I'm Michael. Che and I'm Colin Jose, and
we've got a little secret. Actually, it's a pretty big
secret. Well, now you got to give the
people something. I'm not saying a word.
Oh, then people will know to tune in.
Come on, tell them a little. Like how we're hosting of comedy
events streaming only on Peacock, exactly how it's called
New York After Dark and it's a comedy show that only features
drop in comic. Boom, you nail.
Into Michael Chase phone numbers.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey.
New York After Dark. It's some kind of comedy thing,
and it's streaming now only on Peacock.
You love it. Zippers, welcome to this episode
of the Tea with Me podcast with me, she, and Todd.
Before we get into the nuts and bolts of this week's episode,
let me point you in the direction of our Patreon.
That's patreon.com/TV podcast. The links in the description and
what we have on there is so much bonus stuff.
We've got the special brew that comes out every Monday, the
bonus episode, the last one we did.
Well, a couple of weeks ago I was in Copenhagen doing one with
William Thompson, one of my guest today.
We do a live stream episode every Friday and there's so many
specials on there. Oh my God, Like there's millions
of them. Who wants to be a millionaire?
The mock blames on their stars in your eyes, SSE Arena live
podcasts all happening patreon.com/TV me podcast I'm on
I'm not I might be on terrible 10.
This comes out she and talk comedy.com.
If you want to come see me live Second night at the SSE Arena is
15th of November. I'm doing the 9th and the 15th,
is that right? All right.
We think we think it's 9th and the 15th of November and Shame
talk Comedy for all that Shame talk comedy.com for all that.
And then when I announced the big tour, it will all be on
there. We're sponsored by none other
than Manscaped. I've always been, let me tell
you something right now, I've been using Manscaped products
since we became sponsored by Manscape and that was just
coincidence, right? I used a non Manscape product
about four or five days ago because I couldn't find my
lawnmower 5 point O. So I used like a facial trimmer
without the guard right. So what I'm saying is I have an
old face trimmer. I couldn't find the guards for
it. So when I'll just I'll just use
this same thing. I foolishly thought.
Let me tell you two things. Number one, it looks weird down
there because there is no hair, right?
So it looks like alarming. And the other thing is I, I, I
caught myself up maybe 3-4 times.
So it, it looks awful. It looks like, you know, the top
of an old man's head, you know, like a widower who like, like
closes the garage. I'm spacing this on my ground
though. My granny died but closes the
garage door a lot of times on his own head.
Was he alright? Did he take it well?
What? Do you mean when?
Your granny died. He's just slamming his head in
the garage door. Yeah, looking back was probably
a cry for him actually, because he didn't have a car.
But no, but he used to have like quite a dented head RIP and then
there would be a lot of cuts around his head.
Am I and what would you say growing looks looks like that at
the minute. So I made them escaping.
I made the mistake of not having spilt, spilt tea or myself.
There. That's how you sad I am that I
didn't use manscape products, but I'm back on the manscape
now. I need A5 windows to come find
mine but I saw a glimpse of what life would be like with a
manscape and it's not worth living.
Go to manscape.com use the code T with me for 20% off and free
shipping. My guests today are none other.
Don't you think you're like the guy from the 1975 smoking inside
doing your vapes? Stop doing vapes around us, no.
Manner. So we he's Jordan is he thinks
he's cool do it. We suck it.
We dummy tit vamps. Cool.
Do we have? No, Yeah.
Here he bought that. He bought that in.
Captain America's gone downhill. He bought that in.
Northriters. You bought that in Denmark,
didn't you? Yeah, Denmark.
And. The Oakland days.
It's a very, very flat brim. Very flat brim.
That is Oakland, not in California.
It is, yeah. Yeah, but Denmark's the
homeowner. For some reason we find this
weird job that was selling loads of Oakland A's merch
specifically and the big man clean.
Those of like different sports, just Oakland A's.
Yeah. And the hots are nice.
My guests are William Thompson and Mark McCartney.
Guys, couple, queer. I want to talk about your
travels. We can talk about our travels,
but let me ask you first of all, picking up a conversation we
just had before we recorded what is the most beautiful
nationality in the world? Because McCartney's put some
pretty hard for Russia, most probably Moscow before this.
I have my answer. OK, good Russian.
You think beautiful people? The coldness brings out good
looking people, I think. No, but then they're all.
A lot of them are. That's all models are that
they're all frost. A lot of them are still good
cheekbones. If it's -5 outside, you're a 10
on the inside. So, so you're saying, you're
saying when people tense up with the cold that is that's bringing
out a nice look. Tense them all.
Up. You sure?
And you're sort of squinting me. You're sort of so limbs in the
winter. I should know.
You are winter hot, summer stinking.
I've always said that you're right, because when people like
squint, there's what, you know. When it's raining or heel
stones, you do squint and that's kind of like a cool look, you
know? I go, I go the complete opposite
with him. So hold on you, by the way, are
your, you said, you're saying Russians most beautiful people
in the world. I ever since Ukraine and I
something about that takeover vibe that I don't know, just
makes. Something like Domino?
Coming from here, you know. Like par Yeah, you like part
like like. They was he Putin on a horse?
Yeah, with his top off. There's also a thing where he
goes in the cold water and he doesn't even flinch.
Yeah, but the horse topless is strong.
And he's got a sex part. Because that put that put
pressure in other world leaders to do stuff like that, like to.
Get good looking. No, yeah.
And Foster is on the back of a dog in Portrush.
I supposed to get there. We've no training.
Willy, what's the most? Beautiful.
Not that. And what's most beautiful
Nationality in the world? Australian.
How? Your own bag.
Fuck off, how are that they ever?
See, there's a show on YouTube, but what must have been on TV
and still yet one time called Bogans.
Which is what they call cult. It's culture.
Is their word for culture. Is it?
I thought chav. No, no, Boggan is like a culture
to them. Can we look at it?
Is it? Someone who lives sort of in the
Outback. Yeah, some of them does know.
I you know the needle we spread the deodorant before you went
near them, like they're quite fragrant.
No. Well, well, it's just the Yeah,
she's walking about with step report all the time.
I she's not you. She's not.
She's just walking about. But you're saying Australians,
but so many people in Australia are not Australian, so you're
probably looking talking the. Natives.
I'm talking the natives. They've been there a while
because they're outside all the time.
It's warm. Native Australian, yeah #1 for
you and. Yeah, give me a wee Indigenous
though. That's what I want.
I mean, there are two a typical answers, Russian, Indigenous,
native Australian, I'm going to go like Iranian, something like
that. The women are beautiful, noble
guys have. What for noble Chernobyl?
Is that near Iran? No, it's in Ukraine, but the
best advice I could give you for anywhere near it is to run.
It's Chernobyl and Ukraine. Yeah, it was a Russian.
Ukraine. Russian nuclear plant.
They're having a tough time. I've had a hard time with those
Russians. Yeah, don't worry about, don't
worry about World War One. That's way to get that's the way
to get away with their good looking so but.
Yeah, Iranians are gorgeous. Are they?
Yeah, like a woman doesn't show ankle.
Is that what you're into? Yeah, fine ankles.
Hydro from the rest of the world.
No, but like I'm talking like the guys have like those like
straight line beards, you know what I mean?
Like that, Like high def line. Yeah, you know what I mean.
That's what you want. No, that's what I'm.
Saying with the strong beard. No, it's like the guys who wear
a lot of like, you know, waist coats and stuff like that.
Still, waist coats like define beards.
Where sports and beards? Yeah.
That's the fittest women in the 1930s train conductor.
These are the men and the ladies are are.
Paddington. Paddington bears all by you.
Get the roof watching Paddington.
Yeah. Put Marmite all over.
Turkey Marmite. Turkish.
I'll give you 2. Marmite on it.
Paddington fucking loves Marmite.
Still Marmite challenge Marmalade.
He tries other things. You haven't seen the new one
there he goes on for reals. Great film, by the way.
Oh, they're. Brownie show?
I haven't seen it. I love the TV show. 1st of Shaq
Monday you prefer? What's the TV show?
Paddington. Car the cartoon.
He's sort of like. 3D animated. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I haven't seen that any series of it.
But he is a tragic back story like.
Oh, he does that. 1st 20 minutes of film.
Or his uncle getting killed in a rainstorm and they get shipped
away to Britain. Yeah, he falls off a bridge.
He falls off a bridge. The tragic story you think about
it, all they give him was a coat and a hat.
And a John Marmite. And he said I don't want that.
I love the marmalade. He was happy go lucky and you
think about it. Optimistic wee bar.
Here's the thing as well. He's the only slight creepiness
about it is he's old. He's in that house, you know
what I mean? Is like a lodger and you sort of
think of them as cuddly and all, but like he's been around to
50s, born in the 50s, like. I but the rebooted he's he's
like a baby bear. He's not 72.
But that's what he's saying he is, you know, he's.
What? He is a very claw your fucking
throat. Out he would I unless you give
him Marmite. My.
Much about a coat and a bear. Much in the. 3rd bar needs Are
we some hot? Imagine the third movie just
loses it and just would you need someone's face?
Of Huntagonia, Sapple is bear. I got speaking like personal.
I got so into like a deep dive of when people get reunited with
animals. I tears in my eyes like fucking
some woman who hand raised a lion and then she just walks
into the jungle and knows who it is.
You know what I mean? She's like, yes mate, and you
got to trust that because that lions run towards.
Her and there's a boy that raised a hippo right And they
get reunited and hippo fucking that's through God.
How's my dad? Every time I just party and then
drunk we're like, I've raised a hippo and sitting there covered
in Monster Munch. Jim.
What about the guy who lived? He went off the map, went to
live with bars, lived with him for about two years and then the
fucking ate him. That's right.
That's one of the real famous ones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I was calling him I.
Can't remember. Mckenney was telling me about
just this guy raised a load of bars and he was like, see, you
can be family with them. And then they're like, I guess
you, yeah, just fucking throw it out.
Yeah, an elephant. There's a guy who just, like,
goes to a certain part of the world.
I don't know where it is. And he just like stands in the
middle of a river just. Plays the piano.
There's a boy Plays the piano for elephants.
I know what. Do you mean he plays a piano for
elephants and they like? It.
And they like it. Well, they didn't say as much.
Yeah. You know, they're very
interested. They're going and if you
translated, that's like knockout in the head, please.
We don't like that. They like it, Yeah, they're very
smart. Elephants are intention.
Being a dinner party back, what do you do?
Oh, I'm just like an accountant for whatever you do.
I play Adagio for strings for elephants in the piano.
Busking in the centre and get it.
I love all that, like all that reuniting stuff.
It's really nice. Would you ever get a chimp like
Jackson? No, because they you.
Have money to do that now. To get a chimp.
I'll be the. Chimp would, yeah.
Go ahead, just me in a cage. No, yeah, run about my house in
nappies. I think the idea of it is fun
but like they are the ones that like rip your face off.
Chimps are so strong. Yeah, they're like 4 times
stronger. They do like they rip your face
off. There was that woman again, one
of those ones that think like she had one at the house and
then it ripped her, ripped her. Friend's face off A model does a
photo shoot 1 and whatever happened I think the cameras
were freaking the champ out. Just ripped her face.
Off, yeah. She didn't have any transferable
skills. Like her face was everything she
wasn't like. I'm also really good with
numbers now. She just had the looks.
Koalas can do that as well. Like they'll do that.
They wasn't. Tourists, they wouldn't.
They have and they will. No, they wouldn't, because they
don't. They RIP.
They'll they've ripped the stomachs out of Asian tourists
before. Oh geez, how?
Can we all so? I mean, koalas are lovely, we
thinks. He really connected with koalas
when you were Australian. I cried to a koala video.
Yesterday, but does he went off by himself to a koala.
They went to a topless. That sounds ominous.
Usually the topless fitness beach and I went to a koala.
Yeah, and I had the better day. Sanctuary.
Yeah. I fell out with a dolphin once.
Really. There's a place in Florida where
you can swim with them? Yeah.
And the way the water, there's like stones down.
You're in a family holiday. Nozemil No, I was with the
girlfriend of the thing and I think that's why we broke up.
Because once you see this, you're like just demasculated
me, right? I fell on him and he didn't like
it, right? He just, he talked of Vadnais to
me and I could see it in his eye and he talked me out to the deep
and left me there, right. And I can't swim too well.
And the dog had to tell her, tell him to go back out and get
me. Had to tell the dolphins.
To go out and get him, me certain fucking that's just true
as God. There's photos in their house
and they come back eventually. I don't know where you took a
lap, a couple of laps and they come back and got me.
I took a long way around. And.
Then left and everyone was lined up to turn.
Nobody could even look me in the face because it's so
embarrassing. I wouldn't even do that, this
woman, but. Then I said that about dolphins
being bastards for years and nobody believed me and then made
the document that came out that they were raping people
surviving dolphins and I just said there you go.
Yeah, you sort of watch that. What's the SeaWorld movie?
The deadies of the sea. That's what they call dolphins.
What's that? Black Blackfish.
Yeah, Blackfish did it. You watch that.
You what? He definitely did.
But you watch. Yeah, you watch out through.
Which was OK at the time, but you.
Watch out through a different now you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's the one he caught. Caught him by the leg, didn't
he? The whale caught him by the
foot. I thought we were still talking
with Daddy. No one knows where he is right
now. I know where he is.
I've known for years and if you have quiet the low.
Imagine I was the daddy of the comedy world.
Imagine you want to. You want a 5.
Spot in the pub. I mean, that's why, because
nowadays like the spread and the misinformation, because
everyone's social media comes wild, because everyone's like
he's in Cape Verde and they don't have an extradition
treaty. I don't know if there's on the
end of that, umm, Cape Verde or Verde.
There is, yeah, but he could be in Cape Verde.
Let's not rule out there's anything Cape Verde, but he
could also be in Cape Verde. There's a place in Denmark.
Umm get hurt but people are like his plane is there but then he
wasn't. On the plane, he wasn't on the
plane. So what's he saying is playing
for? What?
What was on the plane? What's he getting rid of?
That's what you need. That's what you need to think
about. Dirty trunks.
I also is full of stinking boxers and he's like, these
don't get me put away for 40 years.
Like Nuts magazine and like they're going to do me for this.
Rate of them, it was just like loads of like not even, not
even. Naked like she gets real.
Soft waiting to wait till he was home.
The read his place. They did but he escaped
apparently so they raided the home from what I've seen.
From what I've read he they raided his house and his kids
were in but he wasn't so he literally went you kept up and
went out the back door. There's something funny, but I'm
putting up photos in just different parts.
Why isn't the police after? And you go to Lisburn here now?
Yeah, because then they go to Lisburn, then you're in fucking
Lim Avadi. The settings.
I can't believe he's a liar as well.
I'm no detective, but I'm seeing a pattern emerged.
You only go to places that Bingham with ale, so I think
we'd catch you in Lisburn. What is the other layout I said?
Lisburn, Lisburn, Lim Avadi. So I think if you were on the
run, it seems like you're just going to places to begin with
ale. Getting diagnosed with autism?
Jesus Christ, you come up like a guest and you can go to the
nailment. An ailment.
If one of social analyzer stay at home without.
I'm Daddy, who's at your house. As a puff Diddy or P Diddy or.
He's love now. We're beginning to think we're.
Beginning his love, which makes him just sound like but.
They're always math. Everyone says, you know, he
works for the CIA. I well, his dad did.
It was the FBI. His dad was like.
His dad was CIA, I think CIA. Like #1 Informant.
He was initially a drug dealer and then it's alleged that he
was an informant for the CIA, which is how that he got all of
his money, allegedly. I'm par obviously there.
Yeah, yeah. But we had all.
So when hip hop is rising, he basically was very early on
going you make all the songs, all the records, sign them over
to me or you would produce a song for them.
He would put his name on it wouldn't give you credit.
So he very much, he also had guardianship of Usher.
Yeah, but in the background. So you want to do a lot of heavy
lifting on the songs. He was just in the background
and take that, take that, take that.
The guardianship of Usher. Yeah, he was legal guardian of.
Usher Yeah, there's a lot of footage come out that could be
described as problematic. Yeah, it's it's really, it'd be
like you on the me being like William, do you want to support
me on term like yeah, I'd love to.
And then you also, and your dad. I'm adopting you, so don't.
Care. Hey, you don't know what you're
saying. We were in Norway some now what
what's meant? There's footage of they used to
put on these big like house parties and there would be
cameras at it. And this is from, I'm going to
guess, early naughties. And Kevin Hart is like,
interviewing people at Daddy's house.
And it's Daddy and usher in this room with Kevin Hart.
And I imagine everyone's blocked, right?
And you find this on YouTube. And Kevin Hart's talking about
like, oh, yeah, you guys used to live together.
And I remember the big age difference between them and
Daddy goes something along the lines of, yeah, yeah, well, me
and this guy used to wake up together or, And then he catches
himself. And Kevin Hart's like, have you
seen this? Yeah.
Kevin Hart's like, oh, starts laughing and Daddy literally
goes down and then changes the subject.
So he's basically like when we used to wake up in the same bed,
me and him. Oh no, fuck.
Actually, it's ready to 14 or whatever.
So like, it's apparently come out that like, allegedly that
he's groomed a lot, countless R&B stars.
Meek Mill has apparently been one of them.
Yeah, but it was where it is. He's probably like 30s.
He's grown fully grown mom, but the stuff that's come out,
there's a video over big bells in a pool.
He. Looks sore the guy the guy who
not not exposed this, but the guy who brought it more to
public like and Katt Williams Katt Williams and 50 Cent $0.50
every day do you fall $0.50 Instagram the best person on
Instagram every day he'll post up all like news articles about
it. He's been talking about daddy
for years like this like the only guy who will openly come
out and joke about it and $0.50 was like the guy asked me to
take him to Take Me Out shopping.
He's like, I'm not and then. Another man, take me a shot.
Take me I'm. Not especially sent the boy the
couldn't sing and he was shot in the face at times.
A good sing. He could sing, but he could rap
before then, then got shot in the face.
And he was better. McCartney They're trying to
catch a drive by to release an album.
Next year stand ups going to be great.
Half ahead I see. I heard that's no $0.50 and I
couldn't take him seriously after.
After it because he could shot 9 times.
And then I remember this is the music video where he was upside
down and the click. Into the candy.
He redid it at the Super Bowl and realised it wasn't as easy
as it was back then. You heard him talking about it.
He's like, I regretted it so bad.
He's upside down. But then obviously like like a
lot of guys when when you get older, you've a lot more excess
skin. So when he goes upside down, all
his skin he. Looked like a wee.
He looked like a wee wombat. It's Oh my God. 50 stone.
You. Can't believe you know what this
should do. Sure, they'll forget all about
it. And if P Diddy and Russell Brand
don't get him to the Greek, too. Right there they were in that.
They forgot all about. I'd watch that.
I was going to. Watch you remember the scene
where he was running off the street or don't run downstate
after in the yard and he gets hit by a yard.
Guys gets up again and. Then he goes, yeah, he'll not
get away from Diddy. Or the member.
I'm a man, fuck him. We were all going, I'm fucking
you right now. Bad boy for life.
Yeah, Oh, he meant the. Clues were there, I think.
That was a different fellow. I think, I think he killed
Meggie. That's my $0.02 I did.
I think we took a gear change. I think he killed.
I think he killed so. Not find out who killed him, no.
To find out who killed Park because the guy was basically
going on YouTube interviews going I killed Park and that's
what people like we might be able to use.
This. Yeah, that's what people started
suspecting him. Yeah.
Like his name was the. DVD He is not the most guy.
Queasy. DVD Who?
Don't go breaking my heart. Yeah, don't go shooting too.
So Elton John is behind us. I knew Rocket Man me whole.
He'll Kill You and then their tribute song to.
You. He's just.
Perpetuating his own business. Knows just plays the piano over
you when you're just slowly. Say your last words, then he's
like, that's going in the song. This is like Kiki day.
Kefi they keep these the one with Elton John because they do
these hip hop interviews. And as time goes on, I think
these guys need a few quid, so they'll like the host is
probably like 500 bucks here, like, you know, give us a bit of
the scoop and the guys like I shot him.
Well. Interviews paid for itself.
Who said pop interviews are wild?
Yeah, but you said you should. William Thompson's putting it
out there that like. I think.
I think he killed Biggie. But was I was his best mate
though. Was it?
Why? I love when people do that and
they love covering your eyes. Conspiracy theorists don't need
to even put forward any evidence.
You just go. But that's his best friend.
That's what they tell you. You don't actually have to
provide any evidence. But.
What's the benefit of killing them?
So the the the theory is Biggie wanted out of his contract
because he was making more money than he's skimming off the top.
And his contracts were notoriously fucking brutal.
A lot of people who worked with him didn't make any money
because then he did. So I think he was kind of
looking out all of his contract and Peter, he's like, is that
right? I mean what?
That seems extreme. You probably could go.
We could change in the term slightly.
Not daily, right? Not daily.
Is there more money in an artist after they die?
I. Was going to say there, I've
heard that there's more money in them.
See, when I got my first student grant I I bought a bottle of.
Don't make a death set of you over the EMA money.
I love the EMA money but then when you got 30.
Pound back in the day. £30 a week.
A week when I went to tech. Then you get the student grant.
If you're legible for money in your account you don't have to
pay back. And I bought a large bottle of
Sean John, his aftershave and I remember the bottle and I got it
in the boots and Royal Ave and I thought this will make me cool.
Like this is it? You love a cheap aftershave.
This is where like you love the We Marks and Spencer's once.
Right, Mark, I don't know if you know about this and this is sort
of life hack. I didn't want to put it there to
the world because sometimes you keep something secret.
Marks and Spencer's do 6 LB bottles of aftershift that are
based on the most popular sense. You'd pay £100 for that size of
a bottle for sex quid. You go in, you get a few of
them, even HP range. Fit in your toilet bag, fit in
your manscape. The travel wash bag 20% off,
free shipping. You could take me, but I told
him about this being like, Welly, come to Marks and
Spencer, get all these and he, he is a fragrant snob.
But he's a huge, you're right. Everything's made in the same
factory. It's just labelled.
It's just, it's like. I know the difference from a
good and a bad fragrance, that's all I'm saying.
But it's nice for you. Sommelier, It doesn't linger.
Yuri Sommelier, I am a juicy smelly.
It doesn't linger. It's only for a bit.
The smell doesn't. All right, the Lord.
With a good. North Africa.
With a good fragrance I'm getting tearful with a good on.
Aftershave every day. Oh yeah.
No. I have a system of rank system
in my house, so there's. I have a system.
The autistic Lord Luther King. You've been diagnosed this
episode. Here, this isn't an episode.
We all over once. These two men are doctors.
So I have like 444. That's way down as the Robert
loves it. Worried.
You have a four tier system. Yeah, imagine going in to get
diagnosed with like ADHD and dance just like I'll need to
check your arsenal. So A4 tier system bottom is like
OK I'm not going anywhere fancy. Cheapest after that's where my
mark cheese ones. Go.
What is the cheap one? The Marxian we got.
Right then you'll get your aftershave there about 20-30 a
bottle there in the second. What?
What's in there? Versace blue jeans.
Maybe. Jean Paul Gucci.
A cool water might be in there if it's on sale.
That's where that goes. Third one is it's like a first
date. No, yeah, like a first date.
That's the third one. So I wonder.
Hold on, hold on and tell me what sort of fragrances we're
talking about there. So like you get a Jean Paul
Gautier know the one where it's the we the we tip woman?
Yeah, where? I don't know why that's every
bottle has to be tits, but that that would sort of go.
Back or a ban or anything. Paco ribbon would sort of which
one of Paco ribbon? Well what I'm asking is first
date isn't even the top tier. So I'm wondering what is Willie
T want to smell even better for than a first date?
If we're doing like a big show. But I already can smell you.
I I can smell me it's it's about how I feel and it gives me
confidence if I know I smell good so.
So how creepy if we look at you and you're doing a big shot
there, you punch in your smelling yourself.
Yeah, watch me back after every punch time I go smelling the
rest. So yeah, my fourth team, Elvis
would be like a Sean Paul got the Yeah, like a really fancy
one. If I won't even.
Really fancy You're snobbery, Sort of.
It's inexpensive for right I'll not give.
You 10 litres of it. Yes, I can know those juicial
cartoons snaps, so that'll be the top.
Top is the spanning ones. It's the only thing I get really
intense about. You will.
Will you ever pop on, Master Chief?
No I just use the magic 3 or the KR rub it on.
I have aftershave with the house but I've literally I have no
idea what they are. They've been gifts throughout
the years. If you told me you brewed after
shaving your bath. I could see that.
No, no, but no. You're thinking about that.
Links Africa is the hate that go.
I know a stereotypical leg but that's a good one.
I use a links after. Remember links Chocolate?
Yeah, that was a brilliant links.
I was. I'd start.
Don't you? Don't you put that face.
I was good links. I was good links.
I tried to do a natural deodorant thinking it was good
for the planet. No I just smelt and it gave me a
rash under my own. What's a natural?
I learned a lesson. What's a natural?
Rubbing a hedgehog on the armpit.
It's a. It's just.
Just hug a dog. Really.
Yeah. You just crush up like Daisy
pedals and what? No it's AI.
Don't know it was called. Fuck.
I heard it on a podcast advertised and I and I got it
and it was shit. There was a roll on, but it's
made out of like it'll be like this.
Like it's like Shea butter. Something something.
Roll ONS are shape though. They're saying, do you ever get
someone when you're giving a deodorant?
They're like, yeah, I'm hand you a roll on and you're like, I'm
not sure in your roll. On now you don't share A roll on
And what about in the same way that when someone's eating a
cream egg, you know, go Can I have a bit?
Who don't want? In the playground that was out
and a Mars bars another one Mark.
Two spoils, you see. So how?
You're looking at half a cream egg.
Yeah, no insides. Someone gets the inside, you get
the art of shell. That's how it works.
If you're well, they just spoon it out.
Yeah, feed you like a baby bird. I remember thinking the ultimate
in life would be as a kid thinking if you could get an
Easter egg, a cream egg, Easter egg, and I know they existed,
cream egg, Easter eggs, but you would get a hollow egg.
And then we mini eggs, I mean a giant egg filled with cream,
egg, cream. I remember thinking that's like.
I thought when I first got my first cream egg Easter egg
that's what it was. You have a stated when it was
empty. Actually, you'd just get to the
whole year. So I.
Mean I drank I look like I drank that daily like yeah, do you
know what I mean? But I would love do you.
Remember how big cream eggs used to be?
Says your fist. I thought.
You meant in terms of popularity, no.
Even still, the worst white ones.
Yeah. I don't want to try that now.
There's so many chocolate bars like, oh, we'll just make it
white. And I'm like, doesn't make it
good. What's funny is no one in life,
the sort of things you try and then you're like, Nah, I
wouldn't touch a white chocolate cream egg.
Nah, that's what's in someone's heart.
I'm not either. You still into that bad habit?
Feel like I'm picking my nose. Mark, you can.
I'm going to get you into it. You've tried.
It's like Tyler, the Creator. I'm going to go.
I tried to explain it to me more times and I'm still.
Going I tried to get him out of it.
I said you eat 50 of them. He did and loved it.
We did he get you like a leptic dog collar or something?
I'll stop. It and you go need it.
Trying to stop himself transforming.
Here is Oh no, don't put that on me.
Turn it up. Remember, Tony tried to put
pressure points on me and I just got a route I guess.
Nothing to me. Our mate showed him pressure
points in the butt. You know, some pushes in there.
It's the worst feeling of all time.
I crippled you, sorry. Tony, Tony.
Tony pushed in. I'm immune.
I. Didn't mean it.
But do it and it might reverse. Oh no, he did it.
That was just like. This is fine.
Yeah, he just sat there, like very calm.
He's a pain. I don't want to go into it.
But he's being gay. Oh, you like the weapon and the?
Stuff. I've gone too far civilization.
No, he's whatever happened just. Putting it.
In the way home, the hokey cokey approach it just the.
Once, yeah. You do it twice.
I've worked. I've worked in the morning.
Do you just put in leaving it? I like to talk.
I can't. Are you a dirty talking guy?
No, you can't for this accent. No, it comes across just bad.
Yeah, Yeah. Do you know why?
Because you would say the. Word posse.
I said that in Canada. And the whole.
Audience went. Oh, because it was all in my
head about no. Being in Canada, no different
terms like I was, I nearly said Spar and I was like, oh, I had
to go convenience store. And then I said I said Fanny and
is it called? Maybe they'll get Fanny over
here. Well, they say, Fanny's arse.
I yeah, so I said I. Said Posse Posse.
It just didn't. It's the way you hit your asses
just. How was was?
That your first time? In Canada you Toronto is
brilliant and it is I great city.
We loved it, like yeah, and was good, good, great.
That venge. That's.
No, you weren't there. You weren't coming?
Yes. It was.
You. Weren't Toronto with me?
Yes, it was. No, you weren't.
Yes, I was. No, you weren't.
Yes, it was. Because.
Karen kept trying to give my lighter.
Away to crack addicts, no different trip all.
Right. Thank God I.
Thought crack addicts in Toronto.
Fucking there's a plant. There's not one homeless person
in it. Where did you go?
Because it gets -5 to be. Dead I What do you?
Think it was just loads of we've seen one and I give him a lack
of. Change and I said the McCann,
that's the first fell I've seen here homeless.
And then we went I because it gets like -10 here.
So in Australia there. Was loads of them because it was
Rosen. That's just normal people.
I was like the meth head that. Bastards.
Terrible. Mickey and Patty in Australia.
Right now in the same city pretending not to be into the
boxes Patty in, too. Yeah.
Patty's out there now, yeah. They're in the same city and I
don't think they went. To see each other because
they're both being like, I don't care about the boxes at all, but
if you're really quiet, if you're.
Really quiet in Melbourne right now, you can hear both of them.
Are you doing? No.
No, no. No, you're not doing anything.
Well, it was good. The way?
Because maybe you asked. Me and I was like, it's
February, you said. I was like, I can't do four
weeks of training this time as well, but then it's now it's not
to take students. So if something changes.
Mark McCartney. Would might be ready this minute
edition are. You doing cog your this time?
I don't know what's called. Whatever you.
Ever wins their fight gets around.
With me, Are you doing this? I might do.
He stole the show last time.
Oh. I don't know, I just feel like
I'm like, will it be? Funny, twice the two boys stole
the show weren't. Even boxing, I mean you and
Kieran. Kieran Brilliant.
Kieran's. Going to sing a song.
Sort of show, but a different one from last time.
But I'll be perfect. You know what he's saying.
Oh, I don't know what he's saying.
It'll be great that. 'D be really good.
Prime Big deal days is coming. October 8th and 9th with
exclusive savings just for Prime members.
Involuntary deal squeals can happen like the deal on new
running shoes squeal. The deal on a new blender.
Squeal. Or the infamous.
Deal on a new massager squeal. Safe.
Big on electronics? Fashion and more this prime big
deal days October 8th and 9th. Toronto Brilliant.
I'd love to spend like. It's our signal he's.
Doing the time on a tribute the data, yeah.
He'll be there. You've been the Scandinavia
before. Not the North.
I was in Bratislava. What's coming there?
Where's that it's? Near Russia.
Right, it's. In Czech Republic.
I sure. I think it's Czech Republic.
Never go to. Geography.
Now, no, I couldn't tell you where this they're all the
scene. Croatia is a Croatia.
Slovakia Slovakia Is Copenhagen one of the best cities in
Norway? I'd love to go.
Norway and stuff. I'll say I prefer Denmark.
As a city, there's not one. The comedy.
Club we did in Norway though may have been one of the nicest
rooms, one of the best it. Has a funny thing like.
The make comedy clubs all over like here would just go oh
there's a room put it in this place you.
Walk. It's going to be in the back of
the room where there's a. 16th birthday party on in Mccracken's
bar. It's called.
It's called Ladder. So it's like you go in full bar
restaurant, it had a theatre and and then like a room basically.
So a bit like if you, you know, you go in the venue, there's a
big room, the small room they had that we were in the small
room which was like 150 little bit more, not more.
Than that and. It just like everything but the
layer of the room, everything is perfect and I thought it was
going to be all Irish people. There was like 4 guys and
everybody else is just Norwegians.
It's be perfect English that just will go to any English
speaking comedy because they just love comedy.
But it took me a while to workout out because I start my
set on the assumption that I had he had he watched.
Me at the start he would have realised that because I come out
and I ask where is everybody from, right?
You didn't. I didn't see.
That and see me do it. So I assume that everyone was
just there to see me on tour because they follow my stuff and
after like 5 minutes I'm not really hitting like not
connecting. And I went who is from home and
literally 4 fellas were like yes mate.
And then I slowed everything down, changed things up a wee
tiny bit just to get them in. And then it was You missed me,
the Nazi. Banter that slit right because I
was just. Making fun of Germany.
And the Norwegians love that, Do they?
Apparently so. She's making not fans of the
Nazis are there, apparently. Not no.
I know they stayed out of it, but yeah.
They don't like, but Oslo was. Nice but it was as a city, but
it was on by water and expensive, so dear everything.
Was just like company wasn't bad, Toronto was.
Expensive it is. Everywhere there's AI.
Don't think. Anywhere's really.
Dearer than here though. Like Belfast?
Oh, it is. Belfast is shocking at the
moment, shockingly there for anything.
For anything you're. Buying 100 bottles.
Of fucking perfume. Have a decent feed.
Just. Drink a perfume, don't need
that's my nutrients for the day. But no everything she's.
I was thinking it was ours. Another aftershave.
Our Say by William. Thompson.
Our say there he is. What's on your hat?
Like drinking and said he said there's a business.
That's what the age but. Drinking and using.
Whole liking flow. Couple of.
Boys around Belfast, around that.
Hat you go right down that alleyway now to say yeah, we'll
have a wee secret. Like Illuminati.
So no, it's like this. Like a duck called me and me.
On stage at like. The Belfast Telegraph Awards at
the end of the years going. Paul.
Clark at the back. How did you know he elected?
You know you ever you. Ever eat a food by mistake and
be like that's not bad but no one's ever put their full?
Hole in the kitchen table. I've never accidentally went oh
fuck. Oh, I but you know it's
adjacent. It's.
Adjacent to. Where you will be.
Now see maybe. I would love it, but I wouldn't
take the chance. Take the chance, man.
Live in the edge. No, I don't trust you.
He's put something. In that he's spiked up travel
trips. Something spiked us.
Spiked us. The smell of art.
For. Angela, someone spiked.
That. What weird kinks you in the
shame? Gluten free of knobs mainly.
Who's she? I said.
Scandinavian model. I've gone up in my gluten.
Free hold nubs and the amount that I eat.
I love them. Oh, here's your wee Tommy.
You have the took. I'm on a new medication.
I'm on new medication, what do? You take a day, I don't.
Even know the name of the drug I'm.
On though what? What?
Oh, everything. My head.
You're saying you're on a? General.
Medication so I'm on one for my stomach.
Right. Which which is what?
Sorry, which is what the? The the heart.
Heartburn, right? Right.
And one for my thyroid. Right.
I take magnesium, right? Just because I'm already gone,
right? And I take fish oil, right?
And I take 3 Brazil lots. Prescription.
You take a prescription. Or Brazil nuts.
Oh, we can't get them. Down through, I know how you're.
On drugs and it's just. Rammy, what do you think?
What do you think of your toy? Because I like if I didn't take
them I'd have heartburn 24/7 even if it didn't eat right.
Apparently they have hold the. Companies on them.
It's. A real epidemic.
Is that fat law? Yeah, not Pepto.
Bismol. No, I was like a tablet.
Right. Never take a Heartburn tablet.
Never say that. We advert whether we cream fire.
It's not a Galveston or anything.
It's. A pillock, right?
That's what they're telling me it could be.
For anything annoying about it, McCartney's on the pill.
You in the supplements. The only thing I.
Take is Apple in that would be it.
Frabolosi, what's that? It's for, it's.
Epilepsy medication. Yeah, epileptic.
Yeah, be. Mental if he wasn't.
Yeah, I'm just trying to get it. Your knife was as.
Tough. Oh dude.
Fucking. I'm a wee soldier.
It's a really. Common thing of what I have
because of brain damage. So it's it's like a, it's like a
side effect, brain damage as well.
That's how you get. Have you booked them for a gig?
That's all I talk. About ever.
You know what I mean and. I've never had that.
With brain damage, that's what CPU is side.
Effect of brain damage so and then people are like how can you
forget things I'm like oh brain damage will you ever try writing
it down brand spend an hour with him and focus and.
Like really, look, I think after yeah, I'm.
I'm I don't pay attention to. Many times, but when was the
last time you had an Olympic? Fit I forget you have epilepsy.
I. Don't know.
I can't. I never.
You're so. Addicted.
Deepness halfway through that. You just, I never.
Yeah, yeah. I try to take one every time,
but I have. My seizures were never like stop
dropping roll like you know what I mean?
I was never doing the Harlem Shake with them.
It was. I would need a golden lavender.
I'm afraid. That dogs will start licking.
Your face whenever you're taking.
On me every 5 minutes. Oh lassie, I'm dropping again.
You could train it to like the. Oh.
I'm starting to foam here, Shiva.
They're. Licking up I'm the.
I'm the video of service dogs, the canine molester.
Surviving Orwell. Man's barred.
From every cattle from here to fucking don't.
Know. The.
Real aftershave was just category, but mine would never,
you know, drop, you know, shake. It was like I would zone out and
wouldn't know where it was. Then I would vomit.
I don't know what it's called. No, no.
I mean compared to like. Like falling on the.
Ground forming at the mouth. Because when someone does have
an outlet, they fit like that, where they fall on the ground,
the form of the mouse and all that kind of thing.
Do they just naturally then come around themselves or do they
have to be like brought out of it?
I, I don't know. I.
Think you've to look after them like you can't just be like
always have them one of those moments ignore them.
You have to let. Them go through it, Yeah, that's
what I'm like. Make sure they're not
swallowing. Their tongue choking on their
own tongue, right. Yeah, so.
Yours are. You're just gonna be sick and
then you're sweet. Yeah, but it's been ages in
gaol. Oh yeah, years like.
But I still I. Still have to I could happen
when you're driving. Theoretic.
I see I I. Stopped taking the medication
that you can't be on while driving.
My mom sort of weaned me off it, so now whatever I take, it's
like you can't drive on, right? I don't epilim.
Is what I used to. Take, I can't remember what it's
called now, but yeah, fucking fuck it.
And then what's an EpiPen? That's for diabetic.
Shit. No, it's for.
That's misleading. Not allergies.
That's misleading, Yeah. What do you think there was?
Just a pen that like if you if you use it, you don't get
epilepsy. No, I thought it was like if
you. Have If you're having a fit,
there's something someone can put that in.
I know you're just stabbing. Yeah, just kicking him.
On. When he's done, can.
I tell you something my. Wake up my uncle, my uncle
Mickey had a was diabetic and had like a fit like a hypo it's
called. And it was me and my dad having
Sunday dinner in the house as this happened.
And my dad was like, I was younger.
I was like I had no idea what to do just totally useless.
My dad goes get him a bottle of coke out of the fridge.
So I'm like my dad fucking knows what he's doing.
Instinctively, I run over glass bottles of cookie in the fridge.
I open one Mickey's like on the floor.
My dad gets a bottle of coke. Help me hold his mouth open.
We like hold his mouth open. I'm like fucking extreme guy
knows what he's doing. We start pouring Coke into his
mouth and like getting like little bits of cooking.
And then my dad goes, now I need some date, can't find it.
And I add a potato, cheese and onion and my dad gets them
starts like grinding them up. He's like, let's get them in
them. So like Mickey's like on the
ground, like completely out of it, like rambling, the way he's
speaking, shaking, peel, all this kind of thing.
My dad's getting all these like a bag of potato cheese and onion
into him. Then my leg was probably for an
ambulance and iPhone. The ambulance, the guy on the
phone is like as his first time you're dealing with some of the
hypo. And I was like, yeah, I had no
idea what I'm doing. The guy's like, whatever you do,
people think like give them sugar and that kind of thing.
He's like, obviously like don't don't let him eat or drink
anything. I look over.
My dad has three course meals. My dad has him in the headlock.
And he's just. Violently being.
Sick with like everything that we've put into him and the
police came after or the the. Ambulance came after like half.
An hour and they were like basically in a roundabout way to
my dad. They're like canal this worse
like this is the last thing you do.
His EpiPen was in the fridge. We didn't.
We had no idea. That's Dennis is the I love
Dennis. The last guy I'd want the
medical emergency halfway. Through a medical emergency like
in that situation, my dad be going I still I'm 74 I still is
there still good muscles your dad like I'm having a fit your
dad's. Being like count my breast UPS,
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can do 3030 and the day.
No. Horrific.
Deal. I just forgot that bit, but
anybody did put him in a headlock?
Yeah, no, he was. He was OK, but my dad was
genuinely. Like Steve Urban with him
wrangling them and all he doesn't get Monster Munch puts
him in a. Camera.
I'll fix it on the fuck. But it was eh.
It was wild that like it taught me like if someone you know was
like conditioner, like find out what to do in a crisis because
holding someone down and giving them coke and crisps.
I remember the horrible thing I. Did.
Imagine it's murder. This is so bad.
But. No way you were like, find out
what they did, find out how to fix it.
I remember first time comping out my friends, I was about 15
and I was like let's play a prank on this one guy because
he's a bit. Sick.
He's dead, but he's like a bit hard.
So. One like where he's camping.
Outside. Bangor and I'd never drank
before, right? And I was like, man, I don't
know how my brain will handle drink.
And I took one sip of beer, stopped and dropped and like
pretended to have like a really serious fit.
And everyone else was like, oh fuck, fuck what we I can't get
up. He fucking sprints away.
He ran after like he literally went fuck, leave him, stood up.
And when he did that, everyone like stopped and I like sat up
and they're like, what the fuck is your problem?
Like we were trying to prank you and like you'd leave me to die,
you little bastard. Maybe he's waiting to get it to
help. You fuck you went.
Fuck it. Leave him.
We'll come back. I don't think he was.
He went. Fuck it.
He's dying. We'll go.
You go. Camping Much?
Are you staying? When I was younger.
Yeah. You count them?
I love counting. I've been a good while.
I love it. It's great, you know, but never
been. I bought.
A big expensive tent one. Time, but I put it in the front
lawn, took a generator and the TV and the microwave, fridge,
the whole lot. May as well just stay nice.
You've never been like proper camp.
In a few days sort of thing it is.
It is great if you can embrace just being stank.
And it's fine. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? I like, it's a gold.
My eyes take this all time. One of the best memories I'll
ever have is that on this sound, you know, like you're like, I
was just a brilliant day and it's own shit.
But you were like at the time was amazing.
We were coming in Tollymore in Newcastle and packing up
everything to go home. Car wouldn't start and it was
freezing and maybe started to snow and the A a had to come out
and tow us home, me and my dad, and it was freezing in this car
because nothing would turn on. As we're sitting in the car.
It's maybe like an hour drive. So my dad got my sleeping bag.
So he's sitting in driver's seat, I'm sitting in the
passenger seat and maybe like 7 years old and I had a sleeping
bag on and he had his like a wireless radio and we listened
to Newcastle V Liverpool. And then this season, the
Premier League, there was these two iconic matches.
I think both finished four, three between Newcastle, Liver
and Liverpool. So, so entertaining.
And I'm for some reason that's one of the best days ever.
And I don't even know how to I describe it or why it was so me,
like the match was so entertaining.
You turn around, your dad's froze to death.
I thought that's where that was going.
Yeah. You had the.
Yeah. That's an ominous at once.
No. It was.
It was and then. We got home and everything's
fine but I don't know why listening to that I can still
remember that my leg off of hypothermia but apart.
From that it was great. I also remember when.
They're going to get a bag of stones, Madonna.
One of the best days of my life. The quarry we.
Didn't even go to a quarry, it was just.
Someplace I'm an under. Why did you get that?
Your dad just fancy. Stones.
We needed stones for the garden. Simple things in life it is
honestly. Some of those days.
And then you could have a day that's like a birthday or a big
thing that was set up and it's never as good.
I never enjoyed that. I still don't.
Enjoy them birthdays, Yeah, I don't like being.
Centre of attention. You do stand up.
You're a stomach comedian. There's still a waterfront.
Performance that I am 13th. Summer that's performing,
though, that's different. That's like, I've made
something, I want people to see it.
I don't like just being like I was born.
No. When people like, it's my
birthday so you all have to treat me like I'm a Prince.
I hate that I could see you doing that though.
Everyone did. You know what I was?
Like in my birthday party. Because I know you.
You strike me. If you had like a football
birthday party and someone else scored, you throw a huff.
No, no, it's all part of the game.
But I got. Sent off at my 5th birthday
party, stepped out and went fucking ballistic.
Why did you get turned off? Because it wasn't a well.
Well, that's that was my question.
It wasn't a file, right? First of all, I'm last man.
I'm 5, not Raymond. Eh, own care is running through
one-on-one with the keeper. He's younger, right?
He's maybe 4. He's got the piece he's run
through. Like a young.
Michael Owen. He's got the young man's legs.
I. Arrive on his shoulder.
Barely get in front of him with my foot when the ball knocked
the ball off the one side. Does he trip?
Yes. He hurts himself when he trips.
I won the ball. I do also check on him.
You OK? But I won the ball.
My stepdad comes over. Brock Hardman brought cards to
the five year old birthday party.
Or mad dishes a red card. I went, well, I won the ball.
And then I go over to him and you know when you hurt someone,
you're a kid and then you're like, say you're not hurting all
I was doing that. I was like fucking say, say, say
I won the ball and he's like, he won the ball.
He's covering blood. He's like he won the ball.
And then other people, I'm like asking other people and I'm
like, fuck, I'm intense. Like, but I'm like, didn't I win
the ball? And everyone's like to be fairy
dead. He won the ball.
I don't stand in a corridor and I went, but last thing I fucking
lost my mind. Even like when they're cutting
the cake after that I was just like, I'm I'm, I'm not part of
this. I'm not being any part of this.
Stood off the side for my 12th birthday.
Party. We did airsoft but to make up
the numbers there was me, loads of kids and then like my dad and
his mates. That's so sad it.
Is but also. Like my dad took it away too.
Shit my dad was back in the war. Like my dad broke off.
Like he was. Like, no way.
When you get shot in our shelf, you go ahead.
You'd go ahead. And then he'd fire three more
India. Yeah.
Just your dad should have no surrender.
No. My dad was firing the.
Arnold, it's endorsed. He took it really serious.
I've never had. A birthday party?
No. Never are we about to organise
Mark. McCartney's first birthday
party. When's your birthday big?
Surely I'm dead before? Stop.
Taking your magnesium? You'll just pass away with
overdose and. Vitamins.
Overdating is another thing you did find your.
Body in just a wee pack of Jelly.
Baby vitamins Never never had a birthday When's your.
Birthday 5th of. September, fuck off.
Same as Beyoncé. What age you're going to be?
Well, hey. Joint.
Party. The same cut from the same.
Cloth mean literally the day before me.
I think we spoke with this one that's.
Really nice sex. Joint.
Birthday. What was Satan and wings?
What? What would you what would you
like to do? Nothing.
That's probably the problem. Just leave me alone.
That's me. I'm.
Bring the cake, leave it, get out of my room.
I don't know. I've never really thought about
it. Just.
Really, I never think about it. And then you go oh it's me
birthday tomorrow and then you've known planned.
I would like to us to organise an.
Activity and then have like party food and stuff.
Say I always go, I don't want. Anyone to do something for my
birthday and then no one doesn't get sad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like a throw surprise for
fuck sake. Cocktail sausage and stuff.
What? About even.
Like what about? Indiana and Food Indy Where?
Indiana land? Where's that?
Dundonald. Big ice rink.
Big soft grade Indiana. Land.
Yeah, Indiana land is the soft. Play in it.
Fuck you can rent it out for. Adults, Yes, adults and adults I
don't give a shit. Adults, boys.
P Diddy was done for this. Indiana, they were going to do
it. 83 Meek. Mill and free fall.
We'll organise your birthday if we go to Indiana.
And I'll be out. In the and I'm bowling.
And then we'll go, we'll go to we'll have food at the moment of
the week. Crazy golf from there now too.
It's very. Do crazy golf as well.
I wasn't it. Not that long.
Ago really I2 lesbians balled up the whole place.
Sorry, lesbians are. Slow with golfing.
I've. Always said that sitting on the
clan. They were they.
Were before no. I don't like that the 9 iron
it's because they won't use. Balls they.
Don't like any? They don't like shaft.
Do not. Have a vibrant club here for fox
sake. They're certain great than a
fake Bush. But hey, they paid the money.
They're well. Entitled to do it.
It's hard to play golfing dungarees.
No, they had a great time, but they're way slow.
Yeah. So.
They do. Their.
Whole and then I'd get mine. Quicker.
But they would just fucking set fridge is the point.
I was like I'm just leaving here because they're taking too long.
I remember my cerebral palsy football team went.
Many golf on one time similar issue Christ very slow on it I
think for. Maybe a Patreon special or
something? Mark McCartney's first birthday.
Mark McCartney's lesbian golf should have.
Said a little bit lesbians because they're.
After me at the minute, because I said something.
I think you're one of them. Well, I said that too.
Are you? I'm with you.
Are you? Is there a bit of hate?
Around this what's happening? I mentioned new.
Leon Mccurry from Yuri I might have.
Called her award probably. Shouldn't have called her, but I
didn't know What a gig. No, fuck you and A.
Letter, he wrote. She knew I was joking, but she
put up. Jokingly that she was annoyed
and then all these ones started messenger going.
That's not what was the word the same.
Name as the guy who was in him. Mary Poppins would not be the
word Dick Van Who? I'm not saying.
It well, his name. Is Dick Van Dyke?
Is that? Is that the word just?
No, it wouldn't go that for. Me for my sister's lesbian.
She makes fun of me for me in the table.
I use that word. Is she a lesbian?
She has. She has to.
Knock on golfing. With her.
I'm a big fan of lesbians. Oh, really?
I'm a big fan of their work. Yeah, they're.
Great people. Me and them get on like housing
fire. Oh, they're great crook.
It's funny. Listen talk.
About other the way you hear a man talk about their girlfriend
hearing a girlfriend talk about her girlfriend, right, is
hilarious. Yeah.
Because of the same kind of problems with each other.
Yeah. In the fallout, yeah.
Yeah, it's different than. Like when a man's argument, his
girlfriend, girl's argument with a girlfriend, totally different,
yeah. Yeah, so.
She'll call me like, oh, you makes fasting.
I'm like, I got. We think it's great.
It's great. That's the world we need to live
in, right where we just insult each other.
She going oh. She's.
She's the exact opposite of me. My sister's very much like a
state like relationship. Loves it.
Are lesbians as? Promiscuous as gay guys?
No, no, no, no, no. No, they lock it down.
No, but you'd. Have to get in James.
Our expert on that, but he's talking all about.
It our man in the field. Like he's in something.
I think like gay men. Or like delivery.
Sorry, our man. In the truck.
Stop. That will hang out now.
I'll try and get that. Guy out of an apple green.
Guys that can we pull over to? Use the toilets.
Doesn't even need to piss. Just like, go in, remember?
Now, so I was like, that's all good soda.
We're like, we don't trust you. Best Apple green around?
Is the one on the way to Ballymena on the left because it
has that upstairs Lavazza and the seating at the back of it is
unbelievable. Big comfy like coaches do have a
chopsticks. Oh, that's what I it's.
Brilliant. It's an excellent.
Double greens? There's one in Leford.
Right. It's probably there's a subway
in it. I don't know.
I've never been. Do you ever you ever have?
It Do you ever have a? Chopsticks.
No, I Do you ever have a chopsticks?
I hate the idea. No, I want to get used.
To them now. Get us taught me how to use.
No, no, not the actual ones. It's a chain.
In Nevada, it's all the. Chinese.
The Chinese takeaway Chinese. Food.
I don't like the. Idea of food that's.
Been there all day, just slowly heating.
Oh, it's the best of porn. Descender and the and the day.
When it's just all the meat's been sweating on each other, Oh
yeah, that's the best. You want the fry?
The fry in the new the motorway. Cafe.
Yeah, it's it's. It's good, the bacon, the
consistency. The on table Big big big view.
Gallery at the time, yeah. So it's just on a head.
Class. It's just fucking soaking all of
them. There's Unreal I.
Love that, but I told you the other day.
I went there chops I in Liverpool.
I ended up at a pro Palestine March because there was a
chopsticks and the other side is straight and I couldn't just cut
across it. So I had to just be in the
middle of it being like I free Palestine.
It was great. It's a.
Good. Time you was just like.
Let's edit that so. We just just use the strip.
Let's just have that. Next up, let's get that.
Clean. My geopolitical knowledge isn't
great. Oh man, I read a book.
About all the politics of the world, and I can't remember one
thing about it. What book is that?
That goes hears. All politics of the entire
world, ever. Sunday World.
It's called. Prisoners of Geography, and
there's another one. I've read two of them.
That's the mental part of it and you can't remember.
I can tell you a little bit. About see even know I it's all
about who controls the seas talking about.
Space or talking about. The Air Aquaman you control.
The seas, you have the like and it's all but.
Alliances. So, you know, Russia are trying
to be mitty with this random country in the Caribbean because
they want to go, listen, we get a port here, we're going to
control this entry point. The trade comes through the ship
and goes through the waterways, has a huge amount of power
still. And it was a great book.
Now do I know what I'm talking about?
I don't think you do. The waterways appears to me.
I just. Glaze.
Over I start here control the waterways politics so much.
It's like my favourite by Tim Marshall.
I want to say, yeah, prisoners, geography and something else of
geography, the power of geography.
You're not a political man at all.
It's my favourite thing, I love it so much.
Do you know loads about it like? Like the like history?
Or just general right now? Both.
No, I just watched Baden.
Falling upstairs and that's with the head.
How about your so you're? Back.
I don't know what he's doing. But the elections coming up and
he's fucked. You've got to be.
But he's like, like I always talk about this, but might
remember Michael Jackson signed up to do that residency at the
O2 in London just where he died. And the fir they do rehearsals,
right? And it's all filmed and in the
rehearsals he's like, he hasn't performed in years.
And he's obviously like massively, I think the
prescription drugs and is the best backing dancers of all
time, huge production and jackals literally just on the
stage. Like it's just looks like a
broken. Animatronic.
I've seen it looks like Weekend the Bernie's right.
He's like doing this and all, and they go to him like Michael,
if you can't perform, you owe us a hell of a lot of money because
we've invested and you're going to be liable for this.
It's like the next day, screen dot dot dot.
He's on stage. Every dance and he's out
dancing. These 20 year olds and I fucking
love live them up. And I loved it because he just
switched it on. And I think with the election
coming up, Trump versus Biden, it was all these clips of Biden
being, so I'm being confused. All of a sudden he's like, yes,
boys, what's a crack? He's fucking every end of a
Biden. Speech he never knows where to
walk off stage and you just see him getting carried like a drunk
guy who's too drunk and told to leave a bar like that's that's.
Like when someone starts stand up and never knows the way to
the stage from the back of the room.
Yeah, they never know the route. Yeah, there's like there's like
a corridor of space to take you directly to the stage.
When you first start doing stand up, you never see that and
you're just awkwardly walking through tables and the applause
is stopped by the time you get to the mic.
It's so awkward, I love that. Your Waterfront Show December
13th of December. Is the tea with Megan but?
Changed. It should be so.
They put up a blurb. For Willy show, you know, you
get Marco, you know, you know from that and said, you know,
he's a regular on the Tea with Megan podcast.
All right, stayed there for weeks and I'm saying the Willy
all that you know, it says team and Megan.
He said yeah, I mean, I know, I know.
Still there? No.
I brought it up to you and I have repeatedly asked it to be
changed. So it should be.
Yeah, because I told you about it.
Imagine the idea. You should start.
One team with Megan. But imagine there is a team with
Megan. Podcast like a huge in Asia or
something. They'll show up to see you.
You know, like many Asians. Live up there from the Ulster
Hall Waterfront website. Yeah, Council.
Still, Megan. Same with Megan.
Well, no, here this. Is getting clipped in.
Santa. Well, don't.
Worry Willie. That's a like.
Compass threat I've the way you. Delivered that same we'll say
we'll see the video in. We'll clip it up, yeah.
You're not going to that's. Getting something?
Oh. Because.
That should be changed. It's very annoying.
Never seen a mystery? You've lost the head.
Tablets, Sir, you've lost. The head over your head.
That's going to be cute. Yeah, no.
Waterfront and then. Do the terror in November and
December as well, right? So we're doing Oma, we're doing
Newry, we're doing Coleraine Dairy, Millennium form.
Other places, like other places, Dublin's big.
Big in double. Weed in Dublin sugar club lovely
gryphon never been there. Before my life Gryphon is.
A big I don't know I've seen. Petrol.
How do people get a view? You're on the website, of course
you know shine.net. Because you.
Wouldn't take you would. I'm not big enough for a
website. No, no.
What I'm saying No, no what? You're trying to say I'm saying.
You own the web. Space I'm.
Not a man put that back. On Mr Internet that looks.
Atrocious. Bill Gates over here.
Tell me when. I can when I'm.
Yeah. All right, Scott, listen, I'm.
Saying of course you should have a website, but that would make
sense. So you wouldn't have a website.
What we're trying to say. Why do you need a website?
Don't. Know for those gigs.
Sells tickets. But if you had a William
Thompson comedy. Dot com nobody go to it.
He's not backing you up by. That.
He's. Right, I own the domain last
way. 5. Ground you only.
Live shows coming up. No, no.
No, I'm taking a visa but you. You did all those limelight, not
run limelight shoes done limelight in December.
Would you? Go as that made you want to.
Do you, will you have something later this year?
Anything you just want to see what happens?
No, I'm just taking this year easy.
Right. Like you're pretty not?
Trying to faint myself. Yeah, yeah, I'm a deep.
Expiration. Let's go up in the expiration
exploration exploit expert spreading.
Yeah, it's comes up in the. Mountains Ben and Harden that
fucking dumb. This is the new Epstein sale.
Come out with teary eyes. Fucking sore ass Epstein island
Todd. Tarsh.
This is Tall Tarsh since I was here.
Too. Oh, I don't worry.
About that. Tax man, I'll do some sniffing a
bit here. Damn gold teeth and everything.
Not a real Bush, them was not. Taxed.
We got it. We.
Got it from the crazy golf at the null.
The more more McCartney podcast you do goes out every week on
your website. That's right See his website.
That's right. Oh, so you have them.
My thing is I. I really want my stuff to go out
to as little people, yeah. That's my niche.
You did. How's your before?
I don't need to wrap up, but how's your live on it then?
You live on it loveries. So fun.
It was, it wasn't because I'd never done a Live 1 before.
So it's just like, I have no idea what's going to happen
here, right? But yeah, the crowd was great.
Like, good. And do you enjoy?
Do you enjoy the crowd you attract?
Yeah, they're. Weirdly very nice to me.
Good. Which I don't do well with
compliments. Yeah, there are.
Nearly two of my crowd. Then they fucking hate me.
I'll. Call you a farts fast like
every. Time you go down the street if
you have, that's what you want. Well, I pay the pay.
The owners will fit the quality or whatever I want.
Willie, plug my blood. There as well, my blood.
All right. Guys, thank you for watching
and. Listening she Talk comedy.com.
Come see me. Live Peter on the Concert TV
podcast for the bonus stuff. Thank you to Mark McCartney, the
William Thompson, and all you.