well, the last before COVID, it was usually like getting a good
crowd if somebody would TripAdvisor.
Apparently they were really good at advertising it for.
Somebody search engine thing? Yep.
So. Comedy.
Belfast Entertainment. I enjoyed it the last.
Time I'd things to do. It was a middle-aged, some
middle-aged guy was going on after me.
So we're both standing near stage, and it was packed.
And I was like, trying to build a new material.
And the guy goes, so was it your first gig, too?
And I, as a joke, I went, yeah. And then I was like, I'll go on
stage, do my set, and then I'll wrap it up, share a laugh with
them. I go on stage, don't have a
great set. And as I walked off, I, like,
started chatting to him. He goes, you should do it again.
He's like, don't give up. You're not Graham Watson.
Stick at it, yeah. I just had a talk about that,
the things you've witnessed in there.
I remember going on stage and just being the mic broke, right,
Right. Deadly serious.
The mic broke. And I was like, I don't know
what they use. And there was like a like a
betting pencil or like an Argos pen or something.
And I just held it. And that became really funny.
And then I was talking to this girl because she was writing in
a notebook at a comedy gig. It's like, what are you writing
there? And she was just a poem and a no
joke. I was like I was like, what, you
got a you got a live stand up gig writing a poem, and I was
like, just at that point I didn't care what I was sort of
like, what are you writing about?
She was I wrote one about let no joke, lettuce, and I was like,
what is this fucking shit hole That's legit, which said but
you're not you know, you see they.
Were doing for sculptures. You see the clientele and yeah,
mind if I throw some play in the back?
I brought my own let. Me see, do you?
Remember the funeral party come up to the gig.
In path no. There was like there'd been a
funeral and the downstairs was like full of ones drinking
obviously, and I went down for a pest and this guy goes fucking
buy a blender. What's a crack at all my
something? My uncle's just fucking buried
there. And I was like, what are you
doing here? And I stupidly went doing a
stand up gig upstairs and he was are you fucking right now?
Shouts to like all the lads night.
I went upstairs, went on, came off and they all paid in and sat
down and someone was on stage and were like, this is fucking
shake and all the words buy a blender.
And I'd already been off and I was like, I've already been on.
They're like fuck's sake. And they all just got back up
and left again. This is worse than my uncle's
death. Fucking give me another family
death any day instead of watching this fucking I did.
A few deaths in the in the venue, to be fair, yeah.
It's got bad juju in it. I did my second gig there and
that convinced me to keep doing stuff.
My first was so bad. Then I had my second in there
and it was packed and it was fun.
So I like, I'll always enjoy that venue.
But yeah, there's nights obviously, because it's open mic
night. There's nights where you go and
there is literally nobody there. And then you remember they had a
comedian's table and it just became like there was more going
on there during the set than on stage.
There was like a lot of they were like.
Hackling. There was a weird hierarchy
thing where like, yeah, you knew who was able to sit at that
table. Yeah.
And then you'd come in and then it'd be like someone who'd done
1 gig was sitting there writing notes and you're like.
Who the fuck Yeah, but it got the point where they were they
were talking about the acts on stage.
I'm being so like animated about it and didn't care the a lot of
people stop going because that stop now like which.
Yeah, and you can just go back like fucking eight years later
and see people doing like the same set.
Yeah, you know, Yeah. And being like Mickey Bartlett's
shit. Here's my bit about my cat
something. I would, I mean at the minute I,
I, I do any gig I do, I do any gig nearly at the minute.
Yeah, that's where me and you differ.
Yeah, no, I just want to be on stage.
I just, every time I do it, I feel like if this goes away
again, which I don't think, well I hope it won't, I just want to
do as many as I can while I can, you know?
So makes sense. So anything paramilitary
fundraiser. I just feel like.
Anything. It has to be of a certain
quality or else it's not worth it.
Or maybe maybe if I get asked to do something don't like, maybe
I'm looking for something on the way home to do another gig to do
as well or something. But like, yeah, anything.
I actually really enjoyed that voodoo show.
Yeah. Just because his venue never
done, there's something I love about that.
I it's weird because the Thursday 1 was the most rowdy
and my material was the most shit, but it was the best gig.
And then Friday, which sold that immediately felt like I was
like, you guys, OK, right. Sunday was about the same.
They're still you guys. I said that to my sister.
She was like, I had the gigs go and I was explaining to her and
she was, well, that's something to do with Jupiter.
Jupiter's being weird at the minute and everyone's mood's
down and on. I was like, she smokes crack now
that's cool. But yeah, if there's venues I've
never done, I enjoy that. And then there was a Heckler at
the Thursday show, and I loved that because you can go back and
do stand up, but you need to be in those situations again to
feel like, oh, this is part and parcel of it.
Yeah. You know, the first I was so
nervous. We're getting heckled when stand
up came back in like September there.
And then it happened. And after it, I was like, oh,
no, I'm so glad that there's that exchange.
Even crowd work. I'm only now starting to be able
to want to do that again. You.
Know it took me a long time to like settle in the crowd work.
Yeah, like just just be like, you don't need to be have this
amazing comeback right away. Yeah, you can just sit there for
a minute. Yeah, because the guy at the
Voodoo show did all the work for me by saying Jewish instead of
Jewish, so that that worked. And then the audience kind of
because it was like we were cold at the start and then like I was
felt like I was working hard and then that happened and then that
felt like I broke the ice. The crowd working and I'm seeing
with those gigs in Ballycastle Hotel function room during the
day just felt a wee bit stuffy at the start and I went on just
doing material. It was grand.
First half, start of the second-half I'm just doing crowd
work, infinitely better. People just feel way, but that's
why. They see clips of people like
Paul Smith or something. They're like, do not love him.
Isn't he fucking hilarious? I don't know.
I've never seen Paul Smith do. That's whiskey do material.
I've never seen a bed of his at all, ever.
I think he does, but he can switch it up at any point
because he came to pugs for Dave.
He was doing Ulster Hall and we were in the Clayton Avon Coffee
beforehand. He was staying there so he was
about to foil anything and we're chatting to him and Dave said
look, I do pugs across the road and that was Dave, which is
weird. Dave's like come to a spot,
didn't think he would. Showed up that about half an
hour and he was doing material, then he got heckled and then
that became the show. Yeah.
And it was if you were sort of untrained, you'd probably go,
oh, that was all set up beforehand.
Yeah. Because it was it into one
person, heckled, Dealt with that for 5 minutes, someone else
heckled. Then he's bringing what this
person said into that and it just became a thing.
It's fucking great. Fantastic.
But the danger of committing the crowd work is then it just
doesn't. You've no like end to it or you
make people that much part of the show that you then.
It's nice if it falls between bits because there's nothing
worse than starting a story. And I mean, like, I was fucking
here and I anyway, I'm back in the shop here and you know, it's
like, or, or like, that'll be fun.
All you need to do is just give a wee look.
Oh yeah, I got it, you know. I can't even be Arsenal.
Yeah, you know, you're good at datum hackles.
I'm just like, what about? Yeah, it's OK, obviously until
it gets a point where it's like I've mugged you off 3 times,
Yeah, your mates are embarrassed.
Now you need. Just checked out.
Yeah, and not going to be me doing it, but hopefully an adult
man will come in and remove you. Leave big on me some gluten free
oats, Adam, No. Oh.
There was that a 2 questions. No, there's no, there's four
there. Remember the first Minister, 1
Joe Rogan? That'd be fun.
The other one was have you have me?
And you ever had a full argument, which I don't think we
have, You don't comedians and there's no one in our friendship
group that I've even nearly had an argument with.
It's a very laid by for such a high pressure job.
It's such a laid back. No, it can be quite bitchy, you
know what I mean? Like, yeah, there's probably a
lot of behind the scenes slobber.
There definitely is. But I don't think they will
arrive with each other, no. What are you gonna arrive about?
Yeah, no matter. It would have to be like someone
would like steal your bed or something, like blatantly steal
your bed. And I've seen it happen and I
don't even think people are fucking brave enough to confront
other people. They're just the heath even
bastard. No.
Yeah, but you wouldn't be. Sometimes.
But we'll see in London, you know, when you're like there's a
Nando's, it's only 7 miles away and.
I'm like, guys, what do you think of Nando's?
You're like, we went there for breakfast, lunch and breakfast,
lunch and dinner yesterday, so maybe we could try somewhere
else. And you're like, but do you want
to run that risk? I'm like, let's go somewhere a
bit different. tgi Friday's, we should try that.
Let's try and see what it's like.
Then you go in there and you're can I get the Perry Perry
chicken? Yeah.
I found a little mom and pop place called Shake Shack.
Would you guys like should we try?
You'll find some you know those chicken shops?
It's called like fucking mindies or something like it's nearly
this. It's like a RIP off Same sign.
Or Mandos try this. Fernandos chicken Perry Perry
chicken getting sued like fuck. Yeah, the show is on Saturday
21st of this month, which is like next week, and we'll put a
link to tickets in the thing. It's going to be nice.
Let me ask you this are you going to buy any clothing for
the show, either out there or before?
Yeah, probably. I mean, I've been fucking
looking around for trainers. That's weird.
It's not like you have. I've definitely been looking for
the traders that I nearly bought when I seen them advertised
first like a couple of months ago.
And then you go to look again, they're on like Farfetcher or
stock X and they're like £600 and you're like, I should have
bought them. So I would like this is what I
would like to do. I would like, I would like to
order a pair of shoes, maybe new jeans or something like that.
Have them ready. Yeah.
And then leave the window open for a new T-shirt slash short
sleeve shirt. Not there.
You're not burdening yourself with too much extra stuff to
take home. If push comes to shovel wear AT
shirt that I brought but I'm leaving but I'm leaving space
you. Shouldn't have to do that.
I'm leaving space in the bag for a top.
Or two. I mean, that's brief and
powerful and I like it. It's just this.
It's just smart. I might go the other way.
I might. I might leave the shoe option
right there, see what happens. I'll go.
The other way. I'll arrive there, put my pants,
try and collect it all. So you're going to just go
sandals? Yes over no pair.
Just don't just full pair. Get the barks on and.
Get over there, buy a pair of shoes.
Yeah, I'd like to get a pair. Of shoes.
No, I'll go fucking like if I go, if you take me to like a
food asylum or something, I'll be like, how much is it the
check to suitcases? On to this fucking.
You're like the wife of an oligarch, You know, he's like
doing the work. You're just like I need a lot.
And I just developed that I put it in put all shoes in bag
place. We need a bargain colony.
There's no room on play around my testes.
Yeah, I was in, yeah, going to one of those Westfield places
and there's like a food asylum and I'm just like, fucking get
it all in there. Tell it up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'll go somewhere like that, travel really far to my way and
then go. Don't like anything you know?
No, I just fucking spray and pray.
I'm just like, we'll get it in the bag, we'll decide later.
Yeah, you got to go in there with something nice on or else
they don't take you seriously. We should buy outfits for each
other. Don't know what it is till
you're not allowed to look at it till you go on stage.
You just walk on stage looking like Vanilla Ice because I
dressed you. I have PVC see through blazer
and trousers. Deck all all steamy inside it
though. I'd be happy enough.
I like that. For you, for you to wear that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be cool.
Just all sideways deck. I would put you out in like, do
you know what I think you would hate and be so uncomfortable in
just like a tourist hoodie. I think you'd fucking hate that,
you know, like, like a London with Buckingham Palace under it,
you know, fuck your. Heads, but I don't know because
you could you could you could get like if you got a nice
vintage washed out one, no brand new, OK.
It says 2021. Cheap, cheap print on it.
Yeah, we Beefeater guy on it. Really bad fit, like the
shoulders come out a wee bit too much and then go back in.
I'll buy you those. I'll buy you a pair of.
Those that doesn't happen when I work close, like the shoulder
never goes out to yeah, there's never space in the shoulders.
I'll buy you like, you know, 1 coloured jeans with no like fade
in them or anything. Like that solid a solid back
like a solid black Jean is a nightmare for.
Me and and indoor tights, indoor football shoes.
Oh wow, yeah. Boot cut jeans.
Yeah. Puma King Astro Turf trainers.
You couldn't do the game. You wouldn't even have to go
that far. Like the shape of my legs.
If you just bought me skinny jeans and like Chelsea boots, I
would just look like a shell and pony.
Snood up right? Doesn't take much to make me
look fucking stupid, like I would just give you a full FUBU.
Daishiki Jean shirt combo do rag yeah, I mean, let's do it.
That'll be a lot of fun yeah. We'll put the ticket thing in
the description and that you're only like, you know, like you
want to work peace or anything or anything you want to just.
Just like any sign off. Yeah, some shout out for.
Any causes or? Just, you know, like the
probably is going to be another lockdown, so why not just go to
all the gigs where there? Yeah, yeah, make him make hay
while the sun shines. Get a vaccine.
Drop the bags off. You got a vaccine?
Yeah. Two vaxes, Yeah.
Class, Yeah. I got 2 in each on them, you
know, just because you can never be sure.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I got them ages ago because I
have Crohn's. But yeah, no, no, I know you
didn't know that, but I've. I've Crohn's disease, so I got,
I got, I got the vaccines, 2017. You're in a fucking enigma.
Don't know, don't give out. You're like Kate Moss.
You say nothing, don't know anything about you.
Is Kate Moss known for saying nothing?
Yeah, she hasn't spoke her whole career.
What? Is that not true?
Coming on the podcast next week. She she, she does audiobooks for
camp. No, she she Yeah, she famously
just has not really said anything publicly ever.
Oh well, you'll probably find something.
But yeah, she just has like a horrific voice.
She sounds like my. She sounds like Milton Keyes,
fucking Kate Moss. You can't all of fucking gear,
mate. Take more picture, Mike.
Oh, yeah. Hey, what's on?
He takes. Shout out to Milton Keyes, all
right, just coming on. Appreciate.
Thanks very much. Go for food now.
Skinners in Hollywood. I I hate Hollywood shout out.
Everything you want in a bit of bread.
Fuck you. It's so tight.
Can't get through it. That's why we like it.
It's going to be pedestrianised. Really big.
Shouldn't say too much, I've heard it might just be
pedestrianised and that'd be pretty cool.
There you go. Because we all buy cars.
I don't have Nissan cash guy but.
I pulled the Jeep into that parking space there in coming
out and going back through the fence.
Just leave it and out forward through the fence.
Just leave it. Just getting on.
Getting on, we'll store equipment in it.